Something Stupid is Afoot
“Eah!” Jeremiah Gottwald was surprised that he had survived the explosion. He was even more surprised to find himself in such a large room, as he was in a cramped robot only moments before. He liked the fact the Get Funky was playing softly in the background, but he wasn’t crazy about the design of the place though. The ceiling above him appeared to be very, very high, and was painted to look like a beautiful blue sky with swirly white clouds floating around. Curved purple paned windows were set sporadically throughout the room and the floor around him was full of simple crosses made of sticks. “Where am I?” He demanded angrily.
“Let’s see here,” said a kid dressed in black in white with black and white hair who stood in front of a tall tombstone shaped screen with candle holders on it. “You must be Jeremiah Gottwal--”
“I am Jeremiah Gottwald!” Jeremiah interrupted rudely.
“Ok.” The kid replied.
“What is going on here?” Jeremiah demanded.
“Well let be the first to welcome you to Death City,” the kid began. “Basically you’re here because you died, and it’s our job to send you to your appropriate afterlife.”
“There must be some mistake, Jeremiah Gottwald, does not die.”
“Well according to this,” the kid said as he held up a piece of paper. “You were killed by, not surprised to see this, my cousin. Where apparently,” he glanced at the paper expressionlessly, already knowing that if he cousin was involved, this man had died a very stupid death. “He made you explode.” The kid was taken slightly aback at the wording on his official document. “That is actually what it says on this piece of paper.”
“Check it again.”
“Um, ok.” The kid looked at the paper again, more to humor the new soul more than anything. “Yeah, you’re still dead.”
“Check it. Again.” Jeremiah said pointedly, taking no notice of the portal quickly opening and closing behind the kid as a man in a straw hat, red vest, jean shorts and sandals fell through screaming.”
“Still dead,”
“Check it again!” Jeremiah order loudly.
“Still dead,” the kid shouted back as the newest arrival teleported over to them. A moment passed in awkward silence before the straw-hatted-one decided to break it.
“Check it again,” he said.
“You! Yellow-eyed-one,” Jeremiah said, ignoring the straw-hatted-one. “What is your name?”
“Death the Kid,” Death the Kid replied boredly.
“Then prepare yourself, Death the Kid, to face the pain of a thousand.” Jeremiah let his threat linger in the air.
“A thousand what?” Kid asked exasperatedly. Another moment of silence passed amongst them and Kid grunted angrily.
Then Jeremiah F. Gottwald and the straw-hatted-one were teleported away with a heavenly hum as Kid was forced to deal with another annoying soul. Apparently he was a pokemon breeder.
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In the middle of the Everfree forest a lone Zebra scavenged for ingredients for her next potion. “Now, leaves of green and stems of blue, those are the only plants that will do.” Suddenly, shouting erupted throughout the forest. “By Celestia’s crown, what is going down?” She walked toward the shouting, hoping that nopony was injured. As she neared the voices she realized that one of them was carrying out a single sustained gruff shout while another, higher pitched voice, was trying to shut his companion up.
“Stop shouting!” The voice demanded.
“I think I’m shtuck!” The gruff voice shouted back then continued screaming wordlessly.
“What, seriously?”
“Ha, nah,” the gruff voice laughed.
“Whatever, where are we?”
“No clue. Lasht thing I remember ish bein’ in shome emo kidsh room with ya’ and now were here.”
“Yeah, hang on. Where were you before that?”
“I wash talkin’ to a rock then I jumped into it and I was taken to that weird room.”
“Huh, I was in a robot before.”
“Kickash!” the gruff voice shouted enthusiastically.
“Eh, not really, I was fighting some annoying anarchist chick earlier then she lazer's me till my mech exploded.”
“Shtill sounds pretty epic to me.”
“Excuse me,” the zebra called out as she continued toward the voices. “I came out this way, for shouting I had heard. Are either of you inured?”
“Ahh!” The gruff voice shouted. “The foresht ish shpeaking to me and for shome reason it shounds like a black woman!”
“Oh, what, that a problem for you?” The higher voice asked edgidly.
“Nope, jusht callin’ it like I shee it.”
“To me it sounds as though are unharmed, you did give me quite the alarm.”
“Yeah, well we did kinda’ just get thrown through space and time so we’re kinda’ buggin’ out too.”
“Are you sure it was through time ashwell?”
“Oh yeah, totally. Saw an old ass castle and some rainbows on our way in. Everybody knows castles and rainbows are only found in the past”
“Don’t you live in a highly technically advanshed monarchy?”
“Eh, details.”
“I am glad that you are fine, but if you wish not to die,” the zebra said as she entered the clearing the two voices were coming from. “I strongly encourage you to, oh my.” Never in her life had the zebra seen creatures quite like those in front of her. They were both tall, bipedal, ape-like creatures and were nearly hairless except for the tops of their heads, one having blue-ish hair and the other having jet black hair. A heavy silence hung in the air until the straw hatted one decided to break it.
“Oh my god!” He gasped and pointed a shaky finger at the zebra. “It’sh eyesh are groteshquely ginormoush! That meansh that it’sh adorable!”
“Yeah I guess it is kinda cute.” Jeremiah said. “Pretty hard to find it sexually appealing though.”
“What?” The pirate asked and looked back at Jeremiah.
“What?” Jeremiah asked and looked back at the pirate.
“What?” the zebra asked and looked at both of them. Silence fell over the clearing again.
“Anyway,” Jeremiah said and addressed the zebra. “What’s your deal?”
“My name is Zecora and I live here in the Everfree, away from civilization with many a bountiful tree.”
“That’s cool. You wouldn’t happen to know what we’re doing here would you?”
“I’m afraid I do not, perhaps I know someone who you can ask why here you were brought.”
“Oh no.” the pirate said. “I got a funny feelin’ that if we find out why were here we’ll be roped into hsomething reeeeeeal shtupid and I don’t have any time to washte.”
“What are you doin’ that’s so important.”
“I’m on the quest to find a treashure that’sh shaid to bring true happinesh. Also I think left the oven on in Mish. Kiya’sh kitchen.”
[Thirty Minutes Ago]
“C’mon, jusht trusht me,” Luffy said to his green-haired swordsman.
“I dunno dude. I’m pretty sure you gotta take the pizza out of the box before you put it in the oven.”
“No one cares!” The pirate shouted and watched as his pizza began cooking.
“Also, shouldn’t we be waiting for those pirates to show up?”
“Oh yeah, that remindsh me. Watch the pizza Zorro, I’ve got something I need to take care of.” With that, the pirate ran out of the kitchen, leaving the swordsman to watch the pizza.
[Thirty Minutes Later]
“Zorro!” Nami shouted as she entered the kitchen. “The pirates are here! We need you to-” She halted her speech when she realized that the entire kitchen was on fire and Zorro was standing in front of the oven, engulfed in flames. “What the hell happened here?”
“I WAS WATCHING THE PIZZA!”
[Now]
“Ah whatever, I’m sure that everything’sh fine.”
“And everything will be better if you follow me,” the zebra said and turned to leave the clearing. “I can lead you to safety and where answers might be.”
“Sounds better than just standing around here,” Jeremiah admitted. “What do you think Straw Hat?”
“I think we’re about to get involved in shomething very shtupid.”
“And?”
“And, I got a feeling that it’sh going to be poorly thought out and badly written.”
“And that’s different for us, how?”
“Fair point.”
And so, Monkey D. Luffy and Jeremiah F. Gottwald followed the zebra and left the clearing, not knowing that something stupid, was indeed afoot.
“Shee! I told you!”
