Primum Non Nocere: The Secret of the Mad Mare's Precognition

Primum Non Nocere: The Secret of the Mad Mare's Precognition

Part 2: Child of Consequence

Her head was heavy. Pinkamena lifted it laboriously from the floor, standing up on shaky legs. She quickly flopped back to her stomach. She felt lopsided like there was something upsetting her sense of balance when her head moved. Wherever she was, it was dark. Wasn’t Ms. Sunblossom supposed to tuck her in? This certainly wasn’t her bed. She looked behind her, perceiving a small vertical sliver of light through her dizziness. Trembling horribly, she tried to get back to her hooves but tripped clumsily over herself as she tried to make her way toward the source of light. Momentum carried her forward in a heavy drunken walk that she couldn’t stop. She smacked into something and heard a set of creaking hinges and the clunk of wood against itself as she fell on her side into the light. Her impact with the floor seemed far more painful than she expected, her vision going white as light blinded them. Little sharp sparkles filled her vision and she was seeing things. It was hazy, but there were rocks everywhere. Where was she? Was she moving? The ground under her shook and the darkened sky above her was suddenly filled with an array of brilliant color searing away the clouds like a great cleansing wind. She could see the initial shockwave coming and when the pulse of air reached her she was sent flipping through the air, her vision sent tumbling into another spiral.

Smack! She hit the ground and her eyes forced themselves open. It was like waking up from a dream, but without the rested feeling of sleep. She felt exhausted. Her stomach churned and she found that her legs were moving as if her body were trying to walk. She rolled up onto all fours, hanging her head and feeling like she might vomit. Nothing came up though, there was no fuel for it. It had just been an intense hunger pain. Taking a moment to view her surroundings, she found herself in a room she didn’t recognize. She had apparently been in a closet underneath a staircase. It was empty, its shelves dusty and untended. The one thing that had tumbled out with her was a crusty and old looking broom.

Her eyes were getting used to the light now, but she found it strange. Had she not been going to bed? Why was the sun rising? And it was coming in through a pair of small curtainless windows revealing the age of a frayed green couch, more wood than it was cushion. She moved slowly around to edge of the stairs, shaking her head as residual flashes of the image she had seen persisted in her eyes. Gray then color, gray then color. It hurt more than staring at the sun.

She forced her way through it, and looking up the steps found they led to an empty balcony. There was no need to go up there, the door was just near it anyway. She wobbled toward it, fighting through her headache and bumping into a nightstand that had been knocked over. Where had she gone? Exiting the room, she immediately tilted too far to her right and stumbled the nearby wall at the end of the hall catching her. She put a hoof over her eyes. She saw a foggy image of Ms. Sunblossom waving at her. The mare’s hoof rested on a rock with a symbol that Pinkamena couldn’t make out on it. Everything began to seem more immediate and there were ponies running every direction, indistinguishable, but panicked. Her vision tunneled and with one last sudden pain, she slapped her hoof to the floor and her head shot up wide eyed. She was fully awake now, the heaviness gone like weak food poisoning.

“M-Ms. Sunblossom?” She whispered. Nopony was around. She had no idea what had happened. One moment she had gotten lost and now it was morning. She winced as her stomach reeled again, but as the feeling passed she took off down the hallway and left the abandoned room behind her. There was a long stretch of sunlit hall and she took a right and then her first left and coming to another intersection, second guessed herself and tripped, the two halves of her body trying to go different directions. She fell on her side, spinning clumsily around the corner, and sending up a puff of dust. With some relief, she recognized where she was. This was where she left Ms. Sunblossom the night before. Everything was abnormally quiet and rather than get back up, Pinkamena lay where she was, tucking her tail between her legs and curling up in ball.

She didn’t keep track of how long she was there, but she didn’t know what to do. It seemed like the world had shut off on her. Time had frozen or everypony had somehow disappeared. She tried with any mental power she still had to remember what had happened, how she had gotten here. There was nothing, nothing but a filly lost in her own home at night and then a closet under the stairs. Yet a single click of a hoof was all it took to set the world back in motion. She heard it, but still didn’t move. They were coming from the adjacent hall and they were flat hoofed and weary sounding. They stepped around the corner slowing at an almost hopeless pace. They bumped into her as if the pony they belonged to wasn’t paying attention. They stopped before her hesitantly. Pinkamena could feel somepony looking down at her, but she still didn’t move.

“Am I seeing things now?” A voice yawned. The pony teetered to the side, trying to go on, but struggling. Pinkamena’s ear gave a twitch and she turned her head to look up at the familiar source. It was Ms. Sunblossom, but she looked ragged. There were defined bags under her eyes and her mane was ruffled and uncombed. Her gaze looked emptily forward and she moved slowly around Pinkamena as close to sleepwalking as she could probably get without actually being asleep. Pinkamena reached out and wrapped her two front hooves around Ms. Sunblossom hind leg as she passed. The mare turned back to look at her, doing a double take. Pinkamena gave her an earnest expression of wonder, hoping that under some wild circumstance that her caretaker would know what happened to her.

“Miss…Miss Sun…blossom?” Pinkamena said slowly like she wasn’t sure.

“Pinkamena?” Ms. Sunblossom’s eyes widened as the filly clung to her.

“Y-You didn’t tuck me in…” She wasn’t sure why she chose to say that. Perhaps it was her way of asking why it didn’t happen. All she wanted was answers.

“Pinkamena!” Ms. Sunblossom exclaimed, suddenly jolted half awake. She pivoted around and scooped Pinkamena up in two hooves and gave her a bigger hug than she ever expected. Pinkamena remained still, her head over Ms. Sunblossom’s shoulder. She could tell how tired Ms. Sunblossom was simply by the way the mare’s chest rose and fell against hers unsteadily, and the way her whole body seemed to subconsciously shake slightly.

“Oh my goodness,” Ms. Sunblossom sighed. “I’m so glad you’re safe.” She gave Pinkamena one last squeeze and brought her forward, looking at her with a set of eyes that struggled to maintain contact. “I looked everywhere dear. You didn’t come back for bedtime. Where did you go?” Ms. Sunblossom’s look of sad concern was hurtful to receive. Pinkamena bit her lip, but flinched, finding that there was already a cut there.

“I-” Pinkamena started as she drew in air. “I don’t know…”

“Oh…” Ms. Sunblossom let out piteously as she saw Pinkamena bite her wound. “You don’t know? How did you cut your lip dear?”

“I don’t remember what happened…” She whimpered. “I went to go bed and I…I got lost.”

“Honey…” Ms. Sunblossom started. “I know this place is big, but you need to pay attention to where you’re going. We looked everywhere for you. You can’t just uh-”

“Oh…” Pinkamena was left with feeling that Ms. Sunblossom state was her fault. And it was true, at least how she saw it.

“Mmm,” Ms. Sunblossom stopped what she was saying seeing Pinkamena’s upset face. She shifted uncomfortably. “I’m sorry dear…I was worried about you. You look like you wondered off some place awfully unsafe. Here…why…why don’t we…” She trailed off and Pinkamena began to slip from the mare’s grip.

“Ms. Sunblossom?” Pinkamena said poking at the mare’s nose with a hoof.

“Wh-” Ms. Sunblossom shook her head, her eyes drooping wearily.

“Are you okay?”

“Oh I’ll be fine dear,” She replied. “I just haven’t slept. Heh,” She laughed to herself. “And now the sun’s up. What a night… But we found you and that’s what matters. Mwah,” She gave Pinkamena a kiss on the forehead. The little filly looked back at her, baffled. Pinkamena felt the need to thank her, but she had no idea how. With Ms. Sunblossom being so happy to simply see her it didn’t seem like there was anything that could repay the smile she was receiving. She had made Ms. Sunblossom smile in a sad kind of way, but she liked it. The fact that she knew she was the reason her caretaker had such a bright expression filled her with a giddy warmth that she had no idea how to express. Her own face remained emotionless, but in one quick movement, she snapped forward and put her hooves around Ms. Sunblossom’s neck, clinging like a magnet.

“Wh-” Ms. Sunblossom returned the favor lightly after being taken back by the gesture. “Well, thank you Pinkamena. Now, up you go.” She slung Pinkamena up like a saddlebag onto her back, standing up but stumbling slightly. Pinkamena tightened her grip, but Ms. Sunblossom put a hoof to the two she had wrapped around the front of her caretaker. She sighed

“Don’t worry dear,” She said. “I’ll make it.” Pinkamena relaxed as Ms. Sunblossom began walking back toward the kitchen. Laying her head down, Pinkamena’s ears drooping.

“I thought you were gonna tuck me in,” She said quietly.

“It’s morning now Pinkamena,” Ms. Sunblossom told her. “I can’t imagine spending the whole night alone, but surely you must be hungry.”

“Yeah…” She agreed sullenly. She might have been able to put being alone the entire night in perspective had she remembered spending the night alone. Whatever it had been like, its results had exhausted Ms. Sunblossom more than it had her. They made their way to the mess hall, Ms. Sunblossom concentrating all the while on walking a straight line and Pinkamena trying to pull her own memory out of the depths of her brain. Both of them faltered, Pinkamena only managing to remember the before and after and Ms. Sunblossom trying to correct herself from straying to one end of the hall, found herself on the other. As tired as Ms. Sunblossom was though, they made it to the kitchen just as she had promised. Not all of the fillies and colts were up yet and they had just began to fill the tables, small groups of them scattered about waiting for breakfast to be ready. Ms. Sunblossom made her way straight to the cooking room door and opening it, cleared the way for an array of clanging and boiling sounds. The smell of tomatoes hit Pinkamena’s nose immediately and her ears perked up. She raised her head to see if she could get a peek at what they were making. Her mouth began watering and she hastily slurped up a drop of slobber that almost fell from her lips. She sunk back down in embarrassment, covering her mouth with her front hooves, hoping no pony had seen.

“Hey there Emese,” One of the cooks passing by presently greeted. Pinkamena hid behind her caretaker’s mane as if her near mishap was still apparent. “What brings you back here? You brought a friend I see.” Pinkamena flattened herself against Ms. Sunblossom’s back at the realization that the cook knew she was there. He was a tall lanky stallion with navy blue fur, a short, puffy black mane atop his head, and a frying pan as a cutie mark, his greeting delivered with bright enthusiasm.

“Hey…” Ms. Sunblossom replied wearily. “Was just checking on the progress.”

“It’s been steaming. We’re almost ready.”

“Good,” She said with relief. “This here is Pinkamena.” Ms. Sunblossom turned to her side so Pinkamena was fully visible. The filly sunk away from the attention only looking at the cook with sidelong glances. “She was out all night without anything, so I want you to give a nice big glass of water.”

“Ah,” The cook seemed to realize something. “Will do ma’am.” He turned his words to the filly. “You know I heard from some others that you caused quite the panic last night. You had your poor Miss Sunblossom worried to tears.”

“I-well,” Ms. Sunblossom flustered. “That’s not important, I…” she trailed off.

“It’s true,” the cook filled in the blanks for her. “You didn’t sleep did you?”

“Wh-” She seemed offended by his accusation curling back her nose and glaring at him. “You know I couldn’t,” She scolded. “Why she could’ve- I- what if- mmmm.” She was too tired to come up with a story and fell to silent simmering with a displeased look on her face.

“Hehe,” Pinkamena found a giggle escape her. She had never seen Ms. Sunblossom act like this.

“Wh- Pinkamena!” Ms. Sunblossom turned her peeved eyes to the filly with a sour look of betrayal.

“Haha!” The cook laughed with her. “Your friend has some audacity there.”

“Well,” Ms. Sunblossom turned away from the cook turning up her nose. “Why did I bother?” She started walking away shoving open the swinging door and heading back into the mess hall.

“Don’t you worry ma’am,” The cook called after her. “I’ll make sure your darling gets her water.” The door swung shut and Ms. Sunblossom lowered her nose.

“What a dunce,” She muttered to herself. Pinkamena felt a pang of guilt as they trotted to a nearby table. She couldn’t tell if Ms. Sunblossom was genuinely upset or not. She thought the cook had just been teasing her, the way adults do, but to her, her caretaker seemed a bit hurt. But she hadn’t laughed in a long time and had forgotten how refreshing even a small giggle could be. It made her unhappy that it had to be at poor Ms. Sunblossom expense, especially after everything she had just put her through. They had found a seat and Ms. Sunblossom was about to put Pinkamena down when she shook her head. Ms. Sunblossom looked confused for a moment and Pinkamena pointed to the seat at the next table over. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt like she should sit in that spot in particular. Something was telling her it was favorable and she was hungry. It was closer to a group of fillies and colts, and Ms. Sunblossom seemed more than willing to move her. She sat Pinkamena down in the stool and gave the filly’s mane a brush.

“Ms. Sunblossom?” Pinkamena asked just as Ms. Sunblossom was about to leave her.

“Yes?” She replied.

“Did he make you mad?”

“I’m sorry?” Ms. Sunblossom seemed to have forgotten what she was talking about.

“That one pony,” Pinkamena said. “Did he make you mad? I’m sorry I laughed at you.”

“Oh,” Ms. Sunblossom put a hoof around Pinkamena’s head, giving her a hug and smoothing out her mane a few more times. “You’re fine dear. And don’t worry about Walter. He’s a smarty flank with everypony.”

“Wal-ter?” Pinkamena echoed.

“That’s his name,” Ms. Sunblossom told her. “And it’s good to see you laugh. Don’t stop on my account. Now, I have things to do little filly. Behave and stay with everypony else for today. Can you do that?” Pinkamena nodded and Ms. Sunblossom patted her on the head. She walked off turning back to give Pinkamena a wink.

“Smile,” she whispered and continued on her way. Pinkamena managed a half smile that faded quickly as she watched her caretaker sway wearily away down a hall at the far corner of the mess hall that only the adults ever went down. Her curiosity piqued slightly, but it didn’t overwhelm her hunger and any wonder she had was forgotten as something thumped to the table in front of her with a glassy thud. She turned abruptly in her seat, losing her balance, and nearly falling off. But a hoof steadied her and pushed her back into her sear. Before her was a large glass of water and the hoof that had stopped her fall was the supposed Walter.

“My,” he said. “Excitable little thing aren’t we?” She looked at him blankly, unsure what to say to somepony who wasn’t Ms. Sunblossom. He stood for a moment with her staring at him, waiting for her to say something back. “Well…” he started after the awkward silence. “There’s your water filly. Drink up!” He was about to walk off, but Pinkamena interrupted his first step.

“Say you’re sorry,” she said.

“Eh?” He stopped raising an eyebrow.

“You made Ms. Sunblossom mad,” Pinkamena reiterated. “Tell her you’re sorry.” Walter pursed his lip, his face contorting as he tried to stifle his laughter.

“Wh- eehehe,” He stomached it at first, a light giggle coming out followed by silent chuckles. “Hahaha! Ahahahaha! Whoo!” He burst into laughter. Pinkamena stopped glaring, her eyes flicking about the spectacle before her with wonder. What was he laughing at?

“Ha…haha…” Walter breathed in. “What a treat!”

“Hey!” Pinkamena stamped a hoof against the wooden stool and puffed her cheeks in indignation.

“What?” He looked back at her still twitching with laughter. “I come over here and give you a special glass of water and instead of a thank you…heh-” He stopped to chuckle again. “Heheh. Instead of a thank you, I get ‘say your sorry’ HA! You ARE an audacious one.” Pinkamena started at him.

“Wh-What’s audacious?” She asked.

“Never you mind little filly,” He answered. “But, maaaaybe, if you can guess what number I’m thinking of, maaaaaaybe I’ll go tell your sweetheart that I’m sorry,” He grinned coyly at her.

“She’s not my sweetheart,” Pinkamena said as a simple matter of correcting him.

“Heh. You’ve been practically stuck to her from what I hear. You like her?” His question seemed odd to her, but she answered it anyway.

“She’s…nice…” She couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Ha. Of course, now how about that number?” Pinkamena narrowed her eyes at the stallion and he in turn did the same to her and the two entered a staring match with Pinkamena trying to see if she could see the number floating somewhere around in his eyes. It was almost as if she could. It was a strange feeling and she continued squinting. Her eyes popped open.

“Two,” Pinkamena said innocently, with earnestness in her eyes.

“Ha!” Walter exclaimed. “Nope! But since you were so convincingly adorable when you said it, I’ll get your food for you. How’s that?”

“Hmph,” She puffed her cheeks again and pouted.

“Good?” he ruffled her mane with a hoof. “Good!” He affirmed. “You’ll grow up to have plenty of sass, I just know it. Now you enjoy that water and I'll be right back.” He trotted gleefully back toward the kitchen leaving Pinkamena to brood. She didn’t for long however as the mentioning of the water made it catch her eye and at this point there were little drops of moisture condensing on the sides of the container. She stared at for a moment catching herself licking her lips. She looked from side to side making sure no pony in the gradually filling eating room was watching her. She reached up onto the table with her front hooves and drug the glass toward her. It was cool to the touch and even the outside of her body seemed to welcome its presence. It was an adult sized glass and as gracefully as she could, Pinkamena took it in two hooves, lifted it, and tilted it to her face. Her whole head could have fit in the top if she had wanted it to and the first drops that came out splashed her in the nose. She sneezed with a squeak and a slight gurgle as water splashed into her face from her recoil, portions of it dripping from her chin. She was either unaware of how silly it made her look or was too parched to care. Pinkamena continued drinking. It was too much for her to finish all in one go, but she was surprised at how thirsty she had been. When she put the glass down, it was a little over half empty.

“One order of tomato basil an-” The voice approaching her stopped. She looked up to see Walter, a tray in one hoof carrying a steaming bowl of soup and next to it a large biscuit. His greeting was much the same, preceded with laughter. “Ahahahahaha!” He reeled. “You really did enjoy that water, didn’t you?” Walter smiled at her, biting his lip, but doing a better job of containing his outbursts this time.

“Um…” She didn’t know what to say. “The glass was too big,” she said as a matter of fact.

“Ha. Indeed. Lucky for you I have this,” Walter set the tray on the table and from it took a small napkin, tossing it onto her face. Suddenly all she could see was white and she tried pushing the object off her head the way a cat might, rearing her head back and using a hoof to try to brush it away. But before long another hoof stopped hers, wiping her head down from the top, the napkin flopping away from her eyes as it moved to her chin.

“There you go,” Walter said, satisfied even though he’d left Pinkamena’s fur all puffed and disorderly. “Now as your waiter for today, here is your breakfast.” He gracefully placed a bowl of reddish gooey soup blended with sweet smelling green herbs on the table plopping a large, fluffy, heat tanned biscuit next to it. Pinkamena closed her mouth and swallowed, not wanting the same mistake that had happened in the kitchen to occur again.

“Looks good huh?” Walter grinned slyly at her, seeing her entire body react in an eager desire to eat. “Perhaps we have a tip for our waiter?” He raised his eyebrows doing his best impression of classy.

“Um,” Pinkamena’s eyes flicked around. “Be gentler with the napkins…” She looked back at him with pure earnestness, fairly certain she had managed to do what he asked.

“Haha!” he bellowed. “Not quite what I meant, but you’ll get there.” He gave her mane another ruffle and turned back to the kitchen. “You enjoy the rest of your fancy river water there little filly,” He called back to her, and vanished back into the kitchen. Pinkamena crossed her eyes, frowning at her snout and brushing the scattered fur down. Ms. Sunblossom was a much neater pony, she thought. Yet Walter’s antics had lightened her mood up enough and despite being slightly irritated with him, she felt better. Maybe this was how Ms. Sunblossom felt.

She snapped out of her daydreaming, the tangy smell of her soup catching her nose again. Her expression soured as she realized Walter had neglected to give her any silverware. It was fine though, it was soup and she broke apart her biscuit, dipping it in the mixture and eating it that way. A group of colts sat near her as the place filled as more fillies woke up. Finishing the bread, she simply drank the rest of the stew, licking the leftover basil choppings from the bottom of the bowl. They left a clingy, sweet taste on her tongue that made her crave something salty. She washed it down with the rest of the water that Walter had selflessly given her, but found herself still slightly hungry afterward. But to her surprise the colt that had sat across from her, offered her his biscuit telling her that he couldn’t eat things with wheat in them. After some uncertainty, she accepted his offer with a barely audible ‘thanks’ and nibbled on the bread until the cooks gave the colt a carrot instead. Then she bit into the bread, feeling a bit gluttonous in the process, but it satisfied.

Pinkamena hopped down from her stool when she finished, but when she landed firmly on all fours, she realized she had no idea where to go. Her mind immediately jumped to the hallway she had seen Ms. Sunblossom wander off into. Making her way out of the rows of stools and tables, she caught sight of the doorway tucked in the corner of the room. She trotted slowly and quietly over to it as if she had to be silent or somepony might notice and tell her not go back where only the older ponies were allowed. She entered the hall with a sense of wonder and guilt, feeling like she was somewhere she shouldn’t be. It was a short section of the building only a few doors on each side and it ended in a dead end wall. A pair of voices from one of the few rooms branching off from it attracted her attention and she slid quietly over, hoping at first that one of them was Ms. Sunblossom. She heard her caretakers name, but the voices were not hers.

“She’s not good for Emese,” a mare said as Pinkamema’s ears caught onto the words mid sentence. “We need to get rid of her.”

“Get rid of her?” A second pony, a stallion, responded. “What an awful thing to say.”

“Hmm,” The mare grumbled. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that Emese can’t be spending so much time on just one filly. Little thing went missing last night somehow and the mare stayed up the entire time looking for her. Kept telling me she had promised to tuck her in. I guess she found her this morning and she came in here and you know what she did?”

“What dear?” The stallion asked to get the mare going again. “You really don’t need to get so bent up about things like this.”

“Why she tried to go right back to work though,” The mare exclaimed. “Told me she had bills to pay and the poor gal almost fell asleep on her way to the desk.

“Well the desk is empty, where’d she go?”

“I couldn’t let her work like that. I made sure she went right to bed. She was out like a light too.”

“Hm…” The stallion seemed hesitant to agree with her. “I guess that’s good. It’s not bad that she’s a hard worker either though dear. You can’t really blame her. She’d have done the same if any of the fillies here went missing. You really think Pinkamena is bad for her?”

“She’s been devoting a lot more time to her lately. But you saw her outside yesterday. The little thing hid in the corner all of playtime. She doesn’t fit in here. She’s far too shy and doesn’t talk to anypony. She’d be far better off if we found her a family that could devote time to her, rather than taking away all of Emese’s time with the other fillies.”

“Right…”

“What? You don’t think so?”

“The end result is alright. It’s your reasoning for it that comes across a little er…crooked.”

“Wh-crooked?” She sounded offended. “Why I never!”

“Please don’t fret too much dear. You can’t just rush the poor filly into adoption. In the meantime, I need to make sure all the little ones are well fed and well behaved and you…” He trailed off.

“I,” The mare stated. “I am going to be filling out these forms. It would be terrible of me to send Emese away from her work and then leave it undone.”

“See now there’s some straight thinking I can deal with. You do that. Have fun dear.”

“See you when I finish.” Pinkamena suddenly realized that was the end of their conversation, but failed to react as she heard hoof steps approach the door. It creaked away from her and she drew back, flattening herself to floor as her only immediate measure of hiding herself. It was less than effective and as the stallion exited the room his head turned, looking over her at first, but locking onto her once his peripherals detected something out of place. He seemed to recognize her, much to his discomfort.

“Oh,” He frowned. “How long have you been there little one?” She didn’t move, her tail drawn up to her head around herself, hoping that if she managed to resist even blinking that he still wouldn’t see her or might forget she had been there. “If you’re looking for Ms. Sunblossom she went to bed. This isn’t a place for fillies anyway, run along.” She still didn’t move and the stallion’s expression went from surprised to disgruntled.

“C’mon you,” He picked her up impatiently and plopped her onto his back, making a short trip out of hall before taking her off and placing her away from it. “You should go outside,” he told her. “Some of the faster eaters are already there. I’m sure there’s room for you in their games.” Pinkamena turned away from him and began walking slowly toward the exit. Satisfied with her obedience, the stallion went over to the tables, sure somehow that he had convinced her that making friends was easy. His conversation with the mare before made sense to her now. It was no wonder Ms. Sunblossom paid special attention to her. She was probably the only pony out of the adults that knew how to deal with her stubborn timidness. Walter was probably second, but he was only a cook.

But before she knew what was happening there was a flash of light and an image of a hall flickered in her eyes. Her vision tunneled to very end of it and as she hit the door on her left, she suddenly cut back to reality. Her head snapped up from the floor and glanced around with stiff, confused movements. No pony else reacted at all and the stallion from before was still trotting obliviously away. She looked behind her and immediately recognized what she had just seen. With a few telegraphing glances she dashed back to the hallway the stallion had booted her out of. She peeked her head around the corner once she was there, making sure he hadn’t seen her and then slipped back into its confines. It was a windowless hall and the only light was the sun that managed to creep in from the mess hall and a long morning beam coming from the one open door. She tip hoofed passed it, not wanting to alert the mare working diligently at the desk inside. After passing it, she made straight for the end of the hall and turned to the door on her left. It was slightly ajar and, peeking through it curiously, she nudged it open bit by bit with the tip of her nose, making just enough space for her small body to slither in.

Pinkamena found herself in a dim room with drawn curtains blocking the light. It was a small bedroom with a couple dressers and a desk with a lantern on it, papers scattered haphazardly on its surface in front of an inkwell. After taking in their surroundings, her eyes moved to the bed parallel to wall on the other side. Ms. Sunblossom was splayed clumsily across it, her mane over her face, her two hind legs stretched out behind her while her front ones were tucked close to her chest. Her breaths were soft, nearly silent, and Pinkamena stood suddenly aware of her own breathing. Somepony who slept so quietly might be disturbed if she was louder than they were. Was she lucky though, she thought? How had she known to look here?

She took a step back, suppressing an awed gasp. The wall behind Ms. Sunblossom was covered in photos all of them, from what Pinkamena could see, were families of ponies. There were all sorts of groups, some of only two parents and one filly and others with whole groups of all different ages, but all of them always had one little filly in the foreground of them front and center. She didn’t know what to make of all of them and her thought was interrupted when she stepped back and bumped into something. For a split second, instinct took over and she whirled in a one eighty and before she even knew what she has doing, catching a small wooden picture frame deftly between a hoof and her nose.

Pinkamena felt disoriented in the aftermath. Was it luck? There was no way she would have been able to do that again. She set the frame down on the floor in front of the dresser, thankful she hadn’t woken Ms. Sunblossom with her clumsiness. The picture in the object was just like the others, always happy, and always a family. She turned away from it, her hoof stepping on something else that almost sent her stumbling backwards again. But it only made her hoof flinch back the moment before she realized what she had stepped on wasn’t the floor. It was a light green and white striped sock, the kind that was long enough to go up an entire leg. It was for a front hoof and Pinkamena lifted it from the wood by her nose eying it crossed eyed as it clung to her face. She went to pull it away, but ended up sneezing it off instead. It landed a few feet away and she froze as Ms. Sunblossom stirred slightly, shifting only a little, but taking in a large breath and exhaling heavily. Pinkamena approached the bed, eyeing it and wondering if it was even okay for her to be here. She hopped up on the bed and saw her caretaker’s peaceful slumber up close. It wasn’t until now that Pinkamena noticed that the mare’s hind legs had the same colored socks on them that she had encountered before.

Pinkamena moved across the undisturbed covers that Ms. Sunblossom lay on and sheepishly placed one her hooves to her caretakers. To her surprise, they relaxed a little at her touch , but they were uncovered and they were cold. The mare whose warm touch always seemed so affectionate had cold hooves when she slept. It was no wonder she wore the socks, but had apparently forgotten to put two of them on. Ms. Sunblossom was practically laying on her side now, so Pinkamena gently pulled the mare’s two front hooves away from her body and laid herself across them. The response was immediate and Ms. Sunblossom curled her hind legs in. Pinkamena brushed the mare’s mane back revealing a peacefully satisfied face. Pinkamena smiled, proud of herself. She imagined that this must be what Ms. Sunblossom felt like all the time when she took care of her. It was short lived however as a sudden voice petrified her, her heart taking a leap as she stifled the impulse to jump.

“What an adorable waste of time,” It said. Pinkamena was too frightened to look anywhere but the photo covered wall behind Ms. Sunblossom and bit her lip only to wince again at the reminder that there was still a wound there. The voice was a grating hiss, the kind that inspired chills and sent all her nerves crawling around under her skin. It didn’t seem to come from anywhere though. It entered her ears as if spoken by the air and not anything like the wind. It was like the space around her was talking. Pinkamena drew in a sharp breath, mustering the courage to turn her head to scan the room. She looked to the door first, but to her astonishment, no pony was there.

Out of the corner of her eye another set glittered back at her from the darkness in an isolated corner. Her eyes widened. It was herself she saw in the corner of the room, unhappy and frowning with an unamused look of contempt. The figure walked out from the shadows, an image right out of her nightmare. But this mare wasn’t covered in blood nor accompanied by a fire. Yet its mane retained its eerie bladelike quality at the normally straight ends and its pupils were sharp, diamond-like, instead of round like hers. But it unmistakably still looked like her.

“What?” It smirked at her, its eyes brightening now that it had her attention. “Did I interrupt your luxury? Go ahead. I won’t stop you from swooning over your sweetheart.”

“What?” Pinkamena nearly squeaked, the word hardly able to utter it. She suppressed her body’s urge to tremble as well as she could, but this image of her that was apparently standing at the foot of the bed was terrible. It’s gaze was icy and it’s words were mocking, holding no inkling of remorse or shame.

“You could kiss her if you wanted,” It’s smile widened, revealing teeth that also seemed like her own, but were still somehow sharp, glinting even in dim light like a carnivore’s. “Go on,” It poked at some sick inner corner of her that she was unaware even existed. “Give her rosy cheeks a lick. There’s more blood beneath those than we’ll ever need. I’m sure it’s sugary sweet just like you think she is.”

“Who…” Pinkamena’s voice shook, all of her suppressed trembling desperately funneling itself out when she spoke. “Who are…you?” She swallowed hard, trying to steady herself.

“Oh…” It lowered its ears frowning. “That hurts. You know us and we know, of course, that you know it.” It’s grin came back as quickly as it went. “We’re Pinkamena. Who else in Equestria could we be? That’s the feeling of what you feel. Have you never looked in a mirror filly?”

“But…” She stammered.

“Shhhshhh,” It quieted her. “You’ll wake sleeping beauty if you make a fuss. Just know that I tell only truth when I say that we could only ever be you. No mare looks quite like Pinkamena and no pony could ever be as sad. Little filly’s pastries all burned in the oven and now the piteous thing is cuddling in bed with the only cupcake she could find.”

“Wh-Why are you making fun of me?” Pinkamena’s eyes welled up.

“It’s easy,” The figure chuckled. “Look at you. An urchin clinging desperately to her half-mom. It’s poetic. Sweet, they’ll say. Too sweet. So sweet it makes the tongue sour. They’ll tell you your little moment here is a cutesy delusion. Don’t they all speak so true? They’ve been hurt like you and you know just like they do too. The world is fire isn’t it Pinkamena? Can you feel their judging eye? Your nanny saves you from your nightmares and eases your fears and you come running to her bedside to warm her hooves when she gets cold feet. It’s indulgent and they’ll say it’s a lie. An unrealistic lullaby meant to numb minds into happiness while it’s just perverted whimsy meant to use layers of cuteness to hide secret undertones laced with lust. They don’t want these happy endings,” The figure gestured to the photos on the wall. “They want you to die! They want their tragedy to sting so they can contemplate sweet unindulgent death. That’s what this place needs! More thoughts of suicide, more drugs to bring the masses to their knees! Your orphan love is only meant for children’s books whose words are not worth their critic. You’ve seen it laughing at you from the fire little filly. The silence that makes the mighty author’s throne, salty, bitter, and worth our souls in ink. Your pungent, strawberry sister love is nothing but a joke, a fruit only for weak stomachs and lonely lips. It’s your fear they want! It turns the pages and drills the mind into holes of thought. You don’t have to be scared though. Spit in their faces! Don’t give them what they want! Forget mommy little filly, you have a daughter now. I’ll help you. Hoof in hoof, we’ll make sure our future is paved in the life of those who’d mock our flowery food. You can see it all, just two more casts and we’ll have the world at our feet…”

The figure stopped and Pinkamena stared at it, baffled

“What are you…talking about?” She asked, suddenly feeling horribly unsafe and vulnerable.

“You don’t remember?” It seemed almost gleeful at this realization. “Last night you used the circle and wanted to see the future?”

“No…” Pinkamena slowly shook her head.

“Ha! You really do inspire the highest amount of pity that you can. You woke me up you see. I’m your new friend, that deep corner somewhere in that spirit of yours that wants nothing more than control. Who can fail when they know the circumstances before they happen. I’m what you wanted Pinkamena. Even if you say you didn’t, some part of you did or you wouldn’t have put your hooves to a ring of blood.”

“B-blood?”

“Blood!” It echoed, hissing a yell back at her. “Do you have nothing to say? Your preemptive vision will fade if the spell isn’t cast twice more. We need blood Pinkamena. We need young blood and that’s your job with so many around. Dear filly you birthed us, now feed us!”

“Stop!” She yelled at the figure. “I don’t-” She stopped, snapping her mouth shut as the body under her shifted. She turned her head back to Ms. Sunblossom whose eyes flittered, struggling to open.

“Who are you talking to honey?” She asked in a sleepy whisper. Pinkamena didn’t say anything, but held her breath. Ms. Sunblossom rolled over onto her back, taking her hooves out from under Pinkamena and splaying herself out, tucking her front hooves to her chest again. She turned her head away and to Pinkamena’s relief, seemed to fall right back to sleep. Pinkamena sighed. Her head snapped back to the figure as she finally puffed herself up enough to be angry at it. But it was gone. Pinkamena’s eyes met an empty room and the silence and sudden feeling of isolation made her fur stand on end.

She moved back, keeping an eye on the room and stepping over Ms. Sunblossom, feeling like the horrible image of herself could jump out at her at any moment. Resigning herself back to being a blanket for Ms. Sunblossom’s hooves, Pinkamena curled up and lay across the mare’s chest to make sure they were warm. As comfortable as it was—the lulling rhythm of Ms. Sunblossom chest moving steadily up and down—she couldn’t fall asleep. She might not have looked as tired as Ms. Sunblossom, but being lost and apparently unconscious had left her more exhausted than she might have thought it would. She began drifting away eventually, but even as she did the figure’s words haunted the insides of her eyelids, creeping up on her again and again. Whatever she had done suddenly terrified her. She wished she could remember, but after seeing her own face bent and twisted with malice preaching murder at her, maybe it was better if she never did. She banished her efforts and nuzzled herself away in Ms. Sunblossom’s fur.

_____________

When Pinkamena woke up, it was past noon. She felt oddly warm and discovered as her droopy eyelids opened that Ms. Sunblossom was gone and she was on the bed alone with the covers pulled over her. It was cozy enough that she didn’t immediately move, laying there for some time sunken in place on the cottony mattress. Her body wanted her to move though, and as thinly lit as Ms. Sunblossom’s room was, sleeping during the day felt off. She pushed the blankets off and stretched out her legs, letting out a wide yawn as she pulled her muscles awake. After stretching horizontally, she stood up all the way onto the tips of her hooves arching her back, shaking a bit as the stiffness of sleep left her joints. She rubbed her eyes and hopped down from the bed. She surveyed the room. Even sleep had not faded the memory of her phantom self telling her she needed blood. There was nothing. Pinkamena moved across the room slowly as if making too much noise might make the apparition appear again. When she reached the door, she slipped out of the room hurriedly, taking time only to notice in passing that the picture she had left on the floor was back in its place. She headed into the mess hall which was emptying, the last few stragglers finishing the evening meal.

Pinkamena’s ears drooped. She really had slept all day. She trotted past the tables to the kitchen door. Arriving in front of it, she stopped, standing awkwardly, unsure of what to do. She was a bit hungry having slept through two meals, but the metal kitchen door seemed imposing and all the clanging and bustling she heard titter around on the other side implied that the cooks were all preoccupied with cleaning up. Sniffing the air, she caught a scent she couldn’t place, but it still made her long to get the slobbery taste of sleep off her tongue. Twice she raised a hoof to push the door open, but second guessed herself, unsure what she would do once she was on the other end. Who would she ask? How would they respond? What if they thought she was selfish for wanting more? None of them could keep track of which fillies had eaten and which hadn’t. What would they think of her? Her mind reeling with doubt, the filly backed sheepishly away. But before she could resign to herself to defeat the door swung back and a familiar pair of enthusiastic eyes noticed her standing near the threshold as soon they passed.

“Well what have we here?” It was Walter with a small apron on and damp hooves smelling pungently of dish soap. It was a clean flowery scent that made her stomach ache more, but not for what she smelled. She wanted food, not candy. “Did you have a nice nap?” Pinkamena lowered her head, but maintained eye contact with Walter, sinking back, feeling like she needed to hide under one of the tables to mask her shame.

“Oh no need for that,” Walter said. “I’m not stalking you. I just couldn’t help but know after hearing Ms. Sunblossom brag about how sweet you were.” Pinkamena stopped, but still hung hear head, embarrassed that Walter knew what she had done.

“Now don’t you pout,” He continued. “There must be some reason you’re lingering around the ol’ kitchen door. You miss dinner filly?” Pinkamena nodded hopping they might have something left over.

“Well you stay put then,” Walter told her. “I’ll go see what I can salvage.” The stallion vanished back into the kitchen and Pinkamena stood quietly for several moments, brushing her tail against the floor, nervous, but still eager. Walter came back shortly and, to her delight, held up a baked potato nested in a napkin.

“You’re in luck,” He said. “I managed to snag you one of these. It’s still warm too. Here.” He held it up to her nose gesturing for her to take it. “They’re kind of boring once they get cold. Eat up.” She eyed the vegetable longingly, but hesitated. It was a large potato. They were always filling to her and she doubted her ability to eat the entire thing.

“Um…” Pinkamena glanced from it to Walter apprehensively. “Maybe just half…”

“Oh?” Walter brightened. “Are you going to share it with me?” He asked with a eager smile.

“A-alright,” She agreed, figuring it was better that the other half not go to waste.

“Well,” He puffed himself up satisfactorily. “You just hold on another moment.” He made his way to one of the higher counters, picking up a spare fork and sliding the object right through the food. The smoothness of the motion made the potato look even tastier and she found herself reaching up for her half when Walter came trotting back with it. She snatched it hungrily as he lowered it down to her and took a nibble from its rounded edge. It was just right. It wasn’t cold from sitting out too long, but it also wasn’t tongue scalding like the ones fresh from the oven. It was a good snack and her stomach enjoyed it. Walter took a bite out of his half, happily eating along with her.

“You’re pretty nice pipsqueak,” He told her. “Maybe a little of Ms. Sunblossom is rubbing off on you.”

“Pipsqueak is obsessed,” A voice needled at Pinkamena’s left ear. She could see it again. The awful bladed image of herself was grinning, its nose right up to the side of her head. Pinkamena’s ear twitched and she took another bite of her potato, chewing nervously, trying to ignore it.

“She wants nothing more than to be her hero,” it continued. “She’s fed sweets, so she makes them too.” Pinkamena didn’t respond to it, but looked up at Walter trying to siphon the terror from her eyes, attempting to wordlessly communicate her fear.

“Oh don’t worry,” He waved his hoof obliviously. “It’s not a bad thing. She’s gotten you to talk more. But I must say, picking a fellow like me to choose to be social with is an odd choice. I’m the weirdest pony you could have picked. Oo!” He seemed to get an idea and the fact that he didn’t react at all to the thing standing next to her made her quiver.

“Ms. Sunblossom wants you to talk to other fillies more. She said she couldn’t do it, but I’ll give it a shot. Hey!” He called to the one group of three colts that hadn’t left the mess hall yet. “You young ones there! Trot on over here, I’ve got a proposition for you.” The three’s eyes brightened and they all hopped from their stools and made their way over. What Walter was doing went right over Pinkamena’s head at the moment though. She took another bite, alone with her fear of the hissing breath at her side.

“Don’t they look so innocent?” The figure asked her. “Does it make you sick? Doesn’t their happiness inspire the most lovely and thoughtless apathy? What makes them so happy? Does that not merit thought? It’s what we need Pinkamena. See them? They’ll fall for anything. They don’t need that joy of theirs, no pony will consider them for it. But they’ll mean so much more if they die.” Its words were abrasive and unlike last time when Pinkamena felt as though its presence surrounded her, this time it felt like it was crawling around under her skin. She wiggled uncomfortably away from it as it giggled at her. The three fillies that Walter had called for presently trotted up, looking up at him in excited anticipation.

“Hey Walter,” One of them greeted the stallion. The voice gave her ears a tingle of familiarity. She had heard it before.

“What are you colts up to this evening?” Walter asked the trio.

“I dunno. Wanna play four square with us?”

“Haha!” Walter laughed. “Would if I could champ. But!” He emphasized. “I know somepony who might be willing to join you.”

“Who?” They all said in half unison, smiling.

“Why the little filly is right here,” He gestured to Pinkamena who was still half aware of their conversation as she tried to stave off the glare of her doppelganger that hung its presence over her like a rain cloud. She dropped her potato half. Suddenly the figure was behind her and she could feel its set of hooves clamping down on her throat. She tried to cough and she couldn’t. Her hind leg gave a sharp spasm. Everything tunneled in around her and all the chattering voices faded to a low rumbling sound. Her ears could no longer hear anything beyond the blood struggling to run through her own head. She tried to cry out but her vocal chords were stuck and her tongue wiggled uselessly in her mouth. Stamping her hind hooves in desperation was the only thing she had left to do. Pinkamena couldn’t even be sure it was working. She couldn’t hear them and it was like her surroundings were slowly being erased. Her eyes rolled back and-

“Uh,” Pinkamena suddenly felt a hoof on hers as a voice abruptly shot her back into consciousness. “What’re you doing?” It asked. She looked down. Her own hooves were the only ones at her throat and looking back up found Archer staring at her, concerned as he withdrew. Pinkamena placed her hooves back to the floor and glanced around skittishly. Even Walter looked confused and Pinkamena avoided any eye contact, picking the potato up from the floor and munching on it, nervously trying to pretend nothing had happened. Perhaps nothing did and she was just going crazy.

“I say,” Walter broke the silence. “What indeed were you doing Pinkamena. You had yourself turning blue there.”

“Um…” She took another bite, tearing the skin of the potato and slurping it up. “Nothing.” Something did happen, she knew it. All the faces around her gave it away even as she desperately tried using her chewing as an excuse to refuse answering their questions.

“Hey,” Archer started. “Sorry I upset you yesterday. You still wanna play with us? We only have three, so we need one more pony. It’s okay if you-”

“Okay,” Pinkamena cut him off. She wasn’t even sure what she was saying yes to. The situation had quickly become uncomfortable for her and if faster agreement was what it took to get her out of it, then that was what she would do.

“Wh-” Archer said, surprised. “Really?”

“Well,” Walter chimed in, gulping down the rest of what he was eating. “Look at that. That’s what I like to hear. You’re being too nice to me today filly.” He gave her a nudge. “Ms. Sunblossom hasn’t heard the last of this. Why, I have no choice but to brag!”

“Oo! Oo!” Archer fed off Walter’s excitement, buzzing his small wings enthusiastically. “You should tell her that Pinkamena even said that you were cooler than she was.”

“Ha!” Walter laughed and Pinkamena felt a strange urge to smile. It was odd, but his laughter seemed so genuine that it made her want to laugh along with him even if she didn’t get what he found so funny. There was a contagious joviality to it and it made her happy that he was happy. She didn’t show it though and continued nibbling on what was left of the potato.

“This kid’s full of great ideas!” Walter exclaimed. “But you know what would be even better?”

“What?” Archer’s eyes brightened. Walter lowered his head to Archer’s height and leaned in smirking at Archer as the filly eagerly awaited his advice.”

“If we actually got her to say so!” Walter told him “How about it filly?” Both of them turned their heads to her with hopeful smiles on their faces. Pinkamena stuffed what was left of her food into her mouth and chewed, glancing around the mess hall to avoid their staring.

“She’s eating,” Walter whispered to Archer after a moment. “We’ll wait.” The filly nodded and the two resumed their patient, expectant gaze. She chewed as slowly as she could, drawing out the process so they might give up on making her talk. It was no use. The more she fiddled with it the worse the potato started to taste and the more mushy and unsatisfying it became on her tongue. She finally swallowed and her mouth felt icky and dry. She stood silently while her head invisibly panicked, searching for something to say to them. She wanted it to be funny, maybe. Maybe she could make them laugh too. There was nothing. Yet, when she opened her mouth, presumably to say nothing, she let out a small, girly burp. She flinched, closing her mouth and looking away.

“Um…excuse me…” She said tapping her hoof.

“Close enough!” Walter shot back up. “Well it’s been fun fillies, but I must be getting back to work. You four run along now and have fun with your game. Especially you.” Walter winked at Pinkamena and turned back toward the kitchen. Pinkamena watched him go, but was soon prompted by a poking at her side. She turned to find Archer eagerly waiting for her to come along with them as his two other friends were already making their way out of the mess hall.

“C’mon,” He urged her. “I’ll show you where the court is.” She followed Archer sheepishly, taking light steps before another nearby conversation caught her ears.

“Did you know that?” A colt that was standing outside the hall, murmured to his friend. Pinkamena wasn’t too interested in gossip or rumors and the two ponies whispering outside of the mess hall reeked of it.

“No,” the colt’s friend responded. “Where did you hear that?”

“I was sneaking around yesterday afternoon,” The colt grinned and narrowed his eyes, trying too hard to get his one audience member enthralled in a tale that was far too simple to get wrapped up in. He need not even do so though. His friend was already intrigued, he was merely showing off. “And I heard some of the adults talking about it.”

“Wow,” his friend uttered in wonder. “I didn’t know Ms. Sunblossom had a daughter.” Pinkamena stopped, her legs jerking to a halt. She stood, face pointed at the floor, baffled and skeptic, listening to their voices.

“Had,” The colt stated, raising a hoof to indicate a correction as if he were old enough to recognize the significance of the past tense in his claim and didn’t want his friend to mistake his information.

“What do you mean?” His friend asked. “What happened to her?”

“No one knows,” The colt said excitedly like he was retelling a fantastic legend about a spirit that might still haunt the halls. “Apparently one day she was here and then she was gone. Apparently not even Ms. Sunblossom knows what happened…or…” He paused as if trying to build suspense. He may as well have asked for a drum roll.

“Or what?” His friend leaned in closer.

“Or she won’t tell anypony!” He grinned. The whole story was a bit of a joke to him and he had finally worked his way up to the punch line. But he was only being insensitive the way most children could be, tearing the wings off flies just because he was curious. Pinkamena didn’t hate him, only what he said. Could it be true? She couldn’t find it in herself to brush the words aside like every other piece of airy gossip she might hear. She felt her heart beat in her head. The filly wasn’t right, something told her, maybe it was instinct, her natural aversion to rumor. But he wasn’t wrong either. The colt was far too young to have made his story up all on his own. Maybe she wasn’t giving him enough credit. But if Ms. Sunblossom did have a daughter, wouldn’t she have told Pinkamena? Maybe all she had to do was ask. She could trust her caretaker couldn’t she?

“Pinkamena?” A voice jolted her from her thought. She looked up and the two colts that she had been listening to were trotting away whispering and sharing their childish theories as they went. It was nothing more than a ghost story to them. She thought of following them for a moment, but a second pleading had her turning back to face Archer, who called to her a second time when she didn’t respond, trapped in her stunned daydream and staring off into her own head.

“Don’t you wanna play Pinakamena?” Archer asked when she finally managed to seize hold of her attention and turn to him.

“What…” She hesitated to speak. “What are we playing?”

“Four square!” he exclaimed as he gestured enthusiastically for her to follow. “Weren’t you paying attention?”

“I…I got distracted.” Archer stopped. He lifted a hoof as if he meant to keep going, but then put it back and Pinkamena shuffled into a sitting position, watching him hesitate. He looked back at her and raised an eyebrow.

“Um…back there…were you…” He glanced to the floor and then back to her. “Were you choking yourself?” Pinkamena stood back up and sunk away from him. He knew, she scolded herself. Why did he have to know? The realization stung. But it confirmed her suspicion and probably worried her more than it did him. Archer watched as his question seemed to push her away and she didn’t answer him. How could she? Surely his question had to be rhetorical, meant only to see if she were willing to admit what she had done. She frowned internally. Was he that smart? Was she?

“Nevermind,” Archer dismissed with a smile, drawing back the enthusiasm Walter had given him. “Come on let’s play some four square.” Pinkamena continued following him wordlessly as he led the way. Perhaps he hadn’t heard that conversation just now. Did Archer know about Ms. Sunblossom? Continuously she asked him over and over, but only in her head, trying to play out and imagine what his reaction might be if he knew or then, worse, if he didn’t know. Ultimately, she was afraid such a question might scare him as it scared her. Pinkamena remained silent, unwilling to take the risk.

They came outside and around a bend. Archer’s two friends were already waiting for them, bouncing a sizable rubber ball against a square of pavement with hollow, airy clinks.

“Do want us to explain the rules?” Archer asked her as Pinkamena stepped tentatively into the court. For whatever reason, she shook her head. Archer didn’t seem to object and he didn’t press any further. Maybe he assumed she already knew. Four square was a popular game among the fillies and colts, but she had never played. She had no idea what the rules were, yet she stepped into her own section of the court as if it were only natural. Even though she knew nothing about the game, once the first colt asked if they were ready and they all nodded she played as though the game were a past time of hers. With every bounce of the ball and every switch this way and that, she flowed. Not once did she fumble with her reflexes like she normally did. Images flashed through her head and it was like she saw all of their moves before they made them. There was no way for them to surprise her and in turn she ended up surprising them. She won the first game and they were convinced this initial success was only beginner’s luck and that a second go would reveal their true skill now that they were all warmed up. Pinkamena agreed and it happened again. No matter what they did she could see the effect before the cause even occurred.

It was unreal. It also hurt. After so many games Pinkamena’s head began to ache and she thanked Celestia internally as the sun began to sink into the horizon. Archer was rather enamored with her performance, while his two friends became frustrated when they couldn’t win. She hadn’t even been trying all that hard either. The ball was easy to push away when she knew where it would be coming from. Yet something about it scared her. She didn’t know why she knew what they would do beforehand and if she had to describe the experience, the only way she could have put it would have been: forced. Every time the visions flashed through her head Pinkamena felt compelled to act on them. By the time Ms. Sunblossom called them inside and Archer’s friends begrudgingly called it quits, Pinkamena was weary of being pulled around by herself.

“Wow,” Archer praised her as they trotted back toward the building. “I didn’t know you were so good at four square Pinkamena!”

“I…I’m not,” She said without lying.

“But you won every game,” The colt assured her. “You have crazy reflexes!”

“Pinkamena,” Ms. Sunblossom greeted her in a pleasantly surprised tone as she came to the door . “We’re you playing a game with these colts?”

“She sure was,” Archer told her. “She’s really good at four square. She won every game. None of us could beat her.”

“Is that so?” Ms. Sunblossom turned to Pinkamena.

“I…I guess,” She admitted timidly. Her victory still made her uneasy no matter how much praise she got for it. But now that Ms. Sunblossom was in front of her, something was different about her. She had always thought of the mare as a sort watchful guide to all the fillies she took care of, but now Pinkamena looked at a pony who might have been an actual mother. More than once, Pinkamena opened her mouth, only slightly, for no words to come out, unable to bring herself to ask the heavy question in the face of Ms. Sunblossom’s cheeriness. The words were swallowed with her spit and weighed down on her, even as Ms. Sunblossom praise pushed her up.

“That’s great,” Ms. Sunblossom smiled. “I’m glad you’re finally opening up to other ponies Pinkamena. It’s no wonder Walter wanted me to come fetch you. I’ll never hear the end of how a burp is apparently a full conversation.” Archer gave a giggle at this remark. It made Pinkmena smile a little, but mostly because Archer laughed.

“Heh,” The colt puffed himself up proudly. “I told him to say that.”

“Did you? Well I guess you also must have told him how pretty of a pony Pinkamena was. He said you two were adorable together.”

“Wh-” Archer blushed. “I didn’t say that,” he protested.

“That’s Walter for you,” Ms. Sunblossom laughed. In an almost uncontrolled hiccup, Pinkamena giggled along with her. It was a brief moment, but both Archer and Ms. Sunblossom heard her and the former looked at her in shock while the latter with pleased delight. Pinkamena couldn’t have explained what happened. It wasn’t that what Ms. Sunblossom had said had really been that funny nor that she was laughing at Archer’s awkwardness. She had simply found Ms. Sunblossom’s genuine laughter contagious somehow and had felt a near compulsion to share in the pleasure it gave her caretaker to join in the lightheartedness of children. Was there something wrong with her? She cut herself off immediately and sunk away from their expressions.

“Oh don’t stop,” Ms. Sunblossom urged her. “It’s wonderful to see you smile Pinkamena. Now I’d let you ponies play more, but it’s getting toward bedtime. Come on, inside.” Ms. Sunblossom shepherded the fillies into the building and Archer’s two friends scurried off down the halls without him. He shuffled in uncomfortably behind Pinkamena, embarrassed at the prospect of others knowing he admired her a little. He shifted inside past Ms. Sunblossom with his ears down as she shut the door behind them.

“Oh now Archy,” Ms. Sunblossom ruffled his mane. “Don’t look so sad. You know Walter only means well. He picks on me too you know.” She gave Archer a nudge and he perked up, a sense of wonder on his face.

“But you’re so nice.” He said, genuinely baffled at how a nice pony could ever be made fun of.

“Oh, he doesn’t mean any harm,” Ms. Sunblosson assured him. “It’s all in good taste.” She leaned in close, looking at Archer eye to eye with a sly encouraging smirk. “Maybe next time we can team up on him,” She whispered mischievously like a kid with an idea for a game. “I bet we could give him a good run.”

“You think?” Archer said brightly.

“You bet,” Ms. Sunblossom stood up straight and gave Archer a tap on the nose. “You’re spunky enough.” Archer laughed and Pinkamena felt the urge to laugh with him again, but reeled herself in as soon as she felt it. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself and the moment the two before her were sharing made her feel distanced from Ms. Sunblossom. So she backed away.

“Now,” Ms. Sunblossom concluded as she always did. “Your friends already ran ahead of you, so could you do me a favor Archy?” He nodded enthusiastically.

“Can you walk with Pinkamena?” She asked. “I know the sleeping room isn’t far, but make sure you go together okay?”

“Sure,” Archer agreed happily.

“Is that alright Pinkamena?” Pinkamena was jarred from her aloof position by the question and appeared flustered. She knew what she was being asked though and didn’t entirely mind. It was probably a good idea. It was Ms. Sunblossom after all.

“Okay,” She answered quietly with a nod.

“I’ll be there shortly,” Ms. Sunblossom smiled, this time more as a cordial gesture than a sweet one and trotted off to her business, leaving her with Archer. Pinkamena felt uncomfortable, out of place, and somehow silly. She wasn’t really old enough to like Archer in any way that wasn’t childish, but was still self-conscious enough to know she was with a boy, a boy no less that looked at her like she was some kind of star, a hero with a special power.

“C’mon,” Archer urged her to follow as he turned toward the halls. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him, maybe she did. She wasn’t entirely sure. But it was his admiration that made her uneasy and Pinkamena followed hesitantly, positioning herself so she could use her mane to hide her face so he wouldn’t stare at it. He circled around her to talk anyway and she clicked along quickly to keep up with the colt’s happy trotting pace. It was almost dark now and the lanterns in the halls had been lit, giving them a yellowish glow to walk by, tinted a rusty orange by the wood that reflected it.

“So where’d you learn to play four square so well?” He asked her.

“I didn’t,” Pinkamena responded bluntly.

“What? But you’re so good at it.” She supposed she couldn’t really blame him for not believing her. She had won every game without so much as flinching. It was obvious for him to think she had played before, but even more obvious to her that she couldn’t explain what happened. She had just been reacting.

“I…I guess I’ve watched plenty of games,” She said as an excuse as if she could ever get a full grasp of any game just by watching.

“You mean nopony taught you how to play?” Archer asked. She shook her head using body language to answer him as much as she could. Her words just sounded clumsy right now.

“Wow,” Archer said almost to himself as he gazed dreamily ahead. “That’s amazing.” Was there anything she could have said that wouldn’t have merited the same reaction from him, she wondered? Perhaps if she told him she practiced religiously with all her free time by herself somehow, he might be less impressed. But then he might still admire her dedication. Pinkamena wasn’t sure if the fact that she found his praise slightly grating made her a bad pony somehow or if she was just so used to being aloof and ignored that the prospect of any kind of friend seemed frighteningly strange to her.

“My dad taught me how to play a while ago,” Archer told her. “And baseball too. That’s how I got my cutie mark.” Pinkmena gave the mark on the colt’s peachy colored fur a slightly envious glance. “Heh, there was this one time…” It was strange, Pinkamena thought. She had forgotten that Archer lived here too and realized that even as the colt spoke about his father, that figure was never to be part of his future. On that level, Pinkamena could at least relate to him a little. She found herself tempted to ask him what had happened to his mom and dad, but refrained considering what she might do if she were asked the same question. There weren’t very many good scenarios that separated fillies from their parents at such a young age. She could only hope that his experience was not as horrific as her own. The image of the fire was enough to frighten sleep away for the night and the mere thought of it being on her mind made her think that as soon as she closed her eyes that it would be there, waiting for her. Then, she would wake up alone again. Why did she always-

“Pinkamena?” She heard a voice. Looking up, she found nothing but a dark endless corridor in front of her. The lanterns down it weren’t lit and it looked as though it was ready to swallow her up, a gaping monstrosity that led into a familiar abyss. She panicked for a moment, but looking back, she found the hallway lit and Archer staring at her with a slightly tilted head and a confused face.

“Where are you going?” He asked. “The sleeping room is this way.” Pinkamena looked back to the darkened hall and immediately realized what she was doing. This was the same hall she had wandered down before. Even though it was overshadowed, she recognized its hollow depths and the way it veered off in a direction that nopony seemed to want to take.

“Right…” Pinkamena turned away and trotted back toward Archer who seemed as relieved as she did. Maybe he thought she might be going crazy for a moment. Maybe she was.

“Heh,” He laughed uneasily. “It’s a good thing Ms. Sunblossom had me go with you. You would’ve wandered off if I hadn’t been here.” He seemed pleased with his insight, but Pinkamena found too much truth in it to be amused. He was right. She would have wandered off, again.

“But isn’t that cool?” Taken off guard by the seemingly irrelevant follow-up question, Pinkamena could do nothing but agree, very generally. She nodded. A pang of guilt sunk in on her as they continued walking in an uneasy silence the rest of the way. She remembered he had been saying something before her mind had seized her and put her on auto-pilot as it dove into itself. She had no idea what Archer was asking her about.

They came to the door of the sleeping room and trotted in, finding several other fillies hoping about the dimly lit space, getting their last few minutes of play before they had to sleep. Archer stopped before turning to go to his bed as the colt’s beds were on the opposite side of the room from the girl’s.

“Hey,” Archer started. “If you feel up to it, do you wanna play baseball with us tomorrow?” He looked at her with an upturned expression that implied he didn’t expect much, but asking with the smallest bit of hope.

“O…Okay,” She answered tentatively. Archer’s eyes immediately lit up and he flapped his small wings gleefully.

“Really?” He asked in a happy need for clarification. Pinkamena nodded. She suddenly found herself in an awkward embrace as the colt propped himself up onto his hind legs to hug her. “You’re the best!”

“Thanks,” She said. She didn’t know why. She felt out of place with his fur against hers and his childish enthusiasm seemed to flutter around in the warmth that came from it. Staring over his shoulder, she looked at his wings. She wanted to touch them, just to remember what feathers felt like, but figured it would be strange to ask and was afraid it might remind her of her mom. Archer stepped back and scurried away toward his bed, climbing a wooden ladder up to the top bunk. He settled into the straw, picking up his blanket and looking back to her with a boyish grin. Pinkamena turned away and moved to her own bed, throwing herself into it and dragging the covers over her body in frustration. She hid under them, not just from Archer, but the whole room. All the fillies were still chatting and playing, but it still felt like they were all looking at her. She never knew how to act around others. Empathy wasn’t her strong suit. Remaining hidden under her covers, Pinkamena was a conflicted mix of happy and embarrassed. She might have fallen asleep where she was had a hoof not started prodded at her from outside her fabric bubble.

“Go away,” She said.

“Pinkamena why are you hiding under there?” Somepony asked. Pinkamena lifted the covers from her face.

“Ms. Sunblossom?” Pinkamena said. She suddenly realized she must have sounded really rude. “I-I’m sorry,” She apologized.

“You made it back,” Ms. Sunblossom said.

“Mhm,” Pinkamena affirmed. “What are you doing here?” It was a silly question. Ms. Sunblossom was always here to make sure all the fillies went to bed. She knew she meant to ask what Ms. Sunblossom was doing at her bedside in particular, but it came out wrong.

“I promised I’d tuck you in remember?” Ms. Sunblossom smiled. Pinkamena sat in a stupor for a few moments. She had completely forgotten. Her episode in getting lost already seemed like it happened a week ago. Not knowing what to say, she resorted to stretching up her front hooves from her bed and giving Ms. Sunblossom a hug.

“Thank you,” Pinkamena said.

“I appreciate it Pinkamena,” Ms. Sunblossom returned the gesture with one hoof using it afterward to lower Pinkamena back to her bed and pull her blanket up to her chin.

“Ms. Sunblossom?” Pinkamena started.

“Yes?” Pinkamena stopped. She wanted to ask Ms. Sunblossom about her daughter. Could what those colts were talking about be true? She wanted to know, but now that she had the opportunity, she hesitated. She didn’t want to ruin the moment. It seemed like it would be a bad topic to bring up considering Pinkamena had never seen anyone who claimed to be the mare’s daughter.

“Nevermind,” She resigned.

“Are you sure?” Ms. Sunblossom asked.

“It was nothing,” Pinkamena assured her, laying her head back to the bed, the familiar crackle of straw already lulling her to sleep.

“Alright. Sweet dreams Pinkie,” Ms. Sunblossom leaned in and gave Pinkamena a kiss on the forehead. The name was one she had never heard anypony call her before. She felt a strange kind of affection flitter over her as Ms. Sunblossom turned away to check on the rest of the room. It was a feeling she hadn’t felt since before the fire. That was probably the last time she had been tucked in as well.

As the lights went out, all the fillies said goodnight and Pinkamena pulled the covers back over her head. It filled her with warmth, but a lingering fear clung to her. No matter how many fuzzy situations she was put through, she couldn’t shake the image of the figure that had spoken to her in Ms. Sunblossom’s room. As she tried to sleep it still haunted her and once, when she peeked from under her covers at the darkened sleep room, she was convinced she saw it, glaring gleamy eyed at her from a corner of the room ready to utter its callous speeches. She sunk back under her blanket and didn’t lift it again, drifting off under its warm cottony shield, hiding from feelings both good and bad.