Princess Celestia did WHAT?

by Blue Flame

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Spike, Comedy
Length: 6502

"Wait, so you're telling me that you 'accidentally' burned down Canterlot Castle and need to stay with me until it's fixed?" The shitpost story of all time.

"Wait, so you're telling me that you 'accidentally' burned down Canterlot Castle and need to stay with me until it's fixed?"
"Let's just say that Cadance kicked us out before we even showed up."

Celestia "accidentally" burns down Canterlot Castle, forcing her and Luna to stay in Twilight's castle until it's rebuilt. Let's just say that Cadance said "No"

Best shitpost story ever

Featured 1/1/15.

Revived after like 6 years lol.

Published 2014-09-16 22:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2023-02-23 16:31:21 UTC

The Accident

“Shut up Lulu. I WILL win this bet.” Celestia said as she put a rounded container full of cake batter into the stone oven. She set the oven to the highest setting and smirked at her sister, who was herself struggling to mix her batter. Luna stuck her tongue out at her sister as she picked up the pace of mixing her batter.

Luna stirred as fast as her magic would let her, but more batter was hitting her face and the floor than the bowl. After a couple of minutes she felt satisfied with her effort and poured the batter into a large, round container. Her smile faded after seeing that it only filled a third of the way. Celestia couldn’t hold back her laughter. Celestia’s personal kitchen echoed with “I knew I was gonna win!” along with tapping on the tile floor as Celestia danced around.

“Oh shut up Tia. Should I remind you of the time we bet who could pull the best prank on each other? That itching powder from Baltimare sure did its job well. For THREE whole weeks!” Luna began giggling as she remembered her sister in a courtroom meeting during the incident. Her face was priceless! She looked like she ate the sourest lemon on the planet, and was resisting the urge to make any expression. Celestia blushed at that memory and then said,

“Well, It sure would be a catastrophe if I told all eight of your coltfriends that there may be ‘others,’” Tia said with a knowing smirk.

“Tia! You wouldn’t!”

“Try me.”

“Ugh, fine. Blackmail. I knew you were a cheater.” Luna said, looking at Celestia. Celestia opened her mouth to say that SHE obviously started it with the powder talk, but was interrupted by a guard who just walked in.

“Princess Celestia! Blueblood has gotten himself in trouble with the Mafia in Manehattan again. He tried to kiss Corleone’s sister and now he’s in the hospital with fourteen broken bones.”

The stallion left as fast as he came, leaving Celestia and Luna to do the loudest double facehoof the planet has ever seen.

*Crack*

“Go to bed Lulu, I have to go deal with that blundering idiot. Again.” They both left the kitchen and completely forgot about the cake in the oven, which was slowly blackening.

As the Guard described, Blueblood was in a full body cast. It’s a shame Corleone didn’t break his jaw too. Blueblood just keeps jabbering on about how he just wanted a kiss.

“This is preposterous! I just wanted a kiss! I’ll have your entire family persecuted. No! Executed! Yes, that’s it! I WILL HAVE YOUR WHOLE FAMILY EXE----” His words were cut off when the nurse stuck a syringe in his neck. Even Celestia cringed at the sight. It wasn’t a normal syringe, it was HUGE! The entire thing was probably as big as Celestia’s leg!

“Woo!” The nurse spoke up. “This guy was almost impossible to shut up.” She turned, and realized the princess was there. She instantly bowed and said “Hello Princess.”

Celestia was more intrigued by the syringe rather than Blueblood. Celestia turned and asked the nurse her name.

“My name is Nurse Redheart. I’m here from Ponyville to visit a friend, but ended up having to carry this loudmouth moron back here. Luckily, I carry this syringe everywhere I go just in case,” she stroked the syringe with her hoof before hugging it. “Just in case.”

“Say, can I borrow that sometime?” Celestia asked.

“Ummm. Uh. Y-yeah sure! Anything for you, Princess!” she seemed half-hearted about giving the syringe away, but accepted nonetheless. Celestia then turned and walked out the building and something popped into her mind. Her smile instantly fell and turned to a frown. Then a look of utter horror took over her face.

“The cake… uh oh”

She got back to the castle as fast as she could, but didn’t find a castle. Instead, there was a single brick wall.

“I prepared the damn thing to be able to withstand an invasion, but noooo. It can’t stand a kitchen fire, can it?” Celestia muttered to herself. “Perfect.”

Luna landed next to her and said, “Sister, I think the castle has burned down. Just a bit.” She smiled sheepishly as her sister turned to her with a twitchy eye.

“This is going to take weeks to repair at the fastest pace possible. This. Is. Bad!” Luna knew that even though she seemed calm on the outside, she was panicking on the inside. “Wait! I know! I’ll just ask Cadence if we can stay with them for the time being!” She spawned a piece of parchment and quill. She quickly scribbled out the situation and then rolled up the paper. With a whoosh, the parchment was gone.

After about five minutes another parchment appeared in its place. It had Cadence’s seal on it. Celestia opened it and read,

“Dear Celestia,

I sadly have to refuse because of the ‘prank war’ going on between Luna and I. Screw you Luna. Don’t think I’ll ever let you live down putting those toy cockroaches in my food. I barely ate for a week. Payback time motherbucker.“

“Luna. Why didn’t you tell me this?” Luna shrugged. “A prank this funny should have been celebrated! Let’s go to Twilight’s and… Wait. Twilight! We can go to her new Castle in Ponyville!”

“Good idea Tia!” Luna exclaimed, but soon had a look of concern on her face. “Do you think she will let us in?” She asked.

“Hahaha. Of course, Twilight will do anything I ask her. Besides, a week or two won’t be much of a problem.” Luna laughed along with her sister. She knew it was true.

“To Twilight’s castle then.” Luna said as she spread her wings

“To Twilight’s castle.” Celestia agreed. She spread her wings and took off with her sister towards Ponyville.

Author's Note

Note- This chapter is being edited for grammar and stuff. I didn't think this through...

Did anyone catch the Godfather reference? it'd be hard not to

The Arrival

For Twilight Sparkle it was an ordinary day in her castle. She had pulled an all-nighter reading and Spike was still fast asleep. Twilight had no intention of getting out of her comfortable bed until she felt hungry.

“Ah, this this amazing! I can sit around and read all day. Princess Celestia and Luna take care of all the challenging tasks and Cadance takes care of all foreign affairs. That leaves me to do nothing but read in the castle library.” She lay down on a loveseat next to her and opened a book called “The History of Unreliable Narrators” which was the size of her head, to page one and started to read. “Chapter O-”

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Annoyed, Twilight got up and dragged herself to the door. She would have normally sent Spike, but he’s asleep. He went on a trip with Rarity to find gemstones and he walked in and passed out. Twilight opened the door and looked outside.

“Hello Twilight.”

Twilight instantly slammed the door shut and started cleaning up the place. She hid her book about pony anatomy and instead pulled out a book on friendship. She moved a stack of papers on the desk and a quill ready to write on the side. Ten quick seconds later she opened the door again.

“Hello Twilight.”

Princess Celestia stood at Twilight’s doorstep with Princess Luna not far behind her.

“Hi Princess Celestia and Luna! Come right in!” Twilight stepped aside, letting the Princesses inside. The Princesses walked past Twilight and sat down on a couch inside. After shutting the door Twilight turned around and smiled.

“Can I help you with anything, Princesses?” Twilight asked. To Twilight’s surprise, Princess Celestia didn’t answer with “No” or “just visiting”. Instead, she replied with,

“Yes, actually. You can. See, Lulu and I accidentally burned down the castle and we need a place to stay…” The word “Stay” lingered in the air for a couple seconds and then turned to an awkward silence.

“Enough with the quiet! We had enough on the moon!” Luna snorted, breaking the silence. Twilight just stared.

“You burned down the castle? How? HOW DO YOU BURN DOWN A MAGICAL CASTLE?” Twilight screamed. She seemed more frustrated with the castle burning down than the Princesses staying at her’s. “YOU ENCHANTED THE BUCK OUT OF IT! HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO START A FIRE STRONG ENOUGH TO BURN IT?” Twilight suddenly calmed down and asked, “Ooooooh… Was it an extremely powerful experimental spell?”

“Actually, Tia and I were baking cakes… and TIA left her cake in the oven too long. Emphasis on Tia.” Luna replied.

“My fault? It’s that idiot Blueblood’s fault. That pile of excrement can’t keep his snout out of trouble for five minutes. He can’t shut it either. If it wasn’t for him our castle would be fine! “ Celestia retorted.

“True… Tia, I honestly don’t see how he’s related to us.”

“Neither do I.”

Twilight seemed to be missing from the conversation, and sure enough, she was. She was too busy trying to process the immense stupidity coming from her mentor’s mouth. She always thought anything she said had some sort of psychological or philosophical meaning. She’s about to get a whole different view on the rulers of Equestria.

One Hour Later-

“Would you like more pancakes Princess Celestia?”

“I thought I told you to call me Celestia or Tia. And yes, pass me the syrup.”

“Sorry. Here you go.”

Princess Luna and Celestia settled down in the castle. Twilight never said yes or no, so they both assumed yes. There’s no backing out of it now. That’s probably why many royal subjects call Celestia “Trollestia”.

Spike and the Three Princesses all sat around a banquet table. Spike had cooked some delicious blueberry pancakes and made… Protein shakes? Sure. Why not? Luna had scarfed down six servings, and Celestia was on her third. Twilight was on her second helping, while Spike was racing Luna and working on his fifth. Nothing will ever explain how he can eat that much.

After a surprising eleven servings (and a victory from Luna), Luna got up and thanked Spike for the wonderful “dinner challenge” and went off to find her room. Spike said he wasn’t feeling good and ran off to find the bathroom. He’s still not used to the massive castle and gets lost easily. Now only Twilight and Celestia remained at the table. Twilight hasn’t spoken much since the Princesses arrived. She’s apparently still dumbfounded about the burning of the most structurally sound building in Equestria. Celestia was visibly getting annoyed by Twilight now. She couldn’t hold her tongue anymore. She just had to explain what happened.

“It WAS LUNA’S FAULT! She completely forgot about the cake we put in the oven. LUNA SUCKS!”

Celestia then quickly gathered herself again and got up.

“Thank you for brunch. I’ll be heading off to my quarters now. I have some official business to take care of.” And with that, Celestia left to go find her room. A confused Twilight was left at the table.

“I know I shouldn’t judge what the Princesses do in their own time, but holy Celestia! They’re like children! How do they run a country? Especially Luna, but I can let that pass. She did spend a thousand years on the moon. Celestia though… I’m a bit concerned.”

Spike walked back in the room to finish his eighth serving. Twilight better get used to the Princesses behavior soon, or she’ll be more than confused.

“The ceiling’s right Twilight. Besides, I think Princess Luna is pretty cool. Celestia doesn’t act like she has a stick up her butt anymore. Sure, they don’t act like princesses when they’re off duty, but that’s not your business.”

“Shut up and eat, Spike.”

Author's Note

Why did I write this

Leave Spike out of this!

It had been three hours since Princess Luna and Princess Celestia moved into Twilight’s castle. Things went by pretty smoothly with the exception of a couple mishaps with Spike and Luna. Luna had taken Spike’s new room, and Spike was getting pretty annoyed. Luna is one heavy sleeper. Spike had tried to use an air horn, a tuba, and various other objects to try to wake her up, but her snores were louder than all of those combined. Eventually he gave up and tried getting her to wake up with the smell of food. He ran into the kitchen and baked blueberry muffins, and as soon as they were ready, he rushed them into his room. To his delight, her mouth began to water, and she began to drool. Spike took this as a chance to get his bed back, so he took a muffin and hovered it by Luna’s nose.

“Mmm. Blueberry,” she said in her sleep, and tried reaching out with her teeth to bite it. Spike pulled it out of her reach just as she was about to take a bite. Confused, she started to reach out for it. Spike then held it in front of her snout again.

“I got it!” he whispered as he broke apart the muffins and made a trail out of the room. Luna fell off the bed and onto her stomach. She dragged herself to the first crumb and gobbled it up. Sniffing again, she dragged herself to the next piece of the muffin and ate it. She continued to do the same thing for every muffin she smelled, and ended outside the room and far into the hall.

“Aahh. Finally, I have my bed back.” he said as he plopped down onto the bed and began reading a book Twilight had suggested for him. She gave it to him because he was trying to woo Rarity, and she thought it’d help him out. Spike took the offer as fast as it came off of Twilight’s tongue. He ended up grabbing the book and running off. Of course he never really got a chance to read any of it. He was usually overloaded with chores. He read the Title.

“The Goo Goo Doll Guide to loving your Mare in Poems and Songs. Hmm, seems interesting.” with that, he opened the book to the first page and started to read the first song aloud.

“I'll be kind, if you'll be faithful
You be sweet and I'll be grateful
Cover me with kisses dear
Lighten up the atmosphere
Keep me warm inside our bed
I got dreams of you all through my head
Fortune teller said I'd be free
And that's the day you came to me
Came to me

Come to me my sweetest friend
Can you feel my heart again
I'll take you back where you belong
And this will be our favorite song
Come to me with secrets bare
I'll love you more so don't be scared
When we're old and near the end
We'll go home and start again

I caught you burnin' photographs
Like that could save you from your past
History is like gravity
It holds you down away from me
You and me, we've both got sins
I don't care about where you've been
Don't be sad and don't explain
This is where we start again
Start again

Today's the day I'll make you mine
So get me to the church on time
Take my hand in this empty room
You're my girl, and I'm your groom

Come to me my sweetest friend
This is where we start again, again”

As he finished, he said “Man, I should try that.” A voice interrupted his thoughts.

“I do love that book. That’s how I seduced over thirty of my guards. With that very poem actually. Or maybe because I’m a Princess. Whatever, it’s worth a try. Now go do it!” Princess Luna shouted, rattling the windows with her voice. Spike’s eyes lit up and he saluted.

“Yes, Princess Luna!” he said with a smile and he scrambled out of his room towards the front door. Luna gave a hearty laugh, and then said to herself,

“It’s not going to work. Luna the prank master!” She then took Spike’s bed, and fell asleep again.

Spike ran as fast as his little legs could carry him over to the Carousel Boutique. He was pretty confident he could do it this time. With Princess Luna’s advice, he was invincible! He arrived at the door of the home of his crush, as as soon as he got there he realized he’s terrified! I’m pretty sure that Spike is going to wuss o-

“Shut up sky, this is none of your business!” He screamed towards the cloudy heavens. Ponies around him looked at him like he’s insane.

“I mean it!”

Alright, fine. Spike tried to decide if he would either go the easy, but awkward way by knocking on the door and singing the song that way, or do it the romantic, but incredibly difficult way by singing through the window to her.

“Oh, but which side is her room?” He wondered while looking on the building. “Aha!” he said as he narrowed it down to two rooms. One with the window open all the way with Purple curtains blowing out and the other with the window half open and no curtains.

“Which one is the right one?” He wondered. “Ah forget it. Eenie meenie minie MOE!” He said as he pointed to the room with purple curtains. Rarity’s mane is purple, so that must be her room. He ran to where the window was, and he looked up at it. He then started to sing the song he read in the book word for word. as he finished up, an unexpected voice came down.

“Do you really mean it?” It was Sweetie Belle. Her eyes watered and tears dripped down her face.

“That was really sweet! I love you too Spike!”

Spike thought his luck couldn’t get any worse, but unfortunately, Rarity opened the front door as soon as he started singing and heard the whole thing.

“Oh Spike! That’s simply adorable! Come inside dear, and then you and Sweetie Belle can talk or something.” Spike felt so uncomfortable, he could not form words.

“Yeah, come on up Spike! We can play in my room!” Sweetie Belle yelled from the window. Finally, Spike figured out a way out of the situation, and he said,

“I-I Have some concrete to put some books in. I gotta go, so see you girls later.” It wasn’t the best excuse, but somehow it worked. Spike made his way back to the tree with his cheeks red as beets.

“I hate you Luna. This is payback time.”

As Luna woke up just in time to do her duties, Spike was ready for her.

“Good evening Spike, how was that trick I told you to use?” She giggled. Spike gritted his teeth, but instead of punching her in the face like he wanted to, he simply gave her a coffee.

“It was great, thanks. Here, I made some coffee for you. I hope you enjoy it.” He smiled as he watched her take a sip. He began laughing maniacally, and slowly backed out the door and shut it behind him.

“OH SWEET CELESTIA!” came a voice behind the door.

Startled by the scream, he dropped a jar of white powder. The label: The strongest laxative in Equestria.

Spike picked up the jar and hurried to the storage closet where he got the laxative from. When he opened the door, there was a stack of all the toilet paper in the castle.

“Heh, this is gonna be gooood” Spike said as he took a deep breath getting ready to burn the most valuable thing in the castle to Luna right about…

“OH PONYFEATHERS! WHERE IS THE BUCKING TOILET PAPER??”

Now.

Spike sat and watched the paper burn before him.

“Sweet, Sweet revenge.”

Trying a little too hard

Trying a Little too Hard

Two weeks had passed since the incident. The library was officially blocked off now because it was so destroyed, it resembled the Golden Oak Library after the incident with Tirek. Yeah, it’s that bad. Twilight had just created a plan to make a potion to put the princesses to sleep for the next few weeks. her plan was to find a way to get the princesses to drink it without them finding out. She might actually get some work done without any issues.

“Let’s see… Luna is asleep right now and Celestia is teaching Spike how to paint in the back. Luna just put down the moon, so she’ll be out for hours and Spike is an atrocious artist, so I have some time.” Twilight said to herself as she ripped through potion book after potion book, ingredient book after ingredient book to try to find what she needed.

“Aha!” She screamed as she ripped out a page from her book and stuffed it into her saddlebag. “To Zecora’s!” She cheered as she jumped through the massive hole in the library wall and took flight.

“NO! FOR THE LOVE OF ME! PLEASE JUST PAINT INSIDE THE LINES!”

“I’m trying! I’m trying!”

“It’s NOT that difficult!”

“Stop making me feel bad!”

“Then just PAINT IN THE LINES!”

“Hmm… I think I got it!”

“...”

“Princess?”

“... Y-you didn’t even Touch the lines”

“Yeah! I know. Isn’t it great?”

“You didn’t even touch the canvas…”

“Huh? Oh. Oops.”

“You are soooo bad at painting that you’re completely forbidden to paint in Equestria!”

“Hey! you can’t do that! No wait… On second thought, yeah you can. Oh well, I never liked painting in the first place. Let’s go to carving marble?”

“Fine, but if you’re as bad at carving marble as you are at painting, that will also be permanently banned.”

“You’re on!”

Twilight arrived at Zecora’s hut shortly after she left. The wooded area surrounding the tree hut felt eerie, but that’s basically how it was every time she visited, perfectly normal. Twilight rapped on the door with her hoof and then waited. She heard things rattling around behind the door and then the doorknob shook and then finally opened.

“Hello Princess Twilight! What brings you here tonight?” Zecora rhymed.

“Hey Zecora, listen. I need something very specific.” Twilight spat out, almost as if she’s in an extreme hurry to leave. She reached into a pocket on her saddlebag and retrieved a small sheet of paper. Zecora took it from Twilight’s magical grip and examined it closely.

“Hmmm. This is a very strange list, but come inside. I insist!” She stepped aside allowing some space for Twilight to pass through. As Twilight stepped inside, Zecora shut her door. She zipped back into her back room with the list in her teeth. Twilight made herself at home and patiently sat on chair. The wait took several minutes, but after a while, Twilight could smell something very peculiar.

“Um Zecora? What’s that smell?” Twilight called into the back room.

“Don’t worry, I am almost done. This is in fact, an interesting one.” She replied. Another ten minutes later, Zecora emerged with a corked beaker of neon green liquid that looked acidic. “Do not consume it, not even a bit. You will either sleep or take a massive shit.” Zecora stated ominously as she handed the beaker to Twilight. “Oh, it is also prone to catch on fire. Sometimes the consequences are VERY dire.”

“Uh, okay then. Fair deal.” She said as she took it and stuffed it into her bag. She thanked Zecora once more before heading back home to the castle.

“Sweet mother of Me… What have you done?”

“I dunno. Stuff?”

“You had a seemingly simple task, Spike. All you had to do was pick up the chisel and hammer. That is literally all I asked you to do. I don’t know how you managed to destroy the entire east wing of the castle within ten seconds, but I must say… That is one impressive failure.”

“Thanks. I try.”

Twilight arrived to the west entrance of the castle and ran into the kitchen. She sneakily peered around to see if anypony would see her. When she realized nopony was around, Twilight quickly locked all doors and shut all windows. Carefully, she pulled out the acid beaker and placed it on the kitchen counter.

“Hmm, how should I go about this?” Twilight asked herself. “Maybe if I made separate foods that both of them liked, they’d eat it!” Twilight’s eyes lit up for the first time in weeks as she thought of a master plan.

“Haha! Yes! I’ll bake a cake and pour some into the cake batter for Princess Celestia. For Princess Luna, I’ll… make pancakes! YES! Let’s do this!” She shouted to herself as she began on her master plan.

“Do it again! Do it again!” Celestia screamed at Spike. He simply shrugged and reached for the hammer and chisel. The second he lifted them off of the table, the floor shook, knocking both Celestia and Spike over.

“What was that?” Spike asked, holding his head.

“That was amazing Spike! You need to teach me how to do that.” Celestia laughed.

“But it wasn’t me that time! Let’s go look to the kitchen. I’m almost sure I heard something there. Hey! Maybe Twi is making something to eat!” Spike said enthusiastically as he picked up the pace towards the kitchen. Or at least what was left of it. Twilight walked out of the room with a less than happy expression on her face. A tiny bit of her mane was on fire, and she was completely covered in ash.

“Woah Twi! What happened?”

“Don’t ask. Do not ask ever again.” She said out of the corner of her mouth.

“Did you try making pizza again?”

“I said not to ask. I’m going to take a shower. Spike, by the time I get out, have your stuff ready to go. We’re moving to the Crystal Empire until all this clears up.”

“Okay, but uh. Twilight, I need to tell you something.” Spike said, looking down at the floor.

“What?”

“I… I uh, blew up the east side of the castle while trying to make art.”

“W-” Twilight stopped herself and then sighed. “I should’ve expected that. Well, I blew up the west side, so there you go.”

“Should I get the big bag?”

“Oh yeah. We’ll need it.”

Author's Note

Again, I don't care enough about this fic to edit, or revise it. If you want to read something I put effort into, please check out my other stories.

The Return

Twilight lifted the huge bag off of the floor and waited for the train to come by. Spike sat on a nearby bench, messing with a stick that he found under it. Four hours they had spent there, waiting for the train, but it seemed like it wasn’t coming. Slightly pissed that all the effort put into distracting Celestia and Luna were basically futile, Twilight swung the bag over her back and turned around.

“Hey, Spike… come on, let’s just go back.”

“But we’ve waited here for such a long time!” he said, looking a little disappointed.

“Yeah I know, but this is a waste of time now. I might as well go back and clean up the mess I made…” Spike tried to keep his mouth shut, but it exploded out.

“I GAVE LUNA MY FIRECRACKERS.”

“That’s nice Spik- WHAT!?” She had a panicked look in her eye and if Spike didn’t start running now, he would be getting the worst hissy fit that Twilight has ever given.

“Thanks, sky!” He yelled as he bolted back toward the castle. Twilight’s ears basically had smoke pouring out of them. Her shout scrunched up in the most adorable frown possible.

“I am NOT adorable. I’m ANGRY!” Said the incredibly cute pony as her face turned bright red. Before She could say anything else, the heard a familiar sound. The screech of train tracks and the chugging of a steam engine. Her eyes basically dropped at the sight of the train on the horizon, but little did she know that she was about to be knocked back on her butt.

“Stop spoiling it!” She said to me. Okay, then tell the story yourself.

“Fine! I will!” I said out loud to the sky. Ponies around me looked at me like I was crazy. One mare even covered her kid’s eyes. Whatever, I didn’t have time to think about any of that. I carefully watched the train approach the station, but as it got closer, I realized that this wasn’t the same train. This was a private train.

“What the?’ I said as turned my head in confusion… Okay, this isn’t working. Hey, guy in the sky can you please come back? You tell the story much better than I do.

Twilight then looked up at the empty blue sky like a total idiot.

“Oh come on, that’s pretty mean.” She said, not remembering that she was the one who told me to buzz off.

“Jeez, fine! I’m sorry! Are you happy now?” She asked. To answer her, yes. I am.

“Then keep telling the story!” She said again at the sky, while she should be watching the strange train coming towards her.

“Oh right.” She squinted again as the train got much closer and it was in face a very small private train. It looked familiar, but she couldn’t place it. The moment it rolled up to the station and stopped, she instantly knew exactly who it belonged to, but she wasn’t sure if should should have been elated or devastated. The door opened and a figure stepped out.

“Hello Twilight!”

“Cadance!?”

Spike arrived at the front entrance and fell to his knees panting. He was sure that he put enough distance between himself and Twilight to not have his eardrums blown out, but after that fight with Tirek, he wasn’t all that sure.

“Oh boy, now I gotta deal with those two clowns.”

If only poor Spike knew what was about to unfold. Poor, poor Spike.

“Not helping dude!”

Alright, fine. Spike approached the door and let himself in. He expected to see a bunch of broken stuff, but everything was inexplicably clean. He couldn’t believe it, so he ran over to the west wing, but it was totally intact!

“What?” He asked to no one in particular as he touched the walls to make sure that he wasn’t seeing things. It was real! Everything was fine! Spike instantly jumped up and ran over to the east wing, where he expected to see the disaster that he left behind, but it was almost like he has never stepped into the room that day. The princesses were nowhere to be found.

“Well, I don’t care anymore. This is great news! I’m totally gonna just read comics in my room for the rest of the day. If something else happens, it’s not on me!” He said as he forgot my previous narration.

“Yeah, yeah whatever dude.” He climbed the stairs up to his room and notices that his door was open. He NEVER left the door open! Something was fishy about all this. Slowly, he approached the door and entered with caution.

“H-Hello? Princess Luna? Princess Celestia? Are you there?” He asked into the dark void of his room. A simple echo from off the stone walls came back and he swore he heard a bit of movement behind his bed. It could be the wind, or it could be two really mischievous princesses trying to pull a prank on him.

“T-this isn’t f-funny guys! Come on out! Show yourselves!” Spike bravely, continued to move further into the room, leaving pace between him and the door. He approached the bed and looked under it. Nothing.

“Huh. maybe I did really just leave the door open. It HAS been pretty chaotic the past few days.” He said and he jumped onto the bed.

SLAM

The door suddenly slammed shut and the lights went on. Spike screamed, expecting to be the next victim of some crazy murderer. Little did he know that he was in fact a victim, but not of a murder.

“Hello Spike!”

He was a prisoner of love.

“Sweetie Belle? What the heck are you doing in my room?”

“It’s time you sang more love songs to me!”

“But you never answered the question!”

“Oh, I’ve been living in your room ever since you showed me around.”

“... Excuse me, WHAT?”

“I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU LOVE ME” Sweetie Belle screamed as she lunged towards Spike.

“AHHHHH!”

Author's Note

It's been a while. How's it going my friends?

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

The Return, but like six years later...

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

The End?

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AI takeover

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Letting them in was a mistake...

“Lulu! Why did you send me all the toilet paper in the castle?” Celestia asked, as she came out of the library. Thirty-six rolls of toilet paper in her magical aura, and one on her horn. “I was kinda in the middle of a meeting with a couple nobles….” Spike walked out of a storage closet right behind of Celestia. It would have been soo awkward if she’d seen him. Spike slowly tiptoed out of sight, and right as he thought he was out of Celestia’s earshot, he ran as fast as possible away from there… Right into Sweetie Belle.

“Hi Spike!” She squeaked in the most adorable way. It’s difficult to not D’awww at her. Nothing on the planet can explain how Spike can turn down this adorable filly. Even at my various attempts to annoy Spike, he seems to be ignoring me, so lets continue, shall we?

“Hi Sweetie Belle,” said Spike. “Wait, how did you get in here?” he questioned.

“Oh, Princess Twilight let me in. She said you were in here somewhere, so yay!” Aww. I can’t believe Spike can resist this level of adorableness.

“Darn it Twilight,” muttered Spike under his breath.

“Why don’t you show me your new room, Spike?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Yeah sure. I guess.”

“YAY!”

“I’ll give you a lifetime supply of waffles!” Luna yelled at her sister.

“You can do better than that.” Celestia sneered, pulling back the toilet paper from Luna’s reach.

“I’ll give you my crown!”

“Nah”

“My soul?”

“That’s better.”

At this very moment, Twilight walked around the corner to see Celestia holding a giant pile of toilet paper, and Luna’s hoof sticking out the bathroom door.

“What the heck is going on here?” Twilight yelled. Celestia froze in her tracks and stared at Twilight. She looked like a deer in headlights. At this very moment, Luna saw the chance and she took it. She snatched the hovering TP roll from the air, and slammed the door shut.

“You two are acting like foals!” Twilight yelled. Celestia’s face sunk like a stone into a really fake looking frown. I don’t know how, but Twilight bought it.

“Ugh, just… I don’t know! Go to your room or something!” Twilight finished. She walked off back to her library. “Why did I let them in?” she muttered as she slammed the door shut.

“Yes!” Whispered Celestia as she lifted her hoof to knock on the bathroom door. Luna opened the bathroom door at that very moment and stepped out. The door hit Celestia’s face hard. She fell back on her butt as she watched Luna walk out. She looked like a war veteran. She had war paint on her face, and a TP bandana on her forehead. Various cuts and bruises covered her body, and she wore an eyepatch. She walked forward about thirty steps, and turned around. As soon as she looked, the bathroom exploded. Ash, dust and burnt Toilet Paper covered Celestia’s mane as she sat, mouth wide open.

“I guess you could say that I have an…” She pulled out a pair of aviators, and put them on. “Explosive personality.” Man, Luna is such a badass. She trotted out of Celestia’s sight, and left her in the aftermath.

“I can’t believe I’ve been outpunned like this” Celestia said as she fell on her side, knocked out.

Meanwhile, in Spike’s room Sweetie Belle looked at all the various things Spike has collected from all his gem-searching journeys with Rarity. Spike showed off the huge ruby he had found.

“Wow Spike, I didn’t know you collected all this cool stuff!” said Sweetie Belle as she observed the precious stone.

“Yeah, it’s become a hobby. You wanna see the rest of the cool stuff I’ve collected over the all four seasons?” Spike asked.

“What? Four seasons? What are you-”

“Don’t worry about it. Check out this cool suit of armor we bought from Saddle Arabia. Isn’t it shiny?”

“Oooh! Cooool!”

As Spike continued to show Sweetie Belle things, she got increasingly bored and started to fall asleep while Spike spoke. She needed to find somewhere to sleep.

“Oh! Would you look at that? There’s a bed on the side of the room. I guess I’ll use that for now.” Sweetie Belle thought as she snuck off to the bed and lay under the covers. She was out like a light in less than thirty seconds. Spike didn’t notice her absence and continued to rattle off facts about things nopony cared about. When he finally did notice, he said,

“Huh, I guess she went home. Oh well, nap time.” Hey yawned and got in his bed completely unaware of Sweetie Belle’s presence. Sweetie Belle was small enough to be mistaken as the comforter itself. Spike’s bed was never made, so it always had mountains of cloth around it, completely hiding Sweetie Belle.

Twilight sat at a table in the library. She was working on a paper about acids and bases and their properties. A titration set was on one table and a large amount of bakers and test tubes. A large chart of the PH scale was flattened out in front of her.

“Hmm… If I (insert chemistry jargon) maybe I’ll be able to neutralize these chemicals.” As soon as she finished her sentence, Celestia burst into the room. A terrified look on her face.

“Aaaah!” She screamed as she bolted around the room. She tripped on a small barrel of clear liquid, and stumbled onto Twilight.

“Hey! Get off! Get out! I’m trying to WORK! Wait… what did you just knock over?” She levitated the barrel up to reveal the label. “HCl… Oh ponyfeathers! You tripped on the acid!”

“I’m tripping on acid?” Asked Celestia. Her face twisted into a look of confusion. “Really? That explains the living bananas.”

“...What?” Twilight looked around and noticed the acid eating away at her carpet. “Oh no! Uh… Where’s the base? Drop it!”

Luna ran into the room with a boombox over her shoulder. “Somepony say drop the bass?”

“NOOOO!”