Wonderbolts Morale Specialist Rainbow Dash

by nodamnbrakes

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Sex, Tragedy
Length: 6651

Hey! I'm the one and only Rainbow Dash, and I'm a WONDERBOLT! Yeah, yeah, save your praise for later... You'll get your chance! You can ask me anything you want, as long as it's not totally lame.

Hey! I'm the one and only Rainbow Dash. You probably already know who I am, though. I mean, I am kinda the youngest member of the Wonderbolts, after all. And guess what? You can ask me whatever you want and I'll answer it, as long as it's not lame! You're probably climbing all over each other to ask your questions, but don't worry. I'll answer as many of them as I can!

I have no idea what this story is. "A tragicomedy about Rainbow Dash" vaguely describes it; about as well as does "a finely preserved early Elizabethan tapestry depicting an Ottoman galley crewed by drunken sadists harassing a small rowboat full of cripples adrift at sea by repeatedly masturbating into the smaller vessel until it and its wretched cargo are eventually pulled asunder by the added weight."

Published 2014-10-03 23:40:09 UTC
Last updated 2020-04-28 06:33:27 UTC

(Part I) Entry #3

Entry #3

I'm asking myself another question, 'cause it wants a minimum of whatever that was before I submit it. Don't blame me, blame the system!

What's the best part about being a Wonderbolt?

I guess I have to say it's probably the part where I get to put on the official Wonderbolts flight uniform and look in the mirror.

I look so awesome in the uniform!

(I used to wear one as a Nightmare Night costume, but now I don't have to, 'cause I can do it anytime I want. It's a blast!)

It's cool that I get to hang out with the Wonderbolts too. I spend a lot of time with them because that's pretty much my job, you know? So I know them pretty well. We go places sometimes, 'cause I'm part of the team and I'm really important to them. And that's a pretty good feeling!

Being a Wonderbolt is basically what I've wanted to do for my entire life. I dreamed about it when I was a filly, and now I'm pretty much one. Yeah, what I do isn't really directly related to flying, but it's kinda related! I'm doing something really important for the team, so they're gonna give me a chance eventually.

And, hey, it's not gonna be long before I get to do aerial stunts with the rest of them! Soarin even told me that if I keep doing my job well, then I'll get to fly with the normal team if they ever need me.

How awesome is that, huh? I bet most fillies and colts would do anything to hear that from Soarin.

Also, I get to hear myself get introduced as "Rainbow Dash the Wonderbolt" during the things where some of the fans are allowed to meet the Wonderbolts. Oh, man, that is such a freaking thrill! And the awe on their faces is freaking priceless! It's like, wow, this mare's a Wonderbolt!

Best feeling ever!

(Part I) Entry #4

Entry #4

So, what made you stand out after only a week? Must have been pretty impressive.

I guess it was just my total awesomeness showing through.

Nah, I'm just kidding. Spitfire and Soarin said I pretty much got the position because I'm so enthusiastic about doing a good job. Also, they said that I take orders really well and I have the right body type for the Team Morale Specialist position. And I guess I do, if you take the muscles away.

And they were really happy with me after my demonstration. They said I'm gonna be best Wonderbolts Morale Specialist ever, even though I think maybe they just made that title up as an excuse to get somepony as awesome as me on the team. So that's probably why it only took a week.

But I am pretty impressive, huh?

I really like her mane!

Thanks... I guess... I think...

It's not pretty or anything. It's not. But I guess it looks pretty good, doesn't it? The rest of the team says it looks nice. I don't know. I'm not really used to compliments about how I look, y'know?

But thanks. I have kinda been trying to look nicer lately... so thanks, I think.

At first, I thought that was a condom over Dash's wing. Then I realized it was a sock.

Condoms are those funny rubber things the stallions are always complaining about having to use, right? I don't know why I'd put one on my wing. That's kinda weird. You're not into weird stuff, are you? I don't know if I'm comfortable with that kind of thing. But, er, yeah, it's a sock.

I forget why I did that. My teammates are always pulling my leg, you know, giving me stuff and saying it'll make me fly faster, and it doesn't. That's prolly why I did that, yeah.

(Part I) Entry #5

Entry #5

What are the other Wonderbolts like? How is it working with them?

It's pretty awesome! I mean, I get to hang out with the Wonderbolts. And I'm a Wonderbolt too.

Soarin and some of the other stallions like to pull my leg. They're pretty funny. Sometimes they give me dumb stuff and tell me it'll make me go faster. But it's all just an in-joke. Also, they like to make me be the one to meet our fans and stuff, 'cause, you know, some of the fans are pretty, uh... Well, I'm not gonna talk about my fans like that, but, uh... yeah. It's just an in-joke around the team, though. You know, make the new mare do all the annoying stuff.

Anyway... my teammates are pretty great all around. I've never been happier in my entire life! There's some stuff I, er, don't like as much, but it's pretty much nothing compared to the awesome parts.

Do you have any friends outside of the Wonderbolts?

Er...

Well, I have some friends in Ponyville that I talk to a little bit. I used to work in Ponyville! I was on the weather team. Best weather pegasus ever. Anyway, I have some friends there. We're not that close just yet, but gimme a break! I only met some of them like a month ago!

Lemme see. I know Fluttershy from flight school, and I know Applejack 'cause I stayed at her barn one night, and I know Rarity from... actually, I don't remember how I met her, but I guess she's okay sometimes. And I met Pinkie Pie 'cause she's Pinkie Pie and supposedly she knows everypony ever. And Twilight Sparkle, too. Dunno how she gets out of her library with her book addiction and stuff. She wants to teach me how to read, but what am I supposed to do with a book? It's not like I need one to be a Wonderbolt. I'm already a freaking Wonderbolt!

There's also Gilda, but I haven't talked to her in a while. Dunno where she went. It's not that unusual 'cause griffons like to be alone a lot. Or at least, Gilda does.

So yeah, those are my friends. Not real close just yet, but whatever. I still wouldn't leave them hangin'.

(Part I) Entry #7

Entry #7

Congrats on being a wonderbolt! You deserve some music. Hope you like them ^^

ROCK HARD!!!

And thanks!

Why are you so cool? You make all the other mares and stallions uncool because your coolness is to much for them to handle, so they just resign themselves to being uncool.

What do you want me to do about it?

I'm sorry for being so awesome, but I can't help it. It's just, like, in my blood. My whole family is awesome. Seriously, it's freaking genetic! You can't change that stuff, dude.

And plus, if all my awesome wasn't contained inside my body, it would destroy the freaking universe. I'm not even kidding! I am that awesome!

To inquire about your "services" do I just talk to you, or do I need to talk to one of the other Wonderbolts?

You'd have to ask Spitfire about that. I mean, it's not like you can just freaking rent me, okay? It doesn't work like that. I do stuff with the Wonderbolts 'cause it's what I freaking do, and sometimes it includes doing stuff with fans, but I'm not some sleazy two-bit mare of the night or anything, mostly.

(Part I) Entry #9 Dash's therapist weighs in

Entry #9 Dash's therapist weighs in

Dear Rainbow Dash,

As your therapist I cannot, in any sort of good faith, allow you to be continually violated as you have been over the course of these past few weeks. I ask you, in all seriousness, to abandon "the team" and return to Ponyville for more comprehensive therapy.

It is inevitable that somepony is going to do somethin to you, and they won't have the good sense or decency to stop or use restraint, and it could end very, very badly. Please, Rainbow. Come back. Open up to me. I insist for your health and safety.

I didn't ask for your opinion! How the heck did you even find this?

Look, I'm fine, okay? Stop freaking worrying all the time. I'm fine! They're the freaking Wonderbolts, for Celestia's sake! And that thing that happened at the afterparty (you know the one), that was an accident and Fleetfoot apologized for it after I got out of the hospital. It's fine! They said it happens sometimes.

Jeez.

If you're not gonna say anything I haven't heard before, maybe I should stop seeing you. I mean, it's creepy enough that you found this when I didn't even tell you about it. It's like you don't want me to do exactly what I've dreamed about my entire life. I'm a Wonderbolt now. I'm living my dream, okay?

This is why you need to learn to read.

Are you entirely certain that what you signed means what you think it means?

p.s. Being illiterate, do you just sign with an X or something?

They read it to me, like out loud and stuff. I know exactly what it says. I don't need to learn to read 'cause reading is boring. Are you channeling Twilight Sparkle? She says the exact same thing. I mean, I like her, but she's really annoying sometimes with all that book stuff.

I don't need to learn to read! I've been doing just fine by myself.

And for your information, yeah, I did sign it with an X. So what?

(Part I) Entry #11 "Have you performed in any shows yet?"

Entry #11 "Have you performed in any shows yet?"

Hey Rainbow Dash have you preformed in any shows yet?

Heh, finally. Something not about my personal life. Thanks!

I haven't gotten to perform yet. But I will soon! I have to finish the special and awesomely unique process that the Wonderbolts use to train new members. Then I'll get to fly in the shows and races and stuff!

I still have to finish the baseline testing first, though, and there's a ton of tests! They don't just randomly pick who goes where in a stunt. It's all based on who's the best suited for it after they test how good you are at certain stuff. Then you do special high-intensity training to prepare your body for it. But you didn't hear any of this from me. It's top-secret!

Anyway, do you have any idea how much training is involved in being a Wonderbolt? Hm? A freaking insane amount of training, that's how much! They break you down and build you back up again. I'm gonna go from super weak to ripped in, like, a couple of weeks! Heck yeah! It's not gonna be long before I stop sitting around and get to do that, either.

It'll be, like, a week, maybe, before I start getting placed in stunts. Two weeks tops. That's what I'm guessing 'cause they told me it'd take two months before I got placed for the performances, and then there were some problems and they said it'd take another month, and then another two weeks, and here I am now.

Almost there!

For now I'm just stuck watching and doing menial stuff. I guess it's a kinda hazing thing with the Wonderbolts, like a tradition they do to all the new members. You know, making them clean up the trash from the trailers and blow them after the shows. Except the blowing thing is part of my job, and I already explained how that works a couple of times, so don't take it the wrong way, okay?

Gimme more questions like this one!

(Part I) Entry #12

Entry #12

So what exactly do you not like as much?

About being a Wonderbolt?

Well, I don't like cleaning up the trash. It's gross and sometimes they think it's funny to have me do it with my mouth. Now I know how frat colts feel! But you guys shouldn't get worried, okay? It's like an initiation, that's all. Anyway, I mostly do that when I'm not, uh, working, with the other Wonderbolts.

And some of the stuff that I have to do for my, uh, you know, job, is kinda weird. I don't like having to screw a lot of the fans that come to meet the Wonderbolts. Not that I think you guys are gross or creepy or need to bathe more often because you smell like old fish or anything like that. Yeah, so, I've probably met one or two of you, so I'm not gonna say anything else. But could you please be more hygienic, just a little bit?

Jeez.

Also, I wish Soarin would, uh, stop always wanting to, uh, do it in my other, uh, place, every single time. You know what I'm talking about. He has a really big... thing... and it hurts sometimes. Not all the time. Most of the time it's fine, y'know, I can handle it, but, uh, sometimes it hurts. So I might ask him to maybe not do that. 'Cause some ponies said I should probably talk to him about it, and I think they're right. Not that I'm not cool with it or anything.

It's just, y'know, yeah.

But there's a ton of stuff I like! Don't get me wrong! They're all really nice, and I like it, okay? They're all really cool. Rapidfire and Spitfire are taking me out on a date with them tonight. Y'know, it's like, odd 'cause they're brother and sister, but I'm not gonna judge. Rapidfire is nice to me. He likes to do it, y'know, the same place Soarin does, but he's smaller and I think he's kinda embarrassed about it, but anyway he's real gentle and it doesn't hurt or anything and it kinda feels pretty good when he uses his hoof on me while he does it. I think I came once.

So yeah, it's not that bad. Everypony's inconsiderate sometimes, right? You just gotta tell them what you don't like and they stop doing it. It's not like they're doing anything bad to me. I'm fine. You have any idea how cool it is to be able to eat out a Wonderbolt? I mean, doing stunts is cooler, but this is, like, the highest achievement in sex you can possibly get, I guess. I mean some of them are into some weird stuff but I'm cool with it, y'know? I'm cool with it, and everything's fine.

See? It's cool.

(Part I) Entry #13

Entry #13

She's 'moral support'

....The Wonderbolts pity her

Oohh....you're just the sex appeal!

Hey, how about no?

Jeez, I've already explained this so many times.

It's kinda distracting when you're horny, right? Like, you can only think about sex. That means if you're doing a stunt that takes a ton of concentration, you're gonna screw up and get hurt, or screw up and get somepony else hurt. So my job is basically to keep them from getting hurt, okay? It's really important. Do you freaking understand why?

And they don't pity me! They know I'm awesome! They said so!

I keep explaining this stuff and you just don't freaking get it. I'm not just sex appeal! Jeez! I'm freaking ugly, okay? There, I said it. There's a thousand better ponies out there they could use if they just wanted somepony to screw.  You guys are so... ugh.

Why are you so negative? Be positive for a change!

Hmmm, how much flight practice do you get these days?  I mean, you trained a lot before joining the Wonderbolts, so you need at LEAST that much time to stay in the shape you were in, let alone improve for actual shows.

Well... hm.

Yeah... I guess... hm. Yeah. Uh, look, I'll be fine when I actually get placed for the stunts. Yeah, everything's fine. Yeah. It's all good. See, I...

Uh...

No, see, I'm fine. I practice a lot. What kind of a Wonderbolt would I be if I didn't practice my stunts, right? Heh. I can't believe you guys would... I mean... what would they keep me around for if they're not training me, right?

You guys are just totally... ugh... I'm not gonna explain this again...

Why can't you just be happy for me? Why are you so negative about everything? Jeez...

(Part I) Entry #15 I'm back!

Entry #15 I'm back!

Hey guys! I'm sorry I haven't been updating this. I've been on tour with the Wonderbolts and stuff so I can't really take the time to do stuff like this now can I? But I just got back so now I can. You know how it is. No, I didn't get to fly with the team yet, but it's just a matter of time. They'll let me do it eventually. Spitfire said they're gonna let me fly real soon. I'm really happy about that 'cause I've been so freaking bored! I hate just sitting around and doing nothing!

You guys who came to the shows might have seen me anyway though. I made friends with some of the guys from the road crew during this tour and now they let me help out with the pre-show setup for extra pay and stuff. It's pretty cool to have somepony to hang out with besides the team again, I guess. We hang out when I'm not doing my Morale Specialist job for the Wonderbolts.

It's weird 'cause they act like I'm one of them even though they don't really talk to the other Wonderbolts much. We have lunch together and get tipsy sometimes and once in a while we'll play pranks on local ponies or something. And they always ask how I am and stuff, like if I'm okay and if the other Wonderbolts are treating me alright. I've never had ponies looking out for me like that before. It's kinda confusing, but not in a bad way.

Uh, I guess I should answer some questions too. It's been a while. Sorry about that.

There have been allegations recently of work related bullying and mobbing between the Wonderbolts; in particular, there have been rumors of Fleetfoot sabotaging Soaring's performances.

Can you confirm or deny these rumors?

Er... I've never seen anything like that happen. And, uh, if I did, I'm not really comfortable talking about that. I definitely didn't see that happen.

I hope you at least use protection.

What are you talking about?

Do you want a cannon?

Dude, they did this new thing where they shot Spitfire out of a cannon and it was so awesome! She leaves this fire trail behind her when she flies fast so it looked like the cannon was spitting fire! If you haven't already seen it you have gotta see it now! It's so cool!

(Part I) Entry #16

Entry #16

You gave Soarin a blow job. Oh my god lol. Your so funny dash I can't stop laughing.

Wow, I go on tour for a few months and this is pretty much all you guys wanna talk about, huh? Who's dating who and who's having sex with who. Nice. Yeah, I gave him a BJ. I've done a bunch of other stuff with a lot of ponies since then! Big deal! Ponies do, you know, with each other all the time! Why is it so freaking funny when I do it? Are you, like, twelve? Get a freaking life.

Dear Rainbow Dash,

...Are you happy?

It's just that, as far as previous episodes of "A day in the life of an Element of Harmony" (or mlp-fim as I like to call it) showed, you always dreamt of flying with the Wonderbolts, not being a "moral specialist" who is accepted because of her pretty looks.

Can you truly honestly say that you want to go down this path, with seemingly only a sliver chance to actually permanently fly in the shows? (and instead being this..."stress reliever"?

Why wouldn't I be happy?

First of all, there is not a documentary about my life. Second of all, I am going to fly with the Wonderbolts one day. Third, the job I do is important! Why are you guys being so negative? I thought you would be happy for me. I'm a Wonderbolt and I'm gonna fly with them as soon as they get all the red tape outta the way. It's just taking some time, okay? Jeez.

How do I become as awesome as you? Also I'm a big fan of SoarinDash

Heh, well, I was born this way.

And I dunno if I should be freaked or flattered that you guys have pairings with me in them now. I mean sure, there's like, fake Wonderbolts porn all over the place, but I didn't know normal ponies casually ship us together now. That's kinda creepy dude.

What if socks didn't work orally?

A train doesn’t know any world away from its tracks.

Dear Rainbow Dash,

if i was concerned about the well being of a pony i thought was being abused taken advantage of, where could i forward the evidence my concerns to?

I'm asking for a friend , no one you would know.

Uhhhmmm... the Royal Guard? That's who I'd talk to. And, hey, it's really cool that you're doing that for your friend. I don't like ponies that take advantage of other ponies, like bullies and foal abusers and stuff like that. It's not right.

How have your friends reacted to you joining the Wonderbolts?

I don't really want to talk about my friends right now. I had a fight with them after one of my shows and now we're not talking. I only have the road crew guys to talk to. And my teammates, of course. Always have my teammates.

Wait! You actually dont know how to read!?

Dont you learn that when your a filly?

I said I don't need to learn how to read because reading is freaking boring, okay!? And anyway the letters get all mixed up sometimes and it takes too long to figure out what they're supposed to say and half the time I get it wrong anyway and my teachers in school said I'm stupid anyway so why freaking bother??? I don't need to read to be a Wonderbolt! I'm good enough as it freaking is!

(Part I) Entry #17 Maybe I should talk to Spitfire

Entry #17 Maybe I should talk to Spitfire

So, Dash, what exactly landed you in the hospital? Sounds kinky.

I can't talk about that because the team lawyer said I can't or else I get kicked off. But I don't wanna talk about it so it's fine. It wasn't very fun...

She uses protection when she uses her wings.

Rainbow Dash, are your wings insured? I remember there was guitarist who got his hooves insured, because he's the most awesome guitarist to ever shred. The fastest in all of Equestria! In fact, he has to put on mini hyper-oxygenating chambers around his fore-hooves whenever he's not playing for protection (as per the insurance company). They're super valuable, eh? Maybe you should consider something like that for your wings, too. You never know when something bad may happen.

Um, I dunno dude. Should I ask? They've been losing a lot of muscle since I joined because I haven't been doing my old workout. I look kinda pathetic now, actually. Maybe I should talk to Spitfire about that... I mean, it's part of the training thing, but I wanna make sure. Guess it'd be for the best. Wing insurance, I mean. Maybe I should talk to Spitfire.

I guess there's a lot of stuff I should talk to Spitfire about. I wanna fly.

Are you still practicing stunts in case you have to take over for the other Wonderbolts during a show?

A little bit, but since I'm not following the same routine as I used to, I get tired more easily. Just waiting, y'know? Waiting, waiting, waiting... Eventually I'll get it. Maybe I should talk to Spitfire about some of that stuff. I don't like getting weak. I don't like this waiting. I wanna fly now. I don't like being on the ground all the time. I wanna fly.

Rainbow they could have totally lied to you when they read that "contract" out loud.

Well, they didn't. So there. They didn't lie to me. I'll get to fly. I'll ask Spitfire about it.

Um, Rainbow, You're the fastest flier in Equestria. The fastest in living memory, maybe the fastest in recorded history. So, um, why aren't you doing shows with them? I mean you're a Wonderbolt right? Why is the team not letting you show the world your awesomeness? I mean, it's not like they can go as fast as you, they should at least let you compete in the Wonderbolts Derby. I think you should go to Spitfire and demand to be in a show, you deserve nothing less Rainbow.

Yeah, I think so too. I'm gonna talk to Spitfire about it and see what she says. She'll straighten everything out. She always cuts through the crap when it matters, you know what I'm saying? I'll talk to her and we'll get this all straightened out and everything will be completely fine. I'll figure this out with her. Spitfire is a great team leader. Sure, she has her faults, and her vices, and her issues, but overall she knows what she's doing and what she wants to get done and how to get it done. She'll understand. I mean, she was one of those ponies who couldn't stay on the ground when she was a filly. That's what it said in her autobiography. She'll understand.

I agree Rainbow you should be b****y and you'll surely get what you want. That's what I do, but my life is way more complicated. Anyway just follow your heart and don't believe what they say believe in what you say.

HELL YEAH!!!

I'll update this after I get everything straightened out with Spitfire.

Talk to ya later, guys!

(Part I) Entry #18 Well thanks guys

Entry #18 Well thanks guys

Thanks a lot for all that advice! Really helped! Now Spitfire's mad at me!

She said I need to slow down and take stuff one step at a time. Nopony ever became a real Wonderbolt just from wanting to be one. She said it's not enough if I wanna be a Wonderbolt, I have to be part of the team to be be part of the team, and if I dunno what that means then I'm not ready yet. And I don't know what that means! It sounds like a bunch of freaking nonsense! But she's Spitfire, the leader of the Wonderbolts. She can't be full of nonsense.

Lemme make something clear to all the ponies reading this thing. I am Wonderbolt material! I am a Wonderbolt. I will get to fly with them someday.

I think. I hope.

I don't know...

(Part II) Entry #19: Rainbow Returns a Rebel

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

(Part I) Entry #1

Entry #1

Hey!

Name's Rainbow Dash. I'm the most awesome pony in Equestria!

What?

You've never heard of me?

That's weird, 'cause I'm pretty much everywhere these days. Yeah, they haven't given me my own cereal brand yet, but it's just a matter of time. Ever since I joined the Wonderbolts, I've been totally--

Okay, yeah, I'm not actually that famous. Not yet, anyway. It's just a matter of time before everypony starts realizing how freaking awesome I am. I mean, you're reading this, aren't you? Obviously you know I'm awesome. But you don't know just how awesome. Not yet.

Anyway, I'm a Wonderbolt. I joined the team a couple months ago. It's been the most awesome thing ever, all the way through! Couldn't expect anything less, though. I mean, it is the freaking Wonderbolts. Being one has basically been my dream since I was a filly, and now I'm on the team!

So yeah. I don't really know what else to say, really. Basically the deal is I'm a Wonderbolt and you can ask me stuff and I'll answer it. 'S cool, right? Yeah. It's like doing an interview with a Wonderbolt, kinda.

Yeah, so I bet you're wondering why I'm doing this. I mean, it's totally not cool to answer fan mail when I could be doing cool stuff like stunts and races, but I'm freaking bored, okay? I'm doing this because I'm bored. Yeah, are you happy now? You have no idea how boring it can get, being as awesome as me.

That's why I'm doing this question/answer thing.

So here's how it's gonna work. You guys ask me questions and I'll answer them. I'll try to answer as many of them as I can, but obviously I'll be getting a ton of questions, so it's pretty much first come first serve.

(Part I) Entry #2

Entry #2

Alright, so I'm asking myself a question. So freaking what?

What's it like being a Wonderbolt?

It's totally awesome!

There's some stuff I don't like, obviously. I mean, I don't get to fly as much as I thought I would, but hey, giving up stuff you like is part of having responsibilities, right? I guess doing a lot of stuff you don't like is part of having responsibilities too. But, you know, being a Wonderbolt has been my dream since I was a filly, so it's totally worth it.

There's like 20 Wonderbolts, total, including me. We all have different jobs. Also, there's a lot of ponies that work with the Wonderbolts but aren't actually on the team. I mean, ponies think the Wonderbolts are just stunt pegasi who go out and do their thing, but it's a lot more complicated than that. They have a huge road crew that travels with them and makes sure everything goes smoothly, and we all have special jobs ourselves.

Not that I'm a roadie or anything. I'm actually a Wonderbolt. My name is listed on one of the promotional posters, even. I have it pasted to the wall in at home. Best freaking moment of my life was when they showed me that. Well, except for when I actually signed my contract with the team and got my official Wonderbolts flight suit and stuff.

Oh, yeah. My job.

My job is "Team Morale Specialist". Sounds official, huh? Basically I keep the team going in between shows. Normally you have to go to the Wonderbolts Academy for almost a year to get on the team, but they pretty much just took me after like a week. Oh, hey, that reminds me... I'm the only pony to ever join the Wonderbolts without even finishing flight school.

Just goes to show how freaking awesome I am, huh?

(Part I) Entry #6 "What was your demonstration?"

Entry #6 "What was your demonstration?"

biodaemon2:

What was your demonstration?

I did some... stuff... for them.

It wasn't really even a demonstration. It just kinda happened, and then they were like, "Wow, you're good at this!" and then they wanted to have me on the team. But also, it wasn't just the demonstration, okay? I'm also a really good flyer! Jeez!

Yeah, so, kinda what happened was, uh, Soarin just was kinda in the shower room, and he made, like, this joke about something, I don't know, and then I was really nervous 'cause him and Spitfire are my heroes, and I kind of said some stupid stuff 'cause I wasn't thinking straight, and the next thing I knew, I was giving him head 'cause he asked me to.

But it wasn't, like, planned or anything. I'm not that kind of mare.

Anyway, he took me to Spitfire and I thought I was gonna get kicked out, but then they had me, er, do some stuff with Spitfire and then Soarin again. I dunno, Spitfire seemed kinda bored, but then they were like, 'Rainbow Dash, you have shown exceptional flying skills, blahblah, would you like to be on the team?' And I was like 'totally, yeah!' and they took out a contract and had me sign it and I was on the team.

So there.

I'm the 'Wonderbolts Team Morale Specialist' now.

And it's a really important job, okay?!

Seriously, do you have any idea what these guys go through on a daily basis? You wouldn't understand unless you were a Wonderbolt. I get it 'cause I'm a Wonderbolt, but you just can't understand. That's why they have me, Rainbow Dash, the most awesome pegasus in Equestria, to keep their morale up!

(Part I) Entry #8

Entry #8

Were you a virgin before you met the Wonderbolts?

I... er... yeah?

Look, listen, I'm not some sleazy mare that screws anypony I meet, okay? That's not cool.

I didn't even lose my virginity until, like, a week after I signed up. And you know what? I'm glad I lost it to one of the Wonderbolts! It hurt, sure, but it wasn't totally horrible or anything, and I kinda had fun, and most importantly, it was with somepony I cared about, 'cause that's what matters!

Not that I was a total loser before then. I mean, I dated ponies. I kissed a colt once, and it was fun! But jeez, I'm looking at these messages, and you guys are totally obsessed with my sex life. What gives? I'm a freaking Wonderbolt, okay? That's gotta be more interesting than talking about who I have sex with!

And for your information, he said I was the best ever. Yeah, that's right. A Wonderbolt said I was the best. These guys go through, like, a mare a week, each, and he told me out of all of them, I'm the best he ever had. So there! I'm the best.

So, in short, you're a cumslut for the sweaty mares and stallions?

No, I'm a Wonderbolt.

Seriously. How hard is that to understand?

Are you guys gonna focus on this and nothing else?

Okay, so I have sex with the Wonderbolts. Big freaking deal! Tons of ponies have sex with the Wonderbolts! Have you ever seen their trailer after shows? They get more flank than a... a pony who... gets a lot of flank! Soarin has a new marefriend every other day. Why aren't you interrogating one of them, huh?

It's not like I'm just so freaking loose I can't help myself. I mean, I just said, I was a freaking virgin until I started doing this! I'm on the team 'cause I can fly, not 'cause I can suck dick really good. I never even saw a dick until I blew Soarin. So I'm not a freaking slut, okay? I only do it with the Wonderbolts team and some of the ponies that come by the trailer.

Jeez!

(Part I) Entry #10

Entry #10

Are you absolutely positive you're a legitimate member of the Wonderbolts? No offense, but it sounds like they're keeping you around for a completely different reason...

Huh?

I'm definitely a Wonderbolt, dude. I'm wearing the flight suit right now. You know, the blue one all the official Wonderbolts wear? I mean, you can get, like, cheap fake ones at the store for, like, Nightmare Night and stuff, but this is the real thing! Also, I have goggles that say "Wonderbolts" on the inside of the rim. I've seen it, I saw it when I had to take the lenses out to clean them.

You know what, never mind. They wouldn't have given me that stuff if I wasn't a Wonderbolt, 'kay? They don't do that. It's not like just having the official stuff makes you a Wonderbolt, but I guess you guys need concrete proof instead of just my word, right?

So now do you believe me?

Are you sure you aren't just some bit of fun for them? Sounds like it to me.

Seriously, they can have any mare they want. Why the heck would they hire me just to, you know, do it with me? Jeez. Trust me, I would'a done like almost half the stuff they have me do even if I wasn't on the team. Yeah, sure, some of it's kinda painful, or embarrassing, or whatever. But I'm completely fine with it, 'kay? I'm not joking.

You guys worry almost as much as my therapist! I can take care of myself!

The postage for all this fan mail must be super expensive to get it to the base that is most likely in the sky.

And I bet its super heavy.

Have you ever given the mail ponies some Extra "compensation" for all the hard work they do?

I already freaking said, I'm not a whore, okay? It doesn't work like that! I don't live in some porno universe where pizzas always have dicks in the middle and plumbers always get paid with sex, okay? This is the real freaking world! You guys are totally deluded if you think I'm loose enough to screw anything I run into!

The only mail pony I ever had sex with is Derpy, and that was 'cause she and Soarin were already dating, so it doesn't even have anything to do with the mail. I don't screw ponies to pay for my freaking mail. Got it? That's just pathetic.

Is the pay good, at least?

Heck yeah! Kinda thought it would be a little more than what I get, but hey, I'm not gonna complain. It's way better than my old job pushing clouds around for minimum freaking wage, right?

(Part I) Entry #14 You know what, if this is what you wanna focus on...

Entry #14 You know what, if this is what you wanna focus on...

What is the most acrobatic position you've done with a Wonderbolt or fan? I've been told that the piledriver is a hard and exhaustive position, but I have the feeling there's more positions that are more exhaustive and sexier.

Anything that involves doing it while flying?

You know what, if this is what you wanna focus on, fine. Forget the stuff about being a Wonderbolt and the coolest mare in Equestria. Let's focus on my freaking sex life instead! That sounds like a freaking ton of fun! You guys really know how to have a good time! And that's sarcasm in case you didn't freaking notice!

I haven't done it in the air, okay? I mostly do it with them in the trailer after the shows. Also I jerk the stallions off before they go out and do their thing for the audience. That's what you wanna hear about, right? You wanna hear all about that stuff? Then when those freaking smelly fancolts (like you probably) come to annoy the rest of the team, I screw them 'cause I guess they need some kind of reward for being so freaking obsessed with the team! Is that what you want to hear?

Do you wanna hear about the parties? Wanna hear about what it's like to get DVDA'd? Wanna hear about freaking everything that isn't actually relevant to being a Wonderbolt at all? Good! Now you can! How about how freaking weird it feels when they blow their load inside you? Yeah, I bet you wanna hear that, right? It's nice to know that everyone who bothers to come to this thing is a pervert! It's really great! All my fans are sickos that want to cum inside me! Freaking great! That makes me feel just so freaking great, you know? I can't even tell you how happy I am to know that all I am to you guys is a set of crotchtits and wings! Wow!

Man, what the heck is with you guys?

I'm a Wonderbolt! I do Wonderbolt stuff! You guys either want to tell me to quit the team or you ask about my private sex life! Isn't there anything better you can ask? Isn't there anything more important than what the team does with my freaking body?