There Was No Whey

by I Am The Guy

Rating: mature
Tags: Bulk Biceps, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Sex
Length: 1004

Bulk Biceps owes his entire life's purpose to one thing. So, naturally he runs out of it.

Bulk Biceps owes his entire life's purpose to one thing. So, naturally he runs out of it.

Published 2014-09-23 20:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-23 20:30:03 UTC

Whey, there was none.

“1… 2… 3…”

A massive, weight-laden bar rose and fell. Beneath it was Ponyville’s strongest, Bulk Biceps.

“4… 5… 6…”

It was more of a ritual than a daily workout for him. And, according to his dumbbell cutie mark, he knew that being the strongest was his destiny.

“7… 8… 9…”

He was told stories on how his mother would wake up to her pregnant belly doing push-ups. He was also told that he birthed himself. She did not survive.

“Tennnn…” Bulk’s face strained as he gave one last push to the final position. “…million.”

The metal frame sagged under the bar’s weight. Bulk strode over to his trophy wall. The heaviness of his countless awards, ribbons, and gold effigies made it impossible for him to live with the other pegasi in their cloud city. Picking up a piece of paper, he penciled in a checkbox labeled, ‘Beat world record’. There were one hundred and twenty three other checked boxes above it. Then, he strode over to the bathroom for a wash. The walls of his shower squeezed against his bouldered muscles. He barely fitted.

While lathering his wall-compressed body, he fantasized on what he would have for breakfast. Most of which would be the usual, oatmeal, eggs, more oatmeal. But what really made his mouth water, was the most important part of his existence. Whey. Without it, he would be nothing. Without that creamy, delicious, muscle-magic, he would be no stronger than any of the other large stallions in town. It was his life. It was his love. And, sometimes, it was his love-life. No one must know.

Absent-minded drool oozed from his mouth as he reached back to scrub his deltoids. The shower walls creaked from the pressure. Vanilla, strawberry, mint chocolate, banana, there were some days he would succumb to its lustful nutritional value. Today might be such a day. At this thought, a shiver of pleasure danced upon his body and his muscles flexed just a tad. In an instant, the shower walls blew off and smashed halfway through the house’s wooden structure. Bulk blinked at the wreckage, then rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh.

Later in the kitchen, Bulk happily bounced up to his cabinet of whey wonders. With no hesitation, Bulk ripped off the cabinet door and looked inside. It was empty. Not even a smidgen of dust wished it to be its dwelling, lest it should fall prey to an inevitable, crippling loneliness. Bulk’s expression fell into the lowest depths of regret and sorrow. He had forgotten about yesterday. Smashing a hoof through the floor, he cursed whey’s incubus nature.

Recovering from his brief lamentation, he stood, rising to the challenge. He must acquire more whey and there was only one way. His muscles quivered for no substitute.

---***---

The others ponies watched as a panic-stricken Bulk Biceps raced about town. No one had it. Not any grocery. Not the fitness centers. NO ONE had whey. He stopped to make a smoothie by relieving himself into a container of creatine. All hope seemed lost. He could hear his muscles whimper for nourishment and comforted them as best he could with a gentle massage.

A nearby unicorn, seeing his plight, offered some friendly information. According to her, whey was created from cow milk. Even though he would need more of it, Bulk may be able to use milk for the time being until the stores restock. Emboldened, Bulk rose once more. There may be hope yet.

On the other side of the clearing, Bulk spotted somepony, or rather, somecow. He pushed the unicorn away and approached the unsuspecting target. Her attention appeared to be locked in an entertaining conversation. The polite thing to do would be to wait until she was done and then ask for her milk. But Bulk couldn’t wait. His body demanded immediate sustenance.

Like a rocket, he shot across the clearing and tackled the hapless cow to the ground. She tried to crawl away, but Bulk wasn’t easy to get away from. He pulled her back, flipped her around, and immediately starting sucking at her milk. She moaned loudly, embracing the sudden stimulation. Everypony around shouted at him, but he didn’t hear what they were saying. Primal instincts clouded his ears.

It took a few sucks before he felt her sweet milk spray into his mouth and it would take a few more before it would spray again. He worked hard for every last drop, bobbing his head faster and faster. Every now and then, he would have to push away those pesky enough to try and interrupt him. He could feel his muscles strengthen and rejoice at the influx of protein.

Gallon after gallon, he sucked. Not one moment had he stopped for any reason. Breath was secondary to this first priority. After a while, it seemed that there was no more milk to give, but still, he worked tirelessly. He refused to let up in his effort and instead, doubled it. She moaned, wild with pleasure. She twisted and convulsed with his every move. Finally, she belted out the final, largest stream of milk down Bulk’s throat. He drank heartily. At last, he was satisfied.

Bulk raised his head to the sky and roared, “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-“

The houses around them shook and crumbled to the ground.

“-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-“

The supports that held their capital to the side of the tallest mountain collapsed, leaving the city to slide into destruction.

“-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-“

A baby black hole grew tenfold to swallow an entire galaxy.

“-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!”

Bulk closed his eyes, savoring the sensation of his body harnessing the power of the warm milk that sloshed around in his belly.

Suddenly, he heard a masculine voice from below. “That… that…. was awesome…” it panted.

Bulk looked down at his milk provider.

“Thank you so much...!” the bull breathed happily. “We should do this again sometime…!”

Bulk vomited the entirety of his stomach’s contents all over its source.

There was no whey.