This is Not Victory

by Unbridled Dolly

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy
Length: 2042

Shattered Shadow earns a victory with a new teammate, but even the golden medal around her neck can't stop the pangs of grief she feels when she sees it. This is not what victory should feel like.

I will be completely redoing this story as a new story, so please do not judge it too harshly as it is now. I know it is terrible, and I am fixing it. Thank you to to spideremblembrony for pointing out the problems with it.

Shattered Shadow is a skilled racer, but even she has difficulties adjusting to a new teammate. This is why she is so thrilled when she and her partner win their first race together… or, rather, why she should be thrilled.

This story is dedicated to my retired horse Dolly.

Rated teen for implied suicide.

If you dislike something about this story, please tell me so that I can fix it. All constructive criticism is welcome, and feel free to comment and say whatever you thought about this.

Cover art does not belong to me. SagebrushPony on Deviant Art drew it.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-15 01:50:03 UTC

Not Without You

A rush of adrenaline filled her veins, flowing through her blood like her curly tail in the wind. Her silver furred hooves pounded the ground in sync with her black maned partner. Strong, leathery bat wings that were clenched to her barrel longed to stretch out and flap through the powerful winds, but she abided by the rules and remained earth-bound, wings pressed tightly to her sides like her partner's feathery ones. And over the howling winds she could hear her name being called, "Shadow! Shattered Shadow! Look ahead!" Shattered Shadow turned her head to glance at her shouting team mate, and turned her head back just in time to spot the last jump in the course growing larger and larger, coming closer with every beat of their hooves on the ground.

With a leap that took her higher than was normal for a pegasus, or even a Nocturne "bat pony", Shadow soared over the purple oxer, her hooves clearing it by inches, and her right wing freeing itself to interlock with her team-mate's. With an intricate maneuver, the two twisted in the air, so quickly they seemed to have teleported. Within the blink of an eye, Shadow was on the left, her left wing interlocked with her team-mate's now. They landed, Shadow's knees forced to bend to absorb the shock. She quickly sprang back up into the same rhythmic gallop as before the jump, her furry ears pointed towards the quickly approaching finish line. She stole a glance at her team-mate and shouted to him over the wind. "Free Soul! That was perfect!"

Free Soul shot her a wink and a grin, his bright eyes sparkling with excitent. Shadow couldn't help but smile at his infectious beaming, despite the stormy mood she had been in before the race had begun.

Within half a minute, the finish line was upon them, and they could see the magical sensor lying on the ground. With a quick flick of her wing, Shadow tapped Soul's side, reaching for his dark brown feathers. She could feel a pang of regret as she felt the rougher primaries of a stallion, as opposed to the softer ones of her best friend. But still, for one last time that race, she interlocked wings with her new team-mate, once again spinning around him to land on his other side. Shadow and Soul landed square on the magical sensor, which emitted a loud buzzing noise. The awestruck crowd began to stomp their hooves. A loud cheer rose from their throats, mingling with the loud noise resonating from their hooves.

***

Free Soul bounced around Shattered Shadow, still grinning like a young colt on Hearth's Warming. "We won! First place! Oh my goodness, Shadow, we won!" Now, with the adrenaline gone, Shadow found it difficult to return his smile. Touching the cold, golden medal around her neck, she felt an aching in her heart. Her smile began slipping, and when she felt the breeze created by Free Soul's eagerly flapping wings, she spun around. Muttering something about putting the medal someplace safe, Shattered Shadow galloped away, her dark blue tail flowing out behind her. Soul immediately gave chase with a worried shout, his sore hooves slowing him down. He yelled after his team-mate in an anxious tone. "Shadow! Where are you going? Will you wait for me? Why are you running? Please, wait!"

Hearing the pleading shout and the thunder of heavy hooves coming from behind her, Shadow twisted her neck to look behind her. Her eyes widened with fear when she saw Soul following, and she quickly spread her wings, just like she had longed to do during the race. Shadow's rapidly flapping wings gave her strong bursts of speed, and eventually Free Soul was nothing but a slowing down speck of brown and black fur and feathers. She slowed her speeding gallop to a quick trot, her sore hooves thankful for the partial rest.

***

The shadow of the golden apple tree truly was a peaceful place. Shattered Shadow had arrived there within minutes, and immediately collapsed among the long grass in the shade. Her tired hooves were grateful, but she could still feel the pressure of her hooves meeting the ground as she had galloped. It seemed like she had perhaps fallen asleep in the cool spot out of the burning sun, but after a few minutes of rest, she raised her head. Shadow's gaze immediately swung to something on her other side. At first glance, it seemed to be a rock with words carved into it, but this was far from Shadow's first glance at it. She had come here every week for a month, always on the same day. Even after so long, it still brought tears to her eyes to read the words engraved onto the pale stone.

Here Lies Sweet Breeze,

A friend, daughter, and sister,

A kind and helpful pegasus.

A flash of her golden fur was the only warning before her sunny smile and sweet kindness destroyed every shadow of sadness and cruelty.

She was killed in a terrible accident trying to save her town from a rogue twister.

"A friend is somepony who reaches for your hoof and touches your heart."

Sweet Breeze was a true friend to all. She will be sorely missed. May she rest in peace for now, and forever.

Dulcevita

Once again, Shattered Shadow could feel the tears slipping out from under her closed eyelids, streaming down her face in a salty river of sadness and regret. She could remember the day of the horrid twister in sharp detail, the pained shrieking of her best friend still ringing in her ears.

***

"Shattered Shadow! Get away from it! It'll tear you to pieces!"

"Never! You will not be alone in this, Sweet Breeze! I refuse to let you face this monstrosity by yourself!"

"You'll be killed!"

"So would you!"

"But it's my special talent! Please, Shadow, let me handle this! I'm trained, experienced, and I know what to do! I don't want to see you get hurt!" Sweet Breeze had been desperate by this point in the arguement. Her throat was sore from shouting through the high winds of the rapidly approaching twister, and her eyes stung with the saltiness of her tears.

"Please, Sweetie! I can help! I've heard you talk about what we need to do!"

"No! Shadow! Get away from it! Let me handle this! I will not let you get killed! Just let me go! I'll be fine!"

"... Promise?"

"I promise! Just go!" Sweet Breeze darted towards the twister, her golden wings flapping furiously, sending her whirling violently the opposite way of the winds in the twister, her silvery tail being whipped around. Shattered Shadow watched her with widening eyes, backing away from the twirling storm of high winds. It was nearly upon her now, and she would be unable to escape it backwards. She spun around and flapped off to a safe distance.

With her back turned, Shadow missed the exact moment it happened. She did, however, hear the high pitched scream of pain. Shadow whirled around, her pupils contracting in terror as she watched her best friend tumble from the now-calm breeze. Shadow reacted immediately, diving towards the ground in the hopes of saving the fainting pegasus.

Her reaction was too slow, though, and it took too long to get her wings into motion. By the time she skidded to a stop, Sweet Breeze had landed in a broken heap, a slowly weakening shriek being emitted by her bruised vocal cords. Shadow whispered to her, tears flowing freely from her blue-gray eyes. "C'mon Sweetie. We'll get you to the hospital. It'll be al-alright... I'm s-sure it will... it has to be! J-just... just, please, stop screaming. It's just m-making everything w-worse..."

Sweet's eyes flickered, the heavy lashes fluttering like a butterfly's wings. Her voice faded to a soft, weak whisper. "It won't be quick enough... there are no hospitals this far from the city... Shadow, I'm dying. You can't stop this from happening... so just... do me one last favor... *live*. Live for me, for you, for everypony that loves you. Live the life that I should have witnessed. The one I would have wanted to see."

"I wouldn't want you to forget me, nor do I expect you to not mourn. Knowing you, you will mourn more than what is... healthy. So I ask you for this one last favor... live. I loved you like a sister, and nothing would make me sadder than seeing you give up your life... to grief. So please, sister, live... laugh... and learn... do what you... love... and enjoy your... life... I will... always love you... sister... goodbye, Shattered Shadow... kind mare... dear friend... beloved... sister..." As Sweet Breeze's pained voice faded into nothingness, Shattered Shadow laid a gentle kiss on the forehead of the mare she loved as a sister. Sweet Breeze's eyes slipped shut, and Shadow's body began shaking with her sobs.

"S-sweet Breeze? D-do you may-maybe have a f-few more minutes? J-just a lit-little longer? Pl-please?

"..."

"Sweet B-breeze??!!! Are y-you still there??!!! Sweet Breeze!! Answer me!" Shattered Shadow's voice grew shrill with panic, and she was no longer whispering. With her best friend gone, she did not hold back. There was nopony in the area to scare, so she did what she had wanted to do since she first saw Sweet Breeze tumble from the air: scream. And scream she did.

"Come back to me! I shouldn't have let you end the twister alone! Please! You can't die now! You would have done so much! It's not fair!"

"Dulcevita!"

***

Shadow shook her head to wipe the images from her mind, to no avail. The tears kept falling, the sniffling continued, and now she had the image of her broken friend branded into her mind. Her wings flapped once, twice, lifting her onto her four hooves. Shattered Shadow began pacing as she readied her words to the tomb and dirt that concealed Sweet Breeze's body.

These weekly conversations had become a bit of a custom for her by now, but never had she had so much to tell. Starting in a low voice, Shadow spoke. "I... raced today. Without you. It felt... different. My new teammate is a stallion... he looks different, he sounds different, and his feathers feel different... yeah, I decided to use our old trick. In your honor. It was my first race since... it happened. It was the least I could do... the least you deserved. You were my old racing partner... you taught me practically everything I know. And... you'll be proud... I- we won. And now I have another shiny medal to add to my collection. So... yeah. First place. Woohoo..." Shattered Shadow's raspy voice faded into a bout of coughing, and when she resurfaced, she had a fresh wave of tears in her eyes. The tears began spilling silently from er eyes, but her sobbing eventually grew into wails of grief.

"I don't want to do this! I just want you back! I don't want to race with this wannabe! I just want you! Not a stallion trying to take your place! You! I should be happy about winning the race, but I can't be! I can't be happy without you! You are a part of me... and without you, I am nothing... I just want you to come back... or I can join you... but I cannot be happy apart from you. This is not victory... not without you. So now, when I say goodbye, I do not truly mean it, for I shall see you soon... in pony... not with layers of dirt separating us. Soon, I will be happy again."

And Shattered Shadow headed home, to a darkened bedroom that had once been shared with her best friend, sister, and teammate. There, she quickly wrote a good bye to those she had left in the land of the living and searched for her obsidian dagger. The whole time, she repeated a mantra in her mind.

Not without you... not without you...