Life's Left Hook

You see Scoots on the other side of the cab, as well, plopped down next to Octavia on one of the bunks.

Cadance is standing in the hallway, near the door.

Trixie is perched up on the second bunk, above Tavi and Scooters.

"Uh... Morning?" you say half-heartedly, confused.

You scratch the back of your neck, letting out a yawn.

Octavia looks at you with a bit of worry.

"It's almost noon, Anonymous. You wouldn't wake up, and you kept complaining about 'soy lint' or something, and how it's made of pee?"

What?

"Uh, no idea," you respond, a bit embarrased.

"I had to carry your fat hiney all the way out here," Cadance says, chuckling. "You're really hefty, you know."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

The two of you share a chuckle, smiling.

"Y merda sacra, Anonymous, are you loud vhen you sleep. As if sleeping on ze couch vas bad enough."

Evidently the doctor was on the bunk straight above you.

You look up and retort.

"Well, I'm so-rry. I have problems I can't help."

"I'm vell avare. Remember, I've been inside of you, Anonymous?"

Okay, now that's just plain creepy.

You sheepishly chuckle and lie back down.

"Heheheh, oookaaaay, soo! Tavi! Where we headed next?"

She looks at you and smiles.

"Marelin," she states matter-of-factly.

Marelin.

Fucking.

Horse.

Puns.

Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you nod, and try to look on the bright side.

Cool history will be seen.

Some nice landmarks...

Shaking the thoughts from your mind, you look at Octavia.

"Oh, great. That should be fun."

She nods. "We're playing an hour after the Marelin Philharmonic. I plan on going -- it's been ages since I've heard them play."

She has a look of glee on her face.

You smile; it's a little contagious.

"And, Anonymous?" Cadance says, turning to you.

You look at her, at attention.

"Yeah?"

"We have some matters to discuss. You too, doctor."

The doctor groans a bit and rolls her eyes.

"Ech, merda, must you bring me into zis?"

"Yes, I must," the princess replies, looking irritated. "Foreign affairs are of the utmost importance, especially if there is risk of conflict."

"Wait, what?"

Cadance looks at you, and then at everyone else in the room.

"I'm afraid this is going to be fairly confidential, everyone. I don't want many ears hearing this -- only Anonymous and Dr. Cuore are to get involed."

Trixie shrugs. "Trixie was never interested in politics anyhow."

Octavia shrugs as well. "I certainly won't be part of it, either. I can't handle that responsibility."

Scootaloo, however, looks puzzled.

"What's a 'poly-tic'? Is that, like, a lot of tics? I hate tics!"

You chuckle and shake your head.

"Scoots?"

Her ears perk and she looks at you.

"It's like... Business. With foreign nations."

"Oh. Thought that word rang a bell."

You nod, and look at Cadance.

And, you sigh.

Great.

Now she's dragging you into this.

You really don't know what to expect.

But you can't help to think.

You MIGHT know what to expect if she wasn't so damn cryptic all of the time.

Though, her mysterioso personality did kind of grow on you a bit.

Makes some things interesting in what would otherwise be a bland situation.

That, and, well, confidentiality.

Makes sense.

With that, Cadance waves you over.

"Come. The next cab over is empty. Let's talk."

The doctor hops down, and you stand up.

And, as you follow into the next cab, you can't help but be a fair bit confused.

Why does she let–wait, scratch that–MAKE the doctor come with, yet tell the others they have to stay?

Is it because she's the 'royal doctor' or whatever?

You're honestly confused, because that doesn't make much sense.

As the door closes behind you, you can only hope your questions will be solved soon.

Cadance clears her throat, looking at you.

"So, Anonymous. This morning, we got a letter. Yes, -we-."

She had a very serious demeanor.

"...And?"

Then it hits you.

We.

WE.

Looks like somebody finally found you out.

"Oh, great."

She can see the realization has struck you, and continues.

"It's from a foreign ambassador."

"From Germaneigh?"

heheh hoers puns

"No. The Hooviet Union, a nation we've had tensions with for decades."

Peachy.

Intrigued, you raise an eyebrow.

"Well, what does it say?"

She pulls out a piece of paper, and begins to read.

"Dear Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of the Crystal Empire, and prince, I repeat, PRINCE Anonymous of Equestria."

She shoots the doctor a very sharp glare before continuing.

"On behalf of our leaders, our people, and the Motherland as a whole, I would like to formally invite you two to the grand military parade held in our capital, St. Cloppersburg, in approximately one month. We pray that your visit may allow us to discuss and negotiate various conflicts we've had in the past, as well as improve our relations as powers of the new world. We wish to prove our worth, our power, and our ideals to the rest of the world. yadayadayadayada. I need to touch up on my... Oh, what's this language called? I forget the exact name, anyhow, this isn't the point. There are two points, actually. First, and least importantly, the Hooviets are looking to improve relations. Concerning this military parade lines up, quite perfectly, with the orchestra's visit to the capital, we are most certainly going to go. We've been at the brink of war for quite some time now, and this is a great opportunity to improve things. The last thing we need is another war, after our recent squabble with the gryphons."

After a sigh, she rolls up the paper. And, secondly, and most importantly," she says, glaring at the doctor, "I need to find out something. Why, and how, do the -Hooviets-, of all nations, know of Anonymous and I? We've hardly had any public display of a true relationship, and if it's this spread already, how many people know? And how did they find out? Cuore, you are the only leaky faucet I can think of on this whole gig."

The doctor is visibly sweating at this point, and looks concerned.

She takes a step back as Cadance continues her rant.

"Trixie has hardly a reason to spill, and has hardly any friends to tell it to in the first place. Octavia is incredibly trustworthy, as is Anonymous, and the filly doesn't even know yet. You are the only one that I can think of. I know well that there are ponies that have asked you what's going on, and I'm well aware of how much they have to butter you up to get you to speak. However, this is a -very- high form of treason. Loose lips sink a lot more than ships, doctor, and I'm afraid our whole fleet is going to capsize if the world finds out about Anonymous and I before the due time comes."

Her glare stands strong, and the doctor looks absolutely terrified at this point.

You're not sure what to think.

There are so many questions that need to be answered, and implications that need to be explained, you don't know what to think.

"Tell me. How many people have you told?" Cadance asks firmly.

The doctor holds her forehooves up and arches her eyebrows.

"I-I haven't told a soul, Princess! My lips are sealed! You know zis! I vould never betray ze royalty in such a vay!"

"Then explain to me how they found out that, not only are Anonymous and I in a relationship, but also that we're planning on getting married," she says, trotting forward menacingly.

The doctor gulps, and backs up against the wall.

"I-I know! I-I know how zis could have happened! Ze-Ze union has spies! Everyvhere! I know of several! It's not too far fetched to assume zat vone of zem saw you, or-or-something!"

Cadance's horn starts to glow pink, and the doctor cowers in fear.

"I-I'm innocent! Please, by ze stars, you need to believe me!"

After a beat, the glowing stops, and Cadance stands upright.

"Fine. I believe you. But, in the meantime. I need you to find out how many people know. Do whatever you can to find out."

She nods frantically, flailing as she falls back onto her hooves.

"I-I'll do vhat I can! If ze city knows, I know, Princess! You know zat!"

"Good," Cadance says, nodding. "I don't need to remind you what Celestia does with traitors, do I?"

"N-No, princess, you don't!"

"Good. I believe that's all, then. Now, let's-"

"Cadance?"

She stops for a second, looking at you as if she completely forgot you were there.

"Oh, yes, Anonymous?"

"I have about a million fucking questions that need to be answered right now."

She blinks and pauses for a moment, her eyes drifting to the floor.

"Oh. I suppose you don't have a clue about most of that, do you?"

"Nope, negative, noperooni, nada, nothin'. I'm lost here, Cadance."

"Apologies, Anonymous. I got ahead of myself."

She trots ahead and opens the door.

As she's about to walk through, she looks over her shoulder at you and Cuore.

"I'll leave you two alone for a bit, since you have some catching up to do. Anonymous, feel free to ask the doctor here any questions you need to. She'll most likely have an answer, as odd or abstract as your question may be."

"Also, Cuore, I'll cover whatever fees he rings up. Understood?"

The doctor nods. "...Uhm, y-yes, Princess," she says.

She's still scared shitless.

Poor mare.

"Excellent. I'll talk to you soon."

Just before the door closes, she stops it, and peeks her head in.

"Oh, and it's an 8 hour train ride. You have plenty of time."

*Click*

And, with that, it's just you and the doctor.

She sighs and looks at you, defeated.

"Vell, I suppose I have my goose cooked now," she says, her head low. "But, I suppose I do owe you an explanation or five. Or tventy. Ask away, I suppose."

Although you know there's one question you have to ask, about the doctor herself...

You need to know ONE THING first.

"Okay, so, first off; how long was Candy-ass planning on marrying me?"

Cuore seems a bit taken aback by your question.

"Uhm... Vell, before zis CSO tour she's mentioned how kind you vere, and how she vouldn't mind having a date. It vas only after zis harem of your came up zat she planned on marrying you. And, hoh boy, does she love you. Trust me, I've heard things from her vhen you vere asleep or knocked out. She's qvite fond of your... 'Gifts', as vell."

The look on her face is absolutely sincere. Huh.

Well, now that that's out of the way...

"Doc? Just what the hell are you? You've been... Mysterious, this whole time. Like there's something I'm missing."

She sighs, and looks at you condescendingly.

"You haven't put ze dots together yet, dear Anonymous?"

"If I did, my eyebrow wouldn't have hit the ceiling when Cadance started yelling at you like that."

"Hmm. Good point."

After another sigh, she continues.

"Vell, how blunt do you want ze answer to be?"

"As much as I need to know to completely understand."

She nods. "Hmm. Vell, I'll start vith a bit of explanation."

"Have you ever noticed how I seem to know a lot about current events?"

You nod.

"Have you noticed zat I know a lot more 'underground' things, per say, zen most? Such as Spitfire and Shining being in a relationship?"

You nod again.

"Have I told you of ze underground businesses in my home country?"

You shake your head.

She looks at you with a deadpanned face.

"Mafia. Come on, Anonymous. Everyvone in ze vorld has heard of ze Itailian Mafia."

You nod.

"Gotcha. And?"

"I'm... Associated vith zem."

"How?"

"I'm a neutral party."

"How?"

"I take in and deal out intelligence."

You pause for a moment, thinking.

You think of the past events, and things you've heard...

"Hmm. So you're like a spy?"

"Not qvite," she says, squinting in thought. "But in a vay, I suppose. If you put it zat vay, I'm spying on every nation and every group, gang, or clique on ze continent. I'm a 'Little Miss Know-It-All', as a better term. If ze city knows, I know."

You blink.

This is not what you expected the first time you met.

"Sooo, is being a 'doctor' just a coverup?"

"Oh, heavens, no!" she says, chuckling. "I did go to college, and I DO know vhat I'm doing. I'm just not as professional as I'm hyped up to be."

You've noticed.

"Ah, I see. And, out of curiosity."

"Hmm?"

"What, exactly, was that, in the strip club in Detrot? Are you a manager there?"

She shakes her head.

"No, zat vas a vone-time gig. Trixie has been zhere before, and she put in a good vord for me. I vas hired zat night to be an announcer to add some cultural flair. No, I don't run a strip club. Don't get your hopes up, Anonymous. Although, I HAVE vorked vith Trixie vonce or tvice."

"So, you work with Trixie? Are you pimps?"

The doctor facehooves.

"No, idiota. Trixie is vone of my satellites. She goes around, talks to bartenders and other ponies, and reports back to me. An intel fetcher, so to speak. She's actually how I found out about you giving Cadance a hornjob, and I knew things vere going vell vith ze tvo of you."

Isn't that just lovely.

Wait.

What did Trixie say way back when?

That she had 'friends in high places'?

"Oh, so you're the one that encouraged her to do what she did?"

"Okay, zat I had no part in–she acted on her own accord. But I kept my mouth shut vhen she told me. Part of ze contract."

You grumble.

"Mmm. Anyway. Next question. Out of curiosity, what DOES Celestia do to traitors?"

The doctor blinks, and looks down.

"If... I remember correctly, zere is a law in ze royal doctorine. Every citizen in Eqvestria has ze right to be punished as seen fit. Any unusual or inequine punishment is not condoned by ze royalty."

"However, those guilty of treason are no longer legal citizens. And, concerning I've never met a single pony that came out of ze dungeons alive and vas villing, or even able to explain vhat zey vent through, vell, I could just about imagine."

Note to self. Don't fuck with Princess Celery.

"Okay. I kinda wish I didn't ask that. Anyway, next question. How did you get in the spot you're in now? The royal... Spy, or whatever?"

Aperta stops and looks at you, surprised.

And then bursts into a laughing fit.

"Hahahahaha, oh, Anonymous. I don't vork for Eqvestria."

"Wait, you don't?"

"Not at all!"

"Then who do you work for?"

"Anyvone and everyvone zat talks to me. No single person or group in particular, I'm in ze gray zone. Although, I -do- fear ze princess, and I've signed a 'contract' vith ze don, saying I'm his. I do some vork behind his back, however."

"I take it they're your two kinda-sorta bosses?"

"De facto, sì. I listen to zem more. Not only because zey could both kill me and everyvone I know in a heartbeat, but also because of ze informational goldmines zey are."

After thinking about it for a minute, you chuckle.

The look on her face when Cadance was about to zap her ass was priceless.

"Makes sense, I suppose."

"But one last thing."

"Hm?"

"You said Trixie was one of your workers, right?"

She nods.

"Correct."

"Then how was she so dirt poor when I found her?"

The doctor sighs, and shakes her head.

"Do you think I payed her much? She didn't have a dangerous job; just go around, ask friends, bartenders, and others about vhatever it vas I needed to know. I don't make too much cash myself -- most of it goes to research, my clinic, and my family. Although I can't complain about how much I have, it vasn't as much as I vas expecting."

Huh.

You'd think she was loaded.

"She vas desperate for cash. I vas desperate for information. It vas a vin-vin, if you ask me."

"Ah. You'd think she'd make a lot of money doing strip-shows and standing on corners."

"I vould, too. I think it's because she's so... Snooty. And high up. Even vhen she can't afford bread, she von't go for less zen fifty bits a hookup, and zat's for something as small as a hoofie."

Oh, Trixie...

"But, zat's all I know."

"Gotcha. Also, I lied earlier. There's one more thing."

Hiding her irritation, Cuore nods and looks up.

"Yes?"

"When we finally make it to wherever it is you're from, mind showing me some good eats? I hear the pizza's great."

After a pause, the doctor covers her face with her hoof.

"Vell, I can. But I can tell you vone thing. It von't be vhat you expect, no tomato sauce at all, and very little cheeze. Ze taste comes from ze dough, and zere may be some vegetables or the likes on top, but not much more."

"Unless you ask for tomato sauce and cheeze. And, let me tell you, zere is no better vay to show how you're Eqvestrian zen saying you vant tomato sauce on a perfect Itailian pizza. Vhich is bad."

"Ah, well. Good to know. I'm not exactly the most cultured of folk."

"I've noticed."

You chuckle sheepishly, and try to think of something to say in response.

But, thankfully, you don't have to.

The door swings open, and Cadance looks at you.

"Hey, Anonymous," she says, waving at you.

"We're about to Marelin now. Wanna come back inside? We're gonna discuss some plans before we arive."

"Oh. Sure."

You look at the doctor.

She nods.

"I suppose I'm almost as involved as you are, by zis point.

"Let's go."

You nod, and Cadance opens the door for the two of you to walk in.