'I Hate Ponies!'

by Scripture

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Derpy Hooves, DJ P0N-3, Human, Main 6, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 41369

Friends of an avid brony get swept up into Ponyville. The problem? They have a deep dislike of MLP!

What happens when someone who doesn't like My Little Pony ends up in their universe and is stuck there? Basically, a lot of freaking out, swearing, and irresponsible things... Who would have guessed?!

Rated Teen for language and sexual themes. Also for Brony Hater language.

I do NOT agree with any of the language references. They are all used in a fictional sense and do NOT portray any mindset of my own.

Also, if anyone has a better cover image... please share! ^^;;

Published 2012-06-12 08:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-14 06:35:29 UTC

Cliché Beginnings

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 2: Cliché Beginnings

BONK!

“Ow! Matt, stop it…”

BONK BONK!

“Ok, seriously, you know I hate mornings and-“

BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK-

“WHAT THE BUCK, CELESTIA-DAMMIT!?” I shouted out, raising my head a bit. A small shout resounded out, somebody being frightened by my outburst. It wasn’t Matt or Xavier though, that I knew. I was going to open my eyes to see who but I knew that the sun would blind me, being as it was right in front of me, and-

“Wait, sun? We went to sleep down in Xavier’s cellar…”

“Cellar? This here is Sweet Apple Acres, sir, and you are campin’ on my family’s property! So I am kindly askin’ ya to get the hay out of here before I call my big brother ta simply just lift ya three out!”

My eyes widen in shock as the sun instantly burned them back closed again. My entire body shook out of shock, anxiety, and disbelief. My retina’s burned a corona in front of me of a shape I knew very well, but couldn’t believe was actually THERE! Did she just…? No, that couldn’t be her… But I saw and heard her… This is impossible! Slowly, cautiously, as if what I was going to see next would dissolve if I looked at it wrongly, I opened my eyes to see her.

Applejack loomed over me, the sun just barely poking around the brim of her Stetson as she peered down on me. What I hoped was a smiling, happy face. What I knew it would be was a leering, scowling face, distrust and curiosity exuding from her stare. Somehow, I had landed in the middle of Sweet Apple Acres, a Brony’s dream come true!

I laughed, raising my head as I looked around. Everything looked so natural, so true to the show! Apple trees filled acres and acres of farmland all around and in the distance a short ways I could see Applejack’s house, all red and looking quite spiffy today.

As I gawked at the wonderment around me though, AJ was starting to lose her patience. Eventually she snorted a bit and poked me with one of her hooves, causing me to jump a bit. “Hey! C’mon, last warnin’ mister… Big Mac doesn’t like to be violent but he will, believe me!” I turned to her and she nodded her head behind me, although with a bit of a blush to it. “…An’ please tell them to ah, *ahem*, ‘stash their junk’, if they would be so kind…”

Them? My heart immediately deflated as I slowly swiveled my head around towards her view, immediately looking back at the flushing mare. “Uhhhhhh… Yeah, ok, sorry about that Applejack, won’t happen again…” Immediately, I stood up…

…Only to have my face gawk in wonderment at the two sleeping bodies in front of me, slowly snoring away the seconds. Even though I saw them, I still didn’t believe that we had actually become what I thought we became! Either way however, I found myself incredibly elated at the thought and wondered how I looked with my transformed Pony self.

However, before I could do much else, AJ coughed a bit to clear her throat as I gawked like a gargoyle with my mouth wide open. “An’ just how in the hay did ya happen to know my name?”

Oh crap… I couldn’t believe I had already slipped up so soon! I chuckled nervously and, this time more confidently, stood up on my four hooves. Looking down on AJ now, which gave me some satisfaction that I was taller than her, I smiled slightly at her. Clearing my throat like she did, I looked at the mare calmly. “Well, this IS Sweet Apple Acres after all. The Apple family isn’t exactly unknown and the famous Applejack is known for her prowess at the Rodeo a bit ago, right?”

We both knew I was laying it a bit thick but she smiled genuinely, taking the compliments anyways. Her gaze however, only slightly softened. “Well, I do reckon we have the finest apples around…” She looked behind me as we both heard the others start to mumble and roll around, thankfully covering their, ah, ‘goodies’ from the world.

Applejack stared at them for a bit and cocked an eyebrow at me, curiosity filling her eyes more than her distrust. “So, ya know quite a bit about me, but I don’t know squat bout you three… What’s your names anywho?”

Names? Names names… I know mine of course, but them? They were a bit… unexpected, to say the least. Hell, all of this is, but at least I had SOME kind of idea about this situation… “I’m Silver Jack and this is… is…” Finally, I noticed something to differentiate the two messes before me. “Xtra Loud!” I pointed at the dark blue unicorn with jet black hair, headphones dangling around his neck. Oddly enough, I had pictured Xavier to be somewhat like that in pony form.

“And that’s Matt Maxum!” I declared right after, pointing a silver grey hoof at the other rousing body before us. Matt had transformed into a reddish brown colored pegasus with an orange colored mane, which oddly I thought fit him well.

Applejack looked at them both however with squinting eyes, giving out a low, “Hmmmm…” She then directed her gaze at me and chirped, “So, whatcha y’all doin’ here in my orchard anyways?”

Ah crap… “Me and my friends here are from out of town, from Fillydelphia actually, and decided to take a more scenic and cheaper route…” I forced a natural chuckle out of me and shook my head. “I swear, Xtra will never be planning our trips again! I still don’t know how he convinced me to walk all the way here so far…” I cleared my throat again. “So this place was essentially last night’s camping spot and I suppose we didn’t think it was your orchard, being all dark and everything last night…” ...And a smile to finish it all off!

The orange mare thought for a moment, thinking about what we had said so far, and looked around a bit. “So, we are your bags then? I wouldn’t be thinkin’ you guys were THAT ill-prepared for a long trip like you were saying?” Her distrust started to form again and she inched her head closer to me, my nose catching a whiff of apples from her body.

My body could have melted from such a scent but I had to keep cool. Just what happened to our saddlebags… hmmm… “Our saddlebags?” I looked around, ‘confused’ at the phrase, and suddenly ‘shocked’ to find our bags missing. “Wha- Oh horsefeathers! Our bags our gone! Well isn’t THIS just wonderful…” I sighed explosively, hanging my head down low in disappointment.

A few seconds went by and nothing could be heard except a few mumbles from the pair behind me. A sweatdrop began to form on my brow, wondering if they were going to wake up or not. Oh Celestia, please don’t wake up, please…

“Well, alright… I will go see Big Mac and bring him back here.” My ears folded down worriedly. Did she not believe my story? Oh crap this isn’t-

“…Hopefully y’all just misplaced ‘em and my brother can help ya look for ‘em with me, once I get back.” I brought my head up, my ears back to normal as a smile played across my face. She brought herself nose to nose with me as soon as we were eye level though and she glared straight into my eyes. “BUT I still have this funny feeling you ain’t telling me the truth… Call me fickle, but there is something funny about all of you…”

Mentally, I exhaled. Well, it could have been worse I suppose… this gives me some time to recuperate and try to make the most out of this… “Thank you Applejack and I completely understand. After all, my story sounds kinda ridiculous, doesn’t it?”

A little surprised at the calm response, AJ hesitated a moment as she turned around to her home, and smiled back at me. “Heh… yeah, it is, but even though y’all are a bit strange… you seem like a nice fella.” With that, she immediately started to gallop away, all the while my eyes trying not to stare at her lovely plot.

Finally, I let the weakness in my legs give out, letting my shaken body plop onto the ground with a hard thud. “What… the buck… is happening here…?” Normally, I would have been ecstatic, blissful, in a dreamlike state! However, there were two little problems that I would have never had accounted for…

“Guhhhh… mrgh… Jack… Please turn off the light… It’s too early to deal with this crap…” Matt muttered, putting a forehoof over his eyes.

Xavier muttered something incomprehensible for a second and squinted his closed eyes a bit. After grumbling something again, he stood up from his spot and opened his eyes, glaring at me bitterly. “Hey, Jack! C’mon, Matt told you to-“

Sheepishly, I waved a hoof at him, giving him an awkward smile.

The unicorn didn’t do anything at first except stare at me numbly. I wondered what was going on in his head… Was he going to shout? Was he going to laugh this all off and say it’s a dream? Was he-

“...I hate being woken up…” he managed to mumble, going back down on the ground and falling back smoothly to sleep.

======================

A/N:

Well, if you read up to here, then you have got guts and a mind of steel! Nicely done, wot wot! Anyways, not much to say... kind of the regular beginning to HiE kind of fics, but trust me, the next few chapters are going to be... well, hellish to say the least... XD

The First Buck's Free!

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 4: The First Buck's Free!

Stare

“…”

Stare

“…”

STARE

“Uh… you are just getting a mighty bit creepy now Silver…”

It wasn’t like I wanted to stare at her, but I had nothing in my expansive head at the moment to say anything. Even my friends, who didn’t entirely believe all of this was true, were cocking their eyebrows in puzzlement at my wide-eyed staring contest with the orange mare.

“Uh… Jack, you ok?” Matt waved a hoof before my eyes, his face soon following in its place.

Blinking a few times, I looked at him and gave him a weak shrug. “Well…” I stamped a hoof on the ground and made a pout face, directing it at him. “I didn’t know what else to frickin do! Jeez!”

Matt rolled his eyes and looked at the mare and her brother before us, a slight smirk playing across his face. “And who is this gal, mare, pony…” He screwed up his face a bit, trying to think of the right name but eventually gave up on the task. “HER, who is she dude?! Apparently she knows you…” He snorted a bit and smiled goofily. “Silver Jack!” Xavier snickered behind me, putting a hoof to his mouth.

I flushed a slight red color at the teasing of my two friends, but I stood back up, clearing my throat a bit. “Well, Matt Maxum-“ Matt’s jaw hung low in astonishment, his silly face immediately leaving the scene, along with most of his patience.

Xavier snickered loudly, receiving a withering look from Matt as his response, but a cruel smile from me. Xavier didn’t like that look. “-and Xtra Loud,” Now it was Matt’s turn to snicker uncontrollably, the musical unicorn eyes wide in shock.

“Oh yes, they do say he can be EXTRA loud sometimes…IN BE-”

Matt’s laughing fit was cut off by a sharp jab to the ribs via me and I smiled warmly, even though my mind was panicking at that moment. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit…

“This is Applejack and her brother, Big Mac… last night, we passed out on their orchard unknowingly and-“

I smacked Matt’s hoof, which had been inching itself closer and closer over to Applejack, who had been eyeing it the whole time with a relative disgust. Oh shitshitshitshitshit…

“ANYWAYS, she came by earlier while you were sleeping and talked to me a-and how we-“

The red hoof reappeared in front of me again, but this time it accompanied an orange-maned stallion. Matt chuckled and shook his head, turning to face me. “Jack, Jack, Jack…” He spread his hooves out wide to indicate everything around them. “This is only a cartoon! Really, what could this stupid bitch of a pony do to us? Cartoons never really hur-“

WOOSH!

CA-RACK!

WA-BAM!

“WHY YA LIL' SACK OF ROTTEN PEARS!”

…Fuck my life…

Applejack was in an absolute rage, Big Mac still dumbfounded by both the speed of her bucking hooves to Matt’s head and the fact that the Pegasus cleared easily a 50 foot distance. Xavier and myself were caught in a similar jaw-dropped expression, staring at the prone pony in the distance.

“HOW DARE YA CALL ME THEM NAMES YA DIRTY VARMINT!” Snorting like a bull, Applejack was about to charge after the beaten up pegasus but was caught midstride by Big Mac, who could barely hold the rampaging mare back. The large red stallion glared at us behind his shoulder and shouted, “Git! I can’t hold her back fer too long. Git yer rude friend over there and skedaddle!”

Half in shock still, we numbly raced over to our friend, checking up on him for a quick second. Paying attention to my biology class unlike my other two friends, I knew that the swirly eyes Matt looked at us with meant he was knocked out absolutely cold. Xavier chuckled nervously and poked an eyeball. “Wow… didn’t expect that honestly…”

Swatting his hoof away, I glared at him and grabbed one side of the pegasus. “Get the other side and come on! Applejack looks like she can go for seconds with her Bucking Head-Trauma attack...” To my miraculous wonder and relief, I could still feel Matt breathing as our sides touched. Honestly, I had thought him to be a goner after a shot like that!

Maybe there is some truth to the cartoon physics here… I shook my head, dispelling the devilish thoughts that came to my head. Later. Matt needs me now and those kind of ideas are meant for these two troublemakers…

Xavier nodded at me and grimaced, lifting his friend over his shoulder delicately. “Yeah… definitely was super effective…”

Groaning, I rolled my eyes as we headed towards and down the dusty road. “Really? Pokemon reference? RIGHT NOW?!”

The unicorn chuckled again and shrugged slightly. “Hey, at least you aren’t the unicorn…”

No, I’m the Earth Pony who has no special abilities just in case you two get yourselves in huge trouble… “That’s true I suppose…” I looked at my friend as we trudged along, hefting the rather heavy pony between us. Luckily, I myself was only a bit smaller than Big Mac, which gave me a bit more muscle than the two beside me.

Speaking of which… I noticed Xavier was thinking fairly hard as we moved along. He hasn’t been himself very much since the realization of us being ponies earlier… He hasn’t said or done much either… I sighed. “Hey, Xavier, maybe we should-“

“COME BACK HERE YA WORM BITTEN APPLE!”

“Run faster?”

“Yes, I totally agree.”

Matt wouldn’t like the new scraps and bumps on his knees, but I knew he would thank us someday for not letting him have a second concussion.

=====================

Now that pony had some big cahoonas to say that to Applejack… Big Mac mumbled inside of his mind, mentally blocking out the tirade that his older little sister was going on about. She thrashed her head, snorted her nose, and stamped on the ground a few times in frustration. What she said though, Big Mac didn’t know, or honestly didn’t care. It was all ambiance to him.

His eyes followed her as he sat on the ground, his mouth silently chewing on his piece of straw. Still, the sheer fact that the blow didn’t kill him was a miracle enough! Although he was lucky I didn’t get to him first… Mac’s brow furrowed a bit. I would have shown him much more than a single- Oh buck, she is looking at me now, back to myself!

A gentle nod in agreement with the orange mare. “Eeyup.”

“Thank ya, Big Bro! I knew I could always count on ya!”

A wide smile spread upon Big Mac’s face as stood back up. How that works everytime, I will never know…

Applejack, poised and ready, determinedly looked down the trail where the trio had gone and snorted a bit. “If I ever catch that there pegasus again in this here parts, why…” She scratched the ground a bit with her hoof and exhaled explosively.

Big Mac shook his head and placed a hoof on her shoulder, tilting his head slightly. AJ looked behind her at him and smiled slightly chuckling. “Yeah… you’re right… Maybe I should unwind a bit… Maybe I should go see Twilight ‘bout this here whole mess… Or maybe Fluttershy could help me... They always calm me down...”

Ok… I wasn’t thinking that, but whatever is good with you I suppose! “Eeeok. Behave now!” He pushed her on her way, knowing that she was right in the end. Applebuck season was going to begin soon and she was starting to get thoroughly frizzled at the thought of it. Well… hopefully she will be fine…

The cowpony laughed openly and started to trot away, yelling back at Mac. “Don’tcha worry! I’ll be good!” She smirked as she turned around, a dead set determination in her mind about one key element in what she had heard from them talking. It struck her as odd and something she never heard a pony say before…

“Just what in the hay is a ‘human’?!” She exclaimed out loud. The apple pony shivered as a terrible thought came to mind at what they could be. She needed to get to the one pony in Equestria she knew would be able to help her with her dilemma, one pony who knew more out of this world information than any other pony would know, save The Princesses…

A determined mare, she only needed to find-

An Author's Note!

:D Lol sometimes, i love cliffhangers... XD But yesh~ I made it through the great 502 and 504 Gateway Storm to bring you this new chapter!

I have no clue, but my entire flow at the moment is directed at this one story! Hopefully, i still have this flow for my other stories, but for now...

ENJOY MY PONY-STARVED MINIONS- Errrrrrrr... READERS! :P

Just Fluttering By

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 5: Just Fluttering By

Clop

“Hey…”

Clip clop

“Jaaaaaaack…”

Clip clop clip clop-

“EARTH TO JACK, SNAP OUT OF IT!”

“AH!”

“Ah what the fuck…” Xavier shook his head and sighed, glaring at me for about the hundredth time. “Hey, we ain’t sightseeing here, spacey! Get your brain back into gear and try and help me find this ‘Ponyville’ or whatever…” He grumbled slightly at the mention of the name. “THAT much I do remember from the show… Should have a doctor, right?”

Well, I don’t think THE Doctor will be of much help, but maybe Nurse Redheart and the others are in… “Well, I would think so… I mean, even animated things get hurt once in awhile…” We both looked at the still unconscious friend of ours and I grimaced slightly, peeking my head back up to my unicorn friend. “…Right?”

We both blankly looked at each other, then back at our friend. After a pause Xavier nodded his head vigorously. “Uh, yeah dude, I hope so, because the mark on his head formed her hooves…” He cringed a bit at a pulsating red mark, shaped perfectly like a hoof, beating to the steady rhythm of Matt’s heart. “Oh yeah, that’s gonna hurt like a bitch in the morning…”

Provided Applejack doesn’t kill him first… I sighed and looked straight ahead of us, suddenly realizing that I had no clue where we were going. Blankly, I looked around us and stopped, Xavier taking a second to figure out we had paused.

Those trees… They look a little like…

Oh fuck. Wrong turn.

Immediately I shook my head nudging my nose in the direction of the trees before us. “Those trees… I don’t like the look of them dude… I think we should head on back and-“

A cough interrupted me and I looked over at Xavier, who game a “Really?” kind of look to him. I rolled my eyes and motioned for him to explain his rudeness in my speech. “Dude.” He began. “They are just slightly different colored trees. This is a GIRLS TV SHOW. Really, what’s the worst that could possibly happen to us, hm? Butterflies come and attack our faces?”

I wasn’t very amused when he put both hoof to his cheeks and proceeded to make mock noises of help and terror. Rolling my eyes, I started to turn back, ignoring my friend and his antics, when suddenly I booped noses with her.

“GYAH!”

“YIPE!”

A blur of cream-yellow jolted herself into the nearest bush, shaking probably more than a leaf, her pink tail twitching about like crazy as her butt stuck out into the open. My heart melted at the entirely over-cute antics of a certain pony, her cutie mark three pink butterflies.

Well, I wasn’t expecting Fluttershy here, but… “Uh, hello? Miss? Could you please tell us the way to Ponyville?” Hopefully, she isn’t too shy to talk to us…

The pegasus in the foliage stopped shaking a bit, slowly extracting herself out from the mess she was in. Xavier cocked an eyebrow and looked at me, muttering lowly, “Hey… this one is a bit… jumpy. You sure she can help us?”

Whispering back, I hissed at him through clenched teeth so she wouldn’t hear us converse. “Well, any other idea, o brilliant one?” Xavier shot me a look but didn’t say anything else in response.

I sighed as the mare’s doeful eyes turned on me, looking up and down from the ground repetitively. Urgh… god… she isn’t even my favorite pony but still she is damn cute! Smiling softly, I asked the question again. “Excuse me, but do you know how to get to Ponyville from here?”

“...re…” she whispered extremely softly.

Xavier and I leaned our head closer, trying to hear what she said. “Sorry, what?”

“…re…ri…ere…” the mare cringed slightly as we moved closer.

“What was that, Fluttershy?”

The cream colored pony was about to whisper again when Xavier interrupted her, turning to face me, his eye cocked in puzzlement. “Wait, how did you know her name Jack?”

Oh applesauce… “Applejack mentioned about her when we talked earlier.” I turned to face him. “How else do you-“

“Uuuuuuuughhhhhhhhh…” A soft groan came from our lefts as we looked down, noticing the source of the noise.

“Oh my! You poor poor pony! What has happened to you?” Another blur of yellow and pink whizzed between us, looking down at our injured friend. Suddenly, I realized that when I had turned to face Xavier, I left our fallen friend with no support, leaving him to fall straight to the ground. Fluttershy, being the gentle pony she was, heard him and came to the rescue. I smiled slightly at the scene, watching as Matt was being examined by the animal caretaker, who was fussing all about his recent blow to the head.

Sternly, she looked at us both, which was both cute and intimidating. Xavier seemed thoroughly surprised that such a meek pony could produce such a mean look in a matter of seconds. “Now…” she asked with some confidence. “Tell me what happened to this pony!” She cringed slightly, frowning ever so softly as her eyes softened up a tad. “That is… if you wouldn’t mind…”

Xavier chuckled and shook his head. “Well, Matt was just being Matt and had a little ‘accident’ with another pony…” He shrugged. “That’s Matt for ya…”

I looked at my unicorn friend and cocked an eyebrow at him. Just what is with him? Last night, he hated this show as much as Matt but now… he is as cool as a cucumber, like we always have these problems! I wonder what is going on in his head right now…

The mare looked at Matt and shook her head sadly. “It seems like he had a run in with Applejack’s bad side…” She shivered slightly in place. “Oh… that must have hurt oh so much…”

“Yeah, he flew about a good 50 feet from her buck the frickin imbecile…” Xavier laughed a bit, poking his friend a few times with his hoof. “Honestly, this might have knocked some sense into his shitty mind… Maybe let him think about what he fucking says instead of running his blabbering mouth all day!”

Fluttershy’s mouth hung open in shock, her face red with embarrassment. It took me a second to grasp what Xavier had said that was so bad, when I realized it was the content of what he said, but a few choice words he had used.

“Oh! Oh… my… Uhm… you have such a … uhm… vivid vocabulary, mister…?”

Xavier looked at me, trying to remember the name I had given him for this trip. I rolled my eyes and spoke up in his stead. “His name is XTRA LOUD, I am Silver Jack- quit laughing!- and this,” I indicated our rude pegasus friend with a nudge of my hoof. “Is Matt Maxum. It’s nice to meet you Fluttershy and-“

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” Matt answered, moaning loudly. Immediately, Fluttershy disregarded me and Xavier, trying to lift the pony by herself. However, like they had portrayed her on the show… she was very weak. Smiling at her attempts to try and lift the pegasus, I promptly lifted him up and placed him on my back. Strangely enough, it didn’t hurt at all and he didn’t feel nearly as heavy as I thought he would.

Fluttershy nodded her thanks and quickly started to trot towards the tree line I had wanted to avoid. “I’m ever so sorry about this, but we must bring him to my home. The hospital is much too far away right now and he needs attention right now. So if you would please be so kind as to bring him this way, I can treat and take care of him for now.”

Xavier smiled a bit and released a pent up exclamation. “FINALLY some normalcy to all this! A house, somebody to help us, hospitals!” he shook his head as we began to trot after the mare. “We’ve only been here for about 2 hours and I already need a dose of reality…”

I chuckled as the hidden knowledge of Fluttershy’s cottage sprang into mind, truly wondering what Xavier would think about her humble abode once we were there… Maybe reality doesn’t like him too much? Either that or it's being a real bitch to him today!

========================

Applejack huffed, trying to catch her breath after her speedy run along the paths to Ponyville. With some kind of rich luck, she saw neither hide nor mane of the trio that had escaped her wrath. She clenched her jaw a bit at the thought and looked around the center of Ponyville, looking for her target. If I ever see that Matt guy again…

The mare sighed a bit, shaking her head to get the shameful thoughts out of it. Honestly, I need to stop worrying about that guy. I already feel bad that his friends have to deal with him! Her faced scrunched a bit as she found her target, slowly trotting over to it. That Jack guy though… He lied so expertly in front of me, I barely could tell! He doesn’t seem like a bad kind of guy, but he and those two… humans? What in the hay is that?! She shook her head a bit. Seems like some fiction hooey and-

“Uh, Applejack? You ok?”

AJ looked up, her vision encompassed by two nearly entirely purple figures. The smaller one, who had asked her the question, was none other than a baby dragon with purple scales and a green spine. He held a small stack of books and looked at her quizzically.

“Oh, hey there short stack!” Spike frowned a bit at the name, making AJ chuckle. “Just here to see Twilight about something is all.”

The dragon shrugged a bit and went on with his stacking and rearranging, letting AJ pass. Quietly, AJ walked over to Twilight, a purple unicorn with a dark blue mane with a single pink-purple highlight in it. She was entirely immersed in a book before her, but of what AJ couldn’t tell. To her, the ancient language was all gibberish. To Twilight, it was a treasure trove of knowledge.

Fidgeting slightly, AJ poked her friends ribs softly, making the unicorn gleefully laugh and twitch spasmodically. “Hehehehe! Applejack! You know I am ticklish there…”

Chuckling softly, AJ shook her head. “Uh… no I didn’t…” AJ smirked widely however, much to Twilight’s horror. “But now I know~”

Twilight rolled her eyes and groaned loudly, smiling softly. She closed her book with a push of her magic, putting it back in its shelf. Facing AJ, she smiled and sat down on a cushion. “So AJ, what brings you here today? It’s always nice to see you but I really wasn’t expecting comp-“

AJ cut her off with a hoof and put on a serious yet worried face. “Sorry sugarcube, but I am kinda busy today…” She shuffled about nervously. “I was wonderin’ if ya knew where she was. She wasn’t in her usual spot an’ I really need ta ask her somethin’…”

The purple pony groaned and facehoofed herself, muttering out a few sentences to herself. “Ugh… AJ, you have to lay off the cider… There are NO such things as Asparagus Monsters!”

“Hey! I know what I saw, ok?!” AJ looked hurt from the comment but continued on. “Anyways, ya know where I could find her?”

A soft sigh escaped the unicorn’s lips as she thought for a moment, rubbing her hooves on her temple a bit. “Well… If she isn’t in her normal place… then she would probably be…” She thought about it a bit more, thinking a bit harder now. Finally, she came up with an adequate answer. “Most likely at Sugarcube Corner.”

Bounding out of her spot, Applejack immediately bounded out of the library, waving a hoof behind her. “Thanks sugarcube! I’ll be sure ta come back later though, ya hear?!”

Twilight awkwardly waved at her receding friend, cocking her head to the side in puzzlement. I wonder what has that pony all riled up… She shrugged nonchalantly and grabbed her book from the shelf once more, flipping back to the page she had been reading, and casually began where she left off.

========================

“…”

Scritch-scratch

“…Soon…”

A/N:

Ok, you guys are very lucky i love you so much...

I figured out what slenderman was and writing this at 1 in the morning, pitch dark, alone, is NOT going to help me sleep in any way... So please enjoy it, comment, critique, etc...

Still have no clue how i was even able to write this... o.o

Asparagus Monsters

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 6: Asparagus Monsters

Squawk!

“Oh my…”

Bock bock!

“…FUCKING…”

SQUEEK!

“…mouse? Really? Even mice?”

Fluttershy nodded slowly as we finally reached her serene little house on the edge of the Everfree forest. “Oh, oh yes! The meadow mice always love the grass around here, and the berries are excellent this time of year! They always do so love-“

“Yeah, ok. Mice like the area. Thanks, I- Ughhhh!” Xavier shied away from a speeding line of mice crawling by, one looking at him curiously and giving him an indefinite “Squeak!” The ‘brave’ unicorn jumped a bit at the sound and caught up to me, sticking much closer than before.

Rolling my eyes, I used my hoof to open the door, squeezing myself and Matt inside of the place. A few birds flew out at the surprise visit, causing Xavier to jump in shock. ”You even have them INside the house?!”

Fluttershy looked confused at the question and cocked her head slightly. To her, he seemed more jumpy than even SHE usually was! “Well… of course! After all, it gets awful chilly out at night and I wouldn’t want anyone catching a cold…”

Xavier couldn’t respond to that and simply stood there, dumbfounded at the thought of having critters like chipmunks and foxes literally sleeping next to you. I shook my head a little bit and placed Matt delicately on the couch in her main room. “Uhm… Fluttershy? Do you know how to treat head injuries?” I know she has SOME medical training, but does she have enough?

The yellow pegasus nodded to my relief and went into one of her spare rooms, coming out with some bandages and a first aid kit. Placing her equipment down, she looked between the two of us and smiled sweetly. “Uhm… if you don’t mind, it’s going to take a little bit to make sure that he is ok… uhm… ok?”

I nodded to confirm her statement and pointed a hoof towards the door. “If you need us, we will just hang outside, ok?” Fluttershy nodded as a familiar white bunny bounded by us, carrying two surgical masks. Xavier blanched at the sight and I rolled my eyes. “C’mon worrywart. Lets unwind a little bit and see what we can figure out… kay?” Xavier, nodding numbly, walked out with me into the fresh, clean air outside. Hopefully, I thought, it’ll relieve a bit of stress from his mind…

======================

A soft chiming rebounded across the pastry shop as Applejack slowly let herself in, checking left and right around the place. Today seemed awfully packed compared to most days, but AJ was absolutely determined to find the mare she needed.

“Hmmm… now where is that-“

“HIYA AJ!”

“GAH!”

A pink explosion erupted in front of Applejack’s gaze, nearly giving the orange mare a heart attack. A cacophony of giggles came from the pink maned and pink coated pony in front of AJ, who was bouncing about the place with a certain vigor only she could muster. AJ cocked an eyebrow and watched the party pony hop around in one place repeatedly, apparently really excited about something. “Uh… sugarcube? What's got you so-“

“Mintylock muffins!” She chirped, indicating some piping hot muffins nearby with her forehoof, nicely baked with flecks of green in them. A smell of sharp, but warm, mint hit the mare’s nostrils, which made her eyes blink a few times in mint-shock. “They are selling like hot cakes! Except not really, since they’re muffins, but still! I can’t believe that they are so popular right now and-“

“Pinkie!” The brightly colored pony stopped hopping around, but still had a huge silly grin on her face. Applejack sighed a bit and looked out into the crowd. “Hun, I see this is very good news, but can ya tell me where I can find her?”

The bakery pony giggled once again and shook her head. “AJ! The Asparagus Monster isn’t real! We already went over this a chapter ago!” The cowmare cocked an eyebrow and opened her mouth to speak, wondering what the heck she was talking about, when Pinkie Pie interrupted her before she could utter anything. “She is in the back, table five!”

AJ nodded vigorously and headed over to the table, leaving Pinkie Pie back at the counter. She shook her head a bit and chuckled, looking out into the distance at us and shrugged a bit. “What can I say everypony? She has weird fascinations with Asparagus Monsters…”

======================

“GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“JACK! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKIN THING?!?!”

“I DON’T FUCKIN KNOW! RUN! NOW!”

Straight after we had exited the quaint cottage, we had heard slithering like sounds to the right of us. Curious as to what could be making such a sound, Xavier and I had the audacity to go and check up on whatever was making such a noise. After stupidly looking around a bit, we didn’t notice anything particularly out of place… that is, until the ground beneath us started moving. Several shocked moments and shouts of terror later, we had launched ourselves off of the moving piece of land to reveal that not only did we find the source of the noise, we had found a rather strange and certainly pissed off monster.

Lovely, right?

So off we ran, running around, bringing us back to the present where this plant thing is chasing us down with a certain vengeance that only it knew about. It reminded me of a green dragon, but the plant parts of its body where so overwhelming it couldn’t have been... Could it?

WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR?! I snapped at myself in my head, wondering why I had given myself a short recap of the events leading up to me and Xavier fleeing for our lives. At that moment, we were hiding ourselves in a hollow behind a tree, hovelling and sniveling in fear… along with 3 chickens, 4 bunnies, and a raccoon who also seemed to have been caught up in the action.

“Dude, what the FUCK do we do?!” Xavier whispered loudly.

“How the hell am I supposed to know?!” I whispered back angrily, trying to calm some of the animals around us. “I’ve NEVER seen anything like that! I’m just happy we were able to get away from it in-“ Suddenly, a worrisome thought crossed my mind. “SHIT! What about Matt and Fluttershy?!”

Xavier’s mouth hung low as if what I was said was complete horse crap. “F-Fluttershy…?”He latched both of his forehooves on my shoulders and looked me dead in the eye. “DUDE! SHE IS A CARTOON CHARACTER! I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS ABOUT HER! SHE CAN DIE FOR ALL I-”

“GREEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“AHHHH!”

With one swift lashing of its tail, the monster of a plant thing took out the tree we were hiding in, opening up not only the hovel we were hiding in but also uprooting the tree in the process. Xavier, me, and all the animals with us were screaming absolute bloody murder as the beast loomed over us, as if uncertain which would be the better snack.

Oh goodbye cruel cruel Equestria! I wept in my head, my eyes still wide with terror at the plant being before us. I barely knew you, but I had hoped that I might have enjoyed you a bit more before I fell victim to such a savage monster!

With a final roar and a final scream of terror from the small group of us, we watched as the creature’s head raced towards us to fill his empty stomach. My life flashed before my eyes, thinking about all I did wrong, all I did right, and what the HELL I did to deserve this!

========================

Looking around a bit, AJ finally found the pony she had been looking for and with an exasperated breath, approached the mare hastily, slightly skidding on the tile floor. “Ugh, FINALLY I found ya! I have been lookin everywhere fer ya and-“

The mare suddenly stuck up a hoof and smiled under a brimmed hat, flashing her nicely whitened teeth. “Hmmm… come about the Asparagus Monster again I see? Well, I have some new information about him if you would care to hear about it?”

“Hmmm… that’s very good news… How much is the info?” AJ arched an eyebrow quizzically at the trench coated mare, slowly taking a seat across from her.

The mysterious mare chuckled and took out a folder full of papers, placing it on the table. “Well, for this nice chunk of info, 10 bits. Very cheap for a good client like yourself… Interested at all?”

AJ put a hoof to her chin and pondered about it. “Well, 10 bits is good an’ all, but-“ Suddenly she stamped her forehooves on the table and shook her head. “Dag nabbit! I got sidetracked!” Serious now, she leaned in closer to the mare, who after taking the folder back, leaned in as well.

“Well, today just a little bit ago I found these three stallions sleeping in my orchard… After wakin one up and talkin to ‘im, I went and got Big Mac to check on the story they gave me.”AJ shook her head a bit and sighed. “Well, when we got back, they were talking about somethin… something not right… something they said they were which made me mighty curious…”

The other mare rubbed her chin slightly, taking in this information in full. “I see… and what exactly was it these stallions were a part of?”

“Well, they said they were ‘humans’ but honestly I have no clue what that-“ AJ was about to continue when she noticed the mare before her quivering slightly. Cocking an eyebrow, the cowpony tentatively poked the mare’s forehoof. “Uh, sugarcube? Y’all are shiverin a bit… is there somethin’ wrong?”

The clothed mare chuckled slightly and slowly took the worn hat off of her head, revealing her mint-green horn and blue-green mane. She smiled widely, her body shaking in anticipation, her golden eyes glistening with excitement. “No, nothing at all… Nothing whatsoever…”

===========================

"...When?"

Scritch-scritch-scritch

"Very soon. Just be patient..."

Snort

"Fine..."

A/N-

Welp. Sorry it took so long for this chapter, been vury busy as of late... It was a sudden busy i did NOT want... But, i should start to produce more and more of these chapters~ I actually am enjoying this series a lot and hope to keep going with it :)

Until the next chapter! :D

ALSO THANK YOU ANOOBUS93 FOR HELP ON THE EDITING! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Madness! Madness, I Say!

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 7: Madness! Madness, I Say!

Bump-bump

“Huh?”

Bump-bump-bump

“What… what is going on here?”

Bump-bump-bump-bump-bump-bu-

“JOHNATHAN!”

I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead I’m SO dead…

And yet, it never came. The giant leg, the gnashing teeth, the green body. None of it came. I just sat there, shivering and shaking, my eyes closed, preparing for the worse things that could possibly happen to me. Nothing happened though, making me wonder if all my worry was for naught.

Of course, it most certainly was.

Being a bit braver than usual, I peeked open an eyelid to check what had stopped our pursuer from charging a few more inches and tearing us piece from piece. What I saw should have been expected, but even still, the whole scene was incredibly… well... bizarre, to say the least.

The… thing, whatever it was, was lying on its back, it’s terribly long claws and legs sticking straight up in the air. The creature’s head curled away from a small yellow form on top of its stomach, staring down at it with such tenacity that even indirectly I could feel it. Being the brony I was, I was having a total fan moment as I had front row seats to watch Fluttershy use her signature move…

The Stare.

“No friggin way…” Xavier muttered next to me against what was left of the tree. He too had opened his eyes to the very odd scene before us. “What… what the FUCK?! Is she just… staring at the fuckin thing?!” He shook his head, not believing what he was seeing. “No, no, no, no, no… that isn’t possible…”

Cocking an eyebrow, I was about to console my friend when Fluttershy suddenly flittered over to us, examining us closely and intently. “Oh my! I am so sorry about Johnathan’s behavior!” The shy pegasus looked behind her at the now-rolled over beast, whose yellow eyes stared at us curiously instead of hungrily. “You see, you must have stepped on his sore back, and it made him very very angry. Poor Johnathan has been having such-“

“JOHNATHAN?!”

Fluttershy and I both recoiled from the explosive scream coming from the dark blue unicorn beside me. His teeth were clenched and his eyes were wide. I bit my lip. I could tell he was terrified. So incredibly terrified.

Calmly standing up now, I stood next to Fluttershy, warily looking at my friend. Johnathan behind us snorted a bit through his nostrils as he squinted his eyes, growling lowly at the unicorn who also took up a standing position

Xavier, however, did not care and glared down at the three of us; fear and confusion plastered across his face.

“You live in a fricken cottage at the edge of the woods, full of fuckin dirty ass critters!” Fluttershy cringed a bit and Xavier stepped forward. “This place is inhabited by TALKING PONIES! And I got transformed into one of THEM!”

He indicated himself now with a hoof, then looked at his hoof and shoved it in my face. “I DON’T EVEN HAVE FRICKIN FINGERS NOW!” Poking his horn with a hoof, he continued. “All I have is a horn. A FUCKING HORN DUDE! I’M A FUCKING UNICORN IN A SHITTY GIRL'S CARTOON!”

Fluttershy was now shaking profusely, huddling herself into a yellow and pink ball beside me. I glared at my friend a few feet in front of me, wondering what the hell had gotten over him. Johnathan growled again as Xavier took another step forward, which only surprised the creature as Johnathan growled back at him. “And THAT thing, that… that… JOHNATHAN! He doesn’t exist!” Xavier shook his head a bit, hitting himself with a hoof. “He looks like some kind of Asparagus Monster or something…”

“He’s a mandrake!” Fluttershy squeaked from her balled up self.

Xavier stood there, numbly staring at Fluttershy, as if merely speaking was an atrocity on Earth. “What…” He creaked his neck to the side a bit, squinting his eyes slightly as he craned his neck towards her. “What did you just say…?” His voice was barely above a whisper but hissed with vehemence.

The pegasus pony shivered more and covered her head with her hooves to try and stop the convulsions. “He-he-he is a m-mandrake… A p-plant dr-dragon hybr-brid that-“

Unexpectedly, Xavier chuckled. It was forced and weak, but to the three of us before him, it sent chills up our spines. I gazed at my friend, who twitched his head once as if spasming, and smiled madly in my direction. “Hehehe… he he.. he he he he he ha ha ha HAHAHAHAHA!”

And I had thought that Pinkamena Diane Pie had a crazy sense of humor…

“A mandrake, Hmmmm?” he hummed maliciously, taking a step back. “Dragons? Fuckin Unicorns? Pegasuses? Why not have a frickin manticore show up for tea and some shitty ass crumpets next, righty-o? I believe that would be just a SWELL idea!”

The yellow mare was shivering so bad now, I thought she might have gotten the chills. Johnathan, being called “not real”, didn’t really sit well with him. He got up now, growling viciously, and began to approach my friend.

I didn’t even know I had moved when I suddenly realized I had gotten between the mandrake and Xavier, staring Xavier in the eye. “Dude… Calm. The. Fuck. Down. We are both in the situation together, and I think that we may be able to-“

“You’re not real.”

Honestly, I had to do a double take from that sentence. “...Huh? What the hell are you talking-”

The psychotic in front of me smiled softly and shrugged. “You’re not real. Simple as that.” He leaned closer into me and smirked. “You are not, nor will you ever be, Jack.” He chuckled slightly, his grin breaking out again. “You… you are only Silver Jack. You are like Jack. You speak like Jack. You sound like Jack. Fuck, you even SMELL like Jack.” His grin broke down into a frown, his teeth baring slightly. “But fuck you, you ARE NOT JACK!“

With a roar, Johnathan suddenly began to charge at Xavier from behind me but before I could do anything, we were both suddenly blasted back by a sudden wave of… well, the only way I could possibly describe it was force. It was like the feeling you have when you’re on a rollercoaster and speeding rapidly, your back flattening against the seat behind you. Now, imagine that, except it was blasted at you in one smooth wave. That’s what it felt like.

Needless to say, the two of us got propelled backwards by the sudden blast and flew over Fluttershy who was still curled up tightly on the ground. I tumbled across the ground a bit, legs flailing about. Although bumped and bruised, I got up relatively quickly emitting only a few groans from my lips, and faced where Xavier was.

My heart jolted however when I noticed somepony had suddenly disappeared...

I just lost my friend… who is starting to go insane… has magical powers… doesn’t give a damn about me or this world… and now he is loose in Equestria…

…

…

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!”

=====================

“They said I was crazy… Everypony said I was nuts!” A maddening grin spread across her face as she galloped alongside Applejack. “Now… we get to see who REALLY is nuts around here! WAHAHAHA!”

AJ looked behind her for a second, cocking an suspicious eyebrow in the other mare’s direction. “Uh… Lyra? Y’all soundin a bit nutty right now, honestly…”

Lyra blinked once in confusion and chuckled softly. “Ehhehe… sorry… I’m just kinda happy right now, you know?” Her face scrunched up in determination as she ran. “If these ponies are humans turned equine, that would be… phenomenal!” She nearly squealed in delight at the prospect, her eyes shining now. “But even if they aren’t, they could be interested in humans as well and other stallions liking humans? Well...” This time she DID squeal in delight, making a few ponies heads turn in their direction.

“Hush sugarcube!” AJ hissed through her teeth. “I don’t know anythin about them… for all I know, they could be some more of ‘em changelings wantin some revenge on us!” She sighed and steered right, leading them out of Ponyville.

The musician pondered the idea for a second and shrugged a bit. “Nah. I doubt it. The little ones aren’t exactly bright enough to do that… plus, why would they do anything right now? Nothing is going on after all… what would be to gain?” AJ was a bit taken back from the logic involved there, but didn’t deny it and simply pressed on.

I wonder… I didn’t see them in town, so could they have taken a wrong turn somewhere? I wonder if-

Suddenly, blasting through the sky by the Everfree Forest treeline, was an large oak tree, spiraling through the air where it landed in the ground. Its limbs splayed everywhere as they broke off and dug into the soft soil. Surprisingly, it was making some good sliding distance.

“What in tarnation?!” Applejack skidded to a halt, grinding some dirt under her hooves. Lyra, not catching the sudden stop in time, flew by her initially until she rounded back to AJ. Both of them watched the tree skided its last few yards until it finally came to a complete stop in the middle of a grassy field.

Lyra’s jaw dropped a bit at the spectacle, even though she only saw the end, and looked at AJ. “I’m honestly not sure if humans would be THAT strong, but- Hey!”

The cowmare sped off in the direction of the tree, immensely curious as to what could have done something so powerful as to launch an entire tree. Lyra, sighing a bit, galloped away to catch up with the eager pony, although she was equally as curious as her orange partner. Welp. She thought cheerfully. At least today is going to be rather exciting, eh?

==================

Scritch-scritch-scratch-scri-

“Come on, we have waited for a while now! Can’t we-“

“I said soon!”

“…”

“…”

“…Fine. I will wait. But my patience is running thin…”

Scritch-scratch

A smile, wide, brilliant, and devilish, flashed at its companion. “Don’t worry… Your patience will not go unrewarded…”

Snort

“If you say so…”

A/N

Welp. Honestly i must say, a bit different from the usual chapters in terms of content... Honestly, i need a bit more of an edge for Xavier and, well, now i have one for him! :) Anyways, i already have a lot of stuff planned and this chapter is REALLY gonna help things move along in those regards~ :P Gotta figure a way to get more comedy into this... Ah well!

I hoped you enjoyed it! See y'all with the next chapter :)

A Muffin and Soup

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 8: A Muffin and Soup

Pat Pat Pat

“Urgh…”

Pat Pat

“Hurmmmm…”

Pat Pat Pat Pat…

…

…

BONK!

“OW!” Matt rubbed his head softly, grumbling a bit as his groggy mind decided to try and catch up with him. He had had the most HORRIBLE dream… Me, Jack, and X… all in a world of ponies… and we were ponies… Heh… Wow… I really gotta quite drinking…

“Hey. Matt. Wake up.”

Jack? God what the fuck… it’s too early… “Jack? God what the fuck… it’s too early…” Matt mumbled, rolling around onto his stomach. His head was throbbing like a sonofabitch, but he couldn’t complain much… Well, I can. I always can. Just ain’t feeling up for it right now… too tired…

“Dude, c’mon! Xavier bolted dude!”

Matt waved his arm nonchalantly, eventually just letting it hang beside him. “Whatever. I have a splitting headache and I don’t give two shits about him right now!” He rolled over onto his side and curled up into a tight ball, trying anything to get the headache out of his-

“MATT! SERIOUSLY!”

“RAWRGH! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU-“

My poor friend had to blink a few times after he nearly attacked me from Fluttershy’s couch, as if all of existence was a complete lie to him. There I stood, as a pony, before him with Fluttershy on my left, Angel on my right, and Johnathan in the background munching on… something. I had no clue what it was, but I wasn’t about to find out.

“I… this… her… bunny…………WHAT?!” My bandaged up friend had his mouth hung open slightly in shock at the sight before him. “This… this is real… isn’t it?”

I shook my head sadly and plopped my rump on the floor. Staring out of a window, I sighed. “Yes… I suppose this is real…” I looked down on the floor and traced a small circle on the wood. “But Xavier… Xavier doesn’t think we are at all anymore…”

There was a soft silence in the room for a moment as the words settled in. Matt just stared confusedly at each of us, eventually shrugging and getting up from his bed. “Well, this has been fun but I- OUCH!” Abruptly, his head started to throb again and he winced in pain, sending him immediately back onto the couch.

Fluttershy, noticing his ailment, rushed on over to Matt and immediately cooed over him. “Oh dear oh dear oh my… You sir are in no condition to go anywhere right now! Uhm… that is… if you would be so kind to stay…”

The red-brown pegasus cocked an eyebrow up at the mare and looked at me funny, exclaiming out loud, “Hey, Jack… who is this broad?”

A little agitated now with my other friend, I exhaled violently and glared slightly at him. “Matt, this is Fluttershy. She was so KIND enough to treat the head injury that Applejack gave you a bit ago…” I huffed slightly as he looked back at the pink-maned pegasus, who blushed very slightly. “Without her, you would more than likely be in a coma…”

Behind Fluttershy’s back, I snapped my head a couple times in her direction, trying to indicate that Matt should say a few words to her. Sighing, my pegasus friend grumbled out a reply. “Er… Thank you… Fluttershy… For saving me… and keeping me out of the hospital…”

The yellow pony smiled sweetly and nodded at Matt. “Oh, you are most certainly welcome Matt! I will always try to help a pony, or animal, in need after all!” She put on a serious face immediately afterwards though and stared stiffly at Matt. “However, mister, you are in no condition to go out right now! You must stay here for at least a little while… Just enough to recover your strength… That is, if you don’t mind staying here…”

Matt’s face immediately took on the “Are you fucking kidding me meme” style and he was about to answer her in his usually colorful vocabulary when my vicious glare connected with him, making him wilt slightly from its intensity. “Uh… uh… sure…”

Fluttershy squeed slightly and immediately went into the kitchen, leaving me and Angel together with Matt. I looked down at the white bunny, who was shaking his head slowly at Matt, arms crossed. Matt opened his mouth and shrugged at the rabbit, whose only response was the typical “I’m watching you” gesture. Bounding away, Matt and I had no clue what to make of the white rabbit.

From the kitchen came a tray stuck between Fluttershy’s teeth which held a pair of muffins and a small bowl of soup with a spoon next to it. All of a sudden, my mind clicked in two ways. One was about the muffin, the other was about the spoon. There was one crucial detail I had never thought of until just now, mostly because it wasn't required until this moment…

How the hell do we grab things with our hooves?!

My mind blanked out for a second as the pegasus came closer and closer to us, her deathly tray of total revealment inching towards us. Luckily, after Xavier had left, she had barely any recollection of his crazy speech and about us being not ponies, which lifted some relief from my shoulders. However, it came all crashing down upon us once more as I was suddenly handed over a nice, tasty, warm muffin on a small dish.

“Uhm… I hope you like blueberry…”

I stared at the muffing blankly, Matt looking at it in a similar fashion. He was looking at Fluttershy’s hoof, trying to figure out how in god’s name the dish was being held by it. Shakingly, I reached a hoof out to the food, my mind reeling a bit.

What if I drop it? What if she gets curious? What if Matt starts doing something stupid again? What if-

“Uhm… Silver Jack? You… you can take your muffin back now…” Snapping back to reality, I noticed that I somehow, miraculously, was holding the dish in my hoof without a single problem. I stared at it for a moment, contemplating how in Celestia's name I had been able to do it, when I simply shrugged and used my other hoof to grab and start munching on the delicious confection.

Meh, i will figure it out later...

“Celestia almighty, I love blueberry muffins…” I muffled through my semi-full mouth of blueberry goodness. Fluttershy smiled sweetly and now focused her attention onto Matt.

Matt however, was slightly confused at my statement and was about to say something when his mouth suddenly was filled with steamy tomato soup. “There's the train! Oh look! Another load is coming in!” Fluttershy chirped merrily.

My friend, totally taken by surprise, quickly swallowed the soup and started to shake a hoof in protest. “Gah! Uh, no no… its fine Fluttershy, I think I will- GLURP!” Without hesitation, Fluttershy immediately shoved another spoonful of soup into his mouth, causing me to snicker uncontrollably. Matt shot me a look and would have said something if not Fluttershy taking every opportunity to shove more and more soup down his throat.

“A sick pony is a soup-needing pony!” She declared rather proudly, letting Matt take a second to finish his soup.

Smirking a bit, I finished up my delectable muffin and stood up, placing my dish back on the tray. “Thank you Fluttershy for the delicious muffin!” I sighed softly, lowering my head a bit. “Honestly, I needed that reprieve…”

Fluttershy smiled sadly and nodded. “Oh, you’re very welcome Jack! But I do hope that Xavier will come back soon…” Her face screwed up a bit in thought. “I think he might have a mental problem…”

Chuckling softly, I shook my head at Fluttershy's antics and started to head for the door. “Yeah… I know… I’m gonna go try and find him however though, so if you could, please try to keep Matt… well…” Matt looked at me despairingly, mouth hung low in disbelief that i was leaving. I smiled wickedly and chuckled again. “Out of trouble, to say the least.” I started to head out the door.

Matt however, nearly got up after I turned around, and looked at me incredulously. “Whoa whoa Jack! You are gonna leave me with this psychotic bi-GLURP!” As I shut the door, I could hear Matt’s face being stuffed with more delicious soup via Fluttershy hoof, which sent a mischevous smile across my face.

Fuck, I love Karma sometimes!

With that thought in mind, I speedily trotted by Johnathan, giving him a wide berth as he sunbathed on a blanket of grass, and began my search for my missing psychotic unicorn friend. I mean, he only has unlimited and untapped magical powers with the experience of someone who has played numerous FPS games and a usually sick mindset…

I bowed my head in annoyance and sighed.

Of course everything is going to go to the shitter…

===============

“YEAAAAAARGH!”

“HOLY SWEET HALIBUT!”

AJ ducked just in time to dodge another oak flying towards her and just barely shoved Lyra’s head to the ground in time. They both watched the tree rolling around on its side, still bouncing a bit as it kept trucking along the ground. Lyra’s mouth was in awe at the spectacle, still staring at the tree, while AJ was looking around, trying to find some reason as to all this tree uprooting.

I mean, it would take a LOT of strength to uproot a tree like that, and even more to send it flyin! It would have to take some really big muscle, a good amount of magic or- AJ smirked slightly as she slowly got up. “Or just a really thick skull…”

A blur of color swept by, eventually stopping at a nearby tree. The blue pegasus has a thick helmet on and assorted sports gear covering her body as her wings flapped tirelessly to keep herself hovered in the air. Rubbing her hooves together, she grinned under her helmet, her rainbow tail flickering back and forth. “Ok, so… this will be number three! Gotta get to five today, Rainbow, gotta get to five…”

With a strong but nimble grace, she did a 180 in the air and swiftly began to rise up, lifting her body higher and higher into the sky. Finally, when she was only a speck up in the distance, she stopped, adjusted her helmet for a split-second, and shot down to earth. She let her body dive down similarly to when she does a sonic-rainboom, but this time she had her helmet out first instead of her hooves, making her look more like a speeding bullet than a pony. Closer and closer she got, picking up more and more speed, her target coming closer and closer as she-

“Hey-ya Rainbow Dash!”

-started to veer off course and twist and turn wildly in the air, losing all her speed as she thudded right into the branches of the tree she was initially going to bombard. Assailed by branches and leaves, she couldn’t control herself in the mangled growth. Eventually, after about a solid minute of hitting branches on her way down, the tree deposited her promptly on the ground with a solid thud.

“…

...

...

Owwwwwwwww…”

AJ and Lyra both winced at the crash and immediately went over to help the fallen cyan pony. The cowmare started to check for any serious injuries as Lyra began to remove some of the clothes on the fallen pony. AJ shook her head, chuckling a bit after making sure that she was all right and dandy. “Well, ain’t ya one lucky son-of-a-gun! No injuries, thank Celestia!”

Rainbow’s head popped out when Lyra extracted her helmet and glared at AJ. “Well, if somepony didn’t interrupt me, I wouldn’t have crashed now, would I?” The orange pony smiled sheepishly and Rainbow simply rolled her eyes. Getting up from the ground, she shook herself a bit, finally noticing the other pony with them. “Uh… Who’s this?”

Lyra was taken aback by her question but immediately cleared her throat and smiled sweetly. “I’m Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings. I was just helping AJ here with some devilishly awesome adventure in search of three mysterious stallions that may or may not actually be creatures called ‘humans’. So far, we haven't caught any sight of them, but I am hoping we will soon! With this hoof and these eyes however, I swear I will not stop until I have confronted these souls and picked out every ounce of information about humans from their miniscule brain cells, put it in a jar, and keep it locked in my vault of knowledge, all for the benefit of Ponykind for generation after generation to come!”

The mint-green unicorn was poised upright on two hooves, saluting at nothing in particular as the other two ponies stared awkwardly at her. Noticing the uncomfortable shift in atmosphere, Lyra slowly got back down onto four legs, rubbing one behind her head as she smiled sheepishly. “Eh he he… sorry… about that… Got carried away a bit...”

“Uh, riiiiight then...” Rainbow started, but her eyes flashed brilliantly when Lyra's speech fully kicked into her brain. “Wait, you said creatures? Adventure? AWESOME?!”

“Uh, sugarcube, it’s not exactly like that-“ AJ began, but was swiftly cut off by Rainbow’s face, barely an inch from hers, eagerly smiling.

“How can I help? HOW?!”

The orange mare chuckled nervously and wracked her brain for an idea, until finally one hit. “Why don’t ya go over to Fluttershy’s cottage? See if ya can find them over there… If not, ask Fluttershy fer some help…” AJ glanced sideways at nothing in particular, her face more serious. “I have a weird feelin bout them stallions…” And anypony willing to help would be a good idea...

“Allllllright! Be over there in a jiff!” Without so much as a goodbye, the colorful Pony launched herself into the sky, saluted once, and buzzed off over to the Everfree forest.

An exasperated sigh escaped from AJ’s lips as the pegasus sped away at her usual death-defying speeds. Lyra, coming up next to her, chuckled as they both watched her go. “Geez… she is something else, huh?”

AJ smiled and nodded. “Always has, always will be…”

Getting up now from her sitting position, AJ started to begin walking again when she noticed a dark blue unicorn looking at them from behind one of the trees, grinning widely and… madly. She shuddered a bit, remembering him with his black mane and headphones around his neck, but not nearly half as creepy as before.

“Oh Applejack! I seem to have found you!” He laughed shortly, taking a step forward. As his smile grew twice in size, his pupils shrunk to about half their own.

“Now, let’s have some fun… shall we?”

===============

“…I’m not sure if we should be away from them this long…”

Scritch-scritch

“…I’m just saying that at least one of them is going to cause a mess…”

Scratch-scritch

“…Sorry, but I must get some of this done…”

Schhhhfff

“Sigh… If you insist… but I would hope you hurry up. My patience is getting really thin with this situation…”

A sigh emitted from the other being.

Schhhhfffa

Bloop

Scritch scratch

“I know, I know…”

A/N

So yeah. Ponies. And Muffins. And Mad psychopathic unicorns. Awesome, right? I know :3

And yes, its 1:15 here, i have work at 8, and i didn't sleep well last night... BUT as per request from Super Big Mac (i had to respell Mac 5 times there... T_T), I made this chapter a bit longer~ They should ALL start becoming longer now as time goes on, mostly because of how the characters are interacting and blah blah you are getting longer chapters. Deal with it. XD

History In The Making

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 9: History In The Making

Glump!

“Fluttershy! I said I am fuckin fine with this so- GLURP!”

BOOM!

“Whoa! Lyra! Watch out fer this feller!”

Clip-clop, clip-clop

“What am I going to do…”

Not too far away from Fluttershy’s cottage, my thoughts had started to plague my mind with doubt and an assortment of troubles I would have rather not dealt with right then.

But when it comes to our minds, we can’t truly escape it, can we?

I sighed, truly wondering what action I should try next. In all regards, I wanted to go into Ponyville for something… something very personal to me. I sighed though as I trudged on along the forest-line, knowing that my duty at the moment was to try and round up my friend so I could try to talk some sense into him. It was a long shot, but I had to do it before somepony got hurt…

Preferably him! Honestly, I think that a good buck by AJ would set him straight! He had already had so much done to him his life, he doesn’t need-

BUMP!

“Oh! Oh, I’m sorry…”

A smile spread across the zebra’s face as I apologized to her and she nodded her head. “Don't worry, no need to fret! There was something on your mind, I bet!”

To my surprise I had realized that I had run into the rhyme riddler zebra, Zecora. I nodded stiffly at her, and was about to continue on when she tugged on my tail, making me look back. “Tell me, stranger, what’s got you down? Your face does not show it, but you wear a frown…”

“I don’t think I should waste your time, miss… It's kinda long and complicated…”

"I am doing nothing and have the time to kill. Please tell me your story, if you will.”

I opened my mouth once, but then shut it, unsure of my words at first. Looking blankly at the grass, I turned around fully to face Zecora, who had sat down. Following suit, I began to tell her of my problems… and my friends.

“Well…”

===============

We were all in second grade, me, Matt, and Xavier... my two other friends. We didn’t know anything about each other, and didn’t exactly meet eye to eye either. Unfortunately for us at the time, we were made to sit next to each other or be in the same group. Being children at the time, we would complain about it but the teacher refused to do anything about us, day in, day out.

Eventually, it started to become a routine for us. We would get into school, go to our class, deposit our stuff in the cubby holes, and then get into our little table groups. Then would commence the crayon-stealing, block-smashing, and arguments throughout the day.

Oh, the arguments!

Every day we would fight or argue over something completely stupid, whether it was which Power Ranger was the best or one of us taking a bite out of someone’s snack while they weren’t looking. For some reason though, the teacher never split us apart, never. I still don’t know why she did to this day although I can say I am happy she didn't…

===============

“Oh come now Matt! You are seriously injured and you need everything you can get to become better! So hold still…please?”

Matt sighed explosively and reluctantly opened his mouth wide. With a gleeful smile, Fluttershy shot the spoonful of soup inside of his maw, nearly shoving it down his gullet. Eyes wide, he swallowed it quickly and panted heavily, nearly being choked by the instrument of delicious torture.

Fluttershy smiled softly and scooped another spoonful of soup. To her surprise though, there was only air left in the bowl, much to Matt’s relief. However, to Matt’s utter disappointment, the yellow mare suddenly smiled warmly and picked up the tray with the bowl and Jack’s dish on it. “Oh, I will just have to make some more! I will be back in a little bit… alright?” Before Matt could even utter a response, the other pegasus swiftly headed into the kitchen to make more creamy soup.

Immediately, the red-brown pegasus bolted out from his bed and swiftly looked around, finally spotting the door. Screw this! He thought as he started to gallop towards it. This bitch is really nice and everything, but FUCK! I can’t deal with another spoon in my throat!

WHAP!

“OW!” Matt was suddenly blinded for a moment, getting hit in the face pretty hard by something. What the heck it was, he had no clue. Blinking a few times, he shook his head slightly and snorted loudly. His gaze inspected the house, glaring viciously. “Ok, WHO frickin did that?!”

Suddenly he felt a tap by his legs and could hear repetitive thumping from the ground before him. Looking down, he almost laughed out loud as Angel was glaring at him with a small black headband wrapped around his forehead. Going down to his level, Matt chuckled, poking the fluffy bunny once with a hoof. “Snrk! Really? Oh god this is too funny! Funny as it is though, I got to get-“

WHAP!

“OW!” Angel had shot his foot into Matt’s face, forcing him to stagger backwards. He put a hoof to his nose and caressed it tenderly for a moment, and then stared viciously at the bunny. “Ohhhh it is ON!” Angel landed lightly on the floor, twisting his body around to face Matt and smiled, wagging a paw towards himself to taunt Matt.

Matt ridiculously got into a Karate Kid-like pose, letting loose a rather loud, “HI-YAH!” Both of the fighters flew into the air, legs outstretched in slow motion, simultaneously shouting out their warrior cries to initiate their awesome battle.

The fight of the ages had begun!

===============

One day, at recess, I was on the swingset, minding my own business, when some kid came by one day and pointed at me, calling me names and other nonsense things. At the time, I was a chubby, fat kid. I had had asthma when I was born and this made it very difficult for me to do sports as I would tire out quickly. So, after awhile, I gave up on sports and decided to work more on my brain.

This other kid though, from what I got of him, thought it was stupid and made fun of me for it. I didn’t know what to do though. I had never encountered a bully before, or someone who openly mocked my weight issues. I didn’t know how to handle it, so I just let him make fun of me… make fun of who I was…

Then, all of a sudden, his words just stopped. They stopped, just like that. I looked up from my silence on the swing and noticed that the kid was laying on the ground now. He looked like he had been slugged one, the right side of his welting up red like a puff ball. In fact, I found out that he actually had been punched, punched in probably the most cliché way that you could get.

Matt had socked him a good one, right across his blabbing mouth.

“Uh… thanks for that…” I had said.

Matt didn’t say anything to me. He simply nodded his head and sat by me, watching as the kid slowly got back up, stuttering and crying a little bit at us. However, he was really still ticked off and began to charge at us. Both of us, unprepared for the assault, couldn’t get up in time to try and defend ourselves.

That’s when Xavier came and gave the bully another good hit on the other side of his face, sprawling him on the ground.

Right after that, he sat down on the other side of me, a slight smile on his face. Actually, no… We were all smiling. Even though it was through violence, we finally realized that we had been much better friends than we ever thought, despite our differences. And that has held true, throughout my entire life so far…

Unfortunately, we all had to go to the principal’s office shortly after. Oh boy, my mom was mad that day…

Sometimes, more than I would like, that bully comes around in my life and taunts and jeers to me about something or another, but I have learned since then. I have become stronger. Of course it hurts but… All I need to do is let it go right? I should just get away from the jerks in my life, right? Yeah…

===============

“SWEET SASSAFRASS!”

AJ tumbled head over hoof, kicking up a ton of dust and dirt on her way. Lyra, in the meantime, was flying through the air, screaming her head off until she landed into a tree with a nice plup sound… followed by a cacophony of broken branches, creaking wood, and one solid THUD as she hit the grassy field, groaning a bit after impact. Immediately, AJ bolted over to the injured mare, standing beside her as she weakly stood up.

“Urgh… AJ… Where… What…?” Lyra groggily directed at the cowmare, who leaned down just in time to catch the weary musician from falling again.

“Hush now sugarcube! We need ta focus our thoughts on HIM!” The orange mare pointed a hoof at Xavier.

The maniacal unicorn was all smiles and crazy fits of laughter, but his mood was anything but happy. Hehehe… More ponies? OH! THIS WILL BE FUN! It’s like I can Force Push anyone or anything in my path… Hmmm… I wonder… An evil smile played across his face as he stared at a large rock before him, the size of a basketball, and he focused in on it.

Much to his surprise, the rock was enveloped in a dark blue aura and started to wiggle out of the ground, eventually levitating up in the air before him. Inspecting it a bit, he noticed that wherever he focused the rock to, it happened to follow to that place. Another small smile spread across his face as he looked from rock to the mare pair.

“I think it’s time I got rid of this ponies… I think I might go insane if I deal with them anymore…” He choked on a laugh. “Keh… TOO LATE!” Revving up the rock in a backswing, he rushed forward, hurling the rock with him so that it sped across the ground like a bowling ball. Except, it shot at them as if from a cannon!

“MOVE!”

On reflex, AJ barreled herself into Lyra, pushing them both out of the way of the speeding boulder, letting it propel into the distance behind them. Xavier frowned at his failed attempt at bowling and sighed. “Damn… A gutter ball…” Four large round rocks suddenly levitated around Xavier and he smiled madly. “NEXT FRAME!”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

A white mare happened to be outside that day, carrying around a small brown bag in her mouth. She bobbed her head to an unknown rhythm, her thoughts preoccupied with who knows what. All that she simply wanted to do was have a simple lunch in the fields today.

In all honesty, she hadn’t even wanted to go and get lunch today. Originally, it was her plan to stay home and make food while she tried to complete some of her tedious work. Her profession wasn’t exactly the easiest and it always demanded her to become better than her competition, granted there wasn’t much in Ponyville.

Today, though, she decided to let herself relax a little bit instead of being cooped up indoors for immeasurable amounts of time. One of her dear friends told her that she was starting to worry about her lack of… well, sunshine in general. ‘It isn’t healthy,’ she told the blue-maned mare. ‘Darling, you should honestly get some fresh air.’

Yeah, yeah, yeah… just get me a cider a day and I am fine… the mare sighed in her head. Now, instead of enjoying the comforts of her old bed, she had the hard ground and itchy grass. Great.

“Well, at least today is nice… ya know?” She asked nobody in particular after reaching the fields and spitting out the paper bag. The mare licked her lips, eyeing the bag hungrily, and tentatively opened it up into a neat, but usable, paper square.

What was inside made her tear up a bit in joy at the sight of her luxurious lunch.

What lay before her was a Sammy Sandwich Super Special; a foot high sandwich containing three types of daises, two layers of hay, two more of straw, a smattering of ketchup, and a melted cheese layer which drenched the entire sandwich in a beautiful yellow coating between two delectable slices of white bread. It had taken the last of her bits for awhile to buy this supreme sandwich, but looking at it… It was worth it for the mare.

The white mare smiled and looked up into the sky, closing her eyes for a moment. “Thank you, Celestia, for this meal I will be devouring and engorging with no remorse. If I had a can of cider, it would be perfect, but this will be reward enough… NOW I MUST NOM!”

The white mare began to pounce upon the sandwich. The sandwich, however, happened to magically become flat upon the ground, smeared across the grass in an assortment of colors and textures. Her expression froze, her grand smile following the flattened trail of the plastered food, finding the source of the disaster to be a rather large rock. One that, after her gaze searched for the source of the ballistic, belonged to a laughing dark blue stallion.

A laughing dark blue stallion.

A laughing stallion.

Laughing.

…

…

…

…click

“I WILL POUND THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THAT GUY OR SO HELP ME MY NAME IS NOT VINYL SCRATCH!”

In her fit of rage, Vinyl stampeded over to the fight, kicking up grass and dirt at an incredible pace, shoving her one-way glasses on her nose. She ferociously snorted and picked up speed.

THIS GUY IS GOING DOWN!

===============

A few years after the bully, in about 4th grade, was the next incident. This time it wasn’t me that had the problem though. It was Matt that had the problem, and every day I feel sorry about his situation…

Xavier and I didn’t know much about Matt to be perfectly honest, even after the few years we began to hang out. Every time we would ask to come over his house, or mention his family, he would either deny us from going or not even answer us. Try as we might, he wouldn’t budge about it and usually would get pretty steamed up about it. He has always had a short temper, but when it comes to his family, he will not tolerate it one bit.

It took us awhile, but we eventually were able to figure out why he was so against us knowing about his home and family. I just wish that we, or rather everyone, found out in a less… public way…

In the middle of lunch, while we were eating, we all suddenly heard shouting in the hallways. Everyone froze in mid-bite and looked over towards the cafeteria entrance, wondering who was making such a ruckus. Turns out, it happened to be the principal trying to hold back a man and woman arguing bitterly. Immediately I turned to Matt, about to say something to him, when I noticed he was pale. Very pale. And the couple just kept coming closer and closer to us, the principal not having very much luck getting through to them.

After finally reaching us and hovering over Matt, who was scrunching himself more and more into a ball in his seat, the argument rose to a peak, both of them screaming at each other now. It was terrible, watching the two of them. But it only got worse.

All of a sudden, the angry man snapped. His fist flew through the air, flying at the woman, hitting her across the face. She fell to the floor without a sound. No shout.No shriek. She just fell like dead weight, right in front of a nearly crying Matt.

Immediately afterwards the teachers finally jumped in, deeming the physical contact as drawing the line, and ‘kindly’ evicted him from the building. The woman was tended to by the school nurse until the cops came by where she answered questions. Matt was also brought down to be asked a few questions too, but he didn’t say anything much. Or at least, that’s what he said.

This was how we met Mr. and Mrs. Keller and how their son, Matt Keller, was revealed to have a difficult life in an old broken down house and abusive father, who went to jail for both child abuse and assault and battery. Ever since that incident, his hotheadedness took on his actions and he began to not care anymore, simply choosing the most headstrong answer.

There has been only one rule with Matt, one rule that Xavier and I always abide by to look out for our friend…

Never talk about his father. Ever.

===============

“So, uh… Matt… do you- Oh my!”

Victoriously sitting on top of a sprawled out red-brown pegasus was Angel with crossed arms and a tapping foot, his gaze never moving from the stallion. Matt cringed a bit when he saw the bowl of soup coming towards him, but cringed even more when Angel’s foot tapped a little bit harder than before.

Fluttershy tsked softly and shook her head slightly. “I see… so you tried to escape while still injured…” Gently, she placed the soup on the table and stood before Matt, eventually sighing again and fixing him upright. Angel, in the meantime, was making sure that Matt wasn’t going anywhere by staring at him from on the table.

“…Fuckin crazy rabbit…” Matt murmured under his breath, glaring hotly at the white lapine. Angel smirked slightly and looked at Fluttershy for a moment, who only nodded. A bit grumpily, the bunny hopped away, heading for the door to outside.

The yellow mare smiled softly and started to take off Matt’s bandages, making them both wince. Matt from the pain and Futtershy with the nice welt on his head. “Ow… that must have REALLY hurt, especially since it was from a kick from Applejack and-“

“Yeah, well, that bitch didn’t need to kick me so hard! My head is fuckin throbbing because of her!” Fluttershy went rosy in the cheeks, shocked at the foul mouth of this Pegasi. Matt however, didn’t care and kept on going. “I mean, first I fuckin wake up, having this nice ass dream and everything. Then I learn, ‘Hey! I’m a FUCKIN pony!’ and now I have to deal with it. NOW I am getting a fuckin smackdown by that bastard white bunny and my face fuckin stuffed with soup every four seconds when I can PLAINLY do it myself… if I even frickin want it!”

A tense silence hung between the two of them, Matt’s anger and frustration slowly increasing while Fluttershy was completely speechless. She had heard words like these used before, but they had been far and few between. The mare didn’t know that someone could use them in a sentence like that so many times!

“Well, I-“

A knocking on the door interrupted the pegasi, wondering who it could have been. She didn’t think that Jack could have found Xtra that quickly. But you never know… This is Equestria after all! She thought cheerfully, trotting over to the door.

Before she could even get towards the door however, it clanged open with a BANG, making Fluttershy jump a mile and hit the ceiling like a cartoon cat.

“Hey! Yo! Fluttershy! You home?”

Matt watched as a rainbow maned mare trotted inside, looking around a bit in curiosity. After a few moments, she noticed Matt on the couch and cocked an eyebrow in suspicion. “Hey, who the buck are-“

“Oh! Rainbow Dash! It’s you!”

Rainbow looked doubly confused now until the yellow mare detached herself from the ceiling, to which the cyan coated mare chuckled. “I swear Fluttershy… sometimes you get too literal with the whole ‘Fraidy Cat’ thing…”

Fluttershy blushed a bit and was about to speak when she was interrupted by a short burst laugh from Matt. Both mare’s looked at him and saw he had gotten up from the couch and was smiling broadly. “Heh… Hehehe… Oh god… this is too precious…”

Both mare’s looked completely confused, RD getting a little frustrated at the unseen joke. “What do you mean by that, bub?”

“His name is Matt Maxum.”

“Whatever. Matt Maxum, whats so ‘precious’?”

Matt suddenly snorted again and laughed heartily, open about his giggle fit, making the rainbow mare snort derisively. She took a step forward. “Tell me. NOW.”

The stallion snickered once more and wiped a small tear in his eye, finally getting his bearing. “Ok ok…” He took one deep breath and snorted explosively, laughing as he spoke to her. “Oh god… you’re… you’re… a r-rainbow-colored puh-pegasus! And-and you are like, THE stereotype tomboy so… so… snrk!”

Neither mare didn’t see where this was going but RD did NOT like to be laughed at. She snorted again and stomped the ground once. “What about it bub?! It’s how I act, that’s all! And the mane is all natural, if that’s what you’re thinking, and its-“

“SO FUCKIN GAY!”

Matt’s laughter doubled over as both of the mare’s expressions immediately went to complete shock, their jaws dropping about half a foot each. This is so frickin hilarious! I can’t believe that this show has a gay pony in it! What the fuck! Matt went to his knees he was laughing so hard and he clopped his hoof on the wood flooring a few times.

It took Rainbow a few moments to reattach her brain to her body and her face suddenly flushed a shade of red, her eyes leering down at the stallion. She clenched her wings tightly as he continued to laugh at her, her hooves digging into the floorboards slightly in anger.

“Stop… LAUGHING AT ME!”

Before Matt knew it, Rainbow had scooped him up, brought him over to the door, and dropkicked him out of Fluttershy’s house. He didn’t really care though since he was escaping a ninja rabbit and a bothersome yellow mare! What he did care though was the landing…

"Ahhhh fu-"

Getting a few good yards of ground distance, he spit out a wad of grass and dirt from his mouth. He grimaced and got up from his launch, dusting his coat off with his wings and hooves. Sighing a bit, he turned around at the angry mare and glared at her, sticking a hoof up, forgetting for a moment that he didn’t have a middle finger. “Goddammit…”

Rainbow, however, knew exactly what the gesture meant. Apparently, it meant the same thing. In another fit of anger, she grabbed some pots and pans and began hurling them at the stallion in rapid procession. “Take! That! You! Stupid! Frickin! Ass! Hole!”

Used to similar situations with similar girls, he narrowly dodged each of the pans and pots, thankful he did a few times as his injury wasn’t bandaged now and fully exposed to everything. Fluttershy, behind Rainbow, tried to plea with her not to harm Matt, but she was totally ignoring her, still lobbing the utensils at him.

Matt chuckled and stuck his tongue out at her. “Ha! Stupid bitch! You can’t get me with those things! Anyways, you helped me get out of that nuthouse! So you can suck long and hard on my left nu-

HOLY SHIT!”

Who knew that ponies could throw entire tables?! Stupid crazy ass bitch nearly killed me…

…

…

…

…I hate ponies…

===============

Now, Xavier… Xavier, for as long as I have known him, has been very… unstable. Basically, he is a mixed bag of emotions and mental problems under a veil a perfect life and a mask of a good natured being. However… I am the only one that truly knows what goes in his mind. He never trusted Matt enough with his personal secrets.

Xavier was adopted, several times by several families over the years. Most families thought that they would be able to take this child, this well mannered youth, and make him part of their family. At one point, I hate his previous families for dumping him off to another home. At the same time, I am glad they did, only for the fact that it lead him to our town.

It was his seventh family and second grade was his first year in town. This family would be his last, but the scars of the previous ones would last… and have been haunting him since they got rid of him. Just think about it… Basically, you are given a home, love, a family, a bed, food, water, your own room.

Then, in a blink of an eye, they turn around and give you back, whatever the reason may be. They are saying, ‘Sorry, we don’t love you that much,’ and chuck you away like used trash. Could you imagine that as the beginning to your life? Having families repetitively say they don’t want you anymore? It sounds absolutely… horrible.

I can’t say how heart wrenching that was though. Xavier was the one who went through that hell.

Finally, he was able to settle with a family, the Hendricks. Mr. and Mrs. Hendrick were fairly rich and successful individuals and both wanted a child. What they eventually decided to do was to adopt a child, only so they didn’t have to deal with childbirth, labor, and them being a baby. For them, Xavier was a perfect child for them. Quiet, smart, obedient. That’s all they cared about, as if they were looking for a new couch or décor to their lifestyle.

What they didn’t expect however was the emotional problems Xavier would occasionally spiral into. Depression is a horrible horrible thing, Zecora, and from what my friend has told me… its possibly the worse thing to happen to you.

Basically, he started not to care. He obeyed, he did, he followed. As the years went by with me and Matt being his friends, we started to notice him becoming more slothful, more isolated. He would often just sit by himself, head leaned forward, staring into nothing. His brain was his only place of seclusion, but for him, I knew it was also his torture chamber.

One day, in seventh grade I believe, Xavier wasn’t in school. Neither Matt nor I knew exactly why, but we assumed he must have been sick or something of the like. You know, nothing big. We went through the day, blind and deaf to what had really happened to our beloved friend.

When I got home, my mother immediately hugged me as I entered the door. At first, I was surprised by the sudden action of love, but then I could hear her sobbing and muttering out several burbles about Xavier. I couldn’t understand much, but I heard four key words to what she said…

‘…Xavier…

…depressed…

…failed suicide…’

I was struck numb by the news and at first I thought that this was some kind of a cruel joke being played on me. However, as my mother continued to weep on me, I slowly became aware that this no joke. Even after our many talks together, he finally decided to take the drastic measure, even after I pleaded with him not to.

This was only the start of the downward spiral for him.

===============

Xavier chuckled as he bowled over two more of the rocks at Lyra and AJ, who barely dodged the rocketing stones. He laughed heartily and smiled broadly. “Oh come ON! I just want ONE strike here! Hmmmm…” His eyes stared at a large boulder to the left of him. “Ahhhh yes! Maybe some bigger BALLS are needed! Hehehe! Balls...”

The orange mare groaned at the sexual innuendo, her breathing heavy and labored. Lyra was also finding it more and more difficult to keep up this game of dodge-the-stones. She had tried to use her own magic to stop the rocks but the speeds of them were often too fast for her to stop on time. Instead of wasting energy on the rocks, she focused on dodging them, but wasn’t expecting Xavier to have so much stamina to him.

It was when the boulder nearby started to lift from the ground that she really was taken aback at his raw magic strength. AJ and her had their mouths hung open in awe, wonder, and terror. Lyra gulped and got a bit closer to AJ, wondering if they could possibly outrun him. This guy is CRAZY strong! It’s like he’s possessed or something!

The stallion finally had the boulder next to him and he chuckled softly, looking at it for a second. Suddenly, his face wrinkled in disgust and he scraped a patch of moss on it with his hoof. Inspecting it once more, he grinned evilly and looked at the mares. “Sorry ladies, I’m not a big fan of moss!” With that said, he roared as he stepped forward, swinging the large boulder speedily towards them.

Screaming and yelling, the two mares clung to each other, Lyra trying her best to repel the huge rock with her magic.She knew it wasn’t going to be enough however. THIS IS THE END! OH WHY HAD IT BEEN A PSYCHOPATHIC STALLION?! WHY?!

All of a sudden, the stress of the magic started to relieve itself, the large boulder taking a sudden right turn, nailing the tree besides them. It creaked and moaned for a second until a shattering split formed along its trunk, felling the strong plant. Both mares were shocked at the results of the impact and looked back at Xavier, who was equally surprised. “But… I aimed STRAIGHT at you! You shouldn’t have been able to block that!”

“Guess again, asshole!”

AJ and Lyra quickly looked behind them and saw a sight for sore eyes stampeding straight at them… and past them! Before they could even utter a word out, Vinyl Scratch has raced past them and towards Xavier, who was entirely taken aback by the suddenly forward approach against him.

“Hey! What the fuck do you think you are- OOF!”

The white mare hadn’t lost any steam in charging the stallion, ramming her entire body right against him and hurling him a bit away. However he was bit bulkier and got up relatively quick, although a bit more shaken now. His smile faltered a bit and he stared at Vinyl sketchily, as if unsure about this new adversary.

“You… you are not like the others… are you?”

“Others? You bastard! All I care about is my fuckin sandwich you rolled over!” She stomped angrily on the ground, taking a firm step forward at Xavier. “AND I come over to see you try and smash two of my friends! What the FUCK is wrong with you buddy?!”

At this point, it wasn’t clear who was more shocked at the DJ’s language; Xavier or the mare pair! The stallion shook his head a bit, hitting it a bit with one of his hooves. What… what the fuck is this shit?! She swore… but it’s a KIDS show! A LITTLE GIRL’S show! Why would… why did she… She's powerful too but... Ugh… Just go away… Just… just…

“GO AWAY!”

Bolts of loose magic suddenly sprayed around everywhere, striking limbs off of the trees and leaving small scorch marks on the ground. Lyra, AJ, and Vinyl all jumped backwards, trying to dodge the initial barrage, but didn’t expect the attack to be so broad and long. Suddenly, they found themselves doing a little dance as they tried to avoid the magical shots, watching as Xavier kept repeating the phrase over and over again, seemingly not caring about anything going on around him.

AJ danced around helplessly, trying to avoid the bolts as best as she could. However, she did notice Vinyl was slowly moving forward by hopping and dodging the magic as best as she could. “C’mon Vinyl! Get ‘im before he goes on a real rampage!” Vinyl didn’t respond but kept her gaze fixed on Xavier until she was only a foot away from him

“Get away! Get away! Get away! Get away! Get-“

“Fuckin’ Celestia, WE GET IT ALREADY! HIIIIII-YA!”

Much to the surprise of basically everypony there, Vinyl stood up, cracked a hoof, and grinned even more manically then Xavier had been. Xavier’s fountain of magic was just arcing over her but he was frozen in place, fear, uncertainty, and hatred keeping him in place.

“Now… REVENGE FOR MY SUPREME SANDWICH YOU JACKASS!”

Without hesitation, the white mare uppercutted her hoof at the stallion, nailing him square in the jaw with a painful SHMACK! Immediately the magic stopped spewing, Xavier flew backwards, the Vinyl grinned madly in her victory.

Ugh… I’m… I’m gonna lose consciousness… My energy… feels so drained…

…that pony…

…she… she…

…

…

…Fuck, I hate ponies…

With that, he landed on the ground with a solid THUMP, totally knocked out from the fierce blow Vinyl had given him. A few seconds later, Lyra and AJ had trotted over to her, looking past her at the mad-pony's prone body.

AJ whistled lowly and stared at Vinyl, cocking her eyebrow a bit. “Jeez Louise Vinyl! You sure do have a good punchin’ arm! Whatcha do? Work out?”

Vinyl only chuckled as she went back onto four feet. Nonchalantly she waved a hoof and grinned a bit. “Nahhhh there’s just a few things you don’t mess with in my life… One, is my music. Two, is my friends. And the third and most important one…” She took a step forward and glared heatedly at the knocked out stallion. “IS DON’T MESS WITH MY FUCKIN FOOD!”

The other two mares took a step back and looked at each other, not entirely certain what to make of the local disc jockey. Lyra hummed a bit to herself in thought and stared blankly at Xavier for a little bit, when a sudden thought occurred to her. “Oh, yeah! What should we do with… him?”

Vinyl immediately smiled broadly, her grin something of the maniac kind once again. The two other mares shifted a bit where they were and worriedly glanced at each other. Vinyl enveloped the dead-weight pony in her magic and chuckled softly. “Oh, I know EXACTLY what we can do with this sandwich crusher…”

===============

After his suicide attempt, it was incredibly awkward for us around him. He was always very distant, quite cold, and usually quiet. We had never had an experience like this before, but me and Matt always tried to cheer him up in whatever way possible. Sometimes we would be able to get through to him, him smiling for a few minutes, but he always reverted back to his forlorn ways.

Then, one day, he tasted a bit of power.

We were playing a game called Monopoly. We had never tried it before simply because it was a board game and nobody had been in the mood for it until then. I set up the board and explained the rules really quick, and Matt and I noticed a bit more of animation from Xavier. He actually seemed interested in the game.

So, on we played, late into the night, and it was the first time in a whole year after his incident that he truly laughed, truly smiled, truly enjoyed his life. Well, it might have been because he was absolutely crushing us in the game, but either way, Matt and I were very happy to see our friend return to normal.

But when the game stopped, he slowly slipped back into the rifts of his depressive self. Matt wasn’t feeling up to play Monopoly all the time, as neither was I, so we tried to think of an alternate solution to help him out. We thought about it for a long time but never could come up with anything until his birthday finally came around.

The birthday party was excellent, due to his rich foster parents basically going all out to try and cheer him up a bit. Even they weren’t THAT totally cold, and after his incident, felt some resentment at their treatment of him. Xavier, though, sat at a table all day and stared distantly at the grand party before him… that is, until his friends came along.

Matt had plopped the gift in front of him carefully and smiled widely, me being right behind him. We urged him to open this gift up early and eventually, he caved in and tore the wrapping paper apart. Much to his surprise, it was a, uhm… it was something that could help him make music. He looked it over a bit and wondered why we had given it to him.

Basically, I gave him his other gift, which he still loves to this day.

It was a pair of soundproof headphones, specially designed and everything, colored dark blue and black. Without hesitation, he whipped out his MP3 player and put the headphones in it, blaring out some music to test them out. He smiled wide then and suddenly hugged us both. Neither of us minded though. We were honestly kind of hoping he would…

And that’s what started him on his music business. It was something he had control over and could control at a constant basis. Whenever he felt like it too, he could-

===============

Suddenly, I stopped speaking for a second, making Zecora cock and eyebrow in confusion. My mind reeled a bit at a revelation going on in my head, an idea that suddenly popped into existence from nowhere. Zecora got up now and smiled slightly, craning her neck at me. “A revelation has come to you, I see. Now, where is it that you need to be?”

Now it was my turn to smile and I got up myself, nodding my head at Zecora. “Thank you very much Zecora. I guess… I guess sometimes some ponies just need another pony to talk to… or in this case, a Zebra!”

We both chuckled for a second before she motioned her head to a nearby path. “Take that path to get to your friend. I know you can find the answer at its end!”

“Thanks again!” Immediately I raced off, hoping that I was able to reach my sick friend in time. He had cracked and cracked hard, along with having more power than he should. This was more or less a recipe of disaster and if he learned to fully control his magic powers, it would be ruinous for the town. However, I knew the only way that could anchor him back to reality, back to THIS being real.

I just hope I get to him in time…

===============

“…I did not realize they had such strife…”

“Neither did I, in all honesty…”

Scritch-scratch

“… Let us wait until sundown… I… I need to think about this a bit more now…”

“Its fine, we shall wait until then… But please…”

“Hm?”

“Please know what you have gotten yourself into…”

A smile in the darkness flashes white and a melodic giggle resounds. “Oh, I know. I am only after one of them anyways!” A slam of doors and silence.

“…”

Scritch scritch scratch

A/N-

IM SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG! But... jeez, you got three chapters worth here so... ENJOY! :D (Also, because i so lazy, there probably WILL be mistakes so if you DO see them, please point them out XD)

The Second Rampage- Part 1

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 10: The Second Rampage- Part 1

Huff huff

“Rainbow…?

Huff huff huff

“Rainbow… are you okay…?”

Huff huff haaaaaaaaa…

“Uh… a-are you-“

“NO I AM NOT FLUTTERSHY!”

“Eeep!”

A sigh pulled out of the rainbow maned mare’s lips and she went over to her shaking friend, putting a gentle hoof around her. “Eh… sorry I snapped at you… It’s just that guy was a REAL jerk! I mean, what kind of nerve does he have, calling me gay like that?!”

The blue pegasus released her yellow pal and started to pace around the room. “I mean, really?! What kind of stallion goes around and tells other ponies he or she is gay?! I’m STILL riled up from him, even though he left like, 10 minutes ago…” She snorted from her nostrils and ground her teeth a bit, starting to go for the door. “Maybe I should catch up to him and throw another table at his head for good measure…”

“Eeek! No Rainbow! He’s already hurt!” Fluttershy clutched onto her angered friend, who in return looked at her curiously. The yellow mare blushed a bit and let go of her friend, quickly explaining what Matt’s friend, Silver Jack, had told her earlier on. As she went however, Rainbow’s expression went from curiosity to realization to a hoof to her face, all in rapid succession.

“Oh horsefeathers… THAT guy was one of them human thing ponies Lyra and AJ are looking for!” she grumbled a bit and rolled her eyes around a bit, starting for the door again. “Great… now I have to apologize to this dude so I can get him back to AJ soon…” She stretched out her wings and shot off into the sky as soon as she reached outside.

Just hope he hasn’t gotten too far up in the clouds…

The blue pegasus didn’t hear the pleading and confused cries of Fluttershy however as she streaked across the sky with her usual rainbow trail. Poor Fluttershy was then left all alone with her animal friends around her and she sighed loudly, turning around to go back inside.

On her way back though, a sudden thought crossed her mind, one that she hadn’t thought of until right then, when she noticed something missing…

“Oh my… where is Johnathan…?”

===============

“GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING MADE OF?! ASPARAGUS?!”

“GREEEEE GREEEEE GREEEEEEEEEE!”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

==============

“Mrrrrgh…”

“…And then, he started to roll some of them big rocks at us like we were nothin’ but bowlin pins!”

“Yeah! We almost got flattened a few-“

“DON’T even mention flattening things around me…”

“Er… sorry Vinyl…”

“Urgh… ugh…”

“Alright alright girls, he’s waking up… Thankfully Spike went out to get a bite to eat at Sugarcube Corner, so he won’t interrupt us. I will just have to see what his problem is… Luckily I just touched up on my pony psychology recently! Hopefully it helps a bit with this…”

Twilight nodded at the other three mares in her house, Lyra and Applejack nodding back eagerly while Vinyl scoffed and continued to glare at the shuffling body a few feet in front of them. The purple unicorn did a double check in her mind and prepared for the small session she would be having with this… stallion.

Too bad he’s crazy… she mentally sighed, and sat down to watch him stand slowly up, as if from a groggy dream. The mare was worried he was going to fall over right off the bat, but he luckily caught himself with a hoof, breathing heavily.

The room was awkwardly quiet for a little bit, the only sound coming from the ponies labored breaths and some louder citizens from outside the library. Nopony said a word. All they did was watch, wondering when he would make his mo-

“Why the HELL did you squash my FRICKIN sandwich?!”

Everypony except Xavier watched as a fuming Vinyl walked forward, glaring daggers at the back of the dark blue unicorn. Lyra stepped besides her, looking at her awkwardly, and coughed slightly to get her attention. When the white unicorn faced her, Lyra put on a serious face and plainly stated, “Vinyl. It was a sandwich. Get over it.”

Vinyl, however, wasn’t phased in the least by the mint green mare and stomped angrily. “It was NOT just a sandwich!” She whimpered a bit and held her hooves up close to her face, her lip jutting out and her eyes starting to brim with the tears of her terrible loss.

“It… it was life, Lyra, life itself!”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow at the drama unfolding while AJ simply rolled her eyes. Vinyl was about to say something when a soft cough interrupted her, causing all of them to stare at its source, who smiled mischievously at all of them.

“Oh, no, it’s ok to just ignore the psychologically imbalanced unicorn in the middle of a building! No, go on back to your chit chatter! I am perfectly fine, so I think I will just be go- OW!”

The purple mare chuckled a bit as Xavier’s face collided with a semi-transparent purple bubble enveloped around him, reminding Twilight of a hamster in a plastic ball. Xavier, however, didn’t seem to like his new imprisonment and immediately gave Twilight a nasty look, his words sputtering out of his lips. “W-What the FUCK did you do to me?! What the hell is this thing?!”

Now it was Twilight’s turn to smile as she slowly walked around Xavier in a slow circle. “Well, it’s like this… After you ran out of magical energy and Vinyl knocked you out,” The white pony smirked. “Applejack, Lyra, and Vinyl carried you into Ponyville and to me, where they knew I could contain you. And that’s what’s happening to you now, since you basically exhausted all your magic supply for a bit…”

At this point, she has stared Xavier down, her smirk to his glare, and completed her complete revolution around him like the moon to the earth. She sat down in front of her friends again, and indicated with a hoof. “Well, I know they have questions they want to ask you but first, I must say… from what I heard of the others, you have a little more power than the average unicorn. Not much more, but enough to stand out a bit…I wonder if-”

“Twi, you’re analyzing again…”

“Ehehe… sorry AJ. The floor is yours now…”

“Thanks sugarcube.”

AJ switched with Twilight, glancing over at Lyra and Vinyl, Lyra nearly bouncing about in anticipation and Vinyl just being grumpy over her lack of food, indicated by a grumbly stomach. Applejack exhaled once and faced the troublesome pony, who ground his teeth silently in defeat. Although crazy, she could tell he was smarter than he looked, making her worry about him all the more, and wondered if his answer would even be valid.

Ah well... might as well try I s’pose…

“So, Xtra… Are ya’ll what they call a… human?”

A crack of a grin begin to form as the question hit his ears, Xavier chuckling softly a few times. Sitting down now, knowing he wasn’t going to go anywhere for a bit, he put a hoof to his chin in thought, the grin still hanging on his head. “Well… No. I suppose I am not…”

Twilight immediately jumped in front of Lyra, her own smile on her face, giving the minty mare a shock. “Ah HA! I told you they didn’t exist and he isn’t one so with that, can you all please leave my library and-“

“…But I suppose I once was, hm?”

The purple unicorn’s mouth was hung halfway open, a mocking smile already set on Lyra’s face. “You were saying?” Twilight blushed hotly and promptly turned back towards their captive.

Xavier shrugged his shoulders and continued on, staring directly at Applejack now. “Honestly, I think I am insane and totally lost it, so I don’t give a fuck anymore. Pony, human... If you’re crazy, it’s all the same…” He bowed his head a bit and scraped the floor with his hoof, giving a weak chuckle. “I-I mean… is this real? Is this all in my mind? Is this a dream I don’t want to wake up from?”

The mares shuffled awkwardly as they watched him put his hooves over his head, whimpering slightly as his body curled into a ball. “I-I just don’t want a-anything to happen to anymore… I… I don’t w-want to go away anymore…”

Everypony was silent, watching the hovelling figure before them. Even Vinyl felt a tinge of pity for the stallion in front of them and had to look away for a second. Twilight was silent, and even her breathing stopped, and she slowly got up. The other mares watched her as she sat in front of the bubble, a bit or worry etched on their face. Twilight smiled slightly and turned her head to look at them.

“Girls… Give me some time with this stallion… I don't know whether he is telling the truth or not, but I know he needs someone to talk to more than anything at the moment…”

Reluctantly, AJ nodded in agreement and started to head for the door. Vinyl and Lyra didn’t move though, watching her leave with disbelief on their faces. “Wha-What? You really think Twilight is gonna be fine with that stupid jerk in there? I don’t think we should we leave him with her…“

Vinyl nodded in agreement and stood up now. “Yeah! I don’t trust that jerkwad in there for one second alone wi-“

Vinyl was cut off by AJ with a snap of her neck turning around. “Girls. I trust Twilight and I know she is more than capable than this guy with magic. Anywho, his magic is exhausted right now apparently so I reckon he isn’t very harmful at the moment…” She glared at them both. “So let’s GO.”

Without a word, the two other mares got up and filed out of the library, one by one. Vinyl, being the last one out, took a quick look around and noticed that the two had started talking already. She stared at them for a little bit, wondering what they could be talking about, when Xavier’s eyes suddenly locked with Vinyl’s. He gave her a small, warm grin and immediately returned to talking to Twilight.

With mixed feelings now, and her brain curious about the smile, Vinyl left the library, pondering over the last hour of events. “Hmmm… Hmmm… ouch! Too much thinking, brain hurts… OW!

Oh, sorry Lyra! I didn’t see you guys st-

…

…

What the HELL happened to Ponyville?!”

AJ casually raised a hoof, pointing at where a statue of Ponyville used to be. “THAT happened…”

Vinyl stared at where AJ had pointed and couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t. But it was there, below a flustered Fluttershy, Rainbow limping a bit in the air, and another worried Pegasus. It was behind two battling stallions that were biting, kicking, punching, and shouting at each other in a frenzied brawl with no clear winner at the moment. It was right there and she couldn’t deny it.

Well, this time anyways...

The DJ sighed and grabbed some bits, placing them promptly in a smug Lyra’s hoof. “Fine… Asparagus Monsters are real… You win…”

===============

Earlier…

===============

“I… I can’t believe it! It’s Ponyville! It truly is Ponyville!”

Being free from his friends, Jack had finally begun to enjoy a bit of his visit into this world instead of lying and chasing around his friends all over the place. With some kind of unbelievable luck, the path Zecora had pointed out to him had brought him to the show’s main landscape… Ponyville! For once, he could actually let his heart soar a bit at being in Equestria… and it felt damn good!

Breathing in the fresh air, he exhaled slowly, enjoying the minimally polluted air around him, surprised at how sharp and crisp it was. “Man… this place is like, EVERYTHING I thought it was!” His smile turned down a bit as a few thoughts ricocheted in his head. “Well, minus one friend getting knocked out and the other having some serious mental problems… But besides that, everything is great!”

Happily, he trotted into the small town, his gaze trying to take in everyone and everything around him. Hey, there’s Berry Punch! And that’s The Doctor over there, talking to the Mayor! Spike just went into Sugarcube Corner, and I KNOW I saw a smidgen of Pinkie Pie in the doorway…

Wow, I can’t believe this still! I wonder if the background Ponies are like what the fandom portrays them as… And who knows? Maybe they actually have bigger roles here than the show makes them out to be and-

“…greeeeeee…”

“…eeeeyaaaaah…”

My ears perked up at the odd sounds in the distance, wondering what could possibly be making such a ruckus. Something about the first sound however seemed oddly familiar…

I… I can’t put my finger on it, but it sounds like Johnathan… But he is all the way back at Fluttershy’s! Why would he-

“Greeeeeeeee!”

“Help me! Somebody!”

Now I was thoroughly confused, the second voice throwing me for a loop. Was that some mare in trouble? It sounded awfully high pitched after all… But they seem to be getting closer to town! I wonder what all the hubbub is about…

It wasn’t only me now, but a small crowd of Ponies at the edge of town were now surrounding me, looking at the same cluster of trees the voices happened to be behind. Everyone was talking to each other, wondering what was going on, and I myself was getting rather curious.

I mean, what poor mare would Johnathan be after anyways? Fluttershy is taking care of Matt so somebody COULD have upset him, but I highly doubt that they-

An explosion of leaves and branches suddenly bombarded everyone as a petrified and rather exhausted looking red-brown Pegasus launched himself through the trees, half-heartedly trying to flap his wings to fly. His attempt failed though and he soon found himself rolling across the ground, scrambling up from his fall, and shoving himself through the crowd.

Everything went in slow motion right after that, the connect-the-dots in my head immediately figuring out the general situation in record time… And in record time, I followed my friend as he raced through the city streets, missing the giant green plant dragon hybrid literally blasting away the trees, causing most of them to hit the nearby buildings.

“GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Matt yelped in surprise at the roar but kept pushing on, me hot on his trail and Johnathan not too far behind. I only took a glance back at him and noticed that a table had miraculously wedged itself onto Johnathan’s back… Johnathan’s very sore, very achy back.

“MATT! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO JOHNATHAN?!

“JOHNATHAN?! WHO THE FUCK IS JOHNATHAN?!”

“THE MANDRAKE!”

“THE… WHAT?!”

“THE FUCKIN THING CHASING YOU, YOU DUMBASS!”

“OHHHHH… THAT…” He sheepishly looked at me, whose glare could have poisoned a soul if allowed to. “I ACCIDENTLY, UH, THREW A TABLE AT IT!”

“WELL NO SHIT SHERLOCK!”

“OH SHUT UP AND JUST HEAD FOR THAT CROWD!”

“YOU MEAN THAT SCREAMING, TERRIFIED, AND COMPLETELY CONFUSED CROWD?!”

“HELL YES!

Normally, I wouldn’t have decided on that idea, fearing that I one of us could be trampled by the mass of ponies in front of us. Being trampled on wasn’t how I planned on dying…

“GREEEEE GREEEEEE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

However, I believe being clawed out by a vicious, angry, and rampaging Mandrake may be worse…

A/N:

Alright! So, sorry about taking so long on this chapter~ I was very busy lately and no good inspiration had been coming to me at all~ FINALLY i got some and got around to this chapter!

Now, this is the first part... gonna get the second part done asap~ and then you will see just what happened during the time Xavier was being interrogated...

And why the hell nopony heard the disaster outside! XD

Also, thanks to Anoobus93 who, as always, is a great editor and vurry good at helping me with issues here and there with the story :3

The Second Rampage- Part 2

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 11: The Second Rampage- Part 2

Pant, pant…

“Jesus… dude… that thing… won’t… let up…”

Pant, pant…

“Yeah… I know…”

Pant, pant, wheeeeeze…

“GAACK! Stupid lungs… gotta quit smoking after all of this…”

“Wait, what?! Matt, you smo-“

“GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“SHIT! HE FOUND US! RUUUUUUUN!”

It felt like that all day so far all I had been doing was run around. Run here, run there, run after my sick friend, run away from being rampaged on by a very irritated mandrake. Just a confused mess and sore hooves all day for me, it seemed.

The one time, the ONE time I had thought I could enjoy himself and simply take in a little bit of the gift I had been given… and Matt shows up to ruin it! He does this ALL the time! Why, WHY does he have to do it now?! Now, I’m running for my life, once again, this time destroying Ponyville in the process! Can’t I enjoy something for once?!

True, I didn’t initially go after Xavier and enjoyed a short stay with Fluttershy, but that was mostly due to the initial shock of the situation. I mean, what was I going to do? Chase after my mentally unstable friend (who basically called me “imaginary”) throughout Equestria, having no clue where he remotely was, or is for that matter, and leave a knocked out Matt behind? No, of course not! They may have been my friends, but it always seems like they bring me into the depths of trouble, one way or another…

Life’s just wonderful sometimes…

Especially when you happen to be on a dead-end street…

“Through those stalls Matt, quick!”

Immediately we dove between a pair of stalls into an alleyway, which could snugly fit two grown ponies. Luckily, it was snug enough to prevent a mandrake’s claw in, much less his entire body. Johnathan however didn’t understand the fundamentals of ‘mandrakes can’t fit in here’, and plowed himself headlong into the houses, shaking the ground beneath our hooves with the collision.

The three of us sighed as we watched Johnathan groan a bit at the failed entry, a new bruise on his head already forming. Matt snickered slightly and pointed at the creature, his breathing a little ragged. “Ya see… ya see that? Such an idiot! Stupid... Johnathan couldn’t even… couldn’t even… figure out he couldn’t fit… in here?!”

Sighing, I shook my head a bit, already recovering from our mad dash into the alleyway, and stared hard at him. “Dude, c’mon… give Johnathan some credit for actually finding us every time! And also, I don’t think goading the mandrake is gonna make him any more friendly to you!”

“Tch!” Matt rolled his eyes at me and frowned slightly. “Why do you got to always ruin my fun? Anyways, it’s not like he can get in here! There are two houses blocking the way of his thick skull!”

“Yeah! The big meanie is right! We should be safe here!”

Surprised at the slightly squeaky voice piping up behind us, we simultaneously turned our heads to face its owner. Almost immediately afterwards, we both went down on the ground, onto our backs, but for entirely different reasons.

The cracking laugh and guttural hollers of Matt’s now-wheezing voice showed him to be quite enjoying the site he saw, his chuckles and laughter mixing with his wings flailing about. He kept rolling from side to side, his mouth constantly opened and his eyes closed, tears dripping down his face. His hooves were crossed over his chest, clutching it like it was the only way it could stay attached to his body.

It’s possible that he had found something to be quite funny...

“HAHAHA! What the HELL?! And I thought this place didn’t have anything funny in it! But you… oh god YOU! HAHAHAHA! Jack! Did you get a load of this pony-thing?! Oh god, I can’t believe… HAHAHA!”

I didn’t respond to Matt however, mostly due from shock, some from embarrassment, and the rest from the famous, 'What the hell do I do?' kind of moment. The only movements I performed were my painful landing on my back and my head inclining up a bit to see if what I saw was for real. Sure enough, a pair of adorable mismatched eyes viewing in different directions stared back at us.

The grey pegasus puffed her cheeks out in possibly the most adorable way known to man or pony-kind and glared at Matt with one of her eyes. “Pony-thing? Mister, I am Ditzy Doo, aka Derpy Hooves! Whatever aka means anyways… I don’t know, people say it all the time in situations like these… Maybe it’s-“

“OH GOD, DERPY HOOVES?! BWAHAHAHA! IT SUITS YOU VERY WELL, HAHAHA!”

While Matt’s laughter doubled in strength, my head immediately shot over to him, my anger flaring up suddenly. Before I could get around doing anything however, a chunk of the wall from one of the houses suddenly went flying towards the other house, knocking down part of that one’s wall as well. Derpy screamed in surprise and Matt and I immediately launched ourselves from the ground so we didn’t get impaled by the falling debris.

Johnathan, apparently, had found out that he could simply knock the houses down to get to us.

“GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“Goddamn! That thing won’t give up!” Matt said, staring at Johnathan, bewildered.

I rolled my eyes and gave him a glare myself while starting to walk towards the other end of the alleyway. “Well, if I was called names, had a table thrown at me, AND had an incredibly sore back which was increasing in pain as I hunted down the one RESPONSIBLE…”

“Yeah yeah… god, you can be such a prick sometimes…”

Once more I could feel the pressure growing in my temples, but Johnathan’s rampage was getting closer to us, swipe by swipe with his claws. At the other end of the alleyway, which I was slowly approaching, was another set of stalls right outside of it. I smiled and looked back at the others, watching as they approached me.

“Okay, when I give the word, we will bolt out of here and try to lure the mandrake away from Ponyville. Hopefully we can get him back to Fluttershy’s and-“

“GREEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“WHOA!”

I launched myself back as a giant slab of one of the houses kicked up and landed in front of me, destroying the two stalls and inadvertently blocking our escape route. Honestly, I was lucky that I even survived that!

Matt groaned and rolled his eyes over towards me. “Oh great! Now what, Mr. Genius-pants?”

My eyes hardened on him and I was getting increasingly frustrated by his stupid comments. Mr. Genius-pants? Really? “Oh, shut the hell up! I didn’t know THAT would happen!” My gaze shifted to Derpy and I softened my face up for her. “Derpy, do you think you could fly us up and over that slab?”

Derpy looked confused for a moment but soon the thoughts connected and she happily extended her wings. “Oh, OH! Right, I’m a pegasus! Silly me!” Unexpectedly, she zoomed right at me, much to our surprise, and hoisted me up into the air by my armpits (or were they legpits?).

The air felt cool against my coat and the wind whipping past made me squint a bit, but it felt particularly entrancing being in the sky. Ahhhh! This feels divine! The air in my face, the sights all around! Yes… I would have loved to be a Pegasus, but that honor went to-

“HEY JACKASSES! COME BACK HERE!”

Ah shit…

“Derpy! My friend can’t fly at the moment!”

Derpy looked down at me, cocking her head a bit to the side. “But… he’s a Pegasus! Why can’t he fly? That seems awfully weird, and trust me, I know weird. Why, my great Uncle Ditzer Drew was such an oddball and-“

“DERPY! FOCUS!”

“AH! Sorry! Sorry!”

By the time we turned around though, we noticed that Johnathan had nearly reached his target, who was frantically racing around what was left of alleyway. We could hear the tail ends of his… colorful language, so to speak, and we noticed his fevered jumps were getting him nowhere, even with his wings flapping viciously.

“Faster, Derpy! Please!”

“I’m trying, I’m trying!”

“I know, but you have to-“

“Oooooo, is that a muffin shop?”

“FOCUS!”

Dammit! We aren’t going to make it like this!

“GUYS! C’MON! FUCKIN HURRY UP!”

“GREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“YEAUGHHHHHHHHHHHH- OOMPH!”

Oh god, thank you Celestia!

Just as Johnathan was nearly approaching Matt to exact his righteous revenge, a sudden rainbow like stream of color collided with the red pegasus and launched him up into air, similar to how Derpy was with me at the moment.

“Yay Rainbow Dash! Woo-hoo! Oh, oops!”

“GYAH!”

Derpy, forgetting that I was in her arms, had suddenly lifted them in the air to root for the rainbow Pegasus pony… but in the same process, dropped me as well. “HELP ME SOMEPONY!”

To my surprise, I was suddenly going horizontal instead of vertical and traveling at twice the speed that Derpy had carried me at. Looking up, I saw a rainbow-maned mare focusing on the path in front of us and exhaled in relief. Then I looked to my left and noticed a not-so-happy looking Matt staring at me and occasionally Rainbow Dash. Sighing, I looked forward and pointed over by Twilight’s tree. “Rainbow! Bring us over towards Twilight’s tree! We need to come up with a plan!”

“Got it!”

Immediately we zoomed over to the library where we were deposited without mercy, sending me and Matt rolling forward. Rainbow trotted up to us afterwards and glared menacingly at us, but mostly Matt. “Ok you two! Stop dragging your feet and tell me the plan!”

The blue mare snorted at Matt once, who winced slightly as he got up. “And you… If this thing doesn’t eat you first, I am SO going to kick your-“

“GREEEEE GREEEE GREEEEEEEEE!”

“AHHHHH! SOMEPONY CATCH ME!!”

“Huh- OWCH!”

A flash of grey enveloped my vision for a split second and then… Pain.

Lots and lots of cranium focused pain.

I felt my whole body groan as I slowly picked myself off from the ground, rubbing my now-injured head slightly. Wincing in pain at the newly forming bump, I cautiously opened up my eyes to have a one golden eye staring straight at me, the other off in another direction.

“Oh! Sorry mister! That Asparagus Monster back there tried to take a swipe at me when I offered him some muffins and sent me spiraling down at you!” She smiled broadly and giggled a bit. “Luckily, your head broke my fall! So thank you Mister No-Cutie-Mark’s head!”

Slightly red now, I coughed once and fully stood up, the pounding in my head slowly subsiding somewhat. How the hell am I even conscious?! A quick shake of my head confirmed that nothing was broken. Eh… cartoon physics? Maybe? “Uhm… no problem Der-“ Finally, it clicked. “Wait! What do you mean I have no cutie-“

“HEY!”

Derpy and I pivoted our heads over to the pair exclaiming at us, both not looking too pleased. Rainbow stamped her hoof and snorted once.

“Let’s get the show on the road!”

Matt followed up with a quick fluttering of his wings, yelling at us.

“Yeah! Stupid asses! Less talking, more telling us what we need to do!”

Matt’s obnoxious voice suddenly impaled my ears and I sighed, shoving the questions formulating in my mind back for a later date. Looking out into the distance, I noticed that Johnathan was literally plowing his way through the houses now, heading straight for us.

I bit my lip in thought, contemplating on several courses of action. Goddammit, I am not good in speed situations… Uhm Uhm…

“Twilight!”

Immediately I dashed behind us towards the tree, hoping to find the unicorn inside that had once taken down an Ursa Minor! The mandrake was slightly smaller, so she could help… right?

Hehehehe…

Nope.

Wrong.

With another good bump to my head, I was sent careening back at the rest of the group, suddenly noticing a near transparent purple bubble around the house. Rainbow trotted up next to me, helping me up. “Yeah, sometimes she puts that bubble up… She can’t hear nothing when she is inside of that thing now! It’s like her own soundproof container!” She squinted at the bubble in curiosity however. “Something big must have happened inside there…”

Matt groaned and looked back at Johnathan, who was nearly at us now. Smiling sweetly, he calmly informed us of the current situation. “Guys, that thing is one row of houses away! So Jack, if you don’t mind…” He coughed a moment and stared straight at me.

“FUCKING FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK WE SHOULD DO!”

“GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“GYAHHHH!”

Johnathan had finally breached the last barrier.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Scritch scritch scra-

“What the…”

…

…

…

Snap!

“This is bad…

…

…

My quill broke!”

SLAM!

“We have a problem, down in Ponyville!”

“Mild, Bad, or Disaster Worthy?”

“Bad to Disaster Worthy!”
Sigh…

“Go. I think it’s time you revealed yourself.”

“Alright! I will-“

“And take her with you.”

…

…

“Already? Are you sure?”

“Quite. Now, hurry up! You need to get going! Night is almost upon us…”

Nod

“Of course! I will see you later!”

A flash of a grin and several seconds of the clopping of hooves echoed around the room, eventually settling out into a peaceful silence.

“Yes…”

…

“Oh! A new quill! Yay!

… From Your Best Pen Pal,

Delicious Bananas!”

A bit of paper rolled up and was tied with a red string.

“Ahhhh! Pen pals are so much fun!”

A/N-

I'M SORRY ITS TAKEN SO LONG! D:

Finally however, HERE IT IS! SUSPENSE! ROMANCE! ACTION! HERPA DERPA NESS! XD

Anyways, all editing this time was done by my new Editors! So say thanks toooooo...

Conantheimp!
MajorWheat!
Aburi!
Echo Four!
BusyJackalope!
Herr Kawne!

SO THANKS YOU GUYS! :D

Jack Vs. Matt

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 12: Jack Vs. Matt

Thud

“Jack…?”

Thud

“C’mon Jackwad, we need something…”

Thud…

“Grrrrrrrrrrr….”

Finally, it was down to this. An annoying Matt, an irritated Rainbow Dash, an entirely confused Derpy Hooves and a stressed out me. All of us, versus one ticked off plant-dragon hybrid itching to get his teeth into the one responsible for wedging a table onto his back. Specifically Matt who, being my friend, I had to protect…

“FUCKTARD! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!”

…Even if he is REALLY pissing me off right now…

Matt, I knew, could get very… verbose when he was under pressure. He didn’t care who he was talking to at that moment either, just that somebody was getting called a name, punched in the gut, or otherwise inflicted with pain. Combine this with a rather limited temper and cocky personality, he was a ticking time-bomb for irritating the hell out of anyone.

“GREEEEEEEEEE!”

For example, a mandrake.

“All right, all right!”

Finally, I had concocted somewhat of an idea and turned my head towards Rainbow Dash, pointing at the creature coming straight at us. “Rainbow! Get to flying around Johnathan and distract him for a bit! Do WHATEVER you must do to get his attention!”

Rainbow smirked a bit and readied herself up. “Gotcha!” With a quick buzz of her wings, she shot up in the air, flying circles around the beast’s head. Johnathan eventually couldn’t ignore the buzzing about his head and roared at Rainbow, trying to take a few swipes at her. Nimbly avoiding his claws, Rainbow smirked and looked down at the mandrake.

“Ha! C’mon! I bet my grandma could throw her hooves around better than you!”

“GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

The distraction working perfectly, I nodded my head in approval and looked at Derpy and Matt. “Ok, you two! We NEED to get that table off of Johnathan’s back! It’s causing him a lot of ache and pain and the only way we could EVEN try to possibly calm him down is to get it off him!”

Matt looked over at the thrashing body of the mandrake, watching as its swishing tail knocked down a good portion of another building. Rolling his eyes towards me, he pointed his hoof at him and scoffed through gritted teeth. “And just how do you suppose we do that? That thing is fuckin moving around too much! There is no way we could get the table off of him!” He threw his hooves in the air sporadically. “I could get hurt after all!”

Glaring at him, I looked him down ferociously. “Well, do you have a better idea? Cuz honestly, I’m all ears Matt!”

“…”

“Well, anything? Anything at all? Hm?”

“…”

“…I fuckin thought so. Now…” Shaking my head a bit, I exhaled, preparing myself for the next part of my hastily strewn together plan. You being the one hurt? Dude, you have no clue what I am even gonna try to do…

“Ok! Matt! There is some rope by that house over there! Grab it and follow us!” Matt nodded stiffly, silently heading over to some rope that was lying by the side of the house. It looked like it had been used as a clothesline, but due to Johnathan’s recent chaos, it had snapped and laid loosely coiled on the side of the housing complex.

Looking over at Derpy, I looked at her straight in the eye and held her cheeks in my hooves, making sure her attention was on me. I almost felt like melting with her pure adorableness in front of me, but I resisted, giving her my instructions. “Now, Derpy, this is VERY important. You-“

“More important than muffins?” Her voice scrunched up with worry, making me realize that she was actually being serious.

“Uh… yes, it is.” The gray pegasus’s eyes widened and she nodded, a look of determination painted across her face now.

I cocked an eyebrow at the shift in attitude but quickly dispelled it, continuing my instructions. “You have to get on one side of the mandrake and grab the rope, ok? When I say, ‘Go!’, you lift up as hard as you can, ok? Got it?”

Derpy, with her chubbed up cheeks in my hooves, saluted proudly and hovered up into the air. “All righty Mr. No Cutie Mark!”

“Uhhhh ok… Right then! CHARGE!”

Dear Celestia, this will be the end of me…

===============

“Oh, oh dear… Uhm… excuse me, please, excuse me…”

A passing stallion looked behind him, his hooves planted on his face. “Oh dear Celestia! That thing destroyed my shop! First the Cerberus, now some… asparagus monster thing!” Shaking his head woefully, he shoved past a buttery yellow pegasus trying to politely swim through the crowd of oncoming Ponyville citizens.

“M-m-m-monster?!” Fluttershy squeaked, frozen in place now. Oh… oh my… I didn’t think there was a monster in town! Maybe I should leave quietly… Before she was about to turn around and try to get home for some peaceful tea, hoping Johnathan and Matt would simply return on their own, she spotted a streak of rainbow bolt across the sky, followed by a clawed green hand narrowly missing her just above some buildings from the town.

“…grrrreeeeeeeeeeee…”

Suddenly, a pink pony with blonde hair and a small lily in her mane stood up, screaming at the battle waging on in Ponyville. “Oh the horror, the horror!” Pointing a hoof at the scene briefly, she quickly ran away, being swept up in the crowd.

Fluttershy wasn't sure if she should go back to town or follow the crowd, knowing how she usually is with other creatures of this size. However, she knew that she was the only one who could truly stop Johnathan…

Whether she wanted to or not.

Ohhhhhhhh… Why me…

===============

“GYAH!”

"WATCH OUT FOR HIS TAIL!”

“I KNOW I KNOW!”

“GREEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“WHOA! Ha ha! Nice try, ya dumb dumb!”

“Good job Rainbow! Only attack him if we get desperate, ok?!”

“Kay! This lug won’t be getting a hair on my mane any- WHOA! Ok, maybe you should hurry up!”

Already trying my best here… My part isn’t exactly easy!

For about the fifth time now, I barely dodged the sweeping tail of Johnathan, catching up to the dragon-like monster. We made sure to stay behind him so he wouldn’t spot us, but luckily Rainbow Dash, with her diversions, made it much easier to race up to Johnathan undetected. Obviously with their yelling, Johnathan knew we were around, but he was focused on beating up a small rainbow fly to give us much acknowledgement.

“Yo, Jackass! You SURE you know what we are doing?!”

I looked over at Matt, who now had the rope coiled around his neck as he trotted besides the huge creature, careful not to get hit by his tail… again. A big bruise was already forming where he got blindsided last time. He would be fine after a bit of recuperation but the same couldn’t be said for the door.

At one point I feel bad, but at another, I almost wish it was a metal door he hit… I mean really... Jackass, Jackwad? These stupid puns are really starting to frickin annoy me…

“Of course I don’t! Honestly, I’m winging this whole thing! But if it works, we SHOULD be all right, ok?”

“’Should’?! What the fuck do you mean by tha-“

“JUST TRUST ME, OK?!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

“Fine… asshole…”

This is no time for petty arguments Jack! Get it together!

My brain yelled at me to focus, but then of course… my brain said a lot of things. And a lot of things at that moment involved rope, Matt, a knife, and several things about him rather left unsaid. He, of course, was not exactly helping an already stressful situation so connecting the dots is rather easy.

I looked at the tail swishing back and forth above me, noticing that for some reason, it had developed a pattern to it. A slight prick of curiosity made me wonder why, when suddenly the huge beast turned abruptly, making us jolt to the side so we wouldn’t be spotted.

Silently, I prayed in my head that by the end of the day I wouldn’t become some pasty jam in between some huge monster’s toes… whether Johnathan’s or some other creature that may terrorize the town. Ponyville DID, after all, have some pretty bad luck for huge disasters, and one more town-destroying-monstrosity wouldn’t be too far from the mark in today’s events.

Looking up, I finally noticed the source of the repeated motions. Rainbow, doing her best to be the most annoying little pest in all of Equestria, had repeated a few dips and dives over and over again, missing the claws by bare inches sometimes.

“Ha!” She finally called out after another fierce swipe, only for it to grab empty air. “Dang… you really suck at this, don’t you?”

“GREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“Oh roar all you want, you green, asparagus looking… monster… who… is growing… and growing… and… aw horsefeathers…”

===============

“Uhm… Excuse me… Pardon me… I… I need to get to my friends and- EEP!”

“MOVE IT SISTER!”

Without warning, another mare shoved into her, fleeing the scene behind her. Fluttershy was bumped back into the giant, rampaging mob and got skittered a few more feet back. The crowd was unforgiving, as the pink-maned pegasus found out quite quickly after being tossed backwards a few times.

But… But I need to get to my friends! She thought, slowly getting up after a rough landing. I need to get to them… NOW!

A rise of surprising courage and heat boiled in her mind, and suddenly images and words from a particularly buff Minotaur started to assault her head, making her have plenty of ideas to get through this never-ending throng of ponies. One line of speech, in particular, seemed to have jutted itself forward and she smiled evilly towards the incoming ponies.

If they won’t move out of the way, it’s time to make them pay!

“Every… pony… MOVE!” She flared her nostrils a few times, watching angrily as the shocked (and now even more terrified) crowd immediately split apart, giving her a pathway straight for Ponyville without any interruptions now.

With a smug look on her face, she made her way down the now-split path in the crowd and smiled sweetly to them all. “Thank you, everypony!” Hurriedly, she broke into a gallop, hoping that Johnathan wouldn’t start using-

“Oh… oh my… He did use it…”

===============

We all stopped, mortified as we watched Johnathan slowly growing larger and larger, soon reaching his head to Rainbow’s level of flight, then up so more so he was now the one looking down on her. He snorted once, Rainbow hovering dumbstruck at the sight before her.

“By Luna’s mane…”

“GREEEEEE!”

The shortened roar blasted away a now-terrified Rainbow Dash, who quickly righted herself in the air and desperately avoided Johnathan’s claws as they swooped menacingly down on her. She was fast, yes, but Johnathan was huge.

“HURRY UP DOWN THERE GUYS!”

Awed myself, I wondered if this was the plant part of the hybrid animal being used when a quick flutter beside me and a face full of grey and yellow impaled my vision, making me shout in surprise and take a few steps back.

“Mr. No Cutie Mark? When are we gonna do this plan?” Derpy softly cooed, oblivious to the devastation Johnathan was collecting around him as he tried to tear a certain blue pegasus apart.

In all honesty, I had been holding back on the plan, if only out of plain and simple fear.

After all, who wants to go headfirst on top of a raging mandrake’s back?

Anyone? Anyone?

Thought not.

Sighing once, I pushed past Derpy and headed for my goal; the table. Unfortunately for us, it had wedged itself even more firmly between as the creature’s plates as it grew, digging into the creatures back further and further. I would have to alter my plans a little bit, but… still…

“YEAAAAAAGH!”

I leapt, landing upon Johnathan’s tail close to its base. Clinging onto one of his weird plant-like growths, I was tossed about for awhile while Johnathan kept swiping at Rainbow. The whole thing reminded me of a scarily realistic version of Shadow of the Colossus, and I truly wondered how long my holding meter would last with me like this.

My answer came quicker than I thought, with a sudden cessation of movement. Either Johnathan had gotten a hold of Rainbow, or he had noticed us finally and was assessing which target to go after. In all honesty, I didn’t care. I was just happy I wasn’t being tossed around like a ragdoll anymore!

Taking the advantage, I unlocked my hooves from his tail and hurried to the broader base of his back, finally reaching the wooden table. Looking over Johnathan’s sides, I could barely see Matt on the ground to my right, and Derpy was floating worriedly on my left, keeping level with Johnathan’s back.

I was a little curious as to why he hadn’t noticed me yet, but immediately I thought about the pain he was in. it was probably that I was so light to him now and the pain was so much, he wasn’t phased by me being on his back.

Well, hopefully for long enough… I thought, shuddering as I pictured myself getting eaten by the creature. Ugh… gnashing teeth…

“Derpy! Can you get the rope from Matt and give it to me? Tell him to stay there so he can have one end of it to pull, ok?”

The grey pegasus nodded dutifully and swooped down towards Matt. I gripped a few of the plants on Johnathan’s back, clinging on for dear life. Johnathan had started becoming riley again, thrashing about. For what particular reason, I couldn’t tell until out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small streak of rainbow whiz by, answering a few questions that had popped into my mind. A wave of relief washing over me, uncluttering my head to focus on my current task.

The gray pegasus finally had come to hover over me, depositing an end of rope from her mouth. Instinctively I grabbed it with my hooves, but soon found out that while picking stuff up with hooves was easy enough, doing fine work with them was another thing all entirely. Whimpering inside of my head, I approached the table, a dirt-tasting rope inside of my mouth.

Urgh… Definitely wasn’t expecting this today…

Looping the rope under one side of the table, I kept it going underneath and wove it out to the other side. With that end, I threw it up to Derpy who swooped down and caught it with her teeth. A quick nod and I went over back to Matt’s side, waving a hoof in the air.

I stopped in mid wave as I looked at him finishing up tying the rope around his body. He smiled up at me and cupped a hoof to his mouth. “Yo! I think this will work better than me holding it!”

Mimicking his actions, I shouted back at him, although with some slight irritation. “No! You aren’t supposed to use the rope! Rainbow Dash is! Now, I want you to go and get-“

“Go? Okey dokey then!”

Already too late, I shouted out a call to Derpy, realizing my mistake right after she spoke. However, it fell upon deaf ears as she launched herself into the air, rope clenched in her mouth, and a screaming pony attached to the other end of it. I couldn’t do anything but simply hold on to Johnathan, readying myself for the impending crash…

“GNYAAAAAAH!”

CRASH!

Ooooo that’s gotta hurt…

It didn’t take very long for Matt to meet wood, and wood to nail Matt in the side. I watched the scene as if in slow motion, watching his ragdoll like resistance to Derpy’s tugging. It would have been much more comical if it didn’t look so painful for him... or if it didn’t launch the table off of Johnathan’s back like somebody ripping off a very painful band-aid.

“GREEEEEOOOOOOOEEEEEE!”

Either that was a sound of relief, or immeasurable pain…

“Oooooooooohhhhhh… FUUUUUUCK! THAT HURT YOU LITTLE BITCH!”

… And if Matt doesn’t shut the fuck up, HE’LL be the one in immeasurable pain!

Quickly scanning over Johnathan’s back, I made sure that nothing else could possibly be hurting him and tenderly rubbed a hoof over his back. I didn’t know why I particularly did that, but I felt it was the right thing to do… almost like giving somebody a pat on the back for being a good boy!

I could feel Johnathan shift underneath me however and looked up, noticing that his head was lowering down. Wait… no… it’s not lowering, he is just shrinking back to normal! Sighing with relief, I jumped off his back, landing a bit awkwardly as my hooves hit the ground.

“JAAAAAAAACK! STOP THIS CRAZY THING!”

Now… why does that sound familiar…? And what does he expect me to do? Fly after him or something?!

Derpy, however, had been able to hear the frantic screaming and shouting of Matt and finally looked down to notice him dangling there, like the ball of a yo-yo at the end of a string. She giggled once and waved to him, getting a vicious glare back. “Hey Matt-pony! How are you doing?!”

Matt put a hoof to his chin and contemplated the question for few moments. “Gee, I don’t know… I do like being the wrecking ball to demolish tables, along with being tossed around helplessly in the air! It’s SO much fun!”

“Haha yeah! Probably as fun as being mandrake food!”

“Oh yes, of cour- Wait, what?”

A powerful snort sent Matt’s mane back, making the red pegasus freeze up at the feeling. Slowly turning his head around, he locked his gaze in with a pair of huge red eyes staring at him. Matt’s face fell and before he knew it, he was climbing up the rope faster than he ever did in gym class, even with hooves. Whether it was because he was a pegasus now or fueled by the possibility of being dinner, I couldn’t say.

What I could say though, was that Matt was still in deep shit with this monster.

“DERPY! FLY US AWAY! NOW!”

Derpy rolled her eyes and put her hooves on her hips, watching as he started to close distance between themselves. “What do you saaaaaay?”

“PLEASE! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!”

A smile curled on her face. “Much better! Zoom~!”

The plant-dragon snapped at Matt, barely missing his tail by inches as the grey mare started to draw Johnathan out of the town, much to my relief. Frantically, I began to search for Rainbow Dash, hoping that she could help us try and settle this creature once and for all. Instead, I found her panting, lying on the ground between a few apple crates, looking up into the sky.

“I… I… That… was a workout…”

Bolting over to her, I grabbed her shoulders roughly and shook her rapidly. “Rainbow! Raaaaaaaainbow! C’mon! We need to stop this thing before-“

The multi-colored pegasi grabbed my hooves with surprising strength and glared at me, looking me straight in the eye. Pushing me back, she got herself back onto her hooves and shook a bit of the dust on her. All in all though, she looked incredibly exhausted still.

“Look, uhm…”

“Jack.”

“Yeah, Zack. When… when that thing got all super sized and whatever… I… basically spent all my energy trying to survive… Right… now I don’t think I can… really even hold much fight against him… I can keep him distracted a bit longer... possibly do something risky... but it won’t end terribly well...” She cracked a small grin. “Still, don’t count me out just yet! Give me like... 5 seconds...”

A loud groan elicited from deep within my throat as I turned around to face my friend, the muffin lover, and the carnivorous monster all heading away from me. Looked back at Dash really quick, I rolled my head back at the trio and left the mare behind. I had to help my friends, I had to! I felt exhausted myself but…

Luna take the moon and shove it up Matt’s ass! Why does he keep doing this to me?!

Although slightly unfair that I was blaming everything on Matt, it… well… it was true! The only thing that hasn’t been from him so far was Xavier’s little bout of insanity, but in some twisted way I knew my mind would come up with a connection to blame things on him, even if-

Suddenly, Johnathan fell forward, taking Derpy and Matt along in his midst. My heart jolted. What… what the… I found that I had no more exhaustion in my body as I raced after them, a fairly large dust cloud already forming. Wings flapping behind me, Rainbow had finally caught up with me, but at the speed I was running, I wasn’t sure if she would surpass me.

It only took us moments to be in the vicinity of the crash site, which involved part of a house right by Twilight’s Library. Immediately, I launched myself into the dust, searching frantically for two pony shaped forms.

“DERPY! MATT! WHERE ARE YOU?!”

“MATT?!”

“DERPY?!”

Adrenaline high kicking in once again, I recalled something from one of the My Little Pony episodes and immediately turned to Rainbow. “RAINBOW! CAN YOU CLEAR THIS DUST?!”

I couldn’t tell where she had been but a few seconds later, the wind was whipping in all directions, sending the dust away in a small tornado of Rainbow’s design. Geez... still has the spunk to go on, hm? As soon as I could open my eyes, I finally found the two of them, my worries alleviated like a rock had been lifted from my chest.

Although… I wasn’t particularly happy in the way they had landed…

Matt was lying on the ground, his back flat against the hard stone road, looking dazed, confused, and most likely about to throw up. Indeed, I think he would have given us a good hurling… If Derpy’s rear end hadn’t ended RIGHT on top of his face, suffocating him as a side effect. The distant mare, however, didn’t seem to even notice this oddness as she rubbed her head, smiling in my direction.

“Oh! Mr. No-Cutie-Mark! I’m alright, thanks! Luckily I landed on something soft, so my bum is all- YEEHEEHEE!” Squealing in an acutely high pitched voice, Derpy almost took Matt back into the air with her as she bolted up into the air. Matt had started to wriggle under her from lack of oxygen, and had begun to panic. I was slightly surprised that she was still holding onto the rope, but cartoon ideals soon popped into my head, dispelling the notion. If there is a gag in a cartoon, they keep it running, right?

Matt gulped up the air, reminding me of somebody over-exaggerating a fish, and put a hoof to his chest as he bolted up. I shook my head, plopping my tired rump upon the ground, trying to get a moment’s reprieve while Johnathan was still down. Wait… why IS Johnathan down anyways…?

Looking over at the big lug of a monster, I noticed a very familiar yellow pegasus on top of the Mandrake’s snout, giving the beast some rather harsh words… At least, from the shy pony she always was. I pondered at the idea that Flutterbitch had somehow resurfaced inside of her, but she wouldn’t go back to that… would she?

“…and how DARE you try and eat our guests! You knew Jack and STILL were chasing after him!”

Johnathan responded with a few “gree’s” and “groo’s”, but Fluttershy cut him off with a glare and a swipe of her hoof.

“No! No buts! You need to get back to the cottage so you can heal up and get back home! First though, you WILL help clean up the mess you made! Are we clear?”

The mandrake swiftly nodded his head, Fluttershy giving a firm nod in confirmation. Shaking my head, I still wondered how such an innocent pony could get so… bipolar like that! Even as I was shaking my head, she put on a sweet smile and kissed his nose as she hovered down to the ground. Fluttershy and Rainbow immediately then fluttered over to my pegasus friend and began to try and untie the ropes around him.

Well, until he angrily smacked their hooves, grumpily resuming the work himself.

Fluttershy “Eeeped!” and immediately cowered away behind me, shivering slightly as she peeked over my shoulder at him. Rainbow was a little shocked at first, but soon recovered, looking about as peeved as I could possibly imagine her being. “Hey! Jerk! I was only trying to help you ou-“

“Oh shut the fuck up, you rainbow asshole!”

…Not a good idea Matt…

Matt took a few more seconds to untie the rope and finally got up, shaking some of the dust off himself. He was not pleased. No, not at all. Finally, he was about to blow his top after all the strange events of the day. Rearing upon Rainbow Dash, he started to release his full fury upon the world.

“I… I can’t take this anymore! Ponies, ponies FUCKIN everywhere! So far, all FUCKIN day, I have been frickin ASSAULTED and thrown HUGE ASS TABLES at,” he heatedly glared at the rainbow mare, who reluctantly bowed her head a bit. “…and had incredibly HOT soup shoved down my FUCKIN gullet! My throat HURTS! IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH, OKAY?! I can STILL feel it burning in my throat!” He pointed at his throat for extra emphasis, making Fluttershy cower all the more, and I could hear a few sniffles behind me. The noise wrenched my heart to pieces.

… Don’t go on Matt… Don’t do it…

Turning around, he focused his rant on the now-calm Johnathan, who seemed much more passive than before… which didn’t bode well for the hybrid animal. My hooves gently tore at the ground underneath me as Matt almost literally yelled himself up into the air a few inches. “AND not to mention that I had a dragon, A FUCKIN DRAGON, chase me through an ENTIRE town, knocking down HUGE ass buildings and stalls, AND NEARLY KILL ME SEVERAL TIMES!” The mandrake, looked away, knowing how guilty he already was feeling. Finally, he rounded upon the grey pegasus, whose wall-eyed stare was worriedly looking at everypony around her.

Matt was about to say something when I trotted to him, plainly announcing to the red pegasus in a calm, serene voice. “Matt, that’s enough… okay?”

“Enough?! ENOUGH?!” Matt looked at me, incredulous, and pointed at the blonde mare with a hoof. “By far, that… that… retard has probably been worse than all of what’s happened to me today COMBINED!” He huffed at her, and slowly began to close distance between them.

“First, she almost fucking killed me by leaving me with that thing, saving YOUR sorry ass, Jack! Then, she launches me up into the air, using ME as a FUCKIN wrecking ball to basically demolish that stupid ass table! THAT HURT LIKE A BITCH, BLONDIE! To add some more onto THAT, she almost had me eaten, TWICE, while up in the air when I was tied on that fuckin rope! TWICE! Even WORSE, somehow, when we crashed (which I am ALSO blaming on her), her ass landed right on top of my face! I HAD PONY ASS, ON MY FACE DUDE! WHAT. THE. FUCK. And all day, you have been completely worthless in helping us! Yeah, you’re shitty plan worked, but look! Half the town is gone, AND I AM HURTING LIKE A SON-OF-A-BITCH! YOU LOUSY PIECE OF-“

“THAT! IS! IT! MATT!”

WHAM!

With more force than I even thought possible, I pivoted on a dime and bucked his side with enough force to send his body reeling into the nearby building, a poof of dust accompanying his crash. Flaring my nostrils, all I could see was a burning red in my vision and a deep burning passion to watch blood spill from my friend…

If I could even call him that now.

“YOU WILL NOT DESTROY MY DREAM MATT! I WILL NEVER ALLOW YOU TO HURT ANYPONY HERE! SO HELP ME CELESTIA, I WILL BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU DEFENDING IT!”

With a roaring shout, I stampeded at Matt, who was groggily getting up from the impact, a slight trickle of blood dripping out of the left side of his mouth. It took him a second to notice me charging at him, but he was narrowly able to dive away from my headbutt. Saving himself some broken ribs, he got up a few feet away, huffing a bit as he watched my poof of dust settling around me.

Before it could however, I launched myself into the air, frenziedly yelling at him, and tackled him to the ground. We rolled around for a bit, both of us landing a few good shots, but we both knew that as soon as his back touched the ground, this fight was all in my favor.

Out of the corner of my eyes, some part of my mind recognized a trio of ponies coming out of Twilight’s library, one of them being Applejack, but I ignored it, focusing on my prey. A few good punches with my hoof later, he hit the floor with me on top, giving me the perfect access to wail on him. I finally let some of my frustration vent through my words, timing everything I said with one of my punches. Words I didn’t even realized I had said until Rainbow and the others told me afterwards.

“You… you bastard! You egotistical mind-fucking idiotic drunken mess of a guy! I have helped you throughout almost all of your life. ALMOST ALL OF IT! I was the one who helped pay for your lunch every day at school. I was the one who begged and pleaded for my parents to take you and your mother in each time you had trouble around the house! I fuckin helped pay for over HALF of your car! I GOD FUCKIN DAMMIT TOOK THE FALL FOR YOU SO MANY TIMES, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY TO GET MYSELF TO WORK, LET ALONE COLLEGE! I AM SO SICK-“

WHAM!

A swift strike across the nose and I could barely even register a crunch from the impact.

“AND TIRED-“

WHAM!

That time, his ribs weren’t spared…

“OF LETTING YOU-“

WHAM!

His eye was already starting to swell in a hoof shaped mark, right under Applejack’s blow to him earlier.

“TREAT EVERYONE-“

WHAM!

Were forearm’s supposed to bend like that?

“LIKE SHIT!”

I got up now and sent a buck to the other side of his ribs, sending him rolling around until he hit the building again, a small trail of blood following him. My chest heaved from the physical and mental exhaustion, but I slowly made my way to him. Nopony moved. They all simply watched, staring at me, as I slowly progressed to my friend.

Slowly, to savor this.

Looming over him, I looked at Matt below me. He looked so… pathetic. His body was bruised and covered in blood and dust, making a dark sheen of liquid cover his coat and mane. Several body parts were limp or looking like they were stuck on his body the wrong way. His chest, still moving, was concave slightly in a few spots and his breathing shuddered a few times. He rolled his head at me, his one good eyes wide with what I knew was most definitely fear.

Every fiber of my being telling me to finish the job. A little voice in the back of my head told me that such a troublesome piece of garbage didn’t need to exist anymore. He didn’t deserve to be a part of my dream, my world. This was now my reality, and all he had done so far was fuck it up. So why. Why would I let him heal up? Let him wander around some more? Cause more destruction? Cause more chaos, disorder, and hatred?

Slowly, I bowed my head and stared hard into Matt’s eyes. We exchanged looks for a bit, but he only gave me the frantic searching eyes of fear. I returned the look with a mixture of hate and pity, but without a touch of remorse at what I did. Shaking my head a few times, I looked at him with disgust, spitting out a few venomous words at him for good measure.

“Matt, what am I worth to you? Hell… what the fuck are you worth to me for that matter?”

I shook my head once more and was about to turn around when all thoughts of mine abruptly seized up, and a cold wave of malice took over my mind. Yeah… what IS he worth to me… A cruel smile wrapped itself on my face as I raised a hoof over Matt’s head, his eyes growing wider and wider as I lifted it higher and higher.

“Maybe… maybe you’re just worth the blood on my hooves…”

“N..nnn….noo…” Croaked Matt, his eyes glittering slightly with tears.

I had heard nothing. Just the stupid squealing of a beaten animal.

“Good-bye, Matt.”

My hoof started to launch down on him, gaining speed as it went down with enough force to-

I stopped.

An inch above Matt’s face, I stopped, my hoof perfectly still and Matt fainting from the stress of the moment.

A few drops of blood dripped down from a bloody nose I didn’t notice I had had before, landing on Matt’s coat to blend in with the red. I stared at him, for a moment, and then followed where the rest of my blood was dripping onto. As if looking through a haze, I traced the gray forehoof up the arm of a beautiful blonde-maned mare, whose head was tight against me, her hug warm and wonderful.

My blood, landing on her perfect coat, felt like I was dropping pieces of sin into the expanse of heaven, marring the beauty that I had grown to love and care about. This beauty, the wonderful mare hugging me closely and weeping into my body, cleared my mind of its coldness, letting up the fog clouding my judgment.

Through tearful and misdirected eyes, she gazed up at me, fighting to hold back the flood works that were slowly leaking through. She hiccupped a few times as she spoke, some snot running down her nose she was in such a mess. “N-no…p-please… n-no… H-he m-may be a m-meanie, b-but n-nopony deserves th-this!”

I didn’t know what to say. How could I? My idol, the one I oddly looked up to the most, was begging me, stopping me, from inflicting more pain on my friend. I opened my mouth to say something in response, but immediately the world was sucked away from my vision, my body immediately hanging limp and falling to the ground. The last thing I could hear was a crashing of a door and several ponies shouting all at once. Then, when the darkness fully enveloped my brain as I passed out, there was a sob.

A single, mind-tearing sob.

===============

Freedom was in the form of wallowing darkness, I had always thought, and the land of sleep would cradle me in its comfort.

I was wrong.

===============

Pop~

“…”

…Pop~

“…”

…

“…”

POP~

“AUGH!”

“NYAHAHAHA!”

“Why must thou make this a long trip with thine idiotic and repetitive popping of the lips?!”

“Why must you talky so weirdo-y?”

“Because! After so long of being away… I… tend to slip into that kind speech…”

“Ahhhhhhh… wonderful story! Needed more action though…”

“HOW DARE THOU SPEAK OF MY EXILE WITH SUCH SARCASM! THOU SHALT-“

“Princess, hun, you’re scaring the animals below. Simmer down.”

With a sigh, the dark blue alicorn turned around and grumbled a bit to herself. They had barely left the vicinity of Canterlot and ALREADY this young mare was giving her trouble. Oh… why me…

Sigh…

“If only we could just move faster…”

The other mare, a tawny brown pegasus and waving chestnut colored hair, smiled mischievously, and put a hoof to her chin. “Hehehe… faster hmmm? I wonder…” Leaning to the front of the chariot, she leaned a shoulder on the railing and cooed out over to the pegasi driving them, both in the dark armor similar had her guards wear.

“I wonder if Night Stomper and Darkmane will be able to have some free time with us after we get to Ponyville, right Luna?” Luna looked appalled at the sudden notion, but the other mare only winked at her and continued, much to the stallions interests.

“My my my… at this pace, we will never get there in time! And I was so looking forward to taking a dip in the pond over there, under the moonlight… It’s just so…” She leaned forward, whispering her last word loud enough for both of the very interested pegasi to hear.

“Sensual~”

Luna had to hold on to the railing for dear life, totally bewildered at the speed doubling what they usually flew at. Wow… I’m their Princess and they don’t fly this fast for me! Getting her bearings straight, she had to take a second to readjust her royal outfit and make herself look more presentable in general.

The mare snickered and let herself enjoy the refreshing breeze in her mane, eventually looking back at a confused Luna. She laughed for a moment and shouted above the wind at her. “Men! They only think with their dicks!”

Luna flushed a little red at that but nodded slightly, keeping that stashed into the back of her mind. Immediately mental images of things flashed through her mind, her face flushing hotly. Slowly, she shook herself, trying to bring herself back into the situation at hand. Ohhhh yes… this is going to be one long ride…

A/N-

SO! Here is another chapter of my story (obviously)! It took awhile to get it written and edited but i believe that you all shall enjoy it for now~ its a bit longer than normal just... cuz... XD But I think it came out pretty awesome either way!

A mysterious new mare, Princess Luna, Jack going absolutely apesh** on Matt's arse! What could this all mean?!?! And what will happen to Xavier?!

WHO KNOWS!

I certainly do, but i sure as hell ain't telling all of you! ;P

Thanks, always, to my editors who helped me!

Innate Enigma!

Aburi!

BusyJackalope!

conantheimp!

So thank you editors who have used their time to help edit and make this story 50 times better than it should have ever been! ~~Also, I did notice one other person who happened to edit some stuff... But I didn't catch who! WHICH ONE OF YOU GUYS DID IT?!?! D:~~ EDIT: Nevermind, got it XD

The Hospital

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 13: The Hospital

WARNING!

Just a warning, this wasn't edited as well as I wanted it to be, as I haven't had the time to look over it. So expect some mistakes here and there! The ending should make up for it though, so I still think it well worth the time took! THIS SHOULD BE MY LAST SEMI-SERIOUS CHAPTER FOR A WHILE BUT PLEASE ENJOY!

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Beep-Beep

“How is he doctor? Will he be okay?”

Beep-Beep

“I’m… not sure… I don’t think he will make it…”

Beep-Beep…

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop…

“GET ME THE DEFIBRILATOR, STAT!”

“NO! MATT!”

Sweat dripped off my face as if someone had nailed me with a rather large water balloon on my head. My chest shuddered several times, trying to purchase the slightest bit of air into my lungs. Frantically, I looked around, trying to find the doctor and nurse, expecting to find Matt sprawled out dead on the floor, the medical team trying desperately to revive him with the shocking squares of life!

Instead, I found myself looking at the back of a purple pony at the foot of a bed, whose horned head had turned around curiously at me, a glowing clicker floating in the air which pointed at a TV screen. On it, I watched what seemed like the end of a black and white pony soap opera.

“…and thankfully, we shocked him up in time to revive him! He should be fine in a few days!”

A black and white nurse pony swooned over the overly-handsome doctor and smiled, clapping her hooves together. “Oh Doctor Smooth Health! What would we do without you?!”

The doctor laughed merrily and grinned, looking at the TV, giving its audience a suave wink. “Ha ha ha! I’m just doing my job!”

The show continued onto a commercial about Fancy Pants’s new store when the unicorn at the foot of what I assumed was my bed clicked it off. Well… at least Matt isn’t dying… I thought, relieved and oddly slightly upset. I stared at her, as she did to me, with contemplative silence. We both sized each other up, but I already knew a lot about her… Probably more than she could ever think I would know about. But about me? I smiled, knowing all too well I had the upper hand in this situation.

Heh… now this shall be interesting…

“So, Jack… is it true you really hate walnuts?”

WHAT SORT OF BLACK MAGIC IS THIS?!

My eyes bulged a bit in shock, making Twilight giggle a little at my ridiculous expression of surprise. My mind blanked in shock at this sudden revealing of uncommon knowledge in my life and raised an eyebrow in suspicion at her question. My name she could have asked the other ponies, but my dislike of a staple in my family’s diet?

Now THAT’S kinda spooky…

Twilight got up and walked over to me, looking at my foreleg with a pained expression on her face. Following her gaze, I grimaced at the freshly bloodied bandages wrapped around my left forehoof. Tenderly she began to unwrap the bandages, staring intently, purposely, on my foreleg instead of at me. My eyes only could stare at her, watching her magic gently unweave the expertly handled linen. Suddenly, my eyes lit up as something caught my attention, and gently I murmured into the air.

“Lavender…”

Twilight’s magic faltered for a moment but she swiftly caught up, now looking at me with more curiosity than before. Turning slightly red, I softly coughed, shifting my gaze a little bit to focus on something else. “Uh… sorry… you just smelled like lavender and I… uh… like the smell…”

Wooooooooow… smooth. You don’t even like Twilight Sparkle that much and you are stuttering? Smooth…

The mare chuckled a bit and continued her delicate work, not hiding from me a slight touch of red on her own face. A particular part of the bandage was rather tough to get off, so she grabbed some scissors with her magic and used it to snip it off casually remarking, “Well, it’s nice for someone to finally notice my perfume that Rarity gave me…” Her smile grew a little bit, the flush gone now. “Even if that someone did destroy most of the town…”

Now it was my turn to flush red, looking away in embarrassment and shame. Here I was, with one of the most influential ponies of this world, and I destroyed her entire-
“Whoa whoa whoa WAIT A MINUTE!”

The unicorn jumped a little bit in fright, tugging hard on the bandages in the process. I winced in pain but ignored it. Fighting through forming tears, I managed to bark out, “But it was NOT me that did it! It was all Matt’s fault! IT’S ALWAYS HIS FAULT! IT’S… always… his… fault…”

I slumped in the bed, taking a look at my foreleg which was now exposed to the world. A deep gash had run along it, stitches trying their best to close up where it had opened, and several trickles of blood ran down it.
It didn’t make me feel sick however. No... In all honesty, I was numb to it. It wasn’t anything much in my opinion… just blood. Crimson water, vampire’s nectar, call it what you want. All it was was just excess water running down my skin in several, thin lines.

Jack… stop going back there…

A little jolt from my thoughts brought me out of my reverie and I smiled sheepishly, trying to stem the small tides of blood on my foreleg. “Uhm… Twilight? A little help?”

The purple unicorn seemed to snap out of her own thoughts as well and picked up some fresh bandages, wrapping them snuggly around the injury I didn’t remember getting. All I could remember from the fight was Matt on the ground in front of me, whimpering like a wounded dog. I blacked out for a second only to be staring in the face of my beloved yet crying Derpy, before I blacked out once more.

While the unicorn was securing the bandages, I looked around my surroundings, noting it looked very similar to the hospital Rainbow Dash was in when she broke her wing. Except for the TV, which made me somewhat curious as to how canon this place was to the show… Or is it vice versa? Dammit… I have no clue what to think anymore… this day has been so crazy! I wonder if I’m even in the true MLP world… Seems canon enough…

“Most of the ponies from town are trying to fix everything back together…” Twilight began, tightening the bandage one last time. She sat down beside the bed, her gaze locked onto mine. “Everypony is doing their best but it’s going to take a long time. Probably going to take a few-“

“So why aren’t you down there, helping them?” I interrupted her, my gaze unwavering. She was an incredible asset with her organizational talents and also could lift very heavy materials with her magic. I had a feeling why, but I wanted her to tell me (excuse the pun) straight from the horse’s mouth.

She gave a small cough and sat more erect, her gaze more intense. “Well, we have plenty of able bodies at the moment and nopony got injured, miraculously. The most pressing issue after all is, well, you and your ‘friends’.”

Thought so…

I sighed, reclining on my bed. Now was the big decision. Should I come clean or not? It had been a thought rambling in my brain since we came here, and I had read some fanfictions that both had the main characters be revealed and not. Some were good, others atrocious, but the author usually made it work out in the end…

Well, usually…

“Well, what do you want to know? I can answer basically anything about my friends… Known them for that long really…” I gave a half smile, which quickly fell from my face. Are they my friends still? I… don’t know… After everything that has happened so far, I wonder if we still will be fri-

“Wait!” I shot up in my bed, a slight hope welling up inside of me. “Have you happened to have seen a dark blue pony, black hair? Headphones around his neck?”

The mare smiled a bit and gently pushed me back down on the bed. “Yes yes… Xavier was, uh… ‘apprehended’ by my friend Applejack, Lyra Heartstrings, and Vinyl Scratch and we were able to interrogate him for a little bit…”

“Uh… ‘apprehended’?”

“Vinyl punched him out cold for ‘smooshing her sandwich’ she told me.”

“Ahhhhh… Well, that’s a load off my shoulders. At least the most powerful unicorn in Equestria is keeping tabs on him now…” I exhaled deeply, watching as Twilight blushed a little.

“I’m… not that good… really! Uhm…” she shifted a bit in her seat and returned to her serious composure. “Anyways, what’s the story with you guys? I was only able to ask Xavier a few questions before you and- Matt was it?” I nodded. “-ran amok all throughout Ponyville with a rampaging Mandrake! I mean, who does that kind of stuff?!”

“Stupid people…” I grumbled under my breath, sighing deeply. She raised an eyebrow in question and I looked out in front of me, the TV staring back. There was a pause as I wrestled with a few thoughts, until one finally stuck. Was it the best one? No. But… I needed to know what I had done.

“Where is he?”

Twilight nodded her head to the doorway in the room, indicating the other side of the building. “He’s across the hall, asleep. You guys just had the fight about… I would say about two hours ago.” The mare walked over to the window, checking the horizon. The sun cast a spectacular orange beam of light on her and she squinted at the lowering globe of fire in the sky.

“In all honesty, we were able to heal most of him but-“

Without listening to anything else, I threw the covers off of me and landed on the floor, making sure to keep my wounded leg from touching the floor as much as I could. I winced at the sudden shock of pain from my forehoof from sudden motion, but I began to awkwardly step forward towards the door anyways.

The purple mare hung her mouth in shock, quickly putting herself in front of me to try and shove me back. “What do you think you’re doing?! You are still injured and-“

“Move.”

The ice in my tone was chilling, which shocked even me. Twilight stepped back in shock, allowing me passage over to the door. She could have easily used magic to suppress me back to the bed but whether my voice or my determination prevented her from doing so, I didn’t know. In all honesty, I had always known myself to be a cheerful kind of person but this past day had been… surreal, in several ways now. Stress maybe? Whatever… almost there…

I was at his door now, looking into his room. The first bed was empty, but I could see the covered legs of a pony on the other side of a drawn curtain. Carefully, cautiously, I made my way over to the bed, Twilight hovering around me with fresh bandages just in case I opened the wounds once again.

Shit…

Matt didn’t even look like the pony he once was. His reddish body was now littered with purple bruises and blood-red scars that were sewn together with black thread. Several parts of him were wrapped completely up in bandages, some blood soaked, others not. Of course I knew where these injuries had come from, but I just kept staring at them. My blood boiled softly under my skin.

All I did was stare at Matt and his injuries, watching him breathe in slow, calm breathes. The only familiar thing on him was his head wrapped in bandages, similar to when he had a concussion. I stared at that too.

At that moment, I hated the stallion in front of me. Loathed him. I could have bashed him up all over again and not think about it twice. All of my fury was still welled up deep inside of me, begging to be unleashed again on this stallion. For a moment, I considered it.

Yet I did what I always did when I was with Matt or even Xavier and it sickened me more than the fact I had pulverized his body in. I felt like vomiting right then and there, disgusted I was doing it once more. Even in Equestria where I had wanted to get over the pain and suffering of my world, it still had followed me here only to mock me in the place where it was my paradise, not his.

I stood there and memorized.

I memorized everything on his body at that moment. Every stitch that covered his body, 94 of them. Every bandage that wrapped around him, 32 wrap arounds. Every bruise on his body, small cut, black eye, blood spot, oddity of bone structure. If you had wanted to, you could have given me a piece of paper, a pencil, and I could have drawn an exact replica of the pony in front of me. I had memorized everything before me.

Everything.

Then, I sank to the floor and cried, knowing how pathetic I had become once again. I ignored the pain spiking in my arm, letting out the tears of frustration, guilt, and anger flow free down my cheek. Now I had an image of what I had done to my friend. Now, I would always remember it, whether I wanted to or not.

Rarely did I ever want to remember the images I memorized.

A soft pressure glided down my spine as Twilight hugged me, rubbing my back in the process. As I had said, I didn’t care much for the mare, but the comfort was much needed and probably would be needed for quite awhile. She cooed in my ear warmly, trying to get me to go back to the room, which I obeyed dutifully. It was the only thing I could really focus on at the time besides the image of Matt plaguing my brain.

The purple mare let me use her as a support on my trip back to the room to which I was incredibly grateful for. As she opened the door, I had a view of who was sleeping next to me on the next bed, giving me a slight surprise. Snoring ever so softly, and drooling ever so slightly, was a particular gray mare with a blonde mane, her wings twitching as she slept.

Twilight chuckled as my heart melted at the scene, a smile creeping on both our lips. For a moment, I had forgotten about everything and my gaze stuck onto her, enjoying the cute yet comedic sight in front of me. Twilight pressed me on however and helped me with the last few feet to my bed. I crawled into it with aching muscles and a sore brain.

The lavender scented mare sat once again next to me and nodded her head at Derpy, who I could hear snoring quietly now. “She came in with you guys, worrying about you two. She felt guilty at what had happened and wanted to make sure that you two came out all right. The poor mare tries her best, but it never seems to be enough…”

“Ain’t that the truth…” I mumbled, leaning my head back on the pillow.

Twilight cocked an eyebrow, but didn’t press the issue further. Instead, she gave me her now-usual intense look and asked, “Alright. So… Where the heck did you guys come from?”

After what seemed like an endless battle raging inside of my head, I finally sighed, letting the words just tumble out of my mouth.

“Have you ever wanted to… you know, visit your favorite show? Be in your favorite story? Possibly be a part of a piece of art?” Twilight nodded slightly, her curiosity aroused a bit.

“Well, we-“

“Twilight Sparkle?”

Both of us turned towards the door where a regal looking blue alicorn stood, her dark mane flowing on a nonexistent breeze. My jaw dropped, Twilight mimicking the action, though for a completely different reason. Mine was from sheer joy! I had finally met one of the Royal Sisters… in the flesh!

Although Celestia was the “more important” sister, doing most of the royal duties, Luna was both a fan favorite and one of my own. Joy spread within me, a relief from the recent terrors lately and I smiled now, fixing myself to try to be more presentable in my meager state.

Twilight however, was growing paler and twitchier as sudden realization hit her.

“P-Princess Luna!” The unicorn got up from her seat with slightly shaky legs. “I… I didn’t know you were coming! P-Princess C-Celestia didn’t send a letter, he… hehe…” She gulped nervously. “Uhm… the t-town, uh… you see… it uhmmmmm…”

I felt a pang of pity as the unicorn awkwardly tried to talk to the alicorn, who only gazed down at her, a hard look in her eye. Immediately, I knew that this wasn’t a good visit. This wasn’t a good visit at all.

With a slight ruffling of her wings, she paced her way inside of the room, casually taking a glimpse at the dreaming pegasus on the bed next to me, who was now kicking her leg repeatedly. The Princess gave a small grin, but it soon vanished as her gaze landed on me.

I admit, I have never been one to look at people in the eye. It always weirded me out whenever I did so and I would have to look away after awhile, unable to take their gaze. But Luna’s gaze was… well, very odd. It spoke of power and authority, but a gentle kindness that was hidden under layers and layers of sadness. I had expected nothing less from the Princess of the Moon.

“Jack?” Her voice was smooth and drawn out, as if interrogating me.

“Uhm… Yes?”

The alicorn sighed, straightening herself a bit more than before, her gaze like steel on my brain. My body was rigid as the alicorn turned incredibly serious. Wondering what exactly she was here for, especially after today’s events, my mind immediately went to the worst possible situation…

Oh dear Celestia… don’t send me to the moon, don’t send me to the moon, don’t send me to the moon…

“I have something of yours.”

“PLEASE DON’T SEND ME TO THE- huh?”

“JACK!”

A dark brown pegasus with a black mane ran in, smiling broadly as she approached my bed. She leapt on top of me at full force sending wincing pain up my body. A tear trickled down my face as I tried to hold in the yell. Twilight yelped in surprise as well from the rampant pegasus, regaining her composure a second later to wrap her in a purple glow to get off of me.

“Hey! He’s injured if you haven’t noticed! You can’t just barge on in and-“

“His girlfriend can do whatever the fuck she wants with him!”

Twilight’s and my own jaw dropped, Luna just as surprised but not as expressive as us. I blinked my eyes a few times, rubbed them once, blinked again, and squinted really hard at the pegasus who was now nuzzling at my side affectionately, wrapping her hooves around me in a small hug.

No way… there’s just no way…

“Holy shit… Kelly, is that you?”

“Yep! It certainly is! Annnnndddd...” she grinned mischievously up at me and booped my nose.

“...You’ve been a really bad boy here, haven’t you?”

A/N:

IM SO SO SO SO SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG!

College has taken up A LOT of my time, and my muse for this chapter has been on-off-on-off! But i finally got it completed for all of you out there who still care about the story XD

What also made this take a long time to complete was my two newest stories, Burnt Oranges and The Nocturnal Gauntlet! Check them out if you want! :)

MANY Broken Things

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 14: MANY Broken Things

SMASH!

“N-now Kelly, let’s talk about this for a second…”

SMASH!

“WHA! KELLY!”

KER-SMASH!

“YOU’RE GONNA HURT SOMEONE KELLY!”

“I KNOW THAT JACK! WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS TRYING TO DO?!”

I yelped, dodging another vase that she had been able to procure from her end of the room. It crashed into the wall breaking into pieces, landing with its brethren on the floor. Twilight and Luna were over by her, trying to calm her down, but to no avail. They didn't want to use magic against her unless it was a last resort, but she was starting to get to that point with them. Pushing herself through them, she chucked another vase at me which I avoided by inches.

It would have been a lot easier to avoid the vases normally, but my hurt leg greatly impeded my movement. I sighed and glared at her, stamping my good hoof down on the ground. “Kelly! After what happened at the party, I don’t think we should even together anymore! I was going to talk to you about it, but you went on vacation and then-“

“SHUT UP!”

“YIPE!”

SMASH!

“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING ALL THESE VASES FROM?!”

“FROM MY ASS!”

SMASH!

“Oh dear Celestia…”

Sighing, I looked over at Twilight for help, but she was busy trying to calm the feisty mare down. As I dodged yet another thrown vase that she was somehow still able to chuck at me, I stomped my good hoof on the ground.

“Kelly! Stop! I’m sorry we had to break up this way but…”

Luna spread her wings wide, her own slanted in both aggravation and worry, and looked down at Kelly. “Kelly, Jack is right. Please, can you stop with all this-“

“NO!” Another vase flew in the air.

I ducked again, expecting a medical table or something being thrown at me this time, but was surprised when the crash came not from behind me, but from behind Luna. Tilting my head, I looked at Kelly in curiosity as her angled brows bore down on the Princess, who only returned the glare back.

After a minute of silent staring, Kelly exhaled violently, shaking her head around a bit. Her eyes were closed, her body rigid as she went through her thoughts. Cautious, since I didn’t want anything else being thrown at me, I took a step towards her. “Kelly?”

She didn’t look up at me but I still took another step forward towards her, knowing what I needed to do. The look she was giving, what she was doing… I had seen it many times before, when we had been dating. Carefully, I walked over to her.

If I’m correct about this… I think I know what I have to do…

I was standing in front of her now, her head still low and her eyes still shut. Gently, I nudged my hoof against her leg.

“Hey. Hey, Kelly.”

“…”

“Kellllllllllyyyyyyyyy~”

The pegasus before me opened up an eyelid, peering out at me through her mane.

“…What?”

“PBLTTTTTTT!”

Not caring that Twilight and Luna were watching, I blew the biggest possible raspberry that could ever be emitted by a pony mouth right in front of Kelly. In all honesty, I didn’t think I could do a raspberry for an entire two minutes. My face at the end definitely showed how hard it was. Have you tried to blow a raspberry for two minutes straight? Yeah. It’s pretty hard.

Huffing, puffing, and panting like a dog, I smiled a little at the pegasus in front of me who hadn’t moved during the whole skillful procedure. Eventually, she lifted her head with a smile, flicking her hair to the other side of the head. Both of us were smiling now and she even gave a small giggle. Relieved, I chuckled once myself.

Good… she’s back to normal! Hopefully now we can-

WHAM!

The next thing I knew I was sailing through the air, my right cheek throbbing like a son-of-a-bitch and I landed on my back in Derpy’s bed. Somehow the gray pegasus was still asleep, mumbling something about banana nuts and crab ghouls. At that moment though, my mind was focused on the hoof shaped pain spiking through my head and the headache that was already starting to form.

Kelly stepped towards the bed, Twilight taking a step behind her just in case anything else happened. Luna just sighed and sat down, rubbing her temples with a hoof. Kelly wasn’t on fire, but her eyes were full of hurt and anger. Pointing a hoof at me like we would a finger, she jabbed it a few times at me to punctuate her message.

“THAT was because you broke up with me… and spit all over me with that raspberry!”

Rolling my eyes, I began my retort, rubbing my now painful and heartbeat induced cheek. “Hey! You chucked all those vases at-“

“Mmmmm muffins…”

“-me and- MMMF!”

DAMN Derpy sure likes her muffins!

I admit it was strange at first. Making out with a horse wasn’t exactly something I had done before, much less a pegasus. It felt like any other kiss though, but there was an element of awkwardness to it all. My now official ex-girlfriend was wide-eyed and jaw agape, completely taken aback by the situation. Twilight was blushing, turning a peachy color in her cheeks while Luna was smiling wide, both hooves trying to hide her giggling face, though it didn’t make much of a difference. Oh, and the pegasus had rolled on top of me to make out, both of her front hooves clasped onto my cheeks.

I think the situation might have been just a little awkward for me. Just a little.

After the initial shock had worn off, I gently tried to pry the still-asleep pegasus off of my body, though with minimal luck. Squirming a bit now under herself, I looked to the sides of me, looking for any help whatsoever. The Princess was now leaving the room. Kelly had her back turned on me but was quite red. And Twilight couldn’t help but blush at us and…

Wait, what the fuck?! Is she really writing notes right now?! OF ALL TIMES?!

Ugh Celestia dammit… if you want something done, you gotta do it yourself, though this is NOT how I imagined this scene!

Using all of my hooves in sync, I practically had to pop Derpy off of my mouth, lifting her body into the air like a father would with his kid. My injured forehoof absolutely KILLED, but it was, well… Honestly it wasn’t better than making out with Derpy, but the situation called for a splitting of the lips. She felt lighter than most kids I knew actually, surprising me the first few seconds.

I wonder if they have similar bone structures to birds to make them lighter… Hmm…

The sudden and awkward moving of her up in the air woke the mare up, her eyes fluttering open after a few seconds of yawning. She smacked her lips, looking left, then right, then down at me, her hooves dangling beside mine. Her face cracked open a small smile. “’Mornin… did I miss much Mr. No Cutie Mark?”

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little.

Twilight, slightly grumpy at being interrupted with her research, lightly enveloped the mare in a purple sheen, bringing her onto the ground. “Welllll… let’s just say that you made someone’s day… At least, I think you did anyways.” The purple mare winked at me, my face flushing a bit.

“Yeah, you CERTAINLY made his day! The other pony in the situation isn’t exactly happy with the events though!” A glare from the tan pegasus made my coat grow pale.

Derpy looked from me, to Kelly, then back to me, her eyelids still half drooped and sleepy. “Well. I’m gonna get some muffins for everyone! Maybe they’ll have blueberry…” She smiled, casually walking out of the room.

Kelly gawked at the pegasus for a second, then flared her wings, snorting in derision. “M-muffins?! What the hell is she thinking?! The whole town outside is decimated and she has the nerve to go and grab some-“

“Kelly, please. Shut. The. Hell. Up.”

I glared at her, daring for her to say something else.

The mare opened her mouth but shut it soon after, deeming that she shouldn’t press the issue any further… Especially with a purple unicorn standing around, giving her the same intense look as me. Groaning out loud, she grumbled out a bit of unintelligible language and plopped herself into a seat, defeated for now.

I sighed, rolling myself onto my stomach carefully so I wouldn’t injure my leg more. After all the jumping around from my earlier vase-dodging experience, it was a small miracle that my leg wound hadn’t reopened.

Looking at my hooves, I pondered a bit about how the grabbing mechanics worked with them, when Twilight cleared her throat. I rolled my head around at her quizzically.

“Yeah?” My voice growled a little. I wasn’t feeling up for more surprises at the moment and just wanted to think a little. Was that so much to ask?

Twilight walked towards my bedside and sat down once again, smiling however. “Get some sleep. You’ve had a pretty eventful day after all, and I don’t think you want to reopen that wound again…”

Chuckling, I shook my head. “Well… No, not yet. I just slept for awhile and I’m wide awake now…” I rolled my head over at Kelly, giving her a stern look. “…Especially with all the exercise I got.”

The mare stuck her tongue out at me in response and sighed, getting up from her chair. “Whatever. I’m going to go over and see how Matt’s doing… Apparently you fucked him up real good. Poor guy…”

I glared at her back as she exited the room, putting my hoof to my face to rub my forehead. Out of all the girls in the world it just so happened that my new ex-girlfriend happened to be here as well. How does that happen, I mean really? Out of all the chances possible, how could she-

Then it clicked. The gears in my brain clacked together and my mind started to churn.

“Twi…” I asked, gazing out in the distance.

“Yes Jack?”

“How much do you know about teleportation?”

Twilight put a hoof to her chin for a moment, contemplating the question. “Well, teleportation was first created when-“

I waved a hoof at her, cutting her off. “Don’t give me a lecture. Can you just help me get to the library? I have some questions that need answering…”

Although she nodded in agreement, she still seemed hesitant in letting me go down to the library, to which I questioned her about. The unicorn bit her lip and shuffled in place as I got out of my bed, taking off the hospital rags. “Well… uhm… remember your friend Xavier?”

“Yeah?” I flopped the cloth on the bed.

“Well, that’s where we are holding him at the moment…”

I smiled and began to walk out the door, waving my good hoof around. “Well duh. You were all in there when we tried to get at you and you had a magic dome around the place… It’s kind of obvious something important was happening in there!”

Twilight caught up to me and walked beside me, catching me a few times as I tripped up from my wounded leg. “But…” her face scrunched up in worry. “Aren’t you worried about your friend and what he will do? From what I got, he is in no shape-“

“Ahhh don’t worry about it! He’s one of the questions I’m going to answer. It’s kind of the reason I came to Ponyville anyways!”

Twilight smiled and opened the door to let me out of the building. “Kind of the reason? You mean you didn’t want to destroy the town?”

Rolling my eyes, I began my way across the still-mostly ruined town of Ponyville, taking care to avoid the broken shards of glass everywhere. Even with hooves, I still wasn’t going to risk getting any more of my legs injured. After a few minutes of traveling though we arrived at Twilight’s library. Thanks to the dome she had created, it was left in perfect condition, with all the limbs still on the tree, blaring music coming from its walls, and strobe lights shining through its windows.

Wait…

What?

“MY LIBRARY!” A purple flash zipped by me as I began to race over towards the tree, surprised at the speed in which the unicorn could run. And yet she didn’t win her race… I chuckled as I finally caught up, a huffing Twilight gawking at the scene inside of her home. Looking over her shoulder, I could see why.

“Heyyyyyyyyy Twilight! Get your ass in here and enjoy this new music! It’s crazy good!”

Vinyl smiled broadly, scratching some records on her turntable, to which I could see was connected to a very familiar looking device through a thread of blue magic. She had on her famous glasses, taking them off so that she could see us both in the doorway.

“Xtra Loud here had some sweet jams and he let me borrow his… uh… what’s it called again?!”

“MP3 Player!” Xavier then came out of the kitchen in Twilight’s home with a plate full of grilled cheese encased by his dark blue magic. He put it down on a table nearby and began to bob his head in rhythm to the music. “Mmmmm yeah! Gotta love that noise!”

Twilight’s mouth hung open as she watched the scene before her. “But… but how did…”

“Precision cutting magic, duh!” Vinyl shouted over the noise. “It was a weaker shield you said cuz he didn't know how to use his magic properly! So it was a snap for me to slice open a door for him!”

“Yeah!” Xavier smiled, walking towards Vinyl. “You have no idea how it is to be cooped up in that bubble for so-“

Without warning, Twilight’s horn glowed bright and she charged straight for Xavier.

A/N-

Jeez... Finally got it out here, huh? :P well, your wait has finally been quenched for now hopefully~ I'm sorry its taken awhile but I have been terribly busy with life, college, finances, family, blah blah blah~

I'm officially a part of iBrony now, yay~ So you can look me up and chat with me there as well :)

Also, I may or may not start up a Blog specifically to highlight Brony accomplishments and new things that other may or may not have heard of yet~ Its an idea, almost fully done, but its going to take a bit of work which i am stretched thin for at the moment...

Like many of us XD

Anyways, as always, I LOVE MY EDITORS~ I feel like i was half asleep typing some of this stuff up but after the editing, I am much happier with how it came out~ Without some of my editors, like

Impoxdragon

conantheimp

and

BusyJackalope,

these stories wouldn't be nearly as good as they are right now! (If I forgot someone who helped with this chapter, please tell me~)

On a final note, I am so happy how my new profile pic turned out~ <3

Comment, rate, thumbs up, favorite, follow.... Anything you wish! :)

Announcement (Not part of story)

Dear reader who stayed around to read my story,

Although the idea had been floating around my head since the last few chapters, I had not really given it much thought as to it, but now... Now i feel like it should come to fruition.

To put it bluntly, I have decided to cancel this story. There will be no more chapters, no official ending, no more to say on the subject with me.

I can say that this is my most popular and most well-known story out of everything I have put on this site and that it indeed has given me quite a lot of followers and a lot of views. It's an incredible feeling when, all of a sudden, you have a story that reaches 1000 views in only a few hours! I can remember how that was with I Hate Ponies! In all honesty, I never really expected it to have any success. It was a cheesy, HiE story with a slight self insert main protagonist. I admit all of that. Jack, Matt, and Xavier is a recollection of a few times in my life with friends. And yes, they both hated MLP in real life as well.

I suppose... I suppose the story went sour as soon as I started to let too much of my life into it, along with the background stories for all the characters. It felt weak and I shouldn't have done it. I know that now. It was a stupid mistake done by a stupider, past me. I suppose I was so much in the hype of "oh look! People actually like my story!" and focused less on the actual story. Looking back now, I cringe every single time I think about the background stories to Jack, Matt, and Xavier. I barely even want my eyes to touch the pages for Jack beating up Matt and the hospital scenes afterward. I went way too far down a road I should not have strode down upon. And the whole Celestia, Luna, and Kelly thing? Jeez...

I am deeply and regrettably sorry about all of that. You guys deserved better.

The other big reason is that I don't want anybody who actually expects more chapters of this story to come out, to come out with fluidity or repetition. I really wish I could do that, but we all know the excuse... Life, school, family, finances, job, etc. If I could have another me to do SOLELY fanfictions, I would do it in a heartbeat. But, since this is real life and not some sci-fi novel, I can't.

Really, I wouldn't even know how the hell to salvage this story now. If I had to salvage it, it would be all the way back when I had Xavier go bananas and on a mini rampage. I still can't believe I did that... I mean, it wasn't nearly as bad as the near-death blow to Matt's face or me stupidly letting that kiss go through... Wow, I forced that so much. So ashamed...

Of course, I had my ideas of what was going to happen next, why/how they were in Equestria in the first place, etc etc etc. I had planned on at least a few more chapters, depending on how it flowed. But then the flow stopped, clogged by all the crap I didn't see until now, and I really... really can't continue this story. I mean I obviously physically can, but it's too far gone to actually fix really.

Am I saying it the most complete and utter garbage piece of work in the world? No, of course not. I remember quite a few funny parts I inserted in the story, little one liners and repetitive jokes used to keep the mood lighter and playful. I mean, if this fanfiction was junk, I wouldn't have continued it for so long. But, I suppose because so many liked it before it got sour, I got more attached and more into wanting to produce more chapters for people. It's hard to say no to a crowd who ask for an encore.

So I think I cleared up why exactly I want to cancel this story, and I will be preemptively answering a few questions that may arise from here...

1. Is there ever a chance you will reconsider?

A- Sorry, but there isn't.

2. What about your other stories on FimFiction?

A- Even though my biggest story, this story was my most flawed. It felt like an arm with frostbite that really needed to be cut off.

3. Will you be on more to update stories?

A- When summer rolls around I SHOULD have more time to create chapters to my stories. SHOULD.

4. Will you post a chapter that will round up everything here then?

A- I did consider it but it is a personal opinion that a shitty ending is even worse than an incomplete story. At least with an incomplete story, you can dream up what can happen, what will be revealed. When you have a shitty ending, you get a pile of dung and that's it. Nothing else. If I even try to wrap this up, it's going to be bad. REAL bad.

5. Wow... you just seem to be hating on your story a lot is all.

A- Well, when you have multiple flaws in a story that you realize about it and can't fix now, even though you have had a "successful" story on here, it can get a bit frustrating and some venting, along with reasoning as to my decision, is needed.

Why did you write all of this in a chapter and not a blog entry?

A- Well, the reason being is because obviously not all of the favoriters on this story follow me. I'd rather talk to every single person that was part of this story than just the select who happened to follow me as well. That just wouldn't be fair, right?

As the last part of my entry (sorry for making this so long), I want to thank quite a few people...

Mainly my editors who have helped me edit, go through, correct grammar, check the basic story-line, give critiques, etc on not just this story, but many of my stories throughout my time on FimFiction thus far. Mind you, these are their names at the time editing was done:

Anoobus93

conantheimp

Aburi

MajorWheat

Echo Four

BusyJackalope

Herr Kawne

Innate Enigma

Impoxdragon

I would like to thank every single one on this piece and other pieces worked on (and probably more in the future). You are all so incredibly great to want to edit my work!

Lastly, and certainly being the most cheesy, I want to thank all of you readers who, not only went through the whole ordeal of this story, but also this final chapter in a sickly story. Hopefully, I come up with something in the future you all enjoy just as much and we will meet there, once again!

And, because I feel it's kinda needed, I suppose I will give you a short outro and NO it is not the intended ending to I Hate Ponies!...

... Scripture shook his head sadly at the mistreatment of one of his favorite old books. It was worn, ragged, and seemed like one too many bookworms had crawled their way through the forests of ink and pages. It was a shame, really. Scripture had put his heart into reading it when he was a younger stallion. It was something to be proud of for him, almost as if it was his own book. Melancholy washed over his mind as he absently gazed over it's moldy cover. He spotted the title, worn down so only a few marks of silver were left showing, but it was still quite discernible as "I Hate Ponies!" It really was an odd title, something he considered the main attraction to the story. But now, after flipping through it, he noticed where the worms had bored holes through, the pages mold and mildew had decided to make fuzzy plains on. All that was left now was a sickened story, left around to age and get worse as the book wore on. With a deep sigh, Scripture tentatively walked over to his wastebasket, usually filled with a litter of paper or broken pencils. Today, however, it rang with an empty clunk as it fit at the bottom of the bin, always to have memories of but never to revisit again.

One story can change your life, even the stupid and unexpected ones.

Scripture

Me and My Friends

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 1: Me and My Friends

Bzzt

“Alright, let’s see here… gotta tweak this a bit and-“

Bzzt

“… and then add a splash of this color here. Yeah, I do like that on him, it-“

Bzzt bzzt

“… so maybe if I can get Paint to work a bit better I could-”

BZZT BZZT BZZT!

“…”

…

“…”

…

Bzzt

“OH FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, WHAT DO THEY WANT?!” I practically screamed out in frustration. Snatching the phone off from beside my laptop, I sighed and scrolled through the several text messages I received over a 5 minutes. Wow, 32… new record… I sighed and began to read the mass texting I had acquired. Couldn’t they have just waited for a few more minutes? I sighed in my head, comprehending the mess of messages I obtained.

“hey dude! pizza at my house, NOW! byob and X coming too. might be easiest to sleep over.
-Matt”

“Oh boy… wasn’t expecting that…” I mumbled as I read similar texts. Sighing, I looked in front of my screen and contemplated the two matters on hand. After a few minutes of not-so-deep thinking, my mind eventually came around and I thought I might as well hang out with the guys for a bit tonight instead of my personal work. It wouldn’t hurt at all, right?

Yeah, right…

===================

“…So then, as the idiot keeps on jumping over the bonfire, I sneak a deodorant spray can into the blaze, hoping to scare the shit out of the guy!” I chuckle as Matt continues his story, his eyes almost tearing up from laughing this whole time. “S-so as he jumps over it AGAIN, the can ex-explodes- hahaha! And guess what?! The can hits him square in the sack dudes, square in the sack!”

I cringe at the thought but I don’t care, the three of us are all laughing much too hard to honestly give a crap about the fate of the guy. After all… it was frickin hilarious! X, or Xavier, besides me is cracking up too, though in his own way; a large smile with a lot of hoarse snickering, making sounds like a wheezy animal of some sort. This only makes me and Matt laugh louder, my soda can spilling amber liquid everywhere and Matt clutching his sides as he can barely breathe.

It’s actually one of best nights that we have had together in a long time, the last ending with Xavier’s new ATV 3 miles away from his house in the middle of a mud pit in a farm, burning, and a little flag next to it saying, “We claim this land in the name of Wannachakalog!” Shotgun shells began flying while some old hobo ranting off several curses in our direction began to chase us down, screaming at us about getting off his property.

We had never ran so hard in our lives before then.

Yes, some of us were drunk that night… specifically Matt and Xavier.

Matt’s smiled widened as he drank some of the beer he had pilfered from his parent’s private stock and chuckled a bit. He was a heavyweight and we knew it would take more than two beers to get him really drunk, but he promised us that tonight he would behave… somewhat.

Rocking on his wooden stool, his grin broadened as a delightful thought intruded his mind. “Heh… we should try to get some babes to this sausagefest! La chicka sexica!” He laughed, pulling off some of the worst Spanish I had ever heard.

Xavier only chuckled and drank a bit from his bottle, smacking his lips at the taste reaching his throat. His body pumped forward as he held in an explosive burp. “Hurp… Yeah, we could, but I think only me and Jack here can actually please them! Your two-incher couldn’t hold a flame to this bad boy down here!” He indicated his groin area with two hands, pushing up as he brought them down, causing me to laugh as the insult set into Matt’s brain.

Matt however, didn’t say anything and only smiled, pointing at Xavier with his beer hand. “Yeah, but there is a little something called ‘experience’, my friend… which-“ he put his other hand to his ear at Xavier, who was growing a bit red now. “-I seem to recall somebody lacks in, hm?” Xavier shouted out at Matt and the two hit off one of their infamous stand-offs.

I amusedly watched as the two of them blurted out random insults, obscenities, and other paraphernalia, and unconsciously took over Xavier’s headphones and iPod, turning it on and unplugging the headphones so that I could put out some sweet tunes to go along with the argument. Specifically, I had one genre type in mind…

HEAVY METAL!

With Xavier’s entire musical library and the knowledge of many a stand-off, I knew this discussion was going to be super heated and needed an amped up song to bring out the best of the mood! Playing through the awesome rifts and chords, I air-guitared my way through several epic solos as the two brought their argument to a blistering boil.

Spittle and shouts were flying through the air! Beer and more beer spilling into their mouths and on the floor! They were both standing up now, practically nose to nose, when finally someone said it…

“…AND YOUR MAMA’S SO FAT THAT WHEN FAT ALBERT SAW HER, HE WENT, ‘DA-YUM GIRL!’”

“YEAH, HE PROBABLY DID!”

“…”

“…”

“…snicker…”

“…HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

And with that, their infamous argument came their famous conclusion! Even after all the brawling of their words, they still could somehow make the other laugh in the end. Friends? They both knew that whatever they said was in good fun… Nothing could break them apart that easily. So yes, friends they were and tight friends at that.

So, argument settled and music lowered, we settled into having a more quiet moment as the night wore on. Everything was going nicely, conversation was lively, and the drinks kept on coming.

However, what I didn’t expect was the next conversation topic…

“So, hey, Xavier…” Matt started, squinting his eyes a bit as he lowered his beer after almost drinking it.

“Hm?” Xavier said, not looking up from his iPod that he now was mindlessly shuffling through.

Matt scratched his chin a bit, his scruffles giving out a slight scratchy sound on his face. “After my insult about you and the rest of the lacrosse team, you said something about ‘being gayer than My Little Pony’… what the fuck was that about?”

I froze.

Xavier shrugged and continued his fruitless search. “No clue. I just remember my little sis watching it one morning and apparently they made a new season.” Click, click, went the mp3 device. “Still gay as fuck…”

I cringed.

Matt chuckled and reclined a bit on his chair. “Yeah… pretty much. Just seemed so random when you said it, I almost broke off from the argument!” He laughed now and seemed more relaxed. After a few minutes, he looked over at me from his seat and cocked an eyebrow. “So what do you think of the show, Jack?”

I love it…

“My Little Pony? Why the hell would I watch that crap?” I grabbed a fresh soda and nonchalantly snapped it open, taking a sip from the metal can. Lying was always one of my great talents in life, a talent I didn’t exactly like but happily used when the occasion arises. That night was a perfect example of it.

My friend only chuckled again and closed his eyes a bit, sighing deeply with a smile on his face. “Just checking your straightness dude. Don’t want that to falter up… You are on the wrestling team after all!”

I glared at the dude and snorted a bit. “Hey, I already told you, it’s not gay! Its-“

Xavier waved a hand and coughed a bit, finally putting on some classic rock to ease ourselves down. “Yeah yeah, it’s the harder than baseball, harder then lacrosse, it’s the hardest sport you can possibly do...”

Both Matt and Xavier recited the next line in perfect unison, but in a droll boring tone. “…And if you can survive one season of wrestling, you can do anything in life!”

Smiling a bit, I relaxed on the couch and sighed, taking a swig from my can again “Guess I did teach you two numbskulls a thing or two after all…”

Matt stood back up and pointed at me with his beer hand. “You… You drill us with stuff nearly every day; that verse being only one of too many. If I didn’t learn something from that infinitely thinking head of yours, I wouldn’t have passed junior year, now would I?”

Xavier scoffed a bit, his eyes closed as he let the music wash over him. “Yeah, sure. His thinking head did it and not copying his homework for each class didn't…”

Chuckling a bit, I watched as Matt shot the music-lover a look, Xavier’s grin wide like the Cheshire Cat. Matt scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Hey, you could have easily bought your way out of everything basically!” He put a hand to his chin slyly and smirked. “If I recall, you gave Jack fifty bucks to do a project to him, seventy if he was to get in early…”

I shook my head and chugged down the rest of my drink with a swift few gulps. “Greatest seventy bucks of my life, thanks to our rich and musical friend here!”

Xavier cracked a grin and leaned forward now, shrugging his shoulders after he tossed his empty beer bottle. “What can I say? People love my music and my headphones!”

We all laughed a little and smiled warmly, finally deciding that it was late enough for everyone. Me, being a bit of the smart one, remembered to bring a sleeping bag due to the stone cellar ground, which was incredibly hard and cold…

Last time we had slept down there, we nearly froze overnight, accompanied by an incredibly sore back the following morning. I watched as Matt tried to find some comfort on the floor with his solo pillow and single blanket, wriggling about like a twitchy worm.

He poked his head up from his flimsy cocoon eventually and scowled at Xavier. “Hey, why do we have to sleep down here again? Why can’t we just-“

Xavier shot up his hand from beneath his own comforter, his pointer finger sticking up in the air. “One; you smell like a drunk. Two; you’re both not even supposed to be here. Three; the house was just refurbished today and if anything is muddled up, my parents WILL go after you with a baseball bat. No joke.” With that, he let his head smoosh upon the pillow he had, letting Matt grumble himself back under his own covers, his twitching antics resuming.

Rolling my eyes, I turned on my side and hoped that he would stop fidgeting soon and let Xavier’s new playlist of soft rock songs seep into our minds. As if answering my prayers, his wriggling eventually died down and I smiled, relishing in the calm music and silence of the night. The sounds soon became ambience and I let my mind wander, mostly thinking about my unfinished work back on my laptop. This in turn led to the earlier discussion with Matt and Xavier.

Why? Why couldn’t I reveal to my closest friends that I was a Brony? Was it my school’s norm, which consisted almost entirely of jocks? No, that couldn’t be… I was a jock and still loved the show. But… maybe it was? Even though I was a jock, I was still divided, if secretly, due to being a Brony. I wish they would understand… then I could openly wear my ‘20% Cooler’ shirt at my school! But I know what society would think of me… They would-

My thoughts suddenly halted, for I noticed something amiss. At first, I almost thought it was because I was so lost in my deep thinking that my mind just ignored it. However, coldly, I realized this was wrong. It just didn’t exist anymore. It was gone.

I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t hear a single thing.

My mind immediately thought of several cognitive, viral, genetic, and bacterial diseases that could cause deaf ears but after a quite run through I realized there was no cause for this. Simply put, it just happened. Like that. Curious to this phenomenon, I tried to get up but found myself locked in place, unable to move in the slightest inch. Panic began to rise within me as I couldn’t even move my eyelids! My own eyelids!

Before I could even try to scream however, my mind and body was assaulted by a wave of exhaustion and slowly, but surely, I drifted off into a deep slumber…

So cliché…

A Rude Awakening

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 3: A Rude Awakening

Prod

“Mmnshhh…”

Prod prod

“Nnn… Kelly… touch me there… yeah…. Like that… ohhhhhhh~”

…

“…”

...

“…Nnn more Kelly, mo-“

PUSH!

Xavier shouted out in surprise as he was toppled over by me, his back flat across the ground now and his eyes squinting from the overhead sun. He looked incredibly confused and groaned a bit rubbing his eyes a bit with his forehooves. Giving and explosive yawn, he smacked his lips a few times, shifting his head a bit as he looked around.

“Trees? Sun? Outside?” He shook his head a bit and rolled over onto his stomach. “Whoa… I musta got REALLY drunk last night… But no headache? Odd…” He rolled over onto his backside again and smiled sleepily. “This is nice though… Hopefully I didn’t wind up too far away…”

All the while, as he lay there, my heart was racing in my chest as I confirmed the pony in front of me as Xavier. “His voice is spot on and the fact that he has a cutie mark of a note between two headphones couldn’t be a coincidence…The guy loves his music…” I muttered.

Sighed explosively afterwards, I was surprised that it caught Xavier’s attention, making him open his eyes fully now and take a look in my direction. “Hm? Guys? You here t-“

He blinked once. I blinked back. He blinked again. I blinked again. He shouted out in immaculate horror. I watched him as he freaked out in front of me, shaking my head slightly. Oh boy… this’ll be interesting…

“Wha- who- where- WHAT?!” He practically screamed, looking around everywhere at the sights before him. “Why… everything… PASTEL COLORS…pony… MY LITTLE PONY!” He shook his head vigorously, banging his hooves on top of his head… Making him realize, he no longer had any fingers. Shaking now, he looked down at the two hooves in front of him, terror creeping into his face. “This… this can’t be real… I’m not drunk… I… I must be crazy, yeah… crazy…hehe…”

Before I could try to console my shaken friend, my other pal had gotten up from the ground, his mane all disheveled and his face incredibly grumpy. “What the FUCK dude? Why the fuck were you screaming your head off and stuff? You know we all hate mornings Xavier…” Not knowing his fate, he opened his eyes to a vividly colored world before him, making his jaw drop in astonishment after a few moments of comprehension.

He blinked. We blinked. He blinked again. We blinked again. He shouted out in immaculate horror. I watched him as he freaked out in front of me, Xavier following him an a perfect duet, now shaking my head repetitively. Yeah, thought it would be interesting…

“Wha- who- where- WHAT?!” Matt practically screamed, looking around everywhere at the sights before him. “Why… everything… IN PASTEL COLORS…ponies… MY LITTLE PONY!” My eyes widened a bit at the near-perfect repetition between my friends, watching as he shook his head in disbelief like Xavier, going through almost identical routines similar to him.

My two friends looked at each other and were about to scream out again when I literally shoved my hooves in both of their mouths. “Dear Celestia! You two are SUCH a pain!” I glared at them both as their eyes widened in realization that all three of them had landed in a similar predicament.

Slowly, I let go of their mouths, making them focus their attention entirely on me. “Now… I have no clue how this happened, but we three are in the My Little Pony world-“ I smacked a hoof from Matt, who was slowly bringing it closer to me as I talked. He rubbed it sorely, muttering a low ouch. “-and this is NOT a dream!” Matt had opened his mouth, a hoof slowly rising in the air as I cut him off again. “And you’re not crazy!” He slowly let his mouth close and his hoof fall to the ground. “Now…”

I sat down on the soft grass and sighed loudly, them sitting down themselves. Right now, their eyes glittered with hope, knowing I had a plan, some kind of master strategy that would help them all and eventually get us back to-

“I have NO clue what we are going to do!”

Simultaneous groans escaped my friend’s lips as Matt got up, standing awkwardly with his four new legs. “So Jack, you have NO clue what we should do in a situation like this?” He looked around swiftly and whined. “C’mon! There has to be SOME way to get us back home! Or at least normal!”

Without knowing it, his aggravation caused him to flare his wings out, making Xavier gasp in shock, nearly knocking him back onto the ground. “Du-DUDE! You have WINGS man, WINGS!”

Matt looked confused for a moment, until he looked to both sides of him and was equally as shocked as Xavier. “W-wings?! Aw what the hell! I’m a frickin Pegasus-thing?!” I chuckled as he curiously looked at his new appendages. However, in mid-checking, he focused his view on his rear and awkwardly took a few steps backwards at Xavier and me. “Guys, look, I got a tattoo! Check it!”

Curiously, we looked at his flank and pondered at the marking he had there. Xavier and I whistled lowly. His ‘tattoo’ were two M’s, one right under the other, inside of a fireball with a sweet fiery tail to it. Xavier smiled widely and shouted out, “Awesome! I wonder if I- Well, looky here, I do too!”

I let Matt look at it since I already had and he chuckled a bit after seeing it. “Not as bitchin’ as mine, but hey, whatevs. Hey, I-“ Matt then looked up at Xavier’s head, and snorted explosively, eventually bawling with laughter as he plopped on the ground, rolling around in a laughing fit. “Oh… OH MY FUCKIN GOD! You’re… You’re…”

Xavier glared at him and stamped a hoof into the ground, his irritation levels rising. “I’m WHAT, goddammit?!”

“YOU’RE A FRICKIN UNICORN! BWAHAHAHA!” Another wave of laughter hit him as Xavier tentatively touch his new appendage and nearly cried on the spot.

“A… a frickin unicorn… in My Little Pony… with all this colorful shit…" His face was a solid mask of horror and shock, which finally broke down into a weeping veil of misery. "DAMN YOU WORLD, DAMN YOU!” He sniffed a bit as he burrowed his head beneath his hooves, his stomach float on the ground now. “Fuck, this is so gay…”

I sighed, shaking my head. Maybe I should tell them I know of several ways that could get us home… I looked from the hysterical pegasus to the now-weeping unicorn, and cocked my head to the side. Frack, I think I might have-

“Hey misters! Whatcha y’all doing?”

Oh god, please not her, not with… THESE two…

Looking behind me, I noticed not just one, but three little filly’s staring at us with confused stares. I could barely hide my horror, as a sudden realization hit my head too. FUCK! I never told them about Applejack yet! I have to tell them soon or else-

“Us? Well, for one, I am laughing HYSTERICALLY and maniacly, since I think I might be insane.” Matt walked over to me, smiling crazily at three fillies. “Him?” He pointed to our unicorn friend, still crying on the ground. “He is in self-denial. Might be crazy too. And THIS guy,” he shook me with two of his hooves. “Well, I’ve always known him to be crazy! But right now, he is as cool as a cucumber… ain’t that right?”

ARE YOU FRICKIN INSANE?! I AM FREAKING OUT IN MY MIND RIGHT NOW! “Yes, perfectly fine right now…”

The first filly who spoke to me, a small yellow one with red hair and a big red bow, took a step back from Matt. “Uhhhhh riiiiiiiiiiight. Well, we were just passin’ through an’-“

I smacked Matt’s hoof, which had been slowly creeping towards the small filly and glared at him hotly. The other two filly’s behind the first huddled immediately in back of her and stared worriedly at the pegasus besides me. I shook my head, for about the hundredth time so far, and leaned my head a bit closer to the yellow filly. “I’m sorry about him, he is a bit… unstable at the moment…”

“You’re telling me! That guy is bizzar-o!” A mess of purple mane and orange body piped up, staring intensely at Matt, who stared intensely back.

A gasp came from the third member of the party, a small white filly with pink and purple curly hair. “Scootaloo! That’s NOT a very nice thing to say! Even if it may be true!” She squeaked, glaring at her friend disapprovingly.

Scootaloo rolled her eyes and poked the first member softly. “Hey, Applebloom, c’mon! Let’s get going! We have some crusading to do!”

Applebloom jolted a bit at the thought and exclaimed, “Oh! Right!” She started to run along with her friends and looked back to me, shouting, “Bye mister! Bye really creepy mister! Bye wimpy mister!”

It took them a minute to figure out who was who, but both Xavier and Matt exclaimed, “Hey! I am NOT that!”

Now, it was my turn to laugh hysterically.

Matt, rolling his eyes looked at me and poked my rib cage. “Alright… you are the one who makes the MOST sense with bizarre situations… what do you suggest we do?” He frowned a bit and spread his hooves out into the air. “I do NOT want to stay here for the rest of my life! I hate this show, and being in it is already irritating me!” He growled a bit and looked at the ground, putting his hooves down. “That little prick of a pony called me bizarre too…”

Xavier now came over and sat near us, still feeling a bit down. “ Well, you DID call us all crazy… what else would she think?” Matt shot him a look, but Xavier ignored it, looking hopefully at me. “But yeah, honestly… shit hit the fan and none of us don’t know squat about this place…” He flailed his forehooves around and groaned. “Humans were never supposed to be here!” My unicorn friend looked at the ground once again in thought. “Well, at least, I don’t think so…”

The sun gently shone above us and I reveled in it, letting its warm rays wash over my new body and mane. ‘Never supposed to be here’? Honestly, I haven’t felt more alive in all of my life! They could leave if they wanted to, but me... I’m gonna try and milk this for as long as I possibly can! I smiled smugly and put a hoof to my chin in thought. “Hmmm… well, what we could do is-“

A soft cough could be heard behind us as the hairs on my mane stuck up on end. From what I felt, it was a particularly long mane, but it felt absolutely rigid at the moment. As I slowly turned around, a rather flustered looking orange mare was glaring daggers at me, her stocky deep red big brother not exactly looking too pleased himself. “So… how are ya doing this fine morning Silver Jack, if that’s even you’re real name?”

My ears swiveled back again as I grinned sheepishly at Applejack and I awkwardly coughed, covering it slightly with my hoof.

Oh fuck, we’re screwed…

A/N-

After such a huge amount of people faving my story, i thought i might as well give them the next chapter... IN THE SAME DAY!

Well, i hope you enjoy... I actually am REALLY liking this story now, even though i truly don't know exactly where its going right now... BUT MY IDEAS ABOUND! >:D Anyways, enjoy like always :)