Life's Left Hook

You look at what's left of your bottle of whiskey.

Enough for two shots, if even, concerning Trixie downed the whole damn thing.

And, as you look at it, a memory crosses your mind.

As a wise man once said...

"Eh, fuck it."

With that, bottoms are up, and you feel the rest of the bottle pour down your throat.

No doubt you're going to regret this in the morning, but you don't care.

You have a tournament to win.

With the press of a button, the cards are dealt.

You look at your new cards.

Nine and eight of hearts.

Not bad at all.

You shove in ten chips.

"I'm in."

"What, did you change the blinds all of the sudden?"

You shrug.

"I guess."

She shrugs as well.

"Whatever I guess. I'm calling anyway."

She shoves in ten chips, and you press the big green button.

QH, 5S, 9C

Pair o' nines.

Hm.

"I'll raise a little," you say, sliding in ten chips.

Scootaloo rolls her eyes, shoving in more than twice what you did.

"Come on. Step it up, Shirley."

So that's how she's gonna play, huh?

You shove in 15 more chips, smiling as you push the button without a word.

JH.

Oooh. This is looking really nice.

Scootaloo shoves in twenty five more, an evil smile on her face.

You have much the same look on your face as you follow her lead.

"You think you're going to win, don't you?"

She gives you a smug look, leaning forward onto the table.

"Yooou could say that..."

She rocks back and forth innocently, as if she has a song stuck in her head.

Christ she's smug.

Let's see how smug she looks when the turn comes down.

You press the button, and watch.

10 of hearts.

Oh, SHIT.

That's a straight flush!

Have you ever gotten that lucky before?!

Well, besides Cadance.

And Octavia.

And kinda Trixie.

You don't think you have, honestly.

Amazingly, you manage to keep a cool face.

Until Scootaloo quietly shoves in her entire pile.

She looks at you, with the smuggest of smirks one could ever smirk.

You know what this little snake is doing.

She's bluffing.

Again.

You're about to call her and go all in, until you hear her speak.

"You so sure about that, Anonymous?"

You take a minute to think.

Of course you're fucking sure!

You have a straight flush!

You shove those chips in with all of the courage and confidence both your cards and your whiskey have given you.

And, immediately, Scootaloo starts giggling.

"Heheh... O-Okay, let's... Let's see what you have..."

You show her your cards.

"Straight flush. Beat that, chicken!"

Her look melts immediately, and she glares at you.

You, sir, have crossed a line.

After a pause, she nods.

"Sure, okay. I will!"

And, with that, she shows you her cards.

At first, you don't really believe what you see.

But, finally, the realization sinks in.

She has the ace and the king of hearts.

You die inside a little bit as you realize she has, quite literally, an unbeatable hand.

Finally, Scootaloo's smile comes back as she takes her bounty—300 chips.

You're in shock–you just got schooled by a teenager in poker.

"Wh-What the hell?! How long was that?! Two rounds?"

"Yup!"

She looks at her pile of chips much like a greedy goblin would,

"How the hell did you learn to play like that?!"

Scootaloo looks up at you, rolling her eyes.

"Come on, dude, think about it. How do you think I was able to feed myself and pay for everything all the time in Ponyville? Donut Joe taught me a few tricks. Now he can't even beat me!"

With that, she manages to get all of her chips in a pile and waves over a waiter to ask for a bag or something to carry them in.

You, meanwhile, are dumbfounded.

You're also hoping Donut Joe wasn't some sort of fucked up pedo.

Scootaloo manages to get a bag, and dumps all of her chips inside.

"You wanna redeem these for me, man? They'll probably bust me since I'm a filly."

You shake your head, standing up.

"Wait for Octavia and Trixie to get back, Scoots. Cadance said she wanted me to talk to her for a while when we were done."

"Oh, yeah. Right. Okay. Well, I'll see you later then."

"But before you go, I got a question."

And, with the tone she has into her voice, you have a feeling it's about you and Cadance.

You can feel a little more sweat come onto your brow, and you look at her.

"Yeah? What's up?"

She jumps onto a stool nearby, and leans in closer.

"Does... Does the princess, like, have the hots... for you?"

After a short pause, you nod.

"Yeah, I guess you could say we have a... Thing. Us."

She giggles like a little school girl, a wide smile on her face.

"So you're in a pack?!"

After a moment, you consider her words.

A pack?

That's an odd way to put it, but you nod.

"I guess I am."

"Dude! That's cool! Score!"

She raises a hoof for a hoof bump.

Smiling and shaking your head, you ball up your fist and give it a rough bump.

She laughs a little, looking up at you.

"That's really cool. No wonder you were able to buy that scooter for me."

That jars your memory.

That scooter!

You have yet to put it together!

Oh well.

You'll have enough time in Flankfurt tomorrow to set it up, probably.

"Speaking of your scooter, I think we'll put that thing together tomorrow."

"Sweeeeeeet."

You grab your empty bottle of whiskey and start walking.

"But I better go. Probably not a good idea to keep the princess waiting."

"Yeah, good idea. See ya later!"

"See ya."

With that, you make your way out the casino.

You glance back, and see Octavia helping the Queasy and Hobbling Trixie out of the bathroom.

Good. Scoot won't be alone for too long then.

You leave the casino, and make the grand trek back to your room.

A while later, you walk up to the door and knock.

You near two voices inside the room.

One is Cadance.

The other is...

No doubt another mare.

An alto, rather rough and scraggly, but not smoke-and-whiskey-for-a-lifetime bad.

After listening, it's more like...

Drill sergent.

So Cadance was right!

Eventually, you hear Cadance say something, and the door swings open.

Cadance looks a bit stressed out by the look in her eyes.

Her horn is glowing very, very brightly, and it shines light on you and everything behind you.

"Come in, Anon," she says, turning around.

When she does, the light shines on the back wall.

And it's then you notice that, coming out of her horn, is actually a projection, much like what you used to see in High School.

A oval-shaped projection shines on the wall, and although the color is a bit on the bright white side, you can make out a few things.

One, it's in a very large crystalline room.

Two, front and center, Spitfire stands, in a full uniform complete with a hat, shades, and a few medals pinned to her chest.

Cadance opens her mouth wide, and out of her mouth comes Spitfire's voice.

"So, he finally shows up. The man of the hour, eh?"

Fuck, that's weird.

But, you ignore it, for now, and respond.

"I guess. What the hell did I walk into?"

Cadane looks at you without moving her head to respond.

"There's some trouble stirring up inside the kingdom itself. Nothing major, but still bothersome."

Spitfire grumbles, nodding. "Just a little. Some damn cultists have practically overran a whole sector in the southeastern part of the city. They aren't violent, but they're quite... Threatening, to say the least. And, of course, there's the AWOL Shining Armor..."

"Well, is there anything that's happening that's positive? Or is this just a pissfest?"

Spitfire shrugs. "Nothing important to discuss. But, look, I'm on borrowed time, and my caster can only keep this spell up for so long. Cadance, please. Tell me, how many do you want me to send after Shining? I have a group of at least two hundred soldiers ready to tough the wastes and scrounge every last--"

"Don't even bother with him, Spitfire."

The captain is a bit taken aback by this, lowering her head and looking past her shades for a moment.

"Don't even bother? Cadance, that's a terrible idea! He's the figurehead of this entire nation! Not only that, but he's one of the greatest military minds of the century! Do you seriously want me to just--"

Cadance clears her throat, cutting Spitfire off rudely.

"Yes, I'm certain, Spitfire. From what you told me, this was no doubt him running off; you've ruled out all options of a kidnapping, an assassination, or even something as small as him getting drunk and hobbling out of town. If he left, he acts on his own accord, he no doubt has his reasons, and he'll be responsible for his actions. Wasting lives trying to find him is a terrible idea, especially since he'll be practically impossible to find if he truly wants to stay hidden."

Spitfire keeps quiet for quite some time, until finally, she lets out a light sigh. You see a bit of defeat on her face for a moment, but it vanishes quickly.

"Very well then, your highness. As for the press?"

"Tell them we can't afford to waste the men to find him. If he is to return, he will return. Tell them you have confidence."

"Understood. And, as for the cultists?"

"Denounce their words as those of a madman or a bored conspirator. There is no possibility of anything coming to harm the Crystal Empire any time, especially under the care of you and your colleagues."

"Roger. Anything else?"

"One last thing."

"Promote Soarin' to Captain of the Guard, and make him second-in-command only to you. Make sure the harvest season goes well, and make sure trading between you and nearby nations is still active. The last thing we need is to become isolationists."

Spitfire nods. "Of course. Will that be all?"

Cadance nods. "I believe so. Until tomorrow, anyhow. When did you say you would arrive?"

"I'll be at your hotel around seven o'clock," Spitfire says, adjusting her suit. "The time isn't going to be exact; it's quite a flight from here to Flankfurt, and travel is going to be a pain concerning the recent rebellion in Camelu."

"Very well then. Stay safe, Spitfire. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Stay frosty, princess."

With that, her horn stops glowing, and she shuts her mouth.

And you're left with about a few questions.

Cadance turns to you, smiling. "Sorry about that, dear. Had to talk."

"How did you... Do that? That projection? And her talking?"

Cadance sighs, looking at her horn. "It's a rather complex magic spell, and requires a caster on both ends for it to work properly. It was a little short on her end, concerning I had to do it myself; she could only hear us."

"That's weird. But still!"

"I'll explain more later, and no doubt you'll get the rest of the information tomorrow when we see her in person."

"Since when are we having a meeting?"

"Since just now, when she requested one."

"Why?"

"You'll see tomorrow," Cadance says, trotting to the bedroom.

"Are the others coming?"

You shrug.

"They're a little behind; the doctor's at the bar still, and Scootaloo had to cash in her chips."

Cadance takes a double take, a huge grin on her face when she finally understands what she hears.

"Wait, you lost to Scootaloo?! In poker?!"

"Heh, yeah... She's... She's actually really, really good."

"All three hundred chips?"

You nod.

"Sheesh. I heard her say something about Donut Joe before, but wow."

"Now, come here; I'm not headed to bed alone."

Well, you aren't going to object.

You follow Cadance and walk through the door.

She plops down on the bed, bringing the blankets over herself.

You reach down and undo the button on your collar, and start to work your way down the shirt.

After another moment, Cadance raises an eyebrow as you undress.

"Are you doing a strip show, now?"

You stop what you're doing, and look at her.

And then, you look at your shirt.

"Er... Mmmaybe..."

"You aren't selling it..." She scoffs

"Well, I've never stripped before, so I don't know what the hell to do."

Cadance giggles, giving you a seductive smile. "Well, there's a first time for everything."

"So you want me to strip?"

She nods, giving you an exasperated look. "Yes! Yes I do!"

"I have no idea what the hell I'm doing!"

"That's the whole point!"

"But—"

"Strip, damn you!"

"Fine then, fuck it!"

You sling off your suit jacket and throw it at Cadance, undoing the rest of your shirt buttons.

Even though you're never gone to a dance before in your life, formal or informal, you try to do your best at what you think is 'dancing'.

You're a bit dizzy from the whiskey, but you stay on your feet as you move your hips and bounce around.

You try to make up a baseline, but all that comes out is low, drunken 'doo-dee-doo's that aren't even in key.

Cadance is already giggling uncontrollably at the sight, covering her mouth with her hoof.

With that, you turn your back to Cadance and start taking off your shirt.

But, you have some trouble.

The cuffs are caught onto your wrists.

You yank at the damned things, trying to keep somewhat of a rhythm as you panic to take them off.

Cadance bursts out laughing at the site, and you finally manage to pry your shirt off and throw it to the side.

But, somehow, you took your shirt off and left your red tie on.

How the hell you managed that, you don't know, but you think it leaves a nice touch.

You keep facing your back to Cadance, starting to undo your pants.

Your hips bounce back and fourth, uneven and out of rhythm.

Cadance lets out a sharp whistle, cheering you on between fits of laughter.

"HAH! Let's see it already, baby! Strut it!"

As she yells at you, you manage to undo your belt, undo the button, and pull down your zipper.

"Come on! Drop 'em!"

You aren't about to keep this mare waiting.

You wiggle your hips a little more, and...

They haven't dropped yet, so you shake them more aggressively.

They're close, but they haven't slipped yet.

After shaking your ass a little more, you decide you're not doing anything except making Cadance laugh her ass off.

So, you push them down and let them drop to your ankles, proudly displaying your (supposedly) white boxer-briefs.

Cadance cheers you on, and you turn around.

You put your thumbs under your undies, stretching them outwards a bit to tease.

Cadance is having a giggle fit, and no doubt she's starting to blush.

You try to put on a sexy face, and you give Cadance a wink.

She tries to return the favor, but fails when she bursts out laughing again.

You can't help but laugh yourself a little at how stupid you look, but you press on.

As she laughs at you, you take a step closer to the bed to try and make Cadance's view better.

But, it's now that you conveniently remember that your pants are still around your ankles.

You remember a second too late, and you trip and fall straight down onto the bed.

And your face lands right on Cadance's belly, in between her legs.

She yelps in surprise, scooting back a bit.

You look up at Cadance, and her eyes are wide as melons as she looks down at you.

She starts talking, and you know what you need to do.

"I wanted a show, not a—BWAHAHAAHAAHA!"

You bring your lips to her belly and blow her a grand ol' raspberry.

She kicks at you, trying to shove you off.

But it is far too late.

You already have your arms wrapped around her hips, and there's no escaping your assault.

You keep blowing, and her pleas fill the room.

But they fall on deaf ears.

You keep blowing, torturing the poor mare for what must seem like an eternity to her, until finally, you stop.

You catch your breath, and your nose picks up a faint smell from below you.

And you know damned well what it is.

Cadance has a harder time catching her breath, and looks down at you with a red face.

"Damnit, Anonymous... That's not funny!"

"Yeah, bullshit, buttercup. Your crotch doesn't lie, you know."

"Wh—So?!"

And, from behind you, a third voice chimes in.

"H-He's... He's right, you know..."

You look and turn your head to see Octavia.

She smiles, trying to contain her laughter.

"Is there room for one more?"

You look at Octavia, smiling.

"Well, there's always room. But I don't know if Cadance wants to share.

Cadance immediately shakes her head, pulling the covers out from under you.

"Nope! Not sharing!"

Suddenly, you disappear under the blanket.

And, you feel Cadance's hooves on the back of your head, holding you down.

Your face presses into her soft belly, and you can feel her giggles.

"What?! No fair!" Octavia yells hopping into bed beside you and Cadance.

"Come on, at least let me get part of the action!"

"Nope! He's mine!"

You feel her scoot away, dragging you with.

She's playing keep away with you.

You do your best to go with it, laughing your ass off under the covers.

Soon, you feel Octavia hop off the bed.

And, immediately, she has a firm grip on your ass.

"Mine!"

With a yank, you slide back, and your head falls past Cadance's crotch and onto the mattress.

You are dangerously close to the holy land.

"No! Mine!"

Cadance reaches up and grabs your shoulders, yanking you back.

*SPLORG*

You face-plant into the wet mess right in front of you without warning.

"No! Give him back!" Octavia yells, scooting closer.

Her hips are against yours, and she pulls back.

You scoot back a little, only to be slammed like a battering ram back to where you were.

The two keep fighting over you, and your face keeps smacking into there.

No doubt Cadance is doing it on purpose.

That, and by the way Octavia is handling you, it's like she's trying to hump you.

Hell, she practically is; you know she's intentionally rubbing herself against you as she goes.

You're being used as a double-sided living toy.

If this is where wine and whiskey get you, then you need to go to the bar more often.