Chapters I thought ponies were supposed to have headaches after the parties.
The creature quickly tried to think of a pony that he had killed.
How about that blue one? He seemed like a nice pony. Well, when he wasn't screaming.
He concentrated for a moment, and then felt the relief of shifting.
Ahh, that's better. Now, where am I?
The creature looked around at his surroundings. He saw smoke. Apparently, when he had landed, he had made a small crater.
No one'll notice.
He stood up and shook his head. He flexed his wings, surprised at how strong they were.
I'll never get used to having bones in my wings. It makes flying so much more satisfying.
He climbed out of the hole and was confronted by a wall of trees. He flapped his new wings and took off int the air.
Beautiful view. I need to get home, though.
But wait. When those two unicorns made us explode, it scattered us.
Our country is spread out through the world right now.
I can't go home.
He shivered at his revelation.
If I can't go home, then I'll have to stay here.
In Equestria.
Where we just tried to conquer.
It's okay, it's okay, I can just hide, right? But what if I need food? I can survive in the wild, right?
He let out a deep sigh and came to a conclusion.
A blue pegasus walked out of the forest and found himself in an orchard. He made his way out quickly, and then followed a path to the town nearby.
Okay, so, just get a job, get a house, wait until I hear news about Changelings appearing and flying off towards the east and I go. Understood?
He shook his head and followed a path to a very colorful town filled with ponies. Not wanting to draw too much attention to himself, he tapped one pony on the shoulder.
"Yes, what do you want?" The pony turned to face him. She was a mare with a pink coat, purple mane, a horn, and a bored look on her face.
"Is there a place that I could get work around here?"
"There's the Library, Carousel Boutique, Sweet Apple Acres, and the bakery, Sugar Cube Corner."
"Thanks!" He sped off and looked for any one of those buildings.
Okay, now I have a place to make a living while I wait for the others to leave.
He found Sugar Cube Corner and opened the door. A mare and a stallion greeted him.
"Why hello there! How can we help you?"
"I'm looking for a job. You see, I'm new in town, and I need all the bits I can to get an apartment."
The two bakers looked at each other and whispered a short discussion. He could barely hear, but he was puzzled at what bits he did hear of the conversation.
"Should we tell him?"
"It's best he finds out on his own."
"Okay."
The pair looked up at him and questioned, "What's your name, boy?"
Oh buck! I didn't think of a name! Umm...
"Stellar Shift." He blurted out, then did a mental facehoof.
That old storybook character? Come on, have an imagination.
He was about to correct himself when he was interrupted by the two ponies.
"Well, Stellar-"
"Call me Shift."
"Okay, Shift, We have an opening and a proposal for you. Work here, and you can get the second spare bedroom upstairs."
"Wow, that's amazing! Thank you! You have no ide- Wait, second?"
"Yes, we have the same deal with another pony. She seems to be gone, though."
"Oh, I'll be glad to make her acquaintance."
"I'm sure she'll be more than glad to meet you." The pair shared a knowing look and Shift grew worried.
"Okay, do you have any past experience with baking?"
Shift thought of when he and his aunt used to make cakes. That was before Chyrsalis came along.
"Yes."
"Do you have a past criminal record?"
He now thought about the countless ponies, griffons, zebras, and even buffalo he had to kill before. He decided to keep that a secret.
"No."
"And lastly, do you just want to make the ponies you serve happy?"
He thought this was an odd question, but then again, they were ponies. They even had those Elements of Harmony or whatever. Girly stuff.
"Well, partly, but I mostly just want to make bits."
The couple beamed and looked at each other. "You're hired!" they said in unison.
"Umm, great! When do I start?"
"Once you've settled in. Your new apartment is up the stairs and the third door on the left. Once you've acquainted yourself, come back and get started on making some pastries."
Shift walked behind the counter and up the stairs. As he made his way to the third room, he noticed a strange aroma coming from the first door. He poked his head inside and was attacked by the sweet scent of sugar and frosting. The inside of the room was so pink that he almost had to shield his eyes. But what surprised him the most was a picture on the wall.
The picture showed six mares. They were all posed so that you could see them clearly. There was an orange freckled pony, a pink fluffy pony, a white styled unicorn, a purple pony, a yellow one with a light pink mane, and a rainbow-maned pegasus. It seemed like a normal photo, but then he realized.
He knew these ponies.
He had fought them.
He turned and galloped out of the room and into his own.
Okay, the mare next door either is a fan of the Elements of Harmony or she is one.
Oh Chrysalis please let it be the former.
He shook his head and walked downstairs.
"I'm ready to go!"
Author's note: I really need some cover art, so if anypony can draw that would be nice. Also, I swithched it to 1st person for some reason. Sorry!
I was roused from my sleep in the middle of the night by a bang coming from downstairs. I immedeatly sat up and made my way downstairs.
Is that a robber? Who else would just barge in here like that? Should I shift a horn? I'll just wait.
As I took my last hoof off of the stairs and turned on the bakery lights. What I saw nearly startled me half to death.
It was her .
She gasped and ran past me up the stairs and returned with a long cylinder held over her shoulder. THen she aimed the cylinder's end up at the ceiling and fired it. Long streamers and confetti flew out, as well as cupcakes, cups, tablecloths, balloons, and even a punch bowl. Then she pulled a small black box out of nowhere and pushed a small red button on it. A loud noise blared out of the building.
"PARTY ALERT! PARTY ALERT!" The noise buried every single other sound, including the one of my jaw meeting the floor.
Ponies started filing in through the doors, including the five that I wanted to see the least.
They were all there. The shy yellow pegasus, the rainbowy-sky blue one, that horrible fussy white unicorn, and the purple nerd.
The Elements of Harmony were attending a changeling's party.
Oh, buck.
"So, why is Pinkie throwing you a party in the middle of the night?" The purple one was talking to me. I learned that her name was Twilight Sparkle.
"I work here now, and the Cakes offered for me to stay in the second spare apartment. I was sleeping and heard the door open, so I went downstairs. She was there, and then she just made a party pop up out of nowhere."
"That does sound like Pinkie Pie.' She led me over to the other five ponies.
"Wah hey there! Nice ta meet ya! Mah name's Applejack, what's yours?" The orange one shook my hoof and nearly removed it from its socket.
"St-t-tel-l-l-er Shi-i-i-ift-t-t-." I somehow pulled out of her death grip. "Pleasure to meet you." I held my hoof and feared that it would fall off.
"Did my friend harm you? Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry, she's a bit of a... ruffian." At this the white unicorn
"Hi, my name is *mumblemumble*" The yellow pegasus now spoke, although you could hardly call it that. She spoke in sort of a whisper. Quiet, but spoken in a normal tone.
"Sorry, didn't quite catch that."
"I said, my name is *mumblemumble*"
"Again, please?"
"Her name is Fluttershy. Mine is Rainbow Dash, flastest flier in all of Equestria!!" The blue one introduced herself.
"So, I take it you're an athlete? Pleasure to meet you." She raised her hoof in a sort of rigid way, like she was proffering it to me. I raised my brow quissically. I mean, I was just a basic infantry unit. I wasn't taught but the basics of pony society, unlike those pretenstious [That's not how you spell it, I know] special ops bastards. They really think they're better than us grunts, secretly invading pony society... Sweet Chrysalis, I can sense them all around me, trying to blend in and acting like ponies.
I was shaken out of my deep thought by the rainbow one (I guess I should start using their names.), Rainbow Dash.
"What you've never been given a brohoof before?" Rainbow asked, giving a light chucle.
"Umm..." I stuttered, trying to imagine a response.
What the buck is a brohoof?
"Can't say I ever thought about having to teach a colt how to be a colt. Here, just take this," She lifted my hoof into the air, "and do this." She tapped mine and her hooves together. what kind of strange greeting ritual would have you tap somepony else's hoof? These ponies certainly are strange.
"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! Nice to meet you! Well, I say that in the sensethatI'mjustmeetingyoubutintruthwealreadymetbutthenagainthatwashardlymeetingitwasmorelikeme going"GUASP"andthenshootingapartymissleinyourfacebutwhereI'mfromthatISmeetingaponybutanywayhowareyouandwhoareyouandwhydoyoulivehereandwouldyoulikepunch?" This peice of dialogue needs no explanation.
"Let me try... Good, my name is Stellar Shift, I am the new baler here, and buck yes." Pinkie shot off and raced back with two red plastc cups (They have those in equestria? jeez...) filled with purple liquid.
"Wait, so you're a baker? Ooh, this is so fun! I don't have any bakerfriendsexceptforApplejackandtheCakesbuttheyalwaystellmetogoawayorleavethemforsomeprivatetimeto"Make icing"Idon'tknowwhytheymakeitbecauseweorfermostofouricingunlesstheywerakingtheicingfortheMMMMsoIguessthatmakessenseanywaywhat'syourfavoriterecipeandhowdoyoufeelaboitcupcakesandwhyareyounamedStellarShiftandwhat'syourcutiemarkfor?" Out of curiosity, I decided to test some of the emotions she had. She seemed like a sweet pony, and I needed a little kick to keep me going. While food might sustain me, emotions give us life. How about one eemsy weensy little OMYGOD SHE IS THE BUCKING GREATEST THING EVER! HOW THE BUCK DOES A PONY GET SO MANY FEELS?
"Umm..." (Chrysalis, I need to stop zoning out.) "Oh, I like this custom recipe I made where I mix orange zest with the mix and orange juice with the icing and bake a chocolate orange cake, cupcakes are like fun-sized cakes, it's a family name, and..." I looked at my cutie mark. Buck. You know when you know something is something but you don't want it to be because it would be horrible? You now have a label for this moment. My cutie mark was dog tags. Bucking dog tags. In this Chrysalis-damned, middle of the most powerful country in the world, which was in a state of constant peace, my special talent was killing anything that moves.
"I used to make dog tags for a living?"
Author's note: Sorry for this chapter being 3 months late. Also please comment. I'm feeling lonely.
"..."
"..."
"Okay!"
What. They just... Accept it.
I very much like this place.
"Yeah, I also am pretty good at baking and other stuff. The usual life, you know. Equestria's a pretty peaceful place, you know, and the dog tag business is not booming. I wanted the new town, new ponies, the whole package." Sweet mother of the hive, that was close.
The party slowly died down, and a lot of ponies left. There were a few random ones, a few suspicious ones (Agents. They're too damn creepy and stalker-ish.), the Elements of Harmony, the Cakes, and me. I looked at a couple of them, the leader seeming to be a lime-Mint green and white, and we tapped into the hive network. (Wherever changelings go, they place a small hive brain. It allows them to access a local hive mind, letting them talk to each other.)
"So, what is a lowly wingsoldier like you doing here?"
"You didn't hear that the invasion failed?"
"Heh. I thought you fools would just run and hide with your tails between your legs, not join pony society. You are not trained. You are not ready. How can you possibly survive without some general yelling instructions?"
"Cold. Very cold. You see, I'm no mindless soldier. Smart ponies get drafted too. But I suppose you wouldn't know. Nationalist douches who won't get their hooves dirty aren't any better than the wingsoldier who knows what's going on. You choose to join, and pay to do nothing. In the front lines, you have to fight, kill, survive. We have a system of honor there. You, here, waiting, listening, do not have to do what we do. We kill ponies. We kill each other. We hunt for food. We kill half a town, hide as them, feed of their love for a night, and then kill the others. You should respect me. You should fear me. I have starved myself for my morals, and I have eaten for my sins. Leave me be so that I may repent, and if you do not let me... I'm always hungry."
"..."
I stared deep into the pony's eyes, before another, a normal pony, tapped the changeling on the shoulder and pulled them away.
"That was a mean eye conversation you just had there!" The pink one leapt out of nowhere and started talking.
"Oh... Yeah, you know, when some pony looks at me the wrong way... They get quite the ocular laceration if I do say so myself." I backed up and chuckled nervously. The pink one was staring at me from about 3 inches. "Is this how ponies normally communicate?" I asked her.
"To me it is! So, I was wondering, if you're living here because you're working here then we'll be working together and I'll have a roommate *Squee* because you know the cakes actually live next door they just work here and they're not really here ever because of their kids-
Buckyestheyhavekids.
-and you know that brown sugar is really good for that because it's brown sugar I mean what is it not good for except things that normal sugar is good for-"
"Look, I'm going to go hit the hay. It's been a long day-night-party thing, and I'm tuckered out. I'll just be next to your room if you need anything." I backed up the stairs as pinkie bounced, still about an inch away from me.
"-and you know what I'm going to have a lot of fun working with another pony my age and who's single so there'll be new stuff and no squeaking at night because you know the last pony who worked with me had a girlfriend and I guess they had a spring that was squeaky and it squeaked ALL NIGHT LONG and I couldn't sleep-"
"So... Yeah... Goodnight." I backed up into my room and was about to close the door when I heard this line in the jumble of speech-
"-and you're actually kind of cute you know-"
"You're actually kind of cute"
"Actually kind of cute"
"Kind of cute"
That line caught me off guard. I paused, mid-step, a shocked expression on my face. The pink one kept rambling on as I stared at her, confused.
"Waitwaitwait... What did you just say?"
"Brown sugar?"
"After that."
"Have you read the daring doo books?"
"Before that."
"You're cute?"
"There it is... What?"
"You're kind of cute!"
"..."
"Here, I can prove it! You know that mares only like cute boys?"
"What."
"Here ya' go!"
The pink one shoved her face the one inch into mine, pressing her lips to mine. She pushed in harder, taking advantage of my open mouth, not pausing or relenting control.
After about 10 seconds, the longest eternity in my life, she pulled back.
"See? Proof!"
I took the final step back and closed the door.
I very much like this place.
Author's Note
... Yep.
Again.
3 months.
This might be my new main fic.
Maybe.
Maybe.
"Wait... WHAT?"
What?
Seriously, what?
What.
...
...
*slump*
-The next morning-
*knock knock knock*
"Shift, it's time for your shift!"
Shit. Time? Noon. Location? Cakes bakery. Scenario? Time for work.
"Sorry, sir, didn't mean to sleep in, sir." I responded in my usual militaristic style, checked that I still had bones in me, and opened the door. (A shift may be cancelled by sleep.)
"Oh, Shift, you look a mess! Go clean yourself for work."
Clean myself for work?
What?
The closest thing I've ever been to clean is in canterlot.
"Okay, sir. I'll just go get... Clean."
"In case you don't know, the bathroom is in the corner."
"Okay, sir."
-About a minute later-
But... How do I... Wait... Oh. Oh my.
-Another 10 minutes later-
"I'm... Ready." I spent the last 10 minutes showering and drying and puffing and combing. I don't know how they stand it. It's just a bunch of unnecessary touching.
"Good. Now, you need to get working right away! You're on the counter today." Mr. Cake pointed towards the shop's front counter, through a pair of swingy doors.
"Finally, we have some service!" About two ponies were waiting in line for orders.
"What do you want, sir?" I asked the pony what he wanted. He looked down at the selection of treats-
"3 pounds of chocolate fudge, on the way." I could tell. Trust me. That guy had a hankering for fudge, and I had no plans to push the service back any further. I reached under the counter, and brought roughly 3 pounds of fudge.
"How did you-"
"I read customers." I smell opinions.
The stallion handed me the bits and trotted off.
"Okay, a candy apple. Man, it's noon! Really! You should try our cold foods. Our chefs have a wonderful peach milkshake." It's called making customers happy. I try to do it.
"Hmm... I'll try it." I called for a milkshake and one was tossed to me. I'd like to say I caught it with my changeling sense, but we really only have 2 powers. It sucks. Of course, it's better than being a doppleganger! HOO-HA!
Another pony, one of the agents, looked at me and just nodded with a smirk on his face.
Yeah, we make doppleganger jokes. And they laugh about us. Shapeshifters are a bunch of warring jokers.
Anyway, another happy customer.
There I was, passing out food and drink and half-food-half-drink, when suddenly I realized.
I wasn't hungry. Not one bit. I hadn't purposefully been nibbling on every pony who ordered... I mean, some were in couples, and couples always taste GREAT...
My sweet chrysalis.
Somepony loves me.
Wat.
Waat.
What.
View Online
Two in one day. FEEL GRACED BY THE GODS, MORTALS!
"That's a reason." Pinkie stares at the changeling standing by the hole. It was after my shift, (As in work hours) so the moonlight was falling through the cavity.
"Come on, we don't have all day." The changeling gestured towards me to come up.
"Yeah, let's go. Well... She sort of hit her head a few minutes ago, and it was rather hard. She sort of got disconnected from the hive, maybe in a minute she'll rattle back." I had to lie. If the changeling figured out that she was a pony, or even worse an element of harmony, then he'd load a clip into her, then me. Honestly, I don't like killing. It's not my speed.
"Okay, okay, we gotta get out of here. Quick." The changeling gestured, once more, for us to come out.
I took a quick glance at Pinkie that I hoped explained the situation, then de-shifted. She stared back at me with wide open eyes. I fluttered up out of the hole and next to the changeling.
Plan, plan, plan... Well, we're gonna die either way. Let's do this.
I turned and leaned into the hole.
"Come on, Morph, we gotta go! We can get out of this shit-hole!"
I mouthed "Play along."
Pinkie groaned, pretending to be a bit woozie.
"I guess she's just not feeling it." I turned to the guard and made an apologetic face.
"For the love of Chrysalis, hurry up!" The guard took three steps back and sat down.
Now.
I leaned in, and bucked him in the face. For all that training, head wounds are surprisingly effective. I grabbed the gun and climbed back down the hole.
"Okay, cards on the table, I'm not really Stellar Shift. Well, Shift is right, but not Stellar. I'm a changeling. When the mountain city thing love exploded, it shot me into the big forest of 3D things. (Seriously, the timber wolves are 3 dimensional. Look closely.) I managed to get here, where I divised a plan and got a job. That night, I met you and your friends. I've been avoiding you because, first, a kiss on the first meeting? Really? Second, you're an element of harmony. Three days ago, you fired a cannon at me. I do not act on my own whim. I am an officer first class of the changeling army infantry, and was under orders to capture you. But now, I'm not really feeling it. So I'm gonna take this gun, sit right here, and kill any sonavabitch who tries to take me first." I plopped my butt on the floor and cradled the gun in my hooves.
Pinkie looks at me.
And that's when I felt it.
Pinkie Pie, element of laughter, was in love with me, a changeling.
Woop-de-fucking-doo.
Author's Note
Fuck yeah.
Don't worry, a ton of short chapters is okay.
It gets released more often.
Flame shield UP! Also yeah, great escape.
So, to recap:
I now had a squad of changelings probably looking for the K.O.'d guard about to find me, a mare who, despite having the authority to scream and call the guards, etc., does not because she is in love with me, and a body to hide.
"Wait, that's a stupid plan. Do you know of any ways to get out and a few blocks away unnoticed?" Thinking about it, it's probably not too smart to take on a highly elite group of ruthless killing soldiers.
"Yeah, there's a back door." Pinkie Pie looked at me with a smile of understanding.
"Makes sense. Get your personal items and hide them on your person. We're going on a walk."
"Just act cool. I've cloaked our scent, so I'll go unnoticed, and if they do see us then they'll just see two ponies taking a walk. Do not look around or at them. Look forward on the street or at me. Now, we have to act as if we're a couple. But without drawing too much attention. Understand?" We were hiding behind a hay bale, and I was explaining the escape plan.
"Okie-dokie-lokie!" I couldn't just leave her with an unconscious body where a group of soldiers would meet and investigate the house. They would kill her. And she was sort of madly in love with me. I cannot exactly let her die.
We stepped out onto the street.
"Okay, we have to act obnoxiously couple-y. Look into my eyes and do something cheesy." She looked into my eyes did the first thing that came to her mind.
She kissed me.
It's like giving a pyromaniac a lighter and a tank of gas.
I went along with it.
"Okay, now do something else, less kissing. We're trying to get out of town, not make a foal."
She did the second thing that came to her mind.
She kissed me.
And I went along.
"Please stop doing that, it's very akwar-"
Kiss.
Playing along.
"Okay, are yo-"
Kiss.
Playing along.
Kiss.
Playing along.
Kiss.
"Stop it."
"But wouldn't we draw attention to ourselves?"
Kiss.
I kissed back, in a playful way.
Dammit.
Kiss.
Kiss back.
Kiss.
Kiss.
We sort of made it out of town just... Kissing. Not really doing anything else besides trotting down the street.
The kissing didn't stop.
"Okay, we're out of town, you can hold off-"
Kiss.
"Really, I don't think tha-"
Kiss.
"Okay, just stop." I put my hoof in front of my mouth. "That was acting, we had to leave, and we're safe now."
"That wasn't acting." Pinkie looked at me.
Bedroom eyes.
"CHRYSALISDAMMIT, MARE! I am a changeling, a war criminal, an enemy of Equestria, a fugitive from basically every country in the world, a murderer, and most likely the death of you. So, in The Hive's name, STOP KISSING ME!" A barrage of words shot from my mouth like gunfire.
"Mmm... Nah." She stole another peck on my lips.
"Okay... Okay... Okay... I don't know how to say this... I do not like you how you like me. Because I am a changeling, and you are essentially a minor deity of laughter." I decided to take a slower approach.
"So what?" I froze for a second.
"Wait... what?"
"Well, what does it matter that you nearly killed me? I forgive you! What does it matter that you're a changeling?"
"...What?"
"It doesn't matter who you were, but who you are. And you," she poked me on the heart, "are Stellar Shift, a pretty good baker and my neighbor. I can tell it's not just another identity. It's you."
"...You... I don't understand you. You love the enemy."
"Wrong. I love you."
Kiss.
Author's Note
Yeah, please please please give very descriptive feedback on why you like/dislike/think it's crap.
Please.
View Online
Explanation and pinkie sense. Never put them together.
"Team, your destination is Ponyville. Get the agents and get out of there. You'll know who they are. Move out."
So, working the counter at Sugarcube Corner on the weekends in the summer is basically being a bartender with ice cream. I mean, really, I've learned everypony's name, how to mix properly, rules for gentlecolty drinking games, and the fact that changelings have a strange attraction to orange sherbet. I've only been here 3 days!
Really!
...
I've been avoiding the elements like the rhino beetle plague. Especially the lip-happy pink one.
I suppose it's time to do a bit of explaining.
Basically, I don't know if the elements have some sort of magical changeling-sense, but I don't like them. They've got a bad smell. Magic. This whole town reeks of it, and it really puts a damper on my mood.
Speaking of moods, the ever-present pink one is just around the corner. Just do a little cloak... Aaaaand, she's gone down the hallway. Wait. She's coming back.
Another round.
Another.
What is going on in her head?
I tap in there.
Remember, no mind reading, but emotions and basic thoughts are game.
So...
Two sides...
One darker...
One dominant...
She fights it...
But it's her...
Bottled up...
"No, no, no! I can't! I've known him for two days and haven't seen him for that long." Shit! Was she talking to me? Crap, crap, crap... Just stay low.
"You know you do." Her face contorted into a grimace. "You don't want to believe it."
"Shut up!" Pinkie was back again. "He's normal, he's normal, he's cute, he's funny, he's ignoring me, oh god he's completely avoiding me!" More shit. She wasn't talking to me. She was talking about me.
I gingerly stepped past her. Her tail twitched as I passed.
"Shit." She cursed. (Damn! A pony cursed! Gritty story, bro, gritty story.) She turned and tackled me to the ground, breaking my concentration, and therefore my cloak.
The ceiling exploded too.
"Hi! What's up? Why have you been avoiding me? Please don't give am a half-flanked excuse like you've been busy with work, or that you just coincidentally never see the person who lives across the hall from you, okay? Okay."
"Wanna know why I've been avoiding you?" I was looking up at the hole. "That." I pointed at it. She turned to look at it.
It was a changeling holding a gun.