Star-Crossed Ponies (Unfair Shipping Act II)

by DavidReinold

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 2958

Continued from "And None of them Lived Happily Ever After".

Twilight, Pinkie and Spike have begun their journey in search of the root of what Twilight calls "Shipping Syndrome", a case of emotional development which alters a pony's preferences and causes them to become infatuated with another pony, regardless of gender, and (as Twilight now suspects) regardless of orientation. But Pinkie Pie has already fallen victim to this syndrome, and her obsession is Twilight! Pinkie knows that the feelings are just an illusion, but they're deeply embedded in her mind. Will Twilight be able to keep the situation under control, or will she, too, become corrupted by the syndrome and return the feelings Pinkie has for her?

Find out in "Unfair Shipping" Act II: Star-Crossed Ponies!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2011-07-21 23:16:23 UTC

The Bane of Twilight Sparkle

"So where are we off to now?" Spike seemed eager to get going, and I couldn't blame him. It was still morning, but the midday sun would be glaring down on us before long. We'd have to make quick work of our travels.

Trouble was, I didn't even know where we were supposed to go. Fortunately, Rarity spoke up.

"Might I suggest sending a letter to the princess requesting advice?"

Facehoof. Of course, that would be the obvious first move. If anypony would know what's going on, it would be Princess Celestia. In my haste to go in search of the answer, I had completely overlooked the obvious.

Yes, writing to Princess Celestia would be a good place to start. But then I realized - Spike probably wouldn't have brought any scrolls or ink. Why would he?

I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask, though.

"Spike, you didn't happen to bring paper, did you-?"

"Twi, you're lucky you have the best assistant ever. I almost didn't pack it."

He pulled from his backpack a roll of paper and an ink quill. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Go ahead," he said, putting the quill to the page.

"Dear Princess Celestia,

It has come to my attention that an odd disturbance has arisen in the social

tendencies of Ponyville, and likely all of Equestria, in the past week and a half.

Most of the ponies in Ponyville have developed what I now refer to as "Shipping

Syndrome", an emotional development which alters a pony's sexual preferences,

and increases their desire thereof, leading them to almost immediately enter a

romantic relationship with another pony, regardless of their gender or their

original orientation. The likelihood that this is a serious issue and not just a

coincidence is very high. I have set out upon a quest to discover the origin of this

"Shipping Syndrome" and humbly request your advice as to what action might be

ideal to take in order to unearth the root of this problem. I await your quick

response.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle"

When Spike had finished writing, he breathed the letter into emerald flame. I watched as the resulting cloud of smoke drifted off toward Canterlot castle. About five minutes later, Spike coughed up the reply from Canterlot. Much to our surprise, rather than the typical teal scroll with golden-yellow seal Celestia usually sent in response, the parchment was indigo, with a silver-white seal. Spike began to read aloud.

"It says... 'Twilight Sparkle, my elder sister is currently away from Canterlot on urgent business, and has left me to answer her letters for her. Although I am not nearly as knowledgeable or powerful as my sister, I will assist you in any way I can. Though my hooves are tied at the moment as it were, I will inform the guards here that they are to allow you and your traveling companions into the castle if you should come to Canterlot Castle seeking use of the library. Until my work has finished, however, I will be unable to assist you in any other manner. But make no mistake, I do acknowledge that this is an issue which may potentially impact Equestria's economy, and that at the heart of it all must be a source of change which may impact elements of Equestrian society even more influential than romance and desire. I do sincerely wish to assist in any way I can. Signed, Princess Luna.' Man, of all the times for Celestia to be out of town!"

"I don't think it'll be too much of a problem," I said, "Celestia tells me she spends majority of the daylight hours studying magic and Equestrian history. I get the feeling Luna is much more knowledgeable and skilled than she lets on. Anyway, we should get going to Canterlot. It may take us a few days to get there even if we make good time."

Midday was brutal, as expected. The journey took us through flatlands and grassy fields, but insects were everywhere and the humidity was high. It was a welcome reprieve when Luna took over the sky at dusk. I conjured up a couple tents and we settled in for the night. Rarity agreed to share a tent with Zecora, and Pinkie Pie was paired with me so I could keep an eye on her like she requested.

That night I lay awake, and my thoughts drifted to Pinkie Pie, who was already fast asleep. Her breathing was hypnotically rhythmic, and I felt like I could sense her very existence. Her personality seemed to flow through every breath she took. I lay there, listening, for many hours. It was comforting to have Pinkie Pie there. To know that she placed her full trust in me...I did love her...

NO! Pinkie was counting on me. I couldn't let thoughts like those worm their way into my mind if I was going to help her. If I couldn't maintain self-control, how would I help her maintain her own?

I closed my eyes and tried to force myself to fall asleep. I fell into a dream, but all I could see was darkness. I felt myself stand up, move over slightly, and settle down again. I felt a gentle warmth. The dream remained like this for some time, until I eventually felt a soft, frizzy mane against my face.

I woke up and jumped back.

This couldn't go on. I was losing control, I was falling victim to the same problem Pinkie Pie was having, but it was worse. I didn't have the self-control to stop it when I was asleep. How would she have reacted had she woken up during my momentary transgression?

I needed to fix this, and I needed to do so quickly.

Screw the Rules, I Have Magic!

I had two options: the first was that I could tell Pinkie Pie what had happened, and for both our sakes switch tents with Zecora so this wouldn't happen again. This was the most honest choice, and to a point seemed the best answer. But I couldn't bear to tell Pinkie Pie that I had failed. Not after she had placed immeasurable trust in me. My other option was to not tell her, and take no countermeasure. This idea was MUCH easier. However, if I were to take that course I would run the risk of something else happening, and she might find out anyway.

A compromise soon presented itself to me. Upon arrival at Canterlot Castle, Luna would most likely provide lodging for us. We would all have our own rooms regardless, so I would be able to avoid spending another night with Pinkie. A small part of me was disappointed at that thought, but I suppressed it to the best of my ability.

With the guarantee of individual rooms in mind, the only issue was to make sure we didn't spend another night camping out. We needed to get to Canterlot Castle by the next evening at the very latest. I decided to take action while everyone was still asleep.

I stepped outside the tent and took a look around. It was the dead of night, some time between three and four in the morning. We were in a clearing, but about a hundred feet to the left was a tall cliff. I recognized it; it was one of two, identical cliffs, the second of which was within about ten miles of Canterlot Castle, a reasonable walking distance.

It only took me a split second to form a plan in my head. I set to work.

Back inside the tent, I began to hear a gentle pitter-patter of raindrops telling me my plan was set in motion.

"KYAAAAA!" Right on cue Rarity's piercing scream came from the next tent over. I ran outside pretending to wonder what the issue was.

"Rain...inside the tent...my mane...help!"

The small hole I tore in the top of the tent was serving it's purpose perfectly.

With everypony now up from the screaming, I suggested that we move beneath the cliff to stay sheltered from the rain. Fortunately, nopony was awake enough to cognate that I could just fix the ripped part of the tent.

Once we were all set up underneath the cliff, and I was sure everyone was fast asleep, I stayed outside for a moment and teleported myself to the other, identical cliff. Nothing there. It looked exactly like the one we had just moved to. I teleported back.

Focusing on our entire group, I channeled our collective existence into my magic and teleported the entirety of our camp to the second cliff.

You couldn't tell the difference, and they wouldn't be able to, either. I breathed a sigh of relief; I had spared Pinkie Pie, and myself, a horrible devastation at the hands of my lack of self-control. Instead of returning to the tent, I spent the rest of the night next to Spike, who had chosen to sleep outside.

Morning broke, and our journey continued as though nothing had happened.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Dear god, did I really write that? This chapter is quite a nightmare, I apologize to all the readers. I felt like I was on a roll from chapter 3, so I didn't even question what I was writing. I am sincerely sorry you had to read this. That said, I don't take this chapter back. I handled it poorly, but the events of this chapter are necessary for what is yet to come in the story.

Astute

"How long are you going to keep lying to that poor filly?"

Rarity had pulled me away from the group about an hour after our departure from the camp. Upon her inquisition, I gave her a skeptical look.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Do not lie to me, Twilight Sparkle. I know what you did, and I have a hunch as to why. As your friend, I will respect your privacy and keep this between the two of us. But Pinkie Pie is my friend as well, and so help me, Twilight Sparkle, if you do anything to upset her..."

"I wouldn't do anything to hurt her."

"It's not something you can control, though, is it?"

I was silent.

"Oho, was I correct? Why Rarity, you are a talent!"

"...how did you figure it out?"

"Twilight, for shame. I am a skilled craftspony, surely you know that the first thing on my mind when I see torn fabric is the question of how I might go about mending it? Yet you said we should move underneath the cliff. Why? It's clear to me that you wanted us to be in that particular spot."

"You figured it all out from that?"

"Well, that's when I began to get suspicious. From then on I made myself aware of your activity. But enough of that. Twilight, you must find a way to repress your feelings. You must. Pinkie Pie is counting on you to help her control her emotions, but you won't be of much help to her if you can't control your own emotions-"

"I KNOW THAT!" I shouted, rather louder than I had intended. It was frustrating, since I had already told myself those same words many times over since this ordeal had begun. I sighed.

"Look, Rarity, we just need to get to Canterlot castle. Luna will give us all separate rooms. I won't have to worry about hurting Pinkie Pie's feelings, and I also won't have to risk another deviation."

"And what will you do if Pinkie Pie asks you to stay in her room? Twilight, you know she will. You know that there's more to this situation than just who sleeps where tonight. You've never been one to ignore the facts, so please, don't start now. Not when there's so much on the line."

"...You're right. But I need time. I need to think of a permanent solution."

"Indeed, Twilight, you need time. But time is exactly what you're running out of. I can make sure the rest leave you alone and give you space so you can think. But once we get to the castle it's all up to you. I can't keep helping."

With that, Rarity went to the rest of the group. She was true to her word; they left me alone for the remainder of the journey.

It was dusk when we reached Canterlot, and well after dark by the time we made it to the castle.

"Twilight Sparkle, and company," I said to the guards, "here on invitation from Princess Luna."

The guards stepped aside, and we were permitted to enter.

To be continued in Act III: The Puppeteer!

Everfree, a Prison of Thoughts and Illusions...

Everfree was slightly less unsettling now that it had become a regular pilgrimage for me in obtaining herbs and potions from Zecora, a zebra and a good friend of mine who lived deep in the forest. Still, I couldn't help but feel uneasy now. Things were weird, and the Everfree Forest had a bad tendency for making the weird seem even weirder.

Spike, for reasons that were beyond my grasp, had remained outside the Everfree Forest. So Pinkie Pie and I continued on deeper into the forest until we reached Zecora's house.

As we approached the house, there came a rustling in the nearby bushes. Pinkie and I ducked out of sight. I glanced over at her as we sat behind a tree. The pained expression on her face told me she was boldly trying not to enjoy the intimacy.

Out from the bushes came...a unicorn. White, with a purple mane, immaculately styled into perfection. She stepped inside Zecora's house, looking around first, and I suspected it was to make sure she wasn't seen.

Suddenly everything fell into place. So THIS was why Spike wanted nothing to do with Zecora.

"Pinkie, we need to go in there before they can get started, or else risk losing our chance to get answers."

"What do you mean, Twilight?"

I realized I had completely forgotten to tell Pinkie Pie.

"Spike...told me the other day...that Rarity was seeing a mare."

"Oh.....OHHH...." comprehension dawned on the pink earth pony. It seemed we were on the same page.

"Right. So we need to go in there, and pretend like we have no idea. If they don't know that we know, they'll pretend that there's nothing to know. Then Zecora will help us and we'll be able to get back on the road."

"Alright! Let's do it! ...I mean..."

"It's okay, Pinkie, I know what you meant."

Zecora's door was intimidating. But the longer the delay, the more likely we were to catch them doing something. Casting hesitation aside, we entered....

The Simple Truth

We stood in Zecora's hut, pretending not to know.

"So you wish to know why there is such romance in Ponyville? I'm afraid I have no answer, but help you find it, that I will."

"You will? Thank you!"

"As will I," said Rarity, "I simply cannot sit idly by and let you and Pinkie Pie go gallivanting off without knowing I at least tried to help."

"Well...thank you for the offer, Rarity, but I really couldn't drag you into this."

The truth was, if Zecora was going to come with, I didn't want Rarity there.

"Twilight Sparkle, give me one good reason why I shouldn't help you here."

"I...um...." I had no idea what to say. I really thought it would be a bad idea for Rarity to come with, but I couldn't say that without admitting I knew. Much to my horror, Pinkie spoke up first.

"WE KNOW ABOUT YOU TWO! WE KNOW THE TWO OF YOU HAVE BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER!"

"Wh-what?" Rarity seemed shocked by this insinuation. I didn't blame her. There was a reason I didn't want to say it out loud.

"Spike said you were going out with a Mare. He was also completely adverse to coming here, meaning he holds something against you, Zecora. It adds up!"

Much to my surprise, Zecora started laughing.

"My pony friends, you do not see! Your friend Spike holds no grudge against me."

"Then why-?"

"Because I owed her."

Spike had just entered.

"Spike, my dragon friend, what is this foolishness you speak? My friends do not owe me, I simply give them what they seek."

"And my friends don't work for free, they get what they've earned. But I didn't have enough bits saved to pay you back for your help," I had never heard Spike being so honest and up-front.

"So wait," I said, "that fuss you made about not coming here...was all because you were too stubborn to not pay? Do you even realize what we've accused Zecora and Rarity of because of that fuss you made?"

"What? Wait, you didn't...you thought...oh, god-!" Spike began to laugh, at first just a chuckle, but becoming uncontrollable giggling. After a moment he calmed down enough to explain.

"Don't you think I would have told you right away if Zecora was the mare? No, Rarity's been seeing this one unicorn...I have no idea what her name is, but I want to call her Colgate..."

"Spike!" Rarity was fuming.

"Hey, if it's any consolation, Pinkie Pie's got it for Twilight. And truth be told, I think Twilight's in denial about returning the feelings-"

"Spike!" this time it was my turn.

The room was dead silent for a moment, broken only by a unanimous fit of laughter from all of us. We were all embarrassed, but none of us were afraid to be judged by each other. It was a misunderstanding, and nothing more.