I dropped my bags as I took in the sights of my new furnished apartment. It was tiny. It was literally the smallest apartment I'd ever seen! The floors were hardwood and the walls were painted white. To my right was a small kitchenette, in front was a small coffee table in front of a two large, brown, and closed curtains with a brown sofa on either side of it, and to my left was a archway that lead to the bedroom and bathroom. I noted that right next to the archway was the furnace and air-conditioner control. I walked over to the curtains and flung them open to find myself staring at the wall of another building. "Oh, you've go to be fucking kidding me..." I whispered to myself, shaking my head as I did so.

Sighing, I left the window and went over to the kitchenette. It wasn't too small, I could easily move around with another person in it with me. The floors were tiled too, which was... acceptable. I checked the four-burner stove to find that it worked. At least I could have hot meals whilst staring out the terribly placed window. Turning around, I checked the fridge and freezer. They were empty, but they worked. Other than that, the cupboards were empty, and I checked the fire alarm as well, just in case.

With that out of the way, I moved to the curtains and closed them because the sight of the wall was starting to piss me off, and made my way through the archway into the bedroom. Directly in front of the archway was the door leading into the bathroom. To the left was a wall, and to the right was the actual room. At the far end was another window covered with the same curtains as the living room, no doubt leading to the same view as well. Before that was a queen-sized bed with white sheets and pillows. The only thing that wasn't white about the bed was the wooden, brown headboard. The top of the bed was against the right wall, and on the adjacent wall facing the bed was a brown dresser. To either side of the bed was a night stand with a small lamp on it. Other than the things mentioned... that was it.

I turned to the bathroom door and pushed it open. The room was tiled like the kitchenette, however with this room I cracked a smile. Immediately to my right on the other wall was a stainless-steel faucet, located on top of a grey cupboard. Next to that was a simple toilet, nothing fancy. However, At the far end of the bathroom was what really made me beam. A rather large, stainless-steel, rainfall shower, complete with shelves for holding shampoo and soap. I turned to leave the bathroom, but my eye caught another feature. To the left of the door was a closet. I opened it to find a washer and dryer on one side, and shelves on the other to hold detergents and what not. "Yes!" I said while fist pumping. "I don't have to go to a laundromat any more!"

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

I was startled by the sudden knocking on my door. I quickly closed the closet and made my way to the front door. Taking a peek through the door's peephole, I spied White Cross and Sylvia. Cross seemed to be carrying a large box wrapped in striped present paper, and Sylvia did as well, however hers was a flat square. I kicked my bags into the bedroom and opened the door. "What are you guys doing here?" I asked. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Well then," Cross started, "I guess we'll just take these house warming presents and leave." Cross turned and started to walk away.

"W-wait! Wait a second!" I panicky urged her while stepping out of the way to let them in. "Why didn't you say so earlier!? Come in!"

Cross turned and walked past me with a triumphant look on her face. "That's what I thought," she murmured as she walked past. Unbeknownst to her, I was smirking. She may have won that, but at least I get presents.

Once Sylvia walked through with a confused look on her face, I closed the door and turned to watch the two inspect my new apartment. "Not to bad, eh? I was quite surprised myself. There is one little thing though..." Cross turned to me with a look of interest and I motioned to the closed curtains. She put the box she was holding down on the coffee table and walked over to the window, throwing the curtains back dramatically. When she saw the wall, she burst out laughing, and I'm not talking about giggling. This was a very hearty laugh and it made me smile. It was pretty funny, after all.

However, Sylvia looked a little frustrated with Cross. "I'm sorry," She said turning to me.

"What for?" I asked with a laugh.

"For her," she said, emphasizing her point by motioning to the happy mare, "and for the fact that you have to look at that until you move."

I waved her apology away with my hand. "Did you put that building there?" Sylvia shook her head. "Then don't be sorry. Besides, it is funny."

"Oh! Oh...!" Cross said, finally calming down. "Well, at least it gets the job done!"

She was right about that. It did let a lot of light in and made the room look a lot bigger that it actually is. The box on the table caught my attention, however. "Say, what's in the box?" I asked while pointing at it.

"Open it. It's yours now, after all," Cross said.

Shrugging, I approached the box with curiosity. I tore open the wrapping to find a simple cardboard box with no markings of any kind. Opening the top of the box, I found it was filled to the brim with packing peanuts. With my annoyance growing, I dug through the peanuts to find what looked like the bell of a brass instrument. "What the..." I murmured to myself. I grabbed the bell, pulled the entire device out of the box, and put the thing on the table. I took a step back and looked at the tool. It was a metal bell attached to a black record player box. There were volume knobs and metal crank poking out of the side of the box. "This... this is a gramophone!" I said in astonishment.

"Yup," Cross agreed, "and Sylvia's got something to put in it as well." I turned to the gryphon with excitement. She handed me the flat square in her arms and I tore it open as well. "By Celestia, you're like a foal on hearts warming day!" Cross noted. I ignored her as I stared at the work of art before me. Smooth Jazz Soul. That's what the record's title was. I quickly removed the vinyl record and placed in the gramophone. Then, I excitedly turned the crank several times and put the needle on the track.

A soft and smooth jazz tune flowed out of the gramophone and into the room. I slowly swayed my head with the grove of the song. I looked at the mare and the gryphon in front of me. They were both trying to hold in their laughter at my affection for the beautiful song. "Ladies," I started, "I'd like to thank you both for making me the classiest motherfucker in Canterlot."

"No problem. I didn't take you for a jazz kind of guy, though," Cross said.

"I don't really enjoy jazz all that much. It's smooth jazz that I can really get with."

Cross hummed in agreement. "Yea, I can see why." We all paused for a while to listen to the music, but it stopped suddenly. I looked at the crank and frowned. It had stopped moving. I guess I didn't crank it enough... "Anyways, we have a third thing for you."

I looked up at Cross. "A third thing?" The mare pulled out a grey box from her pocket and tossed it to me. I caught it and looked at it. It seemed to be a just a grey box with a digital screen on it that displayed the time. "...a pager? I didn't know these existed in Equestria," I said.

"They're only used in major hospitals around the world. So that's why you didn't have one in that backwater town," Cross explained.

I looked up at her with annoyance. "It's not a backwater town. It's literally right next to Canterlot!"

That argument continued for quite a while before Cross and Sylvia had to get back at the hospital. We agreed that we would continue that verbal battle tomorrow, when I started at Canterlot Central.

For now, I was walking into my apartment building with several bags in my hands and on my arms. It was on a small side street that usually goes unnoticed. I had went out to grab the essentials: plates, glasses, cutlery, cooking utensils, and of course food. It was sunset when I pulled out my keys and opened my door. I put the bags down on the kitchenette's counter and closed the front door. After about thirty minutes of putting things away, I threw myself back-first on to my couch.

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

"Again!?" I said, exhausted and exasperated. I begrudgingly got up and walked to the door. Looking through the peephole, I spied two very large, white, and armed stallions on the other side of my door. I pulled away in shock. "What the hell is the royal guard doing at my door?!" I whispered to myself. Gulping, I opened the door and lightly smiled. "Hello. Can I help you two?" I asked.

"Are you Carter Bowman?" a guard in front of me asked.

"...yes?" I meekly answered. "Am I going to be arrested?"

"No, you are not. Princess Celestia has requested your presence in the castle hedge maze in twenty minuets," He stated professionally. "Good evening, mister Bowman." The guards turned simultaneously and walked down the hall, away from my apartment. I stood there in awe for a few moments before I snapped back to reality. Celestia wanted to meet me in the castle hedge maze in twenty minutes? I thought she wanted to have tea... unless we're having tea in the maze so that we aren't disturbed! Absolutely genius on her part.

I quickly closed the door and went into the bathroom. After a quick shower, I threw on a red t-shirt and some jeans that Rarity had made for me in my first couple of weeks in Ponyville. I grabbed my keys and a sack full of bits and ran out the door.

Arriving at the castle gate with five minutes to spare, I made my way through the gate and into the garden, where I found the rather intimidating hedge maze. The — at least — ten foot tall hedges loomed in front of me, almost daring me to enter. I had no idea where Celestia was in this monstrosity, so to make it on time, I would run and apply the wall follower rule and run at full speed at the same time.

Taking a deep breath, I started to jog into the maze. Following the right wall of the maze, I kept my speed constant and eventually I came out into a large box near the center of the maze. Near a tree at the side of the box and across a small pond was Celestia and another alicorn sitting in the shade at a small, white table with a lack of tea on it. Needless to say, I was disappointed.

When Celestia saw me, she beamed and waved me over. However, the other alicorn looked irritated to be interrupted by my arrival. The other alicorn was a dark blue mare, with a mane and tail like Tia's, but it looked as if it was the night sky itself. She was wearing a back business dress and several pieces of black jewelry, including a necklace and some cuffs. Celestia on the other hand, was dressed in a sleeveless purple top attached to a golden necklace with a purple jewel in the center, and a white pair of jeans. However, her jeans were not quite as white as her coat.

I approached the two. "Fancy meeting you here!" I said sarcastically. "Also, thanks for giving me twenty minutes to get here!"

"No problem," Tia said gleefully. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a seat at the table. "Carter, I want you to meet my sister, Luna," she said, motioning to the blue alicorn.

I reached out to shake her hand, and after inspecting me, she shook it with grace. "We see our sister's standards in mates has risen in the past thousand years," Luna said with a smirk and a regal tone.

Before Celestia could muster a response, I interjected. "Oh yes. I'm the best there is," admitted with false pride. If Luna thought that she was going to try to screw with me and her sister, the mare had another thing coming.

"Oh, is that so?" she asked with interest. "And just how art thou the best at mating?" Luna's smile tipped me off that she thought she had won, however she did not know the extent to which I was willing to go.

"Well, I'm a physician, you see. I know a mare's body better than anyone," I explained. "I know every pleasurable area..." I inched closer to the alicorn, a smile spreading across my face. "...to touch..." I moved closer again, and this time Luna scooted back a bit. "...to lick..." Luna and myself moved for the last time, both of us with different looks on our faces. Luna looked disgusted, and I was mustering the creepiest smile I could. "...and I'm amazing with my hands." I held up my fingers and wiggled them furiously.

With that, the princess stood suddenly. "We are sorry, but we must prepare for night court," Luna said quickly and with a visible blush. Then, the blue mare disappeared with a flash of light.

I leant back in my chair and looked over to Tia with a tired expression. In return, she gave me a very amused look, as well as a light blush of her own. "What would you say if I asked you to marry me right now?" she asked with astonishment.

"Sorry, Hun," I said with false distaste, "but you gotta work to put a ring on this finger." I raised my right hand and wiggled my ring finger lazily. We both shared a light laugh, but I eventually stopped and cleared my throat. "So, did you call me here just to screw with your sister, or do you want to talk about a real subject?"

"I was hoping that you would share your story today," she said whilst putting one leg over the other and locking her fingers together.

"I would," I started, "but your side of the bargain hasn't been met yet."

Celestia looked confused, but then realization took over. "Oh, right. The tea. It's a shame... I was truly interested," she said disappointingly.

I sat up and turned my chair towards her. "Well, let's talk about you then."

"M-me?" she asked with mild shock. Her hand rose to her chest and uncertainty was plastered all over her face.

"Yea! I know all about the princess of the sun, but nothing about Celestia the mare!" I told her while crossing both my legs and arms. "You're such an awesome person, yet I bet that less than a hand-full of people know that."

"The same could be said for you too!" she argued back. "Tell me about yourself first!"

"How about we turn this into a little game?" I suggested. She looked at me curiously and I explained. "We'll take turns saying a topic we want to know about. Both of us will answer, but the person who didn't list the topic has to start. Seem fair?"

"Fine," she said, a sly smile spreading across her face, "but no lying!"

"Fine with me." I motioned to her. "Mares first."

Tia cupped her right elbow with her left hand, and raised her right hand to her chin in thought. "Let's start off simple, shall we? I choose hobbies," she said, lowering her arms on to her lap.

I let out a large breath. Right off the bat, we get to a question that I really don't have a good answer to. "Uh... Other that saving lives, I guess... gambling?"

Tia leant forwards in shock. "You gamble!?"

"No! Not like that!" I said while waving my hands in front of me in defense. "Only with dares and stuff, not money! And I only do it with friends!"

She leant back into her chair with a huff. "...I guess I do the same thing from time to time. What else?"

"Well, I cook and try to keep healthy, but not much else," I admitted. "What about you?"

"...not many know this, but I like gardening," she stated reluctantly.

"Huh." I was taken aback. I didn't picture her as a gardener. "What do you grow?"

"Mostly flowers since I enjoy them the most, but when I feel like it, I plant some tomato vines and carrots." She let out a sigh, and I noticed that she was blushing a little harder now. She must not like to talk about herself much. "Other than that... I really don't have the time to do anything else."

"That sounds about right," I said, rolling my eyes. Being a princess must be a tolling job. "Alright, my turn..." I smiled. "What about — ?"

"Oh, hold on a second," She said. I watched her, confused, as she got up and faced the horizon. Tia closed her eyes as a light gold colour enveloped her horn, and the sun quickly moved past the horizon as the moon came up on the opposite side of the world.

"Oh yea, " I said as Celestia sat back down, "forgot that you do that. Is it hard?"

"I've been doing it for over one thousand years. It's kind of redundant to ask that," she pointed out.

"Touché. Now then, tell me about what you find attractive," I said with a smirk. This would be good.

"Intelligence, some muscle tone, as well as a large... vocabulary. You might find this strange, but I also find warm hands to be alluring," she said with confidence. I was surprised. I thought that would have made her flustered.

"Why warm hands?"

"You may find this silly, but I've always imagined someone with warm, soft, and gentle hands giving me a massage and... a little more," she explained. I was taken aback again. That answer was way more descriptive than I was expecting. "Now, it's your turn. You're blushing by the way," she pointed out.

Not loosing my cool, I answered her curiosity. "Unlike some people, I have a rather refine taste in 'mates'. I find females who are healthily fat to be quite attractive, along with being smart and interesting. And if they have absolutely beautiful eyes — much like yours — then I'll consider asking them to join me for dinner. I almost never do though," I admitted.

"Why not? And 'healthily fat'?" Celestia asked.

"Well," I started, "I don't really know. The don't seem... right, I guess? It's like wanting something, but not needing it, you know?" I admitted. "Also, by healthily fat I mean not supermodel anorexic. People with normal bodies, like you."

"Well then, it seems like I'm a interest of your's, considering what you just told me," she pointed out.

"So it does," I agreed.

Celestia leant forwards a bit. "My turn. What don't you like about yourself?"

"Hmm..." I pondered the question for a minute. "I'm not as muscular as would like to be. Plain and simple."

The princess sighed and leant back in her chair. "I was hoping for something more..." she admitted. "Mine would have to be that I eat too much cake. It's going straight to my thighs..." she lamented, looking down at her legs.

"Why the hell do you sound so sad for?" She looked up at me with curiosity as well as a hint of anger. "Large thighs are sexy. And like I said before, it's healthily fat. You're not weighing over two hundred and fifty pounds, so who cares?"

"That's rather ironic for you to say, you know," she stated. "Telling someone not to care about eating junk-food? Aren't you supposed to encourage a healthy lifestyle?"

"Even if I did, they would just do what they wanted anyways. So what's the point in telling them? If they want to lead a healthy life, then they can choose to do so." I leant forwards with a smirk. "Besides, if I did, there wouldn't be any large-thighed women around to ogle, like you."

"You really do like my thighs, don't you?" Tia asked. Her eyes narrowed and she smiled as if someone just told her a dirty secret. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you were trying to get between them."

"Maybe I am," I said, shrugging. "But, maybe I'm not."

"If you're as good in bed as you claim to be, then I'm not sure if I would mind..." she said with false lust.

I rolled my eyes. "I can think of a few ponies who would."

Celestia sighed. "I think I know who you're talking about... Speaking of which," she said while standing from her chair, "I have to meet with a few of them tomorrow so they can complain about the most useless things." I stood up as well. "So, this is where we depart. I'll teleport you to the gate, but then I need to rest for tomorrow's stupidity."

In a flash of light, we appeared at the front of the castle, just on the inside of the gate. "Alright then, I'll see you later, Tia." I short wave and headed for the road, but she called out for me.

"Carter?" I stopped and turned to see her walk up to me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and brought me into a hug, which I returned immediately. "I haven't talked to someone like that in a long time. Thank you." As we pulled apart, she gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

I smiled. "It's my pleasure. Good night, Celestia."

"Good night, Carter."

I turned and made my way past the gate and down the road towards my apartment, smiling like an idiot as I did. I was genuinely happy. Like Celestia, I hadn't talked like that in a very long time. I internally prayed that we'd do something like that again soon.

When I returned to my apartment, I threw myself on to my bed and thought about all that we talked about. I did find Tia attractive, but the chances that we'd actually become a couple were slim at best. I mean, the nobles and the press would go ape-shit on us if we did get together.

But, there was still a chance. A chance to be with an awesome, smart, and beautiful mare... It was that thought that stuck with me as I drifted off to sleep.

"...warm hands, huh?" I whispered to myself. "At least I got that going for me..."

Author's Note

Sorry, no medical emergencies in this chapter. I guess that can be considered a good thing! (At least, for Carter it is.)

As usual, please tell me if I made a grammatical/spelling mistake in this chapter. You can leave constructive criticism as well, if you'd like.