Banned From Equestria

I awoke to sunshine and the sound of intense gibberish below me. It initially alarmed me, because I lived alone, until I remembered what, and where, I was. I slowly walked, or trotted, rather, downstairs and saw the pink pony from yesterday. I tried my best to avoid getting into her line of sight, but suddenly she just appeared in front of me. “Hi Hi Hi! You’re that red pony I saw from yesterday! How’re you doin? My name is Pinkie Pie, oh but *giggle* I already told you that! What’s yo-“ she was cut off by the teal pony.

“Please Pinkie, leave him alone. He’s had a rough night.” I raised my eyebrows at this remark. As far as I could remember I slept just fine. “What do you mean?” I asked her, cautiously.

“Well, I don’t know. Around 10 o’ clock I just heard you screaming out. When I came to check on you, you had fallen outta’ your bed, still asleep. When I got real close to you, I heard you whispering intensely about something…I could only make out one word; explosion.” I told her I recalled none of this, and that caused her to shrug it off as well. “Yeah, I suppose it could’ve been just a weird dream of mine…” she motioned towards her head and made a circling motion with her hooves, smiling, “…I do have weird dreams. After all, even Mr. Cake didn’t hear you.” I thanked her for her hospitality, and she informed me I could come over to bunk there any night if I had nowhere else to go. Again, I thanked her, and exited the bakery. Before I opened the door, I looked back at the pink pony. For some reason, she had the ability to make those burst out in Laughter around her. I chuckled to myself as I saw her entertaining some customers, and then stepped out into the crisp, warm sunlight. I was almost immediately knocked over by a rainbow flash. I rolled about 20 feet before finally stopping, with this cyan pony laying below me. I stood over her and she looked at me, her face getting extremely red. I stood there, not understanding her embarrassment. “What’s wrong?” I asked, tilting my head a little as I asked.

“Could you…get off of me?” She asked, angrily. I simply shrugged and got off of her, and then sat down about two feet away. She got up, brushed herself off and proceeded to hover in front of me. “So, who are you?” I asked her.

“Me? I’m Rainbow Dash!” She pumped her hooves into the air, and at that moment I got the feeling this one was a bit narcissistic. “…But surely, you must’ve heard of me!” she pointed her hoof at me.

“I can’t say the name sounds familiar. And don’t call me Shir-“

I didn't get to finish my joke, as she said “What?! Never heard of me?! I’m gonna be famous someday, because I’m gonna fly for the Wonder Bolts, I’m gonna-“ I interrupted her by asking who in God’s name the Wonder Bolts were. She simply stared at me, her jaw dropped incredibly low “I- How…How do you not know who the Wonder Bolts are?! And who the hay is God?!” she demanded loudly, a crowd starting to gather.

Realizing I really needed to stop mixing both my Earth culture and the ponies culture together, I managed to stammer “Uh…I mean…the deity here…the one you, uh, worship? Or the one that rules over you? I’m err…new in town…” I said, looking down at the ground.

Just a few seconds ago, she was the embarrassed one, but now she reversed that role. “Yeah. That’s Princess Celestia. She’s awesome, alright?!” Suddenly she came face-to-face with me, pushed me back with her hoof and demanded “Just where do you come from!? No one insults the Princess and gets away with it!!” I began to back away, the feeling of her being narcissism being replaced by the feeling of either extreme Loyalty, or just plain aggressiveness.

“Um, I uh…” I couldn't find any words to save myself, and I kept staring at the ever growing crowd and Rainbow Dash, fearing for my life and dignity.

She suddenly, and randomly, broke out into intense laughter and said “Hooo boy! I got you good! You shoulda seen the look on your face! You were all like ‘Oh no Rainbow Dash, please don’t hurt me!’”. Any red that was still on my face changed from embarrassment to anger. “I-You…” I managed to say. The crowd had broken into laughter too and had slowly broken apart. Once I realize the silliness of the situation, I managed to produce a chuckle, saying “Yeah…you did get me good.” She playfully hit me on the shoulder and said, “So, what’s your name?”

“My name? Oh, it’s-“

Oh, shoot! Sorry, but I got an auditioning for the Wonder Bolts! Catch you later!” And with that, she zoomed off, a rainbow trailing her flight pattern.

I stared in awe, saying “That’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

A sneer was sounded from behind me, saying “Oh, puh-lease, if you would like to see something beautiful, deary, then why don’t you come on over to my boutique?” an extravagantly dressed white pony said, trotting up alongside me. I knew this one. When I was on Earth, forum boards on 4chan would refer to her as “Marshmallow”. I smiled at the memory, and she must’ve mistaken that as some form of acknowledgement. “I see I've piqued your interest. Here…” she handed me a coupon of some sort, “Use this and you’re eligible for one free purchase! My name is Rarity, by the way.”

I stared in awe, saying “Th-That’s very nice of you to offer, Mar- I mean…Rarity.” She simply winked at me and then trotted away.

“…Marshmallow” I whispered, breaking out into ecstatic laughter as soon as I did. I decided to just lay there on the ground for some time, laughing in random spurts. I think, at that point, I had realized that this truly wasn't a dream, and that I really was in this land of ponies. I just didn't know how to get out, or if I even could. One thing was for sure, though; this place was a thousand times over better than Earth.