When one thinks of the mare known as Rainbow Dash, there are many words that come to mind. Loyal, brash, confident, overconfident even, blunt. But there are also words that people might never even consider, most notably fear and nervousness. Now of course, Rainbow had experienced such times at many points in her life, usually when trying to put on a performance or attempting to put on some kind of outward image to others. But today was different. Today, there was another fear she had to contend with. A fear she never thought she would have to face.
Fear of the truth.
For she knew something very important about herself, and knew that it had to be said to somepony very dear to her. And so, she waited, here on the ground beneath her cloud house. Waited for the one she knew would be coming here soon. There was no joy in her face, no eagerness, no confidence, none of the things ponies usually expected to see in her. Instead, there was just silence and nerves. As she marked the moments, eventually her waiting yielded fruit, as she began to make out a figure in the distance approaching her. Letting out a sigh, she got to all four hooves and began walking towards him.
The figure was none other than Spike, a young drake who, for several years now, had been her mate. And not only hers, but also her friends' as well. Spike's dragon nature had created this "herd" situation for them some time ago, and while none of them would have considered such a relationship prior to that, every one of them had come to accept the situation, and even be happy about it. And even though she knew she loved this dragon with all her heart, that knowledge just made the task ahead all the more difficult for Rainbow.
After having waited as long as she did, she forced a smile as her mate approached, looking upon her with great affection. Although small for his age, he was nevertheless larger than any pony, at least two or three lengths of the size of most stallions, and almost twice as tall. Before she could say or do anything however, Spike craned his long neck forward, and thus began nuzzling her head affectionately. Although there was once a time when such outward affection would not have been something she was comfortable with, Rainbow had mellowed out considerably during her later years, and so now returned the gesture, even affording herself a genuine smile over it.
"How has your day gone, Rainbow? Weather patrol going well I hope?"
His tone was one of caring, and it was a sentiment she appreciated a great deal. Her tone, when she finally answered him, was more hurried and concerned.
"Um...yeah. It's fine."
Spike pulled away from her and looked upon his mate with a raised eyebrow. He'd known her long enough to realise when something was bothering her, and this was most definitely one of those times.
"Dash? What is it?"
The mare looked away from him, unable to look him in the eye over this.
"Spike...I need to talk to you about something."
The young dragon tilted his head slightly at that.
"Um...okay?"
Rainbow sighed before starting.
"Do...do you know what happens when I go into heat? Where I normally go?"
Spike nodded at that before answering.
"Sure. You're always called away somewhere, like Cloudsdale when the pegasi there need you to help teach fillies and colts to fly."
Rainbow nodded at that before speaking, keeping her gaze away from her mate.
"Yeah...but...there's more to it than that. Those times aren't chosen by them. They're chosen...by me."
Spike raised an eyebrow at that showing a clear confusion.
"But you always said it was them who called you on those days."
It was here that Rainbow looked at him, her expression a clear one of shame.
"I know! But...I lied. I chose those dates to go away from you because they were my heat weeks. I didn't want us together on those days."
Spike looked at her, and his expression of confusion made it clear that he was having a hard time understanding why she would be so concerned about all this. His next words attested to that.
"If this is about you not wanting to get pregnant, you could have told me. We already talked about how you don't feel you're ready for it. I told you a long time ago that I was fine with that."
Rainbow's expression was becoming more pained, though Spike could not figure out why. As she spoke again, he noticed that her voice was beginning to wobble a bit.
"I know all that! But...there's something else. Something I never told you. Something I didn't WANT to tell you!"
Spike listened as he could hear the clear distress in his mate's voice. Taking a step forward, he gently placed a claw on her shoulder, trying desperately to calm her down from whatever it was that she was feeling.
"Rainbow...whatever it is, you can tell me."
The pegasus mare looked down at the ground, and for a moment, there was nothing but silence between her and Spike. Eventually, after a few deep breaths, she began to speak.
"I...I can't."
Spike tilted his head, showing that he did not understand what she meant. Letting out another sigh, Rainbow continued.
"Foals...I can't have them."
The silence returned with a vengeance as Spike stared at his mate, mouth agape at what he'd just heard. It was as much of a shock to him as Rainbow was afraid it might be, and so she kept her gaze off him. Spike, still silent, was clearly struggling with the sheer enormity of what Rainbow had just told him, though there was no longer any doubt in his mind as to why she'd been so nervous about telling him. Eventually though, he finally broke that silence.
"But...what do you mean you can't have them? Says who?"
Only now did Rainbow look up at him, right into his eyes, before starting to explain.
"Do you remember what Twilight said me and the others should do after we first got together with you?"
Spike nodded.
"Yeah. She wanted you all to have medical examinations, to make sure you were all okay."
Rainbow nodded in confirmation of that. Although neither she or anypony else felt the need for it, they'd still gone ahead with Twilight’s plan. After all, this was, as far as they knew, the first time in living memory that a dragon had mated with ponies. They needed to make sure that there had been no damage or ill effects from that act. Even so, Rainbow looked away once more.
"It was during that examination that the doctors found out. I didn't really understand all the mumbo-jumbo medical stuff they said...but the bottom line is that...I can't have children."
Spike looked at her, and utterly hated the fact that she was looking so depressed, even though he knew she had every right to be. A thought suddenly occurred to him and his eyes opened wide with shock as he stepped forward.
"Rainbow...did I...?"
The pegasus turned to him and knew immediately what he was thinking. In response to this, she shook her head frantically.
"No! Don't worry, it wasn't anything you did, According to the doc, this was something I've had for a long time now, maybe even my whole life."
Then, much to Spike's shock, she began to laugh.
"But hey, you know what? I'm fine with it. Really! I know I never really wanted kids or anything, so being told I can never have them to begin with is, you know, fine. I'm fine!"
Spike looked at her, knowing full well that what she'd just said to him was something to make her appear happier than she was. She didn't want him to think she was upset or hurt by this. The young drake didn't know what to say. What COULD he say? He hated seeing her, or any of the mares he loved, be this down on themselves. He didn't know what to do or how to proceed. But then, his train of thought was interrupted by Rainbow, who began to move away from him, her face still bearing a look of sadness.
"I just wanted you to know. I'm...I'm sorry."
It was here that something snapped in Spike. For in that moment, all of the doubt and wonderings vanished, and he knew immediately what he needed to do. So, he took a step forward and placed his claw on her shoulder, gaining her immediate attention. The rainbow-maned pegasus looked up at him, and Spike could see that tears had begun to develop in her eyes. Letting out a sigh, he spoke to her.
"Rainbow, you don't ever, EVER think that need to say you're sorry about this! I can't ever say that I'll know what this is like for you, but if you let me know, I can help you."
In stark contrast to how he felt she might react, Rainbow looked up at him with a look of anger, her eyes still welling up.
"There's nothing to help, Spike. I can't give you children. That's the end of it. It doesn't matter how many times we try...it's just not going to happen for us!"
it was in this moment that understanding dawned on Spike, as he began to realise exactly what Rainbow had been trying to say to him this whole time.
"You...did you think I would love you less because of this?"
Rainbow looked away, almost ashamed at his words.
"I've seen the way you look when you're with the other kids. Aside from Twilight, every mare you're with has given you sons and daughters. When you're with them, you're happier than I've ever known you to be. But me? I can't ever give you that."
Spike stared at her, and for a moment there was hesitancy, as if the doubts of how best to go on was about to return. But those doubts disappeared almost immediately as he brought his head down to nuzzle hers, much to Rainbow's shock.
"Rainbow...it's true that getting together with all of you was driven by my instincts, a deep-rooted need to find mates. And yes, I am truly happy when I'm with the children. But knowing that does not ever make me appreciate or love you less. You are just as important to me as Twilight, or Fluttershy, or any of them. Don't you ever think otherwise."
The cyan mare didn't know what to say, and instead opted to do something she'd been building up to for quite some time now. She cried. The larger male held her close, taking on every tear that fell onto his shoulders, hearing her weep, but never letting her go. Rainbow though was letting out tears not of sadness or devastation, but of happiness. She had so feared that Spike, the drake she had grown to love, might think less of her because of this, and now, those doubts had been swept aside.
It took a while, but the two mates broke apart from one another, Rainbow's eyes still raw from her crying.
"I haven't cried that much since I was a kid."
The two shared a chuckle at that before the mare spoke again.
"And...you're sure you're fine with this. I mean, I know I never really cared all that much about having kids, but..."
But she was stopped from speaking further by a raised claw from Spike.
"No buts. If having no children was something you'd already chosen for yourself. Then that's all I need to hear."
Rainbow smiled at him and began to partially fly upwards, just high enough to bump noses with him in an affectionate manner. Once she was back on the ground though, Spike spoke to her yet again.
"Besides, it's not as though you'll never know what being a mother is like. Posey, Bouncer, Appleseed and all the rest of them, they look up to you. They call you "mother" just as much as they do to the mares who gave birth to them."
The mare looked away, a small blush appearing on her cheeks.
"Yeah...they're good kids. I just...I guess I was expecting all this to turn out bad between us."
Spike raised an eyebrow at that.
"If the day ever comes when I even think about disregarding you or the others because of something like this, you have my full permission to buck me as hard as you can."
Rainbow chuckled at that.
"I'll hold you to that, big guy."
And so, the two lovers moved in closer to each other, and embraced each other warmly. When this day had begun, Rainbow had been gripped with fear, wondering if the relationship she cherished so much would be poisoned by what she knew about herself. Now, she felt as though she couldn't be happier. He still loved her, and she knew that when Spike said that, he meant it. So, letting out a sigh of contentment, she consigned herself to leaning into his chest, hearing his loud heartbeat as she rested her head upon him.
However, as time passed, her eyes opened again and a small but mischievous smile crept onto her face.
"Of course, you know what this means, right?"
Spike looked down at her with some confusion on his face, to which Rainbow explained herself.
"Now I don't need to be away when I'm in heat...Honey."
Seeing the amorous look on his mate's face when she said that, Spike had little choice but to gulp before responding.
"Oh my."
