The Impossible Test

by GiantFunnyShark

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4407

Princess Celestia gives Twilight Sparkle a test she knows Twilight will fail. What Celestia doesn't know is Twilight may know more than she thinks.

Twilight is called to Canterlot to take a test but has no idea why and Celestia isn't giving her any hints.

So naturally, Twilight gets a bit bent out of shape for her upcoming test and all hell breaks loose. But that soon changes, for better or for worse.

Published 2015-01-11 02:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-09 23:17:07 UTC

On the road or....er train tracks

The Impossible Test

Twilight Sparkle, as we all know, is an educated pony, whose priority in life is probably to read every book ever written. When it comes to tests, she definitely wins the award for "most prepared". But how would Twilight react when she is given a test simply dubbed “The Impossible Test”?. I'll tell you how: with over a thousand of the most frantically written and painfully detailed cue cards in the history of frantically written and painfully detailed cue cards. Our tale begins in the somewhat unrecognizable recesses of Twilight's cute, little oak tree library.

"Spike! .....urgh," Twilight exclaimed angrily. "I know he's a baby dragon, but it's 8:27 am, and if he doesn't get up, I will miss my train to Canterlot. ...Oh Celestia, give me strength," Twilight cursed. "SPIKE, GET UP NOW! "Twilight bellowed towards a now-awake and deafened baby dragon.

"Okay, okay I'm up. I don't know why I have to go see you to the train station. You have been there enough times to know where it is. "

Spike gave Twilight a look of frustration as she levitated a mile-high stack of notebooks filled with knowledge into Spike's hands. Spike exhaled quickly at the sheer weight of the huge amount of unnecessary notes for a test Twilight didn't know anything about... She hated not knowing.

"I don't know, Twilight. This seems a bit much for a test you can't even study fo- ". Spike stopped just before he could finish his sentence, realizing too late that he had just opened the door and invited in a lecture on how you can't be “too prepared”, even if you don't know what you're studying.

"What?!" Twilight said with much annoyance."Spike, how many times must I tell you, you can never be too prepared for a test, anyway, if I had brought all of my notes,  they would have taken up all the train carriages. I just brought the ones that were the most important, like the notecards on The Equestrian Wars or how The United States of Amareica became independent. These are the most recent things Celestia has taught me, so they are the most likely subjects of the test." Twilight stood there arguing with herself as to what type of quill she would use and how many pieces of parchment she would need to bring. Spike just rolled his eyes and walked through the door. Twilight noticed Spike’s absence and ran after him.

As Twilight caught up with Spike, she admired the scenery the same way she did everyday, enjoying the lush green trees, gazing in amazement  at the  beautiful calmness of nature. Coming out of her reverie,Twilight noticed the puffy, pink mane of none other than Pinkie Pie. Pinkie for her part, was talking cheerilee’s ear off, a vacant stare was all cheerilee seemed willing to put on, as Pinkie told her the exact location of every, individual sprinkle she put on a cupcake she made yesterday. Then out of the corner of Pinkie’s keen eye, she spotted Twilight and bounced over to the purple mare.

“Oh! hiya Twilight, whatcha ya doin’? I hope it’s fun”. Pinkie said with a smile wider than the equator.

After Twilight stood back up from the sudden appearance of a certain pink party pony, Twilight looked at said pony with frustration, and said.

“Pinkie, what have I told you about jumping up on me like that?”

Pinkie’s ears now sat flat against her head accompanied by a sad expression as the pink mare spoke.

“Sorry Twilight, I guess I got a bit carried away.”

“It’s ok Pinkie, just next time you see me, or anypony, try walking up to them so they have a chance to recognise the pony approaching them.”

Pinkie’s eyes lit up once more and her voice returned to it’s jovial tone.

“Okie dokie lokie.” Pinkie said as she bounced over to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who were trying to earn their Cutie Marks in  running away from the insane pink pony who talks to herself all the time.

Twilight and Spike were both at the train station when Twilight received a letter from the princess. It read:

To my most faithful student,

Upon arriving to Canterlot you mustn't go to the castle. Instead, you shall go and rent the attic room of the Inn of the Two Sisters. There, we shall discuss your test in complete privacy.

Sincerely

Princess Celestia

Twilight just gawked at the letter which still gave her no clue as to what the test was about, although she now had a location.

"Huh? ...Spike, I don't get it. Why can't the princess just tell me what the test is about?"

Twilight threw the letter to the ground in an annoyed huff. Spike picked the letter up and reassured Twilight that there must be a logical reason for Celestia’s vagueness. In the heat of her unusually short-tempered hissy fit, Twilight failed to notice that her train had arrived and was waiting for her to board. The train conductor waved an impatient hoof at Twilight and yelled in a musky, deep, scoltish accent.

"Are ye comin' or what, mizz Twilight?"

Her more composed stature and the fact that she was walking towards the train carriage answered the conductor’s question. With a swift nod of the conductor’s head to the drivers, the train started to slowly depart. Twilight was waving hastily at Spike, who was returning the gesture.

When Twilight reached Canterlot, she realized that she didn't have a clue where this “Inn of the Two Sisters” was. After about five minutes of wandering, Twilight noticed she had entered a rather bleak and murky alleyway where a large group of ponies were sitting and playing cards on the top of a cardboard box. They all turned their heads at breakneck speeds to glare at Twilight as she spoke up.

"Oh hey, do any of you fellas know where the Inn of the Two Sisters is ...uh, hello? Oh dear."

There were at least 5 of them and they were all carrying weapons varying in size and sharpness-- one of them even had a toothbrush with the end cut off and sharpened to a point. They all looked rather angry. Twilight took these factors into consideration and decided that these ponies didn't want to talk. Twilight's eyes darted around her surroundings looking for a way out when she spotted a rope tied to a post. At the other end was a piano dangling just above those fiendish colts(how convenient). Twilight didn't waste another second she sprinted to the rope and tugged hard, making the piano come cascading down upon the ferocious equines. You would have thought having a piano land right on top of you would kill you, but unfortunately for Twilight, these colts were made of harder stuff and just threw the piano away like a baby with an unwanted toy and continued to carry out their task of ill-repute. After all of this, Twilight saw that they were all earth ponies which explained why they were ridiculously strong, but as strong as they may have been, Twilight had one thing they didn't..........MAGIC. Twilight's horn was glowing so bright Celestia's sun was getting jealous, and just as the villainous colts were about to strike her down, Twilight zipped out of existence.

Besides the relief Twilight felt after returning to the physical world unharmed she feared she would be more lost than before, To Twilight's surprise, she found herself laying in the middle of a warm and cozy room. A light green mare with a dark green mane looked gently at Twilight with a hint of worry before speaking

"Uh… Are you alright miss? ...Heelllo?"

Twilight’s response was half-groan, half-mumble.

"Uhhhhh......myheadhurtssomuchcandican'tcontrolmymouth".

Twilight quickly placed a hoof over her muzzle and just laughed. After removing her hoof, she noticed a rather petrified and distraught green mare standing like one of the statue's in the Canterlot garden. Twilight waved a hoof in front of her face, then the green mare pointed over Twilights shoulder and said with fear in her voice.

"NNNN...Nightmare Moon!"

As soon as the green mare spoke those two words, there came a large sigh from behind Twilight. Twilight whizzed around and saw princess Luna with a deadpan look on her face.

"Princess Luna? What are you doing here?" Twilight said with joy and enthusiasm in her voice.

The deep blue alicorn replied, "Ah, Twilight Sparkle. At least somepony remembers I have passed that stage and have been re-formed". Luna sighed and then smiled at Twilight."I am here to oversee the discussion of your," Luna paused to let out a small giggle. "Test."

Twilight looked confused. "Luna, what is so funny?" The princess replied by bursting into laughter and then disappearing into thin air.

"I really need to stop drinking so much cider," said the green mare with a baffled look on her face."First a purple unicorn shows up shouting a different language, then Nightmare Moon shows up and starts laughing."

Twilight tapped the mare on the shoulder and said, "Um… I'm still here, you know." The mare turned around, gasped loudly, then passed out. Twilight facehooved.

Staying the night

Twilight’s first impression of the Inn of the Two Sisters was that it was rather bland. There was also something about the lack of care and commitment of the builders and/or interior decorators. The walls were plastered with an ugly floral patterned wallpaper one might see on a stereotypical tourist’s shirt. And the furniture lacked elegance. Rather than having a beautiful lobby that would entice any who stumble upon it, there was a dreary and bleak plain some might mistake for purgatory. It was like having every single depressed and dejected thought one could conjure, and putting them into the mind of the interior decorator who so obviously hated his/her existence. Even the carpet looked miserable, being trampled on or having hooves scrape across your face would do that to an inanimate piece of furniture.

After Twilight ceased her mental criticisms she noticed she wasn't alone. Celestia’s personal courier, also known as Philomena, looked at Twilight, squarked affirmatively, then pulled out one of her feathers and started to write on the ground in what can only be described as liquid fire. But as the phoenix wrote, the so called ink didn't melt through the floor. The only explanation Twilight came up with was, simply, magic. When Philomena stopped writing, Twilight read the letter’s contents:

To my most faithful student,

I am sorry I couldn’t meet you at the inn, I had to deal with the delegation from Griffonia, they are very malicious, and wanted to expand into Equestria. I also fear another war might break out now that I have denied them their expansion.

Our new meeting location will be Doughnut Joe’s. It’s a small doughnut shop just outside of the royal palace. Meet me there tomorrow at noon and don't tell anyone, not even your friends.

Sincerely

Princess Celestia

Twilight looked up at Philomena, but all she saw was the red feather Philomena used to write the inscription, then Twilight looked back toward the letter and found that it too had vanished from existence. Twilight stared at a rather dull painting of what she supposed was the owner of this establishment. Twilight had no answers, just more questions, and this made her extremely angry, but she daren't scream or punch the wall because she was a guest of this inn. And as much as a hole in the wall might improve it’s appearance, Twilight didn't have the patience to deal with a royal guard asking her to “go downtown” with him.

“Why does being princess Celestia’s personal student have to be so hard?!” Twilight whined,    then she heard stirring from behind the reception desk, and remembered the green mare that passed out over an hour ago.

The pale green mare stood up and tried to adjust her eyes to her environment. She was still at the inn, that was obvious. The not-so-obvious thing in the room started to approach her. Realising her guest was the source of her passing out, she sighed, and then said, with no conviction,

“Can I help you? Or are you gonna start talking gibberish again?” The mare said with irritation in her voice.

“Um, I was actually looking for a room to stay in for the night. Do you have any?” Twilight replied.

“Well, we do have a servant room available, or the basement.” The mare gave Twilight a wicked grin. “Do either of those interest you?”

Twilight sighed, then looked at the mare pleadingly. “Are you sure there aren't any other rooms available?”

The Mare looked Twilight right in the eyes and chuckled.

“Gotcha! You should have seen the look on your face, priceless. There’s an empty suite on the second floor, you can have that one.” The mare looked at the register. “It’s 20 bits a night.”

Twilight smiled at the mare. “Oh! I guess you got me.The room sounds perfect!”

The mare smiled back and said. “That'll be 20 bits then please.”

“Certainly!” Twilight said joyously as she pulled out 20 bits from her saddlebag. Just as Twilight was about to head upstairs the mare grabbed Twilight’s shoulder and said.

“Just to be clear, Nightmare Moon was here, and she was laughing maniacally.”

Twilight laughed and gave up trying to explain Luna’s situation with the public.

“Yes she was, and then you passed out.”

“Oh yeah, I guess I did.” The mare smiled sheepishly.

Twilight headed up the stairs and went off to bed, while the mare sat at the desk, reading Playcolt magazine. Nothing happened that night, well, nothing except Twilight having a rather strange dream.

Twilight stared into an abyss, wondering what was at the end of it all. She had two theories as to what might be at the edge of this nothingness, the first being some form of heaven, and the second being some other dimension. The first theory was probably what Twilight’s mother might have suggested if she were present. And the second was because, for the second time, magic. Twilight thought there might be other worlds out there, but she didn't know for sure. It didn't matter what Twilight thought at this point, because she seemed to have woken from her slumber.

Twilight was taken aback by this dream, not because she could remember every little detail of it, but because she had no idea what it was or why it left such a dent in her memory. Twilight had no idea where she was or why she was there, in fact, Twilight didn't know anything. She looked up and noticed she was a unicorn, but she didn't know any spells. The only thing Twilight remembered was that she had to meet princess Celestia, but she couldn't remember why.

The journey out of her bed proved quite the impossible task, not remembering how to use your legs would give it that effect. A ripped to shreds bed sheet and a rather sweaty unicorn later, Twilight was out of bed. Any attempt at walking might prove even harder than getting out of bed, so Twilight decided to shuffle along the floor using her chin to provide the momentum, at least she knew how to use her jaw.

Twilight got to the edge of the stairs before she realised the only way for her to get down said stairs was to fall down each step and smack her chin against them. Before Twilight decided to act on her plan, she saw the mare at the desk, with a very amused look on her face.

"What are you doing?" Asked the mare.

"What does it look like I'm doing. I'm trying to get down these infernal stairs." Replied Twilight.

"Well you're not doing a very good job." The mare pointed out.

"Thanks for information. As if I didn't already know that I am doing a poor job of descending a simple staircase." Said Twilight angrily.

After some thought, Twilight made the assumption to twist her body in a way that would let her go down the steps on her haunches, and not her chin. When Twilight got into position, she pushed forward and bumped down each step like she used to do as a foal.

"Wait!" Exclaimed Twilight.

The mare jumped back in surprise. "What? What is it?"

Twilight got to her hooves instantly. "I remembered!"

The mare looked at Twilight inquisitively. "Remembered what?"

"How to walk!"

The mare just stared at Twilight. "You're telling me you forgot how to walk?"

Twilight shifted slightly. "Well...Maybe. But that's not important. What is important is that I remembered."

The mare just shrugged it off. "Sure, whatever."

Twilight wondered how she forgot in the first place. It's not everyday you forget the basic motor functions of the equine body. Especially if that particular equine body belongs to you. But I'm sure she'll find out soon enough. Hopefully. Princess Celestia has been acting very strange lately. Why can't she tell any of her friends about this. After all, It is just a test. Isn't it? Is Celestia hiding something? Is there even a test? Why is that mare still staring at her? Wait. That mare is still staring at her.

Twilight waved a hoof in front of the mare's face. "Hello? This seems to be a recurring theme for you, doesn't it?."

The mare blinked wildly. "Uh...What did you say?"

Twilight laughs quietly. "Nothing. I think I'm going to head out now. Thank you for the room, I very much enjoyed my stay."

The mare refocusses. "Uh, sure. No problem. Anytime. See you later." After that the mare walks off into a room Twilight didn't know existed until just now.

"That mare sure is weird. I think she needs some friends, unless she already has some, in which case, she needs better friends." Twilight said to nopony in particular. Twilight set off for Doughnut Joe's. This time Celestia chose a meeting place Twilight knew quite well. So that's good. I guess.

You want doughnuts?

Twilight slowly trotted outside into the blazing sunlight. The heat seemed to be a little much today, as ponies were acting very distressed. Some were sweating profusely, and some were frantically fanning themselves with today's newspaper. But for some reason, the heat didn’t bother Twilight. Maybe the idea of the events to come were distracting Twilight enough to forget about the scorching weather. Twilight thought that last statement was starting to not hold any water as a bead of sweat trickled down her forehead.

“Maybe I should get going before I start to sweat buckets,” Twilight said as she started to walk in the direction of Doughnut Joe’s. Twilight thought of all the good times she had at the little doughnut shop. Like the time she got a doughnut stuck on her muzzle and Shining Armour had to pull it off with his magic, causing him to fall off the stool he was sitting on at the time. Although Twilight may have good memories of the place, she feared that the events of today may be categorized as a ‘bad memory’, depending on whether Celestia actually explains herself.

“I’m sure the Princess will tell me everything I need to know about the test. But what if she doesn’t? What if she makes me take the test in Doughnut Joe’s? What if I don’t know any of the answers?!” Twilight started to panic as she came up to a sign that read ‘Doughnut Joe’s’. “It is going be alright. I’m sure I’ll get my answers.” Twilight hoped that was true.

As Twilight entered the shop, she didn’t see any sign of Celestia. She saw Joe at the counter and walked up to him.

“Hey, Joe. Do you know where Celestia is?”

“Oh! It’s nice to see you again, Twilight. You haven’t been here in a while. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been fine. And how have you been keeping?”

Joe put a hoof to his chin for a brief second. “Well, business is going well, so I guess I’m doing just fine.”

Twilight gave Joe a small smile. “That’s good to hear. Anyway, has Princess Celestia been here today?”

Joe motioned for Twilight to move closer. “She’s in the back. Follow me.” And with that, Joe left for the back room behind the counter. Twilight obliged and followed him into the back room.

When Twilight entered the room, she noticed that it looked more like a very spacious janitor’s closet. She also noticed the Princess of the sun in the middle of the room on a very comfortable cushion, nibbling on a sprinkled doughnut.

“Twilight, so glad you could join me. Have a seat.” Celestia motioned for Twilight to sit across from her.

Joe looked at the mares and spoke,

“Well, looks like you two are settled. I’ll be at the counter if anypony needs me.” After the little announcement, Joe left the room. When Twilight thought Joe was out of earshot, she looked back at the Princess with a sad smile and said.

“Princess, I really don’t understand all this secrecy. First you tell me to go to an inn I’ve never heard of, then you tell me I can’t tell anyone why I’m even here. AND, I don’t even know what the test will be about.” Twilight realised she was practically glaring at Celestia, and softened her look to a mild stare.

Celestia put down her doughnut and cleared her throat. “Twilight, I understand your frustration, but you mustn’t let this get the better of you. I will tell you my reasons soon enough, but for now, you just have to trust me. I cannot reveal the nature of your test yet, but I will in time. I ask you to stop worrying so much and just enjoy your time here, maybe you should go and see your family while you’re in Canterlot. They have missed you since you moved to Ponyville. I’m sorry, but I must be off. Anyway, goodbye Twilight. And remember, just relax.” With that, Celestia vanished.

Twilight stood there, mouth agape. After what seemed to be hours, she finally processed what had just happened. Why is Celestia acting this way? Thought Twilight. Celestia did ask her to go and see her family, but isn’t she supposed to be studying? Maybe she can study at her parent’s house.

“It would be nice to catch up with my parents. Okay, maybe a little visit won’t hurt.” Twilight decided that seeing her brother will probably clear her head a little. Probably. I guess I could get a doughnut for the road. Just as Twilight thought this, Joe walked back into the room with a bag of what was most likely Twilight’s favourite type of doughnut.

“Ah, Joe, you read my mind.” Twilight levitated the sugary circles into her saddlebags.

“Anytime, Twilight.” Joe left the room again.

Twilight thought about the test again and started to worry but caught herself and calmed herself down. I just have to trust the princess. How hard could this test be anyway? As Twilight thought those words, a scroll poofed out of nowhere and landed on the floor. It read:

Dear Twilight,

Tell Joe I forgot to pay for the doughnuts.

Princess Celestia

Twilight rolled her eyes and started for the front door of the shop. Just before Twilight left for the streets of Canterlot, she turned to Joe and said.

“Celestia told me to tell you she forgot to pay.”

Joe frowned. “Well, this is the sixth time she has ‘forgotten to pay’, maybe I should open a tab for her. Thanks for telling me.”

Twilight laughed at Celestia’s antics and left the quaint doughnut shop. She can be quite the practical joker when she wants to be. Twilight headed for her parents' house, hoping they had some time to catch up with their daughter.

Twilight stood outside the humongous building she used to call home. She remembered where they kept the spare key but thought it would be polite to knock. Twilight wondered how they would react to this surprise visit. What if I’m coming at a bad time? What if they have guests over and they don’t want to be interrupted? What if they don’t love me anymore?! Twilight stopped herself as she knew that last thought wasn’t true, but the prospect still scared her. Twilight cleared her thoughts and knocked three times on the door.

No response.

“Maybe they’re not home.” Twilight muttered to herself. As soon as she said that, a butler pony came to the door.

“Excuse me but whatever you’re selling, we’re not buy-Oh, Miss Twilight, it is a delight to see you once more,”  said the butler pony with a polite smile.

“Hello, Jeeves. It’s been awhile. How’re you keeping these days? You must be, what? 500 years old now,” Twilight joked.

Jeeves laughed. “I see your sense of humour has not eluded you. Please come in, I’m sure your mother and father will be thrilled to know you are here.” Jeeves stepped inside, allowing Twilight room to enter.

“Thanks. Where are they?”

Jeeves pointed to a large door to the left of them. “They are just preparing for lunch with Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis. For this occasion, I advised them to reside in the dining hall until the meal was over.”

“Thank you, Jeeves. It was nice catching up with you.” Twilight started for the dining hall.

“You are most welcome, Twilight.” As soon as Twilight was out of sight, Jeeves took a drinking flask from his jacket pocket and drank the majority of the liquid. “You are most welcome.”

As Twilight walked into the dining hall she noticed her father, Night Light, and her mother, Twilight Velvet. But Twilight didn’t see Fancy Pants or Fleur De Lis. She thought this was very odd considering Jeeves just told her they were having lunch here. Twilight’s thoughts were interrupted when a purple hoof similar to hers lightly touched her shoulder. Twilight Velvet waved a hoof in front of her daughter’s face when she realised Twilight wasn’t responding to her hollering. Twilight blinked rapidly to try and regain focus. Upon recognising her mother’s hoof, Twilight smiled from ear to ear.

“Mother, it’s so good to see you!”

Velvet imitated her daughter. “Likewise, my child. Your father and I haven’t seen you in weeks. We have much to talk about.