Discord is Bored

by thechicken95

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure, Discord, Princess Celestia, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Spike
Length: 3691

When Discord breaks free from his statue, Twilight and her friends get themselves a wake-up call.

We all know Discord as the manipulative bastard that we love so much, but what if he had his reasons for it. What if he was trying to make Equestria a better place?

Published 2014-09-27 06:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-18 04:49:55 UTC

Prologue: I am Free

Prologue: I am Free

Ugh.  If there’s one thing that I hate, then it’s rain.  The constant drip drop drip drop.  It’s too… normal for me.  Chaos is my life, it is my destiny.  Well, once I break free from this petty stone statue of course.  Me, the Lord of fucking Chaos, is stuck within a wimpy old statue.  Day after day after day.  Any normal pony would be driven to insanity by being in this state for only a single day.  Imagine that times thousands of years.  That’s where I’ve been.  Sure, there’s been the occasional wanderer who’s been by my statue to only look at me in horror.  Oh Celestia, do I hate that.  Why can’t I just be treated like the rest of them?  The even have to call me a different species.  Now that really pisses me off.  I can be normal, like the buffalo that roam the lands outside Equestria.

Though all of this time has given me room to think, and study the world more around me.  I have been able to learn the fears of ponies, especially those of Celestia herself.  Believe it or not, she and the other princess are dictators, just benevolent ones, at least to the ponies who accept their cutie marks.  Ever hear of why nopony is dissatisfied with their Cutie Mark?  Well, that’s because they are eliminated.  Silently.  Now, while I myself may be THE force of Chaos, I am not Evil, and choose to serve which side shall benefit me the most in the long run.  Hopefully Celestia’s newest apprentice shall learn of these tragedies, and shall join me in the resistance to overthrow them and create a new order of Chaos.  And I won’t even be a leader this time around!  No pony shall be, as Chaos doesn't require a leader to reign, and that would result in Order, something that I despise greatly.

Once I finally get out of this stone prison, I shall expose the Princess for who they truly are: evil murders who deserve the harshest punishment that they shall get in Tartarus.  I first need to head to the camps.  Oh dear Celestia, do I hate those camps.  Not only is there the most amount of Order in them, the guards, and the Princesses when they arrive, prey on the weakest, and most innocent of victims.  While I try to cause as much Chaos and destruction as I possibly can, I usually limit the amount to the truly good ponies who have done no harm to the world.  As a Deity, I am also bound to follow the natural laws of the universe, being that those who do no harm receive little harm, and those who do a lot of harm, receive the most harm.  This is what some pony philosophers as well as myself, have called Karma.

Bah, enough with this deep feels shit.  This is what eons have caused me to become, a thinker.  Thinkers are a dangerous thing, and while can be good agents of Chaos, can also be evil agents of Order.  The Two know this very well, and have wiped out practically all the great thinkers, scientists and lawyers especially have felt their wrath, being silently executed if they stray from the mainstream- that is, the Two’s rules on what science is, and what the law is.  Though naturally, Celestia keeps her brightest student, this so called Twilight Sparkle around.  I only assume it’s to further their dictatorship by making HER a princess as well.  I only hope that she comes to her senses and denounces the Two and creates a Republic, the purest form of Chaos.

My long thoughts are broken by the sight of a Mare and several fillies walking alongside the statues.  Ah, a school fieldtrip would be the perfect chance to commence my escape.

“… And this right here students, is what is known as Discord.”  Ah, so my presence is being felt wider than I realized.  I would smile at the thought, but as of this current moment, I am trapped within a statue.  “Now can any one of you bright, young fillies tell me what Discord means?”  The teacher continued on.  To my disappointment, the young ones couldn't come up with the answer right away, though one young, yellow coated mare who was wearing a quite fashionable red bow

“Discord stands for confusion!”  She had such confidence with her answer that I just had to giggle.  She could turn into quite the child prodigy, though too bad those are frowned upon unless they side with Celestia, like her sister.

“No dunderhead, Discord means evil!”  A white unicorn with a purple mare spoke up next, making her voice known to outshout what I assumed to be her friend.

“No you’re both wrong!  It means Chaos!”  Ah, ding ding ding!  We have a winner! That young brown filly with the small wings does have some knowledge!  I had to crack a little smile, as the answer sent the three into quite the fierce brawl, which impressed me as to how much these little ones were creating such delightful Chaos.

“Well, all three of are right.  This statue represents ‘Discord’. Which means a lack of harmony between ponies.  In fact, you three have demonstrated discord so well that you’re each going to write me an essay explaining it.”  Boom.  I loved it.  That teacher knows her stuff about me.  When I am free, I am sure to make her the official Historian of Equestria.  Something happened then that I didn’t even expect.  The Chaos that those three young fillies caused, gave me enough strength to break free from my curse.

As I opened my eyes, I was shocked at how Canterlot had stayed the same over the years.  No new technology, not even any new buildings from what I could see.  All just the same old boring order.  Well, it’s time to fix that, I thought, flying through the hedges, changing things left and right.  I even made a flower grow 50 times its normal height!  Oh what a classic!  As I soared through the clouds, I felt my power becoming stronger.  This was a feeling that I hadn't felt in lifetimes!  It felt so good that I just had to roar in the discovery of my new condition.  This time, I was not going to lose.  And I knew exactly where to head first.

Chapter One: A New Era

If there's one thing I love, then it's annoying Celestia. Sure, I'll create chaos for other ponies as well, but she is always my first target. I noticed she had a look of shock when she felt my presence.

"Has it been so long that you've forgotten who I am?"  I said in a playful manner.

"I know that you're here Discord!"  She said, stomping her hoof. I loved it when she was angry. It made her an easy target.

"Who are you talking to?"  That must have come from Twilight Sparkle, her esteemed student.  I ignore her, as I continue to try and anger the Princess.

"Why, yes I am here. Congratulations for having eyesight my dear."  I say, appearing in the middle stain-glass window of the throne room.

"Why are you here you bastard!  I still remember what you did all those eons ago!"  Celestia seemed very angry at this point.

"What..?  How dare you talk about me like that!"  I said with a chuckle. Did I ever mention that I had a pretty dark sense of humor?  "Oh come on, you guys didn't like that one?"

"Stop stalling Discord!"  Celestia said.

"Am I stalling, or are you?  We both know why I'm here Celestia."  Now I have her on the ropes her little ponies won't protect her much longer.

"You'll never take the Elements of Harmony!"  Celestia said.

"What makes you think that I already haven't?"  I said, holding them in my hand in the stain-glass window.

"Hey!  You give them back!  No one makes the Princess a fool when I'm around!"  One of them said. Such a brave young pony. What a shame of such wasted potential.

"Ah, Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty I presume."  I said.  She backed up in shock, which amused me. These ponies have no idea what their little Princess got them into with the God of Chaos.

"How do you know who we are?"  Another one of them said. She was to the left of Rainbow Dash, a purple unicorn with a Cutie Mark with a big star, and four smaller stars surrounding it. She must be Celestia's star student. Her raw magical potential is one that I haven't felt since...  No. I have to keep focused.

"Oh I've heard so many great things about you Twilight Sparkle.  The 'Crowned Jewel of Equestria.'  The Element of Magic, the most elusive of all the Elements."

"Seriously darlings, we shouldn't get ourselves worked up over a picture."  The one called Rarity said, which kind of provoked me. They really are naive on how powerful I really am.

"Oh Rarity, you mustn't get on my bad side. Maybe I could share something with you. After all, you are the Element of Generosity after all."  I said, appearing in front of her, causing her to stumble backwards with her mouth gaping open.  "And you must be Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness."  I said, teleporting over to her, causing her to flee to the ceiling.

"Come on down hun, he won't hurt us none. He's just tryin to toy with us."

"And you must be Applejack, the Element of Honesty. So glad you passed first grade deceive class in order to figure that out."  I said. Seriously, I've got to flex out more. It seems like ponies truly have forgotten that I am in fact a God.

"Hey!  Applejack is one of the smartest ponies in all of Equestria!"  And that must have been Pinkie Pie.

"And you must be Pinkie Pie, representing my favorite Element, Laughter."

"Hehe, yeah."  Pinkie said, laughing.

"Stop stallin Discord, you won't hurt us!"

"Yeah girls.  Stand close by me. I can protect you if he does anything too destructive."  Twilight said.

"Oh your precious magic won't help you against me."  I said, snapping my fingers, which turned the castle walls to liquid.

"That won't be able to stop me!  Stabilizing spell go!"  Twilight said with a furry. But alas for her, it hardly made a dent in the ever melting walls.

"Twilight, your magic abilities are astronomical. But, they won't be able to help against this monster. Let me use MY stabilizing spell."  Celestia said, preparing her spell.  And sure enough like I predicted, her spell worked much to my delight.

"Ah well done Princess. Well done."  I said, slowly clapping my hands.  "Nice to see you've mastered such an easy stabilization spell. But how would you fair against your molecules destabilizing inside your own body."

"You wouldn't dare!"  Oh, even she thinks I'm faking it. That'll be her last mistake before its all over.

"Oh?  Try me."  I said, snapping my fingers, causing Twilight's body to start to break apart.

"Nooo!"  Celestia screamed, doing everything in her power to try and stabilize her precious student. Though this time, she failed, and her precious student was no more.

"I... I'm sorry I failed you my student."  Celestia said, breaking down in tears, with the other Elements coming over to grieve with her.

"Hush now ponies.  Your little friend is back safe and sound."  I said, clapping my hands, causing Twilight to appear in a ray of white, flashing light.

"Twilight...  Are you alright?"  Fluttershy said, consoling her friend.

"It was.... Dark. I have had the truth shown to me and it hurts. I refuse to believe it!"  Twilight said, suddenly snapping at me.

"What did you do to her?"  Celestia said, her made flaring a dark blue and dark green streak. Perfect. Her true colors are starting to show.

"All I did was the same thing I did to you all of those eons ago."

"Princess, what is he talking about?"  Rainbow Dash said.

"I... I don't remember what happened."

"Oh come now Princess, you know what I showed you, you're just trying to hide your other side from your precious allies."  I said, walking towards her.

"Princess....  W-what did he show you?"  Twilight asked, extremely worried.

"He showed me...  A world that was torn apart by difference and destruction. Ponies who wanted to change their Cutie Marks, killing others who were fine with their Cutie Marks out of fear. It was a world that...  That I knew we as a species could not survive."  Her gloom statements were really starting to lift up my day!  Now finally I would be able to corrupt my rival, and Equestria would be better off!

"And then you thanked me for my knowledge by turning me into stone..."  I said, growling.

"I had no other choice!  If this knowledge were to fall into other hands, that would be the end of Equestria!"  Celestia said, getting back up and facing me.

"Would it be the end of Equestria, or the end of your vision for it?  This nation will still stand long after any of us our gone hun. As long as there are ponies, there will be an Equestria."

"He's right you know.  We're just sharin this planet for only a speck of time."  Applejack said.

"But while we're here, we can't give in to this creature! He drove the Princess to tears!"  Rainbow Dash said. I've always admired her loyalty.  Though it does lead to moments like this, where your loyalty leads you to support something that goes against the facts.

"It's ok Rainbow Dash. I appreciate your loyalty.  But Applejack, and by extension Discord are right. I was wrong to think that my vision for Equestria was the best. I had always figured that I would be immortal with no challengers to oppose my rule or equal me in my magical powerful. Now that I know,that both have come to be false, how can I lead my people when I know that Discord is free?  I am no longer fit to rule Equestria. Discord, you shall have your wish."  Celestia said, getting up. That was it. Just like that, my plan had fallen into place, and I didn't even need to expose her!  Though this was all way too easy, so I have to expect that Celestia is planning something right at this moment to usurp my rule.

"But... Princess, we can help you!"  Twilight said, rushing to her side.

"My faithful student Twilight Sparkle, I know that you mean well, but I just can't. I can't risk your lives anymore. You know what Discord did to you!  He killed you molecule by molecule and even resurrected you within a couple of seconds!  If I can't defend against that, then what else am I helpless to that's out there. It'd be better if Luna and I packed up, and for Discord took over.  That way I know that my ponies are safe."

"Sister, I felt a disturbance. Is it time?"  The other Princess, Luna, appeared in the room next to her sister.

"Yes. It is time. Farewell our loyal subjects. We shall be back someday. I don't know when or where, or even in what form, but we will return.  I can assure you that!"  Celestia said, as she lifted herself and Luna up in the sky, and disappeared in a bright flash of white light.

"And now....  Long. Live. Me."  I said, snapping my fingers, turning the walls of the Castle into bars of chocolate.

"Oh boy!  It's chocolate!"  Pinkie said, rushing over towards one of the walls and began to eat.

Chapter Two: Oh How I Love Being King

The greatest thing about being a ruler is: that you can do whatever the hell you want.  Now that Celestia is gone, Equestria succumbs to my rules and logic, with no rebels what so ever!  I’m guessing that they’re just too scared of my power to do anything, but that’s just me.  It was a genius move on my part I think to have Twilight tell all of Equestria of what I did to her to magnify my power even more!

First thing that I did while in office, was dismantle the Nobility.  These ponies need all the freedom in the world that they can have, and once the Nobility was out of the way, that led for the layponies of society to step in and run things, which leads to even more Chaos!  I laugh at the mess that I have created as I sit atop my throne, overseeing my throne room.  And as with a change of rulers, comes a change of castle style.  My castle has been completely covered in some sort of candy sweet, as they are my favorite.  Being immortal, obviously I don’t die from all of the natural, or pony-made diseases that are caused when eating too many sweets.  The same can’t be said for the mortal ponies though.

As I’m sitting up here thinking what to do next, my slaves, or what I like to refer to as minions, come into the room.

“You need to tell her to stop this Master!”  It was my good and faithful servant, Twilight.  She had always stuck up for those in great danger, and here was no different.

“And why would I do that?  Pinkie seems to be enjoying all of the sweets that I give her.  As her friend, would you really take away the things that are keeping her alive?”

“Well… no, but she’s going to be eating herself to death if she doesn’t stop!”  She ran over to Pinkie to try and pull her away from the chocolates But one word made it certain that she was still under her spell that I put her under:

“No!”

“Master, what did you do to her?!”  Twilight said, still trying to pull Pinkie away from the chocolates.

“Oh, I just planted something in one of those candies that makes it so that she just can’t stop eating them.  Sooner or later, she will die, and it’ll be your entire fault.”  I said, taunting her with one of my fingers.

“No!  No!  Pinkie snap out of this!  You don’t know what he’s doing to you!  You have to cut it out!”  Twilight kept on shouting at her pink friend, but her pleas fell on deaf ears, as I expected.  This was such a brilliant trap of mine that I keep on patting myself on the back for it.  For one thing, it keeps one of the more bizarre Elements at bay, and it also keeps Twilight from ever leaving the castle, as she has to constantly take care of Pinkie so that she won’t die.  Though the truth of the matter is, she won’t die either way.  Now, this is where the whole genius part of the plan comes in: Pinkie will never die.  Every night, I erase all of the candy from her system so that she can start fresh in the morning.  Though the one back draw of this would be if Twilight started to question things and ask why and how Pinkie can still be eating as much as she is.  But, as I have again correctly predicted, she has been too preoccupied in trying to help Pinkie regain her self-control of her eating habits than actually being focused on the bigger questions.

While all might be right in Canterlot, there is still trouble in the rest of Equestria.  Why just this morning I sent in a dispatcher to Ponyville to stop a potential uprising.  While the method of execution wasn’t preferred by myself- burning at the stake in the public square- as it was to structured, I was however pleased with the result.  That poor fellows name… what was it again?  Oh yes, I remember now, it was Pound Cake.  While I myself never made the execution, I need my sleep you know, I heard it went off without any trouble.  And if Rainbow Dash and Applejack still thought they could start an uprising again, well, just ask his wife and twin newborns.  I felt so sorry for them that I almost reconsidered throwing them over a volcano and instead resort to a much more civil method of execution.  Almost.

“Master, the afternoon report is finished!”  Ah, if it isn’t one of my favorite minions, Fluttershy, entering the room with the beauty and eloquence that I have come to expect form her.  After all, she is the official head prostitute for Canterlot, using her kindness in just more than one way!

“So have any other ponies decided to rebel after this morning’s celebration?”

“None Master, just as you have predicted.”

“Ah, very good my young minion.  Tonight you shall have work off and meet me inhere around oh, whatever o’clockish.”

“Yes Master.”  She said, bowing to me as she existed the throne room.

“You know what today needs?  A party!”  I said, jumping down from my throne and appearing with a party hat on my head, and blowing a vuvuzela into Twilight’s face.

“Ohh a party!  Master, you know that I love to throw parties!”  Pinkie said, her face lighting up at the sound of a party.

“Yes, well, that’s why I put you as the official party planner of Equstria!”  I said, clapping my hands together.

“What shall I work on first Master?”

“How about… the party invitations!  Even better, you can tell every pony in all of Canterlot to come and enjoy this grand party of yours!  But make sure you tell each and every pony here, or else it’ll be no candy for you for a week!”

“Gasp!  No candy for an entire week!  Master, I don’t think I could live that long without your chocolates!”  Pinkie sank to the floor in despair.

“Now get up sweetie, as the clock is ticking.  Oh, one more thing that I forgot: you have to do it blindfolded, and you can’t invite the same pony twice, or else you’ll lose.  Even if you do it once.”  I said, making the blindfold appear out of thin air before her eyes.  “Oh and Twilight, make sure that you tag along with her.  I wouldn’t want her to lose the game, now would I.”  I said, whispering to Twilight.

“Not for the world Master.”  Twilight said, walking out with Pinkie.  Good.  Now that I got those eye sours out of my sight, I can get down to the real business.  Let’s see, I muttered, as I fished through all of my important paperwork.  I have a meeting with the Griffon leader later today, then after that, nothing.

“That’s just fantastic!”  I say to myself out loud, doing a little dance while I proceed to my private quarters.  Now this is the only place where I find true peace in my life.  Nothing but floating furniture and random house appliances.  Now I am at home.  I lay myself to rest with my head upside down on my pillow, which is in the middle of the room, surrounded by nothing, as all of my other things are in the corners at this moment, and settle down to relax for a long days work ahead of me.  Oh I love being king, I thought, drifting off into solace.