Rainbow Dash And Fluttershy Get Drunk On Cider And Then Laugh A Lot

by angelbunny

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Fluttershy
Length: 2822

Rarity foils a scheme hatched by Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy to steal her emergency bottle of cider.

Rainbow Dash loves cider. Fluttershy loves cider. Rarity loves cider.
Neither Rainbow Dash nor Fluttershy have any cider. Rarity has one bottle of cider.
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy form an alliance to steal Rarity’s bottle of cider.
Rarity discovers this plan to steal her cider.
And it
Is
On

(based on the 1930 Laurel & Hardy classic short film Blotto)

Published 2014-09-18 00:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-19 22:18:04 UTC

Drinking Out Loud

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, bundled up in their hats, boots and scarves for the winter weather, had just finished putting the final touches on a snowpony they had spent the last hour building together. They were on the outskirts of town with nopony else around but the trees to keep them company. As Cloudsdale natives, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy never got to play in the snow when they were foals and now that they lived in Ponyville, the two friends felt the need to enjoy a second foalhood together every winter to do some serious catching up.

“There,” said Fluttershy. “All done.”

“That we are,” said Rainbow Dash, admiring their hoofiwork. “You know something, ‘shy? We make a pretty good team.”

“The best friends always do,” said Fluttershy as she nuzzled Rainbow Dash affectionately. Since they were alone, Rainbow Dash indulged her friend and nuzzled back.

“Hey, wanna make snow angels with me?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Sure,” said Fluttershy.

The pegasi picked a spot and did a synchronized fall on their backs.

“Summer’s nice and all,” said Rainbow Dash as she and Fluttershy stretched their legs out and scissored them to push the snow away, “but there’s nothing like good old winter to make a pony really take in the visuals and appreciate the beauty of nature.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” said Fluttershy as she took in the beauty of the white sky.

“I do know of at least one thing that could make it even better though."

“Me, too.”

“Cider,” they said, followed by a sigh and a pout.

“Cider season can’t get here soon enough for me,” continued Rainbow Dash. “It’s all I can think about this time of year. To be honest, I think about it all year round – but winter is the hardest because it means the wait’s the longest.”

“Oh, I know exactly how you feel, Rainbow Dash. Why, I think that I’d do just about anything for a cupful.”

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow.

“Annnnnnnnything?” she asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

“Um... just about anything,” replied Fluttershy as she sat up and looked at Rainbow Dash. “What did you have in... oh, dear... I know that face! It’s the Rainbow-Dash-has-an-idea-and-Fluttershy-needs-to-start-panicking-immediately face! AAAAAAHH!!”

Fluttershy attempted to fly away but Rainbow Dash, who was one step ahead of her friend, bit her tail to keep her grounded. Fluttershy dropped and disappeared in the snow.

“Relax,” said Rainbow Dash as she walked over to Fluttershy and helped her out of the snow. “There’s nothing to panic about.”

“There’s always something to panic about,” declared Fluttershy. “It’s just a matter of how soon one should get a jump on it.”

“Well, my idea is nothing to panic about.”

“If it’s all the same to you, why don’t you tell me what it is and let me be the judge?”

“Rarity and I are two very different ponies. I live for the moment while she likes to plan ahead. I drink every drop of cider I can get my hooves on while she has the willpower to save some for the off-season. I happen to know that she keeps a bottle of hard cider tucked away in her basement. If there was a certain pony who had the key to Rarity’s house, a certain other pony could sneak inside while she’s chillaxing at the spa for her regular four o’clock visit and grab that bottle. We could have at least one and a half cups apiece.”

“But nopony else has the key to Rarity’s house except Rarity herself and-”

Fluttershy gasped.

“Oh, my goodness!" she peeped. "You don’t mean to tell me that you want me to let you into Rarity’s house so that you can take her cider, do you?”

“What a great idea!" said Rainbow Dash. "Fluttershy, you’re a genius!”

“But that’s stealing! Isn’t it?”

“Not if we replace it with another bottle before the end of the next cider season. That thing just sits around collecting dust. She’ll never even know it’s gone.”

“I don’t think so, Rainbow Dash. Rarity trusts me with that spare key. How would you like it if she helped herself to something in your home without asking?”

“I’d be pretty darned impressed if she could even reach it. My cloudominium is way up in the sky.”

“That’s not my point and you know it.”

“Fluttershy, do you remember the way cider feels when it slowwwwwly trickles down your throat... and the way your stomach gets that warrrrrm, tingly feeling inside as its awesomeness travels through your body... and spreads alllllll the way down to your hooves?”

“Yes... oh, yes...” Fluttershy closed her eyes and smiled as she vividly recalled the sensation. She shook her head rapidly and opened her eyes. “...but stealing is stealing.”

“Stealing is such an ugly word. Rarity is the spirit of the Element of Generosity. I’m willing to bet that she’d probably give us the cider if we asked for it.”

“Oh? Well, why didn’t you say so? If you’re so sure of that, then let’s go do that instead. Cider, here we come!”

"NO!" cried Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy took off flying once again but was brought back down into the snow by Rainbow Dash again. Fluttershy rolled onto her back to find Rainbow Dash standing over her.

"I mean..." Rainbow Dash sneered at her stubborn goody two-horseshoes friend. "Grrrr... Look, here's the deal. You let me in the house, I grab the bottle, and we’ll split the loot fifty-fifty, okay? Now, are you in or not?”

“I’m not,” replied Fluttershy.

“All right, then. I didn’t want to do this but you leave me no choice. Just remember: you asked for it.”

“Oh, no! No! Wait! Please!”

Rainbow Dash blew a raspberry on Fluttershy’s tummy.

“WAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!” squealed Fluttershy as she wriggled to free herself from Rainbow’s torture.

“Give up now and make this easy on yourself!” demanded Rainbow Dash.

“I can’t!” whimpered Fluttershy. “I shouldn’t!”

Rainbow Dash blew several raspberries on Fluttershy’s tummy in rapid succession on different spots.

“AAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! STOP!! STOOOOP!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU’RE KILLING MEE-HEE-HEEEEEE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!”

“Pinkie promise to let me into Rarity’s house or you get the next one under your wings.”

“Oh-no-no-no-no, not that! Anything but that!” begged Fluttershy. “All right! You win! I Pinkie promise! I PINKIE PROMIIIIISE!!”

Taking Fluttershy at her word, she stood up and let her friend be.

“Yes!” shouted Rainbow Dash triumphantly as she flew in circles. “We’re get-tin’ ciiiiii-der, we’re get-tin’ ciiiiii-der.” Fluttershy spent the next minute lying in the snow, snickering from the lingering effect of Rainbow Dash’s assault.

“There ought to be a law against threatening a pegasus with underwing raspberries,” said Fluttershy with a pout and a sniffle.

“If the idea of taking Rarity’s cider bothers you that much, I’d be more than willing to drink the whole bottle myself.”

“The hoof you will! If I’m going to be an accomplice, I’m getting my cut. It’s almost four o’clock now. Let’s fly to Carousel Boutique and do this. Mama needs her medicine.” Fluttershy licked her lips as she held her right forehoof out to Rainbow Dash for a hoofbump.

Rainbow Dash smiled. She loved when Fluttershy was into a plan of hers, especially if it was a mischievous one.

“Bump...” said Rainbow Dash as her hoof came in contact with Flutershy’s.

“...Chaaaa,” said Fluttershy as they pulled their hooves away from one another simultaneously.

As Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy flew off, a pair of levitated mugs of hot chocolate fell into the snow. Rarity was in the process of bringing them a treat when she hid behind a tree and overheard the two pegasi plot to burgle her.

“Why, those little miscreants!” growled Rarity. “I’ll... I’ll...”

Rarity paused for a moment.

“Hmm... If it’s a bottle of cider they want, then it’s a bottle of cider they’ll get. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa...” Rarity took a shortcut back to her house to prepare for the betrayal.

Easy Come, Queasy Go

Fluttershy slammed the door to her cottage shut after Rainbow Dash entered with the pilfered cider bottle tucked underneath her wing.

"Do you think anypony spotted us?" asked Fluttershy, pulling the blinds down and peeked out of the window.

"Nopony who suspects that we're doing anything without Rarity's permission," said Rainbow Dash as she placed the bottle on the coffee table. "Shall I get the... cups?"

She looked at Fluttershy who was seated on the couch. She was smiling and her face was red with embarrassment. Two cups were ready and waiting on the coffee table.

"You little polecat, you!" said Rainbow Dash with a smile. "You want to drink this just as badly as I do but you won't admit it."

"Oh, hush," said Fluttershy.

Rainbow Dash opened the cider and poured an equal amount in both cups. She hoofed one to Fluttershy and held her own cup aloft.

“To good friends who give other good friends their spare keys,” said Rainbow Dash.

“I really wish you wouldn't bring that up," said Fluttershy. "My cider's going to be sour enough with guilt as it is."

They touched cups and guzzled their drinks. Fluttershy squirmed and scrunched her face up at the taste of the cider.

"Uh, Rainbow Dash," said Fluttershy. "Does this taste a little odd to you?"

"The first sip always has a bit of a bite to it if you haven't had any in a while," said Rainbow Dash, topping off their cups and finishing the bottle.

Fluttershy put down her cup. She snorted as a smile grew upon her face. A gentle giggle crossed her lips, followed by another that was a pitch higher and lasted longer than the one before it. And another. And another. She leaned her right foreleg on the table while covering her face with her left forehoof as her alcohol-induced giggle upgraded to a full on belly laugh.

Rainbow Dash watched with a confused look on her face as Fluttershy's laughter with a confused look on her face.

“What’s so funny?” asked Rainbow Dash, always interested in a good laugh.

Fluttershy sniffled as her laughter fell to a whimpering chuckle. She wiped her eyes and leaned in to explain to Rainbow Dash what had tickled her funny bone so.

“When... Rarity finds out... we drank her cider-ha-haaaaaaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!”

Rainbow Dash covered her mouth as she sputtered with laughter imagining the grouchy look on Rarity’s face.

“Oh-my-gosh,” said Rainbow Dash with a sniffle. “She’s-gonna-be-so-hoofing-ticked-off! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!”

“I-know! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!”

“She’s...” Rainbow Dash gasped as did her best to suppress her laughter long enough to perform an imitation of Rarity. “She’s-gonna-be-all..." Rainbow Dash ground her teeth and furrowed her brow. "GRRRRRRR-pffftha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!”

Fluttershy lifted her hoof and pointed at Rainbow Dash in acknowledgement of her dead-on accurate imitation.

“Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-that-was-perfect-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

The front door opened and Rarity, wearing a pair of saddlebags, let herself in. Since Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were yukking it up on the couch, she entered undetected. She approached her friends and stood there quietly.

Rainbow Dash looked up and noticed that Rarity was standing beside them. She stopped laughing and tapped Fluttershy on the shoulder.

“Uh... 'shy?" she said. "You have a vi-si-torrrrr.”

Fluttershy’s laughter subsided long enough to address this visitor who might very well be a stranger. She turned her head and when she laid eyes on Rarity, she exploded in a screaming fit of laughter that surpassed her previous fit, her lungs bringing up high pitched chirps of hysterical mirthspeak.

Rainbow Dash, subjected to both Fluttershy’s renewed laughter as well as Rarity’s angry face, began to bark with her own laughter. Tears flowed from her tightly shut eyes and streamed down her cheeks as she reared her head back and lost herself to her amusement.

“I see that you find something humorous,” said Rarity with a deadpan tone. “Would you care to share it with me?”

Fluttershy whimpered as she wiped her runny nose with a hoofkerchief.

“You-tell-her!” squeaked Fluttershy to Rainbow Dash as her mouth hung open to belt out more guffaws. “Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

Rainbow Dash shook her head.

“No-you-tell-her!” squeaked Rainbow Dash in at least as high a pitch as Fluttershy. “Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

Fluttershy shook her head, believing herself to be too unstable to break the news to Rarity properly.

“You-tell-her-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

“I-can’t! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! It’s-too-funny! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!” Rainbow Dash repeatedly pounded the side of her right forehoof against the table in an attempt “It'll-be-funnier-if-you tell her! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

Fluttershy nodded, sniffling back moisture as she snickered.

“You're-right-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Pass-me-the-empty-bottle-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

Rainbow Dash slid the bottle across the table in Fluttershy’s direction. The butter yellow pegasus looked at it. It was the perfect prop. She picked up the bottle and turned it upside down to illustrate quite clearly that both she and Rainbow Dash polished off the entire bottle. She struggled to stop laughing long enough to take in the breath she’d need to break the news to Rarity. Once she captured it, she spoke as quickly as she could, knowing that her confession was going to send Rarity over the edge with irritation.

“W-We-drank-your-ciDER-HA-HAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAA!!”

Rarity was treated to the sight of the roofs of her friends’ mouths as both pegasi reared their heads back. As tears fountained outward from both pegasi’s eyes, Fluttershy quickly placed the bottle on the table and winced as she held her stomach which was in unbearable agony from squealing with laughter as hard as she had ever laughed at anything before. Her ability to sit upright abandoned her and she slid so low in her chair that her back was almost resting on the seat. She knew that Rarity had every right to be upset with her and she would certainly apologize to her for it later. But right now, Rarity’s reaction was ridiculously funny.

A sustained wheeze came out of Rainbow Dash’s wide open mouth as she covered her eyes with her forehooves, unable to look at Rarity any longer. Her face looked so funny to her that she feared that one more glance at it would literally kill her. She convulsed, turned to her right and dropped to the floor but the pain she felt in the shoulder upon which she landed was all but muted by the ache that had been throbbing in her abdomen for the past three minutes.

Fluttershy’s jiggling yellow tummy paused briefly to squeaked some unintelligible words to Rainbow Dash in a pitch that only Winona was likely to hear.

Rarity had had enough of their joke.

Now it was time for hers.

“Actually, that wasn’t my bottle of hard cider that you two drank,” stated Rarity.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy’s laughter all but ceased and they sat up once again, puzzled by how they could have cut loose and enjoyed themselves so much without being under the influence of alcohol.

“It wasn’t?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“No, it wasn’t,” said Rarity. “That bottle you stole was a decoy. Here’s the real bottle of cider.” She opened her saddlebag and levitated her genuine bottle.

“But if that’s your cider, what did we just drink?” asked Fluttershy.

“Oh, just a concoction of my own design that I threw together at the last minute,” said Rarity. “I call it a Cider Thief Cocktail. It contains some recently fermented apple juice, a bit of apple cider vinegar, some ground ginger root for flavor... and... something else. Hmm... what was that last ingredient? Ah, yes.” Rarity smirked as she recalled the ingredient. “Syrup of ipecac.”

Both pegasi looked at each other as a feeling of queasiness overtook them. They shivered as their faces slowly turned a sickly shade of green. Covering their mouths with their forehooves, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy frantically flew through the front door together, temporarily jamming themselves in the doorway before exiting the cottage.

Rarity took a seat in Fluttershy’s chair and opened her bottle.

“Salud,” she said. Rarity brought the bottle to her lips and took a healthy draught. She placed it back on the table, closed her eyes, and allowed herself a smug little laugh as she leaned back in her chair.

Rarity’s eyes shot open. She sensed that something wasn’t right. After hearing her stomach gurgle in protest, she knew that something wasn’t right. She began to shiver and her face turned an unsightly shade of green.

“B-But... how can this be?” she asked. “I only m-made one bottle of f-fake cider. This... ulp... doesn’t make any sense!”

A burst of light filled the room for a split second and Discord, Master of Chaos, appeared.

“And what fun is there in making sense?” he asked.

Ignoring Discord’s question, Rarity dashed out the front door with extreme urgency.

Discord walked over to the doorway to watch Rarity shower the daisies with the contents of her stomach. He snapped his fingers and made Rarity’s genuine bottle of cider appear. He opened it and took a drink.

"No one plays a prank on Fluttershy except me," he said, sticking his tongue out at Rarity.