Some random non-fiction stories that definitely did happen in and outside of Equestria and a dislikes bar that looks like a light saber

Chapters

I Kumquats
III Twilight's Midnight Fun
II Bio-accumulation

I Kumquats

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly, birds were serenading, everything was at peace. Until something completely unexpected happened at Canterlot castle.

Princess Celestia had just risen the majestic sun and was now strolling down the long and admirable halls of the castle, greeting the hardworking guards as she walked by. She was hungry - hungry for Cheerioats. She decided to get breakfast herself this morning, so the royal chefs wouldn't have to.

After the relaxing walk down the corridors, Celestia finally found herself inside the large kitchen. She wanted Cheerioats and apple juice. She got herself a bowl with a green ivy design from the cupboards and trotted over to the cereal cupboard. As she was about to open the cupboard, she spotted something brightly colored out of the corner of her eye. She turned around to get a better view of the strange object. Her eyes laid upon an orange fruit. It wasn't an orange, Celestia knew that. It was elongated and had a hypnotizing pattern on the skin of it. It was a very bright hue of orange. The fruit was out of place, but Celestia had plans to put it back in the fruit basket where it belonged! However, something was stopping her from picking up the mysterious fruit. It wasn't something tangible that was stopping her, nor was it a magical spell. It was her self conscious. The fruit seemed like it was begging to be eaten.

So you know what Celestia did? She grabbed a sharp knife from the drawers and sliced the fruit open. Thick and creamy juices were squirting out of the fruit as it was being elegantly penetrated by the knife. But all of a sudden, the fruit exploded into uncountable pieces! The aroma of citrus flooded the kitchen and bits of fruit splatted uncouthly onto the once shiny white walls. Bits of food got caught in Celestia's gravity defying mane and tail. But that was the least of her worries, because a bright light was now rising from where the fruit exploded. There was then a loud SCREEEAAAACH and all the drama came to a halt.
Then, the kitchen doors swung wide open and the one and only Obama came in.
"Obama! Where did you put my cardigan?" Asked Celestia, desperately. Obama gave no answer. He just walked slowly towards Celestia, keeping eye contact.
Princess Celestia now knew what that fruit was. It was a kumquat.

Meanwhile, Princess Luna was eating an apple whilst basking in the sweet sunlight. The apple then extorted and exploded - unexpectedly, Bob Marley warped into the room Luna was in and was crouched on top of a wooden bookshelf, expectantly eyeing Luna.
"BOBBY MAH BOY!" shouted Luna, in the royal Canterlot voice. She galloped up to him and gave him a passionate hug. But that moment didn't last long because Bob then transformed into Daring Do's hat.
"Oops, I gotta go pee." said the French pith helmet.
Luna, now far beyond confusion, had the sudden urge to use the restroom.
"So do I!" Luna replied.
But there was only one toilet in the entire castle and both ponies were desperate to go. So they made a decision and had a pee together on the same toilet. The pith helmet sat lifelessly on the left side of the toilet seat while Luna sat on the other. Their urine splashed into the toilet causing some to splash onto the tip of Luna's curved moon flank, whereas for the pith helmet the urine was splashing the rim of the hat.

Back in Ponyville...

Princess Alicorn Magical Twilight Sparkle was sitting on a ~~mahogany chair in her wooden library~~ crystal throne in her new crystal tree palace reading a book made out of oranges. She got to the end of the first story and then said "...What did I just read?" in a quizzical tone.

Author's Note

lel

III Twilight's Midnight Fun

It was a peaceful night, the residents of Ponyville were all sleeping in their quaint little abodes. In the not-so-humble-crystal-castle, Spike the dragon was asleep in his warm little dragon bed. However, he soon awoke to a strange sound coming from down the hall, muffled by a door or two.. In Spike’s sleepy state, he half-heartedly dragged himself out of his cocoon of blankets and looked around the room. His emerald eyes first lay upon Twilight’s bed. She wasn’t there. He had thoughts about going back to sleep; his bed seemed so inviting. Those thoughts were abruptly interrupted by another unidentifiable noise coming from outside the bedroom. Spike didn’t know what the sound was, so he did what anypony else would do: he went to investigate.

Intrigued, Spike walked over to the bedroom door and blindly felt for the door handle, as it was dark. Eventually his cold claws found the handle, and he opened the door. He took a step outside the bedroom. The long crystal corridor awaited Spike. It was dark - the moonlight being the only light source. He noticed some light flooding out from the kitchen. In that same direction, quiet moans could be heard. Spike stood dead-still and focused his hearing on the kitchen door. Was it Twilight?

Spike was very intrigued now. He quietly walked down the long corridor and finally reached the kitchen door. Then he put one of his scaly ear against the opaque crystal door and listened. He could hear heavy breathing, accompanied by some moans. The moans got a bit louder, and then slop noises could be heard. Eventually gasping could be heard.
“Mmm, yeah…” a voice protruded from the kitchen.

That was definitely Twilight’s voice, Spike thought. He brought his arm up to the door handle, grasped the handle, and pulled.

The door shot open. Twilight yelled in surprise as Spike burst through the door. The first thing Spike saw was a white substance on Twilight’s hooves and around her mouth. An item Twilight was levitating dropped to the floor, and white creamy stuff poured out of it.
“Oh, Spike! What’re you doing up this late?” Twilight asked as she levitated a napkin over and wiped her mouth and hooves.
“Uh, shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Spike replies.
“Well, a few days ago I ordered Canterlot’s most delicious ice cream ever because Princess Celestia recommended it to me. And when we had both gone to bed today, I heard the doorbell ring. So I got up and answered the door. It was the delivery pony with the ice cream I had ordered! I immediately took the tub of ice cream and couldn’t wait to dig in. I trotted to the kitchen and grabbed a spoon and began eating immediately. It tastes so good! You want some?”
“Um, sure!” Spike asked.

The pony and the dragon then spent the rest of Luna’s night eating glorious ice cream!

Author's Note

:trollestia:

II Bio-accumulation

A farmer wearing denim overalls and Nike hoof shoes was in his humble farm on the outskirts of Trottingham. He sprayed pesticide onto his crops. Spiders roaming on the farm started to eat the crops, but also ate poison from the pesticide in the process. The spiders didn't eat enough poison each to kill themselves though. The spiders then went back to minding their own business, until a group of a dozen hummingbirds gracefully swooped down onto the spider's territory and started pecking the spiders with their sharp beaks.

The hummingbirds had eaten the poisoned spiders, but that wasn't quite enough poison to kill the hummingbirds. The group of hummingbirds flapped their wings vigorously to reach their forest. As soon as they had reached their trees, a griffon, none other than Gilda, landed powerfully onto the pure earth's soft grass. Gilda had been kicked out of her hometown due to some circumstances and had thus been left homeless - meaning no food. Gilda had one option, and one option only: to eat wild animals.

Gilda roared as loud as your mother-in-law on her monthly, and started to crush all animals in sight. This included the hummingbirds. The enraged griffon terrorized the place. After a long scene of destruction, Gilda finally stopped and settled. She slowly stepped towards the dead hummingbirds and ate every single one of them. She suddenly had a flashback back to when she was still in school, she remembered her teachers babbling on about poison and hoohah. Gilda was brought back to reality as she realized that she is likely to die of poisoning! So she, being the feather brain she is, panicked and passed out.

Rainbow Dash just happened to be passing by. She saw Gilda! But unluckily for her, Dash hated Gilda's guts, yet loved to eat them. Dash used her ferocious battle skills to slaughter Gilda while she was still unconscious. The raging pegasus pulled out Gilda's feathers and shoved them down Gilda's throat. She ripped off Gilda's claws and used them to slice Gilda's neck! She then grabbed a large branch from a tree and penetrated Gilda with the large piece of wood. Once Dash was sure Gilda was no longer alive, she grilled Gilda (that would get rid of a lot of poison from Gilda's body) and sliced off the more edible pieces. Dash was surprised by how good griffons tasted!

Author's Note

I DONT KNOW