Chapters “I have some reservations,” Stupid mentioned as he watched Berry Punch and Bon Bon working in the kitchen.
“You love Twilight, right? And her birthday is coming up. I know you want to prank her,” Bucky said in a reassuring voice.
“Well, maybe. The last prank went over like a lead balloon,” Stupid remarked.
“Being forced to scrub Ponyville with a toothbrush and no magic was kind of cruel, but the punishment did fit the crime,” Bucky quipped.
“But we had to hold the toothbrush in our teeth,” Stupid protested.
“Wasn’t nearly as bad as having to spend a whole day as a statue. My snoot itched,” Bucky grumbled.
“Don’t remind me,” Stupid muttered. “Why do we do what we do for love?”
“So we can get drunk. And screw.”
“Oh… yeah… right,” Stupid agreed.
“You’re not actually going to bake me inside of the cake, are you?” Stupid inquired.
“Oh stars no! That would stink up the house! It would smell like a roach got trapped in the oven again,” Bucky groused.
“Whew!” Stupid sighed, overcome with relief.
“Try not to eat too much of the cake when you are inside,” Bon Bon requested.
“With Bucky’s magic, the cake will be both solid and edible. A real cake for you to jump out of and surprise Twilight. A normal cake would just collapse if it was hollow inside,” Berry said as she operated the mixer.
“So all I need to do is hide inside of the cake, wait for Twilight to come near, listen for the signal, and then jump out and scare, er, surprise her affectionately?” Stupid Doll inquired, summarising the situation.
“Yes,” Bucky answered. “Easy peasy.”
Stupid’s eyes narrowed. “This seems too easy. I mean, this is so simple. There is nothing that could possibly go wrong. Why can’t any of my plans be this direct and straightforward?”
Shrugging, Bucky said nothing.
“This is going to be even better than the time we placed out of order signs on all the public restrooms and then spiked the punch at the mayor’s birthday with diuretics from Zecora,” Stupid stated, remembering the prank fondly.
“Good times, good times,” Bucky sighed, smiling broadly and revealing his fangs.
“If Derpy hears us we’re all dead, shut up you brain dead morons!” Berry demanded.
“She drank too much punch. She wasn’t trying to insult all those ponies she flew over trying to escape the building,” Bucky said in Derpy’s defense.
“We all know how pegasi feel about pissing on others,” Bon Bon chided.
“Almost ready to pour into the custom pans and bake in the oven,” Berry announced.
“And then we just have to assemble the cake and deliver it with Stupid sealed inside of it to Twilight Sparkle’s birthday party,” Bon Bon said, a manic grin spreading over her muzzle.
“How old is your cousin now, anyway?” Berry asked.
“Twilight is now twenty one years of age with fourteen years of experience,” Bucky said in a low careful voice. “I still remember the “Oh Hey- Sure Happy I’m Thirty party. When she saw what the letters actually spelled on her cake…”
“Who knew she had the Royal Canterlot Voice in her?” Bon Bon said. “I was deaf for days.”
“We all were,” Stupid stated.
“SURPRISE!”
Princess Twilight Sparkle gasped at the lights came on and she saw the room was full of ponies that she loved. There was an enormous cake. There was a massive stack of presents in the corner, most of which were book sizes.
“Oh my gosh,” Twilight gushed. “The cake is the most magnificent thing I’ve ever seen!”
“Sure is,” Princess Celestia agreed. Saying nothing else, she trotted to the cake, snatched up the carving knife, and immediately slashed it into the cake to carve herself off an enormous Celestia sized slice.
There was a muffled scream from within the cake, and then a moment later…
“Error Code 424!”
Author's Note
"This is for pulling The Prank."
Guess what maybe became a thing.
It's got to be my destiny... (Pickleless)
"I feel it shouldn't have been my responsibility to deal with that demon," Stupid stated.
"Quit whining, suffering is good for you." Bucky ordered.
"It's not the pain or the effort that bothers me," Stupid continued, "rather, it's the fact that it's Celestia who cut the cake. It's also Celestia job to take care of any demon that invades Equestria."
"It's your job to satisfy Twilight Sparkle, and she ordered you take care of the demon." Bucky healed some of his more major wounds. "How did you take care that demon?"
"I decided to headbutt it until one of us died."
"Your head is the only part of you uninjured."
"I have a thick skull. So what happened to you? I thought you stayed in Ponyville to make sure your family was safe," Stupid questioned.
"I did."
"There's enough holes in your legs to make you look like a changeling." Stupid squinted at his wounds.
"I am aware." Bucky grunted.
"What happened to you?"
"Remember when we approached the Diamond Dog royalty and gave them polished fossilized poop, claiming for it to be an ancient valuable gem?"
Stupid smiled, "I almost lost it when the king licked it."
"They found out it was fossilized poop."
"Ah, I imagine they weren't happy."
"I have holes in my legs. What do you think?" Bucky snarked.
Stupid sighed and clunked his head against the rock wall he was leaning against. Bucky tried to move him.
"No, leave me here, my spine is broken."
Bucky blinked.
"I think the way I landed is keeping it in place, as long as nothing happens-"
"UNCLE STUPID ARE YOU OKAY?!?" Loch Skimmer crashed into the changeling, giving him a crushing pegasus hug.
"Right, the doctor said I should be fine," Stupid explained to Bucky. "As long as I lie still for a while-"
"UNCLE STUPID I'M SO SORRY!!!" Loch wrapped Stupid in a crushing pegasus hug, again.
"You should be dead," Bucky calmly said.
"I think we've had this conversation before," Stupid scratched his cast.
"How are you not dead?"
"Well," Stupid rolled his solid blue eyes, "I'm pretty sure it's my destiny to always get hurt in a humorous manner, but never die from it. I am forever stuck in a cycle of humorous pain."
"It's not that bad," Bucky scoffed.
Suddenly, a light flashed from Stupid's waist. The two looked down and saw a rusty gravestone with a party hat and a clown nose on the changeling's thighs.
"The funny part is, I'm not even mad," Stupid smiled.
"You know, I'm starting to think you're a bad influence on me," Bucky grunted.
"Really, I thought I was a good influence," Stupid argued.
"How so?"
"Well," Doll scratched his chin, "If you're too busy pranking everyone, you can't really go around declaring war on everypony and killing everything can you?"
Bucky opened his mouth, and closed it. Scrunching his eyes closed, he sighed. "I don't want to admit you're right."
"Wanna sneak a whoopee cushion on Twilight's throne before she gives her speech tomorrow?" The changeling beamed.
Bucky glared at the changeling for a few seconds. "Yes Stupid," he calmly said. "Yes I do."
Author's Note
You know what's weird? I don't imagine Bucky or Stupid with an accent, but specifically for this crossover I can't help but hear them both speaking with an English accent.
The Prank Off (Pickleless)
"ATTENTION!" A deep baritone yelled out.
Rising flinched, wondering who was yelling on the doorstep of his home. Poking his head out, he expression became confused. Sitting on two hind legs was his father, Bucky, his mischievous friend Stupid, little Dinky, and Discord. All four of them had a serious expression on their face, staring forward blankly as a changeling paced back and forth between them. Like Stupid, this changeling was also banged up and injured. Unlike Stupid, this changeling was very large and muscular. Stupid was more along Bucky's size.
"What's going on?" Star questioned.
"WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S GOING ON?!? FOAL HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A WAR BEFORE!?!" the changeling turned to shout in Rising's face.
"Yes, actually," he replied, irritated.
The changeling blinked, and turned towards Bucky. "Your family has been through a lot, hasn't it?"
"Sir! Yes sir!" Bucky shouted.
Rising scowled, "Why is my father-"
"QUIET PRIVATE STAR!" the changeling bellowed.
"I am not a private-"
"HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO STORE MISSION ESSENTIAL EQUIPMENT UP YOUR BUTT AS YOU'RE SHIPPED IN A BOX TOWARDS A CRANKY ALICORN ON HER PERIOD?!?"
"...No?"
"IT MAKES YOUR COMMUNICATOR SMELL LIKE DOO DOO!!!" the changeling screamed in his face. "YOU COULD SAY THE SITUATION STINKS!"
Nopony laughed. Rising Star shuffled awkwardly. "So uh," Rising spoke up, "Who are you exactly?"
"I AM YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER WHITE LIE!" White shouted. "AND WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF WAR SON!"
"Really," Rising deadpanned.
"FOR REALSIES!" Lie boomed. "PONYVILLE IS PLAGUED WITH A TERRIBLY BORING CASE OF PEACE AND QUIET! IT IS UP TO THESE FOUR BRAVE SOLDIERS, TO THROW THE BIGGEST PRANK OFF PONYVILLE HAS EVER SEEN!"
"Oh Maker no..." Rising facehoofed.
The four pranksters mouths twitched, desperately trying to contain their smiles.
"THE RULES ARE SIMPLE! CHANGELING SPIES HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED TO ALL OF YOU! THEY HAVE BEEN RIGOROUSLY AND BRUTALLY TRAINED TO JUDGE AND SCORE YOU FOUR! WHOEVER SCORES THE HIGHEST GETS TO DARE THE OTHER THREE TO DO SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID AND AMUSING! MAY THE BEST PRANKSTER WIN!"
"Sir, permission to speak, sir!" Dinky piped up.
"Permission granted! Yes adorable little filly?!?" White lowered his volume as he approached her.
"Can we sabotage the pranks of the other contestants?"
"Yes! You four have full permission to screw each other over! In fact, it is encouraged."
All four of them got a maniacal grin.
"Oh no, no no no!" Rising complained. "You four aren't seriously considering terrorizing all of Ponyville are you? What would your wives and mothers think?"
All four stopped and thought deeply. A few seconds later they all spoke up at the same time.
"Worth it."
Rising Star fell onto his hind legs and shoved both forehooves into his face.
"GET READY!" White Lie raised a hoof.
All four of them hunched over.
"GET SET!.. GO!"
Before Bucky or Discord could teleport, a swarm of flies attacked the group, taking them by surprise. Snickering, Dinky ran off towards town.
Rising watched Bucky freeze over the insects, along with Stupid and Discord, and teleported away. Suddenly, a strange metal contraption popped out the bottom of Discord's ice block and started shooting flames. Star watched as Discord blasted off towards Ponyville. Stupid simply melted the ice with green flames, and calmly trotted off towards town with a smile, unconcerned. The Fae colt turned and glared at the changeling grinning right next to him.
"White Lie, was it?" Rising growled.
"The one and only!" He posed.
"I'm guessing you're a friend of Stupid? Look, I don't care what you do, just don't mess with my wives alright? No strange changeling magic to get love. Actually, don't mess with any of the mares in this house, or else you and I are going to have words."
White laughed. "Oh handsome," he slid up and brushed a hoof against Rising's flank. "It's not your wives you need to be concerned about..."
Rising Star's eyes shot open in fear.
Cheerilee was trotting through the park, enjoying the sunny, clear sky. She stopped, closed her eyes, took in a deep breath of fresh air, exhaled, and smiled. She opened her eyes she found she was on top of a cloud.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Cheerilee screamed as she... flapped her wings?
Even at high altitude,
Even with no aptitude...
Cheerilee scrambled to make her new pegasus body work. The ground was coming closer at a terrifying rate.
You gotta have a good attitude!
You better get a strong fortitude!
Cheerilee covered her eyes with her hooves as she was about to hit the ground. She opened them and saw she was falling through the ground. Her eye twitched in incomprehension.
Even though, I'm rather shameless.
Even though, I am not blameless.
Cheerilee landed face first onto a cloud high above the park, her head spinning.
I hope you see, all the payoff.
I hope you love, all the chaos!
All the ponies in the park started to scream as the trees pulled their roots loose and started to dance.
"I don't give a hay."
"I just want to play."
Discord teleported in, wearing a suit and a top hat. He spun a cane around as he danced.
"I don't care what you say."
"It's a beautiful day!"
It started to rain chocolate. Over the hills bears with wings came flying, growling and swooping down near horrified ponies.
"The chocolate is raining,"
"The bears are chirping!"
"DISCORD! YOU TURN EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL THIS INSTANT!" Cheerilee screamed.
Giant bats started flying over from the Everfree Forest. The flying terrors screamed loudly, crying huge teardrops that knocked over ponies.
"How could you be so mad?"
"You're making the bats sad!"
"You'll never get away with this!" Cheerilee scowled.
Discord rolled his eyes at the cliche line.
"Chin up, my little pony!"
Suddenly all the townsfolk in the park became stone statues.
"You all look rather stony!"
"I don't care what they say."
"It's a beautiful day!"
All the trees, bats, and bears applauded as Discord bowed.
"Thank you, thank you!" He wiped away a tear as he sniffed.
Discord stopped bowing as he saw Stupid calmly trotting towards him.
"Stupid, my dear friend, glad you could finally make it!" Discord teleported behind the Changeling, laying back in the air, eating a bag of popcorn. "So tell me," he yawned, "how do you plan to sabotage me? Some sort of illusion magic to scare me off? Oh, or are you going to break a few rules and use a little necromancy? There's nothing I love more than a rule breaker!"
"Nope!" Stupid cheered.
"Then, pray tell, what will you do my little changeling?"
"I told Fluttershy what you were doing." He smiled.
"Discord!"
Discord frowned. "Uh oh..."
The east side of Ponyville was peaceful this morning. The sky was a beautiful light blue with few clouds and today promised to be a lovely summer day. It was Button Mash's very first day of school! He was determined to make his first day of school memorable. Taking a deep breath of fresh air, he turned to look at the horizon.
And saw a bunch of snow golems descending upon Ponyville.
He pulled his jaw up off the floor and started to panic. Why is Ponyville being attacked? he thought. Who would attack us when we have the princess and Principal Bitters here? Where did they come from? A horrible realization struck his mind. They were coming from the direction school was in. Principal Bitters, the teachers, and all the friends he was going to make at school were in trouble.
"NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!" Button screamed. "I AM GOING TO HAVE THE BEST FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL EVER! AND NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME!"
Button Mash ran towards his shed and grabbed a snow shovel. He charged towards the golems with a war cry.
Bucky sat back on his ice throne in pony loaf position and took a large swig of gin. Slowly his army of ice-cream snowstallions would descend upon Ponyville wrecking havoc upon the town. Next to him, his faithful squire Sentinel sat back on his hind legs, looking incredibly uncomfortable. One second, he was writing in his journal in Ponyville, the next he was next to his father about to lay siege on the town.
"Father," Sentinel spoke up. "Are you sure you won't reconsider?"
"Sentinel, just like there are times of peace, there must be times of war," Bucky growled.
Sentinel whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-"
Bucky blinked, "what was that noise?"
Sentinel listened closely "...It sounds like a young filly."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Bucky looked to his left and saw a little brown colt launch himself at a snowman with a shovel. The small child repeatedly smacked the uncaring golem with his shovel before he ran out of breath. Bucky grinned and cleared his throat.
"WHO DARES TO ATTACK MY ARMY?" he boomed.
"YOU!" Button screamed. "What did you do with the school?"
"The school?" Sentinel questioned.
"I HAVE TAKEN OVER THE SCHOOL," Bucky boomed. "AND SOON, PONYVILLE WILL BE MINE!"
"NEVER!" Button screamed. "The school is Ponyville's joy and pride! I'm gonna stop you and go to school!"
"The school? Why would you head to the school?" Sentinel asked.
"Today is my very first day at school! I'm gonna rescue all the students and the teachers and Mr. Bitters AND HAVE THE BEST FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL EVER!!!"
Bucky suddenly welled up with pride towards the little colt. Subtly, he cast an enchantment on the colt's shovel to make the edges razor sharp and very hot. He also made the shovel weightless.
Sentinel frowned. "First day of school? Today is Sunday-"
"IF YOU WISH TO HAVE THE VERY BEST FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL EVER, YOU MUST STOP ALL OF MY GOLEMS!"
Button snarled, swinging again at the golem he tried beating before. His shovel cleanly lopped off the golem's head, making the rest of it's body fall apart. Stunned, Mash stared at the golem he defeated before grinning and charging at the next. He knocked down three more golems before he was struck in the face with a snowball.
"H-huh?" Button looked around.
"What, you didn't think I would just sit here, would you?" Bucky gave a predator grin.
Button Mash wiped the melted snowball off his face, licking off some of the sticky bits near his mouth. He froze.
"You... you monster!" He pointed at Bucky. "This is black licorice ice-cream! I want to eat it because its ice-cream, but it's mediocre taste is leaving me feeling so empty on the inside!"
Bucky broke out into maniacal laughter "YES! YES! THE EMPTINESS, SHALL LAST, FOREEEEEVEEEEER!!!"
"NO!" Mash screamed, falling on his hindlegs, ""NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"JOIN ME!" Bucky screamed, "AND WE CAN MAKE PONYVILLE EAT SUB-PAR ICE-CREAM TOGETHER!"
"Never!" Button screamed, throwing an ice-cream snowball at Bucky. "NEEEEEVEEEEER!!!"
Bucky didn't dodge the snowball, it impaled on his horn and dripped down onto his snout. With a smirk, he lifted a bunch of snowballs with his magic and telekinetically tossed them at Button Mash.
"No fair!" Mash screamed.
"Unicorn cleverness!" Bucky teased.
Sentinel watched the snowball war go on for a few good minutes until his father swung his arm around him.
"Your skills are commendable..." Bucky said, sounding unimpressed. "But, can you defeat... my evil lackey?!?"
"What?!?" Sentinel cried.
Bucky and his golems teleported away towards Ponyville leaving Sentinel and Button in a big pile of black licorice ice-cream snow.
"YOU'RE GOING DOWN!" Button hurled a snowball at Sentinel.
Sighing, Sentinel dodged the snowball and started making one of his own.
Stupid waltzed into town disguised as Rainbow Dash. If one looked closely, they might have noticed that his cyan flank was a bit more plump than the rainbow maned mares is. He calmly walked into the center of the town square and cleared his throat and gently started to sing.
"I like... big... BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE!" Stupid started shaking his booty.
"WHICH OTHER STALLIONS CAN'T DENY! THAT WHEN A MARE WALKS IN WITH A ITTY-BITTY WAIST AND A ROUND THING IN YOUR FACE YOU GET-"
Stupid shot a blast from his butt, hitting Colgate and Golden Harvest. With a shriek, an illusion made their flanks grow to juicy proportions.
"SPRUNG!!!" Stupid pushed his face and torso into the ground wildly waved his butt around. Shooting butt beams everywhere, hitting all the mares in the town square.
"WANNA PULL OUT YOUR TOUGH 'CAUSE YOU NOTICE THAT FLANK WAS STUFFED! DEEP IN THE JEANS SHE'S WEARING, I'M HOOKED AND I CAN'T STOP STARING!"
Lily gasped as Stupid pulled her close to him. "OH BABY, I WANNA GET WITH CHA!"
"I KNEW IT! I KNEW RAINBOW WAS GAY!" Lily screamed.
"AND TAKE YOUR PICT-CHA!" Stupid shoved his and Lily's butt towards the camera as Featherweight snapped a shot of the two.
"MY CHANGELINGS TRIED TO WARN ME, BUT THAT FLANK YOU GOT MAKES-"
Pinkie jumped into the crowd and started shaking her butt "M-M-ME SO HORNY!!!"
"OHH, RUMP-O'-SMOOTH FLANK, YOU SAY YOU WANNA TASTE OF MY SWANK? WELL USE ME! USE ME! 'CAUSE YOU AIN'T THAT AVERAGE GROUPIE!
Stupid and Pinkie started shaking their butts in synchronization. "I'VE SEEN THEM DANCIN'! TO HELL WITH ROMANCIN'! SHE'S SWEAT, WET, GOT IT GOIN LIKE A TURBO 'VETTE!"
Stupid and Pinkie slammed their butts against each other, making their flanks bigger each time they bumped. "I'M TIRED OF MAGAZINES, SAYIN' FLAT BUTTS ARE THE THING! TAKE THAT AVERAGE CHANGELING AND ASK HIM THAT, SHE GOTTA PACK MUCH BACK!"
Rainbow Dash flew swooped down and landed. Her mind broke down when she saw herself and Pinkie with a huge butt backing up against each other rapping.
"SO FELLAS!" Stupid screamed out.
Rainbow Dash shook her head. "What the-"
"FELLAS!"
"Hey!" Rainbow barely dodged a blast.
"HAS YOUR MAREFRIEND GOT THE BUTT?!?"
"What are you two doing-"
"TELL 'EM TO SHAKE IT-"
"Stupid!" Dash cried out as a butt blast hit her flanks.
"SHAKE IT-"
"STUPID!!!"
"SHAKE THAT HEALTHY BUTT!"
"STUPID WHEN I GET MY HOOVES ON YOU-"
"BABY GOT BACK-"
A small little unicorn foal trotted into town with a smug smile. She looked around the shopping district, staring at all the ponies going about their business. She lit up her horn, all of the shopping district was covered in a bright light.
"Huh? What the?.." Sassaflash looked around.
All around her was a sky blue expanse. She didn't even know what she was standing on. She hoped this wasn't another Smarty Pants incident. The pegasus mare leaned left to gently bump into Caramel and couldn't find him.
"Caramel? Caramel where are you?"
Her voice echoed off into the distance as she backed up into... something. With a yelp, she ran forward and crashed into something else.
"What's going on?!? Somepony help!"
Dinky watched as ponies went from agitated to panic. No one could see or hear each other. More and more ponies knocked over and stalls and ran into each other as they yell in fear. She broke out into insane laughter.
"Who said that?!?" yelled Rose.
"What's going on, where am I?!?" Caramel shrieked.
A swarm of mosquitoes swooped down and started biting the townsfolk, shrieks of panic turned into outright terror as Dinky laughed harder. In about five minutes she would let up her illusion and move onto something else. Ponyville would rue the day she was challenged to a prank off.
Then she smelled something. Something stinky, and nasty.
Turning, Dinky saw her father ride in with... brown snow golems? Her scouts told her Bucky had made ice-cream ones at first. Her father rode in on what looked like fudge flavored enchanted dolls now.
Sassaflash's eyes widened in horror as she recognized the smell.
"M-manure..." she weakly cried.
Dinky choked when she heard Sassaflash. With an angry cry, she ordered her mosquitoes to rain down upon Bucky.
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!" Dinky screamed.
Two changelings, two unicorns, and a god of chaos stoically sat across from two pegasi, two alicorns, and a earth pony. The five troublemakers were being glared at by their respective wives, and in Dinky's and White's case, mother and friend.
"So, before we begin," Cadence spread open her wings, preparing to love slap all of them unconscious, "do you five have anything to say in your defense?"
All five slowly looked at each other, they all spoke up at once.
"I regret nothing!"
Author's Note
I started this at 1 AM at night, and a week later, I end this this at 1 AM at night.
View Online
What happened again? Part 1 of 3. (Pickleless)
Stupid groaned, trying to block out the sunlight. He didn't know what time it is, but his inner clock told it was way too early in the morning. Peeking at the beautiful sunset, he gave a content sigh and snuggled up against the warm body with him in the bath.
...
"Who am I snuggling against?" Stupid whispered.
"Glad to see you're still alive." Bucky croaked.
"Where are we and why are we here?" Stupid murmured. "Better yet, how long have I been asleep? The sun is already setting."
"What's the last thing you remember?" A female voiced groaned.
Stupid forced open eyes, finding the simple, small act incredibly painful, and looked over to his left. A mare with hair that looked like bacon was sitting in the hot springs-
Stupid blinked slowly, wincing, he looked around and discovered he was in a luxurious hot spring. If he had to guess, they were somewhere up high due to the small hill far off outside the window.
Regaining his focus, he looked again at the mare and discovered she had a painful looking black eye. She was a giant compared to normal ponies, nearly three times his size.
Another warning bell went off in Stupid's head as he realized Bucky, if he was being held by Bucky, was twice his size. Bucky was not a very large stallion.
"How do you feel?" The mare moaned in pain.
"Like a busted open pinata. What happened to you?"
"You stabbed me in the eye with your genitals." She sighed.
Stupid blinked.
"Bucky, what happened?"
"How much do you remember?" Bucky asked.
"Ugh..." Stupid pressed his hooves into his face.
...And found they were green and furry, much like a pony's hooves. Confused, Stupid tried to turn back to normal. After a few failed attempts, he realized he wasn't hearing the buzz of the hivemind in his head anymore.
"Bucky..." Stupid started to panic. "What happened?"
"Once again, how much do you remember?"
Stupid racked his brain, ignoring how much thinking made his head scream in misery.
"I woke up, had breakfast, and went over to your place to help you with an experiment."
Bucky frowned. "Oh dear."
"How long have I been out?" Stupid said in a scared tone.
He felt Bucky squeeze him a little tighter.
"Talk to me Big Bucks," Stupid pleaded. "I'm starting to lose it here."
"You've lost all memory of the last three days," Bacon Hair monotoned.
Stupid slowly turned to his head towards her.
"Hi, I'm Stupid Doll, I think, I'm not so sure anymore." Stupid said. "Who are you and how do we know each other?"
"Hi, again. I'm Sunset Shimmer, again," she snarked. "You're the little colt who stabbed me in the eye with your manhood while climaxing."
Stupid, if he was Stupid, gently frowned.
"This is a little loony even for me." He paused. "Actually, I don't know who I am anymore so this might actually be normal for me for all I know. I'm going to be terribly depressed if my brain tricked me into thinking I'm a changeling pretending to be doll for a neurotic princess because my mind found that far more stable than reality."
"You are actually Poker Face the changeling, named Stupid Doll by Twilight," Bucky reassured.
"Damn," Stupid sighed.
"Damn?" Bucky questioned.
"Would you like to be me for a day if you could?" Stupid stared up at the noticeably bigger stallion.
"Hell no."
"Exactly. Bacon Hair, how did I-"
"It's Sunset Shimmer," She scowled.
"Right, sorry. Bacon Hair, what happened to me exactly?"
Sunset Shimmer tried her best to murder Stupid with her glare. Sadly, like many before, looks cannot kill.
"Minion, retell the tale of how we got here." Bucky ordered.
"Ha!" Stupid laughed.
Bucky swatted Stupid on the head.
"Stupid, apologize to your mother."
Stupid took a few seconds to digest that. After a couple deep breaths in and out. He gave a serene smile.
"What." He quietly said.
"I said apologize to your mother." Bucky ordered with a tone of authority.
"I have a mother, her name is Lovely Lies. She was very smart, beautiful, and shamefully flirted with all my friends growing up just to screw with me. That mare over there Bucks," Stupid growled as he pointed to Sunset, "is not my mom."
"She is now." Bucky grunted.
Stupid and Bucky stared at each other for about six full seconds before Stupid sighed.
"Mommy, I'm very sorry for poking you in the eye with my weewee weapon. I hope now you can at least see where I'm coming from." Stupid said in a cutesy voice.
Bucky tried his hardest to suppress a snort, he failed.
"I hate you." Sunset whimpered.
"What a wonderful mother son relationship we have!" Stupid clapped his hooves together. "Now, mommy dearest, if you would be so kind as to tell me what has been going on for the last 72 hours?"
Sunset sighed, and cleared her throat...
---Three days ago---
I'm not a good mare. I've made mistakes, I know I've made mistakes. I like to think I learned a lesson in humility. It's been a two years since I've started to study under my new master. I've been good, I've done my best not to look down on others. I felt it was truly time for me to move on, leave this self doubt behind me. One can never be too sure though, so I asked the Makers to test me on my goodwill, to prove to myself that I really AM ready to move on.
Then I met Stupid.
Sunset frowned as the small green colt slowly clapped his hooves.
"I'm sorry," Stupid said, not looking sorry at all. "That was just a beautiful beginning. I sincerely hope I ended up ruining all of our lives."
"I'm sorry to inform you that we have all contributed to this mess equally." Bucky said seriously.
Stupid scowled. "And here I thought I outdid myself this time."
"Not today little one," Bucky cooed. "There's always tomorrow."
Sunset facehoofed. "May I please continue Master?"
"Go on Minion." Bucky ordered.
"Come in." I responded.
I smiled and bowed upon seeing my master walk though my bedroom door. Looking regal as always, I was surprised to a rather small, seedy looking changeling come in after him. Right as soon as I saw him I felt something horribly wrong deep in my soul. The terrible smile he gave me only fueled the fear deep inside. I was a changed mare though, and I have worked to not judge a book by the cover.
"Rise, minion," Master ordered, I happily obeyed.
"How may I serve you master?" I questioned.
"I've been working on a secret project. I require your assistance to finish it." Master pointed towards the changeling.
"This here is my worst friend, Stupid Doll. Stupid Doll, this is my minion, Sunset Shimmer. Stupid, say hello."
"Hi Bacon Hair, my name is Comic Relief, nice to meet you!"
My heart, mind, and soul all in unison tossed warning flags at each other like javelins, hoping to impale each other to put me out of my misery.
"It's a pleasure to meet you Stupid, I would appreciate it if you would call me Sunset."
"Sure thing Bacon!"
I swallowed my frustration as he turned to Master and bumped his flank with his own.
"So you have her as your assistant and me as your lab rat. Anything else you need big guy?"
Master frowned. "I never told you that you were going to be my lab rat."
Stupid calmly pointed towards the cutie mark on his... He has a cutie mark, of a gravestone with a party hat and a clown nose. What.
"Fair point. Yes, you are going to be my lab rat. I trust you don't mind?"
"Will it hurt?"
"Yes."
"I'm down for it." Stupid nodded.
"Splendid. Come along Minion! We have work to do!"
I went with my Master and Stupid to Master's lab. There, an operating table was sitting in the center of a satanic looking pentagram.
"Master, pardon my ignorance, but what exactly... is all this?" I asked, looking concerned.
"A simple transmutation circle. This is not my area of expertise so I set a couple things up to help the process along, nothing special."
I see, I sighed in relief. Master had to do some bad things sometimes, but he didn't do anything unnecessary.
Alright, everypony put on these crimson robes and upside down crosses. Minion, you strap Stupid to the table, I'll start chanting in Latin.
Stupid laughed. "Oh wow, I already know this is not how magic works AT ALL and yet I can't wait to see this somehow work anyway."
It's fine, this is totally fine! There is nothing suspicious about wearing robes and evil amulets and strapping cursed creatures to operating tables. Nothing is wrong with this at all.
"Memorare longum putavi occultum iuvenes turtures... Memorare longum putavi occultum iuvenes turtures... Memorare longum putavi occultum iuvenes turtures... Memorare longum putavi occultum iuvenes turtures..."
Nothing.
"You okay there? Your eye is twitching like crazy." Stupid patted me on the back.
"Fine? Me? Y-yes! I'm perfectly fine!" I laughed, oddly enough, it came out sounding like a cry of pain, that's weird.
"Haerent mundi maxime amet pugna formidabili..."
"Don't worry Bacon, this isn't the first time I've been strapped to an operating table! Just uh, try not to cut me open like Pinkie did."
Pinkie did what?!?
"Haerent heroes in a dimidium-viridi cortice haerent..."
"Looks like Bucky is almost ready." Stupid shoved a ballgag into his mouth. "Mmmphmm hmmphh hmm."
I don't know how I got "don't worry, I'll strap myself down," out of that, but I did.
"Okay..." I walked over to master, who, without a doubt, knew what he was doing.
A bolt of unnatural, black lightning came down and struck an orb with a strange corrupted rainbow in it. For second I heard a thousand screams of pain at once echoing throughout the room, shattering all the windows.
"Oh dear, that wasn't suppose to happen." Master frowned.
I suppressed another funny sounding laugh. That's odd, I've been rather giggly today.
"Minion, channel your magic into me!"
I frowned. "That's uh, that's not how magic-"
"NOW!" he bellowed.
Not really knowing what to do, I channeled all of my magic into it purest form and shot it at my master...
...And watched as he started to go into a seizure.
"Cum enim mali, nihil usquam impetus, succidamque et ipsum, ne pueri isti Turtur non remissi!!!" Master struggled to chant.
A strange black bolt of lightning struck Stupid. The bolt of lightning stayed dormant, channeled between a portal in the sky and the now screaming changeling.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
I winced and looked away as a bright flash of light filled the room. Coughing, I blinked as the smoke from the lightning started to fade. Strapped the table was now a small green colt slightly larger than my leg.
"Wow!" The cheery, high pitched little child sang out. "That was the fifth most painful thing I have ever experienced!"
"I'll have to try harder next time." Master growled, rubbing his forehead.
"Master, look!" I pointed towards Stupid. "He's become a pony!"
"Aha, success!" Master beamed.
"You did WHAT?!?" The little hayseed squeaked. "Why did you turn me into a pony!" Stupid yelled.
"I did not turn you into a pony, I removed the curse upon you that made you a changeling." Master calmly explained.
"Same thing!" Stupid whined. "Did you have to make me a colt too?"
"That's the strange part, all it did was remove your curse, you should be your proper age." Master mused.
"How old are you?" I questioned.
"I'm a young adult." Stupid answered.
"How many years old are you?"
"Seven, why?"
Master and I stared at the confused colt.
"What?" Stupid frowned.
"Well that explains why he's so immature." I sighed.
"Indeed it does." Master quietly nodded in agreement. "And rather small for his age too. Not that that's anything new."
"Hey now! I'm a full grown stallion by changeling standards. Just because I'm a kid by your standards doesn't mean-"
All three of us looked down at his thigh as it flashed with a bright light. The clown nose on his gravestone was now replaced with a pacifier.
"...Dammit." Stupid muttered.
"Congrats, now you're a little dweeb." I scoffed. "I feel sorry for the poor pony who has to babysit you."
"Ah yes, that gives me an idea." Master smiled.
Master went up to the annoying little green fuzzball and picked him up, trotting over to me, he held him out to me.
"Congratulations Minion, you now have a son."
"What?!?" I screeched.
"Motherhood will be good for you, good for you both actually. Don't worry, my wives and I will help you along the way."
"B-but, I... I don't..." I stammered.
"You'll do fine. Motherhood requires a lot of sacrifice, but the suffering will be good for you in the long run!" Master laughed. "Well then, I feel like accomplished enough for the day, see you two later!"
I stared in shock as Master happily trotted of the lab towards his home. Stupid and I sat there in silence for what felt like hours before the menace spoke up.
"Mom, can I play with your expensive and and fragile looking equipment?"
I quietly moaned in fear.
Author's Note
To be continued.
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What happened again? Part 2 of 3. (Pickleless)
"So, you guys did some crazy ritual to turn me into a pony and then Bucky dumped me onto Bacon Hair's hooves," Stupid stated.
"That is our unnecessarily long story summed up into one sentence, yes," Bucky replied.
"Master, I had so much faith in you..." Sunset shook her head.
"And that was your first mistake." Bucky snorted.
"I thought it was wars that were making you insane. We've been at peace for a while now, what happened?"
"He met me." Stupid said bluntly.
"I met Stupid." Bucky said bluntly.
"Where did you come from and why did the maker allow you to be?" Sunset asked scornfully.
"Well, after my father put my mother over a fire to thaw out her radish, he-"
"Thank you master, but I meant him." Sunset sighed.
"Well, Chrysalis had Shining Armor under his mind control at the time. After a little while she thought 'Hey, he's not bad looking for a stallion,' and here I am now!"
A look of horror washed over Shimmer's face. "No, no that can't be what actually happened! ...That's not what actually happened right? Right?!?"
"Wouldn't that mean you're lusting after your aunt?" Bucky mused.
"What can I say? Forbidden relationships run in the family." Stupid shrugged.
"That's not what happened! That can't be what happened!" Sunset's eye started to twitch.
"Hey, I think my memories are starting to come back!" Stupid smiled.
"YOU ARE NOT THEIR LOVE CHILD!"
Stupid closed his eyes and focused. "Let's see now, I think what happened two days ago was..."
--Two days ago--
Slowly, I awakened. With a magnificent roar I ascended from my tomb known as "the couch." In a sexy manner, I smoothly turned my head towards my beloved mother who was no doubt working on something of extreme importance. Taking in a deep breath, I spoke out in a rugged deep baritone, once again gracing the world with the sound of my voice.
"Morning Mom!" I squeaked. "Watcha workin on?"
"Good morning Stupid," She grunted. "I'm trying to enchant this bucket so it'll stay on top of a door when moved. It'll only fall when the intended target opens the door."
"Cool!" I hopped off her couch and trotted up to her. "Can I help?"
"Actually, I'm weaving a couple other enchantments into this as well, making the bucket a bit sensitive and full of raw magic at the moment. I'd appreciate if you wouldn't-"
Like a story with a mad mistake, the bucket tragically exploded. Heroically, I jumped behind my mother, using her as a living meat shield. Much was lost that morning and many tears were shed. By her. As I laughed. In a dignified and noble manner, I gave her my most heartfelt and sincere apologies. Being the epitome of grace and mercy. My beautiful, loving mother instantly forgave me.
"GET THE HELL OUT AND STAY OUT!" Bacon screamed.
"I LOVE YOU TOO!" I replied as I soared through her window.
I landed and broke my left foreleg. Giving a manly grunt, I ignored the pain I rose to challenged the day. Many set backs were placed upon yesterday, but I knew the most important thing in a relationship was honesty. I had to tell my sweetheart what happened, I cannot hide this from her. I proce-
"YOUR MOTHER'S NAME IS LOVELY LIES! HA!" Sunset yelled.
Stupid blinked. "What?"
"Three days ago you said you already had a mother and her name was Lovely Lies!"
"...You realized I made that up too right?"
Sunset stared off into the distance, a few hairs in her mane popped out of place.
"Do you think i should ease off on her a bit?" Stupid whispered to Bucky.
"No, you're fine. It's good for her in the long run." Bucky replied.
"Alright then! Continuing the story..."
I entered the beautiful crystal tree palace that housed the equine of my dreams. Ah Twilight... That lovely magical mulberry mare. How beautiful she was, with her lips around Rainbow Da- wait.
"TWILIGHT, I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU!" Rainbow declared.
RAINBOW DASH, I LOVE YOU TOO! Twilight moaned.
"AHHHHHHH NO!" I screamed.
"WAIT RAINBOW, THERE'S ANOTHER STALLION I LOVE! I CAN'T BE WITH YOU UNLESS I CAN BE WITH HIM TOO!"
"Yes!" I cheered.
"FLASH SENTRY, I LOVE YOU TOO!"
"WHAT?!? NO!!!"
I watched in horror as a mediocre, totally not handsome at all pegasus busted through Twilight's window and started making out with the two mares.
"This cannot possibly get any worse!" I cried.
"BUT TWILIGHT, WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE CHANGELING WHO SERVED YOU, STUPID DOLL?" Flash questioned.
"STUPID? I HATE THAT GUY, WHAT A TOTAL JERK! ALWAYS CAUSING TROUBLE FOR EVERYPONY! FORGET HIM!"
"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" I fell onto my hindlegs and threw my forelegs into the air.
With a stoic blank face, I trotted away in a calm manner, shedding no tears. Real stallions didn't cry, and I was definitely more of a stallion than that guy, Flash Sentry. You know, the stallion who busted through a window and starting making out with the mare of my dreams on the spot, and Rainbow Dash. I'm absolutely sure he has nothing over me. I am-
"A-are you alright?" Diamond Tiara called out.
"HGLLFLLMPH! HUWAAAAHHHWAAAAHHH!!! I garbled out through tears and snot.
"Hey wait, that's the Everfree Forest! It's dangerous in there, come back!" the pretty filly warned me.
Unfortunately, I needed solitude. I could not stop the fulfill the placate the fair maiden in obvious distress. A moment of weakness, I know. Stopping, because it seemed like a good place to stop and not because my body was tired from running, I decided to rest on these incredibly pretty blue flowers that the rest of the wildlife stayed away from. Exhaustion overcame me as I closed my eyes to sleep...
"That can't be what actually happened. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard."
"Shush Minion, you're ruining the story." Bucky had somehow gotten a bucket of popcorn.
"Is that the bucket I was enchanting? How did you get-"
"Hey! It's my story, and I'll tell it how I want! After all, it's not like you were as sweet and innocent as you made yourself out to be three days ago." Stupid argued.
"What are you talking about?"
"There was a lot less trusting and a lot more insulting. Not that I would have it any other way!" Bucky grinned.
Stupid watched Sunset pout as he snagged a kernel of popcorn. After swallowing his piece, he cleared his throat.
"You said you saw him come this way?" Sentinel asked, walking in the clearing.
"Yes! The poor colt was crying, I hope he's alright." Diamond pressed up close against Sentinel.
Both of them backed up when they found me, or I presume they did. My head was currently angled up, looking at the tree branches above. Luckily, the brave lunar pegasus flew over the flowers and examined them closely. The dashing young stallion spotted me and gently picked me up without touching any of the flowers.
"That's strange." Sentinel mused as he flew back to Diamond.
Tiara brought her face close to me and poked me with her snoot. "It's a changeling doll."
"What's a filly's doll doing all the way out here?" Sentinel questioned.
"Maybe the colt liked to play with dolls and was bullied for it." Diamond said with sympathy.
"If that's the case, we better hurry and find him. He passed through poison joke. It's probably already affected him."
"I thought that it takes around 12 hours for poison joke to kick in." Diamond questioned.
"For an adult, yes, but a colt's magical immunity isn't as strong. He might already be helpless."
Diamond hugged me close to her chest. "I'll hold onto the doll. Such a strange thing... Still, it's pretty cute for a changeling."
The brave teenage couple continued to explore the dangerous woods for my sake. No matter how hard I tried, I could not call out to the charming couple. Around sunset, Sentinel escorted Diamond out of the woods and informed her to tell his father of my predicament. Sentinel, being a determined, dutiful colt, went back into the woods to search for me. The adorable pink filly hurried into my friend's home and explained the situation. My scarred, rugged companion listened quietly. When the precious child was done with her story, he parted his manly fangs let out a ghostly chuckle.
"Diamond sweetheart, let me see that doll you found." Bucky motioned her over to where he was sitting.
Quietly, the dear passed me over to the gruff stallion. Big Bucks held me up close to his face and cast a spell. A cold feeling washed over me as Bucky grinned.
"Found him." He smirked.
Diamond blinked, a look of realization and horror slowly dawned on her face. "He's not... is he?"
Unable to contain his amusement any longer, my dear friend broke out into a barking laughter. Honestly, I would be laughing along with him if I could.
"Harper! Come here!" Bucky ordered.
Harper came bouncing into the room. "Yes Mama?"
Bucky waved her over and whispered into her ear. Harper's eyes lit up as she turned to me and grinned. Diamond's jaw hung low as she watched Harper giggle, snatch me up and start heading to her room.
"Thanks for the new doll Mama!"
I must sigh, and I have no mouth... Oh well, I suppose I can put with being absolutely fabulous for one night.
Author's Note
As always, slap me if you see a ytpo.
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What happened again? Part 3 of 3. (Pickleless)
"Stupid, your story was too silly! I mean, I understand that you are a nice changeling, but the way you never stop is going to drive me nuts." Sunset said to Stupid.
"I am sorry, I believe my first impression should accurately show who I am, so I wanted you to know I am a prankster. All this business of breaking my curse has been stressing me out... I used to be able read others emotions, now, I feel blind." Stupid confessed.
"You have friends supporting you Stupid." Bucky gently added. "You are part of the herd, whatever hardships we face, we face together. It is our way. You don't have to keep your fear bottled up, just let it all out."
"I feel hot." Stupid complained. "The temperature is too high in here, I feel flustered."
"Relax, you do not need to feel embarrassed." Sunset added.
"Why did you have to give me away as your daughter's stuffy?" Stupid continued, "After you turned me back, she insists I still belong to her. The morning after she made me sit still as she combed and brushed me. Then I was forced to have a tea party with the other fillies."
"I am glad you made some friends." Bucky gave the small colt a smile.
Bucky watched as Stupid scowled and leaned in closer to him. Enjoying the silence that's fallen over the group, Bucky laid back and enjoyed the warm feeling of the hot springs against his scars and balls.
"Do you think you could give me the end of our little story Bucky?" Stupid eventually spoke up.
"Certainly..."
Bucky woke up holding something small and warm. Giving Belisama a gentle squeeze, he rose from the bed carefully to not wake his wives. Creeping into the kitchen he saw his target. Very slowly, he made his way across the room and snuck up on the unsuspecting cook. Taking in a deep breath, he shoved his snoot forward and blew a raspberry on Bonbon's teats.
Chuckling as she recovered, he turned and saw that Celestia had come and sit at the kitchen table while he was sneaking. Pulling up a seat next to her, they quietly waited until Bonbon served them some tea. Giving a grateful smile to her, Bucky took a sip of his tea.
"What can I do for you Celestia?"
"I was hoping to speak to Poker, I have a issue I need his help with." Celestia gently responded.
"Stupid?" Bucky mused, "He should be upstairs, I can go fetch him if you wish."
"Please do, I need to make use of his changeling senses."
Bucky frowned, "That might be a problem."
"Oh?"
"I will let you see for yourself, one moment."
"Take your time." Celestia quietly sipped on her tea.
Peekaboo started trotted into the kitchen as Bucky trotted out, He saw her get wrapped in a golden aura and lifted in, giggling all the way. Smiling, Bucky made his way up to his daughter's room to fetch the local town idiot. After gently knocking, he opened the door and found that his little filly was there, but Stupid was nowhere to be seen.
"Harpy sweetheart, do you know what happened to Stupid?"
"Mamamama! Diamond and Aunt Shimmy came by earlier and wanted to see my stuffy! He is a colt, a REAL colt!"
Bucky chuckled. "Really now?"
"Yes! Can I keep him?"
"Well I did say he was your new stuffy did I not?"
"Yay! Thank you Mama!" Harpy clapped her hooves.
"Where is your stuffy dear?"
"Well, after Aunt Shimmy turned him into a real colt, Diamond Tiara, Dinky, and I had a tea party with him. He got real messy, so Mama Derpy said he was gonna have a bath before we ate lunch."
"I see, thank you Harpy." Bucky planted a kiss on her daughter's forehead.
Harpy beamed as Bucky left her room. his right ear flicked in amusement when he heard Derpy and Stupid arguing.
"Let me go, I am perfectly capable of washing myself!" Stupid cried out.
"You refused to behave, you were a naughty colt who refused to listen, and naughty colts do not get to bathe themselves." Derpy calmly replied.
Bucky walked in with a big grin as he watched the two squabble.
"I had more important things to attend to than taking a bath! I need to speak with Bucky!"
"You can wait to speak with him until you are clean. My husband does not speak to dirty little colts." Derpy expertly scrubbed the wiggling colt's mane.
"Your husband is mad warlock who makes crude jokes about our digestive systems! I am sure for a fact he does not care!" Stupid retorted.
"What am I going to do? Another troublesome colt has come into our household..." Derpy complained, not sounding or looking upset at all.
"You are doing this for fun, that is why we are in a bubble bath! Please, let me go!"
"Stop struggling, I need to clean a sensitive spot."
"I WILL NOT HAVE MY FRIEND'S WIFE SCRUBBING MY GENITALS!" Stupid yelled.
Bucky coughed, Stupid pushed the wet mane out of his eyes and stared at the amused unicorn.
"Hello dear." Derpy greeted her husband, already aware he was there.
"Hello love, may I take over bathing him please?" He inquired.
"Yes, please! Let him take over!" Stupid begged.
Derpy snorted and rose out of the tub. After cleaning herself off with a towel she kissed her husband.
"Where did this one come from?" She questioned.
"My lab, he was an experiment, he's staying with Sunset and Trixie."
"Interesting... cute colt, but troublesome... Bring him around more, the other children are starting to become responsible. I need a little one to fuss over."
"As you wish." Bucky kissed her back.
Bucky climbed into the tub as Derpy left.
"Look at what you have done, nobody is taking me seriously anymore." Stupid complained.
"Do not worry Stupid." Bucky grabbed a brush and held him down, "Nopony took you seriously to begin with."
"Hey, what are you doing?" Stupid wiggled. "I can wash myself!"
"Sorry Stupid... I promised my wife I would scrub you clean." Bucky grinned.
"Bah, traitor!" Stupid whined.
The two sat quietly as the unicorn cleaned the small earth pony colt. Stupid went from a bad mood to a somber one.
"Do you believe in fate Bucky?" Stupid asked.
"I do." Bucky answered, thinking of his sisters.
"They say the genetics we were born with decide our personality... Our brain are hardwired to act and feel certain ways towards certain things. You could say that our fate was decided right at birth, not through magic, through simple genes. We are who we are, we do not control our brain or fight against it. We are not fighting the storm... We are not riding the storm... We are the storm...
"I have plans Bucky. I have plans to change our fate. If everypony is set to act out a certain path in life, then the only thing that could change that is the ponies who are conflicting or helping them. Who you surround yourself with changes who are you are... The fires of friendship can change fate... Our threads are weak and thin separately, but entwined together we make a sturdy rope strong enough to overcome any hardship we face, no matter how terrible.
"Those who are thieves and killers were fated to be thieves and killers at birth. Is there any difference between their brain and a disabled pony's brain? Why do we punish one, where we get medical help for another? I have made plans... Why do not pair sick ponies, ones who felt the need to do wrong, with those that would make them do right? I'm not talking about simple therapy, but constructing a persona made to push a pony back on the right path. Why not alter their fates with the fires of friendship? Changelings can become anypony and anything... We can pretend to act like anypony... Why don't we change ourselves to become the pony needed to help these sick individuals? Why don't we use our abilities to serve others and make a difference?"
"Harpy is a type 3." Bucky quietly answered. "She is neurotic and scared, although she tries to hide it. She needs something to see through the act, she needs something that knows how to comfort her and support her. She needs a doll made to serve and protect others, that will be her guardian... She is a powerful unicorn Stupid, that belongs to this family... Other ponies will be after her..."
"I will serve." Stupid quietly answered.
After drying Stupid off, he sent him downstairs to see Celestia and headed towards the brewery. He had not any made alcohol recently and was looking forward to spending time with Berry. Whistling a jaunty tune to himself, his ears perked up to the strange noises being made inside. Frowning, Bucky hurried up and headed inside.
Inside he saw himself screwing Berry senseless.
Stupid ran into the brewery, "BUCKY! THERE IS A CHANGELING IN- ohhhhhh..." Stupid stopped at stared at the scene before him.
Two things happened at once, the fake Bucky tried to grab Berry and alter it's hoof into a blade to cut her throat with. The real Bucky used a certain dark magic spell that swore not to use that turned the fake Bucky's insides to mush while forcing him to stay alive long enough to really feel it.
The fake Bucky deflated in a very disgusting and unnatural manner. The became wrapped in green flames as it reverted to it's natural form.
"Well, that escalated quickly." Stupid calmly noted.
"I... I was screwing a..." Berry's eye twitched.
With a frustrated snort, Bucky tackled Berry and started tending to her little berry.
"I understand you are upset but is this really the time?" Stupid questioned.
The only answer Stupid received was a moan from Berry.
"I uh, I will wait outside... Take your time..." Stupid slowly backed out of the brewery.
"So Celestia had an inkling a changeling was lurking in Ponyville and wanted your assistance in uncovering it?" Berry questioned.
"Yes, of course I could not really do without my magic. Luckily, Lyra suggested an alternative. She made some sort of hive mind between us and I used her magic to search for them."
"That sounds like something crazy Lyra would love to do. In that case, couldn't a normal unicorn locate changelings if they trained themselves?"
"Sort of, I knew how to do it instinctively from being changeling. Although I'm no longer one, I remember what the process of searching was like from doing it so much."
"Interesting... Perhaps you could teach others to locate changelings then." Bucky mused.
The three watched as Sunset came galloping down the road towards them.
"Wait, what are you three doing here? Weren't you just at the farm house informing Celestia you took care of..." Sunset trailed off.
"Oh feck!" Stupid swore.
Cursing, Bucky charged his horn up, with a blast of cold air, the four teleported back to the home.
Sadly, a series of horrible things happened at once.
Changeling can manually control their genitalia. Unfortunately, Stupid had little to no experience being an actual young colt. This led to the very awkward uncontrollable boner he got over seeing Bucky and Berry go at it in the brewery. He was very determined not to bring it up, despite the fact it was not going away. Normally, have a blast of cold frost hitting your genitals is a surefire way to kill an uncontrollable boner.
Stupid had just unfortunately found out it had the opposite effect a very few, select ponies, which now include him.
Sunset had stopped right in front of stupid and had her head lowered catching her breath. Stupid had jumped forward out of shock from the jolt and had stabbed her in the eye with his short and stout. Having a 'stun blast' shot in her eye, Sunset reared back her head in pain and had instinctively shot a stun blast of her own at her aggressor. Stupid was thrown back into a wall and knocked unconscious.
A fake Bucky and Stupid, Derpy, Celestia, Bonbon, Lyra, Lugus, and Yew all stared at the scene before them and came to the same conclusion.
"GET THEM!" The fake Stupid yelled.
Before an angry alicorn of the sun, his wives, a warrior griffon, and the wife of a warrior griffon could react, Bucky wisely decided retreating somewhere very far away was a good idea. Taking the real Stupid and the distraught Sunset also seemed like a good idea.
Taking the fake Bucky and Stupid with them was also a very good idea.
Thus it was then the two changelings learned that the Lord of the Winter did not take kindly to them messing with his friends and screwing his wives.
"That about sums everything up." Bucky concluded.
"So we're hiding in some bath house until you can think of a way to not have your wives and friends kill us?" Stupid inquired.
"Essentially yes. Also we were waiting for you to recover. I cast a barrier around us causing the noise we make and our magic to go unnoticed." Sunset explained.
"So where are we hiding?"
"That last place they would look for us." Bucky answered.
"Which is?.."
"Upstairs."
"Upstairs?" Stupid was confused.
"Yes."
"As in, in your home upstairs?"
"Yes." Bucky reconfirmed.
"This is a beautiful hot spring."
"Yes."
"Very high up, with a grand view of the beautiful sunset."
"Thank you, I try hard to look nice." Sunset smiled.
"How is this possibly upstairs in your home?" Stupid questioned.
"Extradimensional spaces and illusion magic can be quite charming." Bucky smiled.
"Why do you own something like this?" Stupid rubbed his temples.
"Poor Thistle didn't want to spend her time in the lake after she got pregnant again. So I made this hot spring for her to stay in so she could relax and have others join her comfortably." Bucky explained.
"Clever." Luna added.
The two unicorns and the colt turned to look at the alicorn of the night relaxing.
"Mistress." Bucky greeted her.
"Servant, if you are my servant." Luna smiled.
"Please Princess, allow us to prove we are who we claim we are!" Sunset asked.
"Very well, stand still and close your eyes." Luna commanded.
Nervous, Sunset chose to obey.
Thwack!
After getting smacked with a bat, Sunset slumped against the rocks in the hot spring and fainted.
"She was the real deal. Now to see if you two are as well." Luna rose her bat.
"M- Mistress, please! There's no need for-"
"We spent a lot of time fretting over you." Luna growled. "My godchildren are crying their eyes out worrying over their daddy. I am not pleased."
"This is child abuse!" Stupid screamed. "THIS IS CHILD ABU-"
Thwack!
"Remind me again Bucky? What do you live to do?" Luna asked.
"To serve?"
Thwack!
"Good!" Luna smiled, and started to drag the three unconscious ponies back downstairs.
Author's Note
Trying to copy Kudzu writing style/feel/differences is hard.
Meta-some Ponies (Pickleless)
The day Bucky and Stupid met couldn't exactly be called normal, in all honesty, it was technically the strangest day of their lives. Only technically, because they both have had MUCH stranger days before this. What makes this day so special, is that the both of them have no explanation for what conspired that day.
Bucky owns a farm. For a herd of his size and with the problems they face, making your own produce is a definite plus. The fact that Berry has a way with, well, berries, definitely had an influence on this decision. Bucky specifically happens to own his own little garden nearby the border of the Everfree Forest. The size of it clearly showed this was more of a hobby of his than it serving any practical use. It was a small fenced in location growing a plant known as the Neighponese Arrowroot.
The Neighponese Arrowroot is a vine that climbs and coils around anything it can reach. It's known to kill other plants by simply denying them light. It's considered an annoying weed by most and most farmer ponies try their best to kill the persistent thing. It flowers can be used to make jelly. If you're lucky, bees nearby will collect it's nectar, producing a form of red or purple honey that can taste like bubblegum. Dinky's control of insects meant that all the little fillies and colts would get an extra sweet treat from her father's garden. Ponies also can crush it into a fine powder to make herbal tea, much to Diamond Tiara's delight.
The irony of this is Bucky actually does not care for taste of Neighponese Arrowroot. Nothing it makes pleases him really. Many ponies think he grows the plant because he feels he can relate to it. And thus, every day he wasn't away from home he would try to take the time to tend to his garden personally. Oddly enough, Bucky would always end this by reading his garden a haiku or two.
On that fateful day that Bucky met Stupid, he found the fence to the back of his garden had been busted open. Breaking through his garden was a spontaneous growth of what Bucky first thought to be trees. What he was really looking at were large herbs known to grow a fruit called the False Banana. It was a large, green herb that shot up into the air by about 6 meters. The top spread open into a mass of large leaves that provided a great deal of shade. Growing at the top of the tree, just below the leaves, were the False Bananas.
False Bananas looked nothing like bananas. They were oblong, red fruit that had dark brown seeds in them. The fruit itself was perfectly fine to eat, but the real use came from the herb it grew off of. The strong quality of the herb made for good twine, baskets, and weaving in general. It was a tree that grew all year round, and although it needed some protection from the cold, it was a good source of crop and material.
Wandering into the cluster of herbs, Bucky found that they were connected to the Everfree. The herbs were so tight packed he could only make progress in one direction, right towards the Everfree. Right as he came across the border of the forest, he saw something most peculiar. Between two herbs that would lead into the dangerous forest, was a large pile of bright, yellow bananas blocking the way. Laying on top of the bananas, was Stupid, who happened to be unconscious.
Since that day things have never seemed to be the same. The only pony, or rather changeling, who happened to notice that things have become a little... odd , was Stupid. Suddenly, worldwide peace had been declared. The griffon's homeland had been mysteriously repaired, and the death rate had decreased dramatically.
Stupid didn't complain about this at first. These were good things. What was odd to him was how everypony seem to have lost all sense of self preservation. Nopony suspected that perhaps the Minotaurs declaring that they wanted peace might have been a ruse. Nopony batted an eye at the high class Unicorn supremacists suddenly being very open to the idea of adopting homeless Earth Pony foals and giving to charity. The whole world had become perfect.
Too perfect.
The day Stupid really started to question things, is the day he witnessed Derpy dying. It was a terrible accident which lead to a group of pegasi dropping heavy load on top of her, crushing her flat. Wondering how to break the news to Bucky and his family, Stupid found that Derpy was perfectly alive and well the next morning and nopony even remembered her getting injured.
It was right then Stupid had a horrible suspicion welling up inside.
Going off a hunch, he resisted his urge to tend to his False Banana herbs for a month. The effects were rather noticeable. The best way Stupid could describe it as... it's as if reality was falling apart. Randomly the sky would black out for a few seconds. Clouds would disappear and reappear. Certain, solid materials would sag as if the air had been let out of them. The worst moment, was when Rainbow Dash had been trotting along with a blank look on her face. She tripped and fell through the ground... and never came back out. Stupid started to panic when she didn't come back the next day. After tending to his garden, everything turned back to normal and Rainbow Dash spontaneously appeared again.
It was right then Stupid confirmed that he had absolutely no control over his life anymore, and the goals that he had worked so hard to achieve were now irrelevant.
Don't think about it.
This has been Stupid's philosophy since that day, and it's been the only thing keeping him reasonably sane. As long as he didn't think too deeply about anything. Sure, things were dangerous occasionally, he should probably be a little more concerned when his friends are being threatened by something hostile. They always come back the next day though, and they're not really trying to keep themselves safe besides the token effort. Sometimes Stupid wondered if they were brought back to life, or if they had died and it was another version of them tha-
Don't think about it.
It's not like it mattered much anyway. Even if he did look into things it probably wouldn't lead anywhere productive. Ever since that day he got killed in an acciden-
Don't think about it.
Stupid firmly believed, that one of the keys to succeeding in life was to enjoy it. It wasn't that high of a priority before but now he felt more than ever that it's the little things that count. Day to day moments that make you laugh. Of course, Stupid had to wonder sometimes how many days he had ahead of him, nopony seems to be noticeably aging despit-
Don't think about it.
Today, Stupid had decided to investigate something that had been bothering him for awhile now. He made sure to take Bucky with him, he couldn't really defend himself and Bucky is good at killing things. Not that really needed to defend himself anymore but he liked to put in the token effort.
"Explain to me again why we have come all the way out here?" Bucky questioned.
"Something's been nagging at my mind recently," Stupid started. "Remember that banana pile you found me in?"
"Vaguely."
"Vaguely?" Stupid frowned.
"That day is bit hard for me to remember actually." Bucky confessed.
"Huh, that's odd." Stupid quickly dropped the subject. "Anyway, whenever I tend to my herbs, I see that banana pile."
"And?"
"It's still there Bucky, it hasn't started to grow old or mushy or anything." Stupid pointed out.
"That is strange." Bucky mused.
"I wanted to see if I could take make my way past them and see what's on the other side," Stupid explained. "Maybe it will clear up a few things."
"What things are you talking about?"
"Don't worry about it." Stupid lazily waved a hoof.
Stupid and Bucky made their way to the pile of bananas. Taking a deep breath, Stupid braced himself and started climbing them. Touching the bananas made him feel good for some reason. His head felt clear, he able to focus on the task better. Feeling encouraged, Stupid put forth more effort to reach the top. The top was blocked off by the leaves of the herbs. After thinking about it for a moment, Stupid tried to tunnel his way through instead. After pushing his way through, he saw...
Stupid, what did you find?
...
Stupid, can you hear me?
I see an endless amount of strange, furless faces staring back at me.
...What?
Stupid dug his way back to Bucky, and got off the banana pile.
"I stared into the abyss, and it stared back." Stupid quietly said.
Stupid put his hooves to his forehead and focused.
"...Aaaaaaaand gone, I don't remember anything anymore!" Stupid happily stated.
"What did you mean by abyss?" Bucky tilted his head.
Don't think about it.
"I don't know, and I don't care!" Stupid smiled. "Let's go see if Dinky got anymore of that awesome honey your plants make!"
Author's Note
Element of Mischief. (Pickleless)
“So you’re courting Twilight Sparkle?” Bucky stated. He scowled, trying to make a decent looking glass orb.
“Yes, that is one of the reasons I’m here,” Stupid continued to transform grass into birdseed, calmly moving around Bucky.
“And you have no other motives?” Bucky eyed the changeling.
“I never said I have no other motives. I simply told you I was courting Twilight Sparkle.” The changeling scooped birdseed into a sack he carried.
Bucky grimaced and turned towards the changeling, lighting up his horn “Keep in mind I am not your friend, I am tolerating you. You saved my Pina, that is the reason why we’re talking and you’re not confined.”
“Once again,” the bug sighed, “your daughter would have not been in trouble if I hadn’t wandered by. I am a bit of a trouble magnet. I’m sure that pillar would have never broken if I didn’t go near your school.”
“Why were you at my school?” Bucky inquired.
“The same reason everyling goes to school. To learn, of course.”
“What do you wish to learn?” Bucky softened, he couldn’t help but respect the desire to learn.
“Whatever a changeling like me has to learn from ponies like you,” Doll simply stated, transforming more grass.
Bucky sighed. He realized he wasn’t going to get a straight answer from the crooked changeling. He tried a different approach. “What form of magic do changelings use?”
“Necromancy and Alteration. Simultaneously. Our minds and body are naturally geared towards using master levels of both, at the cost not being able to use anything else.” Stupid scooped up more birdseed into his bag. “This is why I can transform grass into birdseed with no effort, but I must scoop it up by hoof.”
Bucky’s blood ran cold. “Necromancy? Explain.”
“Necromancy, as you probably know, can regrow or fixed damage body parts. We burn away ourselves, while growing back the form we wish to be. It’s easy to get the exact form we want due to alteration magic. As I said, simultaneously.” The changeling morphed into the spitting image of Bucky, speaking in his voice, “What you don’t know, is necromancy-”
“Lets demons escape from tartarus,” Bucky growled.
“Ah, so you do know!” The doppelganger beamed. “This is why I only use alteration. As you may have noticed, no flames surrounded my body. I may look like you, but that’s it. I only look like you, it’s just an illusion.”
Bucky scryed him with his magic, and breathed a sigh of relief. The changeling was not lying. It is nothing more than an illusion. No traces of Necromancy lingered in the air. “Why do you refuse to use necromancy?”
“Do you want demons to escape from tartarus?” Stupid questioned.
“Of course not.” Bucky finished his glass orb, now filling it with a spell that will attract birds.
“Me neither. I'd much rather have Equestria demon-free.” The changeling altered his vocal cords to call birds.
Both of them had nothing to say as they worked. Bucky making and enchanting glass orbs and Stupid altering birdseed to have laxatives in it.
“Why are you here? What are you trying to accomplish?” Bucky quietly said.
The changeling lowered his head in thought. Every time he opened his mouth, he closed it with a look of doubt on his face. Finally, he spoke.
“What is your favorite element?”
“Ice?” Bucky answered.
Doll smiled. “I meant element of harmony.”
Bucky scratched his chin. “I have never given it much thought.”
“...I would have to say mine is generosity.”
Bucky waited for the shape-shifter to continue.
“I don’t think people appreciate Rarity enough. Possibly because her attitude belies her nature,” Stupid sadly said. “Yes, to give when you can is wonderful. Yet, generosity is so much more. It is not giving when it’s convenient, rather, when it difficult.”
“Rarity works hard for nice things, yet she gives those nice things away. The feeling of blessing another, even at great loss, is such a rewarding feeling. One that you can truly take pride in. It humbles, yet empowers oneself.”
“I wish to be…” Stupid hesitated. “I wish to be an example, to all changelings. That we can serve in love, and be something worth loving in return.”
“...Do you think lying to Twilight is the correct thing to do?” Bucky softly argued, “to be dishonest? Do you want that to be the example shown to all ponies?”
“Oh, I’m not lying to her,” Stupid solemnly said.
“What are you doing then?” Bucky challenged.
“I’m pranking her. Something all ponies should expect from us changelings,” Doll grinned.
Bucky stared at the changeling for second, then broke out into laughter. Quickly that laughter turned into a coughing fit. Stupid pounded his back to try and help him. Bucky relaxed, catching his breath.
“That is quite the prank,” Bucky smiled.
“I’m quite the changeling!” Stupid boasted.
Remembering he had a job to do, Stupid cast an illusion around himself, making him look like a bird. Tweeting to other birds, he encouraged them to eat the birdseed, promising them all a delicious meal.
Passing nearby was Lugus, who also saw the promise of a delicious meal. Swooping in, he crunched down on Stupid with his powerful beak.
“You should be dead,” Bucky calmly stated, rubbing his sore snout. His wife had finished swatting both him and Stupid, calling them bad foals. She was now fretting over the injured changeling.
“I should be dead,” the changeling calmly replied, ignoring the stink eye the fussy mama bird was giving him.
The three were inside a very large marble statue that had just been placed in the middle of Ponyville this morning. It was a statue of Bucky rutting Berry senseless in fine detail. It even had little sweat drops on both of them. It was a magical hollow marble statue, that let anyone inside it see what was going outside it.
“Maybe if you both weren’t such naughty foals, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt!” Derpy snorted.
Bucky and Stupid had a smug look. Derpy eyes narrowed.
“So, you made sure to move the orb to the opposite side of town right?” Stupid asked.
“Of course, right after I teleported you in here,” He grinned.
“What did you two do?” Derpy growled.
Suddenly, all the curious ponies surrounding the statue screamed. An absurdly huge flock of birds were flying over the town, raining poop all over Ponyville. A few of the citizens crashed into each other. One mare screamed, and then fainted when she got bird poop in her mouth.
Bucky and Stupid hoof bumped.
Derpy swatted both of them, again.
“BAD FOALS!” She screamed.
Author's Note
Since Kudzuhaiku isn't here to say it...
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Let's rocket science all day long baby. (Pickleless)
"Hey kid, I just pinched out a steamer, felt really good." Derpy announced, walking into the kitchen.
Stupid stopped and processed that. "That's great Derpy, glad to hear it." He shook his head and went back to eating his cereal.
"Hey guys!" Shining Armor announced, teleporting into the room. "After I fused myself with the Crystal Empire, I thought I didn't need to poop anymore, but five minutes ago I pushed out a thick log. Guess I still got it!"
"Good for you Shining." Stupid grumbled. "Look, I know some cultures talking about your business in the restroom is a common thing, but do you think for my sake-"
"Just finished putting it in Berry's stinktube" Bucky said absentmindedly, walking into the room.
"I'm out!" Stupid yelled.
The three watched the small green colt march out of the room, Derpy frowned.
"Bucky dear, I think that strange, nameless little colt you found might be upset."
"Don't worry, I know just what to do." Bucky announced.
"Gonna have a talk with the little guy? You've always been good with foals." Shining smiled.
"What?" Bucky looked over his shoulder as he pulled out a large quantity of liquor out of the cabinet.
"You're not going to get that little foal drunk are you?" Derpy glared at Bucky.
"Don't worry Derpy, I promise I won't get him drunk."
"Guess what Stupid? You're getting drunk!"
"W- wha?.." Stupid rose his head, drowsy from being asleep under a false banana herb.
"Here, take a swig!" Bucky held out a bottle to him.
Shrugging, Stupid took the bottle and attempted to down it. He got about halfway before sputtering and coughing.
"Impressive, was that your first time drinking?" Bucky grinned.
"No, but it's the first time I ever had something as strong as that." Stupid stopped and squinted at the bottle. "...Stupid's Brew?"
"Named after you, you like it?" Bucky sat down next to his friend, pulling him close.
Getting comfortable, Stupid leaned back against Bucky while taking another swig, this time swishing it around in his mouth to taste. "Not the best thing I've had, but I like it. What makes this drink special?"
Bucky's lips spread out into a vicious grin. "Oh, you'll see..."
"Sounds like I'm going to regret this." Stupid noted before he finished the strange liquor. "Let's get smashed."
Pulling out two more Stupid Brew's, the stallion and colt clinked their bottles before drinking.
---One Hour Later---
Bucky and Stupid were rolling in the grass, filled with uncontrollable laughter. Stupid felt amazing. It was as if his brain was on fire, but the flame was only burning away the sores and aches in his head, leaving his mind with a warm, toasty feeling. He could swear the back of his head was actually opened up like a hatch, shooting out fire like a torch. He almost learned how to control the direction of the flame, almost. The fire burned strongly in his chest and crotch too. Never before did has he felt the incredible need to eat, cuddle, have sex, and a sleep, all at once. If he wasn't so busy relaxing, he would probably address one of those needs. His body was constantly expanding in size, the only reason everything looked normal is because Stupid could feel everything else growing too. The whole world was constantly growing at the same time. He was very sure now he fully understood how the universe worked and that if someone asked him, he could explain in fine detail.
Turning his head to tell Bucky how the universe worked, Stupid instead turned it into a dance move as he groaned in pleasure. Any slight movement set his muscles on fire in the best way possible. Simple movement were filled with electricity and he had to keep himself perfectly still just to think clearly. Laying on his back, he started shooting energy beams at the clouds. There was so much power and potential in his hooves, all he had to do was focus it and shoot outwards. The beams were just in his head, but right now everything is halfway real and those clouds were going DOWN.
He could swear he's felt something like this before, but Stupid couldn't quite remember where.
Forcing himself to stand up, Stupid broke out into laughter as slowly stomped around, feeling the powerful energy he shot through his hooves.
"What are you doing?" Bucky chuckled.
"Duuuuuuude... I understand dinosaurs now!"
"Whaaat?" Bucky shook his head.
"Rrrroooawrrr... " Stupid growled in what he thought was a sexy manner, stomping across the grass with his hooves.
"You are so baked!" Bucky broke out into a cheesy laugh, slamming his hoof against the ground.
"Baked?.." Stupid tried to focus.
Baked = High.
High = Cannabis.
"DUDE, DID YOU GIVE ME WEED?!?" Stupid started to freak out.
"What's wrong?" Bucky frowned, wincing from the loud noise.
"Oh no! Oh no oh no oh no oh no!.."
Suddenly the drug trip went horribly wrong. He was too strong, the energy was painful. It was like all his muscles were forcibly contracting, squeezing, and he couldn't make them relax and it was starting to hurt. He started to hyperventilate.
"THIS IS MY FIRST MISSION ALL OVER AGAIN! HELP ME! HELP ME PLEASE! MAKE IT STOP!"
"STUPID, LISTEN!" Bucky growled with authority.
Stupid cried softly as Bucky scooped him up and held him close.
"Are you hungry, do you need food?"
"Yes..." Stupid sniffled.
"What do you want to eat?" Bucky cooed.
Stupid looked at Bucky very seriously with tears in his eyes.
"Bucky... there is so much food in the world!.."
"Yes, yes there is," Bucky laughed. "Do you want some of Bonbon's special honey bubblegum cookies?"
"I would do ANYTHING for some of Bonbon's special honey bubblegum cookies!"
"Okay, let's go steal some cookies from the cookie jar. Here's the plan, I'll call everyone in the kitchen outside, and you sneak in and grab the cookies." Bucky grinned.
"But that requires me to move," Stupid pouted, torn between moving to get food and staying perfectly still.
"Do you want Bonbon's bubblegum honey cookies?"
"I REALLY want Bonbon's bubblegum honey cookies."
"Then you're going to have to get up."
Groaning, Stupid forced himself up and started to head back towards Bucky's home. The trip only took a minute but felt like an hour to Stupid. Somewhere along the way Bucky separated from him. Standing at the front door, Stupid completely forgot why he was even here and decided to take a bath. Heading upstairs, he only tripped and fell headfirst into a step three times. Stupid was proud of that. It wasn't that he was clumsy, it's just that every movement he made was so powerful, fast, and in slow motion. It was like a train-wreck slowly exploded, except the train was his face, and the wreck was the step it slammed into. Laughing at himself, he stumbled through the halls towards the magical room that had the hot springs.
Relaxing in the soothing water, Stupid's mind started to wander about, he thought about-
BOOM!!!
Stupid shrugged, Bucky, Lyra, Sunset, or Dinky must be blowing something up again. Neurotic minds and magic usually ended in explosions. Getting back on track of getting lost in his own thoughts, Stupid started to think about how Bucky was suppose to be the Alicorn of War. He seemed to notice that the world reflected the how the alicorns were conveying the aspect they represented. Perhaps the reason this world is so free of conflict is because Bucky himself is at peace. It definitely would've taken a lot of relaxing and love to get him into that state. When Stupid first met him he remembered Bucky was much more suspicious and wary. He wondered what changed that.
"BUCKY, GET BACK HERE!!!"
Stupid noted that Bucky must have caused the explosion. Of course, the biggest factor that changed him would be his wives and kids. Stupid realized that the reason Bucky must have subconsciously grasped on to so much family was to fight his ascension. Since the stallion is such an introvert, it's probably easier for him to expand his family than it is for him to make friends. Some of the more judgmental ponies liked to think that the reason Bucky married so many mares is because he's a pervert. While they are right on the mark that he is a pervert, Bucky's love for his family is much more pure than that.
I mean, he's not that strange. That would be like claiming he was actually trying to turn me into a female to marry me and gain a diplomatic relationship with the changelings or something! Man, wouldn't that be a laugh. Hey Stupid, remember when I turned you into a colt? I was actually trying to gender swap you, sorry!" Stupid laughed at the thought.
...He wouldn't actually try to do that to me, would he?
The thought was ridiculous. Stupid scolded himself for having doubt in his friend. Bucky would never do such a thing.
...Right?
It's not like Bucky knows a spell to change genders-
---Two weeks ago.---
"Hey Bucky, so what's up with you, Lyra, and Bonbon? Do you guys... you know?" Stupid made a motion with his hoof.
"One time I turned into a mare and they both screwed me senseless." Bucky replied.
"Oh, cool."
W- WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE BUCKY IS CRAZY OR MORALLY AMBIGUOUS...
...
"OH MAKER, BUCKY TRIED TO TURN ME INTO MARE AND NOW HE GOT ME DRUNK AND HIGH TO LOWER MY GUARD!"
"Oh, there you are!" Bucky smiled, entering the hot springs. "I don't know what happened, but I managed to snatch the cookie jar. Do you wan-"
"YOU GET AWAY FROM ME!" Stupid screamed.
"Stupid, what's wrong?!?"
"DON'T THINK I'M NOT ONTO YOU, YOU'RE SECRETLY TRYING TO TURN ME INTO A MARE AND MARRY ME!"
"...What?"
"OVER MY DEAD BODY YOU- MMMmmm mmm..." Stupid slowly chewed on the cookie shoved into his mouth.
"There, feeling better?" Bucky said, looking amused.
"More," Stupid demanded.
Bucky passed the cookie jar over and Stupid shoved his face into it.
"Bucky, you scoundrel!" Bonbon screamed, jumping into the hot spring. "You know that... who's this?"
"A poor, hungry little colt." Bucky made puppy eyes at Bonbon. "Isn't that right little one?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever," Stupid mumbled, shoving his face full of cookies.
"Awwwww... Why didn't you just tell me you were getting the cookies for him?" Bonbon said sweetly.
Bucky grinned as Bonbon planted a kiss on his cheek.
"Someone is getting a special treat tonight..." Bonbon winked as she walked away with a swing in her hips.
"Just as planned," Bucky said smugly.
"Hmm?" Stupid looked up from the jar.
"Nothing..."
