The Last Words of Rainbow Dash
To my friends,
If you’re reading this right now, then I’m no longer here. I’ve bought the farm. Kicked the bucket. Taking a dirt nap. In other words, I’m dead.
That’s right, Dead. That’s what happens when a pegasus in my condition tries to break the sound barrier. Doubt there’s much left of me right now; probably just a lump of charcoal with a few scorched feathers. Wish I could have seen the rainboom I made. It was made by me, so it must have been awesome!
Now I know what you’re thinking: “Rainbow Dash, how could you do this to us?” or, in Pinkie’s case: “How could Dashie be such a big meanie mcmeanie pants to us?” Well, before you start chewing out whatever they manage to scrape out of the crater I’ll probably make, please hear me out.
Twilight, you were there when the doc told us the bad news. How he told us that the only way to stop the cancer from spreading was to ~~ampo ampot~~ cut off my wings. I can’t do that. I just can’t do that!
Look, I know from flight school that it’s possible for most pegasi to live a “rich and fulfilling life” without their wings. But the thing is, I’m not most pegasi. Flying is my thing. A Rainbow Dash without wings would be like a Twilight without her magic, or an Applejack without her hindlegs, or Pinkie without her whatever. Knowing me, I’d probably spend most of my time gaze gazing at the sky, guzzling cider by the gallon and wishing for my wings back. In short, without my wings, I’d might as well be dead.
Of course, I could just continue my ~~cemo~~ ~~cheemo~~ treatment and hope for the best. Unfortunately, in my current shape, “the best” would have to be nothing short of a miracle, and I think I used up my last miracle when we beat Tirek. Most likely, I’ll just end up like those ponies at the Ponyville General cancer ward. Laying on a hospital bed, all mangy and bony. Staring blankly at the ceiling. Waiting to die.
I can’t put you guys through that. I can’t put Scootaloo through that. Far as I see, it, I’m dead either way. At least this way, I’ll get to go out in style!
My mouth’s getting pretty sore, so I’ll try to make this quick:
Fluttershy:
I know that a lot of ponies see you as the scaredy-cat of the bunch, always curling up into a ball at the first sign of danger. They’re wrong. I’ll admit, you’re not the bravest pony out there, but when your friends are in danger, you grab your fears by the throat and throw them against the wall. In some ways, you’re stronger than I am.
Speaking of strength, please watch after Tank for me. The big guy taught me the value of a loyal friend, so this is the least you could do. Make sure to wax his shell at least twice a day, and every now and then, give him a leaf of red cabbage. (He goes nuts for it!)
Rarity:
I admit, when I moved to Ponyville, I thought you were a stuck-up, snobby drama queen. And, no offense, I still do. But I also think know that you’re the most generous mare in Equestria. You’re the kinda pony who would give up one of their own legs if it meant that a crippled beggar could walk again. If your heart was a diamond, it’d be the biggest, shiniest rock out there, almost as big as Tom.
Sorry, couldn’t resist.
Anyway, all I want you to do is to go on. Don’t ever stop being generous. I don’t care how much it might hurt you, or how much it might set you back. Give until it hurts, then give some more. You’re a beautiful gem. Don’t ever let yourself go dull.
Wow that was cheesy. Where the hay do I come up with this stuff? Anyway, moving on.
Applejack:
AJ, I just want to say that you were the best rival and friend a pony could ask for. Sure, there were times when we didn’t get along. But in the end, we’d always make up with a slice of apple pie.I’ll admit, you’re a heck of a lot stronger than I am. You’re so strong, you wrestle a manticore without breaking a sweat. If the sun ever went out, Celestia would have you give it a good buck to wake it back up!
AJ, promise me that you won't go into some depressed funk when I’m gone. Moping about me won’t bring me back from heaven, so don’t bother. I know it’ll be hard but you’ll endure. You’re tough like that
Oh, and I’m sorry about all afternoon naps I took in your apple trees. It’s just that they were so. very. comfy.
Pinkie Pie:
Pinkie, when I first moved into Ponyville, you were there to welcome me with a strange little musical number and a chocolate cake to the face. (you should really get that Welcome Wagon readjusted. Seriously, you could hurt somepony with that!) Since that day, all of Ponyville became a “no frowny-face” zone. Whenever I felt down in the dumps, you were always there to cheer me up, whether I wanted it or not. And when it came to pranks, you were a close second to me. (Remember that time we slipped hot sauce into Twilight’s tea? Remember how she literally started spitting fire? Hah, Good times.)
Anyway, Pinkie, I want you to promise me Pinkie Promise me that nopony cries at my funeral. I don’t want my burial to be some big ol’ cryfest with everypony moaning about how much they miss me. I want them to remember all the adventures we went on. All the things we did. And all the stuff we broke in the process. Y’know, the good times. If anypony cries, you make sure to turn that frown into a smile big enough to see from Heaven. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye.
Twilight:
You are, without a doubt, the coolest egghead in the history of eggheads. Thanks to you, we’ve saved Equestria three times the past year. If it hadn’t been for your eggheadiness (I say that’s a word, deal with it), none of us would have become friends, and I woulda just been another weather pony. Now, thanks to you, I’m a national hero! We’re national heroes. They’re going to name schools after us! I even got my face on a stained glass window. How many ponies have their faces on stained glass windows?
Screw what the critics say. You’re a great princess. Celestia made the right choice.
Anyway, Twilight, whatever you do, don’t blame yourself for this. From what Spike told me, you tore apart half the Canterlot Archives trying to find a “cure-all” spell. If there was a way, you would have found it.
If you couldn’t do it, nopony could.
Scootaloo:
Scoots, you were like a sister to me. No, scratch that; you were a sister to me. When we hanged out together, I could have sworn I was looking at myself, ‘cept younger, and without the awesome mane. With your attitude, I know you’ll get your cutie mark in no time. I don’t know what it’ll be for, but if I were to guess, it’d probably be for being the second best flier in history-second to me of course.
Scoots,I since I can’t be there for you now, my friends are going to take my place. They’re your new big sisters.
You hear that, guys? Scoots is the new member of the gang. When she falls down, pick her up. If she gets into trouble, bail her out. When she’s sad, make her smile. When she’s bored, play with her. Ok?
One more thing, Scoots. You know that copy of Daring Do and the Wings of Freedom? The one you borrowed and kept forgetting to return? Keep it. In fact, you can have my entire collection. It’s not like I’m gonna need it where I’m going. Hay, while I’m at it, you can have my house as well! That way, when you move out of your parent’s house, you can have your own little ~~batch~~ bachelorette pad! (Just don’t touch the chandelier. That thing’s a family heirloom!)
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Well, I guess that’s it. Dang, how should I end this? I’ve never been really good at saying goodbye. How about this:
Guys, it’s been fun, but I gotta go now. When you guys get to heaven, look for me. I’ll either be racing against my great-granddad or chatting with the Queen herself.
Until then, see ya!
Your friend,
Rainbow “Daring” Dash
Author's Note
Special thanks toTehSporkBandit and Lionblaze103 for proofreading and editing!
