Friendship is Madness

by Lobstercraft

Rating: teen
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other, Romance, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Big Macintosh, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 9941

Big Mac seeks answers to a dark mystery as lovesick ponies do their best to move forward.

After receiving an urgent letter from Pokey Pierce, Big Macintosh seeks answers on his own as Pokey and others try to find their way through one of life's greatest challenges: lurv.

A silly shipping story with a slight hint of the macabre.

Now with more edits!

Published 2012-04-22 13:14:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-02 11:33:37 UTC

An Urgent Letter

Big Macintosh,

I need a ride. I’m writing you this letter so that you may know that I NEED A RIDE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA! Your sister Applejack can handle the fields for the few days it will take you to reach me in Canterlot. Lucky, Noteworthy and Caramel have long since continued without me and I am very much alone, in spirit. None of the guards will listen to my pleas, and I need to get as far away from the shore as possible. I need to return to good old Ponyville where the grass is green and the ocean is really, very far away.

I suppose I should explain. As you recall the boys and I had embarked on a road trip to celebrate Noteworthy’s birthday. You declined our offer to join us for the very reason I fear you will not come and GET ME PLEASE COME AND GET ME!

Sorry, I am very shaken by the events that have recently transpired. If only we hadn’t gotten separated after stopping by Pony Joe’s! (I shall never drink again! Nor shall I partake of the old powdered loop!)

After a rough night of celebration I found myself separated from my companions. I knew where to meet them but I didn’t have much money, so in my search for the cheapest mode of travel I learned of a certain caravan. It would be a detour through Innshorsesmouth, but it was all I could afford. THERE WAS A REASON IT WAS SO CHEAP!

Please, Macintosh, my friend, do not think me mad. What I am about to convey I experienced in the sober light of day. Never before have I known how merciless the light can be when asked to dissuade a pony’s fears. When I think of tales of terror they always occur at night, during the witching hour when the darker bits of the world feel free to roam. We are accustomed to the idea that Celestia’s sun will protect us from our less reasonable fears. I know the truth of the world now, Macintosh. It isn’t reasonable.

The old man who informed me of the caravan hinted at it. He told me about the people’s prejudice towards the folks of Innshorsesmouth. I’d heard that there were more houses than ponies there; that it’d been a city before the war. Now there wasn’t even a railroad. He said the town’s only source of revenue was the gold refinery owned by Old Stallion Marsh. He told me of the epidemic that had killed off most of the citizens. But what could have warned me was the one thing I was right to have ignored.

Nopony liked folks from Innshorsesmouth because they looked funny. That sounded like prejudice to me; not liking folks because they were different looking. He told me he thought it was because Old Stallion Marsh’s grandfather used to bring back foreign ponies from overseas and got their blood all mixed. He was definitely a racist, I could tell. But though his reasoning was wrong, woe is me for not listening to the old bastard! The bus driver had such an unnerving face. I felt bad for being so disgusted at a pony’s appearance, but let me tell you that those ponies were no ponies! Well, not entirely.

In the maddening night that followed I learned full well of Innshorsesmouth’s true history. I learned of the shadows that gather at Devil’s Reef, and of myself. There’s a dark reasoning behind the gold out there, Mac; a darkness daylight wouldn’t hide.

I will tell you more upon my return; my unsteady hoof is making writing difficult. Please, Mac, come and fetch me. I haven’t the funds to return on my own, nor the strength. I still have much to live for here on the surface, many things to look forward to: my friends, the girl I like, popping balloons. I dreamt of a shoggoth. Do you know what that is? Please do not tell anypony of this letter. I don’t want anypony to think I’m crazy, or worse, to think I’m sane.

Desperately Urgent,
Pokey Pierce

Background Ponies in a Foreground Pony World or I Went to Canterlot and All I Got were These Lousy Nightmares

My Little Pony: Friendship is Madness
Chapter 1: Background Ponies in a Foreground Pony World
Or
I Went to Canterlot and All I Got were These Lousy Nightmares

“I have a balloon fetish,” said Pokey, capillaries akimbo. You would have thought this story was called My Little Pony: Silence is Awkward.

“Yeah,” replied Lucky. Lucky knew that jazz, they were best friends. In honesty Lucky thought Pokey just liked stabbin' shit. “Pony’s crazy.”

Caramel and Noteworthy were plastered again. They liked bowling on the weekends occasionally, and as long as Noteworthy had his fill of alcohol Lucky tended to win. That asshole’s special talent was being lucky.

“Am I crazy?” asked Pokey. He was being reflective.

“Yeah,” replied Lucky.

“Your special talent is being crazy!” laughed Noteworthy. Pokey looked at the floor, dejected. He’d seen some things… and some stuff. I wouldn’t recommend it.

Big Macintosh was also there. What an odd assortment of random background ponies; how did they all become friends? Are they the protagonists? Will the Mane Six be in this story? These are questions I am asking.

These are answers I am giving: Through events, some of them, and yes.

It’s not strange that Pokey Pierce, Lucky, Noteworthy, and Caramel were friends being that they have ‘random background ponyness’ in common; and Big Macintosh was friends with just about everypony in town. So, that’s not so weird is it? Now they are all at a bowling alley. We cool? You don’t have to read this if you’re not, I’m not getting paid or anything. I’d prefer if you did read, though; if we’re being honest.

Big Macintosh hadn’t told anypony about the mysterious letter he’d received from Pokey, or how terrified the pony seemed to be when he found him in Canterlot. Pokey never told him more as he’d written he would, either. Big Mac also couldn’t find Innshorsesmouth on any map. Perhaps Pokey Pierce was crazy. Macintosh didn’t get that vibe, though. Either way, for now things seemed normal again; a fact Pokey appreciated most of all.

After a few more rounds they all parted ways. Big Macintosh went back to the farm to quietly ponder the mysteries of nature, Caramel and Noteworthy went off to a bar to continue the party, and Pokey and Lucky wandered the town aimlessly.

While Pokey pondered the possibility of prehistoric presences prevailing to the present, Lucky was keeping something important to himself. Since Wild Fire broke up with him he had fallen madly in love with Golden Harvest. If only he weren’t so shy! Too shy even to tell his closest friends, let alone confess to the mare of his dreams! Maybe the story would focus on him if he’d take some damn initiative. But he chose to keep it bottled up instead. But love was in the air all over Ponyville, and mostly unrequited.

Similarly Pokey’s haunted thoughts were interrupted with something of a flashback. A very special day that one day happened one day, once.

It was a Cutecaenera, as you may recall, where he was joyfully popping balloons hither and thither. It was true he liked stabbing things. Suddenly there was something of a commotion involving fighting fillies. It was during the chaos that he noticed HERRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrr………Bluu bluu bluu flashbaaaaaaack.

The most beautiful and majestic creature he’d ever seen, bounding about to and fro. He knew of her before, and in fact had a crush on her before. Pokey Pierce was a weak-hearted stallion who fell in love quite deeply and quite often; but this was the first time he’d ever looked, ever really looked…. At that ass!

Her cutie mark was balloons! Fucking balloons!!! On her flank! His pure admiration and innocent love for her drowned in his carnal nature and grew gills. He almost threw up on the spot. His mind immediately thought, “Too perfect... The only one… No chance… Give up now… Love… Kill yourself… that’s heaven so this is hell.”

He fled to the outside to breathe. Pink and blue was even his favorite color combo! For the rest of the party he tried to play it cool and fought vainly for a reason to talk to her without looking like a jackass. Then she yelled at him for popping all the balloons and kicked him out.

Back in the present, two best bros angsted together in silence; neither knowing they were in similar sinking boats. Soon they parted ways, both now alone in body as well as heart.

Not even the Sandman would give poor Pokey a break! His sleep was rocked with intermittent nightmares of horrors so unimaginable that even in dreams they could not be fully realized. So basically everything sucked right now.

Springtime for Fluttershy in Ponyville or Everypony Gets ONE

Chapter 2: Springtime for Fluttershy in Ponyville
or
Everypony Gets ONE

“What’s gettin’ ya so perplexed there Big Macintosh?” Applejack’s voice came out of nowhere. At least it seemed that way to Big Macintosh, who was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he hadn’t noticed her talking to him for the past minute. He was in the orchard and was supposed to be working. His sister seemed passively amused by her big brother spacing out.

“Nothin’,” he replied. Truth is he was thinking about poor Pokey Pierce.

“Shoot nothin’! Ain’t like you to space out like that,” Applejack refuted, “Ain’t it somethin’ you can tell yer kin about?”

“Nope,” he answered.

“Strong as yer shoulders are ya can’t hold the world on em’,” she commented, “Now, what’s the matter?”

“Ain’t tellin,” Big Mac wouldn’t give up a secret; Applejack knew that and she wasn’t going to try and force him. Besides, she was trying to tell him something before. So, curious as she was, she re-proceeded to inform him of a business related matter in town.

Meanwhile, in that very mentioned town, Rarity and Fluttershy were saunaing at the spa as they did every week when the conversation turned to girly gossip. Or maybe they were already gossiping? Anyways, I don’t know what got them started on the topic, but when we cut to dialogue they’re talking about Spike of all things.

“Rarity?” spoke Fluttershy, as if asking permission to speak.

“Yes?” smiled Rarity, relaxed.

“Do you think Spike will be allowed to get presents anymore?”

“I don’t know…” replied Rarity, less relaxed. “It probably wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“...” Some quiet passed between them before Fluttershy said, “It’d be sad if he never got any more.”

“I’m sure he’ll still get gifts, just not many at the same time,” Rarity assured her. Some more quiet passed between them. They were also the type of friends who could just enjoy each other’s company in silence. Nice and peaceful. That being said, it wasn’t uncommon for Rarity to talk for hours. Fluttershy was a good listener, so they enjoyed that too.

Later on in the mud baths, Fluttershy said with a smile, “You know, Spike has a crush on you.”

Of course Rarity knew this, but Fluttershy had never heard her talk of the matter.

“Yes,” replied the unicorn, “I am aware.”

The truth of the matter was that Rarity didn’t really know what to say or do about it. Dragons typically lived much longer than ponies, and Spike was a baby dragon. It was just a childish crush he had on her wasn’t it? The problem was that he acted rather mature for his age most of the time (go watch the show to see how often he’s right), and he was the only male to ever exhibit romantic feelings for her that wasn’t driven entirely by lust. Pony lust.

Anyways, the point is Spike actually knew her, spent time with her, and liked her. He helped her get gems all the time and was always ready to fight to protect her. Truth is, she kinda maybe had a sorta crush on him too; though, she didn’t feel it was a plausible romance and was still waiting for her pony in shining armor. She felt guilty for kind of liking him and kind of not being interested. Her brain told her to shut it down and spare him future heartache, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. The reason wasn’t just that she didn’t want to hurt him, but partially because she liked having him at beck and call, totally enamored and always there for her. She felt awful about the whole situation, but she was only pony after all.

“What about you?” Rarity flipped the script, “Have you got a crush on anypony, Fluttershy?”

“M-me?” the Pegasus pony gulped as her cheeks grew redder.

“Why yes, dear, who else?”

“Um, I don’t… I...” Fluttershy scrambled to find an answer, “Do, do you?”

“Well, now you have to answer me first,” Rarity replied, wishing she could see through the cucumber bits on her eyes. “You sound awfully nervous. You can tell me, you know I can keep a secret.”

“I um… I might...” Fluttershy blushed, looking down at the mud.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You’re at that age when everypony is falling in love,” Rarity smiled.

“Pinkie Pie’s only a year younger than me and I don’t think she’s in love,” Fluttershy replied, as if defending her own embarrassment.

“Pinkie... Well, who really knows about Pinkie? Maybe she just hasn’t met anypony weird enough to interest her. Pinkie’s a bad example of what’s normal,” Rarity rebutted. They both had a good-spirited laugh at that.

“What about you? You’re not much older than me,” asked Fluttershy.

“You aren’t getting off the hook that easily,” said Rarity, “Who is this stallion you’re so taken with?”

“Oh…” Fluttershy fluttershied, “Do I have to tell?”

“Yes!”

“It um…” the Pegasus mumbled something indecipherably.

“Speak up, I can’t hear you,” Rarity replied.

“Big Macintosh,” Fluttershy whispered. She hid her face in her hooves.

“Big Macintosh?” Rarity giggled. It made sense really. They both were quiet, gentle souls who loved being out in nature. “Yes, I think he’d be a good match for you!”

“Don’t talk so loud,” Fluttershy muttered.

“I didn’t think you’d be into the rugged type,” the unicorn mused, “He’s so very large. You’re into muscular stallions then?”

“You’re embarrassing me,” said Fluttershy, contemplating sinking her head beneath the mud.

“It’s nothing to be bashful about. Girlfriends are supposed to talk about things like this.” Rarity managed to keep the rest of the conversation away from herself and focused on Fluttershy.

Not much later Big Mac was in town on apple-related business. Leaving the spa, Rarity spotted him and took this as a sign from Celestia to meddle. She called him over, holding onto Fluttershy to keep her from fleeing.

“?” He approached curiously. Rarity seldom spoke to him, but they were acquainted, of course.

“Macintosh, dear, I wonder if you might do me a favor?” she asked with a suspicious smile. Big Mac raised an eyebrow. “You see, recently a business acquaintance sent me tickets to that new sea-faring amusement park, Dream-en- Mer. It’s near Canterlot, but I’m afraid I cannot go. However, I’d hate for such a gift to go to waste. Fluttershy accepted one, but the other… Well, would you like to go?” Rarity lied.

“…!!…” Fluttershy made a face like she had just swallowed her tongue.

Big Macintosh thought it was odd that none of Rarity’s friends had accepted the ticket. He knew for a fact Applejack could have gone. He took note of Rarity’s pleading expression. Something was up. He began thinking of Pokey’s letter…

The sea…

“Eeeyup.” he accepted.

Side Story: Your Heart’s Gonna Get Dashed, Son or A Little Story Called Don’t Be a Dick

Side Story: Your Heart’s Gonna Get Dashed, Son
or
A Little Story Called Don’t Be a Dick

Elsewhere, the trio of Hoops, Score, and Dumbbell were playing some kind of Pegasus basketball when Rainbow Dash passed by. Score grumbled some shit about her and Dumbbell and Hoops laughed as usual.

After she saved the Wonderbolts they’d hung out with her a couple of times, but it’s hard to be enemies for so long and just suddenly become friends, so everypony fell back to their old ways, albeit tempered.

But holy shit, Hoops had been crushing on Dash since childhood, and damn did shit change for him when he hit puberty. However, the poor boy was crushed by peer pressure. Not everypony is strong enough to stand alone.

His most cherished memory was of playing with Dash once as children, before picking on her became cool. They played all afternoon and into the evening. To this day he could swear that at that time, as the sun began to set and they slowly parted ways, she liked him as well.

Did she remember it, too? Was that halcyon evening from their distant childhood still as real to her? After the second Sonic Rainboom he thought he’d finally have his second chance; but he waited passively. He let his friends set the pace. In his timidity he hoped desperately for things to just ‘happen’ as so many wishful lovers do. It seemed he’d be waiting forever for circumstance to make his dream come true.

As he laughed he watched Rainbow Dash’s subtle glare. Passing the gate, she probably didn’t hear what was said, but Hoops knew she could guess the subject matter. That look… as though an old scar was being salted; not really painful, but annoying and remembering of pain. He was causing that look; his mouth’s indifference to his heart’s desire. Still, he didn’t stop. He continued playing with his friends, laughing and joking along.

That night he lay awake upon a cloud, staring at the stars. He angsted and angsted and angsted. He thought of how often he found himself thinking ‘something will happen’ as each moment of opportunity passed him by. At every fork he stayed the course. He never took a chance on anything. “If I died tomorrow or in a hundred years there’d be no difference in my obituary.”

Tomorrow was Hearts and Hooves Day. “I could do it. I could tell her tomorrow. I’m a strong guy, I can kick Dumbbell’s ass if he said anything…” He’d thought along these lines before.

But no! This time he’d act! This time he’d make a stand. No more lies, no more following. He acted like a loudmouth aggressor; it was time to make his lie the truth.

The next day, though it was late he’d somehow forced his wings to cross Dash’s path.

“H-hey,” He choked, “Rainbow Dash!”

She was taken aback, not often did he use her real name. She turned to face him. As they floated the evening reminded him of that distant memory.

“Yes?” she said with incredulity.

“I um…” The universe had turned towards him. Suddenly, there was no time. They were foals again. And yet a thousand years weighed on him. He was alive again, and he wanted to shout for help. “Will you be my very special somepony?”

The silence lasted for centuries as he struggled to decipher words from every inch and movement of her face. How long since he’d looked at her in honesty…

“No,” she said. “Why would I? You’re a jerk. You’ve always been a jerk.”

In that moment, what could he have done?

“And you’re an idiot for asking,” said Dash. She had lots of friends now. She no longer cared what he and his buddies thought about her. Besides, it was probably just a trick to make fun of her.

Hoops opened his mouth in the hope that the words, too, would ‘just happen’. They did not.

“Go ask Dumbbell,” she added, “I’m sure one of your buddies will be your girlfriend, loser.”

As she flew away the setting dark obscured the heart she dropped.

“Oh…” thought Hoops as it broke on the sidewalk below. He couldn’t help but not be surprised. He’d been setting up this punch line all his life.

As life went on for Hoops he continued in his old ways with his old friends, and making fun of Rainbow Dash got easier again with time. What could he do?

Life is scary.

Love is scary.

Forever onward, Hoops maintained in his heart that as foals on that halcyon evening, Dash liked him too.

The irony was that she had... but whatever.

Pokey! Pierce the Heavens with Your Horn! or Back Up... Hearts and Hooves Day?

Pokey! Pierce the Heavens with Your Horn! or Back Up... Hearts and Hooves Day?

Chapter 3: Pokey! Pierce the Heavens with Your Horn!
or
Back Up… Hearts and Hooves Day?

That last bit was a bummer, what else happened on Hearts and Hooves Day? Seems like an important event with my ‘Ship them. Ship everypony.’ attitude.

“Great Jupiter!” thought Pokey loudly as he brushed his teeth. “Today’s Hearts and Hooves Day! That’s… significant!” after a pause he continued, “I’m… I should do something.”

But what? What would he doooooo?

“Well I-I I don’t know. What should I do?” Pokey pondered. “I must summon the council!”

Pokey went over to Lucky’s house. Lucky was still in bed, but he awoke on account of Pokey doing a B&E and being in his room shouting at him.

“Whaaa~aaa-t!?” Lucky whined/shouted as he pulled a pillow over his face.

“It’s Hearts and Hooves Day, I don’t know what to do, you’re the council!” Pokey anxiously exclaimed.

“Go to bed!” decreed Lucky.

“Its noon!” replied Pokey.

“So!?”

“Come on, this is important!!” Pokey pushed him.

“What!?” Lucky struggled to stay immobile under the pillow.

Pokey tried pulling the pillow away with magic but damn was Lucky strong. “I have a secret crush! And a near-death experience has made me weary of time! More so than normal! I don’t know! I only slept for four hours! She doesn’t like me! What do I do!?”

“If she doesn’t like you she doesn’t like you,” said Lucky.

“It was a misunderstanding!!!” whined/shouted Pokey.

“Then tell her that!!”

“How!?”

“With your mouth!”

“What do I say!!?”

“The truth!!”

“I don’t know…” The uncertain Pokey sank to the floor. Love is scary.

“Pokey,” said Lucky seriously, “Don’t be a pussy.”

Lucky’s words of encouragement lifted Pokey’s spirits. Some things were important. Sometimes doing things was important. Pokey needed to do something this time. It was important.

“Thank you my friend,” said Pokey as he left.

“Stay thirsty my friend,” replied Lucky, referencing the Most Interesting Stallion in the World simply for phrase association.

Walking through town, it occurred to Pokey he might want to do some information-gathering on his love interest. He couldn’t just stalk her, not that he hadn’t. He felt that, right now he needed a mutual ally. Maybe he could approach one of her friends for help? Or maybe he could ask Mr. or Mrs. Cake? No. Pokey didn’t trust old people. Don’t ask why.

Pokey decided he’d go and ask Big Macintosh’s sister AJ. When he arrived at the Apple home he heard giggling and talking inside. He totally eavesdropped.

The muffled giggle of Applejack could be identified saying, “Ain’t nothin’ to be embarrassed about Big Macintosh.”

“Kissy kissy kissy!” Applebloom seemed to be teasing.

“Bout time you made me some great grandkids!” shouted Granny Smith, strangely irate. “I was beginnin’ ta think you was queer or somethin’!”

“No,” Big Mac seemed to say, “Y’all got it all wrong.”

Pokey heard Big Mac heading upstairs.

“He’s so shy!” Applebloom said gleefully, “They’ll be so cute together! Although, I don’t see what she has that Miss Cheerilee ain’t got.”

Pokey raised an eyebrow. Mac’s got a dame? Who? Was it one of AJ’s friends? WAS IT PINKIE!? KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK… He knocked.

“Well hey there Pokey,” greeted Applejack.

“Hi!” Pokey smiled, “I heard shouting and laughing, what’s going on?”

“Oh Big Macintosh has a date with Fluttershy or something,” she smiled, “He won’t explain nothin’ but he insists it ain’t what it is.”

“I see,” sighed Pokey.

“What ya come over fer? I know ya didn’t hear us all the way in town or nothin’.” AJ raised an eyebrow at him, smirking.

“Actually, I…” Pokey blushed, “I need to speak with you in private!”

“O_O” Applejack got the wrong idea. Pokey was coming across as a nervous and terrified little boy. On Hearts and Hooves Day, that means love confession.

“It’s important!” he yelped, “And private!”

“I… I see,” Applejack blushed. She never thought of Pokey that way. He was just another one of Big Mac’s guy friends, aside from being a little too girly for her taste. “Well uh... Let’s go talk in the barn ah guess.”

So they went to the barn, where Pokey declared, “I’m in love with one of your friends and I need your help or something!”

“!!!” Applejack was taken aback and then laughed with relief. “Shucks, I thought you were fancyin’ me! Bout gave me a heart attack!”

“HAHAHAHA!” laughed Pokey in caps lock, “No no no! Well, not that you’re not, not that I don’t, not that I wouldn’t, not that I think or don’t think, hey how about you help me romance yer gal pal? HAHAHAHA! I’m gonna kill myself if you don’t say something soon!”

“First things first you need ta calm down n’ tell me who it is yer crushin’ on,” Applejack smiled. This was incredibly amusing to her.

“Pinkie Pie,” declared Pokey, who is supposed to be blue but was so embarrassed he was doing a pretty good impression of his love interest.

“PINKIE!?” AJ laughed.

“Hey you say anything bad about her and I’ll bury you, lady!” Pokey snarled as he stabbed at the air with his horn. The sad thing is his menacing gestures looked exactly like him popping balloons in that flashback but with a frown.

“Calm down lover boy!” she giggled, wiping a tear from her eye. She was pretty confident she could take him in a fight, so she wasn’t offended, “That’s good yer defendin’ her name and all; very chivalrous of ya. But yer pretty much the only pony in Ponyville Pinkie ain’t eager to sing to.”

“You mean she hates me?” Pokey held up his hooves teary eyed, “Y u no sing to me, Pinkie Pie!?”

“Nah, Pinkie dun hate nopony so far as I reckon,” AJ reassured him, “If anything she thinks you hate her.”

“Whaaaa? Because-of I pop the balloons?” he asked, still sob-faced.

“Yeah, pretty much. She thinks you hate parties, which’r kinda her thing,” explained Applejack.

“But I love parties!” Pokey rebutted, “I just like stabbin' stuff! And… I… well…”

“What?” AJ looked inquisitively at the furiously blushing Pokey.

“I… REALLY like balloons,” Pokey tried to explain.

“Uh-huh.” Applejack didn’t get it. “Then why do ya pop em’ all the time?”

“I’m a complicated stallion,” he replied with his serious business face.

“Well, yer gonna have to find a way to explain yerself and apologize to Pinkie if ya wanna get anywhere with her,” AJ replied before starting to chuckle again. Sweet, silly, innocent Pinkie? Crazy Pinkie? To be honest, Applejack felt a little defeated that somepony fell for that goofball before her. She inwardly acknowledged the contradiction between her earlier relief and her current jealousy. “Heh.”

“Do you have any advice? As her friend?” Pokey asked.

“First of all, I’m gonna need to know why yer set on Pinkie, and what exactly yer after,” AJ stared him down. There was a chance he was a jerk with nefarious motives; though he normally seemed pretty decent, from what little she’d seen of him around town.

“I’m after Pinkie Pie!” he replied stupidly, but it got better, “She’s my soul mate! Bouncing around town singing and laughing like an angel or a goddess! She’s too good for this world but she’s here anyways! She’s always being silly and making people smile! She’s a blessing to the world! She’s hot! She’s got balloons for a cutie mark! She’s a little off-kilter just like me! She’s everything right! AJ! APPLEJACK I’M GONNA VOMIT!”

“Please don’t!” Applejack replied, simultaneously touched and disturbed. Touched and Disturbed was Noteworthy’s band name in high school, by the way.

“What do I doooo?”

“First of all, yer gonna have to man up,” she answered. “Ya ain’t gonna win any mares actin’ like a nancy boy.”

“Some girls like girly guys,” he replied, “Some girls like girls.”

“Shut up and listen ta me,” Applejack replied. Applejack didn’t like girly guys and didn’t want any of her friends dating girly guys. She was biased, but she wasn’t having this argument right now. “Pinkie’s never had a suitor come callin’ before. Yer gonna have to toughen up and be a little more aggressive. But don’t go blabbin’ on and on, take a cue from Big Mac and be a bit more mysterious, at least at first.”

“All the mares do like Big Macintosh,” Pokey nodded thoughtfully.

“And remember to be yerself,” AJ smiled.

“WHAT!? That’s the opposite of what you just said!”

“Oh yeah,” she scratched her chin.

“And Big Macintosh isn’t aggressive at all!” Pokey realized.

“Hmmmm,” Applejack thought a moment, “Well, Pokey, yer just gonna have to go out with confidence, lay it on the line, and if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be.”

“Gwuuhhhh yeahh,” Pokey moaned.

“It’s Hearts and Hooves Day, and since everpony’s being so romantic and whatnot, Pinkie Pie just might be more receptive to you askin' her to be yer very special somepony. But more likely she’ll take whatever you say wrong, so be direct!”

At the time AJ told him Pinkie’d be off work, Pokey headed down to the Sugarcube Corner to confess his feelings.

He nervously walked in. There she was, preparing to leave. She turned to face him, and when she saw who it was she cut him down with a glare.

“You,” she said accusingly, expecting anything.

Pokey did not falter. “I don’t hate you,” he said.

“Huh?”

Except that.

“I’m in love with you.”

On the Seas of Love or On the Seas of Madness and Death

Chapter 4: On the Seas of Love
or
On the Seas of Madness and Death

Big Macintosh was mighty surprised that the giant amusement park cruise ship was filled with almost exclusively couples. Then he remembered it was the day after Hearts and Hooves Day.

“Oh my…” blushed Fluttershy as she noticed this was totally a romantic thing. “It seems Rarity made a mistake.”

“Eeeeyup,” Big Macintosh agreed. He still didn’t know what Fluttershy knew.

“Oh,” she replied, kind of hurt. “Well… I guess we should go back.”

“Nope,” replied Big Mac. That'd be kind of rude to Rarity; and besides that he wanted to get on the ocean. They were leaving from Canterlot, so Devil’s Reef couldn’t be too far away.

“Oh,” Fluttershy blushed even more as she took his response the wrong way.

What proceeded was the quietest date just about ever. The most either of them talked was when deciding what to do next and when correcting people’s comments about what a cute couple they were. And they only did that about half the time on account of how damn shy they both were.

Since Fluttershy was too scared to ride anything other than the gentlest rides they spent a lot of time divided between sitting quietly and walking around. Fluttershy noticed Big Macintosh kept staring cryptically out to sea, so she asked him, “What’s the matter?”

Big Macintosh looked at her as though he didn’t know what she was talking about.

“You keep looking out to sea,” explained Shy, “I… Is something the matter?”

“Nope,” he replied.

“Oh.” She smiled and paced her words sheepishly, “Well, what were you thinking about?”

“Nothin,” Big Macintosh lied. What could he tell her? He wasn’t sure himself. Something had happened to his friend, something involving the reef out there. He didn’t know what to think, let alone say.

“You look upset,” said Fluttershy, nervous that she had done something; or not done something.

“My…” Big Mac began, “…friend wrote me sayin’ something bad had happened to him at sea. He vaguely mentioned Devil’s Reef over there.”

“Something bad!?” Fluttershy gasped, “You mean like, a shipwreck? Or sea monsters!?”

“Maybe.”

“Eep!” she lunged against him.

“!” He blushed a bit. She realized she was pressing against him and was also embarrassed.

“Sorry,” she yelped as she backed up.

“Ah ain’t gonna let nothin’ bad happen to ya.” said Big Macintosh. “Don’t you worry.”

“I…” Fluttershy blushed EVEN MORE SOMEHOW, “Okay.”

That night after the uncomfortably romantic cruise dinner there was an unexpected announcement.

“Fillies and gentlecolts! Don’t leave just yet! For now we will be holding the Dream-en-Mer Hearts and Hooves Slow Dance Competition! The winners will be crowned King and Queen of the Sea, and will receive two free tickets to return next year to the Hearts and Hooves Cruise!” the announcer carried on as Fluttershy tried desperately to find an excuse to ask Macintosh to dance.

“Oh!” she had it, “Maybe, we should try and win those tickets to, you know, repay Rarity.” Brilliant.

Big Macintosh looked at her for a minute before exiting his seat, helping her out of hers like a gentlecolt and taking her hoof to dance.

They totally won, because the judges decided they were FlutterMac shippers.

But that’s not all folks, because as night came around, the two ponies came to the revelation that their tickets were for THE SAME ROOM! OMG I know, right?

“It…” Fluttershy gulped, “seems Rarity made another mis…take.”

“Eyup,” Big Macintosh concurred, staring wide-eyed at the lone queen-sized bed. Then he thought this might be a good thing. If they shared a room he could better protect her, just in case. Big Macintosh couldn’t bring himself to fully accept or comprehend what had happened to Pokey, and if he had actually brought Fluttershy into a dangerous situation he’d never forgive himself. He placed a blanket and pillow on the floor and made himself comfortable.

“O… okay,” Fluttershy replied. Truthfully, she was dreading sleeping alone with the possibility of sea monsters sea-wrecking sea ships. She felt safer with Big Mac down there.

Around 1:00 a.m. Big Macintosh was still restless. He went outside for some air and by fate he found he wasn’t alone. There was an old fisherpony out having a smoke.

“Hello there,” the salty old sea-stallion greeted. He sounded like that guy who played Herman Munster.

“…” Big Mac nodded a greeting and returned his gaze to Devil’s Reef.

“Ya lookin’ at the reef out there?” asked the old dude.

“Eyup.”

“That there’s Devil’s Reef. A no-good name for a no-good place, ya see. I for one think it’s crazy they let the ship get this close; reckless, even. Irresponsible, ya hear me?”

Big Macintosh looked inquisitively at the old pony.

“There’s... things… that gather round that reef.”

“Shadows?” Big Mac asked. Pokey had referenced shadows gathering around the reef in his note.

“Shadows indeed,” the sea-stallion nodded., “evil things. D'ya see that dark spot there in the distance, over there?”

Big Mac looked in the direction he was pointing and nodded.

“Over there’s Innshorsesmouth. Shady place; fit for shadows as you can see. It’s a town, there in that darkness. Ponies don’t believe me, but I swear they ain’t normal over there. And I’m not prejudiced, but they got that ‘Innshorsesmouth look’. And I know why. Yes I do. It’s that Old Stallion Marsh’s fault. He brought those ‘ways’ back from across the seas. He summoned em, those things, when the town fell on hard times. They bring fish and gold, but not for free, no. They must give in return… They give to Dagon.”

“Dagon?” questioned Big Macintosh. It seemed there was some truth in what Pokey wrote. Though it was still unlikely with just this old kook to corroborate, Mac was becoming a believer.

“That’s their god y’see? Th’ain’t loyal to the princesses like us good pony folk. No. They make sacrifice. Pony sacrifice. They interbreed with them too, those shadows, the Deep Ones. That’s why they got that queer look about em. They look normal at first, but it gets worse over time. Y’see they change, till finally they become what they was born of and return to the sea. Nopony’ll do nothing about it though, cause nopony believes.”

Later on, slumber would finally come to Big Macintosh. He had a dream about sea-ponies swimming up out of the lake in Ponyville. He also dreamt of Fluttershy doing ballet atop his apple trees. Dreams are weird.

Pokey Pie or Yesterday

Chapter 5: Pokey Pie
or
Yesterday

“???????” Pinkie was speechless for the first time in her life. Pokey loved her? She thought he hated her. Also, she had never been confessed to in such a way. Love? In love? Like Romance love? Like very special somepony in love love? “Love? In love? Like Romance love? Like very special somepony in love love??”

“Yes,” Pokey gulped and said awkwardly, “I am interested in you, in that way.”

“Then, why do you always pop my balloons?” Pinkie asked, baffled.

“I like popping balloons. It’s like, how I enjoy them. I really-really like balloons. A lot. I like your balloons,” Pokey shook his head violently, “I mean the balloons you carry around and bring to parties, not your cutie mark!” He blushed, “I mean, I like that too, but I don’t wanna pop your cutie mark or AAAAAAGHHHHH I SHOULD SHUT UP.”

“Hahahahahaha!” Pinkie laughed at how crazy Pokey was going.

“What?” he asked anxiously.

“Nothing!” she wiped a tear away, “You’re just so flustered! It’s funny!”

“Haha,” he laughed nervously, “Is that good?”

Mr. and Mrs. Cake were eavesdropping from the kitchen. Somepony was in love with Pinkie; sweet, innocent Pinkie? Carrot Cake questioned his motives but Cup was enjoying the sweet agony of young love.

“I always thought you didn’t like me,” Pinkie Pie smiled.

“I worship your body,” said Pokey, “I mean! HNNNNNGH!”

Carrot felt like he might have to whoop Pokey’s ass. Pinkie was like a niece to him, or like a daughter. Carrot wasn’t a very strong fellow, but he felt that if there was anypony he could take in a fight it was Pokey Pierce.

Pinkie blushed, “Wow!” She held her hooves to her cheeks, “Nopony’s ever been in love with me before! And to be told on Hearts and Hooves Day! THIS IS CRA-ZY!”

“Pinkie,” Pokey began, “I love how you make everypony smile. I love how bouncy and happy you always are, how almost nothing can get you down. I love how silly and random you can be, and also your cutie mark is awesome.”

“Waaaaaaaahhh!!!!” Pinkie blushed furiously as she bounced up and down and hid her face in her hooves; a giggle here, a squee there.

“Will you be my very special somepony?” Pokey finally asked.

“Sure!” she declared.

Wait, what? That was… easy. “What!?” Pokey was dumbfounded. Ever the pessimist, he didn’t see that coming.

“SURE!” she nodded vigorously.

“Aha! HAHAHAHA!” Pokey laughed, “That’s wonderful! Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Pinkie Pie!”

“Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Pokey Pierce!” she giggled back.

“D’aaaw!” Cup Cake swooned from the kitchen.

“I don’t know about this,” mumbled Carrot.

“I’m incredibly happy!” Pokey shouted, ever awkward.

“That’s good!” replied Pinkie with a smile.

“I’m still really nervous!”

With a mild blush Pinkie stepped closer, “You know you’re kinda cute when you’re all worked up!”

In Pinkie’s eyes Pokey had always been a bad boy, a rebel, a punk, a vandal. This softer side was shocking. The 180 from villain to panicky romantic was adorable. She wasn’t sure what all dating would entail, but Pokey was a handsome boy who seemed to have been quite touched by her joy-bringing antics. She affected him.

That was the most important thing to Pinkie Pie: making joy for others. Her mission in life was to spread happiness. Pokey was so affected that he wanted to be her very special somepony. Pinkie reveled in the glee she seemed to bring him. She wouldn’t mind giving him a chance.

At that time, however, it was not true love between them. For although Pokey thoroughly loved Pinkie, Pinkie herself was merely smitten with the idea of Pokey; the troubled and handsome stallion she could forever save with love and friendship. Plus, as it was Hearts and Hooves Day, she was just excited to get a boyfriend in general. She was a girl after all, and desired romance as much as any other.

Perhaps, in time, their feelings would change.

Dissecting Pokey’s Problem or Read it and Deep…Ones

Chapter 6: Dissecting Pokey’s Problem
or
Read it and Deep…Ones

After a couple more uneventful days at sea, Big Mac and Fluttershy returned to Ponyville only to discover their friends Pokey and Pinkie had become an item. Flutter-envy ensued.

“Gosh darn it Fluttershy!” the yellow Pegasus softly cursed. She was pacing around her cottage rather upset; well, rather upset for Fluttershy. “If only you’d be more assertive! Oh, but not TOO assertive…” She remembered the Iron Will incident. “Ohhh, Rarity gave you the perfect opportunity and you blew it!” She let out a sigh and called herself stupid.

Lying down on the floor she covered her head with her hooves. “Now Pinkie has a very special somepony and I still don’t.”

Fluttershy remembered how supportive Rarity was when she told her she hadn’t made any progress with Big Macintosh. Still, she couldn’t help but feel she’d let the unicorn down. “She’s disappointed in me, I know it.”

It was time to step her game up. After Rarity’s effort, she had to do something! A visit to the library was in order. It would be easier to find advice in books than to ask her friends about such an embarrassing subject.

Meanwhile Pokey, Lucky, Caramel, and Noteworthy were at Sweet Apple Acres harassing Big Macintosh about his ‘date’. Big Mac was bucking apples at the time.

“So, you mean to say you spent three days on a romantic cruise at sea in the SAME room with a girl as pretty and sweet as Fluttershy and NOTHING happened?” asked Noteworthy, “and we are to believe that?”

“Nothing happened BECAUSE she’s so sweet and innocent,” answered Caramel. “Big Mac’s a gentlecolt.”

“They’re both too shy,” said Pokey, “unlike myself, who I hear is totally alpha.”

“HA!” laughed Lucky before returning to his usual silence.

Big Mac bucked some apples.

“I think you two would be a cute couple,” said Caramel. “More of you guys need girlfriends so we can have couples’ get-togethers.”

“I’m focusing on my music,” huffed Noteworthy.

“You’re focusing on my ass,” replied Pokey.

“So do you even like this girl?” It was Lucky who thought to ask the pertinent question.

Pokey interrupted with, “She’s shy, loves nature, is cute and is a really nice pony. Why wouldn’t he like her?”

“Love is far more primal and instinctual,” said Caramel, holding up a flower. “Your heart decides who you love, not your brain! If he was in love he’d feel it!”

Big Mac hadn’t really thought about it. He was a little busy worrying about apples and monsters to fall in love. On the other hand, he had gotten along rather splendidly with Fluttershy, and he did think she was cute. Was love as instant as Caramel hinted at, or was it something you could slowly sink into as Pokey seemed to believe?

“Why would you go if you didn’t like her?” asked Noteworthy. Mac glanced over at Pokey for a second.

“The REAL question is why did Rarity ask Big Macintosh to go with her best friend on a romantic cruise?” Pokey declared a ponderance.

“Playing matchmaker,” answered Caramel.

“Or Fluttershy asked her to!” declared Noteworthy with a sense of revelation.

“Would ya’ll leave mah big brother alone.” Applejack approached with a slightly irritated tone.

“Hi Applejack,” greeted Caramel; the rest also greeted.

“I heard you teasing him before he left,” Pokey pointed out, feeling AJ was being hypocritical.

“I can tease him cause he’s mah brother and Fluttershy’s my friend. But if I hear any one a-ya sayin’ somethin’ scandalous about any one ah my pals I’m gonna have a mind ta buck ya in the face,” Applejack replied.

Suddenly Rainbow Dash flew down from the sky. “Whoa, what are all these dudes doin' here?” She’d never seen these guys at Sweet Apple Acres before.

“These are Big Macintosh’s friends,” answered AJ.

“Yo,” Dash said before turning to Applejack, “Twilight wants our help with something, you got any spare time?”

“Shoot, I’ve always got time for a friend,” she smiled.

“No you don’t,” Rainbow raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I’d like to. That’s gotta count for somethin’,” The girls walked away as the guys went on to talking about something else.

But Big Macintosh had gotten an idea. Rainbow Dash mentioned Applejack’s friend, the librarian. It was his understanding she liked to read a lot, so perhaps she had read something about the ‘Dagon’ the old fisherpony mentioned. It was worth a shot.

Later on, when Big Macintosh arrived at the library, Twilight was surprised to see him. Whatever AJ and Dash had helped her with earlier must have been finished already, because only Rainbow was still there, and she was just reading. “Ah need to ask you something,” said Big Mac.

“This is quite a surprise,” replied Twilight with a smile, “I’d be glad to help.”

Big Mac motioned to be let inside and Twilight obliged, a little embarrassed she hadn’t offered.

“What’s on your mind?” asked Twilight.

“Have you got any books about sea monsters?” Macintosh looked around her bookshelves as he asked. Twilight giggled.

“Big Macintosh, I had no idea you were into mythology!” she bubbled with excitement.

“There was a sea monster in Daring Do and the Sycophant’s Gambit!” exclaimed Dash.

“Ah need to read about somethin’ named Dagon,” Mac explained.

“Dagon?” Twilight thought a moment, “You mean the Kraken?”

“Nope.” He shook his head.

“I don’t think I’ve ever read about a sea monster named Dagon.” Twilight scratched her chin.

“Ah think it’s some sort of god,” he clarified, “He lives in the sea with the Deep Ones ah think.”

“Where’d you hear that?” Twilight asked.

“An old fisherpony,” he answered. “He said some folks sacrifice ponies to em’.”

“Wow,” said Twilight, “That’s pretty macabre. I would have never imagined you were into spooky stuff.”

“Sounds like a wicked story,” said Dash.

“I’m not,” he said. “And it ain’t a story far as ah can tell.”

Twilight was becoming concerned. “You know, this is the most I’ve ever heard you talk. Is something the matter?”

“I’m not sure,” he replied as he scanned a book he’d taken down. There was a knock at the door. Twilight answered and wouldn’t ya know it, it was Fluttershy.

“Hello Fluttershy!” Twilight greeted. Before Fluttershy could respond she noticed Big Macintosh scanning books in the back and kind of seized up. “Uhh, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she lied. She'd come to ask Twilight for books on the subject of romance, but with the subject of her interest standing right there she had become flustered and wasn’t sure what to say. “Uhm… Nevermind.” She began backing away.

“Nonsense, come on in!” Twilight smiled as she pulled her friend inside. “You don’t have to be shy around me. Now, what did you come over to ask?”

The door was shut now. Fluttershy had nowhere to run, and Twilight Sparkle was completely oblivious to her plight. And what exactly was Big Macintosh doing there? Was Twilight interested in him too? “Um… I don’t want to disturb you,” Fluttershy began giving up hope.

“Big Macintosh came to find a book,” Twilight said gleefully.

“Oh,” Fluttershy suddenly got it into her head that it was Big Mac who was into Twilight. Why else would he suddenly be into books?

“It seems he’s interested in sea monsters now!” declared the purple unicorn.

“Oh!” Fluttershy smiled. She remembered he’d been thinking about sea monsters on the cruise. “He’s just worried about his friend!” She walked over to the red stallion and asked, “Are you still worried about your friend?”

“Eyup,” he replied, still searching.

Dash looked up from her book.

“What?” asked Twilight; Fluttershy explained what little she knew about the situation.

“I had no idea it was so serious,” replied Twilight. “Hey Spike!”

“Yeah Twi?” he asked, entering from the balcony.

“Where’s that copy of Ancient Myths and Legends?” she asked. Though it was easy to find the generically titled book, there was little mention of Dagon inside; just a passing mention in reference to another book: the Necronomicon.

“What’s the Necronom-nom?” asked Dash.

“I’m… not really sure,” said Twilight, “I’ve heard of it before, but only in brief references. I’ve never actually seen a copy.”

“Maybe they have it at the library in Canterlot,” suggested Spike.

“Maybe,” replied Twilight, “Why don’t we visit Canterlot and have a look?”

“Cool!” said Dash, “This is starting to sound like a Daring Do story! I’m coming too!”

“I would like to come, as well?” asked Fluttershy, although her phrasing should have been declarative.

“Then its settled,” smiled Twilight, “We’re going to solve the mystery of what scared Big Macintosh’s friend.”

“Why don’t you tell us who he is so we can just ask him?” Spike asked the big red pony.

“Nope,” he shook his head, “Ah promised ah wouldn’t say.”

“Well, if it’s alright with everypony, we should leave in the morning!” said Twilight. Everypony agreed and they all parted ways to prepare for the trip.

Meanwhile, Pokey was clueless of his friend’s efforts. He was enjoying spending time with his new girlfriend. Seeing the two goofing around town, Lucky decided perhaps he should try his hoof at winning the mare of his dreams.

Gets Lucky or Lucky Gets

Chapter 7: Gets Lucky
or
Lucky Gets

Lucky sat outside the restaurant wearing a hat and sunglasses. Pokey approached cautiously and in similarly suspicious attire.

“You wanted to speak to me.” Pokey sat across from his earth pony friend.

Lucky sighed, “Yeah.”

“What about?” asked Pokey.

“There’s a girl I like.” Lucky laid his head on the table.

“I see,” smiled Pokey. “And you have come to me, the smoothest stallion in Ponyville, to guide you.”

“HAHAHA!” Lucky laughed.

“Shaddup,” Pokey replied, still smiling.

“That’s hilarious.”

Pokey sat his sunglasses on the table. “Have you talked to this girl?”

“Yeah, a few times.” Lucky looked away. “I don’t know if she likes me or not. I can’t really tell.”

“You must act fast, before you get friendzoned!” declared the blue unicorn.

“Didn’t you get enemy-zoned before you and Pinkie started dating?” Lucky arched his brow.

“I have powers,” said Pokey, “Sexy powers. Don’t expect similar results.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Lucky groaned, stretching his forelegs across the table.

“Who is it?” Pokey asked.

“Don’t tell anypony,” Lucky demanded.

“I won’t.”

“Golden Harvest.”

“Carrot Top?” asked Pokey.

“That’s not her name,” frowned Lucky.

“S’what everpony calls her,” replied Pokey.

“Lucky likes Carrot Top?” smiled Pinkie, who was there now.

“WHA!?” Lucky jumped back, “When did you?!”

“She does that,” said Pokey.

“Does she know!?” Pinkie hopped onto the table to stare Lucky down.

“No!” he shushed her, “Be quiet! It’s a secret!”

“Oh!” she held her mouth and winked, “Gotcha! I won’t tell.”

“He needs our help getting the girl,” said Pokey.

“What!? That’s not what I…” Lucky began.

“You should bring her flowers!” declared Pinkie.

“No, Pinkie and I should disguise ourselves as robbers and you will save her from us!” declared Pokey.

“Ooh!” Pinkie jumped up and down, “That one! Let’s do that one!”

“That would never work,” Lucky refused.

“Ask her to teach you how to garden!” Pinkie suggested, “She LOVES gardening!”

“That’s really good," nodded Pokey, “Pinkie, your knowledge of everypony in town is invaluable to this operation.”

“Heehee!” she giggled.

“Do you think that would work?” asked Lucky.

“Just don’t get friendzoned!” Pokey warned him.

“What’s that?” asked Pinkie, “Because it sounds great and I don’t know why anypony wouldn’t want to go to a friend zone!”

“The friendzone is that place in a pony’s heart where they keep all of their friends, and NOT where they keep their very special somepony,” explained Pokey. “If she decides he’s just a friend, it could be forever too late to become anything more.”

“Ooooooh,” Pinkie looked back to Lucky, “and you don’t want that.”

“No,” he shook his head. He was embarrassed as hell.

“You’re blushing!” she laughed, “You should have seen Pokey when he asked me to be his very special somepony! He was going CRAAAA~ZYYYYY!”

“Okay,” Pokey blushed, “Let’s not tell that story.”

“Tell it,” said Lucky.

“He came in all seriously and was like ‘I don’t hate you.’ And paused for drama and I was all like ‘huh?’ and then he said ‘I love you’ and I was all like ‘love very special-somepony in-love love?’ and he was all ‘yes I’m interested in you in that way’ and I was all ‘then why you be poppin my balloons all the time?’ and he was all saying he liked balloons and that he popped them because he liked them which is weird but then he got all cute and flustered and rambled on and on like a crazy pony and I told him I thought he didn’t like me and he said ‘I worship your body’ and about had a heart attack and I thought that was funny but I was all swooning cause nopony had ever fallen in love with me before and it was Hearts and Hooves Day and he started talking about all the reasons he LOVES me and he said all these nice things about me and then he asked me to be his very special somepony and I’m like DUH OF COURSE I WILL and he was so happy and cute and nervous and we’ve been having so much fun hanging out ever since except this morning when we got in a fight over SPIDERS and he brought Fluttershy over to give me a speech about why spiders aren’t AWFUL and I guess I get it but they are still scary and I still don’t like them but I promised Flutters I’d stop squashing them and call her or Pokey to take them away whenever I see them but other than that everything’s been really great!”

Lucky laughed his arse off.

So with encouragement, Lucky found the strength to give Golden Harvest his bullshit story about how he wanted to learn how to garden; like a boss. They had sex that night.

The Truth, Mostly or The Future of Pokey Pierce

Chapter 8: The Truth, Mostly
or
The Future of Pokey Pierce

The castle library in Canterlot was the largest library in all of Equestria. They had to have a copy of the Necronomicon. Unfortunately, our little ponies couldn’t seem to find it. Twilight swallowed her pride and asked the librarian if it was with the restricted books. Apparently it wasn’t.

“I can’t believe this.” Twilight stared into space. “How can they not have a copy? It’s the Canterlot Library… How can they not have it?”

“Maybe somepony lost it,” suggested Fluttershy.

“Or it’s in a secret dungeon somewhere,” said Rainbow Dash. “Or some villain has the only copy, because it has strange powers!”

“A lost book…” Twilight almost cried. Books lost to history… This was always a depressing topic for Twilight Sparkle. There existed, once but no more, hundreds of books she would never be able to read.

“I’m sorry Big Macintosh,” Fluttershy gave him her condolences. He sighed in return.

Then a special visitor entered the library; somepony who had heard of Twilight Sparkle’s visit. “My faithful student, what brings you all the way out here to the castle?”

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight’s eyes beamed with joy as she and her friends took a knee.

“No need to act formal at the moment,” the princess smiled.

“We’re looking for a book, but it seems it’s lost to history,” Twilight informed her teacher.

“What book is that?” Celestia asked.

“The Necronomicon,” Twilight explained. Princess Celestia’s entire demeanor changed with the mentioning of the word.

“Where did you hear of that book?” the princess asked, restraining herself to try and sound more casual than she felt.

“Well… I read a reference to it in ‘Ancient Myths and Legends’ in regard to a being called Dagon,” Twilight began.

“Dagon?” Celestia looked disturbingly serious, “Why the interest in old sea tales?”

“Well, Big Macintosh received a letter from a friend who was in trouble. From what I’ve been told, he seemed to be afraid of a place called Devil’s Reef. Big Macintosh did some investigating and found that apparently it’s said that there are creatures that gather there called Deep Ones, and that they worship a god called Dagon,” Twilight elaborated.

“And is your friend alright?” asked the Princess.

“Eyup,” answered Big Mac.

“Do you know anything about any of this?” asked Rainbow Dash.

Princess Celestia looked to Twilight and said, “The Necronomicon is a very old and a very dangerous book. I don’t want you pursuing it any further.”

“Dangerous?” Twilight questioned, “How can a book be dangerous?”

“That book drives ponies to madness,” the princess explained, “It is a compilation of forbidden truths and blasphemous rites. You must believe me when I say there are some things ponies were not meant to know.”

“Does this mean Dagon is real?” asked Fluttershy, scared.

“Don’t worry, my little ponies,” the princess smiled, “I’ll take care of Devil’s Reef.”

“By take care of it do you mean, ‘take care of it’?” asked Dash as she traced a mushroom cloud in the air with her front hooves.

“Princess?” Twilight beseeched with pleading eyes, “What is going on?”

“Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia sighed. “If I tell you and your friends, will you promise to keep the secret safe?”

They all agreed. Celestia led them to her chambers where security was at its best, and they were all seated comfortably around the fireplace. Everypony was treated to milk and cookies for no reason other than awesomeness.

“You know that my sister and I control the moon and the sun and all beneath their holy light, but there are lands beyond Equestria. So, too, are there other beings of great power,” Celestia explained.

“Like Dagon?” asked Twilight.

“Sort of... but you do not have to be afraid of Dagon. He cannot reach us here in Equestria. He is in a far away part of the sea and would never come here himself.”

“What about mah friend?” asked Big Macintosh.

“The Deep Ones are a bit more of a problem,” Celestia sighed, “but I’ll take care of that. More importantly, I’m curious as to how your friend got away from them in the first place.”

“You’re so cute, Pinkie!” Pokey smiled as he nuzzled her nose.

“Haha!” Pinkie giggled as Pokey overthrew the checkers board. “You’re a sore loser!” Pinkie laughed.

“I’m just playin' around,” Pokey replied as he picked the pieces up off of the floor.

“Hey Pokey, didn’t your eyes used to be green?” Pinkie asked with a curious face.

“What?” laughed Pokey, “Are they different now or something?”

“Yeah! They’re yellow now.” she smiled.