Tecnical Difficultes and other strange stories

by Jellote

Rating: mature
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Dinky Hooves, Sex, Scootaloo, Derpy Hooves, Human, Sad, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 3859

Derpy takes her daughter to a play-date with Scootaloo. What could go wrong?

Due to the inexplicable popularity of Ten Pounds of Fetus and Mouthwash, I've gone through Kieth's computer to see if I can find any more stories. I think I have just the one.

Possibly the last story written by Keith Arthur before his conviction as a paedorast, Tecnical Difficultes is a rather disturbing look into the mind of a rapist author and his idea of erotica. While drunk.

Derpy derps around for no reason, when she and her disembodied ballsack (her husband?) go hame and take Dinky over to Rainbow Dash's house so that she can play with Scootaloo, who is now Dash's daughter, I guess. A male pegasus without a name shows up, apparently being Scoots' father, but he leaves before much is explained. Finally, Derpy discovers Dash's horrible, horrible secret.

Also, two bonus chapters are included. In a human!fic, can Derpy ever accept her daughter's horrible fetish? You bet she will, even if it kills her. And later, a depraved gameshow host murders the mane cast for fun and profit. This one was cancelled after one chapter.

Published 2012-04-20 15:44:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-20 15:44:02 UTC

Tecnical Difficultes

tecnical difficultes

a my little pony fanficshion by keith arthur

authors note i am not lauren faust and i one nothing my little pony friendship is magic is owned by hasbro and its respecful owners

derpy hoves flewd though ponyville with her malebag hanging from he sholders. it was full of letters for the people of ponyville which were ponys

"hello there" said derpy to mrs cake handing her a letter with her hoof

"thank you derpy" mrs cake said and taked it. derpy smiled and her eyes crosed like the did sometime

derpy then poked her face into bag to see if ther was any more letter but wasnt so she deceded to go home

derpy was arrange to have playdaye with her dotter dinky and her frend scutealoo and her mom rainbow dash. so she went to her house on near everyfree forest because dinky was to young to fly and could not live on cloud

derpy landed on ground at house and got dinky

"hi mom" dinky said and hoped into bag which is how she got around without flite

derpy and diniky flew to over to rainbow dashs house where she lived and scootaloo was there and was rainbow dash too.

rainbow dashs husbend who was name Keithie came out of hose and said "by honey" and he flewed away. rainbow wached him go and her wings unfolded and she side.

"hes such a good man" said rainbow to self

scootaloo jumped up and down and up. "mom mom look its dinky shes here"

rainbowdash looked up and saw derpy with dinky

"she is here so know you too can play with her because you two are frineds ever since she joined cuty mark crucables/"

"yeah i know i love you mom"

and rainbow give kiss on scootaloos head (ATHORS NOTE: THIS IS JUST A KISS FROM MOTHER TO DOTTER SO DONT THINK I AM BEING EKPLOITIV)

so scootaloo and dinky went off to play in yard where they two would go to play on swings

"so rainbow said derpy "i hear found out you are scotaloos mom"

and she noded "yea i am i got sperated from her when she was born because boyfreind told me to abadon her and didnt know she was dotter but then found out i also got marred to other guy i met at wonderbolts concert"

and then derpy laughed and she did too and then derpy went in huse

so derpy saw table wich had muffin and she loked around. it was the muffin of Keithie who had left and he already had eated his bowl of cerial, juiced, toast and pancake which he make for family so derpy decede that she could have muffin

so derpy went to bathroom to secretly eat muffin but before she could start she heard voice from other room and went to see what it was. it was in rainbows room and she felled bad about going in there but was curous because that is what derpy is.

derpy loked around for what it was noise but saw nothing so she got tired from flying over so she leaned against byorow and wall fell backwards

inside was fluttershy tied up naked to wall

"help me" fluttershy said "rainbow has me traped and has tooken away my baby help me"

so derpy let fluttershy off the wall and gave her cloves off floor. fluttershy get dressed (AUTHORS NOTE: PONIES IN THIS STORY WEAR CLOVES SO THE WONT BE NAKED AND BE ABLE TO GET AIDS FROM EACHOTHER but cloves are same color as hair so they look the same)

derpy then notice that fluttershy was beelding badly from place even thru her pants to she ask what happen

"rainbowdash kidnap me and take away by dotter scootaloo and pertend to be her mom insted and she keep me lock up here and do horrible things to me"

derpy then notice belt lying on ground, with pointy end on belt buckle and blook on it

"dont worry" derpy said "i will call police"

and then police show up and take away rainbow dash. but then she get out when fluttershy forgave her so they were frends again next week.

THEEND

Any way she wants it

"Aww sweet pic!" I said to myself as I saved a new vore picture I found to my hard drive.
"DINKYALD!" I heard my mom call out, I ditched the computer and ran over to her in the kitchen.
"Yes Mom" I smiled
"I made you pancakes!" She glistened
"Thanks Mom!" I practically screamed giving her a hug and running to the table to eat my pancakes!
Shortly after I finished eating I saw the time, it was nearly 11am, and the carpool for Celestian Sunday School would be here any minute! I ran and got my shoes on and rushed towards the door, I opened the fDinkyt door and my mother was there, I ran right into her and knocked her over. We laughed and said our good byes
"I love you baby" She said smothering me as if she'll never seen me again
"I love you too mommy" I smiled giving her a kiss on the cheek and headed towards the car that just pulled into the drive way

Derpy

I love that girl with all my heart, I really do!, I walked over to the kitchen and started cleaning up her mess from breakfast. Then I remembered about Danky, I went into her room and looked for her, she wasn't there. She was probably out fooling some guy or something, whatever.
I went into Dinky's room for a minute to get her laundry off the floor and saw her computer still on. I saw a picture up on the screen, download/file.php?id=38188&mode=view, hmm, is ther implying she ate her kids? I've never heard of such a thing!
I looked at a few more pictures on the same site, and read a two stories. Apparently my daughter likes it when people eat their children. But they just come out the other side, thats not so bad! I should give her her wish!

~3pm~

Dinky finally got home, I had just put her lunch on the table when she walked in the door.
"Hello sweetie! How was Sunday School?" I asked gently
"It was pretty cool, we read about the flood today, you know, Luna's ark and stuff" she laughed
"Oh yes! Speaking of arcs did you know that Freeheart Columbus was Celestian too?" I asked, remembering reading that somewhere
"Wasn't she the guy who converted all those Buffalo to Lunitism?" She asked puzzled
"It was only to avoid her own persecution though"
"Why didn't she spread Celestism then?"
"Hunny, that's a sin remember?"
"Oh, okay" She smiled adorably!
her and I sat down and started eating our lunches, I made us BLT Sandwiches, she really likes those!
After we were done, she went off to her room and I went to mine to better plan Dinkyny's little trip to my tummy

Dinky

"Oh crap!" I said to myself looking at my computer screen seeing that I left a vore picture up! How stupid am I! What if my mom saw! Oh Dinkyny! What is ther weird picture? Don't ever look at it again do you hear me!
Whatever, she didn't see it and thats the important part. I got back on and started looking at other pictures. I just loved alot of the puns! But I've always felt photomorphs were abit bias, its all oral vore, no breast vore or anything like that. What can you do though? So I just kept reading!

~Hours later~

Its 2am! No school tomorrow! Hooray! Me and mom are going to do something special according to her, I can't imagine what we'd be doing though! There's nothing special going on tomorrow, and its unusual she just says Hey Dinky! Stay home tomorrow! Great Bye!
Whatever, I'm not going to complain about a good thing, but I'm really tired, so I'm going to bed now.
I got out of my chair and turned my computer off, I laid in bed and close my eyes, pretending I was in alot of those vorish situations I was just reading. I smiled and drifted off!

Derpy

Alright I've got all my plans ready now! When she wakes up in the late afternoon, I'll take her out for a nice lunch and then eat her! I'll catch her off guard, I smiled and laughed to myself abit! I couldn't wait!

~1pm~

She was finally up and I told her to get dressed, which she did pretty quickly, and we were off! She said she wanted Mexican food so we went to Buanous Nachos and got giga burritos! After eating ther giant bean monster I was questioning my ability to get Dinky down, but I didn't worry, I knew I could do it!
After we got home I told her to sit with me on the couch, and we talked for about a minute or so and then I brought up an interesting topic
"Hey, have you heard of something called vore?" I asked her gently, she looked abit nervous and said
"Yeah, I've heard of it abit" lying, so cute, I smiled
"It sounds pretty intriguing doesn't it?" I asked "Being inside another human beings body, overlapping space, its the ultimate bond of trust and love" I smiled to her
"Yeah, its like saying I want to support you and be with you forever" She said, finally started to liven up
"I love you with all my heart Daughter" I smiled as I put my arm on her shoulder
"I love you more than anyone else mom" She smiled back at me
I grabbed her and held her tight to my bosom, embarrassing her with all my might! Then I looked at Dinky right in the eyes and I opened my mouth wide. She didn't struggle or anything much, she didn't help either though. She was a dear in the head lights, a Collage student being given $100, she was in complete awe. Her head was in me first, I gulped it down and got to her neck, and upper back. feeling her slide just alitte bit at a time.
Her torso was next, she didn't eat enough, she was so thin, it was easy even for me to get her middle down! Then her legs slipped down there easily, her socks fell off as her feet approached me. She was all the way inside my stomach, her body in there completely.
"Thank you mother" I heard gently
"No, thank you daughter" I said softly back

Dinky

I laid in my mother's stomach, in total amazement, I didn't think ther kind of thing could really happen! My feet, they felt so weird without shoes or socks on in ther soft and squishy room. I laid back and relaxed as I felt my mom do some choirs and then sit down.
"Hey Dinky, you're an expert on vore," oh crap, I thought, she did see that picture didn't she! "How long does it take before you're out"
"how would I know?" I asked, trying not to sound disrespectful
"I saw your pictures, don't they say what happens next?"
"Those are edited pictures, none of them really ate anyone, and it says they end in digestion"
"Digestion?"
"Yeah, its a dream come true!" I smiled, knowing I'd be a part of my beautiful mother's body forever, but the contractions in her stomach grew faster and more violent, she didn't know it'd end my life to eat me did she?
At first I think she was crying for abit, then she was laughing and after that, she fell asleep on the couch.

~5 hours later~

I don't know much anymore, I my mom's probably awake by now. I am dead. My soul has moved on to a greater place and to serve a greater purpose, but I am still here. I've been digested and turned into smaller partials and my body has been completely absorbed by my mother's. I'm everywhere, but most of me is on her belly, or in her ass or breasts. I felt bad about ruining my mother's wonderful stomach and making it look larger for my own selfish pleasure. But I was happy that I was able to support and cushion my mother when she sits by being her ass. and I made her hotter by being her breasts. Her breasts have always been large to start with, I'm sure that having me in them would not only make them huge, but special. No longer would she complain My Boobs are annoying me! or These useless fat bags are too big! but instead, she'll look at them with pride and say That's my daughter, sunshine of my world!

Danky

I was just at the most wicked sick party ever! it lasted two whole days! Two foolin' days I can't even remember! Ha!
I walked in the fDinkyt door of my house and saw my mom laying on the couch a bit sad, and bigger too. Couldn't place it where or how, but she gained weight!
"Hello darling Danky" She smiled, she never talked to me so politely before...
"We're, we're you safe while you were gone?" She asked me, nervously almost... what was she trying to pull, besides my heart strings
"I missed you sweetheart" She said, looking like she was about to cry, I don't know what it was, but something made me run up and hug her
"Welcome back to the family hunny" My mom said softly in my ear
"I love you so much mom" I said, crying... sobbing

Furries in a Blender

Furries in a Blender
A fanfic by Jellote
No more Kphoria, please

Jellote's Note: This series is a satire of RythymWave's CottonCow series. If you are unfamiliar with that series, you aren't Cotton, so you shouldn't be reading this in the first place. Get out now.

"Hello," shouted the announcer," and welcome to today's episode of Will! It! Blend!"

The crowd gave a wild applause, and many women in the audience whistled (at least a few men did, as well). The spotlights overhead circled around the stage, and a generic gameshow fanfare blared over the speakers. Center stage, the velvet curtains pulled back, revealing a jolly man in a top hat and suit.

"And heeeeeeeere's our host. Please put your hands together for the one, the only: Cotton! Z! Cow!"

The clapping grew deafening, and Cotton gave a bow. Roses were thrown at his feet, and more than a couple hundred dollars landed in front of him.

"Thank you," Cotton said, "thank you. You're all a wonderful audience. Now, today on Will It Blend, I have a special surprise for you all. We have six guest stars, and their all ready to meet you! Can you guess their names?"

The audience murmured for a moment, and Cotton waved his hands to stop them. "Don't worry, folks. I'll tell you. Bagsy, bring them out, because for tonight's episode of Will It Blend, we bring you Lauren Faust's very own creation: the Mane Cast!"

Bags wheeled out a long cart, covered in a sheet. He brought it to center stage, tipped his hat, and went on. Cotton stepped up to the cart, and the spotlights followed him.

"Thanks, Bagsy. Can always count on him, folks. Now without further adieu, let's see them!"

Cotton pulled off the sheet, revealing six chloroformed horses. Each seems to have marks of strangulation over their throats, and some were bleeding from the face. The crowed cheered.

"Sure aren't a lively bunch, are they? But don't worry, we'll perk them back up. Now which should go first? Oh, I know! How about my personal favorite, Rarity!"

Cotton pulled out a remote with six dials. Each was marked with a special symbol. Cotton turned the one with a diamond on it, and the white horse woke up.

"What the?" Rarity yelped, her eyes snapping open. She turned her head to either side, panicking. "Who's there? Where am I? Why do I smell like sweaty linens?"

Cotton patted her on the head. "Relax, little miss Rarity. You're on a reality show, and you're the star."

"A star, you say?" Rarity seemed excited for a moment, but then snapped back to angry. "Well, there most certainly was a better way to get me here than by whacking me on the back of the head! And if I'm the star," she said, tugging at a pair of rusty shackles that held her to the table, "why am I tied up with such agéd chains? I'll let you know, this violates at least three laws, not to mention the contracts I no doubt signed before you clubbed me. And, goodness sir, that suit is extremely tacky. I mean, a purple waistcoat and slacks, and a magician's hat too? That's the biggest insult to fashion I have ever seen. How am I supposed to-"

Cotton grabbed her around the shoulder and laughed. "A real sweetheart, ain't she? Well, you little fashionista, we'll be sure to get you a casket that matches your next of kin's taste, because you're here on Will It Blend." The audience gave a cheer at the title drop.

"Casket? Next of kin? Is this some type of joke?"

"Nope.avi," Cotton said, "you've got the honor of being our first contender on this show. The blenders are polished up, and the chrome will cut you cleanly. You won't be disappointed."

"But," Rarity said, losing her edge, "why are you doing this? What kind of sick show is this?"

"Well," Cotton began, "here on Will It Blend, we take some strange, almost wacky, ideas of what to put into a blender, and see if it works. And this week, it's you and your friends going into the blades."

"But…" Rarity's lip began to quiver, "but… how could you do this? This is sick! You've got to let us go!"

Cotton patted her on the back. "Sorry, ma'am. But all contestants must oblige by our rules. Now, anything else you want to say to the camera before you take the plunge?"

Rarity gave a whimper, and straightened up. "I have one thing to ask. If you're going to kill me, at least let my friends go."

Cotton giggled. "Define 'friends'. Because, well, if you're talking about these other ponies," he motioned to the other five unicornus (unconcious?) ponies on the table, "you're out of luck. Their contracts are binding. Tell you what, though: since you're best pony [sic], I'll give you a choice. Pick one pony outside this room you want to spare, and I won't kill them."

It took Rarity no time at all to respond. "Sweetie Belle! You will not touch her!"

There was a beat, and everyone laughed.

"What?" Rarity demanded. "What is so funny?"

"Mule, I'll touch your sister as much as you want... with my cock!"

"Wa-- what?"

Cotton faked a gasp. "She doesn't know? Well, surely you've seen your sister's cutie mark."

"She doesn't have one!" Rarity spat in Cotton's face. "How dare you insult her?"

"Insult her? She's my lover. Maybe you'll recognize this."

Cotton dropped his pants, and showed off his junk. The entire crowd applauded, but Rarity passed out. A random person in the crowd called "how does he fit that in his pants?"

Cotton pulled up his zipper and laughed. "That showed her. Now, are we ready?"

Everyone in the crowd chanted. "Do it! Do it! Do it!" [at this point, everyone in the stream must begin chanting]

Cotton wheeled Rarity over to the large, novelty sized blender at the center of the room. Laser lights across the rooms focused on Cotton as he drew nearer and nearer to the center stage. [Urge the stream to cheer Cotton on from here until Rarity dies]

"Now," Cotton said, "let's begin the countdown. Bags, Keith, come join me. 1! 2! 3!" Cotton sprinted towards the blender, and stopped just short of the edge. Rarity flew off into the pit. Cotton pressed a button on the end of his cane, starting the blender.

The blades shredded Rarity into millions of pieces. First her hooves hit the blades, and one by one the flew off, bouncing against the ceramic walls. Meanwhile, he legs were torn from her torso, breaking every bone in them. Finally, her hearts (plural) found themselves punctured by the cold blades.

For one millisecond, only Rarity's head remained. Cotton wasn't sure, but he thought she might have smiled at him. That, or he was just a sadistic maniac. Either way, he took a clump of Rarity guts off of his shirt and tasted it. "She really was a marshmallow, through and through."

The cameras panned out, and the scene ended. A brief commercial break began.

"Alright, folks," Cotton said, as the camera gained focus on him. The show's theme played lightly over his dialogue. "We kind of had to jump the gun for time constraints, so we had to go ahead and blend Applejack during the commercial break. But don't worry, we have the highlights of her big scene ready."

The large television sets on either side of the stage showed a play-by-play of Applejack's table being tilted up, he falling out, her flailing in midair and finally hitting the blades. A slow-motion shot of her torso being shredded was played from various angles, giving the audience a clear view of her agonized face.

"Well, with that out of the way," Cotton resumed, as the cameras panned back to him, "let's move on to the next lucky pony. The question is, which one? Luckily, we have a way of deciding. Bags, bring out the Wheel of Mortality!"

Bags stepped out from the left side of the stage. The audience was supposed to watch him bring out the wheel, but everyone's attention was focused elsewhere. There was something particularly strange about what he was wearing.

"Hehe," Cotton laughed awkwardly as Bags stepped up to him, "Bags... why are you wearing a fursuit?"

Bags spat something white and slimy from his mouth. "Look, don't ask, don't tell. Anyway, I've got to be back with a client in a minute and-"

"Oh Bagsy," Keith said from offstage, "don't leave papa hanging."

With that, Bags sprinted away, his fox suit dragging at his ankles.

"Um..." Cotton said, confused, "anyway... so, let's spin the Wheel of Mortality!"

The lights dimmed, and all spotlights focused on Cotton. The lights on the wheel lit up, and everything went silent.

"On the count of three, we spin! Are we ready?"

"THREE! TWO! ONE! SPIN!"

The wheel spun, and the audience watched in anticipation. After a moment, the gears slowed down. Cotton's forehead began to sweat, and he anticipated something good. Finally, the wheel had reached a snail's pace. It passed over Fluttershy, then Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Twilight...

Who does the wheel land on? You, as the audience, are allowed to decided. Lock in your votes now and await part two of this not-so-thrilling adventure.