Rainbow Awks, Balks, Bawks, Blocks, Blocs, Box, Caulks, Chalks, Clocks, Cocks, Cox, Crocs, Docks, Dox, Faux, Fawkes, Flocks, Fox, Frocks, Hawks, Hocks, Jaques, Jocks, Knocks, Knox, Locks, Lox, Mocks, Ox, Pox, Shocks, Socks, Sox, Squawks, Spocks, Stalks...

by Super Trampoline

Rating: everyone
Tags: Scootaloo, Random, Iron Will, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 3521

...Stocks, Talks, Vox, Walks, Woks | A growing series of vignettes ostensibly centered around Rainbow Dash, except not always.

...Stocks, Talks, Vox, Walks, Woks |A growing series of vignettes ostensibly centered around Rainbow Dash, except not always.

A hearty thank you to my Patreon patrons Singularity Dream, ocalhoun, and Littlecolt!

Published 2014-09-27 15:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-04 03:45:38 UTC

Rainbow Blocks

"When somepony tries to block, show them that you rock!"

"Eek!"

"Iron Will declares this response to be proof you need his class."

"Oh no, Mr. Ironwill, it's just that you said a scary word."

"Iron Will is confused why words would scare you."

"Just, um, don't say it, and we'll all be great!"

"What word are you afraid of, Buttershy?"

"The-the last one, and my name's not--"

"Rock?"

*whimper!*

"Iron Will is puzzled. Why do you fear the word 'Rock'?"

"Eee! Don't say it. I just, uh, am trying to avoid the inevitable."

"Iron Will respects your right to be a wimp. He supposes that not all of the Element bearers can be awesome. At least Rainbow rocks."

"You said it again!"

"Iron Will is Sorry."

Rainbow Blocs

"Fine!" Gilda spat. "If Equestria refuses our demands, then the Griffon Empire has no choice but to ally itself with Diamondtopia. Expect a formal declaration of war next week."

Rainbow was sweating. Man, Model LoN is way harder than I expected! She had to begrudgingly admit her newfound respect for eggheads. They might still be dumb, but they were pretty smart.

Rainbow Box

"What is on my doorstep, and why do I have a feeling I'm a character in a poorly written fanfic?"

Rainbow Chalks

"Rarity, I uh, have a confession to make."

"Oh? A secret love, perhaps?"

"What? No! Gross. What gave you that idea?"

"Shippers, mostly. Anyway, go on, dear."

"Well, what I was going to say was that I never thought chalk drawing would be so much fun."

"Yes well, you see, unlike you, I actually am constantly working."

"Hey!"

"Inasmuch, I've developed various stress relief methods for when I feel overwhelmed. Doodling on the floor with chalk is one of them."

"Thanks. Rarity. It's, uh, I think it's helping. You're sure these can be erased or whatever, though?"

"I'm sure, sweetie. And I'm glad it's helping. You really must relax about your admissions test tomorrow. I'm sure you'll pass with--if you pardon the pun--flying colors."

"Yeah, I know. I actually studied this time. I feel good about it. I know I'm gonna do fine. But I'm still nervous. Like, what if I accidentally sleep in? What if I get sick? What if Spitfire isn't there and Fleetfoot gives the test instead and she has different--"

"Ah ah ah. Less talking. More chalking."

Rainbow Clocks

"Ugh! This is soooooo boring! Why's my stupid wing need to heal anyway? I can fly with a broken wing. No problem! I'm the most awesome pegasus there is!...

"Oh, shut up, Dash. You know it takes time to heal.

"Yeah, self! Listen to the talking voice in your head.

"You are the talking voice in my head.

"Am I talking to myself?

"Yes you are.

"I think I'm losing it.

"Me too."

Rainbow dash looked at the clock. Twenty seconds had passed.

"GAHHHHH!"

Rainbow Cocks

Rainbow Dash liked her cloud house. Cool and breezy in the summer. Warm and cozy in the winter. Always fluffy. Rainbow dash liked her cloud house.

"COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!"

Rainbow Dash did not like when it drifted over AJ's farm some mornings.

"Shut up, you dumb Rooster!"

Tragically for Rainbow's beauty sleep, the cock did not in fact shut up.

Rainbow Crocs

Rainbow Docks

"Purple parsley? No thanks. Mrrrnnn. Gwa?" Rainbow dash stirred from her slumber. "Ughhhh, what happened?" She noticed her head was plastered to her kitchen table, and raised it to look around. She was in her house. That's good.

She stretched out the crinks in her neck and tried to remember what she was doing. There was an empty bowl of Cheerilee-O's in front of her. She must have eaten them. She remembered that much. Come to think of it, that was when she started feeling drowsy, and--

Drugged. Her milk must have been spiked. She had been drugged. But why?

Carefully, she stood up with a flick of her tail and... wait. Another flick of the tail. Her tail wasn't supposed to flick that easily. She craned her neck towards her behind. Sure enough, her short tail was now shorter. Much shorter.

She had been docked.

"SCOOTALOO!"

Rainbow Docks

Rainbow Faux

Rainbow Dash liked to show off. This was a known fact, and stating it was like saying gravity pulls things down, unicorns have horns, and Derpy likes muffins. Or Sweetie Belle should be kept away from kitchens. So when she got her belated birthday present to herself and realized how awesome it was, she simply had to let the world know.

Except it was 95 degrees Neighrenheit that day. So she waited.

~Some Indeterminate Amount of Time Later~

Pinkie, Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rarity (Applejack currently had hay fever) sat sipping various beverages in the foyer of the Golden Oaks library, having been gathered here by a rather enigmatic invitation from Rainbow. Who then burst into the tree. Literally, Twilight teleported her in when she saw the pegasus was about to shatter another window.

"Guys! Guys! I know my birthday was When does Pinkie Pride take place? Heck if I know!, but it's been really hot. Now that summer's wrapped up and we finally have some cooler weather scheduled, I can finally show this off! Look!"

At this point, she finally stopped moving around long enough for her friends to take a closer look at the jacket she proudly bore upon her barrel.

It was pretty spiffy. Also pretty brown and leathery. Actually, it was leather. Like, animal skin.

Fluttershy's knees buckled and she promptly fainted.

"Oh my. Dear, is that what I think it is?"

"A super cool jacket? Why yes, it is! I'm glad we can agree on something fashion-related for once, Rarity."

"We all know what a jacket is," Twilight corrected. "We are concerned with what material it seems to be made of."

"Yeah," Pinkie added. "We think you killed a cow to make it. Which you know, can earn you up to ten years in the pen! Fifteen if it's considered a hate crime!"

Rarity and Twilight stared at Pinkie, the later opening her mouth. "Um, I'm a bit hesitant to ask, but... how do you know that specific and mildly discriminatory part of Equestrian legal code, Pinkie?"

"Oh. Long story. Probably one that rhymes with 'Rocks'. It might show up later."

As Fluttershy came to, Rainbow huffed. "Um, hello, guys? This is supposed to be the Rainbow Dash show. I didn't expect Twilight to give Pinkie the Spanish Inquisition!"

"Nopony expects the Spanish Inquisition," Rarity muttered sadly to herself.

"But seriously, you guys,don't you like my cool jacket?"

Twilight sighed a sigh, the same sort of sigh she sighed when Derpy lost her mail or Cerberus left his post or people shipped her with Celestia (Discolight 4eva!) or she was forced to be Sweetie Belle's mentor on a cooking project. A barely suppressed shudder. Never again. Anyway, Twilight sighed, and again opened her mouth. "Did you kill a cow, Rainbow?"

"What? No! Remember that business trip I made to Rainbow Falls? I bought it from the griffin traders there. I just haven't worn it 'cause it's been so hot."

"Okay, so, did the birds you bought it from kill a cow?" Rarity asked. "I wouldn't put it past those ruffians!"

"No, you guys. Geez! You think I'd wear animal skin? This is faux leather."

Fluttershy bravely spoke up. "Rainbow Dash! Foxes are animals too! I'm ashamed of you."

"No, Fluttershy, it's fake! It's faux leather, not fox leather!"

Mares, especially ones who save the world together several times a year, have developed a mystical secret language that baffles stallions, comprised entirely of dubious looks thrown each others' way.

Is this filly serious? Twilight asked Rarity with a wide-eyed glance.

I'm afraid so, Darling, Rarity replied with a tight-lipped nod.

Why are we talking in italics?! Pinkie interjected.

It was Rarity's turn to sigh. "Rainbow. Could you spell out the type of leather your jacket is made of, please?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess. Ef-Aye-You-Ex."

Fluttershy completed the sigh trifecta, but this time the sigh was happy, like her sigh upon learning she didn't have to mentor Sweetie Belle in cooking after all. "Rainbow, that's pronounced '/ˈfoʊ/', not '/fɒks/'."

"Oh. Huh. That's anticlimatic. Next you're going to tell me you don't actually own blind Cervidae."

"Do I? Actually, I have no eye deer."

Rainbow Fawkes

Rainbow Socks

One of the joys of Wednesdays for Rainbow Dash was that she only had the afternoon shift managing the weather. Inasmuch right now she was sleeping in with gusto. A gentle tapping was drowned out by her snoring. Then the tapping turned to knocking. Then the knocking became pounding. Then her window shattered.

"GAHHHH!" she screamed, wings flaring out as sharp shards lodged themselves into the nearby floor.

"Oops. Sorry Rainbow Dash!"

"Ughhh. Wait. Is that... Sweetie Belle?"

"Yeah. I'm Sweetie. Can I can come in?"

Rainbow attempted to get out of bed, but instead merely rolled until she fell out and onto her back. "Oops. On second thought, door should be unlocked. Um, yeah, come in."

The knob turned and the unicorn filly trotted nonchalantly into the floating house. "Cool crib you got here!"

Rainbow pawed at the air from her place on the floor, not making much effort to right herself."I'm still dreaming aren't I? You're walking on clouds. This is what I get for eating too much pizza."

"Oh yeah, Twilight cast a cloud-walking spell on me. I'm good for several hours!"

Rainbow eventually managed to shift onto her hooves. "Okay, but how'd you even get up here?"

"Oh, Pinkie let me borrow a ladder."

Dash groggily made her way to the broken window and craned her head out, seeing that indeed, there was a bright red ladder at least 150 feet long leaning against  the puffy foundation of her house. Was it enchanted too? "How does... why does... wait, how did you--know what, nevermind. Better not to ask."

Sweetie Belle wasn't following Dash's crisis of incredulity, instead amusing herself with scooping up bits of the floor with her hoof. A sharp "Ahem!" from the owner of that floor brought her attention to a pegasus staring at her in irritation. "So, now that you've invaded my beauty sleep and my home, what can I do for you?"

"Have you seen my socks?"

Rainbow's countenance twisted itself into a variety of warped expressions as she futilely strove to process this question. Eventually she settled on deadpan. "Socks? You went through all of this just to ask me if I've seen your socks?"

"Yeah, socks! I lost my pink socks, and I know you wear socks sometimes!"

Rainbow blushed. I do not wear socks. I am way too cool for that."

Sweetie Belle raised her eyebrows. "Oh really? The Foal Free Press believes otherwise."

"Heh, I don't know w-what you're talking about," Rainbow stammered.

Sweetie pressed on. "Remember Gabby Gums? Featherweight gave us more material than we knew what to do with. There's still plenty of unpublished dirt. Like a photo of a certain mare wearing..."

"Okay, okay. I... You can't tell anypony this. Especially not Scootaloo. I have a reputation to maintain. I... sometimes, by myself in what I thought was the PRIVACY--" a withering glare "--of my own home, I... once in a while, you know not that often, I-I-I wear socks, alright!" Releasing a defeated sigh, the mare collapsing onto her haunches.

"Silly, Scootaloo knows that. She doesn't care."

Rainbow opened the eyes she had scrunched tightly closed. "Oh, she does?"

"Yeah. We all saw the photos. She was the one who suggested I bug you."

"Huh...Still not cool."

"The spying part or the window part or the waking you up part or the socks part?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, all of those. I am talking to you parents tonight. You fillies need to learn about a thing called boundaries. And, no, I haven't seen your socks. I'm kind of allergic to pink."

"But I thought you're best friends with Pinkie Pie?"

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Pinkie Pie can't help how she was born. And besides, I don't wear her. Why on Equis would I even have your socks in the first place?"

"Honestly, I'm kind of running out of places to look."

"Really? I bet an egghead like Twilight could easily name a thousand places you could have lost your socks. And that's in Ponyville alone. Now get out." She nudged Sweetie toward the door with her muzzle.

"Fine. Sorry to bother you, Rainbow Dash." Sweetie glanced back toward the broken shards littering the room. "And uh, sorry about the window."

Rainbow bobbed her head. "Yeah, I know kid. Don't worry; it's fashioned out of hoar frost. It'll grow back. Now seriously, please leave."

"Byyyyye."

As Sweetie began her careful decent down the impossibly long ladder, Rainbow slammed the door shut. "Finally, peace," she muttered. She lazily trotted back to her bed and fished something out from under it: a bright pink stuffed squid. "They must never discover you, Mr. Snuggles."

Rainbow Pox

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Rainbow Socks

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Rainbow Stalks

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Rainbow Spocks

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Rainbow Woks

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Rainbow Cox

"Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!       Pull!..."

Rainbow Dash was many things. Petite was one of them. Lazy was another. She had been dubious when Blossomforth suggested she try out for the team.

But here, at long last, she had found her perfect off-season sport: Rowing.

Rainbow Awks

Scootaloo was bouncing so happily, and Rainbow Dash couldn't help but smile. She did however need to spit out her gum, because it had gotten to that sad flavorless state. She reached for a random cabinet, hoping to find a hidden trashcan.

"Wait! Don't open that!" the orange pegasus blurted. But it was too late.

There was no trashcan inside. There was however, something Rainbow distinctly remembered losing in a fly-by shaving incident a few months ago. Luckily, her mane was short enough that it grew back pretty quickly. Still...

"Uh, Scoots, is this my hair?"

"Heh, heh. Maybe?"

"Wow. That's awks."

Rainbow Balks

Rainbow Dash walked off the baseball diamond dejectedly. The game had been theirs for the taking, and she had blown it. She kicked at the dirt, growling. "Balk? Who's even heard of a balk? Such a stupid rule! Stupid umpire! Stupid rule! Stupid game!"

Applejack walked over from the rapidly emptying stands. "Hey, Sugarcube."

"Not right now, AJ. Not in the mood."

"But--"

Rainbow spun around. "I said 'not right now!'"

"Well, okay then."

"Sorry to yell. Just...thanks."

Rainbow Dash disappeared into the locker rooms, her friends looking on.

"Well, let's not all act like we're surprised. It's rude to stare." Rarity chirped.

"Oh come on, we're all thinking the same thing," Applejack countered.

"Yes, I suppose you're right dear. There's no use denying it."

"Um... what are we all thinking? I'm afraid I'm not thinking it." Fluttershy muttered meekly.

"That girl's going stir-crazy. We can't wait until the soccer off season ends." Applejack informed her.

"Yeah!" Pinkie said, coming back from the concessions stand with a mouth full of sour gummies. "And when Rainbow's restless, Rainbow balks!"

Rainbow Bawks

It was a beautiful day, thought Scootaloo as she lazily rode through the market square. The Sunday morning sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the Rainbow Dash was bawking, the frogs were croa-- wait, what?

"Bawk, bawkbawkbawk baaaawk!" That was definitely the faint sound of Rainbow Dash, and she was definitely bawking like a chicken.

Intrigued, Scootaloo gave a burst of buzz to her wings and angled her scooter towards the noise. Half a minute later, she found her target, who was hanging upside down half way out of a low cloud.

"Heya, Squirt. Looks like it worked!"

"Hi, Rainbow Dash! What worked, and why are you making animal noises?" the younger pegasus asked, craning her neck up.

"Oh, AJ taught me how to do a chicken call yesterday, and I'm testing it out. So far, it seems to be working!"

"Rainbow! I'm not a chicken!"

"And yet, here you are," Rainbow smugly replied.

"It's not funny! Apple Bloom swore she wouldn't tell anypony about that, and then she did, and now two years later I still can't live it down. You're a jerk, Rainbow Dash!"

"Woah, kid, relax. I'm just messing with ya! No hard feelings."

"Grrrrr."

"Hey, listen, Scoots. See how stinky it feels when ponies do stuff to you you don't want them to do?"

"Yeah."

"Well, how do you think I feel about you stealing my hair to make wigs?"

"Probably pretty not okay."

"Exactly. So, we both gonna stop being meanies to each other?"

"Yes, Rainbow Dash."

"Good. Now, let's go get breakfast. I'm hungry."

"Race you there!"

"You're on, kid!"

Rainbow Caulks

An impatient Vice Principal Luna hovered over Rainbow Dash, who grunting as she squatted down low to the floor, trying not to bump her head on the computer desk bolted to the wall. She held the sealant gun awkwardly, trying to avoid the power cables littering the floor.

"I don't get it, Luna. How could three freshmen cause so much chaos?"

"I myself am most curious as to this myself," Luna conceded. "It's almost like it's they have a special talent for destroying school property and generally causing a nuisance."

"Heh, you can say that again!"

"I myself am most curious--"

"Figure of Speech, Luna."

"My apologies. My time in the Peace Corps. seems to have... antiquated my language a bit."

"Nah, you're cool."

Rainbow continued to squeeze caulking putty on the the joint between the wall and the floor.

"She really looks up to you, you know."

"Pardon, what was-- ow!" Dash said, inevitably bumping her head.

"Scootaloo. She seems to see you as a big sister of sorts."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. I... I think you should talk to her."

"Yeah, I will. You gonna keep standing over me like that?"

"Ants, Rainbow."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. We all saw them."

"Millions of them."

" I get it, Principal. I shouldn't have let the trio into your office."

"They were everywhere. Everywhere. Swarming over every surface. They covered the windows so thickly, they blacked out the sun!"

"Oh come on, Luna, it wasn't that bad," Rainbow said, shifting on her knees a few feet over. "I mean, it was only, like, what, a hundred pounds of chocolate?"

"THEY WERE EVERYWHERE!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, it's okay. They're gone. And I--ugh--am unfortunately making sure that they'll never come back in. Remind me why I'm the one being punished?"

"You--supposedly a responsible senior--gave them the chocolate and the key. I've given them plenty to do. They cleaned up the mess. Now it's your turn to prevent it from happening again."

"I get it, I get it. You make a very good point."

"And that point will continue to be made until every joint and hole in this school is sealed up. Do you understand."

"..."

"Do you?"

"Sigh. Yes Luna."

"Good. Keep caulking. Never again shall ants gain entrance to this fine school's interior, so help me, me!"

"So help me, me?" Rainbow echoed.

"Apparently, I'm a horse goddess in Twilight's world."

"Huh."

"Keep caulking."

Rainbow Faux

Rainbow Pox

Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash, and Rainbow Dash all flew up and landed on Rainbow Dash's soft puffy porch. Rainbow Dash pounded the front door angrily. "Rainbow Dash, wake up! We have a serious problem!" The problem was indeed serious--worse even than Lavender Unicorn Syndrome.

"Ughhhh, it's only 11 o'clock. I'm sleeping!"

Rainbow Dash knickered and huffed. "Rainbow Dash, come on. This is important!"

"Fine, fine, I'm coming!" Rainbow Dash groggily opened the door to her cloud home. This seemed to be becoming a regular thing. "Huh? Why am I staring at five of me?"

"Rainbow, it's us, your friends! We've all come down with the Rainbow Pox! We have to do something!"

"Why? The world just got a whole lot more awesome!"

"Rainbow! Don't you want to be the most awesome pony around? If we're trapped in your body, we can't help but exude the same levels of awesomeness as you. Do you want that?"

"I'm still not seeing why this is a problem."

"Gah! Look! If everypony is Rainbow Dash, who are you going to impress with your tricks? Who are you going to boss around on weather patrol? Who are you going to be a surrogate big sister to? And a more important question is: Do you really want all this new competition for getting on the Wonderbolts?"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," the mare said, scratching the back of her head. "Probably should get you guys some immunization. No offense to me, but I liked my friends more before you all turned into me.

"So you'll help us?"

"Yeah, but one condition."

"Great! What's the condition?" Rainbow Dash eagerly asked.

"You gotta stay 1/5th me."

"Huh, why?"

"Well, I'd like you guys to be about 20% cooler."