Chapters If there was one thing Psi the dragon noticed about that clear, crisp night, it was the amount of the stars in the sky and the beautiful colors that created what seemed like seas of souls. Out there, is this little one's spirit, waiting for it's chance, she thought as she laid there, curled up around her single egg. I did it. I'm going to be a mother. This... is the happiest I have ever felt. She nuzzled the egg with her hot, scaly face. “I know I don't know who you are yet, but I promise I'll love and cherish you for as long as time lasts, little one...” she said out loud to the egg. I won't be like the others... I'll love you and be there for you as long as I'm alive. I love you, egg... she thought as she drifted off the sleep.
Psi saw the change in light even through her thick eyelids. She had to be extra aware in case someone wanted to take her egg, whatever crazy reason that might be. Regardless, she was always hyper-alert, even when asleep.
“Oh, little one, Momma has to go out for food. Don't worry though, I'll hide you to make sure nodragon or pony takes you.” She smiled as she moved the egg with her front claws over to a small hole that she had dug.
When the came back, it past noon. She walked over to the rock when she had hid the egg and moved it with her nose. There was only one problem: It wasn't there. “My baby! Where is my baby! No! No no no no no! No!” Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes as she realized what had happened. “Somedragon took my baby! No! No! No!” She roared as tears streamed down her hard cheeks. She swiped every loose rock in the room with hope that this was simply a mistake.
She swiped and swiped and swiped and... found exactly what she was looking for. “Oh my! Egg! Noone took you! I'm so thankful, I'm not sure what I would have done without you.” She made a big smile. “I'm so sorry, I forgot... “ She looked down at the ground. “How could I have done that?! I'm so stupid!” She blinked with her transparent eyelids, looking down the the egg, with only a small smile left. “I'm sorry, I'll never do it again. Next time I'll remember, I promise.”
For the rest of the day, Psi laid next to her sole egg. She began to think out loud. “All the other dragons get multiple eggs, I've even heard of a dragon having ten eggs! But that's what makes you, egg, so special. I won't abandon you, egg, I promise. I swear on my life that I won't leave you alone like the other dragon's mothers do. If something were to happen to you, I'd search every last corner until the I had reached the end of Equestria, and then, if I didn't find you, I'd search till the ends of the planet! You mean so much to me, egg.” She drifted off to a restless night's sleep.
Psi walked down by the bay, saying something uncomprehensible. She kicked a stone into the water. The sky was gray, and she was scared. She saw something over the water, chasing her. It was getting closer to her. She tried to scream, but all she could do was open her mouth. The object didn't see her though, and went past her onto the village surrounded by mountains. She ran, back to a cave like her own, and when she got back, the saw the thing. It looked like a train. It changed, but she understood why. The changed thing went over to her egg. She ran, and ran, and tried to scream, but no sound came out once again. Her egg. It was getting closer to her egg. Her chest hurt from trying to breathe a scream.
Psi woke up, screaming in a high pitched tone foreign to most dragons. Her chest hurt in the real world too. She looked down at her egg, which was still safe. “Oh my, it was just a dream. I...” She sighed. “If there is somedragon or pony or thing that cares for the world, thank you. Thank you. I... I... I'm so happy. My egg: it's safe.”
Psi looked out her cave entrance, again at the night sky she had seen before all her life. Tonight, for the first time, she noticed the way some of the stars could make shapes if you drew imaginary lines between them. A long time ago, when she was hatchling, she knew a little colt. They would play together, and one night, the colt invited her, a dragon, to the local comet viewing. Psi knew it was a bad idea to be around ponies; after all, the colt was the only pony that wouldn't run away from her in the forest. Psi never asked why, now that she came to think of it. She ended up going to the comet viewing, against better judgment, and, surprisingly, nopony seemed to mind at all. She was happy about this, being a dragon, and knowing that her kind was feared by ponies. As the colt and Psi laid on a blanket that another pony had lended them, the colt told Psi about how the stars made little pictures in the sky. He told her about the stories of brave pony warriors who heroically slayed the evil kings of old. She remembered how all the other adults cooed and made d'aw sounds as they heard the colt tell her the stories—the stories to which she exclaimed “Wow!” many times. At the time though, she could never see the pictures.
But, on this night, she could. It was beautiful. She saw the pictures, and even remembered a few of the... What did he call them? Constant stations? Ah! It doesn't matter, she smiled as she recalled the fond memories.
She looked down at her egg again, scrutinizing it with the moons glint.
She looked up back out of the cave as she heard the howling of wolves. “Don't worry, egg, I won't let those ruffians get you.”
A month passed and Psi was still protecting her egg with all her devotion. She had a funny thought in the back of her mind in which she hoped the little one would grow strong enough to break free of their mother's grip: Psi never wanted to let the little dragon go.
It was with great caution every few days that she would leave her cave for food. Whenever she did, she would hide her egg under the same rock every time, just so she wouldn't have another situation.
On one fateful morning, Psi went out as usual. On this day, there happened to be two quite crafty figures watching her cave from afar; they were the dirtiest of the dirty as far as she was concerned: poachers.
A griffon, named Hygon and a changleling, named Mrythis, were posted in a bush just bellow the the cave entrance.
“Hey, when is the old hag leavin' you think?” Hygon asked his partner.
“I'm not sure. Soon, I hope. I'd hate to be waiting here another day. She better have something good if she protects her cave like that,” she replied.
“It don't matter. Anything from a dragon is sure to do nice on the market,” Hygon said.
“You have that right. A nice scale collection or some eggs would be a nice sale to the castle.”
They waited and waited until finally they saw that the dragon had left her perch. Without words, they took their que and flew up the base of the mountain, hugging the cliff as to have less chance of being seen. When they got inside the cave, they noticed something peculiar: “There ain't no loot! What kinda dragon don't got loot!”
“I'm sure that she's just hiding it. Whatever it is it'll be extra nice, I bet. Let's move some of the rocks around. She probably hid under one of the rocks so we wouldn't find it.”
“Ha! Idiot!” Hygon exclaimed.
The duo got to work moving the rocks in the cave. Most of the stones were not very sizable so it was fairly easy to move them about the cave.
Hygon found the first poach. “I got an egg. I'll fly it back down, Mry.” Hygon flew the single egg down to his and Mry's post, then flew back to the cave.
After moving all the rocks, it was obvious that they were not going to find anything else. “Why does the old hag only got one egg? What was she doin', eatin' 'em?”
“It seems that way, I suppose. Hey, if you look at it that way, we're doing this thing justice,” she nodded over to the egg as she was talking. They both chuckled.
“Our pockets are getting some due justice, if you ask me. An egg goes big, even if it is just one,” Hygon replied.
“Anyway, let's get out of here,” Mrythis suggested.
The two left and proceeded down the mountain. Hygon grabbed the egg in his claws and they started walking down the path they had marked.
Meanwhile, Psi was flying back to her cave. I hope the egg is okay! she thought worriedly.
When she got back to her cave, her worst fears had been realized: her egg, her sole egg, was gone. The rocks in the cave had been turned and moved and she saw hoof and talon prints.
How, though, could this be happening to her? She, unlike the other dragons, cared for her egg. She loved it. She wanted to be a mother. She wanted to pass on the kindness that others had showed her. She wanted a child. This egg, this single egg, the only egg she could produce, her salvation, was gone.
When, It seemed that fate had given her her one wish, fate also ripped the dream from her grasp.
“Why! Why! It's not fair! It's not fair! Why me?! Why?! Why?! Why?! All I wanted... was... to be—“she was now crying, a rare sight for any dragon”—a mother! Why?! Why me?! I can't have anything! This isn't fair! I thought... that... for once, I could have something... but I was wrong!” She laid on her belly in the dirt, her tears turning the ground to mud. “This... this is my fault! I hate myself! If I would have stayed with the egg, I would have saved it!” Her voice was shaky. “I hate myself!”
It was a long, self loathing session of tears, but eventually Psi collected herself to devise a plan to get her baby back: she would search to the ends of Equestria, just as she had told her egg she would.
Psi had been searching for almost three days straight this time, constantly scanning with eye, nose, and ears for any sign of her egg whatsoever. She needed to keep an eye open just in case her egg was traveling, too. On this occasion, she was flying from Coltsboro to Fillydelphia, the longest journey she had taken yet. She flew over the dense forest, which eventually turned into a prairie. She would stop at every major city for a few days to commission ponies to search for her.
It had been over a month since Psi had gone looking for her egg. It wouldn't hatch for another year at most, so she had until then to find the egg, else she would probably never find her kin.
Psi wasn't stupid: she looked in places that made sense: black market hubs, odd shops, etc. She knew that whoever stole her egg wasn't going to try and eat it—no, it would be sold to a wealthy stallion for a great sum of money as some sort of trophy. The pony would kill the dragon inside, to make sure it never hatches.
It truly disgusted Psi that ponies could take the eggs of dragons, fertilized or not, and trade it like an item, knowing the being inside was just as intelligent as themselves. She knew that most dragons didn't care for their young, but that did not excuse this behavior. She also understood that there should not be a double standard, either. Dragons who kept ponies as pets sickened her as well, and if any of her pony friends were held up by dragons, she would try just as hard to get them back.
Regardless, finding her egg was not as trivial as it may sound; she was a dragon after all, and employing ponies to go into shady areas and look for an egg was a difficult task in itself. Not to mention the fact that there were very many illegal markets around Equestria.
She, of course, could ask ponies who already knew her, which she did, but they had lives of their own, and Psi could not expect them to drop everything for her to follow her around Equestria.
And all this was assuming that her precious egg was even in Equestria.
The chance that her egg wasn't in Equestria was beyond her concern. She needed to sift through her first needle stack before she could consider leaving to look in foreign markets, but her chances of getting to do that were quite slim. Equestria was one of the largest countries in the world, after all.
Okay, I need to find a few ponies to help me, or even a changeling, if I'm really lucky, she thought as she flew toward Fillydelphia, one of the oldest cities in Equestria. It didn't have nearly as many tall buildings as Manehattan, but it was still a sight to behold, if only for it's very confusing layout of oddly angled streets and beautiful, intricately designed, buildings.
When she finally landed, it was in a hollow high in a plains area cliff. This is nice; it's very close to the road, she thought. In the middle of the field, there was a rather steep, seemingly random hill that separated the higher area from the lower area and spanned to just before the horizon, with small, rocky, cliffs in some areas. The path went along side the hill, making camping in a hollow quite convenient.
In the distance, the sun was setting over the city, making silhouettes of the buildings, making a lovely cityscape Psi had not not yet seen before.
After she had gotten settled into her temporary residence, she went out hunting before dark.
The next morning, Psi got up a little later than she would have liked to, getting a good night's rest instead. It wasn't long past dawn, so Psi didn't kick herself too much.
She sat down, next to the road, waiting to ask anypony that happened to pass by. Okay Psi, don't threaten anypony, it's not their fault.
It was only ten minutes before a pony came around the corner. “Mam, could yo-” before she could finish, the frightened beige coated, yellow maned, pony was dashing off in the direction she came, shouting “Dragon! Dragon!”.
“No! Please!” Psi called back to the mare; it was no use, she did not stop.
On the fifth pony that came past, Psi again asked, “Sir... could you do something for m-” Psi realized the stallion was completely paralyzed in fear. “Sir.... Please....” The stallion said nothing. “Please!” Psi yelled. “Just say something at least! Please!” Psi couldn't take it anymore. After being stoic and relentless for over a month, she wanted to be done. She wanted to let it all out, although in front of another was not the time she preferred to do it.
Psi tear ducts burst finally. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes and built up enough to stream down her scaly face. She was done bottling her emotions. She didn't want to be done, but she was. She was done being stoic, at least for the moment. It was almost comical to Psi when she thought about it later, as dragon tears were actually thought to have some mystical abilities, but Psi could tell anyone otherwise: all her's brought her were pain and embarrassment.
“Please, Sir...” she mumbled with her snout stuck into the dirt. “Please...” Psi had no grasp. She was sure the pony was gone at this point—which she would have preferred to be the case—so she was just talking to herself at this point.
Psi wallowed more in her sorrow before her train of thought brought her back to the memories of her egg and a new wave of sadness rushed over her. She wanted to be a mother. She almost questioned her search, thinking that she could just take another's egg, and raise it as her own. She quickly pushed away these thoughts. She couldn't just steal somedragon's egg like they stole hers. It was not right. She cried to herself louder, unable to cope.
Meanwhile, the stallion was broken from his fear-trance and was now staring at the sulking dragon in wonderment. Dragons can.... cry? They... have feelings? What? I mean, I guess it makes sense, come to think of it, but I always thought that they were just... beasts, he thought, bemused. “Uhm... m...”
Psi continued being sad, not even realizing that the other pony was talking to her.
The stallion said nothing, but eventually piped up again, doubting his own sanity for trying to ask a dragon what they were crying about, “Uhm.”
The redish-pink dragon took notice of the pony and looked up with watery eyes, not saying anything. To the pony, it looked as if Psi was giving him puppy eyes, if that was even possible for a giant lizard.
What the stallion was about to say went against intuition, popular philosophy, and everything his mother had told him: “You said... that... you needed help?”
Psi's eyes brightened slightly. “Y-yes! C-Can you?”
The pony responded, not knowing what he was getting himself into, “I... I don't know. I guess I can try.”
Psi swooped at the pony with her paws to pull him into a hug, to which the stallion felt very uncomfortable about.
Psi let go of the pony and said with sad eyes, “My egg... it was stolen from me by looters and I think it's somewhere on the black market.... It a long shot, but... it's the only thing I have. I... I... need you to go into the hubs in Fillydelphia and look for it.... I know it's a lot to ask so you don't have to....” Her brows leaned slightly outward as she said this.
“I... I will try.”
“Thank you! I'm sorry if I guilt tripped you, please forgive me. I've just been looking for so long and I just... I... couldn't take it anymore... I swear I didn't want to do it with another watching...”
“H-hey, don't feel bad. I understand that it's probably really hard for you. It's okay, serious.”
Psi made a small smile. “Thank you. You don't understand how much this means to me. Thank you.”
The pony trotted off after getting instructions on where the underground shops were and what her egg looked like. It did not matter though. The pony never wanted anything to do with dragons. I'm going to forget that ever happened, he thought as he trotted off towards the city. To think, a dragon had asked him to look for her egg. It was like having a bird ask where it's favorite necklace was: it just didn't happen. Had Celestia cast a spell that made dragons caring all of the sudden?
Psi was pleased that she had found somepony to look for her. But she could not stop there. She needed more, and so, she waited.
In a small rural house, a unicorn was becoming restless of her farm life. Her name was Morning Dew, and she had an orange coat, with a simple yellow mane. She needed more than what her parents had, her being a unicorn, and her parents being earth ponies. She couldn't go on like this.
Dew, being a unicorn from a long line of earth pony farmers, was always weaker than the other earth pony fillies, and, on top of that, she knew absolutely no magic except for a simple light spell she had managed to figure out on her own because of her parents financial troubles and because of how far away she lived from the nearest city. Dew was absolutely miserable. She hadn't found her cutie mark and was turning nineteen soon! Her parents never showed disappointment or resent—or any negative emotions toward their useless daughter—but it was painfully obvious to Dew that they wanted an earth pony daughter or son, rather than a unicorn like herself. She sometimes wished she was an earth pony, just so she could fit in.
When she went to school, she was teased almost everyday. There was only one other non-earth pony in her class, the other being a pegasus. She found a friend in the pegasus, but she eventually had to move away back to Cloudsdale. That was one of the most devastating things in Dew's life. Just when she had found contentness and true acceptance, it was ripper away from her.
On this day, Dew found herself, as she did many times, silently crying as she starred out the window watching her parents work. She absolutely hated being useless. It was less obvious earlier in her life, as most foals can't honestly do anything to help, but now, she felt like a foal, when she obviously wasn't. Maybe it actually wasn't that obvious, actually. She didn't have a cutie mark and knew no magic. On top of that, her room décor hadn't changed since she was five. This is wrong. Why couldn't have I been normal? Why can't I help them? Why can't I get my cutie mark? This is unfair! she thought angrily to herself.
Still, to call herself useless was an overstatement. She milked the cows and tended to some of the animals. She knew this, but she also knew that she had to leave her parents to do the hard jobs like plowing and harvesting.
When the sun began to set, she saw her parents stopping their work for the day to eat dinner and wash up before bed.
Dew collected herself. She left her room to greet her parents as they came in. “Hey, mom.”
“Hey, sweetie. Did ya' sleep well?”
“Y-yes.” I hate it. While they are out there, all I can do is sleep! Dew looked down at her hooves.
“Hey, sweetie. Don't be down, now. We all know ya' can't help being who you are. It's okay. Okay? Please, sweetie.”
Mom treats me like a foal still! I can't do anything! I'm useless! Dew walked off to her room.
“Wait, honey,” her father called out to her.
“Please.... I... I just... I can't cook tonight, I'm sorry. I have a lot on my mind, and I need to think...” she said as she walked off to her room. She shut the door, tears growing in the corners of her eyes, ready to leave the nest at any time. She wiped them away before they could fall, and sat on her bed with her face in the pillow, and groaned. “I'm sooo useless! Why can't I just be normal?” she mumbled.
It was almost half an hour after she had heard dinner was done before Dew finally decided to leave her room. She sat down at the dinner table, which was a small, humble, wooden circle. Her mother spoke, “Hey, sweetie, we got dinner.” Dew's mother smiled.
Dew said monotonely, “Thanks....” She sat down at the table and chewed slowly after she clumsily picked up the fork and brought it to her mouth with her hooves. The meal consisted of simple peas and potatoes, something her parents knew she liked. Dew didn't want her parents to do anything for her, yet she had asked them to cook dinner. She was digging a hole around herself every time she left her parents to do the work; Dew knew this very well, but also couldn't get over the aching feeling she felt when she was around her parents. To her, there was a constant tension between them and her, though she could not tell what it was about. Yet, at the same time, she knew her parents loved her. She felt so conflicted—not to mention that her poor decision making skills: they were not helping her at all.
“Honey, I know ya think that y'ur useless but y'ur not,” her father tried reassuring her.
Dew said nothing.
“Sweetie,” her mother said, “Don't feel bad, please?”
Dew still remained silent. She then spoke after a seemingly long pause, not looking up from her food. “Then... what am I good at?”
“Sweetie, we don't know. Ya just got to find that out for y'ur self. I'm sorry.”
“Yeah, honey. Y'u'll know someday, promise.”
“I thought you'd say that,” she paused for a second. “No, I knew you would say that,” Dew said with a sigh.
Dew never looked up from her plate once after the start of the meal. She couldn't bare to see her parents gazes. To her, it looked like the faces they made to a foal, trying to reassure it that thunder was nothing to be scared of. She hated it. She wanted to be done with this way of life, but what could she do? Another miracle was not due anytime soon.
Dew finished her evening meal and went into her very filly-like room, shutting the door behind her. I don't belong here, she thought. I... I need... I don't know... she thought as tears formed in her eyes. I need... she thought to herself again. “I need...” she said out loud, tears streaming down her face. She put her hooves over her eyes and sobbed. She hated this. She hated being sad. She hated being weak, Yet, when she cried over her woes, it made her feel those ways. It was a viscous loop. “What do I need?! What?! Why can't I just be shown?! Why can't someone just show me?! Why do I have to be weak?!”
After yet another self loathing session, she laid in her frilly bed, staring out across her room at her desk. On it laid a few scraps of paper. “I need...” she mumbled again. “I need... to... to...” She never finished her sentence. She didn't want to think about what she needed anymore. It hurt. It hurt because she didn't know the answer. It hurt because she might be afraid of the answer. It hurt because of what her parents thought. She felt the insatiable yearning to know, to understand, to be. It was the same feeling that she felt time and time again. She didn't understand what she needed or wanted. It was like solving a maze blindfolded.
She cried herself to sleep that night, just as she did many other nights.
When she woke up in the morning, the fur on her face felt crusty from the dried tears. The sun was just on the horizon, making the spotty clouds a luscious shade of orange. She knew her parents were either getting up or had just gotten up, so she opened up the door to the hallway outside her room. The hallway had portraits of various family members, dating back thirteen generations. In one of the portraits, one could find that one of Dew's ancestors on her father's side was a unicorn. Still, she was not related to this pony by blood, and it had no correlation with her birth. She was just... an accident.
She walked past her parents bedroom, and heard that they were just getting ready for the day. You would think that I would get up earlier with all the naps I have, she thought, annoyed at noone in particular. She made her way to the dim kitchen and began to boil some coffee on the wood oven for her parents. She didn't drink coffee herself.
She went over to the baking supplies cabinet and pulled out some pancake mix she had prepared some time ago. She eyeballed some milk and poured it with the mix into a small ceramic bowl. Dew then started another burner, and placed a pan on it with her mouth. She poured the mixed mix into the pan along with some lard and listened to it sizzle. When the top was bubbling, she flipped the pancake. When the other side was done, she put the pancake on a plate by the stove. She did this five more times, making sure that the pancakes were perfect. It's not like she had anything else to do.
Her parents waited at the table, expectantly. She sat down at the table with them, and ate. Her father got three cakes, while her mother received two, and her just one. Her parents made small talk about what needed to be done around the farm that day, to which Dew nodded.
She finished breakfast, and went outside to feed the chickens. It was a simple task, and Dew soon found herself in her room again, on her back, starring at the ceiling.
She needed a way out of this. But how? What could she really do? How could she escape? I could leave. She actually smiled at the idea in laughter. Then she thought about it more, realizing that, it had potential. What started as a simple joke idea soon found it's way into being a goal, then a plan.
Of course, this was not the first time Dew had thought about leaving. She would think about it, every once and a while, never putting much thought into it.
She had to answer some questions, after all. Where would she go? What would she do? How would she make money?
But now, she started to work out possible answers for these questions. She knew where she would go. That, in Dew's mind, was the most important question. The others, as she saw it, would answer themselves when she go to her destination.
She knew where she would go: Fillydelphia.
She needed to tell her parents, though. If she didn't, they would worry, and she did not want that.
When dinner time came around, she prepared another simple meal, one of carrots and lettuce. It was plain, but they all ate it nonetheless.
Dew eventually found the courage to bring up her ambitions. “Hey...”
“Yeah, sweetie?” her mother replied.
“I... I... I want to leave.”
Both her parents were silent. They didn't know what to say. They obviously knew that their daughter wasn't content. They saw it, and it pained them. But how were they just supposed to let their defenseless daughter go out in the world on her own. There was one thing that Dew was right about, at least: her parents still looked at her as a filly. To them, she was just a foal, without a cutie mark. They knew, in a way, it was their fault. Dew had nothing to learn magic from, making her just like a weak earth pony.
And now, Dew wanted to leave. How could they let their little filly wonder around like that?
“Honey, I... don't know about that...”
“Yeah, sweetie, I don't think you should.”
Dew replied, struck down, left without will to push the matter, at least at the moment, “O-Okay...”
Nopony spoke after Dew's revelation, leaving the dinner in an tense and awkward silence. Finally, Dew was done. She went back to her room to sulk in her defeat.
Shutting the door behind her, she leaned against it. Tear droplets formed in the corner of her eyes. It was too much. Why couldn't her parents just let her go? Why couldn't she leave?
She had an epiphany.
Nothing is keeping me here! “I... I'm just going to go! I need to leave!” I need to get out of here, I need to find my place in the world! So what if it's scary?! I'm no better staying here! It's pointless. I'll tell my parents tomorrow! No! I can't tell them! I'll leave, before they wake up. I'll do it. I need to get out of here! I don't want to die a little scared filly who doesn't know anything, much less her own special talent!
Dew did just as she said: she left in the morning, long before the sun came up, as to beat her parents. She took with her a small travel bag containing two cans of green beans her mother had canned, and a small canister of water.
She had no doubts in her mind. She wanted this. She wanted to know who she was and what she was meant to be. She wanted to find the universe's reason for giving a unicorn to two earth ponies. There was meaning in the chaos, and she was going to find it. She had to find it, for her parent's sake.
That morning, Dew left, into the rising sun. She would walk for eternity if it meant being free of this life—this wasteful, sad life. She had to.
Her goal was Fillydelphia. It was almost two days travel, and that was if she ran—which she wasn't very good at doing.
But she would make it.
She had to.
For her parents.
For herself.
