"I want to be an uncle...THAT'S AN ORDER, PRIVATE!"

by Dr Atlas

Rating: teen
Tags: Shining Armor, Sex, Flash Sentry, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1885

Shining wants to be an uncle, and Flash DOES NOT want to be a father, too bad for him, since Shining will make sure it will happen one way or another.

Shining doesn't feel very keen on having a foal or filly to look after.
He'd much rather have a niece or a nephew.
So, with Twilight being his only sibling,
and the only pony she seems to have a thing for is Flash,
(at least, that's what Shining thinks.)
The captain puts two and two together and comes up with one simple solution.
"PRIVATE! I order you to buck my sister!"

~And to this day, Atlas still regrets ever writing this fan fic~

Published 2014-09-28 19:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-28 19:50:07 UTC

The plan

“W-w-wh-WHAT!?”

Shining narrowed his eyes and stood over Flash. “Did I stutter, private Flash?” He said in the darkest tone of voice possible

Flash shook his head. “N-No sir...I-I’s just that...well…what?”

“Don’t ‘Well what’ me, private.” Shining continued to look down at the pony in front of him. “You heard me loud and clear, didn’t you?”

Flash was starting to think this was some test, that the captain would never say something like this to him, that it was some sick joke, that he didn’t ask him to...to…

Shining stomped his hoof on the castle floor, causing Flash to lose his train of thought and continue to quiver in fear. “Private!” Shining yelled. “Did you even understand what I said, much less hear what it was?”

Flush gulped. “Uh...sorta, I...uh...I’m still trying to...well, understand.”

“What’s not to understand? This order is as clear as I can make it, Flash.” Shining was starting to lose his patience with this pony. “What more do you need to know, should I go in detail?”

“NO!...N-no…” Flash shivered and continued. “I’d...just like to know if...what I’m hearing is...well...true” Flash tightened his grip on his spear, wanting to hold it in defense in case the captain punched him in the stomach.

Shining sighed. “Yes private, you heard me. I don’t want a son, or a daughter. I can’t take such responsibilities, you understand, right?” Shining raised a brow toward Flash, hoping this hint was enough for him.

But Flash continued to stand and looked baffled at his commanding officer. “S-Shining, sir, I-I don’t know if...well...I could-”

“I know you can, private. I’ve seen you on the field, not many ponies can jump hurdles as tall as yours, and the amount of laps you run without tiring out, I’m sure that kind of skill will work in this situation.”

Flash blushed. “I-I-W...what does running have to do with-”

“You have a lot of stamina,” Shining explained. “and being very athletic only means you can last longer.”

Flash’s face continued to go scarlet. He couldn’t believe a word this captain was saying to him. “Wh-what does lasting longer mean any-”

“It means you’ll have a better chance.” Shining crossed his arms. “And what’s with your face private?”

Flash could feel the burning on the sides of his face. “It’s...Well, what you’re talking about, sir, is very...well...personal and…and...awkward.”

Shining was baffled at that statement. “What's awkward about this, private. Heck, what you’ll be doing tonight will be the same thing you've done for the past years, but this time it will be with a mare.”

“I’m not...wait, past years...Y-you think that-” Flash held his hoof up in defense.

“I don’t think, I know. Almost everypony does it, heck, Even I did it before I met Cadance.”

Flash almost fell to the floor, all this talk about this was bad enough, now Shining was bringing his wife in the matter. “Before, so-so you don’t-”

Shining wrapped a hoof around Flash’s neck. “I’ll admit, private, for a long time, I was pretty bored and lonely, until I met Cadance, that mare and her beautiful eyes, that soft hair, and that...luscious pink body made me think about her for months when I was off duty.”

Now Flash was so embarrassed that he wanted to run. He struggled to get out of the grip Shining put him in, but it was too strong for him to do it, even Shining wasn’t noticing him doing it as he gazed into the distance. “And let me tell you, private. I’m pretty sure she did the same, you do the same, right?”

“W-what?” Flash dropped his jaw, wondering why his captain was asking him this instead of his mother.

“Oh come on, private, you can tell me, in fact, tell me who you think of at the time.”

“Think of? What do you-”

“Who’s the mare, it is a mare, right?” Shining was starting to think this plan would backfire at this point, not the private’s opinion, but what Flash was into.

“Y-yes Sir, I-I like mares, b-but...uh…” Flash looked down, not wanting Shining to see the still crimson face he had on.

“But what, you think of her, right?” Shining had to be sure this whole this was perfect. This plan could fail at any moment, and he didn’t want that to happen.

“W-who…” Flash asked stupidly, he knew all too well what Shining was talking about.

“What do you mean ‘who?’” Shining didn’t realize it, but he was tightening his grip on Flash the more he talked. “I’m talking about the fourth princess, the alicorn, slightly tall, purple, one of the elements. Come on, Flash, tell me who. Who do you think of at night?”

Shining waited for an answer, but Flash struggled and had a face of blue instead of red. Shining rolled his eyes and let go of him, making Flash gasp for air and collapsed on the ground. “Well?”

“Deh...whel...do whah….what?”

Shining growled. “Do you think of her while you’re hoofin’ it? Yes or no, private!?” Shining stood over him, his body right above Flash’s

Flash gulped. “W-well, Wh-when I am...stressed...or...bored...I...Uh…” Flash realized that his face was within inches of the captain’s. “Y-e...yeah...I-I-I do.”

Shining stepped away and wiped the sweat off his head. “Oh good, I thought for sure you would think of someone else. You don’t, right?”

Flash got up and shook his head furiously. “N-no sir, I-I I’m single, so...I don’t have any-”

“Well, you won’t be tonight private,” Shining smiled. “Soon, you’ll be a full fledged father, with responsibilities I wish I had.”

Flash dropped his jaw again. “So you want to have a child? T-then why do you-”

Shining glared at him. “I never said I wanted to have one, private, I just said I wish I could have the same responsibilities, which is where you come in, you’ll make me have them in a...different way.”

“How?” Flash was starting to think that this plan was, not only insane, but also stupid.

Shining scratched the back of his neck. “Well, when I’m not on duty, I’ll be sure to stop by and see how you, her, and the little bundle of joy, are doing, and when both of you are busy, I’ll be there to take care.” Shining held a hoof to his chest.

“Nice rhymes, b-but how will I still be part of my work, what if it...well, interferes with my...guarding.” Flash was now thinking of ways to get out of this.

“It won’t. If Twilight can handle having one baby, I’m sure she can do the same with two.”

“I mean me.”

Shining waved his hoof. “I’m sure you can handle having that and being active in duty, as for me, I have too many responsibilities, and last I heard, you only have guarding to worry about.”

Flash started fidgeting. “I...I don’t know about this, captain, what she...well, doesn't want to.”

“Oh please, I see the way she looks at you, and I know you do the same, right?”

Flash blushed again. He had no idea how to answer this, he wasn’t so sure about his feelings with her, and it wasn’t every night he thought about her. “Uh…”

Shining gave him a slight punch in the arm. “I’ll take that as a yes. So, you understand this assignment now, right?”

Flash did, but he had a tough time figuring out the little things. “I...W-why aren’t you mad?”

Shining laughed. “Why would I be mad?”

“Well, I’m...messing with your sister, so-”

“So what? My sister knew who Cadance was when I was about to marry her, and she wasn’t mad, and since I know you. It only makes it fair.”

“Fair?” Flash had a tough time trying to see the logic in that.

Shining leaned into his ear. “But if anyone asks, I had no idea about this, and be sure to prepare for when I get mad at you in front of everyone. It only makes it more believable.”

Flash stepped back from him. “H-how? How is you being mad believable?”

“Well, a simple private trying to marry an alicorn could cause a lot of strange eyes.”

“M-M-M-MARRY!?” Flash had to take that in while Shining started to explain.

“Well, duh! When others find out about you doing this, you’ll want to get married. What, did you think that this would all be over in one night? No siree. This will take a while, and sure it will be hard, but I’ll make sure to put you second in command after this.”

Flash couldn’t take it anymore, he had to say no, now! “Sir, I don’t want to...second in command?” Flash wanted to make sure he was hearing that right.

Shining nodded. “You might even be prince at her kingdom, that would be pretty nice, eh?” Shining nudged his shoulder while Flash stared off into the distance.

“A-uh-uh...a prince?” Flash would never think of such a thing, to think that doing this would not only make him second in command to such a large army, but also being a prince, that was too much an honor for him to have.

“I’ll tell you right now, being a prince aint all that bad, you got the servants, the caterers, the pleasure of being noticed, and having a beautiful wife too.”

Flash could almost see it now, him sitting at the throne right next to Twilight, and others catering to his every whim. “Wow…”

Shining smacked him out of his trance with a hoof to the back of his head. “Ey, this isn’t about being a high commander now, this is about me being an uncle. Remember?”

Flash nodded furiously. “Of- of course, I remember. Just….second in command?”

Shining rolled his eyes. “Don’t push it, private.”

“Y-yes sir.” Flash saluted on instinct.

Shining smiled. “Good, so, a recap, where are you going?”

“To the train station.”

“And after that?”

“T-to Twilight’s place.”

“And you’ll do what.”

Flash shook, hoping the next words he would say were not only happen, but would not give him a black eye from his commanding captain. “Uh...m-mate with your sister?”

Shining sighed. “Not mate, just have sex with her, and you better make sure it’s good, I don’t want her complaining about how bad it was when all four of us ask how it went.”

Flash gulped. “W-well sir...I-I’ve never really done this before...Well, not with anyone else.”

Shining patted his back. “It’s kinda the same thing, private, trust me, I’m sure you’ll figure it out, now, if you would excuse me.” Shining started trotting off, leaving Flash to think about things.

“Where are you going?” Flash asked.

“To get a letter.” Shining yelled behind him. “You can’t just go over there without a reason, that would be creepy.”

“Like this isn’t creepy enough.” Flash muttered to himself.

Shining turned to the nearest corner, leaving Flash to himself. As for Flash, all he could think of was what would happen after all of this, and how it would all go down, but the one thing that scared him most was this.

“Hopefully she wouldn't punch me again.” He laughed nervously before he looked down and groaned, knowing full well the first time he met her, she practically hated him the second she saw him.

“I need to find a new job.”