The fanfiction you are about to read is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the creators' imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locals is entirely coincidental. This story does not reflect the views or opinions of any actual person or pony seen in it.
...Anyway, it's either just CLAY or CARTOONS!
We fade in to a crowd...but instead of the usual ring and arena, we are in the middle of a deserted battlefield with the audience sitting in safe places. As Johnny speaks, we can see pictures of the fighters.
"It's Parents Days when pairs of parents go for the win."
"The Prince of the Crystal Empire meets the Pauper of the Fields!"
"And two of the most bizarre versions of two popular ponies prepare to cut each other into two!"
"This ain't no regular fighting thing. This is..."
We see the title of the show that came from out of nowhere.
CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH!
We see Johnny and Nick in a made-shift booth. The former spoke, "Hey folks, welcome to yet another edition of Celebrity Deathmatch, broadcasting right here in the land of Equestria. I'm Johnny Gomez here with the ever accidental Nick Diamond."
"For those wondering, we aren't broadcasting in an arena this time." Nick explains as we see clips of various times that the arena was destroyed in the previous five editions. "Normally because each time we do, it gets destroyed in one way or another." We go back to the hosts.
"And so, our lawyers as well as the princesses insist that we take this new edition out away from civilization and into a deserted battlefield."
"Johnny, ponies and folks here are getting ready for some flank ass whooping."
"And so am I!" Pinkie exclaims, popping in. "I am Pinkie Pie, ready for some fun, fun, fun!"
"Also, for the first time ever, for the first two matches only, we will not be having them to the death but to the finish." Johnny explains to the audience, "Because, the fighters in the two first fights are good guys, not baddies."
We see the matchups as the hosts introduced them.
Fight 1
"Yep! In the first matchup, Princess Twilight Sparkle's parents Twilight Velvet and Night Light take on my employers Mr. and Mrs. Cake!" Pinkie's voice explains happily. "The princesses don't want Twilight or the babies to lose their parents so this will be a fight to the finish...until one pair is defeated!"
Fight 2
"And the same goes for the second fight." Johnny said as we see pictures of Shining Armor and Big Macintosh. "We got the Prince of the Crystal Empire Shining Armor, who is Twilight Sparkle's big brother, going against Applejack's shy yet very tough Big Macintosh."
"I think you mean 'Big Mcintosh'." Nick points out back in the booth.
"Yes, but Big Macintosh is much better to say, Nick."
"But the final battle is going to be freaky!" Pinkie exclaims as we now see the Main/Mane Event of the night.
Main/Mane Event
We see the pictures as Johnny's voice spoke, "Yes, we got Pinkie's crazy yet very determined double Pinkamena Diane Pie taking on the crazyand very unpredictable version of Celestia known as Princess Trollestia."
Back in the booth, Pinkie comments, "Yeah, Pinkamena is going to have a fun insane time tonight. Though when it comes to fighting Trollestia...hope she keeps her flank intact."
"Yeah, I hate to see something gross happening here." Nick remarks with a shudder at the idea.
"That's the idea!"
"Okay, folks, let's begin things with the first fight of the fight: Twilight's Parents Night Light and Twilight Velvet vs. Mr. and Mrs. Cake." Johnny said to the audience with a nod. "Unlike the previous fights we got on the show so far, this fight isn't on personal level."
"So why the hell are they even here, Johnny?" Nick asks Johnny curiously.
"We will go to our correspondent Fluttershy who will give us the answer to that as she interviews Princess Twilight Sparkle; Fluttershy?"
We see Fluttershy in a room away from the battle speaking to Twilight who is going to be watching the battle in a safe distance.
"Hey guys. So Twilights, folks want to know: why are your parents fighting Mr. and Mrs. Cake?" Fluttershy ask Twilight curiously. "Uh, that is, if you don't mind saying anything."
"Oh I don't mind, Fluttershy." Twilight remarks to her friend with a wave of a hoof in dismissal. "The thing is, it was my idea. My parents want to prove that they themselves are still young and willing to fight for their foals, especially me and Shining."
"I see; But why the fight with the Cakes?"
"Oh, that. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Cake want to prove the same thing: fight for their own foals Pound and Pumpkin Cake. So after I've heard both sides, I've suggested both will fight in the CDM ring...but with no killing involved. And any blood spill will be cured."
"And you want them to prove that they could defend their foals?" Fluttershy ask Twilight with an understanding nod.
"That's correct." Twilight said to Fluttershy with a chuckle.
"Well, thanks, Twilight. Back to you guys."
"Thanks, Fluttershy; Well, it's hard to decide which ponies are the best here." Johnny said in concern, pondering which ponies to favor here. "Both are nice parents to their kids and both would want to make the killing blow."
"Fortunately in Deathmatch, that ain't a problem." Pinkie giggles happily. "Oh! And the fight is about to begin so let's go down and watch the fun!"
Pinkamena is watching along with Golden Heart and the group (Sombra, Autumn Gem, Jack Zen, Omega, Havis and Hikari (the two in cloaks and hoods, Gold Wing and Golden Moon.
"So the new Deathmatch is starting." Pinkamena said with a nod.
The others nod as Golden Heart says, "Indeed but I wonder who is the Pinkamena that will fight Trollestia."
"Well it's going to be me."
Golden Heart and others are surprised by this as he says, "Little sister, are you sure?"
"Well I am not really sure but I will be getting ready just in case but for now let’s watch the battle." Pinkamena commented. The others nod and get to their seats and be ready for anything just in case misfires happen.
In the ring (well, the middle of the desert anyway), Twilight's Parents and the Cakes are listening to Mills who spoke up, "All right, everyone, I want a good clean fight...well, just good anyway."
"May the best parents win you two," Mr. Cake said to Twilight Velvet and Bright Light with a smile.
"Right, we may not take it easy on you both." Mrs. Cake giggles in agreement.
"Trust me, my wife and I have been practicing for this for weeks." Bright Light assures the Cakes as his wife nodded.
"Let's get it on!" Mills order as the bell rings, beginning the first fight of the night.
"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Cake," Bright Light said with a smile.
"Hello to you, too, Twilight Velvet and Bright Light." Mr. Cake said while smiling back.
"Okay, we ain't going to hurt you both too bad. We know how important you are to Pinkie and the twins." Twilight Velvet said with a nod.
"Right; And the same to you,” Mrs. Cake giggled.
"Hey, come on! This is a fight until one pair is down, not a Greet and meet!" Mills exclaimed sternly.
"Looks like the fight is truly beginning," Nick exclaimed as Twilight's parents goes to the ropes. Twilight Velvet pulled her husband back while leaning on the ropes. "And looks like..."
Twilight Velvet let go, sending Bright Light right at Mr. Cake. Johnny exclaimed, "Yes! The Cruise Missile, something we haven't seen since Tom Cruise took on Bruce Willis!"
Bright Light took down Mr. Cake, knocking both down. Pinkie exclaimed, "Wow, I haven't seen Mr. Cake took a hit like that since a plug got fired from my party cannon!"
"Hey, Twilight Velvet, do you want some pie?" Mrs. Cake asked with a smirk as she brought out a pie and splatted Twilight Velvet in the face with it.
"Yuck!" Twilight Velvet exclaimed in surprise. "What kind of pie is that?"
"Cowpie," Mrs. Cake explained, making Twilight Velvet spits in disgust. "Relax, it isn't what you think!"
Mr. Cake knocked his opponent off and quickly took out a gun. Nick exclaimed, "Looks like Mr. Cake is going for the caulking gun!"
"Hey, you can't say that in front of the kids!" Pinkie exclaimed to Nick in a disapproving voice.
"Huh?" Nick asked, confused, not sure what Pinkie meant at first.
"The 'c' work. You said a man's private part! Gross!" Pinkie exclaimed in disgust.
"Not that, 'caulking', 'caulking'!" Nick explained, trying to correct Pinkie.
"Do you need your mouth washed out with soap, mister?!" Pinkie snapped angrily to Nick, still misunderstanding what the man's saying.
"Let's get back to the fight, folks!" Johnny exclaimed as Mr. Cake used the caulk...
"Hey, Mr. Narrator," Pinkie exclaimed to the narrator with a frown. "Don't be a fireman mouth either!"
Okay. Mr. Cake used the 'glue gun' to trap Bright Light to the floor.
"Looks like this is one Cake who is doing the pounding," Nick remarked as Mr. Cake hit Bright light back and forth like a punching balloon.
"His wife doesn't seem to be doing better." Nick commented as Twilight Velvet ties Mrs. Cake by the mane to the ropes. "Twilight Velvet is about to give Mrs. Cake one nasty hair removal."
Mrs. Cake, however, kicked Twilight Velvet off before getting herself freed. Pinkie exclaimed, "Nope! Mrs. Cake ain't going down that easily."
"Now Cake is hitting the turnbuckle..." Nick said as Mr. Cake struggled to get onto the turnbuckle. "And he's about to..."
Twilight Velvet managed to pull her husband out of the 'glue' in time, causing Mr. Cake to miss. Johnny remarked, "Oops! No landing there!"
Twilight Velvet quickly fired blasts at the Cakes, who yelped and moved. Pinkie commented, "Hoo boy. Looks like Twilight Velvet is shooting out her own versions of the Unicorn Bursts. Not sure if Twilight learned that attack from her or it's the other way around!"
"Looks like Bright Light don't want to wait and find out." Johnny commented as Bright Light grabbed Mr. Cake, slamming him onto the mat. "He is trying to pound Mr. Cake into...well...a cake!"
"Stop trying to make my husband into a cake!" Mrs. Cake exclaimed, getting onto Bright Light's back.
"Get off my husband's back!" Twilight Velvet exclaimed angrily as she jumped onto Mrs. Cake, hitting her.
"Whoa! This is like the Bruce/Demi vs. Tom/Nicole all over again!" Nick exclaimed, spotting a familiar sight.
"Except these pairings are still married and no one has fallen yet!" Pinkie exclaimed; Mr. Cake, getting up, accidentally tripping Bright Light, knocking them all down, "Oops; spoke too soon!"
The couples got up, groaning and feeling bruised. Johnny commented, "Okay, at this rate, this could be any fight."
"Okay, I think we need a better way to settle this." Twilight Velvet sighed while fixing her mane. "My mane is getting broken."
"Yeah, I agree. Hey, Mr. Lane? Isn't there a better way to settle this?" Bright Light called out to Mills.
"You want it? You got it. Bring in the bell and ladder!" Mills ordered.
"Well, this is a Deathmatch first!" Johnny exclaims as two Pegasus ponies brought in a ladder with a bell on top of it. "A Bell Ladder match!"
"The way to settle this is easy." Nick explained to the audience. "First couple to get to the top and ring that bell wins this match."
"All right, first pairing to ring the bell wins!" Mills ordered the pairings sternly. "Let's get it back on!"
"Let's do this!" Bright Light shouted in determination towards Mr. Cake.
"You got it!" Mr. Cake agreed, also in a competitive tone.
Twilight's Parents begins climbing up the ladder though the Cakes pulled their opponents, trying to climb up themselves.
"Looks like it's one hell of a mad dash to ring that bell!" Nick exclaims in excitement. "But who will win?"
"Trickery may be the key to winning this fight, folks." Johnny comments as both sides are still struggling to get up the ladder.
"Hey, what's Pound and Pumpkin Cake doing with my party cannon?" Pinkie ask curiously, noticing something.
Sure enough, the cameras are focused on two certain twin foals who are giggling, playing with the party cannon.
"Uh oh; Pinkie, did you make sure that thing isn't on weapons mode?" Nick asks frantically. "Hell, I wouldn't let my own son play with that thing!"
"Nick, have you seen your son lately?" Johnny asks Nick, pondering when the last time his co-host had seen Nicky Jr.
"Hell if I know. I haven't even seen my ex-wife since the divorce; like I care."
"Eeek," Pinkie exclaims as she somehow rush down to the party cannon to stop the twins. If they fire that thing, it's so long! "Pound, Pumpkin! Don't fire..."
Too late, the Cake Twins happily activated the thing...which sends pastry frosting right at Pinkie, sending her flying into the ring and right onto the Cakes, getting them stuck on the floor.
"Phew. Still pasty frosting," Pinkie said with a smile, then looking nervous at her stuck employers. "Sorry."
Bright Light and Twilight Velvet both manages to get to the top and rang the bell loudly. Mills announce, "That's it, it's over! The winners are the Sparkles!"
The audience cheers wildly as Twilight's parents got down. Bright Light spoke, "Nice match."
"Sorry." Pinkie said nervously, feeling a bit guilty that her party cannon was the reason that her employers has lost.
"It's okay! Actually this stuff tastes good!" Mr. Cake exclaims happily while eating the pastry frosting.
"Yes, we should do this often." Mrs. Cake remarks with a giggle.
"Oh! Mind if we have some?" Twilight Velvet asks with a smile, eager for some.
Back at the booth, Johnny comments, "What a funny and tasty ending! The Cakes' own kin had seal their defeat. But on the bright side, it was a tasty defeat."
"Especially since those babies are still playing with that thing!" Nick exclaims in alarm. Sure enough, Pound and Pumpkin Cake happily plays with the cannon, sending pastry frosting almost all over the place, some of it hits the hosts. Nick licks the stuff. "Yummy."
"Well, while we clean the match up, we're going to commercial break. Stay tuned as we got Shining Armor vs. Big Macintosh."
We go to an overhead of the crowd as the title appears while we go to commercial break.
We see the overhead of the audience once more as the title of the show appears.
As Pinkamena and her group wait for the main/mane event, the pink pony comments, "Well that was a un battle and ended very sweet in the end."
Golden Heart and others nod as he says, "Indeed; now comes brother V.S brother which is Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle's Brother, V.S Big Macintosh, Applejack's big brother."
"Yep and after that comes the last battle."
The others nod as Pinkamena keeps a firm look, being ready. With the guys in the booth, Johnny smiles as he exclaims, "Hey, folks! Welcome back to Celebrity Deathmatch. We already did one fight so far and we got two more to go."
"The main event appears to be in question, Johnny. The question is, which Pinkamena is fighting?" Nick ask Johnny curiously. "Hell, even I don't know which in this deserted wasteland!"
"No problems! We got Fluttershy on it, right now as she is speaking to one of the contestants for the mane event, Trollestia!" Pinkie exclaims with a happy giggle. "Bring her on in, Flutter!"
In the locker room, Fluttershy speaks to the camera while speaking to what appears to be Celestia, except her mane is mangy and she got a creepy smile. The Pegasus pony spoke, "Thanks, Pinkie. I'm here with Pinkamena's opponent, Trollestia. So...uh...the fans want to know...which version of Pinkamena are you fighting?"
"Oh, come on, isn't it obvious?" Trollestia ask with a mad laugh. "It's the creepazoid!"
"Uh...I'm not sure I know what..."
"But maybe I'm being too obvious. Sit down, have some cake."
Fluttershy blinks as Trollestia brings over a plate of cake onto a table. The mare nods as she spoke, "Well, okay, I supposed it's to be nice..." Fluttershy sat down...and a farting noise is heard, making her blush in embarrassment. "Oh! My!"
"Hee hee hee," Trollestia laughs as she removes the whoopee cushion that Fluttershy sat on. "Get 'em, every time!"
"Oh, got me there." Fluttershy said with a giggle. She begins to use a fork to eat some cake...then spits out in alarm. "Yuck! What is this cake made out of?!"
"Well...I found it in the toilet this morning..."
Fluttershy's eyes shrink a bit: Trollestia has made cake...out of crap! The Pegasus pony screams in terror as she flies out of the locker room. That is disgusting!
Trollestia grins to the camera, asking, "Ain't I a stinker?"
"Okay, TMI." Nick remarks in disgust. "No wonder she's called 'Trollestia'."
"Maybe because she lives under a bridge, Nick," Johnny jokes making himself and Nick laughs. "Okay, time for the second fight."
"Folks, it's brother against brother and like the first fight, none of these guys are meanies wanting to kill each other!" Pinkie exclaims playfully. "It's basically one of those Tough Pony Contests to see who's the best."
"Yes." Johnny said as we see the pics of the fighters. As the commentator continues, we see the two's stats, "Both these two have something in common. Both have humble starts before making it big. Both of them are tough guys who are willing to defend their sisters who are the Elements of Harmony, both are not good to mess with, both are painfully shy."
As the camera goes back to the booth, Nick adds, "But the difference is that Shining got a girl and became prince of an empire. Big Mac is still lonely and still a farmer on the farm."
"But I hear he's seeing Cheerilee nowadays." Pinkie explains randomly to her pals.
"Sure, whatever you say."
"So this will be the case of Prince vs. the Pauper! Let's go down to the ring as things are about to begin." Johnny said with a grin.
As we go to the ring, both fighters are there, waiting to fight. Shining waves to his family as he exclaims, "Hey; Hi Cadance, Twiley, Nyx, Ben; I'm ready to fight for all of you!"
"Eeyup," Big Macintosh remarks with a nod. "Same here with my own family."
Both fighters comes up to Mills who begins the instructions, "Now listen up. This won't be a fight to the death, but only one of you will be left standing. No armies, no Elements, no kicking in the yahoos, and no touching of each other's flanks," This causes the two stallions to blush embarrassedly. "Let's get it on!"
The bell rings as the second fight begins.
"Howdy, Shining Armor." Big Mac greeted the unicorn.
"Hello, Big Macintosh." Shining greeted back.
"Excuse me if I don't talk much. I am planning to win this." Big Mac said to Shining with a nod.
"It's okay. I am not going to do either." Shining said with a nod of his own while preparing himself. "Have at thee!"
Both fighters charged and butt heads, literally. They threw hooves at each other. Shining quickly knocked his opponent to the ropes, throwing magic which caused Big Mac to get out of the way.
"This fight is underway!" Nick exclaimed, watching the fight. "Big Mac appears to have the advantage. All those years of pulling fields have paid off."
"As well as pulling houses," Pinkie exclaimed happily. "You should've seen him do the same thing while trying to get to Cheerilee while he's under the Love Poison."
"Go, Shining Armor, go!" Twilight cheered from the audience as she watched the fight.
"Yee-haw, Big Mac; Go kick his flank!" Applejack cheers eagerly.
Big Mac jumped up as he slammed Shining to the ground with his flank. Nick exclaimed, "Wow! What a beautiful flank butt!"
"There's power behind that behind!" Johnny joked, making himself and the others laugh.
"I haven't seen Big Mac this toughened up since his fight with Shining in Death Battle!" Pinkie exclaimed happily, "Which, I remind you folks, is in another dimension and fan-fiction! Make sure to watch the next one featuring the 6th Gundam and Tommy Oliver the White Ranger very soon!"
"And I'm voting for Tommy on that Death Battle!" Nyx remarked out loud after hearing that.
"Let's vote for this battle, folks." Johnny exclaimed. Big Mac charges at Shining who used a force field to block him. "Shining has the force field up."
"All right; this is for my defeat in Death Battle, which is non-canon!" Shining announces in determination, "Steel Armor Mode!"
A magic glow of white enshrouded Shining's body, making him grow a bit bigger & taller while his form turns into a steel version of himself and his mane becomes like a shiner steel color plate that's solid, not to mention his eyes become white. This ability gave him a powerful armor that protects him, makes him durable against physical attacks while increasing his physical strength to a standing point to break down buildings and fight against those that have Super Strength.
"Yikes! This is new!" Nick exclaimed in surprise and amazement.
"Duh; Shining is the Element of Steel after all!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Even Big Mac is alarmed by this."
"Eeyup," Big Mac exclaimed, his eyes widened in freaking out.
"Get him, Shining Armor, get him!" Ben Mare shouted from the audience.
Big Macintosh charged once more at Shining.
"Steel Horn Blast" Shining shouted as he creates a magical static charge around his horn. Then he fired off a powerful blast shot that has become magnetized from static build-up force to which create a strong implosion against any target, knocking back his opponent.
"Nope," Big Mac exclaims. He yelped as a lot of metal stuff got send flying at him. "Nope!"
"This is turning into James Hetfield vs. Fred Durst all over again!" Nick exclaimed as Big Mac got hit by some metal stuff. "Which is years older than our opponents'!"
"Steel Claw," Shining announced as he forged off claws off his hooves to strike blows to cut across Big Mac.
"This battle may be one-sided!" Johnny announced. "But Big Mac isn't giving up."
Big Mac saw some of the catwalk sparkling up above, getting an idea. He called out, "Hey, Shiny! Betcha you can't come up over here and get me."
"Oh, yeah? I'm gonna get you!" Shining Armor shouted as he charged towards Big Mac.
"What is Big Mac up to?" Johnny asks, pondering what Applejack's brother is up.
Suddenly, without warning, Shining hit the sparkling part, electrocuting him like mad. The unicorn screamed like mad until he exploded.
"Ouch! Shocking," Pinkie exclaimed with a cringe.
When all became clear, Shining is now back to normally, covered in ash, coughing, "Ouch."
"Nice strategy by Applejack's brother!" Johnny exclaimed with a smile. "As we know, steel or metal is a good conductor for electricity."
"You okay?" Big Mac asked Shining in concern.
"Fine, I'm fine," Shining growled a bit. "But you won't in a moment; Unicorn Burst!"
Big Mac yelped as the attack hit him, knocking him out of the ring.
"Looks like some Unicorn is Bursting right there!" Nick jokes a bit as Big Mac got up with a groan.
"Get up, Big Mac, and fight back!" Apple Bloom cried out in concern from the crowd.
Shining jumped out of the ring and knocked his opponent down, then slammed his head to the ground.
"Both bros are out of the ring!" Pinkie exclaimed eagerly. "Wow, haven't seen Shining this intense since his wedding...and that was when Chrysalis was undercover."
Shining got off as Big Mac groaned, "Nnope!"
"Come on, get up, Big Mac." Shining said to Big Macintosh as his opponent remained on the ground.
"This is it, Mills is starting the elimination count." Johnny said as Mills counted down.
"1, 2..." Mills said as he began the countdown.
Suddenly Big Macintosh got up and back kick Shining back into the ring.
"Looks like this fight is still going," Pinkie exclaims in amazement.
"Big Mac may be short of speech but he has a big heart." Johnny comments as Big Mac got back, snorting in determination. "Both he and Shining are ready to end this."
Both stallions roar as they charge at each other...and slams into each other hard, falling to the ring mat.
"Here we go again!" Nick exclaims as both stallions are on the mat.
Mills begins the countdown once more, "1...2...3...4...5..." Both fighters groan as they got back up to their hooves barely. Whoever stays up after the countdown is the winner. "6...7...8....9...10..."
Quickly, Shining quickly Big Mac down, sending Applejack's brother back to the mat hard.
"And the winner is Shining Armor!" Mills announces as he raises Shining's upper fore leg, declaring him the winner.
As the bell rings, the audience cheers wildly. Pinkie exclaims, "Yahoo, what a closing!"
"Yeah. Both fighters had done well and are kicking ass!" Nick exclaims eagerly. What a closeout ending to an amazing fight.
Shining helps the defeated Big Mac to his hooves, saying, "Great match. Better luck next time."
"Eeyup," Big Mac mumbles a bit. He may be defeated but the big stallion accepts his defeat regardless.
The two fighters leave the ring, reunited with their loves: Shining with Cadance and Big Mac with Cheerilee. The fight is over but the love is continuing outside the ring.
"And so, another victory for the family known as Sparkles," Johnny said to the camera as the second fight comes to an end.
"Right, but the night is still young, and yours truly is ready and eager for some blood!" Nick exclaims with a nod.
"And stay tune for when Pinkamena shall enter the ring or we can see her now." Pinkie Pie replied off to say this off while saying something else.
Then suddenly without warning, Pinkamena pops up near the front of the hosts that made them scream a bit in surprise.
"Hi yah!" Pinkamena spoke while the two human hosts seem a bit jumpy. "What, do I have something on me?" She asked off in not getting what made these guys freak out.
"Ugh, no miss...just that..." Johnny tried to think of a way to say this without mentioning how freaky this pony's face was.
"Just that you scared the living daylights out of us," Nick blurted out to say this much on the matter.
"Guys, THIS is the Pinkamena to fight, not me if you were wondering. Just wait until you see her moves and when she gives those the Brrrs." Pinkie Pie pointed out this much to the host about what this other pink pony can do.
"The Brrrs....that has to be the dumbest technique I ever heard. What, does it give people the chills?" Nick remarked off to say in thinking that such a technique doesn't exist.
"Ugh, Nick." Johnny slowly pointed in looking worried for his friend.
Soon Nick stare at Pinkamena, only her gaze was changed to something...scary.
"How's about a sneak preview...Your Times....Uuuuuup," Pinkamena responded to say while she gazed with her unleashed move.
"Waaaaaaauuughhhh," Nick was heard screaming in staring into the scariest face now. "Brrrr....Brrr..Brrrrrr...." Now Nick was suddenly shown having the 'Brrrrs' at this moment.
"Heheheh, nice one," Pinkie Pie giggled to hoof-slap her pal Pinkamena for that move.
"Well folks, while we help Nick get UN-Brrrs, stick around for our finale." Johnny spoke off to tell the viewers at home of what they shall do while they help get Nick back on track; who was lying on the ground and continuing to make many Brrrr sounds.
We go to an overhead of the crowd as the title appears while we go to commercial break.
We go to an overhead of the audience as the title appears, returning us to the show.
Pinkamena saw the battle and says, "Well seems Shining Armor won the battle but now, "The others nod, knowing what she means as she was getting her gear, getting ready, "Now a war has begun and I will end the evil Trollestia and also make this a sign to the Celestia haters fear for what I can do to them because I know they will be supporting the evil troll."
Golden Heart hugs her and says, "Be careful little sister."
The others hug her as well as she returns the hug as she says, "I will be ok big brother and the rest of you hope you like the show and also I will be making cupcakes later."
That makes the group shiver but calm knowing as she then heads off.
Back in the booth, Johnny spoke, "Hey folks! Welcome back to Celebrity Deathmatch, right here in the deserted wasteland."
"We have been holding back in the first two matches, but now, we're ready for some ass kicking blood giving brawl!" Nick exclaims eagerly.
"Yep; we got my other self Pinkamena Diane Pie, taking on the tricking mean trickster version of Princess Celestia known as Trollestia!" Pinkie exclaims happily to the audience. "This match will decide which other version is the most dangerous and not most likely to be deal with."
"Both fighters are eager for this fight. I am pondering as to what tricks both will unleash on one other!"
"Let's find out as both fighters are now entering the ring right now." Johnny said with a nod. "Let's go down for the ass kicking."
We go to the ring (although there isn't really a ring but who's guessing) as Pinkamena Diane Pie is in her armor, waving happily to the crowd. Johnny announces, "And now, it's time for the Main Event of the evening! In this corner, the creature from underneath Sugarcube Corner, the Element of Aging: Pinkamena Diane Pie!"
The audience cheers as Pinkamena giggles, "Hey folks; Got to remember: someone's number is coming up soon!"
We now see Trollestia, smirking devilishly as Johnny introduces her, "And now, what Celestia would be like if she is a maniac tricking pony: Trollestia!"
The audience boos a bit as Trollestia shows off her flank. The two fighters came up to Mills as he begins, "All right, I already explain the rules to you both...except for Trollestia who..." The insane version of Celestia made a dumbbell appears, hitting Mills on the head, "Argh! Who keeps doing that! Damn it, stop it!"
"Awww, what's wrong, Popeye? Feeling warm?" Trollestia teases, making the sun appears, making Mills a bit warm.
"Stop that! I want a good clean fight. Or at least one hellva bloody one!"
"BURP!"
Mills groans at Trollestia's burp. He then remarks, "Let's get it on!" The bell rings as the main event begins.
Pinkamena and Trollestia then started circling each other, preparing to fight.
"Okie dokie lokie; you may look like the princess but you ain't." Pinkamena said in determination to Trollestia.
"Before we start, I got a present for you." Trollestia said with a creepy smile to Pinkamena.
"Wow, really? That's nice. Thanks." Pinkamena said with a blink of the eyes.
"No...THANK YOU!" Trollestia laughed insanely as she quickly slammed Pinkamena in the face with a dead porcupine on a rope, causing needles to end up in the pink one's face; "Ha ha ha ha; gets them every time!"
"That's it! Now I'm mad!" Pinkamena shouted angrily.
"Oooh, Pinkamena is mad and you don't wanna do that." Pinkie remarks as Pinkamena got her blade out, preparing to cut Trollestia in half.
"But Trollestia is standing there!" Nick exclaimed, noticing that Trollestia isn't moving.
Pinkamena quickly slashed at Trollestia...but she then blew up...like a balloon. The pink lookalike blinked a bit, wondering what just happened.
"Surprise," Trollestia exclaimed as she came from out of nowhere, somehow pulling Pinkamena's undies over her head, "The balloon trick; Gets them every time; ha ha ha!"
"Oh, you dirty--!" Pinkamena started angrily as she struggled to get the undies off her head.
"Another trick by Trollestia," Johnny exclaimed in amazement. "Looks like Trollestia is controlling this match!"
Pinkamena got the undies off, snorting angrily as Trollestia laughed, "Oh, think that's funny, huh?"
"I don't think, I know." Trollestia said with a shrug. "That's why I am called Trollestia."
"Want to know how I got my reputation as the monster from under Sugarcube Corner?" Pinkamena asked Trollestia, giving her a creepy look. "Allow me to show you...YOUR NUMBER JUST CAME UUUUUUP!!!!"
"Gah," Trollestia screamed as she fell to the ring floor, trembling, "Brr, brr, brr, brr!"
"Oh, there are those dreaded Brrs, folks!" Nick exclaimed. "Trollestia is left shaking!"
"Now, take this!" Pinkamena shouted while raising her blade.
Trollestia yelped as some of her mane got cut off. The audience cringed a bit.
"Wow, looks like Trollestia is due for that overdue mane-cut!" Pinkie exclaimed. Pinkamena then cut off Trollestia's tail. "And a tail cut, too!"
"Shave and a mane-cut! Two bits," Pinkamena giggled a bit.
Trollestia got up, looking horrified as she exclaimed, "My tail! My mane! They're ruined and I was going to use them on my date with my Twilight tonight!"
"Ugh, seriously," Twilight shouted in disgust from the audience.
"DAMN YOU!" Trollestia exclaimed, snorting from her nose in rage.
"Uh-oh; Trollestia is pissed!" Nick exclaimed as Trollestia used her magic to grab Pinkamena, before she began tossing her around. "And she's tossing her around like a broken toy!"
Pinkamena yelped as bits of her armor came off like mad. Johnny remarked, "And it looks like Trollestia is taking the armor right off!"
It took a few minutes, but Pinkamena was now out of her armor, vulnerable. Trollestia snapped, "Now to teach you not to mess with the mane and tail, you bitch!"
"Trollestia is pissed, pissy!" Nick remarked as Trollestia makes a mallet appeared, slamming Pinkamena right through the mat. "She is trying to pound her opponent in."
"Yep! Unless Pinkamena can get out of this, she is nailed!" Pinkie commented in concern for her double.
"Pinkamena, get outta there and fight back!" Applejack shouted from the audience.
"Okay, any last words?" Trollestia remarked cruelly to Pinkamena.
"Yes...SMILE!" Pinkamena exclaimed, giving out a face that appears in the infamous Smile video.
"AAAAAHHHHH," Trollestia screamed frantically as she jumped back like mad.
"AAAH; NOT THAT SMILE," Nyx screamed as she hid her face in Twilight.
"Yikes! Creepy," Pinkie exclaimed as Pinkamena got rid of the face. Trollestia shook it off and got back up. "Looks like Trollestia is trying again."
Pinkamena spoke, "Watashi wa anata o korosu tame ni jimaku o shiyō suru tsumorida!" In Japanese translation, Pinkamena said 'I'm going to use subtitles to kill you'. Then...she grabbed the subtitles and threw them at Trollestia hard, hitting her...and cutting her wings right off!
"Whoa! Pinkamena somehow grabbed some words from out of nowhere and hit Trollestia with them!" Johnny exclaimed.
"OUCH! MY WINGS, NO!" Trollestia exclaimed in pain with blood coming out.
"Wanna see a neat trick?!" Pinkamena asked with a devilish smile, making Trollestia gulp in fear.
"N-no," Trollestia said, trembling.
"Awww, how sad; it would've gone like this!" Pinkamena exclaimed as she pulled a lever from out of nowhere.
Trollestia screamed as she got sent flying into the air. Pinkamena watched...and made an energy orb from her hooves.
"Eeep; Pinkamena is doing what ended the Smile video!" Pinkie exclaimed in terror. "DUCK FOR COVER!"
The hosts and everyone else screamed as they ducked. Pinkamena smirked as she throws the energy ball right at Trollestia. It hits, sending the trickster right off the planet...and exploding right into space hard.
Pinkamena watched the explosion that took her opponent, making her smile while saying, "And that's how you really end a Smile HD video. No planet blow up, just getting rid of the right freak!"
"Works for me," Nyx remarked with a grin.
The bell rang as Mills raised Pinkamena's arm up, saying, "And Pinkamena is the winner of this fight!"
The audience cheered excitedly. About time they saw some blood!
"And thus, with the fight at an end, my creepy yet nice double has seal her victory over the weirdo tricking Celestia imposter!" Pinkie exclaims happily as the audience cheers onward for the victory.
“Well alls well that ends well, eh Nick?” Johnny spoke off in seeing another fight was finished with a victory.
“Right Johnny, I like to see anything go off in this desert to catch us by surprise.” Nick nods in agreement, with their new location method, nothing could go wrong now.
“If you wish it, then maybe it shall be granted.” Spoke an odd, yet familiar voice within the air that sounded like it was sounding playful.
“Pinkie Pie, enough with the games.” Nick narrow his eyes at the jokester of the bunch.
“That wasn’t me.” Pinkie stated about not being the one that did that.
“Then who just spoke just now?” Johnny asked in not knowing or liking how this maybe playing out.
Then something appeared out of nowhere by a puff of red smoke dust, and as it cleared away, we saw what was before the host and the pink pony. Something that was resembling a draconquus, but it has a scar across his face, the creature appears to be half Changeling and his air appears to be all spiky. All in all, the guy kinda made everyone think he was Discord, but there was so much difference, it seems….a little off. He seemed more muscular, a bit more taller and wider, and seem to have a darker fur stature.
“TADA; Surprise, surprise, little viewers,” Discord II waved out in saying hello to greet this bunch.
“Wait a second, aren’t you….Discord?” Johnny spoke off in recalling who this character is.
“What are you doing here and looking like that?” Nick asked off in recalling Discord from last time, and now he comes looking like something else.
“That isn’t our Discord guys; this here’s the new EVIL version of the reform Discord. He goes by the name, Discord II.” Pinkie Pie explained with a serious face in what they have here is a new evil that looks like Discord, but it’s his evil side that’s free.
“Oh please, sounds like his name means dooty to me.” Nick rolled his eyes in stating a joke of the name.
“Then how’s about you excuse yourself after this,” Discord II smiled off to say this while he snap his fingers.
Then without warning, Nick was letting out a big burp cloud and blowing out fart gas from his behind. But the weirdest thing of them all was, the usual sounds of a burp and fart were reverse, Nick fart out the mouth and burp from his behind. And when it was settled, did everyone stare in shock!
“Holy Cow Nick; you just burp and farted at the same time!” Johnny yelps out to say this in what the guy just did.
“And from the usual spots came out and sounded different too.” Pinkie Pie stated off in what they also heard was different than usual.
“Ugh, I’ll tell you this…I do NOT wanna experience that again!” Nick groans to complain in what he’s done is something he doesn’t wanna go through again.
“Ho-ho…..if you think that was bad, then just wait until I perform my next trick!” Discord II spoke off to brag about what else he’s got to show. “Click!” Then he snap his fingers to prepare the next feat of his chaotic magic at work.
Then without warning, the entire desert was changed into….black sand.
“I don’t believe what I’m seeing; Discord II changed the desert into…..black sand!” Johnny yelps off in seeing what has now been done here.
“So what; After the crazy events of our arena getting destroyed by crazy cannon settings, chaotic creatures like you self-destructing the place, mechanical crabs blowing up under a firework display, Decepticon warships blasting down on us, even a crazy button we had that look identical to making a cappuccino, what’s a little sand gonna do?” Nick remarked off that they’ve seen worse acts done, what’s a little sand gonna do to them?
“Hold it. Sniff-sniff….this black sand smells familiar.” Pinkie Pie sniffs the sand, as if knowing something about it. “It smells like…” Then her eyes went wide when she came to terms of its identity, “GUNPOWDER!” Those that heard the is yelp in realizing what this might mean.
“Correct, and since it’s a hot sunny day, and with this much black gun powder all over, I say you have….” Discord II stated in seeing that a hot desert sun and a sand of gun powder that’s flammable is just screaming to be an explosive course. “One minute until KaBoom time. Tada,” He stated from checking how long this bunch has before saying farewell.
Then Discord II vanished without a second sooner, and the group in the desert has but mere seconds remaining. Can they even get out of the desert before they all go kaboom here?
“Okay, our situations are…stay here and get blown up or try to flee and get blown up, get in my party cannon and hope to get blasted far out of the blast range, but might not make it, or…” Pinkie Pie was thinking about the odds of what to do, all of which would not be so well.
“In short, we’re about to kiss the sky!” Nick blankly stated in what’s about to happen to them in the end.
“Well this was not expected at all.” Johnny boldly pointed out in how things are gonna go.
Now those that are within the desert scream and panic while the black sand look ready to blow…until host, referee, fight contenders & other camera or so crew members got teleported away by a glowing star cloud. “KURBOOOOMFRUUVHHHMMM….” Now we see a giant explosion the size of a continent from the outskirts of the desert is seen happening. But at that moment, everyone was drop near Princess Twilight who got them all out of there safely.
“Phew, thanks Twilight, you got us out of there in the nick of time.” Pinkie Pie sighs with relief in seeing they were rescued in time.
“Oh course, I wasn’t going to let our families and friends get caught in that explosion.” Twilight nods to say this in that she had to act or they lose important family and friends.
“Too bad the equipment got left behind.” Pinkamena pointed out in what they forgot and now it’s all gone.
“Great, just great, as if dealing with our stadium arenas being destroyed, everything we had in the desert got wasted. What could be worse?” Nick complained out to say in not seeing how this can get any worse.
“Would this live feed of your burp fart reserve count as worse?” Pinkie Pie pointed out in checking a lab top she borrowed from Rainbow Dash, and it showed the stunt of what Nick did of the reversal sound of him burping and farting.
“NOOOOOOOOO,” Nick screamed forth up to the skies as if that really hit the mark on him.
“I think that just made things worse.” Johnny whispered to the others in seeing that really did a number on the guy.
“I’ll take everyone else back to their families and friends, um…good luck now.” Twilight responded to say as she gather her family of mom and dad and her older brother, the Cakes, Big Mac., Pinkamena to head on out.
“I guess I should have warn you guys better about the new villain we got, sorry.” Pinkie Pie shrugs off to say this on what she should have done earlier.
“Well folks, it would seem that tonight's showing was more a bang up job than we ever imagine.” Johnny spoke off in preparing for them to sign off at this moment.
"And by that, we mean the craziest of things, the weirdest of fights, and my good name being ruin on the internet.” Nick was complaining to use a laptop to try to delete that video footage of him, but it was a no go, it was too good to lose. “Ugh, curse you Discord II. CURSE YOOOOOOU,” Nick cried out loud to scream while cursing the guy that did this to him.
“So it looks like weather we have a building or doing this outside, something’s gonna blow. But then again, that’s what makes you all wanna see more in how we get out of it.” Pinkie Pie smiled off to say this to the camera of those watching that love to see them in such states.
“So until the next time, when and where ever we’ll be doing the next show, I’m Johnny Gomez.” Johnny spoke off to say this message out to the viewers.
“And I’m the embarrassing laughing stock on the face of the planet with a billion hits, Nick Diamond here.” Nick replied off to say this about his social life as he knows it is toast.
“And I’m the funny and perky pink pony of laughter and jokes, Pinkie Pie, saying to you all…” Pinkie Pie pops in the middle to say off this little message to the viewers. “Good Fight…Good Night!” She spoke off that final farewell sentence to close this show as they are done here.
Soon the screen backs away with the ‘Celebrity Deathmatch’ logo appearing on our TV screens. Signaling the end of the show now while we see the scenery of the Rainbow Kingdom of where they are at and still see Nick sulking in seeing many pass-buyers watching his embarrassing clip; we’ll never forget, and he’ll be upset over it for a long time.
The End
Author's Note
Cast list
Jim Thorton: Johnny Gomez
Chris Edgerly: Nick Diamond, Mills Lane
Andrea Libman: Pinkie Pie, Pinkamena Diane Pie, Fluttershy, Pumpkin Cake
Brian Drummond: Mr. Cake
Tabitha St. Germain: Mrs. Cake, Pound Cake
Andrew Francis: Shining Armor
Peter New: Big Macintosh
Nicole Oliver: Trollestia
Orlando Bloom: Golden Heart
Tara Strong: Twilight Sparkle
Ashleigh Ball: Applejack
Daveigh Chase: Nyx
Michelle Creber: Apple Bloom
John de Lancie: Discord II
And thus another Ponies on CDM edition comes to a close. Whatcha guys think? Okay, with this AU fic done, now to return to the main timeline with this...
"Twilight the Assistant: Twilight and Spike decides to switch places for the week to see how their other jobs works out. But will it be a good idea and will Spike's jobs be too much for the Alicorn to handle?"
Very interesting fic; can't wait to get to it. Until next time, read, review and suggest.
This story has references to the Bruce Willis & Demi Moore vs. Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman fight, as well as Nick Diamond’s divorce on CDM.
The pastry frosting coming out of the party cannon is a reference to what happened in 'Speak Not, The Chaos Words'.
This story also has references to Deathbattle, especially the fan-fiction that has Big Mac defeating Shining and the future one with the 6th Gundam vs. the 6th Ranger.
This chapter has references to the infamous Smile HD video.
The burp and fart at the same time was inspired from when Blaineley from Total Drama World Tour did both at the same time.
