Project X Zone

by LeoneHaxor

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Equestria Girls, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sex, Applejack, Gore, Dark, Human, Princess Luna, Trixie, Mystery, King Sombra
Length: 6915

[Displaced] A scattered dream that's like a far-off memory. A far-off memory that's like a scattered dream. Will they line their pieces up?

"I promised you entertainment.

"I promised you a vast adventure.

"I promised you a hero's journey with no stops, none of the conventions expected.

"I promised you parallels.

"I promised you magic.

"I promised you -" 85588585 85558858 85558585 85558588 85558888 85588885 85858858

No you didn't.

"I have now."

The Displaced 'Character' Roster, ordered by appearance

Act 1, Part: 1
Mario Mario
Luigi Mario
Xion
Fawful

Act 1, Part 2:
Kirby

Users with early viewing access to the chapters:
Regreme
darkmagician41
Sonicx5757
FrostTheWolf
ThunderStomp
dracorex01
The Emerald Nightingale
Zman537
TheGoldenDragon

[Clarification: These users are and are not 'pre-readers.' In the sense that they are able to read chapters before they are officially published, it is correct. In the context that they are also editors and proofreaders to this story, this is not correct.]

Published 2015-10-30 21:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-24 03:54:25 UTC

Prologue

"If the universe does not recognize us as observers, then it will associate us with gods."
Spoken by Professor Julian Dipere in a televised interview. Shortly afterwards, he went into hiding and has not been seen since.

The girl had placed her leather booted feet up on the counter, idly reading a magazine while she waited for her next customer. She appeared nineteen years old at the most, her blonde hair framing her slightly freckled face and bright blue eyes in an endearing fashion, and wore a simple black vest over a bright orange button-down with the sleeves rolled halfway up her forearm.

The name she would give, should anyone be inclined to ask, was Jackie Fierro.

She glanced over her magazine, inspecting her wares without moving the rest of her body. Business had been good that day, and the two days before that had also been…satisfactory, to say the least. Four hundred and twelve customers had come to her booth during the convention, netting her a nice $4,352 profit from her venue so far. She might have sold more items if she hadn’t instated a ‘one item per customer’ rule on her wares, but she had more than satisfied with her business to that point.

One guy had found a loophole to her rule of ‘one item per customer’ by having the baby slung to his chest hand her the money, claiming that his little brother was a separate customer. She had been amused by that trick, she had to admit, and she gave the little guy the Star Rod rattle and a hand-written ticket.

Okay, it was mostly because that baby’s puffy pink outfit was too adorable for her to resist.

Smiling at the memory, she peered over her magazine again. There was a girl standing in her booth, looking at the very last item she had for sale. The price tag, much like the ones everything else in her booth had on them, read ‘$11’ in simple but eye-catching script.

“See anything you like?” Jackie said with a straight face.

The girl looked cute when she was excited, Jackie gave her that. Her long, black leather coat was trembling over the awestruck form of the black-haired girl underneath, who seemed on the verge of hyperventilating. The customer’s big blue eyes darted between the item, the price tag, and Jackie herself several times.

Jackie put down her magazine. “Do you want me to give you a paper bag? You look like you’re about to make like Team Rocket and go blasting off or something.” She took her feet off the desk for a moment, reorienting herself so she could reach down to rummage through her personal things. “I think I’ve got one of those somewhere around here…”

Clunk.

Jackie looked up over the counter to see the last item resting on its surface.

“Is this really being sold for eleven dollars?” the girl standing on the other side of the counter asked.

Jackie looked up at the girl. “You did read the price tag, right?”

“Yes, but there’s no way –”

“ – anything so awesome in this booth could be priced eleven dollars?” Jackie finished for her. “I’ve gotten that a lot over the past few days.” Jackie then introduced herself to the girl.

The girl blinked. “Wait a minute. Jackie Fierro? Like the pawnshop owner from that podcast?”

Jackie grinned. “Oh, so you did get the reference.” She put her boots back up on the counter and leaned back. “What else comes to mind when you think of that name?”

The girl noted a bowl of water on the top of a chest-height wooden table, one just wide enough to accommodate the bowl. She went over to it, took off her gloves, and washed her hands in it. She muttered something under her breath as she washed, and when she was done she dried her hands on a nearby towel before replacing her gloves.

Jackie smiled broadly at the girl as she walked back over to the counter. “Nice to see you took the time to read the book, too,” she said.

The girl smiled back, sheepishly. “It was actually how I got into the podcast,” she admitted.

Jackie nodded. “Nothing wrong with that,” she said with that smile on her face. “Nice to see you’ve got good tastes. Now we’re ready to do business.”

The girl’s eyes sparkled. “So it’s eleven dollars for the Keyblade?”

Jackie nodded again. “You know it, girl.” She before she took the girl’s money, she asked for her name. The girl said that her name was “Nicole Mosley.” Jackie said it was a nice name.

“By the way, Nicole,” Jackie said as she reached down into her personal things. “What else do you remember about Night Vale’s pawnshop?”

Nicole put a hand to her chin. “…hmm. Oh yeah. Don’t people who sell their items die for a few minutes while Jackie writes them their ticket?”

Jackie smiled, and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. “Oh good,” she said. She was wearing something Nicole hadn’t seen her wearing before, a red leather glove that hugged her right hand like a second skin. She was using that hand to hold the pen, which was starting to write out her ticket. “Then this next bit shouldn’t come as a shock.”

Act 1, Part 1 - These and More Than These

I had heard the whispered tales of immortality
The deepest mystery
From an ancient book I took a clue
I scaled the frozen mountain tops of eastern lands unknown
Time and Man alone
Searching for the lost Xanadu
Rush, Xanadu

Leave the baby in his cot and leave your bread and beer
Leave your woman's tender touch and all that you hold dear
Hey, ho, leave your home, it's time to go
And leave the baby in his cot, leave your bread and beer
Barrule, In Search of Manannán

The Everfree forest. Located unnervingly close to a little hamlet known as Ponyville, it is home to all manner of deadly creatures, plants, and weather running rampant, the sole playground of Chaos and danger in a nation of Harmony and safety. It was said that everything that came from it had been spawned by Discord himself, and that anyone who ventured into its depths would be swallowed up by the sheer number of things out for their blood.

Its outskirts were also a really good place to pick flowers.

A short distance away from the edge of the Everfree, a pegasus with a lemony coat and light-rose hair was singing a wordless song to herself as she placed blooms into the basket on her back.

A squirrel scampered up to the pegasus with a dandelion in its mouth, and offered it to her. Smiling, the pegasus lowered her head to meet its eyes. "Thank you little squirrel, but remember: these flowers are for Princess Celestia. Only the prettiest ones will do."

A sudden gust of wind blew the seeds from the dandelion, and the squirrel quickly scampered off.

Shaking her head, the pegasus continued her singing, and trotted over to a bushel of apples sitting on a nearby log.

"Chirp!"

The pegasus let out a cry as she leaped in surprise, scattering her flowers on the ground as she dove behind the apples for protection. Peeking her head out, she looked towards the origin of the sound that startled her.

Climbing over the rock, a small, roundish creature came into her view. A pair of gossamer wings unfurled from its back, and it stood upon the rock with four diminutive legs. But what drew the pegasus to the creature was its massive green eyes.

The creature, oblivious to the shock it had given her, let out another "Chirp!" which combined with its appearance was simply adorable.

The pegasus immediately dropped her guard, leaning her face close to the creature in wonder. "Hello, little guy. I've never seen anything like you before."

The creature flew began sniffing at a nearby apple, whimpering slightly as it did so. The mare, enraptured by its adorableness, looked at it with sympathetic eyes. "Oh, are you hungry?" she asked. She raised a hoof over the apple on the ground, and promptly squashed it into goo. "Here you go," she cooed, clearly expecting the creature to partake of it.

The roundish fly ignored this offering by eating the entire bushel of apples in a whirlwind of hunger.

The mare gasped in surprise, but her enthusiasm failed to slip. "I guess you were hungry," she said in awe, as the creature flew in a circuit around the mare's head, and settled into her long mane with a purr. This innocent act was enough to cause a serious case of Cuteness Overload for a stallion staring at the scene through binoculars, who began foaming at the mouth in response to the sheer adorableness.

"You're the cutest thing ever!" the pegasus proclaimed. "I can't wait to show you to my friends."

Miles deeper into the Everfree, the underbrush rustled, and several birds nesting in it wisely decided to leave.

The first man out of the underbrush was a short man, wearing blue overalls that caught a few of the twigs he had passed through. Wiping these off absentmindedly with his white gloved hands, he gazed around the forest around him with his brilliant blue eyes. They stopped their sweep when the underbrush rustled again.

The second man to emerge was also wearing overalls, but was noticeably lankier than the first, and wore a long green shirt as opposed to the first man's red one. He was panting slightly, his blue eyes seemed somewhat dizzy, and even the mustache on his face looked like it was drooping a little.

The first man looked back in concern, and spoke to him in Italian. [Luigi? Do you need any mushrooms?]

Luigi tried to shake his head no, but his body rebelled against him, flopping him weakly against a nearby tree.

The first man's eyes widened, and he reached into one of his pockets. Clasping the item he wanted, he withdrew his hand and stepped towards Luigi. [Open your mouth, Luigi,] he commanded.

Luigi sighed in defeat, and opened his mouth wide. The first man placed the mushroom – a red-capped item and a white stem – inside, and Luigi bit down on it gratefully.

The effects were immediate. Color returned to Luigi's face, and his fatigue fled his body like a bat out of Hell. Luigi pushed himself upright from the tree and sighed in relief. [That's much better,] he said. Then he paused. [Mario, did you use our last Super Mushroom on me?]

Mario crossed his arms. [I know we might not see a store for a while, but I couldn't watch you hurt yourself just to save our items.] Mario's face softened. [You're my brother, Luigi. We can always get items off the creatures we beat.]

Luigi smiled for a moment, then frowned. [But that's why I didn't want to use it, Mario – we haven't gotten a single Mushroom from this forest, we ran out of One-Up Mushrooms, and we haven't seen an item block for hours.]

Mario let out a breath and thought back. Luigi did have a point there, however... [We did get several Syrups off the monsters we fought, and don't forget all of those Refreshing Herbs we've found lying around.] Mario gestured with his hand to the forest floor. [If we can't find Mushrooms here, maybe we'll find some Nuts we can share.]

Luigi nodded. [Okay. But when can we leave this forest, Mario? It's been giving me the creeps since we got here.]

Mario raised a brow in confusion. [Really? You didn't say much about that.]

[That's because you've been here,] Luigi explained. [Even though I'm scared, I won't let my brother go it alone.]

The underbrush rustled again, and both brothers leapt into fighting stances with their backs against each other.

Mario chuckled darkly. [Because stuff like this might happen?]

Three wolves crept out of the forest's underbrush, hides made of gnarled wood and bark and eyes glowing with sickly lime light that shone through the cracks in their coats.

Luigi gulped, but nodded.

Mario's face broke into a grin. “Let's a-go!”

“Okie dokie!”

Luigi pointed forwards. [Mario, look – I think we're almost at the edge of the forest!]

Mario followed his brother's gaze. The trees seemed to be considerably thinner up ahead, and more of the sun's light was streaming through the canopy overhead. [We're not out of the woods yet. For all we know, it could be another clearing.]

As the brothers left the cover of the trees, they found themselves on the edge of a rolling field filled with wild grasses that came up to Mario's shoulders. A breeze swept through from the east, making waves in the vegetation as it flowed through it. While this field was beautiful in the midday sun, neither brother overlooked the fact that it was ringed with trees.

As they swept over the emerald waves, Luigi's eyes locked onto a shape in their midst and widened. [Hey, is that a person over there?]

Mario looked around, but his short stature coupled with the grasses gave him difficulty. [Luigi, let me get on your shoulders.]

Luigi glanced over at his brother and nodded. Mario crouched slightly, then leapt an impressive seven feet straight up. Luigi braced his legs as Mario's feet touched down on his shoulders, and Luigi's arms went up to hold his brother steady.

Luigi turned back in the direction he had seen the figure, a patch of land where the grass was considerably shorter than anywhere else in the field.

Mario noticed the figure with greater detail than his brother had. The person was a girl dressed in a long black leather coat, and her short raven hair caught the light of the afternoon sun while she ran from the treeline.

Squinting, Mario swore he could make out several pairs of green glowing balls in the trees, and gulped as he connected the dots between seeing those and the eyes of the forest's wooden wolves.

Suddenly, Mario saw something that made his heart drop, and he had to grip Luigi's head to stop himself from falling off in shock. [Momma mia – that girl just collapsed! And worse, she's being chased by those wooden wolves!]

[What?] Luigi yelped, eyes wide, and he leaped up in surprise. Mario's grip on his brother's head prevented him from falling, but only barely. [We've got to help her, Mario!]

Mario adjusted his position on Luigi's shoulders. [Then we can't waste time!] Mario said, blood boiling. [Luigi! Bros. Ball!]

Luigi nodded. [Right!]

Luigi arched his body forwards and let Mario fall backwards, arms outstretched. Mario's hands locked on to Luigi's legs, arching his body to match his brother's, thus forming a human ball. Luigi pitched himself forwards, and they shot off through the grassy field.

As they sped towards the girl, the sound of snarling grew louder, and grew into a bestial chorus of vicious hunger.

[Sounds like a lot of those wolves,] Luigi noted with a gulp.

Mario's gaze hardened. [Yeah, and they'll tear that girl apart if we don't move. Faster, Luigi!]

The brothers threw their strength into the maneuver, building as much momentum as they could. If they were going to go out, it would be while doing their damnedest to fend off those wolves.

[Let go on three, Luigi, and get ready to fight! One!]

The wolves were closing in on the girl, who was on her stomach and gasping in pain.

[Two!]

Several of the wooden wolves turned their heads to regard the rapidly approaching duo, and focused their attentions towards them.

[Three!]

Mario released his grip on Luigi's ankles just after Luigi let go of Mario's, and as a result he propelled himself into the air, spinning madly as he soared upwards and towards the girl.

Reaching into his pockets, Mario drew out his gleaming yellow Super Hammer, and used his rapid somersaulting and forward momentum to turn himself into a living ball of pain. Angling the hammer to his right in his spins, Mario directed his fall to meet the wolf closest to the girl head-on.

The wolf in question exploded into chunks of wood from the neck to its belly, and what was left of it was thrown behind Mario – in other words, right towards Luigi.

Luigi raised his left hand to the sky, pointing upwards with it dramatically. His right palm was outstretched towards the incoming wolf, and the air in front of his plam was engulfed in a sphere of crackling blue energy. Luigi braced his body for what was to come, and let loose with the energy he had been storing.

Wood isn't a very electrically conductive material. However, a bolt of lightning tends to overheat the air around it as it falls, meaning that anything it hasn't struck in the immediate area is likely to catch on fire.

Which was unfortunate for the wolf made of dry wood, and it's head went out in a fiery burst that would have made Michael Bay cry liquid pride.

Luigi leaped forwards to join his brother, who was smacking any eager wolves away with his hammer. The Mario Brothers stood side to side, bodies ready to stomp the living daylights out of these creatures.

The girl let out a hacking cough, and the brothers whipped their heads around in alarm.

Luigi clenched his fists in determination. [Mario! I'll give her some Mushrooms, you use your Firebrand to cover me!]

Mario put his hammer away, and a fireball began forming in his palm. [You've got it, Luigi!]

Luigi dashed over to the girl, hammer in hand, and smashed it down on the head of the nearest wolf. Three other wolves who had been edging towards the girl whipped their heads towards Luigi, and snarled in rage.

As the wolves drew closer to him, Luigi eyed his hammer. [What would happen if I...?]

Luigi gripped the hammer's head in his hand, and focused on his Thunderbrand. After a second, the hammer's head began crackling in a dangerous blue aura, and let off a few errant sparks from random surfaces.

Luigi looked up just in time to see a set of jaws soaring towards his head. Startled, he spun around and flailed his hammer in the wolf's path.

The wooden wolf caught what would normally be a glancing blow on its muzzle, but the combination of lighting and hammer caused the luckless creature to explode into a shower of cinders and ash.

Luigi readied his hammer for another strike, facing the two remaining wolves and letting out a short battle cry of, “Hiya!”

They were hungry, not suicidal, and as such they hauled ass out of there.

Luigi twirled around in victory, laughing in celebration. “Ha ha ha ha ha! Go Weegee! Go Weegee!” Then he noticed the prone form of the girl, and he stopped short. “Yikes!” he cried, and made his way to the girl's side.

The girl's eyes lifted towards the plumber in confusion. “Who...” she managed, before erupting into a coughing fit.

At least we know she speaks English, Luigi thought as he dug into his pockets, dragging out as many Mushrooms as he could grasp. “Here, eat these,” he said as he offered them to the girl. “They'll heal some of your injuries.”

Luigi couldn't help but check over his shoulder to see how Mario was holding out. While the wooden wolves seemed hell-bent on taking him down, the red plumber leapt clear of their lunges, and was using his Firebrand to strike out at any wolves that got too close to dodge.

The girl managed to look past Luigi to see Mario's fight, and she scrabbled for the Mushrooms in Luigi's hands. Wolfing them down quickly, she felt her strength come flooding back to her, and felt good as new within seconds.

The girl extended her palm outwards, and a light burst forth from her hand. In an instant, that light was replaced with a peculiar sword shaped like a massive key. “Hey! Leave him alone!” she shouted, and charged toward Mario.

Luigi blinked at this, but shook it off and bolted towards his brother, twin balls of lightning appearing in his palms as he closed the distance. “Wait for me!”

Luigi hurtled himself into the air, and he reached the apex of his jump several feet above the wooden wolves. Mario looked up and, with a shout of “Whoa!”, threw himself out of the way just before a bolt of blue lightning crashed into the middle of the wolves.

The three closest to the blast caught fire, but they did something rather unexpected – they ejected the burning pieces from their bodies towards the girl.

The girl swung her key-blade in an arc, and shouted the word “Aero” in response. Before the word finished being spoken, wind began flowing in a sphere around her. Each of the burning chunks of wood that hit this ricocheted away, buckshotting some of the other wolves nearby with flaming chunks of their brethren.

The girl then followed up with a leaping strike at another wooden wolf, splintering part of its spine, and then pointed the tip directly at the injured wolf. She cried out “Fire!”, and a blazing ball shot from the blade and into the wolf. You can probably guess how the wolf came out of that one.

Silence descended upon the field, as the last of the wooden wolves had been reduced to charcoal and kindling.

The girl sighed deeply. “Looks like it's over,” she said, dismissing her key-blade, and turned to address the Mario Brothers. “Thanks for saving me, by the way.”

“No problem,” spoke the younger of the Italians. “My name's Luigi, and that's my brother, Mario. What's your name?”

The girl paused, trying to sort through her memories. “My name is...Xion.”

Mario gave a smile of his own, though there was something odd about how he was standing. “If you're sure that's what it is,” he said cryptically.

"I...I think it is?" Xion said as her smile lost an inch. She then noticed Mario swaying a bit on his feet. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Just a little worn out from that fight,” Mario said, and reached for some Mushrooms in his pocket. The motion made him wince, and a vicious looking wound poked out from under his arm. His red shirt, it turned out, had hidden the blood dribbling from his injuries.

Luigi's eyes went wide, and his lip began trembling. “Mario?” he said fearfully.

Mario glanced down, face worryingly calm. “Huh,” he said, “maybe that was just blood loss.” Then he promptly collapsed.

Luigi descended into panic. “Mario!” he cried, hands flying to his pockets for some Mushrooms. To his horror, he realized that he had given them all to Xion.

Xion's mind raced for a plan to save Mario. She had no Potions, so she couldn't just give him one of those. She had almost no magic left in her, meaning she couldn't use Cure on Mario, and she had no Ethers...

Xion's eyes widened. 'Wait a minute! These guys were using Thunder and Fire magic in that fight!'

Xion looked at Luigi, who was a little busy flipping out over the fact that Mario was bleeding to death.

She grabbed the man's shoulders and shook him from side to side. Luigi continued to cry, but as Xion continued to shake him, he soon began feeling less panic and more dizzy. Cringing a little, Xion let go of Luigi, snapping her gloved fingers to get him back to his senses. “Luigi, I need you to focus,” she said urgently. “Mario's life depends on this.”

With those five magic words, Luigi snapped out of it. A fire entered his eyes as he met Xion's. “What do we need to do?” he asked.

Xion took a deep breath. “You might not have any more of those healing Mushrooms, but do you have anything that restores magic?”

Luigi thought for a beat, then suddenly straightened with his hand pointed skywards. “Aha!” He reached into his pockets and retrieved a bottle of amber liquid. “Try this,” he said, handing it to Xion. “It's a Super Syrup bottle.”

Without ceremony, Xion popped the top off and chugged its contents down. As it went down her throat, she could feel the sparks of magic rekindling in her bones, sending her senses abuzz with energy.

“Hang on, Mario,” Xion pleaded as she summoned her key-blade, pointing the end towards Mario. Xion reached into herself for the spell she needed, calling out to it with thoughts of a blonde haired boy and a fiery maned man. “Heal,” she intoned, and a green aura ensconced her key-blade.

The green aura alighted over Mario, and after a tense moment the plumber leapt a good eight feet straight upwards. “YA-HOO!” he shouted with a massive smile on his face, his healed arm raised triumphantly towards the clouds.

The second Mario touched the ground, Luigi threw himself at him, wrapped Mario in a tight hug, and began weeping loudly. “Mario-ho-hooo!”

Mario patted his brother's shoulder, embarassed. “Geez, Luigi. It's not like I died on you or anything.”

Luigi kept crying on Mario's overalls. “But you almost did!” he sobbed.

Mario shook his head. “I'm alive, Luigi,” he said, looking up at Xion. “Thanks to you.”

Xion rubbed a hand behind her head. “I couldn't have cast Cure if Luigi hadn't given me that Syrup. It's him you need to thank.”

“And I heard you snapping him out of his panic,” Mario countered. “I owe you both for my life.”

Luigi let out a sniffle, and hugged Mario harder.

Mario sighed, but had a smile on his face as he did. “Want to make it a group hug? You look a little lonely over there.”

Xion blinked. “You'd be okay with that?”

Mario laughed a little. “Would I have said it if I wasn't?”

Descending above the field a short distance away from the trio, a strange drone watched this conversation unfold. Its body looked like a green head wearing circular, swirl lensed glasses, which made the white propeller circling around it appear as an impossibly wide smile. On the top of its “head” was a red bubble light, currently switched off for sneaking purposes.

The device hovered over the remains of the wooden wolves furthest from the three humans, almost pensively staring at the splinters.

Miles away, its operator stared at the images he saw. “Those red and green mustaches who I hate... every time they arrive, like door-to-door salesmen selling knicknacks that are stupid!” he seethed. Suddenly, the anger fled from his face, which looked astonishingly like the device hovering in the forest. “No matter. They shall not have readiness for THIS!”

He slammed his fist down onto a button, and sent a signal to his device.

Luigi glanced over Mario's shoulder, brow raising. “Not saying the group hug is bad or anything, but doesn't that look suspicious to you guys?”

Mario and Xion raised a brow in confusion. “What looks suspicious, Luigi?”

“That pile of wood's being zapped by that strange laser beam.”

Xion turned her head to follow Luigi's gaze, and her jaw dropped. The shattered pieces of the wooden wolves – those that hadn't been burned to ashes, anyway – were now collecting around a giant solidified shadow. More material was ripped from the trees by an unseen force, adding to the beast's knotted armor. Locking into place with ominous cracking, the trees around the head of the creature twisted into the shape of a crown, and its eyes glowed with a vengeful yellow luminescence.

MASTER OF THE EVERFREE

HEARTLESS KING TIMBERWOLF

Mario noticed this creature too, and leapt back in surprise. “Momma mia, that's a big one!” he shouted, shifting his body into a combat stance.

Xion summoned her Keyblade and held it with both hands, crouching slightly as she stared at the Heartless. “Don't worry, guys – we can take this!”

Luigi took up his own combat stance, looking considerably less sure than either of them. “If you say so...”

Date: ???
Location: ???

Stark florescent lights hummed down upon the two seated figures occupying the sparsely equipped meeting room.

"So the last piece is on the board..." spoke the younger looking of the two. He took a flask into his hand, popped open the cap with a well-rehearsed flick of the thumb, and began to drink the contents as if it were water. "Well, old man? What do you think?"

The 'old man' simply flipped through his book. "...about what in particular?"

The younger man shifted slightly in his seat, a cheap leather affair that creaked under his weight. "The bean. What else?"

"The one calling himself Fawful...is not our problem."

The younger frowned. "Oh, really?"

The old man gazed at the younger from behind a pair of dark sunglasses. "For now. We don't want to show our hand just yet."

The younger clenched his right hand around his flask.

The old man glanced down at the younger man's glove. "Ah. Slip of the tongue." The younger stood to leave, and the old man spoke once more. "You must have patience, Jack. One wrongly timed move -"

"I know what's at stake here." Silence. "...I'll be back later. I need to get some air."

And so Jack opened the Door.

Author's Note

July 8 Notes: Alright. I think I'm at a point where I can move forwards again.

Act 1, Part 2 - Dream a Little Dream of Everfree

“Where in the span of Time did this come from? Its characters span eras, its ambitions emanate hallucinogens rivaling the Ichor…I must see who brought these here!”
– Cristoph Magreat, The Duel of Shaman Kullermes and Migrant O-Thorde

“Did any’a you hear that?”

The other ponies seated around the Apple family dining table paused. Their guest didn’t stop chowing down on his food, but we’ll get to him momentarily.

Their matriarch, whose body was barely covered in a green coat moreso than her wrinkles, cocked an ear to the south of the farm. “I coulda swore I heard explosions coming from the Everfree.”

The middle child, a mare, adjusted the Stetson resting atop her blond mane. “No offense, Granny, but are ya sure those were explosions?”

“I may be getting old,” Granny said, “but I can still tell the diff’rence between my joints poppin’ and the sound of high explosives goin’ off. ‘Member how your cousins Fuji and Big Apple tried ta fish in the lake durin’ the last Apple Family Reunion?”

The youngest child, also a mare, perked up in her seat as her eyes shone. “Oh YEAH!” she twanged, lifting her hoof up and nearly smacking the massive red bow off her yellow little head. “They had those sticks ‘a…sticks ‘a…” She frowned. “What’s the word ah’m lookin’ for?”

“Dynamite, Applebloom,” the middle child said, holding a hoof to her face at the freshly resurfaced memory. “It’s called dynamite, and ah see what Granny’s getting’ at.”

While Applebloom smiled at the memory, especially at the part where her cousins threw in a few sticks too many, her older sister managed to finish off her plate and, placing it into the sink, she started walking to the door. “Ah’ll find out what’s going on, don’t you worry none.”

Granny took a drink of cider. “A li’l late for that, but I appreciate your goin’ out to check regardless, Applejack.”

The guest seated next to Applebloom took a second to stop inhaling its food. He looked at Applejack with his big blue eyes and asked, “Poyo?” Applejack didn’t know much about their puffy pink guest, but she could tell from how he shifted in his seat that he probably wanted to come with her. Applejack wasn’t sure about letting him come along, seeing how he acted like a literal big baby, and in her search for inspiration she managed to glance over at the table. “Well, it’s an Apple Family Tradition that no one gets up from the table ‘til their plate’s cleared, and seein’ as you’ve got plenty left…”

Their pink guest promptly inhaled with enough force to vacuum the food off of all the plates, managed to close his mouth despite growing to twice his previous size from the sheer amount of food in him, swallowed the entire mass in one go, and plopped back down into his chair at his normal size. He smiled blissfully and began rubbing his belly with both of his nubby pink arms.

Applejack paused halfway over the threshold, processing the flagrant breaking of the laws of physics that she just saw. To her credit, she recovered much more quickly than Applebloom. “…guess ah can’t say you broke tradition, can I? Ah suppose you can come with if you’re that eager t’help.”

As the pink puffball happily strode out the door after Applejack, Applebloom looked at the considerable amount of nothing left on her plate. “Can ah learn how to do that?” she wondered aloud.

“Eenope,” said the eldest child.

“…okay, maybe not now, but ah could do it if ah got my Cutie Mark in Apple Eatin’, right Granny?”

After opening her mouth, closing it, and opening it again, Granny put a hoof to her chin in deep thought. “Well Applebloom, I don’t see why not…”

Moments later…

Applejack had just finished lighting a torch when the pink puffball decided an open flame was a nifty dessert. As Applejack held onto her hat to keep it safe from the sudden vortex, she quickly noticed that she was no longer holding the torch. She spotted their guest standing in front of her swallowing something suspiciously torch-shaped.

“What in tarnation possessed ya to –” Applejack began, but stopped when he swallowed the torch in his mouth and promptly went up in flames. Eyes wide, Applejack began to bolt for a bucket of water to put the little guy out, but the second she came back with the filled pail she paused again. The little guy was showing absolutely no signs of distress over the bonfire on his scalp. “So when ya swallow fire, yer head lights on fire,” Applejack noted. “Who knew?”

Night had fallen by the time the trio finally managed to defeat the Arbitrarily Heartless King Timberwolf, but the coins and gear it had dropped somewhat made up for the ludicrously long but nonetheless action-packed fight involving Shadow-class Heartless, a hastily cobbled together but nonetheless devastating Trio Attack, and lots and lots of fire-based attacks. The moon shone down on the field, relatively in the same state as before the fight had begun, and the triumphant trio of Mario, Luigi, and Xion, who were resting in the regenerative field a cast of Xion’s Curaga spell had created.

The trio tore their eyes away from the slowly ascending form of a giant glowing heart, the only remaining part of the Heartless once it had dissolved into wisps of darkness, to see a single onlooker applauding under the shadow of a tree. He was human in appearance, sporting a pair of khaki slacks, a tanned leather jacket unbuttoned enough to spot the shirt for some band named ‘Sunsetters’ underneath, bright red hair on his hatless head, and an oddly familiar glove on his right hand. It was made of a red material of some sort that looked like but wasn’t quite leather, and the owner didn’t seem to have a matching glove on his left hand.

Xion blinked a bit in surprise. “Oh. Hi there. How long were you –”

“‘Standing here?’ Time’s all relative, sweetheart,” the newcomer said, grinning. “It’s just how everybody observes the process of entropy. To a fly, I’ve been here for a small eternity. To the trees of this forest, I’ve been here for an infinitesimal moment. To humanoid beings whose natural lifespan tops out somewhere near a century…eh, about an hour or two.

“But I couldn’t help noticing…” he continued with a gleam in his eye, “that you all seem to be low on supplies. Healing items, for instance. Top gear. Decent badges. Maybe a nice tent?”

Luigi and Mario put a hand to their own chins and tilted their heads almost in perfect unison. “Hmm…” they hummed.

“Are you saying you’re a merchant?” Xion asked.

“Not just a merchant. One should never trust someone who goes by their profession alone,” the newcomer said with a smirk, before gesturing to himself with both hands. “Jack’s the name. Jack of All Trades.”

“Isn’t that another name for your profession?” Luigi pointed out.

The merchant man with the right red glove grinned. “Sharp as a tack, this one. Ten percent off your next purchase, and another five just because your mustache is looking fantastic,” he said, pointing to Luigi. “Jacob Winston, though I do prefer ‘Jack.’”

Mario looked around a bit. “Alright, ‘Jack’…so where are you selling your wares?”

Jack smiled. “Right here,” he said. At the sight of Mario’s raising brow, he smiled wider and asked, “Something wrong?”

“It seems strange that you don’t have so much as a suitcase with you,” Mario said, dubious. “How much stock do you actually have?”

“Since you’re so interested…” Jack snapped the fingers on his right hand. “See for yourself.”

close one eye, step to the side

Suddenly, there was a large blue quilt that stretched for several yards under their feet. Looking around, one could spot several places where items of wildly varying shapes and sizes were making depressions into the fabric. There were also a number of floodlamps fitted with red bulbs that were now illuminating the area, notably without a single visible power source to be seen.

Mario stared at Jack. “…and where were you keeping all of that?”

Jack smirked. “The same place you hold that veritable mountain of gear, obviously.”

“…point taken,” Mario conceded.

Xion looked around. “How is this even organized? Do we even have the munny to pay for any of this?”

“I’ll explain how my operation works in a bit, but I’m going to have to do that bit off-screen,” Jack said, gesturing a bit with his hands. “But first, let me just say what I say to all my customers, then we’ll get started:

“What will you give for a bit of safety?”

There was a moment of silence as Mario, Xion, and Luigi awkwardly waited for something to happen. An owl hooted somewhere off in the forest, the moon shone its cool reflected sunlight upon all of them, half a million hermaphroditic bugs were multiplying in ponies’ homes far away and yet also close by in the weird paradoxical manner that results from individuals’ relative perspectives and their effects on the concepts of reality, a cricket let out a few clear and well-clichéd chirps, the tumbleweed from The Mighty Warrior series made an unauthorized and quite possibly paradoxical cameo. This lasted for a full two minutes before Jack himself ended the ever-extending paragraph filled with silence and background events with varying significance to the plot.

“…well, that’s odd,” Jack said. “Here I thought we would’ve ended on that line.” He shrugged. “At least I can start explaining how my shop’s set up without being cut off by something stupid like a Gilligan Cut–”

Applejack had to admit, while watching the little guy swallow that torch was mighty unsettling, the results had their perks. For instance, neither of them needed to carry a light. Considering the nature of the forest and its inhabitants, this was a bit of a godsend, as one could never be sure when something would choose to strike. Granted, the pink guy was basically on fire and would be the one attracting the attention of any nocturnal predators and not Applejack, but she came to terms with that by deciding to defend him twice as hard as she was going to originally.

This moment provided the perfect segway into how Applejack met the pink guy in the first place. You see, this subplot started around lunchtime that day, back when she was bucking trees in the orchards –

Applejack’s train of thought was derailed when she saw a gout of flame come out of the little pink puffball’s mouth, and she instinctively leapt to the side. “Whoa! Give a gal some warnin’ next time!” she said, before noticing what the flames had been sent towards. It was covered in soot and burned-off feathers, had its eyes closed tightly either in pain or by way of protection, and possessed a snake’s tail. It coughed once, let out a high-pitched and manic sounding cackle, before slumping over unconscious. A quick glance over at the little guy showed that he was just as surprised as Applejack.

As interesting as the charred but somehow still living chicken-snake was, Applejack managed to get the pink guy to start walking again. Several hours of fruitless searching later, they had found absolutely no sign of anything that could have exploded and simply headed back to Sweet Apple Acres, warm beds, merciful sleep, and blissful ignorance of the utter chaos tomorrow would bring.

Author's Note

My only regret is that I couldn't upload the finished chapter by 8/05.