Conversion Bureau versus the Imperium of Man
Author's Note
It's amazing what being traumatized by Warhammer/MLP crossovers can inspire you to create.
WARNING: Not for fans of the Imperium. If you are fond of the Imperium in any way, click the back button now and downvote. I won't blame you and won't hold it against you.
WARNING: This story is villains versus villains.
Lose/Lose Decisions
Conversion Bureau versus the Imperium of Man
A Warhammer 40k/My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic crossover
by Jonathan “What the hell is he smoking and where can I get some” Spires
Chapter 1: Lose-Lose Decisions
All characters copyrighted to their original owners and are used without permission for non-profit amusement purposes. All original characters copyrighted to me, so no steals, plz.
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Equestria...
Three months earlier...
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“...and THAT is what the Imperium will do to us once they get here,” Discord said, finishing his presentation. “I MIGHT be able to kill them all before that, but they're used to fighting creatures of the Warp like me. They'll never be able to kill me, or even contain me for long, but they'd most likely be able to delay me long enough to murder everyone on the planet.” He turned to the gathered ponies, griffons, dragons, minotaurs and the like, taking in the sheer horror on their terrified faces, and nodded.
“Good,” he said. “That's the right reaction.”
There was a long moment of silence. At the head of the council sat Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Twilight Sparkle, the four alicorns looking disturbed beyond all measure.
“We... we'd be slaughtered in under a day...” Luna said softly. “Our military, our magic, it would be nothing against them...”
“...You're lying,” Cadence said after a long moment. “Nothing in the universe could be that hateful.”
Gulping nervously, Applejack, who was standing in a cluster with the other Elements near Twilight, stepped forward and shook her head. “Princess... he AIN'T lyin' this time...” she said. “He ain't even stretchin' the truth.”
Cadence shook her head. “But it makes no SENSE!” she yelled. “How... why would anypony be so VICIOUS?! So utterly HATEFUL?!”
“Religious fervor and misinterpretation of the wishes of a god, or one believed to be a god, have led to such crimes in the past, Cadence,” Celestia said softly. “It is an unfortunate fact of history...”
Twilight Sparkle and Cadence stared at her in shock. “Celestia?” Twilight said softly, visibly confused.
Celestia sighed. “Shortly after I was forced to exile my sister to the moon, several of my more... 'zealous' guardsmen tried to lead a genocidal campaign against the thestrals, believing that I wanted all of Luna's presence purged from Equestria.”
Luna looked up, shocked.
Celestia shook her head. “I tried to explain the circumstances, but they just claimed that the 'blasphemous ones' had corrupted my mind. I was forced to fight and kill them all just to keep the thestrals from being wiped out of existence....”
Luna smiled softly. “Thank you, Tia...” she said.
Rainbow Dash burst forward. “That still doesn't change the fact that we're in freakin' danger!” she shouted. “These 'Inquisitors' are gonna come and slaughter us all just for not being hyu-man!”
“The sad part...” Discord said, almost absently, “is that the Imperium is hardly the most dangerous thing out there. They're just the most dangerous thing to us at the moment. And we're completely unprepared to fight them.”
Tirek roared, stomping his forehooves. “Then why even TELL US!?” he roared. “Why go to the trouble of resurrecting Sombra and freeing and repowering me just to tell us that we're all going to die!?”
King Sombra frowned. “The freak has a point,” he said, ignoring Tirek's snarl. “If we are so powerless, wouldn't it be better to let us live out the last few months of our lives in peace? Certainly, I'd rather be in Tartarus than face this Imperium...”
Discord folded his arms, sighing. “...There is one possibility,” he said, curling in on himself as he manifested some chocolate milk to drink. The frosty, sweet treat calmed his nerves.
“...Possibility?” Celestia prompted, worried at his silence.
Discord hesitated another moment, and said, “A possibility to win against them. To conquer, even.”
The crowd went into an uproar. “Then why not share it?” Shining Armor said. “As it stands, our best option right now is to blow up the planet OURSELVES so we don't get tortured to death by the Imperial Inquisition!”
“I hesitate, oh Big Bozo Pink Princess's Boytoy Forever,” Discord said, smirking when Shining Armor blushed in frustration. His expression softened as he continued, however. “I hesitate... because it would mean changing the fundamental nature of every living thing on this planet, of the very magic that permeates this planet. Using my power over the Warp to turn every pony, griffon, zebra, EVERYTHING... permanently into creatures more like me... I hesitate, because I've come to love you all... and I'm scared to death that if I do take this path, the ponies I love won't be there anymore...”
Tirek sneered. “Sentiment? From you? You've truly become weak, Discord. I...”
Discord snapped his fingers, turning Tirek into a banana. Despite the situation, everyone there laughed. Discord smirked. “You were saying?”
The banana danced around for a few moments, Tirek's muffled curses coming from it. After about a minute, the banana calmed down. Discord peeled the banana, Tirek dropping out of it and landing on his face.
“Hate you so much...” Tirek muttered as he picked himself up.
Discord chuckled, tossing the banana peel over his shoulder, which turned into a flying taco and flew away. “At any rate, that's what our options are.”
“Not much of an option...” Rarity said softly, shuddering. “Lose our lives, or lose ourselves...”
Celestia frowned for a moment, and then turned to Luna, Cadence, and Twilight. The four of them leaned in, trading hushed whispers with one another. From the way the ears of the four princesses were drooping, Discord could tell they were reaching the right decision.
After a few minutes discussion, they looked up at the gathered crowd, paying specific attention to the leaders of various species gathered there. “My fellow rulers,” Luna declared in a more subdued version of the Royal Canterlot Tone. “We have discussed our options, and have come to the unfortunate conclusion that the only way to survive the coming of the Imperium is to take Discord's offer. Our lives, our bodies, even our souls will be forever changed by this. But I, for one, do not wish to see the end of our world's culture at the hands of a band of barbaric bigots.”
“We have chosen for Equestria to take Discord up on his offer,” Celestia said. “But we will not force you to make the same decision.”
There was a long moment of hesitation. Finally, the zebra tribe's head shaman stepped forward, a worried expression on her face. “I do not see how we have any other choice. To this decision, we give our unified voice,” she said.
The griffon emperor fluffed his wings furiously. “I will not let my people's culture be eradicated by these ugly, misshapen monkeys!” he proclaimed. “Even if it means we become beasts ourselves, then griffon-kind WILL live on!”
One by one, each of the racial leaders stepped forward, giving their consent to let Discord change them. Celestia smiled softly, and turned back to Discord, who's own ears were drooping in dismay.
“So you're all going to go through with it...” he said softly.
Fluttershy came up to him, flying up to the face of the draconequus and giving him a hug. “Whatever happens, Discord, we'll always be friends,” she assured him. “No matter how much we change, we'll always be together.”
Discord smiled, chuckling weakly as she hugged Fluttershy back. “...Quite literally, since the changes will make the majority of you immortal,” he added.
“Something to consider later,” Rarity said, frowning. “Although immortality is not without its appeal, truthfully I wish to focus more on surviving past the winter...”
Discord nodded. “Right. I'll need a few days to prepare the Warp energy needed. But we'll be ready with time to spare.”
Discord raised his lion paw, preparing to snap his fingers and teleport away, when Twilight stopped him. “Discord... What Fluttershy said is true. You've proven yourself time and time again, and given us ample warning about the Imperium. We'll ALWAYS be your friends. And if this works, you'll have saved the entire world from destruction. You'll be remembered as a hero forever.”
“...Can I get a better chair in the castle? One that vibrates?” Discord asked, almost sheepishly.
Twilight and Fluttershy chuckled. “Sure,” Twilight said.
Discord beamed. “Well then. I better start preparing,” he said. “And hope you're all sane enough to remember that promise once I'm done with you...” he muttered under his breath, snapping his fingers and vanishing in a pop.
Twilight stared at the place Discord vanished, sighing. Celestia came up to her, Twilight smiling and nuzzling her. “Do... Do you really think everything will be okay?”
Celestia sighed, nuzzling her back. “I don't know, Twilight. Rarity said it best. These are lose/lose decisions. We just have to pray that we've chosen the decision that will make us lose less...”
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A week later...
Palace of Harmony...
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“You sure you can just cast the spell from here?” Celestia asked, she, Luna, and the Elements gathered around Discord as he stood in the center of the throne room.
“I'm sure,” Discord said, a large corona of twisted power surrounding him. “This place, the center of Harmony itself, will be perfect to unleash the Warp in.”
The eight ponies and one dragon traded nervous looks and nodded.
“Do it,” Twilight Sparkle said softly.
Discord closed his eyes, focusing on the Warp energy he contained within himself... and let it go.
The screams of his friends as the Warp washed over them would haunt him for the rest of his eternal life, the agony beyond anything he had ever heard before. Around him, the entire planet twisted as Discord's revisioning of the world, enhanced by the power of the Warp itself, took hold. Everything that drew breath on the world screamed as their bodies twisted and warped, their minds shattering and rebuilding over and over and over again...
And then the changes finally stopped...
Discord looked upon the madness he created...
And despite the fact that he knew these monsters were once his friends, he wept silent tears at the hideous beauty of his creation...
TO BE CONTINUED...