Critical Love

by The Cake Devil

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 4228

Being a reviewer is hardly glamorous work. Just because you get to go to all the hottest productions for free, and pass judgment on the all the so called "hottest" performances in the land, doesn't mean you get a free pass to matters o

Being a reviewer is hardly glamorous work. Just because you get to go to all the hottest productions for free, and pass judgment on the all the so called "hottest" performances in the land, doesn't mean you get a free pass to matters of the heart. Which is exactly what two lonely critics discover.

Alright my dahlings first of all, I'd just like to point out that this beautiful brain child has two daddies! That's right this is a colab between myself and the fantastic dynamic Insula Sol Not even kidding, this story is just as much his as it is mine, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Now for those of you who don't know Sweetie Bloom and Storm Analysis are two very funny very awesome mlp critics that I totally suggest checking out, and before I forget a tip of the hat to Clifford Beats for his contribution to this love child. With that out of the way, I hope you guys enjoy what I and Insula cooked up. And Sweetie, Storm, if you're reading this, I hope we did ya proud.

Published 2014-09-24 01:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-17 18:27:12 UTC

One Cool Night in Manehatten.

Chapter 1

“Ok let’s see,” the pink pegasus said to herself. “Pen, check, paper, check, keys…keys, oh horse feathers where are my-”

“Keys?” a small voice asked.

Turning her head, the pink mare looked just in time to see a small pink filly bouncing toward her. The filly’s aqua-marine mane bouncing up and down as the keys jingled in her mouth.

“Oh thank Celestia,” the mare sighed.

She quickly grabbed the keys from the filly’s mouth and tucked them behind her wing.

“Alright, so dinner is ready it just needs to be taken out of the oven. Bedtime is at eight o‘clock, and if you need anything-”

“Miss Hard Swing is right across the hall, I know mama,” the filly said with a touch of annoyance in her voice.

“Ok,” the pegasus said as the filly turned away from her. “Gem Shine?”

“Yes mama,” the filly asked turning back around. She was immediacy pulled into a warm hug.

“Thanks kiddo,” the mare said, gently nuzzling the fillies’ mane.

“You’re welcome.” The filly smiled and gently pulled away from her mothers hold. “Now get out of here or else you’ll be late.”

“Oh my goodness you’re right!” The mare quickly lifted up the window and flew into the night.

“Good night kiddo,” the mare called out. “I’ll see you in the morning!”

“Good night mama, try to have fun at the show!” the filly called before closing the window.

Just as the window lock clicked, a knock came from the door.

“Miss Bloom,” a voice from the other side of the door called. “ Sweetie Bloom, are ya still there las?”

Recognizing the voice, the filly hurried over to the other side of the apartment and opened the door.

Standing at the entrance was an mint green earth pony, her main and tail a stunning autumn orange with small streaks of gray, eyes of emerald green, and three shamrocks making up her cutie mark.

“Good evening Miss Hard Swing.” The filly greeted with a smile.

“Ah, Gem Shine,” the mare responded. “Wonderful to see ya lass. Oi, your mum wouldn’t still be around now, would she?”

Gem shook her head.

“Nope, you just missed her.”

“Blast,” the mare said lightly stomping her hoof. “Ah well, maybe next time.”

“Is it something I might be able to help with?”

“No, no deary,” the mare said lightly patting the foals head. “Nothing to worry your sweet little head about.”

“Oh,” the filly said, slightly wincing with each pat. “Well anyways, do you want to come in? Dinner is just about ready.”

“Nah, I should really be-” she paused as the scent of the soon to be dinner, danced past her nose. “Is that…hayloaf?”

“Mhm,” Gem nodded. “With steamed broccoli.”

Miss Swing shook herself back into reality and looked down at the filly.

“Well I s’ppose I can stay for just a few bites.” The mare said as she made her way inside. “I was asked to keep an ear out for ya, so keeping an eye on ya is the next best thing.”

“If you say so,” the filly happily agreed as she closed the door behind her.

Breathing in the crisp night air, a pink pegasus stallion strolled merrily down the streets of Manehattan. Feminine in appearance, the stallion caught many eyes along the way, for his looks and for the lack of a tail upon his rump. But he paid them no mind focusing more on the journey ahead. Only stopping for a brief moment when a familiar pony across the street came into his line of vision. A devious smile crept across his face before he called out.

“You-ho, oh Cliffey my darling.”

From across the street a blue pegasus froze in place. A noticeable shiver went up his spine as he slowly turned his head toward the voice, sporting a nervous smile. The stallion weakly raised a hoof and slowly waved at the pegasus before fleeing down the sidewalk.

“Oh no,” the pegasus said with a sensual gleam in his eye. “You’re not getting away that easily.”

Moments ago on the opposite sides of the street, a blue pegasus by the name of Clifford Beats was enjoying a lovely night on the town with his darling mare friend, Pixel Ink

“So how was work today Clifford?” the cream colored earth pony asked. “Did anything exciting happen?”

The pegasus smiled and shook his head.

“Nothing too exciting today, sorry love.” He paused in his stride, placing his hoof under his chin as he pondered. “Although there was a spat between the diamond dog and minotaur diplomats, but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to-” His speech was cut off by the unicorn smushing his cheeks together.

“Yes, yes, shush your mouth and explain!” She demanded before sheepishly removing her hooves form his face and taking a step back. “Please?”

Clifford smiled and rubbed his face.

“Oh alright, well it started when senator Barcus mistook General Black Eyes dumbbells for a-”

“You-ho, oh Cliffey my darling.”

“Oh no,” he thought to himself.

“Something wrong sweetie?” Pixel asked

Cliff didn’t answer.

“Ok maybe it’s not him, let me just turn my hea-oh shoot it’s him! Stay calm Cliffy stay calm, just smile, wave and be on your way.”

“Clifford?!” Pixel shouted through her teeth, giving the stallion a firm nudge.

“Wha-huh, no no nothing’s wrong, I think we should move a little faster, don’t you, yeah let’s move faster!” The stallion broke into a fast walk nearly leaving his date in the dust.

“Clifford slow down, was somepony calling you? Was it somepony you know?”

“Nope nope nopony like that,” Clifford said looking to his side at his rather frustrated mare-friend. “We just need to keep on walkiiiiiiiinnng!”

Clifford stopped dead in his tracks, as upon looking up he found he was eye to eye with the stallion he had been fleeing.

“Fancy meeting you here Cliffy-po,” the stallion cooed as he floated to the ground.

“Hello…Storm.” Clifford said putting on a forced smile. “So what are you up too tonight?” He asked averting eye contact with the pegasus.

“Oh Cliffy,” he said draping a fore leg around the stallions neck. “You don’t have to play coy with me. I know you came this way in a desperate attempt to get an ever so fleeting glance of me. Knowing full well that I was on my way to get material for my next review for tomorrow's paper. You just couldn’t control yourself could you big boy, couldn’t wait a few hours to see me? It’s ok, I understand.”

“I..uh..I,” Clifford stuttered, drops of sweat shooting from his forehead as his muzzle reddened.

“Sh, no words now,” Storm interrupted placing a hoof on Cliffords lips. “Just…us.”

“Ahem.”

The two turned their heads to see a blushing earth pony taping her for hoof, glaring at the two with her light blue eyes.

“And who might you be?”She asked.

“R-r-r-right, Storm, I mean Pixie.” Cliff struggled as he released himself from the pink stallions grip.

“Pixie, this is Storm Analysis, my co-worker. Storm, this is my mare friend Pixel Ink,” he said wrapping a fore leg around the mare.

“Oh what a pleasure to meet you,” Storm exclaimed as he grabbed hold of the mare’s hoof with both of his and began shaking. “You are dating one of the smartest, wittiest, arousing, ponies I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with!” He squeaked finally letting go of the mares hoof.

“Why thank you,” Pixel said taking her appendage back. “And what section of the paper do you say you cover?”

“Oh, I work on the review column, nothing too glamorous but-”

“Wait,” Pixel interrupted. “You’re the Storm Analysis?”

“One in the same.”

“EEEEEEEEEE” Pixel squealed before rushing out from underneath her stallions grip. “ I absolutely love your work! Your review of A Mule on a Hot Tin Roof had me in stitches. I still have it taped to my fridge!”

“Aww thanks, it’s always good to hear feedback from fans.”

“What’re you on your way to go see now?”

“The Dark Maze by String Puller.”

“EEE, I’ve been wanting to see that for weeks! But Clifford refuses to have anything to do with it,” Pixel said rolling her eyes and turning back to the stallion.

“Oi, I keep telling you I’m not a fan of those big theaters!”

“Riiight,” she said casting a sly grin and leaning over to Storm. “He’s just afraid of the puppets, but you didn’t hear that from me,” She said using a hoof to cover her smile.

“Seriously?” Strom grinned. “Maybe we can all three go some time, that way he’ll have two hooves to hold when he gets scared.”

The two burst out into laughter, resulting in Clifford turning a bright red with his ears lowered.

“Oh dear heavens, Storm we absolutely must get together some time!” Pixel said catching her breath. “We sooo need a mare like you at our book club, you will come won’t you?”

Storms eyes sank for a moment, his smile vanished only to be replaced by a heavily weakened one.

“Um sure, I’d love to. Anyways I’ve taken up enough of you guy’s time and I have a play to catch so-”

“Enough said Storm, enough said,” Pixel interrupted as she grabbed Storms hoof and vigorously shook it up and down. “Do have a wonderful night won’t you?”

“I will thanks. See you guys later,” he said before taking flight.

“What a sheer and utter delight she was,” Pixel said turning to Clifford. “I wonder if she-”

“He.”

“Pardon?”

“He. Storm is a stallion.” Clifford corrected.

Pixel gasped.

“Oh my…oh Clifford I’m so sorry I-he.”

“It’s alright sweetheart; he knows you didn’t mean anything by it,” he said as he began walking down the sidewalk.

“Oh Clifford, I feel just awful,” Pixel said while keeping alongside the pegasus. “I only assumed, I mean with the way he was falling all over you and his voice, let alone his fur color and face.”

Clifford shrugged. “That’s just how Storm plays, embarrassing as all get out but it’s harmless fun all the same. You weren’t the first to mistake his gender and you sure as shoot won’t be the last.”

Pixel said nothing, looking down to the ground with a sorrowful look on her face.

“But if it will make you feel any better, I’ll talk to him at work tomorrow.”

“Oooh thank you darling!” Pixel squealed and planted a kiss on Clifford’s cheek. “So where did you say you were taking me…Cliffy-po?”

“Uhh I can’t believe this,” the blonde mare groaned while gritting her teeth. “I should have known there’d be a line.” Sweetie grumbled to herself as she mentally face hoofed, taking a reluctant glance over the seemingly endless line of ponies in front of her. “At this rate I’ll never get in, so I won’t be able to do my review, and then I won’t get paid, which means- hey wait a second!” She exclaimed, as she reached under her wing and proudly pulled out a small tag containing a card with the words

“Straight from the Pony’s Mouth: Press Pass” in bold font. She quickly stepped out of line and sped to the ticket booth, inadvertently cutting off a disgruntled red unicorn and scuffing his black jacket in the process.

“Sweetie Bloom of the SFTPM Press,” she blurted. “ One ticket to see The Dark Maze please!”

The mare at the front ticket booth smiled and pressed a button, causing a ticket to show up on the other side of the glass.

“Enjoy the show,” the mare said.

“Thanks, I’ll definitely try,” Sweetie said before grasping the ticket. She then turned to the stalion and smiled. “Sorry about that, you can go ahead now,” she said before rushing inside.

The unicorn rolled his eyes and approached the ticket counter.

“One ticket please.”

“I’m so sorry sir, but that was our last one.”

“SON OF A-”

Once inside the theater, Sweetie Bloom quickly made her way to her seat, hovering daintily down to the ground and to her seat in the first row. The curtain was beginning to draw, and as the stage quickly took her full attention, she didn’t notice the eager pink pegasus stallion bouncing up and down behind her.

A slender mare pranced to center stage wearing a white gown and a ring of flowers around her head, giving the sign for both pegasi to reach under their wings, pull out their own pens and notepads, and begin scribbling down notes.

It was time for them to get working.

Author's Note

Dear Dahlings.

Ok for those of you who know Storm from his show, you'll know that his character has been toned down alot...aloooooot. You have no idea how many HOURS I spent watching and re-watching videos to pick up on their characters, not to mention the Monsters drank to keep what was left of my fleeting sanity. But by Celestias third nipple we did it. By the way, Pinkie promise there will be more Sweetie character building in the next chapter.

Sincerely Yours, The Cake Devil.

P.S. to get a better image of Sweeties little girl, here's this.

SHHH!

Chapter Two

Sweetie Bloom was on the edge of her cushion. She could feel the story reaching its climax, and as silly as the puppets were on stage, they really sold the surreality that propelled the conflict. Who knew she would ever be worried or scared of a Goblin King with a mane-cut like that.

The mane-cut itself was worth at least one star, but she wasn’t sure which way…

However, the pony in the seat behind her was playing host to a set of very different set of feelings toward this performance. From the very moment the curtains opened, Storm had been fighting an overwhelming urge to up and walk out on this performance. Sure the whole thing was oozing with creativity and the story was pretty solid, all be it a little “tongue-in-cheek” at times. It was the main protagonist, if it wasn’t for the character being a whiny little filly then it was the actress’ utter butchering of her lines, that no one else seemed to notice or care about! It got to the point where he’d give a low audible grumble almost every time the character opened her mouth.

Sweetie flickered her ears in annoyance, as the muttering of the pony one row up kept distracting her from the play. She only wanted to watch a goblin king sing to synthesized music! Was that so much to ask without getting stuck next to some malcontent heckler.

She glanced back with a cross look. “Shh!”

Storm was taken aback. “Did you just shush me?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes I “shhed’ you,” Sweetie said turning back around. “I can’t hear the performance over your grumbling, so Shh!”

“It’s the only thing I can do to keep myself from tearing out my own mane, so you shh!”

“Shh!”

“Shh!”

The two continued to spit ‘shushes’ back and forth as the other theater goers began to send them irated looks.

“Ahem,” spoke a voice.

The two ponies paused in their ‘shushing’ match and turned toward the offending speaker.

Hovering above the two was a pegasi sporting a red vest and a frown was the theater usher.

“Is there a problem, ladies?” The usher asked in a hushed tone.

“No sir,” Sweetie answered, forcing a painful smile. “None at all, isn’t that right ‘friend’?” She asked turning to Storm.

“Yup, nothing wrong here,” he said. “Just two pals havin a wonderful time at the theater, while tolerating sub par actress, he-he.”

The usher raised an eyebrow. “Alright...just keep down.”

As the usher flew away the two released a collective sigh and turned back to the performance.

Storm tried to settle back into his seat, but Sweetie wasn’t nearly done. “What do you mean, ‘sub par?’”

“What?” Storm asked leaning forward.

“You said the actress is sub par, which is a total exaggeration,” she continued in a hushed tone. “She’s...alright.”

“Yeah, for a sleep trotter maybe.” Storm retorted in a hushed tone of his own. “And seriously what’s with her character?”

“What do you mean?” Sweetie asked tilting her head.

“Well, for one, she’s completely underreacting to this whole situation, and more importantly, or annoyingly, she’s done nothing but whine the entire play.”

“Oh she’s not that bad. I’m sure there a bunch of teen fillies who can relate to her.”

“Yeah, all the whiners.”

Sweetie rolled her eyes, but eventually forced herself to return her attention back to the performance.

“OK come on,” Storm says as he walks along side his pink acquittance. “ Even you have to admit that ending was pretty full of it. After all that preachy dialogue about growing up and moving on in life, the play turns back around and says ‘eh, whatever’ and ends it with some sort of puppet party.”

“That’s not what I got from it,” Sweetie said, turning her head toward Storm. “I think it was kind of trying to tell the audience that yeah, it’s important to let go of the past in order to move on to the future and make new memories. But we shouldn’t all but forget them, otherwise you’d be forgetting a factor that makes you, you.”

“Daaaaang gurl.” Storm said stopping his stride. “ That’s some pretty deep lingo if I do say so myself. Not something you’d hear from the average pony.”

“Is that so,” Sweetie asked turning around. “ And what makes you think I’m an average pony?”

Storm smirked.

“Touche, my pink acquaintance.”

Sweetie giggled.

“By the way,” she said.“I don’t think you ever told me your name.”

“Call me Storm, dahling,” he said stopping and performing an over exaggerated bow. “Storm Analysis. Or if you’d prefer, the life of the party: Sir Snickerdoodle”

“A pleasure to meet you,how about we just go with Storm for now?”

“Suit yourself,” Storm said, raising himself from his bow. “And who might you be?”

“Sweetie, Sweetie Bloom.”

The two ponies paused their conversation,a their ears picked up an odd howl or shriek come from the alleyway across the street, causing them to jerk their heads to the side, perhaps a stray cat or perhaps the sound of hundreds of fans crying out in confusion before being silenced. They blinked, and slowly turned back to their conversation.

“Well then,” Sweetie said, clearing her throat. “I hope I see you around, Storm.”

“Likewise, Sweetie,” he replied with a smile.

With that, they took their separate ways: Sweetie Bloom opened her wings and took to the night sky, and Storm began his path down the dim sidewalk, whistling happily as he went.

“You remind me of the babe, what babe-gah,” Sweetie said. Shaking her head vigorously. The entire flight back she’d been fighting a losing battle as she tried desperately to rid herself of the catchy melody, only for it to come back time and time again.

“Well that’s definitely getting a side note in the review,” She half heartedly grumbled to herself. As she slowly made her descent to the window she took notice of a light coming from the apartment. Perching on the fire escape, Sweetie pulled a key from underneath her wing and nimbly un hooked the latch to the window, and made her way inside.

Closing the window behind her, Sweetie turned to find a familiar face poking her head out from the kitchen.

“Ah, Miss Bloom,” Hard Swing chimed. “Welcome back.”

“Miss Swing?” Sweetie asked, concern growing on her face. “What happened, where’s Gem Shine, is she-” she paused as the sudden intrusion of a hoof to her mouth cut her off.

“Gemmy is fine, Miss Bloom,” she said removing her hoof from Sweeties mouth. “I popped over to try ta catch ya before ye headed off, didn’t catch ya in time, and figured I’d keep the little one company till ya got back.”

Sweetie raised an eyebrow looked behind Hard Swing to see a half eaten hayloaf, resting on top of the stove. She smirked and turned her attention back to the mare.

“And I may have had a bite’r two,” She sheepishly said, giving a guilty grin and folding her ears back.
“It’s alright Miss Swing,” Sweetie said patting the guilty mare on the back. “I always make too much anyways, so what did you want to talk about?”

“Well lass,” Swing said as she rubbed the back of her neck. “The month is almost up and I really can’t afford ta turn a blind eye anymore.”

Sweetie sighed and looked down.

“Can you wait until the twenty ninth?” Sweetie asked looking back up. “I just need one more job and I’ll have enough to pay you back, I promise.”

Hard Swing winced and gently rubbed up and down her neck.

“Alllllright las,” Swing groaned. “But not another day more. But you’re really twisting me leg here.”

Sweetie nodded, giving the earth pony a faint smile.

“Thanks Swing, I promise I won’t let you down.”

“I know ye won’t Sweetie.” Swing said as she made her way to the door. “ Las,” she said stopping at the door. “You know I don’t like puttin this koinda pressure on ya, roight?”

“I know Swing.”

“It’s just, I gotta business to run too, ya know?”

“I know Swing.”

“If I could, I’d board the two of ya up fer free, but I-” She stopped as she felt a kind hoof upon her shoulder.

“Hard Swing, you’re doing the best you can, Gem and I are overwhelmingly grateful for it. You’re a kind pony in a city where kindness is often forgotten and I for one feel blessed to have met a land mare that I can also call friend. I give you my word that you’ll have the rent by the twenty ninth.”

Hard Swing nodded and sniffed before turning around.

“Good night, Sweetie.”

Sweetie smiled as she embraced the mare with a warm hug.

“Good night, Swing.”

After saying their goodbyes Sweetie cracked open the door to her little fillies room and quietly trotted in.

The little filly slept soundly in her bed, her frame slowly rising and falling with her quiet breathing.

Sweetie smiled and craned her neck downward, placing a soft kiss on the fillies forehead.

“Sweet dreams kiddo,” she whispered as she made her way out of the room, carefully closing the door behind her.

Sweetie gave a content sigh before heading over to the small desk that sat adjacent to the window. Taking a seat in front of it, she flicked on the lamp and pulled the typewriter forward.

“Alright Sweetie,” she said. “Time to earn us some bits.”

The door to the Manehatten Chronicler Press Newsroom burst open. “Honey, I’m home!” chimed Storm Analysis, sliding in with stylish momentum.
The industrial lighting, charmed with motion sensitive magic, flickered on to reveal the empty desks, chairs, and typewriters.
“Oh, that’s right,” he said, rolling his eyes at himself. “I’m not married.”

He trotted through the rows of desks, and stifled a yawn with his wing. He had already written most of his review earlier that night, but it had taken longer than he had expected. By the time he was done, almost everyone had left to go home. No ponies taking all nighters this time, which was good for him, they were always so distracting.

Having just dropped off his draft for the copy editor, it was time for him to get some shut-eye.

There was a small green, leather couch by the editor’s office which was for visitors to wait on. That was his destination. As peppy as Storm might have looked, he was so tired that he could feel the bags of his eyes dragging him down.

“Well, I think it was a job well done today,” he said to himself. “Got to see a play for free, typed up my review, caught up with Cliffey, and…” he thought for a moment and then smiled, “and even got to meet a pretty mare.”

He stopped by his desk, and withdrew a plain pillow and blanket. With them under his wing, he made his way to the sofa and plopped on.

“Yup, you deserve a pat on the back,” he congratulated himself as he settled in for the night, drawing the blanket over his body and curling against the pillow as if it were a stuffed animal. “And maybe a raise. Or perhaps an apartment.”

He rolled closer to the back piece. “Or a mattress. That’d be nice too.”

With a sigh into the pillow, he remembered he was still a few months away until he had the savings he needed. If he was lucky, and he got the edits done by tomorrow’s morning issue, then he’d get his paycheck in time to meet this month’s goal.

He didn’t want to think about money. Money was cold, and sad, and frustrating. That was no way to go to sleep. Instead he searched his mind for something warm and fuzzy to ponder on.

“Hehe...that Sweetia gal sure had a critical eye.” He smiled. “Yeah...she be pretty.”

Author's Note

Dear dahlings.

Let us know what you guys think :D!

Sincerely Yours, The Cake Devil/Insula Sol