CHIPS

by a guy with many hats

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Human
Length: 1885

Deep in the eastern sea of Equestria sit some of the most brutal creations in the universe. But when a tiny little half pony needs help, it falls upon a man among ponies to come to the rescue, all with a bag of chips.

Deep in the eastern sea of Equestria sit some of the most brutal creations in the universe. But when a tiny little half pony needs help, it falls upon a man among ponies to come to the rescue, all with a bag of chips.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-27 14:40:04 UTC

Nibble

I leaned over the edge of my boat, watching the blue-green water slosh against the white painted wood. Everything was calm, not too hectic but still busy enough to keep me on edge. But like the sea, things would always shift on a moment's notice, and I could be turned upside down or attacked by some vicious shark looking for a meal. But this was what I was needed for, fishing and pulling pound after pound of fresh meat for griffons and dragons, all the while getting shouted at by some blustering pony vegan.

I turned towards a small bucket of chum I had. It was disgusting work, dealing with the sea, but work ponies didn't like to involve themselves in directly. Of course Baltimare needed bits, and fish for griffons was as sure a way as any. The birds needed to eat, and they couldn't grow a thing on their craggy little continent.

A scoop of chum into the water and I spotted something floating amongst the fish chunks. Something blue and something mewling around, crying out hazily as it floated helplessly through the red goop. A tiny little sardine, glowing blue and trying to latch onto a chunk of fish. It was pitiful, the tiny being barely able to propel itself let alone latch onto the meat.

"Aw...poor thing." I turned back, filling the chum bucket with seat water and grabbing a net from the deck and fishing the tiny creature out of the water. It started chirping and flailing its' thick tail and trying to jump free of the net. "Hold on little fish...hold on...." I dumped the tiny thing out into the bucket, watching it chirp and mewl as it swam into the side of the bucket.

I tossed the foul smelling net down, turning to throw the net out. And with a loud splash I was sent the net overboard and spun around to the bucket. I grabbed the handle, drudging over to the cabin of my humble boat and finding a seat while we coasted and let the net fan out. "Alright...what we got here?" I plopped the bucket between my legs, turning it until I had an unobstructed view into the metal bin.

The strange fish was swimming around, chirping like mad as it clawed a set of tiny plated hooves at the edges. It was crying like mad, tugging at my heartstrings witch each plink off the side of the bucket and desperate dive to the bottom. "Aw come on now...I'm not that scary." I cooed, dipping my hand into the slightly red water. "I ain't gonna hurt ya."

The tiny creature swam to the bottom, staying pinned against the metal floor as I hung my fingers limply in the water. I swirled the water around, resting my arm on my knee as it hung for the strange hoofed creature to explore. But the tiny thing never left the bottom, only bubbles and fish guts greeting my skin. "...Alright, maybe you're hungry, gonna take a stab at that...." I looked behind me, spotting a box of crackers sitting across the helm. I snagged a saltine and dipped it back into the water, hanging my hand along for the stay.

It wasn't exactly the safest thing, but the noises it was making back in the water weren't exactly the most threatening thing in the world. I was also doubtful it would prove much of a threat even if it was vicious, the way it couldn't even tear a chunk out of shredded fish was reassuring enough for me to risk a finger. And in the end I've lost limbs before, all replaced with pony magic, as with most of the sailors from around the area. Losing an arm, a leg, a tail or a lower half was something you just dealt with.

The creatures in the east sea were mean, and while not much compared to the stuff that waited on the western coast, they could still tear apart a full sized griffon or human in one rend. All you had to do though was stop the bleeding with a tourniquet or something and get to a hospital along the shore, almost all having a unicorn on call with the skills to replace the lost limb.

But as the tiny creature started to nibble on the edge of the cracker, fliting away and staring at me with a pair of glowing blue eyes, all I could think was how harmless it was. I knew I would get in trouble if I brought it onto land, but leaving it out in open water would only end with the tiny thing getting swallowed up and shat out by some bigger fish. And this wasn't quite the normal monster, this thing felt and looked different.

It was as equine as possible, sporting a plated pony body with a thick shark like tail and a pair of glowing lures jutting from her forehead. The creature was some sort of hybrid, some failed pony experiment or the lovechild of one really fucked up lovelife. Either way I couldn't imagine the thing would have strayed far from its parents without good reason, and the only good reason in the sea was to keep from getting murdered by the next notch on the food chain. "Poor little thing." I mumbled, watching the cracker disappear with much fuss from the tiny glowing pony creature. "Bet you're- gah fuck!" I yanked my hand out of the water, the creature coming along for the ride like a crawfish. "Why!?" I yelped, pulling the thing off and rubbing my finger against my thigh. "Little shit...."

The creature reared its head back, baring it's teeth and growling like a defensive kitten. "No!"

I shook my head, the tiny squeak of a voice sealing my fate. "Yes." I stated, rubbing the thing's head with my thumb and slowly putting it back into the bucket. "Sea Salt is gonna kill me," I mumbled, turning to the helm and starting off towards home. "Tell him the line got eaten."

I made sure the bucket wasn't going to tip over and dumped an old bag of chips into the water, hurrying to slash the line. I'd lose out on a small haul, but with the dangers waiting below saying It was life or death was a common enough excuse that I could get away with it. I would just have to make up some undersea horror and explain how if I hadn't cut the line it would have dragged me and the half full boat to the bottom, six-thousand meters below.

I mused on my knowledge of the Equestrian seas as I cut away the net. I felt a little bad for sending off the line, but I knew some creature with a stomach like kevlar would swallow it up and rid the world of it once and for all, melting down the metal cored line into minerals to feed the giant beast. But as I headed to the helm, I could only think about how damaging the same thing would be to Earth.

Equestria had a much shallower continental slope and a much deeper abyssal zone. Which made sense, the entire planet was bigger than Earth, the oceans would be no exception. Equestria seemed like such a speck when you actually looked at the bits of the planet that the ponies actually mapped out, the griffon empire two times larger but two times sparser. Even the Saddle Empire was the size of north west Africa, and that was a rather small nation when compared to the others I could name.

But stranger still, and now chirping at me, were the ponies themselves. I ducked down to the small mewling sea life, "Sup little guy?"

"Ch-ips!" It shouted, nipping at the corner of the sunken bag, "Ch...ips!"

I sighed loudly, my heart far too easily swayed by cute things. "And it can read...well now I can't put you on a hook." I laughed, my kindness fine, but a bit burdening after ponies asked me to join every charity and group. I was just glad I could finally do something I loved without hurting the planet, and in retrospect, helping whatever ate the usually harmful lines turn them into fish crap.

"Chips!" It chirped, pressing its hooves against the bag and keeping itself just above the water. "Chips!"

"You're Chips...." I jeered, falling back on the classic turnabout insult. "...Eh, that's better than creature." I mumbled, pulling the empty bag from the water and tossing into a bin. I looked around, no more chips were to be found, but a stack of crackers was plopped into the bucket. "There, that--"

"Chips!" It chirped, swimming around the half stale crackers and nibbling at the corners.

I chuckled softly as I started up the antiquated steamship and started off towards home. "Those aren't even chips."

"Chips!" Chips shot back, leaning itself out of the water and pressing its hooves against the bucket. "...Chips!"

"You're welcome," I stated, shifting to a more babying tone for the obviously young ponybeing. "Now be good and--"

"Chips!" It shot back, cutting me off and splashing water onto my legs.

"Well that's not nice...." I muttered, letting the ship chug along as I sat down and peered into the bucket. "You gonna be mean to me?"

Chips swam around its bucket. throwing water out and against my knees. "...Yes...."

I shook my head and slowly started reaching down into the water. "That right? Well we'll see about that." I mumbled, trying to nab the wriggling little chiplet. "Come here you little leech." I muttered, grabbing at the creature and finally cupping it. "Gotcha!"

Chips swam around my hand, bumping into my fingers as I lifted it out of the bucket. "No! No!" It yelped, trying to dig it's teeth into my hand, the angle too shallow for her to get a grip. "Mommy!"

I stopped dead, slowly opening my hand and revealing the tiny bioluminescent creature swimming around the water cupped in my hand. I wished I could hug it, I wished I could hold it close. "Chips...you're Chips, okay?"

The ponycreature slapped back against my fingers as it spotted me. "...Chips?"

"You, you're Chips," I cooed, leaning my nose towards the creature, "You understand me?"

Chips stared at me, glowing eyes darting around my face. "...No...."

I let out a soft sigh, setting Chips back down into the bucket. "We'll sort something out...keep you safe." I turned back to the helm, guiding us home. "Ever live in a fish tank?"

"Fish?" Chips asked, staring at me, swimming around the bucket. "Like fish!"

I laughed grimly as I thought to my soon to be fallen fish. "...Greater good Nemo, greater good. You'll be feeding a masterpiece of pseudo-nature." I shot upright as I realized that putting Chips in with a bunch of larger fish might not be the best idea. "Maybe we'll do something else."

"Fish!"

"Sure kid...fish." I looked back to the storage on my small boat. "...I don't even smell it anymore...." I turned to the helm, grabbing the wheel and digging my fingers against the leather cover. "Why do I live here...."

"Chips!" Chips chirped, splashing more fish scented water against my boots.

"Oh yeah, that's why."