Moonwhacked

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Main 6, Princess Luna
Length: 6309

Princess Luna tripped and fell while dreamwalking, causing the night visions of everypony in Equestria to merge with one another. Now it's up to Twilight and her friends to group up in the dreamscape and "kick" Luna awake.

Princess Luna tripped and fell while dreamwalking, causing the night visions of everypony in Equestria to merge with one another. Now it's up to Twilight and her friends to group up in the dreamscape and "kick" the Princess of the Night awake.

It's okay, though. They've done this before.

Published 2014-09-28 06:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-28 06:10:06 UTC

You Are What You Drink

"Spike!" Twilight gasped, raising her goggles as she held a scrap of paper in a pair of levitating forceps. "I did it!" She squee'd with delight. "At last, I finally did it! Spike, isn't this wonderful?!"

"Meow." Spike licked his paw, flicked a tail, and hopped down from the table. Padding across the bright white science lab, he found a trapdoor and disappeared into the cosmos while Twilight bounced around.

"I finally made the world's first self-replicating notecard! See? Observe!" With an ecstatic grin, Twilight plucked the sheet apart, only for a fresh card to appear blank and virginal underneath. "Eeeeee-heeheehee! Can you imagine how much this will revolutionize the world of scholastic research?!"

"Congratulations, Twilight Sparkle!" An old stallion in a shiny black suit shouted melodically. The wall of the laboratory melted behind him, exposing an auditorium full of clapping, applauding ponies. Equines of every race stood up, cheering and shouting Twilight's name. "You are this year's Neighbel Prize winning scientist!" the stallion continued, trotting forward and hanging a golden medal around the mare's neck. "Your name will go down in history, passed on by every esteemed college professor who values the written word!"

"We're so proud of you, Twilight!" Twilight's mother stood in the audience along with her father. They clapped, smiling and on the verge of tears. "We thought we were happy when you became Celestia's student! And when you saved the kingdom over and over! But this?!"

"Nothing tops this, Twilight!" Shining Armor said, dabbing his cheek with a handkerchief. "You are the smartest pony who's ever lived!"

"Thank you..." Twilight bit her lips, blushing in the auditorium's spotlight. "Thank you, everypony! I couldn't have done it without the help of all my friends! And, if you would allow me..." She held up the freshly invented notecard and tore the first of an infinite number of sheets off. "I would like to read off a few names of those who made this dream-come-true possible! Ahem. 'Ferghlmore Dibbensype!' 'Hecklemuttsten Farkkalot.'" Twilight's lips trailed. She blinked, suddenly frowning at the fuzzy, fuzzy words. "Uhm... 'Goobleblarghastack?'" She tore the notecard again. "'Hoopiesnappa?'" And again and again and again. "Uhhh... something's wrong! I can't read any of these!"

Dark thunderclouds rippled over the heads of everypony in the audience.

"What's the matter, Twilight?" Cadance teetered by Shining's side, her eyes reduced to menacing pinpricks. "ArE yOu Or ArEn'T yOu EqEuEsTrIa'S gReAtEsT sCiEnTiSt?!" Lightning flashed, illuminating her tentacles.

"Wait..." Twilight realized something was shining in her eyes. She squinted straight up and saw a giant moon looming brightly against the auditorium's ceiling. "Something isn't right here." She spun towards the stallion. "Excuse me, please." Yanking on his tie, she opened his neck like a trash can's lid. A treehouse sprouted up out of his throat, and Twilight swung the door open, peering inside. The shelves of the tiny library were lined with books, but all of the titles were fuzzed out. "Hmmm... Just as I thought, I can't read a single word."

"Honestly, darling, who could write at a time like this?!"

The stallion zipped away like a deflating balloon. Twilight spun around. "Huh? Rarity?"

"Take a picture, dear!" the mare said, cheeks smiling red as she stood in the fluffiest white gown ever conceived. Her mane glittered in the sunlight, braided with flowery clusters that matched sapphire eyes. "But not even a thousand words could encapsulate this!" She cooed, grasping a dew-laden bouquet in her forelimbs. "The sheer beauty and majesty of my very own wedding day!"

"Wedding day?!" Twilight suddenly squinted, for she was standing under a gazebo out in an emerald green field on a crisp summer day. Violinists on a nearby stage strung forth a classical melody while emotional mares dabbed their eyes, filling millions upon millions of seats that lined an aisle that stretched off into the shimmering horizon. "Where did these ponies come from?! It's like the whole population of Equestria is here!"

"I know! And they're all jealous! But who can blame them? After all..." Rarity leaned forward, her eyelashes fluttering. "I'm being married to Equestria's most handsome, dashing, affluent prince in the history of ponkykind!"

"Hrmmmmm..." A pale-white stallion stood tall, tossing his smokey-gray locks while gently clasping Rarity's hooves. He smiled, his teeth reflecting with moonlight. "Shall we carry on with the ceremonies, my dear?"

"Eeeeee!" Rarity danced in place, skirts flouncing. "Twilight, will you do the honors?"

"Huh?" Twilight looked down to see a white collar around her neck. "Uhhh..."

"You are a Princess, after all. Just read from the Good Book and get us 'hitched,' as Applejack would say."

Twilight looked up. The moon was still there, occupying the same half of the sky as the sun. "Oh great." She sighed, her ears drooping. "Not again."

"It's simple, Twilight! Just start with 'Dearly beloveds, we have gathered here today...'"

"Rarity, I'm sorry, but we gotta crash your wedding." Twilight yanked her collar off and trotted forward. "Luna's done it again."

"Luna's done what again?"

"She's had an accident while dreamwalking!" Twilight exclaimed, gesturing for the violinists to stop playing. "It's happened before, remember? Now our dreams our merging! Just like last time!"

"Twilight, how could you?!" The other unicorn pouted, eyes moist. "You're ruining the greatest, most romantic moment of my life!"

"Rarity, it's not real! Just a second ago, I was in my laboratory, and then in an auditorium full of clapping ponies! Now I'm lucid and I realize it's all a charade!"

"This is most certainly not a dream!" Rarity said, slapping her hoof down.

Twilight sighed, then pointed. "Then how come your 'handsome groom' is a seven year old colt?"

"Oh, don't be silly!" Rarity stuck her tongue out and turned around. "As if I'd ever stoop to cradle-robbing..."

"Have you seen my older brother?" Rumble asked, picking his nose with one hoof while holding a large candy cane in the other. "I lost him at Chocolate Falls."

"Waaaaa-haa-haaa-haaa!" Rarity shrieked, backing up into Twilight as her wedding gown dissolved, zipping off in opposite directions across the bright, pastel landscape. Her gasping voice echoed against candy corn trees and jello hilltops. "I'm going to jail! I'm going to jail, I-I just know it!"

"Rarity, relax!" Twilight shook the mare's shoulders. "You're not going to jail! None of this is real! You're dreaming! We all are!"

Rarity panted and panted, her eyes darting across the vanilla sky. "Oh..." She gulped. "Well, then..." She glanced back at Twilight. "Why am I not waking up, then? That was quite a traumatic, jarring experience!"

"Because we're locked in a nocturnal dream spell," Twilight said. "It's what Princess Luna uses to speak to her royal subjects in their sleep."

"Oh." Rarity blinked. "Well, that doesn't sound very polite of her!"

"Rarity, I don't think she can help it," Twilight said while caramel albatrosses flew by. "Being the Princess of the Night means that she's essentially bound to the world's dreamscape. So, on occasion, when Luna makes a mistake while dreamwalking, like a wrong turn taken into a subconscious void, she loses her grip on the dreamscape and we're all locked in our own fantasies."

"Oh... it's starting to come back to me now," Rarity said, gulping. "I vaguely recall you and the girls stumbling upon me while I was sewing together the world's largest oven mitt."

"And do you remember what we did last time?"

"If I'm not mistaken, we followed a bright glowing macguffin until we found Princess Luna and woke her dreamself out of her coma."

"Right." Twilight pointed past the cinnamon trees at the big, glowing moon. "And there's our sign once again!"

"Ohhhhhhh..." Rarity rolled her eyes. "Must we, really?"

"Rarity, if we don't help Luna, we could be stuck in a catatonic state for hours. Even days!"

"Well, we could make a vacation of it!" Rarity beamed. "Two hours equals two weeks in dream-time, yes?"

"Rarity..."

"I've always wanted to visit Prance in the fall!" She danced in place, making little splashes in chocolate puddles. "Their Autumn Fashion is to die for!"

"Only, it'll be fake fashion, Rarity!" Twilight exclaimed. "Something conjured up by your mind alone! And by the time you'll have woken up, you'll be stiff, starved, and you'll still have never visited the actual fashion show in Prance!"

"Hmmmm..." Rarity sighed. "You're right, as always, Twilight. So, then, where can you and I find Luna? Isn't her dreamself located on the moon?"

"First, we need to find the others."

"The others?" Rarity blinked. "You mean Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rainbow, and Applejack?"

"Yes."

"What for?"

"I'm the only one with the ability to wake Luna's dream self," Twilight said. "But, being the Princess of Friendship, I'll only be powerful enough to do it with my closest friends nearby."

"Well..." Rarity smiled. "That sounds certifiably silly."

"Yes, well..." Twilight groaned. "I didn't write the rules on dreamwalking. Nor do I break them every Celestia-forsaken Tuesday."

"Uhm..." Rumble tugged on Rarity's tail while sucking on his candy cane. "Mrmmmf... Do you need me to help, ma'ams?"

"No no, good sir." Rarity knelt, smiling. "Just wait right here and enjoy the sights and sounds. I must say, you have the most delicious imagination."

"Heehee... okay..." Rumble waved and hopped into a river of ice cream. "Good luck with whatever you're doing!" He landed on a peppermint dolphin and flew away. "Weeeee!"

Twilight leaned in with a smirk. "That was well put, Mrs. Rumble."

"Oh hush," Rarity growled. "Let's get this over with, already." Both mares trotted across the candied plain. "My only hope for relief is that we'll stumble into a mare with an even more embarrassing dream than mine."

"Now now, Rarity, let's not rub it in their muzzles," Twilight said. "Whatever it is we see."

"Hmmm..." Rarity smiled. "It's all starting to come together. Do you remember last time when we found Rainbow Dash in a diaper, hoof-painting on a nursery wall?"

"Heh..." Twilight managed a tiny smile. "Yeah, I do."

"I must say, Twilight." Rarity glanced at Twilight's sides. "I can't help but notice that you're not in possession of your alicorn wings at the moment."

"Yeah..." Twilight sighed, her eyes thin. "The less we dwell on that, the better, thank you."

"Might be something to write about once you wake up," Rarity said. "Certainly an article worthy of Sigmane Freud."

"Rarity..."

"Erm... yes. Ahem. Ixnay on the wingsnay."

"Here we are." Twilight pointed at a soup can sitting on the edge of a dark, dark precipice. "Crawl inside."

"What in heavens' name for?" Rarity asked, already shrinking.

"This is the way to Applejack," Twilight said, worming her way through the aluminum container.

"And just how do you know that?" Rarity's voice echoed through the twisting, intestinal darkness.

"Call it a hunch," Twilight replied as the two slid down, down, down. "A can of bean soup just screams 'country' to me."

"You don't say?" Rarity fidgeted in mid-plummet. "Twilight, can ponies smell in a dream?"

"I don't know. I've never tried. Why do you ask?"

"Oh. No reason." Rarity then grunted as she and Twilight landed hard on a concrete factory floor. "Ooomfa!" She grimaced at the moonlight glinting off of cold bars and whirring machinery. "Good grief! Are you certain this isn't Detrot, Michigallop?"

"Nope!" Twilight smirked proudly, pointing across the assembly line. "There's our mare right there!"

Applejack was strapped to a chair, writhing and grunting in her futile attempts to break free. In front of her, a conveyor belt rolled an endless line of apples on dinner plates.

"Mwahwhawhawhawhegh!" A thirty-foot robot Granny Smith with clanking, steaming joints rattled off, eyes glowing. "Taste. Test. ALL. The. Apples!"

The conveyor belt hummed to life, and apples blurred past Applejack's face. Her chair grew hooves and shoved her skull repeatedly forward, forcing her to take bite after bite.

"I can't! Mrmmfmmmff! Granny, yer movin' 'em too fast! Mfrnnghllchffpp! I c-can't test them all in time!"

"Will. This. Help?!"

Applejack sprouted a second head, and the chair's hooves shoved both forward, biting twice as many apples twice as swiftly.

"Mrmmmfnngh! Granny! Please!" one head spouted.

"Make it stop!" the other head wept, her muzzle full of apple mush. "Mmrfnnghllff! We'll ruin the harvest! Mfnnghllf! Please, Granny!"

"Twilight?" Rarity glanced back. "Would you do the honors?"

"Uhhhhhh..." Twilight looked around and around. At last, she saw a gigantic red button. "Oh! Well, that works!" She slapped it with a hoof.

The conveyor belt skidded to a halt. Seconds later, the thirty-foot tall Granny Smith collapsed into a thousand rusted pieces. "My hip! Balalghglghll!" The factory was awash with steam and thunder, then silence.

In the meantime, Rarity pulled the chair out from under Applejack and bucked it into the shadows. "Eugh! Deplorable furniture!" Her horn harnessed a beam of light that burned away at Applejack's bindings. "There, darling. Is that better?"

"Pfftooie! Blecckk!" Applejack stood up, both heads spitting apple bits in opposite directions. "Lemme guess, another dag-blame'd dreamin' accident?!"

"Yes," Twilight said. "And it looks like we caught you in the middle of a nightmare."

"Mrmmmfff..." Applejack's left head plopped her hat on. "I knew them apples didn't taste ripe enough."

"What did Luna do this time?" Applejack's right head plopped another hat on. "Trip over a pothole?"

"There's no way of guessing," Twilight said. She pointed up at the moon looming beneath the factory ceiling. "All we can do is gather up the girls, find her, and jolt her awake again."

"I just dun get it," said Applejack's left head while the right one glanced at her. "Ain't she the Princess of Dreamin'? You'd think she'd have a backup plan for when this sort of thang happened!"

"Well, Applejacks... Applejack, ahem." Rarity trotted around her. "She is tens of thousands of years old. One would expect a certain amount of senility."

"I'm sure it's not that!" Twilight exclaimed in a sharp tone. "She's just... out of pr-practice, most likely! I know that to us it feels like ages since Nightmare Moon's exile ended, but for Luna it's been nothing more than a sneeze in time."

"Well, shoot, if we're the only ones who can help her, then let's go help her!" Applejack's right head said.

"How 'bout we find Pinkie next?!" suggested the left. "She's good at all this silly, mind-flippin' stuff."

Right as she said that, the windows to the factory exploded, and a veritable tidal wave of seawater gushed into the interior. All three ponies gasped and sputtered as they were swept into the surf. They bobbed up and down while a pink mare surfed in on the back of a toothless alligator.

"Woooohoooooo!" Pinkie cheered, standing upright and pumping a hoof into the air. "Surf's up, girls! Hang eleven! Heeheehee! Get it?!"

"Spkkkkt!" Rarity burst through the undulating waves, spat, and frowned. "Pinkie Pie! Allow me to guess!" She hissed. "You drank a full glass of water before bed... again!"

"What?!" Pinkie frowned, planting a hoof over her chest. "I did not!" She sat back on Gummy's floating back with a proud smile. "I ate a whole pie! And believe you me, I did not enjoy running away from razor-talon'd cupcakes on a sheet of ice!"

"Then what in tarnation explains this here monsoon?!" Applejack's right head barked.

"Hey! Don't question the tide!" Pinkie pulled twin neckties from her hair and wrapped them under each of Applejack's chins. "Just float with it!"

"Well, whatever the case, we're glad you found us," Twilight said, treading water. She looked up at the moon as it loomed over the tropical waves. "We haven't much time to waste..."

"Because we gotta grab Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy from their respective places within the dreamscape then track down Luna's incorporeal body so we can kick her real body awake Leonardoats Diclopio style?!" Pinkie grinned.

"How..." Rarity blinked. "H-how on earth did you know that?"

"Know what?"

Rarity groaned.

"Well..." Applejack's left head sputtered above-water. "Rainbow Dash and her wings would be really helpful right about now."

"You wanna find Rainbow Dash?!" Pinkie Pie gasped, leaning forward on Gummy's bobbing backside. "I mean, who doesn't?! Am I right?!"

"Do you know where she is, Pinkie?" Twilight asked.

"Of course! I always know where Dashie's sleeping! It's like a hobby of mine!"

"Uhhhh..."

"Come on, girls!" Pinkie backflipped into the water, grabbed Gummy, shrank him, and plopped his tail into her mouth. "Mrmmmfff... follow me!" She dove straight down into the depths, breathing bubbles out Gummy's mouth like a snorkel.

The three mares exchanged four glances, shrugged, then took deep breaths. They dove down, swimming after Pinkie Pie. The filter of light waned the deeper that they went, and soon Gummy's bubbles morphed into pockets of mud. Before they knew it, they were swimming up through shifting sediment, finally sprouting out of a patch of quicksand in the middle of a jungle.

"Not so fast, Goldbeak!" Daring Do shouted, stuck in a sweaty fight-stance on a patch of grassy soil. She glared up past dangling vines and swaying palm fronds while a temple loomed in the moonlit distance. "I traveled over five thousand miles to restore the Golden Tortoise! I'll not let your grubby talons steal it from me again!"

"That's where you're wrong, Daring Do!" a familiar voice cracked. "You know that you can never catch up to my wings! And once my henchbirds have dealt with you, the whole world will know who's the one true awesome ruler of the skies! Mwa ha ha ha ha!"

"Grrrrrrrghhh! Goldbeakkkkk!"

"Ungh!" Twilight shook the sand out of her ear while crawling out of the sandpit. "I don't get it! Where's Rainbow Dash?"

"Darned if I dun know, sugarcube," one of Applejack's heads said. "Maybe she's behind that there griffon."

"Try looking again, darling," Rarity said.

"Huh?!" Both freckled-faces leaned forward, squinting. They grimaced simultaneously. "Oh, now yer pullin' my leg!"

"Huh?!" A griffon with rainbow-colored plumage turned, blinking its ruby eyeslits at the four mares. "Ohhhhhhh!" Rainbow slumped, feathers drooping. "Not againnnn! It was getting good, too!"

"Being a griffon doesn't surprise me," Twilight said, trotting up, glancing at the flicking lion tail. "But... Daring Do's nemesis?"

"Look, it's not that crazy." Rainbow shrugged, smirking under her beak. "How can you be more awesome than Daring Do except by beating her?"

"Yes, only she never loses!" Twilight said.

"Nuts to that, I say!" Rainbow folded her leathery arms. "Besides, who died and made you Queen of Dreamland?"

"We really must press on and find Fluttershy," Rarity said.

"But guysssssss!" Rainbow pouted. "I was so close to beating Daring Do!"

"Easy!" Pinkie grinned, flicking Gummy into a club-shaped alligator. "I can fix that!" She spun and walloped Daring Do upside the chin. "FORE!"

"Aaaaugh!" Daring spun, flipped, and exploded into a thousand butterflies.

"Oooooooh..." Rarity cooed.

"Hey! Lookit!" Pinkie pointed at the kaleidoscope, gigglesnorting. "Two birds with one alligator!"

"Yes yes..." Twilight trotted forward, aiming her horn into the multi-colored flutter. "Let's see... hmmm... Oh, right!" She fired a magical laser, carving a rectangular frame. Reaching up, she combined two butterflies like paper origami, making a doorknob. "Voila! Easy!"

"You are too good at this," Rarity said, smiling. "Perhaps you can share shifts with Luna."

"And accidentally experience some of my brother's military flashbacks?" Twilight shook her head, smirking. "No thank you." She opened the door, and a fountain of steaming hot water gushed out, flooding the jungle.

"Aack!" Rainbow Dash hollered, feathers ruffled. "What gives?!"

"Con sarn it, Pinkie!" Applejack's left head sputtered above the waves.

"I'm telling you guys!" Pinkie yelped, wearing Gummy like a life preserver. "It's not me! It must be one of you!"

"If I was Apple Bloom, then sure, maybe I'd be silly enough to drink a heapin' bucket of water before bed!"

"Oh, how I deplore drowning!" Rarity rasped. "It does not bode well to bare pruney-hooves in an open casket!"

"Twilight, do something!" Rainbow Dash hollered. "We're going to lose the... pffft... Flutterdoor at this rate!"

"You're the griffon! Fly us out of here!"

"That was before Hurricane Pinkie decided to turn all my feathers into wet noodles!"

"What?! Rainbow, everypony knows that the Griffonus peregrinus secretes a special oil from its glands that keeps its wings dry enough to catch air even in the most torrential downpour!"

"Well, excuuuuuuuse me, Princess of Nerds! I didn't know I should have hired you into my night fantasies for dream coaching!"

"Don't worry! Gummy's got it!" Pinkie said, reaching down from above the others.

"Huh?!" Rarity looked at what she was being lifted up onto. "Eeeughhhh!" She writhed and danced in place. Meanwhile, Pinkie helped the other three up onto the dry dock of a tugboat covered all over with alligator skin. "I'm going to wake up only to go back to sleep and suffer nightmares."

"Yeah, well..." Applejack took turns knocking the water out of both sets of ears. "Just thank yer lucky stars y'all won't be force fed unripened apples."

"I have to admit, that's some real quick thinking, Pinkie," Twilight said, wringing her mane out. "I think the foghorn is a good touch, as well."

Pinkie smiled, eyes bright and innocent. "What fog horn?"

"Erm... that foghorn," Applejack's left head said while her body pointed. "The one hootin' and hollerin' somethin' fierce."

"Erm..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted on her talons. "You mean the one that sounds suspiciously like Fluttershy's moans?"

All four ponies froze.

"Uhhhhh..." Rarity's eyes shifted about.

Twilight turned to face the floating butterfly door. She gestured at Rainbow, and Rainbow flapped her griffon wings so that the alligator-boat drifted closer. Once they were right up against it, Twilight reached up and cracked the door open the rest of the way.

Fluttershy's rhythmic squeals increased in volume.

"Land's sakes!" Applejack's left face winced.

"I-I can't look!" Applejack's right face clenched her eyes shut. "What's she doin'?!"

"Uhm..." Rarity fanned herself, cheeks flushed. "Taking a steamy shower, apparently."

"Yeah, but who in tarnation is that with her?!"

"Some bald stallion," Twilight said, squinting. "Though it's hard to see through all the... uh..." She blushed. "...muscle."

"Why that creep!" Pinkie Pie frowned, rolling up invisible sleeves. "He's hurting her! Hold on, Fluttershy!" She dove at the door. "Pinkie will save you!"

"Whoah, there, Pinkie Pie." Twilight tugged Pinkie in place with magic. "He's... uh... not exactly hurting her."

"What?!" Pinkie gawked. "Don't you hear Fluttershy?! She's screaming!"

"And how." Rarity smirked, fanning herself.

"Well, what should we do?!" Applejack's right head grunted.

"We can't just leave her... er... the two of th-them there!" exclaimed the left.

The ponies stood on the Gummy boat as the waves around them rippled with each undulating gasp from beyond the door.

"Ungh..." Rainbow rolled her hawkeyes. "I'll take care of this." She flapped her wings and stepped inside. "Buncha big babies, I swear."

The remaining mares sat in silence, fidgeting uncomfortably. A few seconds later, the noise stopped. There was silence, and then Fluttershy's breathless voice.

"Huh?"

Silence.

"You mean to say that this... that he... that I...?"

More silence.

"Oh my goodness! Oh m-my goodness!"

A final bout of quiet.

Rainbow Dash trotted back out, followed by a dainty, water-soaked figure. Fluttershy's head hung low as she hid behind the griffon's enormous wings. After Rainbow helped her onto the reptilian barge, she bit her lip, blushing furiously.

Rarity quietly clapped with a big, dumb, approving grin. She received two glares from Applejack and stopped immediately.

"Uhm..." Fluttershy fiddled with her shower-saturated tail. "I... w-would greatly appreciate it if you... d-didn't share any of what you just saw with anypony in the waking world..."

"Fluttershy." Twilight smiled gently. "You're a grown mare. There's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Good." Fluttershy gulped. "Because I hope you know that I would never..." She winced. "I mean, in real life, I would never allow myself to... to..." She hung her head. "Oh dear."

"Don't you dare regret a single thing, darling!" Rarity reached over and nuzzled the pegasus. "I must say, I'm rather proud of your brazen imagination."

"Thanks." Fluttershy gulped, eyes shifty. "I-I think."

"Just one thing, Flutters." Rainbow bore a beaked smirk. "Mr. Clop? Seriously?"

"Eeep!" Fluttershy covered her head, cowering. "Don't s-say his name out loud!"

"Wait a second..." Both Applejack heads blinked. "You mean Mr. Clop? As in that silly lookin' bald mascot that appears on all them cleanser bottles and mops and paper towel containers?"

"You fantasize about Mr. Clop?!" Twilight exclaimed, on the verge of laughter.

"Well, it's all in the name, dear." Rarity winked.

"What do you even see in the guy?!" Rainbow squawked. "He ain't even real!"

"I... I don't know, really." Fluttershy's face peeked out from under her wet mane with a bashful smile. "He always just seems so... nice."

"Nnnngh..." Applejack took turns facehoofing. "Can we please go find Luna now so that we can all skedaddle on out of this nonsense?!"

The ship bumped ashore a sandy island with a single palm tree.

"That's our stop, everypony!" Pinkie chimed.

"Oh, how adorably cliche," Rarity said, hopping down onto the absurdly tiny island. "Some of us evidently possess a subconscious fascination with snowglobes."

"Whatever works." Twilight hopped down along with the others. "Now..." She pointed up at the moon. "That's the beacon that will lead us to Luna."

"Really?" Rainbow Dash groaned. "The moon?"

"Somepony's been watching too much Star Trot: Voyager!" Pinkie squeaked.

"Girls, I'm serious!" Twilight exclaimed with a frown. "It worked last time, didn't it?"

"You mean Luna's way up there?" Fluttershy winced. "It could take us years to get to her!"

"Well, shoot, this is a dream, y'all!" Applejack's right head said. "If we want to get there in a jiffy, can't we just make it happen?"

"Y'all heard her!" The right head nodded. "Why, if only I had a good lasso..."

"Here!" Pinkie Pie deflated Gummy, stretched him out, and uncoiled the reptilian rope in Applejack's direction. "Go get 'er, cowpony!"

"Yeeeeeeeeeha! This is more like it!" Applejack tied Gummy into a loop, gave the rope some slack, then twirled it overhead. "Stand back, y'all! Heaven knows what this is gonna do to the cotton-pickin' tide! Nnngh!" She flung the rope up into the sky. Within seconds, it snagged, wrapping cleanly around the moon.

"My word!" Rarity held a hoof over her muzzle. "Such finesse!"

"Yer darn tootin'!" Both Applejacks smirked back. "You should see me wrangle up a galaxy! I'd squeeze us some milk for everypony!"

"Just hogtie it already!" Rainbow Dash looked at her watch. "I gotta wake up for cloud kicking at dawn!"

"Yeah, yeah." Applejack tugged and tugged at the rope, lowering the moon. "Hold yer horses, griffon. I just gotta wrap her up... or wrap her down, I reckon."

"Hmmmm..." Twilight blinked. "Something's wrong. This seems a little too easy."

"Just have a lil' faith, Twi!" Applejack sputtered, sweating and heaving. "After all, yer the resident professor of... dreamwalkin'..." She suddenly squinted. "What in tarnation?" At last, she grasped the moon in her hooves. The thing was light as a feather. With one twist of her hooves, she tore the thing into two paper shreds. "Oh, dog gone it!" both heads hollered.

"Ah." Rarity smiled blandly. "I get it."

"Now what?!" Applejack spun with dual frowns. "That was our only hope of findin' the Princess!"

"Okay, everypony calm down." Twilight paced through the sand, rubbing her temple. "I just have to think this through."

"Hah!" Pinkie Pie giggled, rolling her eyes. "'Think' she says!" Immediately, she spun towards us and ripped a tear wide open. Mystical winds howled out, churning up waves across the endless ocean.

"Whoa Nelly!" Applejack gasped and tilted the brims of both hats. "That there's a fancy trick!"

"Meh..." Pinkie shrugged. "If you say so!" She cannonballed past us, landing inside a long, long tunnel. "Come on in, girls!" She coiled Gummy up, planted him on her head, and turned the torchlight in his mouth on, lighting the nebulous chasm on the inside. "The water's fine!"

"Uhmmm..." Rarity flinched away from the tear. "Girls, I'm slightly hesitant to leap forthwith into the inexplicable hallway of mystery and sparkles."

"Oh, don't be such a sap!" Rainbow headbutted Rarity past us with a grunt. "You only live once! Right, Twilight?"

"Sometimes you come back as an Alicorn!" She climbed in after Applejack and Fluttershy. "Whoahhhhh... I can see forever!"

"Yeah!" Pinkie bounced ahead of the group, Gummy's flashlight glistening everywhere with each bound. "Isn't it neato keano?!"

"Why does everything look pink in here?" Fluttershy asked, trembling slightly.

"Huh? Oh. It always looks like that in here."

"So you've done this in dreams before, Pinkie?" Twilight asked.

"Pfft! Who said anything about dreaming?"

Applejack's heads blinked awkwardly at one another.

"Whoahhhh..." Rainbow Dash trotted to a stop, squinting into the miasmic fluid beyond the walls of the tunnel. Light distorted, as if billowing through a fuzzy sea of words, words, words. "Are you guys seeing what I'm seeing?"

"Seeing what, darling?

"I'm seeing all sorts of trippy crud. Like... there's Scootaloo in some sort of airship, and a unicorn wearing a hoodie... and... and..." Her hawkeyes blinked. "Whoah, is that me making out with a goggled mare in a mech suit?!

"No no no no no no!" Pinkie Pie zipped over, clamping Rainbow's beak shut with two hooves. "No, Dashie! Don't look!"

"Mrmmmf... wh-why not?"

Pinkie stared the griffon down with bright, wide eyes. "Because sometimes they like to look back!" she whispered hoarsely, then bounced once more towards the head of the group.

The griffon blinked, feathers ruffled. She glanced aside, winced, then covered her brow with a wing as she crawled swiftly to catch up with the others.

"I'm sorry to be such a downer... but..." Fluttershy fought the urge to sob outright. "Wh-when are we going to be out of this place and f-finding Luna, already!"

"Anytime you like, silly filly!"

"Uhm..." Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Okay. How about now, pinkwalker?"

"Okie Dokie Lokie!" Pinkie immediately jerked to her right and ripppppped a tear wide open. "Hey Princess Luuuuuuuna?!"

"Noir!" a feminine voice gasped from the other side. "Look out behind you! What is with the hole and the shimmering?"

"It's not one of my portals," droned a staler voice. "I think someone's attacking the Tower."

"This must be Slade's doing!" Someone else shouted, furiously. "Titans! G--"

"Whoops!" Pinkie zipped the hole back shut. "Eheheh... wrong hole! Uhm..." She bounced to the other side of the tunnel. "How about..."

As soon as the rift opened, royal incense wafted through, filling the tunnel with a pungent aroma.

"Oh yes..." Rarity smiled, inhaling pleasantly. "This is definitely the jackpot."

"Quickly, everypony!" Twilight shouted, galloping ahead of Pinkie and jumping past us. "This is it! Fall in!"

One after another, the rest of the girls leapt through, and the hole closed up behind them. They stood now in the Canterlot royal chambers. In the very center, a translucent effigy of Princess Luna slept on a pile of cushions, her body slowly rising and falling with otherworldly breaths.

"I dun get it!" Applejack's left hoof did her right head the favor of scratching under her hat. "Ain't she supposed to be mindin' the moon overnight?"

"That's just it, Applejacks... Jack!" Twilight exclaimed. "She must have gotten her magical leylines crossed again!"

"Yeah!" Rainbow squawked, pausing to preen her feathers. "Cut her some slack, will ya?"

"Just sayin', it's mighty silly to be sleepin' on the sleeping job!"

"Let's just wake her up now and deal with the embarrassment later, okay?" Twilight motioned the rest closer. "Okay. Stick close to me."

"Oh, that's right." Rarity crowded in along with the other girls. "We must assist you or else you can't summon your Princess of Friendship zappage."

"This is serious! Now..." Twilight took a deep breath. "We're together... and we're friends. Our friendship is what makes us all strong! Let the positive energy flow through all of us!"

"How in the hay do we do that?"

"Simple," Twilight said with a smile. "We just focus on what makes us happy."

With a cartoonish popping sound, a bald stallion materialized to their right, covered all over in soap suds. "Ah yes. Where were we, precious?" he purred with bedroom eyes.

"Eeeep!" Fluttershy paled, then gasped at the others. "I-I didn't mean to! I swear!"

"Just hurry up and give Luna the pew pew already!" Rainbow snarled.

"Okay!" Twilight gritted her teeth as her horn glowed brighter and brighter. "Here goes! A one! And a two! And a--"

The windows exploded as fountains of water poured into the bedroom from all angles. The ponies splashed and flailed as they were swept up in the flood, along with royal tapestries and saturated furniture.

"Guhhh!" Rarity broke to the surface, sputtering. "Again?!"

"Grrrrrrrrrrr!" Twilight growled, turning red. "Pinkiiiiiiiie?!"

"For the last time, it's not me!" Pinkie hollered. "I'd never risk wetting the bed! Gummy snuggles under the covers with me, after all!"

"That tears it!" Applejack punched at the waves. "We'll never wake all of Equestria up at this rate!"

"If only we could find Luna!" Twilight's head glanced around. "THERE!"

Luna's translucent body floated atop a raft made of velvety cushions in the center of the rising flood. She snored innocently while a veritable maelstrom churned underneath her.

"Have... to... get... over... t-to her!" Twilight wheezed, breast-stroking as quickly as she could.

"Hurry, Twilight!" Fluttershy stammered. "The walls are closing in!"

The bald stallion emerged beside her. "I'll save you, my beautiful darling!" He swept her away.

"Eeeep!" Fluttershy squeaked. "Yesss! Er... I-I mean nooooo!"

"Gnnngh!" Twilight fought against the churning waves to get to the center of the room. "Nnnngh! Come onnn!"

"Here, Twilight!" Pinkie perched atop a bookcase and tossed an oar-shaped alligator. "Use this!"

Twilight caught Gummy and used him to paddle the rest of the way. At last, she pulled up onto the cushions, rolling her heaving body alongside Luna. She panted and panted, then tossed her wet mane back. "Luna! Princess Luna! You must wake up! You've collapsed in your dreamwalk again!"

"Twiliiiiiiiiight!" Both of Applejack's heads gasped as she was the first (and second) to go under. "Bllblblblblblbbb!"

"Gnnngh! Luna!" Twilight shook the alicorn's shoulders. "This is serious! All of Equestria will remain comatose unless you wake up! We've been through this before, remember?! Snap out of it!"

"Everypony for herselffffflblblbblblblblbb!" Rarity succumbed to the waves, along with Pinkie Pie.

"Twilight! Dang it!" Rainbow shrieked from where her feathers had gotten tangled up with a soaking wet tapestry. "Don't just stand there!"

"But she won't wake up!" Twilight stammered. "I've tried shaking her! Blowing into her ear! Pleading with her!"

"Twilight, if you're gonna kick a pony awake... bucking do it!"

"Huh?!"

"Kick her into next year!"

"Rainbow, I-I can't! She's a Princess! Not to mention Celestia's sister!" Twilight gulped. "Besides, that's not how it worked last time!"

"Twilight, ya friggin' egghead! Not everything works by the book every time!"

"Huh?!"

"You gotta think on your hooves, girl! Just like Daringglglglggbbllblblb!" And the prismatic falcon soon became a prismatic trout.

Twilight gasped and hyperventilated, feeling the water lapping up from all sides. "Ohhhhhh..." She bit her lip, glancing down at Luna's slumbering form. "Alright... alright!" She spun around, raised her hindquarters, and aimed both legs straight at Luna's crown. "My apologies in advance, Luna, but I can't let my friends drown in their own subconsciousnesses! It's time to wake up!"

And she kicked the mare in the muzzle with one savage kick.

The force of impact was large enough to send ripples across the water in every direction.

Luna did not wake up.

"Oh come on!" Twilight shouted, proceeding to kick and smack and buck Luna's skull repeatedly. "Wake... the... buck... up!"

Nothing happened. The room echoed with royal snores.

"Uhhh... uhhhh..." Twilight glanced down. "Right!" She grabbed Gummy, folding him several times over like a balloon animal. "Think on my hooves!" She stopped once she had a reptilian-scaled jackhammer in her grip. Priming it, she aimed the motor straight for Luna's skull and drilled in. "Up-p-p-p-p And-d-d-d At-t-t-t 'em-m-m-m!"

At last, Luna's eyes flashed open.

Seconds later, there was a brilliant pulse of light. The water flooding the chamber evaporated instantly. The other five ponies gasped for breaths while otherworldly tendrils of subconscious dream matter grasped them and yanked them back to their own separate mindscapes. A bald stallion was left on the floor, sobbing with loneliness.

Soon, Twilight too was being lasso'd away. She gasped as the ethereal world around her stretched and warped, rocketing past her at billions of miles per hour.

"A thousand pardons, Twilight Sparkle!" Luna's voice boomed from the opposite end of the conscious abyss. A billowing bright light ribboned along the echoing fringes of her words. "I assure you, this will not happen again!"

Twilight winced as she felt her soul-self being stretched to the breaking point. "But... that's... what... you... said... last..."

"...time!"

Twilight bolted up in bed, gasping, panting for breath.

Her room was dark. Moonlight glinted off Spike's scales as he slept soundly, turning over in his little basket.

"Hrmmmmm... Rarity, come back," the whelp cooed. "We were... j-just getting started with the gravy..."

Twilight blinked. Her wings coiled gently by her side. She closed her eyes and exhaled heavily.

"Whewwwww..."

Silence.

Just then, Twilight's eyes popped back open. She fidgeted under the blanket. "What...?" She fidgeted again. "What on earth...?"

A gasp escaped her throat. Biting her lip, she glanced to her right.

An empty glass sat on her bedside table.

Wincing, Twilight slowly... slowly lifted the blankets and glanced underneath, lighting up the bed with her horn. All it took was one quick look, and she slumped back, eyes rolling to the ceiling.

"Unnnnnnngh... I don't believe this!"