A Ghost Of A Chance

Chapter 3: Feeling Pinkie Mean

It was a glorious winter day in Equestria. The air was cool and brisk, the early morning sky bright and blue, and the fresh snow white and soft. Pinkamena Diane Pie was alone, ice skating on the frozen lake just outside of Ponyville. She liked it here: although she wasn’t as into nature as, say, Fluttershy was, she could still enjoy the privacy and isolation of the place. Even though she was a party pony at heart, sometimes all Pinkie wanted was a little alone time: just a few hours by herself to ponder on her own thoughts. That’s why she made sure to get up so early every day during the winter season; so she could come here and skate, spend a little time to herself. Pinkie did another 360 degree twirl on the ice, landing perfectly on all fours again. The pink earth pony let out a giggle. She was sure having fun! She missed this place when it came time for winter wrap up though. She wished she could have this quiet place, a place of her own, all year long. Still though, Pinkie had learnt to enjoy things whilst they last. Like every great party, nothing lasts forever. Why not just have fun whilst you have the chance? Pinkie stopped short suddenly, freezing in mid-jump. First of all, her tail twitched like crazy. Obviously her Pinkie sense was going haywire.

“Twitchy tail?” she mumbled. “Twitchy tail, twitchy tail, twitchy tail. Hmmm, that means something is going to...”

Pinkie was interrupted by a loud THUMP! as a hurtling object fell apparently out of the sky and onto the ice, not far from where she was standing. Then her ears began to flap, her back itched and her knees twitched. Pinkie counted each off on her hoof. “Hmmm... ear flap, itchy back, twitchy knees...? That’s a doozy!” With an excited gasp, Pinkie spun her legs furiously in circles for a few seconds, like in a cartoon, before propelling her off at great speed towards the unknown object.

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‘Hello? Hey, wake up!’

Mumbling incoherently, Ghost slowly rose his head. His ears were still ringing from the fall, stars and bright lights dancing before his eyes. And there was another larger shape looming over him, shifting and stretching through the brightness.

‘Hey! Get up, sleepy head!’

Ghost grumbled again, and shook his dazed head violently from side to side. Slowly, he raised his battered body off of the ground, trying to find balance on the marble- like ice. Every fibre of his being ached like hell, his bones creaking and groaning in protest to the movement.

Ghost placed a shaking hoof to his throbbing forehead. “Jesus Christ,” he mumbled aloud. “Where am I?”

“Well, duh!” came the same voice that had spoken previously. It sounded high pitched and female, with certain energy and hyperactive tone. Every word she spoke seemed to sprawl from her mouth in a single sentence, such was the speed of her speech. “You’re in Ponyville, silly!”

Ghost squinted his eyes at the dancing silhouette before him, (which had the unexplainable power to duplicate itself and merge simultaneously) which is where he assumed the voice was emanating from. The Texan gave his eyes another wipe with the back of his hoof. “I had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that I...” Ghost stopped the sentence short, the words of the unknown figure suddenly registering in his half dazed mind. “Wait, where did you say I was?”

“Ponyville, mister! I haven’t seen you before though, and I know EVERYPONY here in Ponyville, which means you must be...NEW!”

Ghost laughed quietly to himself. “Ya’ know, for a minute I...” The blurred image suddenly came into focus, Ghost’s eyes finally recovering from the fall, and what he saw scared the living shit out of him.

A bright pink pony stood a few inches away from him on the ice. She was on all fours, (each hoof adorned with an ice skate, apart from her front hoof which was bare and outstretched in greeting). Her pink mane was wild and bushy, much like her untamed tail. Both her eyes were blue in colour, opened wide in excitement. Her mouth was stretched into a wide (and slightly psychotic) grin. The mare stared Ghost up and down for a good few seconds.

And then she talked.

“Hi there!” she said in the same hyperactive tone, her left hoof still outstretched. “I’m Pinkie Pie! What’s your name?”

Ghost screamed like a girl. “Jesus Christ!”

The pony laughed in reply. “Hahahaha! What a strange name! Pleased to meet you, ‘Jesus Christ!’ I’m Pinkie Pie!”

Ghost fell backwards in shock, landing on his backside. What the hell was going on? That pony freakin’ talked! His eyes were wide with terror and disbelief. “No!” he cried, backing away from the pink monstrosity. “Get the hell away from me! Get away!”

“Its okay!” replied ‘Pinkie Pie’. “I won’t hurt you. I want to be your friend! I’m EVERYPONIES FRIEND! Even Cranky Doodle Donkey!”

“NO! You’re not real! Get away!” With that, Ghost bolted from the pony, slipping under legs in a desperate bid for freedom. He stumbled and staggered on the thin glassy ice, his legs spinning uncontrollably in all directions. He could hear the Pink pony right behind him, skating to keep up with him.

“JESUS CHRIST, WAIT!” she yelled. “I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS!”

Gasping heavily, a very fatigued Ghost collapsed onto the hard ice, sliding for a few meters before coming to a rest near a mound of snow. “You can’t be real...” he heaved, “...Ponies can’t talk.”

Pinkie slid to a stop in front of the collapsed Ghost. “Why, of course we can, silly! I can talk, and you can talk too, Jesus Christ!”

“I ain’t no Goddamned pony, neither.” He stuttered.

“Why, sure you are! Look!” The pony pointed to the ice.

With sharp inhale, Ghost turned his gaze to the ice, where he caught sight of his reflection for the first time.

A light grey pony stared back at him. It’s eyes were wide and bloodshot, and its face and mouth were more squared in comparison to Pinkie's. And there, nestled on top of the light blonde mane, was a black cowboy hat.

It was undeniably his hat.

It was undeniably his reflexion.

“No,” he stuttered, the reflexion mouthing his every word. “No, no, no, no, no. Oh, please God, no. How did this...how did I...” Ghost, for the first time in his life, was quite literally lost for words. Still sprawled upon the ice, he suddenly threw his two front hooves down in rage on the ice. “Those Goddamn maniacs! They... they TURNED ME INTO A PONY! AH, DAMN THEM! GODDAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!” And then he began to sob.

Pinkie watched the colt sobbing on the ice below her. “Hey, why are you so sad?”

“F-F@*k you!” she received a sobbed reply.

“I know what will cheer you up...a song!” As if from nowhere, happy music began to play.

And then Pinkie began to sing.

“My name is Pinkie Pie,

And I am here to say,

I’m gonna make you smile,

And I will brighten up your day...”

Ghost stopped crying and looked up at the singing, dancing pony. She was prancing and hopping around the lake, a cheesy grin plastered on her goofy face. Now, Ghost had seen a lot of screwed up shit in his life, but a singing dancing colourful pink talking ice skating pony probably took the biscuit. It was so screwed up, in fact, that it almost hypnotised him for a few moments, so much so that all of his troubles seemed to, if only for a second, melt away.

Pinkie Pie continued singing. “I like to see you grin (awesome!)

I love to see you beam! (rock on!)

The corners of your mouth turned up,

Is always Pinkie’s dream!

Hoof Bump!”

Pinkie had her hoof outstretched in Ghost’s face, the blade of her ice skate resting against his nose.

“Hoof bump!”

Ghost said nothing, instead giving her a look of disbelief.

“Okay!” she continued with her song, the music magically starting up again.

“Yes, a perfect gift to me,

Is a smile as wide as a mile,

To make me as happy as can be,

Smile smile smile smile smile smile smile...”

“Shut the hell up you stupid bitch!” exploded Ghost, interrupting her.

Pinkie was taken aback by the sudden outburst. “Well, that’s not very nice. I think we need a song on how to speak to others...”

As quick as a flash, Ghost was up and holding Pinkie’s lips closed tightly with his hoof. “So help me God,” he growled menacingly, “If you sing one more Goddamned song, I will beat your sorry ass, kick your dog, and drown your goldfish. YOU HEAR ME!”

Pinkie managed to mumble, “I don’t have a dog or a fish. I have an alligator. His name is Gummy and...”

“I don’t give a crap. Now, listen very closely. I AM NOT FROM HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. AND I WANT TO GO HOME, RIGHT FREAKIN’ NOW!”

“You mean you came from Ponyland? Caneighda? Where?” she replied, managing to free her lips from his grasp.

“No, I ain’t from...HERE. THIS WORLD. I don’t know what in the hell happened, but one minute I was in my office, the next I’m here. AS A PONY!”

Pinkie sighed matter-of-factly, “Oh, you mean you were from a different dimension when you were pulled through a rift in time and space, re-appearing in our world in a changed physical state?”

Ghost’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Yeah, sure! Please, I need you to send me back home! Back to my world!”

“Oh ,I can’t do that!” she chirped happily.

“Why the hell not?”

“Cos! I just made that up, silly!”

Ghost narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brow. “I swear, this hoof is going in your mouth...”

“But,” she continued, “If you are lost and want to find your way back home, I’m sure Twilight can help! She’s super duper smart!”

“And where the hell is this, ‘Twilight?’” Ghost asked sceptically.

“Oh, she lives in the Ponyville library! She will want to meet you! Come on, Jesus Christ, follow me!” with that, she turned and bounced away, down a snow covered path which lead through the white plains and to a small dot in the distance, which was probably the ‘Ponyville’ this pink character was talking of. And while she bounced, she continued to chatter on. “And then we can have a welcome party! I can bake you a cake, because I work at the Sugarcube Corner Bakery, and we do really nice cupcakes by the way, and then we can play pin the tail on the pony, and the banner can say ‘Happy birthday, Jesus! (Even if it isn’t your birthday.) And then...”

Ghost watched the prancing pony disappear behind a mound of snow. He didn’t really trust her, nor did he trust himself. After all, he was probably still asleep. Or dead. Or drunk. Or maybe all three. Still, for the time being, sticking with the pony was the best bet of getting home just in case this was actually happening. With a sigh and a swear, Ghost the Texan pony stared off towards Ponyville.