Running. It was all I had ever known. I mean I suppose at one point I happened to be an eager adventurer, bouncing about the stars and galaxies taking in everything I could with my youthful eyes… But that was then, and this is now. I ran when I had to do the unthinkable, the… Unforgivable. They said time healed all wounds. I had scoffed at that. It never healed; something like that never heals… The things you have to do in the present forever mark your past it seems…
I am the last of my kind. A Brilliant race that stood upon the stars, overseeing the creatures of the universe. This was our role… This IS, my role. Yet despite my yearning eagerness to travel I have to run… I suppose I never had a choice after the deed was done. There was… only so much I could do anyhow…
They call me by so many names. None of which ever fit me. Doctor, Healer, The Oncoming Storm… It goes on and on. All I ever wanted to do was see the stars… Ever since I was but a young boy standing on the red plains of Gallifrey all I wanted to do was travel and sight-see. I suppose that wasn't meant to be, however.
I am the last of the Timelords. I am the one they know as The Doctor. I survived time and time again in the face of danger and came out alive. I've watched stars burn, planets turned to ash, I've watched time run out and I've seen the end of the universe before my very eyes…
So why do I feel so… Hurt…?
You’d think that I’d have gotten used to it. Losing everybody around me. You thought that I would have been able to keep on going, despite constant failure to save everybody. Despite all my lost companions, you thought that I’d be able to keep pushing on without a second thought. All I've ever known is loss, loss, loss… So why does the wound feel fresh as ever? It feels like the very first day I had to wipe out my own race in the blink of an eye… Just like that… Poof, gone… as if in a show of magic…
Why does it hurt so much, losing Her?
It was silly… the very first day the TARDIS malfunctioned and I simply crashed right into a tree. I remember slipping and falling out of the TARDIS in a not so graceful fashion, and her just standing there. I remember the silly grey pony with the walled eyes… And I laughed. And laughed. Of all the planets I could land on, it had thriving with cute ponies! Then I realized… I was one too. I remember freaking out, then attempting to whip out my Sonic Screwdriver, and promptly dropping it on the soft grass. I remember when we went to see the Summer Sun Celebration from space… I remember us sitting on the edge of the TARDIS, watching the sun move through space so easily… I remember flying right through a meteor shower... I remember the Cyber Ponies that showed up, trying to control everypony. I remember marking tallies while dealing with The Silence… I remember finding out that I was in a new universe entirely… And most of all…
I remember when the Daleks attacked…
An entire planet full of peaceful life… laid waste to within days. I did all I could to stop them, but to no avail… We tried to escape, she and I… We tried to run among the stars… But of course… I had lost her to the bitterness too…
“STOP! PLEASE!”
“THE-DOCTOR-IS-BEGGING-FOR-MERCY?
“YES, NOW PLEASE LET HER GO! TAKE ME INSTEAD, PLEASE!”
I remember everything so vividly… Why? Why did they have to take her away? Why did this one hurt so much? Why, am I forced to live a life of loss and regret? Was it payback for what I did to my own kind? For what I HAD to do to my own kind?
I DID WHAT WAS NECESSARY! I SAVED THAT UNIVERSE… Didn’t I?
I… I’m a good guy, right? I always played hero… I always tried to save the day, didn't I? Was there something else? Some chapter to a stupid story I’m missing? Is there something else, or am I going Insane? I… I don’t know. Why is this happening to me? I don’t understand… I always tried to be good… and in turn I lost everything…
…
I remember thinking these thoughts over one-thousand years ago. I remember why I ran throughout the universe. I remember why I sat in my little blue box which was bigger on the inside… I now know why I sit here watching and waiting. The only question is, will I rise again? And if so, when? I’m not sure. I remember now why I had simply given up, and spent the next thousand years sitting alone… I remember why I now lived in isolation, and silently observed… I remember why I lost the title of “The Doctor.”
Ditzy… I’m so, so sorry… I’m so sorry I failed you… I tried so hard… I miss you… I wish I could see you again…
Miss Hooves… …
I love you…
And just like that suddenly, I knew why it hurt so bad. Those three words, so powerful yet so small… I knew why I had suffered so much for the past thousand years… And I finally knew what I could do to reunite with the one I had once loved…
I flicked a few sad switches, going back to where I had fell into the land to find the one who had finally made me experience love. I looked at the emptiness and sighed… I suppose nothing could’ve been done… I turned around and flicked a few more switches, shutting off the power one last time.
“I’ll be there soon…” I whispered, and jumped. Out the doors, into the nothingness…
I’m so sorry I failed.
Author's Note
Hey guys, I'm just posting a sad fic to get a feel for some writing and I'd love to hear what you guys think! I would appreciate any and all constructive criticism, thanks! ~MrWritingBrony
