Little Muffin Stand of Horrors
Little Muffin Stand of Horrors
Little Muffin Stand of Horrors
Derpy stood proudly behind her bake sale stand. Uneven lines of muffins sat proudly in front of her, arranged by flavor. There were honey lemon muffins, chocolate caramels, sweet peppermint, coconut vanillas, and her personal favorite, apple pecan. The muffins didn't look their finest; some had big bottoms with lumpy tops; some had tops so big that they tilted over on their sides, bottoms unseen below; some looked terribly discolored, so discolored that one's stomach wound up in a knot just looking at them. But they tasted delicious.
The third Saturday and Sunday of every month were Derpy's favorite days, for it was Bake Sale days. Ponyville put the Bake Sales on to raise money for the local orphanage that was just outside of town. Any and all ponies were encouraged to participate in the Bake Sale days.
Pinkie Pie's stand was the most popular, of course. Not just because it was the easiest to spot---it was overflowing with balloons and streamers---but because Pinkie Pie made the best cookies in town. The Cakes' stand had the best cakes and cupcakes, naturally, and Applejack and her family sold apple fritters, apple pies and apple dumplings at their stand.
Carrot Top sold carrot cakes, BonBon sold sweet and sour candies, and Spike had a stand for his especially delicious triple-decker nut-crazy vanilla cream cookies. Some ponies sold hot beverages, some sold freshly baked bread; the entire town always smelled amazing on Bake Sale day. Derpy's stand was at one of the ends, her muffin sign with its foalish writing tilted to one side.
Derpy got up extra early on Bake Sale days. Baking was her favorite hobby. When she wasn't busy delivering newspapers, Derpy usually stayed at home and practiced new recipes to enter in the next month's bake sale. She made her muffins fresh in the morning, and many of them were still warm to the touch when she had set up her stand earlier that afternoon.
The sun was now getting lower in the sky and some stands had already packed up to go home. Most of those stands had sold out of their baked goods. Derpy still had most of her muffins left... if not all of them. Ponies would walk by, take one look at her misshapen, miscolored muffins, smile politely at her and move on. Nopony ever took a sample either.
Derpy tried to not let it get to her, but sometimes it was hard. She loved baking. Her muffins tasted good. They just didn't look good. And she knew that one day her work would speak for itself. Appearances weren't everything. But sometimes she wondered if it wasn't her muffins that was turning people away, that it was her. She couldn't control it when her eyes went all googly, and she worried if people thought because she was cross-eyed, she wouldn't be able to bake properly.
As the bake sale drew to a close, Derpy looked anxiously up and down at the row of ponies slowly leaving the square. Many of them had bags full of baked goods, big smiles on their faces and laughter in their hearts. But none of them had her muffins.
Slowly, Derpy began to pack up her muffins. Tears filled her eyes, but she tried not to let them drop. She bit into one of the mold-colored muffins she had made, and the delicious taste of peppermint filled her mouth. They taste good, she thought, they just look a little...
Derpy packed her bags and took down her stand. She made her way through the crowds, her head hung low, as she began to walk home. As she approached the edge of town, her wings spread as she got ready to fly the rest of the way home, something caught her eye by one of the dumpsters. It was a discarded muffin tin. Derpy approached it curiously. The shape was unique; the muffin molds were square, not round. Square muffins... those could be interesting. And maybe they'll be unique enough that nopony else will have them at the next Bake Sale! Maybe I'll be noticed for once! Tomorrow might be my day!
Derpy smiled to herself and picked up the tin. She put it carefully in her bag, and took off to go home.
The next day Derpy was the first to set up her stand. Her square muffins had turned out perfect. They were all evenly shaped, perfectly colored, and smelled amazing. She hadn't had time to taste any of them, but she didn't doubt the taste. The recipes were the same, but now they looked as good as they tasted.
She made sure her sign was straight and her square muffins were lined up nicely. She had even decided to bring yesterday's mismatched muffins, just in case her square muffins became so popular and she sold out first thing.
Derpy eyed the clock anxiously, waiting for the bake sale to officially start. Her neighboring stand set up rainbow colored taffies. The smell of freshly baked goods began to waft through the air as other ponies arrived. As ponies entered the square to set up their own stands, some began to notice Derpy's muffins right away. Ponies whispered and pointed, smiling at her and nodding approvingly at her muffins. Derpy smiled back and proudly stared at her muffins.
Finally, the bake sale was on. The clock rang twelve and customers began to flood the square. Most went straight to Pinkie Pie's stand, but others began to wander to other stands. Derpy's neighbour was busy selling her taffy. As one of her customers waited in line, he looked over at Derpy's stand and moved out of the taffy line.
"Wow, these muffins look good! I've never seen square muffins before either; how unique!" he said. "I'll take a peppermint muffin, please."
The clink of the coin tumbling into Derpy's box, the sign of her first ever sale, was like magic to her ears. She passed him a peppermint muffin and smiled broadly as he took a bite.
"This is delicious! I can't believe I've never been to this muffin stand before!" he said loudly. He then galloped off happily, telling a few ponies as he went about Derpy's stand.
More and more ponies began to come to Derpy's stand. Her square muffins were selling faster than she had imagined. Soon her coin box was full, and the Mayor came by to empty her earnings into the orphanage fund.
As ponies began to crowd around her stand, there was suddenly a scream from somewhere within the square. The crowd parted and Derpy hovered in the air to see what was going on. The stallion that had bought her muffin was convulsing uncontrollably on the ground. His mouth foamed and his eyes twitched. His legs clumped together and his back began to round. And to Derpy and every other pony's horror, he turned into a giant muffin before their eyes.
"PEPPERMINT MUFFIN!" he shouted. Green eyes poked out from the muffin top and a mouth appeared as well. The giant muffin roared and ponies began to scream. "PEPPERMINT MUFFIN EAT PONIES!"
Ponies began to scream and run in horror as the giant muffin began to jump around the square. The screams got louder as other ponies who had bought and eaten Derpy's square muffins began to turn into giant muffins themselves. Derpy floated back down to her stand, dazed. The square muffins that hadn't sold yet had come to life as well, though thankfully, they were regular muffin size.
"Demon muffin stand!" somepony yelled.
Ponies stampeded everywhere as they tried to run from the giant and mini muffins of horror. Derpy cried as she fought of a half dozen of mini muffins who chomped at her hooves. A giant muffin a few stands over had half a pony in its jaws. Every time a giant muffin ate a pony, it grew bigger and bigger.
Soon there the muffins were overpowering and outnumbering the ponies. Ponyville would have to be renamed "Muffinville", and Equestria would be no more. Or at least, those were Derpy's last thoughts, as a ten-foot muffin came over and its opening jaws were the last thing she ever saw.
Derpy woke with a start. Her heart beat uncontrollably and sweat dripped from her brow. The sun was rising and her alarm went off a few minutes later. It was Sunday, the last day of the bake sale. There were no demon muffins. It had all just been a dream.
She got out of bed and walked into her kitchen. Yesterday's unsold muffins were still tightly packed in their containers. The square muffin tin sat on her counter. She eyed it warily for a moment, and then tossed it in the trash. She didn't need fancy shaped muffins to attract ponies to her stand. Her muffins could speak for themselves... and hopefully not eat any pony.
