Back to Where We Were

by Distaff Pope

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Princess Celestia, Dark
Length: 10219

Moon Gazer loves her job, she gets to spend her nights staring at the stars and her days charting their movement. The only blemishes in her life are a flirtatious coworker and persistent migraines, certainly nothing to worry about.

For the last year, Moon Gazer's life has been nothing less than idyllic. Of course, when she thinks about it, her entire life has been idyllic, and the few bad times have been bleached away like bones sitting under the sun. No, the only problems she has to deal with now are a few pesky migraines and a co-worker who has a hard time grasping the idea of a "professional relationship," and to be fair, the co-worker isn't that bad.

So why does she have that nagging little doubt that she forgot something... or someone important?

Published 2014-09-24 20:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-24 20:30:04 UTC

Nihil Sub Sole Novum

Moon Gazer rubbed her forehead as she stared into her telescope’s eyepiece. The night sky always fascinated her, and since the return of Princess Luna, it had gotten even better. Most of her bosses disagreed, however, as Luna’s return brought an end to the sky’s fixed patterns. Now, the stars were constantly shifting as astronomer’s tried to chart their new courses – and for the black pegasus currently trying not to let her headache distract her from her work, that meant an endless parade of nights spent staring at the night sky, recording the stars’ movements in her journal. Moon Gazer had never been happier.

Or at least, I would be if I didn’t have these headaches, she thought as she made a note of Polaris’ current position in the night sky. Over the last few hours, the errant star had migrated from the horizon to the near the center of the night sky. Moon Gazer checked her notes. Yesterday at this time, it was two degrees further north. As she wrote down the star’s current position, the world around her started to spin and her eyes unfocused as a star went supernova inside her skull. Tea, she thought as she staggered away from her desk. I need the tea Celestia gave me to deal with my migraines.

She staggered downstairs to her kitchen. One of the many perks of her job was that she could spend most of her nights working from her cloud home, as long as she made sure to take plenty of notes. A whimper of pain escaped her lips as she turned the downstairs lights on. The world lurched violently around Moon Gazer with every step. Just a few more steps, she thought as she entered into the kitchen. All I have to do is take a few more–

And then, she collapsed onto the floor and thought no more.

***

Shadow – No, Moon Gazer. Where had the name Shadow come from? Moon Gazer was completely in the dark, and somepony was sobbing and crying. Slowly, Moon Gazer realized that pony was her. “I’m sorry, Mom!” she yelled, warm tears running down her cheeks. “I didn’t mean to wake you up, I was just trying to get ready for school.”

This was all wrong; her mother, Moonlight – Moonbeam, she corrected – loved her. Moon Gazer couldn’t think of a single bad memory of her mother. She’d certainly never lock Moon Gazer in a closet. She knew it was a closet, although she didn’t know how she knew it was a closet. “Please, let me out, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I won’t do it again, I promise. I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysosorryforgivemeI’msorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysosorryhelpmeI’msorry.

Wake up.

Moon Gazer’s eyes snapped open as her nightmare turned to shadows and she found herself laid out on her kitchen’s cloud floor. I didn’t think a migraine could just knock a pony out like that, she thought as she got up to her hooves. Maybe I should see a doctor, or bring it up with Princess Celestia when I–

No. Something inside her recoiled at the idea of speaking with the Princess about her headaches again. I shouldn’t be bothering her with my headaches anyways; she’s already busy enough running the entire country. The Princess has already been more than helpful; if I had just drunk my tea when I was supposed to last night, nothing would’ve happened.

She took a step towards the kitchen to brew her morning dose of tea – it was the only thing that helped her with her migraines – and froze as she looked at the clock. Moon Gazer should have been at the observatory an hour ago, and today, her year-long internship ended and her boss, Night Sky, made her decision about keeping Moon Gazer on as a full-time employee. She grabbed her box of tea and flew up the stairs, her wings propelling her forward as fast as they could safely manage. In one deft movement, she grabbed the notes on her desk and flew out her window.

Hundreds of feet below her, Equestria’s countryside zipped by as she climbed towards the observatory. Floating three miles in the air, the Pegasus Observatory was bound to the ground below by multiple cloud tethers to prevent the whole thing from drifting unexpectedly and throwing off the astronomer’s observations. For Moon Gazer, it was her own personal paradise, and the hours she spent charting her data from the night before on her maps were almost as enjoyable as the hours she spent watching the night sky.

Clutching her tea and notes tightly to her chest with one hoof, while her other forehoof made sure her glasses didn’t fly off, she flew to the observatory, the blowing wind undoing the loose bun she kept her long brown mane in.

Moon Gazer finally landed at the observatory and sprinted to her boss’s office. “Hey, Moonie,” a red pegasus shouted as Moon Gazer ran past her cubicle, “I’m really digging today’s mane-down look, did you do that just for me?” Moon Gazer groaned. Ever since Crimson Skies started working at the observatory as another intern, she had made it a point to flirt with Moon Gazer as often as possible. Considering the fact that their cubicles were right across from each other, that number bordered on the hundreds.

If she was being honest with herself, Moon Gazer enjoyed the attention at times, and she found something invigorating about knowing she had another pony’s interest, especially when that pony was as well-defined and attractive as Skies. There were at least a few times every day where Moon Gazer caught herself staring at the pegasus’ well-toned flank, and to her immense relief, Skies never noticed. However, there was a time and place for such flirtations, and the office was not it.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Moon Gazer said, panting and brushing her mane back as she finally entered Night Sky’s office. “I had another one of my migraines last night, and it really knocked me out. I have all my notes right here, though, and if you don’t want to hire me because of this, I completely understand.”

The midnight-blue pegasus with soft-blue mane laughed and shook her head, while Moon Gazer placed her notes and tea on her boss’s desk before taking a seat. “Moon Gazer, for the last year, you’ve proven yourself to be one of our most-dedicated workers. Considering the quality of your notes, we can certainly accommodate your occasional health problems. Honestly, I should probably be telling you to take more time off.”

“Oh no,” Moon Gazer said, smiling at her boss. “I really do enjoy my work, and if I took time off, I’d probably just end up stargazing anyways.”

“Your dedication is admirable, but you need to get out more. Spend some time with co-workers, just socializing. It’s okay to take a break every now and then,” Night Sky said, taking Moon Gazer’s notes and flipping through them. “If you don’t, I’m going to ban you from stepping hoof in the observatory for a week.”

Moon Gazer let out a squeak of terror. “That… you don’t need to do that.”

“I hope I don’t,” Night Sky said. “Our nightly sky charts probably wouldn’t get finished without your help. But if that’s what it takes to get you to make a few friends, and take some time to relax, then that’s what I’ll have to do.”

“Alright,” Moon Gazer said, frowning. “I’ll try to be better about socializing.”

“That’s all I’m asking for,” Night Sky said as she gave Moon Gazer’s notes back to her. “Now, I don’t want to see you at your desk all day today, alright?”

Moon Gazer nodded as she got to her hooves and fluttered back to her desk, still gripping her tea and notes with one foreleg. “Hey,” Crimson Skies said as Moon Gazer sat down at her desk and pulled out her quill and parchment. “So, how’d it go? Is the absolute sexiest pegasus in this place staying here, or am I going to have to find a new job?”

“They are keeping me on as a regular employee,” Moon Gazer said as she started charting the nightly movement of the stars she had looked at last night. While most of her co-workers thought their new movement was erratic at best, Moon Gazer was beginning to see the new pattern. In a few months, she could probably successfully predict the movement of Polaris and the major constellations. At least the constellations stay together, she thought.

“Great to hear,” Skies said, flashing her a smile. “This place would be so boring without you to look at all day.”

Moon Gazer sighed and glanced at the pink-maned pegasus. Her coat was a lovely shade of maroon, and her orange eyes held the fire of a setting sun. Skies was lean and muscular, a stark contrast to Moon Gazer’s softness – but the most perplexing thing about the pegasus was her cutie mark, which consisted of an eighth of a circle with a line bisecting it. It looked familiar to Moon Gazer, but she had trouble connecting it to astronomy.

“Maybe your work would be better if you looked at it instead of me,” Moon Gazer said, pulling her eyes away from the mark on the pegasus’s flank. Moon Gazer couldn’t let Skies catch her staring at her, certainly not right now.

“And let you have all the fun?” Skies asked, laughing. “I know you like admiring the view while you work. Nothing makes you feel sexier than knowing you got somepony looking at you.” Moon Gazer’s cheeks burned, causing Skies to laugh harder. “Ooh! If I knew how cute you were when you were blushing, I totally would’ve embarrassed you sooner. There’s no harm in looking, Moonie. In fact, I’d totally let you do more than look if you asked nicely.”

Moon Gazer didn’t think it was possible to be any more embarrassed. She was wrong. “This – This conversation isn’t appropriate for work.”

“Well, the only time I ever see you is at work, so what am I supposed to do? Not flirt with the gorgeous mare sitting next to me? Because that would be crazy.” Skies wasn’t even paying attention to her charts now, and Moon Gazer was finding it increasingly difficult to focus on her own. “Besides, you know you like me,” Skies said, waggling her eyebrows at the increasingly flustered pegasus.

“Fine,” Moon Gazer said, taking a deep breath to try and calm herself. “You’re attractive, and I even like your flirting occasionally, but I would prefer it if things could stay at least a little professional while we’re at the office.”

“Ooh!” Crimson Skies said, her eyes lighting up. “Does that mean you want to see me outside of work? Because if so, there are some sights I want to show you.”

“Yes, we can try seeing each other outside of work. Not as a date, just… friendly flirting,” Moon Gazer said, putting her quill back in the inkwell as she felt the twinge in her head that signified the start of one of her migraines. “Excuse me, I need to make some tea.”

Moon Gazer grabbed her tea box with her mouth as she got up to her hooves and headed to the office break room, while Crimson followed after her. “You need tea? Geeze, and I thought I was bad with coffee, but I never had to bring my own stash to work with me.”

“But I actually do need it,” Moon Gazer said after she spat the box out onto the counter. “Princess Celestia gave it to me, to deal with my migraines. It’s the only thing that actually helps me treat them.”

“Wow,” Skies said as Moon Gazer poured water into the kettle and brought it to the stove. “Didn’t know you had the Princess giving you medical advice. Maybe we’ve got something else in common.”

“You know Princess Celestia too?” Moon Gazer asked, turning to look at the other pegasus and raising an eyebrow while she lit the stove’s burner.

Crimson Skies nodded at her. “I sure do. It’s kind of a long story, though – but I’ll tell it to you, if you go out with me tonight. Just for some friendly flirting of course,” she said, winking at Moon Gazer.

“Alright,” Moon Gazer said, “I’ll do it, but only if you let me work uninterrupted for the rest of the day. I’d prefer it if I didn’t get fired for slacking off the same day I was promoted to a full-time employee.” Moon Gazer didn’t see any reason to mention the fact that Night Sky was encouraging her to socialize more. If she did, Crimson Skies would probably distract her for the rest of the day.

“Fine,” Crimson Skies said. “But I get to choose where we go tonight. You’d probably want us to do something boring, like go to a library or something.”

“I was actually thinking we could just go stargazing,” Moon Gazer said, smiling as she glanced back at the tea pot. The throbbing in her head had gotten steadily worse over the last few minutes, and her talking with Skies was the only thing keeping her focused. She really needed to ask Princess Celestia if she had a strong–

No.

She couldn’t talk to Celestia about this, she didn’t need to bother the princess about her headaches. The fact that Celestia had given her this tea was more than enough. Still, would it be that terrible if she brought it up during their monthly meeting?

Crimson Skies laughter pulled Moon Gazer out of her head. “Our job is to look at the stars, and your idea for a fun date is to do go stargazing? You really love this stuff, don’t you?”

“Not a date,” Moon Gazer said as an explosion ripped through her head and forced her to grit her teeth. Skies perpetual smile evaporated.

“Hey, Moonie, you alright? You don’t look so good,” she said, concern entering her sunset eyes. Moon Gazer tried to focus on them between pulses of undiluted agony.

“Alright, I’ll brew the tea, you just sit down at the table, alright?” Skies said, fluttering over next to the stove.

Moon Gazer nodded as she staggered over to the cloud table. I just need to lay down a little bit, she thought before collapsing down onto the table, wishing she could pass out just so the pain would stop.

***

In an a room that captured all the majesty of the night sky, decorated with dark deep blues and indigos, a midnight-blue alicorn slept, her mane of stars blown by an otherwise unfelt wind. For the last few hours, her spirit had danced through the dreams of her sleeping subjects, delighting in their fantasies and doing what she could to comfort their nightmares. However, her mind kept coming back to the nightmare of one particular pony. A pony locked in the dark and screaming to be let out.

Luna made a note to check in on the pony in question over the next few nights and do what she could to ensure she had pleasant dreams. At the very least, Luna could make sure the pony didn’t remember her night terrors upon waking.

The Princess of the Night yawned as her spirit came back to her body. She always felt invigorated after touching the dreamscape, but the act of waking still managed to make her yawn. Luna supposed it was a universal constant for all ponies, as she never felt better than when she first woke. Her horn ignited and she pulled back the enchanted light-absorbing curtain that covered the door to the balcony. Outside, the sun started its afternoon descent.

Ever since her return from banishment, it seemed she had nothing to do but sleep. Her Tia was slow to give out new responsibilities, always saying that she didn’t want to burden her younger sister. What few powers and responsibilities Celestia had given her were either trivial or dull to the point of tedium. If she had to listen to Amber Waves talk about how the grain tax needed to be lowered one more time, Luna might just send the mare to the moon for a few decades.

Luna yawned again and stretched her wings. By her estimation, this was the perfect time to do a few laps around Canterlot. She certainly didn’t have anything else to do until Celestia’s court ended at sunset. As she leapt out of the balcony and flew into the distance, Luna decided today would be the perfect day to ask Celestia to grant her more judicial powers. A thousand years ago, her sister had been more than happy to leave Luna in charge of enforcing the laws of Equestria. That much couldn’t have changed during her banishment, could it?

***

“So, how do you know Celestia?” Crimson Skies asked as they took their seat at the bar. It was nice enough, Moon Gazer supposed as she sat down. There weren’t any mysterious stains on the hardwood floor, and the whole place seemed clean enough. “Ooh! Let me guess, she’s your secret lover, right?”

Moon Gazer laughed at that. With her migraine finished, the whole world seemed brighter. She even found Skies’ constant flirtation enjoyable, which was good since the second they had left the office, Skies had been doing her best to make Moon Gazer blush. “Of course not,” Moon Gazer said, still laughing at the idea. “No, she was the pony who gave me my internship, and she likes checking in on me occasionally to see how I’m doing.”

“Really?” Skies asked, raising an eyebrow at the black pegasus. “So… what’d you do to get her interested in you?” She turned to look at the bartender. “Hey, barkeep, I’ll have my usual, and my friend here will have… What do you want, Moonie?”

“A hard cider would be fine if they have it,” she said, smiling at the bartender as the brown unicorn went about fixing their drinks. “What did you mean earlier when you asked about ‘getting her interested in me?’”

“Oh, right,” Skies said as the bartender gave Moon Gazer her cider and passed a red drink to Skies. “Well, see, I used to like going out to bars and getting drunk. A fun time for everypony, I know, but when I got drunk enough I started picking fights, and that kind of got me in trouble with the law. Anyways, I went to some of those rehabilitation clinics, I said I wanted to quit drinking, but had a hard time with it, and a few weeks later, I was in front of Celestia and she was asking if she could cast a spell on me that would make me not want to drink. I said sure, and since then I’ve stuck to sipping cranberry juice when I go out,” she said, pointing a hoof at her drink.

Moon Gazer shook her head. An image of Celestia standing over her, her horn glowing as she did… something... formed, but before she could think further, the image disappeared, and Moon Gazer found herself struggling to remember the thought.

“Hey, Moonie, you there?” Skies asked. “You just kind of started staring off into your drink.”

“I’m fine,” Moon Gazer said as the last wisps of whatever she’d been thinking of vanished. “I just… I thought of something, and now I have no idea what it is.”

Skies gave another laugh. “Wow, you’re already out of it and you haven’t even started drinking yet.” Moon Gazer found herself smiling at her – strange, she was already thinking of the red pegasus as a friend, while a voice in the back of her head whispered for more – as she took the first sip of her cider.

“I think I’ll be fine,” Moon Gazer said. “So, if you can’t drink, how come you still go to bars?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Skies said, shrugging, “but I grew up around the Baltimare docks, and really the only thing you can do there when you’re not sailing is drink. Guess I still like going to bars just to see ponies relaxing and enjoying themselves.”

“Oh,” Moon Gazer said, frowning. “I’m sorry if this is a rude question, but how did you start working at the Pegasus Observatory? I didn’t think there was much overlap between sailors and astronomers.”

“You’d be surprised,” Skies said, as she got to her hooves and wiggled her flank to show off her cutie mark. Moon Gazer stared at it for longer than was probably necessary. “See this? It’s an octant, used by sailors to measure the position of the moon and sun and figure out their location. Back when I was sailing, I was the navigator, so I got to look to use all the cool charts and tools and make sure we weren’t going to get lost. Got to say, I was pretty good at it.”

“So how come you stopped sailing? You liked it, right?” Moon Gazer asked, still looking at Skies’ cutie mark.

“Yeah, I did,” Skies said, laughing, “and you know, if you want to keep ogling me, I’d be more than happy to take you back to my place so I could put on a private show.”

Moon Gazer’s cheeks burned and she turned to stare down at her drink. “Sorry,” she said, trying not to imagine everypony at the bar staring at her. “I didn’t mean to, I just–”

Skies patted her on the back. “It’s fine, Moonie, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I really like the attention, especially from a mare as sexy as you.”

“I’m not…” Moon Gazer brushed a strand of hair away from her glasses. “Nopony ever called me sexy before. At least, nopony called me that and meant it.”

“Well, you don’t have my lean athletic sex appeal, but you’re… sexy-cute. You know, like a librarian, you’ve got that softness to you, and I guess I kind of like it. Most of the mares I’ve been with have been… They had a pretty rough childhood, got in trouble with the law a lot, and were just kind of shady characters, and you’re completely different from that. I’m guessing you had two awesome parents and nothing bad happened during your childhood, right?”

Moon Gazer nodded. “I did. I wish I could tell them I finally got my dream job working at the Pegasus Observatory.”

“What happened?” Skies asked before taking a drink of her juice.

“Oh, they was a weather accident a few years ago, and they…” Moon Gazer trailed off, not wanting to go into the details.

“Sorry I asked,” Skies said, frowning. “Sometimes I don’t think before I say something. Actually, I do that a lot.”

“It’s fine,” Moon Gazer said. “It happened years ago. I still miss them, but I can accept that they’re gone. How was growing up in Baltimare? I always wanted to visit there.”

Skies shrugged and took another sip of her juice. “It was alright. Parents were dockworkers, and I always really liked going to work with them so I could watch the sailors. As soon as I turned sixteen, I signed up to work on one of the ships, and a few weeks later I got my cutie mark, guess I was a bit of a late bloomer. Those were some wild years, though. Travelled the world, met a lot of really interesting ponies, and there was just… so much booze and sex. Lots of nice mares hang out around the docks, and at least a few of them had barndoors that swung my way. ‘Course, if I’d known astronomy was where the babes were at, I totally would’ve gotten into the Pegasus Observatory sooner.”

Moon Gazer felt herself blush again. “You’re pretty open about your history. I don’t think most ponies would confess to–”

“Screwing more than a drill?” Skies asked, laughing. “Look, I like you, and I figure since I’m going to be working at the observatory for a while, I might as well at least try a long-term relationship, but I’m not going to lie about what I used to be. Besides, I bet a sheltered mare like you is totally digging my roguish behavior, am I right?”

She isn’t wrong, Moon Gazer thought, She’d never really had a proper relationship beyond a few schoolyard crushes, and the thought of being with somepony as experienced as Skies… Her cheeks weren’t the only thing getting warm. “Perhaps,” Moon Gazer said before taking a large pull of her cider. “Just… I know this is an odd question, but you weren’t a thief, were you?”

“Nah,” Skies said, shaking her head. Moon Gazer felt her eyes being pulled back towards her friend’s flank. She quickly looked back at her drink. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh, when I was a filly, somepony broke into our house and robbed us. We never caught them, and we lost almost everything we had. My mom lost the necklace her grandmother willed to her, and… I still remember how hurt she was when she lost it. Since then, I’ve had a hard time condoning theft.”

“I think most ponies don’t condone theft,” Skies said, “I mean, that’s kind of why it’s illegal.”

“You’d be surprised,” Moon Gazer said, frowning as she recalled the grim shadow that settled over their home life after the incident. “Do you remember that thief, ‘The Shadow,’ from a few years ago? He only stole from the richest families in Canterlot, and I read so many stories that talked about him like he was some sort of hero... but he didn’t just steal stuff, he stole memories, and those can’t be replaced.”

“Yeah, I remember that,” Skies said. “I kind of thought it was cool how he could thumb his nose at the richest ponies in Canterlot, but... I get why you wouldn’t think that. Anyways, no, I was never a thief. Just an angry drunk.”

“That’s good,” Moon Gazer said, smiling at her friend. “Because if you were a thief, I don’t think I could date you.”

“Wait,” Skies said, her ears perking up. “Does that mean you’re thinking about dating me now?”

Moon Gazer just smiled.

***

Luna knocked on the door to her sister’s private chambers. While Celestia insisted that Luna never needed to knock, Luna thought the formality appropriate considering the nature of her request. “Greetings, sister,” Luna said as the door opened and Celestia gave her sister a look of confusion. “I wish to speak with you on a matter of state.”

Celestia smiled and opened the door, revealing a room that was a stark contrast to Luna’s own. It was filled with soft and inviting pastels, and a lamp hung in the center of the room, constantly bathing the interior in its warm glow. Celestia beckoned her sister inside. “Of course,” she said, walking back to her tea table and taking a seat. “What brings you here?”

“I was hoping we could revisit the topic of my responsibilities in the country. I’ve been back for several years now, and I find myself feeling more like your pet than the co-ruler of Equestria. You did mean it when you said we were meant to rule together, didn’t you?” Luna said as she sat across from her sister. Celestia poured a cup of tea for her younger sister.

“Of course, making you feel like my ‘pet’ was never my intention,” Celestia said, her serene smile unchanged. Since Luna’s return, she’d almost never seen her sister lose that smile. “I just… I didn’t want to overwhelm you too quickly. So much has changed in the past thousand years, it wouldn’t have been fair to you or Equestria if I didn’t adequately prepare you.”

“An understandable concern,” Luna said, frowning. “But I’ve spent the last years reading up on modern Equestrian traditions, customs, and rules. All I want is for my traditional responsibilities to be returned to me.”

“You’re right,” Celestia said, floating her cup up to her lips and taking a sip of tea. “What would you like returned to you?”

“While it might not be an ‘enjoyable’ responsibility, I felt fulfilled when I served as the Justice of Equestria. Remember how it used to be? You made the rules and I enforced them,” Luna said, looking at her sister. “Actually, I wish to commend you on that. Whatever you’ve done during my leave certainly works. Since my return, I’ve seen almost no trace of crime in Equestria.”

For the briefest of seconds, Celestia’s smile faltered, but before Luna could make sure she was seeing things properly, her placid serenity returned. “Yes, I remember,” Celestia said as her smile returned. “I also remember how sentencing ponies to death weighed upon you. I can’t help but think it was that darkness that tainted your soul and led to your fall, at least partially. I know such things have a way of scarring the soul.”

Luna bit her tongue to keep her anger in check. She came to her sister to ask for more responsibilities, and Celestia just sat there and smiled and told her she couldn’t handle her old duties. “Besides,” Celestia added, “your duty as the Dreamwarden of Equestria is far too important, I don’t want to see you distracted from that work.”

“We see,” Luna said, her voice stiff and formal as she got to her hooves and headed towards the door. An old voice in the back of her head told her that nothing had changed in the past millenium, that things had actually gotten worse. At least before, Celestia had given her duties. Now, Luna just made sure that none of her sister’s – none of her – subjects had bad dreams.

“Wait,” Celestia said just before Luna’s hoof passed the threshold to her room. “I do agree, you need more responsibilities, I just… I can’t make you the Justice of Equestria. Things have changed so much since you last held that position.”

“I thought that would be a duty you’d be relieved to be rid of,” Luna said, turning to face her sister and flicking her tail in annoyance. “A thousand years ago, you hated the idea of hurting a pony. What changed?”

“Nothing,” Celestia said, permitting herself a brief frown. “I still don’t want to hurt ponies, so I found… I focused more on reforming Equestria’s criminals as opposed to punishing them. I don’t need you to be Equestria’s Justice again because mercy is what the nation needs.”

Luna sighed and took a deep breath to calm herself. Maybe Celestia was right. Things had changed dramatically in the last thousand years, and modern Equestria was a far cry from the land struggling to recover from Discord’s reign. Her subjects’ nightmares were positively tame compared to the fears of their predecessors. In fact, nightmares were so infrequent that Luna could afford to personally intervene when one of her ponies was troubled. If her mercy could create this paradise, perhaps my efforts are better spent elsewhere, Luna thought.

“Very well, Tia,” Luna said, giving her sister a small smile. “I can see that Equestria has changed, and it seems far happier than it was when I last served as its Justice. I would still like more responsibilities, though.”

“We are meant to rule together, Lulu,” Celestia said, returning her sister’s genuine smile with her usual serenity, although Luna swore she saw a trace of sadness in those eyes. “Now that I know how important this is to you, I promise I will find some additional important duties for you. In fact, I think you should begin holding court two times a week. Equestria must learn to accept us as equals, and giving you the authority to hold court and adjudicate petitions in my stead might help facilitate that.”

“You mean that?” Luna asked, her mouth curving up to reveal a smile as bright as the moon. “You never would have let us hold your court before. I promise I will not disappoint you.”

“I know you won’t,” Celestia said as her sister trotted out of the room. Besides, Celestia thought as she closed the door to her room, if I don’t have to deal with the bore of politics, I can spend more time helping those ponies in Equestria who truly need it. She pulled out the list of names she had extracted from Silent Shadow’s memory and looked through it. There were only a few ponies on it who truly needed Celestia’s touch, but Celestia promised everypony would get the help they needed.

Now where was I?

***

Silent Shadow opened her eyes and screamed. This wasn’t her house. She didn’t have a house, just an old attic she rented from… Why was she in a cloud house? Why was a red pegasus staring at her from the other side of her bed? Why was the world so blurry? This isn’t my house, she told herself. Shadow looked at the mare in her bed. This isn’t my–

A pair of forehooves wrapped around her and Moon Gazer recognized the sensation of her marefriend’s warm touch. The screaming stopped as she recalled where she was. She was in her cloud house with Crimson Skies. Why did that seem wrong? “It’s alright, Moonie,” Skies said as she pulled Moon Gazer tight against her. “You just had another one of your nightmares again.”

They’d been growing steadily worse over the last few weeks, and without Skies around to comfort her… Moon Gazer had had a nightmare when Skies hadn’t been around to comfort her, and she’d spent the next few hours sobbing and desperately repeating her name to herself. Ever since then, she’d insisted that Crimson Skies always spend the night with her. Skies was more than happy to do so. Something about her touch always managed to make Moon Gazer’s nightmares vanish.

“Thank you,” Moon Gazer choked out as her crying subsided. “I’m so sorry you have to keep dealing with my nightmares.”

Skies smiled. “They’re worse for you than they are me. I just wish you’d tell me what they were about.”

“I really can’t remember,” Moon Gazer said, pressing her head deep into Skies’ warm coat. “I just… I wake up and I know something is wrong, but I don’t know what it is. Just now, I woke up, and for a few seconds, I was convinced I wasn’t me.”

“Really?” Skies asked before leaning down to kiss the top of Moon Gazer’s head. “Who’d you think you were?”

“I don’t know,” Moon Gazer said, her voice muffled by Skies’ coat. “I just knew I wasn’t me.”

“Well that’s crazy,” Skies said as she laid Moon Gazer back in bed. “Why would you ever not want to be you? I mean, then you wouldn’t be dating me, and we’d both be worse off if that was true.”

Moon Gazer smiled, returning to herself. “I’m still not sure why you aren’t trying to find somepony who doesn’t wake up screaming every night.”

“First of all,” Skies said, laughing, “you only wake up screaming every other night, and I think you’ve been getting better lately. You managed to go three days between outbursts, this time. Second of all, I guess I just really like you. Damn your cute flank for keeping me around.”

“But that’s what confuses me,” Moon Gazer said. “You used to be this notorious womanizer who’d fly from bed to bed, and now you’ve been… I don’t think you’re secretly seeing other mares.”

“I’m not,” Skies said as she lay down next to Moon Gazer and wrapped a forehoof around her. “I guess ever since I got this fresh start, I wanted to do things better. My parents stuck together their whole life, and I guess I kind of want what they have.” She smiled and kissed Moon Gazer’s neck. “Besides, I got you, why would I need somepony else?”

“Because they’re not crazy?” Moon Gazer asked, feeling a tingle of pleasure run up her spine at the other pony’s kiss.

“You’re not crazy,” Skies said, rolling her eyes, “and I’m not going to leave somepony I really... you… you know I love you, right? Shit, I know I should’ve found a better time to say that, but I just didn’t want you thinking I was sticking around because this was some fun game.”

“You do?” Moon Gazer asked, her eyes going wide at the revelation. “I… I love you too.” She had wanted to stop and think about how she felt, but as soon as she tried, the words sprang out of her mouth. The more she thought about it, the more convinced she was that she meant what she said. Having Skies next to her made her days and nights better, and Moon Gazer found herself thankful that the pegasus had been there to care for her during the last few weeks.

Moon Gazer’s thoughts came crashing down as her brain finally registered the heat of another pony’s lips against her. Shadow – Moon Gazer – let out a soft moan as she felt the heat of her marefriend on top of her. The nightmares plaguing her would have to wait; right now, there were more pressing concerns for her to deal with.

***

Luna hated herself for what she was about to do. No matter how well-intentioned, walking through another pony’s mindscape was the ultimate violation, and not one she took lightly. However, her weeks of observing the nightmares of the pony who knew herself as both Moon Gazer and Silent Shadow had yielded little useful information. The root of her pain was buried deep in the pony’s psyche, and no amount of talking would ever bring it to the surface. No, for Moon Gazer to know peace, Luna would have to invade the poor pony’s privacy and expose what was troubling her to the light of day.

Taking one more breath in the waking world, Luna closed her eyes and shifted into the heart of the ever-changing labyrinth that was uniquely her domain. With every step she took, the world around her remade itself, and she caught glimpses of her subjects’ dreams. One second, she was in a pit underground, the next a cottage in the woods, the next the peak of a mountain, and the next she was falling through the stars. Very few ponies could navigate the dreamlands and not get hopelessly lost, and Luna counted herself in that elite number. Not even her sister could say the same. Of course, the nature of my work makes being able to navigate the dreamlands a requirement, Luna thought as she headed towards where Moon Gazer’s mind touched the dreamlands.

It was typically thankless work, and not something she advertised. If the average Equestrian learned she spent her nights shielding their dreams, they might realize just why she was once called Nightmare Moon. As she moved through the fluid world of the dreamlands, she saw tiny glimpses into the dreams of her subjects. Dreams of peace and prosperity and love. Dreams untouched by the evil of a thousand years ago. Again, she found herself thinking of her talk with her sister several weeks ago.

Whatever Tia did over the last thousand years, it’s certainly made ponies happier. Perhaps I should ask her if I can help her, she thought as she looked for the portal leading to Moon Gazer’s dreams. From there, she’d be able to find access to Moon Gazer’s mindscape, and maybe find out just why she’d been plagued by such terrible nightmares. The pony deserved a good night’s sleep just as much as anypony else, and Luna was going to make sure she had it. Finally, she found the portal to Moon Gazer’s dreams and stepped through what passed for a boundary in the dreamlands.

The instant her hoof crossed it, Luna was floating through the dark while bursts of colors exploded in the distance. Moon Gazer was in the pre-dreaming, the brief time before the dream when the subconscious shaped and molded the coming dream. If Luna was quick she could find the problem before another nightmare started. Finding the one solid object in the entirety of Moon Gazer’s dreamscape, Luna flapped her wings and flew towards it.

As she flew, the object formed itself into a white cloud, and the world around her shifted as well, growing more defined. Stars slowly filled the black void, and by the time Luna landed on the cloud, she found herself surrounded by her night sky. Luna looked around in awe. She’d seen ponies who dreamed of a night sky before, she’d even known of ponies who had their mindscape in the stars, but always these alternate skies were wrong. Usually, their stars were thrown about with little care for their proper positions, and very seldom was there a proper representation of her sky. Moon Gazer had every last detail right. A feat doubly impressive considering the revisions Luna had made to the night sky since her return.

Luna decided that she wanted to meet this pony after she removed the source of her nightmares. It was so rare to see a pony with such an interest in the night sky, and Luna thought the two of them would get along wonderfully. “I’m sorry for this. I promise I will do my best not to disturb the sanctity of your mind, and hope you will accept my apology when I’m done,” the princess said, before flying deeper into Moon Gazer’s mindscape.

Above her, scenes from Moon Gazer’s life flashed upon the brilliant night sky. They all seemed so neat and perfect: Moon Gazer’s first Hearth’s Warming Eve, Moon Gazer getting her first telescope. Every scene was picturesque, and soon Luna found her credulity strained. How could anypony have such an ideal life? Even her bad memories have been cleaned and sanitized. The death of her parents is almost too perfect; they died in a tragic accident that granted them a quick and painless death, and before they did die, they had a lengthy talk with their daughter about how much they loved her. I couldn’t imagine a pony with a more ideal upbringing.

Up until the last year, all of Moon Gazer’s memories were neat and perfect, lacking the organic mess that filled the minds of most ponies. Then, the same day Moon Gazer got her job at the observatory, her life suddenly became messy. The tiny minutiae that made up most ponies’ lives appeared in force where they had previously been entirely absent. Before her arrival at the observatory, Moon Gazer’s didn’t have a single memory of paying bills or doing homework. There was just a blank spot where those things should’ve been..

There it is, Luna thought as she found the exact point in Shadow’s life where her life became properly messy and her stomach gave a sharp twist inside her. The very hour she left my sister’s parlor is the same one when her life stopped reading like a poorly-writ story. She flapped her wings and flew into Moon Gazer’s first memory of Princess Celestia.

As the memory played out around Luna, she kept an eye out for any possible disturbances, any clues that might help her, and froze as Moon Gazer’s memories of her meeting with Celestia switched from third-person to first-person. One minute, she was watching her sister and Moon Gazer talk about her recent internship before Moon Gazer passed out from exhaustion, and the next second she was inside Moon Gazer as the pony woke up. The divide was painfully obvious now that her attention had been called to it.

Luna found a memory from after Moon Gazer’s awakening: her first day at the observatory. Ponies glanced at her as she walked through the door to the observatory. Luna felt Moon Gazer’s fear as she looked at them, but most of the ponies were washed out, more a representation of the idea of a pony than any particular pony. Large sections of the memory had faded, but there were flashes of perfect authenticity: the feeling of cloud against her coat as Moon Gazer sat at her desk for the first time, the way her hooves trembled with worry as she started flipping through the star charts, and the absolute elation she felt as she pored through several years’ worth of records on astronomical movements. The bits in between them were vague to the point of nonexistence, only having enough details to say how she got from Point A to Point B.

In contrast, the memories from before the meeting were written and staged almost like a play. Every little detail was preserved perfectly, as if somepony were writing out the scene.

Luna looked into the seam between the divide, and as her magic tugged at it, the world around her shifted into Moon Gazer’s nightmare.

***

Moon Gazer was terrified. Silent Shadow was thrilled. Somepony was inside her house. She was inside somepony’s house. She was a terrified filly. She was the greatest thief in Equestria. She heard somepony walking downstairs. She heard somepony crying upstairs. She felt herself creeping down the stairs, hoping to catch a glimpse of the intruder. She pulled a boxcutter out from her saddlebags and cut a painting loose from its frame. She saw somepony steal her mother’s favorite painting.

The thief turned around to see the filly. The filly saw the thief turn to look at her. The thief wore the filly’s face. The filly wore the thief’s face. One had a long brown mane and glasses. The other kept her dark black mane closely cropped. Which one was which, though? She couldn’t remember. Neither of her could. They both stared into her jade eyes. Her neck itched. She felt somepony in the shadows staring at her. The two hers. Silent Moon stared at Shadow Gazer. Or was it the other way around? It was so hard to remember who was supposed to be who, as their memories flowed into each other. Moon Gazer robbed the wealthiest nobles in Canterlot. Silent Shadow was a recently-hired astronomer for the Pegasus Observatory.

They were ripped in two and stitched back together with the skill of a drunken surgeon. Moon Gazer and Silent Shadow opened their eyes and screamed.

***

Luna hadn’t felt this sick in a millenium. She had to find Moon Gazer and make sure she was okay. She had to confront her sister. She had to tell somepony the truth. There were so many things she had to do, too many. The princess took a deep breath. It was of the utmost importance she not act impulsively now; doing so might cost her everything. If she could find Moon Gazer, then she might be able use the same memory spell Celestia used to see what had actually happened to her – but if she was wrong, if Moon Gazer was just a particularly imaginative mare… Luna shook her head. This wasn’t just a nightmare, not for Moon Gazer at least. Luna, on the other hoof, felt like her nightmare had just started.

***

Moon Gazer sobbed in her bathroom as Crimson Skies pounded on the door. “Go away!” she shouted. “I don’t… I’m not real.”

“What do you mean?” Skies asked. “You feel pretty real to me, like… I can go find everypony at our office and they’ll all say you’re real too, if that’d help.”

“No, none of this… it’s all a lie,” Moon Gazer said between sobs as she cradled herself in the bathtub. “This is just a lie she made up for me. A lie, all a lie. I’m a lie. I shouldn’t be… I don’t… I want to be a lie, but I can’t, not now.

“You aren’t a lie, you’re Moon Gazer,” Skies said from her side of the door, “my marefriend. I get that you’ve been having a really tough time lately, but you really need to talk to somepony, just… tell me what’s wrong and I’ll do what I can to help you out. Just… please, can you come out of the bathroom? I just want to help.”

“I’m not though,” Moon Gazer sobbed. “I’m not Moon Gazer. I can’t remember who I am. She’s not real, but I want to be real. I want to be in love with you, I want to have a job at the observatory. I have everything I wanted, but it’s all fake. Just a lie she created.”

“Look, can you please just come out? We can talk about this outside, you know I won’t hurt you, right?”

Moon Gazer wanted to nod. Skies would never hurt her, Skies had done nothing but support her since they met, if she could trust anypony, it would be her. But why? Why would a womanizing flirt of a sailor stay with her through all this?

For the same reason she doesn’t like to drink, the shadow in her head told her. Celestia got to her, twisted her, to spy on me. If she could… If she could do what she did, how hard would it be to make a pony like us? She let out one more sob and punched a hole through her cloud wall. She needed to see Celestia. She had to fix this. She had to stop her. Glancing back at the door to her bathroom, she leapt from her cloud house and flew on to Canterlot.

***

Luna cursed as she teleported into Moon Gazer’s cloud home. Somepony had thrown debris everywhere, torn the bedsheets to tatters, and bashed the bathroom door open. She was too late, Moon Gazer was already gone. Luna trotted into the bathroom and found a hole hastily punched into the wall. In the distance, two ponies flew off in the direction of Canterlot, one speck of red trailing after a spec of black. The princess launched herself into the night sky and flew after them, struggling to catch up to them.

As she flew, the red speck caught up with the black one and entered into an uncontrolled dive. The black speck hovered in the air for a second before heading towards Canterlot. Luna flapped her wings and changed her course to catch the falling pony. If she hurried, she should just be able to catch the red pony before she met the ground.

***

“Moonie, please come back,” Skies shouted after the pegasus. “Just… we can fix this. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“No you can’t!” Moon Gazer shouted. “There’s nothing you can do to get rid of her. Nothing you can say that will change the truth. There’s only one pony who can do that.”

“Who? Tell me what’s going on and I’ll do what I can to help!” Skies said, desperately trying to keep up with her marefriend. Silent Shadow narrowed her eyes. She was on the streets of Canterlot, the guards was closing in on her. If she wanted to be free, she’d only have one shot at this.

Shadow pirouetted around to face her pursuer, swinging out one forehoof as she did so. The guard never had the chance to dodge and Shadow’s foreleg slammed into her pursuer’s throat. The pegasus crumpled up and fell towards the ground.

Moon Gazer hovered in the air and watched as her marefriend fell towards the ground miles below. In the distance, she saw a speck of blue change its course to catch the falling pegasus. “Please catch her,” Moon Gazer whispered as a voice in her head, she wasn’t sure which one, screamed at her to keep moving. She had to get to Celestia as quickly as possible. Only she could stop her.

***

As the moon sank towards the horizon, Celestia took a sip of her tea. Soon her ponies would wake up and go about their day, minds blessedly free of suffering. Nopony but her would ever have to know the depths to which a soul could sink to. Nopony but her would never have to know how easy it was to become a monster. The princess of the sun permitted herself a genuine smile at the thought of the upcoming day. With Luna running court for her,Celestia could actually take a day to enjoy herself, to walk amongst her little ponies and see how happy they were.

Soon, she promised herself as she closed her eyes. Soon I won’t have to do it anymore. Just a few more years to clean up the mess Tirek made, and Equestria will finally be happy. Soon–

Her thoughts were interrupted as a black pegasus shattered Celestia’s window. Glass flew through the air as the pegasus Celestia immediately recognized crashed onto the floor. “Moon Gazer!” Celestia said as she leapt to her hooves. Outside, guards threw the door open to see the cause of the disturbance.

“Leave us be!” the princess ordered as she looked down at the bloody pegasus. The glass had cut deep into her, and if untreated, the pegasus would be gone in moments. Celestia’s horn ignited, and slowly, the pony’s wounds began to mend.

Finally, the pegasus was restored, and her eyes opened to look up at the princess. “What were you thinking?” Celestia asked. “If you wished to speak with me, you could’ve made an appointment. You know I’m always happy to speak with you, Moon Gazer.”

“Should’ve let me go,” Moon Gazer said, her accent coarser. “This is where you killed me the first time.”

Celestia’s face twisted through a variety of emotions in the span of a second. She’d made a mistake somehow. Moon Gazer remembered who she shouldn’t be. “Shadow…” she said. “I’m so sorry you remembered her.”

“It’s all a lie,” Moon Gazer said, sobbing as she spoke in what Celestia thought of as her real voice. “I’m a lie, and I don’t want to be. I’m her and she’s in my head, and she won’t let me be happy. She won’t…”

Moon Gazer stopped speaking as Celestia’s magic wrapped around her and lifted her towards the princess. “It’s alright, Moon Gazer, I know it hurts now, and I can’t imagine what you must be going through, but I promise I will make it better.”

“I knew you could,” Moon Gazer said as she was pressed against the alicorn’s breast. “Skies… did you… did you force her to love me? To try to make me happy?”

Celestia shook her head and tried to smile at the other pony. “No, my little pony, her feelings for you were her own. She loves you of her own will, and I promise when you wake up, she will still love you freely. I would never take that from you.” It was a lie. Everything was a lie, but it was what Moon Gazer needed to hear right now. How could she bear anymore harsh realities? Would knowing that Skies had accidentally killed somepony in a drunken brawl take her pain away? Would knowing that Celestia had twisted Skies to desire a stable, monogamous relationship make this moment any better?

“Thank you,” Moon Gazer said, smiling up at the princess. “I think… somepony caught her. I… Shadow hurt her when she was chasing me. I wanted to catch her, but the screaming made me fly on. I hope she’s okay, I couldn’t forgive myself if...” Moon Gazer sobbed

Celestia smiled and looked up. Her sister was standing at the balcony, a red pegasus draped over her back. “I assure you, she’s fine,” Celestia said, stroking Moon Gazer’s mane. “Once you wake up, you’ll be together again, and all this will be a forgotten dream, I promise.”

Moon Gazer gave a nod and closed her eyes as the glow from Celestia’s horn brightened. She felt a warm tide pulling her out into the deep ocean, and she was happy to let it take her. The shadow in her head gave out one last anguished cry before being swept out to sea as well.

For a few brief moments, Celestia was Moon Gazer. She felt her pain from the last month, felt her sense of identity slowly crumble. Celestia surrounded that pain with her magic and pulled it away from Moon Gazer, planting it in herself. Nopony but Celestia would ever have to feel this anguish again.

That was the other edge of the sword. In order for her to properly bury or remove a pony’s memories, Celestia had to experience them herself. She felt the pain of a child who saw her parents devoured by a chimaera. The remorse of a pony who lashed out in anger and destroyed the only thing he loved. The hatred that inspired ponies to do unspeakable things. The cold indifference that could twist a sweet filly into a thief. She felt it so nopony else would.

Celestia gently placed Moon Gazer down on the ground as her horn stopped glowing. She looked up at her sister and found herself unable to keep the tears from her eyes. “Please,” she choked, “I know what you’re going to say, just let me see Crimson Skies, she… she doesn’t need to remember what Moon Gazer did to her. They should be happy with each other… they shouldn’t suffer because of my mistake.”

Luna sighed and placed Crimson Skies in front of her sister. Celestia closed her eyes as her horn ignited, the faint aura of golden magic surrounding both Celestia’s horn and Crimson Skies. Celestia let out a sigh as the magic faded. Somepony else knew her secret now; for the first time in a thousand years, she could be honest. For the first time in a thousand years, she sobbed in front of her sister.

“Do you know how it felt? Not being able to save you? You were my other half, and I just… I let you destroy yourself. If I had done anything at all, maybe I could have stopped you from becoming Nightmare Moon, but I didn’t, I just let you do it. Then… after you were gone, I had to judge ponies, and every time I sent one to prison, I felt the same pain I did when I sent you to the moon,” Celestia said, sobbing and unable to look her younger sister in the eyes.

“Some of them, most of them weren’t bad ponies, just products of their environment. There was one, Harsh Lessons, I remember… his father tortured him when he was growing up, beat him for speaking out of turn, and so he grew up to be a monster as well. He hurt other innocent ponies, and I was supposed to kill him, but I thought… maybe if he had a better life, he wouldn’t be here. Maybe he could have lived a better life, and so that’s what I did, I gave him a better life, took away his need to hurt ponies, took away the pain his father gave him and left somepony happier behind.”

Celestia felt a tingle of warmth as she remembered the rest of the story. “And it worked, I turned him into a happy, productive member of society… I liked to check in on him occasionally, see how he was doing, and every time he was so happy. He had a filly, and by all accounts was an excellent father. For the first time since you were gone, I felt good, I felt like I had helped somepony. I felt like… if I could save them, I could save you. I thought if I got rid of all the evil in Equestria, I could save you, so I did. I spent the next thousand years making sure nopony suffered. I worked so hard to make sure nopony ever needed to be banished again. To make sure nopony ever felt my loss again. I thought that since I already hurt… well, I could stand to hurt a little bit more.”

She smiled and looked at Moon Gazer and Crimson Skies. “Now look at them, they’re so happy. I took away all that pain, and left something good behind. When they wake up, they’ll be happily engaged, and all of this will be forgotten like a bad dream…” Celestia took a deep breath and looked up at her sister, the justice of Equestria, now standing over her. “I know what the law says, I know I… I never had it in me to change the law, to make the sentence for tampering with another’s mind against their consent anything less than death. I don’t blame you for what you have to do, just… promise me you’ll make sure they stay happy. Keep them from knowing our pain.”

Her sister’s forelegs wrapped around Celestia, and Celestia let her sister’s coat drink up the tears on her cheeks. “Don’t worry, Tia,” Luna said, hugging Celestia the same way Celestia hugged Luna when they were fillies. Celestia felt the warm tingle of magic wrap around her body, pulling her mind towards slumber. She didn’t fight it. “You’re right, I think. Sometimes, a pony needs mercy more than justice.”

Celestia closed her eyes and smiled.