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waking up in a regulator duster in the form of a pony.
The first thing Marcus felt was pain. Not, there’s-a-pebble-in-your-boot pain, but-every-single-limb-has-been-crippled pain. With great agony, he managed to lift up his right arm and equip a doctor’s bag. After a few seconds he felt infinitely better. Now that that had been settled, he tried to figure out where he was. He remembered going to bed at wolfhorn ranch. He didn't remember anything else.
' No sense in just sitting here ' he thought, as he got up. For some reason, he couldn't stand up, so he was forced to walk on all fours. It was oddly easy. That should have been a red flag that something’s off. He was in a building, sort of crystal-y. Red flag number 2. He started walking out of the room he was in and walked into a purple horse with a horn and wings. Red flag number three.
Marcus blinked and rubbed his eyes. He looked at his hands. Which he didn't have. They had disappeared. He looked up at the winged unicorn, than back at his hands- HOOVES! That’s what they were. He opened his inventory, and grabbed a beer.
He could tell instantly, that this was going to be a very long day.
Twilight was slightly put off by this odd pony. First he rammed right into her, than he pulled an alcoholic beverage out of his backpack and took a big swig. He then took a deadpan look at her, obviously waiting for her to say something.
"Um, hello?" the pony’s eyes dilated mid swig, and he did a spit take. Right. In. her. Face.
"So you can speak! Man I have seen a lot of freaky shit, but this certainly takes the cake. I mean, I thought that seeing brains in a jar were at the top of the list, but this certainly beats that. Man, O would love you. if he was, you know, still alive." twilight did not like this pony. He seemed crass, an alcoholic, and for some reason, his eyes scared her a bit. "Well my name is Marcus, assumedly you have one as well?"
She shook her head and said, "M-my name is twilight sparkle, but beside from that. How dear you spit at me?! What have I ever done to you?!" he looked up, seemingly deep in thought.
"You’re right." she recoiled slightly. " It was wrong for me to spit at you. It’s just, I have never seen something like you." he shrugged.
She lifted an eyebrow at that. He’s never seen another pony? How out of touch is this stallion? "I accept your apology. And I have one more question for you." she noticed that he had finished that drink, dumped the empty bottle on the floor, and gotten another one. "Why are you in my room?"
Marcus looked around. He was indeed inside a bedroom. It was to lavish to be a normal bedroom, so she had to have been pretty well off. He looked at her and saw a slight blush on her face.
"I can see that me being here, is a bit odd. What time is it?"
"Uhhhh, 4:42 A.M.?"
He scratched his forehead and pulled out another beer. "I’ll tell you later. I prefer to not tell people weird news so early in the morning. Do you have a room?" twilight nodded and said,
"First room on the left."
Marcus didn't dream that night. He hadn't since big mountain. He missed his brain, sure, but he would rather not have something like that back in his head. He woke up in a cold sweat, just like before. Every morning, he has to bite his tongue so he wouldn't scream. Panting heavily, he goes over to what appeared to be a bathroom. He splashed himself with water and looked in the mirror. As he expected, he wasn't human anymore. He was a male horse, a stallion with a rather long horn in-between his eyes. He took off his regulator duster, and looked at his back. He had wings as well. He flapped them twice to see if they were real. He shrugged and decided to put his duster away for now. He looked at his inventory, and decided to see if everything is the same as it was.
(see authors notes)
He looked at everything, and he concluded that everything was in order. He equipped the boomer flight suit, put his pimp-boy 3 billion down and exited out the door.
"So he just, appeared in your bed room?" Celestia sat with Luna, a contingent of 5 guards including shining armor, and twilight.
"Yes P- Celestia. I opened my door last night he just walked into me. In the ensuing chaos, I gave him one of the spare bedrooms. And before you ask, shiny, I did check and nothing was missing, so I doubt that he was a thief."
Shining armor released a breath and Celestia nodded. "It was wise of you to contact me, but I have to ask; what's taking him so long to wake up?"
As if psychic, a rather loud "AHHH" followed quickly by something falling down the stairs. The nine of them looked at the stairs and saw a rather large brown lump at the bottom of the stairs.
Celestia looked at him and said, "I assume that this is the pony that you found?"
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explaining why you have wings and a horn to the princess.
'Shit. Of all the-' his mental rant was stopped early by something nosing him. He looked up and saw a fairly beautiful (for a pony) pony looking at him. He became painfully aware that he was probably looking at the prettiest mutant creature the Mojave wasteland had to offer. She literally glowed. Whether that was due to radiation or not, he had yet to tell. After a few moments of staring at each other, he shook his head and said,
"I hate to ask this, but do you use your unfathomable beauty to capture prey?"
If someone decides to drop a pin right then, you would definitely have been able to hear it. The contingent of guards looked like they just caught Marcus in bed with their sisters. Luna and twilight looked ready to banish him to the moon and the sun, respectively. Celestia kept her small smile but you could see a bit of anger. And suddenly, she started laughing.
"HAHAHAHA! Oh, my. That is amazingly funny. No, no I don't. Actually, that depends on your point of view. I don't use it to eat anypony, but I do use it to sleep with every pony in the castle, though.” everyone, not including Marcus, blushed. Luna looked away, her blue coat making the blush extremely prominent.
"Well I guess that answers that question, now, next." shining armor blinked and pointed his spear at Marcus.
"What were you doing in princess twilights room? Answer carefully, because she's also my sister!" Marcus was up and stretching by then.
"I hate to tell you this, but I have no idea. I fell asleep at the place I call home, wolfhorn ranch, and then- this." he gestured at the entirety of the building. " By the way, I would guess that I’m not in the Mojave wasteland anymore, am I?"
Celestia shook her head, "no, I have never heard of that place. I assume that it's far away?" he shrugged
"I have no idea. I only remember a few months."
Twilight spoke up, "really? You look full grown."
"As far as I can tell, I got two holes put in my head over something called the platinum chip."
"What’s that?"
"A master key of sorts. It was used to activate a army of security robots, and, with their help, I was able to win new Vegas’s freedom."
"Where is this, new Vegas? I thought you came from the Mojave wasteland?"
"I do but-"
"This is amazing! An entirely new land! I have to get notes!" she spun around and, in a flashing glimpse, gave Marcus full view of her lady parts.
'POOMF!'
Awkward silence and everyone staring at Marcus again. Twilights eyes, moved from his wings, to his horn. She slowly opened her mouth, and quivering, said,
"Your an alicorn?"
"Um, I guess so?" he shrugged. He was about to say something else, presumably that he wasn't always one, but a pony ran through what he assumed to be the front door, screaming,
"Timber wolves! Timber wolves everywhere!"
now, Marcus had never had the pleasure of encountering timberwolves. he didn't even know what they were. so it came as a real shock, not only to the princesses who just encountered a living male of their race, but to everyone else in the room, when he turned and ran out of the room.
"where's he..."
"he can't seriously be..."
"we gotta stop him!"
killing timber wolves with a stick.
Marcus was used to screaming. when he set someone on fire, they screamed. when he shot someone in the leg, they screamed. when he slit someones throat, they gurgled, presumably a scream. when he burned the silver rush to the ground, they screamed. and truth be told, he liked it. the screams of his opponents were like an aphrodisiac to him. any amount of time in the mohave desert can do that. kill or be killed, and if you develop a weird fascination with death along the way, that's good too. and this town he was in, there were lots of screams. not death screams, but fear screams. and he didn't like those screams. they made him sick. he gripped old glory harder. it was sentimental, and he always kept it at top quality. Ulysses face ran through his mind for a moment. but only for a moment.
running through the streets, he saw a bunch of bodies, but no discernible wounds. after a few moments, he saw that the were just unconscious. playing dead. he eventually reached what he assumed to be the town center, and a group of wolves made of wood cornering a small butter yellow pegasus.
'huh, timber wolves. puns.' he grinned. getting up on two legs, he squatted, putting all his weight on them. he suddenly felt stronger. much stronger. he jumped and saw himself soaring through the sky. he even made a crater where he landed. too bad it was on one of the wolves heads.
it was all her fault. she had found a baby timber wolf hiding in an alley way near the village center. she had felt so sorry for it, she just had to bring it home. she should have known that the momma would come looking for it. and how would she have known that the baby's mom was a timber wolf matriarch? well, she was, and she brought the whole tribe with her. she had released the baby back to it's mother, but she still attacked the town. and now the wolves had her cornered. she wished for a peaceful solution, but things were looking grim. until something smashed down on one of the timber wolves heads.
Marcus didn't hesitate. when he smashed the wolf, he turned to the left, and smashed old glory into the face of another one. it cleaved through, leaving it in two equal pieces. he grinned. and looked to see the last wolf running off, it's wooden tail between it's legs. he looked over to the butter yellow pegasus and the usual conversation box opened.
"uh, thanks? i wanted it to stop without out bloodshed, but i guess that timberwolves don't have blood...
[what're you doing out here?]
[are you okay?]
[i'm going to kill you!]
1.
"what're you doing out here?" marcus cocked his head and returned to all fours.
the pegasus blushed. "well, technically, this is all my fault. you see, i found a baby timber wolf in an alley way, and i took it home, and i guess it's mom wanted him back."
[okay, i understand. i'm still going to tell the authorities, though.]
[i guess i could look the other way... for a 'favor']
[are you okay?]
[i'm going to kill you!]
1.
"okay, i understand. i'm still going to tell the authorities, though." her face fell.
"no, please don't! i already have two strikes! they'll arrest me and take away all my animals! please, i'll do anything!"
[speech: 97/75: give me all of your money, and i won't go to the cops.]
[i guess i could look the other way... for a 'favor']
[i have a little problem with that. you'll have to convince me more.]
1.
"give me all of your money, and i won't go to the cops."
"f-fine. here."
{you received: 1000 bits}
"thank you, dear. and i never heard your name."
"it's fluttershy. i live in the cottage near the forest." the conversation box closed, and fluttershy walked away, presumably back to her cottage.
{new marker! fluttershy's cottage.}
walking around the town, he found several more timber wolves, which he dispatched easily. while he was wandering around town, he looked at his pimpboy. the status page had changed completely, changing from a human to a pony, with wings and a horn. also he had new perks.
strength of an earth pony: your overall strength is increased, all melee attacks triple in damage, and you get an increased inventory weight, x2. that's right, x2! go wild!
magic of a unicorn: you can't hold your guns while your a pony. but that's where your horn comes in. it comes pre-equipped with a telekinesis spell. all other spells are classified as items though.
flight of a pegasus: you can fly! hold the jump button, and you can levitate! your perception and your agility go up + three, although your endurance goes down by one.
alicorn physiology: your the luckiest guy in the world! all your stats are tripled, and in conversation, your very presence makes people like you more!
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fighting a really mean princess. (she's blue)
"well, that was... interesting, to say the least." celestia came up to him after he had destroyed the last of the timber wolves. "i can't say that i approve of your... methods, but you got the job done."
[thank you, Celestia. i did my best.]
[your welcome.]
[i'm getting paid for this, right?]
1.
"thank you Celestia. i did my best." Marcus bowed. she smiled.
"no need for that. you saved my little ponies. a peaceful solution would have been best, but i guess that's not quite possible. i wonder what made them attack in the first place, though."
[i have no idea.]
[it was fluttershy. she had a baby one in her house, and it caused the whole attack to happen]
3.[gee, maybe some cash would refresh my memory?]
3.
"gee, maybe some cash might refresh my memory?" he got slapped at that. but not from the princess. it was the blue one.
"how dare you attempt to blackmail our sister! have at thee!"
[speech 97/100: hey! no need to fight!]
[perception 10/10: i notice that you have a odd way of speaking. is that a tic?]
[you wanna go? let's go, hotshot!]
[hey look behind you!]
4.
"hey look behind you!"
"what!" she yelled as a timber wolf jumped on her. while it only took a second for the wolf to be obliterated by blue fire, he was long gone by then.
"grahh! he got away! we must not let him escape!"
"luna-" she sighed. the princess of the night was already on his trail.
Marcus had never run harder in his life. well, maybe that one time he was being chased by an entire herd of bighorners. but now, it appeared that he was being chased by bat ponies. well, there were at least ten types of gecko back in the wasteland, so this might not be that uncommon. they were long out of town, and had entered a forest. he causally noticed a sign that said,
EVERFREE FOREST
DO NOT ENTER!
if he had a cap for every time he ignored one of those signs, he'd be a millionaire. he rushed past it, and kept going into he was sure he couldn't hear the clopping of hooves. he was home free. at least at first. he felt a wave of nausea, as the RAD meter spiked wildly. but only for a moment. he felt stronger, and faster. he ducked down, causing a blue blast of energy to hit, and disintegrate, a tree. he looked to where it came from, and of course, it was the blue one, luna.
"you shall die for your insolence!" her horn glowed, and another beam of energy flew towards marcus. not that it mattered, what with his enhanced reflexes thanks to the radiation. and coupled with his alicorn abilities, an attack like that wouldn't even bother him, even if it had hit. he had, however, had enough of just the defensive. he opened his inventory, and equipped his automatic rifle.
huh, i really do have telekinesis. fancy that' the gun was held in a light brown aura, the same color as his fur. he reloaded it, and using his patented, run around like a maniac so you don't get hit technique, ran across the clearing shooting. she raised a shield, and most of the bullets fired bounced off. because why not? he sighed and equipped mercy. maybe 44mm grenades would make her a bit more complacent.
and boy, did it. he fired three, and they ripped the shield to pieces, and knocked her to the ground. he ran out from behind his cover, equipping dinner belle as he did, and pressed it up against her throat before she could reorient herself.
"well? i'm defeated. go ahead."
[now, now, let's not be hasty. i think you've made a bit of a mistake. besides your sister'd have my hide]
[don't you raise the moon? wouldn't that throw the planet out of whack?]
[hmmm... maybe...]
2.
"don't you raise the moon? wouldn't that throw the planet out of whack?"
"i guess it would." she then proceeded to kick his legs out, toppling him over. right onto her. "hey! get off, heathen!"
"i can't. right when you kicked me, my addictions kicked in and i've lost all my strength."
"what! what kind of addictions?!"
"beer, whiskey, vodka, alcohol of any kind really. also steady."
"geez. well, both my guards fled when i fell, so we're stuck until my sister finds us."
"great."