To catch a pony with Chris Hansen
“Alright, this is the place.” Said Twilight as she knocks on the door of the new house in town.
“I wonder why Spike wanted me to meet him here?” She thinks as the door opens slowly, revealing not her number #1 assistant but a light brown earth pony stallion. His hair orderly and brown, his eyes light blue, wearing a black and pressed suit and a calm neutral expression on his face.
“Who are you?”
“I’m Chris Hansen, I wish to ask you some questions regarding Spike.” He answered. Seeing no danger in it Twilight accepts, the name of the stallion vaguely ringing a bell in her mind.
“Why don’t you take a seat over there?” He suggests, pointing to the furniture to which Twilight obliges and sits herself on the sofa.
“Miss Twilight Sparkle, are you aware the dragon you were meeting here is only 12 years old?” He asks, seated in the chair opposite of Twilight.
“Yes, Spike is my personal assistant, of course I know how old he is.” She answers, a small smile on the alicorn’s face.
“'Personal assistant’ you say? What does that entail exactly?” He asks.
“Oh, well he helps me run the library and assists me during my research. He organizes the books, he cooks, he helps me clean, and he even gets me supplies. He really works hard." She said.
“Ah so he cooks, cleans, and is great organizer. However, does he help you in other ways?” Asks Chris.
“What do you mean?” Asks Twilight, a bit confused at the question.
“Miss Twilight, eye witnesses’ reports and records from your friends have stated that during heat period, you keep both yourself and spike in the library. Any particular reason?” He asks leaning forward.
“Oh I do that to protect him, during heat its dangerous for him to be wandering out on his own. So I keep us locked up in the library. Spike really doesn’t want to end up being a dad and I don’t wish to be a mother yet.” She answers a slight blush on her face as she begins to wonder why some pony would ask that.
“Is that the only reason? Maybe you have other motives.” He said, reaching into his suit he draws out a parchment scroll and a tape recorder.
“What are those for?” Asks the mare, suspicion evident in her voice. As he picks up the scroll and unrolls it.
“1 bottle of mango flavored lubricant, a large Bad Dragon equine type strap-on, a MJ beat it album, an extra small slave girl costume, and a law degree from penn state.” He reads from the scroll.
“What are those things?” She asks, trying to remember who this pony is.
“Things you asked spike to get for today.” He replies back, his eyes and voice still calm and neutral as Twilight’s eyes widen.
“I did no such thing!” She said aghast, as he hits the play button on the tape recorder.
“Who’s a bad girl Barb?” Asks Twilight on the tape, the sound of flesh hitting flesh evident in the audio.
“I am! I am bad girl!" Screams out a voice in ecstasy, clearly Spike. Twilight’s horror evident on her face as the audio plays.
“Keep bucking those hips Barb, I may just cum soon!” Moans out Twilight on the tape.
“Yes Twilight." Answers back Spike.
“Yes who?” Asks Twilight loudly as she thrust forward harder.
“Yes Princess!” Screams out Spike on the tape.He lets it play for a few more minutes longer before finally pausing it.
“Spike gave us this audio, it goes on for about 20 minutes.” He said to Twilight, her mouth aghast and open. Her pupils gone, her coat now whiter than Rarity’s own, and she remembers where she heard his name.
“Wait your! – “She starts.
“Chris Hansen, NBC’s dateline.” he said before she teleports away. He sat there for a few minutes before standing up exiting the house.
“I love it when they run.” He said, closing the door, his expression unchanged.
*Meanwhile*
“Ok I should be there in a few hours, and then I’ll have a message sent to Princes Celestia.” She said as she puts on a blue sleeping mask, her route to the empire drawn on the map.
*2 hours later*
“What’s all that noise? “she said as she awakes to the sound of chatter and gasps.
“Somepony, is running right next to the train" said a brown earth colt as he points out the window. Twilight looks out the window and her eyes grow to the size of dishpans at who she sees outside running through the snow.
“How is that even possible!?!" She said almost whispering as she sees Chris Hansen running along side the train. The snow and wind blowing hard and not even fazing him. The only thing different about the stallion is his face, he now wears a pair of goggles, the rest of him the same. Twilight turns to the colt.
“How long as he been running?” she asks.
“I think about an hour ago he showed up, he has been right there since.” answers the colt as he drinks his juice box.
She looks out the window again and to her surprise there is a sign in his hoof.
“Yes I have been running for that, and longer" Twilight reads out, the stallion not even slowed down as he runs with 3 hooves.
“How?” she said more confused than scared.
As if hearing her he turns the sign around.
“Meep, meep” is all it says. Twilightexperssion goesfrom shock to a sweet smile as she taps the little colt from earlier on the shoulder.
“Excuse me, where is the sky exit?” she asks, he is still drinking his juice and simply points up.
“Ah thank you” She says as she opens the hatch,wind and snow falling in as she opens it with her magic and flies out, the hatch sealing shut after her.
“Weird.” is all the little colt said.
“Mom! We’re almost there!” he shouts.
“Alright Button, oh and your systems done charging.” she says as she plays on a 3DS.
*Meanwhile*
“Ok so I should be safe in Cloudsdale & tomorrow I write to princess Celestia" she said tiredly as she heads into a hotel.
“One room please.” she said as she heads to grab out her card.
“Oh no need princess! Here are keys to the penthouse suite.” said the Pegasus hotel manager with a large smile. To tired to care she accepts.
*8 hours later*
“Now for some breakfast and then the letter, probably gonna have to wait a bit before she gets it.” Twilight said to herself as she walks to a local eatery, eyes upon her. A waiter approaches her once she is sited and she is looking over her menu.
“Ill have an omelet and a daisy salad please" Twilight said politely
“Would you like tea, coffee, water or juice?"he asks
“Oh Coffee ple- she stops when she hears the voice and places down the menu to confirm her fear.
A sign in his hoof simply says.
“Yes, I am here. You’re not dreaming” she is gone once again
“Ok this should be where I corner her” he said as he slides through the clouds, and plummets to the ground below.
“Ok,okokokok this should be far enough she assures herself, starting to lose it as she lands on the changeling queendom, also known as Jachan. She departs the ship and begins to look for her driver. Seeing the sign she approaches the rickshaw, its driver ready to depart.
“*Hello I am Twilight*." she said in lingish.
“* Nice to meet you miss Twilight, where is it where you wish to go?*" asks the stallion his straw hat hiding him in shade.
“*Latias village.*” she said
“* Understood.*” he replies back
*2 hours later*
“* Thank you.*” she said as she exits the rickshaw
“No need to thank me I was just doing my job." he said as he takes off the hat, revealing himself to be Chris Hansen, prompting twilight’s jaw to hit the ground, and after 3 minutes of complete silence she starts, her mane of pure fire.
“How!!!!!!!!, How have you been following me!?!, you shouldn’t be able to run as fast as a train!!, you can’t stand on clouds, How in on this earth did you even get here before me!?!?!!?!?!, she screamed at the top of her lungs.
“I’m Pinkie Pie’s Uncle.” he replied, she immediately stops screaming and returns to normal and just looks at him. She facehoofs for not noticing and simply lies down exhausted.
“What do you want?” she asks defeated.
“To finish the interview.” he said opens the door to a house, holding the door for her.
“Aright, let’s just get this over with. “she said as she enters the house.
Author's Note
First attempt at a hunting fic, hope you stick around for the ride. Leave a like, comment and check me other works. Oh and yes that is advertising, I have little shame.Hope you like it.
