Lunargeddon

by Iamawesome

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 3765

Will Twilight and her companions be able to survive a jungle of bad plans, physics defying plot holes and forseable twists and ultimately (and literally) save the day, or will Equestria be lost in darkness forever ?

When Nightmare Moon casts the entire world in darkness at the thousands Summer Sun Celebration, things are dire.
In a desperate attempt to safe Ponykind from death by freezing temperatures or vitamin-D lack, Twilight Sparkle comes up with a dangerous plan:
A team of hoofpicked experts will land on the moon to drill a hole and blow it up from the inside.

Will Twilight and her companions be able to survive a jungle of bad plans, physics defying plot holes and forseable twists and ultimately (and literally) save the day, or will Equestria be lost in darkness forever ?

A parody upon bad (which means all) catastrophe movies in general and 'Armageddon' in particular.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-20 17:22:44 UTC

Boom!

"Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!" Nightmare Moon let out another evil laughter before turning into mist and flowing out of the door.

Twilight barley noticed the rainbow maned Pegasus charging out after her. She had to get to the Library.

Libraries were the best place to die

Only in the Library she could find the means to defeat Nightmare Moon.

She quickly threw the unconscious Spike onto her back and ran out into the night.

"Uh... We gotta stop Nightmare!... "  Obviously Spike regained consciousness for a few seconds before falling back into his lazy slumber.

"You've been up all night, Spike"  , Twilight chuckled,  " You are a baby dragon after all."  She thought a moment before adding:  "Besides, nopony would like to hear your boring voice during our adventure."  She chuckled again, but quickly remembered the dire situation.  "Elements, elements, elements... Ugh! How can I stop Nightmare Moon without the Elements of Harmony?"

Just then the Pegasus from earlier decided it was time for her grand entrance.  "And just what are the Elements of Harmony?"  , she asked suspiciously.  "And how did you know about Nightmare Moon, huh? Are you a spy?"

Thankfully she was restrained by the orange Earth-Pony (Applejack, if Twilight was correct) who seemed to have conserved some of her sanity.

"Simmer down, Sally. She ain't no spy. But she sure knows what's going on. Don't you, Twilight?"

Well, that was a question she could answer.  " I read all about the prediction of Nightmare Moon. Some mysterious objects called the Elements of Harmony are the only things that can stop her, but I don't know what they are, where to find them; I don't even know what they do!"

Again it was Applejack who spoke.  "Well sugarcube, why don't you ask the Princess? She is your teacher, right? She would know how to handle or find them."

"Obviously because... "  Twilight thought for a moment  "Actually that is a pretty good idea. I could at least try to contact her."

Princess Celestia was rudely awoken by a small object vibrating against her chest. For a moment she thought about ignoring it and going back to slumber. She was busy doing just that, when the treacherous object also started beeping. For an even longer moment she thought about banishing it to the sun. Then she sighted and picked up her mobile.

After a whole minute Twilight about to give up, when the call was finally answered.

"Hello my most faithful student!"

"Princess! Are you okay?"

"Yes. What's the matter?"

"Nightmare Moon showed up at the Summer Sun Celebration! Why weren't you there?"  Twilight desperately tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

"Well, before she went to Ponyville, she showed up in my room and - "

Her disappointment immediately changed to fear.  "She didn't hurt you, did she?"

"No, but she grounded me and told me not to leave my chambers!"

Twilight thought about this for a few seconds.

"Damn! So you are out of the game!"

"Yes. I'm sorry my student"

"Listen Princess, we need to get the Elements of Harmony working. They are our only chance! You handled them before. Could you tell me, how -"

"Twilight"  Princess Celestia's voice was very calm when she answered:  "Regarding the elements, I have to ask you an important question: Have you followed my advice and made some friends?"

"No Princess, I'm sorry. I didn't have the time, because I needed to find a way to stop Nightmare Moon."

Celestia sighted. "Then all hope is lost. The Elements need friendship to power them up. Without it, they will be nothing more than worthless stones to you."

"So it was all my fault. Wait a minute, that means we still have some chance! There are some nice ponies with me, maybe I can just invite them for a sleepover and then we go stop Nightmare Moon."

"No. True friendship doesn't come from convenience. You would not fool the Elements."

"But that means -"  Twilight tried, but failed to acknowledge the whole situation.  "That means - [gulp]  Eternal Night - [gulp]  No sun - [gulp] Ponies will die. If my estimates are correct, the temperature will fall down to minus forty degrees in just one month. And what about the plants? There is no way we can grow food! And we need the sun to produce vitamin D! We will all die from Vitamin D lack!"

"Twilight, please calm down - "

"No! I refuse to let this happen!"

"Twilight, I do not doubt your determination. But there is no way to negotiate with my sister in this state."

"Then we must find a way without negotiation. Even if you have no control over the sun, we - "

"Who said anything about that? I still have full control over my celestial body. Even Luna can't cut my connection."

"Then why don't you just raise the sun? I know it would be strange to have both the sun and the moon in the sky, but it is still better than dying."

"You fail to see the bigger picture. Eques is a sphere. Normally there would be always a side that s in the sun. But my sister uses her moon to block out the sunlight by keeping it in between Eques and the sun. If I move my sun, she can simply move the moon to follow it."

"Oh. That's ... Wait a minute. Princess, what you tell me is not scientifically possible."

"Twilight, -"

"No Princess, listen to me! The moon is way smaller than both Eques and the sun. That means that even at an optimal position, it could only completely block the sun in a really small area."

"Twilight, I -"

"There is no way she could keep eternal night on the whole planet like this. It is simple geometry. Just look at it:"

"Twilight, please!"

"But... "

"Twilight, I admire your determination. But don't underestimate my sister.

Her plan is way to evil and vile for mere logic to stop it.

Believe me when I tell you that as long as her moon is in the sky, there is nothing I can do."

Twilight sighted  "As long as the moon is in the sky... So we really can't do anything." Then she started thinking. "As long as the moon is in the sky... Hmm, the moon is in the - sky! "

The solution was simple. Almost to simple to find it. Almost.

"Celestia, we need to get the moon out of the sky!"

"And how could we do that? Only my sister can lower it and as I told you we cannot negotiate with - "

"I didn't say I wanted to lower it. I said I want to get it out of the way."

"But how"

"We blow it up."

"Just like that? Boom?"

"Yes, just like that."

"You might be right. Exploding stuff is always worth a shot when facing a big problem. But are our explosives strong enough?"

"Canterlot scientists recently found a way to split matter itself to create huge amounts of energy. With a so called nuclear bomb inserted into a hole we drill to the moon's surface beforehoof, I believe we will get enough explosive force to shatter the moon.

"Hmmm...  That might actually work. But somepony would have to drill the hole and deliver the bomb. One would have to be pretty insane to do that."

"Don't worry, Princess Celestia. As it is, I know just the ponies for the job."

With a determined face, Twilight walked back and forth in front of the five equines before her.

"Alright. You know that the situation is dire. Nightmare Moon threatens us with eternal night. If she carries it out, ponies will freeze, starve and devitaminize. Hmm, devitaminize... Is that actually a word? ... Never mind! Celestia has been grounded and is out of action. The Elements of Harmony won't work, because I don't care enough about you. And we have no hope to win with negotiation.

But we are not called Americans- ehr... Equestrians, because we give up. We are Equestrians, because we fight.

Our enemy expects us to sit back in fear and calmly await our death, but we will take the fight right to her doorstep.

I cannot force any of you to do this. But remember: Equestria needs you! The world needs you!

Let's go and bring back the day!"

She turned to the first pony in the row.

"Rainbow Dash. Commander of the local weather team. Fastest Pegasus alive. Wonder bolt material. The way you can fly, you can probably also steer an airship. I can't think of a better pony to fly us to our target."

Rainbow Dash nodded and saluted.

"Applejack. Apple Farmer. Strong with earth Earth-Pony magic. Bucking champion. Since you are very good with trees, I will just assume that you can equally well handle a 5 ton vertical drill equipment in space."

"Uhm, Twilight ...?"

"Pinkie Pie."

"Wheeeee, my time! "

"Let me finish please. Thank you.

As I said, Pinkie Pie. Works in a bakery. Spends most of her time planning surprise parties for random ponies. Since everything we do in this mission will completely offend the laws of physics and you have quite some experience with that, you will supervise everything."

"Oki Doki Loki!"

"Rarity. Fashion designer. Special talent with gems. Ahm... Well... I guess from my estimates, that with a 61.8 percent probability, nuclear bombs are not all that different from gems.

You will be our radiation expert. Just read some of the manuals before we launch."

"I cannot really say I know, what you are talking about, but I will try  my best, darling."

"That is true Equestrian spirit! Let's see. Ah, Fluttershy. Ahm...          Well I don't really know, why you are here, but - "

"Uhh, I know! She can be the chick we take with us without apparent reason, who always stalls us and needs rescuing, before having to face her fears to save the mission!"

"Ahm, yes Pinkie, let's just go with that. Besides... , we need a second Pegasus to steer the other airship."

"Uhm, Twilight? I don't think, that -"

"Does that mean everypony is in?"

"Darling, not that I want to drop out, but in for what exactly?"

"Oh, did I not tell you? First, we will use two very convenient, space capable airship prototypes from the royal guard to reach the moon.

Once landed, we will deploy two  8x8, 4000 horsepower, electrically self propelled carriage-rovers to drive to point alpha.

There we will unload our mobile drilling equipment and make a four kilometres deep hole into the surface.

Afterwards, we will insert a nuke, fly away very fast and blow up the moon from the distance.

If my calculations are correct, this will shatter the moon and clear a path for Celestia's sun to break through.

Any questions?"

Of cause they couldn't just leave it at that. No, they had to try to rip her beautiful plan apart. Not that they even came close to succeeding.

"Ah have two things, sugarcube. First of all, why do we use two airships and two rovers? That seem kind of useless." Secondly, even if we use two airships, what exactly do we need the 8x8, 4000 horsepower, electrically self propelled rovers for?

Call me stupid, but it would be a much better plan to just land at - uhm, what was it called? - point alpha and use the spare weight for more drilling equipment or explosives.

"Well Applejack, that is a good thing to notice. To answer your second question: Landing directly at point alpha might have a better chance of success, however, would we be doing it that way,  "Twilight said, giving Applejack a deadpan stare,"  we wouldn't get to use the 8x8, 4000 horsepower, electrically self propelled rovers!

As for your first question: One of the two ships or rovers will almost certainly fail horribly, killing everypony inside. By having a second one, we make sure that at least three of us survive. Anything else?

Yes, Rarity?"

"Uhm Twilight,-"  Rarity gulped,  "I ,uhm, can I drop out of the mission?"

"Rarity, we need you! Equestria needs you! You are the only one who knows enough about radiation to safely operate the bombs. Mhh... Or at least you will be, once you get through the manual. But if that is what you ask me for, I - "

"No, sorry"  , Rarity said, collecting herself,  "That just slipped out after your last sentence. Don't know what could have possibly triggered it. Never mind.

What I actually wanted to ask was... "

Rarity inhaled deeply, before letting out a fast, yet somehow very graceful stream of words.

"Twilight, darling, do you realize, that we are talking about the moon here? It is a thing of such grace and elegance. Do we really have to blow it up? Think of all the romance novels. What should the authors write about, if there was no romantic moon over the midnight picnic? Maybe eternal night is the better choice."

"Well, I am glad that you decided against leaving us," Twilight said relieved,  "but I hate romance novels. Your argument has been declared invalid. Any other questions?

"Uhm, Twilight? -"

"No? Then let's go!"

"T minus three minutes !", Said a mechanical voice from a speaker above Twilight's head.

It was time. Twilight looked around in the cockpit and checked if everything was alright. In front of her sat a shivering Fluttershy at the controls. Somewhere in the back of the room Rarity sat busy going through a copy of 'Nuclear Chain Reactions (for Dummies) - A Beginners Guide' and 'Why is my cat glowing in the dark?! And 205 other things you always wanted to know about radiation!'.

Since Twilight could see no immediate problems, she activated the comm.

"Alright Commander Pinkie, this is Commander Twilight aboard the 'Harmonious Life'. We are cleared for takeoff. Everything okay with the 'Importance Of Friendship' - crew?"

"Uhm Twilight? Where is the button so that I can talk back over comm?"

Twilight facehooved.  "Pinkie, since I can hear your voice, you have already found it!"

"I have? Oh! You are right! I have!"

"Okay then? How is the situation over there?"

"Well, I'm super duper fine as always! Rainbow Dash is a bit bored and I already had to stop her once, before she managed to overwrite the starting sequence and launch immediately. Applejack is relaxing on the onboard couch."

"Isn't she reading the literature I gave her on drilling equipment?"

"No, she said she will be fine. And since she is the Element of Honesty, she - Wait, scratch that! She isn't the Element of Honesty, but she is so honest, that I have to believe her.

"Well, if she thinks she has everything under control, that's her decision."

"Yes Twilight, so -"

"T minus one point five minutes! This is Houston aka Celestia's bedroom. Do you copy?"

Twilight knew that voice!  "Shining? And did you just say...? Shining Armor, what are you doing in Celestia's bedroom? What would Cadence say if she knew? You should be very ashamed."

"Hey Twiley, I'm fine too, thank you for asking! And yes I am in Celestia's chambers, but not for the reasons you think. Since Celestia is grounded and cannot leave, we are currently establishing Mission Command over here. ... Wait a moment. ... No! ... Put the flatscreen over the bed and the Comm-station over there please. ... No. ... Celestia! ... Can you please give this guy permission to remove your commode to get some space for Flight Control? ... Thanks! ... Alright, I'm back. Everything okay with you?"

"Yes everything is okay. I take it you are in charge of this whole operation?"

"I couldn't let my little sister go against Nightmare Moon all by herself, could I?"

"Really? That is what it is all about? I should have known. You do know, that I am not ten anymore, do you?"

"Twilight stop! Please, -"

"No! This has been going for too long! I am my own mare and don't need you fussing about me all the time!"

"Alright, you made your position clear. How about we do not go into that discussion about who is responsible for whom and just agree, that I will not keep you from helping Equestria by risking your life and in turn you will not keep me from helping Equestria by making sure you succeed? Deal? *T -45 seconds by the way*"

"Deal. But only if you don't tell Mom and Dad about this. They would so totally freak out!"

"I wasn't planning to. Just who do you think they would blame for letting you go?"

Twilight let out a relieved sigh. Her brother was handled, so now she only had to make sure that their take off would work. She went for the comm once again.

"Pinkie?"

"Hey, you are back! We were just talking and then suddenly you weren't talking anymore and I thought: Hey, why's Twilight not there anymore? And then I suspected the evil smooze to be behind this."

"Pinkie, don't be ridiculous! There is no such thing!"

"Yes there is! I can prove it! They even made a movie out of it!

"And that is why you shouldn't believe everything your tv tells you!"

"You are so wrong Twilight! The smooze - "

"T minus thirty seconds"

"Let's talk about the smooze once we are in space, shall we? Now we have to concentrate on navigating our flight path."

"Uhm Twilight? Not that I want to worry you, but what kind of flight path?"

"What? You don't know about the flight path and you are telling me now, thirty seconds before takeoff?"

"And how was I even supposed to know that there was a flight path?"

"Well how did you plan to get to the moon without one?"

"Oh Twilight, silly, that is easy! You simply point the nose towards the moon and engage your engines with full thrust until you are there. How else would you get to the moon?"

Twilight barley resisted the urge to facehoof. Why did nopony ever know the least bit about orbital mechanics? Stuff like this should be considered common knowledge. "Pinkie Pie! Flying in space doesn't work like that!"

"Why not? How can one not get to the moon if one keeps going into the right direction?"

"Well, by doing it your way, you would reach the moon at some point, if you didn't run out of fuel way before. If we want to succeed, you will have to perform a gravity turn, get into an elliptic orbit and use the planet's gravity well to slingshot outwards, otherwise you will loose a lot of energy."

"Hihi, I didn't really understand a word. Except for 'slingshot'. I like slingshots! They are really great for pranks. I just remember that prank where RD and me shot firecrackers at Major Mare during her election campaign."

"I don't think I really want to hear about that! Besides, - "

"T minus fifteen seconds"

Twilights mane jumped into disarray wile she frantically looked around in the cockpit. "Rarity?"

The addressed mare looked up from her book. "What is it Twilight?"

"Quick! Do you have 'Orbital Mechanics (for Dummies)?"

Rarity looked through the stack next to her.

"I have only have 'Radiations (for Dummies)', 'Nuclear Chain Reactions (for Dummies)', 'Space Suit Operation (for Dummies)', 'Operational Business Administration (for Dummies)' and 'Patent Registration (for Dummies)'. Sorry."

Damn! How did she miss that book? It definitely was on the packing list. But things weren't lost yet. She would just have to improvise. Twilight was good a improvising.

"Pinkie Pie, listen to me. I am now going to explain you the basics of orbital mechanics. I will only explain this once, so listen up."

"T minus ten seconds"

"Orbital mechanics is based upon the law of gravity, which states that F equals G point M₁ point M₂ through r."

"What does M mean? And r? And G? And what is the difference between M₁ and M₂? And where does icecream come in?"

"T minus nine"

"Well, M₁ and M₂ are two masses, r is their distance, G the gravitational constant stating 6,673848⋅10 ⁻¹¹ N m² /kg² and F is the resulting force. But that is just easy peasy side stuff. The important thing is -"

"T minus eight"

"Okay, I have to do this quickly. The Potential Energy you want to gain in a height transfer first needs to be gained as Kinetic Energy, which means that you have to increase your orbital velocity to get a higher final altitude. Did you get everything?"

"T minus seven"

"Well, kind of, I - "

"That's great Pinkie! Now that you have figured out the easy part so fast, we can start with the hard stuff."

"T minus six"

"I don't want to disappoint you, but -"

"T minus five"

"Where was I? Right. If you were to go straight up, during the time you gain your velocity, your engines would also have to hold you up against gravity, which means that you loose vital fuel."

"T minus four"

"Therefore a stable elliptic orbit with a prograde acceleration burn, displaced by half an orbit against your actual target point is the better choice."

"T minus three"

"Pinke? Are you even listening?"

"Enope."

"Pinkie!", Twilight shouted while resisting the drive to throw her head at the wall repeatedly. Barley. Mostly, because the next wall was too far away.

"T minus two"

"I'm sorry, but watching Rainbow Dash droll from boredom is way more interesting!"

And so the whole plan to get Pinkie understand Physics fell apart.  "This isn't going to work, is it?"

"Enope."

"T minus one"

Time for plan B.  "Okay. Just tell Rainbow Dash to copy the 'Harmonious Life's' movements."

"Oki doki loki!"

Whew!

"T minus zero. Helium pressure within tolerance. Releasing lauch clamps."

A shudder went through the airship as the helium envelope made them gain vertical velocity.

They went straight upwards for about  ten seconds, before the 'Harmonious Life veered sideways with an "Eep" from the command station.

"Twilight! You are leaving the ascend path."

"Yes Shining, I know! Fluttershy? What's up?"

"Eep"

"What was that?"

"I'm sorry Twilight."

"Don't be. Everything is okay. What is your problem?"

"I don't know how to fly an Airship."

"What? Of cause you can. You are a Pegasus. Flying comes naturally to you."

"But I'm not good with flying."

"And you are telling me now?"

"I tried, to tell earlier, but I was so afraid of disappointing you."