One Chance for the Damned

Of the nature of ponies there were two things Chance knew for sure. The first is that most, if not all, ponies have a bizarre affinity towards other ponies. This psychosis is often referred to as “the magic of friendship”, a concept which Chance, being a self-described logician, couldn’t get to grips with. Chance had three friends within his lifetime, one tried to kill him, the other turned out to only tolerate him and not actually like him and the other he started a relationship with, until he found out that she had been hiding bodies in his basement.  If there was anything Chance was sure of, it was that friendship is bullshit.

The second thing that Chance was sure of is that most ponies seem to be extremely naïve, probably as a result of their misplaced trust in everyone around them. Chance liked to think of himself as above this. Sure, he often found himself at the receiving end of another pony’s hoof being thrown in his general direction because of this mind set but Chance knew he was right about everything.

The two revelations he had about other ponies are what shapes the three main principles he lives by.   The first is don’t trust anypony who can’t prove that they are legit, this has saved Chance from many a bad deal. The second is always make everyone think you’re smarter than them, Chance finds that in any situation that endangers his life and/or body parts as long as he sticks to this principle whoever threatens him overestimates him. Chance would be the first to admit that he isn’t the smartest pony out there but when ponies overestimate him they tend to make mistakes even he can exploit. And the third is  always make yourself look cooler than you are, no particular reason for this one besides the fact that Chance sees life as trying to get an SSS rank on Tirek May Cry.

Chance, being raised in the highlands of Trotland, hated many concepts which were intrinsic to modern Equestrian life. The one concept he hated the most however was coffee. Not that it didn't exist where he was from, he hated it as much back home as he does now. But, in Equestria, it seemed that everypony couldn't live without it. Chance sighed as he took another sip of his cup.

“If you hate it so much, why do you drink it?” The mare sitting across from Chance asked.

“Because I’m a hypocrite?” Chance raised an eyebrow. The mare responded with a snarl, indicating that she wanted a true answer.  Sighing, Chance puts down his cup and looks her straight in the eyes.  “It’s because, as much as I hate to admit it, it’s a great hangover cure.”

“You know what’s also a great hangover cure? Not drinking until you black out.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Chance picked up the cup again and took another sip. The mare, Love Synapse, was a unicorn with a pink coat and short, bright red mane. Her cutie mark, a pair of hoofcuffs, indicated her talent at being a police officer, although most ponies think that means she’s a dominatrix, a misunderstanding which led to her meeting Chance. She sighed and took a sip from her own cup.

“Anyway, I can’t do what you’re asking of me.”

Chance spat out his coffee. “Why not?”

“It’s unethical. I don’t know what you have gotten yourself involved in but if I get dragged into this it could mean the end of my career. Not to mention you don’t even know who these ponies are.”

“I know that they are willing to threaten my life if I don’t do what they want.” Chance opened the lid of his coffee cup to look inside. Seeing that there wasn’t anything left in it he placed it on the table next to him where two ponies who appeared to be a couple were engaged in an argument. “And that’s good enough for me.”

Love shook her head. “If you just report this to the police we can protect you and find the ponies responsible.”

“How many times must I explain this to you? I don’t need protection. I’m going through with it, I just need information, you know, what the police know about this.” Chance looked towards the table he placed his empty cup on, seeing that the couple were still arguing and had left their coffee unguarded. Chance reached out towards one of their cups and took it for himself.

“Put it back.” Love said in an annoyed tone.

“Make me.” Chance stuck his tongue out.

Love raised her hoof to her forehead and sighed. “You’re extremely lucky that we’re friends.”

“I have no friends.” Chance seemed offended by the mere accusation.

“Whatever.” Love’s horn began glowing and her saddlebag, which was on the floor, floated up. The bag opened and a folder floated out of it towards Chance who opened it and began reading the information within.  “A few days ago a mare by the name of Summer Dancer disappeared, her mother reported it. This is all the information we have. You’re lucky I’m the one who got the case.”

“Don’t you mean you’re the one who’s lucky, not only do I have to do your job for you but you get a share of whatever I get out of this.”

“You better be right about this being a big score. Remember last time? When the reward was a freaking pat on the back?”

Chance raised an eyebrow at her. “Not so unethical when money’s involved, huh? And technically I did share that with you, hell, I gave you two pats, that’s more than I got. And anyway, I thought you didn't want to get involved in this.”

Love rolled her eyes and got up from her chair. “Just remember that I’m only doing this because I like you and I like money. But, I like money more, if you screw me over then I’m going to find some illegal substances in your apartment. And, I'm not getting involved in this, this whole conversation never happened.”

Chance smirked at her. “Okay then. And listen, if the police ever decided to search my place then drugs would be the least of my worries. You don’t know half the freaky shit I’m into.” Love sighed again and left the coffee shop, her saddlebag floating behind her.

Chance took a sip of his stolen coffee. He loved corrupt police, while there were some legit officers out there they were usually the ones he found himself enemies with. The corrupt ones were much better for business.

He continued reading through the files he’d been given. Summer Dancer lived with her mother, Summer Runner, Chance sniggered at the name, he often thought that he was the only pony to realize just how stupid pony names were, it was his theory that his parents had named him Last Chance because they knew their relationship was falling apart and that it was their last chance to have a foal. Summer Dancer was a fairly normal high school going, friendship loving, singing, dancing pony. She had last been seen with her coltfriend, a stallion by the name of Dark Brooder, a loner who appeared to hate everything other ponies consider good. “A pony after my own heart,” Chance said to himself, “But Dancer appears to be somewhat popular among her compatriots, or whatever the kids call themselves nowadays, why would a well-loved pony associate herself with such a guy?” Chance pondered for a moment, discounting the ideas of true love or opposites attracting Chance could only see one possibility, they both had a secret. Chance knew that secrets tend to bring those who know about it together, hell, his relationship with Love which revolved around corruption was proof of that.

Chance closed the folder and put it into his saddlebag. He took another sip of the coffee and placed it back on the table next to him, the couple who were arguing were now hugging. “Yo,” Chance said to the couple who responded with a confused gaze. Chance pointed at the cup with his hoof. “Your taste in coffee sucks.” He got up from his chair and put on his saddlebag. “You should be ashamed.” As he walked towards the door he could hear the mare call him a weird asshole, Chance left before any real discourse could be conducted.

Manehattan in the afternoon was a cesspool. Chance loathed the crowds and smells of the city. At night, when he drunken singing resonated from every street and bar, when the criminals and con artists came out from their holes, when decadence and debauchery held dominion, that is when Chance fell in love with the city. Canterlot was too stuck up to let anything like this happen, the nights there were quiet, peaceful and boring, just like Canterlot during the daytime. Manehattan was a completely different place depending on the time of day.

Chance walked down the street, around him parents were walking with their foals home while they recounted their day at school, Teenagers galloped to and fro’, giggling and cheering all the while and crowds of ponies in suits wandered out of office buildings, smiling at the prospect of a few drinks before heading home. Chance watched it all with silent contempt. He never could figure out why they all seemed happy to be able to get on with their lives.

After about a half an hour of trotting through the various streets of this labyrinthine city Chance arrived at the residence of one Summer Runner. Through the documents Love and the mysterious unicorn he met last night Chance knew that the mare was overall rather dull. Her interests included knitting, reading, talking with friends and drinking tea, all stereotypical features of an older mare.

Chance thought back to the night before, when he met the orange unicorn and got acquainted with his rather sharp knife. He had received information on pretty much every aspect of Summer Dancer’s life, everything anypony would possibly want to know about her was in it. There were however two key pieces of information not present which Chance needed. Where was she last seen and how she was acting before she disappeared? For the former Chance needed notes on the official police investigation, which he received from Love, he had learned that she had last been seen with her coltfriend who the police haven’t been able to find. Chance was pretty sure that Dark Brooder was the key to finding her. And for the later he needed to talk to her mother, the pony who saw her every day of her life. If she was acting strange before disappearing, or had mentioned any specific location more than usual her mother was the most likely pony to know.

Chance sighed. He had been threatened by a mysterious unicorn who was working for an unnamed party to find somepony. Love’s theory had been that she and her coltfriend had ran away to elope and while that is a valid theory Chance preferred his own, that the two were bound together by a secret, a secret which caused them both to suddenly vanish. Who’s so desperate to find them that they would come to Chance? Why do they want to find them? Why is it they only seemed to care about Summer Dancer being found, not bothering to mention Dark Brooder? And why did that orange unicorn seem so strange? Chance was trying to answer all of these questions, partly because he was certain figuring everything out would get him paid and partly for the sake of his own sanity.

Chance looked up at the door to the house with a smirk. “Hopefully things are about to get interesting.” Chance said to nopony in particular as he started towards the door.