Fluffle Puff, Defender of the Universe

by ChaosknightRB

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Princess Luna
Length: 1319

Fluffle Puff saves the world AND gets all the mares.

Equestria's greatest villain, Dr. Professor General Dread, is threatening to destroy all life as we know it. The universe itself is in dire peril, but is he prepared to face The Puff?...

Published 2012-04-20 06:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-20 06:44:01 UTC

Like a Puff

They never stood a chance. One by one each city would fall. His armies had washed over Equestria, plunging the land into an state of turmoil not seen since the rule of Discord. When even the Elements of Harmony had failed, it had seemed all hope was lost...

Doctor Professor General Dread, the mastermind behind the sudden coup, now stands before the defeated Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and the six bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Equestria was practically in the diabolical unicorn's hooves.

"Twenty years, three months, twelve days, four hours and three minutes. That's how long it took to prepare all of this." Dread checked his watch as he spoke. "All of Equestria fell in six days, twenty-three hours and fifty-four minutes. It's sad how easy it was once everything was in place." One hundred armed ponies stood behind their leader, spears and swords pointed at the fallen heroes. The unicorn raised a hoof to halt them "Any last words? I'd hate to deprive you of the right to beg for your lives."

"We'll never beg to the likes of you!" Luna shouted defiantly. "Equestria may have fallen, but its spirit will forever live on doctor professor general Dread."

"That's MISTER doctor professor general Dread to you alicorn!" he said as he stomped the ground.

Pinkie Pie raised her hoof. "Can I just call you Dread, for short?" Her friends all gave her a befuddled look. "What? It's a reeeaaallllyyy long name."

"You most certainly may not. I did not spend five years in med school, four years of teachers college and ten in the military to just be called "Dread"." The pink earth pony raised her hoof again. "What is it this time?"

"Is this going to take long? I have to go to the little filly's room."

A heavy thud resounded throughout the room as everyone present put a hoof to their foreheads. "No. Now before I continue does anypony else have a pointless question to ask?"

"What do you plan to do with us?" Celestia, the white alicorn, asked him. Her voice still and expression serious as to not hint at any signs of fear. The sun princess knew the others would depend on her for courage. As such, she needed to act as calm as possible.

Dread spoke in an almost casual manner. "I'm glad you asked me that question. Keeping you alive would be far too dangerous. The possibility of an uprising under the nations old leader is is quite high. So needless to say, I'm going to have to kill you and all those you hold most dear." A wicked grin spread across his face. "Now, last chance to beg an-"

"Never! We will stand united until the end!" The princess of the night declared with a smile on her face...which quickly dissolved as her sister spoke.

"Please don't kill me, I'm too important to die! Take them instead, I'll give you anything you want! Money, mares...colts?" Everyone looked at Celestia in surprise as she shrugged.

Dread was taken back by Celestia's comment. "Well I certainly didn't see that coming. Oh well, now you all die."

"I got a family ta feed. Can't ya see it in yer heart ta let me at least say my goodbyes?" The orange earth pony pleaded.

"Nope."

"Can't you at least spare the beautiful?" A white unicorn asked.

"I'm not into marshmallows."

Fluttershy's words came out too quietly for the others to hear, resulting in merely a squeaking noise.

"Did somepony step on a mouse?"

"Can I be a Wonderbolt in your new world?" The rainbow maned pegasus asked hopefully.

"No. Not that you wouldn't be good at it, I just plan to make you a hundred percent more dead in about ten seconds flat."

"Can I-"

Dread was quick to interrupt the pink pony's words. "Hell no. I don't even care what it is, just...stop being so pink."

"Is there no one who can save us?!" The lavender unicorn cried out.

"Now that's some good ol' fashioned pleading. Too bad the answer is n-" he paused as his expression went cold. "I feel a presence. One I have not felt since..."

(The Sound of Death)

The unicorn turned around as the troops parted. His eyes widened and became filled with terror at the sight. Behind them stood a very pink pony, whose form had been almost completely engulfed by wild fur, wearing a pair of black sunglasses. Now paralyzed with fear, one of his troops approached him. "Uh, sir. Is everything alright?"

Dread turned to the soldier while his whole body trembled. "We've lost..."

The stallions all looked at each other in confusion. "E-excuse me si-"

"I said we've lost soldier!" Dreads voice raised as panic gripped him tightly. "Don't you get it?! The Puff has come to stop us, it's all over! Years of preparation wasted! We'll all be luck if we make it out alive..."

The soldier took a good look at the fluffy pony standing across the room from them. "This is what's going to stop us? Some over sized pillow that looks like it got attacked by a blow dryer?"

The delirious unicorn backhoofed the soldier. "Are you mad?! Don't insult The Puff, he'll kill us all!" He politely bowed to the pony. "I-I'm so sorry for Anvils outburst. He's new so he doesn't underst-"

"Oh buck this shit! I'm just gonna kill it you idiots." Drawing his sword, the soldier charged headlong at the pink mass of fur.

"Anvil, no!"

The soldier was beyond Dreads reach as he closed the distance to the pony. The Puff didn't move a muscle as the soldier drew near. "Stupid puff!" As his sword began to come down, a slight mechanical whirring could be heard from within The Puffs fur. Suddenly a large steel gatling gun appeared and was placed directly in the face of his attacker, causing him to halt his swing. The barrel began to rotate faster and faster. "Well...buck."

There was a series of loud bangs as the pony's body evaporated into a cloud of blood. Troops that had been trained in everything from combat basics to interrogation resistance stood in terror at the display. Silence filled the room as smoke rose from the now stopped barrel. The Puff blew on the end causing the smoke to flutter in the air, then retracted the over sized weapon into his fur.

"I think I speak for everypony when I say a real man knows when to RUN LIKE A LITTLE BITCH!" The unicorn took off full speed towards the nearest pane glass window and proceeded to jump out. The rest of the army just stood there. Puff took a step forward as they all began to scream in terror and flee in every direction.

"You did it!" Celestia cheered as she raced towards the pony and embraced it in a tight hug. "I always knew you'd come and save us!"

The others looked at her skeptically. "Sister you just tried to throw us to the wolves, so to speak."

"Oh don't look at me like that. I've saved your flanks thousands of times over before most of you were even born! Quite frankly, you owe me. Isn't that right Fluffle Puff...Fluffle?" A familiar mechanical whirring started up again. "Uh oh..."

_____________________

(Because he wins)

That day, Fluffle Puff saved Equestria from an insane horned villain. Also he stopped doctor professor general Dread, whose army was never seen again. For his heroic deeds, Fluffle Puff, better known in legends as "The Puff," was made the King of Equestria. The nation flourished under its fearless leader, who made sure nothing ever brought harm to his ponies.

He also proceeded to have three children with Luna, his new wife, as well as countless others with bearers of the elements of harmony, who he had made his concubines.

~ The End