She's my chaos. My little chaos.
Why did it always happen?
Every day was a loop. The hands of time fought fate and rewound themselves over and over again. Everypony knew it as well as me, and yet, at the same time, didn’t.
They were clueless, you might say. Until it happened, that is. Same start, same end.
I knew it, yet I chose to ignore it. That’s why I fought, why I fled, like always.
It started out a few hours after the Sun’s rise. Beams of shimmering light poured out across Ponyville in awe. Everypony was out and about, given such a beautiful morning, and I could hear the singing choirs and whistles of various animals nearby. To everypony, it was just another regular, sunny day.
And to me, it was as well. I haven’t always been the best schedule keeper, nor had the brains to remember important dates like others. I’ve always preferred the carefree and – it pains me to admit – rash lifestyle. I’ve faced consequences because of my actions, I won’t ever deny that, but it’s always been a part of who I am.
Everypony loved a daredevil every now and then.
Maybe that’s why the day seemed so innocent. All I was doing was resting on a cloud overhanging Ponyville, basking in the sunlight Celestia offered us. It was part of my regular morning routine – loving the euphoric sunshine.
But, I should have known it would have found me. It always did.
All it started off with was a sudden whisper in my ear. My heart skipped a beat and, like some connatural instinct, my wings leapt from their resting place. Run! the voice told me. I knew this part well.
I did run (or flew, rather). What muscles that lay dormant in my bathing had awakened, exploding with a sudden influx of energy. As I darted above, Ponyville was mostly a blur, barring the notable buildings I was used to – Sugarcube Corner, especially. As I cast my gaze to the pixelated specks below, all I could make out were dots of colours splodged around. They were the denizens of Ponyville, going about their day like normal. Upon seeing me for the split second I was there, all I could make out was a call for my name, or perhaps a question.
What was I up to? Nothing...
That’s how it struck. Those who thought I was racing for laughs were simply blind.
See, it hid underneath a shell. It moved freely during hours of the day, stalking me endlessly through a coat of pink. Nopony knew the harsh gravity of that until it was too late to do anything.
It was pure, raw chaos. It distorted the fabric of normality and consumed everything organic in its wake. And it was stalking me a like a hungry and vicious predator hunting its panicked prey. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Sometimes I hid in what my environment provided me. Barrels, rooftops, the well in the middle of town. All I ever got was confusion from the nearby ponies. I'd hush them when they questioned my intention and strange activities, but I was never fast enough to prevent their inevitable fate. The chaos enveloped them all in its morbid, twisted sense of humour. Bon-Bon, Lyra, Roseluck...
It fed on them once the chaos found me by the three. With each pony it swallowed, its determination to live and envelop me grew. Other ponies – they were mere cattle to stimulate its growth.
And I loved every moment.
Wherever I flew to, entropy trailed behind. If I attempted to hide in a bush—I once figured blending into something normal might fool it—I would soon hear rustles. Next to a few barrels, and one of them would start wobbling. Every day I scouted out various vantage points, and every day, every single one I picked, it found me as clear as ice. I was pretty sure it would find a needle in a haystack if it had the chance.
It was hopeless, or so a part of me always wanted to say. I flew as fast as I could whenever I encountered it, but the chaos was south, while I was north, and it clung to me. It would have followed me to the ends of Equestria.
Sometimes, I thought about doing that. It excited me, the idea of getting away from Ponyville for a week or so. Head out and go somewhere nice with her, just the two of us.
She was such an enigma...
Today though, I chose a new location: The Golden Oaks Library. I figured Twilight’s home might be a safe haven, if only temporary. I could have filled her in on my situation – she wasn’t one to dismiss absurd ideas at the drop of a hat – if I had the time.
Because of my speed, I didn’t have time to stop and knock. Instead, I came off more as a leaping tiger entering a pony’s home ready to maul, and, as I should have expected, was met with a flying tome to the cranium. Ouch. I quickly dismissed the rather comedic idea of Twilight Sparkle fighting off intruders with literature as I readied to explain myself. I caught a brief glimpse of the book that hit me, though: Daring Do and The Orb of Illusions. How ironic, I thought.
As I should have predicated, Twilight began scolding me with unfriendly words regarding me and my actions, when all I could think about was the ticking of an alarm clock. Tick-tock. She was going to be another victim if I didn’t say something soon, but at five-hundred-words-a-minute, Twilight could have easily given me a two-hour lecture. Go ahead, I've got the time.
I briskly took action by silencing her, firmly planting my hoof onto her muzzle (which she wasn’t fond of from her glare alone) and opened my mouth to speak.
Just then, one of the bookcases creaked. My face went cold and my ears fell. “Uh oh,” I whispered coyly. I was met with raised eyebrows.
It all happened within an instant. A flurry of books was thrown across the library like a blustering hurricane. All I heard as I fled outside was the screams of one of my best friends as she fell victim to the expanding chaos. Her shrills echoed in my mind.
If only she had let me tell her...
“Sorry, Twilight,” was all I could say, a grin creeping up on my lips.
Then again, she had it coming. She deserved it.
In a way, I wasn’t guilty of what I had done. I’m a loyal pony, but at a time like that, and in that particular situation, I couldn’t deny seeing Twilight’s reaction. It was priceless, I might add, even if it only lasted a fraction of a second. If anything, though, it fuelled me with a new kind of excitement. Where would I venture next, I wondered. Where would I lead my chaos?
I frantically weaved across Ponyville, into and out of shops, public areas, all of them crawling with unsuspecting victims. I danced around the town, leading behind me a rift in the dimensions between order and disorder.
It was fun seeing their unsuspecting faces as they met their demise, one by one. We made quite a team. I was the caterer to feed her the next meal. I lined them up, she devoured them, we laughed.
I was drunk on power, on laughter and high on life. I wanted to hold her so bad and tell her so much, and yet, I wanted to keep it up. Where was I to go? Somewhere secluded, but then our fun would have ended.
She would have liked that when I thought about it.
It was Sweet Apple Acres I set my sights on after all of Ponyville was feasted on by the chaos. Applejack surely would have made a great contender in our game. After all, she did love our company.
I didn’t lay eyes on her or anypony else as I approached the farm, unfortunately. I guess that meant...
Our game was over. It was time to pack up, but I still wanted more. It wasn’t over by my watch. With a delirious grin, I took refuge in the confines of a small haystack inside the barn, shrouding myself from the outside world.
I cackled. She wouldn’t have found me.
A minute passed in mental bliss before something unexpected happened. My tail was suddenly engulfed by the chaos. For a split-second, the whole world slowed down. My heart went aflutter, my eyes reduced to the size of pinpricks, and I thought, in that lonely moment, that it was all over.
And then the liquid slobbered along my pristine tail. It couldn’t have been over. I never lost!
My next decisive action was another rush. I snapped out of my trance, whipped my tail out with tremendous force and dashed away. My heart rate skyrocketed as I looked back and stared at the chaos in its eyes. Its hypnotising, gorgeous blue eyes...
I was a fool to give into temptation. I clipped a feather on the barn door as I exited, and because of the fast speed I had pounced with, wound up scraping across the ground, rolling around in a chaotic manner and grunting in pain with each tumble. My momentum ceased, leaving me on the dirt path a few dozen metres from the barn.
I squinted and ground my teeth when I flapped my wings to readjust myself. Tears threatened to ooze through my eyes, but I held them back. Focus, Dash, I told myself, and faced the open barn. I frowned and shook my head.
My teeth ground together when I took the initial flaps. I forced myself past the pain, and set off on what I quickly concluded would have been my final journey. Once more, then it was over.
The furthest place I predicated I could make it was a grassy hill that overlooked the majority of Ponyville. Plenty of open space, it was perfect. Through pain and adrenaline, it took every fibre I could muster to reach my goal, but, with strain and torment, I made it and landed on the hill.
I gazed back behind me as I sat down and furled my wings. The pain soon began to fade, which eased me up a little, and I glanced towards Sweet Apple Acres with erratic breaths. If only for a few seconds, I was safe.
The chaos was nothing but a blur out there in the open. Inch by inch, it was advancing towards me at the pace of an Earth pony, taunting me with every step. Why was it making me wait? Was it letting me recover?
My body slumped, my muscles went limp and my head descended.
The blur in the distance disappeared when I briefly looked back towards the farm. I knew it in an instant; time was up. Good thing too, I was waiting.
I slowly closed my eyes as I prepared to accept my fate. Taking a deep inhale, there was silence that passed by on the wind as I contemplated my current situation. I thought the quiet air fit well with the veil of darkness in my eyes. Drums resonated from my chest. In that moment, all was still. It wasn’t long before tiny clip-clops nearby became audible.
They got louder with each step. I dared to open my eyes, just one final time. Could I face her once more?
A blue feather entered my vision when I twisted my head, sinking towards the ground next to me without grace. I sighed, hung my head and re-closed my eyes. My head returned to where it was previously. She was so awesome, so beautiful.
Two limbs touched my sides, slowly wrapping around my stomach like slithering snakes. I remained stiff as they clung around me, claiming their property. Lips grazed along my coat, and the warm breaths that tickled my fur chilled my spine and wings into paralysis. A mouth trailed up to my neck in small doses, saliva marked my skin, and I glanced upwards with darkness in my eyes. A whisper soothed its way into my ear, the same voice from the beginning. My lips parted, a flush painted my cheeks crimson and she consumed me.
Was it all just a game to her?
Maybe it was, and maybe it wasn’t. Perhaps, somewhere in my mind, I had found it just as much fun as she had. Perhaps, even with everything that had happened, I managed to smile with her.
In some ways, she was my guardian angel. In others, my little bundle of chaos.
And I was her prize.
Author's Note
Anywhere I go, she’s there. Whether in the corner of my eye, or hidden in a crevice, she’s always there, watching, waiting.
And she loves every second of it. Within my own mind, lodged around in the thousands of thoughts I have, I do too.
But at the same time, a million other thoughts swim around, carrying a million voices each, crying out their unvoiced please.
I don’t hear their screams.
