Ghost Lights

by Winston

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 101775

Alone together at the mysterious Seawall, on the edge of the known world, two ponies will help each other share what it means to be a pegasus, unicorn, or earth pony - and the painful wedges those things can create.

I never thought I would see the Seawall again. Fate, though, seems to enjoy odd twists. Thirteen years ago, it was roses. Now it's feathers. Somehow they've both brought me back to this place, back to the edge of the world to where I really belong most of all.

My name is Sunburst, and as a guard of Princess Twilight, her student Azure Sky is both one of the ponies I protect and my friend. I watched her grow up. I, and everypony else, thought we knew exactly where she was headed in life. It seemed so obvious - how could the personal student of a princess have anything but the brightest of futures? We were all so sure.

What did we really know?

A happy life, a good life, can't be built on a lie. The heart of a unicorn and the heart of a pegasus are different things in some ways, but in the ones that really matter, they're the same. Nopony can endure the misery of an existence devoid of real meaning in their hearts, going through empty motions they feel nothing for, dead on the inside. I think all ponies, deep down inside where it counts, are the same in this way. That's what Azure and I needed to learn, here on the edge of the world, so that I could help her share the things she so desperately needed to find a way to give voice to.

Approved by Twilight's Library on December 11, 2014!

Published 2014-09-20 22:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-04 17:16:47 UTC

Chapter 1

Ghost Lights

Chapter 1

It's a funny thing, I don't really get to talk directly to my employer that often. It's not that she's cold or aloof. On the contrary, she's really very likable as a pony. There's just something of a difficult social position to being a princess.

Formality. Nobility. Only consort at the top of the stratum, be that icy sculpture nopony can touch, and wear the mask that royalty wears. All these are demanded of her.

I think some ponies would die of shock if they ever saw Princess Twilight break ranks to speak directly to somepony like me. Her relationship with Captain Rainbow Dash has been difficult enough through the years to get some ponies to accept, and Dash is an officer. For her to waste even a breath talking with something even lower, a common enlisted pony? Unthinkable. Just unthinkable. I can practically hear monocles being dropped indignantly into fancy little teacups with haughty but hushed exclamations of, "Well! I never would have thought!"

The difference between the princess and so many others, though, is that she understands this pretentiousness for exactly what is. Sometimes when I can tell she's feeling exasperated with all this nonsense, she gives me a clever, knowing smirk, in those moments when nopony else can see it. When she does, I know that she's looking right through whoever is trying to impress her with fancy titles and expensive clothes. I think that her clarity, seeing all ponies simply as real ponies instead of being enamored of this masquerade of caste and status, often gives her something of a secret edge over some of the stuff-shirted diplomats and aristocracy she deals with in her court.

Still, though, it's a weapon that can only work if certain appearances are, at least superficially, kept up. Thus it's not every day that Princess Twilight decides to have a personal one-on-one conversation with most members of the guard.

It happened today, though, on the afternoon shift, getting later toward the evening after most of the diplomatic and administrative business going on in the palace was finished up. The princess found me in one of the hallways, during one of the uncommon times she was alone and not flanked by administrative staffers hanging on her instructions. It seemed like an occasion she'd been waiting for. She called me over to herself and asked me to follow her, then headed to one of the quiet viewing rooms off in a less-used side area of the palace.

She closed the door after we entered. It was just the two of us. The large bay windows opened out to a spectacular view of the palace garden, and the princess walked over to those windows and looked out. She waved me over to stand next to her, so I did.

"How are you doing today, Sunburst?" she asked, smiling in a friendly way.

"Just fine, Princess," I answered her. "Yourself?"

"Oh, you know," she said in a casual tone. "Same old, same old. Princess stuff of all the varied kinds to deal with. Not bad, though, all things considered."

There was a brief silence before she continued on. She had to have brought me here for something, so I waited patiently for it.

"How long have you been a guard for me?" she finally asked. "It's been a while, hasn't it? Out of all my guards, you're one of the ones who's been here the longest."

"Twelve years." I nodded. "I suppose almost thirteen, total, when you count that first stretch I was here."

"So you've been part of my guard for almost the whole time Azure Sky's been here as my student..." Princess Twilight continued. She smiled wistfully to herself, gazing away in thought. "I remember when you were reassigned from your first tour here and you left for special duty. It was to go do a second tour on the Seawall, right?"

I was a bit impressed. I didn't think she would remember and personally keep track of where individual guards went next after they moved on from their tours. "Yes, Princess," I answered her.

"Mmm." She nodded briefly. "I remember she was sad to see you go. I also remember how thrilled Azure was when you requested a second posting here with the guard. I remember her as a little filly squealing with joy in the hallways when she found out you were coming back. You've been here with us ever since and she's always thought quite highly of you. The two of you have sort of a... unique friendship, don't you? It seems to be something pretty special."

I wasn't completely sure how to tread in answering this question. Princess Twilight is the princess of friendship, yes, but at the same time guards aren't typically supposed to have what would be perceived as particularly close special relationships with other ponies who are part of the palace staff and household. "I don't know about it being particularly special, Princess," I said. "I mean, yes, though, we're friends. I've always liked her and it's been rewarding to be able to be around and watch her grow up from a little filly into the young mare she's turned into."

I thought about Azure Sky, her image familiar in my mind - the white coated unicorn with a powder-blue mane and tail. I considered how that image had changed over the years, how she had grown from a scrawny, squeaky-voiced little filly to the beautiful young adult she was now. I remembered her as a blank flank, and then how she'd gotten her cutie mark not long after I'd first gotten here, an amethyst crystal with stars representing magic surrounding it.

In that moment, watching her grow up struck me as something extraordinary, as magical in its own right as any unicorn's spell. For many years I'd seen her following the princess around the palace, learning and sharpening her already formidable talents and the sheer scope of her magical abilities growing ever larger and more refined. Some of what she can do now is truly incredible. She's poised for a limitless career in any field of magic she wants.

"It is something, isn't it? Where do those years go?" Princess Twilight sighed, almost as if she could read my thoughts. "Well, I'll get to my point. She... if something was up, would she tell you about it, do you think?" Princess Twilight turned away from the window and looked at me with questioning eyes.

"I'd like to think so," I said with some hesitation. "But I guess you can never be one hundred percent sure. Everypony's got their things to deal with that sometimes they prefer to keep private. And anyway, I'm just a guard. To be honest, I wouldn't expect to be the first pony she'd come to with a problem - I'd think that would be you. Why do you ask? Do you think there's... something up? Should I be watching out for her in a particular way?" I started to feel concerned.

"I..." Princess Twilight seemed uncertain. "Y'know, I don't know. I would also like to think she could tell me anything, but I have to admit that's not always realistic. I was the student of a princess myself when I was young. We were very close and I had - actually, still have - a lot of trust in her. I've tried to make it that way between myself and Azure, also, but even so, in some ways there can't always be a completely evenly balanced perfect openness between student and teacher. I know that some things were very hard to talk about with Princess Celestia when I was a filly. There were always certain ways I'd be scared of disappointing the ponies I looked up to, if I felt like they wouldn't approve or they wouldn't understand."

The princess started pacing in place a little bit, absentmindedly. I think she was a little lost in her thoughts. "Now that the horseshoe is on the other hoof, I know that fear was mostly unfounded, but I also know that maybe it's still going to be there for Azure. It's not like it's really something anypony can help. So I guess I was hoping that maybe she might have at least opened up to somepony else if there was something she felt like she couldn't come to me with."

"Well, I'm afraid she hasn't said anything specific, Princess, no," I replied. "Honestly, I really hadn't noticed anything myself. Come to think of it, I haven't actually really spoken to her in quite a while."

"I see," she said. "Well, thank you, anyway."

"Of course, Princess." I nodded. "To be of service is what I'm here for. If... I may suggest, though?"

"Of course you may." She nodded back to me.

"This might sound painfully obvious, but if you think something is bothering her, couldn't you just be direct and ask about it?" I inquired. "Sometimes it works. Sometimes ponies really want to say something, but it's hard to break the silence and just come out with it. Maybe they just need... well... you know. That little nudge." I turned and looked out the window into the garden, where a large rosebush grew nearby. It was in bloom with shapely, luscious red roses, the same kind I'd strategically left behind in a fateful bouquet on Captain Rainbow Dash's desk a dozen years ago when I left guard duty for my second tour at the Seawall.

"Yes." The princess followed my stare and looked at the roses. A smile, as if inspired by a now long-distant but thoroughly joyful memory, slowly formed on her face. "Yes, I suppose you're right, and you would know a little about that, wouldn't you? Me and Captain Dash are still grateful to you for every day we can be together."

"As I've said, it was just doing my duty the best I knew how," I said. I always get a little embarrassed every time this gets brought up again. Not that I don't indulge myself in still feeling a little pride in it at the same time, admittedly. I think that being as solitary as I am has the side effect of inclining me toward being a little self-centered sometimes.

"Still, thank you," the princess said. "I'll try it your way and just ask Azure directly, yes. I suppose I should have just done that in the first place. Well, dinner is in an hour or so. That would seem like an opportune time, assuming she shows up for it and isn't too busy studying or experimenting. That's always sort of anypony's guess."

That's true enough. Aside from the fact that for the last two weeks she seemed to have been fairly isolationist and shut in her room most of the day, Azure's studies just generally tend to be unpredictable. One day, random objects could be teleporting in and out of the palace hallways. The next, a wave of rainbow-colored magic could suddenly surge through the palace grounds without warning, with only a mumbled cryptic explanation about 'losing containment and accidentally letting the singularity get a little out of hoof'. Then everything could be quiet for the next week (or month, nopony could ever really say) until the next series of experiments began.

In the end it's always mostly harmless, but for the guard, the unexpected disturbances sometimes make things bizarre. Princess Twilight tolerates it all in the interests of allowing Azure free reign to develop as a mage, though, so we mostly do as well.

Mostly. Not always perfectly, but mostly.

Chapter 2

Ghost Lights

Chapter 2

Today marked a week passing since the day Princess Twilight asked me about her recently reclusive student, and in that week by and large I still hadn't seen much of her. I had noticed her show up to dinner with the princess a couple of times, however, which I took as a good sign, so I hadn't been thinking a whole lot about it. I assumed that if there was an issue of some sort it was more appropriately dealt with between Princess Twilight and Azure without anypony else's interference, anyway.

Keeping my nose out of the business of other ponies is preferable to me, as much as possible - certain past events notwithstanding.

Unfortunately, it becomes very hard to stay out of it when a loud blasting sound and an inexplicable explosion of feathers flying everywhere randomly happens in the palace halls, which is exactly what occurred without warning this afternoon.

Confusion prevailed over all else at first, needless to say. Nopony had any idea what was going on.

I immediately dropped low to the floor and looked around at my surroundings in the hallway. Nothing seemed to be damaged or out of place which would have suggested a source for the disruption. A few seconds went by and everything was quiet. I carefully lifted my head and took a quick look out the nearest window, scanning the palace grounds outside for any sign of attack. Things seemed calm out there, too, with nothing unusual in sight.

After a few moments of listening carefully for any further activity or movement and getting nothing but silence, I cautiously stood back up to my full height and began to walk down the hallway, hoping I'd quickly find another guard to pair up with. In a state of emergency we're not supposed to go anywhere alone. We're supposed to find somepony to watch our backs while we get to the main court, and from there probably check all the entries and exits, clear all the rooms of civilians, and secure access to and from the palace.

It wasn't more than another few seconds before a door at the end of the hallway flew open and a pony came running through. I could tell it was Captain Dash even from far away, with the characteristic rainbow mane and her sky blue wings held folded at her sides over the chainmail coat she wore.

"Sunburst! With me!" she called urgently when she got close. I fell into a trot next to her, not about to disagree.

"Any idea what happened?" she asked while we moved.

"No, Captain," I told her. "Sounded like there was a blast of some kind, but I didn't see anything except these feathers."

"Yeah, I think everypony's noticed those," she replied.

As we headed through the hall I looked down at the floor and took in the details of those feathers, which had all settled to the ground by now. There were all different kinds - primaries, secondaries, smaller flight feathers, some downies. It looked like the full range of what could be found on the wings of a pegasus or a very large bird. Actually, it seemed like more than just one bird or pegasus worth of feathers, it probably would have taken several to produce that many. All of them were the same color, though, a uniform bright white, as if they all came from the same source. The overall shapes and sizes suggested pegasus feathers, which only made things more confusing.

Captain Dash thought the same thing, evidently. "What's going on here?" she asked herself quietly. "Did somepony's wings explode, or what?" I think it was just an idle nonsense thought at first, but in a second her face became more serious and her eyes more worried as she apparently gave consideration to the possibility.

I got worried, too. I really hoped she was wrong. All these feathers had to come from somewhere, though. It wasn't a very comfortable thought.

We made our way hurriedly to the main court, in the centermost of the palace.

Captain Dash found the Master Sergeant of the on-duty shift of the guard. "Muster the guard," she ordered. "Once all the guards are accounted for, form teams and sweep the palace for all the staff. Bring everypony to the main court who's not already here. I want every single pony who could be in the palace to be found and their status verified. Especially any white colored pegasi."

"Yes ma'am," the Master Sergeant answered quickly and began carrying out her orders.

"Captain Dash, do you have any idea what's going on?" Princess Twilight walked over from her position at the head of the court to consult the captain of her guard. "Do you know if these are anypony's feathers, and is anypony hurt?"

"Still tryin' to figure that out, Twi," Captain Dash said, rather informally. She caught herself. Her posture stiffened. "Uhh... I mean... Princess Twilight," she corrected herself and reworded her response.

Princess Twilight met Rainbow Dash's eyes and they smiled back at each other knowingly, just slightly, but maintained their formal bearing otherwise. Even if they were long-time lovers and even if everypony knew it, there's a certain appearance to be maintained during business hours with other ponies watching.

At about that time, Azure Sky reached the court and made her appearance, coming in with the slow trickle of various ponies who were still showing up. The way she looked surprised me. She's usually not flustered by much but this time she seemed a little worse off for the commotion. Her usually shining white coat was a little messy, and her normally straight and silky blue mane and tail were unkempt.

She made her way towards the princess, and looked down at the floor and briefly bowed slightly as she got close. "Princess! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen," she said quickly and worriedly.

"Azure? Are you alright? What happened? What didn't you mean for?" Princess Twilight asked.

"The feathers, Princess." Azure slowed down, breathing in deep for a moment and then letting it out again. "I'm afraid this is all my fault. I'm sorry, I'm not sure what went wrong with the spell."

"Spell? What was this spell, exactly?" the princess asked.

"It was supposed to be a conjuration for creating feathers," Azure explained. "So I could make writing quills with them. I thought that if I could figure it out it would be easier than always having to bother the pegasi for their dropped feathers."

"So these are conjured feathers, then?" Princess Twilight asked. "Not feathers from a real pegasus?"

"Yes, Princess, all conjured," Azure Sky confirmed.

"Well, that's certainly a relief." Princess Twilight sighed and visibly relaxed. "Also makes gathering them up again much easier, doesn't it?"

"Yes." Azure nodded. "Yes, I think it should."

"Well, then I'd suggest you start by cleaning up your little mess," Princess Twilight said to her student. She actually sounded a little bit amused now.

"Oh, I... uhh... of course I will," Azure Sky said sheepishly. She lifted one of the feathers from the floor with the soft light blue aura of her magic glowing from her horn and enveloping the feather. After studying it for a few seconds, as if somehow reading or feeling something on it or in it, her horn surged and a much brighter glow flared from it. The feather she held up surged with magic likewise, and that same light blue hue suddenly flared in all the other feathers scattered haphazardly through the room. In a blinking flash they all suddenly teleported, instantly accumulating into a big ball Azure Sky was holding up in front of herself telekinetically.

The room went silent, all eyes quickly turning to Princess Twilight's student.

"Is that all of them, Azure?" Princess Twilight asked, breaking that silence.

"Yes, Princess," Azure Sky affirmed. "The palace is cleared. May I be excused to remove these from your court and dispose of them properly?"

"Yes." Princess Twilight nodded. "Thank you, and you're excused."

Without further ceremony, Azure turned and walked out of the court with the large aggregation of feathers still held in the grip of her horn, I presumed off to find some sort of garbage container large enough to hold them all.

With that resolved, Princess Twilight used the lingering silence as an opportunity to announce to all the ponies now gathered in the court that the incident had been a simple magical mishap (as if there's ever actually anything 'simple' about those), nopony had in fact been injured, and there was no further cause for alarm, so business would be resuming as usual starting immediately. Back to work, everypony.

Many very relieved ponies dispersed and the day continued.

Thankfully the rest of my shift was much too boring from then on for anything else to add any excitement by comparison.

Chapter 3

Ghost Lights

Chapter 3

I spent most of the rest of that day's shift wondering what kind of consequences Azure Sky was going to catch for her little mistake.

Well, no. Truth be told, I didn't just wonder, I worried about it. I worried about her.

Once I'd taken off and put away my armor after being relieved by the oncoming shift, I had the feeling for some reason that I should go and see if she was alright. I thought she probably would be, but even so, it'd be nice to talk to her, and I wanted to be sure. She's my friend, after all, one of only a very few close friends I have, and I'd hardly so much as seen her around in the past few weeks.

Maybe I kinda found myself missing her, to be honest.

I walked to her room, the same room of the palace she'd had since she moved in as a filly to begin studying under the princess. Pausing for a second and listening, I heard only silence. I lifted one forehoof and knocked a couple times on the door. There was a faint sound in response from within, quiet hoofsteps moving, and the door opened a little way while Azure looked out to see who it was. We looked at each other for a quiet fraction of a second, then Azure opened the door fully and stepped backward to clear the way for me to enter.

"Hello Sunburst," she greeted me.

"Hi Azure," I responded. She closed the door behind me after I was inside.

From the first time I'd ever seen it, her room has always been an interesting study in organized chaos. The exact nature of it has shifted over the course of years. When she was little, stacks of books formed precarious towers clustering around the bed by the far side of the room from the door. She's gradually acquired numerous sets of shelves that line every available inch of wall space, and the books, while always growing in number, have largely migrated to those instead, leaving more floor space for an ever-changing collection of other magical devices, tools, and scientific instruments. Some were in one piece, a few were in various states of disassembly or construction. Most also served as paperweights holding down loose sheets of notes about that particular item. Much of it was indecipherable to me, though to Azure I'm sure it all made perfect sense.

"Sorry about what happened today," she apologized. "I know it makes your job harder, as a guard. That's not what I wanted."

"No, it... well, yeah." I shrugged. "It was a little hectic. But I can't be mad about that, everything turned out fine. I was kinda wondering more how you're doing."

"Me?" Azure seemed surprised. "Fine, I guess. Considering."

"... Considering what?" I asked.

She sighed. "I don't know. Nothing."

Everypony makes mistakes now and then, but Azure is a highly talented unicorn. She tends to take it more harshly on herself than most when it comes to magic. After an experiment has gone awry her moods are difficult to predict.

Also, Princess Twilight's inquiries a week ago were still on my mind.

"You sure you're alright?" I asked her.

"Yeah, mostly." She shrugged. "Guess maybe I've just been working pretty hard lately."

"Well, you're always working hard," I said. "That's nothing new. The last three weeks seem a little different, though. Seems like you've been hiding out a lot. I've got to be honest, Princess Twilight asked me if I knew if anything's been going on with you, actually."

"She thinks I'm 'hiding out'?" Azure asked with a note of curiosity.

"Well, my words, not hers," I said.

"What'd you tell her?" Azure asked me, maybe a little suspiciously.

"Nothing," I said. "Because I don't know anything. Which is why I'm here."

"What are you going to tell her?" Azure continued.

"Again, nothing, at least not if you don't want me to. Look, I'm not gonna spy." I rolled my eyes a bit. "Besides, hasn't she just asked you herself?"

"... What if she just wants to see if the answer I'd give you matches up with the one I'd give her?" Azure pondered.

"I'd say that kind of duplicity seems much more Mareiavellian than the way Princess Twilight does things." I shook my head.

"Yeah, probably," Azure laughed. "I've just been reading too much old unicorn history. There's some real pieces of work in there. It's enough to make any pony a little cynical."

"Heh. I've been in Canterlot for a dozen years, you think I haven't noticed some of the ponies Twilight deals with in her court? There's still some real pieces of work in circulation," I pointed out. "Ever met Prince Blueblood? 'Cause I have, if by 'met', I mean I was incidentally in the same room with him for a few minutes and came out wondering how I managed not to drag him away by the scruff of the neck and throw him out of the palace with orders not to return. I guess I shouldn't say things like that about royalty, but I guard for Twilight, not him, and... yeah, not pleasant."

"Wanna know a secret?" Azure asked me.

"What?"

"I'd have liked to see that," she admitted. "I shouldn't say such things either, and it wouldn't be politically wise or acceptable to do it, obviously. But yes, I've met him. I had to sit through a ridiculous seven-course dinner with that... err, fine gentlecolt in attendance. Things only got more interesting the more wine he guzzled. He kept trying to schmooze with the envoy from Cloudsdale but all he could seem to do when he was talking to her was keep putting his hoof in his mouth with offensive pegasus stereotypes. It kept getting worse and worse the harder he tried, too. I thought she was going to throw down on him for sure. I was secretly really hoping it would happen. She looked like she could take him with one good kick. Would have made the night a lot more exciting."

I started thinking about the mentioned royalty at a fancy formal dinner, delivering a stream of alcohol-fueled backhooved comments while wearing his ever-present slight grin of superiority. Then I thought about the food itself, forgetting about the oaf of a prince to focus on that instead, and my stomach grumbled a bit.

I thought that my body probably had a good idea, there.

"Hey, you wanna go somewhere and get dinner?" I asked Azure. "I just got off shift, and I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

"Ehhh... I don't know if I should right now," Azure said doubtfully. "After what happened this afternoon, it might be a good time for me to lay low."

"C'mon," I prodded her. "I think you've been laying low for weeks, the break and some time outside might do you some good."

"Oh, but what would the other unicorns think of me if we were seen?" Azure asked. "A promising young mage they expect to be future nobility, going on a dinner date with a commoner pegasus mare? They'll assume I'm taking up exactly in the hoofsteps of my fillyfooler alicorn teacher and the captain of her guard. I'll be scandalized, Sunburst," she said jokingly.

A pegasus as solitary as me, accused of trying to date a young pretty unicorn so far out of my league? Now that would be ironic comedy. "Yeah, right," I laughed at the thought. "Just tell them I was giving you a stern talking to about the importance of not disrupting the palace's decorum and orderliness with childish stunts like blasting feathers everywhere."

"Okay, fine." Azure shrugged. "So where do you wanna go?"

"Oh..." Honestly, I hadn't really thought that far ahead. I wasn't feeling very particular, just hungry. "Someplace with food, I suppose."

"I think a city the size of Canterlot might have a couple of those." Azure nodded.

We left the palace together when it was almost on that line between the day and the night, the sun hanging on the horizon and painting the sky in a last flare of amazing brilliant warm colors to tint our walk into downtown Canterlot. Just when it was getting dark we found a small restaurant that didn't look too busy. It seemed like the kind of place that's a step up from fast food (neither of us really shares Princess Twilight's love of things greasy and deep-fried) so we stopped there. I don't remember what it was called, but it was nice without being formal enough to feel stuffy, and operated by a family of earth ponies who knew their cooking.

The host greeted us and showed us to a table, leaving us with menus. It was a pretty thin crowd, so there were no other ponies very close to us. I found that preferable. I just feel uneasy in really close quarters. I always have. I like open spaces, I like my distance.

After a few minutes, the waiter came around. I ordered a combination dish of grilled eggplant and peppers that I thought looked good. Azure got a big spinach leaf and flower petal salad, which she put a lot of honey-mustard dressing on. I remember that tangy-sweet smell.

"So..." Azure finally said, after our food arrived, "Aren't you going to give me the stern talking to you mentioned?"

"Oh, right." I nodded. "Well, I'm sure Princess Twilight and Captain Dash probably already spoke to you about what happened. Suppose I just say I agree with them and leave it at that. I'd imagine you feel bad enough without needing to hear the lecture all over again."

"Yeah." Azure nodded weakly. "They tag-teamed it and talked to me together. I got the whole 'we're not mad at you, young mare, just disappointed' routine. I couldn't really disagree. I'm pretty disappointed with myself, actually. I really thought that spell would work. It's complicated, but, you know... not that complicated. Shoulda been easy for me."

"Don't let it get you too down." I shrugged. "Everypony makes mistakes. Things happen."

"Yeah, but not like this," Azure said. "At least not to me."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I'm not supposed to. I'm the best. That's what they expect. I don't screw these things up, I get them right. I always do." There was an intensity in her voice that wasn't loud, but carried a dire seriousness.

I didn't know what to say. The silence for the next few seconds was uncomfortable.

Azure finally took a breath. "Sorry," she said. "I just... get... wound up too tight about this stuff, I guess."

"No. It's alright," I said. "There's a lot expected from you, being Twilight's personal student. That must be like getting trained to fly personally by the captain of the Wonderbolts. That's... that's intense."

"Everypony's always telling me how lucky I am," she said quietly. She looked down at her plate and picked carefully at her salad, finding that the spinach leaves suddenly demanded her concentration.

I focused on my own food for a little while.

"Just out of curiosity, what did happen, anyway?" I finally asked. I had the sense that it wasn't the best of subjects to prod at, but the fact is that I tend to be socially awkward sometimes, and I felt pressed to talk about something and couldn't think of a lot else at the moment. "Obviously I'm no unicorn, but I thought conjuring simple objects was supposed to be pretty easy stuff. Did you just get distracted at a bad time or something?"

Azure shook her head. "Conjuring simple objects, sure, I wouldn't have screwed up. Feathers aren't simple, though. They're organically grown biological constructs, and those tend to be very complex. They're not just one or a few solid pieces. They're thousands. Millions. Ever stopped to look at a feather and how complicated they actually are?"

She was right, of course. I know all about feathers and how they're made up - a hollow central shaft, with thousands of barbs branching off on opposite sides, and each barb with thousands of little hooked barbules and barbicels to hold everything in place in a flexible way. I just hadn't realized it made magic concerning them so challenging.

"Ordinary conjuration doesn't really work," she continued. "It would take too much energy and be way too hard. But there are tricks and special techniques that can get around problems like that sometimes. They're pretty advanced, but it's stuff I've done before. I thought I had it all figured out for what it would take to do something as tricky as feathers, and it actually did work, in the sense that some feathers were created. Something about part of the process backfired like crazy, though, and... it all got pretty out of control. You and everypony else saw what happened."

"Well, you'll figure it out," I said. It know I sounded kind of lame and generic without actually helping, but what's a pegasus supposed to say to a unicorn, especially one like Azure? Might as well have an earth pony giving flight tips to Wonderbolts.

"I... I'm not sure if this one is really meant for me," she said. She studied her salad again with a strange look on her face, appearing lost in thought.

I wasn't sure then what she meant, but nopony likes to be stuck thinking about failures and I thought she'd probably had enough of that particular topic, so I let it go and we moved on to other things.

Chapter 4

Ghost Lights

Chapter 4

In the quietest hours of my midnight shifts sometimes I come across a sight that, although long since familiar by now, has never really stopped having a certain kind of eerieness: the pale blue glow of Azure Sky's magic, emanating from her horn just brightly enough to light her way and gently bobbing up and down with her almost silent hoofsteps through the shadowy palace halls. It mingles with silvery moonlight coming in through the windows, making her seem ethereal, like a ghost.

Sometimes when I see that light I have the strangest feeling: the premonition of Azure as a princess herself, but something unlike any of the others, not one that takes after her teacher. I don't know why I see this. Maybe there's no real reason. Just my imagination being silly, I think.

They say the greatest mages are the most eccentric, creatures of odd habits and odd hours. Azure doesn't disappoint in perpetuating that image. When she was a filly her nighttime wanderings were rare and whenever me or any of the other guards found her, we would send her back to bed. As an adult they've become more common and we've gotten used to just letting her go about whatever it is she's up to. Usually it's nothing more than a late-night trip to the palace libraries or a raid on the kitchens to grab a midnight snack to fuel her studying, so nopony thinks much of it.

For the whole week of my midnight shift rotation after her feather explosion mishap, though, it seemed like she'd been up late more than ever. It was as if that became her routine. She hid in her room during the day, and she haunted the halls and the libraries at night, when everypony sleeps but the midnight shift guards.

During that week I often wished I knew what was going on with her.

One night I saw her coming back in from outside the palace, very late - so late that there was less than an hour left in the night before sunrise. I hadn't seen her leave, so it must have been before I was on shift. I asked her where she'd been and she said she'd gone to the palace shared by Luna and Celestia, to search for a few particularly uncommon books in the larger royal library there.

With what was going on, I wasn't too surprised to be called to Captain Dash's office one morning right at sunrise, just after my shift was relieved. I was expecting it to go something like the conversation I'd had with Princess Twilight. I'd be asked if I had some sort of insight into Azure's behavior and I wouldn't be able to provide any real answers because, as much as I wished I did, I really didn't know.

I was wrong.

I never would have guessed what it actually turned out to be.

Captain Dash's office has a window facing east, and the light of the rising sun shines in. That light was drenching the small room with the glowing promise of a fresh new day as we spoke that morning. That's always been one of my favorite things, that radiance of the new-rising sun, Celestia's gift to us all. I remember it meshing in Captain Dash's mane, shining from it with every color of the rainbow. I don't know why I remember that so vividly, but I do. Maybe it mostly has to do with the impact of what she asked me. These kinds of events tend to burn themselves into your mind.

I stood in front of Captain Dash's desk while she stood behind it. "Sorry to keep you here after your shift," she said. "I know you worked all night and you probably just want to go get some sleep, so I'm just gonna get right to the point here. There's been some... discussion... between Princess Twilight, myself, and her student. Things have been a little strange lately."

"I've noticed Azure's changes, if that's what you mean," I said. "Staying up all night, spending most days in her room alone. I've been wondering about it, but I don't really know what's up any more than anypony else. I've been worried about her, honestly."

"So have we." Captain Dash nodded. "I think we sort of brought things to a head yesterday, though. The three of us... Azure, Princess Twilight, and myself... finally had a sit-down and, uh... figured some things out. Not gonna go through all the gory details but something that came from it is that it's gotten pretty clear that Azure needs a change of pace. She's ready to spend some time working somewhere that's not here in the palace. We talked about it and worked out some ideas. The one Azure was most inclined toward is something nopony is probably more suited to help with than you."

"Me?" I asked curiously. "What would I be good for?"

"Would you be willing to do another tour on the Seawall?" Captain Dash asked me.

The Seawall.

The words rang in my ears suddenly like a roar than engulfs the world in silence. The question stunned like a hammer hitting me in the forehead.

I felt a small hit of adrenaline surge in me. My heart beat hard and I was breathing a little faster. I didn't really know what to say. Time felt like it froze, standing there in front of Captain Dash.

Was this real? Some voice of doubt in my mind was sure I hadn't heard those words right, that this couldn't be happening. It disbelieved and resisted, afraid to get worked up only to be let down, even as the more optimistic parts ignored it and started to buzz with an undertone of primal excitement even at just the hint of the place.

"You can say no," Dash told me eventually, looking a little disappointed by my silence. "Nopony would blame you. I know you've already done two tours and it can be a pretty tough thing to be stuck out there. If you don't want to do it again, that's entirely understandable."

"It's not that..." I spoke up quickly, eager to dispel her misconception. My voice was almost shaking. "I want to. I would definitely want to. It's just... if this is about Azure, should I be assuming she would also come?"

"Yes." Captain Dash nodded. "She would."

As charged as I'd suddenly felt, that thought raised questions that tempered me with some hesitance. "Does that really seem like such a great idea? And why the Seawall, of all things?" I asked. I was honestly very confused, and I admit a little suspicious, by the prospect of what was being suggested. "Why wouldn't she go somewhere else? Like... anywhere else still in civilization?"

"Believe it or not, the wall is her first choice," Captain Dash said. "She wants to do something to serve Equestria. I think it's kinda crazy to pick that way of doing it, but... It seems like her mind's made up."

"So she'd be the unicorn half of the team?" I asked.

"Right," Captain Dash said.

"How would she have the qualifications for that?" I asked. "She's not military. Is she really going to be alright out there and be able to do the job?"

"Yeah, I brought up those same doubts." Captain Dash shook her head. "But she made a pretty good argument. The two of you might actually be the ideal team, when you think about it. You're the right pegasus for the job, a strong flier that already has experience at the wall. Nopony would say she doesn't have the magic skills to do what's needed on the unicorn side. And yeah, technically it's a military posting, but it's low risk and non-combat. It doesn't exactly seem likely that she's gonna have to fight. She needs some of the basic training to get the minimum baseline military qualifications, but the next rotation out to the wall isn't for a couple months and until then we can send her to a kind of mini bootcamp with a Dawn's Hammer detachment just outside Canterlot. They oughta be able to work her up. It was a good enough plan to convince Princess Twilight to okay it, so it's good enough for me. I've learned to trust her judgment."

"Even still, I'm not sure if Azure knows what she's getting herself into," I said doubtfully.

"I don't think anypony can know exactly until they've done it themselves," Captain Dash said. "I sure wouldn't, and I don't know what she's expecting." She sighed and looked out the window briefly. "What I do know is that Azure's not really doing so good here lately. She's always been a hard-working student, but it seems like she's finally reached her limit and burned herself out, honestly. Princess Twilight is worried that she's out of balance and losing perspective. She needs some time away from everything, or at least away from here, to cool out, you know?"

"Six months out there alone on the wall is a bit more than just cooling off time," I said, "but if that's really what she wants, then yes, I'll go."

"Great!" Captain Dash said. "Princess Twilight'll pull the strings and you'll get the orders when the time comes. Thank you for doing this."

"Not a problem, Captain," I responded.

She dismissed me from her office and let me leave after that.

I walked home through the streets of Canterlot halfway in a daze. I think I was lucky just to not collide with any other ponies.

When I got to my apartment I was still having difficulty in getting what had happened to fully sink in. Usually I like to collapse into bed for a nap after I get home from a midnight shift, but I was too excited to rest. I stayed up for a while, slowly pacing around in aimless patterns, just thinking.

A mixture of feelings taking me by surprise was welling up inside me. A kind of deep longing, fitfully asleep for years, was reawakened by the call of finally having what seemed like a realistic chance of soon being fulfilled. This was mixed up with the anxiety of things that came along with it: changing my situation, anticipating the work of making arrangements to be gone for six months, and the possibility that maybe, even being the loner I am, I would truly miss some of the ponies around the palace.

These thoughts gradually gave way to just daydreaming about being there at the Seawall. I'd thought about it progressively less over the years I'd been here in Canterlot, never having too much of a practical reason to dwell on it, but now that it was my focus I found that time hadn't diminished my memories of it even a little.

I recalled the usually grey skies, overcast with the thick clouds that form from the humidity that rolls in off the warm waters of the ocean. On the inland side of the wall, I thought about the character of the land, the sandy rocky soil covered in short scrubby bushes and grasses with occasional stands of ragged windswept trees. There was the wall itself, the thousand meter stretch of stone and concrete forming a barrier from one high sheer coastal cliff face to another, constructed two thousand years ago to block off the only useful passage from the ocean to the inland. Then on the other side, there was the beach, sandy and beautiful.

That beach was where I'd found the seashell I still have from the first time I was there. Suddenly aching to see it, to hold it and hear it once again, I got it out from the small drawer where I've kept it for a long time carefully wrapped in a soft cloth to protect it.

I unwrapped it, and just stared at it for a while. In the mother-of-pearl rainbow shimmer of the shell matrix, I could see the light reflecting in gentle ripples off the water. In the barest phantom of a scent the shell still bore, I could recall the seaweed and the salt-spray lingering in the ocean breeze. I picked it up gently in my forehooves and held it slowly to my ear. In the faint stir of echoes the large shell forever resounds with in its spirals, I could hear the sound of the sea, the ever-present white noise of the rolling waves rushing forward and receding backward on the sand.

In that seashell song, I heard the emptiness and loneliness, the isolation and the distance from everything and everypony. It sang a sad but uplifting hymn of a mysterious land on the far edge of the world, and the distant ocean that meets it. It told of the empty, wild sky, and the solitude, and the silence, and all the freedom that awaited in that refuge.

The emotion in all of this was very intense, welling up in a warm feeling deep in my chest. Finally, it overpowered me. My eyes were suddenly stinging and watering with tears that broke over them, and I cried. I cried for many reasons. I cried for the reawakening of my longing for the sea. I cried for the rousing of those powerful memories of the place I love that still ebb and flow in me like the endless motion of the waves crashing on the beach. I cried with relief and thankfulness and amazement that the mercy of fate would let me see it again at last.

Most of all, I cried tears of joy because it was my happiest day in years.

I was going back to where I most belong in the world.

Chapter 5

Ghost Lights

Chapter 5

The next night, I still found myself with questions and I wanted to discuss what I'd been asked with Azure. I was still on the midnight shift. Even so, I suspected it wouldn't be too difficult to find her, given her recent nocturnal habits.

I don't like to disturb her or anypony else in the library, but I knew she'd be in there, and given the urgency of the issue I decided that interrupting her studying if I had to this time was justified. I found her there at around one in the morning, sitting at a small table and reading silently from a thick book by the light of a brilliant pale blue glow flaring from the end of her horn. The bright point of very slightly wavering light cast sharp, heavy shadows all through the room.

It was an eerie sight. Once again, I had a sense of the ethereal and unreal.

She was so engrossed in whatever book she was reading from that she didn't hear me enter the library. The thick carpeting muffled my hoofsteps, too, as I approached a little closer to her from behind. I finally stopped maybe twenty feet away and just watched her for a minute or two. The light from her horn held steady. There was no movement and no sound except the whisper-quiet rustle of her occasionally turning a page. It was a little bit hypnotic.

I couldn't just wait all night, though, so I finally knocked lightly with a forehoof on the bookshelf I was standing next to. She startled and her back stiffened at the sudden noise.

"Hey, Azure," I greeted her. She turned to look at me, the light from her horn still glowing and casting the library in magical light. After she turned away from her book, she lowered the intensity of the glow to something easier on the eyes, not so blinding.

"Hey yourself," she responded. "Captain Dash said she asked about it and you agreed. About the Seawall, I mean."

"Well, that's kinda something I thought we should talk about," I said.

"Yeah." She nodded. "I guess it is. I mean, I hope it wasn't too much to ask. You don't have to, you know. It was just... Princess Twilight and Captain Dash both insisted they wanted somepony experienced that they trust to go out there with me, if possible."

"It's nice to know they have such confidence in me," I said, "But... still..."

"But still what?" Azure asked.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry," I told her.

"About what?" Azure asked. "I don't think it'll be too bad. There's really nothing dangerous out there at the wall. I read a bunch of the summarized reports from over the years. It's been pretty much incident free."

"I know. It's not always what could hurt you from outside, though," I said. "Look, Azure. When you do a tour on the wall, you've got to understand just how alone you are out there. It doesn't go by quickly, either. It's six months. That's a long time to deal with that kind of isolation. It's a really tough thing for a lot of ponies."

"You did alright," Azure said. "You liked it! Twice!"

"Yeah, but I'm a weirdo!" I pointed out. We both grinned and laughed a little bit at that.

"And I'm not?" Azure asked pointedly, looking up at her horn, with a smile from her laughter still on her face.

"Different kind," I said, and shook my head.

"Maybe it's time I learned how to be more than one kind," Azure said.

"Nothing wrong with the kind you are," I assured her.

"This isn't the only thing I ever want to be, though," she said. "It's not all I ever want to do."

"Yeah, I get that," I told her. "Guess I wouldn't want to either. I can't help wondering, though. Why the Seawall? There's a million other things you could try."

She hesitated in answering me. "It's going to sound silly," she finally began. "You know that... letter... story thing... the journal entries you sent Princess Twilight about how you saw what was going on with her and Captain Dash? Well, I've read it. I mean, obviously I would have, it's kind of an important series of events. Anyway, though, the part that always fascinated me the most was the very first excerpt in it, where you wrote about what it was like to be at the Seawall. It sounded like nowhere I've ever heard of before. It's got this mystery... the kind of thing that you have to see for yourself to understand."

"I guess it kind of is," I sighed, unable to stop myself from agreeing.

"And also, I've never seen the beach. I've never seen the Western Ocean, or the wilderness, or even really been outside the city of Canterlot longer than a day or two at a time. It's like, there's this whole world, and I've been sealed in here," she said. "What you wrote... made me want to see it the way you have. I must have read it a thousand times, trying to capture that sense of what it's like. I have to know."

"Well, you're gonna know what it's like to eat grass for every meal," I joked. "Other than that, no guarantees. I think every pony who goes finds something different out there. Some of them really hate it."

"What could be out there to hate?" Azure asked.

"Yourself," I told her. If the answer seemed like it surprised her, I think it surprised me even more. I said it instantly and without thinking. It was one of those times when something buried deep in a pony's brain suddenly blurts out a more perfect answer than they could have come up with by any amount of conscious effort.

She thought about that for a long moment. "I understand," she finally said, quietly.

"No, you don't yet," I said. "But you will before we get home."

"You make it sound so ominous," she complained.

"I guess it's kind of what I'm going for," I admitted.

"Well, stop it," she chided me. "My mind's made up. Not that I don't appreciate you looking out for me."

"Hey, what are guards for?" I asked. "I just want to be sure that you're sure about this."

"Well, I am," she told me. It was a very confident, matter-of-fact statement. I couldn't counter it with anything else. That was the kind of certainty I was looking for to make me feel better, I suppose.

"Alright," I finally said. "Well... I guess those lonely dark halls aren't going to patrol themselves all night. I'd better get back out there."

"Right," Azure nodded. "I'll probably be in here a while, if you want to talk some more or anything. Guess you probably could have figured that out, though."

"I have kind of been wondering, do you ever sleep these days?" I asked.

"I take naps, here and there." She shrugged. "For some reason it's just been hard for me to sleep for any one long block of time like a normal pony, I guess."

"Try not to wear yourself out too badly," I told her, before I left the library to get back to my more usual routine of guarding over the palace through the dead of the night. Absolutely nothing more happened on that shift, as expected. Have I mentioned that sometimes this job gets a little dull?

Despite the nighttime conversation I had with Azure, I think the fact that this trip to the Seawall was really happening didn't actually sink in until about two days later. That was when Azure abruptly disappeared from the palace. Captain Dash informed me and the rest of the guard that she'd been sent out for training with some of the Dawn's Hammer, as had been planned. She would be gone for about the next two months, until a few days before it was time to leave on the long journey out to the wall.

It struck me more strongly when she left to train because actions speak louder than words. She'd followed through and really done it, taken that first step. Now I knew that she was really serious.

Accordingly, that's when my anxiety really kicked in.

The palace felt emptier without her. Business went on as usual, the hustle and bustle during the day of ponies in and out of Twilight's court. That much didn't change. Azure had very little to do with the princess's official functions or administration, truthfully she was more of a lurking presence that just stayed out of the way most of the time.

That didn't stop us the least bit from missing her.

It was... quiet. She was always quiet anyway, but there's still that background noise when somepony is around. Their life, their presence, has that particular kind of feel to it. That was gone. When Azure departed, she took that essence of herself with her. I could walk by her room and just know it was dark and empty and silent as a tomb in there. Nopony ever went in. The door stayed locked and undisturbed for the whole two months.

I felt particularly bad for Princess Twilight. She has so few ponies she can really just talk to in a personal way, thanks to the demands and social distance of her position, and she was very close to her student. After Azure left, a lot of the time the princess's mood seemed sullen and chilled. In her personal time, after business finished up for the day in the court, sometimes she looked bored without any instruction or teaching to do. Captain Dash was there for her to offer comfort, which I think helped. I observed them spending more time together and getting more cuddly with each other than they had in a long time. There was a lot of public display of affection and they didn't seem to care who noticed. Nonetheless, she was still sometimes listless and walked through the palace in an unhappy and lonely way that reminded me of something I hadn't seen since those early days in my first guard tour, before she and Captain Dash had acknowledged their feelings about one another.

I tried to think about what it must be like. She'd lost a close friend. That was easy for me to understand. Azure was my friend, too. More than that, though, it was like her own foal had gone away. Azure had lived here for years. She'd grown up under the Princess's watchful eye, following her, learning at her side. I've never raised anything. I've never even really had a pet. I have a houseplant that lives on the window-sill in my apartment, but the extent of our interaction is that I water the soil in her pot and leave her in a good spot to soak up the sunlight, and sometimes in the spring she thanks me with a few purple flowers. Not exactly the same thing, is it?

All fillies and colts have to grow up into mares and stallions at some point. I don't think anypony would deny that with her talent, Azure was always on course to become something extraordinary, and that was going to mean she wouldn't be a mere student forever. Her venturing out into the world had to be faced sometime. It could have been in a different way, though, maybe at a different pace. It could have been something here in Canterlot, where she'd be able to visit the princess and the bonds of their relationship wouldn't be stretched and pulled apart so far and so suddenly.

Am I taking her away from the place she should really be, and from the ponies who could actually use her, to go on a glorified camping trip at an ancient curio in the middle of nowhere? Have I misled her? Is she making a mistake, and is it because of what I wrote?

I couldn't stop asking myself these kinds of questions.

The guilt I experienced about that made me feel pretty bad at times. It seemed like my fault that Azure was gone for two months at a Dawn's Hammer bootcamp, and it seemed like fate was only rubbing it in with the fact that after that, I'd get her back - indeed, I'd have her all to myself - for the next six months out at the wall while Princess Twilight would have to endure that half a year probably without so much as being able to get a letter from her.

Some days, I wished I'd never described the Seawall as I had. I wished I'd never expressed what it meant to me in a way that another pony could find alluring or appealing, because the reality was that to most ponies, a place like that was anything but. It was considered a difficult deployment for a good reason, and those six months were not something ponies who got the assignment generally looked forward to.

How did I trick Azure into thinking that it was a good idea?

I didn't mean to.

In those times when I saw Princess Twilight looking so sad, I kicked myself and wished I'd never included that stupid first excerpt.

Chapter 6

Ghost Lights

Chapter 6

Orders for deployment at the Seawall came through after about six weeks of Azure being absent, which was pretty well in line with the expected timeframe. I suppose that was really the last nail in the coffin of any questions about whether this would happen or not. At that point, nothing would stop it. It was exciting and a little more nerve-wracking at the same time.

There were, of course, some arrangements to be made for being gone. After I discussed the upcoming situation with my landlord, she agreed to give me half price on the rent for the six months I'd be away from my apartment, since I would basically just be storing my things there. It was a good deal, considering both the fact that all told it ended up being almost the same price I would have had to pay to move and store everything, and it saved me all the inconvenience and work of moving out, putting my stuff in storage, canceling my lease, and having to find a new apartment after I returned.

I don't have a lot of entanglements or commitments that are hard to walk out of, really, so everything was pretty easily handled with plenty of time to spare. The only accommodation that could have been tricky was such a small thing it actually made me laugh at how miniscule it seemed: finding somepony to take care of my plant. Fortunately, I knew exactly who to go to for that.

Bright Bloom is the earth pony friend of mine who runs a small flowershop on a Canterlot street corner not too far from Princess Twilight's palace. It's the same one where I'd bought the perfect roses I left for Captain Dash to give to Princess Twilight years ago, and she was the pony who'd found them for me. She'd been there ever since, her and the rainbow assortment of all the flowers that she sells, especially roses. I stop there sometimes, usually after the end of a shift or on a day off when I'm walking around the city with nothing much else in mind to do, and we talk about all sorts of things.

I think she's a bit of a solitary creature, like myself. She seems to like it when I come by, though. Maybe that's just because so few other ponies take the time to ever have a conversation with a flower vendor on a street-corner.

Once I'd gotten the deployment orders, I asked if she could help me out. She agreed to plant-sit for me, so I brought my plant to her in the morning shortly after she'd opened her little shop. She's a morning pony, always bright-eyed and ready to go. A lot of earth ponies seem to be like that. It must be a farmer thing. That day was no exception. Even at a distance I recognized her with her pale pink coat and deeper pink mane and tail, well groomed and curled at the ends into gentle bobs, moving around back and forth in the stand arranging displays of flowers.

I walked over and greeted her. "Good morning, Bright."

She looked up with a smile. "How's it going, Sunburst?"

"Pretty good," I answered her. I put my plant down on the counter. "I brought that plant I told you about. Here she is."

Her jade green eyes, the color a perfect complement to her pink coat and mane, were clear and shining as she looked at me and then my plant. I've always thought she has some of the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. I've never told her that. I'm not sure why. It just feels like maybe it might get weird somehow. I don't know. To tell the truth, I think it's mostly that I'm just too nervous to bring myself to. For some reason I can't explain, I feel a strange sense of discomfort about acknowledging feeling an attraction to another pony, so I tend to bury it. I know I shouldn't, it would be better if I could just say these things. I don't know what else to do, though. Sometimes... sometimes it makes me feel very awkward. I usually just push through it and move on as best I can.

"Oh! Interesting," Bright Bloom said. "Looks like an Equestrian Violet, I think."

"I think she is," I agreed. "The flowers are always purple, at least."

"That'd be it, then. Well, those are pretty much as simple as can be to take care of," she said. "Won't be any trouble at all."

"Been easy enough so far." I nodded in agreement. "All I ever do is water her and give her sun and she seems to do just fine on her own otherwise."

"Heh. Well, many pegasi wouldn't even do that much," Bright Bloom said. "So I guess you're alright."

"It was actually a gift from my mom," I told her. "She said a pony should always have something green where they live, so she gave me this."

"She sounds like a very uncommon pegasus," Bright Bloom commented.

"Guess you could say that," I said, without elaborating any further.

Silence settled in for a long moment, but a comfortable kind. I looked around Bright Bloom's stand and admired the multitudes of colors of roses she has. For a long time they've been my favorite flowers, and I always find them captivating.

"You know, uh... I notice you like to call your violet a her. I kinda hate to tell you this, but..." Bright Bloom looked sheepish, examining the plant and the pot she was in. "I'm pretty sure that in reality, 'she' is actually a hermaphrodite."

"Yeah, that figures. I've read that a lot of plants are," I shrugged. "But she's always just felt like a she to me for some reason. I guess it's just a habit I got into, and it's not like she has a tail I can peek under to make sure, so I just went with it."

"Well, on the plus side, whether you say he or she, you're still half right either way," Bright Bloom pointed out and smiled at me.

I smiled back a little bit, thinking about my plant. All this time and I'd never really given a thought to what she, he, whatever, actually is. I'd just gone with my own assumptions, and I thought about her according to those assumptions. It was funny and poignant in a way that made me pause, how something I spent so much time around was really something else inside, something completely different than what most ponies saw.

I suppose a pony sees things through the lens of her own experiences. Another perspective, another way of being, is always alien until she's walked in those horseshoes herself for a while. To be a hermaphrodite, both a boy and a girl at the same time, instead of just one or the other? No way could I ever imagine that. Just being female is enough for me, and most times it seems like I can't even be bothered to really be much of that.

I found a new respect for my potted little friend that day.

With that, I told my little Equestrian Violet that I would miss her, and left her committed to Bright Bloom's care. It calmed and reassured me to know that she was in good hooves.

In times that were to come, I would often find myself thinking back to this morning and pondering this feeling of realization about appreciating that other perspectives are so different and that sometimes we have to realize that the inability to fully understand them is something that limits ourselves.

Azure Sky came home with three days to spare before it was time to leave on the journey out to the Seawall. That seemed like just enough time to taunt Princess Twilight with a taste of getting back her student before she would be whisked away again to an even longer absence. It must have been torture. I wish there could have been an easier way.

The Dawn's Hammer detachment had worked and trained Azure as promised. She came back a little bit more fit and muscular looking, but it wasn't drastic, only a slight difference. Much more significant was that now she knew some basic military procedure and what would be expected of her in her role as the unicorn component of the Seawall team, and that she would have built up the endurance to be alright on the long walk out there.

Most of her first day home was spent resting. In marked contrast to the wakefulness she'd had before, she spent a long time sleeping. I can't exactly say I blame her. I remember when I went through basic training. Dawn's Hammer is considered the most elite corps of unicorn paladins, too, so it was probably even tougher on her. She deserved a break.

On the second day, having recovered a bit, she asked me for advice about what to pack for the trip.

"Remember that anything you want out there, you'll have to bring yourself and deal with carrying on your back the whole way," I told her. "It pays to choose pretty carefully and not load yourself down too badly."

Some items aren't really optional. A good blanket is a must-have. A chainmail armor shirt is required, even if not really expected to be worn out there, since this is a military posting. Being a flight scout, out of habit I also took two pairs of goggles and the standard grey colored light cloth flightsuit. Other than those clothes, the most important things I brought were a knife, a small whetstone, a first aid kit, and matches in a waterproof box. There were also a few other special-purpose odds and ends I thought would be worth it, such as an empty journal book and a couple bottles of ink, among other items.

I wasn't sure exactly what Azure packed, though I trusted her to be smart enough to bring all the important stuff I suggested she probably should. Whatever personal things she felt like bringing were her business so I didn't ask.

After we were done gathering up equipment and packing it up to get ready to go, Captain Dash accosted me and Azure that night after the sun went down. "Hey, you two," she said. "C'mon. We're going out into Canterlot. The three of us. All you can drink is on me tonight." She was off duty now, not wearing any armor, and she looked ready to have fun.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Azure asked.

"Oh, it's not a good idea..." Dash grinned. "It's a great idea! Old pegasus partying wisdom. You still have one more day, right? So we'll go out tonight, you can sleep it off and recover tomorrow, get a good night's sleep tomorrow night, and be nice and fresh for the next morning after that when it's time to move out."

"Hmm..." Azure pondered. She finally shrugged and assented to the plan. "Well... alright, I'm sold."

I can't say I really wanted to, but I didn't try to get out of it. As much as I don't usually like potentially ending up in loud, cramped social situations like bars, it didn't seem like there'd be any harm, and I didn't want to refuse Captain Dash trying to do one last thing for us before we had to disappear into the wild. Besides, she was pretty insistent. I didn't think 'no' was something she was going to take for an answer. She also rounded up three or four of the guards who'd just gotten off the afternoon shift and invited them to come with, too, which helped. These things are... never exactly easy for me, but not as intimidating if there's at least some familiar faces around.

We all walked out there as a group, to a bar called Ponyfeathers, with a mostly pegasus crowd. It honestly sort of surprised me that a pegasus bar could even be found in a mostly unicorn city like Canterlot, but leave it to Captain Rainbow Dash. I remember the first drink I had, a cocktail made with amaretto and orange juice. I guess it seemed fitting, since it was called a sun kiss and the bright yellow color of the drink pretty closely matched that of my coat. "A sun kiss for a Sunburst," Dash noted. "Yeah, that makes sense."

I have to confess, I'm a lightweight. I don't usually drink so I've never developed a tolerance to it. Combined with having the light build of a pegasus, it doesn't take much alcohol at all for me to really feel it. One decent sized shot is enough to make me pleasantly good and tipsy, which is usually about as far as I prefer to go.

No way was Captain Rainbow Dash going to let me get away with only having one, though.

Parts of that night are blurry, I can say that much for sure.

I was drinking mostly sweet cocktails, made with rum and fruit juice and things like that. I like sugar. Once I'd had a few and I was really feeling it, time seemed to work in a weird, pliable kind of way. Seconds seemed to drift by at a leisurely pace, one by one, individually, taking a while. The night as a whole, though, passed by in a way that retrospectively felt very fast.

I didn't get so drunk I couldn't remember what happened, but the exact sequence of events was a bit hard to piece together in what I could be sure is a completely accurate order. At one point I saw Azure using her magic to juggle several empty glass cider mugs at once, dancing them through the air in a complicated pattern while a number of other ponies circled around and watched the spectacle. At occasional intervals a pony would toss another mug into the air, which she would catch expertly and add to the parade of floating glassware. When she finally got tired of it, she ended the performance by stacking all of them on a table in a large pyramid, and basking for a few seconds in the cheers of her audience. She finished with a bow, then surprised everypony by teleporting herself to the bar for another drink.

At another point, Rainbow Dash told me to gulp down what was left of the drink I was working on, and then pulled me out toward the middle of the floor, where ponies were dancing.

"I... uh... I don't know how," I protested. I was just aware of myself enough to know I was well-intoxicated and I wouldn't be coordinated, which made me feel even more self-conscious than usual, even through all the alcohol.

"Ugh. Don't worry about that. Nopony actually knows what they're doing out there," Dash reassured me. "Just... I dunno. Keep your hooves moving and shake your flank. Nothin' to it."

I tried it, mimicking what I saw other ponies doing as best I could, though I never really got past feeling awkward. Rainbow Dash danced with me for a while, and she looked like she was having fun, at least, so I guess I didn't feel too bad. Eventually I got hot and sweaty and tired, so I dropped out to take a rest and drink some ice water.

Rainbow Dash also pulled Azure away from her magician's antics and made her dance, too. Despite how many drinks I knew she'd had, she still seemed pretty graceful, quite in control of herself. Apparently her liquor hadn't affected her very much.

At the end of the night I remember the walk back the palace, navigating the Canterlot streets on slightly unsteady hooves. The horizon seemed to tilt a little at funny angles. When we got back, Rainbow Dash had me and Azure both drink a large glass of water. "It'll help you not be so hung over," she said. Immediately after that, Dash led me to an empty palace guest room she said I could use, where I collapsed onto a comfortable bed and easily fell into a sound sleep.

Chapter 7

Ghost Lights

Chapter 7

I was passed out until late the next morning, unsurprisingly. That was helped by the fact that I was in a room that only had windows in the north-facing wall, so direct sunlight didn't make it inside. My head hurt a little bit, but it was nothing that really bothered me. Drinking plenty of water had kept it from getting too bad, and I think I slept through the worst of it anyway. By the time I was really up I was mostly just thirsty, which was an easy enough problem to solve.

When I finally emerged from the guestroom I'd crashed in, I felt like I should be a little embarrassed. Sleeping it off in the palace after a wild night is something I'd never done before. For that matter, I never even have wild nights, period. If anypony thought anything of it, though, they didn't show it. The other guards didn't even give me a second glance as I walked through the halls with my eyelids still feeling a bit heavy. I'm pretty sure word got around and they knew what kind of partying we'd done, so this was probably not unexpected.

I headed toward the kitchen to see if there was anything left over from breakfast that I could beg off the food service staff. Azure Sky found me before I got there. She seemed wide awake and active, not hung over at all.

"Good morning," she said cheerfully.

"Good morning." I nodded back. I was... less energetic.

"Hey, you must be hungry. Let's grab a late breakfast... really early lunch... whatever. It's a nice day. We can eat out in the gardens," she suggested.

It suddenly seemed as if she felt obligated for some reason to treat me like a guest and keep me company. "Oh... no, don't worry about me," I told her. "This is your last day here. You should be spending time with Princess Twilight. Say your goodbyes. It's gonna be a while before you can see her again."

"Can't right now. Court. Business to take care of. She'll be busy for most of the day." Azure rolled her eyes a little.

We made our way to the kitchens, and grabbed a little bit of whatever was conveniently available. Most of it ended up getting eaten while we were still on our way outside, before we'd ever even reached the garden, but it was still worth going out there. Azure was right. It was a really nice day, and hanging out in the fresh air and quiet of the secluded palace gardens was a pleasant contrast to the loud partying I'd been in the middle of a few hours ago.

The clear sunlight helped lift the last of the haze from my head and fully wake me up. Faint chirps of bird songs and a subtle perfume scent from the flowers, slight but sweet, drifted in the air.

The two of us sat there together quietly. I couldn't think of anything to talk about, which became a little awkward. Without really thinking I reflexively did what many pegasi do to preoccupy themselves and alleviate tension in these situations, and started preening. I realized when I did how much I needed it, actually, since my feathers were ruffled from partying and sleeping and I hadn't done any grooming yet that morning. I can't stand leaving my wings in a messy state. It grates at me on a primal, instinctive level if they're not pristine.

I ran my teeth like a comb down each feather methodically, one by one, carefully straightening them all out. The feeling was calming and soothing. Preening is... well, difficult to compare to anything else, really. It's a source of comfort, a source of pleasure. It's highly ritualized. Every pegasus develops their own routine with their own preferred style and pattern. I'm not sure how to express to earth ponies and unicorns just how relaxing and soothing and, honestly, basically essential to pegasus sanity this is.

It's even better if a pegasus is lucky enough to have a preening buddy around to help. The bond of trust and sense of intimacy with another pony doesn't get much closer than that. It's very sensual and very satisfying. That's not to say it's only done between lovers or special someponies, though. Some cheap romance novels and the like may try to promote misconceptions and make it sound like it's always erotic, but it doesn't necessarily have to be. Lots of completely platonic friends have been known to preen each other.

Anyway, obviously I was working on my own at the moment. I continued for several minutes, losing myself a little in the rhythmic process of combing and working over one feather after another, that sense of being 'in the zone'. Eventually, though, the unbroken quiet got to me even despite that. Azure was there with me but she hadn't said anything since I started. I began to have a strange feeling somehow, as if I could feel her curious eyes on me while I groomed.

Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. I looked up from preening, suddenly feeling very self-conscious about it. Azure had indeed been watching me. We looked at each other for a blank second, then she broke her gaze and turned away slightly. A small hint of an embarrassed blush formed in her cheeks.

"Well, don't stop on my account," she said. "Sorry. I... didn't mean to stare..."

"Nah, it's alright." I shrugged casually. I looked away from her, fixing my gaze on a convenient nearby rose instead. It was a yellow one - the color of rose that means friendship, I recognized idly. Bright Bloom had explained to me all the meanings of all the various colors of roses she sells, bit by bit over time as they happened to come up in conversation. I always remembered them all. They're interesting. She's interesting.

"It's just... I don't know why, but it's kinda fascinating," Azure said. "I don't actually get to see pegasi preening that often. I guess I've just always wondered what it's like, having wings and feathers, you know?"

"It's like having a couple of extra things growing out of your back that are covered in stuff that has to be constantly cleaned and kept in impeccable order," I told her.

"Yes, of course, those poor pegasi," she said with friendly sarcasm. "The ability to fly must be such a burden."

"Oh, yeah, it's a tough life." I nodded. "But somehow we manage to overcome all that adversity and survive through our sheer undeniable awesomeness. Or at least that's the official story we give the unicorns and earth ponies."

"Spoken just like Captain Dash," Azure commented.

"Well, like I said, that's our official story, and I'm sticking to it," I told her. "Now, if you'll excuse me..."

I dove back into working on my plumage to finish up my morning preening. "Besides," I said through a mouthful of feathers, with my face buried in my wing, "what's it like having a horn?"

"Oh, you know..." Azure thought for a second. "It's like having a big pointy thing growing out of your face. Makes you look funny, sometimes it bumps into stuff... and you have to be careful not to stab other ponies if you ever try to give them a kiss. Seriously, one false move and this thing could put an eye out."

"Aww, sounds rough," I said with mock sympathy.

"It's pretty awful," Azure affirmed. "I tell you, earth ponies don't know how good they have it without all this silly extra stuff attached to them."

I continued rifling through one feather after another. One of them I came across had a lot of play in it, a familiar feeling of loosening up that I knew meant it was getting to be about time to make way for a replacement. I gave it a gentle tug to test how close it was, and it popped out painlessly. It was a pretty decent-sized flight primary, perfect material for a writing implement.

I held it in my teeth and raised my head out of my wing to face Azure. "Hey, I found a present for you," I said, and blew the feather towards her. It drifted and spiraled in the air for a couple seconds, glowing golden yellow in the sun, until she caught it in the pale blue glow of her magic and pulled it over to herself.

She examined it briefly. "Thanks." She nodded with a pleased look. "I can always use more quills."

It's sort of interesting to me that unicorn magicians, the ponies who go through the most pens and quills, can't themselves grow the feathers they need to make them. It's the pegasi, the ponies considered most prone to wildness and being ruled by emotion and impulse rather than rationality, who supply one of the most essential tools of the learned disciplines of magic and science.

I suppose it goes to show how interconnected we all really are.

Saving my dropped feathers for Azure is something I don't mind doing, anyway. They would just be headed for the trash can if somepony didn't have a new purpose to put them to once their flight days are over. It makes me feel a certain sense of pride to see some of my plumes sticking out of the glass jar on her desk that always has a large collection of quills waiting for her.

Out of convenience, I ended up hanging out at the palace that day, even though I was off duty and didn't have a guard shift to work. There was just no particular reason to go back to my apartment. I'd already cleaned up, locked up, and left everything in a state where it would be fine for the next six months. All the gear I'd packed for the Seawall was still there in the palace waiting for me to grab it and head out. Going back and forth again would have just been a wasted trip, so I was invited, by Princess Twilight herself, to stay and use the same guestroom again for the night. I gladly accepted.

Since I was there as a guest, she also invited me to dinner. As is normal for the palace, it was served just before sunset. It was interesting. I've seen Princess Twilight eating many times, in the course of guarding her, but in all the years before that point, I'd never actually sat down and eaten a meal with her. I wondered and worried about if it this was appropriate even now, but I reasoned with myself that technically I'd been issued orders to a new posting at the Seawall, so for the time being I wasn't actually one of her guards.

The palace has a large formal dining hall, but Princess Twilight only uses it for official state meals when she has to deal with a special event or with somepony particularly important. I think she really kind of dislikes it. It's big and luxurious, but in a way that just makes it colder and more impersonal.

Instead, we were in a smaller and more modest room and at a less imposing table that was much plainer and more casual. I mean that in a relative sense. Everything was high quality, fitting for a princess and probably much more expensive than the average pony would have at home, just not adorned with the large hall's kind of over-the-top grandiosity that oppressed the atmosphere with the weight of formality.

The sense of closeness was also helped by only four of us being at that meal: Princess Twilight, myself, Captain Dash, and Azure Sky. I was a little surprised but not surprised at the same time. I'd sort of expected there to be at least a few more ponies dining with the princess, maybe nobles or high-level administrators or officers with business there to work through. On the other hoof, taking the time out just for Azure and myself on the eve of our departure is exactly the kind of thing Princess Twilight would do for ponies that matter to her. That made me feel pretty special, though I knew that in truth it was probably mostly for Azure.

The meal started with vegetable soup and garden salad. All of us at the table were for the most part quiet during this first course, with everypony focused on the food.

The main dish included carrots steamed expertly to a perfect state where they were still firm and not mushy, but soft enough to no longer have a hard crunch, and drizzled with a light honey glaze. I think they were seasoned with ginger and cardamom. They were delicious, whatever it was.

"I asked for the chef's amazing glazed carrots to be made especially for you," Princess Twilight said to Azure. She smiled at her student. "I know they're your favorite. I wanted you to be able to have them one last time before you go."

"Thank you very much, Princess," Azure responded. "They're very good." Her voice was quiet and she only just barely looked up from her plate. She hadn't eaten very many.

Over the next minute or two, silence fell like a shroud, a thin cloth sheet descending slowly and softly but covering the whole room beneath it.

Captain Dash glanced quickly, pensively, between Azure and Princess Twilight. She returned her eyes to her own plate and focused on the business of eating dinner.

I started to feel uneasy.

This went on for a few more minutes, until finally Princess Twilight gently cleared her throat, and spoke. "So..." she began, "Sunburst... what kinds of wildlife do you usually expect to see at the wall?"

I quickly swallowed the bit of carrot I was chewing. "Well, Princess... as far as I've ever encountered, there aren't many large mammals. It's mostly rodents, or rabbits, and maybe the occasional fox, but nothing bigger. There's birds, though, especially seabirds. Along the beach there's usually sea life - shellfish, seaweed, starfish. Whatever the waves wash up onto the sand and rocks," I told her.

There was more silence.

"That sounds... uh... interesting." Captain Dash tried to fill the void.

"Oh, it... it is," I responded. "I've seen some, uh... real oddities, in the tide-pools and things like that. Yes. It's an interesting place."

For a moment, I felt unbelievably lame. I returned to eating the carrots I'd been served. That stilted silence took over again, holding the room in its grip. Nopony could seem to break it, however hard they tried. I was pretty glad, honestly, when that meal was over. By then, the sun had set completely and it was about time to try to get some sleep, because tomorrow would start very, very early.

Chapter 9

Ghost Lights

Chapter 9

I woke up at sunrise the next morning. Azure woke up shortly after I did, mostly because I didn't give her a choice. I'm sure she'd have liked to sleep in but I shook her insistently enough to make it clear that this was not an option. I relented a little bit once she was up, though, and and spared her enough time to make a cup of coffee using a coffeemaker that the hotel had supplied with the room. After that, we got our things together, checked out, and quickly ate breakfast at the same restaurant we'd had dinner. The ponies working there were very surprised that we were there so early, and I think they actually had to open before their usual hours to accomodate us. Azure left them a big tip for the trouble, and we started walking again.

This little town we'd stumbled into was on the outer edges of the Equestrian heartland of settled and well-tamed farm country. As we continued northwest from there, it could be seen that a few ponies lived in the more remote areas beyond, carving out little farms and cottages here and there, but the roads became less distinct and the settlements became fewer and further between with more forests and wild lands separating them. Once again, around mid-morning we stopped to eat a little bit from the grasses of an open meadow to keep up our energy for traveling.

We found and followed what looked like a little cart trail of two dusty parallel dirt tracks worn into the ground that led northwest. Around the middle of the day it took us down into a valley between two highland areas where there was an interesting sight - the ruins from part of an old aqueduct.

It was only a fairly short section that was left. Most of it seemed to have fallen apart (or been deliberately taken apart to recycle the stone, more likely) over the centuries. I flew up to get a better look at it for a moment. The conduit for the waterway was on top, supported by arches made of stone blocks. The bridgework was built so that the water could pass over the valley we were walking through, and continue on the other side of the higher land beyond. Presumably once the duct reached ground level on the other side, it would transition to underground pipeworks instead of an open-air waterway. As we passed between the arches, I recognized the origins of the style, in the massive constructs of precisely cut rock held together with thick, strong cement.

"It's old unicorn empire," Azure said out loud, confirming what I already knew. "Wow... I've read about these ducts they used to build... It never really hit me that they were so big, though!" She stared up at the massive scale of it, looking a little awestruck.

"It's impressive, isn't it?" I asked. "That ancient ponies could build something like this?"

"Sort of an unfortunate thing that they had to," Azure said.

"I guess things were different back then," I agreed. "I suppose they were just trying to get out from under the hooves of being dependent on the pegasus empire for rainwater."

"Yeah," Azure agreed. "You can tell the pegasi didn't like giving up control, either." She pointed to the side of one of the arch supports, where a thin vertical groove ran up the side of the stone all the way from the ground to the very top. There were others like it at intervals all down the length of the aqueduct. "Somepony probably scavenged the metal centuries ago, but those were for lightning rods. Looks like the unicorns expected the pegasi to try and knock out the duct with a lightning attack at some point."

"Heh. Aren't you glad I'm not pirating and hoarding rainclouds and making you pay up for water?" I asked.

"Eh..." Azure shrugged. "You don't really seem the type."

"I don't know..." I said. "I've done some cloud pushing. It was a part-time job in high school before I joined the army. If I'd gone a different way in a different time, I could have ended up on a crew maurauding the skies and holding the rain hostage."

"I think the weather service frowns on using those cloud-wrangling skills for cut-throat extortion these days, though," Azure said.

"Probably." I nodded. "I never tried it. I do know that the earth pony farmers got pretty upset whenever we were late with their rain deliveries, though. I can only imagine what the reaction would be like if they were getting squeezed for half their crop in order to make sure the rain kept coming."

"Bad day for them, I guess. Then it'd get worse, because the unicorns would probably take the other half for making the sun rise and set on time," Azure added.

"I'm kind of amazed there's any earth ponies left, when you think about the history from before Equestria," I said.

"Well, there's always grass," Azure said. "Nopony can really take that away, at least. Speaking of..."

With that thought, we took a quick break for lunch, grazing on the vegetation of the valley in the shadow of the aqueduct overhead. We didn't really discuss old history anymore beyond that. After we were done eating, we moved on and left the old ruins behind in our continual push northwest.

On our third day out, I found a landmark that was familiar to me from the first two times I'd made this journey in years past. It was an ancient henge of standing stones in the middle of an otherwise clear grassy field. There were sixteen upright rectangular shaped stone blocks, arranged to form a circle about twenty meters wide.

It was a sight I was glad to see, since it meant that I knew about how far along we were. Finding it on the morning of day three meant that we were easily on track to reaching the Seawall on time - maybe even a little ahead, with a bit of luck.

Azure found it interesting as well. We stopped for a few minutes to look around, during which she did something with her horn. It glowed briefly, but there was no other apparent effect. "Nope. These weren't used for magic," she said while she assessed the old rocks.

"Why? Could they have been?" I asked.

"Well, from what we know, these kinds of stone rings are originally earth pony construction," Azure said. "So usually they wouldn't be. They were originally just solar calendars used by farmers for telling when the solstices and equinoxes happened by the placement and angles of the shadows they cast. But they haven't been needed for thousands of years, so they were abandoned and sometimes groups of unicorns who came along later reused them as convenient magical focus points for casting spells that take a lot of energy. They're well grounded and the mass of the rocks can soak up and hold a lot of energy. They used them like big capacitors."

"But not this one?"

"Nope. Not as far as I can tell." She shook her head. "There's no... you know... residue left behind in it. No signature."

"I guess I wouldn't really know," I pointed out.

Azure slowly walked in a circle around the stones, looking briefly at each one. I flew up to the top of one and perched on it. The surface was cut to a precise horizontal flatness, though now it was slightly rough under my hooves, worn with age and encrusted in patches with thin growths of lichens that were whitish-grey, green, and orange over the darker base color of the rock.

Something about that place was comforting in an unexpected way. The way these stones had been here for thousands of years unchanging seemed serene and stable. There was also the surrounding area, a flat open field in which any approach was visible for a very long distance. It made me feel safe, appealing to my primal herd animal instinct as a horse to be somewhere that nothing can easily sneak up on me. There was restful quietness there, no worries and no fears. Even the mystery of it, the enigma of questions like what ponies put up these stones so many thousands of years ago and how did they manage to do it, had a kind of charm and fascination that imbued the whole location.

Because of this, we ended up lingering there a little bit longer than I'd planned, but there was no harm done since we were still slightly ahead of schedule anyway. It was nice to have a break and recharge a little bit while we could. Finally, though, we had to keep moving on. There was still a very long way to go.

From the henge of stones, I led us due north for a short distance. Another useful thing about this landmark was that I knew that just a little way in that direction we'd find an old flatstone-paved road left from the era when the unicorns had controlled this land. I'd used it the previous two times I'd come out here, because I'd discovered that it led away northwest towards where we were going. If we followed it, it would take us a good part of the rest of the way toward the Seawall without much effort.

I found the road I was looking for easily enough. It was in bad condition from not having been used much in almost a thousand years, with the paving stones nearly buried with age in the ever-engulfing dirt and with all kinds of plants and grasses growing in the gaps between them, but it provided a reasonably straight and level path to follow with no trees or other obstacles in the way and no risk of getting seriously lost, so it was still very helpful.

Would the unicorns who'd built this road, probably to expedite their military movements and protect their borders against the other races, have ever imagined that a pegasus would be traveling it more than a thousand years later with a unicorn friend? I thought about that often while we spent the rest of that day, and the next couple of days afterward, walking on it.

Chapter 10

Ghost Lights

Chapter 10

It was in the afternoon on the fifth day of our journey that we came to the end of the old unicorn road we were using. I'm sure that at one point it led to something significant, maybe a town or a military outpost, but whatever that was, it had long ago been lost to the sands of time and now the road just sort of fades out. The paving stones become less and less frequent over a stretch of about a hundred meters and finally they simply disappear altogether, and the pathless wilderness takes over completely.

When I say wilderness, I really mean that, too. Where we were by now was far outside the bounds of Equestria. Those bounds are fuzzy and by no means always official or well-defined, exactly, but if a guess had to made I'd have said they were maybe about two days of travel behind us. We were very much alone and clearly no ponies lived here. Untamed tall grasslands and forests blanketed all the earth. There were no more of the calm, verdant meadows and clear fields of shorter grasses. To the west, stretching both north and south, the silhouettes of the mountains that edge this continent could be seen now on the horizon. They loomed like mysterious distant watchers, sometimes clearly and sometimes with their upper peaks veiled by blanketing clouds.

The first time I became really aware of them, the sight sent a tingling chill down my spine, partly of anticipation. We'd be getting a much closer look at those mountains in good time, I knew.

For now, though, there was the more immediate landscape at hoof that we'd have to negotiate.

The tall grasses, scrubgrowth, and scatterings of forest made for slow going. There's something frustrating about traveling like this, being a pegasus. I can hop in the air and fly whenever I want, and that would make the terrain irrelevant. I could go as fast as I felt like. Unfortunately, that's not an option with a ground-bound unicorn to bring along through this mess. I did spend a fair amount of time flying, but mostly only to look ahead and scout out the easiest paths to walk through.

Azure wasn't helpless either, though. On the contrary, she was able to skip the worst parts and speed things up considerably by simply teleporting herself past many obstructions that would have taken some time to find safe ways around. By projecting telekinetic force around herself while she walked, too, she prevented herself from getting tangled up in brush and thorns that would have deterred many other ponies. All things considered, we still made fast progress.

By the time the sun had almost set on day five and it was finally too dark to travel any further, we found ourselves in lowland woods bordering on swampy marshes. They caught the runoff drainage from rain on the rugged rolling hills nearby and spread it out into vast sprawling still pools under the fallen leaf litter and dead plant matter of the forest.

We walked along in the open spaces between the trees. The trunks were ancient and gnarled, with thick heavily figured bark and twisted limbs. Many of them looked half dead, with patches of bare branches that curled into claws and big knotholes that gaped like predatory mouths filled with jagged teeth of dryrotting wood splinters. The occasional sound of birds, mostly the inelegant and rough caws of crows, could be heard from overhead, but they were always just far enough away that I could never quite see where they were. It made them feel menacing in some indistinct way I couldn't put my hoof on.

This might not have been the most comforting of places to spend the night, but there wasn't much choice at that late hour.

In the last fading blue light of the twilight, while we could still see somewhat reasonably, we looked for a suitable campsite. Somewhere relatively dry was desirable, and someplace that didn't smell of decay even more so. We kept catching momentary nauseating hints of the rotten egg scent of hydrogen sulfide that swampy areas are prone to emitting.

We were at a clearing that edged on a wide patch of soggy marsh filled with cat-tails and reeds, when motion caught my eye in the distance from far across the water, something partially obscured by the rotting trunks of fallen trees. What I saw made me freeze in place, and quickly unfurl a wing to silently signal Azure to stop as well. She followed my gaze, and just watched wordlessly once she saw it too. We both stood completely still.

A glowing shape made of pale blue-green luminescence, a little indistinct but for the most part approximately spherical, moved in the distance. It floated through the air slowly, in haphazard fashion, often changing directions. Another emerged after a few seconds, and the two of them followed roughly the same course. The first faded away into nothingness after a short time, as if it had never existed, but the newer one kept moving. It was soon joined by another, and as we watched a series of these distant glowing objects formed and faded. All of them drifted around slowly, meandering their way through the woods and plant life.

As we watched, I could see their light glimmering on the water. They didn't move or disturb any of the plants they drifted near, and they made no sounds. There was nothing to show they were there but the coldly pale blue colored glow they gave off.

Some part of me wanted to see them more closely. I took a step or two forward, closer to the edge of the water. A few more seconds went by. I began to unfold my wings, getting ready to take a quick flight over the marsh to get a closer look at the phenomenon. I suspected I already knew what it was, but it was interesting, something I'd heard was very rare and that I'd never seen before.

"No!" Azure whispered harshly, and suddenly stood in front of me, blocking the way. "I don't... we just shouldn't get close, not to these."

"Why? It's just a little bit of will-o-the-wisp," I said quietly. "Is there something wrong? Is it something else?"

"No," Azure shook her head. "It's not... wrong... I mean, I don't feel anything magical or out of place... it just makes me uncomfortable, is all. I don't feel good about it."

I could understand her hesitation. Cold rationality aside, these dancing blue swamp-lights did have an eerie, ghostly character to them, like they were spirits or spectres out there in the distance - like wraiths, that we were watching but that hadn't yet seen us. Maybe we didn't want them to, either.

"Alright," I agreed with Azure. I folded my wings back up. "Yeah. We'll just leave it alone."

We walked away to drier parts of the forest, and kept hunting for a suitable camping site until we managed to find one that didn't seem too terrible. We gathered some sticks and cleared a patch of ground to build a fire. Azure started it using her magic, and we quickly had a comforting warm little blaze going.

We were quiet for a while as we both sat close to the fire. It was a hungry night, too, since there wasn't very much that seemed good to eat growing in this forest. Neither of us trusted the swamp vegetation.

Azure sat motionless for a long time, staring deep into the fire with eyes that seemed hypnotized. Her ears were picked up, moving almost constantly, and instantly snapping themselves toward any faint sound that came from the dark forest. At very occasional intervals she scuffed at the dirt slightly with one forehoof, nervously. Her whole being was on edge.

"Hey," I finally said to her, quietly, "are you alright?"

"Yeah," she said. "I'm just... I don't know."

"Don't need any ghost stories after what we saw, do we?" I asked, trying to inject some humor in things. It failed completely. Azure didn't look any different.

"Gas from the swamp, burning itself off," Azure mumbled. "That's all. I know that."

"Yep. Seems simple enough." I nodded. "I was always taught to be careful about stuff like that, though. I've heard stories that they can be dangerous, for a pegasus flying over marshes or wetlands at night, especially if it's foggy. The lights can make you think you're seeing starlight or moonlight diffusing off clouds. You'll think you're still at a safe height up in the air when you're really way too low, and then all of a sudden out of nowhere you'll fly face first into a tree or hillside or something."

"Unicorns also have stories about the will-o-the-wisp," Azure said. "Especially the old stories. They called them the ghost lights. That's what superstitious ponies thought they really were. Now we know better. Still, though, those traditional ideas... Those stories still get told. Unicorns also thought the lights were misleading. They thought that the lights were spirits trying to lure away anypony traveling at night and trick them until they were hopelessly lost. The story was that they would stay lost forever. Once the ghost lights had a pony following them, that pony would never be seen again."

"I've heard that before," I agreed.

"They're the ghosts of unicorns who were lost in life, so now they're lost in death, too," Azure continued. "The ones who did bad things or just didn't know their real purpose. The ones who didn't follow their cutie mark, I guess. That's how they thought a pony becomes one of the ghost lights in the wilderness."

"They are kind of creepy," I said. "It's the first time I've ever seen them. If they're fire, how do they form round balls instead of flames and how do they last so long and float around like that?"

"Who knows?" Azure shrugged. "They're too rare to be easily researched. We basically don't know anything for sure."

"Hmm. Maybe I'll do some investigating on it someday," I said. "It is sort of cool."

"If you want to spend your time hanging out in creepy swamps getting lost chasing ghost lights, be my guest," Azure replied.

"Well, when you put it that way..."

We both slept uneasily that night. We were happy to be up early and move on from this forest as soon as the dawn brought enough light to travel again.

Chapter 12

Ghost Lights

Chapter 12

After Silver Star and Meadow were on their way, I gave Azure the grand tour of the Seawall and the surrounding features. Admittedly, that doesn't take very long. We started in the small stone barracks by unpacking our bags and settling in a little bit. After that we headed back outside. I flew to the top of the wall and called down to Azure to follow. She teleported herself up and stood next to me.

She gasped when she saw the ocean for the first time, and stood there staring at it for a while without speaking.

"I know exactly how you feel," I told her. Years ago, when I first saw that endless blue-green water stretching away forever past the horizon, I was just as struck. I couldn't get over the vastness of it, how it seemed impossible but there it was confronting me with the reality of how small I actually am - how tiny all of us are. We think our pony cities are such great accomplishments, such huge feats of construction, but this ocean could effortlessly flow over them and swallow them all up, all we've ever created, and it would be like none of it ever existed.

Azure kept staring out at the ocean, and her eyes narrowed a bit like she couldn't believe that this was actually real. "I want to see it up close," she said.

I nodded. "Well, then let's go do that." I took off and flew down from the wall to the ground at the far side, heading for the beach. Azure teleported herself to the ground and started walking. The soil was mostly sand beneath my hooves, dry and sort of loose up here by the wall but a little wetter and heavier as we got close to the water. The line of the high tide was demarcated by a band of thin deep green filaments of seaweed and pieces of broken seashell litter that had washed up, the fragments polished and the corners worn down until they were rounded and smooth in the tumbling action of the water. We passed that and there was nothing but fine sand, in a perfectly flat plane left by time and the waves.

Closing in on the sea, I noticed how we broke the perfection of the sand's flat surface and left a trail of hoofprints behind us. Some part of me felt for a moment as if it wasn't right for us to disrupt nature's work by trampling on it. At the same time, though, it seemed arrogant to think that two small creatures like us would really change it in anything but the most fleeting, insignificant way. The next cycle of the tides would erase these prints, restoring that pristine state.

Another few feet and we were close enough that a wave surged forward and gently washed over my hooves and ankles with cool water, leaving my fetlocks wetted. I closed my eyes for a moment and stood still in the embrace of the sea. It was cold but it was alive and vital, liquid rushing around my legs. The ebb and flow welcomed me home once more.

When I opened my eyes again, Azure was standing nearby, staring down curiously at the water. She leaned her head down and stuck out her tongue to taste it briefly. I looked at her strangely, wondering what she was doing.

"Heh, just checking," she said when she noticed my look. "Guess the books were right. It does have a lot of salt. Just seems kinda weird that there's more water here than I'd have ever believed existed but none of it's any good for us."

I laughed and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, no kidding. Fill up on this and you'll be sorry."

"So what are we supposed to drink?" Azure asked. "Meadow said there was a spring to the north, but I didn't think to ask where exactly."

"C'mon, I'll show you," I said.

I started walking north along the beach, with Azure following me, until we reached the end of the Seawall. I continued along the little strip of beach still left between the ocean and the vertical rocky cliffs edging the mountains. After a few hundred more meters I found what I was looking for, a small rivulet of water falling down in a little channel that time had eroded into the rock. It flowed along and fell into the ocean in a small thin waterfall that left a little brackish water pool at its base. I leaned forward and tasted the falling water. It was cold and completely fresh. The taste was as if it had just been distilled, much superior to the tapwater available in Equestria.

"Here." I showed Azure. "This is what I usually used a lot on my tours before this. I think it's rainwater from up on the mountains that gets channeled down into a pretty constant flow. There's also a few other freshwater springs scattered around. Most of them are fine to drink from. I can't really remember where they are just off the top of my head, but I'm sure we'll find them eventually. We've got nothing but time for the next few months."

After we'd both had a drink from it, we walked south, back down past the Seawall again to the opposite end. As we traveled, it could be seen in several places that there were arch-shaped uneven patches along the bottom of the wall, the remnants of holes where there used to be access doors that would let ponies on the ground pass through from one side to the other. They had long ago been filled in and blocked off, though, in the same style of old unicorn construction as the rest of the wall, large stone pieces held together with strong high quality cement. Other than those, most of the wall's surfaces were still pristine.

"It's interesting that there doesn't seem to be any evidence of damage and repair, on a wall like this," Azure commented. "Since it was obviously built to barricade against something, you'd think it would be attacked at some point."

"It's one of the great mysteries of why it's here," I said. "I guess the unicorns were scared of something, but I've never been able to figure out what it could have been."

Once we were all the way down at the far southern end, I had something else to show Azure. Where the wall meets the mountain rocks as they rise out of the ground, there's a sheltered little corner where a few plants manage to grow through the sandy dirt. There's also a scattering of a few small rocks laying loose in the dry sand, with sharp angular features that come to points. They're not there by chance, they've been left there over time by ponies at this particular spot.

The reason for them to be there is quite literally written on the wall. These are the pieces of stone that the teams of ponies that have been here have used to scratch in a long list that sits engraved there, at the little corner on the south end.

Azure looked at it with interest. "What is this?" she asked.

"The names of all the Equestrian soldiers that have been stationed here as watchers," I told her. "It's sort of an unofficial tradition, I guess. They don't tell you about it, but I'm pretty sure everypony does it."

There were pairs of names side by side in a vertical column, starting at the bottom and working upwards. At the end of the list as it stood at the moment were the names of Silver Star and Meadow. I picked up one of the stones littering the ground and scratched in my own name. It was sort of an odd and startling moment of realization, while I was in the middle of it, that this was the third time in my life I was signing this wall. No other name was on here more than once.

After I'd finished I stepped aside to make way for Azure, but she looked hesitant for some reason.

"What?" I asked her, offering her the sharp piece of stone. "Go ahead."

"You said it's for soldiers," she said. "And I'm... well, I'm not, really."

I rolled my eyes and laughed. "You're all the way out here, doing something even most soldiers wouldn't," I said. "Close enough for me. You've earned it."

Azure finally picked up the stone, levitating it using her magic, and expertly used it to etch in her name next to mine. Her penmareship was excellent and the letters were scrawled in elegantly and exactingly, almost as neat as a printed typeface even on the wall's surface of old weathered rock. Knowing her as the personal student of a princess, though, that kind of quality of writing didn't seem unexpected.

Azure stepped back and studied her name on the wall, still holding the stone hovering in the telekinetic glow of her horn. For a few seconds, the only sound was the distant lapping waves.

"I guess some part of me is here forever now," she said softly.

"Well... it..." I thought about that, and something about it didn't seem right to me. This place... it's older than any one pony could ever be, even older than Celestia or Luna. It's longer in time than we are, and it's bigger in history than any of us would ever be. No. The truth is, for better or worse, we're just brief visitors and nopony can stay here forever. It's much more the opposite, that its immensity will over-arch us all.

Someday, that list of names will weather away and erosion will erase every one of us, but the wall will still stand. It'll stand for thousands more years when we're long gone without a trace, without even the flicker of a distant memory, when even our bones have turned to dust and blown away in the wind.

This wall will forget us, but no pony who did a tour here will ever forget this wall. It isn't a place a pony stays with, we're not meant for that. It's a place that stays with a pony instead.

"Let's say it's more like now something of this place will always be with you," I suggested.

Azure just stared at the wall deep in thought for a little while longer, and said nothing. She dropped the rock back into the sand and started walking away, to cross the wall again and head back toward the little stone barracks. I followed her, feeling like that was enough exploring for now. Excited as I was to finally be here, it was just the first day, and I was still tired and ready to relax a little bit after the long journey out.

Chapter 13

Ghost Lights

Chapter 13

"Doesn't the sun ever come out?" Azure complained one morning, about a week after we arrived.

"Once in a rare while it might, I guess," I told her. "But I wouldn't count on it much."

"You're a pegasus. Can't you do anything?" she asked.

"I can't clear the whole sky myself." I shook my head. "Not in a place like this. I could bust clouds all day and new ones would only roll in just as fast. Wouldn't make any difference."

Azure just looked up at the sky sadly, then grumbled and wandered off to go do something to take her mind off it. I wished I could have helped, but what I told her was true, there really wasn't anything to be done. I know this very well, because I've tried on previous tours. I suspect every pegasus who comes here has.

Here at the Seawall, though, we all learn quickly that the great constant is the weather. This isn't like Equestria where we manufacture it and we have control. The immensity of the forces of nature run the show instead. For better or worse it's not our place here to mess with it.

The waters of the ocean evaporate moisture that turns into a continually rolling blanket of thick gray clouds. Every day is overcast, and most days those clouds bring rain. Sometimes it's barely a misting, sometimes it's brief downpours, and it's only for a part of the day in any case, but a day that's completely dry is uncommon. To see the sunshine directly - from the ground, at least - is a rare and fleeting thing that lasts a few minutes or so once every couple of weeks at best.

It never snows here, either. The huge mass of water of the ocean keeps the temperature of the air up, so it never gets cold enough. Conversely to that, it also acts like a giant natural air conditioner, so summer never gets very hot. I suppose I would have to say that the temperature is always... comfortable. Some days are cooler, some are warmer, but none reach extremes.

It's this constant and unrelenting sameness, under dull overcast skies, that can be one of the hardest things about being here for many ponies. Seasonal affective disorder, the "winter blues", can cause problems for some ponies in times of the year when days are short and gray and there's low sunlight. Imagine it being that way, only even moreso, all year around. It never ends. It never gets better, there's no real variation to break the monotony. This is one of the challenges here.

I've never been very susceptible to this, myself. I don't think I could find this place so inviting if I was. Besides, as a pegasus I had a way around it. Most of the cloud cover is low stratocumulus sheets that are easy to fly up to and get on top of. From there the sun shines down brilliantly in a clear blue sky all day long. Sometimes I liked to go up there, smooth down a flat spot on top of the cloud cover, and just sprawl out on my belly with legs stretched and wings spread out wide while I sunbathed and soaked in the radiant warmth. Nothing feels better than having that soft heat permeating into my back and coursing through my wings. The only thing to be careful of was spending too much time on one cloud. They tend to drift inland very quickly, and after a while I could find myself quite a distance from where I'd started. A couple times I waited too long resting on one, then came down somewhere unfamiliar and ended up having to make a very long flight back to find the Seawall again.

Azure, though... she didn't have this advantage. Stuck on the ground, she would just have to deal with being sun deprived for now. I felt sorry for her because I doubted she'd fully realized what she was in for when she volunteered and I don't think she'd ever been tested this way. For the first month or so, I kept a careful eye on her.

I needn't have been too worried about it, though. She figured out her own way around it by occasionally conjuring up a bright glowing orb of light that shone with what she said was a full spectrum. It emitted a gentle warmth that she bathed in the same way I did on top of the clouds. I, personally, always felt like it was more of a heatlamp than a good replacement, but it worked for her as enough of a fix that she didn't say any more about the real sun and she seemed to adjust and tolerated its absence well enough. I couldn't argue with results.

Sometimes it helps to have some structure to make the days go by, and we quickly got into a routine of how life here was going to go. It varied day to day, of course, but the basic frame of it wasn't too tough to figure out, mostly being dictated by need. We needed to eat, for example, so we both went out and foraged for grass and plantlife independently and we each found our own food. I've never been big on breakfast so I usually skipped it and preferred to eat twice a day, a moderate amount at lunch and around the same amount at dinner. Azure liked to eat breakfast in the morning and then dinner in the last hour or so before it got dark.

The possibility of sheer loneliness getting to her was also a concern I felt like I had to watch for. It might seem like it wouldn't be that bad with two of us out here, but our respective roles actually kept us apart from each other most of the time. Azure, being the unicorn, was the messenger, the nerve center reporting back to the brains in Canterlot. I, being the pegasus scout, was the set of eyes giving her something to report. My job here is to fly, and that's what I did a lot of. I flew and observed for most of the day almost every day.

I spent the first few days reacquainting myself with the immediate area, taking flights that spiraled outwards from the wall and locating all the various landmarks. I found a couple of the other freshwater springs, always good things to know the locations of. It's not very safe to be dependent on just one source of water, after all.

Once I knew the nearby surroundings I started off on progressively longer flights in various directions. I usually limited myself to how far I could get in half a day, leaving the second half for time to get back to the wall before it was completely dark. A few times I did strike out on longer trips, though, spending the night by myself in the wilds. On nights I decided to do that, I was glad I always remembered to bring matches to build a fire. It was certainly a change of pace from guard duty, and very satisfying to be here where there was no real limit to how much I could stretch my wings and be in the air and the places I could explore.

Sometimes I would spend a day just roaming up and down the shore. There are some little bars of sand that form thin beaches, but most of the coastline is jagged rocks and high cliffs. I would land and sit at the tops of the rocks, then just watch the rhythmic waves rush up and crash on them over and over again. The sea life in those places is fascinating to me. Small crabs went scuttling around in the little pools trapped by the rocks, clambering up and down the washed up ropes of kelp and seaweed. Colorful anemones would slowly wave their tentacles in the gently flowing water of tidepools, hoping to catch something they could eat. Starfish would climb the sheer stone faces, looking for the clams and mussels that anchored themselves down on them. The molluscs would shut themselves up tight, and the starfish would try to pry them open, to eat them inside their own shells.

Sometimes I would take notice of a particular starfish, working its way down the rocks, devouring its victims in a line. I would come back a day or two later and the same starfish would still be there, relentlessly working on the same shellfish that was fighting desperately to resist it. I had to keep returning, I found. Locked in this struggle, I felt for both of them at the same time. Neither was right or wrong, they were simply doing what it took to survive. Although it was terrible in a way, there was also something amazing about it at the same time, this primal high drama of life and death being played out at a pace too slow to see.

I remember one particular clam. It was such a fighter, a kind of spirit that would have made any of the old pegasus warriors proud. It clamped down and fought tenaciously for four days while a big sea star, bright red with rough skin covered in hard bumpy spines, tried to wrench it open. On the fifth day, I finally returned to find that the starfish had won and moved on. Nothing was left of the clam but an empty shell.

Tears welled up from deep inside me and I cried when I saw that it was over. Only the subtle pale mother-of-pearl rainbow shining from the interior of the shell was a silent memorial to the great battle in which the clam had fought so hard for its life but ultimately lost. I thought about giving it a burial somewhere, but in the end I didn't. I realized that the shell was never a living part of the thing, but it was the enduring legacy it left behind. With that in mind instead, I left it there in the open under the sky for all the world to see, the gravestone of a creature that never even knew how much of a hero it was.

These were the kinds of things I'd missed in the thirteen years since I'd last been here. These are the kinds of adventurous explorations of harsh but beautiful truths that are sometimes difficult to find in the civilized world.

One of the adventures I longed for the most, though, I wasn't quite willing to go for just yet.

There's two watchtowers out on the sea, on two little islets far offshore. They stood there just like I remembered them from before, like they had for probably two thousand years. Every time I flew I could see them in the distance, two lonely little teeth sticking up side by side out of the smooth expanse of the vast ocean. They looked tiny, miles and miles away.

I'd flown out to them before on my previous two tours, but it's a very long trip. Some would say it's almost an irresponsible distance to fly over open ocean, considering how isolated we are here. When I'm honest about it, I can't disagree. If something happened and I couldn't finish the flight, I'd fall into the waves and probably drown with nopony around to help. I'd just disappear forever without a trace and that would be the end of me.

Because of this danger, I held back, at least at first. Discipline and a sense of responsibility restrained me from such recklessness. I knew, though, that it wouldn't last. The longer I was out here, the more the ephemeral limitations of civilization, the right and the wrong, the rules and the notion of responsibility to other ponies, would fray and tear away, unraveling like a cheap sweater. As it came undone I would reveal who I really am under it all. From the first day at the wall I could feel it calling, waking back up after years of sleep. Eventually the call would be too much to resist, and stupid idea or not, I'd go out there anyway at least once before this tour was over.

I knew that when it happened I'd enjoy it. That flight would be the most exhilarating thing I did in a long, long time.

I had to do it. What's the point in living if you never feel alive?

I think this is a sentiment I already wrote about way back in that first excerpt, a long time ago, but it bears repeating. It's something nopony should ever forget. Life in any meaningful sense ends the day that this gets lost for good under the haze of everything else the mundane routine of the civilized world tries to wrap us in.

Doesn't it?

Chapter 14

Ghost Lights

Chapter 14

For as much flying as I did while we were out there, sometimes it seemed like Azure practiced her particular skills even more. There was magic flowing from her horn, day in and day out. Levitation of impossibly heavy boulders, complex patterns of teleportations, alchemy... too many kinds of spells to spend the space rattling off a list, really. Whatever kind of magic can be imagined, I'm pretty sure Azure practiced at it at some point.

I tried to tell her she could afford to cut back and give herself at least a few days off here and there to relax and not think about all that, but she didn't seem very interested in hearing that. She had to keep her abilities sharp, she said. This left me sort of worried. Hadn't Captain Dash mentioned that part of the reason they let Azure come out here was to take the pressure off and get some relief from feeling so burned out?

When she wasn't firing off spells, she was reading. It surprised me to find out that she'd hauled a couple of thick books all this way, but I suppose that knowing her I should have guessed she might. One of the two books was bigger and had an old looking brown colored cover with a long and complicated title that I've since forgotten, written in ornate-looking script. The other was thinner and had a newer looking black cover. Two things caught my attention about that one. The first was that it didn't have a title written on the outside. The second was that at the bottom of the spine, it had a small mark of the Royal Library of the Sisters. That was interesting because it meant that this book didn't come from the library in Princess Twilight's palace.

I asked Azure about that. She just said that Princess Luna had recommended it and let her borrow it, but didn't explain what it was about. It didn't weigh on me enough to try to read the book myself to find out, though. I had no doubt it was something having to do with advanced and esoteric magic and I wouldn't understand a word of it, so I considered it just as well to leave it alone and simply accept that this one was probably beyond me.

Besides, it wasn't her reading I was most concerned about.

This might seem strange given that I'm in the military, but the truth is that I'm not used to giving orders. I've never aspired to authority and command. I was promoted to sergeant a long time ago and there are some advantages to it, like getting paid more than I used to, but Princess Twilight's guard isn't exactly a posting in which rank is some kind of huge deal. I don't have underlings and I don't run things, I just keep an eye on the place. Most of the time I'm patrolling around on my own without needing to deal with other ponies, and that's how I like it.

We don't always get everything our way all the time, though. The point finally came at which I felt like I had to step in and make Azure give it a rest. I told her that she had to take at least three days a week off from heavy magic practice and relax or do something else instead.

She wasn't happy about it. A guard telling her what to do was, I suppose, rather the horseshoe being on the other hoof compared to what she was used to.

"I'm not even an actual soldier," she protested. "How can you give me orders?"

"It's a military posting," I told her. "You knew that. It means you're a soldier in the Equestrian service for the time being as long as you're doing this job, like it or not. And for that matter, you're straight out of that Dawn's Hammer boot camp. If you were enlisted for real, that'd put you at a rank somewhere on the low end of being a corporal. I'm afraid I'm several paygrades up on you, so... looks like I'm in charge."

"Ugh," she grumbled. "I can't believe you're pulling rank on me. I thought you were cool." She sounded resentful.

"Well, now you know the awful truth," I smirked. "Underneath all those years of pretending to be nice and acting like your friend while you were growing up in Twilight's palace, I'm actually just a big lame pushy old meanyface."

We both laughed. "Alright, alright," she finally agreed. "I guess it wouldn't be so bad to spend more time outside and do some exploring and stuff."

Azure was true to her word and spent less time on magic from then on. Seeing her get some rest now and then made me feel better.

What I didn't know was that by that point, she'd already unraveled particular magical secrets that would change things in ways I never even knew were possible.

I'm not normally a morning pony. I don't really think Azure is, either, but nonetheless, in the routine that we fell into during our time at the Seawall, Azure almost always got up earlier than me. Truthfully, in the absence of any real schedules to follow there was no pressing need to ever get up early, so I tended to sleep in a lot.

On that fateful morning, then, it was no surprise when I woke up in the barracks alone. Azure and I had divided the little building in half between ourselves. Mine was the right side, to a pony walking in the entrance, and Azure's was the left. When my eyes cracked open and I looked around, that left side was unoccupied.

A bottle of ink, a quill, and one my notebooks was sitting next to my bed, and like every morning, the first thing I did after I got up was to open the notebook to its first page and scratch down another hashmark, keeping count of the days we'd been here.

That morning made thirty four marks so far, just over a month. Third tour, day thirty four. Out of all the hundreds of days I've spent at the wall, that's the one that stands out the most importantly.

After I was done with my notebook I spent a minute stretching out, popping my joints and cracking my back. I shook out my mane, smoothing it a little from the tangle of bed-hair I knew it was in. After a little bit of movement got my blood flowing and my eyes opening up, I headed outside to see what was going on. Nothing, I was sure. What ever happens here? It'd been a month and nothing much had happened yet.

I stood by the Seawall, on the inland side, looking around at the land and giving some thought to where I would fly on my patrols today. I considered a southerly direction. I'd been working the northeast lately, but I was sort of growing tired of it. Maybe a change of direction and some new sights would be interesting...

"Oh, come on... are you kidding me?! Why don't these darn things work??" Unexpectedly, I heard a voice drifting faintly on the air, muffled, coming from over the wall. It was Azure, clearly unhappy about something and mumbling complaints to herself. My first thought was that she was at it again, up early and pushing herself hard to get some spell just right. It wasn't against her orders and I wasn't mad, since she'd been taking the prescribed time off lately and she was entitled to do some practicing today if she wanted. It just made me feel kind of sad for her that she seemed to be frustrating herself.

I cleared my throat. It was still a little froggy from just waking up. "You alright over there?" I asked, loudly enough for her to hear.

The speaking stopped and there was dead quiet in the air. It was the kind so heavy it can almost be felt, the kind when a parent walks in on their colt or filly with a hoof in the cookie jar and they just freeze up and stare back with wide eyes because they know they're busted. Somehow I could sense it even without being able to see her.

After a few moments of silence Azure spoke again. "Hey, uh... Sunburst?" Her voice, now timid sounding, came up over the wall, calling me from the other side.

"Yeah?" I answered back.

"Could you, ummm... could you come over here?" she asked. I could hear strange apprehension in her words. "I kinda have something to show you... also, I need some help."

"Sure, just a second," I called back. Now that made me curious all of a sudden. What would she need my help for? I braced myself mentally for what I thought were two equally likely possibilities: that I'd either laugh at some absurd situation she'd gotten herself into, or be dismayed and horrified at the all too serious results of whatever she was working on.

Please don't let her be summoning some creature from Tartarus or something nuts like that, I thought to myself.

I spread my wings and hopped up into the air, taking flight for the top of the wall. I reached the upper edge and passed over, looking down for a second into the walkway that was recessed between the two thinner outer raised edges, about chest-height, that would keep a pony without wings from accidentally having an unpleasant fall.

When I completely cleared the wall and looked down to see Azure, the scene was actually very undramatic... at least in terms of the kinds of things I'd feared.

I didn't speak, I just slowly flapped my way down, landed, and stood in front of the white pony with the light blue mane and tail I saw. I couldn't believe what my eyes were showing me. It was Azure's face, Azure's mane, Azure's colors. Her cutie mark was the same. It was the same pony, I was one hundred percent sure of it. The thing that was hard to believe, the thing that left me feeling stunned and confused, though... it was that she didn't have a horn. There was an unnerving wrongness about that. Unicorns have horns, my mind insisted. Azure was a unicorn. Therefore she had a horn. Or at least, she always had one until that morning.

Also, unicorns, with a very few special and well-known exceptions, don't have wings.

Why did the pony I was looking at have wings? Something was very wrong here.

"Umm... so... you're probably wondering--"

"Why the hell are you a pegasus?" I interrupted Azure unthinkingly. My voice, in my surprise, was more flat and harsh than I'd meant for it to be.

"Well, I said I had something to show you," Azure said weakly, "And, uh... yeah. Bet you're surprised!"

To say that I sure was may be the biggest understatement in all the writing I've ever done.

Chapter 16

Ghost Lights

Chapter 16

Some time around mid-afternoon, the fun came to an end. It was abrupt, happening right in the middle of a flap of Azure's wings. Her eyes went wide with an expression of surprise like she could tell something was about to happen, then there was a bright flash of light, the kind that I'm used to seeing accompany unicorn magic. When it faded, suddenly Azure was standing there back in the form of her old unicorn self.

She seemed a little disoriented for a moment, then looked back at her now bare sides. Seeing her wings gone, she reached up and felt for her horn with one forehoof. Satisfied that it was there, she lowered her leg again and looked down at the ground.

"Well, guess that's it for now," she said, breathing heavily from her efforts. "Looks like time's up."

"Probably just as well," I said. "That's more than enough working out for one day." Both of us were hot and tired, with our coats and manes matted with sweat.

"I suppose so," she nodded.

I paced on the sand for a bit, cooling down. "I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go get cleaned up," I said, once I'd caught my breath.

"Yeah," Azure agreed, still panting. "I think that's a good idea."

We both walked north along the beach toward the best way to bathe around here, the little freshwater stream that falls into the sea. I waded out up to my belly in the ocean along the way. It felt good to have the water cool me down. I dipped my head in and then held it up, letting seawater run down my neck and chest, but I was careful not to immerse my wings. I hate getting my wings soggy. Rain or falling water like a shower isn't so bad, with natural oils in the feathers able to repel most of that, but plunging them into standing water just soaks them through and they take forever to dry out, and until they do they feel funny, heavier than they should be. I really try to avoid it.

When we reached the freshwater stream, I got to it first, so I wasted no time in stepping under the little falling cascade of water and showering. It was cold but it felt incredibly good as it washed away all the sweat-salt and grime and the force of the water massaged the muscles in my back. There wasn't any soap out there, but I've discovered that I get by just the same without it, and my skin and coat actually get less dried out and stay in better condition when I don't use it anyway. I think civilized ponies ignore their roots too easily. Wilder ancient ponies didn't wash in harsh chemicals that stripped them of natural moisture, and they were probably better off for it.

Or maybe I'm just not a very feminine mare and I don't care that I'm not always as pretty and perfumed as possible. That could also be it. In any case, just plain water was fine with me. Besides, who was out here to look good for anyway?

After a few minutes I was done bathing and started to feel chilled from the cold water, so I stepped aside to start drying off and made way for Azure. She jumped in every bit as enthusiastically as I had. She probably had even more reason to, she'd worked harder.

While Azure showered, I stood on a large flat rock that was buried part way in the sand, rising up enough to be out of the seawater. With two strong fast flaps of my wings, I threw most of the beaded water off of my feathers. After that, I shook off from nose to tail as best I could. Ponies aren't as good at it as dogs, I suppose, but it still helps.

"Good work out there today," I told Azure. "You really put in a heck of an effort."

"Thanks," she responded. "I just wish I coulda made it up into the air, even if it was only for a few seconds or something. Anything woulda been pretty cool, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." I nodded. "But don't feel bad. I doubt there's any pony who ever lived who could start at square one with zero experience or practice and get all the way to the point of airborne on their own power in just six hours."

I sat down on the rock, spread my wings, and started preening. It was time to get my plumes back into their rightful orderliness and state of grooming after the long workout. I knew my muscles had taken a beating and they'd be sore later, but right now they were just in that sort of relaxed, pleasantly tired state that comes on at the end of tough exercise. It was a serene sort of feeling, and the natural satisfaction of preening made it even more soothing. I guess this is one of the reasons I work out and fly so much. It just plain feels good.

I sorted through and straightened out my feathers in silence for couple minutes, enjoying it.

"I guess you'll have to teach me how to do that, too, eventually," Azure said, watching me while she stood in the small rivulet of falling water and let it splash over her back and neck.

"I would, but... you know. Kinda hard to learn without wings, and besides, there's sorta no point anyway if you don't have them," I replied.

"Well, I mean, for next time..." Azure said.

I paused my preening for a moment. "There's going to be a next time?" I asked, pondering that. I hadn't thought about it. I'd been taking for granted the assumption that this whole adventure would be a one-shot type of deal.

"Sure! Why not?" Azure asked. "The most iffy part of any spell is finally casting it right for the first time. After that, it only gets easier. I've totally got it now. From here I only need to worry about little stuff like tuning how much power to use to control how long it lasts and things like that."

"I didn't realize this could be a recurring thing," I said.

"What?" Azure grinned at me. "You think I'm gonna quit before I make it up there? No way!"

I thought about this. I admired the attitude, but something inside me still had its misgivings, some primal sense of not-quite-rightness about the concept of a unicorn flying. I don't know why, but it just didn't sit easily. It seemed like it was crossing something, some sort of line or barrier... like it was an unnatural thing that broke from the normal ordering of the world.

I said nothing for a while, sitting there. Distracting myself, I noticed that my mane still hung wet and limp over the top of my head and down the back of my neck. My tail was likewise still damp. They would probably frizz up a bit as they dried, which I knew would annoy me. After a month out here they were already starting to look rough around the edges, and would only continue fraying for the duration of our tour. Azure's was the same way. Soap I could do without, but I had to admit that some good conditioner probably would have been nice. It's one of my very few girly things. I don't go to any great lengths to take care of my hair, but I do like it better when it's silky and healthy looking and not tangled and frazzled. There wasn't much I could do, though. I'd just have to be really diligent about brushing it regularly to keep any knots from building up.

I let myself drift in thoughts like that for a bit but eventually my sense of vague unease with Azure's mention of a next time got me thinking about what she'd told me earlier that morning when I'd first found her transformed, about her fear that this kind of spell might not have been met with complete approval. I decided maybe I should ask about that, to see if I wasn't totally off-base there myself.

"So you said Princess Twilight might not have liked that you did this," I mentioned.

"Yeah, it's sort of..." Azure hesitated, seeming to hunt for words. "A thing to her, I guess. Spells like this. Radical transformatives, taking on the attributes of other races."

"Why is that?" I asked.

"They have a reputation for being associated with certain problems," Azure said. "They're not really thought of as a respectable kind of magic. I thought she'd... stop me, if she knew. I was afraid she'd be mad at me, you know? I couldn't let her find out."

"If it's something you had to keep secret, then maybe it's something you shouldn't really be doing," I said.

"It's not like that!" Azure insisted. "It's not anything bad, it's not like I'm doing something evil. I just needed to be somewhere that... it couldn't be an embarrassment. And I couldn't just give up, not after I've spent months figuring out how to finally make it work."

I was surprised. This took months to figure out? I also began to notice how she kept saying she needed to be somewhere else... When I thought about that, suddenly a whole bunch of things clicked in my head. The lens of seeing certain past events in the light that there was a hidden project in the background underneath them brought a clarity that tied together a lot of things. The reclusiveness, the late nights, and Princess Twilight's feeling that she'd been growing distant - that all made sense. Everything fit in a logical way now, if what I was thinking was true.

As a natural progression of the process, this place fit too.

"Wait... is that why you came here, out to the Seawall?" I asked.

"Part of it," Azure said, reluctantly. "I really did want to see it, and I needed the change, don't get me wrong. But yes. I also needed to be somewhere nopony would see me and rumors wouldn't spread. This just seemed like a good way to accomplish a lot of things at once."

Azure was done bathing and left the water, situating herself on another large rock near the one I was on. She used telekinetic magic to squeeze out her mane and tail, ridding them of the most of their wetness. After that, she shook herself off as I had done.

"You remember the day those feathers exploded through the palace, right?" Azure asked.

"I sure do," I said.

"That was the first time I tried this spell," she said. "But, uh... it didn't quite work out."

"So that's what that was." Yet again, another puzzle piece made sense.

"Yep. It almost worked. I was pegasus for a fraction of a second or so. The mistake was just kind of dumb on my part. I hadn't thought about the fact that I would lose my horn in the transformation and without it I wouldn't be able to control the rest of the spell if I needed to, so I didn't order out the steps correctly to anticipate that and make it self-completing. Since I couldn't finish the spell after I'd started, it backlashed and the excess energy when it collapsed manifested itself as feathers. A lot of feathers. I got scared after that. I couldn't risk a repeat of that kind of effect if I got it wrong again. I covered for it once, but Princess Twilight already thought I was acting unusually and that something was going on. One more suspicious screwup and I know she'd have put her hoof down and dragged it all out," Azure told me.

"Why wouldn't you just keep your horn while you cast a spell for pegasus wings?" I asked. "Wouldn't that make it easier?"

"No!" Azure said, quickly and with alarm, her eyes widening a little at the idea. "I would NEVER do something like that!" She shook her head emphatically.

There was an uncomfortable and suddenly awkward silence. I started to get embarrassed by Azure's reaction. I felt like I'd unwittingly suggested something obscene, but I didn't understand exactly what.

"Uh... sorry?" I offered.

"No. It... I guess if you don't study magic there's no reason you'd understand, really," Azure thought for a second. "But that's exactly the kind of thing that gives these spells a bad name. That's where they're dangerous and ponies can get themselves into huge trouble with them. You can't just make yourself an alicorn out of nowhere. It doesn't work that way. You can't get something for nothing, especially not something like that. It's a really bad path to be trying to start down. It--" She stopped speaking abruptly. After a few seconds she cleared her throat and looked away.

"What?" I asked, prompting her to go on. I sort of didn't want her to. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to hear whatever continuation she could have. I supposed that if this could have bad consequences, though, I should probably at least be aware of what they might be.

"It was done before and it ended in changelings," Azure said, turning her head to look at me again. "They were unicorns once. Not many ponies know that. It's not exactly a point of pride. There's records of it in some of the royal archives, but they have access control classifications so not just anypony can look through them and it's glossed over in most normal history books. I had to figure it out for myself. When I asked Princess Twilight, she didn't want to talk about it but she did at least tell me I wasn't wrong."

"How'd it happen?" I asked. That seemed like an impossible, fantastical thing. Knowing it was access controlled information, I probably shouldn't have asked, but I wasn't thinking about that in the moment. Curiosity overtook me.

"There was a school of unicorn magicians who thought that unicorns were the best race and that they deserved all the magics of the others. They tried to give themselves pegasus wings and earth pony strength and keep their horns at the same time. But like I said, you can't just get something for nothing, especially not the intrinsic kinds of magic you're supposed to be born with. The power for all that had to come from somewhere, so they stole it from other ponies by siphoning from the strongest source they could find. Their bodies got used to leeching from external sources until they couldn't survive independently anymore. Then it was too late. It's why they're riddled with holes, they wither away unless they can refill themselves at somepony else's expense."

"Huh. They never taught us that in training. Where changelings came from, I mean. Obviously we learned about the love parasite thing," I said. "I guess I can understand why, though. If we ever had to kill them, it'd be harder on soldiers to do it if we knew they were ponies..."

"Oh no they're not," Azure said darkly. "Not anymore. Not for thousands of years. They're most definitely something else now. They're beyond saving in the sense of ever being anything like ponies again."

"So if they're so far gone, do you really think this is something you want to be messing with?" I asked Azure.

"It's different," Azure said, emphatically.

"Different how?" I asked.

"I'm not greedy," Azure said. "I mean, I'm not going to say there's no risks. Everything has a risk. Becoming a pegasus without really knowing what I'm doing with my wings is a risk, and I know that. I know I could get hurt, I know something could happen. But the magic I'm doing? That isn't the dangerous part. That part, I know how to handle. Because I'm using a method that makes me entirely a pegasus without retaining any unicorn attributes, there's no chance for unsafe mixing and magical overloading. There's a world of difference between just trading one physical form for another versus stealing more magic than you can handle. Completely different things. I won't make their mistakes. That's not why I'm doing this, power isn't what I want."

"Well, then what do you want?" I asked.

Azure looked up at the sky, staring into the blanket of gray clouds that forever drift along, thick and heavy. There was a longing and a thirst in her eyes I've rarely seen before.

"I want to ride on the wind. I want to walk on the clouds. I want to know what it's like to feel them under my hooves and to sleep on a bed made of them. I want to watch the world fall away beneath me until everything looks tiny and I can see forever," she said. "I want to really be alive, like that. I want to be free."

As she spoke, my coat gradually began to feel almost like it stood on end, tingling with a sense of something that resonated deeply and sympathetically in me. There was nothing I understood more powerfully and more fundamentally than what she said. It went beyond what I knew how to express. Words escaped me and I couldn't find a single thing to respond with. I just nodded in heartfelt agreement.

I knew then with certainty that she'd ask me for help again, and there was no way I'd be able to bring myself to deny her. Common sense and conventional cautiousness might try to say not to, but they'd lose, because this... this feeling she expressed and shared... it went beyond calling into question over mere quibbling uncertainties and vague fears and apprehensions. It reached into heart and soul and into the fiber of my being as a creature of the air.

No, I wouldn't keep her from the sky, not for anything.

On the contrary, just like an eventual flight out to the towers on the islets, I realized that something inside of myself was looking forward to it now with great joy.

Chapter 17

Ghost Lights

Chapter 17

We were both worn out and slept very restfully that night after our long training session. The next morning was less than pleasant for both of us. I had it easier, I think. There was some stiffness with soreness and aching, but nothing I couldn't handle.

Azure did a number on herself, though. She was in a lot of pain from sore overworked muscles. She slept in later than me, for once, and I could tell before she even got up that she wasn't in for a fun day. She turned repeatedly under her blanket, trying to get comfortable and not succeeding. This went on for a while. When she finally gave up and rolled out of bed, she winced and cringed as soon as her hooves hit the ground. She gritted her teeth and sucked in a deep breath, bracing herself for whatever came next.

Just watching that hurt me. I sympathized. In my time, I've overdone my share of workouts and paid for it. Most of those were probably not as bad as yesterday's, though, with the hours it had been drawn out over.

"You should probably try to lie down and take it easy for most of today," I told her.

"Hurts to lie down," she mumbled tiredly.

"Does it hurt as much as standing?" I asked.

"... No," she admitted. "Good point."

"Walking around and stretching out a little bit from time to time might help," I added. "But nothing too intense. Be careful. You're probably going to be pretty tight after a beating like that."

"Yeah, that's how I feel." Azure nodded. "It's mostly in my back. It hurts to bend it at all."

"Well, that's not surprising, muscles there play a big part in flight," I said. "You worked the heck out of some things you've probably never really used very much in your life before you had wings."

"Tell me about it," she responded miserably. "Took a lot of energy out of me, too. I'm starving. I need to go get some breakfast. You gonna be heading out today?"

"No, I don't think so," I answered. "I kinda feel like taking it easy myself. I'm pretty sure I can afford one day of downtime from doing scouting flights."

Azure nodded and slowly walked outside to forage for something to eat. I knew that at least that wouldn't be too much for her. Thanks to the wetness of the area there's a lot of grasses and other appetizing plants growing close enough to the wall that she wouldn't need to go far.

While she was gone I paced a little bit inside and stretched out my legs, my back, and my wings. I was pretty stiff myself and it felt good to loosen them up again.

I felt bad for Azure and wished I had something to help other than just telling her to take time resting. I rummaged through my things on my half of the barracks building and dug out the first aid kit I'd brought. I doubted it would have what I was looking for, because I didn't remember seeing anything that would probably be useful for this when I was packing, but it was worth checking just in case.

No, no luck. Bandages, antibiotic cream, medical tape, alcohol swabs... aloe and lidocaine gel for burns and scrapes... even some sunscreen and a can of insect repellant... no painkillers, though.

So what now?

I pondered and considered alternatives and realized after a moment that there was still a particular possibility I could try.

I headed outside and looked for Azure. I found her grazing on some soft young blades of grass not far away and I walked over. "You know, I think I'm gonna take a short flight after all," I told her. "Just to... check on something. You gonna be alright here for a little while alone?"

She nodded in acknowledgement, but didn't say anything, still chewing on grass.

"Okay. I'll be back in not too long." I jumped into the air and took off, heading northeast.

I flew for a couple of kilometers until I found a small stream running lazily along, down from the mountains and meandering in the path it had cut through the rocks and soil until it eventually fed into a lake a long distance away. I followed its course for a while, looking along the banks for trees, hoping to come across a particular one I thought the presence of plentiful water might allow to grow. I was pretty sure I remembered seeing at least one of the type I needed on a previous flight over this stream. Before too long I found it, with its distinctive thin and elongated spearhead-like leaves and a large trunk that sent powerful roots out to tap the liquid in the ground. It was a great old willow tree, with heavily figured thick bark, just the thing I was looking for.

I landed next to the tree, there on the stream's bank. It was massive and tall, ancient looking. I felt a sense of hesitation, a feeling like what I was about to do to something so dignified and venerable was insolent and shameful. Nonetheless, for Azure's sake I steeled myself and went ahead anyway.

"Sorry about this," I told the tree, "but if you could see the way my friend is feeling right now, I'm pretty sure you'd understand."

Feeling thoroughly silly with myself for apologizing to a tree, I turned to face away from it, reared up my hind legs, and bucked it with several hard kicks. It took a little bit of doing, not having that special kind of earth pony strength and talent for it, but I managed to get what I was after. Some chunks of bark tore loose, hanging on by thin shreds, and I was able to rip them off. After I had a sufficiently good-sized pile of bark fragments gathered up, being sure to take the wet, fresh, live material from the lower layers and not just the dry dead outer stuff, I flew back to the stone barracks building.

By the time I was back, Azure had finished eating and she was inside, laying down again and reading a book. There was a small table in the middle of the room, which I set the numerous pieces of bark down on.

Azure looked over from reading, regarding the tree bark a little strangely. "What do you have there?" she asked.

"Something I think might help," I said. "Willow tree bark. It might not be the best tasting thing, but if you chew on it, it--"

"Has natural aspirin in it!" Azure interrupted excitedly and finished my sentence with a grateful smile.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Exactly. Pain reliever and anti-inflammatory. It seemed like what you needed."

"Why didn't I think of willow bark? You're a genius!" Azure exclaimed. "I could kiss you."

"It's just something they taught us in scout training, and please don't," I said. "It's really not necessary."

"Yeah, yeah, just a figure of speech," Azure said, dismissing the notion. "But seriously, thanks." With that, she levitated a piece over to herself and looked at it, a little hesitant at first. After a second she stuck it in her mouth, bit down on it, and began to chew it. After seemingly deciding that it wasn't too terrible a taste to bear, she returned to reading again.

The book Azure was reading from was the one with the black cover not marked outside with a title. She seemed very interested in particular sections of it, having left four or five different bookmarks sticking out of its pages at various points. Once again, curiosity about this book pulled at me. When somepony is reading something that seems interesting, there's always that sort of temptation to ask them what it is. However, I've realized it's probably the wrong impulse most of the time, because when considered from their point of view, if it's interesting enough for reading it to be the most important thing to them at that moment, somepony else coming along and distracting them with questions about it is most likely an unwanted interruption. Besides, what I could gather was that this was a book on magic, very advanced magic, a subject I don't have even a beginner's understanding of, so I doubted it would mean much of anything to me.

For these reasons, I left Azure alone for the time being to enjoy her book and her willow bark. Not exactly feeling in top shape myself and with nothing much else I planned on accomplishing, I laid back down on my bed to try to rest and continue recovering. There was soft rain falling outside now, and the gentle sound of the drops formed a soothing background that lulled me into shutting my eyes.

I napped on and off for about an hour, drifting back and forth over that line between mostly asleep and half-awake, until finally I wasn't very tired anymore. I got up, then twisted and arched my back and stretched, loosening myself up again. I felt very pleasantly refreshed.

Azure was still reading. While I'd slept, she'd chewed on more of the willow bark.

"Is that stuff helping?" I asked. "Do you feel any better?"

"I do!" Azure nodded. "It's great. I mean, I'm not great, yet, but... you know. Less in pain."

"The soreness should go away after a couple days," I said.

"Do all pegasi go through this to learn to fly?" Azure asked.

"No. Just the silly ones who don't know when enough is enough," I said with a slight smile forming.

"Worth it," Azure responded defiantly. "Captain Dash says pain is just weakness leaving the body."

"Right." I rolled my eyes. "That sounds like her, but I'm not sure it's the advice you wanna be taking before you're ever even off the ground. The fact is that learning to fly isn't the safest thing in the world. I don't want to scare you or anything, but not every pegasus makes it. Most do, but... there's always that chance that something could happen. It's the ones who push themselves too far too fast who have accidents."

"Well, there's a risk in anything you ever do, that's just life," Azure said. "Besides, I'm not a foal, I'm not going to do stupid things."

"I know," I responded. "You're older, and more mature judgment is a plus, but at the same time, age is part of what I'm worried about. Not being a foal also works against you because foals are lighter and more resilient. They don't break things as easily when they do make a mistake. There's a reason we start early."

"It would be ideal, but I don't have that luxury."

"No, you don't." I shook my head. "Still, there's no reason to rush more than you should. It's never too late and we can work with the situation we've got, but not until you're back to one hundred percent again. I'm not going to let you get hurt, especially not out here in the middle of nowhere."

"You're right," Azure said. "I guess I just... well, I mean, with Captain Dash being Princess Twilight's partner for so long, she's been the biggest pegasus role model I really ever had, and I guess I just kinda admire her attitude, you know?"

"It's understandable. Keep in mind, though, she was an Advanced Combat Flier. Those pegasi are kinda... a little bit crazy, so they say. There are stories."

"Heh. And Dash said unicorns are the crazy ones," Azure mused.

"We're all special snowflakes of crazy in our own ways," I said, and laughed a little bit. "I don't speculate on who has it worse."

"Well, my money says Dash is right," Azure mumbled. "Unicorns are all nuts."

The comment surprised me. "What? Why would you say that?" I asked.

"... Nevermind," Azure said very quietly, turning away from me and focusing again on her book.

I left her alone and didn't follow up on it. I picked up the journal laying near my bed and wrote in it for a while, recording the recent events and putting down some of my thoughts about them.

After I'd written as much as I wanted to for the time being, I noticed that the sound of rain had subsided outside. I hadn't eaten yet that day, so I decided it would be a good time to put away the book and take a walk to find some lunch. A couple days ago in a wind-sheltered area I'd found a small patch of some clovers that had grown in thick with a pleasant lemony flavor in their leaves, and bloomed with small, tasty, slightly sweet flowers. Around here, that was a nice treat. I was pretty sure there were still some left and thinking about that made me hungry. I thought I'd bring some back for Azure, too, to make things easier for her.

I started to set out, walking towards the door.

"Hey, Sunburst?" Azure's voice called to me as I was leaving, just before I got outside.

"Yeah?" I stopped and waited.

"That willow bark was a great idea. It really works," Azure said. She paused and her next words were hesitant and soft. "So, uh... I just wanted to say... thanks for taking care of me."

"Well, of course," I replied and smiled back at her. "All we've got out here is each other. If I didn't help you, who would?"

Chapter 18

Ghost Lights

Chapter 18

Mid-morning two days later found us both back on the beach again. Azure's strained muscles were sufficiently healed and she was ready to continue her efforts at learning the art of flight. The spell she used to turn herself into a pegasus was a fairly involved piece of work and demanded all her attention, so I stood at a distance and let her focus quietly.

Azure closed her eyes and concentrated. Her horn began to glow pale blue, and after a brief time the aura of that magic widened to engulf her whole body. Before too much longer, there was a bright flash, which obscured her from sight but quickly faded. When it was gone she was once again hornless and bearing wings, the same pegasus form I remembered from a few days ago.

She looked herself over and briefly fluttered her wings a little bit, testing them. "Ready," she announced, satisfied that they functioned. "So where do we start today?"

"Remember what I taught you last time about flapping?" I asked.

"Yep." Azure nodded.

"Well, we'll keep going with that," I said. I moved closer and stood next to her. "Let's start out slow for a few minutes to warm up and stretch out, then we'll start working on improving your speed..."

We began, following that plan of action. For the next two hours we kept at it, although at a slower pace with more time to rest between exercises than on that first day. Azure did well. Much as before, she kept getting faster and better with practice.

Her progress surprised me, in fact. Maybe it shouldn't have. She has a very determined spirit, which I already knew, but I was still finding out just how deep that ran. I didn't really expect her to get into the air on just her second day, but eventually, she was finally at a point where I knew success was close to imminent. She'd developed about enough skill to be dangerous. It was just a matter of getting lucky on one of her next few attempts.

Azure herself was also starting to be able to tell it was close, and that seemed to only be driving her onward even harder. "I can feel the lift pulling me up and taking all the weight off my hooves. I think I'm almost there," she said.

I thought about it for a second. She probably just needed some sort of little extra boost to break over the edge. There was something I could think of that might do to get her started, so I had her try it. "You know what? Try jumping," I advised her. "Just jump as high as you can. Time it with your first good, powerful downstroke and then keep flapping as fast as your wings will go. Remember, smooth motions, like you've been practicing."

Azure readied herself, tensing up like a cat before it pounces. She spread her wings as wide as she could, holding them high, and then did what I said, leaping into the air and stroking downward hard when she started flapping frantically.

I wasn't expecting it to happen the very first time around with this particular technique, a stationary jumping takeoff, but everything was right on the mark and somehow it all came together. Beginner's luck, I guess. The combined forces of upward momentum from her jump and lift from her wings pulled her higher, and then the force of her next downward flap pulled her higher still. She remained airborne and with every subsequent flap she rose slightly, until she was hovering unsteadily about two pony heights above the beach.

"I'm doing it! I'm doing it!!" Azure shouted like a little filly enraptured in happy amazement. She smiled more widely than I think I'd ever seen before that moment.

Her glorious first flight lasted all of the next seven seconds, after which she lost the rhythm and dropped abruptly. She flailed in the air and thumped down in the sand, landing on her flank.

After falling, she sat there on her haunches, silent except for her panting. Her eyes were wide and huge looking, her wings were still spread out, and an elated smile was plastered on her face.

She finally looked up at me. "Did... did I just fly? For real?" she asked.

"Yeah," I confirmed for her. "Yeah, you did. For real."

Azure tilted her head back. "YEEEESSSS!!" She let out a triumphant yell.

This sudden contrast to the quiet and reserved princess's student I'd always known her as was something I'd never really seen in her before, and it caught me by surprise. At the same time, though, I understood. I think it was just about on par with my own reaction, back when I was a little filly and I did it all by myself for the first time. I just smiled at her and nodded. I was glad that she was enjoying herself.

After a few seconds of silence, she looked at me. "...How'd I do?" she asked, much more quietly. She was still breathing heavily.

"Oh, about how I expected," I answered her.

"So, good or bad for a first time?" she asked.

"Was the first spell you ever cast good or bad?" I asked her.

"Heh. Terrible." Azure smirked, apparently remembering it clearly enough.

"But you had to start somewhere, so did it really matter how good that one was as long as the next one was better?"

"I guess not." Azure shook her head.

"Well, there you go," I said. "Now, let's see if you can do that again. Longer this time."

The look on Azure's face became serious as she slowly stood back up. "Right." She nodded. She took a deep breath, spread her wings, and readied herself for the next effort.

Another two hours went by and numerous successful attempts to hover were accomplished. Azure's control over her stability and the length of time she was able to remain in the air kept improving. On her final try, she attained nearly the entire height of the Seawall in altitude and was well on track with learning how to make fine adjustments in vertical position by controlling the speed and angular pitch of her wings while she was flapping. Her landings also started getting better, which was possibly her most important area of development. Flying doesn't do a lot of good to a pony that can't get back on the ground again safely.

I called it a day a couple hours sooner than that first training session. We'd gotten a lot done by then, and I didn't want as severe a repeat of the consequences.

Once again, we headed for the freshwater stream to bathe. This time Azure got there and stepped in first. I waded into the ocean and splashed myself with cool seawater while I waited.

"That was exciting," Azure said. She was smiling, and sighed in a satisfied way. Her eyes were closed while she enjoyed the falling water washing over her back. "It's fun to be up in the air, even if I'm not even any good yet. I feel like I could do that every day."

I felt like she was trying to tell me through that hint how often she wanted me to teach and practice with her. In the aftermath of having gotten her first taste and finding that she liked it, I guess it was natural that she wanted more. I would have, too. I sympathized with her eagerness. On the other hoof, though, I knew that this was a dangerous time: the period where she'd just started feeling her abilities but didn't fully know her limits. Now that I'd let her start, I knew it was my responsibility to guide her correctly.

"No." I shook my head. "I don't think that often would be good for you. You'll grind yourself down. You don't have that kind of experience or endurance yet."

"Hmmm?" Azure opened her eyes and looked at me, her smile fading just a little.

"Every other day at most, for now," I continued, "and on report days, the report gets sent in before you use your transforming spell. Getting the job done that you were sent here for as a unicorn has to be the first priority."

"Well, of course." Azure nodded.

"And on days I say you need to rest, you rest," I continued. "No training. It's too easy to get hurt as it is, and overdoing it and working when you're too tired is practically a guarantee that something's gonna go wrong eventually."

"Alright, I understand," Azure said. "Any other rules?"

"Hmmm... well... that's it for now," I said. "I'll keep making them up as I go along whenever the need presents itself, though."

"Gotcha." Azure nodded and smiled back at me again. She continued bathing in silence for the next couple minutes.

Eventually, she stepped out of the stream of water and started to dry herself off.

I stepped in and began to take my turn showering. I stood and let it rush over me, sweeping away sweat and dirt. The pressure of the falling water scrubbing me off felt good.

"Who taught you how to fly?" Azure asked me after a little while.

"My dad, mostly," I said.

"Did you also go to flight camp in summer, and things like that?" Azure asked.

"Nah." I shook my head. "Most of the time while I was growing up, I lived in a pretty small town on the ground. Flight camps are all up around Cloudsdale, so it would have been too far. It didn't really hold me back me not to go, though. My dad was a really good teacher so I didn't miss much. Besides, my mom was... I don't know. She didn't like the idea of things like flight camps, I guess."

"Why not?"

"Just doesn't understand the whole flying thing, I think," I said. "She always worried about me when I took to the air."

"A pegasus that doesn't like flying?" Azure wondered. "That seems unusual."

"It might be, except that she's not a pegasus," I said. "She's an earth pony."

"Oh." Azure's eyes widened a bit in slight surprise. "I... uh... didn't realize. Guess those must be your father's wings, then."

"Him and his side of the family, yep." I nodded. "They're wings to be proud of."

"So they're strong fliers on his side?"

"You have no idea," I mumbled almost inaudibly.

"What was that?" Azure leaned in closer to me, trying to hear better.

"Nothing." I shook my head, speaking more loudly now. "Yes, my dad's family is all from Cloudsdale. All good fliers."

"Anypony I'd have heard of?" Azure asked.

"Heard of how?" I asked.

"I dunno." Azure shrugged. "High ranking military officers? Or ponies that got famous for their flying? Explorers? Stuntmares? Anything like that? ... Wonderbolts, maybe?"

I bit my lower lip and cringed for a second at that last one. I turned my head and hid it, using the stream of water falling over me. For as much as I was reluctant to reveal anything about that, however, I also didn't quite have it in me to lie outright to deflect her. I also wondered why Azure was asking. Was she just a lucky guesser or had she picked up on something somehow? I was hoping it was just a shot in the dark and that she would interpret silence as an implied negative response and move on to talking about something else.

Alas, she read my hesitation and lack of a response with an accuracy that was the opposite of what I would have liked.

"C'mon, who is it?" She smiled a little bit, in a way that said she could tell she was on to something.

"Nothing." I shook my head and continued washing off.

"Hmm... doesn't seem like nothing..." Azure said in a voice deliberately filled with a pondering tone.

"Yeah, alright, fine," I sighed. "There's a Wonderbolt. My aunt."

"Oh. Interesting," Azure said. "Who?"

I stayed silent and just continued standing in the water.

"Gimme a hint or something at least," Azure pressed me. "Or I can try to guess for clues, if you'd prefer. Does her name start with 'S' and end in 'pitfire'?"

At that point, I could only assume she'd managed to get hold of some inside information. I let out an exasperated groan. "How did you know?" I asked.

"I didn't know before, but I do now," Azure laughed. "Wait, seriously? You're Spitfire's niece? Or are you just messing with me?" She looked at me with one eyebrow half raised.

Well, never let it be said that Azure Sky isn't clever. Having been beaten by that trick, I decided I might as well just yield and get it over with. "No. It's true." I nodded reluctantly. "My father's sister. So yeah."

"Oh, wow!" Azure seemed surprised. "That was just a guess because I thought you looked like you had her mane and coat colors, but I never actually... Ha! Looks like I did pretty well in picking my flight teacher, didn't I?"

"I don't know about that, I'm just a mere pegasus," I said, shaking my head. "So is she, contrary to some of the popular myths."

"Does Captain Dash know?" Azure asked. "She's such a huge Wonderbolts fan, and she's told me more than once that Spitfire was her favorite. She'd completely flip out if she knew you were related, especially when you've been there in the palace as a guard for so many years right under her nose."

"Yeah. Her and a lot of ponies would treat me completely differently if they knew," I said. "Which is why I don't talk about it. I... umm... look, I know it probably seems interesting and all, and it's kinda my fault because I shouldn't have let it slip, but honestly, I'd actually really appreciate it if you could keep this to yourself. When we get back, I mean."

The smile on Azure' face slowly faded away into a much more thoughtful expression as she looked down at the ground.

"Yeah," she said, nodding slightly. "I understand. Being the student of a princess, sometimes ponies have treated me in some weird ways, too. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have needled that out of you if you didn't want to talk about it."

"Oh, no harm done." I stepped out of the little waterfall. "I know it gets lonely and boring out here. Gotta talk about something, right?"

"I'll keep it to just whining about the weather and stuff like that from now on," Azure said, still not looking at me.

"No, really, it's alright," I said. "I think I wouldn't have told you if I didn't trust you. I just don't like to make a big deal about it, that's all."

I shook myself out and started drying off. With a couple quick flaps, I threw most of the remaining drops of beaded water off my wings.

"It means a lot to me that you'd trust me that much," Azure said softly.

"We're out here alone together," I told Azure. "Trust needs to be a two-way street or we're in big trouble. You have to trust me a lot to let me teach you how to fly, so I guess it seems like it's only fair."

"Still, it's just that I know you prefer to keep to yourself most of the time," Azure said.

"Yes, I suppose I do," I agreed. "But... sharing isn't always a bad thing, is it?"

"No." Azure finally smiled a little bit. "No, it's not."

Seeing that Azure felt better about things now, I decided I'd get a move on the maintenance my plumage undoubtedly needed. I unfurled my left wing and stuck my face into it, starting the process of preening.

"Hey, can I ask you one more thing?" Azure inquired after a little while went by silently as I worked.

"What is it?"

"As long as you're already at it anyway, can you show me how to take care of these?" Azure asked, while she fluttered her wings briefly. "Since I still have a couple hours left with them, I might as well use it to learn."

"Alright, sure," I agreed. "There's really no special tricks to it. Just use your teeth but be gentle and remember to comb your feathers, not pull on them. Old feathers come out on their own when they're ready, and plucking yourself too much is a bad habit that'll hurt your performance. Every pegasus kinda has their own pattern and whatever feels best to you is fine, but I usually start from the base and work my way out toward the wingtips. I like to do primaries first and then continue on with all the rest of the layers in an ascending order. That way you won't waste any time messing up feathers in upper layers again trying to get to the feathers down in lower ones..."

Azure started rifling through her own wings, following my hints, and we preened ourselves side by side in a comfortable silence. A little to my surprise I realized I was really glad she was there with me, sharing that time grooming. It felt good. This was a rare thing for me. I didn't know how long it had been since the last time I'd been preening alongside another pegasus before then.

It's a little odd to think that being isolated in the middle of nowhere was where I found myself feeling the most social I'd been in a long time, but the company made all the difference.

Chapter 19

Ghost Lights

Chapter 19

For the next two weeks, Azure and I trained on the schedule I'd set. Every other day she would turn herself into a pegasus for a few hours and I would instruct her and keep drilling her on technique.

Azure really threw herself into flight training - literally. She learned to glide by ascending to the top of the Seawall, landing on it, and jumping off at a rapid gallop with her wings extended horizontally outwards. She'd catch the air on them and cover as much distance as she could before she landed on the sand. At first I only let her do this while I flew immediately next to her, in case she needed to be caught to keep from crashing. After a few days of practice she had enough of a grasp on it that I started letting her go alone. I thought that a little bit of being on her own would help her confidence and give her impetus to cultivate a careful approach.

When it came to anything more advanced, though, she still needed metaphorical training wheels. I didn't think it would be smart yet to trust her completely on her own with powered flight at any altitude greater than the height of the wall.

Banking and steering, in particular, are skills that take a fair amount of experience to learn, ironically partly because a pegasus is so maneuverable. I'm sure that any pegasi reading this know it well, but for the benefit of earth ponies and unicorns, I suppose it bears some explaining. With the entire wing able to tilt, pitch, and bend to articulate different shapes, a pegasus who knows what they're doing can turn on a one-bit coin. A pegasus still just starting to learn, however, often has a tendency to oversteer and careen off course or out of control.

The situation we faced was unusual in that regard. Most fillies and colts learn to fly while their wings are proportionally much smaller compared to their body than an adult pegasus. The lower amount of area for control surfaces makes them less maneuverable, so childish over exaggeration of motions usually doesn't have severe consequences. As they grow up and their wings get larger, they learn the appropriate subtlety and finesse more or less automatically in response to continual feedback from firsthoof experience as they keep flying.

Still, even on the small wings of a filly it's tricky for some pegasi, and as Azure had pointed out to me, she didn't have the luxury of starting young. She was learning on wings that were already full sized. There was no easing into this. Her abilities started at full blast, including the ability to screw up.

Because of this, caution was demanded. I made sure to stay close by her while she learned to fly actively and maneuver in the air in a meaningful way beyond just hovering, the same way my father had been there with me at first. There were close calls early on. I had to catch her and correct her in the air or help guide her down to the ground for a safe landing several times.

During one session in which I felt like she'd been doing well so far that day, I set up a short course of a few small clouds to weave her way through. She was negotiating them just fine until she made a mistake, turning too sharply and then overcorrecting again in the other direction, one wing wavering uncertainly as she struggled but couldn't stay steady. She started to tumble and spin out of control. When I could tell she was in trouble, I grabbed her around the barrel with my forelegs and brought her back downward at a glide to deposit her on the sand as gently as I could.

"Sorry," Azure said, flushing with embarrassment once we'd caught our breath on the beach.

"Don't worry about it," I said. "Every pegasus parent has to catch their foal at least a couple times. I know my dad did."

"I don't think you're old enough to be my parent," Azure commented.

"Big sister, then." I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Siblings help too. Point is, you're doing fine."

"Alright, yeah," Azure sort of half-smiled at me.

We'd been flying for a while by then. "You getting tired out yet?" I asked.

"A little, but no pain, no gain!" Azure declared brashly, with a grin. "So says Captain Dash. I'm gonna go back up and do it again, without trying to crash and burn this time."

"Alright, you're on," I agreed. We prepared to take off for another run. "Just one more though, okay?"

"Fine..."

I had to give her an A+ for effort. She'd never quit if I didn't make her.

I've found that the things I dream about out here at the Seawall have a way of becoming raw and intense. In this isolation from the rest of the world, there's more primal things, the pieces of myself that are sometimes buried and hidden away, that tend to gradually come into more prominence the longer I'm here.

In the night of day fifty-one at the Seawall, I had a dream I hadn't had in a long time.

Orange, that's how this dream starts. The sky is always bright intensely glowing orange, on fire with the colors poured forth by the sun that evening in that last half hour before sunset. It matches my yellow coat and fire-orange mane, falling somewhere a shade in between the two. I'm always flying above the little garden that sprawls across the backyard of my mother's house, flying in slow easy circles above it, staying slightly to one side opposite the direction of the sun so that the intense orange light makes me hard to see.

There's a thing I'm watching for, down in the plants. I can't quite find it yet, but I know it's there. I hang idly in the air on slow, quiet wingbeats, waiting.

Suddenly my sharp eyes see it. It's quiet, trying to avoid attention by not making any of the distinctive noises of its kind, but the crow doesn't have to caw, it gives itself away when it moves down there in the garden. It's a black shape moving in characteristic awkward little bird-hops while it forages.

I stop flapping. On steady wings, I start gliding downwards, closing in with as much stealth as I can.

The crow is picking at something, a vegetable already partially broken open. I'm not sure what it is, but it doesn't really matter. I keep getting closer. Seconds drift by and I glide as quietly as I can.

Finally the light can't hide me any more, and I'm spotted. The crow looks up at me, staring in the wall-eyed way that birds do. In a split-second instinct, it jumps and flaps, taking to the air and twisting its body to face away from me as it takes off and flees.

Seeing it trying to escape instantly triggers something instinctive and I start flapping. I'm already building up speed as I descend by using my height advantage. Now that the stealth phase is over, beating my wings with a fury adds a burst of power to close the gap.

The crow runs and I run after it.

We level out and it becomes a dead heat against each other, and in a few moments it's clear that I'm winning. Crows are quick but not quite built for the kind of speed I've been training myself for. In a flat race, I'm better. She - somehow, I sense that this crow is a she - knows it. I can see it in the fear in her eye when she turns her head ever so slightly for a split second and glances back at me to check the distance that remains between us.

Agility instead of power might be better, she decides. Her wings angle and twist for precise, expert acrobatics. I see her veer off sharp right and dive. Well, nice try, but I can do that too. I'm still on her and I see her begin to twist and roll to change directions again, trying to win some space by throwing me off. It almost works, because I'm heavier and inertia isn't quite as much on my side, but it's not too difficult a trick for me. I twist my back, throw my hind legs around in an arc, use the momentum to reorient myself, and push off strong with a few more furious flaps. I'm still following her.

She's running out of distance. A few more seconds and I'll be on her. She's desperate, pumping her wings as frantically as they'll go.

Not enough, little bird. Not enough.

The best you've got isn't enough to escape what you've done, what you've stolen from my mother, what I feel a fierce and driving fire inside to protect. You've stolen from me, too. I'm not the gardener but I did my part, I had my own hoof in the effort. You've stolen from all of us. I have to defend my family and all the ponies I care about. This is my purpose, an urge I feel more intensely than anything else. Something deep and primal and wild courses in my veins and through the pegasus heart that pounds in my chest. It burns in my lungs and in the hot breath that torrents in and out through my nostrils and between my teeth.

Nothing ever felt as right as it does there in that moment. Nothing is as exhilarating as this chase. I'm a pure and unrestrained animal, and the conscious part of me that's still left likes the taste of it.

I can see that searing orange light of the sun reflecting dully off the crow's semi-glossy black feathers, bright flashes of it caught in split-second flares as her wings beat the air. It reflects off the surface of her deep dark eyes like mirror-polished hematite. Terror wells up from them because she knows what's coming. She knows what the fire of a pegasus means.

It means that I'm a warrior who won't have mercy. I don't have the least bit of sympathy for her.

It's almost over.

In the middle of the night I woke up from that dream with a gasp and a start, my legs kicking and my whole body twitching. My wings had flared in my sleep as I dreamed so intensely of flying, and now they were stiff and uncomfortable - the embarrassing phenomenon pegasi sometimes experience that's crudely referred to as a 'wing-boner'. I had to very self-consciously force them to work loose and fold back up at my sides.

Light from what I knew was a full moon was shining in the narrow windows, dim and diffused through the cloudcover. Azure was sound asleep, looking comfortable under her blanket. That light settled on her, glowing pale blue and silver, ethereal and ghostly. As it always had during her midnight wanderings back in Princess Twilight's palace, it cast her in an eerie phantasmal illumination.

Now, though, what I noticed more was that it wasn't just her. It was everything. It was the barracks building, the walls, the floor, the ceiling. It was everything in here, Azure's books, our bags, the gear we'd brought with. It was the clouded sky outside. Right now, it was the whole world that felt that way.

It was me, especially so.

I lifted my head and looked down at the blanket I was covered by. The pale yellow sun of my cutie mark sewn onto it and the deeper bright yellow background that matched my coat color were gone. They looked silver and blue-gray instead. I kicked that blanket off silently. I didn't need it right now. I felt hot from the rapid adrenaline-fueled heartbeat that the dream had brought on. I looked down at myself. My body, now that it was no longer covered, was revealed to be colored in the same dim ghostlit moonlight monochrome.

I looked away and put my head back down on my pillow. I stared across the room. Over there on the opposite side, Azure stirred for a moment, just slightly, shifting under her blanket and then settling back into stillness. I watched her for a little while. My dream still had me riled up, but there was something calming about the soft slow rise and fall of her chest in a long even rhythm while she was breathing serenely in her sleep. That brought a great sense of peacefulness over me to watch.

Still, it wasn't enough to soothe me completely. I laid there but my eyes wouldn't shut. Thoughts of intense orange light, and the depth of how much it contrasted with the soft dark silver-blue that covered everything now, kept me conscious. I couldn't get the memory of the chase out of my head and I felt a vague anxiety about the chance that I might see it again if that dream repeated itself.

Finally, I gave up and accepted being awake for the time being. I pushed myself up and off my bed, standing next to it. I turned toward the doorway and walked outside, silently moving aside the heavy cloth that covered it and then pulling it shut again behind myself.

The Seawall is very dark at night, with no artificial illumination here in the wilderness. If the unicorns who had originally garrisoned this wall had any magical lights to keep watch by, they'd taken them with when they'd abandoned it a thousand years ago. The stones don't care, though. They don't need them. Light or dark, orange, blue, gray, whatever color the sky is, the wall stands just as strong.

I admired the way it couldn't be perturbed by anything so trivial.

I wished I could say the same about myself.

The eternal sound of the ocean drifted over the wall softly, and what lay on the far side called to me. I spread my wings and took flight, crossing it and approaching the beach. I landed on a small low-hanging cloud I found a few hundred feet up directly above the line where the water meets the sand. It served well as a soft fluffy cushion with a good vantage point.

I stared out at the ocean and what I saw from up there took my breath away. Midnight in a place like this is beautiful beyond compare. The waves lapping on the shore seemed more gentle somehow than during the day. It reminded me of watching Azure in her peaceful sleep, except this... this was the soft breath of the entire world.

Out on the water, as if that world was dreaming a surreal dream, I could see patches, vast areas, where the ocean was emitting a soft, sparkling blue-green light. It was like somepony had cut open a billion glowsticks and poured the liquid inside them into the sea, except that instead of the garish chemical green of the raver's accessory, it was more blue, more alive and natural. This seemed exactly as it should be, since I knew that it was life itself that created that glow: bioluminescent plankton drifting in the waves. They come to the surface sometimes when the world grows dark, if the weather and the season happen to be right. Apparently, tonight they were.

I've always been more inclined to gravitate towards Celestia and the sunlight of the day, but never let it be said that Luna's night doesn't have just as much wonder to offer. It's softer and more subtle than the boldness of daylight, but that's part of what makes it so special and wonderous. I watched in awe as the sea set aglow below me moved in its constant rhythm.

Still, though... as beautiful as it was... something about it...

It had the same feel and created the same atmosphere of ephemerality as those other lights, in the marsh - the haunt of ghosts and the stories about them.

I couldn't keep myself from feeling like maybe there was some kind of a message in it that I was supposed to be listening to.

I could feel something in it, and it was something close to home. It was the same kind that was in the orange light that filled the sky of the dream that had woken me up. It was something in Rainbow Dash, something in me, something innate in the deepest fabric of being that kind of a pegasus. It was imitated in that attitude Azure had about flying, almost an eagerness to accept the pain and the hazards that she'd encountered in trying to learn and trying to prove she could do it.

When that recognition of what I was seeing really hit me, I was surprised by the way it was suddenly more significant than I'd understood before. It was true. There was no real mistaking that Azure Sky was adopting and reflecting pieces of the attitude that Rainbow Dash brings to flight training, the attitude that stems from Dash's most essential nature as the kind of pony that she is. But why should that be? Now that I was paying attention, I could suddenly see the inconsistency. It didn't make sense, when Azure's always been so much more intellectual and methodical, a student of science.

There was only one reason I could find for why that would be, and so I wondered... is... is that departure from the usual part of the point in itself? Is that what Azure is really after, on some level, then? Not just to merely learn how to fly, but to learn how to be a pegasus like that? Or maybe she just didn't fully realize that those weren't necessarily the same thing. It sort of raised the interesting issue that I couldn't tell how much I really knew the difference myself, for that matter. I've only ever been a pegasus and that's the lens I learned how to fly through. It's all I really understand.

I sat there and I thought about it. There were unanswered questions it had never even occurred to me to ask, I was disturbed to realize. What am I really supposed to do? Do I keep her a separate thing and approach her as just a unicorn with wings? Or is she a pegasus when she's a pegasus, with all the good and the bad that comes with it? And if that's where she's headed, is that a good thing for her? How much do I teach her, how much of it do I let her try to become?

Some part of me said I was being silly to get ahead of myself with worries. This was all hopelessly premature, because after all, she was really sort of barely even off the ground at all at this point. Why was it any kind of concern yet? How could I even speculate when there was so much more to go just for her to get the basics of flight under control - if she ever even made it that far in the time we had - let alone truly understand and start to fully absorb that kind of pegasus attitude and work it down into the core of herself? Deal with it then, not before, I told myself. Yet, at the same moment, something else in me couldn't help but think toward that far future and wonder what could happen. I wondered how much it would change who she is if she saw that orange sky, and if she tasted what it's like to fly in the frenzied grip of a wild pegasus heart filling her with animal fire.

Maybe most importantly, what would that mean during the rest of the time when her wings disappeared and she went back to being a unicorn? Two identities somehow putting her on a crash course with herself was a disturbing thought. I realized it was something I was going to really have to watch the situation and search my heart for to figure out. The answers weren't going to be easy.

Above all, it was frightening, because of what could go wrong - what I felt like I could do to her without realizing it.

I didn't want to be a will-o-the-wisp, a pale blue light in the darkness to pull her off a truer path. I didn't want to unwittingly lure her away to an orange sky full of things that might not be right for her.

I thought about the way that, as heart-achingly beautiful as those lights in the water were, that beauty came with distance, and if I flew out and tried to touch them, most likely I'd end up drowning. They belong in the water, but I don't. I like to look at them, but I'm not one of them. It all gave me pause while I sat there staring out at that ghostly luminous sea for a long time.

I found that I had a lot of thinking to do.

Chapter 20

Ghost Lights

Chapter 20

The next morning I woke up early, which was sort of an uncharacteristic thing for me. It was just after dawn with the sky beginning to brighten, and Azure was still sound asleep. For a couple minutes I watched her the way I had last night, breathing in a soft calm rhythm that radiated a sense of peace.

It was a peace that I wished I felt, but I didn't.

The moonlit pallor was gone, replaced again by dawning sunlight coming through the clouds and restoring a normal sense of color to everything. The new day was fresh and the dream of the orange sky and the dreamlike sight of the ocean glowing and alive in the night seemed like just that, mere dreams, distant phantasms that vanished with the clarity that the light of day brings. Something of them still lingered, though. The sunlight, even if it brought clear vision to my eyes, couldn't wash away the haunting echo of doubt from my heart.

When I'm troubled, it's difficult for me to be around other ponies, most of all the one I feel that way about. I wanted to be alone for the time being. I knew there was only one thing that would help make me feel better and give me the 'me time' I needed to gather myself up again. Since flying is my job here, it was naturally what I'd normally be doing anyway, but today in particular I wanted to get into the air especially early, before Azure woke up.

Once more, like I had last night, I slipped out silently without disturbing her.

I took flight as soon as I was a few steps out the door, and meandered in the air south along the coast for a couple hours. As the morning progressed I could smell the scent of heavy moisture and dust and the tingle of just a hint of ozone slowly building up in the air. From long experience among the clouds, I could sense without any doubts what that meant. Rain was coming. It was just a matter of time.

The weather held out for a while, but around midmorning it finally started. It was drizzly misting for the most part, little tiny droplets not large enough to sting when they hit me as I flew through them, but sufficient to leave me wetted and cold as the water beaded up like little dewdrops and gathered in my coat. There were a few heavier bursts of rain and gusts of wind. It was nothing I couldn't handle so I toughed it out and kept flying through it. I enjoyed the challenge of a little weather, actually. It occupied me and kept my mind off anything else for a while.

At about noon I found a field with an infestation of dandelions growing thickly alongside wild grasses, so I decided to stop for lunch. Dandelion leaves have a lot of vitamin C and some other good things, on top of being softer and tastier than grass, so I enjoy them when I get the chance. Sometimes they can be a little bit bitter but these weren't bad. I washed down that meal with rainwater fresh from the sky.

Once lunch was done, I'd started to get tired of the rain and I decided I'd do something about escaping it for a while. I took off and started flying upward towards the low hanging cloud sheet responsible for the precipitation. When I reached it, I burst through and flew to the top, getting above it. I emerged into brilliant sunshine, and when I saw it I stopped rising and glided my way back down to land on the soft cloud surface.

I shook out my body and beat my wings for a moment to toss off as much of the water as I could. After I turned my body so that the sun was at my back, I sat down on the cloud and spread my wings wide to provide as much surface area as possible to catch the light and the warmth.

After a moment I realized I wasn't alone. Another rain-drenched flier had the same idea as me, not too far away. It was a huge bird, also resting for a while up on the clouds and basking in the sun with its wings spread to dry off.

I sat still and stared at it for a minute or so, while it stared right back at me just as motionlessly with round piercing yellow eyes. It was a dull mousy brown color all over, except for its yellow beak and feet and the pale tailfeathers it had. The bird had a hawklike build with the same sort of hooked beak and heavy talons and general shape of its powerful wings, but it was much too big to be any kind of mere hawk.

I almost couldn't believe it. This was an erne, one of the great white tailed sea eagles of the remote coastal wilderness.

I'd never seen anything like it before, and I'd never heard anypony else mention having seen one in person, either. I'd only read about them, and from what I could gather they were almost known more through legends and old stories than through real sightings these days.

Myths spoke of their predatory ferocity, mostly about how they would grab large fish from the ocean effortlessly, or even fight sea monsters to the death. Other darker rumors said that given the opportunity they would snatch lambs, or pets like dogs and cats - sometimes maybe even young fillies and colts. Stories like those, however, I didn't know if I believed much. In any case, I didn't feel any danger myself. The bird not far from me was very large and a little intimidating, but not so big that it would have any prayer of successfully attacking an adult pony. Maybe if it had been a full-grown griffin encountered so far outside Equestria there'd have been cause for alarm, but this wasn't quite up to that level of threat.

I was more curious instead. On a whim, I raised one forehoof and waved in greeting.

Most birds not having the power of speech, I didn't expect an answer and I didn't get one. The erne just sort of tilted its head at an odd angle, as if momentarily puzzled by my actions, without ever taking its sharp gaze off me. Otherwise, it just continued sunbathing motionlessly and silently. I put my hoof back down and did nothing more.

For maybe twenty minutes we both stayed that way, up there on the clouds enjoying our break from the rain falling below. Although it tolerated my presence at a distance, I don't think the erne was a trusting creature. Its eyes never left me for even a moment. Most wild animals are like that, though.

After a while, the erne took off and went on its way. With a few powerful flaps, it rose briefly and then dove back down through the cloud cover, disappearing from sight. I guess it had to get back to doing whatever it is that an erne does with its day. I assume it usually has something to do with hunting for fish.

I sat there thinking after I watched that eagle fly away. The hunt is a powerful call for any creature like that, a call that I felt like I could understand. I mulled over that thought a few times, and gradually became uncomfortably aware of how I couldn't help comparing it to the things I could remember feeling during the dream of the crow in the sunset orange sky. That got me right back to thinking about all my questions all over again. I still hadn't formulated any answers, not with any real clarity.

It occurred to me as I struggled with these things that this call, and whatever others it follows, are the fundamental things driving the erne to take wing. That was an important thing to remember: it doesn't fly just to fly. Flying is only a means to some other end it wants to accomplish. It flies to hunt, it flies to travel, it flies to find things.

Finding things.

Flying, I realized when I looked at it that way, was always in some form or another about finding something.

So what was Azure trying to find?

Suddenly it dawned on me, that was what I didn't know. What I knew was that Azure wanted to fly, but I hadn't yet asked why. That was the troubling missing piece to my understanding. What other end was accomplishing flight really her means to? Maybe there would be something important revealed in that. This was what I needed to know before I could possibly understand where I should be leading her.

Just by knowing what question to ask, a little bit of oppressive weight felt like it lifted suddenly off my back and brought me some relief. In my mind I silently gave thanks to the erne for the clue it had finally given me.

With that fresh new possibility in mind, combined with the realization that the day was probably at least half over at this point, I decided it was time to be heading back again. I took off and flew north with some renewed energy.

For several hours I stayed just above the clouds, trying to keep out of the rain. Eventually, as the sun got low in the sky, I knew I would need to dive back down below them so I could see the terrain to finish navigating my way home.

I descended and found it was still raining down there, the way it had been most of the day. I also still had quite a way to go, but I didn't want to get lost, so I endured the weather. When I got back, I was soaked again and it had turned dark. I shook off before I came into the barracks, but I was still dripping wet and I was cold and uncomfortable.

I came in leaving small puddles of water in my first few hoofsteps. Azure was inside, and when I walked in the doorway she looked up from what she was doing and saw that I was drenched. She grabbed a dry, warm towel in her horn's telekinetic magic and tossed it toward me. It landed draping over my head and neck and immediately started soaking up water from my wet mane.

"Thanks," I said gladly, reaching up with my hooves to rub myself with the towel and get dry.

"You were out a long time today," Azure said. "I was wondering if I should get worried, because it's been raining all day, but I decided I probably shouldn't be. I didn't think you'd let a little bit of rain stop you."

"Sure wouldn't." I shook my head as I kept toweling off. "I've flown in worse."

"My mom, on the other hoof, would scold you," Azure said. "She'd say you'll catch your death out there on a day like today."

"Well, fair enough. That sounds like the 'mom' thing to say."

"Especially a mom like mine." Azure replied.

"Unicorn?" I asked. "The fussy, fancy type?"

"You better believe it." Azure nodded. "The fussiest and fanciest."

I could have kept going, but I felt like I really didn't want to talk about ponies I didn't know and who weren't there, so I held my silence and just kept working on getting dried off. I worked the towel through my mane, down my back and sides, over my tail, and finally wiped off my legs. When I was as dry as I was going to manage with the towel, I hung it up to air-dry. I was still damp in places, but not nearly as bad now as I had been.

"Here, use this," Azure said. Her horn glowed and a small orb appeared hovering near the stone ceiling of the barracks. It looked like the kind of orb that a unicorn might conjure up to light a room at night, except this one was only glowing with a dull red color, the color of metal after it's been left in the hot coals of a fire and heated to incandescence.

"It's infrared, mostly," Azure explained. "It'll help warm you up."

It certainly seemed like it would. Even while she explained, I could already feel a faint heat building on my back and the side of my body that was facing it. I walked to position myself directly underneath it, then spread my wings to capture the warmth. After a few moments I began to feel a whole lot more comfortable.

"Feels good," I said appreciatively. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Azure said.

I gladly basked in the hot glow the orb radiated. This didn't distract me, though. With my wings spread again, much as they had been up on that cloud, my mind was brought back to the erne I'd seen there and the thing I'd thought about. I still had to find an answer. It was a little difficult to approach, though, I found. I knew what I had to ask, just not quite how to ask it. I spent a couple minutes quietly soaking in the heat while I was trying to figure that out, but ultimately nothing seemed better than the simple direct approach.

"Hey, Azure?" I finally started.

"Yeah?"

"Why exactly is it that you want to learn to fly, anyway?"

Azure Sky had a pondering look for a moment after I put forth the question. "I don't know if I really thought that much about it, actually," she said. "It's just, magic wears kinda thin on you after a while. I just wanted to try something else out for once, you know?"

"Yeah, I can understand that." I nodded. "Captain Dash did say it seemed like you were getting to be burned out. I'll bet she didn't realize this was what you had in mind, though."

"Heh..." Azure grinned. "No, I may not have quite mentioned that not being a unicorn was what I intended to try."

"Why this, specifically?" I asked. "I mean, out of anything, I'm just kinda curious why you chose flying. It seems... well, pretty non-obvious, for a unicorn. From what you said, developing that spell wasn't quick or easy, either, so I have to wonder what you're hoping to get out of it that would make you go to all the trouble."

"It's because of watching Captain Dash," Azure said. "And... well, and you, and some of the other pegasi I know. They always seem to just be... I don't know. Happy when they're flying. I just thought maybe there was something to it. I thought maybe I could try to feel that too."

"I guess flying does make me happy," I said. "But there's no one thing that's right for everypony. I thought learning magic made you happy."

"It used to," Azure said, with a little bit of a sigh. "At least I think it did."

"Is everything alright?" I asked.

"I'm fine." Azure turned away and went back to what she was doing, and didn't seem to want to talk any more about it.

I knew it was plain to see that everything was not fine and I should have pursued it, but I had no idea what to say or what else to ask. I opened my mouth briefly but not a sound came out, and Azure wasn't looking. The silence between us gradually filled the barracks with a veil that felt harder and harder to break through without being unbearably awkward, even suffocating. I shut my mouth again and gave up.

I admit with a feeling of shame now in retrospect, I ran away, like I'm prone to in situations like these, by just not saying anything. I tend to blame myself that the conversation ended there and feel like it's because I'm not brave enough, but I suppose that this time it may have actually been for the best because it was probably not one that Azure was ready to have at the time, either. I doubt it would have been productive, just hurtful.

In the end all I could do for the time being was keep teaching her to fly and hope that she found what she was looking for in it. I could only hope I was doing the right thing for her.

Chapter 21

Ghost Lights

Chapter 21

Two weeks later on the morning of day sixty seven, I woke up that morning and discovered that, as usual, Azure had risen before me. I went outside to find her finishing eating breakfast. I looked up at the sky. It was cloudy like every day here is, and judging by the motion of those clouds it looked like there were only slight winds coming in off the sea, making for nice easy flying conditions. It was just what I was hoping to see.

When Azure noticed me, she swallowed down her last couple bites of grass quickly. It was a flight training day, and our usual routine was to start as soon as I was up and moving. We'd sort of fallen into it by then to the point that it didn't need a lot of discussion. As she normally did, Azure cast her spell to transform herself into a pegasus and begin preparing for the lessons.

I didn't intend to proceed from there like we previously had, though. Having reached the point at which I felt like she was starting to be trustworthy with the basic skills on her own, I had something new planned.

"Today's going to be a little different," I told Azure, while we were getting ready. "You're probably getting tired of just flying back and forth over the beach, right?"

"I guess," Azure said, with a shrug. "I don't really care, though. I just want to keep learning. Where I do it doesn't bother me."

"Well, it's kinda bothering me," I said. "Teaching like this and being stuck over one spot every other day means that I'm losing those days for flying recon over the general wider area, like I should be doing."

"I... I see." Azure seemed to deflate slightly. Her withers slumped and she stared at the ground. I could hear disappointment in her voice. "If it's interfering with doing your job, then I suppose we'll have to cut back, won't we?"

"That's not what I meant," I said. "I was thinking more along the lines of combining the two, actually. There's no reason flying a patrol can't also be part of teaching you."

"Really?" The outlook that Azure expressed in her body language did a rapid about-face. Her ears perked up and her face went from a little morose to a hopeful expression. "You mean you want me to come with you? Like, on real flights?"

"Sure. You'll be fine," I said. "You've put in a lot of hard work and made a lot of strides. I think this'll actually be a little bit easier by comparison. Most of it's just straight line flying and gliding at a reasonable pace, not nearly as high energy as the maneuvers and speed drills you've been doing, and besides, I think it'd be good for you at this point to start getting some experience with distance flying over different kinds of terrain instead of these short little bursts over the same spot over and over again."

"That sounds good," Azure agreed.

"You cast the spell to last six hours like you usually do, right?" I asked.

"Yes I did." Azure nodded.

"Then we'll limit ourselves to about three hours out and three hours back," I said. "I wouldn't want to start you on anything much longer than that yet, anyway."

"I was gonna ask. Some days you're out for twelve hours at a time," Azure said. "I can cast the spell to last that long, but I still don't think my body would like that much flying all at once, yet."

"It's fine, we can also use this to build up for endurance while you keep getting the hang of things," I said. "For today, let's head south and maybe check out the coastline. Just try to stay next to me and don't worry about how fast you fly. I'm not all that concerned about covering a huge amount of distance. You ready?"

"Alright!" Azure affirmed enthusiastically.

I took off and Azure followed me into the air. I kept the pace slow and steady, letting Azure stay at my side where I could watch her. I kept the altitude a little lower than I usually would, staying down where the air was thick and easy to breathe and fly in. Azure was learning well and had no trouble going for a few hours nonstop without my assistance or intervention in anything.

Most importantly, her smile radiated plainly to see that she was enjoying every moment of our flight. I was reminded by it that this was still something new and magical to her, an experience to revel in. Seeing that made me happy. It rekindled and brought back some of that feeling from my own early days in the air. I understand now in a way I never could before why teaching can be rewarding. Feeling that pride in your student and reliving that thrill of the first time when it shines in their eyes is hard to beat.

At about noon, Azure and I landed in a field of grass near the coast to take a break and eat lunch. At this point we were as far out as I planned to go for the day. We grazed for a while, then walked over toward the edge of the land which was a sheer drop of rocky cliffs that fell away about a hundred feet into the ocean. Large jagged rocks stuck up out of the water, crusted with shells and lined in patches with green hairlike seaweed. The tide wasn't very high at the time and the low water exposed some of the sealife that would have otherwise been submerged.

I sat down by the edge of the land and took in the sight and sound of the ocean. Azure sat next to me. The water and the sea life was captivating enough to watch quietly for a while. A little crab with a dark colored body and brighter orange legs and claws wandered up and down the rocks, picking at unseen particles of something it apparently enjoyed eating. Barnacles stuck out their mesh of filters to catch plankton when the waves washed over them, then pulled them in and shut themselves tight when the water receded. We must have let ten or fifteen minutes go by just sitting there.

"You know, I've been thinking about what you asked me a couple weeks ago," Azure finally said, shifting a little bit where she sat. "About why I wanted to learn to fly."

"You said you thought it might make you happy," I recalled.

"Yeah," Azure said quietly and nodded, looking forward at the rocks.

We both watched them for a little while longer, sitting side by side in silence once again. The waves rolled in and out, rushing up at the rocks to break over them, flooding in with rhythmic primal force and then retreating in a ceaseless motion that never ended.

"So is it?" I asked.

"I don't know yet," Azure responded softly. "It's only been a month. I guess I'm still trying to feel inside myself. Still waiting to see what happens as I get better at it. I think so, though. I mean... I like it so far."

We watched the little crab clamber around, disturbing a small sea anemone that suddenly retracted its tentacles in response. It slowly started to relax and let them out again, though, after the crab scuttled off.

"It's a different kind of feeling. It's exciting," Azure continued. "And it's been a long time since I felt this way, actually."

"Oh? How long?" I asked.

"I don't really know." Azure shrugged. "Just... a long time. Maybe not since the first time I flew. Or was taken flying, I should say."

"When was that?"

"It was when I was a little filly," Azure said. "It was not too long after you left guard duty for your second tour here at the Seawall. A few months, so I must have been about eight, I think. Do you remember that night you wrote about from way back in those journal excerpts you sent Princess Twilight? The one where you caught me out in the palace hallways late at night, so you put me back to bed and I asked you what a fillyfooler was?"

"Heh, yeah." I nodded.

"You let me ride on your back while you took me back to my room," Azure said. "It was the first time I'd touched the wings of a pegasus. I was curious about them after that. I guess I wanted to know more, so I went to Captain Dash and I asked about her wings. I just wanted to see them and try to understand how they worked. Well, you know her. She was more than happy to show them off. Then I asked what it was like to use them to fly. She said it's not really something you can just explain, but she could show me, if I wanted."

What happened from there wasn't a difficult conclusion to arrive at. "So she took you flying," I said.

"Yep." Azure nodded. "I didn't think Princess Twilight would let me. Too dangerous and all. But... I guess it didn't matter, since the princess never knew. Captain Dash and I sort of figured that it could be our little secret, so she took me out one night at about sunset. I've never told anypony else. It was like, our special thing, just us. I rode on her back and she flew me up to a cloud way up there in the sky and we watched the sun finish setting and the moon and the stars come up. I thought it was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. Nothing else I'd seen was ever like that."

"Not even magic?"

"Not after that." Azure shook her head. "By comparison, magic was always just sort of dull, you know? Maybe that's just because it was expected from me, though. It was the daily grind. Kinda destroys the novelty."

"Having Princess Twilight as a teacher seems like it would make things interesting, at least, though," I said.

"Yeah. She was a great teacher, but, ummm..." Azure trailed off. Her glance scanned side to side on the sea rocks, studying their details with a renewed apparent interest. I could sense her hesitation, something awkward she wasn't sure about. "I... I don't..."

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," I said, trying to release her from feeling uneasy.

"It's just, she's not really there a lot of the time, you know?" Azure continued anyway. "She made the decisions about raising me, and she's the closest thing I have to a mother, but... she's a princess first. She doesn't get much of a choice about it."

"No, I guess not," I agreed. "I know she's sort of auxiliary to Celestia and Luna, but there's still a lot of functions that go through her. Sure keeps her busy."

"You can say that again," Azure nodded. "It's always a bad time, too. Like when... well, this is sort of a weird story. When I was thirteen, I had my first heat. You know how that goes the first time. Stuff starts happening in some sensitive places and no matter how many times you've been told it's coming, you kinda freak out because it's never done that before. I was pretty anxious about it and I just wanted Princess Twilight to show me what to do and tell me everything would be alright, but she was busy at her court all day with some diplomatic emergency. I don't remember what it was. I just remember that I couldn't even so much as get in the same room as her. Even if I could have, she wouldn't have been able to spare any time anyway."

"That's rough," I said.

"Yeah. At the time it was awful," Azure said. "So I wasn't sure what to do other than go to Rainbow Dash for help. Back then at that age she kind of intimidated me sometimes. I thought, you know, she's the captain of the guard, and a tough soldier like her doesn't want to hear about a personal problem like this. I thought I was just about going to die from embarrassment when I walked into her office and told her what was happening. She was really nice about it, though. She dropped everything to make sure I knew how to handle it and that I was alright. We hung out for most of the day and she gave me 'the talk'... stuff like how this meant I could get pregnant now, how to protect myself and use a condom, those kinds of things. All the sexual health stuff your mom is supposed to tell you about when the time comes, you know?"

I just nodded quietly.

"And at the end of the day when things were finally settled at court, Rainbow Dash went with me to see Twilight in private. I'll never forget it, because Captain Dash and I walked in together and she had this big smile like there was something to celebrate. The first words out of her mouth were, 'Hey Twilight, guess who just became a mare today!'" Azure laughed at the memory. "It took Twilight a few seconds to realize what Dash meant, but when she did the look on her face was priceless."

"I'll bet." I smirked. I could just see it in my mind: a grinning Rainbow Dash, a flabbergasted princess, and a shrinking, shy, thirteen year old Azure Sky, still half-grown and scrawny the way she was at that age.

"That's how those kinds of things always seemed to end up working out," Azure said. "It was always Captain Dash who was around and who had the time. She was cool, she let me do stuff that Twilight wouldn't sometimes. She's kind of like this awesome father I never had. I know it seems weird to say that about a mare, but at the same time it feels like it sort of makes sense, with her being Princess Twilight's partner and everything. They might as well be married, practically speaking, so I guess I sort of see her as being pretty much like family in a strange kind of way."

"I can understand it." I nodded. "Family's not always about who you were born to. It's about who's there with you when it matters."

"Yep," Azure agreed. "I was born a unicorn, but it feels like it's always been pegasi who really took me in. Even right before we came out here, it was Captain Dash who took me out to that farewell party. You saw. You were there. You're one of the pegasi who's been around for me, too."

"Well, I always liked you," I said. "You were a pretty cool kid. You also wrote me back after I sent those journal excerpts to the princess. That meant a lot to me."

"Haha, yeah, I did." Azure nodded. "I wanted you to come back to the palace again because I thought you were the greatest guard ever, after how you helped Twilight and Rainbow Dash get together... and because of the way you weren't afraid of the dark hallways at night. It sounds silly now but to a little kid those kinds of things matter. I felt better with you there protecting us. Also, I liked how you gave me an honest answer when I asked what a fillyfooler was, since you were just a guard and you didn't have to. You could have just told me to shut up and go to sleep."

I almost laughed at the thought. I don't think I could ever see myself saying that. Only then did it really occur to me how gruff the guards could probably seem sometimes to a little filly, patrolling around the palace in their armor - especially maybe the ones like me, who didn't usually talk much.

"Nah, I couldn't do that," I said. "It was too important. I felt responsible. I wanted what was best for you so I knew it had to be an honest answer."

"I hope this is alright, and not too weird of me to say, or anything..." Azure began, "but I sort of felt like you were a part of that family too. You're like a cool big sister, looking out for me."

"I was an only child growing up," I said. "So I don't know much about having siblings. But... if that's the way it is, I think that you're a pretty great little sister to have. I don't think I could have asked for better."

"Really?" Azure asked, smiling a little bit.

"Yeah, really," I answered her.

Azure reached out with her forelegs and embraced me. I hesitated involuntarily for a fraction of a second. It just surprised me, physical contact and affection isn't a frequently occurring thing in my life and I'm not so used to it that it ever seems to come easily. That doesn't lessen its importance, though. On the contrary, that makes a gesture like a hug particularly special and meaningful to me. It's only really enjoyable if it's somepony I know and like enough to feel that comfortable with.

This one, though... this one felt truly great. With family it always does. I reached out and returned her hug gladly.

Azure leaned her head against me and we just held each other for a little while against the backdrop of the sound of the ocean waves rushing in and out against the rocks. "Thanks for teaching me to fly," she said quietly. "I feel like it's helping me understand more about some of the ponies I care about. It's like I can see things through their eyes for the first time ever. I really enjoy it, too. Things haven't been this good in a while. I know the answer to that question now. Yes. It is making me happy."

That's when my uncertainties about instructing her in flight finally disappeared. I knew then that for whatever hazards there were, it was the right decision, one of the best ones I've ever made.

Chapter 22

Ghost Lights

Chapter 22

Although birds might seem peaceful enough to the ground-dwelling, any pegasus who's been mobbed by them can attest that they're viciously mean creatures if they're encountered under the wrong circumstances. It was more or less inevitable that Azure and I would have to confront this fact in the course of teaching her to fly, especially in a place like the Seawall.

It was around day ninety-one and I was taking her with me on a patrol flight when it happened. The birds in question were starlings. Their distinctive bright speckles and purple-green darkly iridescent feathers are hard to mistake for anything else. We were lucky that it was only a pair of them, and not one of the large flocks they tend to form. Being swarmed by dozens of birds would have been a bit much even for me, let alone for Azure.

We were passing over a stand of trees somewhat inland to the southeast of the wall. It must have been where the starlings had chosen to nest. Azure and I were flying side by side, with her slightly ahead. The pair of birds were already in the air as we entered the area and came at us unexpectedly from above and to the left, suddenly diving down to swoop at Azure's back while they screamed with harsh high-pitched calls of anger.

"Whoa!" Azure swerved and dropped a little in altitude to dodge after catching sight of them at the last second. "Are they crazy?! What are they doing?" she asked me.

The two birds rounded in the air and came about for another pass.

"They're--" I didn't have time to say anything else before the next attack was imminent. "Look out!"

Once again, they dove in, calling in shrill tones while Azure swerved out of their way.

"They're mobbing," I was finally able to say. "Happens sometimes, birds can get nasty."

"What do I do?" Azure asked me urgently.

"Hang on, I got this," I told her.

I flapped hard for a moment, overtaking Azure and flying slightly above her. I turned and rounded on the starlings to face them. They were still chattering their angry calls.

"Hey, birdbrains!" I shouted at them, above their noise. "Think fast!"

I surged forward and charged them rapidly, turning the tables. Now they were the ones doing the dodging. It drew their ire toward myself and away from Azure, allowing her to fly in peace again.

After the two birds scattered in different directions to avoid my charge, I turned and pretended to be fleeing, letting them regroup above me for a counterattack I knew would be coming. I was counting on this. I watched them and readied myself for it. They swooped down again, aiming for my back and coming from behind. When just the right moment came, I raised my wings high, then pumped them down in full, sweeping strokes as powerfully as I could. I flapped several times like that. My wings were fully extended and held rigid to provide as much surface area for pushing air as possible. These flaps weren't meant to generate lift, but to create raw wind and turbulence in a rough, spiraling cyclone that would be left in the wake behind me.

The starlings flew right into it and never saw it coming. It hit them like a wall. The wind grabbed them by the wings, whipping them around into haphazard tumbles while they struggled ineffectually to regain control. Their angry screeching stopped, replaced by a surprised silence now that they were suddenly preoccupied by coping with the crazy, unpredictable spins they were being swept away in.

I felt sort of a grim satisfaction as I watched the turbulence carry them away for several hundred feet. After they finally managed to break out of it and regain normal flight control, they turned and fled back to the stand of trees they probably called home. After that little surprise, we were apparently no longer worth the trouble to harass. Pegasi one, birds zero.

Still, though, discretion is the better part of valor and I didn't want to stick around to antagonize them any further. "Head down, over there," I directed Azure, pointing toward a clear field away from the tree cover. She nodded and we descended to it together.

"Are you alright?" I asked her after we landed.

"I'm fine," she said. "I was gonna ask you the same thing. Thanks for getting them off me."

"No big deal," I said. "They're usually pretty harmless."

"It's a little unnerving," Azure said. "I've never been attacked by wild animals like that before."

"It happens. Birds aren't really too smart, you'll find out. Not their fault, though. Sometimes pegasi trigger their predator freak-out instincts. They see a large wingspan and think we're hawks or something. You figure out ways to deal with them, I guess. If nothing else, they'll back off once you're far enough away from their nest, most of the time," I said.

"Or you could just blast them away in the wind, apparently," Azure said.

"Heh... yeah. Or that."

I looked around the field we found ourselves in. The soil was a bit rocky and sandy, made up of dirt that mingled with eroded stone particulate washed down from the nearby mountains to the west. There was some sparse grass growing in tufts, but it was mostly overshadowed by daisies shooting upwards with profusions of their small flowers of white petals surrounding yellow eyes. Out of curiosity, I took a bite of one and chewed it. It was an edible plant, but tasted a little bitter and left an astringent feel in my mouth that I didn't like.

"Could you teach me how to do that trick?" Azure asked.

"What, the turbulence wash thing I did?" I asked. "It's not that hard."

"Yeah, that!" Azure nodded. "I want to learn how to fight in the air like that."

That made me stop and a little chill hit me, coursing down my back. I looked around, not responding for a few seconds. A soft breeze was blowing, making the flowers sway back and forth in waves here and there throughout the field.

"Why do you want to learn to fight?" I asked.

"I want to learn everything about flying," Azure said, with an idle shrug.

I looked over at her. She paid me no attention in return, since she was momentarily occupied by admiring a small butterfly with pale blue wings. She smiled while it flittered rapidly in its erratic flight from flower to flower to feast on nectar, obviously finding the daisies much more tasty than I had.

"...We'll see," I finally told her.

The butterfly took off on its way and sped along on a scattershot flight of random direction changes. Azure watched it curiously until it was out of sight.

"Let's go a little further today," I said, once she was done studying the insect. "On the way back we can swing around somewhere to avoid this area and the birds should leave us alone. Ready?"

Azure nodded and we prepared to resume our flight.

Lost in thought, I don't think I said a word on our entire flight back. Remaining mostly silent is nothing unusual for me, though, so I don't think it was particularly noticed.

"So have birds always given you trouble?" Azure asked, after we'd returned.

The sun was setting by then. It turned the clouds over the ocean a warm orange color while we stood outside watching. I felt a knot start to form down in the pit of my stomach at the sight. The memory of my dream sprang back up in my mind, the message it brought hanging in my thoughts. I knew the time to deal with this was upon me now, but I felt unprepared. It seemed too sudden. I didn't know how exactly to explain all the things carried in the warm colored light those clouds were glowing with.

I just knew that somehow I had to guide her right, not let her walk into this blind.

I fumbled forward trying to do that as best I could in the moment. "You could say that," I said. "I mean, not really that often, but the times they have, it's been..." I shook my head.

"That bad, huh?" Azure asked. "Well, that's why I should probably learn to fight them off, right?"

"Yeah, about that... I'm not so sure." I shook my head. "This isn't something I want to be hasty about."

"Why?" Azure's voice carried a note of annoyance at the possibility of being denied.

"Because of a crow," I told her.

"What about it?"

"I killed it," I said. It surprised me how easily the words slid out. I didn't think I'd be able to talk about this, but it felt... natural, somehow.

"...Oh." Azure looked like she wasn't sure what the significance was or how to respond to that.

"I thought I was ready for that kind of thing," I said. "That was the day I found out the hard way that I didn't know as much as I thought I did."

"What happened?"

"My mom's a farmer. A gardener, really. She grows vegetables, lots of different kinds. It's where we got most of what we ate while I was growing up, and she would sell the extras in the market in town for some income. Any farmer has to deal with pests. That turned out to be something having a pegasus daughter came in handy for, since I was faster than an earth pony and I could fly. Usually it wasn't such a big deal. Just go scare the critters off, and they move on. Well, not one year. One year, in the summer... some crow decided that it really liked my mom's vegetables. She just couldn't stay away. We tried a few things. We tried a scarecrow, but those don't really work because crows are smart, they know it's not real. I tried chasing her off over and over again, hoping she'd take a hint and give up, but it just made her try harder to be sneakier."

"Sounds annoying," Azure said.

"It was. She was really getting on our nerves more and more. I started to get tired of it, and there was this feeling building up of... it made me angry. The way I saw it, that was my job, you know? We both had a part. My mom's the earth pony. She grows things. I'm a pegasus. I make the weather right and I... I grew up hearing the stories about how we're the ones who fight when something needs fighting. Seeing that crow come back to steal vegetables over and over again and not being able to do anything about it was like being taunted. It was like that bird was trying to prove I was no good, and she was winning. I started to feel more and more furious about it sometimes."

"So..." Azure scraped the ground with one hoof. The look on her face said she probably knew where this was going.

"So toward the end of the summer that finally just boiled over. It's kind of funny, though, because there wasn't any one moment where I snapped all of a sudden. It doesn't work that way. It was just this slow buildup where I barely even noticed how I was getting more willing to go further and further, getting closer to really hurting her - really wanting to hurt her. Finally there was a day when I just said the heck with it, there's only one way this is gonna be over. I didn't care anymore. I was just going to do whatever I had to," I said.

Azure didn't say anything, she just listened to the story unfold.

"It was right before sunset one day," I continued. "I had a feeling like I knew I'd find her out there in the garden, so I snuck around and flew some recon overhead, and sure enough I caught her. I had surprise on my side and she couldn't outrun me, so I flew her down, and... some vicious instinct inside of me took over and I let it. I wanted it to. But what happened - it was bad. It was so bad. I was like an animal. I got blood all over my hooves, and all up and down my forelegs. I didn't realize how much--" I stopped.

I caught myself in what I was saying. Something stopped me. I didn't want to talk about that. It was something I hadn't ever really wanted to even think about again.

"And then what?" Azure asked.

"And then I dug a hole and buried that crow, and went home and took a shower and tried to clean it all off and forget about it," I said, skipping forward a little bit to hurry past the most uncomfortable parts.

"Just like that?" Azure asked. "Like nothing happened?"

"No." I shook my head. "Not like nothing happened. Like a big deal happened, only I couldn't talk about it. That was kind of horrible for a while. There was this weight of knowing what I did and I couldn't get any relief. I couldn't ever go to my mom with it. She's just a gardener who never hurt a fly in her life as far as I know. I didn't think she'd understand, so I just... never told her. Feeling like I had this big secret wasn't easy. I remember the next day. I really didn't feel like I could deal with anything, so I told my mom I felt sick. I just stayed in bed and didn't bother getting up."

"Wow. Did she ever figure it out?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe sort of. I think she realized something must have happened. I mean, that crow was showing up to raid the garden like clockwork, and then one day the bird just kind of... disappeared and never came back. I know she noticed. But I guess she didn't want to ask, and I didn't want to talk about it, so... we didn't."

"I'm really sorry," Azure said. "I didn't know this was something you were so uncomfortable with."

"No, no, I'm fine now. I don't like what I did but I've had a long time to figure it out and I'm not really bothered too much anymore. What I'm worried about is more you than me," I said. "When you start fighting, learning to do things like that, there's a certain mindset that tends to come with it, and these things have a way of creeping up on you when you let that start being who you are. You can find it affecting things in your life in ways that aren't really too good."

Azure just looked at me, with an expression of distant thought on her face, and nodded.

"I'm not trying to tell you it's something you should never learn, just that there's certain things you don't get to go back from," I said. "You need to think carefully about what kind of pony you want to be."

"You're right." Azure agreed. "You're very right."

The warm colors of the clouds had deepened by then as the sun continued setting, going from fiery oranges to mostly rosy-hued pink and vibrant purple-reds. We were both quiet for a while longer, watching it. In that changing light, my anxieties had loosened up and fallen away. Instead, I found myself relieved that the two of us had talked about this. We'd faced one of the hard conversations I was afraid of, the kind that I had no idea how I'd handle until the moment came, and it was good to feel like I'd done alright... so far.

I also didn't doubt, though, that there would be more of them ahead. How would I handle those? Would I do as well? Would they even happen, for that matter, or would I be the coward I am, the one that runs away from these things?

I didn't know.

Chapter 23

Ghost Lights

Chapter 23

A few nights later, I woke up unexpectedly for no particular reason I could identify other than a sense of something being off. Nothing seemed wrong in a way I could put my hoof on, exactly, so I assumed it must have just been my imagination and decided to go back to sleep. I listened to my surroundings, hoping for some sort of soft white noise or something that would calm me.

Instead I found that it was quiet, more so than usual. When this hit me, I realized it was actually this lack of noise, a subtle missing presence, that had caused me to feel strange. Looking over to the other side of the room, I discovered that I was alone in the barracks building.

This was strange. What could Azure be doing at this late (or early) hour? With a sigh, I kicked off my blanket and headed outside, looking for my companion. I didn't think she'd be foolish enough to get herself into trouble, whatever it was, but so far in the time we'd been here it wasn't like her to wander out alone in the dark.

After I stepped outside, I looked around for any sign of where she might be. She wasn't far, it turned out. Almost immediately I saw her on top of the wall sitting silent and still, watching the sea. I flew up to join her. She looked over at me briefly as I landed, but then turned back to looking out at the water while I sat down next to her.

The night air had a slight coolness to it, and as I watched her I began to realize that Azure was pensive and uneasy. I had a feeling something was going on in her head. My warm blanket was calling and I wanted to go back to bed, but I couldn't. I felt a pulling urgency in this instead. Something told me if it wasn't addressed now, it would be too late. We would both just get up tomorrow and ignore that this happened. Even if I tried to say something about it then, she'd just shrug and tell me it was nothing, that she was fine. Worse on my part, I knew that I'd let her, even though I could tell that these things weren't nothing.

It would be the usual story. She would hide and I would run away. I always do.

Sitting there next to her on the wall, while the moment was still fresh, determination came over me instead. Not this time, I suddenly resolved. Not this time. I told myself that I wouldn't run, not if she needed me. This time... this time, we were going to talk about it, whatever it was. That last one in the sunset wasn't so horrible, was it? No. No it wasn't. I could do this.

Even as I decided that, though, the first problem presented itself, as always: how to begin. I waited a while for her to say something, in case she wanted to start. I suppose it was just wishful thinking to hope it could be that easy.

Eventually I realized I had to just make the first move. "What do you think?" I asked, waving out at the ocean we were watching. "Still like it now that we've been here a while? I never get tired of it, myself."

Azure nodded. "It's so pretty at night."

"Yes," I agreed. "It is."

"Tide's come in, too," she noted.

I just nodded. The moon overhead pulling on the water had indeed driven it to a high level. We sat there side by side and watched waves roll onto the sand, one after another. Their crests reached all the way up to the line of debris, the broken shells and strands of seaweed, that demarcated the furthest they would go.

"Thinking about anything in particular?" I asked, trying again.

"Mostly about how... nothing can stop that tide, can it?" Azure asked. She kept staring at the waves, almost as if hypnotized. "The water just creeps up and down and the whole world is helpless against it. The ocean is too big. All you can do is go along with its ebb and flow."

"Hmmm. Maybe," I said. I pondered the sea along with her for a moment, thinking about it.

"Unless, of course, you had a way to fly above the water," Azure continued. "Then you could go wherever you want. Then the whim of the tide wouldn't matter. You'd be the one who decides."

"You could just stay out of the water," I suggested. "Don't let it drag you around."

"What if that's not a choice, though? What if it's everywhere and what if I don't have wings?" Azure asked. "What if I can't stop from being swept away?"

"I guess that depends," I said. "Where do you think you'd be swept away to?"

"One of a few different places, I guess." Azure shrugged. "I just don't know if any of them are where I want to end up."

"Like where?"

"Wherever this mark on my flank takes me," she responded, "at least according to what everypony thinks it means."

"Oh, nonsense. Some stamp on your butt doesn't get to decide, and how would anypony else know the difference anyway?" I asked. "It's just a picture."

"Easy for you to say," Azure mumbled moodily. "You're a --" She caught herself. She stopped abruptly and her mouth snapped shut.

"I'm a what?"

A quick glance from Azure toward my wings said all it needed to about what she meant. "Well, aren't you expected to have that freedom? To just sort of... fly off and do your own thing, at some point?" she asked hesitantly.

"Oh, is that it, huh?" I smiled gently at Azure. "The old stereotype, the wayward irresponsible pegasus drifting the world on a whim?"

"Sorry," Azure said. She looked down contritely. "I'm just being dumb."

"No, it's alright," I said. "I guess... actually, I kind of did that. But I don't recommend doing it my way, just so you know."

Azure said nothing, but she looked at me curiously.

I took a deep breath. I had a feeling things were about to get uncomfortable, but there was no way around it. "I run away from things," I continued after a long silent moment. "If there's one defining way you could say I handle things that are hard for me, that would be it. I run."

"At least if you run, you get to follow your heart," Azure said. "You get to choose your own direction."

"That's less true than you'd think," I told her. "Just because you're following your heart doesn't always mean that it knows what it's doing. Just because it's running from what it doesn't like isn't the same as knowing it's running toward what it does. You remember that crow I told you about?"

"Yeah, I remember." Azure nodded.

"After... what I did to her... things were bad. It was never a really easy fit for me, when I lived in that town with my mother, but after that, it was like... a point of no return. I just couldn't deal with staying there anymore."

"It was that hard on you?" Azure asked.

"Yes," I said. "It was, because... my parents... let's just say they're an odd match. Mom was an earth pony farmer in a little town, and dad was a fast-flying pegasus from Cloudsdale. They met by completely random chance, and somehow out of the blue they just fell in love. It was crazy and I don't think either of them expected to, but they did. Next thing they knew they were pregnant with me and got married, so my dad moved down and they lived in my mom's house. They kinda had to. I mean, it's not like an earth pony could move up to Cloudsdale. It wasn't a perfect relationship by any means. To make a long story short, there were a lot of differences between them. They got divorced when I was about nine. My dad couldn't sit still on the ground. He had to fly, he had to be up there. It's in his blood, can't change that."

"He moved back up to Cloudsdale, then?" Azure asked.

"Yep." I nodded. "My mom had custody of me after they divorced, but they were still friends so my dad stayed in my life and visited us a lot. He dropped by all the time on weekends and days when I was off school in summer and stuff like that. I loved hanging out with him more than anything. It's pretty obvious that I'm my father's daughter. I picked up a lot of who I am from him, including being out of place down there. School was where most fillies and colts make friends, but not so much for me. There were a grand total of three pegasi in my entire grade. Three. Counting myself. The other two weren't much like me, either. Not nearly the kind of fliers I was."

"You didn't get picked on too badly, did you?" Azure asked.

"What?" I laughed a little bit. "No, not at all. It wasn't like that. They were nice to me, just... never really friends. But that was my doing. I didn't reach out much. I left them alone and they left me alone, and I guess we were all fine with that. There were a few incidents that sort of made me think it was for the best, anyway. I got in trouble sometimes for playing too rough - hip checking other little fillies and knocking them over, or getting yelled at for using my wings playing sports, that kinda stuff. I don't know if I was just an abnormal little pegasus filly who was that misplaced on the ground, or if that's typical for pegasi and the other ponies around there were on the softer side and not used to it. Whatever it was, after a while it was pretty clear that I wasn't going to fit in with any social groups, so I didn't try much.

"Anyway, it was like that until the end of my junior year in high school. I was just sort of alone doing my own thing. I liked it that way. That didn't bother me at all until that summer. That's the one when the crow showed up. After that happened and I felt like there wasn't anypony around who'd understand... I started to resent that. There was this big shift and all of a sudden that I felt like I was isolated with a bunch of strangers in an uncomfortable way that hadn't been there before, because there was nopony I could talk to. What I'd done was hard to live with on my own. It was frightening and I didn't know what it meant and I just wanted some help but there was no one. I started getting anxious and irritable because I had this secret weighing me down. So like stupid teenagers always do, I took it out on my mom. I couldn't stop feeling like it was her fault that the one pony I thought I could have told wasn't always there for me because they split up and he had to leave and live somewhere else."

"Your father?" Azure asked.

"Yep." I nodded.

"Did you ever tell him?"

"I did," I said. "It was very relieving to finally just spill it all out and have him listen. He understood, like I knew he would. He knew exactly how I felt. Unloading that was the biggest relief I've ever felt. It took a while to get the chance, though, and over time the whole thing had built up into a lot of negativity and resentment. Even afterward there was still that problem with my mother of the gap between us, the stuff I felt like I'd never be able to talk to her about, because I thought... she wasn't a pegasus, she didn't know what some of these things were like. Because of it, I didn't want to live there anymore. By that time I was easily flying myself back and forth up to Cloudsdale anyway, so I told my mom that I wanted to move to live with my dad and finish my senior year of high school up there. I think she realized, considering I have wings and she doesn't, it was probably not practical to stop me at that point. So she let me go and that was that. I just cut myself off from that place and ran to the cloud city. I mean, she's still my mom, I still love her and I still go back to visit... I just... couldn't live there. Couldn't be around her that much."

"But you turned out more or less okay in the end, right?" Azure asked. "At least as far as I can tell."

"Yeah, I suppose. I like where I ended up well enough, and... jeeze, I guess that story was kind of a lot longer than I'd intended," I said. "But the point is, it wasn't something I had much of a real choice about. Following your heart sounds romantic and all, but sometimes it's just another way of saying somepony's running away blind because they don't know what else to do and they can't help it."

"Still, there's got to be be something better than..." Azure trailed off.

"Better than what?"

"Nah." Azure shook her head. "Forget it. It's just a stupid unicorn thing."

"Hey. I know that I don't know what some things must be like for unicorns," I said, "just like there's things about being a pegasus I don't expect you to understand right off the top of your head, especially about pegasi from Cloudsdale. It's sort of a whole different world up there. But you know what I realize? That it's alright. It doesn't mean I can't listen. I might need to have it explained, and maybe I'll never get some things, but I can still listen. You can talk to me about anything you need to, you know?"

I scooted over a little more towards to Azure, then extended my wing and wrapped it around her back, pulling her closer. She settled in and leaned against my side. She seemed glad to have my company, even if she wasn't completely eager to say everything on her mind all at once. I didn't push any harder. I'd tried, at least, and I didn't think forcing it would be any good. Maybe just being there next to her was enough for now. Anything more would happen, or not, in her own time.

"It's just... I'm thinking about that thing you said the other day, the one about how you need to decide carefully about what kind of pony you want to be," she said after a few moments.

"Mmmhmm." I nodded.

"I'm worried about how much that's really possible, especially for a pony like me, a unicorn that a princess chose as a student," Azure said. She rested her head against my neck and we stayed there for a while, staring out at the sea. We both watched while the waves lapped up and down on the shore, listening to their gentle rhythmic noise in the night.

She finally let out a long, quiet sigh. "I can't stop worrying about the tide."

Chapter 24

Ghost Lights

Chapter 24

The reports that Azure had to write back to Canterlot were, without exception, thoroughly unexciting. Most of their content revolved around verifying that we were both still alive, the weather was still cloudy with intermittent rain, and the Seawall was still standing. She sent them once every seven days without fail, as required. At some point after we'd been there a while it occurred to me, catching me a little by surprise, that I didn't even know what day of the week report day was anymore. I'd lost track. Tuesday? Sunday? I had no idea. I don't think I really cared, either. Their names had ceased to matter.

Maybe that was because in a lot of ways, every day was the same day. Without seven different artificial labels to make them into different things, the flow of time felt much more natural and less chopped up into pieces. Sometimes I felt like the two of us were walking on a paper strip wrapped around and glued back onto itself in an endless ring, or like we were immersed in a lonely but pleasant dream out here in the wild, and there was nothing much to do but enjoy it until two new dreamers came to replace us and the time came for us to wake up again.

Actually, I think I felt like it was being back in Equestria that was the dream, the illusion we'd lived most of our lives in. Maybe out here, we were in the real world, awake for a brief moment before we would have to go back and sleep once more.

Whatever it was, on one particular instance of this endlessly replayed cloudy day Azure was sitting at a small desk in the far corner of her half of the barracks, hovering a quill in her telekinetic magic and writing one of those reports. I was laying on my back on the bed in my half of the room, staring upward out a window at the unbroken light gray sheet of thick clouds in the sky and listening to the soft scratching sounds of the report being penned.

Noises of quill on paper paused for a moment while the writer pondered something. "How many times did it rain this last week?" Azure called over to me.

I kept staring up at the sky from my bed while I thought about it. I had no answer. This was another thing I didn't bother to keep track of. The rains, intermittent and random, were just as endless as the clouds that brought them. "Uhh... I dunno," I said. "A bunch?"

"Very helpful," Azure said sarcastically. "Meh. I'll just say it rained every day."

"Sounds about right," I shrugged.

The quietly scratching song of writing resumed. Azure worked diligently for a few more minutes while she finished up. After a silent final proofreading, she put away her quill and folded up the report for sealing and sending off. The focus crystal that was provided for the purpose of zapping messages all the way back to Canterlot over the distance was on the desk next to the completed report. Azure's horn glowed with magic, and the crystal began to glow along with it. With a sudden but slight pop (which Azure once explained to me was the sound of air rushing to fill in the vacuum left behind when an object was teleported away), the report disappeared and the glow of magic faded out again.

With that task completed, she got up from the desk and walked slowly with soft, measured hoofsteps over to a window on her half of the room. She stared out at the sky, much like I was. "Another cloudy day," she sighed, looking forlorn with her chin resting on the windowsill.

"All day, every day," I agreed.

"Not always!" Azure said. "I actually saw some direct sunlight and a little bit of blue sky about week ago."

"Huh. I musta missed it." I shrugged.

"You were out flying somewhere," Azure explained.

"Oh," I said. "Well, then I probably saw the sun that day too. Just from a different viewpoint."

"Flying over the clouds is cheating," she huffed.

"What? You mean I've been teaching you to cheat this whole time?!" I sounded mock-indignant. "Why didn't you tell me I was tarnishing the integrity of the princess' student?"

"Because it's so fun," Azure replied. "Also, we've mostly been sticking to lower altitudes. I haven't flown over the clouds, exactly."

"Well, why haven't we?" I asked.

"I don't know," Azure shrugged. "I didn't really think much about it. I just assumed you had your reasons for flying us lower."

"Most of the time it's good to be able to see the landscape, sure," I said. "But there's no particular reason you couldn't fly that high if you want."

"Now that you mention it, I do want," Azure told me.

I rolled off my bed and stood up, taken by a sudden idea. "Then let's go get some sun." I was bored, she was tired of gray skies... it seemed like an ideal solution for us both.

Azure looked at me blankly in surprise for a second. "What, like... now?"

"I'm not doing anything, and you're done with the report for the week... is there ever going to be a better time?" I asked.

Without really waiting for an answer, I walked outside and Azure followed me. A few seconds later she'd worked her magic and unicorn was replaced by pegasus, an act that was by now so routine it seemed completely unremarkable.

"So where are we going?" Azure asked.

I tilted my head back and stared directly upward. "Straight that way," I said.

I took off and Azure followed me. We ascended at an easy rate for a while until we closed in on the soft fluffy wall of white above us. I sped up for the final push. Azure did likewise, keeping pace. Before too long, we plunged in, and after a few seconds of being enveloped in hazy white, we burst through the top and into brilliant sunlight.

I arrested my climb and hovered, lowering myself slowly back down onto the surface. Azure came down next to me and we landed. She looked around at the dome of the endless sky above us. It was a bright robin's egg blue that just about matched the color of her mane, while the clouds underhoof matched the pure snowy white of her coat.

In that newly revealed symmetry of color, I was struck by a sudden sense that... this was where she was supposed to be, in the clear air and the shining sun. It was in her hair, her coat, the way the sun infused glowing life into her amethyst eyes, even in her very name - Azure Sky. I wondered why I hadn't thought to bring her up here before. For just that moment, it was easy to think that she'd never been a unicorn at all. She belonged here, my sister pegasus walking on the clouds.

Azure looked around herself, taking in the sight of the clouds she was standing on while taking a few steps, testing out the feel of them with her hooves. "This reminds me of a story I heard about my mom," she said. "She visited Cloudsdale once."

"Didn't you say your mom was a unicorn?" I asked.

"Well, she had wings at the time," Azure explained.

"Oh. Runs in the family, then, huh?"

"Oh, no, not like these," Azure shook her head. "They were more like butterfly wings than pegasus wings."

That struck me as an odd thought. I tried to imagine it. The image it conjured in my mind, a pony with the wings of an insect, was very strange. The closest thing I could envision was a breezie, but those are really more insectoid all around... not to mention much more fragile than even the daintiest pony would ever be. "Weird." I shook my head.

"Yeah." Azure nodded. "Apparently, it was Princess Twilight who did it... although she was just regular Twilight the unicorn back then, I think. Twilight and my mother go way, way back, all the way to days when they both lived in Ponyville."

"You've never been there, though, have you?" I asked. "To Cloudsdale, I mean?"

"No." Azure shook her head. "Although I'd like to someday."

"I could take you to see it when we get back," I offered.

"I don't know if that's going to be an option," Azure said, "considering it would require being a pegasus I don't exactly know if I can be in Equestria."

"Then I suppose you should enjoy the sun while you can," I said. "I guess we all should, for that matter." To that end, I laid down on my belly on the soft clouds and sprawled out, spreading my wings and sunbathing.

"Yeah. I suppose for the moment, you're right." Azure did likewise, but laying on her side. "Oh. Oh, wow!" she exclaimed in a voice full of bliss. "This is... the most comfortable thing I've ever felt. Why have I never done this before?"

"Ancient pegasi secret," I told her. "We can't have all the other ponies up here crowding our skies, can we?" I closed my eyes and basked in the warm light.

She just rolled onto her back and stretched her wings and limbs with a contented sigh, sunning her belly and staring up into the blue expanse of the sky's dome.

"Hey, there's still more clouds above us," she noted after a few minutes.

I glanced upward briefly. Although most of the sky was clear, a few thin wispy scraps still floated higher up. "Yep. Little bits of cirrus," I told her. "What can you do?"

"I'd say nothing, because from what I've read, cirrus clouds are probably out of reach, even for us," Azure reasoned.

"Right, too far up," I said. "Where those guys are, the air gets too thin for your wings to even get enough lift to support your own weight. Anyway, even if you could get up there, you'd find out the hard way that those clouds are made of super-cold ice crystals, not water. Pegasi may be the most cold resistant ponies, but even we can get frostbite."

"How high can you fly, anyway?" Azure asked.

"If I was really trying? High enough to hurt myself," I said. "Pegasus fillies and colts are sometimes known to try to outclimb each other playing games to see who chickens out first. My dad warned me about it by telling me how he and my aunt Spitfire did that one time when they were kids and how stupid it was of them. They both coughed up little streaks of frothy blood in their spit after they came back down. Pulmonary edema from the low air pressure. They're probably lucky they didn't get the bends, too."

"Hmmm. Well, if too far vertical is bad news, how far horizontally can you go?" she asked.

"Absolute endurance limit? Keep moving until I finally drop like a rock from complete exhaustion?" I asked.

"Sure." Azure nodded.

"No idea," I said. "Pretty far, but I've never pushed it past the edge like that. Never felt a need to go quite that extreme."

Azure was quiet for a while, laying on her back in the sun.

Eventually, she rolled over onto her belly. She scanned the horizon and her eyes fixed on something. "What about those?" she asked, pointing off into the distance with a forehoof.

I looked to see what it was. She was pointing westward, out into the sea, toward the two ancient watchtowers on the little islets that sat way out there.

"That far? Sure," I said. "I've done it before."

"Over the open ocean, nonstop?"

"Yep." I nodded. "I've been out to those at least once on each of my two previous tours before this one. Heck, those aren't even really off-limits for non-pegasi, sometimes. On my first tour, the unicorn who was here with me was able to teleport herself out there, if you can believe that."

"She must have been very talented," Azure said. "That'd be a tough teleportation even for me. I think I could do it, but it wouldn't be easy."

"Her name was Morning Mist," I said, recalling my rather mysterious unicorn counterpart from thirteen years ago when I'd first been here at the Seawall. "And I think she was pretty skilled, although it's hard to tell. She never really showed off her magic or talked much about herself." I wondered for a moment what had ever become of her. After we arrived back in Equestria, she parted ways from me just as I was reporting back to Canterlot for new orders - the ones sending me to my first royal guard posting for Princess Twilight - and I'd never seen her again.

I thought that if Morning Mist was an exceptionally talented mage Azure might have recognized the name, but if she did, it didn't show. I don't think being concerned about it was on her mind at the moment, though. She stared out at the little twin points on the ocean. Her eyes were intensely focused on them, the look on her face hard and pondering.

"I'd rather get there as a pegasus," she said suddenly.

"Hey, whoa now," I responded. "I said it can be done, not that it's necessarily a smart idea. It's kinda risky, you know?" I wondered where this was coming from all of a sudden.

"Did that stop you?" Azure asked rhetorically.

"Well, obviously not," I admitted, "but you've got a much brighter mind than I do."

"It's not like you're stupid yourself, either, though," Azure said.

"There isn't really much to see, anyway," I continued. "It's just ruins. They're bare rock islets with broken down old stone shells of towers on them. That's about it."

"It's not about what's there, though, is it?" Azure asked. Laying on her belly, she stared out at those towers with distant eyes filled with thought. They were almost glowing, shining with their bright amethyst color that thrived in the sunlight up here. "It's about the trip out there. It's about flying."

She was right. She understood completely. It was just the kind of thing I was worried she might say.

I wasn't sure how to reply other than to stay nothing and keep sunbathing. I hoped the notion of a flight like that was only a fleeting idle thought that would soon leave her mind. It was hard to be optimistic about the chances of that happening, though. It didn't just leave like that for me. It never had and never would.

Chapter 25

Ghost Lights

Chapter 25

Thermals are one of the best friends of a pegasus, and I'll say that in no uncertain terms. The free ride on warm rising air can keep a good flier aloft all day without any effort. For good reason, I considered this an essential technique to teach Azure once she was ready to start moving into more advanced areas of flight. I wanted to dedicate at least a few entire flight training days to it and be sure that she had it mastered.

The tricky part was finding suitable training conditions. Thermals form over open ground that's been heated by the sun, which means that the general area of the Seawall, with its continuous cloud cover, wasn't useful. I had to aim the patrol flights she flew with me eastward and take her inland to where the clouds finally break up and let the sun through directly to the earth.

Once we did find one, I showed her how to catch it under her wings, holding them still and gliding slowly, banking slightly to circle around the thermal and ride it in an upward spiral. After we'd ridden one to the top, I pointed out to her the way that the land underneath a thermal looks like it shimmers a little bit from the heated air rising off it, and by looking for this effect, it was possible to use our height to glide along to the next thermal, then the next, chaining them together to cover a lot of distance without spending the energy it took to power a flight by flapping. This isn't as fast as flying directly, of course, but sometimes energy economy is more important than speed. Just don't try to tell that to Captain Dash.

After our third day of practicing at this, I was fully satisfied that Azure was as proficient with thermals as she needed to be. We'd worked at it for several hours on that last day just for some technique refinement and final skill polishing before we finally started winding down and began to glide toward the ground. I planned to take a short break before we called it done for afternoon and flew the rest of the way back to the wall.

On the way down, as we were passing over a field, I saw plants with clustered umbrels of tiny white flowers in lacelike patterns and thin, thready leaves that resembled parsley. They triggered an immediate recognition in my mind. Back in Equestria I'd have probably just passed these by, but out here, they were very much worthy of attention. I flapped in the air to brake and hover for a moment, and I signaled to Azure to set down in the field. She followed me and we landed.

"What is it?" she asked.

I hooked my forehoof around one of the clustered white flowers and showed it to her. "You know what these are?" I asked with a smile.

"You mean what kind of flowers? Ummm... Platinum's Lace? Named after the ancient unicorn princess?" Azure ventured. "I read that somewhere."

"Yes, that's one common name for them," I said. "What you're really going to care about is what's underneath, though." I leaned down and grabbed the base of one of the plants in my teeth, then pulled up on it, yanking it from the ground. The whole plant came easily out of the loose soil, revealing a long, thick taproot with a dirty pale color. "Here. Check it out," I told Azure through clenched teeth, holding the plant up. I broke the root of it open to expose the scent.

She stepped closer and sniffed at the plant I'd just pulled. Her eyes widened a little bit in pleasant surprise. "That smell... is that what I think it is?" she asked.

"If you think it's a wild carrot, then you're right on," I said, "and from the looks of it, this field is full of them."

"Oh, thank Celestia!" Azure said. "Couldn't be better timed. I'm at the point where I could just about kill for some carrots. Anything other than the grass I've been eating for months."

I could understand where she was coming from. Monotony had started to wear down my own patience, too. "Fortunately, it won't come to that," I said. "All we have to do is pull 'em up." I grabbed another one and yanked it from the earth. I gave it a quick shake to knock most of the dirt off it, then tossed it down next to the other one. Azure joined me, picking carrots from the field one by one and tossing them on the pile that started to form. We kept working at it until we'd gathered up enough to completely fill my saddlebags to the brim on both sides. As we packed them I knew it would be a heavy load to carry, but I didn't mind at all. These were very much worth their own weight and then some.

After that was done, we took off again for the rest of the return flight to the wall. I was careful to remember the location, looking around and memorizing the landmarks and features of the ground and horizon. These carrots would go fast, I was sure, and I wanted to be able to come back here for more.

After we arrived back at the wall and cleaned ourselves up, Azure and I washed the vegetables we'd picked in the small waterfall to the north, carefully scrubbing off all the dirt. These wild carrots were an off-white color, not the familiar orange. They were also smaller and thinner than the normal domesticated garden type, with a lot of small stringy roots growing off their sides, but none of that really mattered to us at all. It was good enough that they were just something different than what we'd been eating.

We even decided to go the extra mile and cook them, boiling them using an old iron kettle that somepony had left behind long ago and until now had just sat collecting dust in one unused corner of the barracks. By the time we were ready to start working on dinner, Azure's spell had worn off and she'd turned back into a unicorn, so she used her telekinetic magic to rig up a makeshift stand for the kettle on the beach using pieces of rock and sticks. While she did, I flew around and gathered up driftwood to build a fire with.

After the fire was started and the carrots thrown in the water, Azure and I sat on the beach snacking on some of the raw carrot greens. They had an herbaceous flavor a bit like parsley, which was nice. We watched the pieces of driftwood in the fire burn in their strange and somewhat ghostly hues, flames dancing in blue and lavender. I've read that it's not usually a good idea to burn driftwood because of some of the chemicals that can sometimes be given off, but I think we can get a pass on it just this once. We weren't trying to breathe the smoke, and there's really no other conveniently close source of easy firewood by the Seawall.

The carrots turned out pretty good, anyway. After they boiled for a few minutes, Azure levitated the kettle off the fire and drained them out. I used the now empty kettle to scoop up some seawater and douse the fire once we no longer needed it burning to cook with. We could have just let it burn out on its own, but I wasn't pleased with the column of smoke it sent up into the sky. It wasn't that I thought there was any specific unwanted attention it would attract, it was just the general principle of not having it out there unnecessarily. It also seemed like a shame to contribute even the smallest bit to smogging up such a completely wild and unspoiled area without a good reason.

As a finishing touch, we sprinkled the carrots with salt that we'd made a while ago by evaporating off seawater in a glass container and then scraping out and crushing the resulting crystals. So it was that we had a picnic on the beach and feasted on those carrots in the last dying light of the day. I admit that I stuffed myself possibly more than I should have, but this was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten in over a month.

When the carrots were finally gone, we sat on the beach for a while watching the waves, feeling very satisfied with the excellent meal.

"Lucky thing we flew over that field, huh?" I asked.

"Wha...? Oh. Yeah." Azure's response was distracted. When I looked up at her to see why, she looked back at me and nodded. "That was really good. Some variety for once is nice."

It was plain that her attention had been elsewhere. I turned my head and traced where her gaze had been a moment ago. It was out on the ocean, looking into the west. The sun was mostly behind clouds, painting them a pastel rosy color. Silhouetted by that pinkish glow, standing out in dark contrast to the clouds, were the two small shapes of the distant islet towers. Those lonely little outposts side by side in the sea were the most prominent feature on the water at the moment.

Azure saw me looking at where she'd been gazing. She didn't look back at them and didn't say anything.

I knew, though.

I just knew.

It wasn't going away. I thought about the eerie colors of the driftwood fire, burning in strange ghostly blue and pale violet flames. I looked at the ashes and cold embers of charcoal left from it, inert now after being quenched with seawater. If only I could extinguish this just as easily, I lamented. Clearly, though, that was not to be. I don't think anything could have truly put it out now that it was burning inside her. It would smolder forever until it was allowed to come to completion on its own. Nothing else would do. Nothing else ever did it for me, after all.

I looked back out at the towers. "Are you still on about those?" I asked, sighing.

"On about what?" she asked in turn. Her voice feigned innocence perfectly.

"You know what." I kept looking at the watchtowers.

She was quiet for a few moments. Her gaze finally slowly turned off of me and drifted back out, following mine, to those lonely little dark twin spots on the sea.

"I guess so," she finally said softly.

"It's a bad idea," I said. "Unnecessary risk."

"Probably." Azure nodded.

Her casual agreement was, like her previous feint, flawless but completely hollow. I couldn't cast blame. I had no ground to because I didn't even really mean it myself. I realized I wasn't sure why I'd bothered to say what I did, other than to put on an empty show of fulfilling the expectation of being responsible in the way the civilized world would want me to. Beneath it, though, I knew that look she wore, that state of mind. Under the surface of the pointless words, I felt it just as much. It was the whole reason I was here at the Seawall. No, there wasn't a shred of truth to my statement.

The truth was, there was nothing more necessary. Without these things, there's no reason to live. There's no deeper thirst, no stronger hunger, no more powerful drive.

I saw it stated in a book about psychology I once read that the strongest instinct on a basic level is sex. I suppose that it's an easy impression to get by watching some ponies, but when it comes down to it, I don't believe it. In moments like these, it becomes clear that it doesn't hold a candle, not even a dim and distant one. Call my sex drive weak (I know it is), but it doesn't matter, I know this to be true beyond any doubt.

The will to truly be alive is immeasurably stronger.

What was I so afraid of, anyway? I wondered that for a moment, and realized I couldn't come up with anything. After all, we both knew. There was no one here to pretend for. It would be better if we tore down the lie on the surface and approached the heart of the matter with honesty and openness, I could suddenly see, so I decided to just get it over with while I had bravery enough to do so. After the last few times I suppose I was beginning to learn that it's like taking off a band-aid. Don't think too much, just do it, quick, one fast pull before I can flinch and chicken out.

"It's gonna happen anyway, though, isn't it?" I asked.

"Yes, I suppose it is," Azure responded, nodding once again in exactly the same way she had before - except that now, just that easily, there was nothing false about it.

So that was that. It wasn't a decision made, so much as inevitability revealed. I felt like we were two moths in the night circling in our erratic flight around a lantern. What else could we do but answer the call of the ghostly, pale light flickering in the dark, the ghost that called to us? How could I stop her if I couldn't hope to stop myself? How could I when deep down in my heart I knew I didn't even want to stop myself?

I sighed and shook my head. "We're gonna need to train for it, then," I said, after a long silence. "It's gonna be a lot of work."

"What do I need to do?" Azure asked.

"Endurance workouts," I said. "A whole lot of distance flying and running. You'll have to work at it hard, every day. Won't be easy."

"I can do anything it takes," Azure responded.

I didn't doubt she could. I also wasn't sure whether to be excited or deeply worried. Both were probably appropriately applicable.

"We'll start tomorrow," I told her.

Chapter 26

Ghost Lights

Chapter 26

The next morning, I woke and exited the barracks to find that Azure had already been up and busy for some time. She was on the beach, working with some sticks that had been stuck vertically into the sand with their tops whittled to sharp points exactly at eye level. There was a long, perfectly straight line drawn into the sand extending for some distance down the beach parallel to the water line, and another parallel line just like it about twenty meters further back. Shorter lines, also perfectly straight, crossed the two long lines exactly perpendicularly at even intervals, and the points where lines intersected was where the sticks had been planted in the sand.

Azure was carefully walking down the further of the two long lines from the water with a length of string, going from one stick to another. She would sight down the sharp point on top of each one, lining up the string and telekinetically pulling it tight, then writing something down each time on a sheet of paper.

I had some idea of what it looked like she was doing. I wasn't entirely sure why, though.

"Good morning," I said while I landed next to her while she was taking a measurement. "So, uhh... what's up with all this?" I asked, waving a hoof at the setup on the beach.

"Parallax measurements," Azure said. "I'm trying to find the distance to those towers. See, if I measure the bases of the right triangles formed and the change in the lengths of the lines caused by the shift in the relative visual position of the towers by movement, then by using trigonometry I can find the total distance to them. Well, to an extent, anyway. There's a limitation to how accurately I can do this with just sticks and some string. But if I do it multiple times at different base lengths and average out the errors, I think I can be pretty confident that I'm close to the right answer, eventually," she rambled out an explanation of her process in egghead fashion.

"Of course you are." I shook my head and couldn't help but smile at her adorkableness. "I'm wondering more about why you're doing that, though."

"Just curious," Azure shrugged. "I mean, it'd be nice to know how far away something is before you try to fly to it."

"I think it's never really bothered me," I said. I considered it for a moment. I'd never really needed to know a number, I just needed to be able to eyeball it and estimate that it was a distance I could manage. Not every pony is like that, though. Facts and quantification are comforting to some, especially the scientifically inclined. "I guess I can understand it, though."

I smiled while I watched her keep working, measuring with her string from one stick to another. This was the side of Azure Sky that I remembered but wasn't seeing too much of these days, the one I knew from watching Princess Twilight's student grow up in the palace. I realized with some surprise how much I missed it. For as much as her soul came alive when she was flying, it was undeniable that she shined brightly at this, too, and that old familiar light of her intellectual brilliance was comforting to still see around.

"Well, let me know what you come up with," I said.

"So far it's looking like... somewhere in the middle or upper thirties of kilometers, maybe," Azure said, glancing at her sheet of paper. "Not quite a mare-athon's length, but getting close."

"Well, it's kind of a different thing, too," I said. "You run a mare-athon, but this is a flight. It's easier, generally speaking, but there's kind of its own set of challenges."

"I'm guessing the head-wind is going to be one of them," Azure said.

"Yep." I nodded. "That darn wind never stops blowing in off the ocean. We'll be fighting it the whole way out. That's the hardest part. If it wasn't for that, maybe we could take a break or just walk on the clouds. As it is, though, if we stop up there, we only lose more progress than it's worth because the wind pushes the cloudcover inland constantly and we'll get carried with it. It's one straight shot or nothing. So, on that note, don't forget that we need to start training when you're done here."

"Right." Azure nodded to me with determination in her eyes. "I'm close to as good as this is going to get anyway. Maybe we should just get started now."

I had to agree. As interesting as parallax measurements were, and as much as I liked this side of Azure Sky, that plan seemed more favorable for actually getting us there.

Despite having just talked about how there was a different set of challenges between a run and a flight, I decided that a couple hours of cross-country galloping would be our first workout.

"Why are we running if we're training for flying?" Azure predictably asked the obvious question.

"It's something my aunt taught me. Sort of a counterintuitive thing that most ponies don't realize about the Wonderbolts," I said while we galloped. "They do a lot of their cardio endurance training by hitting the track and running, not flying. A hard run can be more intense and helps to build endurance faster than just flight training alone. We'll still be doing plenty of flying anyway, and if all else was equal I'd prefer to build up gradually with long-distance flights instead, but with the limited amount of time we have I think this'll help get us the edge we'll need more quickly."

"Oh." Azure seemed satisfied with that answer and kept going in silence from then on. We were both too too out of breath from the hard workout to want to talk much more anyway.

It was a lot more intense than anything we'd been doing lately. For good measure, I even made her do the second hour of the run on the sand of the beach, to provide more resistance. To ensure that I was being fair about it, I kept up with her the entire time. We were both sweaty and tired by the time I was ready to say we were done.

After a shower in the small waterfall, and some preening, we were on the way back to the barracks. We passed through the beach where the sticks and lines in the sand were still set up from Azure's previous work that morning. Looking at it while we walked, I admired the cleverness of it, figuring out how to measure the distance to something so far away using nothing more than a few simple things from the world around us. It wasn't hard to understand the general reason she'd been chosen as the student of a princess.

The more specific story, however... that was another matter. When I thought about it, it occurred to me that I still didn't actually know. All these years around her and somehow I'd never heard it. That might have seemed odd, but keeping to myself as I usually do, I guess it was as simple as I just hadn't asked. It must have been interesting, though. Was it something like this, a smart trick like these parallax measurements, that had first gotten her noticed? It suddenly sparked a deep curiosity in me. I decided that maybe I'd like to find out more about this pony I was coming to see ever more as my sister.

There was also still the matter of the fears she'd spoken of in our late-night talk on top of the wall not that long ago. I'd been left with a feeling that there was still more I didn't quite understand on that front. Maybe if I knew these things about her past, it could help me understand her present more closely. There was only one way to find out.

We reached the wall again before I was done sifting through all these thoughts. Azure teleported herself over while I flew across.

"If it's alright if I ask, how did you end up becoming Princess Twilight's student?" I inquired, as we headed into the stone barracks building.

Azure thought about her answer for a moment. "Hmm... I'd have to say... a combination of ability and convenience," she said once we were both inside. "My mom noticed me doing stuff with magic, took me to the princess for an aptitude test, and I guess I pretty much nailed it."

"That just sounds like ability to me. So what was the convenience part?" I asked.

"Well... my mom's this big fashion designer," Azure said. "She's sort of made a name for herself. Ever heard of Rarity?"

"Sorry, no." I shook my head. "I'm afraid I wouldn't know fashion if I was kidnapped and made over by fabulous ninjas."

"Well, if you do ever hear that name mentioned, that's my mom," Azure said. "She used to be a much smaller fashion designer when she worked out of Ponyville. It got her a start, but if you want to be big in fashion, you have to do shows and whatever in big places, not small towns, so she travels around a lot. It bounces her between cities like Canterlot, Manehatten, Fillydelphia... I remember taking those trips with her sometimes when I was a very young filly and she was trying to really take off."

"That sounds neat," I said.

"I don't know. I mostly remember not liking it much, actually. I was too young to really appreciate the places we went. All I knew was that it was a boring trainride there and back and an even more boring hotel room. Even when she got the big suites, there was nothing to do. Maybe that's why I got so good at magic so early. I had to invent games and things to keep me busy. A lot of them involved juggling lamps and whatever else I could find," Azure said. She paused. "Sometimes I even managed not to break them and run up a horrendous bill, too."

Suddenly her juggling act when Rainbow Dash had taken us to the bar made a whole lot more sense. I smiled when I envisioned her as a tiny filly in a fancy hotel room, with a look of grim determination on her face as she hovered a collection of lamps, vases, wine flutes, and whatever else at hoof could be used as an expensive and fragile toy. She must have been a hoof-full.

"Anyway, that kind of lifestyle was not easy for somepony trying haul along a young filly everywhere. It makes the logistics of everything harder, on top of... the... other drawbacks of the single mother thing," Azure said, "which was already not exactly ideal."

"Oh. Was that a big thing?" I asked. "Lots of mares are single mothers. It doesn't seem like it's usually an issue to most ponies."

"It's not, for most ponies. But the high fashion industry doesn't revolve around 'most ponies'. It's just... one of those unicorn things." Azure shook her head. "I guess there's some earth ponies and a scattering of pegasi in it too, these days, but it doesn't matter, really. The attitude in the top-tier fashion community is all absorbed from old unicorn. Mostly the upper class, the artistocracy mindset. See, it's appearance. It's respectability. Everything in life is supposed to be planned out. A mare is supposed to be dependable, screen her suitors, make them put a ring on it before they get the chance to knock her up. An unplanned foal outside of marriage costs major social points. If you let that happen, you'll always just be one of those commoners who didn't make responsible choices. You're sandbagged. You'll never really be accepted as part of the elite."

It made sense. I'd seen this stereotype of high society play out at times during my years in Canterlot. One flaw, one mistake, one rumor - too often that's all it would take to sink an up-and-coming pony. "Ah. I think I see the picture," I said. "Princess Twilight was looking for a student, and your mom... uh..." I trailed off, not knowing how to phrase the rest of that tactfully.

"Didn't need a foal she never planned on holding her down," Azure said for me.

"I wasn't really trying to go there," I said. "Sorry."

"I'm not offended. I mean, I know exactly what it was." Azure shrugged. "They realized that the arrangement was an acceptibly discrete way to help both of them. Rarity's career doesn't get dead-ended, and Twilight gets a student. I also get a teacher. Triple win. Best thing for everypony, right?"

Something in her words felt like she was stretching for them. I could hear it, somehow, maybe a subtle waver in her voice. I wasn't really sure, I could have just as easily been reading something in that wasn't truly there.

It bothered me, though, and it wouldn't go away.

"Was that... the best thing for everypony?" I asked hesitantly.

"Well, yes," Azure said. "Look at it from my mom's point of view. By the standards she's used to, she was trying her best to give me the greatest gift she could. She got me in as the student of a princess. Can't do better than that. It's a guarantee that I'll have an important career in magic. I'll never be without a job, I'll always have the prestige of being taught by a princess... I'm elite. I'm set for life. What unicorn wouldn't want that?"

I could hear a certain tension mounting in her voice as she spoke. Something in it was like a string pulled too tight, straining, a part threatening to crack.

There was a sudden dismay that came over me when I noticed it, a sinking feeling that I'd pushed too far. I asked about something I shouldn't have, prying into inmost personal business. What was I thinking? I silently kicked myself. I wasn't, actually, that was the problem.

Now that we were here, though, it was done. There was a conundrum about it. If there was some risk of hurting her, then I didn't want to do that, but I also didn't know how to back out elegantly. I had no idea what to say, no clue how to redirect a conversation like this. Silence, simply reverting to a default of not speaking anything more one way or another, was all I could manage. That was awkward in its own way, but what else was there that wasn't worse?

I felt lost in foreign territory. Minding my own business as I normally do, this was the kind of situation I never usually get myself into.

I looked around the room uncomfortably, haltingly, shying away from eye contact. Seconds drifted by slowly in a heavy quietness.

"Yeah, I guess... I guess so," I said, lamely, just trying to break apart the stiff silence.

The sound of my voice faded into the stone walls in an instant, gone like it was never there. More seconds crept by. I'll never understand how time is able to feel like it can slow down so much when it's supposed to be one of the great constants of the universe. I examined the almost imperceptibly tiny gap between two of the polished, rectangular cut flagstones that made up the floor.

Azure cleared her throat. I snapped my head back towards the noise, looking at her again. She was staring out a window nearby. Her right forehoof scraped back and forth a couple times on the hard stone floor, unconsciously, nervously. She raised it up a few inches and stomped down gently with a soft clop, a few times, fidgeting. Rapid blinks pushed away liquid in her watering eyes, then she sniffed heavily and cleared her throat again.

"But even knowing all that... sometimes... all I can think is, she always had a choice... and she wasn't there. She didn't want me."

Those quivering words were soft, spoken gently, but they cut like a sharp knife being drawn across the heart. I think I flinched slightly, although maybe I just imagined it. Maybe I was too scared to show any actual response.

Azure swallowed and tried to hold herself together, blinking down more tears. One of them broke loose and ran part of the way down her cheek before she lifted a hoof and wiped it away.

I couldn't watch this anymore. Slowly, tentatively, I walked to her with halting, uneven steps, half afraid to approach but more afraid not to. When I got close, I reached up and gently wrapped my forelegs around her in a hug. She leaned toward me and buried her face in my chest. She finally just fell apart and collapsed into a heap of sobbing unicorn that I really didn't know what to do with, other than just hold and try to comfort for however long she needed me to.

Chapter 27

Ghost Lights

Chapter 27

For maybe ten minutes I did nothing but hold Azure in my hooves while she cried. It wasn't the most comfortable thing for me. I don't usually have to deal much with crying ponies. Still, though, I just tried to do the best I could. I knew enough to be aware that this is part of being a big sister and the duties that come with it. How I felt didn't matter, all that mattered right now was what she needed.

While this was happening I couldn't think of a whole lot to say, but I doubt a whole lot was expected. It seemed to be more important that I was just there. I rubbed her back and gently rocked her slowly from side to side until her sobs quieted down and became less frequent, though her breathing was still hitching and ragged. Tears had left a wet spot on my coat where her face had been pressed to my chest, but I tried not to pay that any attention.

Over time, her breath slowly evened out and calmed down. Eventually she wiped her eyes and sniffed away the last few tears. "Thanks for being here for me," she finally said.

"Any time." I ran one hoof through her mane trying to be comforting. It was still soft and silky, surprisingly, despite the weathering we'd both been subject to out here. The faint smell of mist and rainwater lingered in it, but nothing else. With nothing but the waterfall to the north to shower in we'd both long ago lost even the faintest trace scents of soaps, shampoos, conditioners, or anything artificial.

That, though, was just a passing idle observation that I brushed aside. It wasn't important now. I kept holding Azure in a hug, while she hugged me back.

After a few minutes I leaned back a little bit and looked at her face, with tears streaked down her cheeks and her eyes red and puffy. It wrenched my heart to see her like this. The only thing I wanted in the whole world was for her to not hurt any more. I kissed her on the forehead, just wishing I could make that go away.

"It's not easy being one of those upper-class unicorns, is it?" I asked quietly.

"No." Azure shook her head. "I think really I hate it." Her voice was rough and congested from crying. She rested her head against me again.

We stayed that way together for a little longer, until I felt something sharp poking me, starting to dig unpleasantly into my skin. It was fairly obvious what it was. I didn't like having to mention it, not with what she'd just said, but I also couldn't really endure it much longer.

"Ouch, horn," I said, reminding Azure while wincing slightly.

She pulled her head back a little bit and changed the angle, turning the offending appendage away so it no longer stabbed at me. "See?" she laughed a little bit, through her lingering tears. "This stupid thing always ruins everything."

"It's alright. I don't mind." I pulled her back in closer to me. "And for the record, I don't think your horn is stupid. I've always been impressed with what it can do. Or I guess I should say what you can do with it. You've really got a gift, you know?"

"That's what they tell me," Azure agreed, with a sad note in her voice.

"Sorry," I said. "I guess that's the last thing you want to hear right now."

Azure just nodded, so I stopped talking.

After another few minutes of hugs, Azure let me go, more or less, but she stayed close to me for a while. There wasn't much said, but my presence seemed like it reassured her. At some point we ended up sitting on the floor side by side with my wing wrapped around Azure's back, just quietly relaxing against each other. She spent a while just staring down at the stone floor and looking pensive, like she was trying to decide something.

"What I said earlier wasn't really true," she told me, speaking again at last after a long time. "Deep down, I don't actually think that when my mom let me become Princess Twilight's student, it had anything to do with her career. That was the last thing on her mind. She didn't want it for herself, she just wanted what she thought was best for me."

Azure scuffed at the floor idly with one hoof, scraping against the stone. "If she didn't really want me, or didn't really love me, she wouldn't have kept me and raised me by herself until I was almost seven. She could have found some other way to shift me off on somepony else long before that. If nothing else, I could have been put up for adoption as soon as I was born, and nopony would have ever even known I was hers. But she didn't, and ponies did know. The truth is she loved me more than anything and I can't even understand how hard it must have been for her to have me leave and live with Twilight instead."

"That makes her sound a lot better than before, I guess," I said with a smile.

"Yeah," Azure smiled back, just a little. "I remember when I lived with her. Every time she put me to bed, she said 'I love you' and kissed me goodnight. I know she meant it. Every time she came up with some new line of dresses or whatever that was 'in' that season, she always made one for me. It was a one-of-a-kind, the only filly size version of whatever she thought the best piece was. It was a lot of extra work and I never even got a good chance to wear some of them, but she always made them. It always seemed to make her more happy than anything to make something beautiful just for me."

She was quiet for a moment, running her hoof in a circle around the smoothly polished floor. "I think feeling like I wasn't wanted is just an excuse to keep being secretly upset with her even when I know I shouldn't be and even though I try to tell myself I'm not. It's weird. It's like the thoughts I think when I'm trying to be logical fight with the feelings underneath that I don't always see and it doesn't make a lot of sense. It's so confusing sometimes. I don't even know why I feel the way I do."

"That's alright," I said. "For a long time I didn't know why I felt the way I did about some things, either."

"Sorry to be like this," Azure said, with a sad shake of her head. "You must think I'm pathetic. I sound like such a spoiled brat. I feel like one. I have this perfect life just handed to me and I whine and cry about it. That's so screwed up."

"Not at all." I rubbed her shoulders with my wing. "When I said you could talk to me about anything you need to, I meant it. Anything. That includes crying and whining and bitching about whatever. It's okay not to be rational once in a while. It happens."

"I just feel like I'm torn in half sometimes," Azure said. "I'm supposed to... I'm supposed to want this. It's a good thing for me. I try to, you know? I really do. I've tried to be a good student. Learning as much about magic as I can has been the only thing I let myself work on. It's all I've ever told myself I want. It's what I have to want."

"Is it, though?" I asked.

"I guess it's because I never had a choice," Azure said. "I just... it hurt to be away from my mom. Maybe the irony is that it was hard because she did love me so much and I knew it. If she really hadn't wanted me, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. Or maybe if I'd understood that it hurt her just as much and she only did this because she very unselfishly wanted the best life she thought she could get for me. At the time, though, that didn't make any sense to a little kid. I just knew she was leaving me there and walking away and I was being told this was supposed to be good for me but I couldn't really feel it. I acted like I did, because I thought I was supposed to, but I didn't really. Nopony ever asked me if I ever wanted this, it just kind of happened and I felt like I couldn't say anything."

"That sucks," I said sympathetically. "And you're right, it is ironic that your mom hurt you like that because she loved you. I guess that's life sometimes. I'm sorry." I nuzzled her on the cheek.

"I think I've always resented it in some ways, I was just never really aware enough to be sure," Azure said.

She stared distantly out one of the windows for a few seconds, then spoke again, slowly. "I remember once, after I was a student, Princess Twilight and I had been studying math. She gave me a puzzle she said would be fun. It was an encrypted message and she wanted me to figure out how to crack it. It took me a long time. I had to look through so many different books and compare it to a bunch of different cipher systems to try to narrow down what it was. I did frequency analysis and digram counting and looked for four-square patterns and everything. I learned more than anypony ever wanted to know about codes and codebreaking."

"And you broke it, I assume," I said.

"Yep." Azure nodded. "But for some reason, I just... never told Twilight that I did. I know she was looking forward to the day when I'd come up to her and give her the deciphered message, and it never happened. I just kept it to myself. Eventually I guess she stopped waiting and forgot about it and we moved on. I don't know why I didn't just tell her. Every time I thought about it I felt angry for some reason. I felt like I didn't want her to know I could do this. I never understood why not, just that I couldn't stand to give her the solution she was hoping I would find. She just wanted it to be a fun puzzle but I felt bitter about it and I didn't even know how much I did."

She kept staring out the window, just watching the clouds drift by outside, and sighed.

"Have you ever talked to your mom about this?" I asked.

"Are you kidding me?" Azure shook her head. "I'm still just figuring it out myself. Being out here is the first chance I've had to take the time and just think about it, away from... away from being in the middle of the situation. I feel like this is the first real break I've ever had. Besides, even if I'd known what to say, I'm not sure I'd have been able to. My mother and I are just both on such weird busy schedules. In the last thirteen years I've been Princess Twilight's student we've only been able to get the timing right for her to come back to Canterlot to see me maybe half a dozen times. We write letters back and forth, but that... that's not really the same, you know? That wouldn't be how I'd want to tell her. And every time we see each other in person, she just seems so proud of me. I want her to be. I wouldn't want her to think I'm unhappy because then she'd hate herself for it. So I guess... I guess I pretended to myself and everypony else that it was alright. I don't know what else to do."

"What about Princess Twilight?" I asked. "I mean, you've read what happened in those old journal entries, with Captain Dash. She knows what it's like to not be able to really understand and just say how you feel. I'm sure she'd get it."

"Same thing." Azure shook her head. "Didn't even really know it myself, so how was I ever supposed to tell her?"

"Yeah." I nodded. She had a point there and I realized it was sort of a stupid question to have asked.

"You're the first pony I've ever said anything to," Azure said. "I think you're the first one I've ever just trusted enough to be okay with it."

"So do you feel better now?" I asked.

"Yeah." Azure nodded. "A lot better. A lot clearer. I guess there's still a lot to think about, but now I can really start, you know?"

"Then it sounds like this did you a lot of good, I hope," I said.

"Maybe, yeah," Azure agreed. "I'm still sorry I unloaded all this on you, but thanks for listening. It means a lot."

"That's what sisters are for," I said.

She smiled appreciatively and hugged me again.

"I do have to ask one thing..." I hesitated a little. "Is... this what the whole being a pegasus and flying thing is really about?"

"Maybe in some ways it is," Azure said. "But not completely, I think. I really do enjoy it a lot. I mean, I think it's been pretty good for me."

"I think so too," I said. "But there is something I think you should take a while to consider. You can probably guess what it is."

"The towers," Azure said.

"Right." I nodded. "You still want to get there? Risks like that aren't something you should take on if you're not sure about why."

"That is a good question," Azure agreed. "Maybe I do need to think about my reasons so I don't do it for the wrong ones. For now, I think I want to say yes. It's hard to say if it'll stay that way, and maybe I'll just have to see, but I do want to keep training for it in the meantime."

"Alright. Well, at least you chose after the workout to fall apart." I reached up and ruffled Azure's mane a little bit. "So we don't lose any time if you just take it easy for the rest of the day and calm down a little."

"I think that sounds like a good idea." Azure nodded, and smiled tiredly. "After thirteen years, I could really use a chance to finally calm down."

Chapter 28

Ghost Lights

Chapter 28

For the next few weeks, we alternated days between long-distance flights and intense running. Flying wasn't too bad, since Azure had already been steadily working up her flight endurance times even before we began deliberately training. She was able to mostly keep up with me for a full twelve hour day of patrol flying, although of course that included breaks here and there. I tried to take progressively fewer of them in order to push her limits.

The runs were actually much harder, but conversely, they also didn't last as long. They only really needed to be maybe a couple hours at a good pace. The point wasn't to run for a long time, just to do it strenuously enough to build up cardiovascular endurance.

Day one hundred and thirty four was a running day, but also a report day, so we held off on the workout until later in the afternoon, giving Azure the morning to compose and send her message to Canterlot. It was as boring as ever, the standard mix of confirmation that nothing had changed with some weather data and "we're still alive" status thrown in. There was never any mention in those reports of our intentions or the training activities we did, but then, they weren't meant to track and record our actions, only our observations about the area, so as luck would have it, this was never an issue.

I suspect that this limitation on the amount of information we were meant to send back was actually very intentionally designed. After months out here alone, it would be easy for isolated ponies to drift into writing ever longer reports crammed with too much personal detail, viewing it as their only voice back to the civilization they became more and more desperate to see again. Allowing ponies to turn to writing rambling disjointed narratives like that and then send them off to strangers in their loneliness was probably both unhealthy for them and at least a little unsettling for whoever had to read and process those reports back in Canterlot, hence it was best to have a strictly structured format of only the specific information wanted.

In contrast to that sparing and exact nature of the reports, however, some things here were largely superfluous, such as our chainmail coats. As required at a military posting, we'd carried them out here (which added no small amount of weight to our bags on the hike), but without any particular enemies around to create a need for armor, we'd never actually worn them. I'd doubted we would and I assumed they'd just collect dust for the whole tour, until that day when inspiration struck. I decided I would push things up to the final notch of intensity on our run by finally making them, or at least their weight, useful.

Azure had finished writing and sending off her report. "Hey, heads up," I said. When she turned to look at me, I tossed one of the coats in her direction.

Her eyes widened with surprise when the garment of little metal rings thumped into her chest. It wrapped around her like a steel towel for a moment, with the weight nearly bowling her backward a little. She instinctively raised one foreleg to catch it before it fell to the floor.

"What's with this?" she asked. She looked at it, and then me, strangely for a moment while she was holding it up draped over her leg.

"Put it on," I said. I was already working on my own coat, pulling it down over my head like a sweater and feeling around for the small openings in the sides my wings were supposed to fit through. It didn't take me more than a few seconds, after all the years of practice I've had putting on armor as a palace guard. The weight and the slightly cold feel of the metal had an old comforting familiarity. It hit me briefly how I actually sort of missed it.

"Expecting trouble?" Azure asked.

"No, just expecting a good workout," I said.

Azure groaned. "They made us run in armor during the Dawn's Hammer basic training," she complained, but compliantly started pulling the chain shirt on. She fumbled a little bit with it. "It sucked really bad."

"This won't be as bad as plate," I reassured her. "It breathes a lot better. Notice how it's full of little holes?"

"Yeah, yeah, we'll see. I just hope it doesn't chafe." After some struggling, she managed to finish getting the coat situated over herself and wear it properly.

I led her outside and after a little bit of stretching out and warming up, we started. For the most part I avoided flat areas where I could, favoring uphill and downhill running. The pace I kept up was quick. I knew that if it wasn't hard enough to tire me out, then it wasn't really doing us any good. The more we would sweat in training, the better we'd do when it was time for the real deal.

Stainless steel is great, it can be washed in anything without having to worry about whether it's going to rust and become a tetanus trap. Somepony long ago realized how convenient that would be for maintaining armor, fortunately, so a high-strength stainless alloy is what our chainmail shirts were made out of. They'd stay perpetually shiny and new-looking forever. Cleaning them was easy, we just wore them while we showered in the waterfall after our workout.

It was almost sunset by the time we were done. We were hanging around on the beach after bathing, walking slowly back and forth and air-drying in the sea breeze blowing in out of the west.

There was something particular about a gap in the clouds out over the ocean, and it caught my attention. Something rare was about to happen, I could feel it.

I stopped pacing and held still. "The sun's about to come out," I told Azure.

"What? The sun never comes out here," Azure said. "Are you sure? I don't see anything." She studied the western sky.

"No, really, it is." I pointed a hoof at the spot in the clouds. "Just give it a minute."

We both waited. The sun kept moving down its track in the sky, sinking, and sure enough, it soon spilled through the hole in the cloudcover to bathe the entire beach in brilliant light. The sand glittered and sparkled with particles of quartz crystal in a way that it never did under the hazy overcast sky. The light was rippling and shining on the water, reflecting off the suddenly much more intense blue in pure white dazzling sparks. While it lasted, that beach was like a whole new place.

The sun was low on the horizon, though, and within minutes the light began deepening into the warm oranges and reds of sunset as it prepared to vanish. That last burst of fire was even more spectacular, flooding the whole beach in a final celestial sendoff of heavenly brilliance. It reflected off the chainmail coats we were wearing and illuminated them, and us, with a brilliant flaming radiance. The two of us would have been quite a sight, if anypony else had been around to see it, imposing and grandiose in such shining armor by the last light of day. It was one of those rare moments in life, I suppose, when I truly felt picturesque. We both stayed there and watched until it was gone, the sun completely below the far edge of the distant sea and leaving only the dimming rainbow afterglow that faded into an indigo night sky.

"I think that might be the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen," Azure finally said in a small voice.

"Same here," I told her. We both stood watching in silence for a while as the final glow faded and the darkness of night took hold completely.

"If we'd gone inside just a minute or two earlier, it would have been blocked from view behind the wall and we wouldn't have noticed. We'd have completely missed it," Azure said. "How did you know the sun would come out?"

"Not sure." I shook my head. "I just... did. I've just always been able to tell."

I wished there had been more to see, but that was it. With the show over and everything rapidly growing black, I headed back over the wall and inside the barracks for the night.

When we got there, Azure lit up the interior of the barracks building with a cozy glow from a conjured magical orb that hovered near the ceiling. We finished removing and putting away our chainmail shirts. I didn't pack mine up, just hung it off one of the posts of the crudely-made wooden bed frame on my side of the room. We'd be needing them again for future training.

"That's what your cutie mark is for, isn't it?" Azure asked me, considering the stylized pale yellow image of the sun and its rays.

"For being able to find the sun? Yeah." I nodded. "I used to do it all the time for my mom. I got a lot of practice at clearing out the sky to get more light to help her garden grow. I always knew where it would be."

"More than just that, though." Azure stared off at nothing in particular and pondered. "You see things. Things about ponies that are hidden just like the sun hides behind clouds. Sometimes you do when even the pony hiding it can't see it themselves."

"I don't know about that." I wasn't sure what exactly to make of what she was saying.

"It's how you knew about Princess Twilight and Captain Dash, years ago. It's why you knew they were suffering in loneliness for each other when even they didn't, and why you knew something had to happen," Azure said.

"That was stuff anypony could have seen." I shrugged. "The signs were there. It was inevitable, really, just a matter of paying attention."

"Yes, sure, anypony could have watched," Azure said, "but you knew how to put together the story underneath. You knew what it meant. There's always been something special about that."

This sort of left me at a loss. I'd never thought of myself as having any special insight. I saw what I saw, and the obvious reality it pointed to made sense. That was all. There was never any special trick, no particular talent. All I ever did for Princess Twilight and Captain Dash was pay attention closely enough to realize what was happening and then finally overcome my fear long enough to take a chance when the time came.

"Cutie marks have layered nuances of meaning, you know," Azure said. "It's not just one thing."

"Maybe," I said. It was sort of hard to disagree with that. Maybe she had a point, but I still wasn't sure one way or another.

Azure paced over to a window and rested her chin on the sill, peering out into the dark world that surrounded us. "Sometimes only that most obvious one thing is all ponies care about, though," she said. "Sometimes they don't see anything else."

"Well, it's hard to see all of who a pony is," I said. "They're very complicated things."

"It's especially hard when they assume they already know who a pony is." Azure kept staring out the window. "When that pony is too much of a coward to just tell them and maybe too much of one to even see it herself."

"Are we talking about somepony in particular?" I asked.

"I guess not really one more than another," Azure replied. She turned away from the window and sat down on the edge of her bed. "I've never told anypony. But then, I'm not sure if I really understood. They all think it's just for magic."

"Your cutie mark?" I asked.

"Yes." Azure nodded. "And they're not wrong, because it is for that, of course. Magic is just a means that can lead to many different end purposes, though. When I earned this mark, it was for using magic to break apart an amethyst crystal, then put it back together again into one piece. It wasn't quite the same afterward, though. When I merged all the shards back into a single crystal, I didn't reassemble it exactly the way it had been. It was... rearranged. It looked the same, it was all fused back together without a flaw, but it was transformed into something new. I don't think anypony noticed. They all thought nothing was different. I knew it was. I knew that was part of what this mark means. But it was like the thing with the codebreaking puzzle. I just never told Princess Twilight. Something just... stopped me. Resentment, I guess."

"Transforming things as a talent? That's why you were able to figure out how to transform yourself into a pegasus?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm fairly sure it is," Azure said. "I'm also sure there's a reason this was given to me, but I don't really know why. What if being out here is my only chance to find out? While we were watching that sunset, I thought about... what if it's like that? What if it's just that short little opening when the sun finally comes out, right before it disappears for good?"

"If that's how it is, then it's like when we were up on the clouds: enjoy the sun while you can," I told her.

"Exactly." Azure nodded. "That's why I know what I have to do now. For the last couple weeks, like you said to, I've been thinking about whether or not I should even try that flight. Having a lot of conflicted feelings, it's been hard to make the decision of whether it's worth it or if it's just a dumb risk and this is really about something else. But when I saw the sun come out and then how fast it set and it was over, I realized I knew. Making that flight is the last thing... the last big piece. After that I've learned as much as I need to about flying to know how I really feel. That's something that has to happen before we leave here, because I don't think I get another chance later. One way or another, it's done after we go home, and once the sun sets, it doesn't come out again. I can't just let that happen and not finish what I need to first. I don't want to live the rest of my life not knowing because I didn't try."

"And what if you don't make it?" I asked. "Is that worth it? That's really the question, you know. That's what you'd better be sure of: does the possibility of living the rest of your life not knowing outweigh the possibility, however small it is, of not getting the rest of your life at all?"

"It's true, I guess, I could just back down and... cooperate. Be what everypony expects me to be, without risking it." Azure shrugged. "My career's in the bag. I'm good at what I do with my horn. After I finish working with Twilight and go off on my own, I'll probably be a great mage, ensconced in some research tower somewhere. I'll stay up all night and sleep all day and discover all kinds of new magic spells before I slowly go totally crazy from locking myself away studying for so long. I could be the next Starswirl the Bearded... err, maybe without the beard. I could be remembered forever, and I'd be immortal that way. But..."

"But what?"

Azure looked at me, with something sharply serious in her eyes. "But sometimes it comes down to a choice: you can be immortal like that, or you can be happy during the time you have. Pick one."

Chapter 29

Ghost Lights

Chapter 29

For a long time that night, and into the next day, those last two words Azure spoke kept running through my mind. Something about it resonated with me. I kept hearing them, thinking about just what they meant.

Immortality or happiness...

Pick one.

I knew that this was a fork I'd stood at long ago on the road of my own life, and my choice was made. I just hadn't thought about it in these terms before. When I did, it was recast into a different view. I found a sudden clarity in this perspective, using the lens of that metaphor. The new light it brought washed away the last of any uncertainties and doubts I might have been harboring about all of this.

By the same token, Azure's sudden firmness of resolve after that sunset seemed to galvanize her. She was like a pony suddenly made of steel instead of flesh, and bounding with energy. Nothing I did could seem to grind her down. She could be out of breath, she could be pouring with sweat, but she wouldn't let herself break down and stop.

On that day's long-distance flight, I pushed us both for hours at a high speed and with a minimum of breaks. It was enough even to give me trouble, and certainly to tire us both out, but Azure persevered through it. We'd left shortly after sunrise, and was dark outside by the time we finally arrived back at the barracks. I managed to just about exhaust us both with the pace, which was a good thing. It meant it was a highly productive day of training.

"You're doing really well," I told Azure that night, after all our cleaning up was finished and we were finally able to rest and begin recovering. "I think we're close."

"How close is 'close'?" she asked.

"Well... I think you've finally decided that you really want this, and today it showed," I said. "That's going to be more important than anything else. I think the one big barrier that might have still been there in front of us is gone now. Your mind is ready. The rest is easy. Your body will be strong enough soon, too."

"Hmmm. I hadn't thought about it that way, as a mental thing." Azure looked a little surprised while she considered this. "I've just been focused on getting in good enough shape, really."

"Gotta want it before it's gonna happen, to use a Dash-ism," I said with a small smile.

"I guess we all have to make choices in life and decide what to go after," Azure said. "I think you're right. Sometimes that is the hard part."

"Well, deep down, ponies want what they want," I said. "The trick is just... knowing what that is. Once you do, everything is so much easier."

"Not knowing is what really kills you," Azure agreed.

"I think a lot of the time, that's really what I run away from," I said. "Things I don't know."

"Like when you left for Cloudsdale?" Azure asked.

"Sort of." I nodded. "That also led to another decision I made, though. It had a lot to do with what you said yesterday, and I think I only just now completely realized it. It was something that came down to two things." I lifted one front hoof. "Immortality..." I lowered my hoof to the ground again, then raised the other one. "Or being happy during the time you have." I put my hoof back down on the ground again. "And sometimes you have to choose."

"Hmmm?" Azure looked interested by this. "How would you have been immortal?"

"After I moved up to Cloudsdale, I started hanging out pretty often with my aunt Spitfire. I'd watch her and help her practice. Sometimes she even let me race her and some of the other Wonderbolts."

"Oh? How'd that turn out for you?" Azure asked.

"About as well as you'd imagine." I rolled my eyes and grinned a little bit at the memory. "I got my sorry flank whipped bad every time. Dead last by a wide margin. I gradually got faster and did better the more I tried, but it was never even close, really."

"Ouch," Azure said sympathetically.

"Well, it didn't really hurt, it was expected." I shrugged. "I wasn't there under some sort of impression that I could win. I was just having fun working out with my aunt. I always finished the race, anyway. I kept moving forward and working at getting better. That was what mattered."

"Yeah," Azure said. "I guess so."

"The point came, though, where Spitfire said she thought I had the potential, so she made me a standing offer. She said that if I stayed there in Cloudsdale after I graduated high school and just focused on training and working out with her for a year or so and got all polished up under her coaching, the Wonderbolts academy would be a breeze and when I graduated I'd be a shoe-in for the active team," I said.

"What?" Azure's jaw dropped a little. "If the captain of the Wonderbolts basically offered you a fast-track invitation, why aren't you one right now?"

"Because... well, it was hard to say why at the time, but looking back at it, I know now that I felt like it wouldn't really be me, you know? Ponies would look at me, and they'd see what they want to, which would be a carbon-copy of my aunt," I explained. "That's what I'd have to become. It'd be like, having to live in her shadow. Having to turn into it. I'd always be compared to her and expected to match up. If I wore that same uniform and flew on the same team and walked in her hoofsteps like that, I don't know if the image of who I am could ever really be separated from her, with as famous as she is, and especially not with the way we look so alike by having the same coat and mane colors."

"Oh." Azure looked down at the ground in thought. "Yeah, I... I get it. It still must have been hard to walk away from that, though."

"Well, sorta," I said. "But at that point in my life it was about time to find a real job and I was thinking about something military anyway, so Spitfire convinced me to at least go into a flight specialty. That way after my first enlistment was up, if I discovered that I didn't really like the army and changed my mind about the Wonderbolts thing I'd still have a chance. She said I should go for advanced combat flier. Apparently a lot of Wonderbolts come out of that."

"Well, obviously, you're here, so you didn't quit the regular military for the Wonderbolts..." Azure noted.

"Nope!" I shook my head. "I went through basic flight combat, like every pegasus, then continued into scouting flight school as a specialization. I never went on to advanced combat flier, though. I qualified to, but the more I heard about it, it just seemed really not fun. Like, the months of vicious beating during training kind of not fun. Scouting and recon was a hard school and that was enough for me. Advanced combat flight is just... over the top."

"I'll bet. Captain Dash said there was a lot of dropout when she went through," Azure told me.

"Yeah," I said. "I hear something like fifty percent don't make it, usually. Just beats them up and rips them apart too badly for them to take it. Didn't really matter, though. I still could have gone to the Wonderbolts from being a recon flier, except... every time my enlistment contracts were up, I just kept reenlisting instead of getting out to pursue it. I realized I was happy doing this. I mean, I love it. Recon flight was fun, I got to work on my own and explore remote places. Then I got royal guard duty for Princess Twilight, which is great. A little boring sometimes, but the ponies I work around are genuinely nice and I feel like I do something important. At the bottom line, I like my life the way it's going without being Wonderbolt, so I figured I probably shouldn't quit unless that changed. Why should I ruin a good thing? And at this point, I'm definitely past the age where it would make any sense to try to become a new Wonderbolt anyway, so I suppose I'll just be sticking with this for a while longer."

"You don't regret it at all, though?" Azure asked. "Not being one?"

"Sometimes I used to wonder if I should or not, but... well, happiness or immortality." I said. "The way you said it made me feel a lot better about this decision, actually, because now, instead of looking at it like a lost chance I didn't take, I see how it was really a chance to be happy that I did take. Now I know that this was the right decision for me. I used to think a lot about 'what if', but I think it's going to be pretty easy not to anymore."

I walked over to Azure and hugged her.

"When I think about that, I think I really get why you have to make this flight," I said softly. "And I promise you, it is going to happen."

Azure hugged me back. "Thanks," she whispered.

After that, we extinguished the lights and went to sleep. It was still sort of early in the night, but today's training had been an exhausting ordeal, and undoubtedly tomorrow would be another one. I felt good, though. I slept more calmly and easily than I think I had in a while.

For the next two weeks, days went by, one after another, and the combination of changes in perspective within both of us fueled a new fire, changing the tone of our workouts. They were faster and harder, rapidly pushing us to the edges of our endurance and expanding them. We continued the same pattern of alternating days between intense runs and long-distance flying. It was a good system, since it gave the different muscle groups involved every other day off to recover somewhat.

I don't think I've ever been more proud of anything than I was of my student during that time. She'd risen to the challenge and discovered what it took inside of her to make this flight. We were relentless, because those towers were getting closer with every workout.

Then eventually, one day, we were there.

It came as a surprise, actually, since it had almost crept up unseen, in a strange way, underneath the intensity of how hard we were training. That last blazing push had the effect of causing us to become somewhat blinded to all else, paradoxically including just how far we'd come. Being focused on improvement for its own sake was motivating, but oftentimes that doesn't have any external markers for absolute measurement. It was easy to get lost in that sense of it being a never-ending process with no ceiling. It wasn't until it occurred to me to take a time out and step back to look objectively at where we were compared to where we ultimately needed to be that I saw this.

Having figured it out, though, on day one hundred and fifty I declared a halt on training.

That morning, I woke near dawn to the sounds of Azure already starting to fumble around with her chainmail coat, trying to put it on in preparation for the run she was anticipating. "No need," I told her. "We're taking some time off for a while."

She was a little confused at first, understandably. Her efforts with the coat paused and she looked up at me curiously. "What? Why are we doing that?" she asked.

"Because we're as good as we need to be," I said. "For at least a week now, we've been flying nonstop stretches of distance longer than what it would take for us to reach where we're going, and we aren't having problems with them. If anything, we'll be overtraining if we keep driving harder. That has its own risks if we're not careful."

"Oh." Azure stopped trying to pull on the coat, and set it resting at the foot of her bed instead. "Okay. So what's next?"

"We take a break for a week," I said. "We'll need that time to rest and recover to be in absolute top shape. No heavy exercise. I want to stick to just some short patrol flights and stretching."

"Alright." Azure nodded. "I wasn't really looking forward to running in armor anyway." She glanced at the crumpled pile of steel rings that was now laying limp and motionless on her bed.

That was a sentiment I couldn't disagree with. In that spirit of taking time off, I decided a little bit of laziness was something I could afford, so I rolled back into bed to sleep in.

After all the work we'd been doing, those next seven days of rest seemed to take a long time to pass with no intense running and no long-haul twelve hour flights to devour the time. It was great for the first day or two but soon we both got restless. Azure filled it with reading, writing, and sometimes practicing her magic, polishing back up and knocking off the rust since she hadn't been doing very much of it when we'd been so heavily occupied with training.

I passed the time by doing what I always did at the wall, exploring outside on my own, watching the sea, pacing up and down the rocky shores and thinking about things. Actually, over those days, a new question was building in my mind, something I had only recently thought of. I kept it to myself for now. It was something I would need to ask Azure about, but not before the big day came and our flight was over. That alone was more than enough to deal with for now, she didn't need any other distractions.

With all the necessary preparation complete, we waited and rested, gathering all our strength until day one hundred and fifty seven came.

Chapter 30

Ghost Lights

Chapter 30

When I got out of bed on the morning of the flight, it was almost an hour after the sun had risen. Azure had been up with it, waiting restlessly. I hadn't been so eager. There would be more than enough light in the day to sleep in a little bit and still be finished getting where we were going and back long before dark. It would also be better to delay our start until the sun had a chance to warm up the air a little so we wouldn't have to fly in the cold. My best efforts to hold out didn't last long, though. Light started growing in the windows, and the brighter it got the harder it became to fall back asleep.

Finally, at the point when I was totally awake, I got up and we grabbed our saddlebags. It was very deliberate on my part that this was the first thing we did that morning to get ready.

"Just bring water flasks," I told Azure, while I was still shaking out my bed-mane. "Two of them. That's really all we'll need."

"Nothing else?" Azure asked. "Are you sure?"

"Nothing's going to be more important than having some drinking water," I told her. "It's the only thing worth the weight."

Azure nodded and we set out to the beach and then north along it. We both filled our pair of flasks from the cold, crystal-clear waterfall there.

"Drink a little bit of water right now," I told Azure, after we filled the flasks. "Not too much, though. Not enough to start feeling full or heavy, but we want to stay hydrated." I leaned into the stream of water and swallowed some down. Azure did likewise.

When we were done with that, we headed back down the beach. After thinking about it for a moment, I ducked back inside the barracks briefly for the one other thing I wanted. I dug through the gear I'd brought and found the two pairs of flight goggles I had, and pulled them both over my head and let them hang loosely around my neck before I went back outside.

Azure was waiting for me out there. I saw her glancing at some tempting-looking young blades of grass, but neither one of us ate anything that morning. Without even having to say anything, I think we both knew that breakfast was out of the question. We'd eaten enough last night, and mixing a fresh meal with intense exercise was asking for a seriously uncomfortable ordeal.

"You ready for this?" I asked.

"Yes," Azure said. It was a simple answer, unassuming, yet confident in its subtleness of tone. Yes, she was ready. That was what I wanted to hear.

I stared at the sea, watching the waves wash back and forth under the gray morning light. "Good. This is your final test as my flight student. It's a fitting one in the old pegasus tradition, too... because if you don't make it, you could die." I turned toward Azure and smiled at her. "No pressure, though."

"Gee, yeah, that helps," Azure mumbled and rolled her eyes. "Totally seems like no big deal when you put it like that."

"Oh, and here, take these." I pulled one of the two pairs of flight goggles off my neck and gave them to Azure. "I don't normally insist on wearing them, but... you know... this is one of those times when you don't leave anything to chance if you can help it. I can't think of anything worse than getting smacked in the eye and losing your sight out there with no way to land."

She looked at the goggles with a little bit of surprise, then almost a sense of reverence, smiling faintly at them and then at me. "Thank you," she said. She lifted them over her own head and pulled them down around her neck, hanging there just like mine were.

I looked out at the western horizon. Those two towers out in the distance were just barely visible, shrouded in the misty haze that was still hanging in the cool morning. I took a deep breath of salty air. The smell excited me with an undercurrent of anticipation. This was going to be a good day, I could just feel it.

"Let's get started," I said. "I think about twelve hours will do it."

Azure nodded without saying anything, and cast her spell to transform from a unicorn into a pegasus for the length of time I'd specified. Truthfully, we probably wouldn't need that much, but I thought some extra buffer was safer to have.

Our preflight routine was pretty standard by now, if informal. We trotted and flapped in place for a couple minutes to start warming up our muscles, after which we stretched out. Wings, legs, and back were the important things. After about ten minutes, all of them were throughly loosened up.

"We'll stay down pretty low, close to the water where the air is thickest," I said, giving her one last briefing. "Remember, though, if you get into trouble, we can't land, so don't head downward. Go straight up instead, get on top of the clouds. If worst comes to worst and we have to call this thing off, at least we can ride them back toward shore again."

"Got it." Azure nodded.

I pulled the goggles up from around my neck and positioned them over my eyes, adjusting the straps around the back of my head until they felt right. Azure did the same. I'm sure we looked a little bit like twins.

"Time to go." I took off, flapping into the headwind that blew in off the sea. I rose from the sand, leaving the beach beneath me. Azure followed, and we set out over the water.

At first, there were a few seagulls flying with us, swooping around in haphazard directions and maybe hoping to snatch fish here and there, but they prefer to be close to the shore and after a couple miles out we left them behind. Their high-pitched calls faded away and we were alone, just the two of us over the endless water.

Once we passed those gulls and their cries, it hit me how profoundly quiet it suddenly was out there. Waves rolled along in swells and troughs beneath us, but made no noise since they were no longer breaking at this distance from the shore. All the noises of the shoreline had faded away, and the silence became eerie, as if the sea was warning us that we were beyond safety. The barren, desert-like calm of the water this far out was just waiting... waiting, and watching intently, ready to swallow us as easily as it swallowed all other noise if we proved unequal to our ambitious aim in this long flight. It was enough to bring creeping doubt and lurking shadowy fears to mind, but there was nothing else to do but keep going forward and trust in the knowledge that we both had more than enough in us to make it.

Time passed and the pace we fell into was steady, moving forward at a speed that was good but still easy and maintainable. As we flew, we borrowed the trick that geese use, with one of us flying slightly behind and above the other to benefit from reduced wind resistance. Every fifteen minutes to half an hour we switched, depending on when the lead flier started to get tired. I tried to stay out in front as much as I could, letting Azure preserve her energy. On this particular flight it was especially important to make that effort to be efficient, since the headwind blowing in off the ocean and toward the land was constant and we were flying directly into it.

It was also because of that headwind that the goggles proved to be a good call. I knew from experience that our eyes would have quickly become watering and sore from windburn without them. Through the comfort of their lenses, though, both of us easily watched the towers grow continually closer, making small course corrections and navigating toward them by sight.

Even more than watching the towers, I also liked to look down and watch the surface of the ocean. As our shadows passed over the water, I saw schools of fish scatter in surprise. It made me think of the erne that I'd seen on top of the clouds, taking refuge from the rain. Had we been more like that bird, we would have found the fish we were looking for and had a feast many times over. I watched our reflections glide along the surface of the water underneath us while I thought about how in the same way, we were making the flight it took to find sustenance, only the kind we found would be of the heart and the soul, not the stomach.

After four hours in the air, we finally heard the sound of waves breaking again. The noise was soft at first as we approached the slightly closer southern tower, then became progressively louder as we got closer to where the water crashed on the barren rocks that made up the tiny islet it stands on. Most of that irregularly-shaped islet's surface was covered by the tower's circular base, with no part of it more than maybe ten or fifteen meters from the edge of the sea, and in some places closer.

The tower was conical, about thirty meters across at the bottom. It reminded me of a lighthouse, except that the top was wide open to the sky, since whatever used to be up there had long since fallen apart and blown away. All that was left was the shell of stone blocks, hollow on the inside. The structure, what was left of it, was about ninety meters high, angling inward as it rose so it was only about fifteen meters wide at the top. At the bottom the walls were very thick to support the weight above and resist the impacts of the odd wave here and there that broke high enough over the islet to reach the building, but they gradually tapered down to be much thinner at the top.

They were still wide enough to land and perch on. That was what I did as soon as I could reach it. Azure was immediately behind me, and she landed directly opposite to me on the other side of the tower's upper rim. I rested there, just catching my breath for a few moments after the very long flight.

Once I started to feel a little bit recovered, I pulled my goggles down, leaving them hanging around my neck. They'd been starting to fog a little bit on the inside. Looking around the islet now that my eyes were clear again, it was just like I'd remembered it from the last time I was here years ago. There were no plants, only some strings of algae and seaweed clinging to the rocks that flowed like long green streamers with the motion of the waves. A little bit of encrusting lichen that somehow managed to grow in small patches on the stone blocks the tower was made from was the only terrestrial life of any kind here, and it seemed like a miracle that even that was present.

After I'd cooled down a little bit, we flew to the ground and landed on the rocks at the base of the tower. I pulled out one of the water flasks from my saddlebags.

"Drink," I instructed Azure. My voice was rough and my throat was sore and felt like sandpaper from thirst. She got out one of her own flasks.

I was so thirsty that I emptied my first flask more or less without stopping. Almost immediately I started feeling better. Such a long nonstop flight directly into a headwind had taken a lot out of me, as I'd expected it would.

We stayed on the ground recovering for a while, slowly walking a circle around the base of the tower. It took us some time. After we did, something funny struck me that I'd never realized before, something that should have been there but was apparently missing.

"There's no door," I said. "We've walked all the way around the ground level, and there's no openings anywhere. Why'd they build it with no way in?"

"Unicorns didn't need a door," Azure said, staring at me a little strangely, like this was obvious. "They could just teleport."

"Oh." It hadn't occurred to me, but with that pointed out, this strange architectural design choice suddenly made a lot of sense. Without a door at the ground to create a weak point, the tower would be much more resistant to waves and flooding if the seas turned rough. It also gave me a humbling reminder that I was in the remnants of what used to be a unicorn's part of the world, something they built only for themselves and their own kind, not one that I could view through the lens of what I was used to. Magic was probably as integral here as flying is to living in Cloudsdale.

I realized that this place would always have mysteries I would never fully comprehend, a past I could never really put myself in the horseshoes of. In this place, not having a horn made me a stranger. It made me think for a moment about the question I had for Azure, but this was still not the time or the place, so I set it aside for now.

We kept exploring - as much as there really was to explore on such a tiny, featureless islet, at least - and intermittently sipping more water. After an hour or so, we'd both finished off our second flask, and our saddlebags were now empty. At that point, we made the short flight to the northern tower.

It was mostly the same as its southern counterpart, just an old stone shell with whatever had been on top long gone by now. Again, there was no door or other obvious ground level entry.

Azure flew up to the top of the tower, and I followed. Landing on the rim, she peered down inside. There was nothing visible in there, just inky blackness. Azure looked around briefly, then tapped her hooves a few times on the stone blocks until she found a loose chip the size of a small pebble. She gripped it in her teeth, held it over the opening, and dropped it into the tower, then cocked her head sideways and listened. A second or two later there was a small splashing sound.

"Huh. Must collect a lot of rainwater," Azure said. "With no openings at the bottom of the tower and nothing covering the top, I guess it has nowhere to flow out so it just floods the inside. Too bad. I suppose that means there wouldn't be any old unicorn artifacts to find in there and take home as souvenirs."

"Nope." I shrugged.

We flew back down. Both of us sat on the stony ground and rested for a while.

"It's weird to think that some of my ancestors were the unicorns who built this." Azure stared at the tower, looking like she was deep in thought. "But when I come here, I come as a pegasus."

"I guess the past can't necessarily tell you what the future has to be," I said.

"I'm glad it doesn't," Azure said. She scooted over close and leaned against me, sitting side by side. "If unicorns and pegasi still hated each other as much as they used to back then, I doubt I ever would have met you."

I put my wing around her back and hugged her. "I'm also glad things are different now," I said. "Otherwise I might not even exist, coming from an earth pony mother and a pegasus father."

"The world wouldn't be the same without my big sister." Azure smiled at me.

We rested for the next hour on the ground, waiting until we were recharged enough to sustain another long stretch of flight. There wasn't really a whole lot to do. I spent most of the time watching the ocean waves roll up and down across the rocks.

A few sea stars were clinging to them. They were a kind I'd never seen before, different than the ones at the shore near the mainland. These were a striking purple color. The mussels and clams they were after were the same, though. Some sort of crab I didn't recognize, with long formidable looking pincers, shuffled around. We stared at it. It ignored us and eventually slipped back under the water.

Over the time we were there, the tide was slowly going out, with the water level gradually dropping. Small tidepools between the rocks were starting to form, separating from the rest of the ocean until the high tide would come back in and flood over them again. A sea urchin covered in sharp spines grazed along the bottom of one, alongside a scattering of small marine snails with delicately patterned shells.

With the ebbing of the water, our strength was returning. After two hours, I felt like it was getting to be about time for us to be on the move again. I wanted to be sure that we would be back on the right side of the shore well before dark.

"About ready to go?" I finally asked.

"Yeah," Azure said. She looked around, though without really seeming to find anything to hold her interest in the bleak surroundings of ruins and rocks. "I thought it would be... maybe more exciting, but you were right. There's not really much to see here, just old broken stone shells of whatever these used to be."

"Kinda anticlimactic, isn't it?" I shrugged. "Sorry."

"Well, that's not important, anyway," Azure said. "The point was the flight. That's the part that was worth doing."

"Yeah." I grinned. "We still have the back half of it left, too, although I think that's going to be the easy part."

"Hmmm, maybe one thing." Azure looked around for a moment, then scratched at the ground with her hoof until a small piece of rock with some sharp corners separated and came loose. She picked it up in her mouth and walked to the base of the tower, then scratched her name into a stone block at head level. Her mouthwriting wasn't as good as her telekinetic magic penmareship, but most ponies who have to write with their teeth can't really match a unicorn's horn.

"Okay." She dropped the stone and smirked in a satisfied way at her work. "Now I'm done."

I liked her idea, so I looked around and picked up another sharp stone, then signed the tower just beneath where she had. Having finished, I spat the stone out. It left a lingering sharp tang of sea salt mixed with limestone on my tongue, a flavor that I knew I would never forget. That was what I would take from here, to carry with me forever.

"Yep. Looks good to me. Our work here is finished," I declared.

We pulled our goggles back up over our eyes, and prepared to fly for home.

Chapter 31

Ghost Lights

Chapter 31

The flight back inland was much easier than the one out to the islets. For this part of the trip, instead of staying low near the water, I led Azure upward into the sky until we were over the cloudcover. The air was a little thinner up there, but as compensation it was safer to have the clouds as a safety net, and we were able to take periodic breaks by walking on them for a few minutes when we needed to catch our breath, which was much more pleasant than having to fly continuously all the way back.

Aside from being easier, it also made our progress faster. Flying in the opposite direction from which we came, the sea breeze that had been a constant headwind turned to a tailwind that helped speed us along, and when we rested on the clouds, it kept pushing them, and by extension us, toward the shore. It was also nice that we were able to enjoy the bright sun and clear blue sky overhead, and not constantly watch the water below that had seemed before almost like it was waiting for us to fall in. It took a lot of the pressure off and, I think, helped us both relax.

Even so, I was careful to keep in mind that there were still some things to be concerned about. Since our time was limited by the factor of how long Azure had before her spell expired, I pushed us onward continually and tried to minimize any delays. We made it back to shore in about three and a half hours, all told, which I thought was fairly impressive.

When we descended at last from those clouds to land on the beach, there was a comforting sense of returning home after a hard day of work, which is what that flight had certainly been. I pulled my flight goggles off and breathed a sigh of relief. Azure looked at me in a funny way for a second, then giggled.

I glanced over at her. "What?" I asked.

"You have goggle hair," Azure laughed, pointing at my mane.

I smirked back. "And you think you don't?" Indeed, there was a funny looking line of flattened mane in a ring around her head, just like I'm sure there was around mine.

After that, both of us were glad to head north along the beach to the small waterfall, where we drank until we were rehydrated, then took turns showering. After a thorough washing and giving them some time to dry, our manes were as fixed as they were going to get out here. I'm not sure that in a grand scheme of things it really helped all that much one way or another, though. After the months we'd been out here, our hair was pretty badly torn up with split ends and the only fix for that ragged appearance was going to be a manecut and a deep conditioning at the hooves of a very skilled professional.

After we were done bathing, we stood on the beach in the late day performing the last part of our maintenance, preening. It wasn't as much of an issue for Azure, with her wings not being permanent, but nonetheless she worked at them until time ran out on her spell and they vanished. I, of course, take my preening very seriously, and I kept going until my wings were pristine. It was a relaxing and satisfying way to bring the day's ordeal to a final close, smoothing out and undoing the ruffling it had wrought on my feathers.

After Azure's spell wore off and she had reverted into a unicorn again, she took off her pair of goggles. "Thanks for letting me borrow these," she said, offering them back to me.

I looked at them for a few seconds, considering something. I didn't particularly need them, and what were they to me, really? Just my spares, nothing more. I'd probably never touch them again in the time we were out here, and when we went back, I could always get another pair when I needed to. These had a more important purpose and a greater meaning if they were with somepony else with whom they'd made a special journey.

"Nah, you keep 'em." I shook my head. "I've got enough pairs. Maybe you'll need to use 'em again someday."

"You mean it?" Azure asked. She sounded surprised. "These don't look cheap..."

"They're not, but don't worry about that," I said. "You earned them. That wasn't an easy flight, and it wasn't an easy thing to do to bet your life on your own two wings like that. If you can do it, you're as much a pegasus as anypony I've known, so... you know what? I'm glad to give you these goggles as a graduation present, because you wore them on the flight that proved you don't need to be my student anymore. You're ready to fly on your own."

Azure gave me a grateful smile, then pulled the goggles back down around her neck and wore them proudly. I hardly ever saw her take them off in the rest of time we had left at the wall.

For the next few days, everything seemed quiet while we gave ourselves some time to relax after our big flight. It felt like the most important milestone we would come to in our time out here had been passed with great success, and that gave me a sense of accomplishment. As the saying goes, however, nopony can have their cake and eat it too, and as such there was sort of a downside to no longer having that anticipation inside our minds to provide a driving force.

Azure, particularly, seemed to drift uncertainly in the aftermath.

"Do you ever get that feeling... like you've reached a certain point where everything's just kind of downhill from here?" she asked me one morning, after she wandered back inside from eating breakfast. "I mean, that flight was the big thing we worked on for last couple months, and now it's done and over with. That was all I focused on. Feels like there's not much left to do, is there?"

"No, I guess not," I agreed. "About three more weeks and we go home. Just gotta wait for our reliefs to show up."

"Yeah. Not long now," Azure said softly. "I never thought about what comes next, though. Not after that flight, or..."

"I guess that's up to you," I said. "What do you want to come next?"

"I wish I knew." Azure shrugged. "I suppose that for now, I'd better get back into practice with my magic again. I've been slacking on that with all the flying and working out. Princess Twilight will probably be kind of annoyed if I come back all rusty at spellcasting."

That was true, magic was a big concern of Azure's, and because of that, it also increasingly became one of mine. There was a certain question that had come to me in the last week before our flight, and it had had only grown more insistent when we were at the towers. I found that it was still running through my head. Going to those old buildings had impressed deeply in me that the world they represented, the world of unicorns, was one that I didn't understand. Although I had flown to them before in the past years of my previous tours, I hadn't come away thinking of them in that way. They had been merely ruins then, just broken relics of a past that wasn't mine and that I didn't feel connected to.

Maybe it had a lot to do with the unicorns I was out here with in previous times. They hadn't been my sisters. I'd remained distant from my companions before, but it was different now that it was Azure Sky. A desire to understand replaced my detachment. I found it soaking into the setting, this ancient wall that unicorns had built. I wanted to know what it was like to be them because I wanted to truly see through the eyes of my friend and understand what certain things had been like for her.

Watching Azure work on her magic constantly to get back into practice after having lost so much time to physical training for flight only emphasized that rift between us. It brought into focus for me the reality that I couldn't imagine what it must be like to cast spells, however hard I tried. There's the book learning part, of course, abstract intellectual knowledge that magic is capable of certain things by using it in certain ways. That's easy, but it's nothing more than words on paper in the end. It means nothing. The real truth of it, the experience... it was unknowable to those not initiated, like trying to imagine a color I'd never seen or trying to know how it felt to flex a muscle I didn't have in my body.

It was useless to just speculate. I knew there was only one way to really understand. That question I had burning in my mind... that was what could tell me, if anything ever would. It pressed me, leaving me feeling the growing sense that it was something I needed to do. At the same time, though, I was conflicted and had misgivings about what I felt the urge to ask, so I gave it a few days to see if it was merely a momentary curiosity that would pass.

It didn't. It only got stronger until I knew this wasn't going away without addressing it somehow.

After dinner on day one hundred and sixty three was when I was sure enough about this to finally give in to it. We were both back inside and resting at the end of the day, with the sun about to set. Neither of us was doing anything in particular, so it seemed like an opportune moment and I decided I would just dive in. I supposed I might as well get it over with if it had to happen.

It was abrupt, and I felt awkward for not really knowing how else to approach more naturally and smoothly, but there was no helping that so I just did it anyway. "I have to talk to you about something, if that's alright," I told Azure. "Maybe it's just dumb, but I guess it's something I have to know."

She looked up at me with curiosity. "What is it?" she asked.

"Well, I have a question," I said. "It's about magic."

"Magic, huh?" Azure smiled, seeming a little pleased that we were unexpectedly venturing into her field for once. "Yeah, I might know a little bit about that. Whatever your question is, I'm pretty sure I can find some sort of answer... for all the good it'll do somepony without a horn, anyway."

"You might be surprised," I mumbled.

"Oh?" Azure looked interested by that. "I might? Well, challenge accepted. What's on your mind?"

"It's about that transformation spell you use to change the type of pony you are," I said. "I've been thinking about it for a few days now, and I can't stop wondering... does it also work the other way around? Can you turn a pegasus into a unicorn?"

She looked at me a little strangely while the smile slowly faded from her face. "Oh... wow... uh, okay, you win. I'm surprised." Her muzzle scrunched in thought for a moment. "Hmmm... Interesting. Turn a pegasus into a unicorn...?" She looked around and rolled her eyes ponderingly. "In theory, yes, I'm sure the spell can do it... As far as actually doing it in the real world, though, I'm not sure if I could right now. There'd be some things to check on and test out. It would take some work. A few days, maybe. All the hard problems are already solved, of course, it's mostly just a matter of making adjustments and substitutions..."

She studied the floor for a long, quiet moment, looking like very complicated wheels were already spinning in her head.

"But, then again..." She looked up at me, inquisitively. "I haven't really investigated anything like that yet because there isn't much of a reason to spend time on it if it's just academic and won't ever actually get used. When you're asking about this, do you really mean to say that it might actually happen? That there's a... particular pegasus... who might have a reason for wanting to be turned into a unicorn?"

I thought about it. Was that really what I was asking? Well... that was the obvious implication. If it wasn't, then why would I have said anything at all?

"Yeah." I nodded. "Yeah, there just might be."

"Alright." Azure looked at me with an expressionless face and nodded slowly. She looked intrigued but a little distant, already lost in thought. "Then I guess that's my next project to work on."

Chapter 32

Ghost Lights

Chapter 32

Over the next few days, I kept flying patrol flights as usual. They became more solitary, the way they had been at the beginning of the tour before Azure had figured out how to give herself wings. She joined me in the air only on occasional breaks from working on the new version of her spell. Things were pretty quiet. I noticed that suddenly I had a lot of time to just think, all by myself, exploring up and down the rocky coastline and listening to the waves. Being around Azure almost constantly while I was teaching her wasn't by any means an unpleasant thing, don't get me wrong, but these long stretches of time all to myself on the wild shores were my favorite part of this place, and I had missed them. It was nice to have that back again for a little while before our tour was over.

I returned to the barracks in the mid-afternoon of one day after one of these lonely flights to find Azure reading from the black covered book she'd brought. She'd been doing that a lot lately. I'd already suspected that the book had something to do with her transformation spell, and this added more evidence since it and her investigation of modifying that spell seemed clearly connected.

I didn't have too long to wonder about it, though, because on this particular day Azure surprised me by bringing the book over to my half of the room.

"I'd like to show you something," she said.

"What is it?" I asked, glancing curiously at the book.

This caught my interest. I thought that maybe I would finally find out just what this mysterious volume was about. Azure opened the book's front cover, to a blank plain white endpage. What was revealed to me, however, wasn't quite what I expected. It wasn't something written. Instead, what mattered at the moment was what had been tucked into the book between the cover and the endpage.

There was a single pegasus feather there, a flight primary, and one that looked like it had seen its best days long, long ago. It was ratty and beaten, notched with broken and separated barbules like it had been through the ravages of time far past the point at which it would have been molted and replaced. It had been pressed completely flat, too, which I could only infer was from being stored under heavy objects or inside books for an extended period of time.

The real surprise, though, was the color. It was sunny golden yellow... exactly matching...

"It's one of yours," Azure spoke quietly, saying just what I was thinking. "It's kind of weird, but... I've had this feather for thirteen years."

"Ummm... okay." I was a little bit confused. "Why?"

"It's the feather you dropped that night you found me out in the halls and gave me a ride back to my room," Azure said. "Way back when I was little. You remember, the time I asked you what a fillyfooler was?"

"Oh, right. Yeah, I remember losing a feather, and having you pick it up." I nodded. "I wrote about it in that journal. Never thought I'd see this guy again, though." I stared at it. In all the years since it had dropped, I'd never given a second thought to where it had ended up any more than I had about the thousands of others just like it that I'd gone through. There were usually only two possibilities. "I would have thought it would have just been thrown away, or made into a quill," I said.

"Normally, yes, but this was sort of special," Azure said. "I kept it because it was the first time I'd ever touched the wings of a pegasus, and I wanted to remember. For a long time, wings were this mysterious thing that I never thought I'd understand. I wanted to, but I was sure I never would, not really. This feather felt like the closest I could get, so I held on to it. It was... a good memory, at least. I didn't want to lose it."

"It meant that much to you?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes." Azure nodded. "That night and this feather are important. I wouldn't be where I am without it. It was one of the biggest pieces I needed when I was figuring out how to finish making the spell work. See, at first in order to catch the... uhhh... I don't know how to explain it, exactly, but basically, the pegasus... essence... and use it for transmuting, I needed an object filled with the signature of pegasus magic. I chose this. That's kind of why I was thinking about it just now, actually, because I need to do the same thing again, only with unicorn magic to transform another type of pony into a unicorn. Going through that process and those experiments again reminded me of this."

"So you can't turn into a pegasus without that feather?" I asked.

"Oh, well, no, I can, actually." Azure shook her head. "I haven't exactly needed it since the first time I succeeded with the spell, because I've gotten the feel for that pegasus kind of magic and memorized it. But that's what I was thinking about: how I don't need it anymore, and how it's changed because of how wings aren't a mystery like they were. Now it's just an old feather."

She held it out and offered it to me with a soft smile. "So I thought maybe it was time to give this one back."

"Hmmm..." I returned the smile, looking at the torn-up, pathetic plume. "Appreciated, but it's a little late. I'm pretty sure I grew a new one to replace that sucker about thirteen years ago. But... yeah, you're right, you've definitely earned your own, you don't need to borrow anypony else's." While I said that, an idea was suddenly coming over me, a sense of something needing finality that wasn't resolved yet. There was something had to be done, and a voice from inside spoke, telling me that this was important.

I was a little uncertain about it, at first. I knew what it was, but not exactly every part of how it should go, or if there was some sort of "right" way and I was just going to screw everything up. Still, the urge pushed me to do it while it was still fresh in my mind, before I could overthink it to death and lose the meaning of the moment. That was what counted. The details weren't the important thing, they'd get figured out as we went... but it should be now. It had to be, I knew that much without a doubt.

I must have been getting pretty alright by then at not chickening out and running away, because I didn't.

"You know what? Come on," I told Azure impulsively. "Follow me."

"What? Where?" she asked.

"It doesn't really matter where," I said. "There's just something we have to do."

"Uhh... Alright..." Azure sounded confused, but she complied.

I started heading outside and reached the doorway before I turned to look back briefly. "And bring that feather," I said.

"Okay..." Azure duly carried it with her as I led the way.

We went outside, walking a short distance inland, away from the Seawall. There were a few small stunted trees that were swept by the wind, and little patches of low shrubs. I hunted around in these until I could gather up a small bundle of mostly dried out sticks. I piled them up on a bare patch of the ground, then looked around for some rocks to arrange into a ring around them. After a few minutes, we were ready.

"Would you mind lighting those?" I asked Azure and pointed to the sticks. "I didn't bring matches."

Azure nodded, despite still looking unsure about what was happening, and a quick burst of magic flashed in her horn. A momentary wave of heat radiated from the wood and a few sticks at the bottom of the pile suddenly darkened to charcoal and embered with a bright cherry red, then burst into little flames that quickly grew. In about a minute we had a fire going that was small but sufficient for the purpose.

I stared into the flames and thought for a minute about how to start this. After a little bit of pondering over it, something that felt right came to me.

"Way back when I killed that crow, for a while I didn't know how to deal with it," I began. "I didn't really know how to feel and it was hard for me to understand just what it meant. When I told my dad about what I'd done, he told me to bring him a crow's feather, so I looked around until I found one and I took it back to him."

I let the fire burn for another few moments while I thought.

"The first thing my dad told me was that killing is terrible, but sometimes it can't be avoided," I continued. "It surprised me. I thought he'd be upset about what I did, but he wasn't. He said he wasn't the one who could decide whether there was anything to be upset about or not. Since I was the one who was there, fighting to protect the garden, it was my call to make. I was the one who had to decide whether or not killing that crow was what I had to do... and if I was making those kinds of decisions, I had to be ready to be a grown mare."

Azure sat and listened patently.

"He said it was a funny thing to be a parent, because I would always be his little filly," I continued. "That would always be a part of how he thought of me, but at the same time, it was inevitable that I'd grow up into a mare... as the pegasi put it, he knew that someday I'd be full-fledged and have all the feathers I needed, ready to leave the nest and fight my own enemies. He thought that what happened with the crow proved that that day had come."

"I suppose a crow is a... safe choice for a first enemy to take on..." Azure said ponderingly.

"Yeah, well, where was I gonna find a wild griffon?" I asked with a smirk. "Besides, what made the difference wasn't just that I killed her, it was that I followed through after that. Killing is easy. Respect is harder. My father was proud that I'd buried her instead of getting scared and running off right away and leaving her to rot without dignity. As a creature of the air, she really should have been burned and sent back to the sky in the smoke, but my dad let me off the hook for that because it was easy to understand if I'd been upset and not thinking about that at the time. At least I'd tried to make it right by doing something suitable instead of making things worse by doing nothing."

"Yeah," Azure said, looking into the fire and seeming to be deep in thought.

"It's important that we respect our enemies," I continued. "That's what my dad said. Enemies can teach us things. Without their challenges, we'd never know what we can do. At the same time, though, we have to keep them within their limits. The crow could only go as far as the point at which I killed her. Staying fixated and letting her haunt me with useless worrying after it was over wasn't good. He knew that. That's why he built a fire and had me burn that crow's feather that I brought to him."

I stared into our fire here and now, remembering that day. "We burned it," I said quietly, "and sent that crow home, the right way, finally."

"Did that help?" Azure asked.

"Yes." I nodded. "It was... not what I was expecting, but it was what I needed. When we did that, I realized that when I told him about the crow, I'd gone to him expecting some sort of judgment. I went there with the mind of a little filly, who wanted to be told if what I did was good or bad, and if I should have done it at all. But I left with the mind of an adult because I started to really get it. Sometimes there aren't easy answers you can just be given. At some point you have to decide for yourself what these kinds of things mean and what to do about it from there."

I looked away from the fire and at Azure, locking eyes. "I think that's where you are," I said. "You decided to take that flight, and you made it. Most pegasi won't ever even try one that difficult in their entire lives. That proves that you're full-fledged if anything ever does."

I glanced down at the beaten old yellow flight primary Azure was holding in place on the ground with one hoof. Her eyes followed mine and we both focused on it.

"You don't need anypony else's feathers anymore," I said. "Do you?"

Azure lifted the hoof that was holding down that feather just slightly. Her horn glowed softly, and she levitated it into the air in front of her with her telekinetic magic, looking at it for a second or two. I moved over next to her until we brushed up together, side by side, and I draped my wing across her back.

Slowly, ponderously, she began moving it toward the fire and lowered the feather into the flames. In seconds it flared up, burned away, and fell to ashes. A curl of white smoke rose from it, drifting into the sky in thin wispy tendrils that reached upward eagerly, like something set free after languishing in an imprisonment that was far too long. We both sat and watched together until it disappeared.

"I didn't believe you until now," Azure whispered.

"Huh? About what?" I asked, not sure what she meant.

"Way back before we left, you told me that everypony finds something different out here," she explained.

"Just themselves." I nodded, remembering as soon as I was reminded.

"I... I get to decide, don't I?" Azure asked slowly, like she was weighing out this idea carefully, feeling around at it.

"You don't just get to..." I said. I rubbed her back with my wing. "At some point, you have to."

Azure turned toward me and I could see that there were tears just beginning to well up and spill over. She reached out and wrapped her forelegs around me in a hug. I pulled her in closer and hugged her back.

"I'm more proud of you than I've ever been of anything else," I told her.

I could feel her chest shaking as it pressed against mine, and she started sobbing quietly. Whether it was from sadness, joy, relief, something else entirely, or maybe all those things at once... I wasn't sure.

I just held her in my hooves and let her cry for as long as she needed to, until the fire had died down and the flames had flickered out, leaving behind only the warm ashes of the wood and that old feather that was finally free now.

Chapter 33

Ghost Lights

Chapter 33

There's a reason most unicorns never really develop a wide range of magical ability beyond one particular talent. As it turns out, it's because it just plain isn't easy. Firsthoof experience taught me so on day one hundred and sixty eight. Azure completed modifications to her transformation spell and we were ready to try it that morning.

We were standing inside the middle the barracks, facing each other, preparing for the first attempt. I took a deep breath. "Are you sure this is going to work?" I asked.

"Are you sure you want to ask questions like that?" Azure responded.

I opened my mouth give her some kind of smart response, but nothing came out. I was silenced for the moment. She was right, and besides, the question was more of a formality borne out of my own anxiety about the unknown than a matter of not trusting her.

"It either is or it isn't, and doubting won't make it any better," she continued. "If it doesn't work, it'll feel sort of funny for a second but nothing bad will happen. I messed up on myself trying to become a pegasus the first time around and I was fine, remember? Besides, pegasus to unicorn is actually a pretty easy adjustment from the original, so yes, I'm sure. Now, how long do you want?"

"Four or five hours for a first time, I guess," I said. "That sound good?"

"Sure." Azure nodded. "Umm... you've never had a bad reaction to getting zapped with unicorn magic, right? Not nervous, panicky, anything like that?"

"Not that I get... 'zapped'... often, but no, I'll be fine," I said. I was confident about that, at least. I'd had medical magic used on me in the past and grown used to it.

"Good," Azure said. "It's just a thing that should be asked because some ponies freak out a little bit. Stay calm and remember not to be alarmed if this feels a little weird, 'cause it might, especially a spell like this."

"Alright. Thanks for the warning." I nodded.

"Okay. Here it goes." A look of determination mixed with concentration and thought set into Azure's face.

I braced myself a little inside as her horn started glowing, though I tried to relax my body and not tense up outside. Bright light started to envelop my body. It flooded into my eyes, making everything look hazy and glared out, so I closed them. The light dimmed from white to a diffuse dark red through my eyelids, not bright enough to be uncomfortable.

I'm not sure how to describe the moment of transformation other than to say it felt like a weird twisting sensation in my back, rippling through my muscles and bones and then surging up my spine and in my forehead, like nothing I've ever felt before. It was painless, but unfamiliar in a way that would have made me worry if I hadn't known exactly what was going on. I placed my trust in Azure and just went along, trying not to think too much about it. It only lasted for a fraction of a second, anyway, before things felt something like normal again.

The glow of magic faded and my vision turned black under my eyelids. I waited for a few seconds to be told I was in the clear.

"All done!" Azure announced.

I opened my eyes. The most immediate thing I noticed was a just barely visible slight yellow fuzziness right at the top of my vision. I impulsively rolled my eyes upward and looked, crossing them slightly and feeling some minor pain as I tried to focus on what it was. I couldn't make it out, exactly, but from what I could tell it was clearly something sticking out of my forehead.

Azure giggled at me. "You know, it's traditionally considered impolite among unicorns to try to look at your own horn without a mirror," she informed me. "Mostly because you end up making funny faces and it's bad for your eyes."

"Oh." I stopped trying, convinced after a moment that she was right and I wasn't really getting anything but eyestrain from it. "Well, you tell me how I look with this thing, then."

"You look... ummm... well, the same, really, just with a horn but no feathers," Azure informed me.

When she mentioned 'no feathers', I couldn't stop myself from instinctively trying to feel for my wings. Only in that moment did it fully hit me that they were gone. When my brain tried to tell them to move, there was no response, no feeling. The muscles that drive them wouldn't flex because they weren't there, my shoulders and back were smooth and lacking any appendages. I've heard that amputees sometimes suffer from a phantom limb syndrome that can drive a pony nuts, but fortunately it didn't seem to apply in my case since I wasn't really an amputee, per se. It was more like my wings had been temporarily substituted out from ever having been a part of my body at all. I guess that since that included the wiring being gone, there was no residual signal to become a problem.

The next thing I did was reach up with my right foreleg and feel for my new horn. It was where I expected to find it - although not having any experience with such things yet, I did manage to immediately jab myself in the ankle with its tip. Like most unicorn's horns, it had a fairly well-rounded point that wasn't very sharp and certainly not enough to drawn blood easily. It just caught me suddenly and put pressure at the sensitive seam between skin and hoof, causing enough pain to make me flinch and withdraw my leg reflexively.

At that moment, I also became aware that I could feel something I never had before, the sensation of tactile feeling coming from a point beyond the curve of my forehead. This excited me. I could actually feel my new horn! I focused my attention on that spot and realized that it was really there, I could sense it.

"Careful with that," Azure cautioned me. She sounded amused to see my reaction to having poked myself.

"I can feel it!" I told her.

"Yes, I'll bet you can. It's actually pretty sensitive underneath the hard outer horn casing," she said. "I probably should warn you - try not to hit it on anything, because it'll hurt."

"Thanks for the tip." I nodded.

We both just sort of stood around looking at each other for a little while after that. I wasn't sure what exactly I should do with my new-found unicornness. That was something I maybe hadn't considered as far in advance as I should. Although... there was the obvious...

"So, uh, how do I magic?" I asked.

"Yeeeaaahhh... kinda figured that question was coming. Let's go outside for that," Azure said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because uncontrolled unicorn magic tends to... well... go places and hit things," she explained. "Trust me, my mom put up with a lot of broken glass and minor fires in the first few months after I figured out I had a magical horn."

"Right. Outside it is," I agreed.

Azure led me out the door and a good few hundred feet away from the building. I wondered if that much distance was really strictly necessary, but she probably just didn't want to take any chances. It was a perfectly fine day for the Seawall, anyway, cloudy as always but so far still dry and a little on the warm side with calm air.

"So how do you... magic... the... stuff..." I started trying to ask, but quickly realized I didn't even have any terminology I knew how to ask with. "Sorry, I don't exactly know anything about this. What should I even ask first? Let's start there."

"I understand. Hrmmm..." Azure thought for a moment. "I guess we can start with, how do you turn on the flow of magic through the horn. Most unicorn foals figure it out on their own, but since you've never been a unicorn foal, we'll have to get through that first baby step before we get anywhere else."

"Right." I nodded.

"Okay, so, you already said you can feel your horn. Focus on that, and... it's... well, it's... how do you describe what it's like to flex a muscle? Because it's sort of like that, only different, too. You'll be able to feel it when it happens, and when you get used to it, you'll learn how to control it very exactingly with a little bit of practice. I mean, it's like, you'll just 'get it' once you get it," Azure said. "You know?"

"I think I understand what you mean," I said. "It's like how could you describe color to somepony who's colorblind, I guess. You'd have to experience it to understand it."

"Exactly!" Azure exclaimed. "Sorry that's not more helpful. I'm kind of frustrated, actually. It's a level so basic I don't even know how to teach it, which feels weird."

"It's alright," I said. "Maybe it's something I'll just have to figure out on my own."

We hung out there for a while, not really accomplishing much for the next half hour or so. I tried concentrating on the way my horn felt, which made me acutely focused on my whole general forehead region, but that in itself didn't result in anything. I tried visualizing magic in my horn, but that didn't do anything any more than merely visualizing taking a step would make it actually happen. There was some other component I was missing, an action rather than just a thought. The trouble was how, exactly, to take that action. I tried flexing but just made the muscles in my forehead tighten up a little.

I don't know how to describe what I finally did. It was what Azure said, like flexing, but different. It was an act, a conscious one, that involved my horn, but not quite the same as moving a muscle other than a sense of just instinctively 'knowing how to do it' in the same kind of way. I could certainly feel the difference between the active and relaxed state in my horn, though, just like there's a different feel in a muscle that's being held tense.

Whatever it was, success was obvious because a bright glow of orange light suddenly flared from my horn. I was actually caught so much by surprise the first time that I stopped immediately and the glow instantly vanished.

"Hey! Whoa! I think you're finally on to something there," Azure said, taking notice. "Try that again, whatever you just did."

I tried again, and the glow lit up once more. This time I held it, now that I was less surprised and more focused. I kept at it for a few seconds before I relaxed - if 'relaxed' is really the right word - and let it fade. I kept doing it a few more times, on and off repeatedly before I stopped entirely, waiting for a clue about where to go from there.

"Do that again," Azure directed me. "Hold it a little longer this time."

I did what she said. As soon as my horn started glowing, so did hers. Suddenly I felt something pushing in a funny way on my horn, or maybe more accurately, almost into my horn. It wasn't a physical sense of being squeezed, but I could feel a kind of restricting resistance to the magical field it was emanating, as if I had to flex harder to achieve the same effect as before. The orange glow of my magic dimmed and shrank. The resistance stopped and released after a couple seconds, though, and my magical field sprang back to normal and felt much more easy-flowing again.

"Alright. It looks like you have a strong basic aura," Azure said approvingly. "Which isn't too surprising since you had a lot of pegasus magic, too."

"That's good to know, I guess," I said.

"It means there probably won't be many spells that are out of your reach," Azure said. "Some unicorns are stronger than others, and unicorns that aren't strong enough aren't able to successfully cast certain kinds of spells because they can't generate enough magical output. It's like a muscle, though. You can make it stronger or gain more endurance by training, if you really work at it, but I don't think that's anything to worry about right now."

"Alright. So what spell do I get to learn first?" I asked.

"Let's start you off with the easiest thing there is," Azure said. "Simple telekinesis."

"Awww." I feigned disappointment. "I was hoping for some sort of death ray."

"You know, funny thing is, disintegration beams aren't actually all that hard," Azure told me. "But we'll save those for when you're maybe a little more advanced. Like, after you've learned how to handle magic well enough to be able to aim."

"Oh. Yeah, good point."

Azure levitated a small rock from somewhere and set it down on the ground between the two of us. She did something with her horn and a faint sky blue glow, the color of her magic, briefly emanated out of the rock. "I just infused some magic into this so it'll be an easy target for you to work with," she explained. "You should be able to feel it standing out pretty strongly from the background with your own magic, which will make it easy to reach out to and pick up."

"Assuming I can figure out how to 'reach out' to things," I mumbled.

"Eh, so far, so good," Azure said. "You figured out how to turn on your horn. You'll get this too. Once you've got a grip on telekinesis, excuse the pun, we can move on to another spell if you want."

We never did move on, not that day. Getting magic to glow from my horn was one thing, but making it actually do anything was another. I spent the next two hours just working on causing it to have any interaction with the rest of the world. At first I felt like I was numb, getting no sensory feedback no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't actually tell if I was touching anything with it at all, but I suspected not. Little by little I started being able to perceive miniscule bits of tactile sensations, here and there in little flashes - the feel of sand, rocks, grass. They were coming through my horn, carried on the magical field that I was aware of emitting. I didn't have much control, though. It felt like trying to move unfamiliar limbs and not knowing how to make them go in the direction I wanted, so they waved randomly.

There was no breakthrough moment, just a little by little improvement through trial and error until I was able to sort of direct my efforts deliberately towards a particular chosen spot. Even after I did, at first it was very tenuous, like things were slippery and just slid around and past me.

Finally, though, I was able to get some sort of grasp on the rock that Azure had used for a target. The magic she'd placed in it seemed to make it stickier, somehow, clinging to my own magical reach more readily than the other things around it. I got a lock on it that felt somewhat solid, then strained against its mass. I tried pushing and pulling, at least as best I knew how, and after several minutes of effort, there was a small reward: a little twitch of motion.

It wasn't much, but it was my first spell ever, and having accomplished it I suddenly felt very proud of myself. It was that thrill of discovery that nothing else in life can really compare to. I kept trying. After a few more attempts, I was able to do it again. It started getting easier from there once I started building on my successes.

After several hours, the culmination of all this was that I was able to make the rock hover off the ground and slowly move it around through the air for maybe ten or fifteen seconds at a time. By then, though, the novelty was ebbing away. I was drained and just about had enough for the day.

"I didn't know magic was so tiring," I told Azure after I set the rock down for the last time that session.

"It uses energy just like any other activity," Azure said. "Also, you're just not used to it yet, like I wasn't on the first day I tried to fly. I don't think I've ever felt so wiped out. You're doing really well, though. I wasn't sure we'd even get as far as achieving any results with telekinesis."

"Is it normal to get headaches? Or hornaches, I guess?" I asked. Both of those parts of me were in a fair amount of dull pain, but I'd only just then started paying much attention to it.

"Yes, that'll happen after a lot of heavy strain," she said. "Sorry. But... uhhh... Hold on. Maybe this'll help. Hold your head still for a second."

I did, and she stepped close to me, close enough that we were almost touching. She leaned forward and pressed the side of her horn against mine, then rubbed up and down rapidly, alternating sides between strokes. The spiraled fluting on our horns bumping against each other as one horn slid over the other created a buzzing rhythmic vibration with a pleasant massaging effect.

She stopped after about a minute or so of this. The pain in my horn wasn't completely gone, but I realized that it was substantially reduced.

"Feel any better?" Azure asked.

"Yes," I said, surprised that it could be treated so easily. "What did you do?"

"It's a simple trick, but a good one to know," Azure said. "A unicorn's horn is filled with porous microchannels that let it transmit energy. After a long time of heavy use, they get strained and start jamming up because they get stuck in an active state, like an overused muscle cramping up or having a spasm. The vibration helps shake them loose and clear things out so they can relax and drain."

"Well, thanks," I said.

"Don't mention it," Azure said. "I've had to deal with a lot of magic headaches. Besides, it's like you told me. All we've got out here is each other. If I didn't help you, who would?"

I gave her a smile and nodded. I think it was a pretty good first day as a unicorn.

Chapter 34

Ghost Lights

Chapter 34

In the course of experimenting with magic, we stuck to the same kind of schedule that I'd put Azure on when she was first learning to fly: a few hours at a time once every two days. During this time, Azure also kept flying patrols with me on alternating days. It was sort of an odd arrangement, switching off between having two pegasi and two unicorns here. I could rationalize it as averaging out to the intended system of one pegasus and one unicorn, but that seems like a rather cynical way to try to game the letter of the law, so I won't try to defend what we did. I'm also afraid that I can't justify it by citing the productivity of the results, since I didn't match in magic the kind of progress Azure had made in flight, but then again, with less than three weeks to work with, I didn't expect to. The only thing I can really offer is that our intentions were in the right place. I wanted to understand what this is like and to know some small taste of what Azure has gone through to get where she is in her abilities.

With honesty I can say that I came away even more impressed than I had been before I tried it for myself. Using magic was not something that I found to be very easy, with the exception of simple telekinesis, the one form of magical ability that seems to come very intuitively to most unicorns. Azure said that's probably because natural selection favored being good at telekinesis as a useful survival skill for unicorns, so they tend to just sort of 'get it' early on. At that, at least, I became sort of proficient, if not a master by any means. After a few days of practice, I could pick up and move around several objects at a time. I found myself enjoying it. There was a certain pleasure of accomplishment in watching a few pebbles orbit each other in the air and knowing that I was making it happen.

Other spells aren't so straightforward, though. As I was taught by Azure, most of them tend to derive from more advanced modifications of telekinesis. Short-distance teleporting, for example, combines moving material to a different spot with phasing it out so it moves in an instantaneous way rather than by passing it through the space in between. It's all very... complicated.

Achieving these other more advanced effects can be a considerable challenge. To tell the truth, for the most part my experiments in spells beyond telekinesis mostly involved the production of random effects, since I didn't know exactly how to control my horn and how to make particular things happen in an intentional way. After a number of sessions, I did begin to narrow down on how to teleport things using rocks as test subjects, but I was never completely consistent. Also, there was the slight issue that sometimes the rocks I used would develop cracks and break into pieces, obviously not a very encouraging sign.

"Sorry I'm not so great at this," I apologized to Azure one morning after she watched me snap an overstressed stone into shards for the third time. "I hope I'm not boring you too badly by making you watch me fail at the basics."

"No, it's fine," Azure dismissed my worries. "This is nothing compared to how I started. Like I said, months of broken glass and fires. It takes a long time to really get things under control."

"Yeah. Seems like this takes a lot of experience. I'm afraid a long time isn't something we have, though," I said.

"No, I guess not," Azure responded. "Won't be much longer 'til a couple new ponies show up, will it?"

"Another week or so." I looked around and paced a little bit, taking a break from spellcasting for a moment. "Looking forward to getting back home again?"

"It's gonna be weird," Azure said. "I think maybe I'm not completely sure what I'm going home to anymore."

"I think I know that feeling." I nodded.

"Might be nice to see the sun again once in a while, though." Azure continued. "That seems so simple, but it might be what I'm looking forward to the most after six months of this weather."

"Oh, it's right... hmmm..." I looked up at the sky. A certain sense of something, an intuition ingrained in me, told me where to point as I raised my forehoof and aimed at the particular spot in the clouds that I knew the sun was exactly behind. "...right there."

Azure shook her head, smiling in a way that said she knew I was right. "How do you do that?"

"Dunno." I shrugged. "It's just what my cutie mark is telling me."

"Right." Azure looked suddenly pensive. "Cutie mark." She glanced back at her own flank. "I'm gonna have to deal with that, aren't I?"

"I'd say we're both in it together at this point." I gestured to the horn I had at the moment. "And actually, speaking of that, I kinda think... if this is going to be the one big chance, might as well go all the way and make it worth it, right?"

"What does that mean?" Azure asked, a little bit suspiciously.

"It means, can do you also make earth ponies?"

"I..." Azure looked at me strangely, and curiously, like it was something she'd never considered. "That's a good question, actually. I need something soaked in earth pony magic. If I had that, I suppose I could."

I thought about it for a while, but we couldn't come up with anything. I hadn't brought any such object with me, and it seemed doubtful that there had been very many earth ponies around here in the last couple thousand years who would have been likely to leave much of themselves behind. With slight disappointment, I chalked up the idea as busted under the circumstances and tried not to think much more about it.

Our relief arrived, surprisingly, exactly on time on day one hundred and eighty. My two previous tours had both been relieved a day or two late due to the long and unfamiliar journey it takes to get here, and I was expecting this one to be delayed too. I wouldn't have minded another couple days either, to be honest, but at least it was nice to know that our replacements could stick to a schedule.

The two new ponies showed up in the morning. I actually found them wandering around outside along the wall having just arrived a little while before and apparently still not sure what to make of the place. Both of them were stallions. One was a unicorn with a dark blue coat and lighter purple-blue sort of lilac colored mane. The other was a pegasus with a pale tan coat marked with cloudy dappled spots. His mane was a bright flaxen blonde. Both of them were carrying saddlebags full of gear, looking worn down from the long journey and ready to unload and start their long deployment. I supposed I should help them get to it, so I flew over and landed nearby.

"Hey! Hi there!" The pegasus smiled and waved to me. "You one of the watchers?"

"Sure am." I nodded. "I guess not for much longer, though, now that you're here."

"Don't remind me," the unicorn mumbled. He hung his head a little bit.

"Aww, c'mon!" The pegasus poked his companion in the side gently. "Don't be like that, it could be fun. Peace and quiet out in the country, right?" He looked at me.

"Sure." I nodded. "It can be... very relaxing, if that's what you want."

"Well... maybe..." The unicorn still didn't look too happy. "How do you deal with having nopony around for hundreds of miles, though?"

"Hey, I'll be around!" The pegasus said, overdramatizing mock-offense.

"You know what I mean."

"That's just something everypony has to figure out for themselves," I said. "With six months to think about it, you will too. Don't worry about that."

"Yeah, fine," the unicorn said. "I guess this one of those things that my dad used to tell me 'builds character' or whatever."

"That's the spirit," the pegasus laughed. He turned to me. "How do you deal with it?"

"Oh, I just don't really need to be around other ponies much, so I fit perfectly here just the way I am," I said. "Lucky, I guess. It's rougher on some ponies."

"Oh." The pegasus' smile faded a little bit. It was only after I'd said this that I realized it probably wasn't very encouraging. I kicked myself for not having more awareness about starting them off on the right hoof. It was a hard reminder that after six months alone, sometimes I have to watch myself. My 'civilization skills' aren't all that refined to start with and tend to get rusty fast.

"Anyway, my name is Sunburst," I finally introduced myself.

"I'm Thunderbolt," the pegasus told me.

"And I'm Midnight," the unicorn said.

"Good to meet you both," I said. "I suppose I should show you the first thing you'll probably want to see so you can get yourselves unloaded from those saddlebags."

"That'd be nice, thanks," Thunderbolt said. "They get kinda heavy after a few days."

I led the two of them north until the small barracks building came into view from around the sides of the low hills. Midnight seemed to pick up a little bit when he saw it. "Oh, an actual building," he said while we kept walking closer. "Maybe this'll be more civilized than I thought."

"See? It's already not so bad," Thunderbolt responded optimistically.

We went inside. Azure was in there laying down on her bed with a book. She looked up blankly from reading when the two new ponies entered.

"Oh. Hey. Does this mean we're relieved?" she asked, looking back and forth between the two of them.

"Almost," I said. "Midnight and Thunderbolt, this is Azure Sky, the other watcher here with me. Azure, meet Thunderbolt and Midnight. They will be relieving us once they know what they're doing, so if you could show Midnight what the unicorn responsibilities are...?"

"Right. Yes." Azure nodded and got up.

"You guys can just drop your saddlebags wherever," I told them. They both gladly slid them off and left them against the wall near the door for the moment. "And if you come with me, I'll show you the stuff around here that you need to know about." I nodded to Thunderbolt and led him back outside again.

"Alright, so..." I pointed to the barracks building. "That's the only permanent shelter anywhere around here. Try not to wander too far away from it to get back before it's too dark to see. It's not terribly dangerous to camp outside once in a while if you get restless and feel like going on a long patrol, but remember that nopony's here to help you, so you really need to try not to get lost."

He nodded in acknowledgement.

"And that, of course, is the Seawall, I'm sure you've figured out." I pointed at the expansive stone surface of large blocks that stretched along the land and into the distance. "Unicorns built it, then abandoned it, and now it's our job to keep an eye on it and whatever happens to be around it."

"About that. The deployment instructions were to fly patrols and 'report anything not usual in the coastal environment'," Thunderbolt said. "Which is... ummm... not very specific. What exactly is the kind of 'unusual' we're looking for?"

"I'm not all that sure myself, to be honest," I said. "My tours here have all been uneventful. After a little while, though, you'll probably get a feel for what 'normal' is around here. If something really weird happens, it'll probably just jump out at you. It'll be the job of your unicorn friend down there to write and send a report back to Canterlot about it. Even if nothing happens, which is most likely, you'll still be sending a report once a week anyway."

"I assume that on the other side of that Seawall is the sea, right?" Thunderbolt asked. "I can already hear waves."

"Come take a look." I took off and flew to the top of the wall, landing on it. Thunderbolt followed me. He landed, looked out at the beach and ocean on the far side, and I watched his eyes open wide and his pupils seemed to shrink to tiny dots.

"It's... never saw anything like that before..."

I wasn't too surprised. It happens to everypony at first, I think. I gave him some time.

We both stared out at it for a while. His gaze was one of astonishment. Mine was one that was more calm but filled with sadness inside. I knew that this was the last day I had in its presence, being here right next to the heart of the world that beat in an unending rhythm, wave after wave rolling on eternally. While I stood up there on the wall, a desperate feeling coiled in my chest, a clinging sense of not wanting to leave... but this, I steeled up and told myself, had to be. None of us can stay here forever.

No matter how much we want it, that is not our fate.

I just hoped my replacement was too preoccupied in his own awe to notice my eyes starting to water.

Chapter 35

Ghost Lights

Chapter 35

"Was it just me, or was Thunderbolt really cute?" Azure asked. We were about two hours' walk south-east of the Seawall, starting on the long hike home to Equestria and picking through scrubby patches of thorny plants at the moment. Neither of us had spoken in a long time and in the mostly silent wilderness her voice was sudden and almost startling.

"You haven't seen a stallion in six months," I reminded her. "He could have fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down and you'd still probably think he's the hottest thing there is right now."

Azure glanced at me sideways. "...So you don't think so?"

"I don't know, honestly," I said. "I've never been much of a pony to judge these things."

"Oh, c'mon, everypony likes something," Azure insisted. "So what fluffs your feathers?"

That question made me uncomfortable because in thinking about it, I had to confront the realization that I didn't know how to answer her. I ended up just walking along quietly, saying nothing.

"Okay, how about just the most basic thing?" Azure asked instead. "Mares, stallions, or both?"

"Well, I just don't see myself having a future tied to somepony else, at this point," I said. I concentrated on the feel of the stony ground underneath my hooves, careful not to lose traction and slip on some rocks were passing over. "So, I guess, is 'neither' an option? I mean, I'm not actually looking."

"Oh, I see." Azure nodded. "Okay, suppose it's like you were just window shopping even though you weren't gonna buy anything. What would get your attention?"

"I don't really know," I admitted. "Other than I would just know it when I saw her... or him... whatever."

"Alright." Azure didn't say anything more and for a while we walked in silence, concentrating on navigating through a thick patch of problematic brush. I concentrated on it, focusing on taking one step at a time through the tangles of thorny stems and finding the spots where I could move without sticking myself.

"So it could be a her, right?" Azure finally asked after a few minutes.

"I wouldn't rule out a pony I liked based on whether they were a mare or a stallion," I said. "Although... it's sort of weird to think about either way..."

"Why's that?"

"Eh, nothing." I shook my head and glanced over at Azure. "It's just, I don't really act like either one, do I?"

"Like what? Like a mare or a stallion?" Azure asked. "I don't know. I never thought about it. I guess you just act like you, if that makes sense. I've never seen you wear makeup or a dress or be... you know, ladylike... but in Princess Twilight's palace I only ever really knew you as a guard, so I kind of never expected to see anything like that anyway."

"Well, I never do outside of work, either," I said. "And that's kind of a thing that... I don't know. I think other ponies looking for their special somepony want it to either be a stallion or a mare, depending on what they're attracted to. I don't think I fit in very well to that kind of expectation."

"What, you mean fitting in to being a mare"? Azure asked. "Are you saying you feel more like you'd rather be a stallion? Like, transgender? Wrong body?"

"No, not like that," I said. "I'm fine with my body. It's social conventions, I guess. I think I'm indifferent. I don't care about being one or the other. They both feel... foreign. It's hard to explain. I don't know. Maybe I'm the only one who's like this. It's not something I've ever heard about. Or maybe I just spend too much time alone. If I knew more ponies I might understand it better, but I don't."

"Well, so what if you're not a stereotype?" Azure shrugged. "Like I said, you're just you. That's not a bad thing. Beats having to try to be somepony else."

We kept walking for a while. The ground here was still sandy with loose soil, and the mountains of the coast loomed high in the west. In an eerie way it was like they were watching us from behind, staring at our tails with inscrutable stone-faced expressions while we hiked away back to where we came from six months ago.

"Pegasi don't care, do they?" Azure asked. "About who you like, and who you are?"

"There's a lot of pegasi," I said. "They're not all the same. Some do and some don't."

"What was it usually like when you lived in Cloudsdale, though?" Azure asked. "Is it different when two mares or two stallions are together than it is when a mare and a stallion are? Do they get looked at differently? Do ponies talk about it in different ways?"

"I think more than anything else it's mostly expected that you pick one partner and stick with them," I said. "I don't think it matters if it's same-sex or not as long as you find stability. It's an old military culture thing. There's a saying that a pony with a reason waiting for them always comes home again."

"Huh." Azure finally ran out of questions at that point and we kept making our way south-east without much more conversation until the day ended.

On our first night out on the hike we camped under the shelter of a stand of trees. Overhead, the sky was still thick with the clouds created by ocean evaporation, but fortunately they held onto their water and it didn't rain. The night was also fairly warm. It was comfortable enough, but I still kept turning uneasily. Something was missing. I sort of expected this, but there wasn't anything I could do about it other than just try to get as much rest as I could. After a while I finally managed to stay asleep.

The next morning, Azure was up first. I woke to find her looking dark-eyed and frazzled, already pacing tiredly in the new light of a rising sun.

"Everything alright?" I asked.

"Couldn't sleep," she mumbled.

"I had trouble, too," I said. I propped myself up on my forelegs and twisted slowly, stretching out my back. It was a little stiff from laying on the hard ground, and cracked a few times in quick succession while I stretched. That felt good. "It's too quiet, isn't it? Can't hear the waves from the ocean anymore. That always gets to me."

"Yeah." Azure nodded. "I guess that's also part of it."

"What's the other part?"

"Just that I was laying there awake and I couldn't stop thinking about things," Azure said. "Mostly about a unicorn I used to know."

"Who?"

"Her name was Moonstone," she said. "Princess Twilight used to arrange for me to go to a magic school outside the palace with other students two days a week so that I would be around other ponies and not, in her words, 'end up being a shut-in bookworm' like she used to be. Moonstone was one of ponies I was in class together with."

Azure paced a little bit more. I got up on my hooves, then leaned down on my forelegs until my chest was almost touching the ground and arched my back, continuing to stretch out.

"I really liked her," Azure said softly, almost too quiet to hear. She stared down at the ground. "I mean, a lot."

"Did something happen?" I asked, guessing that this wouldn't be coming up otherwise.

"What happened is that I thought she liked me, too." Azure stared away at nothing in particular. "We used to hang out together and started getting pretty close. Things sort of... took off at some point. We made out a few times and I guess we didn't really act like it was any kind of big deal, but being with her made me feel really good, you know? It was pretty awesome for a while."

"How long was 'a while'?" I asked. This came as a bit of a surprise to me. I'd known that Azure had gone to classes in another school, but never suspected she'd had a marefriend there.

"Until we reached the end of our senior year," Azure said. "I didn't know exactly what would happen then in terms of still being able to see each other, but things seemed like they were really good so I just assumed she wanted to stay together and and we'd figure it out together when it came up." Azure kept pacing, pawing intermittently at the stony ground. "Apparently I misread what our situation was, though, because one day not long after the class graduated she told me she'd been accepted to a really good magical college and she was leaving in a week or so."

Azure paused for a moment and cleared her throat. "So I asked her, well, what about us and what are we going to do, and she just kind of waved all of it off and said, 'I was having fun and you're really great, but we kinda knew this wasn't going to be permanent, didn't we? I mean, you have to stay here to study with the Princess and I have to go to college, right?' I didn't really know what else to say, because you can't make somepony stay if they don't want to, so... I told her I understood, and that was that. That was almost three and a half years ago. I haven't seen her since."

"That... umm... wow. Sorry," I said.

"Looking back at it, I shouldn't have let myself be so surprised because a lot of unicorns have a certain attitude about this kind of thing," Azure said. "They say that when you're young and just fooling around, other mares are fun, but when it's time to settle down for good, you start looking for a stallion. I'm sure she probably has a coltfriend at college now."

"Yeah, I guess I can see how that could keep you up," I said.

"Well, it wasn't really just about her, either. That's only one little piece out of the story of my whole life." Azure kicked away a small rock. It went clattering off into the brush. "It was because I realize it's all like that. All these ways unicorns are supposed to act, and all these things they expect from me and assume I'm okay with, and I always just go along with it and let it happen. And it was different out here, for the first time, but now I'm about to walk right back into it."

She stopped pacing and stared at me with pleading eyes. "What am I supposed to do now?"

"That's..." I tried to think, I tried to come up with something to day. There was nothing. It was painfully obvious that this was not an easy-answer situation. "... I don't know. I really don't."

"I don't either. I tasted a new world out here, one that's just like that day we first flew up above the clouds," Azure said. Her shoulders slumped tiredly. "The world down there below just keeps turning more and more gray. With these wings, though, I can reach up to a place with sunlight and a blue sky again. The world up here has color, Sunburst. I can't... I can't live without that. Not anymore. I just can't keep going down there like it's alright, like I don't mind it. I do. I hate it. I hate it so much."

Azure looked up and stared away into the distance. "I'm not going back," she said. Her voice was quiet but resolute.

I didn't really like the sound in that statement. "What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You said it yesterday. A pony with a reason comes home again, but what reason do I really have to go home to?" Azure asked, turning to look at me again. "I don't want to pretend to be somepony I'm not anymore, and that's the only thing waiting for me."

"Okay, yeah, but... it's not like you can stay out here forever," I pointed out.

"Oh, no, I'll go back to Equestria," Azure said, "just not to Canterlot or any other old unicorn city or to being Princess Twilight's student. I'm done with that whole... thing. I can't deal with that any more."

"No no no, you can't do it like this," I said. "You can't just run away."

Azure just stared at me unresponsively. "Why not?" she asked after a few seconds. "I'm an adult and Equestria doesn't have slavery. Twilight doesn't have any legal custody over me to keep me there in her palace. Nopony does. Nothing can stop me from leaving when I want. You won't get in trouble for not bringing me back with you, if that's what you're worried about. I'll give you a letter to Twilight explaining why I'm gone. You're my friend. I wouldn't leave you hanging."

"No, that's not... I mean, you could do that, yeah, nopony can stop you," I said. "But you shouldn't. Please. Trust me, I... it's something I know a little bit about, right?"

"I guess so," Azure said. "But what do you want me to do instead?"

"Understand, I'm not saying if you should leave or not one way or another," I told her. "I know better than anypony that you've certainly earned the right to make that decision on your own. I'm saying that if you do, you shouldn't do it like this by just not coming home and suddenly cutting Princess Twilight out of your life unexpectedly. You know that's going to really hurt both of you... don't you?"

"Yeah." Azure sat down on the ground and sighed tiredly. "Probably will." Her voice was weak and her eyes were starting to look glazed.

I walked to Azure and sat down next to her, then wrapped my wing around her and pulled her in close to me. She leaned on my side. I think, at that moment, she just wanted to be comforted and offered some sort of hope.

"Twilight really loves you," I said. "Rainbow Dash too. You're like the foal they never had. You know that, right?"

"I know." Azure nodded.

"And you love them, too, don't you?"

Azure closed her eyes, trying to hide that they were filling with tears. "Yes."

"Then that's worth trying to keep, isn't it?" I asked. "Don't just throw that away and run off blind. You need to talk to them about these things and try to work it out. Just tell them everything."

"I'm scared," she said. "I feel like nopony even really knows who I am."

"Telling me wasn't so bad, was it?" I asked.

"No, but talking to you was never going to be the painful part." Azure shook her head. "What if she's mad at me? What if I disappoint her?"

"Look, there's certain things that aren't easy for me to talk to my mom about, either," I said. "But the one thing I know is that even though we didn't see eye to eye a lot of times because of the ways that we're different ponies, my mother would never stop loving me. The princess is the same way. I can see it in her."

"You think so?" Azure asked in an uncertain, wavering voice.

"You know so just as well as I do," I said. "She's not like that. She's not going to hate you for being honest about yourself, and even if you do decide to leave her palace, you can still have a good relationship with her and not just cut her out and disappear. I promise, it'll be alright. We'll figure out how to deal with it together. I'll be there to help you with this if you need it, because I love you too."

Azure collapsed into the embrace of my forelegs and I held her for a while as she cried silently, face pressed against my chest and eyes running with tears but holding her sobs inside.

Chapter 36

Ghost Lights

Chapter 36

It took a few minutes for Azure to calm down and stop crying, but I waited for her and we got there eventually. She pulled away from my embrace, breathing more slowly and evenly than she had been in her previous distress.

"Feeling any better yet?" I asked now that the tears had stopped.

"Yes." Azure nodded. Her eyes were still puffy and dark when she looked at me. "Just... Still just kind of tired, I guess."

"Me too," I said. "Well, we don't have to stick to a strict schedule. The trip back isn't as time-sensitive as getting out here was. Nopony's waiting for us to relieve them now. We have time to rest a little more if you want before we get started on hiking for the day."

"That might make it easier," Azure agreed.

"Don't think too much about things," I said. I reached up and rubbed her shoulder with my forehoof. "Try to just get some sleep this time. In a couple hours you'll feel much better if you can do that."

"You're right," she said. "I will."

Azure and I laid down close to each other. Her eyes closed peacefully and small, soft breaths soon told me that she was asleep. I still struggled to find a comfortable state of mind in a world that was too quiet without the sea's waves, but somehow managed to follow her into sleep shortly after. For the next two hours we napped to help make up for the lack of restfulness both of us had experienced during the night.

I dreamed nothing, or at least nothing that I can remember. I was thankful for that. Any dreams I had at that point, I was sure, would have been something unsettled and unpleasant. I just wanted to recharge without having to think for a while.

When I woke up, the sky was brighter than it had been, with the sun higher up and partially coming through some of the thinner cloudcover. I felt much more energetic now. Azure wasn't quite up yet when I was, but I could tell she'd had a rough night lost in her thoughts, and I still didn't feel like pushing just for the sake of staying on track for a tight schedule anyway, so I just sat quietly on the ground and waited for her.

Eventually she opened her eyes, but didn't get up right away. She spent some time laying still on the ground and staring off at nothing. I didn't say anything to hurry her along. This inaction, though, couldn't last forever, and we both knew it. "We really do have to go back, don't we?" she sighed after a while.

"It's that time, I'm afraid," I said.

"Guess I have to get moving sooner or later, then," Azure said. She stirred and pushed herself up off the ground and then dusted off the side she'd been laying on. Once cleaned off, she started gathering her saddlebags and getting ready to move on. "Back to the grind."

She was right. It was a grind to hike, but maybe it didn't have to be. When I thought about resuming our journey, something perhaps somewhat unconscious that I'm sure had been lurking in both of our minds came to the surface. It had been a passing thought yesterday, but I'd been unsure then. Doing things in a normal way seemed important to beginning the process of readjusting ourselves to the expectations of normality in the home we had to return to. Having seen Azure in the state I just had, though, I could tell she could use at least one last taste of the freedom we'd enjoyed so much of here, and it seemed that maybe it shouldn't be denied.

"You know... I've been thinking, dealing with the brush is kind of annoying," I said. "We don't necessarily have to walk home through it, if there's another way you'd like to travel..."

"I thought you'd never ask." Azure grinned. She obviously took the hint and was instantly eager to run with it. She focused and her horn glowed, and in a few seconds she stood before me in the familiar form of a pegasus once more, wasting no time.

My question was answered. It was better, I knew then, for her to have every last second in the sun that she could.

We finished packing up and getting our saddlebags situated, then took to the air moving south-east as we flew side-by-side.

Flying made our travel swift, and within that day we found the western end of the old unicorn road we'd followed much of the way out here. For the next two days we flew along above it, following it home. The journey was a very different experience from the air than it was being bound to the land. Aside from being faster, it was noticeably more comfortable at night since we were able to survey more ground to spot the most ideal camping sites to sleep in. We were also able to find our choice of wild grasses and plants to eat instead of sometimes having to settle for whatever we could reach most easily on hoof. There weren't any nights we had to go to sleep hungry.

Early on the fourth day of travel, we reached the eastern point at which we were finished following the road. It kept stretching on further into the east, but our more optimal route back into the center of Equestria departed to the south, so we left it behind where we'd first joined it on the way out.

Immediately due south of that road, of course, we overflew the same henge of standing stones we'd stopped at six months ago. There was some scattered forest north of it which we flew over low, buzzing the treetops and weaving around them. The woods broke up into open cleared fields, meadows of short green grass, and the ring of stones was standing there in the middle of it, lonely as ever, right where it had been for thousands of years.

Azure slowed down her pace as we got closer. She motioned downward toward the ring of stones, signalling me that she wanted to stop. I nodded back to her and flared my wings to airbrake myself. We hovered down slowly and landed in the midst of the ring.

"Well, isn't this familiar?" I joked. "Seems like were just here."

"Still feels too soon." Azure shook her head.

"We have been moving pretty fast," I said. "We have a lot of extra time. Nopony would expect us back for at least another three days, at the earliest."

"Wouldn't Princess Twilight be surprised if we dropped in early?" Azure asked, with a little hint of sardonic irony in her voice.

"I'm sure she would love to see you, actually," I said. "I doubt there's anything she's looking forward to more in the whole world right about now after these six months. That would depend on if you're comfortable explaining to her how it is that you're home so early, though, of course."

Azure paced a little bit around the inner perimeter of the circle of upright stones. "That's... something I've been thinking a lot about," she said. "You were right, though. Thank you for stopping me and not letting me be so stupid because I'm afraid. I think I know that it's not going to be as bad as I'm scared of. I'm just gonna have to confront this head-on and finally really talk to her."

"That's good." I nodded. "And you're welcome."

"Before that, there's a few other things I want to take care of," Azure said. "One of them might be here. You asked about whether I could make an earth pony or not. I think this is where I can find the answer, if you're still wondering."

A sudden thrill of excitement ran through me, reviving the idea that I'd almost totally forgotten about because I thought it was relegated to impossibility. "I am," I said.

"Alright," Azure said. "It's gonna be a few hours, since I'll need to wait for the spell making me a pegasus to wear off and turn back into a unicorn. Once I have my magic back, I should be able to tell if enough earth pony essential magic is still left in these stones. They built this henge, and I didn't feel any unicorn magic in it last time to mask over it, so I think it's pretty likely."

I agreed gladly and we waited there for a while. The stones in the circle were the major feature, so I spent most of the time examining them one by one. It was remarkable how similar all of them were in their dimensions, cut with a precision that seemed highly expert. Their surfaces were indistinguishable from one another, all smooth and without visible tool marks, although whether they'd been made that way originally or if a few thousand years of weather had helped was hard to tell. Colorful lichens grew irregularly across the surfaces and some soft deep green moss grew around the edges of where they sank into the ground.

After a while that started to get boring, so I took the opportunity to eat. The meadows around the stones were filled with grass and clovers that tasted good and I grazed on them until I was satisfied but not too stuffed.

Azure's spell finally wore off and left her a unicorn again. She started working on doing something magical with her horn involving the stones around us. I think it was just an examination at first, getting a sense of whatever it was that might still be in them and whether or not she could use it. I didn't interrupt to ask about the details. She dug the black covered book out of her saddlebags and consulted various pages in it once or twice.

"Okay," she finally announced. "I think I've got it."

I stood up from where I was sitting while I waited. "Ready to try it out?" I asked.

"It's very close to the pegasus-to-unicorn spell," Azure said. "It only takes one substitution, which is incorporating the character of earth pony magic in place of unicorn magic. There's enough of that signature saturated into these rocks, so yeah, I'm ready."

"Alright." I nodded. "Hit me."

"How long?" she asked.

"Let's say a couple hours," I told her. "Not too long, but I guess I can just have you zap me again if I need more time."

"Sounds good," Azure said.

I nodded, signaling her to start. Her horn glowed, and the light enveloped my whole body, much as it had worked before. The moment of transformation had a different feel this time. There was something close to the same sensation in my back as my wings vanished, but nothing in my forehead like there had been when turning into a unicorn. Instead, I felt something in my legs. It was hard to define, exactly, a kind of a surge that was subtle but distinctive and I'm not sure how to describe. I can't tell if they were really stronger or not in any significant way, but I felt a little easier and springier on them, I think.

The glow faded. Nothing had a stand-out feel of 'different' in an immediate sense, other than being unable to use my wings because I didn't have them. Like before, however, this wasn't particularly bothersome as a physical sensation.

From the perspective of a unicorn or a pegasus who's never experienced it, I can imagine that there could be a temptation to think of this transformation as a downgrade to a less privileged form. Having lived it for myself now, though, I don't think of it in that way at all. To do so is an injustice to earth ponies. They are different, but not without their own special qualities that are no lesser.

The great strength of an earth pony is an awareness of the subtle ties to the environment. They feel the land and its complexities just as surely as a pegasus can feel every current of the air passing over their wings. I realized this in the first moment I took a step. Just walking became a sublimely different thing. I could never have imagined it if I hadn't felt it myself.

The grass and plants in the meadow brushed against my legs and around my hooves with a feeling like soft velvet. The soil underneath conveyed a tactile texture through my hooves that felt pleasing, with an instinctive sense that it was healthy and right. I could sense a slightly spongy spring to it... just a little moist, but airy and not bogged down or muddy. It was something very close to the kind of rich black topsoil that my mother had taught me about and that gardeners prize, though as a pegasus filly at the time I'd never particularly seen it as a very interesting subject. Now it held my attention. Life practically surged through it. I paced across the field, and in a gentle, unassuming way, it told me all these things as it spoke to me through every hoof-fall.

When I walked to one of the stones and reached out to feel it, there was something else. It was strong - stronger than anything I'd ever had a sense of before. These stones were the bones of the earth. The texture of them was actually awe-inspiring, smooth and hard, laced with the organically simultaneous orderliness and unevenness of nature. Their unmovable mass felt like an eternal bastion of strength.

All these sensations ran through me, and when they did, I realized that I suddenly understood something. I thought about the Equestrian violet growing in her little flowerpot that I'd left in Bright Bloom's care. My mother's words when she gave it to me were that a pony should always have something green where they live. I hadn't payed a lot of attention. That always seemed to me like a sentimental notion that was ultimately just a trivial nicety to decorate and brighten up a room.

But to her... to an earth pony like her... it was so much more. It was everything.

It was a vital connection to the life of the world itself. Without this presence, the essence of a pony who depended on it would wither and die, leaving them a hollow, suffering shell until they could find it again. Without the green life of the fields and the sensations of connection to the earth present in their existence, an earth pony was a pegasus with their wings cut off, a unicorn with their horn broken.

Only then did I finally understand how much that Equestrian violet meant. It was my mother's love and all the best wishes she had for my happiness. In the way that she understood, the way that her instincts spoke to her, this was how she was trying to provide for me that same kind of connection to something that sustains the soul. Whether it was conscious on her part or not, it was her way of trying to make sure that I would always have the one thing that was, to her senses, the most important.

There's a difference between knowing something as an idea in the mind and really feeling it as an experience in the heart. I know that my mother loves me. I always had. In that moment, though, it was different. I felt it, more strongly and more surely than in a long time. I understood like a flash in that moment of realization how deep it ran and how eternal it was. There could be no doubt because it filled me in a way that left no room for that.

She's my mom, and she loves me more than anything... and that can never change. The Equestrian violet was just one of the many little signs throughout my life that proved it, and I appreciated them all now that I could understand why she had done them in the ways she had.

I laid down in the long grass, feeling it against my side and on my face, brushing against my cheek. I bathed in that connection to the earth and to the life that flows in and through it. My eyes started watering as I felt the love of my mother reflected in it. I also realized how much I love her, too. It had often been difficult, so frustratingly difficult, to show it, but it was always there.

I closed my eyes and just soaked in the feeling and tears ran down my face.

"Are you alright?" Azure asked.

"I'm fine," I said. I smiled in a way that felt better and more genuine than anything in a long time. "Everything is absolutely fine."

Chapter 37

Ghost Lights

Chapter 37

"A hayburger, and fries, a giant pile of 'em," Azure said. "All of it drowning in ketchup. That's what I'm gonna eat first when we get back to a town with a restaurant."

"Don't forget a soda to go with it," I said.

"Ooooh yeah, another thing I haven't had in six months." Azure nodded.

"I just want chocolate," I told her. "I don't even care what kind. It's been my traditional junk food of choice after I got back the two times before. Just thinking about it right now is kinda giving me a wicked craving."

"You never realize how much you take something for granted until you can't have it," Azure said.

"Darn right." I smiled and nodded. "Although..." My smile faded. "That works in both directions." I turned my head and looked back over my shoulder to the northwest. There was no real hint from where we were now that anything special lay that way, since we were well into Equestria at this point and our journey was almost over. That was, in fact, why the conversation had come up. We expected to reach a town soon. We weren't sure which one it would be, exactly, but they were spaced closely enough together now that we were back in this inhabited part of the world that we were sure to pass through one inside of a few hours.

"Right," Azure said. There was more thoughtful inflection in her voice now.

We kept walking. Azure had remained a unicorn since we'd been at the henge. With no difficult terrain and the roads kept cleared, we no longer had our ostensible reason to fly, and the signs of habitation and travel made it very likely that we'd run in to other ponies. It was doubtful that they'd ever be able to tell in an immediate sense that Azure Sky wasn't actually a pegasus if they didn't witness her transformation themselves, but it still seemed best not to tempt fate with the distant odds that she'd be seen in both forms by the same pony and recognized.

After a while of walking east down a small but well-kept dirt road we were following, we came to a fork where it continued in the direction it was going but also branched south. A sign made of two perpendicular wooden arrows, one above the other, stood at that fork, fastened to a post anchored into the ground. One arrow pointed east and was marked, 'CANTERLOT'. The other indicated the southerly branch of the road. It stated, 'PONYVILLE'.

Azure stopped there at the fork and stared at the sign. I stopped with her.

"Guess we're not far from the city now," I said. "Should be the next thing we run into if we just keep following the road this way." I pointed to the east with one forehoof.

"Yeah, I... I know," Azure said. "But, uh... we don't have to show up there right away, do we?"

"No, I guess not." I shook my head.

"Then would it be alright with you if we took a detour down this way instead?" Azure pointed south.

"Ponyville?" I asked. "What's in Ponyville?"

"It's a who, not a what," Azure said. "There's somepony who might be there, although I'm not sure if we'll catch her at home. I honestly don't know if I'd be lucky or unlucky to find her, actually, but I have that feeling that I should at least try to find out. And... either way, it's something I'd like to explore before I move on to facing Princess Twilight."

"If that's what you want." I nodded. We turned onto the southern fork of the road and continued moving.

A couple hours later down the road, we passed a large sprawling apple orchard that seemed to mark the edge of the town we were headed to. Once we got beyond that, into the town proper, it seemed to be just about run-of-the-mill for a community of its size. Walking through the main strip in the center, I saw that it had a number of cleverly designed stores and shops. Most of the houses and buildings were modern styles and seemed fairly nice.

It wasn't hard to recognize some of the history lingering in the layout of this Ponyville. The town I grew up in was smaller, but followed many of the same themes. The orchard we passed and the neatly planted land outside town said that this started as an earth pony farming colony, but now earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi roamed the streets in about equal seeming proportion and it was obviously fully integrated for a long time, in the usual planned pattern of newer Equestrian settlements. The cooperation helped everypony. Little vegetable and flower gardens were well-tended in lawns and planting boxes, while the sky overhead was also maintained with care and magical streetlights and other devices of convenience helped keep good order.

We walked along and made our way through most of the town and into the southeast section. There was a circular building there with an ornate structure and style and a roof that had a conical shape imitating a round pavilion. It brought to mind the impression of an old-fashioned carousel, and when we got closer, I could see that it was labeled fittingly enough with a small sign in one of the windows identifying it as 'Carousel Boutique'.

Azure walked up to the door. "Well..." She looked around. "No sign posted saying she's on a business trip. She'd usually do that when she's out of town, so she's probably here."

Azure's nervous hesitation was glaringly obvious. "Is that a good thing?" I asked.

"I think that's what I'm here to find out," Azure said. She steeled herself and pushed at the door tentatively, as if testing it. It wasn't locked and it easily starting swinging open a crack at the touch of her hoof. After a moment's pause, she kept pushing and opened it all the way to pass through it. I followed her in. The front door we'd come in through opened into a showroom filled with a great number of clothes, mostly dresses. As we entered, a little bell overhead rang out in softly melodic sound as it was jingled by the opening and closing of the door.

"Com-ing!" A distant voice inside the building half-sang in response to that bell. A white unicorn rounded a curving hallway to emerge in the far end of the showroom, approaching us.

"Welcome to Carousel Boutique," the unicorn said. "Where every garment is chic, unique, and--"

As she came around the hallway and saw us, her eyes went wide. Whatever that next word she meant to say was, it was dropped along with her jaw and she halted in her tracks, one forehoof still poised in mid-step. She had a rich purple mane and tail, flowing with elegant waves and curls and streaked with silver hairs that showed her age but in way that conveyed grace in how she wore it. Her cutie mark was three pale blue diamonds.

"Magnifique?" Azure finished for her.

"Why... yes," The unicorn said. She sounded a little surprised, but she set her hoof down and began to regain composure. "You remember."

"Of course I remember it, mom," Azure said. "I heard that one so many times I'll never forget."

"My goodness, this is a surprise. It's been so long since the last time you were here." The unicorn started to walk forward toward us. "You were so little then. But now... well, look at you!" Pride swelled in her voice. She came closer, then looked Azure up and down for a second before she reached out and pulled her into a hug. I moved aside sort of awkwardly and pretended to check out some clothes on the nearest rack of hangers, leaving them to have their moment.

"It's so good to see you again, Azure," the unicorn said warmly.

"It's good to see you too." Azure returned her hug.

"Oh, but I don't mean to be rude," the unicorn said after a few seconds, and broke off from the hug. "And who is this lovely pegasus you've brought with you?" She turned to face me, suddenly making me a little self-conscious about being the new momentary center of attention.

"This is Sunburst, one of Princess Twilight's royal guards," Azure said. "Sunburst, this is my mother, Rarity."

"A royal guard? Well, you honor my little boutique with your presence," Rarity said. "I'm pleased to meet you, Sunburst."

"Likewise." I felt inadequate, but couldn't think of anything more sophisticated to say. I felt out of place in an establishment like this. "You have a... very nice shop, Ms. Rarity."

"Oh, just Rarity, please." She turned back to Azure. "This is certainly unexpected," she said. "In the last letter I received from Twilight, she informed me that you had been stationed at a distant observation post. Something called a seawall, out in the northwest coast past the edges of Equestria."

"Yes, I was." Azure nodded. "I've been there for the last six months. I just now got back. Actually, it's sort of funny. I'm... not really back yet, exactly. We're ahead of schedule and not expected to reach Canterlot to report in for another couple days, I think, so I decided to take some of the extra time and stop by here."

"I see," Rarity said. "Both of you were out there, then? Twilight said she was sending you with somepony that she trusts very much."

"Yes," Azure said. "We were both there."

"It sounds like an adventure," Rarity said. "I haven't had one of those myself in goodness knows how many years now. I used to in some of my younger days, you know. I must admit, for however... uncouth... they sometimes were, the excitement can grow on you. Sometimes I actually miss it."

"Eh, well, I don't know how adventurous it was," Azure said. "There's nothing out there, really, so most of the time wasn't all that exciting. I guess the uncouth part applies, though. I think my mane could desperately use some attention after six months. We didn't even have conditioner."

"That we did not," I agreed. "We must look pretty torn up."

"I didn't want to say anything, but... well, alright, yes, you rather do," Rarity said. "There's an excellent spa in town, however. Why don't we go there? My treat, to celebrate your return home. We can be done just about in time for dinner and stop in a little restaurant I know of that's not far away."

"That actually sounds pretty alright," Azure said. She turned to me. "If you'd like to. I'm not sure how much the spa is your sort of thing."

"Not usually, but I could stand a trim and something to smooth out the frazzle in my mane and tail," I said.

"Certainly they can help with that," Rarity said. "It's settled, then. Just give me a few moments to get ready."

We were soon on our way to the spa, where a pair of earth ponies greeted us enthusiastically and then proceeded to practically buzz back and forth busy as bees as they worked us over. I told them I just wanted a trim and conditioning of my mane and tail, but while I was waiting for Rarity and Azure to finish the various arcane beautification rituals they were undergoing (involving mud, cucumbers, steam, and other interesting things) the spa ponies insisted on adding on a free coat conditioning and brushing. I had to admit that it did help restore some shine and softness. They also wanted to mist-clean and powder the plumage of my wings, but that was where I decided to draw the line. I'm sure they meant well and knew what they were doing, but preening is a very personal thing and I already had myself groomed exactly how I wanted. I was really not comfortable having my feathers touched and messed with that way by ponies I didn't know.

After we finished at last, Azure and I emerged startlingly different, restored and refreshed in appearance. We sure didn't look like we'd just come back from six months of roughing it in the middle of nowhere.

The promised restaurant we headed to afterwards was nice, very upscale for a town of this size. Rarity seemed to be a familiar guest to the staff and we were seated quickly. Surprisingly, they actually had hayburgers on the menu. It was dressed in some fancy terms and a far cry from greasy fast food, but it was a burger nonetheless. True to her word earlier, Azure ordered it with a big pile of fries. Rarity raised an eyebrow at this but didn't say anything. She ordered a garden salad with mixed flowers. I had a bowl of tomato soup and grilled cheese, which maybe seemed like another odd choice, but tomatoes and cheese were also things we hadn't had the opportunity to eat in six months, so I was eager to take my chance to have them again just to revel in the variety.

"So, Sunburst..." Rarity addressed me as we ate. "I've heard your name before. If I'm not mistaken, I believe you're the pony who gave Rainbow Dash the little push in the right direction that made her and Princess Twilight an item."

"Oh, that?" Surprise ran through me that this was being brought up. For however logically it made sense that it was possible, given that this was an old friend of Twilight's, intuitively it felt surreal that this pony I'd never met in a town I'd never been to would know about it. "Umm... I guess I did."

"It was a wonderful thing for them, you know," Rarity said. "Just wonderful. They've been very happy together for a long time now. For that matter, I'm honestly not sure why they haven't just finally gotten married already. I keep telling them they should."

"That kind of thing is a little bit complicated when you're a princess," Azure said.

"Mmmm. I suppose it is." Rarity nodded.

"It gets political really quick," Azure continued. "I think they're happy enough just to have each other that they don't want to make it into this whole big thing to deal with in the newspapers and whatever by trying to have a royal wedding. It would be a three-ring circus already if it was a mare and a stallion. I can only imagine the way everypony would lose their minds if they announced it would be two mares."

"Well, as long as the two of them are happy with their situation." Rarity shrugged. "That's what really matters, isn't it?"

"They are," I said. "Very much, I think."

"Well, good." Rarity seemed satisfied by that.

When the waiter came around asking if we would care for dessert, I ordered chocolate mousse. The sweetness and richness of the chocolate hitting my tongue on the first bite was a little bit overwhelming, as I expected it to be. For a few seconds, I didn't try to do anything other than just let it soak in.

"Are you married, Sunburst?" Rarity asked, just as that sublime saturation of flavors was dying down. "Special somepony, anything like that?"

"No, I'm not," I answered. "I've really never had a special somepony."

"Never?" Rarity seemed a little incredulous at this. "But that's an experience everypony should get the chance to have at least once. It may not always work the way we want it to, of course, but it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, as they say."

I wasn't sure what to respond with, if anything. The silence was awkward, but Rarity seemed to catch on to it and glossed over the topic quickly, moving to another subject in an easy way.

After dinner was over, Rarity led us back to Carousel Boutique, which I found out is not just her shop but also doubles as her house. The train to Canterlot would run tomorrow, she informed us, and we could catch that to make the last little bit of our journey back quick and easy. She also insisted that we could spend the night in her home rather than paying for a hotel room. It was hard to argue, with as nice a place as it was. Even sleeping on the couch was a huge and luxurious step up from the rough straw barracks mattresses and bare ground of the last half a year.

Breakfast the next morning was muffins and fresh milk, after which both me and Azure Sky were herded into the boutique's main showroom.

"You're not leaving here without a new dress," Rarity said. "Either of you. My gift." She turned to her many racks of clothing creations and started searching through them, humming softly to herself.

I turned to Azure, hesitantly, unsure about this. "I don't really think I need--"

"Yeah, don't fight it," Azure interrupted me. "It's how you know she likes you. Dogs lick your face, cats rub themselves up against your legs... and my mom gives you a dress. That's her nature. Just let it happen."

"Umm... alright..."

Rarity rummaged for a few more moments. "Ah, here it is." She telekinetically pulled a dress out of the bunch she was looking through. It was a striking sea-green hue, and was more simple in design than most of the rest that I saw but still very nice looking with graceful lines and smooth elegant curves. She turned and held it up next to me. "I made this not long ago for a pegasus friend of mine, but I just could not get the color to work quite right with her more pale yellow coat and pink mane, so I started over and made her something else. Still, I knew that eventually it would be perfect for somepony, so I kept it, and with your slightly more golden tone and that fiery orange mane I think it may be exactly what's called for."

Rarity cocked her head sideways a bit and looked me over briefly. "You're a more slender athletic build than her, I think, but it'll only be a few minutes of alteration at worst. I'll just need a measurement or two."

Before I knew what was happening, a telekinetically levitated tape measure was wrapping itself around me in numerous places. It encircled my barrel at the chest, then the waist, around my flanks, then measured the lengths of my front and back legs, all in quick succession while Rarity rapidly wrote down numbers on a small sheet of paper. After gathering her measurements, she whisked herself and the dress away to a sewing machine in the corner and began working.

After a few minutes, she repeated the same process with Azure and another dress. In short order, we were both in possession of our respective new pieces of clothing.

"I... uh... I don't really know what to say," I started, in awe of the beautiful sea green gown. This was an embarrassingly valuable gift to be given by a mare I'd just met the day before and it was hard to know just how to respond exactly. "I'll be honest, I don't really own any other dresses. It's the nicest piece of clothing anypony's ever given me. Just saying thanks doesn't seem like enough, but it's all I can think of. Thank you, Rarity."

"Oh, pfffft." Rarity waved one forehoof dismissively. "Really, it's nothing, for a friend of my daughter and a royal guard of Princess Twilight. She's a very important pony to me. Tell her I said hello, won't you?"

"We will," Azure said. "And speaking of, we'll need to be leaving to catch the train for Canterlot soon."

Rarity glanced at a clock on the wall. "Of course." She nodded.

"Before we do, I wanted to ask something, though." Azure fidgeted in hesitation. "Ummm... this is hard to say, but it's something I have to be honest about. We don't see each other very much, do we? We haven't for years."

"No, I'm afraid not," Rarity said. "Scheduling, you know. It's just so hard to make it intersect."

"It is." Azure sighed. "But about that... In the last six months, I've had a lot of time out there alone to think, and I've realized a lot of things. One of them I keep thinking about is that I feel like we're basically strangers. It really bothers me to have to say that about my own mother. It's a problem because there's a lot of things I'd like to know and a lot of questions I want to ask, but they're not the types of things I think ponies talk about with strangers."

"Oh..." Rarity looked taken aback. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize..."

"A lot of it is my fault," Azure said. "I thought for a long time that things just had to be the way they are and that nopony really gets a choice about it. I mean, life certainly seems that way sometimes. But something I discovered out there is that you don't always just have to be swept away with the tide. When you decide what you really want, it's a matter of being willing to do what it takes to make it happen."

Azure walked closer to Rarity and affectionately rubbed cheeks with her. "I'd like to take the time to see you more often, and if that means having to tell Twilight no once in a while, then that's what I'm willing to do. Studying magic nonstop isn't the only thing in life. I want you to be somepony I actually know."

"I'm so sorry. I never... I never saw it that way. I've always avoided interfering in your time as Twilight's student, because I felt like it was best to not be a distraction to your studies," Rarity said. "But truth be told... I would love nothing more than to have my daughter back again."

Azure and Rarity scooped each other into a warm hug. They held each other for a long while.

"How does getting together for something next week sound, to start with?" Rarity asked in a soft voice. She rubbed Azure's back gently with one foreleg.

"It sounds great," Azure said. Her face had a smile on it that radiated happiness. "That would be perfect."

It was a very inspiring thing to have the privilege of witnessing the moment when two ponies became a family again. There should be no illusion that this fixes everything, or maybe even anything, but it was good to see some hope for a new beginning.

Chapter 38

Ghost Lights

Chapter 38

Having just gotten off the train from Ponyville to Canterlot not long ago, Azure and I were walking side by side up the gravel hoof-path that meandered to the front of Princess Twilight's palace through the lawn of the expansive grounds around it. As we started to close in on the grand entryway, there was a kind of stiffness to her steps and tension carried in her posture. It was also in her face, the way her eyes were locked forward and her jaw was set and clenched, subtle but not hard to notice after I'd grown so used to her mannerisms in our time together.

"Nervous?" I asked.

"Feels like I'm gonna barf," Azure said grimly.

"What a glorious homecoming that would be," I said.

"It's weird because I'm excited, though, at the same time," Azure said. "I miss Twilight and Captain Dash and everypony around the palace. I can't wait to see them again."

"Me too," I agreed.

"It's just kind of hard to predict how all the conversations that have to happen are going to go," Azure continued.

"You know, you can probably take things at the pace you need to with Twilight," I suggested. "You don't have to launch into everything all at once. And don't be scared. She'll understand. Things went really well with Rarity, right? That's a good sign. How much harder can this be, really?"

"I know." Azure nodded. "I didn't even do anything wrong, technically. There's nothing to fear punishment for. It's just... the possibility of disapproval that gets to me. I spent so many years trying to be the best student I could. I guess feeling like I might be a disappointment is the scariest thing I can think of."

I stopped and turned to look Azure square in the eyes. "She will never be disappointed in you," I said. "I know I'm not. You won't be alone dealing with this, either. I was there with you at the wall. For six months all we had was each other, and that means a lot. I'll do what I can to help explain this and get Princess Twilight to understand the things that happened out there if you need me to." I hugged her for a moment, then turned back toward the palace and kept walking. Azure walked next to me without any further comment, but she smiled a little more after that.

We approached the front gate of the palace. It opened before we reached it. Princess Twilight and Captain Dash walked out from inside to meet us, probably informed by the on-shift guards that we were approaching.

"Well, well, well..." Captain Dash had a huge grin on her face, even at a distance. "Look who's baaaaack!" She and Twilight rushed forward at a gallop and pinned Azure between them in a hug. Azure seemed caught by surprise for a second, but basked in it appreciatively.

Princess Twilight kissed Azure on the cheek. "I missed you so much," she said softly. "I'm so glad you're home."

"I missed you too," Azure told her. "It's good to be back."

Hugs and cuddles and greetings continued for a little while. Both of them affectionately rubbed their sides up against hers, each one draping a wing over Azure's back. While I watched them, I was struck by the sense that I was watching a family - two mothers, or maybe a mother and a mare acting as a kind of surrogate father, lovingly welcoming their filly home again. It reassured me to see them this way. It reenforced my certainty that I knew that my words were true, that Twilight would never be disappointed in Azure. No mother who loves her child this way would turn her back like that.

When they finally broke, I could see that Captain Dash's eyes were watering and tears had run down her face. This caught me by surprise. It was one of those rare heartwarming moments that reminds us that under that iron-tough fearless warrior exterior, the brave Captain of Twilight's Guard is still a pony with her soft spots just like any other.

"Rainbow? Are you actually so happy to see her that you're crying?" Princess Twilight asked with a small smile when she noticed.

"Nah... it's just..." Captain Dash scuffed at the ground with one hoof and tried to play it off like nothing. "You know..."

"Liquid pride?" Twilight asked with a knowing smile.

"Yeah, that." Rainbow Dash nodded, grinning wider than ever. "When we said goodbye, I felt I was saying it to a filly. But now you've been out there doing service for Equestria, and I'm saying welcome home to a grown mare."

"Yeah..." Azure nodded with a thoughtful look on her face. "Yeah, I guess... I kinda feel like I did do some growing up out there."

"So, how was it?" Twilight asked. "See much that was interesting?"

"Well, I learned a lot," Azure said.

"What about?" Twilight asked with interest.

"About some things that I think we need to talk about," Azure said. "All three of us." She looked at Princess Twilight and Captain Dash. They both looked at each other in brief puzzlement, and then back at her. "They're things about a feather, and a cryptography problem you once gave me, and a book I borrowed from Princess Luna, which I guess I really should return soon, now that I think about it. And most of all, it's about family. But we'll get to all that at the right time. Right now, I'd kind of like to get these saddlebags off my back and unpack and enjoy being home with both of you again. It's been kind of a long six months."

"You're telling me." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "I had to spend it trying to keep somepony from worrying constantly."

"Hey, I can't help it if I happen to care about my student," Princess Twilight said to Rainbow Dash with mock indignation. She turned back to Azure. "But yes, we'll get you settled back in."

Rainbow Dash turned to me. "Glad you're back, too, Sunburst," she said. "Your orders out to the Seawall included a leave period on return. I assume you're going to be taking that before you come back to guard duty?"

"Yes, I need to get my apartment sorted back out and take some time to visit family and stuff like that," I said. "I just wanted to see Azure back to the palace before we parted ways."

"Alright." Captain Dash nodded. "Guess we'll get you back on a shift in a couple weeks or so, then. Have fun."

"Will do." I nodded. "See you later, Azure."

"Thanks for looking out for me," Azure said. "I couldn't have done all this without you."

"No problem," I said. "Thanks for giving me a reason to see the wall again. I wouldn't have gotten that without you."

Azure walked up to me and hugged me. "Afer all these months, it's going to be weird not being around you for a while."

"I know." I hugged her back. "I'm gonna miss you, too. It's always a pretty strange readjustment process to come home after something like what we've done. It's better for us to have some time apart to do that, though, anyway, so I think this works out for the best." I leaned closer to her ear. "And besides, when I get back, I'll have something to help with what you need to explain," I said, in a whisper-quiet voice.

Azure nodded, just slightly in a concealed way, before she let go of her hug and turned back to the two waiting ponies.

Princess Twilight and Captain Dash flanked Azure as they walked in the palace. When the three of them were inside and disappeared once again behind the closing palace doors, I turned and started heading down the path back toward downtown Canterlot. I had things to take care of and my own life (such as it was for somepony who spends most of their time alone, anyway) to put back into motion after leaving it frozen in place for six months of being absent.

Walking through the Canterlot streets was a stark contrast to everything I'd experienced for months. The smell was different, the texture was different, roads were paved, towering buildings shot up overhead and felt like they squeezed the streets into narrow tunnels, and most important, there were other ponies. It was light traffic on a lazy afternoon of what looked like mostly leisurely shoppers with plenty of space for everypony, but somehow that still made me feel overcrowded and flightly. I expected this, though. It was all part of the readjustment process for me. I knew I just had to suppress that discomfort and bear it.

Bright Bloom's flower stand was only a few blocks away from the palace, fortunately, and I made it one of my first stops, even before I went to go get the keys to my apartment back. Her pale pink coat and deep pink mane were a familiar sight I was looking forward to again, and after a short walk it came into view from across the street. She gave me a pleasant smile illuminated in early afternoon light and a friendly wave as I walked closer.

"Well, hi there stranger," she said when I reached the front counter. "They finally let you come home?"

"Let me, made me, same difference." I shrugged. "But yes, I'm back."

"I'm guessing you're here for a certain Equestrian violet," Bright Bloom said. "She's behind the stand. Hold on a second."

Bright Bloom disappeared into the back for a moment, and then came forward again carrying a potted plant that I was very happy to see was doing very well. She set it down on the counter in front of me.

I looked at my Equestrian violet and muzzled her happily, very glad to see her and have her around me again. She was in great condition. All of the leaves were deep green, full and lush, larger than when I'd dropped her off. Obviously Bright Bloom had taken care of her with a lot of love.

"Thank you so much," I said. "I don't know what I would have done with her without your help."

"It's no trouble at all," Bright Bloom said. She grinned. "Easy, really. It's not like she's a picky eater or anything."

I kept studying my plant for another few moments while Bright Bloom stood there behind the counter, quietly waiting. I looked up and found myself staring, just for a second, into her pretty face, particularly into her light green eyes, the color of jade, that perfectly complemented the pinks of her coat and mane. Those eyes were soft and beautiful and filled with a radiating vitality that matched those of the flowers in her stand. My breath caught and my stomach felt funny for a few seconds.

I broke off my gaze suddenly, not wanting to be awkward or uncomfortable by staring too long, and looked away at her stock of roses instead. In the years I've been friends with Bright Bloom, I've learned a lot about roses and they've come to be my favorite flowers by far. It's been very interesting to learn from her over the years, bit by bit, all the different things that their colors say. She always has one that can speak to any situation.

I realized, looking back and forth at their rainbow hues, that although I've watched these dynamics from outside I'd never really applied that knowledge to my own life, alone as I've always been.

But hypothetically, I wondered... just hypothetically...

Red:

They shout about passion and overt sexual feeling in a way that's loud, strong, and unsubtle. Some ponies appreciate this boldness. I've never found it to appeal to my sense of what I'm comfortable with.

Yellow:

Platonic friendship is the statement these make, expressing wishes for good fortune and good health.

Orange:

These carry energy and enthusiasm for a cause. Sometimes they're good for refiring somepony who's feeling worn down and burned out.

White:

I find the simplicity of white roses to be very beautiful with their high and subtle expression of pure love. They can also mean mourning, in that same highly dignified way.

Lavender:

The enchantment and mystery of their purple color holds a sense of magic. They make me think of unicorns.

Pink:

Pink.

Pink...

I paused and I pondered on pink. There were a number of things pink could say. They were a little uncertain, on a middle ground somewhere between red and white. They spoke of gentleness and admiration and combined the grace of white with a hinting that maybe there was a little of the statements of red's attraction under it. In pink, maybe a pony was still searching, and maybe they felt something funny in their stomach when they looked into the eyes of a certain other pony, and maybe they were unsure of exactly what all that meant yet.

Pink could say that maybe there was something there, and maybe it had been hidden away and unstated for a while - years, even.

Maybe pink meant that they wanted to finally find out.

While I was thinking about this, Rarity's words from yesterday echoed quietly in my mind:

But that's an experience everypony should get the chance to have at least once. It may not always work the way we want it to, of course, but it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, as they say.

Hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. The first instinct was to hide it, bury it, run away from it. It always was. I couldn't, though, not after what I'd seen, not after what Azure and I had been through these last six months. It would make a lie out of all the advice about honesty I'd given her, and I couldn't do that. If anything would ever change, there had to be a time to stop being a coward and the stark reality was that right now was it. This was a new beginning, our chance for a fresh start again in the civilized world after being outside of it exploring ourselves for half a year.

I saw in this moment a decision, one that might never come as fortuitously again. I had to make all those months and all that examination of ourselves mean something. This had to happen. Otherwise... otherwise, this was all just a waste.

How could it all just mean nothing?

I cleared my throat. "Can I get a pink rose, please?" I asked. "One of those?" I pointed to a particular cultivar that had a certain shade I thought best hit the mark.

"Sure," Bright Bloom said. "Just one? Or a bouquet? Dozen, half-dozen?"

"Just one, thanks."

"Alright." She grabbed one perfect, full-petaled pink rose and set it gently on the counter for me. I paid her the bits it cost.

"Thank you." She dropped the money in her register. "Who's that for, anyway, if it's alright for me to be nosy?"

I looked at the rose sitting on the counter for a second, considering it. It was perfect, so completely perfect.

I picked up the rose and looked at her, into her green eyes, once again. "It's for you," I said. My voice was as loud as I could muster, which I was afraid was still just sort of barely audible. I offered it to her.

"Me?" Her eyes opened wide in momentary surprise. The look on her face was blank as if she didn't quite understand.

My heart was beating fast now with uncertainty and fear that I was being foolish. "I know, I know, it's probably a terrible cliche," I mumbled. "Giving a rose to a flower vendor... Actually, I'm not sure why I thought this was a good idea. It probably happens all the time and it's probably the last thing you want after you're around them all day..."

"No, it..." She started to smile a little bit, slowly. "To tell the truth, nopony's ever done this for me before. I wasn't expecting it. Not at all."

Slowly, she took the rose from me and looked at it. She seemed absorbed, lost in the multitude of its petals. "You know, it's sort of a funny thing, when you're around beautiful things all day every day," she said. "You get blinded to it in some ways. It all just becomes so ordinary. But every once in a while... when you see one of them in a new way... you remember how much they really mean. It changes the way you see something beautiful when somepony gives it to you and you realize that suddenly it's yours, not just a thing sitting there waiting for somepony else."

She went down the stem of the rose carefully and snapped off the thorns, one by one until it was smooth, then lifted the flower to her head and threaded the stem behind her ear so that it stayed lodged there and the bloom adorned her face. It went perfectly, adding an extra touch to her already beautiful visage.

"Thank you, Sunburst." She walked around from behind the counter of her stand and hugged me. "It's the most beautiful rose I've seen in a long, long time. This means a lot. I didn't even realize how much I needed it."

"You're welcome." I hugged her back. "I'm glad you like it."

"I love it." She snuggled against me, resting her head on the side of my neck. Her embrace felt warm and comfortable and gave me a tingling feeling that I liked. I found that I really enjoyed holding her in a way that I hadn't quite experienced with anypony before. I kept wanting more, to stay there with her for as long as I could.

"You know, it's kind of funny how we've never really talked anywhere but right here at your flower stand," I said. "It's nice, but maybe something different might be good, too. Would you like to go get dinner together sometime?"

"Oh good Celestia." Bright Bloom sighed happily. "Finally. After all these years I thought you'd never ask. Yes. I'd love to do that."

Chapter 39

Ghost Lights

Chapter 39

When I arrived at my mother's home a couple days later at mid-afternoon, I found her where I expected to, sitting on the long wrap-around front porch that stretches across the front of the house and around one of its sides. Her tan colored coat and lilac mane were familiar as ever, always kept smooth and clean with a feminine grace that contrasted with her love and talent for gardening and working in the dirt of the earth. I still don't know how she does it.

I landed on the flagstone front walk and started following it up to the porch. She got up to greet me as I approached. There was excitement springing in her steps and shining in her eyes when she trotted over to meet me halfway. "Hello Sunburst!" She wrapped her forelegs around me in a hug and kissed me on the cheek. "I'm so glad you're here. It's good to see you again, finally."

I hugged her back. "It's good to see you again, too, mom."

We held on to each other for a little while. She was familiar, something I'd known all my life - the softness of her coat against mine, and the scent of earthiness mixed in a subtle way underneath a soft fragrance of flowers. I wondered briefly what I felt and smelled like to her. It's hard to know these things about yourself, I suppose. I did know one thing from the way she hugged me, though - that I was as familiar and comfortable to her as she was to me. That kind of welcome was a good thing to feel.

She broke away after a bit. "Let me look at you." She stepped back and looked me up and down briefly.

"I doubt I look much different than the last time I was here," I said.

"Nope, I think not." She nodded in a satisfied way. "Still my little filly."

"Little?" I smiled. "We're the same size. Have been since I was a teenager."

"Whatever. You could be as big as a Clydesdale and you'd still be my little girl," she replied and laughed.

"Not that anypony'd know it by looking at us," I said.

"Yeah, well, they know who your dad is, though," she said. "That's for sure."

"Not exactly many pegasi in this town." I nodded.

"Eh, it's been getting there." She shrugged. "We had another couple pegasus families move in lately. Weather managers, I think. Starting to get more unicorns, even, too. Seems like pretty soon this might not be just a little farming village anymore."

"That's the usual lifecycle of a settlement like this, I guess," I said. "Speaking of dad, have you heard from him lately?"

"Oh, of course," she said. "He still flies out from Cloudsdale and comes around to visit, like always."

"That's good."

She thought for a moment. "Actually, I saw him very recently, since you mention it. He slept over a couple nights ago."

That hit me with some surprise. It was strange enough to hear that it threw me for a little bit of a loop. "You mean, slept over, as in..."

"Well, yeah." Her voice sounded as if it was obvious. "What else would I mean?"

"Sorry." I shook my head and felt the heat of a slight blush coming on. "It's just weird to hear your parents talk about that... especially when they're divorced."

"Ehh." She shrugged slightly and waved a hoof in an unconcerned gesture. "I know it seems kinda funny, but... you know, we got divorced because we couldn't figure out how to be married and live together, not because we didn't love each other. Even after all these years we still do. Sometimes that's what ponies who love each other do together. It's no big secret or anything. You're a grown-up, you know how this works."

"You just got done saying I was your little filly," I noted.

"You can be two things." She smiled at me. "I realized a long time ago that I was going to have to accept it. I'd be a lousy parent if I didn't let my kid grow up. Remember that when your turn comes."

We stood there quietly together looking around at the yard for a few moments. I rather awkwardly didn't know what to say.

"Well, come on around back," my mother said after a minute. "I'll show you what I've got in the garden this year."

I followed her and we walked around the house through the side lawn to the back yard. As it usually was, the large sprawling garden was a mix of vegetables and flowers. I recognized most of it - cucumbers, tomato plants, peppers, various herbs like green onions and dill, carrots, and many others, all of it edged around the sides and back by rose hedges trained into thorny upright bushes. In a wide patch at the very front, tall thick green stems covered in a short fuzz rose vertically out of the ground and reached upwards for the sky. At the top of each one, tilted on a slight diagonal to face east, was a large bright yellow sunflower.

I walked up closer to them. The flowers were tall, nearly a foot over the top of my head, and I looked upwards at their undersides before I took off and hovered for a few flaps so I could see them from above. They looked like a field of cheerful yellow faces with black eyes in their centers enjoying a bath in the afternoon sun.

"They're looking good so far," my mother said. There was a pleased smile on her face as she regarded her brilliant yellow blooms.

I landed back on the ground. "They're pretty." I slowly ran my hoof up the stem of one of the flowers. I could feel the rough, fibrous texture of the covering of fine, stiff hairs that coated it. They were tall enough to cover me in a pleasant dappled shade, partly blocking the warm sun overhead while I stood in the patch.

"Yeah, they're beautiful flowers," my mother said. "That's why I wanted to name you after them. The first time I saw you after you were born, with that yellow coat, that's what I thought of and I knew Sunflower would a perfect name. I guess dad saw something else, though. He wanted to call you Fireburst after your aunt Spitfire."

"So you went half and half and I became Sunburst," I finished. "It's a good story. You've told it to me a bunch of times."

"I know." My mother smiled and nodded slightly. "One of the few things where your dad and I were able to compromise and meet halfway on something and both still be completely happy with how it turned out. Looking back at it, I'm actually pretty glad we did. Sunburst is a... more 'pegasus' kind of name. I guess that's a good thing, with you having wings and the way you really turned out to be more of your father's daughter. Would you have been mad at me if I'd given you an earth pony name like Sunflower?"

"No." I shook my head. "Well... maybe a little unhappy about it, when I was younger. But I would have gotten over it and it would be fine now. They're pretty. I can appreciate them."

"Also useful for their seeds, too," my mom continued. "It takes a little bit of good timing to get the most out of them, though. The trick is to let them stay on the stalk long enough for all the seeds to ripen, but you have to harvest before the birds start getting to them and eat 'em all."

I stood there and I could feel the dirt, soft and yielding and a little springy and airy but moist under my hooves. The bed the flowers grew from was carefully tilled and raked, weeded meticulously and watered and fed to be just perfect. The memory of all that I felt in my brief time as an earth pony at the ancient henge came to my mind.

I couldn't feel it directly at that moment, not without Azure to transform me again, but the memory was as clear as a cloudless sky and I could imagine it and hear its echo. My eyes closed and I let it flow through me. I could envision the life in the earth, raw vitality coursing up through the roots and into these plants. I could tell how carefully it was prepared, how earth pony magic was woven into the work, and the way that it was a labor of love - I could see and feel my mother's love, and how the depth of her capacity for it was on display here in a way that before now I'd never really been able to understand before.

At that moment, I suddenly knew her better than I ever had in all my life before then. I could see the way that this same love had always been infused into how she'd taken care of me in a way that had largely escaped me until then. Maybe for the first time, I really felt like her daughter.

Maybe now I could say certain things. I wanted to. I was aching and sore in my heart from how much I wanted to and had never been able, and it hurt in a subtle kind of way that I'd been trying to just ignore for such a long time that it was easy to forget it was there at all... but it was.

Now was the time.

"We've always had trouble with birds, haven't we?" I asked quietly.

"Sometimes I wish you were still around when they show up," My mother said. "You're always fast enough on your wings to be good at chasing them off. Much better than these legs of mine."

I stared up at the undersides of the sunflowers and their petals glowing bright yellow in back-lit sunlight. "Maybe too fast sometimes," I mumbled.

"Too fast?" my mom asked incredulously. "I thought there was no such thing for a pegasus. At least not for ones like you and your dad and your aunt."

"Do you remember the last summer that I lived here?" I asked.

"Right before your senior year of high school when you moved out to your dad's house in Cloudsdale?"

"Yeah, that one," I said. "There's... can we go sit down?" I looked over at the porch.

"Sure," my mom said. We walked over and sat down next to each other in the shade.

"There's things I should have told you but I never did," I said, once we were situated. "Do you remember that crow we had so much trouble with?"

"Vaguely," my mom said. "They're clever birds. There's been a few troublemakers."

"Well, that summer, that one was different," I said. "I felt like I chased her away a thousand times and nothing worked. Then one day she just... disappeared. Never came back."

"I remember it." She nodded.

"Alright, so... the truth is that she disappeared because I made her disappear," I said. "I caught her and I killed her. I flew her down and crushed her to death with my hooves. Then I buried her."

"What? Why didn't you ever say anything?" she asked, wide-eyed and surprised.

"I didn't know how," I said. "I wasn't ready for that. I thought I was, but I found out I wasn't. Not like that. Not the way... not the way I got her blood on me. Not the way I watched her break. I thought it was something I had to do but I also thought I couldn't talk about it because you'd just be mad at me and you'd never understand, because you're a... I mean, you're not a..."

"Because I'm not a pegasus," she said for me. "Well... you're right. I'm not. Can't blame you there."

"That's why I left," I said. "I felt... isolated. That's the only way to say it. Once that happened, it was like my eyes opened in a new way and I looked around and started to see the whole town differently. It was me, and earth ponies, and that's it. Nopony else was like me. It was so uncomfortable that there was nopony I could tell and nopony I could talk to. I didn't think any of them would understand how I felt. Keeping that inside made me stressed, and angry, and most of all, scared. I didn't know who I was anymore and what it meant that I could do something like that. I needed help figuring things out and there wasn't anypony around here to go to. It didn't make me very nice to be around, either."

My mother sat there quietly thinking for a long moment and finally nodded slowly. "I always kinda thought something must have happened that summer," she said. "You always mostly wanted to be alone but you never hid as much as you did then... and you started getting so temperamental and snippy at everything. I had no idea what was going on."

"I'm sorry about that," I said. "I didn't mean to, I just couldn't handle it. I needed dad's help. He's the one I told. He helped me get this figured out and not be so screwed up anymore."

"It's alright," she said. "I'm just glad I finally know why. That explains a lot. You were always your father's daughter. I missed you, but even back then I think I knew it was for the best that you finally went to live with him for a while. An earth pony trying to raise a pegasus only goes so far."

"I'm still sorry," I said.

"No, don't be." She wrapped her forelegs around my barrel from the side and hugged me.

"I'm sorry that I killed a helpless bird," I went on anyway. Now that it was started, there was a feeling of pressure inside creating an urgency to get this out. I carried it and carried it for so long and I just wanted to be rid of all of this. It gushed out and I couldn't stop it. "I'm sorry that she suffered and died because I was too angry to find any other way and I didn't understand all of what I was doing. I'm sorry that I couldn't handle it and I took it out on you. I'm sorry that I snapped at you and ignored you and lied about what was really happening. I'm sorry that I'm a coward and I ran away to the clouds and left you here alone for so long without even telling you why. I'm sorry I've always been so distant. I'm sorry I never really understood who you were before. I'm sorry I wasn't the daughter and the kind of family you deserved."

With each unspoken burden I gave a voice to at last, a feeling came over me of weight crumbling away and falling off. I felt light enough to float away, but I didn't want to drift off - right here with my mother was where I wanted to be. I leaned into her to hug her in my forelegs. My face was hot and my breathing was heavy. My eyes were streaming with tears as I rested my head against her neck and clung to her, sobbing.

She just held me for a while, rocking me slowly and slightly from side to side and kissed the top of my head in a gentle, mom kind of way.

"Everything's alright now," she whispered to me. "I love you, Sunflower. I always have and I always will. You know that."

"Yeah. I know." Even through my tears, it was one of the happiest moments of my life because of the sheer relief I felt. The rifts that had been between us were gone, washed away in the torrent of a breaking dam of words finally spoken. I had my mother back.

I sniffed and wiped some of my tears away. "I love you too," I said.

Soft sand underhoof and a cloudy sky overhead were my only companions as I walked along the beach and listened to the rhythmic surf of the ocean washing against the edge of the island I was exploring. This lonely western edge of the world was empty and vast, and all mine. The sound of the waves pulsed through me, the white noise of the crashing and receding bringing me incredible joy.

I took to the air and flew. From the air over this little island, I could see the beach of the mainland coast over to the east, separated by just a small strip of clear blue water. The Seawall was there, visible in the distance, flanked by the mountains it spans between. I knew that this wasn't strictly accurate, that this island shouldn't really be here so close to the mainland, but it in the moment it seemed right enough not to question. I was just glad to be here.

My heart was filled with a sense of being home. I knew I was where I belonged.

At the same time, there was a distant anxiousness. Some part of me knew that this wouldn't last. It never does. A few months at the most is all I could ever get at one time. Often it was much less even than that. This would be a short one, I could tell. Still, I didn't want that to bother me. As I told Azure, all that can ever really be done is to enjoy the sun while it shines.

I was looking for something, but I wasn't sure what. It was mysterious, a presence that I felt hiding somewhere in this wilderness. Whether it was a living thing or just an echo of something past, I couldn't tell. All I knew was that the challenge of seeking it out was something I was enjoying. I walked and flew over the rocks, sandbars, and pale white time-bleached driftwood while I searched and soaked in the surroundings.

I never wanted this to end.

I had no choice in the matter, unfortunately.

Everything became indistinct and my eyes were opening before I could help it. I was laying in the bed in my old room at my mother's house, I realized. Of course I was. I was staying with her for the first week of my leave period. It was time to be waking up, too, since morning sunlight was starting to stream in the window. I turned under the blanket and sighed. I remembered being a little filly and waking up in this same room, just like I was now, and looking around to see these same walls and the same ceiling. I never woke back then from dreams quite like this, though.

This one was real and intense. This one was a place that lived in my heart and always would, forever.

One of the risks a pony faces in finding something they love is that it will haunt them ever after with an unceasing longing for it.

I felt empty and cold inside now that it was gone. The waking world seemed colorless and lifeless, not worth the effort to crawl out from under the covers and face. I wished I could just fall back asleep and return from whence I just came, but I knew it doesn't work that way. It made me sad that there was no going back. All I could do was close my eyes and brace for the wave of depression that I could feel would probably grip the rest of my day. These happen frequently in the first weeks after I return from a deployment on the wall, fading away slowly as I think about it less and less. It was a price to pay, part of the readjustment process.

Maybe Rarity was right that it was better to have loved something and lost it than never to have loved at all, but that loss part can be one hell of a kick in the gut sometimes. I cringed and pulled a blanket further up over my head.

My dark mood was interrupted by the smell of cooking starting to waft up from the lower story of the house. It was good, vegetables and eggs being fried into omelets for breakfast.

I knew who was cooking them.

I thought about that. Maybe... maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

I found the strength, after a little while, to push away the covers and get up. I headed out of my room and down the flight of stairs from the second to the first floor, and made my way to the kitchen.

My mother looked up from her cooking. "Good morning," she greeted me. That voice sounded bright as the morning sun, the welcome as warm as a beam of its light.

I walked to her and rubbed my cheek against hers, returning the affection. "Yes. It is a good morning," I said.

By the time we were sitting down at the table with breakfast, the sting of my longing for the place in my dream was gone. The fondness for it remained, but the sense of loss over not being there disappeared. What I was really aching for, I realized, was a place I called home. Part of what defines where a pony feels at home is the presence of something they love, whether it's some aspect of the place itself, or somepony in that place. My mother and I had always been distant from each other, different kinds of ponies without commonality. No longer, though. Now that I had seen through her eyes, stood in her earth pony hooves, and just told her the truth, that distance was crossed, the barrier overcome. Now that I knew the extent of her love as it truly was, I knew that when I was with her in her home, it was a place I could feel that I belonged in every bit as much as I did in Cloudsdale with my father or out on the Seawall in the lonely wilderness.

In that moment I knew that I finally made it. After so many years, I was finally home.

Conclusion

Ghost Lights

Conclusion

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

If you're reading this, it means that Azure Sky gave you a copy of this account I've written of our time together at the Seawall, as I promised her I would to help her explain things, and that you've come to the end of the story. This tale is as thick as a large novel, I know, and I apologize for its length. It covers more ground than I realized it would when I started writing weeks ago while I was still on leave. I hope it's not too much and that I haven't wasted more valuable time than necessary, but I felt as if everything here needed to be said for the story to be true and whole. Nothing less would be honest or right.

I also know that you and Azure Sky probably have a great deal to discuss about some of the things it reveals. She and I both know that some of what she's done, if perhaps not necessarily explicitly forbidden, nonetheless may not meet with your approval, exactly. I can only hope that this can be forgiven in light of why it was necessary. When I think about how to explain that, I find myself returning full circle at last to the question I opened my introduction with:

What's it like being a guard for Princess Twilight?

Looking back on it now, I'm amazed by how life-changing the experience has been.

Although that answer is very different from the picture I painted when I began this narrative of it being something mundane, both are equally true. The difference has proven to be, as I said then, simply a matter of perspective - of a pony recognizing when they're in the middle of a good story. Very often it's only in looking backwards after the fact that we realize the full significance of what's happened. If I hadn't been assigned to your guard, I would have never been part of this particular tale. That would be an immense loss for me. I would have never found a friend and a sister in Azure Sky, and I would have never become who I am now. I also like to think that the inverse is true, that I helped her become what she is.

For all that, I imagine that there's a question that's going to be asked: do the results justify how Azure and I got here? Was the magic that Azure Sky used while we were out there the right thing to do? And did I do the right thing by being complicit in that, teaching her how to fly and letting her take the risks she did? A story like this is complex and hard to summarize accurately without oversimplification, to quantify into a single definitive answer concerning whether it was worth it. All I can do is make my best attempt.

If all of these events and where they led us were distilled down to a single final grain of the most essential truth about their meaning, the one thing I would say is this: what we experienced and accomplished together, and what we both learned, has made our lives better.

Yes, it was worth it.

It's been an extraordinary six months. Thank you for sending us out there together. It was something we both needed. In many ways, we both came home far better ponies than when we left.

Without this, I might not have ever had the courage to get on with acknowledging the way I feel about Bright Bloom. I also wouldn't have been able to just be honest with my mother and finally heal old injuries and reach out to close the distance between us.

Because of this, I watched a wonderful unicorn named Rarity get her daughter back. Azure is blessed now with three parents - a birth mother, and a surrogate mother, and a father of sorts, all of whom love her. Few ponies are so fortunate.

Most importantly of all, Azure Sky was able to discover how to find out who she is and what direction she wants. If nothing else, the one most important thing that should be remembered is this: her transformations were not merely about flying or about being a pegasus. As I've realized, flying is only the means to some other end. This was, at the heart of it all, a search for freedom. Choosing to learn to fly was her way of learning how to choose things for herself. As she always has as a student, she excelled. She learned that her path can truly be her own, not one she's merely pulled helplessly along. She left a scared filly, and came home a capable mare. She knows that she no longer needs to fear ghost lights leading her astray in the dark as she once did.

That alone makes all of this worth having done, many times over. A feather in the wind that I shed once by mere happenstance years ago led her away to the Seawall, but she found her own way home. I can't begin to describe how proud I am of her.

I hope that you'll feel the same way, and that coming to share a deeper understanding of each other through this will bring you and your student closer than ever before.

Your loyal subject and faithful guard always,

Sunburst

The End

Author's Note

Wow! It's finally done!

I finished writing a 108,000 word novel. After the better part of a year, I can say that. I finished writing a novel!

This has to be in the handful of top few accomplishments I'm most proud of in my life. I even made every weekly update on time, with two exceptions, but because the initial new story post was two parts instead of one, and I managed to publish chapter 39 on a Thursday and then finish up two days later on a Saturday, it averages out to exactly the one-part-per-week schedule I wanted.

And what a journey it's been. Sunburst and Azure Sky sure got a lot done and made a lot of important discoveries, and I feel like I discovered a lot of things right along with them. Many of the essential concepts and themes to explore here were drawn from things in my own life. Some of them were pleasant, and some were difficult, but writing this made me a better person. That's one of the criteria by which I judge this to have been a success.

As Sunburst said, it was worth it.

My readers, of course, need to get some credit here too. Each and every week, I looked forward to giving all of you a new chapter to enjoy and I was always excited to see what comments people would have. The interaction and community is part of what kept me writing. Thanks for being part of that, all of you!

... So I guess that just leaves the question of what's next.

Well, I'm not sure, to be honest. I've been so focused on finishing this story that I haven't given a whole lot of thought to making a final decision about what I want to write after it. I think, actually, that I'm going to be more of a reader than a writer for a couple weeks or so while I think about that. I've read very little while I was working on this and I have a big Read It Later stack built up that I'm looking forward to having some time to work through. I also think that doing more reading will help make me a better writer, so there's that. I'm sure that before too long one I'll have the urge to write again, though.

I suppose we'll just have to see what it ends up being.

Alright, so that's it.
Thanks for reading, everyone, and I'll see you next time. :twilightsmile:

Winston

Introduction

Ghost Lights

Introduction

What's it like being a guard for Princess Twilight?

That seems to be the topic ponies find the most fascinating once they learn what I do. They always ask that question.

I'm not entirely sure how to answer it. I'm not even always sure how I should answer it. Truthfully? It's a job. I work a six hour shift every day (or night, depending on the rotation), then I'm done and I go home, and do... Whatever. Work out. Fly for fun. Eat. Read books. Walk around Canterlot. Watch the rich mares go around in the ridiculous hats that sophisticated unicorns love so much. Stop to talk with the earth pony friend of mine who works at a florist stand on the corner. Take a nap.

You know, real life. Interesting things. Stuff I'd rather be doing than working. Nopony wants to hear about those, though, they're too mundane.

How I think I'm supposed to answer is to enthusiastically affirm that getting to hang around a princess all day is the greatest privilege a pony could have. I'm supposed to entertain and regale with amazing stories of what happens inside the palace walls. Exciting adventures and the grand decisions that shape the fate of Equestria, that's what goes on here, right?

Well... it's not a bad job to have, but it's not always all ponies assume it to be, at least not for a mere guard. I don't feel comfortable exaggerating things for the sake of an image, and I never have, so I just tell them the truth: it can be pretty dull. Sometimes they're disappointed but they get over it.

This isn't to say I don't feel dedication to my service or attachment to the ponies I protect. I've done it for a long time now because what I do satisfies me. It matters in some way, or at least I feel like it does. There's pride and a purpose here. It's just not all that exciting most of the time. Honestly, though, that's a good thing. Guards don't want their lives to be very exciting. The excitement that guards get to deal with isn't the fun kind.

No, boring and uneventful six hour shifts are completely fine with me. They just don't make good stories.

The funny thing about a good story, though, is that sometimes it's hard for a pony realize they're in the middle of one while it's going on. It's hard to see the forest for the trees and it's only in hindsight that there's some realization of the significance to seemingly disconnected events coming together.

When I try to pinpoint where to begin telling the story I need to tell, I keep finding myself coming back to the thought of my feathers and Azure's fascination with them. That, though there was no way of knowing until all was said and done, was possibly the first glimmer offering a clue about what would happen.

I think it was a feather that sealed her decision and her destiny, so many years ago.

If not for a single feather, carelessly shed by happenstance at the right time, all this might not have happened. The lives of certain ponies might not have taken uncertain and unplanned turns, and futures thought set on particular tracks might not have been upset and possibly turned upside down. I suppose I could throw in, a little on the selfish side, that I might not have gotten to see the Seawall yet again, so I'm not without my own stake in this.

All this disruption and chaos, though, may be exactly what needed to happen for everypony's happiness and for at least one pony's innermost desires to come to light, instead of lies being lived in silent misery.

The last time this happened, all those years ago, it was roses. Now it's a feather. Fate gives us the most unexpected of weapons in the fight for the truth about ourselves, doesn't it?

I only hope that, like the roses all those years ago, my feather has opened the way for all to end well.

Despite temptation, though, let us not jump too far forward or too far back right now. The beginning is where any story, rightly told, should begin.

So that's where we'll start.

Unlike the story I've told previously, this will not just be direct copies of my journal entries. There would be too much superfluous material in this instance, I think, and extensive editing would be called for anyway, so I've decided instead to just use a combination of material from my journals and my memories to retell a more direct narrative of events as I encountered them.

Forgive me if I miss a few little things, or if small details are not quite right at times. Nopony has perfect memory. Besides, it's not the point of this effort to just be a dry and passive record of facts. What's more important than literalness is that it actively reveals what really matters most, the deeper truths underlying some ponies I've been blessed spend many years of my life sharing experiences with. It's true that I spend most of my time and live most of my life alone, because that's just how I am, but that doesn't mean that I don't care about anypony else. I do, very much. I want this to help us all grow in the understanding of one another and come closer together, maybe, in this odd sort of... family, for lack of any better word, I can't help feeling we've become in some way through such long proximity and friendship.

I hope that for those who need to understand what's happened and need to know what I've come to know now, this telling of the story will be found sufficient. I've done the best I can.

Chapter 8

Ghost Lights

Chapter 8

I was up just before dawn the next morning and met that cold faint grey light that diffuses across the sky before the sun rises. I used an old 'pegasus alarm clock' trick: I drank a lot of water before I went to bed the night before so that needing to go to the bathroom would force me to wake up. In retrospect, I suppose I could have just asked to borrow a real alarm clock, but those were the kinds of low-tech tricks we were going to have to resort to for the next six months, so I guess I thought I might as well get started on getting used to it.

I'd left everything ready the night before. All I had to do was put on my saddlebags, then I headed over to Azure's room to wake her. I found that she was already up. She was packed, squared away, and had her gear on her back.

There didn't seem to be anything left but to leave, so I decided to just cut straight to it.

"Ready?" I asked.

She just nodded slightly in response. The look on her face was that neutral kind of not-quite-awake-yet, still tired and with heavy eyelids. Clearly she hadn't been up very long.

"We should get moving," I said. "The sooner we start, the sooner we get there. And I can promise you, the ponies waiting for us to relieve them really want us to get there." Azure still didn't say anything, just followed along behind me while we walked to the front entrance of the palace.

I was working on the assumption that all our goodbyes had been said yesterday and it was expected that we'd have disappeared by the time everypony else was up. It seemed other ponies had other plans, though.

"Hey!" A voice called out from behind us. "You're not gonna leave without letting us see you off, are you?"

It was Captain Dash. Princess Twilight was with her. Azure and I both stopped and turned to face them, then kept moving again once they joined us. They walked us to the front doors of the palace and a short distance outside.

The sun had just barely crept a little bit of its edge over the horizon by then. The four of us stood there on the palace grounds in the first light of the dawn. A coat of glittering dew lay on the grass, the sky was clear, and the air was a little cool but warming up. It would be a fine day, I could already tell.

"So I guess... this is it," Princess Twilight said. She embraced Azure Sky in a hug.

"I guess it is." Azure Sky nodded and hugged the princess back.

"My student is finally all grown up," Princess Twilight spoke softly. Her voice was half pride and half lamentation.

"You knew it had to happen some time," Captain Dash said. She reached up and rubbed Princess Twilight's shoulder with one foreleg.

"I know..." Princess Twilight said quietly and nodded, still holding onto Azure. She sighed. "I know."

While the two of them embraced, Captain Dash walked up a bit closer to me. "Hey, keep an eye on Azure out there for me," she said quietly into my ear. "Make sure she doesn't break or anything. You know unicorns. Sometimes they're kinda..." She lifted one forehoof and rolled it in a circular coo-coo motion by the side of her head.

"Hey! I heard that," Azure said from inside Princess Twilight's embrace.

"I heard it too," the princess added.

"Yeah, don't act like you don't know what I'm talkin' about," Captain Dash teased them with a smile on her face.

Azure just scrunched up her muzzle and stuck her tongue out for a second in response.

"Anyway..." Captain Dash gave me a brief hug. "We're gonna miss you around here in the guard. We'll be waiting for you to get back."

"Thanks, Captain," I said. "I'm looking forward to seeing the wall again, but I'm sure that after six months I'll be looking forward just as much to coming back to the palace."

There was a long silence. Azure was still wrapped in Twilight's embrace. Me and Captain Dash just kind of stood there, watching them.

"Umm... Princess," Azure said at last, "not that I don't appreciate all the affection, but you're gonna to have to let me go at some point. Otherwise I'll never get to the Seawall."

"Oh... yeah... I guess that's true," Princess Twilight admitted, sheepishly. Still, though, she held Azure tightly for a few more seconds. "I'm gonna miss you," she said quietly.

"I'll miss you, too, Princess," Azure replied.

Finally, with watering eyes, Princess Twilight sniffed heavily and released Azure from her hug. She swallowed a lump in her throat, then gently kissed Azure on the forehead.

Captain Dash stepped forward to give Azure a quick hug, then a small kiss on the cheek. "Take care out there, kiddo. Good luck."

"I will, and I'll be fine," Azure said. "You don't need much luck when you have the most awesome magic teacher there is, right?"

"Yeah, she's pretty great, isn't she?" Captain Dash looked at Princess Twilight and smiled, then leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the lips. I think the princess actually blushed a little, though almost imperceptibly, and smiled back.

"Right," Captain Dash said, getting a bit more serious. "Well, you'd better get going."

"Yep." I was in agreement with that.

After a few last waves goodbye, we finally started walking away down the path that led off the palace grounds and into Canterlot. Princess Twilight and Captain Dash stood there watching us until they faded away into the distance, out of sight. That was it, the last we would see of them for months. We were on our way to the Seawall, and with every step I felt a little tingle of excited anticipation bubbling up inside of me. The morning sun never seemed so great and so bright, and the colors it painted on the world so vibrant. I felt like Celestia herself was giving us a send-off. That seemed like a good sign.

We passed through the streets of Canterlot while it was still very early morning and they were almost completely empty. Seeing the normally busy city so oddly quiet and devoid of ponies was an interesting prelude to the isolation I knew we would only find more and more of as we got closer to our destination.

After we reached the city limits and passed beyond them, we started hiking the descent down Canterlot Mountain and into the lush green fields that surround it. Like much of the settled areas around Equestrian towns, it's a mix of farmlands and grass covered meadows. The roads are very well-trodden from frequent use and easy to travel.

Around mid-morning we took a break from walking to eat breakfast. We stopped and went a little off the road into a field covered in thick grasses and small wildflowers. The grass was mostly fairly new growth, not too tough, and the little flowers punctuated the flavor here and there with small bursts of sweet nectar. It may not have been anything fancy, but as breakfasts go it's certainly possible to do worse. The two of us ate in silence. After about fifteen minutes of grazing, we'd filled up pretty well, so it was time to get back to the road and keep walking again.

Azure had been quiet all morning. That was just fine with me, I'm used to long stretches of walking without any talking. It's what most of patrolling the palace on guard shifts is composed of. In living my life mostly alone, I've realized how much I appreciate spending time moving in silence. It's easy for me, comfortable. I've gone days at a time without talking to another pony.

Some ponies don't handle it so well.

It's not just not talking that really does it, though, it's when there's nopony else talking either. It's easy not to talk when there's something else to listen to, but when there's nothing, a lot of ponies seem to have this need to have that empty space filled with something, anything, and it drives them nuts if nopony does.

I found myself hoping for her sake that Azure wasn't one of the ones who gets slowly driven stir-crazy by long silence. It was going to be a long six months for her if that was the case. I felt like with all her experience studying, though, there shouldn't be too much to worry about.

I supposed she'd make some noise when she finally really needed to, anyway. I'd let her be the one to decide that.

It turned out that it didn't happen, at least not that first day. We walked all day, making our way northwest, in a silence I found very pleasant. I just enjoyed being out in nature on a nice day. The longest break we took was to graze on grass again at lunchtime, and otherwise we made great progress and covered a lot of miles.

It was almost sunset when we came by chance through a mostly earth pony little rural farming town. By a stroke of fortune, this town had a small hotel in it. I'd planned on probably ending up sleeping outside, but when I saw the possibility of getting an actual room, I supposed that if we were going to be this lucky, well, why not? We weren't going to do any better in the time we had left before it got dark.

"Guess we'll stop here for the night, if that sounds good," I said to Azure. Those were my first words since we'd left.

"Yeah," she responded. "This looks fine to me."

So that was decided. We went into the lobby and got checked in (and got at least a couple of curious glances, due to the bags and gear we were carrying). We found the room, dumped off our luggage, and went down to a small restaurant attached to the hotel where we ate dinner. I don't remember what it was that we had, it was pretty nondescript: not bad, but not great. It wasn't grass, at least, so that was something. By the time we were done eating it was dark outside, so I thought it best if we tried to go get some sleep at that point. Tomorrow would be just like today had been, we would need to be up and moving again with the sunrise.

Chapter 11

Ghost Lights

Chapter 11

On mid-morning of our seventh day, the Seawall came into view. The mountains in the distance had been steadily approaching for a long time. Cloud cover had also been growing thicker and more frequent overhead, and I knew that those were the clouds that form from the moisture evaporated into the air by the ocean we were closing in on. Rain fell occasionally in a light drizzle, usually just barely enough to notice but sometimes in brief heavier bursts. The wetness allowed for the growth of thick and lush grasses and other plant life.

The land also changed a little bit as we got closer. It broke up more, folding up into foothills and small rocky outcroppings and cliffs marking the beginnings of those coastal mountains. There's a particular kind of plane that extends inland from the Seawall, where there's the gap between the mountain ranges. Wind coming in from the ocean sweeps across it and makes it hard for plants to get too tall, so it's filled with scatterings of low-growing scrub and bushes instead. I recognized this area as we started coming into it, the consistency of the soil underhoof becoming finer and more sandy.

Then finally we came around the side of a steep hill that sheltered a few small stunted trees, and... there it was.

It was about two kilometers away. I could see it pretty clearly, with the sharp pegasus eyes I have. I doubt Azure had much difficulty either, though. Something like the Seawall isn't very challenging to spot at that kind of distance, being a thousand meters long and six meters high. After days of walking around in nature, seeing something artificial like that tends to jump out in a pretty obvious way.

I found there was an almost strange anticlimax to finally getting within sight of it. To hike out this far is a real endurance challenge, and it had been a very long week. For however badly I'd wanted to be here and see it again, I think we were both really just sort of tired and numb by that point - too much so to react strongly. We saw it, but we didn't say anything, just kept walking like nothing had changed. I suppose nothing really had. We weren't there yet, we still had to cover that last little bit of distance before any of the effort would finally really mean anything... so we just kept on our steady pace toward it.

After a little while longer, we finally arrived, close enough to the wall to touch it. Azure did exactly that. She reached up with one forehoof and tapped a couple times on the great big dark colored stone blocks, as if verifying it was really there and not just some kind of illusion. She stared down its length in one direction, then the other, and then up at its height for a moment. Finally she sat down and just studied the stone surface in front of her.

For a long time she was quiet. So was I. I sat down next to her, glad to get off my hooves for a moment.

"So this is it," she finally said.

"Yep." I nodded. "This is it."

I breathed in, taking up the scent of the place. I could already smell the faint saltiness of the air from the ocean. A quiet and distant slow rhythmic sound of waves could be heard when I listened closely. These things hit me and an electric tingling thrill ran down my back. I felt... I felt suddenly like I was on the doorstep of home.

"It's kind of funny..." Azure said softly, running one hoof along the wall's hard smooth surface. "It's pretty much what was advertised. It's a big wall. But it's different somehow than I'd imagined, and I don't know why. I don't know what I was expecting."

"I hope you're not disappointed," I replied.

"No..." She shook her head. "It's just... I guess I kind of built it up too much in my mind. Now there's just a feeling of, well, okay, so what does it mean? What do I do now that I'm here? You know?"

"Well, the first thing we should probably do is find the other two ponies that are waiting for us," I said. "They've been out here for six months. I'm sure they're very ready to be sent home."

In spite of my words, I still sat there for a little while longer, reveling, soaking in the feel of the place. A few more moments passed before I slowly got back up on my hooves, setting out to do what I'd said. I motioned for Azure to follow me. She stood, and I led us north along the wall. After a short distance there was a small, low-roofed building, made from the same kind of stone blocks in the same style as the wall itself.

"What's that?" Azure asked, looking it over.

"Pretty much where we'll be living," I answered her. "It's an old garrison barracks, I think, from when the unicorn empire had soldiers permanently stationed here. It's not much to look at but it's the only shelter around. It's also probably where we'll find the current watchers we'll be replacing."

I walked up to the building. It was about how I remembered it from the first two tours I'd done here thirteen years ago. Now, as back then, there was no actual door in the doorway. Presumably it had originally been made of wood, but had probably rotted away or fallen apart an extremely long time ago and was never replaced. There was no particular need, and nopony out here with the tools or resources to really bother anyway. Now there was just a heavy piece of thick cloth hanging to cover up the opening. I couldn't hear anything, but I did see what looked like a few fresh hoofprints in the sand just outside, both coming and going.

I knocked on the stone door frame, just outside the hanging cloth. "Hello?" I called in. "Anypony home?"

A few seconds after I'd spoken, the cloth was abruptly pulled aside to reveal a light mint-green colored unicorn mare staring out at me with wide vivid blue-green eyes. Her long mane, so light green it was almost white, was ragged with split ends and in rough condition in contrast to the pretty face that it framed. The condition of her hair was something I really couldn't hold against her, though. I knew that in six months from now, Azure and I would look about the same. There isn't exactly a salon around here to stop into for a trim and good deep conditioning.

"Oh, thank Celestia. You're the relief, right?" The unicorn asked. "Please, please, please tell me you're the relief."

"Yes," I answered her. "That is why we came all this way. I'm Sunburst. This is Azure Sky."

"Great to meet ya!" The unicorn said. "My name's Meadow. Silver Star is around here somewhere. Out flyin', I guess. She's probably not too far, though. I'll send a signal. Hopefully she sees it."

Meadow walked outside a short distance, and her horn began to glow with a pale green magic aura. Some sort of magical flare shot up into the sky, producing a bright highly visible glow. We waited for a minute or two.

Before long it had the intended effect and a pegasus landed nearby. It's very rare for pegasi, but I think she must have had a bit of zebra ancestry, giving her a slightly exotic appearance. Her coat was mostly white, but just barely visible all over her body were faint darker stripes. Her mane and tail were pink, and were likewise also faintly striped. She had coppery colored eyes and her cutie mark was a cluster of three bright white stars with deep black borders.

"So this is Silver Star," Meadow introduced her companion. "Silver Star, this is Sunburst and Azure Sky. Our relief."

"Hey, awesome!" Silver Star enthusiastically walked up and shook hooves with us both. "You're a little bit early. We weren't expecting you guys until late tonight or sometime tomorrow. Or later, even. Never can tell how long a hike like that's gonna take."

"We made good time on it," I said.

"Evidently. So... you wanna start turning over?" Silver Star asked, wasting not a moment. That didn't exactly surprise me.

"Yeah, let's get through it," I agreed. "I'm all about sending you two home as soon as we possibly can. Azure, you go with Meadow, she can show you the unicorn side of things," I instructed her. She nodded and the two unicorns headed inside the stone building to turn over their responsibilities.

Silver Star and I flew to the top of the wall, where we landed and stood side by side. Beyond the far side of the wall I saw the ocean, at last, for the first time in thirteen years. My breath caught in my throat. I just stood and stared. Tears started to form in my eyes and I blinked them back, hoping it wouldn't be noticed. Wave after wave rolled in onto the sand and then washed back out, in endless eternal motion.

It was like watching the heartbeat of the entire world.

I couldn't believe how small I felt. At the same time, I was connected... connected to everything, all the rhythms of the planet, everything moving in those waves. This part of me that had been asleep for years felt alive again. I don't know how else to possibly describe it.

"It's something, isn't it?" Silver Star asked quietly.

"It's exactly what I remember," I said. "Good Celestia, it's been too long."

"What do you mean, you remember?" She seemed confused. "You've... been here before?"

"Yes." I nodded. "This is my third tour here at the wall."

"Holy smokes!" she exclaimed. "I've never heard of anypony doing more than one."

"As far as I know, I'm the only one." I shrugged.

"Well, I guess you don't need much explanation of what you're doing here, then," Silver Star said.

"Fly scouting runs, keep an eye on the area, send back reports on anything not usual in the coastal environment," I said. "Send back a report not less than once a week in any case, even if there's nothing much to say - which there won't be, most likely, 'cause nothing ever happens here. But those reports will be a unicorn job, for the most part, since they have the magic. I take it we're still using a focus crystal to give the transporting process the extra power to make it easy to teleport the reports all the way back to Canterlot? Still no personal mail allowed either, right?"

"You got it." Silver Star nodded. "Easy job, just a long six months of being alone while you're doing it."

"Not really much of a problem for me," I assured her.

"Guess not, if you can stand doing it twice before," Silver Star agreed. "Your unicorn friend down there, though... she seems pretty young, and maybe with not a lot of time in the field in remote kinds of places like this. Is she gonna be okay?"

"I think she'll handle it," I said.

"Good. 'Cause, I mean, I thought I was tough, but I'm about at my limit, you know? I didn't think it'd be this hard."

"I know." I nodded. "But you made it. Time to go home and relax."

"You can say that again. Seems like that's been the only thing on my mind for months," she sighed. "First thing I'm gonna do is take a real shower. A long, hot one. With real soap and everything. Then I'm gonna go get a manecut, and a good mane, tail, and coat conditioning, and then a hooficure. Trimming, filing, buffing, polishing, the works. After I'm all cleaned up and pretty I'm gonna take my wife out to dinner at the best restaurant in the city." Silver Star grinned a little bit. "And then afterwards we'll go home and... yeah. Well, you know. It's gonna be an incredible night."

"You're married and they sent you out here?" I was a little surprised by that. I'd always thought it was something generally avoided.

"Yeah," Silver Star said quietly, looking out at the ocean. "It's been a long, long six months, believe me. I just wanna see her again so bad. I hope she doesn't resent me for being gone. We've never had to be apart for a long time before. It's kind of our first really big test like that as a couple."

"Hey, you're reporting back to Canterlot from here, right?" I asked.

"Yep."

"Alright. Well... I hope everything's alright with your wife. But if bringing back something special might help smooth things over, go to the corner of Sunrise Lane and Equinox Street. There's a flower stand there, with a pink earth pony florist working at it. Her name is Bright Bloom. Tell her that you want to get a bouquet of the best red roses she has, the same kind she sold to Sunburst once a long time ago," I directed her. "Maybe they'll help a little."

"Roses, huh?"

"Well, I'm... no relationship expert or anything. I just know that they worked miracles for the last pony I set up with them," I assured her. For a moment, I wondered about what it would have been like to see it, Rainbow Dash bringing that amazingly beautiful bouquet of intensely crimson perfect roses to Princess Twilight and declaring her love, then Twilight, at last unable to hold out, letting go of the mask of isolation and breaking through those barriers of a princess's position and admitting that underneath everything she felt the same way... and the two of them finally sharing that first kiss that had taken them so many years to reach.

I don't know if I can imagine a more truly glorious thing. The light of that love, finally piercing through the dark veils of fear and uncertainty that had hidden it away for years, must have been brighter and more beautiful than the sun itself in that shining moment.

Some part of me regretted not being there for it. I stared out at the ocean and the waves for a while longer. I guess... I had to admit I'd made my choice the only way I could have. This was where I'd needed to be at the time instead. That was the price of their kiss, of their happiness: that it wasn't for me to be there to see myself or to share in the joy of the first celebration of it. That just doesn't seem to be my fate when it comes to these kinds of things.

"If you say so... I guess roses are worth a shot." Silver Star's voice brought me back to reality. I let those thoughts fall away. "Couldn't possibly hurt anything."

"I guess if we don't really have much to turn over, we're just waiting on the unicorns," I said.

We flew down and entered the small building, where Meadow was finishing up showing Azure Sky the details to include in reports, where the supplies for writing them were stashed, and the proper use of the focus crystal that would enable reports to be sent back across the long distance easily. I'm going to guess that Azure, with her talent and education, needed little introduction to that. She probably knew more about what that thing could do at a glance than most ponies would after a whole tour here at the wall with it.

Soon enough they were finished, and all that was left was for Meadow and Silver Star to take their gear and start on the long hike back in the opposite direction. We helped them pack up and sent them on their way as quickly as we could, and believe me, they were glad to go. Azure and I saw them off, from just outside the stone building.

We watched until they disappeared into the wilds, joyfully bantering back and forth with each other about the things they were going to do and what they were going to buy and the foods only available in civilization they were going to eat when they finally got home.

When they were gone, that was it. We were alone. We would be for the next half a year.

Chapter 15

Ghost Lights

Chapter 15

Azure waited for a response. I could see in the way she was looking at me that she wanted me to say something, anything, but I was at a loss for words. It was tense and I just kept looking at her, with her hornless head and the wings she was carrying at her sides in an uncomfortable way. This was still hard to believe. In the distance, down along the beach, the sea was more even-minded about things. Its waves were heedless of our awkward staring at each other and kept eternally rolling along, filling the world with their gentle backdrop of cyclical white noise.

Time passed. I shifted my weight and scraped at the sand with one hoof.

"You're mad at me, aren't you?" Azure flattened her ears and cringed, lowering her head as she asked.

"I don't really know," I said. It was the truth. I really didn't. "I mean, how did this happen and how's it even possible, I guess would be the first things."

"I could explain it, but it would take a while, and... to get to the point, the short answer is magic," Azure said. "It's a spell I've been working on for a long time. I only just now figured out the last details I needed to finish it and really make it work the way it's supposed to."

"And it made you a pegasus?"

"Umm... yes." Azure nodded.

"Is this... permanent?" I asked. "Because if it is..."

"I know, I know, there needs to be a unicorn here," Azure said. "And no, it's not. At least I don't think it will be. The reconfiguration is designed to only be stable for so long before my original state should kind of snap back into place and undo this."

"How long is 'only so long'?" I asked.

"Well, it's my first time casting the spell successfully, so I couldn't really say, but based on my experience with other spells sort of like it, and how much energy I put in, I think maybe six hours. Plus or minus a bit," Azure said. "I guess we'll find out."

I was relieved to hear her say that she'd become a unicorn again. Once there was a rational explanation for how this turn of events came about and I knew it was temporary (probably, at least), things didn't seem so surreal or frightening at that point. I began to get more settled and gather my thoughts. It was actually almost worse to be through the first wave of near-panic, though, because with that out of the way, there was room to start getting upset with her, especially after taking a few moments to think about the full implications in the situation surrounding what she'd done.

There was also a kind casualness in the way she'd said it would be 'plus or minus a bit' and that she 'guessed we would find out' how long this lasts that got on my nerves for some reason, as if she just sort of flippantly considered this no big deal. Looking back at it now and trying to see things from her point of view, maybe it wasn't. She's the magic expert, I'm not. At the time, that didn't really occur to me. All I saw were the worst possibilities.

"You know, it wasn't very responsible of you to experiment on yourself with a spell that can do something like this while we're out here in the middle of nowhere," I pointed out. "What if something had seriously gone wrong? I know I'm not a unicorn and all, but aren't there some common sense safety rules about this kind of thing? I know Princess Twilight had to have taught you better than to be reckless."

"She did, yes." Azure nodded. "But... uh... this isn't the kind of spell Princess Twilight really would have approved of. I'm going to have to be honest about that. This is really sort of the only place I thought I could do it, out here away from everypony else."

"Then why'd you do it at all?" I asked.

"I don't really... it's hard to explain," Azure mumbled. "I just had to. I don't know how else to say it. I had to."

"Alright. So was there any specific reason? Anything in particular you plan on doing for six hours as a pegasus?" I asked.

"See, that's why I said I needed help," Azure said sheepishly. "I'm sort of finding out the hard way that... well... I kinda can't fly." She looked away, embarrassed.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "What's the problem?"

"I mean I just can't get off the ground!" Azure said. "I've been trying, and I keep flapping but nothing's happening."

I paused and thought for a moment. "...Show me," I found myself saying, in spite of my misgivings about this whole situation. I really couldn't help it. I guess the curiosity was too strong.

Hesitantly, Azure spread her newly gained wings while I watched. With an uncertain look about her, she held them stiffly straight out from her sides and started pumping them up and down in an awkward, ungainly way. They pushed a lot of air around and kicked up sand and small bits of leaves and debris, but her hooves stayed right there on the ground. She looked at the sky and strained upwards with her neck, as if that would help somehow.

I couldn't help but smile and laugh a little bit, even while I had to kind of turn my head and squint and raise one foreleg in front of my face to shield my eyes from the sand flying through the air. It was cute in an unexpected way, because it reminded me of pegasus toddlers when they've just realized they have wings and make their first few clumsy attempts at stretching them out and seeing if they can get somewhere. They never do the first time, and if anything does happen it's inevitably just an undignified faceplant. Scrapes, tears, and band-aids are the common outcomes, rites of passage for all pegasus foals. I was glad Azure was on soft sand. Hopefully even if she could make something happen, she wouldn't hurt anything worse than her pride when she gracelessly came back down again.

As I thought would be the case, though, nothing came from this effort. She stopped flapping after a little while and just looked at me inquisitively, huffing for breath.

"You have no idea what you're doing, do you?" I asked, shaking my head.

"I thought it would be... I don't know, I was hoping it would just come with the wings!" Azure exclaimed. "It seemed reasonable. When I researched it, I read that pegasi have a strong flight instinct. It certainly seemed that way. They always make flying look as easy as walking to them."

"That's because it is like walking to us: something you start doing at a young age and never stop practicing," I told her. "But you still have to learn to walk, and every pegasus still has to learn to fly. It doesn't just happen on its own."

"So teach me," Azure said.

"I don't know if it's really a good idea," I said. "Even if I thought it was, I can't promise you'll actually get anywhere in just six hours."

"Well, I can try, can't I?" Azure asked.

"Guess I can't really stop you." I shrugged.

"Then I might as well at least be doing it the right way, right?" Azure prodded me further. "Captain Dash always said you're one of the best fliers in the guard."

"Maaaaaybe, but I think I'm still not quite as good as her." I shook my head.

"Don't be modest. You're still far more than good enough to show me how it's done," Azure said.

"Careful. Flattery will get you everywhere," I responded.

"Will it get me in the air?" she asked hopefully.

"Nope," I said. "If that happens it'll have to be all about you putting in the hard work it takes."

"So let's get started!" Azure said enthusiastically, and smiled at me a little bit.

"I still haven't said I would," I reminded her.

The smile faded from her face, replaced by a more grave expression. "Please, Sunburst." She took a few steps toward me, then actually knelt down in front of me and lowered her head. "There's not many things I haven't been able to figure out and do on my own, but right now this is one of them. I need your help," she pleaded.

Surprised and suddenly overtaken with a feeling of embarrassment, I recoiled and backed up a step. I looked down at her, and at that moment, I realized that I saw something I hadn't before. Azure Sky the personal student of the princess, Azure Sky the accomplished mage, Azure Sky the strong capable young adult unicorn - it was all gone. The Azure Sky in front of me was like a foal again, with all her special skills and strengths stripped away: no horn, no magic, no teacher. There was nothing left but a clumsy pegasus with a set of unfamiliar wings and not even a first-year flight camp filly's ability to handle them.

She was helpless before me. Intentionally or not, she'd just put her fate for at least the next few hours in my hooves. It was both strangely unnerving and humbling to realize that she was placing that much trust in me.

I had to make a decision. I don't know if I thought of it at the time, but I know now that this moment was pivotal. I could have said no, and this story would have ended there. I'd have been stuck uneventfully hanging out on the beach with her for six hours or so until she turned back into a unicorn, then we'd have finished our six months and gone home, and I doubt we'd really have ever really spoken about this again. I could have kept her at a distance like that. We'd have never had what we had, never achieved what we achieved together.

In that moment, of course, I couldn't have known. All I knew was that, as much as I wanted to, as much as I knew it would probably be the right thing to say no... I couldn't. I'd known her too long. She was like family, and I... I loved her. I think this may have been one of the first conscious inklings I really had of that fact, and it was startling. Her trust pulled at my heart and moved me too much. I couldn't turn my back and not help.

I yielded to her pleas. "Alright," I finally said. "Let's see what we can do."

Azure looked at me with her eyes suddenly bright with happiness and a wide smile. She stood up. "Thank you!" she said. She looked about ready to hit me with a hug tackle, which would have made me feel even more embarrassed, so I decided we'd better get down to business before that had a chance to happen.

I walked over next to Azure and turned to face the same direction she was, so that we were standing side by side. "Okay. So... this is probably going to be a little different than what you're used to. Learning how to fly isn't like book studying. It's a lot more of a muscle-memory thing than a brain-memory thing. The only real way is to repeat the motions over and over again until your wings more or less know how to do it on their own."

I spread my wings and held them aloft. Azure imitated me and did likewise.

"First thing first. Flapping. You need to develop a sense of the basic motion." I started moving through the process as slowly as I could. "Do what I do," I said. I cycled through the sequence a few times, showing my new student the way my wings were spread out wide and angled somewhat downward during the downstroke and pulled inward closer to my torso on the upstroke.

I stopped and turned to watch Azure while she kept going, mimicking the basic cycle I'd shown her in slow motion. "How am I doing?" she asked.

"Well, it's not gonna look like much right now, but just keep practicing," I said. Never having taught another pegasus to fly, as time passed I actually really thought that I should be the one asking her how I was doing instead, but after my instructions went on for a while and she didn't seem to have any problems with them I gradually became less self-conscious about it.

Going over the most fundamental things in a way I hadn't even consciously thought about in so long reminded me of standing outside in the back yard with my father when I was a young filly, while he had me go through the same exercise of following his motions until I had it down on my own. I smiled as it brought back memories. Almost every day while I was learning the basics we practiced for at least a couple hours. Those were good times.

I found myself sounding a lot like him while I coached Azure. "It needs to be a smooth fluid motion... Don't stop moving your wings up and down, always keep that rhythm going. Extend right at the peak of your upstroke and retract at the bottom of the downstroke, and don't pause for it, just keep it moving... Yeah, that's starting to get it... Keep it up. Now a little bit faster!"

It's said that we tend to turn into our parents, but this was the first time I'd ever consciously discovered it happening to me. My father was very devoted in teaching me how to fly, and I could always tell that he loved spending time with me that way as much as I loved learning from him. Me being the teacher this time was kind of a weird feeling in a way, but it was also satisfying. Now that she was my student, I discovered firsthoof part of what had made Azure so successful when she was Princess Twilight's. When the will to accomplish something enters her mind, her determination is second to none.

Most of our time was spent working on getting the correct flapping motion down to perfection. I saw her coordination improve and allow her to flap more and more quickly. It created a sense of accomplishment for me over those hours to watch the change as she started internalizing these lessons into muscle memory. She began from nothing, ungainly and awkward, and little by little refined her control to a more fluid and graceful motion, an instinct that she didn't have to think about consciously.

As I guided her, we alternated between stationary exercises to refine the proper motion and flapping while trotting or galloping for a running takeoff. She worked there on that beach for six hours straight with only brief pauses of a couple minutes or so to catch her breath between the exercises we did. It was a tough workout, even for me, and I already spend a lot of time flying. I can only imagine that she must have been absolutely exhausted. She never really let it show, though. Her attitude stayed enthusiastic, as if she was sure the whole time that successfully getting into the air was just the next try away.

It never happened, but she never seemed to stop believing she had a chance. I couldn't really fault her for that approach. After all, that's pretty much how pegasus foals do it - just keep trying until it works.

I quickly lost track of how long we worked at it. At least time flies when you're having fun... even if nothing else manages to.