Chapters I am Scootaloo. I live like a normal filly. Well, in the eyes of normal ponies, that is. I am basically a fun filly always bouncing around and having fun. Always putting a smile on my face.
But the truth is, I don't feel exactly happy.
I go home, in the dark, feeling the wet ground on my hooves, going through streets and narrow alleys.
Why do I have to put up walking through the alleys to get to my house? Well you see now it’s become everyday life for me.
You got to be tough. You got to be tough. Are the encouraging words I tell myself as I walk through the dark alleys. I stumbled upon a trash can, and fall onto the ground. Well, shoot. I have a little blood coming out of my lip. I slowly get up.
As I try to keep my cool, and try not to cry. I stumble around with exhaustion. If I hadn’t stayed too long with Sweetie Belle, in her usual expeditions around Ponyville, I wouldn’t have to be in this much pain.
I just prance along just acting like I wasn’t afraid, but the gangs are usually up at this time of night.
I look up at the night sky, the moon shining brightly, and the cool breeze. I long to be able to fly up there, where it would be a little safe. To be able to fly through the deep blue sky, and maybe I would be able to relax more. If I could fly.
I am a disabled filly by the way.
To let you know, I can’t fly! I’ve tried to push my wings up so I could fly, but I could only go for a few inches of the ground.
I am the so called handicap to flying.
It’s not fun to break your leg, right? You just sit there watching people do things that you wish you could do! To always want to be like others, but your leg does not work, and you can barely lift it.
I can't fly and it makes me feel useless. It makes me feel ashamed to call myself a pegasus, since I am more of an earth pony anyway. My parents are earth ponies, and I inherited my wings from my fifth cousin twice removed.
Yup, pretty bad isn't it? Well, you may be thinking to yourself. Heck with it, you can at least walk, you silly filly! It's not the worst thing in the world to ever happened to a pony, you could've lost your mind and be crazy, be thankful!
Okay, I am not in the worse condition. But it just feels depressing losing something that could be your talent, losing something is hard, not being true to what I want to do is not fun. It’s humiliating .
But what I think hurts most. Is that of my sister Rainbow Dash, she’s an awesome pony, who can do awesome flying tricks! She’s teaching me how to improve my flying. But what I have to tell her now, is that I can’t fly, I can’t lift my wings of the earth, there’s no point in trying. Having some pony do something kind to you, to spend their time teaching you something she knows, like teaching me how to fly and then Rainbow will discover that I can’t do it, cause I'm disabled! I can’t tell Rainbow that! I have to look tough for goodness sake, to get her attention! I can’t just walk up and say I’m handicapped, and I can’t fly. I have to push on harder!
Maybe, I am complaining, maybe, I should be feeling good that I haven’t died by now. But sometimes, I do feel like dying.
I miss my scooter though. I forgot it at school, I could’ve gotten home faster if I had it. I remember why I love to drive my scooter. I love my scooter because of the feeling of happiness that I feel while I drive, that makes me feel like I’m alive, and I long for the feeling always.
Driving a scooter, actually feels like flying if you think about it, it kind of makes you feel like your in the air, that you can actually make anything happen, that it is finally a decision you can make, go left or right, or turn, or do a back flip. The feeling of freedom that I don’t have to always rely on someone, is nice.
Sometimes I drive through nature, going to see the mountains, and the forests, and seeing the long meadows of flowers and grass. To smell the wet dew, and to smell the fresh mud. Or to feel the raindrops on my mane. To drive at the mountains and feel the big space of freedom, is beautiful, it is a feeling of life.
But, no, walking in a dark alley is not the same thing.
I thought I heard someone, I gulp, as I slowly walk away, looking around, hoping that what I think I heard is not there. I now keep my attention around the alley, so I could watch out for danger, instead of daydreaming my way.
I walk through a narrow path between two buildings on each side and I am going through them, I look at the tall buildings like they were trapping me in their large hands, making my feeling of freedom like in the meadows, now make me feel like I am trapped in darkness, like someone with no free will.
I pass slowly through the two buildings, where I go through the dark night, finally finding a old house at the street. The neighborhood is silent, and peaceful.
The hut I lived in, looked okay, it was made out of wood, and had a few windows. And you could also smell the thick aroma of alcohol.
I was prepared. More than anything else. I knew that the feeling of pain would come sooner or later, as I opened the door to the hut, fearing of going in, but knowing that I had to face it sooner or later.
It pierced me, as I felt the empty glass bottle hit my cheek, and leave a enormous cut of blood. The blood pooled of my cheeks, like it was teardrops. I looked up.
There stood father, grinning that grin. The grin I hate.
Fear rushes over me in a second. Father's long cheeky smile was always that grin he did whenever he was going to do something, um, enjoyable.
He then yelled at me.
''Where were you!!!?'' He screams at me, and then slapped my cheek.
''I-I-I was just visiting M-M-Mom's grave with Sweetie Belle..'' I managed to say trying to control myself from bursting in tears.
Father slaps me again, and I feel blood pour down.
''I keep telling you!!'' Father screams hitting the table now. ''You have to STOP visiting your mother's grave!"
I felt like my heart was struck. I felt pain in my chest, and my stomach seem to be lifting as he said the words. My heart seemed to go down and it seemed to be flying around in my lungs. The words made me feel the feeling of destruction, and despair.
''But, F-Father, I-I need to remember her..'' I said slowly wiping tears.
Father seems quiet for a moment, puts his bottle down for a minute, and for a moment it feels as if something hit him hard as well, a pain no one can stop, which is the feeling of loss. The father I loved came back for a moment, for a moment, I could see something more than what seemed to be, for just a second he felt like a really lovable guy, for once I could sense I trusted him. I could see something in him that didn't make him seem so bad for a moment, I could see a depressed, tired stallion who needed his troubles to get away, and his little filly just caused him more stress..
''I never want to hear that name AGAIN..'' He said showing his yellow broken teeth. ''And why did you go with a stranger?''
''I went with her, so she could see what my mother looked like..'' I said.
The grave, I remember, was at a nice park, with flowers, as well as butterflies that would fly all around, my mommy's grave has a picture of her, the only picture of her we have, as Father threw all the others in the trash.
With a pained look on Father's face, he said. "Go to bed.."
I climbed upstairs to my bedroom, and went under the cushions, I sobbed a little. But no, I wasn't a baby! I had to be strong and tough, and be everything Rainbow wanted me to be!
I had a perfect life basically. I have the most awesome big sister in the world, I have the best three friends in the world, and I have the best teacher in the world, I can work with a princess. I have a great life!
How could I be miserable when life was great. There are good moments that I would never want to die because of. There are moments that are bad, yes, true. I was denying the good facts when I was complaining about the bad facts.
One good feeling, was the kind of warm feeling I felt when I was around Apple Bloom today, it was weird, like a little feeling out of certainly nowhere, a feeling of admiration, and I had the feeling of just staring at her beauty.
I do like the time when we, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, did our hikes towards the hills, we found so much animals, and we ran around through the grass, looking at grasshoppers, and trying to find where Sweetie Belle was hiding in hide and seek.
I shouldn't be crying for such a tiny fact, the fact that I have a tough life at home, I do have a good life with my friends..
A sudden thought comes to my mind, Mom..
A beautiful mare with a beautiful mane, she had a lovely smile, and always had the best of intentions, and very supportive.
Mom had her flaws too. She was emotionally scarred in the sense that she always has to be tough and all, can you believe it? And she would always be oblivious to things.
Mom had a tough parentage, she was raised in a waaay worse life than mine. She lived in war stricken Equestria in a prison camp, where she was tortured, and had horrible food, and never had any friends.
I had friends who comforted me in tough moments, who supported me when times got rough in my life, such as a really bad fall, or when Diamond Tiara made fun of me. They were always there. But Mom had no one.
Every problem she had, she had to keep it to herself. She had no one to share it with, to feel about the problem, no one to actually help or support her in rough times. By herself, she would cry, and no one would care. No one heard her cries of pain, or her loneliness, how could she have gone through that much pain?
I always loved to cuddle with Mom and read a book, or find something for us to play, like action toys, and setting up a empire. We would also read comics, where we would both laugh at a funny cartoon.
Even though she never had that love as a child, she made sure she gave it to her filly. The love she felt towards the whole family was strong. I loved her very much, her bravery, her strength, her wisdom.
She was gone too soon.
When my sister came, Mom had pregnancy troubles. She soon died with the baby that night.
I hate thinking of the tension that night. Going to bed scared, not sure what was really happening to Mom. Thinking of how she was feeling lying down on her bed, thinking if she would have a chance to survive, would her baby survive? I kept thinking on bed, of the beautiful moments we shared together, how they lasted so long, how could they all go just like that? Could we just end our love? How could we never see each other again? That night, I was scared that the next day would change forever..
I could've had a baby sister today. I could have taken care of it, show her many things, teach her about what life really is, show the meaning of being loved, show her that the world has it good and bad. I could've helped her with her problems, but now I can't, she's dead! All dead, baby sister is dead.
Father turned from a nice, good guy to a evil, bad guy.
When Mom died, his world fell. He started drinking, smoking, taking some weird medicines to make him feel better. And he's gone crazy!
I would do anything to help him. That's why I never escaped, I have to be a loving daughter, maybe that will help Father become a better stallion.
I see a figure over me, I cringe, the dark figure is very tall, and has a beautiful mane that looks like my he night, the tall mare spread her wings and smile.
''Luna!'' I shriek then put my hoof to my mouth so I wasn't too loud. ''What are you doing here? I mean is, well, that is I'm not having a nightmare right now..''
Luna rolled her eyes. ''Well, I don't ONLY come to ponies who have have nightmares as such. And you seem technically to be living part of a nightmare right now.''
''I'm fine!'' I say chuckling. ''Life has never been better!''
Luna sighed as she then stares at me. ''Life has never been better, hmm? Well, I see some blood on your cheeks, tears in your eyes, and the smell of alcohol downstairs..''
''Well..'' I said. ''I was sweating a lot, and they, umm, happened to roll down to my eyes so they look like tears but, uh, their not! And, umm, I fell down, so that explains the umm, blood. And, umm, well my, uh, grape juice finally fermented..''
Luna shook her head.
''Scootaloo..'' Luna said. ''I'm not here to play games..''
My head goes down.
''Well, I guess I'm scared and feeling depressed lately.." I admitted. "Okay.. Most of the time when I'm home."
''Many others are like that too..'' Luna said. ''Many others need bravery, many others are desperate for some kind of help, and all everyone needs is a bit of help..''
I then see Luna open my large bedroom window, and then go out. I then get up, to go see what she's doing.
I go to the window and put my hoof out. I see a path of stars leading a way into the night, I saw Luna walking on them briskly, I chuckle at seeing how funny she looks when she walks down the bright path of stars.
I wonder why she would come at this time! I mean, of course she would come at nighttime. But it seemed unusual to come when I wasn't dreaming!
But then I think. Maybe she could help me. Maybe she could help me and guide me. What if she could have helped with the troubled feelings I was feeling, the uncertainty, and the feeling of uselessness.
I then start following, feeling a warm glow beneath my feet, and seeing the whole town beneath me.
It was hard to live nowadays as it seemed life did not get any better, I wish it would have gotten better, but it just didn't, I was in the bathtub, a nice hot bath, the one thing nice my father gave me.
I heard the echoes of Luna's voice in my head, as if they were trying to tell me something, or rather stop me, but another voice was echoing, a voice not as kind as Luna's, but more of an evil voice, it had a slashing tone in it, as if it was death itself trying to call me.
Luna's voice was like as if it was trying to argue with the other voice in my head, trying to compete for my attention..
I thought hard, and wondered if this was the right decision, to follow the other voice..
If I did this, I would lose my friends, but what darn would they ever give to me? They said they cared, but it seems now that they are less interested, and now Twilight's dying, I can't live like this..
To hear those biting that the snakes did,the hissing and the scream, hobbling in the dusty wind, I remember trying to carry my friend threw the weather, trying to hold her, as the snake bites seem to be getting more worse I then rushed to the hospital,and hear she was, swollen red, holding the arm which was filled with poison.
''Is she gonna be okay?'' I asked a nurse.
The nurse looked shallow, and didn't know what to say..
''I'm afraid she's near death, but we'll try our best, we hope the Anti-Venom will help..'''
I splashed in the water with anger, I tried to think of the moments I had that were fun, like the times with Twilight or Rainbow Dash..
Twilight, was gone though, she never had time for normal things anymore, all she was, was going off on trips to Canterlot for princess duties, in a way I felt happy for her to be a princes,s cause she seemed happy with it, but I also felt a little mad and envious, I wish she would stop spending so much time with Princess Celestia..
I felt warm with Twilight whenever I was with her, she had that warm, teaching feeling with the care and beauty that a mother had. I never understood this feeling, but, always secured when she was around.
I looked at the photo I had of her, and felt more sad, I couldn't think of anything besides that face, I couldn't help but feel that if all my friends were ignoring me what was the point of living?
I remember the times of joy with Rainbow Dash, my best sister, she was awesome and cool, but that was not it, she had a sense of encouragement, she would always tell you never to give up, and to always keep up and at em, and that everyone makes mistakes in this world..
I had Rainbow Dash, but one question kept slamming on me. What was my part in this world?
Without you it would never live.. Luna's voice came again..
It was like her speech from the other night a month ago was still in affect, it somehow helped me, it made me feel better, but I always was wondering what the voice meant, how was it real? Was that night true? I knew these were silly questions, but I sometimes doubt that she emant what she said..
I wanted to sink in the deep enough water of the bathtub, just to end it all, just let me sink, and let me drown, I feel comfort in the water, as I took a little dip, and I started to let my body sink in the mission for total suicide..
I heard the voice ringing again, I thought of what curious words she was saying, Luna, that is, it was trying to stop me from drowning in the pool, I got up, and looked around, wondering if Luna was anywhere, or perhaps this was all a dream..
All there was a pink rug, some white towels, old cracks in the wall, and a pot by the window, I then saw a moon on the pot, I got up and got a towel drying myself off, and went closer to the pot, there was an arrow going straight..
I went out the door, and went straight, I looked out the snowy day out the window, Dad was sleeping, and I had a chance. I heard a sharp howl, and then wondered what it was.
I went outside, and felt the frost and snow on my skin, I trampled over, and went looking around, trying to find where the howl could be, I needed to find it, why? I don't know, something came over me, the howl sounded sharp and lonely, perhaps that is the reason it was howling, a brisk call of togetherness washed over me hearing those whimpers, I felt sort of a relation..
I went through the alley, not scared of anything, I only wanted to find that sharp howling, I then found a grey spot in the middle of the snow, it was freezing cold, and whimpering for some help.
It was a puppy
Author's Note
Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and sorry for the long wait!! The next chapter will be all about her relationship with this new puppy, and more details on her relationship on with Rainbow, and Twilight.
