Scotland Cedes from the UK; the Crystal Empire Joins

by Palm Palette

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Princess Cadance
Length: 1836

Scotland voted for independence from the United Kingdom today, but another, equally shocking event also occurred: the Crystal Empire decided to join.

Scotland voted for independence from the United Kingdom today, but another, equally shocking event also occurred: the Crystal Empire decided to join.

Published 2014-09-18 16:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-18 16:30:04 UTC

Scotland Cedes from the UK; the Crystal Empire Joins

Author's Note

While this is about current events, I'm not trying to make a statement here. Try not to read too much into it.

Scotland Cedes from the UK; the Crystal Empire Joins

A slim but definite majority of Scotland's population voted for independence from the United Kingdom today on September 18, 2014. This monumental occasion will forever change the course of history for the UK and the newly independent Scotland. While the breakup won't be official for another two years, people are already preparing for Scottish independence. The leader of the Scottish Nationalist Party, Alex Salmond, was quoted as saying, “We bloody well did it.”

This decision breaks apart a very long-standing union, which dates back to 1707. Ties between the two countries are very deep and the terms of the breakup will likely be painful for both sides. The short-term economy might well be thrown into turmoil, but Scotland's long-term economic prospects look swell, thanks in no small part to Scotland's oil reserves in the North Sea.

While many foreign nations publicly expressed their desire for the UK to remain united, they were also quick to throw in their support of the new sovereignty. Many former British colonies, such as Australia, Canada, the US, New Zealand, and India held informal readings of their own declarations of independence and stated that while Scotland may have a long road ahead of it, the obstacles can be overcome and an independent Scotland can still be a great nation. They also expressed their sympathy for the remainder of the UK and stated that their relationships with that country have not changed.

British Prime Minister David Cameron was expected to tend his resignation over the loss of Scotland and the breakup of the union, but he instead make an equally surprising and historic announcement. The UK parliament voted in secret on Thursday to admit a new member to the union: The Crystal Empire.

What, exactly, is the Crystal Empire? As it turns out, it's a small sovereignty located in the magical land of Equestria inhabited by rather colorful sparkling and mostly translucent talking ponies. While the existence of this place comes as a shock to everyone else, it seems as though talks with the ponies had been going on in secret for a long time. The terms of their admission to the union are very detailed, and lay out many rights that their 'people' should enjoy as British citizens.

On the surface, all ponies will be given the same rights that humans have, and they will likewise adopt British laws and treat humans with the same respect they give fellow ponies. Scratch a little deeper and you'll note multiple concessions from both sides based on the inherent philological differences. For example, unicorns have a sharp horn on their head that they can use to channel potentially dangerous magics, but they are not considered to be 'armed' unless they're actually carrying a weapon. In places where security is necessarily tight, such as large sporting events, they did concede, however, to provide anti-magic screens that can temporarily disable this ability.

That was a major sticking point in the negotiations. Princess Cadance, the previous leader of the Crystal Empire, was quoted as saying, “Magic is simply a part of what makes a unicorn a unicorn. Take that away from them and it's about as disorientating as losing your sense of balance, touch or taste. While I can understand being squeamish around something that you've never had any experience with, that's no excuse to essentially cripple a portion of my population.” Cadance is expected to win the general election and become the first Prime Minister of the Crystal Empire after the merge into the UK has been completed.

David Cameron had this to say about magic: “It's a bit unfortunate that the talks on the subject delayed the vote for their admission until after the Scotts won their bid for independence, but I'd like to point out that the discussion was important. Acts of magic performed on humans without consent or the consent of a legal guardian in the case of a minor, will be considered a crime, along with the use of magic to interfere with our infrastructure, such as altering traffic signals. We don't expect the ponies to intentionally cause problems; most of them aren't even unicorns, anyway, but we do expect some growing pains as our different species interact and get used to each other. These guidelines we've created together aren't set in stone and will be amended as necessary.”

When questioned about this development, Alex Salmond said, “They're giving citizenship and equal rights to weird sparkly horse-like things? Has the world gone mad?” Given that Scotland successfully won its independence, some would say that the world already had. “I mean, no offense to the Brits, but whatever they choose to do now doesn't really concern us, as we're now an independent nation.”

That might not be entirely true, since Cadance plans to relocate the Crystal Empire from its location in Equestria to a newly-created island in the North Sea, suspiciously close to the region's oil deposits. Cadance doesn't plan to lay any claim to them, but the British parliament may choose to do so after the ponies have moved in.

The ponies themselves might even make the oil unnecessary. Their pegasai can reportedly control the weather, and, if true, they could increase the efficiency of England's wind turbines along with improving the growing season for the nation's crops. Their earth pony farmers can work the land with such care that they should be able to improve crop yields substantially even without the use of fertilizer or other modern farming techniques. Thus, the sustainable resources might become cheaper and more abundant than oil. It could be the start of a new golden age for the UK, a golden age that Scotland is not going to be a part of.

Cadance had this to say about leasing uniquely pony services to other nations: “We can't allow ponies to venture into foreign nationalities until after we've gotten assurances that they'll treat us like equine, er, 'human' beings. That includes adding our own representatives to the current British embassies, and we can't really do that until after we've become an established member of the UK itself. That process might take years, sorry.”

There was an interesting discussion about currency too. While the ponies will be adopting the pound, they have a literal distaste for paper money. “We tried using paper money once, but our little ponies tended to chew on it. That experiment didn't last very long. Solid metal that you can hold in your teeth is the way to go.”

They will accept paper money, but the Bank of England is issuing a run of higher-denomination coins specifically for use in their region. The paper money will be locally exchanged for coins at banks set up for that purpose. The coins will also replace the 'bit', which was the prior local currency.

Meanwhile, Scotland expressed its national desire to remain on the pound, but the UK isn't too keen on that arrangement. After Scotland formally cedes, they may get cut off from the teat of the Bank of England. When asked about what Scotland might do if they weren't allowed to share currency with the UK, Alex Salmond said this, “We'll find a way to stay on the Pound. It's the official currency, and would be a huge pain to change it. Plus what else could we use? Haggis?”

Princess Cadence had this to say about haggis: “Eww, yuck.”

While the reasons for Scotland's breakup from the UK are well known, less clear are the reasons for the Crystal Empire to join. Not only are they breaking off from the solar diarchy back home, but they're also literally transporting their city to a new world. Cadance was rather remorseful about the former, but felt as if she had good reasons for the latter.

“The Crystal Empire has had a very turbulent and dark past. We've recently emerged from a thousand year banishment back home, the result of a curse by a former despot who took the land with him after he himself was banished. When the Crystal Empire reemerged, that despot did too and tried to seize power again and subject my people to slavery. He was only stopped by the bravery and dedication of a few select individuals, myself included.

“More recently, a powerful demon escaped from Tartarus and drained all the magic away from the land to claim for himself. He very nearly destroyed the world, but he was stopped before he could do more than level some poor trees. Even before the Crystal Empire returned, I bore witness to the world being turned into a plaything for a God of Chaos. And before that, another villain wanted to plunge our world into eternal darkness. I hate to say it, but Equestria just isn't a safe place to live. Earth might have its fair share of problems, but at least you don't face the prospect of world-ending disasters twice a year.”

Prince Shining Armor, Cadance's consort and leader of the Crystal Empire's military also had this to say, “Look, we do know what we're getting into by coming to Earth. We had a chance to study this world through the use of a portal that opens for only three days every three moons. You humans have a rather long history of violence, but you're not inherently evil. By joining with a local government from the get-go, we hope to avoid any conflict that our arrival might otherwise create. The UK might not be the strongest nation in the world, but it's one of the oldest, and it has a Queen, which is a huge plus. It's also very stable, even considering the recent breakup with Scotland. We do believe that they can protect our interests, and we can help to protect theirs.

“One more thing I'd like to add: those Chinese who consume rhino horns are real sickos. If they decide to develop a taste for unicorn horns after poaching the rhinos into extinction, well, let's just say that I've heard that the US might be looking for a place to house their nuclear weapons after Scotland kicks them out. We might be a peaceful race by nature but we will act to defend ourselves. Any attempt to hunt or enslave us will be treated as an act of war.”

The United States has not commented on Shining's proposal to relocate the nuclear weapons.

There you have it folks: one nation, Scotland, acted to break away from its long-standing union with the United Kingdom and another nation, the Crystal Empire, acted to join it on the very same day. Whether or not this proves to be a good decision for the nations involved will be up for history to decide, but whatever the outcome, we can all be certain that monumental events have occurred on this day.