In A Purple Fuzzy Notebook
Once upon a time...
"No." Using a blip of magic, Twilight yanked the pen from Rainbow Dash's mouth.
"Why? What's so bad about 'once upon a time'?" Rainbow Dash rubbed her jaw. Twilight had invited Rainbow Dash over to the library to talk about the latest Daring Do, in the wake of the Possible Love Interest that everypony was freaking out about. Eventually the conversation had turned to writing fiction in general, and Twilight came up with the genius idea for them to write a short little story together.
"Because it's just so cliche. Every single fairy tale ever starts off with 'once upon a time'. We aren't doing 'once upon a time'." Twilight said decisively, wiping off the end of the pen for essentially no reason.
"Well then, what are we doing?" Rainbow Dash rolled over onto her back, staring up at the horse head thingy on Twilight's desk in the corner of her vision.
Twilight didn't have an answer for that. She thought hard before saying, "We're doing this." And as she began to write, Rainbow Dash rolled back onto her stomach and watched.
Long ago, after Celestia and Luna had conquered Equestria and turned the god of chaos, Discord, to stone...
"So you're retelling history?"
"No."
...there rose another alicorn, with a thick mane and tail that reminded those who saw it of the blazing sunsets of Saddle Arabia, and a coat that looked like the rich, black night sky of the newly founded Canterlot. His name was Sun Flash.
He was quite popular among the many mares he met during his travels throughout the young Equestria, for obvious reasons. Despite his somewhat intimidating appearance, he was quite kind and sweet to everypony he met.
"He sounds perfect." Rainbow Dash sat on top of Twilight, peering around her horn. "Too perfect. You of all ponies know that anypony who sounds nice is in need of a beatdown later on."
"He won't be perfect." Twilight Sparkle, aspiring author, reassured her critic. "He'll have flaws that will come up later in the story."
"Uh-huh. Sure." Rainbow Dash was not convinced.
"Just let me keep writing, why don't you." Twilight dipped the pen in a pot of ink and continued.
There was one mare in particular, who stole Sun Flash's heart and made off with it. This mare was named Rain Gem, and he loved her deeply from the moment he saw her. Her mane fell like a silvery curtain in front of her face, and her wings and coat were immaculate. The three raindrops that sat on such firm white cheeks had him entranced whenever he could catch a glimpse of them. One day, he received the most wonderful news; she loved him too!
They were inseparable once they bared their hearts to the other, and when they frolicked down the street lost in each other's eyes, all the mares in their wake weeped both because they could not have Sun Flash for themselves, and because they wished they could be in such a wonderful and loving relationship.
"I'm not crying. I'm just bored." Rainbow Dash made her boredom clear by slouching off of Twilight, her front half on the floor.
"You'll be crying in a second." Twilight was scribbling feverishly now, convinced she was penning the perfect love story. Rainbow Dash snatched a spare sheet of parchment from atop Twilight's desk and carefully wiped off splotches of ink that had somehow found their way onto Twilight's face.
But one day came when Rain Gem fell ill. She was sick with an ailment never before discovered, and left her bedridden for weeks. Sun Flash searched all over Equestria for a cure, but he could not find one. And all the while he regretted not being able to spend time with his love as she grew ever closer to death.
One night, as he tearfully told his love that he had failed yet again, she stopped him, resting a frosty white hoof on his lips.
"My dear, I will always love you, even beyond the grave. Do you understand?"
He nodded.
"Now climb into bed beside me, and rest. Goodness knows you deserve it."
He did as he was told, and they slept together one last time. Before the next morning, when Sun Flash woke up and discovered that Rain Gem's body was cold.
"Boo frickety hoo." Rainbow Dash stared in disapproval at Twilight's writing, which was a bit sloppier than she normally allowed herself to write.
Twilight shot a venomous glare Rainbow's way, which quieted her.
Sun Flash left the village where he had met Rain Gem in disgrace, unable to live there any longer. He wandered Equestria in utter sadness, not wanting to go on without his love. Until he came to a small village, where he met Velvet Sky...
"This guy is totally going to be your fantasy boyfriend, isn't he?" Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow.
Twilight turned red. "No..."
Rainbow Dash laughed. "He totally is! You really need to go find a stallion, Twi. I hear Thunderlane's single."
Twilight's blush turned deeper, and she sighed. "You know how shy I am. In the end, I'll always be more of a book girl than a boy girl." She tossed a sad glance toward her paper. "I guess that extends to writing, too." Even the generally insensitive Rainbow Dash could tell that Twilight's smile was out of self-deprecation.
Rainbow Dash climbed back on top of Twilight. "Hey, hey. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." Twilight looked up at Rainbow Dash, her smile a little happier. "Maybe later tonight, we can both go speed dating. I'll be your wingmare."
Twilight's eyes sparked. "Really?"
"Sure!" Rainbow Dash said happily. "Even if we don't find dates, at least we'll have had fun. And you'll get better at writing, I know you will."
Twilight's smile was genuinely happy. Rainbow Dash gave her friend a nuzzle as they lay together in the cozy library. And for a moment, all was well.
Except for one thing.
Both of them glanced at the never-to-be-finished story, then glanced at each other. Twilight crumpled it up into a ball, then aimed for the wastebasket in the corner of the room while Rainbow Dash commentated like Twilight was playing hoofball.
"She lines it up...and goes for the basket! The season is riding on this shot, can she make it...Yes!"
The two friends hugged, the offense to writing safely in the wastebasket. Twilight gestured for Rainbow Dash to get off of her, and then lit her horn, setting the ball of paper on fire without damaging anything else. Rainbow Dash looked at Twilight in disbelief.
Twilight shrugged. "For good measure."
Author's Note
I don't know what this is even. It's not funny, it's not clever, it's not anything. Thanks for reading if you bothered to.
