The Poisoned Barb

Chapters

Chapter 1: Birth {RE-EDITED}
Chapter 2: Growth {RE-EDITED}
Chapter 3: Verse {RE-EDITED}
Chapter 4: Remembrance {RE-EDITED}
Chapter 5: Words {RE-EDITED}
Chapter 6: Separation {RE-EDITED}
Interlude 1 {RE-EDITED}
Interlude 2 {RE-EDITED}
Interlude 3 {RE-EDITED}
Chapter 7: Education {RE-EDITED}
The Talk {RE-EDITED}
The Reveal {RE-EDITED}
Chapter 9: ... {RE-EDITED}
The Beginning {RE-EDITED}
EXTRA: Chapter ??: Machinations (April Fools)
Prologue: Quiet {RE-EDITED}
Chapter 8: Overlooked {RE-EDITED}
To Be Continued In...

Chapter 1: Birth {RE-EDITED}

If there is one thing that I feel that this life was merciful to me for it is this; at least I was not reborn as a mammal.

That must sound quite silly out of context.

Allow me to explain. I, unlike a normal child, remember my birth. I remember it quite well, in fact. While my first birth was what I can only assume was standard fare for a human being; kicking, screaming, and tears everywhere, my second birth was much calmer than what one would expect. At least at first. It was very much akin to the simple act of waking up from a long nap, as opposed to it being the mind-numbingly painful experience for all parties involved that it most certainly is, speaking from past life experience.

If my name has not tipped you off yet, dear reader, then allow me to spell it out plainly; I am a dragon. A baby dragon to be precise. We are not born like ponies, instead we are hatched out of eggs roughly the size of foals. We do not naturally leave our shells as griffons do though, instead magic is needed for us to enter the world. If I were a natural, wild dragon like the rest of my kind this would mean that my mother would have needed to breathe fire on my egg and that would have been the end of that. The shell would have melted away and I would have been reborn in flames.

I am not a natural-born dragon, however.

My egg was not in the possession of my draconic mother during my hatching but instead ponies. Before I was born I was the property of the Canterlot Magical Institution. Recieved as a donation from an anonymous adventurer many years ago, I can only surmise that I was an unwanted trophy from a successful dragon slaying. Am I bitter about this fact? Well, if I were a normal child, I'd imagine that I wouldn't have been granted access to this information until I was much older and "mature" enough to handle it. I only know what I know now because of the outside research I conducted after learning how to speak and read Ponish. Under the false appearance of a curious child, blissfully unaware as to what she was "pretending" to read, I learned the history of my egg and the history of my mother in this life. I'd imagine a normal child would be left quite distraught at this information though, ~~which leads me to wonder about my other; an equally young dragon named Spike.~~

It occurs to me that I have gone a bit off-topic. Resuming; a dragon egg is hatched by magic. Lots of magic. Magic was never something I was ever well versed in during my past life, ~~it didn't even exist~~ so I can't give you an exact amount, but I can at least tell you that it would have to be an amount on par with, if not rivaling, the natural magical flames produced by an adult dragon's breath.

And a small colt, not even ten years of age, managed to produce just that completely on accident one fateful day. This is what led to my rebirth.

It was seven odd years ago, on the morning of the Solaris' School for Gifted Unicorn's entry exam, when I opened my eyes to this world for the very first time. It was with a yawn, not tears, that I reawakened to the land of the living. I was such a small thing, I remember; even smaller than I am now. The world was big and frightening back then, but it wasn't in those scant few minutes as I numbly looked around at my surroundings in that dusty old examination room. My mind was blank and empty in that moment, my past life like a distant dream. I knew not where I was, what happened to me, where I had been, or who I even was. I was like a newborn babe, which I suppose is not too untrue a description. I should have been frightened, and eventfully I was, but not in those few first moments of life. I was simply confused, unsure where I was or what was going on. My eyesight was not perfect right away; my green orbs unused to such harsh light. The room around me was a mess of colors and noise, nothing more. Even the ponies within it were simply blurry blobs.

And then I grew gigantic.

That sounds a bit abrupt, doesn't it? Well, it was for me too, so maybe you can now feel a fraction of the surprise I felt during that sudden turn of events.

The source of my abnormal growth was the same source that had granted me my new life; Dusk Shine.

The tiny colt was just another student being tested on his magical aptitude that day when our paths crossed. Him a Canterlot unicorn foal, me an "unhatchable" dragon egg. I was nothing more than a tool for the school at the time; a testing instrument meant to gauge how much raw power each little unicorn possessed in their equally little bodies. I was never meant to be born, I was never meant to be hatched. A child couldn't possibly accomplish such a daunting task, nor could a regular unicorn even hope to send a crack down my rocklike shell.

But, as I would soon learn in the following years to come, Dusk Shine was anything but a regular old unicorn.

From what his parents have told me, in the brief few times I have conversed with them, Dusk didn't accomplish this feat on his first attempt. No, it took many tries for him to even produce a spark from his horn. The colt became depressed at this, and elected to give up altogether, but then a peculiar event happened. A quake occurred, magic was released, and Dusk Shine's horn became a brilliant beacon of magenta light in the aftermath. It was then that I was born. This phenomenon, what experts refer to as a "magic surge", didn't end with my hatching, oh no. I said I grew gigantic; this was the work of Dusk's rampent power. With magic swirling all around him, Dusk kept on sparking and unwittingly casting spells until Prince Solaris himself appeared before the testing room, using his amazing powers to undo everything that had gone wrong. I was even soon returned to the more manageable size of a babe, with no indication of the shocking transformation I had just undergone.

No indication upon my flesh, true, but it had certainly left its mark on my mind.

My form was large. Larger than even the room. Prince Solaris was led to his future protégé thanks to my new size, for my enlarged head had crashed through the ceiling to the outside and became clear for all to see. I was so very confused, I remember, and the first sparks of real fear had begun to lick at my heart, but all remained still as my enormous eyes focused into clarity, and as I gazed upon the amazing city of Canterlot in all its beauty.

It was, and still is, like nothing I had ever seen before in this or any past lives I've lived.

Looking back on it, it was a very sobering experience to have. A view like that only truly comes around once a lifetime, after all. Sometimes it doesn't come at all, speaking personally. Watching the city move and churn from above; its buildings grand, its ever-moving citizens acting as the lifeblood of the massive "heart" of Equestria, makes a gal humble and contemplative.

And contemplate is what I did back then as I stared out over the capital.

It was this moment of inner introspection that allowed my mind to expand and, more importantly, remember:

I remembered my name.

I remembered my family.

I remembered who I was, the woman I used to be.

The woman I was supposed to be in that moment, but wasn't.

Slowly memories began trickling back into my brain in reverse. I watched lifelong friendships begin, I watched kept wedding vows being re-exchanged, I watched children return to their carefree days. Everything fell into place; like a once empty filing cabinet being refilled with boxes upon boxes of old papers. At that moment, above the great city of Canterlot, I was restored to who I once was.

And I began to realize that something was wrong.

So unnaturally wrong.

As I was shrunk back down to size through the will of Prince Solaris, scenarios played in my mind's eye. Ideas were formed and discarded, memories were brought up and re-lived, old knowledge was gathered and reviewed.

Nothing.

My mind couldn't manage to explain to me what was happening. Strange creatures surrounded me, the world was brighter than I remembered it being, my skin felt rough and hard. I believed I had lost fingers, and that I had gained deformities on my behind, but I couldn’t properly move my body to confirm the state of my being. I was an infant, after all, with no motor skills to speak of, but my mind was not savvy to that information yet. I was still a woman for all I knew, an adult. The signals I sent from my still-developing brain were not going where I wished for them to go. I remember trying to rise to my feet only to instead lift my tail to the front of my face and grip it with my stubby claws. The sensations I felt from these actions shocked me even harder; my world was crumbling all around me. I couldn't even move my head enough to see what it was that I was gripping, or why it felt like it was a part of me. I had no idea what my body was doing and that fact frightened me greatly.

My mind so dazed and confused, so full of a slowly growing fear, started making patterns where there was none. The examination room was now, I assumed, an operating room; the strange creatures around me were now doctors there to help me. My body's problems were now the result of a rather nasty accident that had most likely left me brain-damaged, and the object in my grasp was now a sort of feeding tube that I was foolishly preventing a nurse from putting into my mouth.

All these rapid assumptions and false guesses resulted in was the moving of my spiked tail into my open mouth, unintentionally become a sort of pacifier for me.

As I lay there, in the remnants of my egg, sucking on my own tail, I was the spitting image of a newborn infant. Words were exchanged around me in a language I did not understand; a colt was celebrating the appearance of his cutie mark, his parents were celebrating their son's educational success, a prince was discussing what was to be done with the recently hatched dragoness, and I was oblivious to it all.

It was a mere minute later that I was granted my first real look at a pony.

Dusk was such a clean colt even back then. Although he was covered in sweat his coat was still perfectly brushed and matted and his two-toned mane was done up nicely and well maintained.

He smiled largely at me.

This scared me fiercely.

While I had met ponies before in my first life, the ones I knew were nowhere near the same as the ponies that exist here in Equus. Their eyes are smaller for one thing, and they lack the capacity to speak in a language one can understand. They also are not usually as colorful as Dusk, instead having coats of whites, browns, or blacks.

So, imagine this if you will; you can not move your body, you don't know where you are, everything is frightfully large and imposing, and a strange creature you only vaguely recognize approaches you. That in itself is scary beyond mere description but Dusk Shine, despite one day being labeled as "adorable" in my mind, went one step beyond by getting closer than any sane pony would or should get to a newborn dragon and talked to it cheerfully. I didn't learn what he had said to me until years later, but when I did discover the truth my heart warmed quite a bit, and my love for the colt only grew fonder.

Dusk, the innocent child that he was, had welcomed me to his world with outstretched forelegs.

Precisely, what we said was, "Hello there, little one. Welcome to Equestria! Hmmm, your tail has a spike on it... Spike sounds like a dog's name though. That wouldn't be a nice name for a fill- er, girl to have... How about... Barb? Barb... Barbara! There we go! Barbara! How does that sound, Barbara?"

Though this is what he said, word for word, all I heard was gibberish. It was frightening gibberish though, especially considering that the only word out of it that I understood was the rapid use of my old name.

So an unknown creature was looking at me and saying my name over and over again; I should have cried in that moment. I probably should have cried. I was so incredibly scared, but I didn't end up crying yet.

No, instead I giggled.

It came out as such infantile laughter, but I couldn't help it. It was all so horrifying and unreal that my brain filed it as just that; unreal. I thought I was dreaming. I was so sure I was dreaming. "None of this is real. Everything is just a dream!" I convinced myself at the time as I continued to laugh. I was enjoying the sound of my own voice, I remember; it sounded so much like my once baby daughter's that I kept on smiling, thus kept on laughing.

The colt took this as confirmation of a successful naming.

With a smile firmly plastered to his face, he galloped out of my sight and to his parent's and new mentor's sides so that he could informing them of the happy news.

Meanwhile, I kept on laughing.

I laughed and laughed and laughed at the supposedly fake world around me. I laughed at the colors, the ponies, the walls. I laughed at anything and everything that my young eyes fell upon, seeing all of it as a confirmation of a flawed dream.

I only stopped laughing when a summoned unicorn nursemaid gently levitated me into a rolling glass crib with her magic. With my body laid sideways, I was finally alowed to make out one of my new magenta claws with my own eyes.

This didn't cause me to laugh.

I didn't laugh again for the rest of that day, in fact.

As I was carted away through the halls, exiting the building altogether, I kept staring at what had become of my hand.

I had no control over it at all, yet I could clearly feel that it was mine. It bounced around limply as we wheeled along the path, and I felt as it moved up and down with us. I felt the cart's vibrations in my tiny body as well, and I felt the sun on my fresh face as it beamed down on me from on high. I could feel my tail slowly moving on its own, gently scraping against the glass containing me. I felt each and every scale on my arm that now hugged at my flesh.

I could smell the fresh air, I could hear the chattering of an unknown language and the galloping of hooves and the turning of wheels. The chirping of birds, the buzzing of insects, the laughter of children; what once I was so convinced was not real all of a sudden felt too real; scarily real. Everything started to click in my mind, and I realized the severity of my situation.

I didn't know where I was, my body was not my own any longer, and I was surrounded by creatures that I could barely comprehend; vaguely familiar yet fiercely not.

And I was small.

So completely small and tiny and helpless.

I was a baby once again.

Thus I cried like one with no shame.

Chapter 2: Growth {RE-EDITED}

What followed after my hatching were some of the most frustrating days, then weeks, then months, then finally years of my new life. I was clothed and bathed like an infant because I was one. I was fed and burped like an infant because I was one. I was changed and held, to the best of ponies' abilities, like an infant because I was one. From an independent woman to a helpless babe; my mind has a hard time imagining anything that could be as damaging to an adult psyche as that...

... Well except for my inevitable second go through puberty, of course. That goes without saying. The jury is still out on whether or not I'll survive that little slice of ~~hell~~ Tartarus as I did with infancy. Mentally I’m still hardwired towards being attracted to human anatomy and human anatomy only; I don’t know how I’ll react if I suddenly start finding other dragons or ponies ~~sexy~~ visually pleasing. ~~My guess is ‘poorly’.~~

Moving on; from my baby years through most of my toddlerhood I was the responsibility of many a nursemaid and many a doctor. Dusk was far too young at the time to care for me himself, after all. The little colt would visit me often in my room in Canterlot Castle, to make sure I wasn't lonely, but it wasn't until years later when he was on the crust of becoming a teenager that the two of us got assigned to watch over one another. By then I was able to speak and understand his language better and actually control my body, but it took me years to regain a sense of normalcy.

It took me years to simply come to grips with what I even was.

I still vividly remember the first time I ever saw myself in the mirror, and how the reflection caused me to feel such pure dejection in both my mind and soul.

In place of a large dark-skinned woman with reddish hair, I instead saw a small purple lizard with green spines. The baby fat was a poor substitute for the generous curves I once possessed, and my eyes were a completely different shade of green, but these two features were the only aspects that had stayed the same~~ish~~ between my transition from one form and the next. Everything else was so strange and new, and it frightened me greatly.

Instead of hands, I had claws. I had a tail where I once had none. Purple scales covered my body where once I was bare. And, as the damnable teething was quick to remind me, I was growing fangs where once I had the teeth of an omnivore.

Plus I could breathe green dragonfire.

I still feel absolutely awful for the nursemaid who accidentally taught me this little fact one day while he was burping me. The shock of it caused me to become a crying wreck and it was his job to comfort me, even though I had just lit his tail ablaze. ~~I must remember to do something nice for mister Lunardanseur the next chance I have.~~

I cried a lot in those early days, though not all of the tears were for the constant attention an infant needs. In the beginning, I cried about my situation; being helpless and unable to communicate or even understand what every~~one~~pony around me was saying. I was convinced for the longest time that they were responsible for what I had become, for "stealing" my body and my family.

I even lashed out at Dusk on a few occasions, scratching him or "accidentally" setting him on fire. I regret acting as such now, like a brat. He was one of the few who was showing me love and I initially rejected him. I don’t think I can be truly blamed though; whenever he laughed at words I could not translate, I always saw it as him mocking me. This couldn’t be further from the truth, but I had no way of knowing.

This hatred I had for him and everypony else in those days didn’t go to waste. I used that hate, that ever glowing fire, to spur me forward in my growth. I resigned myself to learning how to stand again so that I could face those who had imprisoned me; I would learn how to walk again so that I could one day run. I would learn how to use my claws so that I could take back control of my life with them; I would learn how to speak again so that I could once again have a voice.

I would learn how to control my fire and my tail so that I could fight back if need be.

As many would attest, I was an abnormally driven baby in the beginning. I learned things and gained control of my body faster than most foals ever could. “Well, that’s because she’s a dragon,” was what most said to rationalize away my odd quirks, unknowingly adding fuel to my inner blaze with their garbled words. Every time I was cooed at, every time they stomped their hooves in cheer for my meager accomplishments, I misinterpreted it as mocking laughter. I would growl back at them, only for it to come out as infantile babble. It was a constant reminder that I had a long way to go.

This lasted for almost a year, until I was ten months of age; it was then that something happened that quickly changed my attitude.

One night I had a nightmare, and then I had it again the next night and even the night after that. I would suddenly find myself wide awake in my crib, staring up at the mobile overhead; trying to piece together why my heart was racing and why I was sweating. It was the same nightmare every evening, I knew that much at least. Every night I would be able to retain more and more details about it but I was never able to see the big picture.

When I finally did see said big picture, I about gave up on life altogether.

These dreams of mine, these nightmares, were nothing of the sort; they were memories. Memories that had not returned to me all those months ago on the day I was reborn. I thought I had them all, that I knew it all, but one hole had unknowingly alluded me. One hole that I had subconsciously tried to hide from myself, fearing what the knowledge would bring.

These hidden memories were the final moments of my old life, and they contained the knowledge of how I died.

It was a dark and stormy night. ~~I feel like I’m failing as an author for even writing these words down.~~ I was traveling home from grocery shopping, operating a vehicle the likes of which unseen in this world. To describe it would be to say that it was a self-propelled carriage, un-needing of the aid of a pony to pull it. It can move anywhere from the pace of a normal carriage to the speed of a well-exercised pegasus. It was quite a powerful contraption. One can only imagine that great care is needed to properly handle such a "beast"; even the slightest of wrong inputs can result in horrific consequences.

Just look at me, for example.

It had blindsided me, the second metallic carriage; its operator, a young teen clearly intoxicated, uncaring of those around him. His vehicle overtook my own, struck me at an angle with such reckless speed...

And then the next thing I knew I found myself waking up again inside of my infantile crib, the thing being what I once saw as my prison until that point. As I laid there in my forced cocoon of blankets, on the verge of real tears, I finally understood what had happened to me. I finally saw the writing on the wall for what it was, and the severity of what it all meant.

Reincarnation. I had died and been reincarnated. This new life of mine wasn’t temporary it was permanent. I wasn’t going to magically wake up again as an adult, I would need to work towards that goal yet again. I wasn’t a damsel in distress, working to be rescued and returned to her family.

I was dead.

I was dead and never going to see them again.

I was never going to see my children or husband or friends ever again. We would never be reunited in an afterlife, doomed forever to be drifters through a reality larger than we could even begin to comprehend.

And I was an infant; a babe forced to remember all and gaze upon the sheer horror such knowledge wrought.

Alone.

Forever.

Of course I cried. That night I cried harder than ever before. My tears were real as I mourned in earnest. I wanted to die at the moment; I wanted to die in spirit or mind, simply so I wouldn’t have to endure the soul-crushing pain of the truth any longer.

The only thing that caused me to stop, even if it was for a second, was when an unfamiliar pair of hooves picked me up and cradled me softly. I was so used to my usual nursemaid’s hooves at that point that a younger pair of them being wrapped around my body startled me. When I opened my stinging, tear-stained dragon eyes for the pony, I was taken by surprise when it turned out to be none other than a pajama-clad Dusk Shine.

The young colt had just finished his late-night studying at the time, under the Prince’s guidance, and was about to sleep in his new guest room when he overheard my wails of sorrow. The kindhearted youth didn’t need to second guess himself as he changed his path and headed straight for my room. Now cradled in his forelegs, I could clearly see the look of concern on his face as he stared down at me.

His eyes were soft and full of innocence, yet I could see the clear signs of a thinking individual behind them. This was the first time I had ever saw him like that; as a mature pony instead of a spoiled child. It was at that point, as I choked up in his embrace, that I came to realize that this young unicorn wasn’t mocking me or taking pride in my pain; he actually cared about me.

In the big scary world I was now a part of, I saw one person who truly cared about me.

Call it Stockholm syndrome, call it the ramblings of a desperate woman; I couldn’t care less. All I knew at that moment was that I was an orphaned child, with no family to speak of. Trapped in a world ~~that I was only starting to realize seemed vaguely famil-...~~ ~~completely foreig-...~~ that I was only starting to realize seemed vaguely familiar to me. I was all of these things, I knew, but one person seemingly cared. One single person.

I felt that was more than enough for now.

Neither Dusk nor I got a wink of sleep that night as I kept us both up with my endless mournful wails.

Chapter 3: Verse {RE-EDITED}

In the previous chapter, I referred to the fact that the world was starting to seem vaguely familiar to me. I now feel the need to dedicate a passage to explain myself. If this is to become a proper guide for another reincarnated individual such as myself to follow, regardless of how unlikely such a thing is to occur, then they must be made fully aware of all the tools at their disposal. I am of the firm belief that knowledge is power and that it is my sworn duty to share as much of it as I can, ~~regardless of how much of it I hoard for myself. Maybe my form is appropriate...~~

That having been said though, I don’t believe I’m the most qualified individual to be discussing scientific theory like I’m about to. The science fiction genre was more my husband’s fancy, not mine. For a tailor, he was surprisingly well versed in a variety of both fictional and non-fictional scientific concepts and ideas. We would casually chat about them now and then, to pass the time while one of us worked. We watched films about it together with our children as well, ~~in our humble little home in the suburban of Minnesota where the Lake was always sparkling and the snow always came early and where we were a happy family together always smiling even during the dark times and of God oh God oh God you sick bastard bring them back to me bring them back BRING THEM BACK BRING THEM BACK BRI-~~

I’m sorry for the illegible second half of the page you were just forced to skip over; full of scribbles, lines, enough ink to make a squid blush, and soiling watermarks. I spilled my inkwell over by mistake and accidentally spat my drink out in surprise. I assure you, there… There was nothing important written there. Nothing lost; just the ramblings of an old yet youthful, paradoxical woman. Please ignore them…

... Returning to the subject at ~~hand~~ hoof, I will now be attempting to explain a scientific concept that may or may not be fictional. Considering what I will be explaining afterward, this seems like a reasonable thing to do.

First of all, let me cover what a multiverse is.

I’m assuming you know what a universe is; the collection of everything that ever is and ever was in our shared reality? Well, the multiverse is what lies beyond everything that ever is and ever was in our shared reality. This plane of existence is just one of many in a multiverse, while my homeworld and the universe it resides in are another plane entirely. I know for a fact that it doesn’t lie in this universe simply for the fact that magic does not exist there, at least not in the same capacity as it does here.

Now then, with that explained, I will now cover a subject that's a bit more advanced than the last, ~~again thought up by my husband~~. If the universe contains everything we know, and the multiverse contains that and everything else, then one has to wonder where we “stack up” in relation to our universal neighbors, correct? Where we reside in the grand scheme of things; who came first and who last? In the case of there being two Equestrias, which is the "real" one? Here is my take on the subject; what I’ve come up with using the evidence I’ve gathered throughout my twin lives.

I’ve dubbed it: The Stacked Multiverse Theory.

Here is the theory in essence; our universe is bumped up against numerous others. We have neighbors above us, to the sides, and below us. The ones next to us can be described as mirror dimensions; worlds and lands that resemble our own uncannily, but contain little details that set it apart from the Equestria we know ~~and love~~. Maybe Prince Solaris was sent to the moon a thousand years ago and Nightterror Nebula ruled over us ever since instead. Maybe your loved one was never born, or your elder sibling was instead your younger. Maybe everypony is a filly where here they are a colt, or perhaps the whole dimension is simply three minutes ahead of our own. The possibilities are endless, but it is still our Equestria in a sense.

Our neighbors below us are a different story though, literally.

If you're still reading this at this point then it is safe to assume that you've accepted the fact that what I’ve been writing is true, no matter how ridiculous it might seem at times. Keeping this in mind, it is with a straight face that I now tell you that the beloved foal book character, Harriet Trotter, is real. Dashing Dare is real as well. That silly colt comic book team, the Power Ponies, is also real. Every fictional character you’ve ever read, ever written, or ever thought up in your entire life is real. Every, single, one. Their dimensions, their worlds, their lives all exist below our own, constantly being watched by us without either party being fully aware of the fact. Down there we exist as outside gods; beings of immense power that hold dominion over their entire existence. With the single swipe of my quill, I could transform every one of them into a completely new character. Harriet to Harry, Dashing to Daring, colts to fillies; the possibilities are again endless.

Just like our mirrored neighbors beside us.

Have I painted an appropriate picture for you, reader? Did I succeed in showing you the parallels? Dashing Dare is a storybook character we read about in this world while below us he is his own pony, living his own life. Beside him is Daring Do, his mirrored sister, living her own life as well. Even though she is a pony I’ve only just introduced to your mind, she has already lived her own life on her own long before her inception. She might even be an old mare by now, watching her grandfoals embark on adventures of their own. All this is true in a multiverse; all events that can happen will happen all, at, once.

I said that we held dominion over it all but in reality we do not. All we do is simply create these worlds. Life takes its course all by itself after that, recycling lord knows how many souls to accomplish the task. Simply attempting to imagine it all renders me breathless, as if I'm suddenly staring into the maw of a chasm whose bottom I can never hope to see. It’s a staggering prospect; anything and everything is no longer impossible or possible, all at the same time.

Chaos.

That’s the only way to describe it.

Pure, unfiltered, chaos.

From this chaos, I would like to now share with you a single story.

A simple story about harmony, family bonds, growing up, life in general, and, most importantly, friendship.

This is the story of My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic.

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Knock knock knock…

“Eep!” I gasp, having been taken by surprise. Blinking blankly, it takes me a moment longer than it should have to realize that someone was knocking at the door. Hastily blowing on my journal lightly just enough to dry the ink, and just enough to not accidentally set it on fire, and then quickly close the tome and stash it inside of a drawer on the desk. “C-come in!” I speak in a rush, as I quickly place a new book upon the desk and opening it to a random page.

A tired-looking Dusk Shine soon enters the room, his eyes heavy and his movements sluggish.

“Barb?” he asks in between yawns. “What are you still doing up?”

I make a show of shrugging passively and returning my attention to the book before me. “I assume the same reason as you; reading.”

“Oh…” the stallion says with another yawn, shuffling his way towards his bed beside me. “Guess that’s reasonable,” he replies with all the grace of a sloth, crashing muzzle first into his pillow. With now muffled words he tries to retort with a “Baby dragons need their sleep though, young...” another yawn. “Lady…”

“I’ll retire to my basket once my piqued curiosity is satisfied,” I answer with some of the advanced Ponish I recently picked up.

“When will that be?” Dusk questions, his face still being smothered by the fluffy purple pillow.

“When either the stallion colts up and admits his feelings or the mare starts looking elsewhere,” I reply with a wave a claw over the romance novel I had apparently been reading all night long.

“Oh,” he responds through the pillow once more. “So, never then...?”

I nod my head, and answer with a noncommittal “Probably.”

Dusk nods his own purple head as well, burying it deeper into his pillow. “I see… zzzzzzzz…”

The sound of the stallion's snoring is all I need to hear to confirm that my friend would no longer be an issue tonight. Quietly I set the book aside (as in, into my sleeping basket. I might actually want to read this one later, after all…) and pull my journal back out; the coffee in my system allowing me to stay awake longer than normal. ‘Twas a glorious day when I was at last able to build back up my old tolerance for the stuff.

As I open the tome up again and move my writing instruments back to where they once were, I spare Dusk’s sleeping form a glance. A giggle escapes me as I soon notice that the silly pony accidentally left his saddlebags on in his sleep-deprived haste to return to bed. Just a quietly as how I had pulled my journal back out, I jump out of my chair and approach the stallion's side. Carefully I remove his bags and set the heavy things down with a soft thump against the floor. “An assistant's work is never done, I suppose,” I sigh tiredly to myself.

It takes me a solid five minutes to return every book to where they belong on the shelves. Magic theory in the magic wing, alchemy in the alchemy, history in history, etc. Having done such daily for quite a long time, I know these shelves like the back of my han-, er, claw.

I made sure to leave the new book in the bag though, the one I had snuck in there this morning. It took me awhile to save up the bits to afford it, my allowance being about what I used to give my son and his sister before him (Karma, perhaps? Somedays I wonder…), but I eventually managed to get it for him and slip it in with the rest of the books... It appears that he hasn’t touched it yet though. He must have had a different subject on his mind today… oh well. I suppose that’s just fine.

Distracting him with it was just half of my intention for buying it, after all.

Pop pop

The sound my joints make as I pop them rings out in my fin-shaped ears as I prepare to return to writing. Crawling back up into my seat, after of course covering the pony with a blanket, I look over at Dusk Shine one last time as he slept…

“Zzzzzzz…”

... found myself only able to smile warmly…

… and then I peacefully return to my secret journal.

Chapter 4: Remembrance {RE-EDITED}

After much internal debate, I’ve decided to split this discussion into two passages instead of simply one. I think I’ve covered The Stacked Multiverse theory in enough detail that you now have a good idea as to what it is that I am attempting to explain to you; that all fictional stories are non-fiction when you take the multiverse into consideration. I’ve explained it well enough, I feel, but I’ve overlooked a crucial step. The vital step to which no iteration of the scientific guessing game is complete without.

I’ve neglected to provide the proof necessary to back up my claims. How I know that what I am writing about is, in fact, truth instead of fiction.

I’ve claimed that I’ve been reincarnated, which I’ve attempted to prove through the sharing of my memories. I’ve claimed that I was once an adult, which I’ve attempted to prove through the demonstration of my mental capacity and my writing style. These have been my methods so far, but I’m afraid for you to believe my latest "tall-tale" we must now journey further into my past than what we’ve done prior.

This might prove to be the hardest entry for me to produce.

I’ve handled myself well so far in this journal, keeping my emotions mostly in check, but the fact remains that it has only been seven years since I last saw my beloved family. Seven long and painful years. The scars their absence have left in my heart might as well still be fresh for all the good the time has done for me. Not being able to see my son grow, or hold my new grandchild in my arms, still haunts me to this day, and simply imagining how my husband had to coup-, no. I won’t dwell on it any longer. Not because I have moved on, but because I fear that continuing to write about it will only succeed in turning me into a useless crying mess.

The point I am trying to make is that this will not easy for me to write. This is not easy for me to relive. This is painful, this is borderline torture, but I will continue on regardless of my own personal feelings. As silly as it might seem to you, and as pointless as you might feel it is; I still truly wish to help another like me. I truly wish to give this second life of mine meaning, to give it purpose beyond simply being. Why I remember what I do, why I am cursed as such I may never know... But writing this journal, sharing my life, proving that I’m real, preparing others, and giving someone else hope; I feel that it will all be worth the pain. Worth all the heartache.

Please accept my words as truth.

Please don’t allow my tears to have been shed in vain...

... Now then, in a humorous juxtaposition, lets now talk about a more lighthearted subject; films.

Films are a rather new entertainment medium to ponies at the time of this writing, having only just been introduced here in Equestria no more than fifteen years ago today. Many creative ponies have been fast at work in this time, stretching the newborn industry for all it’s worth; creating films that range from educational to slice-of-life pieces to even play adaptations. The sheer progress films have made in their short life, growing to the point where even small towns host at least one movie theater, is, simply put, amazing.

It look Earth nearly twice as long to reach the same point.

Yes, films exist on my home planet. They had existed there well before even I was born, in fact. ~~The first time that is, obviously~~. Earth, as I’ve mentioned prior, either lacks a magical field or possesses one that is significantly weaker than the one encompassing Equus’ dimension. I wasn’t, and still am not a magically attuned individual, so I’m afraid I can’t give you a straight answer concerning this. I’m ever so sorry. Either way; because humanity lacked access to this field the entire race instead evolved towards favoring tools when it came to accomplishing difficult tasks.

Thousands of years of evolution have made us humans quite well versed in the use and creation of tools, to the point where new inventions were still being regularly created. Maybe I’ll talk more about the subject of technology, and perhaps on human society in general, at a later date once this journal inevitably becomes a diary, but for now let us simply focus on films. The medium, or at least a spawn of it, will become quite relevant soon here, I assure you.

Films on Earth began, humorously enough, much in the same way as to how they came to be here; through the use of horses. The art of capturing multiple still images to produce the illusion of movement was discovered in Equus during an intense competition between a group of Saddle Arabians. It was discovered on Earth during a similar competition between a group of horses, and it was discovered in much the same way; accidentally. Many pictures were taken at once to see who had beaten whom at what margin of a nose, the photographer was shocked to discover that the images appeared to be moving... and the rest is history.

History I’m actually surprised that I even still remember after all these years.

The minds a funny thing when you think abou-

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“... Wait, wouldn’t that be ‘the souls a funny thing when you think about it’?” I ask myself in a hushed whisper, squinting at the page before me in the soft glow on my dragonfire lit candle. “I mean, mine’s not really the same mind anymore... even though I remember everything from the old mind… and even though I’m still as smart as an adult, despite my new mind still developing and… and...” I start to feel a pressure building up behind my eyeballs as a headache begins to form. “Bleh. Okay, fine. Forget it. Magic, I guess. Magic magic magic...”

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The history of film isn’t the point of this entry, however, and its contribution to it is actually minimal in the grand scheme of things. My point in bringing it up is simply because, of all the spells and inventions that I've bared witness to on this planet, film is perhaps the closest thing Equus has ever come to the human invention known as television.

Television, described in the simplest way possible, is a miniature film device, about the size of a large radio system, capable of receiving new films in the same manner as to how a radio receives news bulletins and the latest music. Yes, as impossible as it might seem, the film industry will eventually grow to the point where movies can be produced at such a dizzying rate... Once this happens your definition of "films" will need to be adjusted, however. Not all of them will be movie length or even rely on physical actors to play roles, after all.

Those miniature animations currently being played at the start of films? With those little make-believe illustrations of talking beverages and candy rapidly being flipped in front of a camera, making them appear as though they are real? While time-consuming and unprofitable to produce at the moment, in the future there will come a time when they can be made cheaply. Once this happens they will find their way into televisions across Equestria and entertain many ponies, mostly children.

~~These children will go o-~~

I feel the need to now report that I, after having finished writing these last few pages, just giggled.

I find humor in what I just did; spending a good chunk of my time explaining to you, dear reader, the evolution of film and the workings of television. This is humorous, you see, because this would have been the proper thing to do if I was planning on having another to read this journal of mine in the near future... Since this is not my goal, however, this means I have just wasted your time.

More likely than not this journal will only fall into the hands or hooves of another when they storm my dragon keep, five hundred years from now, and find only the corpse of an elder dragon.

It is safe to assume that, by then, Equus’ technology will have advanced far enough to include wonders unseen on even Earth’s surface. The only thing I’ve accomplished with my ramblings is further credit my otherworldly knowledge and successfully avoided talking about my family.

~~Maybe this is fin-~~

~~I can explain witho-~~

~~I don’t want t-~~

~~Please allow m~~

No more. I will be strong for their sake, and my own.

My daughter, when she was a seven-year-old child herself, used to watch one of these "films" off of the television. She used to love watching it; she used to love the toys, she used to love the characters, she used to love the stories...

She used to love watching it with her mommy most of all.

This "film", what humans call a cartoon, was titled My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic.

You might have a few questions now.

First of all, yes. As the name suggests, the cartoon was about ponies; the same kinds of ponies that exist here in Equus, in fact. No, I’m not speaking about the kinds of ponies that exist on Earth; the characters illustrated in that show were clearly Equus equestrians. The cartoon even took place in the, in their own words, magical land of Equestria. Yes, our Equestria. It was our Equestria to a tee; equally ruled over by god-like beings capable of moving celestial objects and whose population primarily consisted of ponies of the three tribes. It was even accurate down to the askewed gender scale, favoring one over the other.

Humans know about ~~this~~ our world. They’ve known about it for well over twenty years.

More importantly, I knew about this world long before I was even born here. This is because I watched the show alongside my daughter and thus unintentionally became prepared for this new life of mine.

The show was a slice-of-life-style series in which the characters lived out their lives in Equestria, learning new lessons every episode. From these lessons the target audience, children, learned the lessons as well. Despite it being aimed at children though the show was written in such a way as to be entertaining to adults as well. ~~I think there were more adult watchers than children at one poin-~~ This wasn’t my reason for watching it though, as cute and fun as I remember certain episodes to be. No, I watched it because, although my little Ashley loved the show, she was scared of the villain introduced in the first episode.

Nightmare Moon was her name; a black alicorn mare with a frightening laugh who frightened my daughter in her first appearance. Although I assured her time and time again that it was make-believe, and even though the mare was turned back into a good pony by the end of the two-parter, my little Ash wouldn’t listen. She fell in love with the six main ponies introduced in the introduction episodes and wanted to watch more of them, but the threat of Nightmare Moon’s return kept her up at night. Literally. Thus it was up to me, super mommy, to protect her from the big bad boogiemare.

Nightterror Nebula invokes a similar reaction in the hearts of Equestrian foals.

This is not coincidental, for they are one and the same.

“From Dashing to Daring,” is what I wrote last entry, to give an example as to how the multiverse functions and how it relates to us. Keep this in mind now as I move on to tell you the obvious; reality is large. Inconceivably large. Out of all the worlds I could have been reborn into the fact that it was one I vaguely recognized is astounding, borderline suspicious.

It’s not quite the same as the one shown on television, however; that much is certain.

To believe that it’d be the same world as the one commonly portrayed is nothing more than wishful thinking, I’ve learned. Even if I were to have been reborn as the Barbara that exists within the show, that Equestria would cease being the one seen from Earth; my mere existence guarantees this fact.

Nightterror Nebula would still return, so too would the spirit of disharmony many months later. Changelings would still ruin a royal wedding, and the Crystal Empire would still be rediscovered. These events would still all occur, but it would not be through the eyes of the same dragoness. It would not be through a dragoness’ eyes at all, in fact, but instead a drake’s.

Nightmare Moon, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Spike; Nightterror Nebula, Prince Solaris, Dusk Shine, Barbara. These ponies, and one dragon, are all the same, yet they are also people who have never met. Creatures who unknowingly see each other every day within the reflection of a mirror, but remain strangers.

My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic, is a show about mares. Mares who are stallions here. This is how I know that what I know about the multiverse is true.

My proof in all this? That which can guarantee to you that my words are true?

Simple; request an audience with Prince Solaris. Present to him this book. Point out the date written on the cover, and then read this entry aloud to him. He will know that what I have written thus far is true, I know he will. Although the passage that proves this may be hidden from your eyes it will not be from his. If for one reason or the other it does not, as unlikely as such a thing is to me, then this next line will cast all doubt aside for him.

Dusk was not your first in this generation.

I’m sorry that you will have to rely on an outside source to believe my words fully and truly, but I’m afraid it is the only way. If you do not need this guarantee, having grown to trust me, take heart in knowing that I am grateful.

~~From here-~~

I feel that I have lingered on this subject for far too long. These next few entries, unless another topic ends up catching my fancy, shall return to being a narrative of my early life; to prepare you for the hardships you might find yourself enduring after death. The point of these past two entries was to simply arm a fellow reincarnee with the knowledge that the world they now inhabit exists as fiction in another realm. Maybe even their own, if they are lucky.

I didn’t know this truth originally, having been blind to it when in retrospect it was obvious.

I was surrounded by ponies. I was in a land of magic and wonder. I was a small purple lizard, yet the realization that I was in Equestria didn’t occur to me until I learned how to pronounce it in Equestrian. It was then that everything clicked, and it was then that I performed my first facepalm as a dragon.

Knowing where you are and what is to come, retroactive precognition, is, next to your own soul, the most valuable thing you have left ~~to your name.~~

So then, that having been said; read. Read everything good, bad, and perhaps horrid as well. If reincarnation is what you fear, immerse yourself in story after story. Old, new, paperback, hardcover, pop-up, film, theater, radio play, foal's scribble, even coloring book. Arm yourself with knowledge, regardless of the source. As cliché as it might sound, don’t judge a book by it’s cover.

You might end up living there someday.

Chapter 5: Words {RE-EDITED}

This is turning out to be a surprisingly productive evening. I’ve already written so much in such a short amount of time. I really hope I’ll be able to keep up this pace for the rest of the night; Dusk’s schedule for the coming days looks to be challenging and, more importantly, tiring. I likely won’t have another chance like this, to simply sit back and allow my ideas to flow, for an exceedingly long time. This will be troublesome; without an outlet, my thoughts and ideas will have nowhere else to go. They’ll be forced to stew in my mind as I work, constantly distracting me until I wrangle them out of there and onto a sheet of paper or parchment.

I bring this up now, within the confines of this journal, because... well, I’m not sure what to make of this behavior. I’m sitting here in this room, with a sleeping stallion by my side, simply allowing my mind to wander. For one reason or another, I’m scolding myself for so much as thinking about not finishing this journal in one night. As I allow these thoughts to pass, I ask myself this; why am I being so impatient? Why do I feel as though I need to finish this all at once? Why am I acting childish?

“Because I am a child.”

These were the words that just crossed my mind when I asked this question aloud. No pause, no second-guessing; the first thing that came to the surface was this.

It’s also the correct answer.

This journal is proving to be a great eye-opener. Writing my thoughts down like this has allowed my mind to explore itself, bringing truths both fascinating and grim to the surface. Although my latest discovery is still taking shape inside of my head I will try to translate as much of it as I can into writing. It’s still fresh, but I feel as though this is important.

I’m being impatient here, like a child. A child is what I am physically, but not mentally. An adult is not impatient; I was not impatient as an adult. Therefore my body is to blame for this behavior.

I’ve lived in these scales for years now; ~~there was no other mome-~~ there have been plenty of little moments to prove this theory as true, I’ve just been too naïve to see. I must take better care in the future.

Alright then, in summation; be wary of youthful bodies, those who might one day be reborn. This seems like a good enough concept to cover this time so I think I will do just that.

I suppose I should begin by going over the various stages of growth you will have to sit through for a second time. People and ponies mostly don’t remember these early stages too well, unlike me, so I feel as though a heads up would be appreciated. I’ll try to make this as universal as possible; remember that I’m a baby dragon and a former human, not a pony.

Let’s begin then.

First of all, infancy. I’d imagine most would dread the second infancy. I know that I sure did; constant growing pains, zero control over literally anything, nappies. Bleh. The good news about it though is that, although it lasts a couple of years, your body naturally sleeps through most of it. I even slept through my first ~~Christmas~~ Hearth’s Warming. Unlike a normal baby, however, if you're reincarnated you’re going to still have your mental facilities active at all times. This means that whenever you’re not sleeping you’ll be left with your thoughts. I’ve already shared what that meant for me; how it encouraged me to mourn. How this cosmic timeout will affect you will naturally vary greatly depending on your own situation.

If you’re lucky enough you’ll get a good family or good caretakers to watch over you, like what happened with me. If you’re unlucky though, which if you were reincarnated in the first place you probably are, then I can only wish you the best, and maybe suggest an orphanage, perhaps? I’d imagine that it would be a preferable choice if all other options are bleak. Just make sure that the little boys and girls get the first pick on the really good adopters, okay? Remember that they’re real children, unlike us.

Goodness, I went on a bit of an unintentional tangent there. My apologies. Resuming; after infancy comes toddlerhood. I think I’ll focus on this period exclusively for the rest of this passage. The next one will be dedicated to the preceding step; childhood.

Now then; toddlerhood is, putting it simply, going to be the toughest part of your new life. Learning to speak an alien language, learning another world’s history and lore, working your way through school, proving yourself as an adult yet again; none of these daunting tasks will test your willpower and psyche quite like the second toddlerhood will. I’m actually amazed how this fact rings true on both sides of the fence; for both parents and children alike. Terrible twos indeed.

Let me paint you a picture. After spending years being held, taken care of, and learning how to control your body it’s time to step up to the bat, right? Time to regain your independence and take your first step into becoming your own person once again, right?

Wrong.

Now is the first time to take your first step, period. Said first step will cause you to fall flat on your face. Said first step will cause every pony in a ten-block radius to flinch and come running to pick you up and coo you into submission. Said first step will cause you to involuntarily cry, making you look just like the baby you were just trying to prove that you weren’t. Say you get past the first step; say you learn how to walk again and get real good at it. Good enough to take you all the way to that special room you’ve been dying to enter; dying to return to using. All so you can regain even a tiny shard of your dignity.

Good luck reaching the toilet seat, let alone the doorknob for the bathroom.

You’ll start potty training when your caretaker says you’ll start potty training and that, I’m afraid, is the end of that.

This training won’t happen right away though; oh no. What’s more important at this point, from both your caretaker’s and your own point of view, is your ability to speak; your ability to communicate with others. It’s important to have this detail sorted out early on. Maybe you’ll get lucky and it’ll be a language you understand, maybe even your original one. If this happens you’ll still need to retrain your mouth and throat into flapping the lips and making the right noise at the right time. This will entitle, as you’ve most likely guessed, babbling. Infantile babbling... But by this point you’ll have grown used to the death of your dignity so this shouldn’t be an issue.

The sooner you can accept your fate is the sooner you can take the important steps towards changing it.

If you’re like me and are instead dealing with a completely different language to the one you started with, have no fear. Immersion is really the best way to learn this sort of thing. Make use of your second infant years to pick up the chatter constantly going on around you; try to associate certain phrases with actions. Infants do it all the time without effort, and so can you if you try. Reincarnation proves that you actually can teach an old dog new tricks.

Joking aside, there is a serious decision that you will be faced with once you finally understand the language you were reborn into. A decision that will shape your experiences with the world around you for the rest of your second life.

What will your first words be?

Will you say “Momma” or “Dada”, and keep up the façade of being nothing more than an innocent babe, or will you instead break the mask, allowing your intelligence to shine through? In doing so you’ll be taking a huge gamble, one that could well end with your new birth family seeing you as nothing more than an infant stealing parasite. If the gamble pays off, however, who knows what could happen? Your guilt could be lessened, your trials made easier; a pathway back home could even be possible.

Of the two choices, you already know which path I chose.

My lips are sealed, my guilt is deep, and I’ve since accepted this place as my new home. This doesn’t mean that I’ve completely given up on the idea of returning to Earth. It’s just a discussion for another time.

Because of my choice to take a figurative vow of silence, I kept mostly to myself in my early days, saying only the bare minimum of what needed to be said to not draw suspicion. A “please” here, a “thank you” there. I never called anypony “mommy” or “daddy”. I never lowered myself that far, not even in the face of the Prince to whom I’ve only referred to either by full name or “your majesty”. ~~It came out adorably as “your mage-es-tee” in Equestrian but that’s beside the point.~~

Dusk was, as you can imagine, different.

I didn’t know what he was to me in the beginning; my hatcher, my owner, my father, my brother? I didn’t know what to call him.

So I just called him “Dusk Shine”.

These ended up being my first words.

The joy that brought to his face when I said it was indescribable, like a foal being given the keys to a candy store. ~~Wait, wouldn’t that be describing it then? Do I slash out the indescribable part of the description… oh fudge it I’ll just fix it later.~~ The pure happiness radiating off of that colt’s muzzle filled my own heart with warmth; I had done something right for the first time in years. This little fact alone filled me with a feeling I had not felt in all my years on Equus; hope. I had hope, hope that things wouldn’t be bleak forever. Hope that I could actually continue living a relatively normal life.

Hope that I could one day say that at least I had one person in this world to whom I could call family.

And that, right there, is the tipping point I ~~pray~~ hope many of you will find one day. Of all the hardships you will have to endure in your new life, loneliness should never be one of them. Don’t allow it to be one. Endure the humiliation of being unable to walk and talk, endure the pain of never seeing friends and family again, endure the guilt of secretly being an alien.

Don’t endure the heartache of being alone.

Bound with your caretaker, become close with your "parents", watch over your new brothers or sisters. As hard as it might seem to do, and as strange and different you might feel you are in comparison to others, don’t abandon them. Don’t leave their side unless you are completely certain it is hopeless. I tried to go it alone for the first two years of my new life; two out of my seven here. I didn’t realize how much I regretted my choice, or how unhappy I was until I made Dusk smile and laugh. I didn’t realize how much the isolation was chipping away at my soul. If I had decided to ignore the colt’s boundless youth; if I had decided to continue cutting myself off from others as I was doing, only one dark path comes to mind:

The path in which I remained an unhappy, silent mute.

A path that would have continued to eat away at me until I forgot why I was even trying at all.

How easy would it have been then to simply… slip away? How easy would it have been to simply sit back and accept my fate? Without the same curious drive that pushes normal infants forward, I imagine I would have simply stopped altogether. I would have remained a babe forever; both in form and, eventually, in mind as well.

The thought still chills me to this day.

Thusly I implore you; make some friends quickly while you’re here. Ignore the fact that those older than you will look down on you at first simply because of your age. This will change over time. Ignore the fact that those close to your age will be true children. This will change with time as well.

Become a child’s friend, become a mother’s child, become a caretaker’s favorite charge. These early connections will blossom along with your body as you slowly but surely grow into your world. Try not to make enemies, try not to hurt your connections, try not to rush things. These are the lessons I learned in my second childhood, and through the trials and tribulations I faced growing up alongside the not always saintly Dusk Shine.

If I were to describe how I dealt with the occasionally difficult colt in the instances I will be sharing in the next few passages, in a single word, it would be this; patience. Don’t let your body dictate your actions, use your invaluable experience instead. Experience is your sword as well as your shield in these trying times.

Allow me to continue to share with you my strength, as I’ve done thus far. Let me teach you, to prepare you, for what is to come.

Let me teach you how friendship is magic.

Chapter 6: Separation {RE-EDITED}

I find this funny; I promised that the next passage would be dedicated to my childhood, and this fact still rings true.

It rings true, yes, but it also rings true for the next chapter, and the chapter after that. It’ll be a long long time before I’ll be able to write anything that doesn’t pertain to my childhood, seeing as how I’m still quite caught up in the middle of it. I’m still an energetic, curious, growing child, despite my classification being that of a baby dragon.

And, in writing that, I’ve come to a realization. While I can prepare you for infancy and toddlerhood just fine by sharing with you my experiences, I can’t really do the same with childhood. Not yet, at least. Mine was, and still isn’t, what many would consider a normal life to be; at least in comparison to how my first childhood went or how it went for my own children, that is.

The fact of the matter is this; I’m a dragon. I’m a dragon in a land that doesn’t normally host such a creature, let alone raise. Being reincarnated in the first place is unlikely. Being reincarnated into the same position as me is, while not impossible as my earlier passages have illustrated, still pretty darn close to being astronomical. In all likelihood, this journal of mine won’t be used to prepare you for this life specifically. No, instead it will merely prepare you if a similar fate befalls you, as unlikely as such a thing is. In the end, your own childhood memories may prove to be more useful than my ramblings.

It is more than fine if this indeed proves to be the case; I won’t look at my work being pointless if it does. I’ve stated again and again how the likelihood of another like me reading this is slim, which is still true. If you do die after reading this you may simply have your memories erased and your soul purged like most newborns' are. And if you’ve already experiencing reincarnation similarly to me, the simple fact that you picked up and read this book indicates that you're well past your second days of crawling around and being helpless already. If this is the case then my words thus far will likely prove to be useless.

I won’t stop writing them though, not until the entirety of my new life has been documented. If a single line helps one person, one single person out of billions, then I will be happy. That is my rationale behind continuing.

Dusk Shine taught me how much of a difference a single person can have on another, simply with his existence. The young colt brought a fire to my second life that I wasn’t aware I had been lacking until he made its absence known. The boundless youth and curious mind of the colt's childhood encouraged me to move forward in my own towards a future where I could not only take care of myself once again, but also one where I could take care of Dusk in return for his kindness.

I need to take care of him because, and let’s face it here, the stallion is hopeless.

Completely and utterly hopeless.

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My body suddenly goes rigid as I hear movement to the right of me, in the bed where Dusk was currently sleeping.

I remain as still as a statue as the pony’s form shifted and turned…

...only to drag his blanket closer to himself and return to snoring loudly.

Releasing my held breath, I blink twice before dipping my quill into my inkwell and resuming my writing.

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… Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself here. I didn’t come to this specific conclusion until my days of being his trusty assistant started. Said days didn’t begin until my second childhood truly began, and Dusk’s own ended.

For now, let’s talk about the beginning a bit more.

The beginning of Dusk’s and I’s relationship dates back as far as the day he hatched me. That should go without saying but in the beginning, I was nothing more than a mere afterthought in the young pony’s mind. This was understandable in retrospect, as he had a much more important responsibility thrust upon him one the same day he hatched me; the responsibility of being Solaris’ personal student. The colt’s education was, and still is in a sense, the Prince’s number one priority above all else in this land. I don’t think I need to state why this is; it should be obvious to all in the future if not now. I’ve accepted years ago the colt’s importance in this world, and I’ve accepted that his future is all that the stallion himself and the Prince cares about.

I’ve accepted that my own future beyond Dusk Shine’s is not as important in the grand scheme of things; a life neither pony will ever consider or even think about.

Now, this isn’t to say that either stallion doesn’t care; far from it. Dusk, when he was a child himself, cared about me deeply. He held me when I cried and took part in my early development. He was the first pony to ever reach out to me and go out of his way to make me happy, and I proudly call him my friend because of these fond few memories.

All I’m admitting to is that there was a period when this feeling wasn’t mutual; when I was just a tool in both the Prince’s and Dusk’s eyes. A teenaged Dusk’s eyes, I should specify. To understand how this came about, let me first share with you the final years of my toddlerhood.

My initial raising was monitored by Prince Solaris’ own personal handmaidens and butlers. They, along with a revolving cast of nurses and doctors, worked together to keep me alive throughout my difficult first years in Equestria. They taught me how to do rudimentary things such as how to walk and feed myself. They taught me my more advanced actions; how to control my new draconic fire breath, how to not scratch myself and others with my claws, ~~why not to bite rude nobleponies in public when they use mean words to describe you or your friend with~~, etc.

Despite the lack of knowledge ponies have on the dragon race, these mares and stallions did their best to enlighten me and themselves on the differences between ponies and myself. The importance of maintaining my scales, how gemstones were an important part of my diet now; even the magical nature of my flames were explored by these not scholars and not mages, all for the sake of mine and Dusk's well-being. ~~Probably more for Dusk's, I think, but I like to dream.~~

When it came to areas of the arcane Prince Solaris himself briefly made an appearance in my nursery one day, surprising even the visiting Dusk Shine at the time. With his godlike alicorn powers, my emerald green breath was magically enchanted to allow quick and easy contact between the Prince and me or, more specifically, between himself and Dusk Shine when I eventually reached the age to be serving him properly.

But I was not of that age yet, for I was only three years old at the time.

And it was at this age of three when Dusk and I were separated for two long years.

I still feel bitter about that day, both for my own reaction and the reaction of everypony involved. I feel as though we’ve all grown past it, that we left those old selves of ours behind over the years, but it’s still a nasty stain on what was a mostly spotless relationship between us three.

The day Solaris enchanted my breath was the day when he finally decided what was to be done with me. Over the years the Prince had, unbenounced to me, created a lesson plan specifically for my immediate future. This plan was to turn me into the perfect assistant for Dusk; one who could serve him properly as his responsibilities and lessons predictably ramped up in the coming years.

The plan held many layers. I would be given a basic education for starters. Then I was to be taught how to perfectly control my body; I was to be taught how to speak Equestrian perfectly, I was to be taught how to write Equestrian perfectly, I was to be taught how to organize a library. My body was to be trained in how to lift heavy objects, my body was to be trained in any way deemed suitable for Dusk’s success. I would be able to play piano for his entertainment if need be, I would be able to cook and maintain a home in Dusk’s place.

From what I was able to translate at the time, I was to be his lifelong maid.

I didn't react gracefully to this revelation at first. As a mother. I’ve done all of these things and more in my first life out of the love in my heart for both my children and my husband. At age three I saw Dusk as the only family I had left in this world; I would have done all this and more for him out of this same love if I were asked to. ~~He reminded me so much of my little Nathaniel at times that I find myself swearin-~~ I didn’t want to have to leave his side in to do all this though; I didn’t want to be separated from him for years, only to return when I was useful.

That was the plan though, I’m afraid; to send me away from the castle and instead to the Bluebelle’s estate, where I would learn how to do all of these tasks under the tutelage of the Princess’ own teachers. I would be there, on one side of Canterlot, while Dusk would be on the other, advancing his studies in the Prince’s academies.

I wasn’t to see him again until he was an adult.

What shocked me most of all was that the little colt had no qualms with this plan in the slightest; instead, he embraced it.

Obviously this didn’t come to pass. Not fully, at least. If it had I would be a teenaged dragon at this point instead of the baby I still am. I’ll write about this next entry, but for now I'll share how I reacted to this turn of events.

Poorly.

Poorly is the word I would use to describe it.

I think this was the only time in my second life that I ever truly embraced the idea that I was an actual, physical toddler. Up to that point I was well behaved, polite, and kept to myself unless necessary; just like how a normal adult tends to act. At that moment though I became the mask, so the speak; I became the wailing, snot-nosed, temper tantrum wielding rugrat that I was supposed to be.

I screamed “No!” I bawled. “Don’t wanna go!” I begged. “Don’t make me!”

Every syllable came out garbled and mistranslated, every word becoming baby speak, but I felt that the motive shined out clearly; that the message of me not wanting to leave the unicorn’s side was being conveyed properly. Little Dusk, though slightly discouraged by the behavior for a moment, quickly shook his head and waved goodbye to me instead of listening. He had nothing to worry about, nothing to fear; after all, this was the will of his mentor. This was the will of Prince Solaris.

In the colt’s eyes, this couldn’t be wrong. In the Prince’s eyes, this was the right thing to do.

In my eyes, I saw two ponies who were abandoning me.

Once again though; water under the bridge. I’ve since forgiven them both, though only the Prince himself has offered an apology in return. Only he took the time to listen to me, two years later; when a five-year-old convinced him that he was not always right.

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“Yaaaaawn. B-but that’s a story… yawn. F-for another time,” I finish out loud tiredly, my eyelids struggling to stay open.

Rather liking the idea of being safe and not sorry; I sluggishly put away all of my writing instruments, hid my journal under my nearby basket’s pillow, then blew out my candle before my sleepy mind forgot to do so. Stretching out one last time, I waddle my way towards my sleeping basket once I was sure that the inkwells were properly aligned. Dusk would notice if they weren’t, you see.

I made it to my bed when my body suddenly stops.

In my sleep-deprived daze, I spare my bed one look,

Dusk’s own another,

switch my vision between the two for a solid minute…

… and then I drag my scale-clad self over to the pony’s side.

Maybe it’s because I’m tired, maybe it’s because I’ve been doing nothing but reflecting on my past today, or maybe it’s because I just now realized that hiding a journal under my pillow was a stupidly uncomfortable idea, but I made up my mind to do something I had not done in years.

As carefully as I was able, I quietly slide underneath the stallion's covers and saddle up close to his furry chest. Despite it having been years since we last slept together like this; Dusk’s unconscious body moved automatically on its own, and slowly wrapped his hooves around my form so that he could cuddle me closely like a warm teddy bear. For a brief moment, as his chest gently rose and fell against my back, I turn my head so I could get one last look at the young stallion’s sleeping muzzle as it slowly turned upwards into a content smile.

My own did the same as I lean towards him,

kiss him softly on the cheek,

and then finally drifted off to a peaceful rest.

Interlude 1 {RE-EDITED}

“... Zzzzzz-snort! Uh... w-wha...? Huh? Um... Barb?”

“Zzzzzz…. Hmmm… yes, Dusk?” I ask aloud to the darkness, my eyes still firmly shut and unwilling to open and confirm for me whether or not it was morning yet.

“... Why are you in my bed?” inquires the stallion who, despite his question, is still snuggling me closely with his forelegs.

My first response to his inquiry is to shift around in his embrace so that I can get more comfortable, and to move my spine out of accidental scratching range.

My actual response to his question though is a simply retort of “It was cold last night.”

“... Barb you’re a fire breathing reptile with an internal temperature that averages forty-nine point seventeen degrees celsius on ‘cold’ nights,” deadpans the pony.

Smacking my lips loudly, I curl up even tighter into a cozy ball on the bed. Through a yawn, I try to answer with “Never.... yawn... said that I was the cold one here, Dusk…”

“... Ah,” he responds after a time. “... Duly noted…” I then feel it through my scales as he lowers his head closer to mine and nuzzles me behind the green fins affectionately. “... Thanks, Barbara.”

I chuckle softly in response. This colt can be such a sweetheart when he feels like it. “Anytime.”

We stay like this for a moment longer, simply enjoying one another's warmth, before life kicked in and we both came to the realization that we needed to get up. Dusk was trotting his way towards the bedroom door by the time I was up and stretching out my neck. All the hunching over I did last night did not do me any favors, it seems. It would have been worse in my old body, seeing as how it was both taller and older, but still… ow.

“I’ll make us breakfast,” calls the stallion from the hallway.

“Oh my,” I reply cheekily, as I chase after him as speedily as my small legs can carry me. “Should I inform the fire pegasus brigade preemptively then?”

“Oh ha ha,” snarks back the young stallion. With a flare of his horn, I soon find myself being deposited atop his back with the use of telekinesis. This allowed me to see the eye roll he was giving me right as it was taking place. “I’ll have you know that that grease fire was a one-time thing. I can cook just fine, missy.”

“Hehe, I know you can, Dusk.” I chuckle again, smiling. “I know. I’d let you do it more often too if it wasn’t… well... for the fact that you tend to make things… hearty... that’s all!”

“... What’s wrong with hearty?” he counters quickly, raising an eyebrow. “It’s how dad always made it...”

My smile turns into a cheeky grin at this.

“Oh, that's right… Maybe that's why your BSBFF always ate out.”

Dusk stops moving.

I try to hold in my laugh.

“... Gleaming did eat out quite a bit, didn’t she?”

I ultimately fail.

“If by ‘quite a bit’ you mean ‘every single day we were home’, then… yeah! She sure did eat out quite a bit! Haha!”

“I always did think that was strange,” Dusk continues talking aloud, ignoring me; probably now lost in thought thanks to this revelation. “She did that before you came to live with the family too… You’d think a guard captain, especially one who was in training, would like a filling breakfast to start their day with…”

“There’s a difference between ‘filling’ and ‘heart attack inducing’, Dusk,” I answer sagely.

“What?!” he squeaks hastily, turning his head to me once again. “T-there’s nothing wrong wit-”

“Greasy hay bacon strips?”

“... W-well…”

“High cholesterol egg yolks mixed in with the whites?”

“M, m-maybe…”

“A literal pound of hash browns, with the whole plate ‘garnished’ with a gallon of ketchup?”

“... There’s orange juice at least…”

For a third time, I find myself simply chuckling in reply. “You’re going to get fat, Dusk~” I sing in the way only a child can; high-pitched and animatedly. He glares at first, granting me a well-earned stink eye, but Dusk Shine eventually finds himself laughing as well.

We resume our journey to the kitchen in good spirits. “Fat but happy, Barb,” chortles my charge as he trots along cheerily. “Fat, but happy!”

I can’t help but smile in the face of all this good cheer.

“Guess I can’t argue,” I admit honestly. “... Been there, done that, after all," I add under my breath.

“What was that?” Dusk suddenly asks, catching me off guard.

“Oh! Um, j-just wondering out loud how the Prince would react if his number one student suddenly turned into a blimp, that’s all,” I save myself smoothly. “H-hehe!”

This halts Dusk in his tracks yet again, but he soon begins to move once more... though quite a bit more shakily this time, I note.

“... I-I’m… I, I-I’m sure he wouldn’t care,” he mutters to himself under his breath, equally as shakily. Oh no, what have I done?! “H-he loves all of his subjects. S-s-so I’m sure that if I… I-I…”

Patting him gently on the head, I try to reassure the suddenly nervous stallion with as soft of a voice as I can muster.

Must, avert, self-created, catastrophe!

“I’m sure he wouldn’t care, Dusk. Not at all.” With a low sigh, I add as lovingly as I could “I’m just looking out for you, that’s all.”

“...”

Phew. That seems to have done the trick. After taking a deep breath, my pony friend slowly but surely puts himself back together.

Eventually, with a snort and a laugh, he replies in what I can only assume was supposed to be good humor with “Heh, thanks mom,” before finally turning the corner and entering the kitchen.

My smile wavers for a brief second at this.

Only briefly; so quickly that the stallion didn't notice it at all as he lifts me off of himself with his magic and sets me gently on my feet. With the shake of my head, I chase off my lingering thoughts and sudden melancholy feelings as I make my way towards the window’s blinds.

With a pull of the cord, the curtains gave way…

… and the city of Canterlot comes into full view.

From our spire atop Canterlot Castle, one is can take in the sight of the capital of Equestria in all its glory. The streets below and the skies above are currently abuzz with activity; ponies both winged and not fill my vision as I stare out over it all. Canterlot is busy, but this isn't new. Even with how important today was, this fact will always remain true.

“Yes…” I spoke to myself, turning my head towards the calendar on the wall beside me. A bright red X greets me when I look at today’s date. “... Big day today…”

“Huh?” grunts Dusk Shine from the icebox behind me, his eyes focusing on its contents. “Did you say something, Barb?”

“... No, Dusk,” I answer as I turn my head away from the calendar.

Away from the reminder that today was the one-thousandth year of the Summer Sun Celebration.

“Nothing at all.”

Interlude 2 {RE-EDITED}

After seven long years, I can’t believe that this day has finally come; the day that My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic, begins.

Look at the oblivious Dusk Shine over there, sitting across from me; happily munching away at his breakfast while his eyes are glued to a propped-up book.

The same book I bought for him in secret the other day.

The same book the show begins with him reading.

Soon the wheels of fate will begin to turn. Soon he will reach the chapter (surprisingly not the first chapter, as what was shown in the show) about the royal pony brothers and learn their history. Soon he will come to the story about the Nightterror and the Elements of Harmony. Soon he will ask me to send the all-important letter to Prince Solaris…

Soon we will depart for Ponyville, and soon Dusk will finally make some friends.

A sigh leaves my lips as I stare quietly down at my half-eaten breakfast of scrambled eggs and gems. I know that Dusk was supposed to be a loner before this day, just like Twilight Sparkle. I know that this is supposed to be the day that he truly begins to understand the importance of friendship. I know that the point of the show’s first season was to teach him all about its splendor and wonder…

… But… that doesn’t change the fact that this is my life now or the fact that Dusk is my charge just as much as I am his.

And, in that respect, I feel as though I have failed him a bit.

I could have helped him come out of his shell sooner than today; I could have helped him make friends here in Canterlot. If I had just been a bit louder, if I had just been a bit more persuasive or commanding, maybe Dusk would have, by my claw, become a completely different pony...

I’m left to wonder why I didn’t do this. It wasn’t because I was indecisive, never was I on the fence about any of my actions thus far. My philosophy has always been this; if I want to go along with Dusk into the Everfree Forest tonight along with his new friends, to make sure he’s safe, then I’m going to enter that forest no matter what regardless of what Spike did or did not do. Even if I already know that he’ll be just fine, even if I have knowledge of a future where his double becomes the Element of Magic, that isn’t going to change who I am. I will follow him in. I will not always conform to the show's wishes. I made up my mind on this subject long ago, thus I am not indecisive. The show doesn’t cover all of his life, after all. I’ve been there for him for five out of seven years already. I have every right to make my own decisions for the rest of them.

But, that brings me back to my original question; why didn’t I meddle more in his life? The most I’ve ever done is mark the calendar for today and give him that book…

“... Hey, Barb?”

Blinking twice, I return to the present. “Yes, Dusk?”

The unicorn takes a long swig of his juice before asking “Where did this book come from, do you know? I found it in my bag yesterday but never got around to reading it…”

Ah. Speaking of the book…

“Prince Solaris sent it,” I lie cooly, taking a sip from my own juice directly afterward to hide any of my tells. To this day I’m still not sure whether my old ones from Earth, the ones my husband and children could always spot, followed me here into this form… but better safe than sorry. “Through the mail. Why? Is it interesting?”

And with that, I've said the magic words.

What once had been a simple a passing curiosity to the young stallion quickly devolves into full-blown obsession right before my eyes. Though he looks at the pages curiously, still unsure, I can tell from his shift in posture that this tome has just become the center of Dusk’s small world today.

“H-he did?!” yelps the stallion as he leans closer into what might as well be a holy bible now in his eyes... With the shake of his head, though, the purple pony remembers my question and thus stammers out a reply. “N-no no, actually. That’s why it was bothering me. I’ve seen this book before in bookstores across Canterlot, and maybe even once in the libraries... I always thought it was just a simple history book! One that covered the basic information they teach in the public schools. If the Prince himself wants me to read it though…”

With another sip of juice, I successfully hide my Cheshire grin.

“... Oh,” I speak passively after a time, appearing as if I don't care. “Is that all…? Oh!” With a tiny fake gasp, I put on an air of surprise as I raise my claws to my open mouth. “You know what, Dusk? I think I’ve actually read that one too!”

Dusk blinks briefly at this. Slowly he raises his head away from the book to stares at me once again. Goodness; so engrossed in that tome was Dusk that he hadn't noticed the crumbs that had begun to gather on his muzzle thanks to his absentmindedly eaten breakfast. Hehe. Oh if only I was taller, and not reliant on a pseudo-booster seat of magazines; I would have taken my napkin and wiped those crumbs clean off him by now... I suppose I can’t do everything for him though.

…

… Ha ha. I think I just answered my earlier question.

“You’ve read it before?” asks Dusk, reminding me where I am once again. “Is that true, Barb?”

I nod my head, forcing myself to return to the now. “Yeah. I think I read it during my assistant training with the Bluebelles. It covers a lot of different subjects... I remember liking the section on holidays!”

Dusk makes no reply, but he is clearly thinking quietly to himself. I have to fight hard against a sudden fit of the giggles, less he catches on to my ruse. In the silence, Dusk's eyes slowly wander to the calendar behind me.

Three guesses as to which date he's looking at, and the first two don't count.

“... Holidays, huh…”

I take a sip of OJ for the third time, again masking a winning smirk.

“... Oh!” I once again gasp in show, making a scene of setting down my drink and turning sharply in my chair towards the calendar. “That’s right! It’s the Summer Sun Celebration today, isn’t it?!”

“Er… yeah. It is…”

With practiced ease, I turn forward in my chair and smoothly slip on my well-worn ‘curious child’ mask. “Huh?” I ask innocently enough, my tone perfectly trained into supporting this lie with its softness. “A-aren’t you excited, Dusk?”

“Eh,” is the stallion's answers as he, with the wave of his horn, went to work with cleaning up his breakfast. “About as ‘excited’ as I was for last year’s one in Manehatten, or the one before that in Fillydelphia.” he explains. “The only time I’ve ever really been excited for one was when it was hosted here in Canterlot, about a few months before you were born. I’m probably just going to spend today catching up on my reading.”

“But Dusk,” I argue, my voice becoming a bit weaker. “That’s what you do every day! Come on, the Prince gave you the day off! Use it to do something fun!” I suggest, knowing full well that it was a futile gesture.

The unicorn shrugs, proving my point

“I’ll use it to catch up on my reading in the park then as opposed to the library or something.”

“... You sure you wouldn’t want to go to that party instead?” I offer pleadingly. “The one Lunardanseur said he would have in the west castle courtyard today?” I’ve known Dusk for years; I know that I’m just wasting words right now and that he won’t be swayed. I even picked up that book because I knew I could easily manipulate him into reading it!

... But…

“It doesn’t really appeal to me.”

… every little confirmation he gives me is another confirmation that he is, in fact, Twilight Sparkle; which is somewhat reassuring to see. Despite my presence in his life, Dusk is still heading down the same path she took...

“Bye, Barb,” my charge announces loudly as he straps on his saddlebags. He carefully sets his new favorite book gently into one of the compartments with magic before snapping the flap shut. “Take care of the chores, then spend the rest of the day however you want. I’ll be in the park if the Prince sends you any mail. You know the spot.”

“...”

I wait a second before nodding my head.

My act of pretending to be a concerned child has, without me even realizing it, morphed into the general article during this conversation.

“O-okay… Have fu-”

Slam!

With the closing of the front door, I find myself alone to my own devices.

“... Sigh... Such a dolt, that colt…”

I also find myself… torn.

The show is about to start, and Dusk Shine has become a picture-perfect copy of Twilight Sparkle... Yet, the show is about to start, and Dusk has become the perfect copy of Twilight!

I’ve had just as big of an impact on Dusk’s life as Spike has had on Twilight’s.

Just as big of a footprint as a child’s…

… Should I be happy for this outcome then? Should I be proud? I, a forty-seven-year-old, have accomplished the same feat as a seven-year-old.

Should I be disappointed by this outcome… or should I just be happy that Dusk is about to finally make some friends...?

…

“... I’m perfectly fine with this.”

There… Settled.

I’m still left to wonder how my role will change once the show begins in earnest. If I failed to alter anything in the seven years I’ve been here thus far, how will my existence change things over the course of the series? How will it change things over the course of Dusk’s life? The show only goes so far into his life, after all... and the fact remains…

… I’ve only seen two seasons of it.

I know that there was a third season and a fourth. There might have been a fifth too, and at least one actual movie in theaters... but I can’t be sure. The show had been off the air for years before I died, and it had gone on long after my daughter stopped watching it together with me. The first half of the season three premiere is when little nine-year-old Ashley proudly declared to me that she was “too old” for ponies now... and that was the end of that. No more toys, no more episodes, no more mother-daughter bonding time; she had simply grown too “mature” for such things.

Thus I never watched the ending to the Crystal Empire, and promptly forgot about ponies all together slowly after. What I remember now of the show has faded with time. While many episodes still shine brightly in my mind thanks to the memories of my daughter’s squeals of delight, others are hardly visible. I can barely even remember the toys I bought for her anymore, or even her reactions to receiving them. The memories of her later life as an adult and my son’s own childhood are still crystal clear, thank goodness, but I constantly live in fear that this will one day change…

Random flashes of memory appear occasionally in my mind though, when I think hard enough. About the show itself, I believe I still remember quite enough about the first episodes, despite them being the earliest of my pony memories. I remember a sprinkling of Spike’s episodes too... which I will probably end up either altering or avoiding, unless I’m unable to like I was with Dusk just now.

I even remember the most trivial of things, surprisingly. I remember that Fluttershy has tail extensions, simply because of how hard I laughed at the joke. I remember that Discord was voiced by an actor who my husband was a fan of simply because that two-parter was the only two episodes my Jason sat with us to watch, despite little Ash and I sharing a long and hard-to-explain in-joke about him secretly being Rarity in disguise. “Oh look, your father is being fabulous again!”

I think I still remember every lyric to the extended main theme too, because that plush toy I bought for Ashley decades ago would often play it over and over again to the point of nausea…

… and I remember that the last pony toy I ever gave her was a little orange filly who wore a mask, with a description on the back of her box which labeled her as a former student of Celestia. Sunset Shimmer, I think her name was. While we never watched far enough into the series to see if she was ever in it, I have since found traces of her double during my secret trips to the library. An old journal I found on accident once gave me what I can only assume to be his name, but nothing else… This proves the point that I’m trying to make though.

This world is real.

Long ago did I come to this realization, and it was a good thing that I did. It's a show, true, and one that’s about to start… but it’s also Dusk and mine’s life.

Our strange, magical, friendship-filled life.

The monsters are real and can hurt us, bills still need to be paid and food still needs to be eaten. Tragedies can happen when you least expect them, and damn it all to hell if we can’t swear like bucking sailors… e-even if a few of us choose not to, h-heh.

But, yeah… it’s a show, just not a cartoon. Everypony is real. I’m real. Everyone is a real person. I have to remind myself of this now and then, but never do I truly forget.

So now, as the curtains begin to rise, and as my knowledge of the future can finally be of some use, I suddenly feel… strange. Like the mystery of life has been taken away, along with its beauty, but then that’s not quite true at the same time. The future is still a mystery to me, just with a few of the potholes filled in…

It’s strange and weird, and it’s a feeling I’m not sure whether I love or hate yet… but the fact remains that it’s a show, and one that’s about to begin…

… in a little bit though. There's still time.

For now Dusk is still Apprentice Dusk Shine of Canterlot,

Prince Solaris’ brother is still sealed away as the Man in the Moon,

Captain Gleaming Shield is still a pink Prince’s secret fillyfriend,

Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity’s stallion selves are still acquaintances at best,

and I

a human trapped in scales

a child cursed with the memories of another life

a mother with the power to change the future

what one might deem a poisoned barb upon this world...

… am simply a dragoness with lots of chores to do.

“And a journal to write,” I add for myself out loud, feather duster in claw and hard at work. “I knew my thoughts would end up distracting me… Hope I can remember all that so I can put it in an entry later. What should I call that one…? Chapter seven, Changes? Chapter seven, Fate? Hmmm… oh! How about; chapter seven, Educ- Achoo!”

Foosh!

With a loud sneeze of the nose, I find my self-ramblings abruptly cut off by the twin jets of emerald green fire that usually accompany the act for me. “Ugh… Huh?”

Sniffing momentarily, trying to get the smell of brimstone out of my nostrils, I watch in silence as the smoke from my magically induced sneeze thins out into a green-tinted mist. From this mist, an item begins to form. On reflex, my claw shoots forward just in time to catch the scroll right as it was finished forming. It bears the official seal of Prince Solaris…

… and my eyebrow slowly raises once I realize that it's addressed to me.

"..."

What follows is the sound of quick unraveling and quiet reading, which eventually turns into quiet confusion as my eyes dash even further across the page...

Dearest Barbara The Dragoness,

I’m terribly sorry for interrupting your break today, but I would much appreciate a moment of your time. On top of your normal verbal status report on young Dusk Shine’s progress, over tea and rubies, of course, I’d like to discuss with you certain matters concerning today’s date.

I’d also like to discuss with you matters concerning a certain book that was in Dusk’s possession yesterday evening. One that I, though I made no comment of, nor held a dialogue towards its existence, am still quite certain came from you.

I’ll be looking forward to the meeting. We will be serving Da Hong Pao tea with a small assortment of Emeralds on the side.

Your friend,
Prince Solaris

“... Well… G-guess this day isn’t going to be quite as predictable as I first thought… Gulp. "

Interlude 3 {RE-EDITED}

“Halt! State your name and business here.”

“Barbara The Dragoness; Property of House Shine, Assistant to Apprentice Dusk Shine, Squire to Prince Solaris... I’m here for a tea party.”

“... Papers?”

I reach into my purse and promptly hand to the armored mare before me the letter I had received about half an hour ago. “Right here, ma’am,” I nod curtly.

With a quick pull of yellow magic, the unicorn observes the broken seal and scans the letter itself in silence before floating it back to me. “Everything seems to be in order,” she reports aloud to the twin guard on the other end of the double doors. Said doors were soon opened widely with the glow of both yellow and grey tinted magic, allowing me access. “The Prince will be with you in a bit, Miss Barbara. He is currently occupied with the day court.”

Stowing my papers away into my small strapped purse, I nod my head in understanding to the two stoic guardmares. “Thank you kindly. Keep up the good work, ladies. Tell Gleaming Shield I said hello!”

Both the magically turned white ponies smile at me warmly in reply, momentarily lowering their guard as I strut in between them. “Will do, Barb,” they speak in good cheer as they gently close the doors behind me.

I find myself alone in Prince Solaris’ personal bedchamber, waiting for our meeting. As always it was properly maintained and in tip-top shape. Not a chair or cushion was out of place, nor a book missing or left out. Dusk’s room is usually kept in much the same state in a bid to imitate his mentor… but he’s only able to keep it that way because I’m the one who cleans it for him every night. Quite humorous when you consider how much of a neat freak Dusk usually is.

Unbeknownst to him, he’s imitating Solaris in this respect as well.

It’s much the same situation here, after all. The castle’s staff members are the ones to be impressed by, not the Prince himself. Flung tomes and discarded scrolls, with blinds never pulled and a bed rarely made; only those who’ve stayed in his room for an extended period of time, not simply for small pleasant chats, get the opportunity to see just how messy this so-called god can be.

And don’t get me started on his personal lavatory.

Taking this into account; Solaris, despite being Prince this land and a physical incarnation of might and magic, can be charmingly huma-, er, equine when he wants to be...

… But enough about the room.

With my clawed feet making small clicking noises against the marble flooring, I make my way towards the tea table by the balcony and prepare to wait for the Prince's arrival. I set my flowery garnished purse, with all the papers within it, gently down upon the table as I climb up into my raised seat. One of the maids must have adjusted it for me in advance, the dear. I wonder if it was that Twinkle Scout filly Gleaming told me about; the one she’s considering for guard training...

Speaking of Gleaming, I quite love this purse she gave me. It was actually a Hearths Warming Eve gift I received from her last year, you see; during my second year with her and Dusk’s family. I gave her a scarf in exchange, as was the tradition of the harmonious holiday, along with a new book to Dusk Shine in return for the book I knew he was going to give me.

I find it funny how close of friends Dusk’s BSBFF (big sister best friend forever) and I have become over the two years I’ve officially been a member of House Shine. I find it funny because while she’s really the only gal friend I have in this world, her double was a pony I knew next to nothing about. I remember the Royal Canterlot Wedding in one hundred percent clarity, thanks to little Ashley rewatching it religiously for three months straight after its airing. Changelings, arias, conveniently appearing older brother and foalsitter, Sonic Rainbooms, “out of character!" ponies, according to Ash; I remember it all. Not really sure what I’m going to do about that day, honestly… outside of congratulating Gleaming, of course. But anyway; I knew next to nothing about Shining Armor from the show, yet I was able to become fast friends with Gleaming regardless.

Maybe it was because she never really treated me like a child, maybe it was because of the obvious concern I held for her little brother’s well being, or maybe it was because she thought of me like family; the fact remains that the two of us have really kicked it off over the years. Their parents don’t see me like that, like family, but I ultimately find this to be fine. The fewer new family and friends I make here, the less pain I’ll feel once I start to outlive them in a hundred years or so…

… Oops, I made myself upset. Time for a change in topic.

I wonder what Solaris wants of me today? I understand why he wants a status report on Dusk’s condition; not only has it been a while since my last report, but this is also a big day for both him and the Prince! If Solaris wants to be reunited with his little brother, just as Celestia was reunited with Luna, then Dusk needs to be in tiptop shape for the trials about to befall him. I know that things are going to be alright, but Solaris doesn’t have this same guarantee.

So I understand why I’m here for that reason; to make sure everything is in order for Prince Solaris’ grand plan. I understand that... but I don’t understand why I’m here for the other thing though… The book…

…

… Aaaaannnnddd it’s at this point that I remember why I’ve been doing nothing but reminiscing about this stupid clean room and my stupidly pretty purse or my stupidly stupid complex family life. It was all so I wouldn’t drive my equally stupid little self insane with worry with what the Prince is going to ask/interrogate me about concerning that book! That damnable damn book!!

My thoughts begin to race as my earlier panic swiftly resurfaces. ‘H-how did he know I got it for him?! How did he know it was me?! W-was he already planning on giving it to him?! Was it just by complete chance that Twilight ended up reading it today when she did?! Did I actually notneed to do anything?!

‘... Does the Prince actually know about me?! Does he know now because of one stupid little screw-up?! W-what would he even do to me if he found out?! W-would I be locked up, or banished… or locked up in the place I was banished to?!?! Oh God oh God oh multiversal God Oh-’

Inhale

…

… Exhale

…

“... Well... it’s safe to say that I am not ready for this meeting right now. Not in the slightest...”

Calm down, Barb. Calm down. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill here. This isn't anything new. Solaris is always doing these kinds of things to you and Dusk; secretly challenging you or tricking you into answering hidden questions.

“… Remember what happened two years ago in this very room, girl.”

…

“… Right, right… Right.”

… Inhale

With another deep breath of air, I try to calm myself down even further. Relaxing in my chair, I ultimately decide to take my mind off of such stressful things by now doing distracting; like organizing my notes. Thus I carefully remove all of the scrolls I wrote up about Dusk out of my purse and lay them neatly on the table. “Let’s see… List of spells learned… Past day by day schedules… Dietary log… Current readings portfo- huh?”

A couple of blank pieces of paper suddenly appear in my claw, having found themselves mixed in with my many scrolls.

“...”

I blink blankly at their… blankness for a time, my mind devoid of thought as I stared. A second later I find my eyes drawn to the magical clock hanging off the wall behind me, and to the time currently being displayed by its pair of han-, sigh, hooves...

“... Am I really that early?” I mumble to myself quietly, looking at the time. “It’ll still be a while before the Prince gets done with court…

“... Will writing help me take my mind off things?

“... I know it will…

“...”

Though I remain silent for a moment longer, contemplating my options... I eventually pull my sealed-up inkwell and quill from out of my bag and set them before me on the table. “What should I write about though?” I ramble aloud. “What should I write what should I write...?”

… Should I write the next entry in my journal? W-would that be a wise thing to do right now though, seeing as how I’m possibly under suspicion? Should I tighten up my notes on Dusk instead then, in case the Prince is actually more concerned with that? Hmmmm…

“... Ma’am, you need to wait your turn just like everypony els-”

“Do you know who I am, wench?!”

“Unfortunately yes, ma’am.”

“I am-, wait, what was that you peon?!”

“I said unfortunately no, ma’am.”

“... Very well. Sadly for you, I do not have the time to enlighten! Now allow me entrance!”

“Ma’am-”

“OUT OF MY WAY!”

The doors to Solaris bedchamber were suddenly thrust open with the aid of golden magic. A tall, white-furred mare then strut herself inside with head held high. Her golden mane flows down her withers as she trots along towards my table.

“I am allowed in here, peons,” Princess Bluebelle tells the guards haughtily, her horn extinguishing its glow. Before even so much as laying an eye on me, she spins around on the spot to further yell at the guardmares; unintentionally sticking her compass rose cutie mark right in my face in the progress. Bleh. “My uncle, the Prince, said so!”

“But ma’am,” the unicorn guard from earlier tries to argue, but she's quickly gets cut off by the princess in name only’s loud “Hmph! No more ‘buts’ out of you, missy! I am going to have my time alone with my uncle early today and that is the end of that!”

Flaring her horn yet again, the double doors start slamming themselves on the two helpless guards. It was only thanks to Equestria’s admittedly, excuse my language, backward-ass laws about royalty that the two hadn’t already flattened the spoiled brat into a pancake by now. Thanks to the work of nobles and politicians throughout the centuries; royalty, even in name only, were virtually untouchable. Gleaming Shield has a few choice words concerning the setup, especially in regards to how it could theoretically freeze the entire stupid army if all the princes and princesses were to just so happen to disappear… but I digress.

It was in understanding all this then that I quickly shoot the kind guardmare from before a sympathetic look through the rapidly closing doors just as she was shooting one right back at me.

SLAM

… With that I find myself alone with my least favorite pony in the world.

“Stupid tin suits,” the royal unicorn grumbles to herself, beginning to turn. “Just who do they think they’re dealing wit-”

“Hello, Princess Bluebelle,” I nod curtly to the mare, freezing her in mid-turn. “Lovely day, isn’t it?”

“...”

"..."

The white pony quickly turns right back around and starts banging on the doors.

“Guards! GUARDS!” she shrieks. “Come quickly! A dragon! A dragon has come to steal the castle’s treasury!”

“It’s nice to see you too,” I reply to myself, chuckling under my breath as the grown mare continues to lose her tiny mind.

The doors open a crack, and one of the guards sticks her head in briefly to explain that I was Solaris’ scheduled guest for the hour, before retreating to her post on the other side. The princess slowly closes the door after that, and shakily turns back my way, before once again staring at me in silence.

"..."

With aloof claw movements, I casually gesture to the open chair on the opposite side of the table for the Princess. “Take a seat, Bluebelle,” I offer kindly with a false warm smile. A chuckle escapes me as I add “I promise I won’t bite, I’m a vegetarian now!

“...Now~”

“...”

With a gulp, Bluebell reluctantly crosses the gap between us and sits herself down in Prince Solaris’ personal chair. The ‘poor’ thing must have been too nervous to notice. Heh.

“H-how do you know my name, lizard?” she demands fearfully. “The griffon’s believe that a dragon knowing such a thing is b-bad luck. I’m elected to believe the same… speak!”

I wave a claw in the air between us, causing the pony to cringe. “Oh,” I begin cheerfully enough. “I don’t know… Must have picked it up during my two years in your service… maybe, possibly… Who knows?”

“... You speak of lies.”

“I speak of grown mares with bedwetting problems.”

“IF YOU WERE IN MY SERVICE ONCE THEN YOU WOULD PERFECTLY KNOW THAT AL-”

“All facts and details pertaining to and or involving Princess Bluebelle’s life, work, being, or possible secrets are property of the Bluebelle Estate and are not allowed to leave said estate in any form under threat of legal action against the guilty party and all those involved… Believe me now?”

“...”

“... I would have remembered employing a reptile.”

“You don’t even remember your own mother’s birthday, young lady.”

Bluebelle simply stammers aimlessly after this; spouting half-formed rebuttals and unfinished rants. A good minute of this later and she eventually clams up, and settles on turning away completely.

“... Brew tea or something, lizard.”

“Don’t know how,” I lie with a shrug, returning my attention to the blank piece of paper before me. I tried to think of a topic to write about, but the Princess’ sudden appearance had admittedly knocked my train of thought clear off the railroad tracks.

Princess Bluebelle; adopted niece of Prince Solaris. Once every fifty or so decades the Prince will adopt a random noble’s son or daughter and turn them into high royalty. “It’s a tradition dating back hundreds of years, Barb,” Dusk once told me. “Though originally the nobility wasn’t allowed to participate in the drawing, years of legal battles and disputes eventually made it so that they were the only ponies allowed to be chosen.”

Were it not for my original family and current family, I think I’d have a hard time choosing between living in Equus or Earth. Both can be scarily similar in several respects.

Thinking about it now, the Princess sort of acts as a weird living counterargument to my earlier claim that this world is real. For example, Dusk Shine is a book smart stallion who is kind of a neat freak as well as just plain kind, yet he can also leave a library in shambles when he needs to find a specific book, and he kinda has a small sprinkling of that Canterlot's self absorbed-spirit in him. Gleaming Shield, meanwhile, is a hard-working mare whose dream was to become a soldier who could protect everypony. She’s a combination of strong, smart, clever… and also a giant card slinging, D&D/O&O loving, Power Ponies die-hard, neeeeeerrrrddddd. Then there's Prince Solaris who is benevolent, knowledgeable, and powerful beyond compare; yet his choice of weapons are deceitfulness, misdirection, straight up lying… Eh, you get the idea.

Princess Bluebelle, in comparison to them all, is a spoiled brat…

… And that’s it.

She begins and ends with this simple description. She’s not multifaceted like my friends and family, she’s not secretly deep. She is, surprisingly enough, still a one-note cartoon character. Good grief. It still makes me sick to my stomach to think that the first pony I was able to fully understand, in their language, was this overgrown marefilly...

… I suppose some good came out of my time with her staff though. From ages three to five; those hard-working ponies, despite not caring about me in the slightest, taught me so much about this world. So much…

“...”

My eyes once again find themselves staring at the blank piece of paper before me.

After a bit… a smile begins to form on my lips.

“... Hey, Bluebelle?”

“... What?” she asks, not even turning to address me.

With quill in claw and inkwell ready to receive it, I raise two fingers to my forehead and give the unicorn a mocking salute.

“Thanks for the inspiration.”

Putting a slash through the first few accidentally written English words, I switch to Ponish to avoid suspicion as I begin to write about the hardest two years of my second childhood.

Chapter 7: Education {RE-EDITED}

~~Yc E aqbmyehat eh dra bneun lrybdan-~~ As I explained in the prior chapter; at the age of three I was sent away from the castle so that I might learn how to be the best assistant I could be under the tutelage of the Bluebelle family’s servants. I was to learn how to be the perfect little lady, with enough world knowledge to get by, all for Dusk’s benefit.

I, of course, articulated my distaste for the arrangement and surprise separation in the most dignified way a three-year-old could; I wailed and screamed and threw a raging tantrum.

Admittedly not my proudest moment.

Dusk was all I had left though…

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I peek up from my writing for a moment to quickly check in on my current company.

Still just the bored head of the Bluebelle family, it seems. Perfect. Solaris likes to sneak up on ponies when they least expect it. I switched from English to Equestrian to not draw suspicion… Maybe I should lay off the whole ‘second life’ thing for now too, at least for this chapter. If the Prince asks to read this passage by chance I could safely show it to him without worrying as long as I keep it ‘in-house’, so to speak.

“Right,” I mumble to myself quietly, settling on this plan of attack. “Better safe than sorry. Remember that you’re in this mess right now, Barb, because you got sloppy with that book ide-”

“Pipe down, drake!” my ‘acquaintance’ suddenly barks. “Can’t you see that I’m trying to meditate here? It’s all the rage right now, though I don’t expect somepony like you to know.”

“... I’m a dame, jerk,” I grumble angrily under my breath, before returning to my writings. “Drakes are male…”

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Dusk was all I had ~~left~~ though. He was my family. I didn’t want to be taken away from him; didn’t want to be alone. The Prince didn’t care though, and because he didn’t Dusk didn’t care either. He’s~~was~~ deathly afraid of even the idea of crossing his mentor ~~back then~~; this fact was true back then and ~~God~~ Solaris knows that it’s still true now. Frighteningly so, in fact.

Dusk once asked me, in a borderline delusional haste, if my breath was capable of teleporting him directly to the Prince. The teenager didn’t trust my answer of “Tartarus no” at the time, on account of my age, so he ended up galloping off to his important meeting covered in black soot. He also ended up not being tardy, thankfully; I was worried that ~~I was about to get an early preview of a particular episode of the show that once scared my daughter.~~

I’ve gone a bit off-topic. As I was saying, Prince Solaris didn’t care back then, thus Dusk didn’t either. The difference between the two is that the Prince eventually apologized, while Dusk has not. I don’t expect he ever will, nor will I push it. If it one day weighs heavily on his conscience, then I will gladly accept whatever he’ll end up saying to me. If it never does, well then I will choose to remember the good times instead of the bad with my centuries-spanning draconic memory. A hundred, two hundred, three hundred years between us? The time will heal all wounds, ~~even the ones caused by his eventual death.~~

What might remain with me, however, even if a hundred years pass, is the training from Tartarus I received from the Bluebelles. Two years; I was with them for only two years, yet in those two years I learned how to speak, read, write, transcribe, walk, run, shelve, organize, carry, lift, cook, dance, play music, count, study history, ~~scream, kick, punch, bite, claw, rend, ignite~~. Needless to say, the list goes on.

A normal pony, born to normal parents, living in a normal town like Ponyville, receives pretty much the same education when you think about it. In understanding this, one might be lead to believe that my time with the Bluebelles was actually a great opportunity. I’m a dragon, after all; it would have been unlikely for one such as myself to be accepted into a normal school, let alone treated as a normal foal once there. If not as a foal, how else would I have been treated? How else would I have been raised? I could have easily been kept as Dusk’s pet instead of as his equal, so why do I complain?

Simple.

A foal learns all this and more under the tutelage of parents and teachers who care, alongside ponies who have the potential to be his or her friends, over the course of ten to fifteen years.

I received that same education in two years, under the tutelage of a drill sergeant, all while being surrounded by maids and butlers who were not only older than me ~~technically~~ but also dead inside.

Doesn’t sound like the kind of environment that supports and nurtures a full ~~childhood~~ foalhood now does it?

Prince Solaris thought that it was what was best for me though, every scrap of it. Again Dusk agreed but this should not come as a surprise to you anymore; he didn’t really start thinking for himself like a normal pony until I reentered his life at the age of five. I wasn’t supposed to become his assistant until he was an adult, but after an intense talk with the Prince I was graciously allowed to become it early during what I can only dare assume was Dusk Shine’s version of “rebellious” teenaged years. A normal person’s rebellious years usually involve staying out late, disobeying elders, and perhaps getting a tatto...

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“... Wait. Hey! Bluebelle! Pop quiz! Are tattoos a thing in Equestria; yes or not?”

“Silence, cur! Can’t you see… bah! Why am I even wasting my brea-”

“Yeah yeah yeah; worthless lizard, gaudy purple reptile, whatever. Tattoos? A thing or no? Survey says…?”

“... Yes. I do not understand the question, but they are in fact a ‘thing’... Will you now grace me with the sound of silence?”

“That depends. Will you now ‘grace’ your poor mother with a letter once in a while? She must be ever so lonely in Trottingham...”

“...”

“... And there you have your answer, Princess.”

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… Dusk Shine’s version of “rebellious” teenaged years. A normal person’s rebellious years usually involve staying out late, disobeying elders, and perhaps getting a tattoo or two, but Dusk’s involved questioning the Prince’s actions once in a blue moon... and then giggling madly about it like a love-stricken school filly.

Living on the edge, that one.

Again I’ve gone off track. As I keep trying to say, written in the simplest way possible; I hated my time with the Bluebelles. Hate hate hate hate hate hated. There. Simple enough, yet I don’t feel satisfied yet. I don’t feel as though I’ve properly announced my pure hatred for that household clearly enough; I don’t feel as though I’ve highlighted my reasons, nor explained how I came to this logical conclusion.

I suppose it’s time to drum up some bad memories.

Let’ start at the beginning.

After spending a night gently crying in a crib, little three-year-old me woke up the next morning with the feeling of a magical aura washing over me. Being deposited flatly across one of Bluebelle’s butler's backs, I was carried all the way across Canterlot to the family’s estate. I didn’t fight back or complain any further, I remember; I had realized its futility the day prior, thus I remained still and unmoving. When we reached the large mansion, located so close to the mountains that shadow the city that one could dare say it was touching, I found myself thoroughly unimpressed by the sight. Perhaps it was because I don't understand pony architecture, but the Bluebelle’s mansion looked nearly identical to every other mansion I had ~~ever~~ seen on ~~tv before~~ the way there. The colors were as singular as they were bright, it seemed unnecessarily large, and it all together had an “I’m richer than thou” aura radiating off it that made me sick to my draconic stomach.

And it was supposed to be my new home.

I instantly hated it.

It was mostly the company that inspired that sort of reaction in me, namely a spoiled teenaged filly by the name of Princess Bluebelle.

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“Achoo!”

I promptly ignore the Princess’s sudden sneeze and continue forth like it hadn’t happened at all.

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Princess Bluebelle was, at the time, the next in line to inherit the Bluebelle’s name, estate, and massive fortune. She had also been ushered in as an official Princess of Equestria a year before my birth, having won the position thanks to a rigged vote in a contest to become Prince Solaris’ adopted niece or nephew. I’m actually not legally allowed to divulge this information in any shape or form to another pony. Please ignore; I don’t feel the need to waste ink by crossing it out right now ~~or ever~~.

Duchess Bluebelle, the Princess’ mother, was the current head of the Bluebelle estate at the time of my transfer. She was the one I was to serve, in preparation for serving Dusk Shine. She was, while not my favorite pony, admittedly a ~~kinder~~ soul than her spawn. She understood my limitations better than her daughter; she didn’t have me practice multitasking by brewing tea while being treated as a tiny mount or anything of the sort. She didn’t allow me to sleep more than four hours on any given day, but she at least understood what was and wasn’t a reasonable request. Her servants didn’t have this distinction, unfortunately. To them, everything was fair game. Thus I was trained for anything and everything imaginable. Gone were the days of stumbling around, trying to ~~relearn~~ learn how to walk and talk; now I had to learn how to run and sing first. I fell often, I cried often, I felt completely and utterly worthless often.

Bluebelle’s staff was quick to remind me that I was, in fact, all that and more.

“The Mistress expects perfection. The Prince expects satisfaction. We expect both; if you do not meet our expectations then you will be punished like the rest of us.”

These words were, among others, engraved into my soul by the end of the first month alone. It didn’t matter that I was only three, I was expected to be able to keep up with the rest of them. I was a dragon; not many ponies understood what that meant. I was forced to shoulder their high expectations because of this discrepancy. ~~To this day, I’m not completely unsure if this was Prince Solaris’ intention or not with my training.~~

My daily routine became a blur of serving and learning once I was introduced to my temporary masters. First I would learn, then I would practice, then I was expected to have mastered whatever skill it was by either the end of the day or hour.

Rinse and repeat, for a hundred and four weeks.

No encouragement was ever thrown my way during that time, only acknowledgment that I could move on to the next task. Whenever I slacked off I was punished with the shortening of my fifteen-minute meal time or my already pathetic yet still precious sleeping hours. As you can imagine, it quickly became in my best interest to pick up the pace. True it was the same punishment given to everypony else under Bluebelle’s employment; the difference being that I would, regardless of how hard I tried, not be fired if all my time was reduced to an unworkable zero.

To give the routine credit, it took me nearly three years by myself to pick up how to understand and babble out Equestrian. It took me three weeks at the Bluebelles’ to learn how to read and write it at a level ~~close to how I used to read and write~~ befitting of a, say, forty-year-old. Admittedly a small clawful of words still trip me up now and then, especially the more obscure ones Dusk likes to use. ~~E ghuf ruf du fneda zihg mega "nalguhehk" yht "bnalebela", Ticg; E zicd tuh'd ghuf ruf du tu ed eh ouin pylgfyntc-ycc runca myhkiyka!~~

If I were to concede one point more to the damnable process it would be this; I learned quite a bit about the world around me during my time within the Bluebelles’ walls. Knowing why everypony uses the term everypony, learning the history and the meaning of the word, along with all the other social ~~differences~~ etiquette attached to it and others helped in part to shape me into who I am today.

I still feel that it didn’t need to go on for as long as it did though; two years was two years too many. The mere fact that it was supposed to last many more years chills me fiercely.

Thank goodness you spoke up when you did then, dearest Barbara. I fear that I will never be able to properly apologize for my actions back then, but I am grateful that I had enough sense of mind at the time to request those yearly checkups from your instructor.

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My mind goes blank as I stare dumbly at the lines I myself had just written down in my temporary journal. Those… those weren’t mine, nor is my ink red…

“Oh! There you are, Uncle Sol!”

My head jerks upwards right as these words leave Bluebelle’s muzzle, and my eyes dart to the right as my sluggish brain finally made the obvious connection. As they did, I catch sight of a golden magical aura leaving both my right claw and the tip of my quill…

… only to then completely forget about that minor detail altogether when I quickly discover that a Prince has been reading over my shoulder.

Prince Solaris turns his massive head sideways briefly, granting me a small smile through his autumn red beard, before drawing his attention across the table and towards his ‘niece’.

“Ah, dearest Bluebelle,” the massive stallion greets kindly, his deep voice reverberating through the air as he did. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Well, dear Uncle,” the Princess begins in the high and mightiest voice I had ever heard her use. Swiveling my eyes, I look forward just to confirm that, yes, her head is now held high in the traditional Canterlot fashion. Bleh. “I’m here today to achieve what others thus far have failed to do; to convince you to bring the Summer Sun Celebration here to Canterlot this year.”

“Oh. I see,” was the Prince’s simple reply. Though his smile never wavers, a glance rewards me with the sight of Solaris’ ‘mask’; the face he uses when dealing with those of high society. I know this face well, for Dusk and I have been fortunate enough to have witnessed him switching between the two rapidly during moments when studies and the royal court overlap each other. “Can this perhaps wait a little while, Bluebelle?” asks the alicorn. “I’ve been looking forward to having my tea time today with dearest Barbara here and-”

“It will only be a minute,” interrupts Bluebelle, without a care in the world. “Besides, I would make for better company than this lizard. Wouldn’t you agree?”

I almost want to support Bluebelle on this.

“I’m afraid this particular tea time is partially business, my niece.”

Nuts.

The marefilly did not seem deterred in the slightest. “Regardless Uncle, I will only take a moment of your time today.”

“Be that as it ma-”

“Well, first of all, your majesty,” she starts rather abruptly. “Canterlot should host the thousand-year anniversary of the Summer Sun Celebration because it is Canterlot! Really the most obvious of reasons. I’m surprised that the fact alone has apparently alluded you! Secondly…”

A sigh leaves my lips as the Princess begins her borderline nonsensical tangent.

Well… great.

Now I’m stuck here listening to this while waiting for the inevitable conversation with Prince Solaris. I can’t even write now, what with Solaris literally breathing down my neck. Maybe I’ll get lucky and Bluebelle will end up wasting all of his time... I really hope that happens. The sooner Dusk and I slink off to Ponyville, the sooner Dusk will forget all about the ‘Solaris’ gifted book in the daze of researching friendship, and the sooner Solaris himself will do the sa-

I suddenly feel a tug on my claw.

Instead of looking down at it right away, as was my first instinct, I instead glance upwards past the Prince’s now stony face and at the tip of his massive white alicorn horn. Squinting, I spot the tiny flicker of golden magic sparking off the end of it; so tiny and unnoticeable I doubt anypony else in the room could have spotted it unless they were as close to him as I am right now. With a gulp, I turn my head back downwards and watch silently as my magically manipulated claw went to work with scribbling out a message…

◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠

Dearest Barbara,

Though I have no right to ask such a thing, I implore you to hear this old stallion’s selfish plea. I have been in court this morn’ since the sunrise itself, listening to this same speech perhaps a hundred different times ad nauseam. I fear another telling of this particular "sales pitch" will render me a broken pony by the end of it. Thus I implore you, neigh, beg you to allow me to read over thy shoulder as you continue your writings.

Entertain me, educate me, share with me your troubles; anything is preferable to this personal Tartarus I’ve found myself once again trapped in.

I’ll understand if your answer is no.

I’ve caused you pain in the past that still haunts you to this day, it seems. I’ve also committed the cardinal sin of all stallions by reading a lady’s diary, or at least very much akin to one by the looks of it.

Regardless, I ask this of you as a friend; please save me. Please.

◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠

Well… poo.

This is…

Um.

This is… going to suck.

If I say yes and I end up slipping up, that will just give him more ammo for our talk later.

If I say no, I can’t trust him not to read over my shoulder anyways...

And if I stop writing altogether he’s just going to be left with even more questions than before!

So I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t.

Though his eyes never stray from the motormouth of a unicorn on the opposite side of the table, it very much felt as if Solaris’ nonexistent gaze was now firmly aimed at me and my now free writing claw.

The clock is ticking.

The Talk {RE-EDITED}

I-I suppose it was too much to ask for old Bluebelle to use up all of the Prince’s free time today like she usually does. There’s no running away now… Or is there?

“Are you s-sure you wouldn’t like me to just keep writing instead?” I ask, grasping at straws. “T… t-there’s still so much more to sa-”

A raised hoof swiftly silences me.

“I believe I’ll be fine for now, dear child,” replies Prince Solaris kindly with a small smile. “Thank you for the offer though. I may request to read a more completed copy later, but for now…”

Tap tap

“... this book,” he finishes with a quick rap across the item in question’s surface.

Drat.

Worth a shot I guess.

In a bid to buy time, and to calm my nerves, I take a long swig of my poured tea. Living in a unicorn city such as Canterlot provides the uncommon benefit of having cups around that are claw compatible. Most pony tea sets skimp out on the handle portion, instead opting to make loops better designed to be manipulated with hooves and mouths. This leaves dirt and slippery saliva everywhere, but not with unicorn levitation.

I contemplate on this… when in reality I should have been mentally fortifying myself for this talk. I’m gonna crack I’m gonna crack I’m gonna crack!!

"Breathe!"

… Inhale… Exhale… Bleh. Not my day. Not my day at all… Inhaling again for good measure, trying to avoid tipping off the Prince, aaaannnnnddddd done. I’m… I-I’m in no shape to lead this off, so… so I suppose Solaris will need to.

Okay…

… O-okay…

… INHALING AGAIN CAUSE THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM!!

AAAANNNNDDDDD…

Setting my cup gently down on its saucer, my face the perfect (ish) mask of calm, I look up at the alicorn across the table and speak with all the bravado I possess.

“W-w-w-w-what do you want to know, y-your Highness?”

Smooth, Barb. Smooooottth.

I receive a soft and polite sounding chuckle for my troubles. “Haha. Barbara, child, relax. Relax... This isn’t a trial.”

Bal to the ony, your Highness!

Taking a long sip of his own cup, his face a picturesque image of content, my ‘friend’ lets out a long sigh of enjoyment before drawing his eyes back to the book by his spot. With the wave of his horn, he levitates the object before his face and opens it wide. His eyes begin to scan the pages, seemingly at random, before he closes it and brings it floating over to me; smiling all the while.

“Do you know what this book is?” he poses as a question, though I knew it really isn't one.

“T-the… the book I bought for Dusk the other day, sir?”

Another chuckle leaves the Prince’s lips. “No, nothing of the sort,” he explains around this laugh. “This is actually my own copy of it. I imagine Dusk’s is currently within his possession right now. Perhaps he is even reading it as we speak?”

“H-heh. One can only hope, sir.”

Though his smile never drops, I can tell that I had just done something to upset him. Oh God oh God o-

“Please, Barbara... no more of this ‘sir’ nonsense! I can’t convince my student that it isn’t necessary but I hoped I could you. It makes me feel old, haha.”

… h God. Ugh, I’m jumping at shadows here…

“But moving on,” the stallion then states, resting the book in the middle of the table. There it lays open with but a single image present; a two-page splash image of a white stallion with a red mane… and a dark blue stallion with a light blue mane.

“I believe it’s safe to assume that you’ve read this book before, yes?”

“... Yes, si- Solaris,” I admit as neutrally as I could. No point in lying now.I j-just need to not crack, that’s all. Just don’t crack like an egg and maybe, just maybe, surviving this will be possible.

… If not survive... then… t-then maybe try to last long enough to convince him to send Dusk to Ponyville anyways, with or without hisexnumber one assistant.

Just because my life is about to be ruined doesn’t mean that his has to be too.

Solaris’ mane continues to blow at its usual pace as our conversation continues. I've tried in the past to see if I could spot it moving differently at all whenever the Prince lied or was being his usual self, but it was ultimately a fruitless endeavor. He has little to no tells; the perfect smiling poker face. Truly a frightening individual. “Hmm. I figured as much,” came his eventual reply. It came out so simply and plainly that I couldn’t discern what emotion he was feeling. Prideful? Amused? Angry? I'm left with nothing but frantic guessing! “It could have simply been something that caught your eye in a store one day, but I had my suspicions that there was more to it than that. Haha.”

Please stop laughing like that, pony. It isn’t helping me at all here. “Y-you… ahem. You did, Prince Solaris? W, w-why?”

The warm smile of the sun lord keeps on beaming softly, never changing into a frown or becoming any weaker. The consistency is keeping me on edge.

“Well, you see,” answers the alicorn as he starts to explain. I take note that something had begun to creep into his tone at this point; a tone that I swear sounds… playful. Oh whatever higher power that watches over souls throughout the multiverse; nothing is scarier than a playful god. Please save me. “I was planning on giving Dusk this book to read today as well!”

Crap crap crap crap poo! My earlier guess was right! I didn’t actually need to do anything!

“Really?” I ask as clueless sounding as I could. I don’t know if it'll work on that front, but at least I finally replied without stuttering like the guilty idiot I am.

“Really,” he jokingly parrots… or, at least I assume it was jokingly and not, say, mockingly. “There are stories in this tome that I feel will serve my student well in the days to come. You having read it yourself is an unseen boon! Tell me; was it recently that you read it, or perhaps instead back during your time with the Bluebelles?”

I take this moment to quickly stick a purple claw into my bowl of gems and just as quickly pop one into my mouth. I did this for two reasons, one of which being, admittedly, comfort food. It works almost as well as chocolate on dark days. My second reason though was more practical; it bought me a precious few seconds to not only compose myself but to also think.

I shouldn’t answer any more of these questions instantly, not even simple ones like this. Remember; all of Solaris’ questions are secretly tests. Every one of them… and, again, I’m not paranoid! I can’t answer these things simply with one or two words; I need to answer them fully without stuttering, less I make him even more suspicious than he already is.

So I shouldn’t give short answers, but I also shouldn’t give long answers either. With my current mental state, I’m liable to say more than I mean to. I can organize my thoughts better with paper than I can with my tongue. This is one of the few quirks about me that stayed the same through my reincarnation, and has served as a thankful sign that my past life was real and not just the delusions of a creative child.

Tick… tock… tick… tock…

The clock in the room once again acts as a reminder that I, unfortunately, aren't allowed to dottle right now.

Washing down the emeralds with a sip of my drink, taking a moment to sigh contently from the brew’s lovely aroma and taste, I return my attention to the Prince and finally answer him with a wisp of confidence. “Yes, Prince Solaris. I read it during my time at the Bluebelles’ estate. However, I’ve forgotten quite a bit about it since then. Sorry.”

“Not completely though, I assume?” he was quick to ask, I guess not wanting the conversation/interrogation to halt again.

“Yes that’s correct,” I offer honestly. I remember quite a bit, but I actually have forgotten a large portion of the tome over time as well. The legends, the monsters, the lore… none of it really appealed to me at the time. I wasn't quite into mythological creatures and tales like my son wa- Is. Like my little boy probably still is into, even to this day... Even as the fine young adult he’s grown up into w-without m-m-m-

Chinkchinkchink...

The grip on my teacup tightens briefly as a hole starts to form in the pit of my heart. Small cracks ran up its handle, threatening to reach the cup itself. As quickly as they had appeared, though, the feelings and pressure both soundly vanish as I slowly ease up. I smother the emotions deep inside, just as I always have; deep inside my heart for later use. Not now... I… I can’t afford to wallow in melancholy right now. Not now...

“I… remembered a passage about stuff happening a thousand years ago though,” I finished as soon as I could, not wanting there to be a questionable pause in my speech. “That's why I bought it, your… your majesty…”

“Ah,” Solaris spoke soon after, hopefully having not noticed anything to be amiss. “So because of this one and perhaps only passage, you felt Dusk would enjoy it today?”

“Yes,” I say with the nod of my head, contradicting my earlier decision of not giving him short answers. Frankly though I'm just glad that he finished my sentence for me, seeing as how I was knocked off my already shaky game there for a second. I don’t think he noticed the pause, but who could really say besides him?

My response causes the pony in questions' ever-present smile to brighten just slightly. Unlike how it did at the beginning of the talk, this time the change wasn’t followed by a feeling of dread for me. That's a good sign. “So you got it for him because of today’s celebrations, hmm? Is that correct?”

With my gloomy moment having momentarily passed, the pain still there but repressed, I was again able to separate myself from this affair and analysis Solaris' seemingly simple question towards me smartly. What is he trying to learn now? Is he trying to connect my actions to the Nightterror’s return prophecy? That might be it…

As I think about all this though, desperately trying to decide what the ‘proper’ response should be, I'm suddenly and unexpectedly struck with an extreme sense of... déjà vu?

Huh? Why would I be feeling that right now?

It’s what this feeling is though, I know it is... but the last time the two of us sat at this table with intent like this the atmosphere was completely different. It was back during that first check-up two years ago; I was angry beyond belief and the Prince was in no position to play the games he’s playing now. Now that I think about it, this isn’t the first time I’ve had this feeling before since the talk began! It happened right at the beginning; the instant the book appeared. Yeah… that’s right…

So again I’m left to ask myself this; why does this suddenly all feel so famil-

… !!!

A scene starts playing in my mind’s eye; a scene from years long since passed.

Its appearance threatens to tear my already fragile heart to ribbons.

“... Ashley, sweetie? Can you come here to momma for a second?”

Through the hallway’s entryway, I watch quietly as the little brown girl on the living room floor looks up briefly from her pony toys and their imaginary games and quickly jumps to her feet. With a spring in her step, she happily skips her way across the threshold and into the kitchen, where I was busy adding spices to tonight’s stew. “Yes, mommy?” my little angel inquires sweetly, flashing me a big old smile that lacked a single tooth. It was beautiful all the same though, just like her.

I soon smile down at her just as brightly…

… but then I move my hand over to the counter beside me and present to her the report card I had just received in the mail.

“Wanna explain to me what this is all about, baby girl?”

Her smile drops faster than a brick off a third-story balcony, but it suddenly leaps back just as quickly without warning.

“Oooohhhhh, well, momma, you seeeee…” she began simply enough, leaving me none the wiser, but as the conversation dragged on she speedily deployed every single deadly technique known to cute little girls everywhere on my old unsuspecting self; transforming me into pure putty in her youthful hands.

The guilty as sin, yet still victorious scamp ended up getting double desert that night; a fact that still baffles me even to this day.

Though I had to fight against a second wave of melancholy, and hide my misting eyes, my once seemingly benign question had been answered. I’ve been feeling déjà vu up to this point because the positions had been reversed.

Now I'm the brat trying to get away with a ‘naughty’ secret, namely my greatest secret of all, and Solaris is just the adult trying to get answers he feels he deserves...

… Again this assumes that he doesn’t already have said answers and isn’t just playing with me... but that’s beside the point. This whole situation, I think it might be possible to slip out of it now just like my daughter once did!

I don’t think I’ll be getting cake like she was always able to do, but perhaps by using a number of her ‘weapons’...?

… Let’s try now.

So the question was ‘So you got it for him because of today’s celebrations, hmm? Is that correct?’ Solaris knows me as a mature person, so I can’t go too crazy, but I can at least do… this.

“Yes, I did…” I answer in a voice that was a few octaves higher than normal, making me sound younger and, more importantly, ‘innocent’. Tilting my head to the side, placing a single claw tip on the edge of my pouting lips, I give the Prince a questioning expression. “W-was that a bad thing to do?”

“O-oh no! Not at all, dear!” Solaris stutters out quickly…

… wait.

Solaris… stuttered?

…

... Solaris stuttered?!

T-that’s a thing that can happen?!

“It wasn’t a bad thing you did!” he, I can’t believe I’m saying this, stammers. “Absolutely not! Please don’t fret any longer.”

H… h-holy crap it works. It actually works...

… I

I…

…

… Why haven’t I been doing this for years now?! Years?! I know how to push ponies like Dusk and Bluebelle’s respective buttons, and my natural cute charm as an infant sorta just worked instinctually, b-but this… This can potentially work on everypony.

Heck, it can probably work on everybody!

I… I-I feel like I just wasted that last sev-, no; the last forty seven years of my life…

“I’m just curious as to your reasons!” the stallion goes on, knocking me out of my inner contemplation of this new great and terrible power. His cheeks were bright red now from apparent good cheer and forced laughter. “That’s all!”

Still taken aback by the simple fact that I had caught Solaris off guard for the second time in my life, a feat that will remain with me for many years and reincarnations to come, I numbly nod my head in response... Which probably adding to the act quite nicely. “O-okay…”

“Were you worried that you were in trouble, Barbara?”

“A… a little...” I admit truthfully and, for good measure, cutely. We're not out of the woodworks yet.

Solaris returns my admittance with a hearty “Ha!" before adding "Preposterous. All you did was give a friend a book! For whatever reason would a pony, or dragon in this case, haha, be punished for that?”

"It’s more the implied implications of this meeting that scare me, Prince Solaris, not the actual..." Can’t rightfully say that out loud though, so I'll instead fall back on my newly discovered ‘cute clueless child’ routine instead. “I-I guess that wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense, huh?”

“Indeed it wouldn’t! Haha!”

For the first time since I had entered this bedchamber today, I smile genuinely… Mostly this was out of fear that it would seem out of place if I didn’t right now, but it was genuine all the same. He just wanted me to tell him why I got that book for Dusk today, that's was all. And I just did technically! Perhaps if I quickly start unfolding my report scrolls now, I can switch the conversation to that instead.

Then...

Then I’ll be home free.

“Well with that settled; I brought Dusk’s check-up sheets for you today, your majesty!” I roll out my plan with great haste, not allowing him a second to respond. I continue to smile brightly as I do, and proceed to stand up in the chair so that I could properly wave this unrolled scroll about in a distracting manner. It seemingly works. Come on… come on! “It’s pretty much the same as your last inspection, but Dusk was able to learn two new spells last week alone! Two! Want me to share them with you? They’re really neat!”

The Prince blinks surprisingly at my childlike display. It’s working! Yeeesssss! Mental fist pump! As I silently celebrate in my head, the sole pony in the room grips my held paper with his golden magic and hovers it across the table towards himself. “Really now?” he asks, eyeing my written scroll with genuine interest. Yes yes yes!

With claws planted firmly on the table, I bounce my head up and down quickly in agreement, almost knocking over my bowl in my actual excitement. First I appear to be the victim, unaware that I had done anything wrong. This saddens the ‘adult’ for his or her actions. Then I change the subject enthusiastically, improving the ‘adult’s’ disposition... I think that’s how little Ash always did it to her father and me, all those years ago. It seems to be working so far, so let’s keep things up!

“Uh-huh!” I cheer in mirth, allowing my honest pride to shine through. I know how big a deal learning a new spell is to a unicorn, thanks to my time being one’s assistant. Dusk could hardly stop talking about it the rest of the day when it happened to him! Just remembering that big old grin on his face when he showed Gleaming, how could I not feel happy for him as well? Using that logic... “Yeah! Two whole new spells! Teleporting and this really cool wind thing! It makes pretty music when he uses it!”

“Ah. Fascinating,” Solaris chimes in, his eyes still glued to the magic parchment. “And teleporting as well? Such a difficult spell, that one. We called it ‘winking’ back in the day; did you know that?”

I shake my head ‘no’, my smile now completely and utterly real. I’m… I’m free! “Really? No! I didn’t know that. Why did they call it such a silly thing?”

“Hmmm, well that’s actually an interesting story,” he speaks louder, scratching his beard. As he did, I finally allow my mind to breathe a well-earned sigh of relief. “The pony who discovered the spell, a certain mare with a ridiculously long mane, had to explain the complexity of the magic to her not as bright peers as, and I quote "The world around the user not so much as ‘blinking’ but instead ‘winking’ briefly upon activation". It, unfortunately, caught on for a few hundred years afterward, being replaced with the incorrect ‘blinking’ term for a few short decades before being properly analyzed and documented.”

I giggled a little as I sat back down on my tail/rump in the chair. Dusk has tried to explain spellweaving to me, the art of casting magic, as this complex algorithm-like procedure that requires years of dedication to master. Matrixes need to be recorded, terms need to be memorized, an ungodly amount of math needs to be performed... A description as simple as what Solaris just told me would probably give the poor boy an aneurysm! “Ha! That’s silly,” came my ‘youthful’ answer... though I probably would have answered similarly even if I was still a proper ol-, er, mature lady.

“Haha, I suppose it was in hindsight,” he laughs with me, effectively lifting the heavy atmosphere from the whole discussion once and for all. “Remember though that they did not live in the same era of magical advancement as you and Dusk now find yourselves a part of… Do you know what else I find silly, dear Barbara?”

“What?” I ask in good cheer; my eyes closed and my smile beaming.

There was a pause.

“... Well… I find it sill-, no. I suppose the actual word I’m looking for here is... ‘amusing’. In that case; I find it amusing, little dragon... that you’ve not questioned at all why I’ve brought you here today.”

My heart skips a beat, but my face remains frozen in the ‘cheerful’ image I had just been trying so hard to project.

If one were to look closely, they could easily spot the lines of sweat that had suddenly resurfaced upon my brow.

“T-to…” I attempt to answer. Opening my eyes and forcing myself to breathe normally, I again try to respond. “To answer your question of why I gave Dusk that book?” I know that was the reason, he wrote it in his letter! I even answered that question so far! Because of the festivities! W-what more does he wan-

“Well?”

I find myself blinking blankly in the face of Prince Solaris’ sudden thought derailing question.

“... Well what, your majesty?”

The pony’s face remains smiling, even as one of his eyebrows begins to rise over the other.

“Aren’t you... curious at all as to why I wanted to know your reason behind gifting that book to Dusk, dear? Or why I was going to give it to him today?”

My mind goes blank.

I had assumed it was to gather information on me and to prove his ultimately benign suspicions. I can’t say that outright though soooo... Ummmm… C3 ‘(cute clueless child) protocol activate! “N-not really…?”

'Wrong, freaking, answer, girly' came the instant horrifying response, as delivered via a white horse’s sudden Cheshire grin.

“Really now?” inquires the stallion around pure white and square teeth. The heavy atmosphere fell upon us again with a vengeance as he leans closer down to my eye level from his side of the table. “Not at all? Not even a simple ‘why’?” A long and dark chuckle then emanates from his throat, chilling me to my spot. He gazes at me now with amused eyes. “Is this because you’re simply not curious, Barbara dear…

“... Or are you perhaps preoccupied with using this as a chance to breathe a sigh of relief...?”

N-no. No no no no no!! H-h-he can’t have… have…

And again that smile grew.

“Gotcha.”

I couldn’t stop myself, so incredibly shocked and scared was I that I blurted out a quick and all damning “W-what?!” before I had the chance to slap my claws over my mouth.

Thoroughly entertained by my torture, laughing up a storm, the overgrown pony wipes a tear away from his eye with a hoof. “Hohoho! T-terribly sorry, child. Terribly, terribly sorry, but I’m afraid years of ‘teatime’ with my subjects has granted me a leg up when it comes to picking up signs and tells. The surprise in your eyes, how quickly you grasped onto a change in topic, those little pauses… You play a mighty fine game, young lady!

“... I’ve just been playing it far longer.”

Sitting up straighter in his seat, placing both hooves upon the table-top, the Prince makes a few taps against its surface as he elaborates further to my petrified self. “I’ll be honest with you, Barbara; for the first time since I’ve poured our tea. This talk has been a long time coming.”

“N-no,” I whimper weakly, watching as my world crumbles around me.

“Yes,” he says, his mirth noticeably weaning. “I’ve been... watching you for the past two years, just as I've been watching Dusk since the day he received his cutie mark... I’ve had my suspicions.”

“S-s-suspicions?”

He nods curtly, sipping his tea as he does. “Hmmm. Yes. Suspicions. Suspicions that you are... more than you appear to be.”

No no no… “T-that’s not true…”

“Isn’t it though?” he interrogates me in a tone that suggests kindness, but I can’t be sure anymore. “You’re different than most, Barbara, and I’m not referring to your draconic nature.”

“I’m… I-I’m just like everypony else, s-sir…”

“Hmm. Far from it, dear. Far from it...”

The Prince then… suddenly grew quiet. I wasn’t in the mood to speak up either, so I sit silently as he excuses himself from the table and walks slowly over to the balcony on the other side of the room. From there the doors are opened and fresh air was allowed to enter. I watch as the pony steps over to the telescope setup stationed outside and casually uses it to gaze down into the city streets below.

He stays mute as he does this, never saying a word; leaving me questioning what he was doing. The waiting eventually got to me, my nervousness not allowing me to sit still, so I reluctantly screw up the courage to ask “W-what are you…?”

“Dusk just entered the park,” comes the swift reply, catching me by surprise. “Seems he stopped by that one mare’s donut establishment; his muzzle is covered in crumbs.”

Despite the circumstances, I offer a weak giggle at this. “Sounds like him.”

“Hmph. Indeed.”

Silence reigns.

Solaris eventually steps away from the scope and reenters the room. Instead of returning to his spot, though, he approaches the other side so that he can stand before, gulp, m-me.

Needless to say, even with the increased height provided by my chair, he was still a literal horse in comparison to my minuscule self. ‘Intimidating’ doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling.

“... Once upon a time,” he starts innocently enough, though it still frightened me greatly. J-just spit it out already and get it over with... “There lived a pony who was born with an interesting gift. The realm of dreams was his domain.”

“... O… o-okay,” I offer, not sure how to respond.

He moves on, beginning to absentmindedly wander away from me and towards the other side of the table, where the book currently lay. “He could enter the dreams of ponies and control them, but he instead chose to protect them; to ensure nopony suffered nightmares.” A burst of golden magic lifts the book from off of the table and flouts it towards the Prince’s face; said face became unreadable as he gazes at its pages passively, lingering only on images of the blue alicorn.

Was… was he talking about his brother? Could Princess Luna actually do that? I don’t remember much of her from the show after all these years... and the ponies of this world don’t even know that the Prince has a brother! Why is he talking about him now…?

Though it took apparent effort, the white stallion eventually sat the book back down. Soon he was speaking again, but this didn’t happen until he took a noticeable breath of air.

“My dear bro-... this stallion was selective with his power though. He vowed to only use it for the foals of Equestria, for he was always a sucker for a crying babe.”

Putting the severity of the situation and the heavy feeling of doom I'm currently being subjected to at the moment aside… I find that to be a sweet notion. What a kindhearted pony. I tell the Prince as much, though not without a great deal of work on my still frightened part.

“I tend to think so,” came his reply, again devoid of high emotions. “He felt as though it was his duty… Yet he wasn’t the only creature in this land with the gift. Zebra Shamans are capable of the same feat with their potions and chants, and the ability has been known to appear in Earth Ponies from time to time; what are dreams but new lands to care for, after all? The stallion just so happened to be the most gifted with the power; that was the only difference.”

“I… I see,” I say, again unsure how to respond. Where was this all going…?

“... There is something that makes you different as well, dearest Barbara. Something that marks you as extraordinary… and I believe I know what that is.”

Eep! I didn’t want it to go there!

“N-no you don’t!” I try to argue pathetically before the Prince, now starting to feel like Bluebelle before me. “You d-don’t know because I’m perfectly normal! Yup! Completely normal… well except for the whole dragon thing! H-heh, yup! Just that! Only that! M-maybe you’re thinking that! A common mistake! I mean, ponies don’t know a whole lot about us, so it stands to reason that even you don’t know everything! So, yup, perfectly normal! Peeeerrrfectly nor-”

A hoof suddenly appears over my lips, silencing me.

Solaris looks down at me from my side yet again, though this time his smile was warm and inviting once more.

“Child, please. You no longer need to hide what you are from me... I know the truth.”

“...”

Behind my hoofed gag, my eyes began to mist over. It’s… all over. A-all over. He knows. Solaris knows. “Y-you do?” I attempt to question around the hoof but the words came out garbled. Partially this was because of the aforementioned gag, but it was also due to the sob that had entered my voice.

With the tip of a massive and beautiful wing, the Prince wipes the tears out of my eyes. He then looks into them with his own and he gives me a simple and honest “Yes. I do.

“I know what you are.”

Tears begin to flow freely as the hoof was removed from my lips. I turn away, unable to face one of the ponies who I had been lying to all these years. W-will I have to tell Dusk now? And Gleaming? W-w-will they even accept me after I do? My head was swimming as for the second time in years my world crumbles to pieces around me. “W-w-what’s going to, sniff, h-happen to me now?” I manage to spit out after a time, unable to even form cohesive sentences anymore. This was all too much. T-too damn much.

“Nothing at all.”

Sob. T-t… h-huh? What?

“W… w-what? Sniff.”

What I expected to find when I lifted my head again was a completely changed pony; I expected to see a Prince dealing with a possible threat against his kingdom… What I find instead was Prince Solaris being himself; an old yet kind stallion who, despite his flaws, possesses a big heart.

Never was this more apparent than when I found myself in the midst of receiving a pony nuzzle.

“Dry those tears, child. Dry them,” he whispers to me, the warmth of his light, his love, piercing my old tired soul. “You needn't worry any longer. Nothing is going to change this, or any, day. Not from me or others, to this I swear.

“... I wouldn’t dare let anything bad befall one who bears the same curse as me, fellow Lost Soul.”

“...”

Time dilates to a standstill the moment these words grace Solaris’ lips. I stand frozen in place, unable to move, as what had just been told to me finally caught up with my slowly rebooting mind.

“Y… y-you too?” I weakly mumble out, caught in a daze. A chuckle and a ‘yes’ were quickly given in exchange, leaving me to further piece my psyche back together.

I’m…

…

… I’m not... alone?

Solaris too?

This… t-this can’t be real. This can’t be real…

… This can’t be real, because I want it to be real so damn badly.

I want someone more experienced than me to show me the ropes. I want someone to talk to about my past life. I want to bawl my eyes out on someone’s shoulder over my losses, and have them fully understand what it is I’m crying about. I want to be assured that death still has meaning, that it doesn’t simply lead to another cycle of life. I want continual reasons to stay alive.

I want… no… I need a friend in all this, one who believes me fully without question, never filling me with painful doubts.

Solaris… Solaris could be that friend. I know he could… but this can’t be real. It can’t. It’s too good to be true. Too, damn, good.

Though my eyes start to dry and my sobbing begins to subside, my emotions are still in a roller-coaster state of ups and downs. I have to ask, have to get a clear answer, but my mind doesn't know how to process the idea. It was such a dark and sickly feeling, as if the secret behind Santa Claus, of all things, was about to be revealed.

Whether I'm on the adult or the crying child’s side of that fence is subject to debate.

Regardless, after a much-needed moment of silence, I finally make up my mind. The task wasn’t too difficult at all in the end, I came to realize. All I need to do is speak plainly and clearly one, single, word.

“Really?”

“Yes,” the alicorn delivers powerfully for me not even a second later. He breaks off from the embrace as he speaks, taking a step back to stand before me. Extending his wings fully, transforming his appearance into one that commands complete authority above those who would dare say otherwise, he declares to me with such confidence and conviction that “I am the same as you, Barbara The Dragoness…”

He smiles warmly.

My hopes rise to impossible heights as I wait on bated breath for those magical words to be spoken, for my fear and loneliness to be cured, for my grief to be forgiven, for the lies to cease. I wait and pray, pray to what little shards of faith I have left, for Prince Solaris of Equestria to reveal on to me that he is-

“A Seer.”

...

... Wha?

The Reveal {RE-EDITED}

“... A… Seer?”

Folding his wings back up tightly, and offering me a tired smile, Prince Solaris gives the question a curt yet somber nod. His mane slows its usual pace as he does, amplifying the new heavy atmosphere. The whole act solidifies the idea in my mind that the Prince was being honest right now. No more tricks, no more manipulation...

... and no knowledge of what I truly am...

“Yes,” Solaris once again says, reassuring my nonreactive self. “One who can view the passage of Ether, the essence of life itself, and from it draw visions of events yet to transpire… A ‘holy’ being.” A spiteful sounding “Ha” then leaves the alicorn’s throat at this, catching me even further off guard. “That is how the ancient Griffon witchdoctors of old described them at least. I have my doubts though, even as I bear this title.”

“A… Seer,” I repeat in the silence that follows, unable to come to terms with this turn of events. Part of me didn’t want to understand it, instead wishing more than anything to remain in the numb state it was currently in. As the unresponsive lump of cells that it now was, my brain lacks the cognitive ability to fully grasp the ungodly amount of disappointment it should be wallowing in right now. It also lacks the ability to produce the appropriate response to said soul-crushing disappointment.

Tears of sorrow and regret.

Thus I remain emotionless where I sit and watch passively as the Prince tries yet again to shake me out of my shocked stupor.

“Originally, they were called Dragoons,” he elaborates further, having turned to head back towards his seat. With his back to me, the alicorn was unable to see just how little I actually cared at the moment. “Called as such because the art was supposedly taught to these few Griffons through the aid of a Dragon. Do you understand now why I am not surprised by your hidden nature, dear Barbara?”

“...”

A chuckle soon vacates the stallion’s lips.

“I suppose you're still a bit surprised,” he states the obvious, completely unfazed by my display. “Or... perhaps you are right now trying to think of a way to refute my claims?” Solaris shakes his head. “That won’t be possible, I’m afraid. I have too much proof.

“For starters; since the age of five you’ve been more than capable of fulfilling all of Dusk’s requests to the letter, but you’ve also possessed the ability to make your own decisions,” says the Prince, again stating the obvious as if I didn’t already know. “This was the point of your lessons, true, but said lessons were not completed in those two short years. They weren’t supposed to be completed for at least a full decade… Yet, despite this, I’ve since come to fear that you’re the only reason that colt stays healthy at all these days! Sleepless nights and a caffeine-based diet used to be the norm while he was in my comparably lackluster care, but that all changed the day you subtly took the reins.”

I keep staring silently.

‘... Took the reins... Took the reins... Horse puns… Always with the horse puns...'

...

"... I’m so bucking sick of horse puns… Among other things..."

The white pony continues, none the wiser to my slowly growing frustration. “One could simply see this as proof that the training was effective, but I always felt that there was more to it than that.”

"... Yes... There was..."

“Your manners and behavior are atypical as well,” was the next point of interest the stallion highlights. He explains further after a quick sip of his tea. “Hmm… A fact that I further doubt the training was able to grant unto you, Barbara. If not simply because it wasn’t covered in the time given, then perhaps instead because of your, I now know, pure hatred for the home I once forced you to dwell in. Hah; I wouldn’t judge you in the slightest if you were to admit right now to having made the conscious decision to forget all your lessons out of spite of me! Hoho!”

"… It’s not funny..."

“Finally,” he begins to wrap up, setting his teacup down upon its saucer and aiming his piercing blue eyes directly into the green of my own. “While your decision to purchase this book may have been the tipping point for me in my mind, it is far from the only hint I’ve been given. You have made similar peculiar decisions in the past as well.

“Teleporting, fail-safes, ‘Want-it-Need-it’; you’ve suggest spells for Dusk to work on that were oftentimes the same as the ones I was going to suggest to him. You’ve also led him into reading certain books which just so coincide with my own choices; such as when you encouraged him to ignore his favorite mage, Starswirl, and instead focus on her more ethical and harmonic apprentice Clover… And you’ve discouraged trips outside of Canterlot, instead preferring for him to stay here in his hometown where friendships have failed to blossom. Don’t think I haven’t noticed your quiet prodding, dear child; I have been able to bear witness to all these events and more through the various means available to me... one of which being my Sight.

“The same Sight which resides within you, in a certain capacity.”

"… Shut up."

“And it is through this power, I can confidently state, that you’ve seen the same future as I.”

"Shut up."

“The future in which Dusk is happy.”

"Shut up."

“With lifelong friends.”

"Shut up.

“Where all of Equestria is united together in the magic of harmony and friendshi-”

“SHUT UP!!”

Silence falls upon the bedchamber as I pant for breath, the words having taken the air from my lungs. All my anger and frustration had been fed into them; all my suppressed disappointment and guilt having finally been set free. I couldn’t hold them back any longer, nor could I these tears. I had hyped myself up too damn much, becoming too emotionally invested. I'm not angry with the Prince right now, not at all. This anger isn’t aimed at him.

It's instead aimed at myself.

“Huff… huff… s-s… s-shut… up… I… Sniff… I-I-I’m… a… a-a...”

I can't form the words, not even a single syllable. This doesn't surprise me in the slightest. No matter how much I want to, no matter how heavily the guilt rests within my heart, I can’t tell him what I really am. I... can’t. I’ve been lying to everypony for too damn long now to be accepted back right away. I know this as fact; they’ll just look at me funny for the rest of my looooong life if I did. They won’t believe me. They’ll think I’m just a child making things up, which will only serve to cut me deeper. I’ll be treated as one further, and will never be able to return to the mantle of an adult I once held for many, many years. And if they do believe me? If they accept me for who I am and nothing changes between us?

Then they will have forever lost my respect, because I'll know that they're lying.

“A-a... I-I'm n-n-not, a… sniff… a…”

Clop

The sound Solaris’ hoof makes atop the table’s surface rings out loudly in my ears. Peeking up, I soon find his golden horseshoe-clad appendage resting neatly atop my planted claw. Sniffing back my tears, I manage to look up into his eyes once again as they warmly stare down into my own.

“Child…” he says, his voice soft and nonaccusing. “Dear child, please listen to me; I care only about you in all this. What you are will never affect my views of you, nor will I allow it to affect Dusk’s. If need be I will keep this a secret from him, so long as that is what you wish. I don’t advertise my own abilities, after all, for I know all too well how ponies change when the truth is made known to them.”

I try to comment, and again reject the notion that I'm a Seer like him, but in my weakened emotional state I only end up hiccuping. A sad smile graces his majesty’s lips at this as he begins to calmly message the back of my claw with his now bare hoof, having, with the ease of magic, removed the horseshoe and placed it aside.

“... Clover the Clever reacted much in the same way when I confronted him on his own clairvoyant abilities,” he speaks to me soothingly, trying to halt my grief-filled sobs. “He denied the accusation fiercely, but the young stallion eventually broke down into a similar heap in Starswirl’s embrace soon after. You have nothing to be ashamed of, dear child. Nothing at all… Take your time and let it all out.”

With another small hiccup and a sniff of my nose, I resume staring into the stallion’s kind eyes. They're clearly heavy with the weight of past choices and pain, I can tell. Memories of past sins and regrets of his own are probably swirling around in that ancient mind of his at this moment, just as they are in mine. I know he's old, having lived for thousands of years; both because of my knowledge of the show and through the literature and proof I’ve found while here. He really is an eternal being, far older than I. Yet he still makes mistakes, still is unaware of my true nature, still completely wrong in his guesses…

… and still here for me, despite it all.

Still my friend.

In finally realizing and accepting this I grip his foreleg in my claws, pull it closer to myself, and then, without a moment’s hesitation, bawl my eyes out into it.

He may never know what it exactly is that I’m crying about, and he may be left without a real answer for a long time, but I know that he isn't going to be asking anytime soon either.

For now, that's good enough.

It takes me five minutes to compose myself again. Five long and quiet minutes. Solaris never said anything during that time, but I didn’t expect him to either. He probably figured that I needed a moment to process this ‘revelation’ or the like. The reality was much different, true, but as what has sadly become my motto over the years; nopony needs to know the truth. Nopony…

“... Do you feel better now, dear Barbara?”

“Sniff… y-yes, Prince Solaris,” I answer meekly yet honestly. “... Thank you.”

Again he smiles warmly.

“Think nothing of it. I understand your guilt well, little dragon.”

"Perhaps you do..." I internally consider, choosing not to outright deny it as was my kneejerk reaction. Instead, I ask “Lost Soul?” aloud, referring to the title he had mentioned earlier. I think that’ll be all I really need to ask in the end. If he wasn't referring to one such as myself, then Solaris must view the title differently than me.

Though his face grows long, and he allows himself to sigh, the Prince explains himself fully.

“Yes… We are beings inexplicably whisked away to far off futures without warning, and forced to watch events transpire through eyes that are often not our own, only to return to the present with little to no idea how to proceed. At times we can change the future without effort, transforming joys into horrors accidentally, while at others it is as if we are fighting upstream against the current; battling fiercely to just accomplish the opposite. All the while, as we wander between the present and the now, making decisions by ourselves that can change the lives of many…”

It lasts for a second, so incredibly quick that I almost miss it, but Solaris' eyes briefly shoot to the still present book on the table... before returning to look into my own.

“... we often lose sight of those around us.”

I allow the moment of silence that follows to pass by uninterrupted. It was the least I could do.

“... Sigh… Those who wander through the passage of time, unable to stay in the now; the title of ‘Lost Souls’ seems most appropriate for us, don’t you agree?”

"..."

"... I… I suppose I actually can..."

In that moment, something changes within me.

Something... clicks.

For years I’ve seen myself as ‘cursed’, and I still rightfully do. I’ve lost family, friends, culture, and, by all accounts, my life. Despite this, I claimed at the beginning of my journal that I’ve chosen to keep on living regardless; that I found my reason to keep moving forward.

My friends are this reason, for they are my new family.

But… I’ve been treating them all like children this whole time, haven’t I? Like my children. Dusk like my intelligent son, Gleaming like my go-getter daughter, and the Prince… even the Prince I’ve treated like something else. Not as the friend that he is, but instead like a person who needs to be dealt with; who needs to be ‘handled’ and not treated as an equal. "He can’t help me. He lacks the ability to understand." I thought these things and more towards him in the past. "Just one big obstacle; like a needy child or an, I'll admit, overbearing parent." The truth of it all was that I didn’t think that much about him until today. I didn’t dedicate any time to consider his own struggles.

An afterthought, at best...

... He’s another cursed individual though, I now know; there’s no denying that.

Forced to banish family to the moon, to bear the heavyweight of a crown, and live the life of a Seer as well... Solaris, while not a reincarnee, has suffered just as much as me. Probably even more, when you consider his age. Yet, despite this, he remains strong in the face of it all. Meanwhile I… I-I…

…

… have remained strong as well. I should never second guess myself in that department. Tears don’t mark me as weak; never have and never will. It is within my right to cry. It is within my right to scream at the heavens. It is within my right to be a pissed-off individual. It is within my right… to not be alone.

Solaris has this same right as well.

Never before has this been more apparent to me than right now.

For not judging me, for granting me a shoulder to cry on, for trusting me with a deep-seated secret, and for assigning me to watch over Dusk at all; though I feared this talk, and feared what he was going to do to me if he discovered what I am, somewhere along the line I had forgotten just how much this pony has done for me. I forgot that he is a friend, and forgot the strength of his heart. He’s underhanded, a liar, and always plotting…

... but, regardless; a friend.

Having at last completely and utterly wrestled my fledgling emotions back under my control, my mind no longer the turbulent hurricane of nervousness and sorrow that it once was, I steel myself to say these next few words.

I think it’s time to remind his Highness here that friendship isn’t a one-way street; what goes around comes around. He told me a secret that reduced me to a crying heap...

It’s only fair that I try to return the favor.

A reveal for a reveal; an unquestionably childish solution but, heck, when in Rome. What good is a second childhood if you can't be blunt sometimes? You're only young onc-, er, twice... Probably more, now that I think about it... Ah, forget it. You get the idea.

Back to the show.

With my mind fully made up, my thoughts now more focused than ever before, I swallow the remnants of my fear as I snap my head back towards the Prince's. It was with a small smile, and kind eyes of my own, that I look the pony in the eyes and assured him that I had, indeed seen the future:

“The Nightterror, your brother, will seek your forgiveness tomorrow morning, your Majesty; just so long as you are willing to give it.”

CLANK!

!!!

...

… Shocked…

... I-I had shocked Solaris.

S-shocked him so hard that he lost his magical grip on his cup and dropped it. Tea droplets are now staining the tablecloth.

I... I-I...

... Earlier I had caused him to stammer; not an easy task by any means. I didn’t think I was going to ever top that feat outside of revealing to him right here and now that I was really forty-seven years old... But now his mouth is agape, his mane and tail have stopped moving altogether, and he's shaking.

Prince Solaris of Equestria is shaking.

He had not been prepared, not in the slightest. The sight of it placed my heart in a tight, vice-like grip. Good Lord above he had not been prepared to hear that.

“A-Artemis will…?” he begins to inquire weakly, his hoof outstretched towards me pleadingly. “M-my Sight… I-I had not seen... Was unaware... D-didn’t think he could be sav-…” With much effort, Solaris quickly draws his foreleg away and turns his head as well, choosing not to face me. Looking down at the ground, the no longer mighty Prince of ponies asks pathetically a simple “H, h-how…?”

And again the tables have turned.

For a precious few seconds, I'm in control of the conversation once again; I'm the 'adult'.

Quickly getting over my own shock, realizing that there were more important matters to attend to right now, I grant the stallion the sight of a warm smile of my own. It's only through the corner of his eyes that he can see it, but that's good enough for me.

“I saw it,” I speak softly and reassuringly, imitating the alicorn’s past actions today. “I’m… I-I’m not a Seer, Prince Solaris. I’m not as special as that. But, long ago, I saw… things. Only once, mind you, but it was more than enough.

“I know that you have a brother, your Highness; a little brother who you loved so much but were unable to save. He became The Man in the Moon; Nightterror Nebula.”

Silence follows.

“... Artemis,” stutters the Prince after a time, sitting up straighter in his chair and facing me. “H-his name wa-, is Prince Artemis… My little Archie… I… I-I…”

“Used the Elements of Harmony on him long ago,” I finish for him gently. I stand up in my chair again afterward, breaking every mature barrier I had placed in my mind to not walk on the table to do just that. Stepping around the tea-set and book, being careful not to trip on anything, I approach the Prince’s side. Now standing before him on a more leveled playing field, reminiscent of the height difference between a normal horse and my old human self, I use my claws to grip his face and bring it closer to my own. I nuzzle the side of it once I did, and gently pat the other with a free claw. “After his loneliness transformed him...” I add calmly in our embrace.

Momentarily taken aback, I assume not being used to being on the receiving side of such things, Solaris eventually accepts the contact and the words with closed eyes.

“I-I had no choice,” he mumbles under his breath. “M-, Our little Ponies; t-they would have…”

“I know,” I say. “It was in the book... Eternal Night.”

“He wasn’t in his right mind.”

“I know.”

“He w-wouldn't listen to me.”

“I know.”

“H-he refused to lower the moo-”

“Ssssshhhh,” I soothe, allowing instincts from another life to take over; rubbing my claw against his face reassuringly. “It’s alright. It’s alright…”

I say nothing more as I hear the sound of sniffing leave the Prince’s nose. I feel a single droplet of water soon after, one that dampens the emerald green fins atop my head. I pay it no heed as I continue to stand here and slowly pet the literal incarnation of the sun gently as he, for probably the first time in a long time, confides in another his pain.

For a second, a single lousy second, several thoughts cross my mind. "Would Spike do the same? Did this happen to him, or am I now messing up the show’s events?" These thoughts don’t last long though as I quickly discarded them like the trash they are. "Screw the show, this world, and Spike. This is my life now, not his, and I’m going to live it as me."

God hasn’t taken that away from me yet, and he’s never going to without a damn, good, fight.

“You never shared this with anypony, did you?” I question the strong stallion in my arms, though it wasn’t really a question in the end.

“Sniff… N-n… Ahem,” he straightens himself out with a blush, probably only now realizing that a little girl had been comforting him this whole time.

Ahh, men/stallions and their pride; an endless source of confusion and amusement.

Thank the powers that be that I don’t have to deal with that little hurdle as well in this new life of mine on top of everything else… Hmmm… ‘Spike the Motherly Dragon’... Ugh. Sounds like the sort of drivel one would find on one of those fan fiction websites little Nathaniel used to be so engrossed in. The thought that all of those are actually real out there in the multiverse… Brrrr. Sends a shiver right down my spine(s).

“N-no, dear child. I did,” eventually finishes Solaris, knocking me out of my thoughts and slightly surprising me with the actual answer. “Starswirl offered me an ear long, long ago. She was never a… ponies pony though, if that makes sense to you. Jokes and laughter masked a mind full of logical arguments and choices. It was frustrating at times, to the point that… well… Let’s just say that we regrettably grew distant to one another towards the end of her life.”

“And you never tried with another?” I speak up, turning my head to look into his one visible iris from this angle. “Not even that Clover guy?”

Closing his eyes for but a second, when Solaris opened his blue orbs once again I could clearly see the hard edge they now possessed.

“No,” he repeats, his momentary tears having dried completely. “I couldn’t bear to do that to him. I didn’t want to burden that extraordinary stallion with my troubles… and I did not wish for the truth behind the Nightterror to be revealed; that he had not slain my brother but instead was him…”

I allow another moment of silence to pass before asking “Is that why his name was lost from the history books?”

In our embrace, the Prince gently nods his head. A weak grin passes his lips as he did; one filled with equal parts spitefulness and a sense of heavy sadness.

“History is written by the ‘victors’, little dragon. A sad but true fact... I chose for him to be forgotten in place of having his memory be tarnished by one wrong decision.” A wave of the pony’s foreleg soon draws my attention away from him and towards the book now placed behind me. It was propped up with the aid of magic, and its pages were flipped through slowly and mechanically as the Prince went on. “This ‘old pony’s tale’ is all that remains of him in this world... and I can't help but feel that it was formulaic of me. Even in banishment, I saw fit to push him further into the shadows, just as I did when he was beside him... W-what kind of brother am I to do such a thing to the only kin I-I…?”

“He misses you,” I interrupt confidently, remembering Princess Luna’s return from the cartoon series I had not seen in almost twenty years. Faith has been built upon rockier foundations though, thus I don’t think I’m unfounded in mine. “I have no reason to think otherwise from what I've seen.”

“...”

Pulling his head upwards, bringing it out of my reach, the bearded alicorn with the flowing autumn red mane disengages our embrace as he decides to stare down at me.

“... While I thank you deeply for your support and words, Barbara, I feel awful in admitting to the relief I’m feeling right now.”

A laugh exits my lips at this; one of the first real ones I had uttered since arriving here today. “Don’t be. A silly pony like you doesn’t need to have all that baggage weighing you down.”

Again a sigh escapes the confines of the alicorn’s muzzle, surprising me. That was not the response I was expecting.

“No no; my relief doesn’t stem from that," he admits. "... Well not completely, if I were to be honest." He then shook his head. "No... the regrettable relief that I’m feeling right now is, I'm afraid, a result of… well… The fact that you’re seven years old.”

"..."

I blink blankly.

“... Seven and a half?” came my reply; half in jest and half confusedly. “My birthday is in six months…”

“Oh," Solaris grumbles quickly. "Yes. Hmph; indeed… Ugh. Now there’s another Greed Flame-filled can of worms altogether…”

“... What was that, your majesty?”

My question is swiftly dismissed with a wave of a hoof. “Nothing. Nothing at all," I reluctantly allow it to pass. Didn't have much of a choice in the matter, seeing how fast it took for the Prince to get back on talking. "But returning to the subject at hoof, dear; I once found your age to be troubling, but your words have granted me an unsteady respite from said troubles.”

I tilt my head, still quite confused about what he was now talking about. “How so?”

Solaris’ body suddenly shifts at the question, becoming more somber in appearance. He stares down into his empty cup of tea as his face became long once more.

“... You’re not a child,” came the response, one that forced my heart to skip a beat. “By no definition are you a ‘baby’ dragon, nor an adolescent. Rarely do you act as one; at least, not without reason…”

I hold my breath.

“... For years I felt as though it was my doing.”

I let said breath go.

“I feared that the home I had charged with raising you had stripped the innocence from your soul. So little of it remains in your day-to-day behavior... But, in reality, what you are today is a result of your gift, isn’t it? It is what robbed you of your foalhood, not my actions. Not fully, at least..." Again he produces a spiteful sounding "Ha!" before elaborating. "I feel relieved for this outcome, yes, yet I know it is not my place to...

"... Nor is it right,” Solaris finishes his thought, frowning deeply over his perceived 'sin'.

I, meanwhile... have no idea how to respond.

This is a... good thing, I think. I’m being given another easy chance to justify what I am through the excuse of being a ‘Seer’.

Hurrah, I guess, though I’m starting to feel like a student being given an exam’s answer key by the professor himself...

... But, as nice as this is, I’m going to need to nip this in the bud right now before it starts to get out of han-, screw it, claw. I'm not going to be able to predict the future forever!

“Solaris? Your majesty?” I begin, still trying to form a proper response in my head. “I... I’ll admit to having seen a ‘vision’ or whatever, and I'll admit that it’s probably a reason for why I’m not really interested in kid’s stuff; but I’m not a Seer,” I settle with complete confidence, for my words were true. “I’m not! I only saw the future once. Whatever power I have stopped working after a certain point… Er... Right around when a Kingdom made of Crystal appears in the North," I tack on. Might as well make use of my audience with him while I can, I guess.

Though he has another shocked look upon his face, Solaris’ surprise doesn't last nearly as long this time. Soon he composes himself once again.

“So the Crystal Empire will return one day,” he muses aloud, stroking his beard before drawing his attention back to me. He laughs as he does. “Your clairvoyant eyes seem to be better than mine, child! To see my brother’s, and the cursed Empire's, return when I could not... Perhaps I will need to see a pony about getting fitted with glasses! Haha!”

I frown.

“But I just said that I wasn’t a- hmm?”

My argument was suddenly interrupted quite rudely by a telekinetically levitated gemstone being shoved into my mouth.

The Prince’s trademarked smirk reappears afterward as he allows the magic to leave his slender white horn.

“Oh yes you are, Barbara,” snickers the snarky stallion as I reluctantly start chewing on the treat. “Yes you are, there’s no denying it now. Even if you’ve only had one vision, that’s more than enough to mark you as a Seer. Clover only had five small ones throughout his lifetime, and I myself have gone hundreds of years without receiving another. I've even slept through a smidgen of them!” Another laugh follows, though it quickly subsides. “Regardless; you are a Seer, child," he states with gusto. "And your long life guarantees that you will receive another vision down the line. It may happen tomorrow, next year, next decade, or even…”

“...”

I stare dumbfoundedly as Solaris abruptly stops talking. His eyes flash blue for a few short seconds... I think. It happened so fast that I'm left questioning whether I saw it at all.

A minute later, with the shake of his head, the stallion continues unfazed.

“... even in the midst of a conversation…”

This only confuses me further.

Either way, Solaris soon returns to smiling cheekily. “It’ll happen again, my dear, mark my words. And I’ll be here for you when it does.”

…

… I… I don’t know what else to say.

I’m not going to have any more ‘visions’, but from the sound of it the Prince isn’t going to expect me to have more any time soon. Soooo… umm… mission accomplished, I guess? Being left alone was my original plan in all this anyway, right? Right?

…

… Lord my head hurts right now.

Ding dong ding dong, ding dong ding, dong!

The clock atop the wall suddenly rings out loudly in the silence of the room. Turning where I'm still standing atop the table, and swallowing my now chewed-up gemstone, I stare at the clock as the bell below it is struck viciously by the rear hoofs of the little animatronic pony attached to the device.

Ding ding ding diiiiinnngg! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

With the final strike, the tiny wooden pony makes a little show of rearing up on its hind legs in celebration of its 'accomplishment' right before the track it was stationed upon forced it back inside the contraption.

“Would you look at the time,” muses Solaris behind me, audibly scratching his beard. I rotate to look at him, only to watch him get up from his seat. With the wave of his horn, I soon find myself floating up into the air and gently placed upon the floor. My purse swiftly follows me, being visibly stuffed with the scrolls containing chapters seven and eight of my journal along with a napkin full of my uneaten Emeralds. As the strap was kindly placed over my shoulder, I crank my head upwards in an attempt to look the Prince in the eyes one final time.

He speaks up as our sights connect. “It is with a heavy heart that I must bid you farewell today, dear Barbara.”

“Bu-” I start to say, but a once again armored hoof quickly is placed firmly over my lips, successfully shutting me up.

“I’m truly sorry, but I must return to my duties before the events of tonight transpire. Though I wish we could continue, as I’ve had nothing but a good and insightful time with you thus far, I have my role to play in the festivities...” He then offers me one last warm smile; bright as the sun itself. “We all have roles to play upon this grand stage today, child. Myself, The Nightterror, Dusk Shine, five certain stallions in Ponyville… and you, Barbara. You have a role to play in all this as well, of this I am certain. I need not the power of clairvoyance to know this to be true."

At first, I pause… but then I grin sweetly back.

“Heh. I guess I do have an important role, don’t I?” I admit, placing my claws neatly atop one another over my chest; over my heart. Dusk… My Dusk Shine...

… is completely helpless without me! Ha!

"I know I do!" I declare proudly, because darn it all if it isn't true! "Who else is going to make sure that dolt colt of ours eats right, or actually flipping sleeps at night, your Highness?”

“Ha!” Solaris chortles alongside me. “Not Dusk himself, that much is certain!” We share a good laugh. In its wake, the Prince’s smirk remains grinning. “That pony doesn’t know how lucky he is to have you.”

I simply smile in reply.

Spike is the butt monkey of the show, I recall; the punch line to a lot of jokes. He’s abused, ridiculed, and generally treated poorly. I laughed at him back in the day, and thought little of him. Twilight pretty much treated him the same way as me, from what I can remember. Only a couple of episodes come to mind in which their relationship was anything more than servant and master. Dusk is the same as Twilight, and I have taken Spike’s place; logic would dictate that the same events from the show are about to repeat themselves in their entirety, warts and all.

Regardless of this though, I may have nothing but faulty old memories, poor first impressions, and the heart of a pre-friendship stallion to work with here…

“He will someday, your Highness.”

But faith has been built upon rockier foundations.

With that I bow to the Prince; curtsying with the dress I'm not wearing. Hmm… Maybe I should write a chapter in my journal about my spiritual transition into nudism? It would probably make for an, er, interesting read if I did… But for now... “I’ll see you later today then.”

“Hmmm, I suppose you will,” Solaris muses, only to then laugh. “Keep such facts to yourself though, dear... I haven’t gotten that far in the 'story' yet, after all!”

“Ha!" I could only laugh. “Terribly sorry for the ‘spoilers’ then!”

“Hoho! Think nothing of it, Barbara! Heh... Think nothing of it.”

With a wave of his hoof, empowered by all these good tidings, Prince Solaris of Equestria bids me a fond farewell. With one claw placed firmly upon the bedchamber's double door handles, I turn and use the other to wave goodbye as well.

After trading smiles one final time, and our good laughter having slowly fades away; I turn forward, open one of the giant doo-

“Caw!”

… and promptly get a face full of crimson phoenix chest.

“... Mah?” came my muffled response.

“Caw!”

“I-Ignatius!” cries Solaris, failing to hide new mirth from entering his voice. “S-snort… Leave, hah. Leave the poor girl alone, you ruffian! She's suffered enough today!"

From the 'comfort' of my surprise bird face hug, the Prince’s royal pet shook his head a resounding ‘no'. “Caw!”

Though he sighs, and despite me being unable to see anything but bird chest right now, I can still tell that the Prince is enjoying every second of this. I grant him his fun a moment longer as I wait patiently for a golden glow to appear over my feathery friend’s body. This thankfully forces him to float away from me.

I breathe in fresh air as he does, and shoot the bird a fierce glare as he continues to levitate above the ground in front of me. When he's eventually let go, he soundly dashes through the air between us and shoves his cheek against my own again. “Caw!” he remarks, nuzzling me affectionately.

With a sigh and a roll of my eyes, I grudgingly hold my arm out straight and firmly; granting Ignatius a perch to rest upon. He happily accepts it, before resuming his nuzzling soon after.

All the while, Solaris snickers.

“Hehehe… All right all right,” he speaks up after a time. Raising a hoof to his lips, his highness then produces a shrill whistling sound that instantly catches the phoenix’s attention. With a sharp push of his beautiful red wings, Solaris’ companion leaves my side and returns to his instead. There he perches himself steadily upon his back and remains; scanning his feather-covered head at various things around the room without rhyme or reason. Using his own wings, the alicorn gently scratches the top of the bird's head with deep attention and obvious care.

Noticing that I'm watching, Solaris turns his head towards the doors and talks with me. “Such peculiar creatures, phoenixes,” he explains. I decide that it'd be rude not to listen, so I stay rooted in place and do just that. “You’ll never find a more affectionate pet… Yet, at the same time, you’ll never find a pickier and trickier pet.” The pony then cranks his head to address the bird perched upon his back. “I’ve not seen beak nor feather of you for months, Ignatius, yet now you reveal yourself?! Were you in the midst of your cycle again, my friend?”

“Caw!” retorts Ignatius captivatingly.

“It shouldn’t have lasted that long though!”

“Caw!”

Grunting, Solaris shakes his head from side to side. “Good grief,” he grumbles. “At this rate I’m never going to get the chance to introduce you to Dusk properly. Poor lad must think that you’re nothing more than a diseased chicken at this point! That reflects poorly on my own character, you know!”

With one last “Caw!” Ignatius dismisses the accusation from his princely perch and then proceeds to freaking dive bomb me. Bracing myself, I tiredly accept another face hug and another laugh at my expense from Solaris. As I stretch my arm out again, creating another perch, the Prince finishes his thought to me.

“I still love him,” he assures to no one in particular, the care clear in his voice as he admires his old friend. “Such a beautiful and mysterious avian... It is said that only certain individuals can command the love and affection of a phoenix,” he reveals to me, though not for the first time. “... But I’ve told you this before, I believe.”

“Yeah,” I confirm, finally breaking down and returning the bird’s prodding with a gentle scratch under his chin. I’ve always thought this bird was pretty, ever since I met him two years ago. “It’s nice to see you again too, boy,” I coo softly.

Solaris remains quiet as he watches our little display.

“... To this day I still don’t know which ponies and creatures he prefers to show his true self to,” the Prince confides in me after a time, though I remember him having told me this years ago as well. “I’ve yet to find a single thing that connects ponies and creatures like you to the likes of Starswirl and the others who accomplished such a feat.”

Blinking, I draw my attention back to the affectionate creature nuzzling me... and grin.

I… I’ve always had a theory about that, actually; ever since his picky nature was made known to me.

I’ve secretly had this little idea planted in my mind as to why a creature such as a phoenix would like me specifically. It’s admittedly a rather silly idea when you get down to think about it, or perhaps just plain obvious... But if you know common 'reborn-from-the-ashes' phoenix lore as most do… well… It just makes sense, right? Right?

“Maybe it’s because…” I whisper lowly and nigh on mutely under my breath to Ignatius.

“Birds of a feather flock together?”

I pause.

... Then I turn my head to the right.

Solaris is right there next to me, on my eye level; having inconceivably sped himself across the room and crouched down low without my knowing…

… all to repeat my words to me.

The world halts in place.

"W...w-what…?”

The Prince says nothing at first...

… but then he closes his eyes and smiles brightly; standing up straight once again on long and powerful legs.

“Goodbye for now, dearest Barbara,” the towering god bids with a mighty laugh, facing his back to me and trotting his way further into his room. “I look forward to our next appointment."

Turning his head briefly, I receive one last sight of that signature smirk.

“Perhaps next time you’ll feel comfortable enough to share with me your other secret, young lady!

“For now though…Hehe... Have a lovely day.”

Slam!

With the assistance of twin sets of magic, the doors to the Prince’s inner sanctum are loudly shut before me, separating the two of us. The two guards beside the entrance extinguish their horns and swiftly return to their silent staring. They don't even acknowledge that I'm here.

I'm doing a fair bit of silent staring of my own as well here as I gawk at the closed doors.

“... Caw?” questions the bird still gripping my outstretched arm, perfectly mimicking my own thoughts.

Two solid minutes of silent petting later, I place my arm back at my side, shoo the bird away with the wave of a claw, and then trudge my way down the hall towards the castle’s entrance in silence.

... I...

…

… I just…

…

Ten minutes later I find myself outside Canterlot Castle. The city streets are packed, as usual, and the noise is just as loud. Nopony is sparing me a look, as is the norm.

I give the crowd one glance…

the castle another…

… and then proceed to scream at the top of my lungs.

Chapter 9: ... {RE-EDITED}

“... He cried in my arms…"

"Don’t think about it"

“He let me cry in his…”

"Don’t think about it."

“He said that it didn’t matter what I was…”

"Don’t think..."

“He said that he was my friend…”

"Don’t-"

...

“...SOLARIS CAN SUCK MY MULTIVERSE COUNTERPART’S DRACONIC BALLSACK!!”

"... Screw it. RELEASE THE RAGE, GIRL!!"

Will do, brain!

Will, flipping, do.

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!” I roar into the emptiness of Dusk’s Canterlot library, my cry accompanied by a healthy pillar of emerald dragonfire. Next, I crash face-first into my basket’s pillow and produce another, albeit less fiery, scream into its fluffy embrace. Growling loudly, I then yank my head upwards and begin to viciously assault the feathery object with my curled-up fists of fury. My hidden journal underneath it makes blunt ‘thunk’ sounds as I punch it, but I soundly ignore them. “AAAAAAHHHH!! I hate!”

WHACK!

“Hate!”

WHACK!

“Hate!”

WHACK!

“Hate!”

WHACK!

“Hate that frustrating pony! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!”

WHACK!

… This…

WHACK!

… This is incredibly cathartic.

WHACK!

I could do this all day.

WHACK!

No wonder Ash did this sort of thing often.

WHACK!

I remember when she used to do this all the time.

WHACK!

Years ago.

WHACK!

Back when she was… was...

WHA-

… an emotional… teenager…

...

"… Good God, how far has this place regressed me?"

Though it takes significant effort I pull myself away from the now nearly ruined pillow, and pant loudly, as I place my tired head upon it; actually using it properly this time. I look up at the ceiling overhead as I do, the one Dusk had enchanted ages ago to depict a starry night's sky, and stare deeply into its perceived massive scape.

As I lay here, gasping for air and gazing at stars, I force my mind to put itself back together.

"I’m not going to accomplish anything by acting like a child… No matter how tempting the offer is..."

Part of me wants to berate myself for my behavior like a proper mother would; I don’t have parents in this life, so someone has to fill the role... The other half of me is too angry and frustrated to care right now though. This is the half that's currently fighting tooth and nail to see ‘kid’ Barb usurp ‘adult’ Barb from the brain throne.

Frankly, I’m rooting for the kid in me to win that fight.

That fact scares me deeply.

“Huff… Huff… C-can you see me, Jason?” I sob softly to myself in the silence, ignoring the frog that had suddenly entered my throat. “Can you see how far your wife has fallen? S-she’s been reduced to nothing more than a tiny brat who throws temper tantrums… What would you say about such a thing, my love, if you were still here by my side?”

...

... Sniff…

"... Inhale exhale, Barbara. Inhale, exhale..."

Sigh… Inhale… Exhale… Alright. Alright… Alright. Better. Let’s… let’s think this through.

Sooooo... Solaris knows that something unusual is up with me. Okay... Knowing him, he probably knew the entire freaking meeting. Yeah...Everything, literally everything that we talked about, from being a Seer to being odd to even his brother’s return; all of that could have simply been him playing mind games with me. The entire thing, word for word... Heck, I now know that he can see the future! He could have already lived this conversation decades ago!

… I’M NOT BEING PARANOID!!

“Ugh. Think logically here, Barb,” I have to remind myself. I fear another wave of melancholy is about to take me unless I can straighten myself out right here and now. “You shocked him, remember. You shocked him! Remember what his face looked like when you did that! It was clearly the face of a frightened horse. He didn’t know that Lun-,er, Artemis was going to be saved today; he didn’t have the slightest clue. See? He can’t see everything! He’s not omnipotent! You probably made him happy by sharing that information with him…”

… Then why did he still mess with my mind like that?

“Bleh,” I groan. “Birds of a feather flock together,” I sarcastically repeat in the empty bedroom, sitting up as I did. “Maybe he had a vision of me saying it or something... Darn it all, maybe he even saw it during our conversation!”

Now that’s a frightening prospect.

…

… I’m still incredibly pissed-off right now.

“If he knew he should have told me,” I growl aloud. “If he didn’t he shouldn’t have shared. Now my mind is full of fluff... Ugh!” I then raise my voice, making it sound nasally and mocking. “Oh I shouldn’t be angry with him! He’s still a good pony! He’s my fwend~! BLEH! Hate…”

Covering my eyes with my claws, I lean back and begin to fall onto my pillow. “And now I’m jumping back onto the hate train... I need to sort myself out here before I do something stupi-”

Whack

Surprised by a sound, I blink as the back of my head makes contact with a rough 'thud' in my lazy freefall. Though I remain motionless for a brief second longer, I soon sit up and throw my pillow aside.

My journal greets me.

“...”

My lips slowly curl into a wicked grin.

“That’ll do.”

Grabbing the book in my arms, I hurriedly dash over to the desk next to Dusk’s bed and quickly open it to its final page. Rummaging around a bit in my purse, which I had thrown aside earlier in my haste to enjoy a slice of teenage angst, I soon yank out chapters seven and eight from beneath the napkin full of gems and just as quickly insert them into the journal after chapter six. A bit of a rushed job, true, but the deed was done regardless. Turning to a blank page, I next acquire a quill and speedily scribble ‘Chapter 9: Masks’ at the top. An appropriate title, I feel.

“Time to let off some steam,” I giggle to myself, not unlike a little girl about to get away with a naughty act...

… The irony of that last statement isn’t lost on me, I assure you.

“Anyways… From being sent to the Bluebelles' estate to living in it; let’s now talk about how I escaped it.”

The feathery quill in my scaly grip proceeds to dance across the parchment’s surface.

“It all started with three little words,” I start, dictating aloud what I was writing. “Three words which changed the course of my life. They told the Prince everything that he needed to know about his own folly, and they granted me the freedom to be happy again within this childhood. These words, in their entirety, were

“not,

“a…

“... a,

“a...

“...”

My claw stops moving, a thought having crossed my mind.

I stare at the paper for a moment longer, as the words stew in my brain, before daring to speak up again.

“... Do… do I really want to write this?” I eventually ask.

"It’s what he deserves," I was quick to remind myself.

“But anypony reading this is going to think poorly of him…” I argue.

"It’s what he deserves."

“... Nopony is going to read this for a very, very long time,” I attempted to justify. “true…”

"It’s what he deserves!"

“But…”

"It’s what-"

“I-I still don’t want to do that to him,” I finally settle, setting the quill down completely. My heart was victorious in the end. “He is my friend still.”

My mind didn’t like this answer one bit.

"Like hell he is, Barbara!"

“Well then what else is he?!” I snap back at… myself.

"A treacherous, scheming, lying, horse!" I reply, further highlighting how conflicted I am.

“But-” I try to object.

My mind refuses to listen, choosing instead to ignore me. "One who bounces back and forth between being friendly and being a flipping troll at his own convenience!"

“But I said-”

"That he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way?" I cut myself off, not allowing my mouth to get a word in. "Barb Barb Barbie; you didn’t deserve to be treated that way either!" I argue. "Not before, not now, not ever. What kind of 'friend' does the kinds of things that the Prince just did, that he keeps on doing? What kind of friend hurts and lies those closeest to him? What kind of friend is Solaris at all?!

"This just proves that he’s no different from the day you yelled at him two years ago!"

“...”

I… can’t refute that. I can’t refute it at all... so I instead look back down at my journal and pounder.

“... Two years ago…” I mumble to myself, deep in thought.

...

… Inhale… Exhale… Upon exhaling, I decide that I had enough with being manipulated by my emotions today. Tonight? Maybe. Tomorrow? Definitely. Right now?

Right now I give my book one last look before closing my eyes and willing them to stay closed.

Cut off from the world around me, and with my poisonous thoughts no longer barking for my attention, I find myself finally at peace. In this peace, I force my mind to escape the ‘now’ and instead wander backwards through time

Backwards...

… to that day from long ago.

~Two Years Earlier~

...

… A younger body awaited me when I opened my eyes again; the youthful body of a five-year-old. My claws were not as thin back then, nor my fins as long or my stomach as pudgy; my time in the Bluebelles' ‘care’ had stricken me of my baby fat. As an aside, my time later with Dusk granted me the opportunity to regain it. An offer I took up greedily, I recall.

Resuming, I'm wearing a simple dress at this time. One of whites, yellows, and blues. These are the colors of the Bluebelle Household that currently own me and thus I must wear them. My spiked tail, though not as long two years ago as it is today, is still capable of lifting the back of the skirt embarrassingly upwards. I had attempted to lower the appendage to retain my dignity, but after two years of trying I had altogether given up.

What I had not given up on though was the idea of returning to Dusk Shine, the only pony in this world who I cared about; who could grant me my much sought-after happiness.

Today we would be reunited. I could feel it in my scales.

“Move along now,” commands my ‘guardian’, Madame Red, from beside me; ordering me to continue down the hall. I had unintentionally stopped to better look at my surroundings. It’d had been a while since I was last in Canterlot Castle, not since my hatchling years, so I had started slowing down to try to piece my memory of the place back together; trying to remember where everything was out of paranoid preparation. Preparation for what? Not sure now, wasn’t sure back then... Didn’t hurt though.

Abandoning this goal, and allowing myself to become fully synced with past me’s own thoughts and feelings, I reluctantly follow the unicorn’s order without comment. Long ago did I learn not to anger this crimson taskmaster, for she held the power to dictate my sleeping and eating hours. A terrible ability indeed, especially when wielded against a growing child such as myself.

Thusly then did I step in line beside her and fight hard to keep up with the giant gait of a pony. I'm not allowed to take the easy path out by riding on her back. I'm not allowed to ride anypony’s back, period. Not even Dusk’s if I ever saw him again, despite him having always offered such a thing to me in the past. It wasn’t proper, I’d been told. Not proper at all for a pony, unicorn specifically, to carry anything other than a foal. As a result, I needed to learn how to pick up my pace, even now whilst in an uncomfortable dress.

“Halt!” suddenly barks one of the two guardmares standing watch over a pair of massive bedchamber doors. “State your names and purpose here,” she demands as we drew closer to her and her silent partner on the other end.

“Madame Rum ‘Red’ Gibed,” replies the kitty-face-on-a-plate cutie mark bearing mare that had dragged me here today. “House Bluebelle's Quartermaster, Personal Tutor of Princess Bluebelle. I’m here to have the Prince evaluate House Bluebelle’s performance thus far in educating Apprentice Dusk Shine’s dragon familiar.”

The guard spares me a look.

In my little children’s dress, with my combed scales and forcefully applied makeup, I'm a pretty dragon. There was no denying that. Why one would be hard-pressed to find even a single tear stain left upon my cheeks from last night’s tests and trials. I curtsy to the guardmare, knowing full well that I would be punished by Red if I didn’t. "This must be what those children in those horrible beauty pageants feel like," I muse to my five-year-old self. "Poor things..."

For a brief second, the guard cringes at the sight.

I blink at this but say nothing. "I shouldn’t get my hopes up there," I had to remind myself as, even if she did see through this carefully applied mask of normalcy, there isn't much she can actually do in the end. She's just a lowly royal guard, after all; only royalty can command them.

I suppose it's the thought that counts though.

“You’re… clear to go then,” the white, golden armored pony says after a time, having read through the letter Madame Red procured for her.

“Ah,” notes the Quartermaster neutrally, stowing the letter away into her saddlebags. “Thank you. I wish you and your partner luck on the upcoming rank positional exams.”

Though she pauses, the disciplined guardmare soon resumes her on-guard position. “Thank you, ma’am,” she speaks while her partner remains as still as a statue. “The Prince will see you two now.”

Madame Red says nothing more, instead choosing to give a single nod of acknowledgment. She then whips her head back towards me, causing her pure crimson mane to slide over her withers. “Come,” she orders.

I obey, crossing the threshold into the room. The white guardmare watches me as I pass her by; her blue eyes full of what appears to be... concern?

SLAM!

I was not granted the chance to check. With the aid of two magical auras, one yellow and the other pink, the doors to the bedchamber were promptly shut behind us.

“Ah, Madam Gibed,” abruptly speaks a deep voice from further within the room, surprising me with its familiarity. “A pleasure to see you again.”

“Please, just ‘Misses Red’ is fine, your Majesty.”

I whip my head forward.

There he is, sitting at a tea table; Prince Solaris of Equestria.

The sole pure alicorn of the land; he who wields the strongest magic, who moves the sun and moon. Who rules over ponies young and old, who has lived for thousands of years. The one whose name is synonymous with ‘god’ in this world, who sees all that happens within his domain. One could even, despite it being untrue, refer to him as the father of all ponies.

"And," I rumble angrily to myself, fists clenched. "The one who took me away from the only pony who cared about me in this world. Who took Dusk away from me..."

“Ah yes, of course,” replies the red-bearded stallion easily, a smile forming on his lips. Said smile is aimed directly at Madame Red and no one else.

I'm being ignored.

"Wouldn’t be the first time," I thought bitterly, remembering how this meeting had been pushed off for an entire year before.

For his next act, Solaris gestures to the one open chair available by his tea table with the wave of his hoof. “Come come. Let me assess the progress.”

“Certainly,” speaks the unicorn that had once been right beside me, trotting over to take her seat. As she does, I'm left all alone by the doorway, unsure where to go. Being ignored completely by both ponies, I'm left standing here; doomed to look stupid.

“Allow me to read the statistical reports,” is the first thing the alicorn asks for, pouring a cup of tea for his guest. The tutor obliges without question as she takes the scrolls out of her bag with the aid of red magic. Taking them into his own golden field, he then brings the parchments to his face and quickly scans their contents. “Hmmm,” he hums, taking a small sip of his own cup as he simultaneously levitates Madame Red’s to her. As if I needed a reminder that magic was useful beyond compare. It makes me wonder why he’d think Dusk would need an assistant at all!

“Magic ethics was the last field covered?” asks the Prince.

“Yes,” replies the Quartermaster with a nod, accepting her teacup.

“And advanced mathematics is next?”

“Yes,” she repeats, sipping the brew. Her neutral expression remains even as she sets the cup back on its saucer with her magic. Whether she actually liked the tea I neither knew nor cared.

“Hmmm…” Solaris muses, continuing to silently read through the scrolls.

I, meanwhile, remain in the entryway, desperately trying to sort my mind out on my next course of action.

"I’m here… I’m finally here," I mentally jitter nervously. "I have an audience with the Prince; I can finally speak my mind… But how to go about it…?"

I need to tell him that I hate that home, I need to tell him that I don’t want to be there anymore. On the surface it’s simple enough, but it doesn’t stay that way when you take into consideration that I was forced into this kind of life by his ownorders. Prince Solaris was the one who wanted me to become Dusk’s assistant regardless of my own feelings on the subject. I was only three years old when I last saw him. I didn’t have the ability to use Equestrian well enough to thoroughly express my dislike for his plan, and Dusk was too young to express his own thoughts towards his teacher yet. I didn’t get the chance last year either... but maybe that was a blessing in disguise. I can actually talk now unlike back then!

… Granted I can only talk at a level befitting a real five-year-old right now… but by God it’s better than nothing!

So then, how to go about this…? How is Solaris usually described as being?

… What was Celestia like from that old cartoon, now that I think about it? Despite the different colored mane, Prince Solaris’ coat and cutie mark lead me to believe that they are the same just like how Dusk is Twilight or how I am this dimension’s Spike; a fact that I’m still trying to sort my mind out over. Using that train of thought though, Princess Celestia seemed kind and caring, if a little bit tricky, from what I can remember. Perhaps Solaris is the same way…

If that’s the case then this should hopefully be easy.

All I have to do is speak honestly.

“She can lift how much?” the Prince suddenly inquires, his surprise catching me by… er… surprise.

“I’m aware that’s below the expected percentage,” nods Madame Red in a tone that I had come to associate as her entering business mode. “While higher than the average produced by non-earth pony foals, it’s still unacceptable. We’ll be upping the physical side of her training in the coming years, your highness.”

“I see,” speaks the stallion, as his eyes resume scanning the floating parchment. “What would that entitle?” he questions passively, his attention still fully dominated by what he's reading.

The Quartermaster shrugs.

“A twenty-five percent decrease in nonessential activity time, most likely.”

… Non... n-nonessential?! T-that translates into sleeping hours! Surely the Prince is going to ask about this, rig-

“Ah. Carry on then.”

… I have never hated a horse more than I do right now.

Combined with the fact that he still hasn’t acknowledged my existence yet… Okay, I’m putting a stop to all this right now.

“Now then, how are her culinary ski-”

“I don’t like it there.”

Solaris and Madame Red simply blink at this. Both becoming silent, the two soon turn to look at me for this interruption. Solaris’ face remains neutral as he does while Red’s… well it was neutral as well, but only in a hidden way. On the surface she's indifferent and uncaring.

On the inside, she's sending me death threats by the truckload.

Her eyes reveal this to me. If I didn’t shut up right this instant there are going to be consequences, of this I am most certain. Her reputation with the Bluebelles means everything to her, much more than my life or my well-being. I'm not going to remain safe in her ‘care’ any longer after today.

But that's a risk I'm willing to take if it means being free.

“Child,” the alicorn finally addresses me, though his words are slow and deliberate. He's clearly using his ‘I’m talking to a foal’ voice on me right now, which was not too unlike how I used to talk to similarly young children back on Earth. In realizing this, I had to quickly fight down the urge to get angry by the indignity; even the Bluebelles and Madame Red talk to me normally! “I’m sorry for not saying hello, but this is adult talking time now.” Deep breaths, Barb. Deep breaths. “We’ll get to speak another time when I'm not as busy, okay?”

“I don’t like it there,” I repeat, not trusting my Ponish enough to properly articulate my words. Despite my years here, Ponish is still hard for me to use. I haven’t received any speech training yet which could help lower this barrier for me. The Bluebelles didn't believe that such a thing was necessary yet at my young age. In my five years here I have learned how to read the language perfectly, and how to understand it when it's spoken, but it's not often that I'm granted the opportunity to practice speaking it by myself. I'm often yelled at for talking in that house, sadly, as it's considered noise to their ears. Obviously I fought tooth and nail over this poor treatment at every opportunity at first; a child should be allowed to speak, after all…

... But… well…

… even a rebellious dog will stop peeing on the rug after you hit it with a newspaper enough times…

“... I hate it there.”

Solaris smiles warmly at me after I admit this, the sight of it catching me off guard.

“You only hate it now, dear,” he chimes, which flabbergasts me. “You’ll appreciate it more when you’re older. Think though, don’t you like getting to read books? Or wear pretty dresses like that one? You only get to do such fun things with them!”

"... yet his weapons of choice are deceitfulness..."

My response is to growl deeply before again repeating “I hate it there.” Though I want my words to be laced with my inner anger, my voice betrays me deeply; it's still the high-pitched whine of a little girl. It's only through sheer willpower that I manage to not increase the volume of said whine. Screaming at the top of my lungs isn’t going to get my point across. It didn’t help me when I was a toddler and it won’t help me now.

The Prince chuckles… He… he chuckled?!

“Haha, isn’t that just typical, Misses Red?” he asks the unicorn sitting across from him, taking his eyes off me. “A foal who doesn’t like school! I guess dragons aren’t that different from ponies after all, hmm?”

Momentarily halting her neutral/pissed-off-beyond-belief glaring, the crimson pony adjusts her wide frame glasses briefly and draws her attention back towards the Prince. “Ah. Yes, your Majesty. Shockingly pony.”

“Hmm. Indeed.”

I feel my hatred for this stallion starting to warm up within me.

"He’s not taking me seriously!" I scream in my head. “I don’t want to be there anymore,” I declare as clearly as I can, even as my inner rage starts to boil. “I want Dusk Shine.”

Again the Prince laughs.

“My dear,” he answers, looking down at me again. “You can’t have Dusk; he’s his own pony! Silly child, you can’t hoard ponies, and it’s dangerous to do so… For both you and him.”

I pause momentarily at this. What little equestrian knowledge I have of dragons and their hoards is resurfacing, but with the shake of my head I disregard it.

"... misdirection..."

“I want… to be… with Dusk,” I speak slowly, doing my damndest to pronounce every syllable correctly. He’s not going to ignore me; he’s not going to sweep me under the rug! “He… hatched me… Family…”

For the third time, the Prince laughs.

“You’re remembering it wrong, child,” he tells me in what I can only assume was supposed to be ‘good cheer’. His words surprise me. “Dusk didn’t hatch you…”

He then grins softly.

“I did.”

"… straight up lying..."

It takes all of my inner strength to not breathe dragonfire right into that stupid smile of his. “It was me who hatched you, dear, not little Dusk,” he elaborates, perhaps trying to get me to feel a sort of attachment towards him so I’d listen better. Good, freaking, luck.“I can’t take care of you though, as I’m far too busy, so your time with the Bluebelles is just my way of making sure that you’re getting all the benefits a normal pony would have. They’re also being very nice by giving you the skills to help ponies out when you’re older! Don’t you want to help ponies, dear child? Ponies like your friend Dusk Shine?”

“I,” I growl quite audibly at this, though if anyone in this room actually heard they didn’t show it. “Want… Dusk… now.” Damn it all I still remember that show! In bits and pieces, but I remember! I’m supposed to be with him within the coming years and not a moment later! My life, my happiness, depends on being by his side before that stupid cartoon starts. Anywhere else and… and… N-nevermind. Not important right now… Not like this conversation. Come on you stupid stallion; listen to me!

The alicorn shakes his head.

“Later, dear,” he answers, his smile never weaning. “When you’re older you can help him all you want.”

“I want him now,” I spit back. I won’t be denied.

Solaris chuckles to himself at this. “But you can’t help him now, dear; you haven’t finished your training yet!” he finishes with a laugh, foolishly thinking we're done.

“Dusk is kind,” I state plainly, fighting hard to not scream. He’s the only pony who's ever been kind to me; at least see that you damn mutant equine!

“Hoho!” chortles the oversized pony once again, gesturing his head back towards the mare at the table. “And Misses Red here isn’t?” he asks me with that same stupid smile.

“No,” I snap without hesitation.

Madame Red shoots me a hateful snarl for this, but her expression quickly switches back to its default neutrality the moment the Prince turns to look at her. He then turns back to me, no longer smiling.

“Now that wasn’t very nice, young lady,” Solaris tries to scold me, his face holding a little frown. “She has done everything she can to make you into what you are today.” With his voice becoming the textbook definition of mocking to my ears, the alicorn leans himself closer to the ground from his chair and speaks to me as if I was less than a child. “Who was it who taught your ABCs, Hmm? Or how to count to ten?”

“Dusk!” I answer with a damn near roar; my cheeks now bright red with both frustration… and embarrassment. It was partially true, actually. It was Dusk who helped me with the basics of the Ponish language years ago when he, indeed, taught me my ABCs and one two threes… among other things.

Meanwhile, Prince Solaris is still blinking over my response.

“... Really now?” he eventually asks, scratching his autumn red beard as he does. Under his breath he mutters to himself “Hmmm… The lad must have been visiting her more often than I thought…”

“I want Dusk,” I declare one last time, stomping my foot against the ground in finality. It doesn't produce a sound other than a soft ‘click’, and my dress covers up the action all together so it was ultimately pointless… but it makes me feel good at least. “I want to be happy with him. Family.”

“...”

The two ponies chose not to speak, instead opting to stare at me.

“... Ugh…”

With a long sigh, Solaris lowers his hoof away from his red beard and shakes his head lowly. “Oh dear oh dear oh dear,” he grumbles to himself before turning his head and facing me seriously. “... I’m sorry, child, but the answer is still no.”

That was not the answer I wanted.

“But-” I attempt to argue, only to immediately be cut off by a hoof.

“You’re not ready to assist him yet,” is again the Prince’s excuse.

“But-”

“You haven’t finished your training,” he once more interrupts, his voice never rising or becoming angry. It didn't need to; in his eyes, he's simply stating facts.

“But-”

“And,” he quickly inserts. “Neither Dusk nor I have the time to raise you like the Bluebelles can right now… Colt can hardly take care of himself these days, sadly…"

I try to speak one last time. “Bu- UMPH?!”

A green gemstone suddenly gets shoved into my mouth, muting me. I leer up at the alicorn culprit for this as his horn extinguishes itself, and as he offers me another small smile.

“Have a little treat though, child,” he offers me, his voice loud and jolly. “On me! Haha!”

“...”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me... I was having a nice conversation with your friend Misses Red here.”

“...”

Dropping the subject altogether, leaving me frozen in place where I stand, Prince Solaris turns his head and begins to address the Quartermaster once again. “Forgive me, but where were we?”

Though she blinks at first, momentarily just as dazed and confused as I am, the unicorn mare across eventually turns away from me as well and continues the talk. “We... were discussing her skills list, your highness.”

“Ah!” Solaris notes. “Right right. Have you imparted any culinary skills onto her yet?”

… Thoughts begin to swirl around inside my mind as the two resume their pleasant chat...

"He… ignored me..."

“Yes, we did. She’s quite gifted in that area as well.”

"He didn’t listen to a single thing I said..."

“She is? Well, that’s wonderful! Are there any other fields to which she is as skilled?”

"He still only cares about Dusk..."

“Yes, actually. She has shown skills in all major Home Economics areas of study; sewing, dining room preparation, kitchen maintenance and safety... the list goes on.”

"I’m… an afterthought...

"..."

CLINK…

I can feel it through my tongue as a crack begins to form along the surface of my ‘gifted’ gemstone; as pressure is applied to it through the work of my clenching jaw.

"... Grrrr..."

“... Only history seems to be a major sticking point for her right now,” continues to speak Misses Red. “We are aiming to be able to iron that out within the coming years though.”

CLINKCLINK…

“Excellent,” remarks the Prince. “See to it that you do so appropriately. Next on the list would be…”

CLINKCLINKCLINK…

“... We’re seeing to that too, your Majesty....”

CLINKCLINKCLINKCLINK…

“... See to it that it’s done...”

CLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINK…

“... Excellent. It will be helpful in the long run...”

CLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINK…

“... Grand, I know it will...”

CLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINK…

“... Of this I am certain, your highness...”

CLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINK…

“... She will serve my student well in the end...”

CLIN-

I gripping the now fragile gemstone with one claw and yanking it right out of my mouth, I raise it high up over my head and declared, in three words, with all my pent up anger and rage and frustration and hatred for this whole stupid place and this second life and this goddamn horse that I am

“NOT, A, SLAVE!!!”

SMASH!!!

The gemstone dissolves into a million shards as I viciously toss it to the ground. I gasp for air greedily in the silence that follows; nopony else in the room is capable of saying a thing after having witnessed what I did. The doors behind me burst open with a loud BANG as I continue to pant, though I pay it no heed. I listen as the guardmare from earlier comes rushing in with her horn buzzing with power, her partner apparently remaining unmoving on the other side. Our eyes meet for only a moment as I desperately try to breathe, and as I watch this one pony’s face slowly morph from battle-ready, to alert, to finally confused, all within the span of a second. The mare with the blue-colored mane’s equally blue pupils dart from me to the smashed emerald to the Prince and his guest; the look of confusion never leaving her as she continues to scan around, trying to gather information.

Though I didn’t want to in the slightest, I eventually crank my head upwards and look the Prince in the eyes… only to find that his face now holds the same expression as the guard’s; pure confusion.

“... Where…” the alicorn starts softly after a time, once the shock of it all had passed. All eyes in the room focus squarely on him. “Where did you learn that word, chi- Barbara?”

And now all eyes are on me.

“Book,” I explain quickly, my anger leaking out of every letter I sound out.

“... A book?” Solaris questions as eyes dart his way again. Even Madame Red’s are jumping back and forth between us right now, her face no longer portraying neutrality but instead fear; fear of where this is going.

I've never seen her afraid before, nor have I ever heard her stutter. It's… quite refreshing, honesty.

“N-none of the ones I assigned her to read contained such subject matter, y-your highness,” the once confident and fearsome mare pleads pathetically, like a child being scolded for drawing on the walls. “I-I have no idea where she heard that word before! I’ll doub-, no, triple my efforts though to ensure that she’s only reading and learning that which is necessary to become a proper assiste-”

With a single raised hoof, Prine Solaris silences the stammering unicorn.

His eyes then fall on me as he waits patiently for an answer from my own lips.

“Old book,” I reply, making sure to emphasize the old part. This is actually the true answer, in the end. While my memories of my original birth family taught me everything I needed to know about the dark subject matter in detail, it was only through the aid of the books I wasn’t suppose to be reading in the Bluebelles’ library that I learned how to actually pronounce the word in Ponish.

It’s spelled as ‘Cmyja’, and it’s a word that hasn’t been uttered in this country for almost a thousand years.

“Donkeys,” I add soon, proving to all present that I was using the term correctly. The history of Sombra’s mare equivalent and the Crystal Ponies wasn’t available in the books I read, and I briefly recalled that Twilight herself didn’t know about the Empire in that final episode I watched in another life, so I instead referenced a sin a bit more well known to common ponies; a sin they’d rather forget.

A sin Solaris would rather forget.

As successful as he’s been in the past at erasing history from the books, like the Nightterror and possibly the Crystal Empire, it would seem the first hundred years after his brother’s banishment were not as easily purged as the rest; my guess is that an entire race saw to that.

“... I… see…” says the only stallion in the room, as he lowers his head in thought.

The room grows quiet. None of us speak up. Not Madame Red, not the one guardmare beside me, and certainly not myself. We all wait on the Prince’s next words as his head remains lowered.

After a time, he raises it again...

... and then he smiles brightly at Madame Red.

“... Thank you for your time today, dearest Red. I believe that will be all for now. You are dismissed.”

Though taken aback at first, the unicorn quickly recovers and just as swiftly reapplies her neutral mask. “Y-yes, your highness. Thank you kindly for your audience.” Almost literally jumping to her hooves from her chair, the Quartermaster then trots up to me and lights her horn up brightly. “Come along now, whelp,” she demands harshly, the venom in her voice almost palpable.

As the unicorn's magic takes hold, and I feel it as a firm tug is applied to one of my ear-fins, I spy out of the corner of my eyes as the one armored guardmare present takes a single step forward as if to separate us. Her own horn begins to glow bright pink…

“Leave Miss Barbara behind, Misses Red.”

Halting in place, we three ladies turn our heads back to the sole stallion in the room as he finishes uttering these words.

His face remains smiling despite the newfound heavy atmosphere.

“But-,” begins to argue my guardian as her crimson magic slowly dissipates.

The Prince holds up a hoof, cutting her off.

“I will see to it that she is returned to her proper place afterward,” he assures. “You may leave...” He then closes his eyes and gives the mare a curt nod. “Have a lovely day now.”

“...”

Madame Red shoots her gaze towards me briefly. We stare at each other for a time… but the mare eventually turns away. Reluctantly she bows to the alicorn at the table before finally excusing herself from the room altogether. I watch silently as the last of her single color-toned tail disappears around the corner.

I give a silent sigh of approval towards this, as it feels as though a great weight has suddenly been lifted off of my minuscule shoulders...

The Prince speaks up again soon after, once Red is truly gone.

“You may return to your post now as well, Miss... Gleaming Shield, is it?”

The guardsmare by my side suddenly jumps at the mentioning of her name.

“Oh um… Y-yes, sir,” the fresh guard says aloud, stumbling over her words. She then bows to the Prince as well, though more quickly and hastily than Red had done prior. This results in hers being lower to the ground, within dangerous distance to the sharp shards of gemstone from my earlier outburst.

Using my shortness to my advantage, I only need to bend my knees slightly to reach the floor just in time to quickly sweep the shards away from her snout. My scales thankfully help me in this task by protecting me from getting scratched myself.

The pony at first blinks mutely at my action, only to then turn and offer me a shy smirk of gratitude. “Er, thanks.”

“Welcome,” I return simply in my much-hated little girl voice.

Pop

With the fluttering of our long eyelashes, the two of us look downwards towards the sudden sound and blink as we discover that all the shards are now completely gone. A glance towards the Prince rewards us with the sight of his horn extinguishing, and the sight of an ‘I’m waiting’ expression. Remembering her place once again, Gleaming Shield’s cheeks glow rosy red for a moment before she straightens herself out, laughs in embarrassment, and then leaves the room entirely.

She sends me one last sympathetic look as the twin doors shut completely behind her with the help of her and her still motionless-where-she-stood partner’s magic auras.

SLAM!

… This leaves me, for the first time in both of my lives, alone with royalty.

My heart begins to race.

“Come, child,” Prince Solaris of Equestria pipes up, causing me to turn towards him. “Have a seat,” he says, gesturing towards the spot Madame Red once occupied. Though I hesitate at first, I eventually gather the courage to make my way over to the chair. Once there I have to climb on all fours just to reach the seat, which soberingly reminds me yet again of how much I took for granted in my first life.

With a grunt, I ignore the embarrassment of my situation as I turn around and face the alicorn…

… Or I tried to. The chair is still adjusted for a pony’s height, not a baby dragon’s.

“One moment,” comments the stallion. I next hear the now-familiar sound of a horn sparking soon after, followed by the feeling of the chair rising to better fit the table. Now able to see the pony face to face, I discover that the Prince is no longer smiling as brightly as he had been earlier. “There,” he speaks gently. “Much better…”

“... Thank,” I reply, again cursing my inability to speak properly. Ponish is so hard to pronounce though, it consists of a combination of tongue roles, horse whinnies, and harmonic pronunciations! It’s a pretty language, admittedly. Hard... but pretty.

“You’re welcome, dear… Would you like some tea?” He asks me, levitating the still steaming tea kettle beside him up into the air. “I’m afraid I still have quite a bit left from my talk with Misses Red. I wouldn’t want it to go to waste, but I’ll admit that it might not be something a child would like…”

Instead of speaking, I give a single nod of my head instead. I used to love tea as a human, but I've not been given the chance to drink it as a dragon yet. I've served it while here, yes, but I was always told to drink water instead. Thus I wait patiently as the Prince of Equestria himself pours me a cup and floats it over to my side. “Be careful now. It’s still hot,” he warns. “... Though I suppose you are a dragon, haha…”

I muse how this is probably the first time he's ever shown any sort of concern for me in my entire life, but I keep the commentary to myself. I bring the drink to my lips…

… only to have to force it down. It… it tastes…

“It’s called Da Hong Pao tea, dear. Do you like it?”

My mind loves it. I love the smell and the soothing warmth it leaves in my throat as it slides on down it. It tastes nostalgic as well; I've clearly had it before in my first life, though I can’t recall where...

… My tongue, on the other hand, possessing the unrefined taste buds of a child, hates it. It hates everything about it.

This only serves to remind me that this is but one of the many parts of my body that still needs to be retrained. My ladylike gait, my speaking skills; even simple things such as my patience and tolerance need to be regained control of from this stupid youthful body of mine! For me to start feeling like myself again! And don’t get me started on all the new childish nonsense that I need to expunge from my system. I still wake up at night teething on my tail, or sucking on my thumb, for crying out loud!

I stare angrily down at my teacup as my thoughts turn dark; as I'm once again reminded of all that I've lost in these past five years, and how little I've actually regained. Every day I keep discovering that an action that used to be simple for me to accomplish as an adult was now a struggle to do in this form. Walking, talking, taking care of myself; slowly my abilities are returning, but it's never fast enough, I feel. Never fast enough.

And then there’s the subject of the things I’ll never get back.

"My body, my skin, my humanity… My Jason. My Ashley. My Nathaniel…"

… I sniffle loudly as my thoughts begin to head down darker roads against my will. I try to force them back into my mental closet, where they can’t hurt me, but they refuse to budge.

Sniff

Five years later and it still isn’t easy to accept all this.

"I-I need to find a better outlet," I speak with myself as these tears start to fall. "Maybe a diary, o-or a journal..."

“Dear? What’s wrong?”

Sniffling again, I turn to look at the Prince through misting eyes. I momentarily forgot that he was even here at all.

“W-want Dusk,” I stutter weakly, allowing my spiked emotions to bleed through. “W-w-want Dusk. I want to be happy… Not… s-slave…”

The Prince remains quiet as he watches me choke up. I don’t want to have to return to that horrid house after today! I can’t stand that bratty Princess’s demands anymore! I can’t stand that Quartermaster anymore! Nopony in that stupid house cares about me; nopony here cares about me period except for maybe that Gleaming Shield mare from before, and… a-and…

God, I just want one friend. One! Is that so much to ask?! Wasn’t that whole stupid show called Friendship is Magic?! Why then… why is it like this for me here?

“F-f-friend,” I hiccup. “Want, my, f-friend… Please…”

Again the Prince says nothing, offering no words towards my display.

This doesn’t last long though.

After what feels like hours, the alicorn places a hoof over his forehead and proceeds to release a low sigh.

“... Was I,” he speaks after a time, though it soon becomes apparent that these words aren't meant for me. “... Was I about to repeat myself here, my former faithful student?

“Was I about to make the same mistake that caused you to hate me so? To make you flee through that mirror…?

“The same mistake... that cost me my brother years before you were even born, Sunset…?”

… Another sigh follows before the pony takes his face out of his obscuring hoof and looks at me with fresh eyes. Before they had been strong and caring, but now… now they were simply tired; tired with age and pain.

I stare at them through my puffy green ones as my tears start to let up.

“Why,” he asks me clearly, no longer speaking down to me. “Why do you feel as though you are a… a ‘slave’, Barbara?” He questions me plainly. “Whyever would a child so young say such a thing so… honestly? You truly believe your words; they are clearly not just the ramblings of a foal I can tell, so wh-” he then exhales for the third time. Shaking his head, he starts over. “Sorry, dear child. I… I went a bit off-topic there, haha.”

That laugh was the most forced thing I had ever heard a person utter before in my life, pony or not.

“Just… Can you explain to be why you feel that you are a slave, my dear? Can you please use your words to explain it to an old pony like me? I promise I’ll listen… It’s the least I can do.”

I stare back at him…

… and feel it as my anger swiftly reignites.

"How… How can he not… There’s no way he doesn’t… It’s so obvious I..."

Through stinging eyes, I glare at the stallion.

“No choice,” I rant as well as my lousy Ponish will allow me. “Either Bluebelles or orp-... orph… alone. No choice. I want Dusk. I want to help Dusk. Dusk is kind! Dusk is my friend! Family! I w-want a friend… Bluebelles not… I want to be happy. Not… alone…”

I pant for breath, my display having winded me. Give me a keyboard, pen, or even an inked quill, damn it. Let me express my hatred properly!

Prince Solaris remains silent.

“... You,” he starts to say. “don’t enjoy having zero control over your life… That’s an interestingly grown-up feeling to have, child. Not many foals feel this way. They like their mommies and daddies to take care of them.”

“I don’t have those,” I retort, feeling insulted for him have apparently forgotten.

The Prince’s already weakened state dims just a tiny bit more thanks to this.

“Ah… Yes. I meant no offense, I assure you.”

“I’m alone,” I point out, reminding him.

“I’m aware,” he notes tired. “I’m most aware, now so more than ever. I had hoped the Bluebelles' staff would have filled this role for you, and treated you as one of them… but it would seem that this did not happen.”

“Dusk is my family,” I declare, hoping to end this whole discussion right here and now. “Hatched me; not you. Dusk told me so.”

Solaris cringes at first, but he eventually folds in defeat.

“Yes… yes I suppose they'll be no questioning of that now, will there?”

Bluntly did I reply “No.”

The alicorn chuckles. Weak as it may have been, it actually sounds genuine this time.

“You’re surprisingly well situated for a foal your age,” he meekly jokes. “You know exactly what you want. Most impressive; there are quite a number of adults out there that still struggle with such a simple concept!”

He laughs again.

I don't join in.

In seeing this the alicorn’s chortles die on his lips, and eventually disappear into nothingness altogether. Silence reigns shortly after that.

“... You want Dusk, dear?”

“Yes,” I spit, refusing to second guess myself.

“Are you... sure though?”

“Yes,” I again fire my response, not giving him the chance to use his damn mind tricks on me, whatever they may be.

In sensing my straight and narrow intention, Solaris folds once again. His wings even droop this time as he stares down in shame.

“... There’s… There’s no denying it now either, is there?”

Lifting himself up, the Prince looks me directly in the eyes.

“You hate me, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I reply bluntly and honestly. There's no going back now; might as well go the full nine yards. “Took Dusk away. Put me in that stupid house. I cried a lot... No...” My face scrunches up into a look of pure concentration as I search through my mind for a single word.

Solaris needs to know the damage he’s done; he needs to know how much harm he was causing with his self-centered way of thinking.

I need Dusk back in my life and I need him now not just because we need to leave and save the world with friends in Ponyville, go on adventures, and learn about the ‘magic’ of friendship… but also because I need a reason to keep going. I need a reason to keep waking up every morning and to keep on living.

“No… foalhood,” I finish, having successfully found and pronounced the Equestrian word I was looking for.

Said word causes the stallion’s face to drop like a rock.

“... I’m sorry,” he whispers under his breath, before lifting his head back up and looking me straight on. “I’m… sorry, Barbara. I… I-I didn’t know how strongly you felt about this. About… all of this… I was trying to turn you into the perfect assistant for my student, one who would follow him into the far future I’ve foreseen for him, but… but I…”

He takes a breath.

“I never considered your own feelings on the matter,” he admits in a rush, looking truly ashamed. At first I believe this to just be an act, but as he goes on it becomes increasingly apparent that this was anything but. “You were so young when I came up with this lesson plan that I… I didn’t consider for a second that you could have an opinion of your own yet. A foal wouldn’t, but your draconic nature… I’ve foolishly underestimated you, I now see.”

Pop

Blinking the sudden sparkles out of my eyes, I open my peepers again after a time and discover three portfolios now laying in front of me. I stare at them as the Prince sits up straighter in his chair. With a clearer voice, one that lacks the melancholy that it once held, Solaris declares for me in the simplest of words

“No more.”

The three portfolios begin to float into the air with the assistance of golden magic. They slowly orbit around the glowing magical horn before one flies out of the field and opens itself before the alicorn. He considers its contents for a time before flouting the entirety of it over to me.

Inside are a pile of forms and paperwork that take me a moment to translate... What isn’t hard to translate are the first words, along with the photographed image of a pair of stallions in a loving embrace, atop it.

“... Adoption papers?” I inquire loudly, equal parts surprised and pleased with myself for not having trouble saying the rather difficult Ponish word aloud. Despite this inner joy, I'm still left quite shocked by this turn of events.

Solaris gives me a nod as he rotates the portfolio with another folder, this time with a picture of an elderly stallion and mare in a similar hug. “Yes, that’s right. Do you know what that word means, Barbara?”

I frown at this. Rather than answer him directly, I instead slap the table with a purple claw and yelled “I want Dusk,” for perhaps the twentieth time today.

This causes the stallion to wilt again.

“I’m aware. I’m more than aware now, dear child.

“But, Barbara, please listen to me; Dusk… Dusk is special to me. He’s just as special to me as he is to you. I expect great things from him…”

“And you don’t me?” I interrupt him fiercely and, to my great surprise, clearly. Maybe I’m finally getting the hang of this...

Truthfully speaking though, I don’t have any great aspirations in this new life of mine. I simply just want to live it in a state that vaguely resembles happiness! Dusk is the ‘main’ character; one of the protagonists if I were to follow the logic of an old cartoon from the twenty-tens. I’m not, and I both understand and respect this. I have my role and he has his, just like how in my old life my children held importance over my own well-being in my heart.

I could re-invent the internet, the automobile, or any of Earth’s wonders here in Equestria. If I work at it hard enough, anything is possible… But that’s not me. I’m not one to live in the spotlight, and I have no desire to change that in this life. I don’t expect great things from me here…But that doesn’t give Solaris the right to think the same way towards me or anyone else.

The thought that he does disgusts me.

In having caught him in his hypocrisy, the Prince of Ponies’ mood does the impossible and droops even lower.

“No! No, I… I expect greatness in all of my little ponies, child,” he claims. “I expect it in you as well, I swear that I do… I… I just have had a vis-… Well… I just expect it more in-”

The alicorn then stops himself, having perhaps finally come to understand his own folly.

“... Sigh… I really ammaking the same mistake here that I made with you, Sunset. Exalting one above others, regardless of the cost, while not providing what they desire the most...”

I tilt my head at this, unsure what he's referring to. Seeing this, the Prince waves me off with a hoof. “Nothing, dear. Nothing at all. Forget I said anything.”

I hold my head where it is, beckoning him to continue.

He obliges. “I… I suppose you can’t do that, can you? I’ve already said so much… Child, would you believe me now, after everything I’ve done, if I told you that you are not the first Equestrian born dragon?”

"… Really? Sure feels like it, what with how ponies treat me and all..."

Sensing my confusion, Solaris elaborates further. “Yes, few others throughout the years have managed to hatch dragon eggs with their magic. Though extremely rare, it’s not an impossible task by any means.

“Those who’ve done it have always gone on to do extraordinary things with their special talents; be it the creation of Cloudsdale or the fine-tuning of the anthropomorphic spell… to making a wickedly fine soufflé.

“Beyond this greatness, however, there is one other detail that these mares and stallions have in common…

“... Unhappy dragon companions.”

“...”

I remain silent. In the silence, I envisioned Spike The Dragon from that decades-old show.

Spike... the highly abused, comic relief, dragon.

“All of them,” Solaris went on, heedless of my growing wariness. “eventually left Equestria to seek their own paths in life once it became apparent that they could not find happiness here... and this separation always ends with the pony suffering as well. Sadness becomes plentiful in these times; sadness which only serves to hinder both parties. Brilliant ponies become depressed, and bright intelligent dragons… never return to civilization.”

“... Are they happy?” I ask innocently enough. A childish question from a baby dragon; nothing unusual there. Nothing that raises alarms, but I know that dragons live for hundreds of years. I’ve learned the sad truth through books, and have yet to come to terms with it, but for now that part doesn’t matter. What matters is that they're probably still alive long after their pony died. They’re free now, with no ties to Equestria… Are they also happy? Can the Prince answer this question…?

Can I trap him yet again?

The Prince considers me, his face still projecting nothing but sadness. He looks away; unable to look at me, and subsequently his mistake, any longer. “... Happier than they were here, I’ll admit.”

Gotcha.

“Dragons in Equestria,” he explains to me, his voice still devoid of the good cheer he once shared quite readily. “Have often been treated… differently than ponies. Not many know how to raise one. One pony treated his hatchling like a dog… Fido ran away when he turned fifteen.

“One mare treated her drake like a little brother; they went to school together for a time… Norbert was supposedly bullied by a group of colts and eventually fled to the Badlands when he was seven.

“And a single stallion treated his little dragoness like a daughter. He loved her dearly… to the point of spoiling her. Greed and dragons do not mix, as you will be taught one day, thus she needed to be… to be…”

Prince Solaris, for a single moment, smiles at me again...

“... Returned home.”

It's entirely fake.

"Put down," my mind translates the words quickly, causing me to shake. Whether the alicorn noticed I couldn’t say.

“To answer your question though; yes, they are happier now that they aren’t here in Equestria anymore,” the stallion finally admits as he quits smiling. “They all decided that the land of ponies, my kingdom, was not where they belonged. They all returned to their natural habitats and became happier because of it.”

Silence reigns.

“... And making me sad,” I question harshly in the silence, forcing myself to speak as properly as I can for this all-important question, “Is sup-,... suppo-... suppo...sed! Supposed!” I start over. “And making me sad is supposed to make me want to stay here then, your Mage-es-tee?!”

… Say what you must, but at least I’m an adorable pissed-off dragoness instead of just a pissed-off dragoness with a lisp.

The Prince regards me with those tired eyes of his and chooses not to say anything at all. Instead he releases his breath once again as he shakes his head.

“No no,” he says after a time. “You weren’t supposed to be sad, you were supposed to be educated! Nothing more! I… I had thought that by teaching you all the wonders Equestria has to offer you’d… stay. Stay here with Dusk and help him fulfill his destiny out of the goodness of your heart…”

“Wrong,” I speak bluntly, gazing at him with unamused eyes. “Wrong. I, hate, Equestria.”

The Prince considers me tiredly, as his tail continues to flow on in the unfelt solar winds.

“... Hate it, Barbara?” he questions. “Do you hate Equestria, or do you simply just hate how my ponies treated you? How I treated you?

“Would you rather be returned to the Badlands, where wild dragons make home, instead of being in the care of kinder ponies? Ponies who I can guarantee to you, on my honor, will do nothing but love you properly?”

“...”

My eyes fall on the earlier portfolios left abandoned on the table. Their contents became visible in my mind’s eye. Adoption…

“Why now?” I ask simply, a growl having entered my voice. If adoption was an option from the get-go, then why in the blue hell…?

“Why now and not earlier?” finishes the alicorn for me, an act I grudgingly am grateful for. “Because these paths will only serve to bring you further and further away from Dusk Shine.

“I may have failed horribly as a guardian over you, child, but I know one thing for certain; separating you two would have been a disservice to you bot-”

“I HAVEN’T SEEN HIM IN TWO YEARS!!” I bellow into the bastard’s face, cutting him off completely. I lean on the table as I did, standing up fully in my chair and, thanks to the coordination of a five-year-old I've been ‘blessed’ with, knock my still full teacup over unto my dress. I felt the warmth trickle down my front and drench my chest completely, but I don't care in the slightest for this dress. I don't care in the slightest for this stallion either, for that matter. “Separated long enough! I want, Dusk, now!”

“...”

… Scoot

Catching me by surprise, I observe quizzingly as the Prince scoots himself out of his chair and approached my side. I snarl at him as he does, and glare passively as he conjures a cloth and begins to wipe me down from my spill. My cheeks burn crimson thanks to this, but I ignore it as I hold my gaze.

“... I know, Barbara,” the pony whisperers morosely as he continues to wipe. “I know. Two was two too many. It was supposed to last longer as well, but now… Now I am reminded that fifteen years for me isn’t the same for everyone else. Especially so for one as young as you…”

Leaning further down, the alicorn then brings his long white horn closer to my chest and, with the tiniest and dimmest spark of magic, makes the stain upon my dress disappear completely.

“There,” he notes. “Good as new.”

I chose not to speak.

For the first time since this discussion started, the Prince doesn't react towards my admittedly poor treatment of him... I'm so angry though that I honestly don’t care. As he stands up fully again, I watch from my seat as he levitates the folders over to me.

“... I have an offer for you, Barbara,” he begins.

“I want Dusk.” I remind.

“I know you do,” he replies weakly. “I know… But I don’t think Dusk will do anything different than what the ponies of the past did to their dragon friends.”

What?! “Dusk won’-”

Solaris raises a hoof to silence me.

“... Please listen, child,” he pleads. “You have known Dusk for three years, and are only five, if I recall correctly. How much of him do you actually remember? You probably don’t know him as well as you think you do...”

My gut tells me to scowl once again in reply, "How dare he?!"… but then I actually allow my brain to start working again.

Solaris…

... Solaris is actually not wrong for once in his assumption. There... there is a little bit of truth there...

As adamant as I am to be by his side again, and to play my role in the events about to transpire, I actually don’t know a whole lot about Dusk personally; other than what I've gathered in the short time we spent together when I was a babe again and... well... my foggy memories of Twilight Sparkle.

He’s a bookworm. He’s kind. He has a big heart, and he’s going to become the wielder of a mystical relic that grants him power over the abstract concept of companionship.

That’s kind of a big deal in this world, from what I remember...

… But right now he’s just a friendless young teenager. He cares more about his studies than he does anypony else, just like Twilight did. His dusty old books are his only friends above all else.

Even above… me.

I haven’t seen him in two years. Two, years. That kind little colt who held me when I mourned for my family; who carried me on his back throughout the castle, occasionally fed me gems, shared with me his day as he taught me about his world…

He never came to visit me.

Never even sent a letter either, or objected to the Prince’s cruel plan.

At the end of the day... I... I actually don't know him well at all. He might as well be a stranger...

“...”

“I,” Prince Solaris goes on as I digest these sudden dark thoughts and feelings. “On the other hoof, have known him for five years plus, Barbara. I’ve trained him, taught him, and have attempted to become his friend... It is an offer he has always refused to accept though, for he holds me in too high regard to allow such a thing.

“Barbara,” the alicorn invokes my name one last time. “To leave you in his care would be irresponsible of me. I can not guarantee to you that he will suddenly understand the power of friendship with your presence, or even if he’ll treat you the same way he did when he was a child himself. As the teen he’s grown to become, he may simply see you as a means to an end.

“Though I wish I could confidently tell you how I taught him better than that, the truth of the matter is that I can not. A flawed teacher breeds a flawed student; I have only myself to blame for the pony he has become. Unable to see my own faults, how was I to ever hope to encourage him to leave my shadow…?”

“...”

… The Prince suddenly stops talking.

As sad as it is to acknowledge, I think, with the help of that last speech, Solaris has finally realized that he’s been talking to a five-year-old this whole time.

While I’d like to believe that I still radiate a mature aura, I’m going to guess that his behavior thus far has all been the result of the Prince using me to vent his own frustrations with himself and nothing more. Little does he know that I’m more than capable of understanding everything he’s saying, but that doesn't stop him from giving a little cough and resuming at a slower, more constrained, pace.

“As I was saying, child,” he starts up again, not as hamfisted as before. “At no other pony’s fault but my own, Dusk isn’t the same pony you remember him being. I know with certainty that he has a bright future ahead of him full of joys and friendship… but I believe, as he is now, he may only make you cry.

“... It is because I feel this way that I now have a choice for you to make.”

The folders are, once again, pushed into my face. Not literally, mind you, but it's starting to feel that way with how often he keeps bringing them up.

“Instead of returning to Dusk, Barbara,” the stallion presents to me. “You can instead choose to live with one of these families. Each one of these folders is full of kindhearted mares and stallions who would love to have a smart little daughter like you to dote over. I have personally met with each of them in the past and can assure you that you will be a pony in their eyes and in the eyes of the towns they dwell in; both have passed the tests designed to measure their eligibility for raising non-equines such as griffons, baby sea serpents, baby landwyrms, and even baby dragons like yourself. You can have a normal life this way, without having to be anypony’s assistant without your say.

“If you’d rather not live in Equestria, however,” Solaris adds after a pause, causing me to look away from the folders. “If these past two years and your anger towards me is too much for you to live with, I can arrange for a dragoness to accept you into her clutch. A few owe me favors or life debts. Though it will be hard, I’m certain I can eventually find one who you can happily call ‘mommy’.

“... In going down that path, however, you may find yourself unable to live in Equestria again.

“... So then… which will you choose?

“What do you want, Barbara?”

“...”

… I look back down towards the folders.

For the first time since I've entered this room today…

... Dusk isn’t my instant answer.

"A… normal life?" I begin to ask myself within my now sluggish mind. "I don’t… I-I don’t have to be an assistant? I don’t [have to serve Dusk for the rest of his life?

"I... I love that colt a lot, yes; but I don’t have to live with him... If I choose a family close enough I could still be his friend; I could still be part of his life...

"... And… and I could have a chance to start over for real... I could just be a normal kid that goes to school and makes friends and has loving parents who care for their child. I could be their daughter… I’d be starting over from scratch once more, and I’d have to put up with a new set of humiliations and frustrations... but, eventually? Eventually, I’ll be an adult again...

"... Eventually I could be a mother again.

"... I-it won’t be the same; it’ll never be the same... but eventually I could have a normal life again… a-and be happy. All I’d have to do is just be a happy little girl with her mommy and daddy and… and leave the world-saving to Dusk and his friends.

"I won’t be needed. Spike was never needed, right? There’s nothing of importance I can’t do as Dusk’s friend instead of as his assistant! Yeah… yeah! All I have to do it be his friend and everything will sort itself out! Screw that show! This is my life now!!"

With newfound drive, a goal having been reached, I lean forward and grab the folders. I look over the candidates once again with renewed vigor.

"I just need to find one close enough… Mister and Misses Curl of Horseshoe Bay? Too far away. Harpsy Heartstrings and Toffee of Canterlot with “Plans to move back to our hometown once Harpsy’s education is complete”? Hmmm… closer, but I need to think long-term. I need... Recently married Cream and Coffee Cake of Ponyville! Perfect! I’ll be there with Dusk when he starts to learn the magic of friendship! I can get a job at the library when he moves in and… and…

"... And hope that he doesn’t need me until then…

"..."

I put the folders down.

"I… I..."

I want to start crying again.

"Barbara..." my mind pleads. "Barbara, don’t think that way..."

What… what if he does need me though?

"Barbara..."

What if he needs an assistant further down the road?

"Barbara..."

What if he doesn’t let me be his friend in Ponyville?

"Barbara..."

What if I’m forgetting an important ‘Spike-saves-the-world’ episode?! Or what if one came out later when Ashley stopped watching it?!

"Barbara!"

What if-

"DAMN IT ALL, GIRL!"

With a blink, I return to my senses before my internal torment could tip off Solaris.

"Are you really going to throw away a shot at happiness for one stupid pony?!" I demand myself to answer. "Really?! For all you know that kid’s the whole flipping reason you’re here!"

W… W, What?

"Think about it; think waaaayyy back!" I prod."You didn’t know any better when you first hatched! You didn’t know a damn thing! It wasn’t until he used his magic on you that you remembered who you were!"

I pause, remembering this detail. That… that is true…

"If he didn’t do that, you wouldn’t have a reason to cry at all!" I point out. "None at all! You could have just been a normal rugrat learning her ABCs instead of an adult relearning how to use the bucking potty!

"... Damn it all, bucking. How to bucking use the… Grrr! You can’t even swear right anymore! Hell, you used to never want to swear at all!! This whole stupid world has taken so bucking much from you, caused you so much pain, yet you wanna… y-yet you wanna… w-wanna..."

Sniff

“... Barbara?” Prince Solaris asks me as the waterworks begin anew. D-damn… damn it all to nonexistent hell. I… I-I hate myself. I hate myself so much right now.

I hate myself… because despite being given such a wonderful opportunity, despite being hoofed this once-in-a-lifetime chance at happiness on a silver platter, my answer at the end of the day is still…

“I, want, Dusk,” I sob like the child that I undoubtedly am now. “I want my friend...”

I could have been happy. I could have taken the path that led to instant gratification. I could have taken the path that gave me opportunities beyond my wildest dreams, that gave me the chance to grow up to be even greater than I was in my first life. A daughter; I could have been a new mother or father’s daughter. I could have made my own friends, had my own adventures, lived my own life. I could have had a wonderful life…

But I instead threw it all away.

Threw it all away for Dusk.

Threw it all away…

“I want Dusk!”

… Because it was what my heart wanted in the end; to be a mother once again in some form, no waiting.

I'm through with waiting.

“Are… are you sure, child? I’ve already told you the ris-”

“Yes,” I reply as calmly as I could, ignoring the tears that ran down my face. “Yes. I want him. I want Dusk. I want… my family.”

Prince Solaris stares at me for a time after this. Neither of us says a thing as his soft blue eyes meet my fierce green own.

I won’t second guess myself, I won’t back down; the life I just chose for myself won’t be easy, won’t always be happy, and won’t help me forget the life I lost…

... but, as long as I live it as myself, it will sure as shoot help me heal.

In the end, that’s all I can ask for.

“...”

The silence between us deepens as I harden my features and resign myself to my chosen fate...

... And then, despite having absolutely no reason to do such a thing; despite my conflict being internal from beginning to end… Solaris laughs.

Prince Solaris laughs out loud.

He laughs loudly and proudly at a joke I had missed altogether.

His head is held high as he roars mightily into the air at the top of his lungs. His hoof strikes the table a few times in his jubilation, and even his own teacup is knocked to the side as a result. The tea spills over the edge but the Prince didn't care; all he cares about right now are his strong chortles of apparent delight.

As these “Ha!”s and “Ho!”s simmer down after a solid few minutes, the Prince of Ponies finally snaps his eyes back to my own. I gaze dumbly into his face as he looks at me. Where once he appeared a broken stallion, greatly mournful over his hurtful actions… now he looks like a pony filled with nothing but happiness and sunshine.

This confuses me greatly.

His large grin is a testimony to this great change though, as are his mane and tail which now blow harder and faster than I had ever witnessed them move before.

“Excellent,” is one of the lasts things the great alicorn will end up saying to me this day. The memory is beginning to fade right before my eyes. “Never have grander words been spoken!”

Pop!

With a mighty flash of golden light, the pony altogether vanishes out of existence. I blink the stars out of my eyes as I hear a similar sound soon occur behind me. Standing up and turning in my chair, gripping the back of it tightly, I watch as the alicorn reappears out of his teleport and happily skips, not trot, his way towards the doors exiting the room. “Gleaming Shield, lass!” he calls out in a booming voice as he grips the twin doors in his magical aura. “Be a dear and fetch my student for me, would you? He needs to be treated with a proper reun-”

“CAW!”

No sooner had the Prince opened the doors to his chamber did something feathery and red shoot right on out of the hallways and attach itself to my face.

As the memory comes to an end, I can recall vividly how I stood there dumbly for many reasons that day. I stood there dumbly because of the Prince’s shift in tone, I stood there dumbly because of the reveal that I was going to be allowed to live with Dusk again…

... And I stood dumbly longest of all because of the phoenix that had decided to hug my face.

There was a pause.

"... Snort."

… before Prince Solaris of Equestria burst into laughter yet again. "Haha!"

"... Heh... H-hehe!"

Soon I joined in as well.

To this day I still don't know why.

~Present Day, Two Years Later~

Opening my eyes again, I find myself exiting memory lane and once again inhabiting the body of a seven-year-old dragoness. Though I blink my eyes momentarily, and rub the tiredness out of them with a balled-up claw, my attention is still entirely focused on the journal that lies open before me.

I stare at it at first, considering it, only to then draw my mind inwards and consider instead what the whole experience from those two years ago had succeeded in reminding me of.

For a moment I compare the Prince Solaris of yesteryear to with the Prince Solaris of today, with all their deceitfulness and lies and flaws and scheming…

... And then the answer becomes obvious.

RIIIIIIPPPPPP

Crumble...

FWOOSH!

Said answer was to tear the unfinished chapter out of the journal completely, crush it into a little ball in my claws, and then proceed to reduce it to ash with the help of a breath of fire.

Duh.

As I sweep the remains up with a dustpan and broom, I quietly chuckle to myself over the kind of day I've had so far. With all its ups and downs, reveals and secrets, tears and laughter… Quite a roller coaster ride, all things considered.

“Not quite a friend,” I speak with myself. “Not quite an enemy. Not quite an ally, not quite a foe; Prince Solaris is just, I guess, Prince Solaris… Just like I’m just Barbara.

“Barbara The Dragoness.

“Barbara the assistant.

“Barbara the child.

“Barbara the widow.

“Barbara the Lost Soul.

“Barbara…”

An idea then crosses my mind.

“... The tainted… The cursed… the… the…!!”

Putting my broom and pan down, I quickly rush back to my seat. Slamming the book shut, I take out an inked quill and carefully write across the cover in Ponish

“The Poisoned Barb.”

Title having been settled, I smile as I gently blow across the still drying ink, speeding up the process. I then pack the book carefully back under my pillow once I did, and proceed to leave the room altogether. “Yeah, hehe. That’ll do.”

This is my life now.

My difficult, but still worth it, life.

I miss my family and friends. I miss my children and husband every day...

… But I can’t turn back time. I can’t come back from the dead. Barbara D. Burns lives on in my heart, but there'll come a day where I won’t be able to call myself that any longer.

So then,

“I might as well work on making this life just as special.”

"Couldn’t have said it better myself."

You’re too kind, brain. You’re too kind.

Slam!

The door to the bedroom slams loudly as I push it closed behind me. No point in looking back now.

The show is about to start any minute now.

“NOT, A, SLAVE!!!”

SMASH!!!

Silence reigned in the bedchamber as the tiny dragon viciously threw the gemstone to the ground, reducing it to a million tiny shards. Both ponies in the room could only stare in shock at the scene as a royal guard burst into the room soon after, summoned by the sound. The white unicorn with the twin shades of blue mane quickly looked all around the room, trying desperately to figure out what had happened. An answer did not come right away.

The ruler of the pony race remained seated while the guard continued to search, unsure how to react to this turn of events. The shock of it all was too great; the word the child had used had not been uttered for hundreds upon hundreds of years in Equestria! To hear it used so properly and clearly by one so young…

Princess Celestia could only stare mournfully at Spike as she wondered how she had strayed so far yet again.

The Beginning {RE-EDITED}

… It kinda feels weird being bored now after the kind of morning I just had.

That’s what I am though. Bored. The home/spire is clean from top to bottom. Books are back in place, pillows fluffed, kitchen clean… you know, the usual. Everything’s swept, everything’s dusted, and the windows are so dangerously clean that a pegasus might accidentally crash into them... again!

Yet Dusk’s still not back.

“What to do what to do?" I spoke to myself as I thumb through my latest romance novel. I don’t really want to start a new chapter of my journal yet out of fear that my pony friend might come running back in at anytime. I had picked up my latest fictional book from out of my basket and began reading it not too long ago, but I was too nervous to concentrate on it; nervous about the rest of today. I’ve relived this day about a hundred times in my mind. Though my memories are still a bit foggy on minor parts and details, I still remember the overall structure pretty well.

Twilight reads book, Twilight has Spike send a letter, Celestia acts the usual troll I now know she is and tells Twilight to go to Ponyville. Twilight runs into Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy in an order I’ll eventually remember, Nightmare Moon appears, friendship happens, day is saved. The End.

Thrilling storytelling but, hey, it’s my life… I think. There is the slight possibility that, with Twilight being Dusk in this universe and me being Spike, things might be different... But after my encounter with Solaris today? I’m not worried, not worried in the slightest.

… Well I’m slightly worried about dying (again) out of boredom at the moment, but that’s minor in the grand scheme of things.

“Wish I had something better to do though,” I grumble to myself, unable to pay attention to the novel I had, at one point, been enjoying. Say what you will about candy-colored equines, they sure do make mean romance stories. “Just wish I could enjoy it,” I groan next, snapping the book shut and then setting it down roughly on the table next to me.

A wrapped red present suddenly falls off of the small stand when I do, landing softly on the ground. I stare at it at first before, with a start, remembering what exactly it was.

“Oh shoot!” I say, jumping to my feet and picking the item up in both of my claws. “I totally forgot to deliver this!”

It was my gift for Lunardanseur! I got it at the same time I got Dusk’s book with the last of my allowance! I was supposed to drop it off at his party at the castle while I was there today! Nuts! I hope I have time still to…

… Wait... This is Dusk we’re talking about here! Hehe, silly me; of course I’m going to have time! He likes to take it nice and easy with his readings when it comes to forced days off. It’ll probably be another hour or so before he gets to the important part.

“Which means,” I snicker to myself, heading towards the spire’s entrance with a smile on my face. “I probably have more than enough to stop by the party, say hi… sample a few of Donut Mary Joe’s goods on the way back, hehe…”

My lips are salivating just thinking about it. That pony can make a mean desert! With crushed sapphire sprinkles… Ahhhh~ Yes please!

With a tune on my lips and a new skip in my step, I happily make my way towards the doors with my present in my outstretched claws. I hope Lunardanseur likes it! I know he collects adorable things like this. Unafraid of his masculinity; a stallion after my own hea-

SLAM!

HI DOOR! NICE TO SEE YOU TOO!

Having been knocked back a good five feet into the flipping air, I crash rather harshly back down to Equestrian terra firma in a powerful daze thanks to the door’s abrupt assault. Ow…

“Barb?! BAAARRRRBBBB?!” suddenly cries out a masculine voice, seeking my attention. It's through blurry eyes that I make out Dusk Shine as he continues to call out my name. “Barb…?” He shouts one last time before spotting me laying there in a heap. “There you are,” notes the purple unicorn with the pink highlights as he dashes right on past me and into his personal library. He didn't even offer me a hoof to get back up with. Ugh… Dusk, you make it so incredibly hard for me to justify my decision to stay by your side some days…

“Quick,” he soon demands as I follow him into his main study. I nurse the new bruise on the back of my head with the slow soothing motions of my claw. “Find me that old copy of Predictions and Prophecies!” orders the young stallion as he ran this way and that between the shelves… only to stop actually, if briefly, to look at me. His eyebrow rose as he did. Slowly he points a hoof my way. “What’s that for?”

Confused as well, I turn my body... and find my now ruined gift to Lunardanseur completely lanced through thanks to my stupidly spiked tail.

“Well,” I start to explain with a huff, pulling the ruined box off of myself. “It was a gift for Lunardanseur, but…”

With impeccable timing, the now destroyed stuffed bear falls out of the wrapped box and onto the floor, delivering one last ironic squeak.

“Oh Barb,” Dusk scolds me angrily as he use his muzzle to knock over the piles of research books I had set aside for him like he asked. Jerk. “You know we don’t have time for that sort of thing!”

'That sort of thing?' What? Talking to ponies? This colt can be so insufferable some days. “But we’re on a break!” I try to argue, only to be ignored as the unicorn lit up his horn in a magenta light and starts tearing books right off the shelves. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why this pony needs an assistant. He’s only a neat freak when he feels like it.

Bleh.

“No, no, no,” Dusk grumble himself as each book fails to be the right one. I think I know where the one he motioned is... I quickly scamper up a nearby shelving latter in the hopes of procuring the book before this unicorn literally explodes… again. “No, no, no! Urgh! Barb!”

“It’s over here!” I yell, waving the tome in my claw in the air for him to see. I take a look at it for a moment, to make sure it's the right copy…

… only to then meet the floor face first as I'm roughly yanked along with it down to Dusk’s level via levitation magic. “Ah,” he spoke simply as he takes it from my grip over to his desk, promptly ignoring the pain he had just caused me.

“J-jerk…” I whimper, pulling myself up and rub my now bruised nose. Is it bleeding…? It’s not bleeding. Good. “What would your mother say if she knew you were treating a lady this way, Dusk?” I plead as I tiredly start to pick books up from off the floor. I just cleaned up around here too...

My words are spectacularly ignored as the young stallion delves right on into his book, flipping through pages rapidly. He was probably looking for something that caught his eye. Typical.

“Elements, elements,” he mutters to himself as he searches. “E, E, E, E… Aha! Elements of Harmony.”

The world around me suddenly freezes. I remain where I stand on my latter as my claw stays outstretched in the process of balancing a pile of books in need of being reshelved.

“See… The Man in the Moon?” Dusk whispers to himself, completely unaware how in shambles my brain is right now thanks to the realization that ‘Oh crap! The cameras are rolling!’

“... The Man in the Moon?” I eventually ask from my latter, not looking Dusk in the eyes. The lines… the lines were… were… “I-... isn’t that just an old ponies' tale?” That's right, right? That’s what Spike said in the episode himself… right?

… Does it even matter anymore? I didn’t realize that this conversation, that this whole scenario right now, was the first one from the show! I didn't realize until just, freaking, now.

A chill ran up my spine as I keep on shelving. My mind is elsewhere as Dusk keeps on talking. Something about the Nightterror, something about the Elements of Harmony; I'm not listening to a single word he's saying. My mind is completely gone as I suddenly feel the eyes of thousands upon me. Good lord, I-I hadn’t thought of it until just now… but are people watching us? A-are they watching me?

Suddenly the world is just as big and scary again as it had been when I first hatched.

“Barb! Do you know what this means?”

“No…” I say honestly, continuing to shelve robotically. People might be watching me right now… I-I’m being watched... I’m being watched I’m being watched I’m being wat- “W-whoa!” I wail abruptly, having lost my balance on the ladder completely. With an “Umph!” I soon find myself deposited across Dusk’s back, him having rushed over to break my fall... just like Twilight did.

Oh my God, such déjà vu!

All my memories of this whole stupid episode are flooding back into my mind as we speak! I can almost see Spike from the audience's point of view now! Next Dusk is going to thrust a scroll and quill into my claws, try to get me off his back, and then he'll tell me to write to Solaris tha-

“Are you okay?”

Knocked right out of my dangerous thoughts, I blink blankly as I turn my head to look at Dusk from my position atop his back.

“... What?” I offer dumbly, my brain retracing the past and trying to remember this scenario from the cartoon show.

“That was a nasty fall,” Dusk points out plainly, gesturing his head towards the latter. “Just wanted to make sure my number one assistant hadn’t hurt herself.”

I resume blinking blankly.

I… I don’t remember that line from the show. I don’t remember it at all. Is it just because it's been too long and I don’t remember it properly anymore… or…?

I decide to test the waters a little. “Er… no more than the last fall did, Dusk, or the door…”

The result of this was the sight of a unicorn cringing.

“Oh… Right…” the young stallion admits meekly, cheeks bright red. “I, er… S-sorry… I-I’m just so excited though!” he explains, bouncing back to his usual self. “I think I’m on to something big here, Barb! Big! Like, the world-is-about-to-be-covered-in-eternal-darkness big!” His eyes then became the beacon of determination I had come to expect from the brilliant, unstable and occasionally insane, unicorn. “And I need you to take a letter to the Prince, please.”

Twinkletwinkle

Numbly I soon find the scroll and quill I had been expecting being levitating over to me, along with Dusk’s short tail being held straight in order for me to dismount from him safely out of this reverse saddle I was now in. I stare at both items for a second, then Dusk Shine…

… before gripping them both in my claws and jumping off of him altogether with the aid of his pseudo springboard tail. “Okie dokie!” I chime happily as I land, my earlier fearful moment having subsided completely.

Yes this is repeating the same events as the show; yes Dusk is still Twilight and I, it would seem, am still Spike. The scenario, the dialogue, and even the characters might all remain the same… But this is my Dusk, my Equestria, and my life. I shouldn’t be scared to flub a line or two, or fear a crowd I’m never going to meet. All I should focus on is living this life my way and no one else's.

“My Dearest Teacher…”

Haha! "Enough about that though," I muse to myself. "No time to mourn the past or fear the future!"

Scriblescrible

"Lets instead do the human thing and enjoy the hell out of the now."

Let the show begin.

Author's Note

Though marked complete we've only just begun! To be Continued in: The Poisoned Barb's Tale.

Thank you all for your support and I hope to see you next time!

-Derply

EXTRA: Chapter ??: Machinations (April Fools)

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Prologue: Quiet {RE-EDITED}

A journal lies before me, empty and devoid of life.

A quill rests in my claw, dry and devoid of ink.

A long night awaits me, calm and devoid of noise.

A still mind lies within me, at peace and...

... devoid of ideas.

A sigh escapes my lips as I lay my head sideways upon the desk, my emerald eyes staring at the tome before me with a look of indifference. I was so excited to finally have the time to do this too, to finally write my tale. I prepared all day long for this, going as far as to speed up the chores and inhale, not eat, my dinner; not unlike an impatient child in a hurry to return to her new toy... Which, I suppose, isn't too inaccurate a description in my case.

Was Dusk any the wiser to my sudden immature behavior? No, I had accounted for that little problem as well in my master plan.

One does not simply give Dusk Shine a new book without good cause, after all.

So then; no chores, no hunger pains, no ponies. I had done everything I could have possibly done to ensure that I would have plenty of time, and zero distractions, for this journal tonight. Everything...

...

... Everything except writer's block, that is.

I hadn't anticipated it to rear its ugly head.

"Bleh," I silently moan as I rub my eyes with a balled-up claw. This was something I should have expected; something I should have booked on in my preparations to write this... book.

"... Maybe this is fine," I speak aloud in the silence of the room. And maybe I was right. One doesn't write an entire novel in one night, after all. One can't just write the story of their life in a single sitting.

How would I even start such a thing, now that I think about it?

"Well... how does a normal person usually start a memoir, Barb?" I ask myself.

"They would start at the beginning," I reply, not feeling silly in the slightest. Nope, not at all. "Well, not the literal beginning, I suppose. Nopony can remember their birth. They aren't like me."

...

... Ideas begin to swirl around in my head as my mind takes a hold of those scant few words and runs wild with them. 'They aren't like me...'

"... That's the whole reason you're writing this thing, dummy," I scold my stupid, unobservant self.

Two lifetimes later and I still can't see the forest for the trees.

"Well then, with that settled," I crack my magenta knuckles and lean forward, my mind ablaze with ideas. "Let's begin."

With newfound inspiration burning; I dip my quill into my readily available inkwell, open up the journal, and join the two items together.

The room is soon filled with the sound of quiet scribbling and nothing more.

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To the brilliant pony or creature who deciphers this journal, congratulations. You will be the first of your kind to have ever read the English language. To Dusk Shine, if you turn out to be the brilliant pony who deciphered this; it is impolite to read a lady's private thoughts. I know that you’ve been taught better than that. Please, I implore you to stop reading now. If you were to read any further, your opinion of me would be forever altered. You would no longer be able to look at me the same way, and I don't think my heart would be able to take the strain such a thing would cause it.

Please Dusk. ~~I love you like a son~~ I care for you too much to hurt you like this. What I'm about to write needs to be written though and it needs to be written now while the memories are still fresh; for future generations to see.

The generations I'll be alive long enough to meet, while you won't.

Even if the reverse is true and I pass before my time ~~once again~~, I beg of you to respect my wishes and never read further.

Personal matters aside, on the subject of the English language you have just translated; it is an odd language, unlike yet peculiarly similar to standard Equestrian. It was created through hundreds upon hundreds of years of cultural interaction and evolution among the species that forged it, along with a variety of others. I feel not the need to go into detail about how exactly English is written and read, for it seems you were able to figure all that out on your own. Again, congratulations. English is one of the major forms of communication for the mythical race of creatures known as humans.

It was also my primary language in my first life.

And here we come to the purpose of this journal; to tell you about my life on this rocky ball we call Equus. I will also tell you a bit about my life on another planet, Earth. These passages are to be my memoirs and I hope they will serve, in whatever form they will eventually take, as a guiding light for those out there who will one day find, or who have already found, themselves in the same situation as me.

What situation am I speaking of, you may be wondering? The answer to that is the same as the answer to what lies beyond this mortal coil, my dear reader; the answer to what lies beyond death itself.

Nothing. Nothing lies beyond life, only more life. Specifically new life, in a new form, in a new land.

I speak of reincarnation.

Feel free to call me a lunatic all you like, reader. I care not for your opinion at this point. If the words I am about to write make it into the hands or hooves or whatever of at least one other affected individual then this second life of mine will have found slightly more meaning in it. That having been said; once upon a time, literally in another life, I was a part-time novelist and a full-time housewife, forty years of age. I had two beautiful children and a loving husband. I was happy.

Now, at the time of writing this, I am a seven-year-old child; a shell of the woman I used to be.

My name was once Barbara D. Burns; wife of Jason E. Burns and mother of Ashley S. Gadison and Nathaniel D. Burns. It is now, to my half amusement and half annoyance, Barbara The Dragoness; Property of House Shine and servant to the Equestrian Crown. I prefer being called Barb though; it has such a nice cutting edge quality to it that allows me, when I close my eyes, to at least pretend that I am still the world-wary adult I once was.

I am the assistant of a one Dusk Shine, the young protégé of Prince Solaris. They are both highly intelligent and kind stallions to whom I have been given the great honor of personally knowing but, despite this, I sadly still hide my true nature from them just as I am forced to do with the rest of the world. My past remains hidden from them, as does the knowledge it contained; such as the knowledge of ponies named Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia, or the knowledge that the coming years are going to be a time of great change here in Equestria, depending on the actions of young Dusk.

My time on Earth, specifically with my daughter, taught me these things along with a few other smaller facts and details that have proven useful to me throughout the years. This prepared me slightly for the life I would one day find myself leading.

Nothing could have prepared me for the shocks I received in those first few years though, nor the heartache I would have to endure alone for the rest of this life.

Still, while I mourn my old life to this day, and expect I will continue to do so for many years to come, I have not given up on life in general. I have chosen to continue living, one day at a time, for reasons that are personal to me and me alone. It will be up to each one of you to find what your personal reason is or will be but, for now, please allow me to share how I came up with mine.

Here is how my story began.

The Poisoned Barb
A Story by ManlyDerp
I do not own MLP, nor the gender-bent versions of the characters created by the fandom.

Author's Note

Disclaimer: This is not a wholly original concept. This was inspired by similar reincarnation fan fictions, such as the non-pony fanfic Dreaming of Sunshine by Silver Queen. This will just be my take on the concept.

I hope you will enjoy.

Chapter 8: Overlooked {RE-EDITED}

Tick… tock… tick… tock…

The clock atop the wall ticks and tocks away in the relative silence of the room. Princess Bluebelle’s words have, at this point, devolved into Charlie Brown style ‘whaws’ to my green ears. My focus lies not with her, of course, but instead on the true center of attention at this table; the seemingly attentive Prince Solaris.

His autumn red mane blows on an unseen and equally unfelt wind as he gazes at Bluebelle. I can tell that he isn’t actually paying attention to her, despite his blue eyes' focus and despite the strained smile that graces his bearded muzzle. In opposition to what I can actually see, and regardless of the impossibility of the angle, I know with a hundred percent certainty that I have his complete and undivided attention, not her.

Or, more specifically, my writing claw does.

The Prince’s request hangs heavily in my mind. ‘Entertain, educate, share with me your troubles...’ These weren’t simply suggestions, I know. This, right here, is a test...

… N-no I’m not being paranoid! Really I’m not! You don’t know him like Dusk and I do! He’s always giving ponies, and dragons, little hidden tests like this without a second thought. Even worse, he rarely tells you the results, making you question whether you were being tested at all!

… I’M NOT BEING PARANOID!!

Ugh, great. Now I gave myself another headache... Dusk and I had a back and forth about this in the past, you see. He doesn’t believe me on this fact and, well, it’s made me come off as just that; paranoid.

Maybe that’s actually a blessing in disguise, now that I think about it.

I won’t be able to alter specific episodes, like that one about the Gala tickets, if Dusk keeps listening to me as often as he does now. That might be fine in cases like the aforementioned tickets; it’s a lesson he needs to learn, after all. That won't be fine in the case of the Canterlot Wedding though, where I’ll be forced to sit back and watch events transpire as they must instead of contributing...

…

… Solaris I wish I could write all this down in my journal right now, to get it out of my head… but I can’t because Solaris himself is reading over my shoulder!

Internal panicked screaming intensifies.

Tick… tock… tick… tock...

Aaaannnndddd to make matters worse the clock, is, ticking. I can’t not write something! Soooo, um, er… w-well… What to do what to do?!

…

… M-maybe… Maybe I should just write amusing BS for now? Like, ‘In a Galaxy far far away’, or the like? I can always continue this journal at another time in private…! Wait... now that I think about it... I can easily get petty revenge on him if I wanted to! He’s basically my captive audience right now, right? I could put him between a rock and a hard place without any actual effort! I could leave him with the sadistic choice of actually listening to Princess Blue-pain in the flank-belle and her migraine-inducing voice, or instead reading whatever the heck I want him to read! Heh, it wouldn’t take long for me to recreate the nastiest filth I can think of and torture him with it. ‘“Why don't you like to be touched" Ana whispered, staring up into soft grey eyes.’

…

...

… Though I try to smother it, though I try to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t there... a tiny voice in the back of my head suddenly speaks up to me.

"Barb… No... You can’t do that to him… He’s still your friend."

… My ‘friend’ who wanted me as nothing more than a maid my whole life, you mean.

"Barb…"

Who couldn’t even see the error of his ways until somedragon grew the balls to chew him out.

"Barbara…"

Who didn’t actually change said ways until you declared to him that you weren't a goddamn sla-

"Barbara D. Burns!"

…

"… You’ve forgiven him for that."

…

"You can’t keep holding on to that hate."

…

"… Breathe."

After a time, I do just that. She-, er, I’m right... I-I’m right… It’s not healthy to hold grudges. Not at all… Not while I’m a long-living dragon.

I shouldn’t act like the child I am...

… It still bothers me though, how he first treated me. I wish I could write it out. I wish I was able to rid myself of these thoughts by jotting them down like I normally do, or that I could simply move past them altogether.

Solaris doesn’t deserve my hate, not really. Despite his manipulative nature, I know that his heart is full of both goodness and love for others, as well as a pang of deep-seated guilt. He’s already suffered a thousand years' worth because of his actions towards his brother, I remember.

I have no right, or need, to add more to that already massive pile. Granted, tonight a bit of that guilt will be lifted as Dusk reunites the two, just as Twilight did for Celestia and Luna, but I know that he’ll still have his failings towards me weighing him down. I can see it in his eyes; alongside whatever other guilt he harbors towards his past apprentice’s actions and others, he’ll still be burdened heavily after today.

I don’t want to add more to that pile. Despite everything; despite his actions and methods, and despite whatever newfound suspicion he now has towards me… he’s still one of the first few friends I ever made here, and one of the reasons why I chose to continue living this new life of mine at all. Without him, Dusk, and Gleaming by my side I would have seen this second life as worthless, pointless, and ultimately… easily discardable.

...

… Perhaps now’s the time to finally return the favor.

Moving with purpose, my mind having finally been made up, my quill begins to dance across the parchment.

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I will be continuing my journal then, your Majesty.

Please Barbara, you needn't waste written words on me. Pretend as though I am not even here.

As you wish, though I feel a bit of context is necessary. I have been writing a journal in my spare time, cataloging everything that I remember about my birth until this day.

Whatever for, may I ask?

You may. The reason is that I fear my memory will begin to grow foggy as I continue to grow. Years from now, when I'm hundreds of ages old, I’d like to be able to remember the friends I’ve made along the way. I felt that getting into the habit of writing a diary would help to alleviate my worries. A journal is the natural first step.

I see. Does your draconic nature worry you, dear?

Yes sir, ever since I was first made aware of what it meant in the long run.

It shouldn’t though, not to a young lady such as yourself. Take it from an old coot like me; friends will forever remain in your heart, no matter the time apart. Intellects like Dusk Shine and proud mares like Captain Gleaming Shield aren’t so easily forgotten in minds such as ours. Of this I can assure with confidence.

Thank you, sir. I suppose it goes without saying that you’ll be with me during the more difficult years?

To this I swear, dearest Barbara the Dragoness. Even if Dusk were to stray from my sight and you to follow, the two of us shall remain friends.

Thank you again, sir. I will continue with the journal now. I’m at age three currently, describing my time with the Bluebelles and how I came to be Dusk’s assistant earlier than what was intended.

I see.

I’m building up to the moment of your first check-up with me. The real first one, not the one that you were unable to attend. Please, before you take over my ~~han-~~ claw again to reply, know this; I’ve since forgiven you. I tell you this a lot, but it is the truth. My life now is one of my choosing.

Then it is my turn to thank you. So engrossed in Dusk’s growth was I that I failed to see the suffering I was causin-

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With a literal slap on the wrist, I wrestle control of my claw out of the Prince’s magical grip and back into my own.

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Please don’t blame yourself over it any longer, your Majesty. Please. My heart has become heavy with the guilt I’ve caused you, just as your own is weighted with guilt towards me. Perhaps this chapter will help you more than you’d assume it would.

Let me write down what my life was like back then so you can clearly see just how deep my anger towards actually is, and allow me to show you what prompted my outburst on that fateful day. My "hatred" of you isn’t as bottomless as it seems.

My time with the Bluebelles was a time of great education, as well as great strife. I went through the motions, mostly; eat, study, practice, serve, sleep, eat, etc. It was the same thing day in and day out, without any breaks or any love. Madam Red, the mare who trained me, was always one whip crack away from being a literal slave driver. She was there to assure the Duchess that all her employees were not only doing their jobs but also doing them perfectly. Perfection perfection perfection; this was just one of the many mottos pressured into my mind back then. I always tried my best to reach that impossible goal, of course, lest I be punished; but I was only three years old. So much was expected of me simply because of what I was.

There would be days where the impossible was asked of me; these were the days I dreaded most of all. I’d be asked to run when my body forced me to waddle, or be tested on a subject I knew next to nothing about. The physical side was grueling but the educational side of the experience, where I was brought to the Bluebelles’ personal library to read books, was my one sanctuary from the whole affair. Through books, I gained a taste of freedom, but it was always a fleeting respite; I could never take out the books for later or read the ones of my choosing. Only the ones I was supposed to be reading were allowed.

"Choosing" wasn't a luxury I was granted a whole lot of in general, now that I think about it.

My sleeping hours were arranged, as were my meals and schedule. What I wore to be visibly appealing to the mistresses, where I had to be and what times, what was to be done once there and how long; ~~it was like I was a chi-~~ I understand this is how it is for most foals in normal families, but it felt even more constrictive than that.

The worst part of it all though, even more so than the low sleeping hours and strict schedule and the cruel taskmaster, was the fact that I was all alone. I was alone the entire time. I made no friends in that house. Surrounded by ponies who either looked down on me, as well as a Duchess and a Princess who saw me as nothing more than another servant... and all the while Dusk Shine, the pony I was closest to in ~~thi-~~ the world, never showed up. Not for Hearth’s Warming or Winter Wrap Up; even my birthday wasn’t important enough to warrant a "hello". I learned much later on that this was because of Princess Bluebelle’s thoughtless actions, her having thought Dusk was nothing more than a commoner trying to sneak in at the time, but I didn’t know this until we were reunited. I felt abandoned up until then.

And then, it happened; our scheduled first check-up, Prince Solaris.

You know this; I was to be brought forward before you and evaluated once a year, as was the plan. You were supposed to either confirm or deny that the process was going as smoothly as you wanted it to before adjusting things accordingly. I saw the date as my ticket out of the whole situation, thus I religiously checked the calendar in anticipation for that fated day.

But you ended up canceling it at the very last minute.

Canceled for the Running of the Leaves, of all things.

It was never rescheduled.

I was waiting to point out that I was miserable to you that day. I was waiting for my chance to be set free. Being denied that opportunity, being forced to endure that home for another complete year; this is where my "hatred" for you was born, sir. It wasn’t a deep-seated hatred, built upon years and years of imagined pain and misery; it was simply one year. For one year I turned you into a villain in my mind; for one year I had a face for my anger and distaste. Each passing day that hatred would grow. Days turned into weeks and then into months, and that anger kept growing all the while. I blamed you for everything; my position, my loneliness, my sore body, even my own shortcomings.

A candle, that’s how I would describe it. The incident caused the spark that lit it ablaze. As time went on more and more of my tolerance, my "wax", began to ebb away. The blaze stayed just as bright as the day I was scorned. It never grew past the constraints I placed upon it. It wasn’t a mighty flame on a hearth; it didn’t consume everything in its path, leaving nothing but ashes behind. It was small, weak, and barely brightened a room.

Still though, when we met again for that first real meeting, all this wax was gone. All that remained was nothing but the light’s slowly dying embers.

The embers were enough to stir me though, and enough to burn brightly in my eyes. The anger you displayed that day was much more potent than you give it credit, child. I’ve seen griffons be more civil during war-room meetings. To think you were able to sum it all up in only three words... Most impressive...

... Enough about that though.

This has been quite informative thus far, but I believe a break is in order. I also believe that the time has finally come for us to have our tea.

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“...is completely and utterly filthy. And my final point, number two hundred and four, is that more important elderly ponies live up here in Canterlot than they do down in Ponyville! Giving them the honor of seeing the most important sun rising in a thousand years is a no-brainer, Uncle, especially considering that this might potentially be their last one... Well, I rest my case!”

“Humph. Finally...”

“... What was that, Uncle Sol?”

“Nothing, dear niece. Nothing at all.” Standing up atop his long and powerful legs, the sun lord cracks his neck briefly before continuing with a neutral tone. “This has been most informative, my little Princess... but I’m afraid arrangements have already been made for Ponyville to host the celebration this year.”

“Bu-”

“They have already spent their allocated bits for the event, and the inns are already booked up with out-of-town visitors. I wouldn’t want to disappoint them.”

“Bu-”

“And the Mayor and I have already rehearsed out parts! It would be rude to back off now… I’m afraid my hooves are tied, dear.”

“B-but, but Uncle!” begs the unicorn, sounding desperate. “You have to move it here! Because… b-because…”

A warm and knowing smiled suddenly appears on Solaris’ lips, catching Bluebelle off guard.

“... Because it just so happens to be your birthday today?” the stallion spoke simply, his smile never changing.

Bluebelle remains silent.

“I’ve not forgotten, child,” reassures the alicorn with the slow wave of his forehoof. “You’ve requested last year’s event to take place here as well. And the one before that, and that, etc. ... Did your mother send you a card today, by the way? Just as she did last year?”

“... Yes, sir…”

Solaris nods his head in understanding. “That’s lovely. You should really write back to her when you get the chance.”

Though her eyes dart my way briefly, the Princess’s head slumps as she resumes pleading with her adopted kin. “B-but… Uncle...”

“... I’m sorry,” says the Prince once it became apparent that Bluebelle had nothing left to say. “I must see to my other appointments now. I can’t be held up any longer…”

With a clip and a clop, the stallion then quickly and gracefully rounded the table to the young mare’s side and lowered his head to her own; gently nuzzling the side of her face in a show of pony affection.

“Happy birthday still,” he whispers soothingly into her ear, visibly improving her gloomy disposition. “I’m sorry I can’t attend once again, but I promise we will have a nice little dinner at the next possible opportune. Would that be alright with you?”

“... I-it would, Un-... Prince Solaris. I would appreciate that a lot.” Leaning her head closer into the embrace, Bluebelle smiles genuinely and enjoys the contact for but a moment longer... before stepping away and righting herself out. With a stammer, she hurriedly declares “I’ll… I-I’ll be seeing you then, your highness.”

Prince Solaris’ smile continues to glow softly.

“Of course.”

Hastily leaving her seat and trotting to the door, only remembering to bow at the last possible second, Princess Bluebelle finally leaves the Prince’s bedchamber. I wave to her a silent and polite goodbye as she does, my claw only lowering once the door shut completely behind her…

... Perhaps I’ll need to change my opinion of her being a simple one-note character...

Not right now though.

Right now… r-right now the room I’m in is inhabited by no one else but the Prince and I.

… Uh oh.

“Goodness me,” the stallion begins after a time, drawing my nervous attention. “I'm glad that's finally settled. One less thing for me to worry about today..."

Pop!

A sudden blinding golden flash of magic forces me to close my eyes. When I open them again, I discover the table transformed. Where before it was empty, now it possesses a cloth covering as white as the Prince’s coat and littered with elegant designs. Atop the cloth rests an equally beautiful set of teacups, made of the finest china and garnished with enchanting Neighponese artwork. A steaming tea kettle stands alongside them, piping hot and ready to serve. A small bowl of assorted emeralds is nestled next to my writings and purse on one side of the table. On the other side, the Prince's side…

… a familiar horse head branded book laid ominously.

“Now then,” Solaris speaks as his horn went to work with serving tea. Though his smile is bright and cheerful, the atmosphere slowly begins to change into a sinister one right before my eyes. It feels as though the temperature in the room is beginning to drop as well, as the rapid heartbeats in my chest siphon away my precious heat.

It takes all of my willpower not to begin shaking on the spot as Prince Solaris of Equestria finally finishes his preparations, and aims his gaze squarely on me.

“Let’s talk about this book, shall we?”

To Be Continued In...

I was once a woman in her twilight. I was once a mother and a wife. I was once a respected human being. I was once unquestionably happy.

Now I am Barbara The Dragoness; property of House Shine, Squire to Prince Solaris, Assistant to Apprentice Dusk Shine...

and master of my own fate.

This is the story of my second childhood and how I found the strength to keep moving forward.

Welcome to my new life.

Welcome... to The Poisoned Barb's Tale.

"I hope to see you there!"

"... Hmmm... Yes. We shall look forward to our meeting then, Misses Barbara D. Burns.

"It will be a pleasure to be properly introduced to the real you."