Life's Left Hook

Tree.

Oh, thank the gods.

You let out a sigh of relief as she pew-pews her way through the park.

Even though the gun is fixed to the handlebars and can only fire straight forward, she seems to be aiming fairly well.

Heheh...

You sit back and relax a bit, watching her zip around with more pent-up energy than you could have ever imagined.

Dear god, she was just...

Exuberant.

So full of life and energy.

You have to give yourself a pat on the back.

It's clear that you've never seen anyone this happy before.

Well, spare when you saw Octavia at the train station for the first time.

Good job, Anonymous.

You're making lives better, one at a time.

Sadly, your reminiscence is cut off by the sound of a terrible smack.

You look around, and see Scootaloo still buzzing along.

Wasn't her, looks like.

You're about to relax again, until you hear another smack, this one accompanied by a yelp, as well as what sounds like an insult.

"Mädchen!"

What the hell?

You look at the rowdy group of kids you heard earlier, and you see one of them throw a punch into the middle of their huddle.

What the fuck is going on?

You stand up, moving to get a better angle.

From what you can tell, a group of bullies is wailing on some poor little kid.

You frown, and your eyebrows arch.

"...Son of a bitch..."

Your fists instinctively clench, and you start walking over there.

However, you're stopped by a sound; a buzzing of a motor, to be precise.

You turn around, seeing Scootaloo pulling up behind you.

"Anon! That! that was it was just so! I can't even!"

You can tell her heart is racing faster than the scooter itself, and no doubt she's getting a taste of adrenaline.

Even after the ugly sights, it brings a smile to your face.

And, then, you get an idea.

An absolutely evil idea.

But it's such a great idea.

"...Hey, Scoots?"

"Uh-huh?"

"See those kids over there?"

You gesture to the huddle of kids by the tree.

Scootaloo nods, squinting.

"...Yeah, I do. Wait, what are they? Are they beating someone up?"

"They are," you say. "Want to help break it up?"

"What? How?"

You smile deviously, and as Scootaloo looks at you, then at her scooter, she catches on.

"I'd totally do it, if I still had water."

"Oh, you're out of water?"

"I can fix that, no problem."

"Really?"

"Yeah, there's a fountain nearby, isn't there?"

Scootaloo nods.

"Yeah, but it's dry. Some filly tried drinking it earlier, and nothing came out."

Well, damn.

Wait...

No, Anon.

That's a bad idea.

You'd never do THAT.

Especially after your little escapade to the hut of fucking asparagus.

Your piss would be absolutely rank.

You look at the kids again, who are still in a huddle.

Then, you look at Scootaloo.

You know what?

Fuck it.

You can't scold them; you don't speak Germane.

And, even if you tried to break them up, they'd probably pound your ass too.

You couldn't outrun them.

Scootaloo could, though, given she's going full speed on her scooter.

You doubt any of the other parents are going to intervene, since they haven't already.

And you really, really don't want to disappoint Scootaloo.

You look at the little filly, and then at her scooter's squirt guns.

"...Okay, Scoots?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm about to do something. But whatever you do, don't tell Cadance, don't tell anyone. More importantly, don't ever, ever try to do it again."

You start to smile, and a dark, contemplating laugh escapes you.

She looks confused, and cocks an eyebrow as you take her squirt guns.

"Huh?"

"I'll be right back."

You walk over, behind a bunch of trees.

Once you think nobody can see you, you unzip your pants.

After pulling down your underwear, you take the cap off of the squirt gun.

You can already feel your bladder pushing.

When was the last time you took a piss?

It was probably before your dinner date in Marelin.

Christ.

You jam your head into the hole of the squirt gun and let loose.

It's such a relief, you let out a light sigh.

You can feel warm air coming out of the compartment, and you listen to the sounds it makes.

And, sweet Celestia, does it smell...

It's a unbelievably sharp, pungent smell.

That's coming out of your dick?!

You cough a little, and put your shirt over your nose.

When you think it's almost full, you pinch your dick with your left hand.

You still have one more to fill.

It takes some skill, but you manage to pop the cap back on and hold the gun upright with your right hand.

You set the loaded weapon down, and grab the other.

Off goes the cap, in goes your dick, and your stream flows again.

It's about three-fourths full by the time you peter out of piss,and you grab the gun and close the cap.

After shaking your dick violently to get the last drops out, you grab both of the guns and walk over to Scootaloo.

She still looks confused.

Oh, boy, she has no idea...

"Whad'ja do?" she asks, watching as you put the squirt guns back on the scooter.

And then, her nose scrunches, and her eyes cross as the smell hits.

"AUGH, DUDE! That's rank! Wait, dude! You -peed- in those?!"

Immediately, that gigantic, adorable smile is there again.

Only this time, it's mischievous.

"Ooohohoho, did you really?"

You nod.

"Yup."

"Y-you want me to?"

You nod, a mischievous smile of your own growing.

"Yup."

Her anticipation grows, and she mounts her warhorse.

"Now, make sure you're going full speed, Scoots. You don't want them to catch you after you."

Without heeding your warning at all, she darts off at almost supersonic speeds.

And, after a moment, you don't think she'll need the warning.

She rides around a bit, picking up speed faster than you could ever imagine.

Then, she comes around a curve, turns right the fuck around, and sets course straight for the group of rowdy kids.

Oh, shit, here it comes.

Your smile grows exponentially, and your eyes widen as she narrows in on her target.

As she gets closer, all of the kids look at her in confusion and rage.

"Was zum Teufel?!"

"Huh?!"

And, with the skill of a divebomber, she gets closer and closer, until, at the last moment, she pulls down on the triggers.

Hard.

The rancid piss sprays out like a machine gun, peppering the first kid.

"AAAAAUGH! HIMMEL!"

The first one falls to the ground in nasal agony, trying to cleanse himself from the filth.

A second, who still has no idea what's going on, gets peppered with asparagus-fuelled piss.

Most of the shots go straight to his face, and he flails as he falls backwards to the ground, making sounds akin to that of a cat with his tail stepped on.

He lands on his head, and the third and last one looks at the two in horror as Scootaloo zips by.

"Scheiße! Was zur Hölle?!"

In horror, he turns around and runs.

Scootaloo, now a distance away from the group, looks over her shoulder and sees this.

He's not getting away that easy.

She takes a bank, and makes a complete u-turn.

It doesn't take her long to set course for the last coward.

Even though that goat is in a gallop, he's a golf cart against a race car.

It doesn't take Scootaloo to get right behind him.

"Verdammt, nein! NEIN!"

His words go unheard as he's brought down by a relentless onslaught of piss.

His back and mane gets soaked, and he stumbles and falls onto the sidewalk straight on his face.

Scootaloo takes a left, turning to go behind some trees.

Meanwhile, the three goats, stained a dark yellow, all stand up and look at each other.

Not a word needs to be said; they immediately scram, running away from the park as fast as they can, leaving behind a little kid huddled up under the tree.

Scootaloo puts her way back to you, once she sees the crowd is clear.

She has a full on grin on her face, and she's laughing like a total dork.

"HAHAHA! DUUUDE! Did you see that?! That was awesome! HIS FACE! DID YOU SEE HIS FACE?!"

You?

You had lost your sides long ago.

When the first one was hit, you burst out laughing.

And the laughter had only tripled since then.

You grip your sides, laughing hard enough to make them literally ache.

"Y-Yeah, I did! That was gold!"

"Your -piss- was gold!"

That was the last straw.

You throw your head back, laughing too hard to breathe.

Scootaloo joins you, and you both fall to the ground, gripping your sides.

After a long, agonizing laugh in which you can't breathe, you finally come to a calm.

Your face is cramped, and your both still giggling like idiots, but you can breathe.

Eventually, your attention is brought to the victim, who has made their way back to their hooves, and is looking at the two of you.

Some concern comes over your face, and you look at him.

You look at Scootaloo, gesturing lightly to the kid.

"Think we should at least try to talk to the poor thing?"

"Maybe. Bring him or her over here."

You nod, agreeing.

With that, you wave them over.

They start trotting in your direction, head high and a smile on their face.

The little kid beams up at you, absolutely ecstatic at his rescue.

"Oh, mein gott! Thank you, misser! Thank you!"

You can tell he's no Equestrian speaker, by his pronunciation, but the point gets across.

Instead, you just smile and nod, patting him on his head.

"You're welcome."

Scootaloo nods to the kid as well, smiling.

After the brief exchange of gestures, he looks behind him at the bullies running away.

He sighs, and turns back to you.

A smile on his face, he starts scratching his head.

No, wait, he's digging.

Digging?

In his hair?

Is he hiding something?

A moment later, you're surprised at what you see.

Out of his hair, he pulled a...

Figurine?

You vaguely recognize the feline figurine.

It's from that series of comics, Kyuety Kats.

You remember Sweetie Belle showing it to you one day; she loved all of the cutesy stuff.

It looks like one of the protagonist's friends.

Wait, why does this little kid have it?

Isn't it a he?

He gestures again, holding it up to you.

Does he want you to take it?

You think he does.

Reluctantly, you reach forward and take it out of his grasp.

He smiles, nodding.

You inspect the little doll for a moment.

It was pretty cute.

It was probably the reason he was being bullied, too, when you think about it.

Poor dude.

At least he's better now.

After you take it, he gives you one last nod, a bow of sorts, and starts trotting off.

''...What the hay?"

You look down at the absolutely bewildered Scootaloo.

"Your guess is as good as mine," you say, holding the doll out to her.

She takes it, and like the curious filly she is, tries to do what the goat did.

A moment later, the toy has disappeared inside of Scoot's pink mane.

She bobs her head a bit to see if it sticks, and evidently, it works.

"...Huh. I'll give this to Sweets when I get back to Ponyville."

"Well, you have one helluva story to tell."

Aw, shit, you just swore, didn't you?

Oh, whatever, it's Scooaloo.

"Heheh, yeah I do."

"But, dude, let's get going back. We're gonna need to really really wash these squirt guns otherwise they're going to kill someone because they reek so bad."

"Yeah, good idea, Scoots. Let's get going. I'm sure Cadance can get some bleach for us or something."

"You're probably going to need super bleach."

You raise an eyebrow.

"That's a thing?"

"It's gonna have to be if you wanna clean these things."

You laugh a little, shaking your head as you grab the box.

Scootaloo hops on her scooter, taking the guns off and putting them in the box.

"Mind if I ride it on the way back?"

"Not at all."

With that, you start your journey back to the hotel.

Many of the city folk snarl at the smell radiating from your box like the elephant's foot of Chernobyl.

You feel so sorry for them.

But, at least they didn't get hozed.

Like you're about to be, whether you know it or not.

The sun's setting; it's later in the afternoon.

You'd guess... Six thirty? Maybe seven?

After a trek, you find yourself back at the hotel.

You make your way back to the room, and slide the door open.

A quick look around tells you four things.

One: Cadance is up and about.

Two: She's taking care of Trixie.

Three: Trixie is awake.

Four: Her stomach must be empty.

You grimace a bit, looking at the poor mare.

She looks like she ran through a buffalo stampede.

Thankfully, she's able to stand upright with only minimal amounts of swaying.

You wave, catching Cadance's attention.

She sees you from across the room, and nods.

"Welcome back," she says, trotting towards you.

Trixie trots into the bathroom, grumbling after glancing at the two of you.

Cadance smiles.

"How did it go?"

...*sniff*...

"And what in Celestia's holy name is that smell?"

You and Scootaloo start giggling to yourselves.

"W-Well, uh... We had some fun with the scooter. I'll tell you later, but right now, I need about a gallon of bleach and a toilet brush."

Cadance's jaw drops a bit, and it's clear she's absolutely confused and perplexed.

"Erm, certainly. I'm certain I could call the front desk and ask for help. They would be able to clean... Whatever it is you need to clean."

Scootaloo amazingly manages to contain her giggles.

"But, Anonymous," Cadance says, giving you a more serious look. "It will have to wait. We have a fairly important meeting some time soon."

Oh, yeah, Spitfire was supposed to meet you.

Fucking joy.