Shadows zip around me at the speed of mind. They permeate me, weaving impossible, rapidly changing vistas from random threads of thought.
I am at home in this state, happy, in the cold of my lover’s embrace. In my little pocket of peace, I am free from the world, from pain, hate, and hunger.
But my peace is not lasting. Not this peace, not yet. A sharp knock breaks in, then another, and another, chasing away the shadows, rearranging my thoughts into coherence. Light spills into my mind, dissolving my love into smoke; I reach for him, but he is gone. Yet again.
His departure, however, causes me less pain than usual. For I will see him again shortly. After all…
I open my eyes.
… this is our wedding day.
***
The knocks linger even after my dreams fade away. Searching for their source, I spot a bridesmaid rapping on the entrance.
“It is time,” she says.
I know it is. I feel a surge of emotions taking hold of me; happiness, giddiness, anxiety, the things any girl feels on the brink of marriage. But my excitement is not shared; as my bridesmaids prep me, I feel their hatred radiating off of them. Yes, they envy the happiness this union gives me; I recall how they went as far as to deny me a wedding dress, in spite of my pleas and promises I would sow one myself. But nevertheless, they will not curb my joy; I shall keep my head high.
My bridesmaids are ready, and will now take me to the altar. They pull me from my room, and we step into the dark corridor.
I gaze into the shadows of my now former home. The fear and despair they once made me feel are gone, for it was from the dark that my lover came to me; it was by contemplating the shadows that I came to fathom his being.
I pass by the creatures that shared the dark with me; I remember my jealousy of them, for they were also promised to my love. I remember the tears of anger and hurt I shed until I realised that in spite of the peace my love offered them, they did not love him back. No, they feared him, they cowered in terror of him; they could not see him as I did. I alone loved him, and so he was mine alone.
We reach the stairs; I do not look back. I will never return here; my love promised me a new home, a universe for us alone.
As we climb, the shadows gradually wane, and I begin to feel afraid. I used to live in the light, I used to hunt in the light, but I did not feel love until I was taken from it. Thus, I have no desire to return to it. But my bridesmaids pull me onwards, and I manage to take comfort in the fact that, after this is done, I shall never have to live in the light again.
The stairs finally end; I step out into the sun. All around me, I see dresses. So many, and yet none of them could be mine. They have come to taunt me, to torture me; I can hear their jeers, feel their blows, sense their hate. But I force back my tears, and keep my head high. The bridesmaids push the dresses back; we make our way to the altar.
I can spot some of my children in the crowd. They jeer the loudest, and wear dresses of their own, for they are in league with them.
I don’t care. I have no children any longer. I have never had any, and never will. I seek only my love, alone with me, for all eternity.
Another figure stands among the dresses; it is my former groom-to-be. I remember how he lured me to his side, used my hunger against me. He would have had me marry him, and never meet my true love. He… tried to take my love away from me…
Rage ignites me; I tear myself from my bridesmaids’ grip. He must suffer; his mind and body must burn. But in his eyes and the feel of his mind, I read a thought that freezes me in place.
He did this. He arranged this marriage.
He knows not what he did, for he knows not of my love. But I don’t care. The one who hates me most is the one who has shown me the only kindness I have known in this world.
“I forgive you,” I say.
Confusion, anger, blow to the face. I fall to the ground, my muzzle bleeding; my bridesmaids retake control, pulling me to my hooves.
I don’t care. Thank you.
We have finally reached the altar. I have tried to be strong, but the dress before me is the fairest of all; an almost pure white, with a veil of blue, green and pink hues, fluttering in the non-wind. A dress I have long dreamed of wearing, but on the happiest day of my life, it is just out of reach.
I begin to weep, but the dress interrupts me.
“Do you have anything to say?”
I pull myself together; I answer,
“I do.”
She waits for me to continue. She doesn’t understand. Of course she doesn’t.
“I do. That is all.”
She is more confused than before; I leave her be, and turn to the priest. The bridesmaids fall back; their job is done.
The priest steps forth. I bow my head, kneeling before him. I still sense the dresses, they number in the thousands; still jeering, still cursing my happiness. I shut them out; they matter no longer.
I close my eyes, sensing the approach of my groom. I am so close, so tantalizingly close, to becoming one with him. The dresses have held their peace; no force in this world can stop this now.
The priest is ready.
“I do,” I whisper.
The axe falls. My body is rended; I begin to seep from it. I gaze upon it, and finally see the truth. I was wearing a dress all along, and have now taken it off, for I need it no longer.
The world is growing slowly darker, and I can feel myself falling into my lover’s embrace. We melt into one as the light fades away; the shadows expand into infinity, carving us a universe. The past world is being shut out forever, leaving us dark, alone, and dead.
The light goes out.
You may now kiss the groom.
Author's Note
Although the matter remains controversial, it is deemed possible that the brain may remain conscious for up to 12 seconds after its owner is beheaded.
