didn't you read the intro? if you don't want to hear my origins, than go read something else.
seriously. this is your last chance.
by going any farther you jeopardize any right to complain.
seriously.
i can only protect you so much.
this is you last, final, *absolutely,*** final chance.
still here? good.
it all started awhile a go. contrary to the hoopla that was told in the episode, i had only been in the chest for a few months. i think i might have been high on dust or something. i won't bore you with how old i actually am (forgotten), where i was born (forgotten), or how i came to be a wish-granting undead. (what do you think i'm going to say?), but i digress (doesn't know what that means) i will tell you how i ended up a fashionable paper-wheight in the grim reapers trunk. bear with me on this, because it all started in magical horse land.
i woke up lying rather uncomfortably on top of several rocks. now, that was one of the only times that i was glad to be a skeleton.
(AUTHORS NOTE: he is a wish-granting skeleton right now, and really SELFISH!)
(NARRATORS NOTE: i will not be granting you the writing abilities of Stephan King, J.K. Rowling, and rick Riordan!)
i got up and looked around. it was more of the same. rocks everywhere. a barn a few hundred yards away, but not much more. big rocks, small rocks, some as big as your head! i cracked my neck and promptly tripped over something squishy.
wait- squishy?
i looked down and saw that i had tripped over a small pink pony.
"wat?"
i was sitting Japanese style waiting for the pink one to awaken. i thought about conjuring up a cup of tea or something when i heard a groan from her. i know it's a her because... because i'm magic. that's definitely the reason. her eyes fluttered open and the first thing she saw was me. that might have been because i was directly in her line of sight. now, what would you expect she would do, seeing a fairly large bipedal skeleton monster sitting Japanese style in front of her? scream and run away? or stand there stupidly and act like a regular horse? the answer was A. after hiding behind a sizable boulder, she looked at me like i was the devil himself.
somewhere in hell:
marvin set down the papers he was looking through, took off his glasses, sighed, and shivered.
it took me a while, but i managed to get her to come out from behind the rock. i have absolutely no idea why i was spending so much time trying to gain this pink thing's trust, but something told me she was important. i simply sat there, and curiosity got the better of her. it was like any scared animal. i just waited, and she eventually came out. i chuckled as she started to sniff my hand.
i chuckled. "animals will be animals."
she looked up at me, squinted and, i swear i'm not making this up, said,
"hey! that's not nice! i'm not an animal!"
coming to terms with existence on a rock farm
"AHHH!"
"AHHH!"
I screamed and backed away, she screamed and ran back behind her rock.
"You can talk!" she poked her head out from behind the rock and said,
"No shit Sherlock! I’m a pony! I’m pinkie pie!" i grasped at my nonexistent forehead and moaned.
"So, pinkie pie, are you a freak of nature, or can every one here talk?"
She stuck her tongue out at me and went back behind her rock. So much for gaining her trust.
"Look pinkie, i... i apologize. I didn't mean it like that."
I didn't hear anything for a while. I was about to give up and leave when,
"Really?"
"Yeah. I’m a little shaken up at the moment. What i meant was, are you the only one who can talk?"
She stuck her head out from behind the rock.
"No I’m not. Both my parents can speak, and all my sisters can, but Maud doesn't really speak a lot i think that adds to her awesomeness, Blinkie and Inkie talk a lot, all the ponies I’ve met have talked, is it really that big a deal? Do you come from somewhere where ponies can't talk? How fucked up is that? I bet nothing can talk there like cows and dogs and dragons and donkeys and all sorts of things-" she was about to continue talking when i put a hand over her mouth.
"Shhhhhh. silence is golden. Now I’m going to take my hand off your mouth. I would like it of you could stay quiet, is that okay?" she nodded. "Incidentally, how old are you?"
"Five" i was taken aback. How could a five year old know so many swear words?
"Daddy swears a lot. He can get really drunk". She must be asked that a lot. I rubbed my forehead, still nonexistent, again and sighed.
"Well, where I’m from, there's all that and more. This isn't what my species looks like, well... it is, but we have more flesh and skin."
She looked a little confused at that. "Then, what happened to you?"
"I don't remember. All i remember is that i was hunted for that. Every person i came across tried to kill me, and i learned to live with that."
"So what happened to you?" she had come out of her hiding spot and was sitting down across from me listening intently.
"I hid for years, helping people out where i could, and such. I don't remember if i had friends, or a family."
At that moment i saw something pink tackle me. I’ll give you three guesses about who it was.
"You poor thing!" i was wrapped in a bear hug, and i was pretty sure she was crying. "I couldn't stand having no friends or family! I’ll be your friend!"
I was aghast. Here was a pony creature, which was also a five year old, who had heard about two minutes of my life story, and she already wanted to be my friend. I sat for a moment, still being hugged, and i sighed. "Okay."
She smiled hugely and grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the barn. How? I have no idea.
(AUTHORS NOTE: "hugely" is not a word.)
Let’s just say that i went over quite interestingly. The mother, who she introduced to me first, screamed and fainted. The father rushed in and tried to brain me with a pickaxe, i explained everything to them, with no small help from pinkie, and they seemed willing to let me stay there, but i think the father would keep an eye on me. Maud was about as expressive as a rock to my arrival. She looked at me, at pinkie, and then she went back to whatever she was doing. Inkie and Blinkie were definitely interesting. They were twins, the oldest, and talked too much. I put my hands over their mouths and tried to do the same thing as i did with pinkie but to no avail. They either didn't hear me or didn't care. Eventually i think they got the message and went back to work.
"Your family is interesting pinkie."
She smiled and nodded. "I know their weird, but i love them. I just wish i could help them. Being the youngest and smallest in the family of rock farmers really put's life in perspective. If you slack off, you get smushed." she shrugged and walked towards the middle of the field. I followed and watched as she tried to move a boulder three times her size. It was actually pretty entertaining. After a few moments i got bored and, with one hand, i lifted the boulder high. Higher than i should have but what can i say? I was showing off. Her eyes were huge as she saw me pick up the boulder. She didn't even hear my question. I had to snap my fingers to get her attention.
"Pinkie?"
She shook her head and asked,
"What?"
"Where am i supposed to put this?" she nodded and pointed over to the left. I moved it over and dropped it. I grabbed another one and she pointed to the right. I think i've found a job.
Two hours later and i had moved 28 rocks, all of them of varying sizes. It was at least 6:00. I had completely no idea that it was time to go in, until i realized that pinkie was heading back to the house.
"Hey! Wait for me~ee!"
Back at the farmhouse, i tried to explain that, being a living skeleton, i had no need for food, but clyde (the dad) wouldn't have it. He grabbed me by the shoulder blades and sat me down. He sat back down at the front of the table and said,
"I saw you outside there."
"Y-you did?"
"Y-yes i d-did, now, i was wondering if you would like a job? We could use somepony like you at the farm. Plus, it looks like pinkie pie really likes you." right then pinkie pie grabbed my arm. He smiled. "So, whadya say?"
"Sure. Just 'till i get on my feet."
"Great! I can't pay you for today, because reasons, but starting tomorrow? Yes. Now, i don't know your name."
"Thromnambular."
Blinkie and Inkie started laughing. Even Mrs. pie giggled.
And thus started three months living on the pie farm. CUE MONTAGE!
Week one:
"So I’m sleeping here?" if i had a face, i would have had a look of slight disgust, mixed in with a healthy dose of shock and confusion. The room was in a state of total disrepair. No bed, just a pile of straw. Cobwebs, spiders, the whole shebang. There was even a hole in the roof, conveniently placed so that the sun will hit me right in the face in the morning. No rooster call for me. I face palmed.
"Yup! Ain’t she a beaut?"
"Yeahhhhh, got anything else?"
"No. Live with it."
"Perfect."
Week two:
"Grahhh!" no dice. The rock was still there. Pinkie pie gasped in exhaustion. "Fuck it!" she kicked the rock one more time, to no avail.
She sat down on the ground, not minding the little pieces of rock that she sat on. She got used to that years ago. But aside from that, she was about ready to cry.
"Why? Why me?"
"Why you what?" she screamed and looked up into the deep ruby eyes of throm, as she started to call him.
"I-i just wish that i had a purpose. Most fillies my age have their cutie marks by now, and-" she barely registered the small ding. She looked up and saw the number on throms forehead, initially ranging in the millions, had gone down a number.
BOOOOOOM!!!!
Both of them were almost thrown back by the sudden explosion. She righted herself, and her eyes widened. A humongous rainbow, strangely horizontal instead of vertical, and seemed to make everything brighter. Her hair poofed.
"What? What happened to your hair?"
She grinned like a mad pony and said, "Got to go! Bye!" and ran off, leaving throm in the dust as she ran back towards the house.
month one:
"so your really have to go?" pinkie pie smiled and nodded. "my purpose can't be fulfilled on the farm. i know-" she was cut off by her father.
"say no more, pinkie. i understand. we all understand. i have some friends in a nearby town that you can stay with, and remember, if you ever need anything, just come on back, okay?"
