Argue Crew in Equestria

by Tomo

Rating: everyone
Tags:
Length: 25755

After months of waiting, The Argue Crew finally gets into Equestria! What hijinks will ensue?

After months of waiting, The Argue Crew finally gets into Equestria! What hijinks will ensue?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-28 00:32:44 UTC

Becoming An Hero

James

It was the beginning of Spooktoberween, which meant that it was time for The Argue Crew's IRL meet-up. After weeks of planning, they had decided on staying at James' home this time around. After scrapping up enough money, they finally got the entire crew to fly over to Peterborough. James was waiting for everyone to get dropped off at the airport, which was a challenge, considering all of them would be flying in from different areas.

Reed was the first to arrive at the airport. James could hardly recognize him due to the absurd lack of hair. "Reed!" James exclaimed, waving at him. Upon hearing his name, Reed looked around until he saw James. "Good to see you!" Reed replied, giving him a totally heterosexual hug. "Am I the first one here?" He asked, looking to see if the others were here yet. "Yeah." James nodded. "You're the first one, but I'm sure they'll come around soon."

Slowly, everyone else made their way into the airport. Marba, Jacob, Christian, and Jonathan came not so long after Reed. The four of them had met up beforehand to share a plane ride since they were all relatively nearby. After them, Scott came in, wearing the Solaire outfit he had always worn. Both Davids had met up with them at relatively the same time, one already with a bleeding anus. "I thought trying to shove my carry-on up my ass would be delightful." He laughed. Aaron was the last one that they waited for, who took for what felt like months to finally arrive.

After getting back to James' house, they saw that Björn, Jaxon, and Thomas were waiting for them. Björn and Thomas came to them by moose and Jaxon flew with his chickun powers. "So, do you got any food? I just flew in from America and BOY are my arms tired!" Jaxon said. He had said the joke the last time they all met up, and by this point in time he was the only one who had found it humorous. "Well, I have spaghetti, but that's for the ritual." James answered. In truth, their gathering wasn't exactly just to meet up and circlejerk like they usually did. A month ago, James had heard of a satanic ritual that would transport them to Equestria, and according to many anons, the ritual had actually worked. Determined to get into Equestria by any means, James had told the others that he was going to attempt the ritual. However, the ritual called for the magic of friendship, so he needed the crew with him if he wanted the ritual to work.

"Well, what are we waiting for, then?" Jaxon asked, eager to have some delicious spaghetti. "You guys really want to do the ritual right away? We haven't even jerked each other off yet, though!" James exclaimed. "No fuck you." Thomas retorted. "I want to get into Equestria as soon as possible." Thomas had been one of the most excited for going into Equestria, and he was not going to wait any longer than he had to to meet his beloved horses. "Fine," James reluctantly said, sad that they couldn't jerk each other off. "I'll get the supplies."

After getting them all to sit in a circle, James led the ritual in the center. "So, supposedly we're going to have to each eat some of the ceremonial spaghetti." He said, pointing to the pot. "Afterwards, we're supposed to drink the bleach-infused mare juice." He said, holding the grail. One by one they passed the pot around, feasting on the ceremonial spaghetti. Afterwards, the grail was passed around like a bong. Each member, after taking the sip, had become an hero until they were all kill.

The first thing James saw when he opened his eyes was a vibrant, colorful land. He was in a field, not far from what seemed like Ponyville. Looking around, he couldn't see his friends anywhere nearby. Anxious to find his friends, James had tried to stand up, but quickly fell to the ground. When he looked down to his feet, he saw that he had hooves. "Well, I guess it worked." He said to himself, making his way into town.

Canterlot

Scott

To Scott's surprise, his Solaire outfit had been transported as well and fit to his new, technicolor body. After a moment of disbelief, he became extremely excited to live his new life in Equestria. Although saddened that he couldn't see his friends anywhere, his sadness was quickly forgotten once he saw the sight before him: He had been teleported into Canterlot, home to Princess Celestia.

"Praise the sun..." He muttered to himself as he looked around. He was, in fact, in the city of his dreams. His dreams of meeting Princess Celestia would soon become a reality. "I must find her!" He exclaimed, getting up on all fours. All his years of praising the sun would pay off if he could convince Celestia to let him into the royal guard. Making his way through the crowd of confused ponies was a hard task, added on to the fact that he had tried to keep his armor as pristine as possible. Many ponies looked at him with confusion, while others simply laughed at his bizarre outfit. Fools, Scott thought to himself. They won't be laughing when they see me dining with Princess Celestia herself!

Getting into the castle was no easy task. With his strange attire, guards gave him a hard time when he tried to enter the castle. "And what business do you seek with the Princess in that outfit?" One asked him. "I have come to join the royal guards." Scott replied, armor shining so bright that it nearly blinded the guard. Even though the guards were to keep a monotone expression at all times, the guard couldn't help but smile. "Prepared to put your life on the line to serve the kingdom? Well, you're in luck. After the incident with Tirek, many of our guards have left to stay at home with their families. Come with me." He asked, leading him into the castle.

"So, what makes you want to join the guard?" The Guard asked Scott. "I would do anything to better the Princess." He replied, doing his best to keep up in his clunky armor. "I can tell by your outfit. Fan of Princess Celestia?" The Guard asked him. Scott scoffed. "Fan? One could say that. I'm a Knight of Sunlight." He proudly declared. The Guard gave him a confused glance as they headed closer to the throne room. "Well, KnightLight, Princess Celestia'll have to approve of you if you're going to be protecting her. Make sure to make a good impression on her, and try not to act as...devout." He said, opening the door.

The throne room was just like it was in the cartoon, down to the stained glass designs. Scott felt tears form when he saw his beloved sun goddess sitting in the throne room. "Your majesty!" He exclaimed with a bow. "I am Scott of Astora, here to humbly offer my protection to none other than the goddess of sunlight herself!" Although thrown off by his strange attire, Celestia did her best to remain calm. "How...nice of you to offer your assistance, Scott. I think I speak for both my sister and myself when I say that we will gladly accept you into the Canterlot Royal Guard."

Scott shuddered at the thought of protecting the dark heathen, but upon hearing his acceptance into the guard, he got up and saluted Celestia. "Thank you, your majesty! I swear that I will not let you down!" He announced. Celestia smiled. "We will prepare you with a room and will set up training with Shining Armor as soon as possible." She told him. "You may be dismissed."

After an evening of signing contracts and getting prepared for training tomorrow, Scott was dismissed to his room. "It's down the hall to the left." The Guard who had helped him out earlier told him. "Thank you, and I hope to work with you soon!" Scott said to him. "And I can tell it will be an interesting shift with you." The Guard jested. "Anyways, if you got a mare, you best watch out for your roommate. I'm told he can be quite the 'waifu thief' !"

LaraMire

Jacob

Their cell was danker than James' hot room. With the dim lights, Jacob could hardly see his hooves in front of him. "Well, good job, BrickDick." Jonathan said to Jacob. "We get to Equestria and the first thing you do is whip out your horse cock? You're just as retarded as FiF." When they were teleported into the new land, Jacob's first thoughts were to see if his genitalia was just like the pictures he fapped to back home (For the record, it was exactly the same). In his stupidity-crazed moment, he hadn't realized that both Jonathan and him were teleported into the middle of the Ponyville Schoolhouse, right in the middle of a lesson. Cheerilee had been everything but calm in the situation. Fearful of the two, Cheerilee had evacuated the class and contacted the authorities, getting the both of them arrested.

"Fuck off." Jacob retorted, looking outside of the cell. "We could've outran them if you hadn't gotten your wing caught in the door." While Jacob was a simple earth pony, Jonathan had the pleasure of being a pegasus. "It's not my fault I don't know how to use these." Jonathan said, trying to flap his wings. For such a happy world, the justice system in Equestria was pretty brutal. Due to the extremely sexist society, they had been sentenced for 3 years for what Cheerilee had described as "Breaching into the school and attempting to sexually assault both my students and me."

After almost twenty minutes of silence between the two of them, Jacob stood up. "Fuck this, I wasn't teleported into Equestria just to be stuck in a jail cell!" He exclaimed, looking to Jonathan. "Princess Twilight's castle is across town, right?" He asked. "Wait...PRINCESS Twilight? And she has a CASTLE?!" Jonathan asked, shocked. As much as he loved to discuss pastel ponies with the crew, he hadn't watched the show since season two had ended. "Do you even watch the show? She became royalty in season three, and got her own castle in season four." Jacob told him. "Anyways, we need to find a way to explain things to the Princess. I doubt they'd let us in after that incident at the school, so we'll have to break out." He continued. "I got an idea."

Jacob had planned to pull the classic "fake an injury" on the guards. "Ah!" Jacob had howled, caressing his new horse cock in his hooves. After hearing the commotion, a guard had came over to check on their inmates. "What's the matter?" He asked, glaring at Jacob. "This idiot bit down on my cock mid-blow!" He told the guard, pointing towards Jonathan. Jonathan had begun to deny the statement, but Jacob had managed to stop him with a kick to the flank. "Have you never blown someone?" Jacob angrily asked his partner.

When the guard had opened the cell to inspect the wound, the duo took their chance. While Jacob grabbed ahold of the guard, Jonathan grabbed the keys and galloped out of the cell. After Jonathan had been clear from the cell, Jacob bucked the stallion into the wall, knocking him unconscious. After playing Banned From Equestria Daily hundreds of times, Jacob had become a savant when it came to bucking trees. After locking the cell, they left the jail and began making their way to the princess' castle.

"What do you want with Twilight?" Jonathan asked Jacob. "I thought Rarity was your favorite." He was right. Although he wanted nothing more than to make love to his sweet, marshmallow horse, Jacob needed to get a leg up on the other rarifags in the crew. Something glorious, something astonishing, and above all, something that would make Rarity swoon over him. "What could be more fabulous than the beauty that comes with being an alicorn?" Jacob asked, smiling at Jonathan. "...what?" Jonathan replied, confused. Jacob put his hoof to his face. "I'm going to become an alicorn."

Arise

Jaxon

"What do you girls wanna do today to earn our cutie marks?" Applebloom asked her fellow crusaders. "Ooh, how about we try earning our cutie marks with cooking?" Sweetie Belle asked her. "Naw, I know for a fact that cooking ain't your special talent!" Applebloom giggled. Sweetie Belle let out a grunt and said "Well, what do YOU think we should do?" She asked Applebloom. "Well, I was thinking we could try and earn our cutie marks in acting!" She declared. Sweetie Belle had laughed at the thought of Applebloom acting. Applebloom blushed, stammering "W-well, what do you think we should do, Scootaloo?"

"Let's fug." Jaxon proudly declared. To Jaxon's surprise, when he had warped into Equestria, he had become a lookalike of his favorite chikun. Jaxon, being a sly minx, decided to pretend to be Scootaloo for shits and giggles. "Naw, we already did that last week." Applebloom told him. "Well, maybe we could try getting our special talents in procreation!" Jaxon replied, hoping to get some from two fillies. Sweetie Belle laughed. "Scootaloo, is there something up with you today? We've already tried that, too!" She said. Jaxon was disappointed, but continued to try and see how long he could keep the act up.

The three of them had argued about what to do for so long that by the time they settled on something, it was time for them to go home. "Ok, we'll try competitive juggling tomorrow!" Applebloom shouted to them as she left. Once alone with Sweetie Belle, Jaxon had started his plan. "So, where do I live again?" Jaxon asked Sweetie Belle. "Wow, you really ARE forgetful today!" Sweetie Belle replied, laughing. "You're house is up over there if you follow that road!" She told him, pointing at the road. "Thanks!" Jaxon smiled to her as Sweetie had walked home.

Scootaloo's house was smaller than he had anticipated, although it wasn't so surprising when you take into consideration that she is canonically an orphan. Jaxon searched the house looking for any open windows or unlocked doors. Fortunately, there was an open window on the first floor. The house had been nothing fancy, and had an extreme lack of furniture inside. Besides the fridge, a table, and a couple chairs, the first floor was basically bare.

When he found Scootaloo's room, he tried his best to open the door as quietly as possible. Scootaloo's bedroom was just as bare. Inside the room had only been the mattress, with a sleeping Scootaloo on top. Jaxon had heard that she had been staying home due to a cold, at least, that was what Applebloom told him. "I'm surprised you even came out of the house!" He remembered her telling him.

Putting the pillow onto Scootaloo's face had to be the hardest part of the plan. As soon as he put it on her face, she had immediately kicked him off of her. Offset by the sight of her doppleganger, Scootaloo had tried to scream and tried to make a run for it. Jaxon had been able to get ahold of her before she got out of the bedroom, slamming her head repeatedly against the wall. Scootaloo had been screaming for her parents the whole time, tears running down her face. "No mercy." Jaxon told himself after she had finally stopped struggling. She was dead, or, at least, as far as Jaxon could tell. After covering her up in blankets, he dragged her out of the house and into the forest to be left there to decay. Once he returned home, Jaxon smiled.

He finally had the life he had always wanted.

Stranger Danger

Marba

        Marba was determined to find the Carousel Boutique as soon as possible. It had taken him all of yesterday to travel to Ponyville. It hadn't been easy, either. He had to travel on hoof all the way from the mountains to get there. He didn't dare stop at all during the trip, knowing full well that if he did, he would've been beaten by one of the other crew members. With all the rarifags in the group, he had to be the first one to meet her.

After all, I am the best match for Rarara. He thought to himself as he looked through the town. In reality, Ponyville was much harder to navigate in than the show had led one to believe. There had been many shops and even more houses, making it difficult to find Rarity's. He had almost given up hope when he had seen the young Sweetie Belle trotting down the road. She has to know the way! Marba thought as he followed behind Sweetie.

        It must have been a suspicious sight. A grown stallion slowly following a young filly down the road at dusk. Sweetie had most likely had the feeling that she was being followed, as she had often turned around to look behind her. Marba, trying not to be caught, had done his best to remain unseen, often hiding comically behind a lamp-post or other nearby object. After roughly the tenth time, she began to make out in a trot down the road. Marba had to gallop to keep up with her. Damn, how fast is she? He thought to himself as he increased his pace.

        Sweetie Belle had been scared of Marba, screaming "Stranger danger!" as she fled from him. "Slow down!" Marba shouted to her. "I just want to know where you live!" Sweetie Belle made one of her trademark squeaks as she went faster, to Marba's displeasure. "Not like that!" He shouted, trying to appear friendly. No matter how hard Marba tried to make her stop (He even told her that he'd give her candy if she stopped), his efforts only made her go faster.

        Eventually, Sweetie Belle had gotten to the boutique, quickly going into the door and locking it. Marba stopped, realizing that he was finally at his destination. After taking a moment to catch his breath, he went up to the door to knock. Before he could lay a hoof on the door, it had already slammed open.

        Rarity had opened the door, and she was furious. "He's the one!" Sweetie Belle squeaked from behind her. "I-It isn't what you think!" Marba began. "I just really wanted to see you!" Rarity had a look of disgust on her face. "You scoundrel!" She exclaimed in an angry tone. "Trying to abduct Sweetie Belle like that! I'm reporting you to the police this instant!" Just as she was about to go inside, a voice from behind her said "It's fine, boss. I know this stallion." James had walked over to the front of the door to meet face-to-face with Marba. "You know this ruffian?" Rarity asked James. "It's a long story..." James had began as he let Marba in.

        It had taken James a great deal to calm her down, but afterwards she had been quite understanding. "So, you both were colleagues?" Rarity asked, sipping her tea. "Yeah," James responded, patting Marba on the back. "I actually had called him up to lend a hoof around the boutique, seeing as though 1 assistant in the boutique isn't even enough." James had told Rarity that Marba and him went to college in Canterlot together. "Well, I do appreciate the thought, but I don't know if I could afford to hire both of you to work here." She told them. "I can work >for free !" Marba exclaimed, standing up.

        Although being the element of Generosity, Rarity was not shy to accept free labor. "If you insist..." She said in her fake "humble voice". "You can stay in James' room." Once she had left them both to themselves, Marba turned to James. "So, you had the same idea I had?" He asked, annoyed that James had reached her before he had. "I'm not fucking dumb. First thing I did was come over to the boutique. I told her I was an aspiring fashion student who wanted to help her in any way I can." James said, smirking. "Well, she's mine." Marba replied stubbornly, glaring at James. "You're lucky I even stood up for you, mate. I could have easily let you rot in jail." James' smug expression didn't help Marba get over the fact that James had gotten to Rarity first. "Well, I know for a FACT that she'll choose me over you!" Marba said in a matter-of-fact way. "Bring it on, faggot." James told him as he got into bed. "You better get some rest. You'll need it when you get your ass beat in a full-on waifu brawl."

The Moose is Loose

Thomas

The caves had been dark, but Thomas' magic was enough to illuminate a few feet in front of him. Out of the entire crew, Thomas had most likely been the most prepared for their new life in Equestria. Once James had brought up the ritual in chat, Thomas had been planning out his plan to take over Equestria. After being cruelly ridiculed by countless members of the crew, Thomas would finally be above them all. But to be a great overlord, he would need henchmen.

"Where the hell are those Diamond Dogs?" Thomas asked himself. Thomas had been getting impatient in his search. It had been hours and he still hadn't found any trace of the Diamond Dogs. The cave had many twists and turns, and Thomas himself was beginning to feel as if he had gotten lost. After he had felt as though he had searched every nook and cranny of the cave, Thomas had become frustrated. "Okay, what the fuck?" He shouted into the caverns. "You pathetic mutts, come out! I have the perfect opportunity for you!"

As Thomas expected, no response. Thomas let out a grunt of anger and sat down. If he couldn't find the Diamond Dogs, his whole plan would be ruined. "Fuck everything." Thomas muttered as he laid against the wall. Tears had begun to form in his eyes. For once, he had the chance to become a leader, and now he felt as if he would become an hero. As he laid down, he begun to close his eyes. I just want to fall asleep. He thought to himself. Fall asleep and wake up in a world where I'm not hated because of a single greentext mistake...

Thomas had heard rough voices during his sleep. "What do we do?" One of them said. "You fool, we EAT it! I've heard good things about the taste of ponies!" Another voice said, slightly higher in pitch. "Yes! Didn't you hear? The one we let go is said to taste just like marshmallows!" A third chimed in. When his eyes opened, he had seen three confused Diamond Dogs above him. Thomas jumped in surprise. "It's still alive!" The short one hissed. "Not for long!" The tall, lanky one exclaimed as he pounced at Thomas. Thomas barely dodged the Diamond Dog. "Rover, you fool!" The stocky one told his companion. "You WAIT for our signal to pounce!"

"Stop!" Thomas exclaimed, flashing a light with his horn. "I have a proposition!" The Diamond Dogs looked towards him, eyes full of suspicion. "Make your claim, pony." The one named Rover said to him, ready to pounce. "You Diamond Dogs are fond of jewels, yes?" He asked, backing up. The Dogs looked at one another, curious of what he had in mind. "The precious?" The short one asked. "Of course! What makes you doubt our love of the shinies?" Thomas smiled. He knew he had their attention now. "Well, it turns out I have just the place for you." He answered, pulling a map out of his satchel. The map was sprawled across the floor, revealing a map of Equestria.

Looking at the map, Thomas put his hoof on the Crystal Empire. "See this? It's a whole kingdom of crystals." He told them. Although the Diamond Dogs said nothing, Thomas could see the greed on their faces. "A kingdom made of shinies?!" The stocky one asked, slobbering over his words. "Yes, and lucky for you mutts, I know just where this kingdom is. If you give me your tribe's loyalty, you and your tribe will be able to live in a whole kingdom of crystals." Thomas offered, smiling. "Why should we take orders from a pony?" Rover asked him, still cautious of Thomas' intentions. "Who cares, you fool?!" The stocky one retorted, smacking Rover. "You make a sweet deal, pony. You have our trust."

Thomas had felt something forming inside him ( :^) ). Something new, something he hadn't felt before: Power. "Well, then, take me to your tribe." He demanded as he put the map away. "We have a lot of planning to do if we're to take over an entire kingdom."

Dendrophilia

Reed

        Reed's head was spinning more than usual. He had awoken to find himself inside a place incredibly different than James' house. "Ugh, did that ritual actually work?" Reed asked himself. As he inspected his new body, Reed smiled. His horse cock was even bigger than the replica he had back home. He laid a hand - no, hoof- on his head. His head hurt, even more than his average night of drinking. After taking a moment to let himself regain his composure, he took a look at his surroundings. He was in a structure with haystacks and baskets upon baskets of apples. Sweet Apple Acres? Reed thought to himself. He'd had hoped for somewhere more lively, but Sweet Apple Acres was manageable for the time being.

        Before he even left the barn, Reed heard the shouts of ponies outside. "What in tarnation d'ye think yer doin' to mah tree?" A heavy-accented pony exclaimed. Ugh, Applejack, I presume. Reed thought. When he opened the door, he witnessed a laughable sight: a stallion with his dick lodged into the hollow of a tree. "I swear, it's not what it looks like!" The stallion had shouted. When the stallion spoke, Reed recognized his voice. "Christian?" Reed looked towards him, trying to keep his laughter down. "I thought you didn't swing that way." Christian turned his head to see Reed. "Reed?" He asked, dick still lodged into the hollow. "Could you help me out before Applesack beats the shit out of me?" He tried to pull himself out of the tree, but to no avail. "I'm kind of stuck here." He tried to manage a laugh, but couldn't find the strength. "You're MOLESTIN' our very own apple tree!" Applejack shouted at him in anger. "If you won't get your...thing out of there, I'll haf'ta take it out of there mahself!" Christian looked at Reed. "Got any ideas?" He asked, hoping that Reed had a better idea than the completely obvious route.

        Reed took a deep breath and went up to the two of them. "Ok, Christian. This is going to hurt like hell, but it's the only way to get you out of this." Reed told him, looking into his eyes. "No, there's has to be another way, right? Like, what if we cut open the tree-" Before he could finish, Applejack interrupted him. "There's no WAY in Equestria that I'm lettin' you saw down one our prized trees!" "Well, if you don't want that, you'll just have to help me with this, won't you?" Reed said in a somewhat smug tone to Applejack. After some grumbling, Applejack agreed. "Fine." She said stubbornly.  Reed grabbed onto one of Christian's upper hooves. "Ok, on my go, we'll both pull as far back as we can." Reed said to Applejack. Applejack nodded, grabbing onto his other hoof. "C'mon, there's got to be another way than this!" Christian pleaded. "It's for the best." Reed told him as he geared up. "Ok...go!" With their combined strength, they were able to pull him out of the trunk. Christian screamed in pain as he felt his cock being forced out of the hole. When they finally got him out, Christian's cock was bloodied and red. After taking a look at it, he nearly fainted.

        "It's ruined!" He shouted, cradling his cock. Reed got up to inspect his friend's genitalia. "Hm, there doesn't seem like there's any major damage. I'm sure your cock'll be fully functional after a while. I've definitely seen worse." Reed told him. "The good thing is you're alright, for the most part, at least. What were you thinking when you put your dick into the hole in the first place?" Reed asked. "I told you, it wasn't what it looked like." Christian answered. "When I woke up, I could barely keep myself up. I tried to stand and just two hooves to get a better look at where I was. I saw background horse over there and I freaked out.  I didn't want to be caught trespassing on private property, who knows how harsh the legal system is on males? I tried to hide behind the tree, and I'm assuming you can put the rest together."

        Reed laughed. "Whatever you say, Treefucker." He told him. "So, now that we're in Equestria, what do you plan on doing?" Christian thought for a moment. "I don't know, actually. I didn't have much plans to begin with besides live in Equestria. Maybe we could go and see Manehattan?" Christian answered. Applejack stood up and chimed in. "You two ain't goin' nowhere." She said, still angry about her violated tree. "You two's bein' put to work."

The Escort

Björn

        "And for my next trick," Trixie proudly declared to the audience. "I will disappear before your very eyes!" Björn had seen her perform this trick numerous times in the series. As usual, Trixie raised herself onto her two hind hooves and threw the smoke pellet onto the ground. After the smoke cleared, she had no longer been on the stage (Although Björn could have sworn he saw her running behind the stage). The crowd had gone berserk. Even though magic was a part of their daily lives, something about magic tricks entertained them so much that they'd be willing to pay to watch Trixie do the same tricks over and over again.

        After the audience cleared, Björn snuck around to the back. Behind the stage was Trixie's trailer, along with Snips and Snails standing in front of it, as usual. You'd think with her looks, she'd have more guards. Björn thought to himself as he stayed in the shadows. "She said not to let anyone in, right?" Snails asked, trying to look into the windows. "Of course not, you idiot!" Snips snapped, pulling him away. "And don't look into the windows, numbskull! If Trixie catches you, you'll be worse than dead!" I need to get into her trailer, but those two are in the way. He thought as he looked at the duo.

        Björn came up with a plan to get rid of both of them for just enough time to get into the trailer. Revealing himself from the shadows, he approached the two of them. "Hey, you two!" He exclaimed. "Get over here!" Startled by his appearance, Snails nearly fell over. "W-who are you?" Snips asked, backing up. "Nobody's allowed back here!" Björn smiled. "Just come closer." He said with a grin. After nearly five minutes going back and forth like this, Björn finally convinced the two to come up to him. "I-if you're so sure..." Snips said as he walked towards Björn, with Snails trailing behind him.

        When they got close enough, Björn whipped out his horse cock and slapped both of them upside the head. His cock hit them with the force of a thousand bucking stallions, instantly knocking them both out. Afterwards, he made his way to the trailer. As he walked to the door, he could have sworn he heard "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" playing softly in the background. When he opened the door, he saw Trixie laying on a couch. At the sound of the door slamming open, Trixie got up and screeched. "And who do YOU think you are, barging into Trixie's private quarters?" She exclaimed, furious. "I'm going to be the greatest thing that's happened to you in a long time." He replied.

        "W-what do you mean?" She asked, confused. "You see, I could tell just by watching you at the show that something was up. It was on my mind throughout your whole performance. 'What could it be?' I kept asking myself, until I finally figured it out. You have been on the road for a long time, no?" He asked her, leaning against the wall. "Why of course I have! Everypony in Equestria deserves to see The Great and Powerful Trixie's performance!" She replied, forgetting how he barged into the house. "Well, I believe my hypothesis has been confirmed." He said, smiling. "You are in need of some delicious love, Trixie, and I would gladly be your escort throughout your tours."

        "E-escort?!" Trixie stammered, blushing. "B-but Trixie is of higher stature than that! Besides, if Trixie needs to...satiate her needs, she may easily do so with her magic!" Björn laughed, shaking his head. "I'm sure you of all ponies are aware that it doesn't bring about the same thrill. And for the record, many high ranking nobles have had their own courtesans, m'lady." Björn replied, making the motion of tipping a nonexistent fedora. Trixie's face was a saturated crimson. "Not the same thrill?" She asked, contemplating. "And, theoretically, if Trixie agreed, how much would she be paying for your...services?" "For one as good-looking as yourself, I'd be happy to do this as long as I'd be permitted to ride with you on your tour." He answered.

        Trixie thought for a while. "Well, you propose a great offer, escort. Trixie will reluctantly take you with her on her journey." She answered, looking away. "Please, call me Björn." Björn replied, closing the door. "No, Escort will do." Trixie said as she pushed him onto the floor. "Now show Trixie how great and powerful one of you escorts are!"

The Hostage

David Price

"David, is your story true?" Little Strongheart asked David as they sat at the fire that night. David looked over to her. "Of course it's true. Why would I be lying?" David replied. "Well, it's nothing. You're lucky our chief even let you live after today, if he found out you were hiding something, who knows what he would do?" She said as she looked into the fire. "Well, he has tons of reasons to hate me..." David told her as he began to lay on the ground.

David was in a bit of a pinch when he awoke in Equestria. To his dismay, he awoke in the breeding grounds of the Appleloosa's buffalo tribe. Even worse, the tribe had a worse reaction of him being there than he had, stampeding out of the land before he had the chance to move out of the way. He was lucky he even had the luxury of talking to Chief Thunderhooves. He was told that in scenarios such as this, intruders would have automatically been executed.

"Why would a pony such as yourself be stupid enough to intrude on our tribe's sacred grounds?" The Chief had asked him during the confrontation. After explaining the predicament to the Chief, he had openly laughed to his face. "Looks like this one's taken a bit too much cider, don't you think, Strongheart?" The Chief guffawed as his daughter stared at David attentively. "What kind of fate should one such as yourself receive?" He asked him, still recovering from his laughter. "Shall we stampede on you? Maybe a good old flaying-" Before he could finish, Strongheart had stopped him. "Chief, I believe it would be most wise of us to return him to his friends!" She exclaimed. "You believe this madpony's ravings?" He asked, causing him to laugh even harder than before.

"Even if what he says is true, why should we help a pony?" He asked, suddenly serious. "Ponies are the reason we don't have all of our land anymore, don't you remember?" He told her, angered. Before he could go on any further, Strongheart defused the situation. "Well, how about we give him to the ponies of Appleloosa in exchange for some land?" She asked, trying to smile. "We gain more land and have less blood on our hooves!" After taking it into consideration, Thunderhooves sighed. "I swear I'm getting softer by the day. Let the pony go. We shall follow what Strongheart says." After he gave the word, they let him go. "We will turn to the Appleloosans tomorrow to see if we could negotiate terms. This pony is your problem, so keep him under your watch at all times."

Which brought them to this moment. "You believe me, right?" David asked, looking at her. "I doubt anyone else here does." She answered, not looking at him. "What matters is that we haven't slain another pony today. Chief Thunderhooves has executed the last three intruders, you're lucky I was here to vouch for your safety." She gave him a concerned look. "Promise me you'll find your friends, David. Knowing the Chief, he'll come back for you as soon as he can, so I want your friends to be able to keep you safe after we let you go." David looked towards her. "Heh," He chuckled. "Chances are that would take forever. Seeing as though I haven't seen any of them at all, yet, I'm sure it'd take forever for all of us to regroup."

Little Strongheart stood up. "Don't think about it like that! Stay positive and you'll be able to overcome any obstacle!" She told him, determined to help him out. "That's exactly someone from Equestria would say." He laughed. "I'm sorry, but I doubt we'd be able to get anywhere with just a positive attitude." He looked up into the sky. "Besides, I don't know how in the hell to get around Equestria." Little Strongheart thought deeply before exclaiming "Well, I'll help you! I shall guide you to Ponyville. If what you say is true, Ponyville should be the easiest place for all of your friends to regroup at, don't you think?" David looked to her, standing up. "You'd really risk your status in the tribe just to help some random pony with a crazy tale? What makes you think you'll be fine helping me out?"

"If I learned anything from the ponies who came here years ago to help solve our problems, it's that you should always try to settle problems with the power of friendship!" She smiled. David shuddered at the mention of love and tolerance. Well, she's not much, but she's the only help I've got. He thought to himself. "Fine. So how will we get out of here?" He asked. "Tomorrow when we go into town." Little Strongheart told him. "That's when we can make our escape."

Filly Fiddler

Christian

Applejack was adamant about the two of them working on the farm. After desecrating one of her beloved trees, Reed and Christian were forced to work on the farm until she believed that she they "paid their dues five times over!" When trying to object, she stopped them. "Well, it's either this or Ah'm reportin' to the law that one of you was foolin' around with mah tree!" She exclaimed, victorious. Sighing, Christian began his work on the farm. "Why the hell do I have to work?" Reed complained. "I wasn't the one fucking a tree." Realizing that nobody would listen, Reed grumbled and went to work.

For an orchard, Sweet Apple Acres required a tremendous amount of work. With just Reed, Macintosh, Christian, and Applejack, it took what felt like forever to harvest apples. It was the hardest on Christian, due to his injuries from the incident which occurred earlier in the day. His phallus had been wrapped in bandages and lathered in applesauce (Granny Smith insisted it would ease the pain). Sadly, the applesauce had only managed to make it sting with every step. At one point it got so bad that Big Mac had to take him back into the house.

"That took forever, but we managed to pick all the apples that are ready." Reed told Macintosh. "Thank god," Christian exclaimed as he laid in the grass. "Can we go inside now?" "Nope." Big Macintosh said, shaking his head. "The cattle still needs some tending to." Christian frowned. "Cattle?" He complained. "Can't we leave that for your sister?" "Nope." Big Macintosh repeated. "Stop being a bitch. Let's just get this done and we can get out of here." Reed told him, helping him up.

Christian had to be carried by Big Mac as they went to the barn. This hurts like a bitch. Christian thought. At least this won't be too bad. I'm sure after all the work we've done today, she'll let us go. If not, we could probably just escape and be done with them in no ti- Just then, the three of them came to a screeching halt. The cattle had all gathered around the body of a pony. Mac carelessly dropped Christian and galloped to the body. Christian landed dick-first onto the ground, causing further pain to him. "Agh!" He screamed as he laid on the ground. His cock hurt worse than when he had been forced out of the tree. Before he could shout for help, he began to pass out.

When Christian awoke, he was in a bed. The bed was fairly big, and the room had been tidy except for a maroon cloak left by the bead. Where am I? He thought as he tried to get out of bed. He could barely put his hooves on the ground when he saw that his cock had been re-bandaged. What? I don't remember rewrapping myself up. Before he could make it to the door, it swung wide open. "Wow, there! Get back in bed!" A young voice ordered him. Christian looked downwards and he saw Applebloom before him. She had been outfitted with a nurse's outfit, strangely enough. Cosplay? He thought as he got back in bed.

"As your aide, I instruct you to stay in bed and get some rest. Celestia knows you need it after what my sis and your friend did to you earlier!" She giggled. "My aide?" Christian asked, confused. "You mean they're going to let a filly care for me? It'd be easier for them to just kill me now than this!" Applebloom frowned. "Nu-uh! I'm sure this'll be earn me mah cutie mark! And besides, the hospital would never accept me as their aide, even after I told them I used to dissect bugs!"

Christian sighed as he rest his head on the pillow. "So, uh..." "Applebloom!" She replied, suddenly full of energy. "Yes! Applebloom!" He exclaimed. I always forget her. As the sister to background horse, I forget she even exists. "What happened before I passed out?" Applebloom thought for a second. "Well, according to yer friend, 'That fag Aaron must've teleported into midair when we transported in. His body was lifeless, and disgusting, nonetheless.' " Christian laughed. "Well, I guess now he really is kill. Where is my friend, anyways?" "He went off to the barn with Mac. Somethin' about cawk? Anyways, he told me to give you a message when you awoke." She said, pulling out a note from her pocket. Christian picked it up with his magic and read:

Applejack won't let us out. I'm going to see if I can seduce Mac into helping us escape. Just let me do the work, you're in no shape to do anything right now. And don't get any ideas while I'm away. Bad enough you're a treefucker, if you turn out to be a filly fiddler, we're going to have a lot more problems on our hands.

Sunbros

Scott

Scott and Vanguard were assigned to stand watch in the gardens. Since his arrival, Vanguard was his only friend in the guard. Being the first pony he had talked to in Equestria and the one who had helped him get a job in the guard, he had always preferred to stay near him most of the time. After the garden was empty, Vanguard broke the silence. "So, it seems like you and your roommate's been having some disagreements lately." He said to Scott. "Where did you hear that?" Scott asked, trying to keep a straight face. "Nobody, but everyone in the barracks can hear your arguments at night." Vanguard laughed.

Scott frowned. "Well, 'disagreements' is a light way to put it. Sentry is an intolerable fool who doesn't deserve a position in the guard." Ever since they met, Scott had a growing hatred for Flash. The infamous waifu thief had spent the entire night talking to him about mares he'd stolen from stallions. Scott had been fine with it until Flash said something that was unforgivable. "...And that Rarity looked pretty good, too. I think I might go for her next." Scott had grown furious when he said it, causing them to spend the whole night arguing over who has rightful claim on marshmallow pone.

"Flash isn't that bad once you get to know him." Vanguard said. "Believe me, I know way more about him than you will ever know." Scott retorted, thinking about EQG. "If the mongrel means to take my beloved from me, he'll have to go through me first." Vanguard smiled. "Speak of the devil." He said in a low voice. "'Sup, fillies?" Flash declared as he came closer. Scott grunted, glaring at him. "Is that KnightLight? I couldn't tell without that cultist armor of his!" He laughed. As a guard, Scott wasn't allowed to wear his Astorian armor while on the job. "Quit your talk, Sentry. We're on duty." Scott said. "Aw, it hurts me to hear my buddy saying things like that! After all, I was hear to tell you that you two were allowed to clock out." Sentry said in a mock tone. "This early? It's barely sundown." Vanguard looked up at the red-orange sky. Scott shuddered. There was one thing he hated more than Flash: the night. "Well, I'm not questioning it." Scott said, already starting to walk back. "It's almost time for dinner, anyways."

Before coming to the dining hall, Scott left to his room to put his Solaire armor on. The barracks' dining halls were crowded with numerous guards, each downing their meal wholeheartedly. "Sorry, we're all out of food." The chef told Scott when he came in. Scott heard his stomach growl. I guess I'll starve tonight. He thought as he began to walk out. "Woah, KnightLight! Where do you think you're going?" Vanguard called from across the room. "Don't be a loner! Come over here!" Scott reluctantly went to the table, curious of why he was being called over. "Yes?" He asked, suspicious. "I figured you'd be here late. Luckily for you, I managed to save you a plate." Vanguard smiled, pushing the plate to him. "Take a seat."

Scott was introduced to the guards at the table. Aegis, the one across from Vanguard, had been gruff at first, but soon opened up to Scott. Both Aegis and Vanguard knew each other as colts, training with each other almost every day. Whittler was a stout pegasus who had been sitting at the end of the table. According to Whittler, he never wanted to join the guard in the first place. "I just wanted to stay home and carve...toys for a living. . I was actually making a decent money off of some of my Griffon set until I had to join." He told them as he begun drooling. "What exactly made you join, then?" Scott asked, curious. "W-Well, my father found my hobby disturbing, telling me that it wasn't normal for stallions." He finished with a sigh.

After finishing their meal, the four of them went out to the gardens to get away from the guards. Although Scott wasn't happy about going out into the nighttime, he followed nonetheless. "After we eat, we usually come out here to discuss matters." Vanguard said as they neared the end of the garden. "You're loyal to Celestia, correct?" Vanguard. "Why, I'd do anything for m'lady." Scott answered as he tipped his non-existent fedora. "Well, I think we can trust him, guys. What do you think?" Vanguard asked their companions. "If you trust him, I do, too." Aegis answered. "For Celestia's sake, he's wearing armor with the sun on it. Isn't that enough to trust his loyalty?" Whittler jested. "Trust me with what?" Scott asked. "Well, you see, the three of us may just be members of the guard, but there's a secret that we believe we can trust you with." Vanguard said as he made sure nobody is around. "We plan to ensure the absolute rule of Celestia by assassinating the Heathen of the Night herself."

Shagging

Jaxon

Jaxon and Sweetie Belle were hanging at Sugar Cube Corner. It had been a few days since he murdered Scootaloo, and nobody had noticed the difference. "I wonder what's going on with Applebloom..." Sweetie Belle thought aloud. "She said that she had to help somepony out at the farm." Jaxon smiled. "Well, it's just the two of us today, then?" Sweetie nodded. "Yeah...What if we visit Sweet Apple Acres? We could go and help Applebloom with her sick friend!" She suggested. Jaxon frowned at the idea. "No, we'd just get in the way. Plus, I had an even better idea for what we could do!" He said, a smile growing on his face. "Like what?" Sweetie asked, curious.

"Let's fug." He exclaimed, pulling Sweetie closer in. "No!" Sweetie squeaked, pushing him off of her. "Why do you always want to do that? It didn't earn us our cutie marks last time we tried it!" Every day since he took the role of Scootaloo, he had always suggested that the three of them have delicious filly sex. Sadly, none of them had seemed interested. "Well, it was fun, wasn't it?" Jaxon said, irritated. "Not at all! Remember, you even ended up  wetting yourself when we tried!" Sweetie Belle answered. That sounds glorious. If only I was there to experience it. He thought.

"Well, what do you think we should do, then?" He asked Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle shrugged. "Well, since it's just the two of us, we can't go crusading." She said with a sigh. "I guess we could just hang around here for the time being." As they sat there with a bored expression, Pinkie trotted up to their table. "Heya, guys! What's wrong?" She asked with a huge smile on her face. "Hey, Pinkie. We're just really bored right now." Sweetie answered, putting her head on the table. "Well, if you guys are bored, I'm about to go up over to pick up some apples from the farm. Do you fillies want to tag along?" Pinkie asked. Jaxon sprang up when he heard the words. Applebloom will be there. Maybe she'll be willing to fug! He thought. "We're in!" He answered for the two of them. Sweetie looked at Jaxon. "Hey, I thought you didn't wanna go over to Sweet Apple Acres!" She said, annoyed. "lel I changed muh mind." Jaxon said. "What are we waiting for? Let's go!" As they left, Jaxon could hear Sweetie mumbling to herself  "...lel?"

"Applejack!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed when they arrived at the farm. "I'm here to pick up those apples, and I even brought a couple fillies to help!" Applejack came out of the house, rushing towards them. "Heya, uh, Pinkie, could I talk to you for a sec in private?" She asked, gesturing to the house. "Sure!" Pinkie said. "You girls can wait here! We won't be too long." After Pinkie  and Applejack left, Jaxon started to look around the farm. "What are you looking for?" Sweetie asked, following him. "I'm looking for a place where we can fug." Jaxon replied. "Ugh, you're still on that? I already said no!" Sweetie squeaked. "C'mon, maybe if it was just the two of us, we could try new things while we fug!" Jaxon said, trying to persuade her.

Sweetie sighed. "Well, if you really want to, let's do it. But just this once!" She said to him. Jaxon became very excited. "Really?" He asked, walking to the barn. "Well, let's try in the barn! It should be empty!" When they got closer, Jaxon could hear sounds coming from the barn. As they came to the door, Jaxon could make them out as grunts. "Shh," Jaxon told Sweetie. "Do you hear that?" Sweetie nodded, looking into the barn. As soon as she looked in, she ran away, squealing. When Jaxon peeked through the door, he saw it: Big Macintosh and another brown pony shagging.

"Jesus Christ!" Jaxon exclaimed, running away. While he ran, he could have sworn he heard Big Mac let out a wail of ecstasy.

Say Anything...

Marba

The following days felt exactly the same. Day after day, James and Marba had tried to one-up each other in front of Rarity in hopes of winning her heart. No matter what each of them did, their efforts were to naught. It was amazing how oblivious Rarity was to their endeavors. "It's simply marvelous that I have two hardworking stallions to help around now! I've never been able to make dresses this fast!" She had told them once after a day of work. Unfortunately for Marba, James had a head start on Rarity's heart. Faggot had a lucky spawn. He thought one night after work. If it weren't for that, I'd be head and shoulders above him.

"You might as well give up now. She's practically begging for my cock." James bragged as they got into bed. "Fuck you." Marba answered. "I'm trying to sleep here." "Fine." James said, turning away from him. Since they didn't have a home, James and Marba had to share a cramped room in Rarity's guest room. To Marba's dismay, James had laid claim on the only bed inside, leaving Marba to the floor. He can think what he wants. I have a plan that'll win Rarity over for sure. He thought. Marba had planned a way to steal her heart the night before. He would re-enact a scene from Say Anything, one of Marba's favorite films. Armed with a boombox, Marba would wait outside of Rarity's room. After she hears "In Your Eyes" playing outside, he would declare his love for her right then and there.

Once James fell asleep, Marba set his plan into action. After sneaking out of the house, Marba realized how late it was. Damn, would she be awake still? Marba thought. After finding what he had assumed was Rarity's window, Marba turned on his boombox. As the music played, he could see a light turn on from her room. Thank goodness. Marba smiled as he let the music play. Marba had felt his heart pumping as he held the boombox over his head. Okay, Marba. Now or never. After taking a deep breath, Marba begun his speech.

"I have something I've been wanting to tell you ever since that day we met.. The day where we first met eyes with each other. The day I fell in love with you." He shouted, music playing. "I feel as if we were both meant for each other! It was like Celestia put us together at that exact moment for a reason! I love you, and I want to be with you forever!" He finished. There were no sounds coming from the room above him. Taken aback, Marba added onto his plea. "I know this is sudden, but I mean every word I've said!"

After a moment of silence, Marba heard a shriek come from the room above. "M'lady?" He asked, tipping his invisible fedora. Moments afterwards, he heard the door barge open from behind him. Although it was dark, Marba could make out Rarity running towards him. Yes! Marba thought, heart pounding. I've won her over! Marba became excited and begun to run towards Rarity as well. As he grew closer, the details on her face became more and more clear. Rather than a face of love and happiness, he saw a face of violence and rage.

"You mongrel!" She screamed, tackling him to the ground. "I should have reported you when I had the chance!" Marba tried to push her off, but his efforts only resulted in a flurry of punches. For such a proper pony, Rarity could pack an amazing punch. After nearly 5 minutes of blind rage, Rarity finally got off of him. "What did I do?" Marba asked, struggling to maintain consciousness. "Are you truly this against my love?!" Rarity glared at Marba, looking as if she would pounce him again. "Against your love? Of course! It isn't natural for a grown stallion such as you to have these sort of feelings for young Sweetie Belle! I've already sent James to fetch the police. Your wicked ways will be put to an end, fiend!"

"Sweetie Belle?" Marba asked. "You must be mistaken-" "Do you take me for a fool? I could hear you confess your love to Sweetie Belle right outside of her room!" She shouted, pointing to the boombox. "Sweetie's room?" Marba asked, looking over to it. "Shit! I could have sworn it was your room!" "Likely story." Rarity replied. Marba could hear the trots of the police nearing. "Scum like you are a nuisance to our society. If you're lucky, you'll receive a quick execution!" Marba's brow lined with sweat. Execution? I've died once to get here. I'm sure as hell not dying again. As Rarity shouted for the police to come to where they were, Marba stood up. With his remaining strength, he did his best to gallop away.

On top of the excruciating pain in his face, Marba had to outrun the police. Marba could barely see where he was going, which made it even more difficult. "He's heading into the Everfree Forest!" He heard one of them say. "Let him run." Another said. "He's as good as dead out there alone."

Spunk

David Jensen

David had been waiting for Vinyl outside of Hoofbeat. Since the night before, he had remade an old song of his on the laptop Vinyl provided him. "I'll show that bitch." He said to the bouncer. "This'll make all of her songs sound Skrillex-tier." The bouncer gave him a sideways glance. "You really wanna put her out of the business this bad?" The bouncer asked as he continued working his shift. "Well, no..." David replied, clutching the laptop. "I just want to put that bitch in her place. I mean, who cares if she loses one club? She's one of the biggest mixers in Equestria, right?" The bouncer scoffed. "Where have you been the past few months? She's lucky she's getting any gigs after she worked on that Wonderbolts song." He explained. "Wonderbolts song? That one with Pinkie?" David asked. "Yeah. One of the lowest on the charts. She hasn't made any money off of it, either."

David leaned against the wall in thought. Damn, tells you what one small mistake could do to you in the music industry. While he was thinking, Vinyl arrived at the club. "What's up, big guy?" She greeted him. "So, you got your show-stopping track ready?" David nodded. "Yeah." He answered. Whatever, fuck this bitch. She probably still has money from her previous works, right? "Well, how about you go up first, then?" She offered with a sarcastic grin. "I'm sure the club'll be begging to hear a no-name like you play your music for them." David faked a laugh. "Yeah, fuck you too." He retorted as he followed her through the side door.

The inside of Hoofbeat was just as flashy as it was outside. The club's entire floor was illuminated in sky blue, and the platform for the DJ had appeared to be vomited on numerous times. Absolutely disgusting. David thought as he set up his equipment. "Well, big guy, the club opens up in a couple minutes, good luck!" She laughed as she went to the bar. While setting up, David took note of the amounts of shots Vinyl had been downing. 4, 5, 6...Jesus Christ, she's gone through all those in 2 minutes? He thought to himself.

Overall, David's performance had been amazing. Many of the ponies had loved his work, some even coming up to him afterwards asking for links to his track. The manager had came up to him after the clubbers left. "Well, kid, you've got spunk. How's about you work for us full time? That Wonderbolts mare's got nothing on you, son!" He said to David. "Sure!" David eagerly replied. The staff had been ecstatic when they heard of his employment. Although David could see one pony who hadn't been too happy: Vinyl. After downing another shot, she stumbled out of the club in drunken sadness.

"Well, you did it." The Bouncer said as they sat outside of the club. "You got Vinyl fired. Didn't know you had it in you." David felt guilty over taking her job. "Well, it isn't really that bad for her, right? I mean, doesn't she still have money from all her other songs?" He asked. The Bouncer shook his head. "Nope. She shoveled that all into the funding of that stupid bass cannon. She's been living off her marefriend for weeks now." He replied. David tried to shake the guilt off. "Serves her right. She's a complete bitch." He said to the Bouncer. "Pfft, whatever you say." David got up. "I'm going to find a place to stay. I'd prefer not to sleep in the slums again."

As he walked off, David could feel the regret on his shoulders. She doesn't mean anything to me. He thought. So why do I feel so bad?

Planning

Thomas

The tribe had been quick to warm up to Thomas when he told them of the Crystal Empire. Whether it was their lust for the crystals, hatred of the other ponies, or both, the Diamond Dogs eagerly accepted his offer. Thomas was treated like an honored guest amongst the dogs. They had fashioned a tiny cave just for him. "Remember, pony," The stocky mutt known as Fido reminded him. "We expect a kingdom of crystals. If we can't have it, you'll pay." Thomas scoffed at the remark. "Don't worry at all. I gave you my word, didn't I?" He replied, poking his makeshift bed (which was merely a pile of rubble). "And another thing, don't call me pony. My name is Thomas, and you'll address me as such." Fido gave him a confused look. "Thomoose?" He repeated, trying to get the pronunciation right. "A stupid name, if you ask me." He mumbled as he left Thomas to himself.

When Thomas was alone, he pulled out his map. Ugh, I didn't expect these mutts to be so stupid. He thought as he marked a trail on the map. Although he had an entire army of Diamond Dogs, they wouldn't be enough to hold the line against the entirety of both Cadence and Celestia's guard. I'll need more than just the Diamond Dogs. He thought as he looked at the map. While looking at the map, he noticed Canterlot's castle not too far from their trail. Octavia. He smiled, thinking of his beloved waifu. It'll be extremely risky, but I have to see my waifu at least once before I conquer my kingdom. Hell, if she falls in love with me, she'll make a great queen on the throne beside me in the Crystal Empire.

After studying the map long enough, Thomas came to a conclusion. "I've got it!" He exclaimed as he raced out to the tribe. Although it was nearly impossible with the numerous caves, Thomas managed to flag down Rover. "You!" Thomas said, galloping up to him. "Get the other leaders up to my room this instant! I figured out how we'll take over the empire!"

Once all of them were in his room, Thomas began telling them the details of his plan. "So, how will we get this shiny empire?" Rover asked, looking at the map. "Well, it won't be an easy trip, I'll tell you that much. You see this?" He said, pointing to a mark on the map. "This is where we are right now. This line is the path we'll need to take to get to the Crystal Empire. We're going to have to circle around every town so we aren't seen. After we get here, we'll need to get onto a train."

"But how will we get onto a train?" Fido asked. "If you haven't noticed, our people aren't seen kindly by ponies." "That's when the hard part starts. While you guys stay away, I will be going into Canterlot alone to request a train for my 'symphony'. I think I know someone who will help us out with that." He explained, thinking of Octavia. "You make a formidable plan, Thomoose." Fido admitted. "However, there is one thing on the map that I don't understand." "What is it?" Thomas asked. "What is this area we're stopping at here?" Fido asked, pointing at the map. "Oh, that?" Thomas asked. "That's where we'll be recruiting the dragons."

Boulevard of Broken Meems

Björn

Björn had been laying in the trailer. It was day two of his role as an escort, and as her escort, he was to wait in her chambers unless told otherwise. Tonight, Trixie was performing in Manehattan. Whilst waiting for her return, Björn began to plan out his life in Equestria. Although his job's purpose was to get his dick wet on a daily basis, Björn had chosen it for another reason. With a job that required him to travel all across Equestria, he was sure to find one of his friends on tour. "I bet those dickheads forgot all about me." He said to himself.

After a while, Trixie barged into the trailer. "Trixie is most certainly the greatest and most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria!" She declared. "I assume the show went well?" Björn asked as he got up. "Of course it went well! Why wouldn't it?" She scoffed. Björn rolled his eyes as he walked up to her. "So, does m'lady desire some assistance from her faithful escort?" Björn asked, putting his hooves around her from behind. A smile grew on Trixie's face as she replied, "Why, I guess the Great and Powerful Trixie does deserve a little relaxation after such a spectacular performance, doesn't she?" Björn nibbled on her ear. Trixie felt Björn's member solidify behind her. "Excited already, Escort?" She giggled. "Well, you'll be exhausted after Trixie's done."

The sex had been far more incredible than their first time together. Many of Björn's muscles were sore and he felt as though he would collapse from exhaustion.. Trixie had made him go 3 rounds before she was done with him. "So, where's the next show?" Björn asked. "Well, Trixie was thinking, since she's had so many positive reviews, she'd like to have her next show at Canterlot!" She answered. Björn smiled. "Sounds great. I've always wanted to see the capital." Trixie rested her head on his chest. "Keep up the good work and you'll definitely be on the trip, Escort."

After laying in silence, Trixie dozed off. Canterlot, huh? Björn thought to himself. There's a good chance that I'll meet one of them. Björn pushed her aside as he got up. Björn couldn't waste any time. I might as well try my luck looking for one of them here, too. Björn tried his best to sneak out of the trailer and into the city. "If I was one of the other members, where would I go?" Björn wondered as he walked. "Of course!" He exclaimed as he sped up to a trot.

"Coco Pommel?" The desk clerk repeated. "I remember her. Sweet mare. Her studio's up on the third floor. Third one on the left." "Thanks." Björn said as he made his way to the elevator. I know almost half of the Crew thirsts over Rarity, so what better way to contact her than to get to one of her friends here in Manehattan? It would have been impossible for Pommel to not have spoken to Rarity lately. After a short wait, he left the elevator and went to Coco's studio. After knocking on the door, he heard Coco shuffle towards the door. "Hello." She greeted him. "Hi. You may not know me. I'm Björn, a friend of Rarity's." Björn introduced himself. "Oh, a friend of Rarity?" She brightened up. "Well, a friend of Rarity is a friend of mine! Come in!"

"So, what brings you here?" Coco asked as she brought in tea. "Well, truth is, I've been worried about Rarity. I haven't gotten a letter from her in a while. Have you happened to receive any news about her, lately?" He asked, trying his best to sound worried. "You haven't?" She asked. "Well, I'd be glad to help you out." She searched in one of the drawers and pulled out a scroll. "Well, this one came in yesterday. She said she had gotten a couple new assistants. James and Marble, I think?" Björn couldn't help but laugh. "So, James and Marble, huh?" He asked. "Well, thanks. I think I'll be going now." "Now? You barely got here!" Coco said. "Sorry, I"m just a bit more worried about her new assistants." He said. "I think I'm going to go check them out."

"Ponyville?" Trixie asked the next day. "Just last night you said you couldn't wait to go to Canterlot!" Björn sighed. "I know, but I've had a change of heart." "Well, it doesn't matter what you want, Escort. We go where Trixie wants to!" She replied. "Well, we're going where the escort wants to go if you still wish to keep him around." Björn threatened. Trixie was taken aback by the sudden remark. "You wouldn't!" She stammered. "You wouldn't want to be left alone far from home, would you?" "You want to test me, Trixie?" He asked, smiling. Trixie groaned. "You vex Trixie, Escort. Trixie will change the destination to Ponyville." She mumbled. "Good." Björn replied. Again, he could have sworn he heard "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" playing somewhere.

Rhyme Scheme

James

"The nerve of him, James!" Rarity shouted as she paced from one end of the room to the other. "Coming into the boutique to say all that to poor Sweetie Belle? Why, if the police hadn't shown up as fast as they had, I don't know what I would have done!" James chuckled. "Well, don't worry. He's as good as dead now. You heard the police, right?" Just moments ago, Marba had ran off after sweet-talking Sweetie Belle. James had no idea why Marba would do such a thing when a fine mare like Rarity was in the house, but he felt like he knew all along that Marba was a filly fiddler.

"Either way, if he tries to come back here, I'll make sure not to let him get to Sweetie." He assured her. Rarity scoffed. "Which reminds me, he was your friend, correct? You let him into the boutique, putting Sweetie Belle in danger! Why didn't you say anything about his...desires?" "Woah, I didn't know anything about his filly fondling fetish!" James defended himself. "What matters is that he can't get to her from here on out." Rarity turned to him. "And I can trust you to keep him away when you were the one who told him where Sweetie and I lived in the first place?" She replied. "Trust me. I know Marba like I know the bottom of my hoof. If he tries to get anywhere near us, I'll make sure to deal with him." James promised.

"Fine." Rarity answered. "But if I hear anything about Marba getting back in here, it'll be out with you." James nodded. "Ok, ok." He said. "I'm serious!" She exclaimed as she went upstairs. Goddamnit. James thought after she left. Marba's going to fuck up my chances with Rarity if he comes back. I have to find a way to make sure he'll be unable to get back here... After thinking it through, James came up with a plan. I'll hunt the bastard down and turn him in. He'll be out of my hair AND I'll look like a hero.

The next day, he announced his plan to Rarity and Sweetie Belle during breakfast. "I'll be going on a man- er, ponyhunt!" He exclaimed as he took a bite of his meal. "Goodness, James. Are you sure you'll be able to find the fiend?" Rarity asked him. "One hundred percent." He answered. "Like I said, I know him like the bottom of my hoof. I'll be able to find him in no time!" Sweetie Belle chimed in with her approval. "You go, James!" She cheered. "Take care of Marba for good!" "Woah, there. I know you hate Marba and all, but I can't go and murder him. I'll be handing him in to the justice system and let Princess Twilight decide his fate." James replied, much to Sweetie's displeasure.

After breakfast, James began his search for Marba. The road in the Everfree Forest was difficult to follow, with a trail that was nearly indistinguishable to the terrain around it. It only took James half an hour to get lost in the dark, sp00ky forest. "Damn it!" He shouted, stomping the ground. "How the hell am I supposed to find Marba like this?" Just then, James heard the rustling of (jimmies) leaves from the darkness. "James, is that you?" A voice called out to him. "Marba?" He asked, nearing the bush. Marba stumbled out of the bush, doing his best to stay up. "Of course. Who else would it be?" Marba said. "What the hell are you doing out here, anyways?" James had forgotten how Rarity had rekt him the night before. His eye was swollen and there were bruises all over his face. "I explained everything to Rarity. She wants you to get back to the boutique as fast as you can. She sent me out here to find you."

If I tell him that I'm here to take him in to the police, he sure as hell won't follow. James thought to himself. "Really?" Marba asked. "I was afraid she'd hate me forever!" James laughed. "Of course not. It was all just a misunderstanding." James insisted. "So, you know the way out of here?" Marba asked, looking around their surroundings. "Well, no..." He answered. "But I'm sure we'll be able to get out of here. How hard could it be?" Marba scoffed. "Well, I've been limping around here since last night, and I haven't been able to find my way out." James shuddered at the thought of both of them getting lost in the Everfree Forest forever. "Well, let's try to find our way out together, eh?" He said as he went over to help Marba walk. "Don't worry, I'll walk you through it. Rarity beat you up good, huh?" "Fuck off." Marba retorted as they left the area.

Even with the both of their heads combined, they couldn't find a way out. "We're never getting out of here!" Marba lamented as they walked. Just then, James could have sworn he heard another pony nearby. "Shut it!" He said in a hushed tone. "Someone's nearby." The two of them hid behind a tree when they saw the shadow of the pony nearing them. The figure appeared to have been carrying something on its back. Once it came into view, James let out a sigh of relief and revealed himself. "Zecora!" He shouted, galloping to her. "Huh?" The zebnig turned to see James and Marba heading towards her. "I do believe that my eyes have deceived me, for I see two ponies running from behind a tree!" Zecora said. "We're real!" James assured her. "And we're in desperate need of your help!" Zecora smiled at them. "Aye, but first let us return to my abode. I have spent many, many hours on the road." She replied as she begun leading them to her house. "Oh god, she actually rhymes..." Marba muttered as they followed her.

"You two got lost on the trail, you say? Well, in the forest, it's hard to tell night from day." She said to them while they sat in her home. Ugh, her rhyming is terrible. James thought to himself. "Yeah, it's a long story." He said with a shrug. "I'm sorry to ask for so much, but could you see to it that my friend's wounds are healed up?" Zecora frowned. "I will gladly care for your friend, but I fear that another's life has come to an end." She said in a dreary tone. "What?" James asked, confused. "You see, I have a wounded friend, too. She's a young pegasus by the name of Scootaloo."

Escape

David Price

"All that land for him?" Silverstar asked, looking at David. Thunderhooves nodded. "This buffoon intruded our sacred mating grounds. The fool's lucky he's even alive." He explained.  "I think you'll find that a few acres of land is a fair offer considering his circumstances." Thunderhooves added. David had been tied up and left between the two of them. Strongheart eyed both Sheriff Silverstar and Thunderhooves frantically to see that none of them made any sudden movements. "Well, you see, Chief, all that land ain't exactly mine to give." Silverstar replied as he looked back at Thunderhooves. "It's the whole town's land." Thunderhooves stomped in rage. "Well, if the land isn't in our possession by high noon, this pony here shall be returned in pieces." He shouted. "Pick him up, Little Strongheart. We'll leave them to decide."

When David was alone with Strongheart, she began to untie him. "Don't worry, David. We'll be far away from him soon enough." Once David was free from his binds, he stood up and surveyed the area. "So, what's the quickest way to Ponyville? I'd rather not stay here any longer." He said to her. "The fastest way to get there would be the train." Strongheart answered. "It'll be here in a few minutes, so we're going to have to hurry up." David stretched his limbs, trying to get his blood circulating properly again. "Well, let's go." He said with a sigh. "Which way?"

The two broke into a full gallop, hoping to reach the train station in time. Although Strongheart had been confident that they would make it in time, the shouts of the conductor echoed through the streets. "Last call for those boarding the train!" He shouted as the bell rang. "We're almost there!" Little Strongheart told David as they neared the station. "We'll be out of here in no time!" As soon as they arrived at the train station, they heard Chief Thunderhooves' fury boom throughout the town.

"THEY'RE GONE!" He screamed. "FIND THE PONY AND LITTLE STRONGHEART AS WELL!" The train began to move on the rails, preparing to leave. "Hurry!" Little Strongheart exclaimed. "We need to get out before he finds us!" The train was now accelerating at a rate they would soon be unable to keep up with. "Fuck it." David said as he ran to the train. "Let's just jump onto the back!" He looked at the last cart. I should be able to make it. How hard could it be? Jumping onto the cart was surprisingly harder than he had initially thought. David barely made it, almost falling off when he jumped. Unlike David, Little Strongheart nailed the jump with no trouble. "Thank God we made it. Now we can just sit back until we reach our destina-"

Before David could finish, the train nearly shook off the rails. David looked to the side of the train. "Shit..." He muttered. Chief Thunderhooves had been trying to run the cart off the rails. "The hell do you think you're doing?!" David shouted at him. "You're going to get all of these passengers hurt!" Despite David's plea, Thunderhooves continued to ram into the cart. "Stop!" Strongheart plead, leaning out towards Thunderhooves. "You can't do that!"

Thunderhooves' third bash knocked Little Strongheart off of the train. She tumbled in the dust, scrapes forming on her body. Chief Thunderhooves ran back to pick her up. Fuck! Dsvid thought to himself. He couldn't just leave her there to face punishment from Chief Thunderhooves, but if he got off to help, he'd most likely be executed by Thunderhooves himself. "I'm sorry..." He muttered as he watched Thunderhooves carry her back to town. Chief wouldn't dare hurt her, right? He thought as the town faded out of sight.

After almost a day's worth of waiting, the train finally stopped. "Ponyville at last!" He exclaimed as he got off the train. Riding as a stowaway was an experience David hoped he'd never have to go through again. "Now, if I was one of the Crew members, where would I go in Ponyville?" He said to himself. "No shit. Rarity's place, right?"

Cloudsdale

Jonathan

Jonathan used to laugh at how Scootaloo couldn't fly in the show. "You've had them your whole life, yet you can't use them?" He used to say as he watched the pathetic chickun. It was pathetic, right? Not being able to use her wings, the things that separated her from the other races!

Jonathan took back everything he ever said. Flying had been one of the worst experiences he had until then. Although he had experience with planes back home, he was completely unprepared for flying with his horse wings. He couldn't keep steady at all, crashing multiple times. After what felt like the hundredth time, he ended up taking a balloon ride to Cloudsdale.

Cloudsdale was one of the most beautiful places Jonathan had ever seen. The buildings were highly reminiscent of Greco-Roman architecture back home, its beauty nearly equal. Even the sky was amazing, clear as day. After soaking in the view, Jonathan came back to his senses. "Right, onto business." He said to himself as he entered the city.

Finding Twilight was unexpectedly easy. Dozens of pegasi had been gathered outside a factory, apparently on strike. Signs were being held up with slogans such as "Down with the Rainbow!" and "Free the Fillies!" Jonathan decided to ask a young colt who had been photographing the scene what was going on.

"The workers on strike!" He explained, his voice being drowned out by the shouts of the protestors. "Working conditions in the factory have gone down tremendously! They barely have any breaks, and yesterday it reached the tipping point when they announced that they'll have to work on Hearth's Warming!" Jonathan gave him a nod. "Is the Princess in there by any chance?" He asked. The colt snapped another picture as he replied. "Yes, actually. I actually took a photo of it if you'd like to get one!" He said. "Uh, no thanks." He declined. "I'll be going now. Thanks...uh..." "Featherweight!" The colt replied. "I'll see you around!"

Getting through the crowd had been a difficult task, but Jonathan managed to get into the factory. Unlike the exterior, interior had been surprisingly bleak. The lobby was a boring shade of grey with the only piece of color being the pony at the desk. "Welcome to the Rainbow Factory, the backbone of Cloudsdale. What can I do for you today?" The deskpony recited in a monotone voice. Rainbow Factory, huh? Sounds frilly. Jonathan, not being in the fandom, thought.

"Hello. I heard the Princess is here. Could I please see her?" He asked. "The Princess is with Ms. Dash down the hall. Have you scheduled an appointment?" "No. Is that a problem?" Jonathan replied. The deskpony eyed him in annoyance. "Is it a problem? You can't just come in here and talk to her?" She said in an offensive tone. "Well, it doesn't look like she'll be getting any visitors at this rate..." He muttered, looking back at the protestors outside. "Fine." She grumbled. "Go ahead."

Jonathan entered into the middle of an argument. "But we need the rainbows stockpiled!" Rainbow Dash argued. "I know, Rainbow, but come on! It isn't right to keep them in during Hearth's Warming!" She shouted. "And besides, they deserve a rest! I can't think of a reason Rainbow Dash herself isn't up for a break!" It was then the two of them noticed Jonathan in the doorway.

"Ahem!" Twilight cleared her throat. "Hello, what brings you here?" "Um, Your Majesty, I am Jonathan, and I'm here to request audience with you!" He stated, trying to appear refined. Dash chuckled. "Get a load of this stallion, Twi!" She guffawed. "Don't sweat the formalities, Jonathan. Twi here isn't a total stuck-up like the other princesses!" "Stuck-up isn't how I'd put it, but anyways, I'm afraid I can't help you right now. We're in a bit of a pinch here." Twilight told him. "That's another reason I'm here." Jonathan replied, smirking. "I think I have a solution to your guys' problem."

Showers of Gold

Marba

"My beloved cocksock?!" Marba exclaimed, limping towards Zecora. Zecora had laid the corpse of Scootaloo on the floor, giving Marba a clear view on her condition. There were numerous bruises on her head, which had been all kinds of dented. "What happened to her?" He asked Zecora. "I'm sorry to tell you that I do not know. I found her not too long ago." Zecora answered as she opened a medicine cabinet. She searched through the cabinet until she came upon a bag of herbs. "Hopefully, if it is not too late, I will be able to change her fate!" She declared, standing up. She set the herbs onto a table and came back with a jar.

"We can still save Scootaloo, you see. But first, I require a jar of your pee." She told them. "Our pee? What do you need our pee for?" James asked. "I'm not really into watersports, but if you insist..." Marba said, pulling his cock out. "You are mistaken, it isn't for me. Scootaloo is the one who requires your pee." Zecora explained. "My elixir requires the urine of an equine. With it, Scootaloo may return just fine." James laughed. "You're not going to get any piss out of me." He said. "I guess I'll do it, then." Marba said.

Marba was a tad disappointed that he wasn't able to give a zebra a golden shower, but nevertheless, he pissed into the bottle. "Thank you." Zecora said. "Your donation shall definitely help Scootaloo." James gave Marba a look of disgust. "Fuckin' filly fiddler." He said to him. "How do you get off on letting a filly drink your urine?" Marba looked at James. "You don't want a filly to down your urine? Fuckin' pleb." Marba replied in equal disgust.

With the help of Marba's urine, Zecora was able to begin working on the potion. "How do you think she died?" Marba asked James as they waited. "Well, judging by the bruises, it looks like she's been murdered." James concluded. "Murdered?" Marba repeated. "Who'd want to kill Scootaloo?" James sat in thought for a moment. "Well, there's only two that come to mind." He answered. "Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon." "I don't know..." Marba muttered. Sure, Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara hated Scootaloo more than James hated Rainbow Dash, but the thought of them going to such lengths to get rid of her seemed too unbelievable.

After waiting for almost an hour, Zecora finished her elixir. "Finally, it's done. I have finished my goal! The elixir is finished! Here, take a bowl!" She said as she gave Marba a bowl of the elixir. Marba still hurt all over, but he was hesitant to drink his own urine. "This'll help my wounds, right?" He asked. Unfortunately, Zecora had been too busy force-drinking it to Scootaloo to get a reply. With a sigh, Marba down his urine. The liquid trickled down his throat, offering a taste reminiscent to hot Mountain Dew. "It's an elixir I learned from my old friend Victoria. The name of said elixir is, in truth, Euphoria."

Scootaloo's body twitched repeatedly before she began coughing up blood. "She's alive!" Marba shouted to the others. The three of them surrounded her, watching her. Scootaloo opened her eyes to see the three of them in her face. "Scootaloo!" Marba exclaimed, lifting her head up. "Can you hear me? What happened to you?" Scootaloo looked around before replying. "A-A changeling..." She groaned, her voice extremely raspy. "T-There's a changeling in Ponyville..."

Conspiracy Theory

Scott

The fall wind sent a chill down Scott's spine. "We are under the glory of the sun! Why is it so cold?" He muttered to himself as he patrolled the perimeter of the castle. It was the nearing the end of November, and Scott, although slow at first, had warmed up to the majority of the guard.  Although some were at first put off by his endearment towards Celestia, many of the guards would call Scott a paragon of a royal guard. Even though he was one of the newest guards, he had been ranked the fourth best soldier in the guard.

It had been his sixth round around the castle when Aegis had arrived to accompany him in his shift. "Princess' orders." Aegis stated. "She feels as though today is a good day to keep a better watch on our perimeters." Although there was almost a zero percent chance of an attack, having Aegis with him made Scott feel safe. While the title of second and third place always changes from Vanguard and Flash, Aegis sits above them all in first place.

The two of them made the rounds in silence, staring straight ahead without even acknowledging each other. Scott knew what both of them wanted to talk about. He wanted more than anything to get away from him to clear his mind. He wouldn't mind me leaving early. I've been making these rounds since dawn, it'd be normal for a guard to clock out at this time. Scott decided as he began to walk off. Just as he was about to leave the area, Aegis finally spoke up. "Have you decided yet?" He said to Scott. Scott looked back to him. "I don't know, Aegis. I hate the dark one as much as you do, but what you plan to do is treason!" He admitted. Aegis approached Scott with an intimidating look. "Some risks are worth taking if we are to return Her Majesty to power. What we are planning to do is to restore Her Majesty to her rightful place."

The night before, Scott had been confronted by Vanguard and his friends. They wanted him to join their plot to assassinate Princess Luna and restore Celestia's absolute power. Scott hadn't been able to answer them on the spot, much to their disappointment. "I know this is sudden, but at least sleep on it. Hay, if this works out as planned, maybe Her Majesty would reward us!" Vanguard told him.

As Scott left Aegis, he ran into his beloved roommate. "Hey, not lookin' so hot there, KnightLight. What's up with you?" Flash asked, stopping Scott in his tracks. "Why would you want to know?" Scott asked with annoyance. "The last thing I want to do is open up to a mongrel such as yourself!" Flash was taken back by his remark, but he continued. "Woah, KnightLight. Whatever's on your mind, it's gotta be serious. I won't try to pry any details, so chill out." He said, backing off. "Just know, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be available anytime. We are roommates, after all."

That night, Scott and his friends sat at their usual table. "So, have you decided yet?" Whittler asked in a hushed voice. Scott shook his head. "I apologize. I just can't imagine killing Her Majesty's sister!" He told them. Vanguard put a hoof around him. "Well, when it comes down to it, you have to think about the past. Do you remember how great it was back when Celestia ruled alone? There hadn't been any sort of trouble for us back then! But afterwards, what's become of Equestria? We've had more trouble than ever before! The return and release of Discord, changelings' attack during Princess Cadence's wedding, King Sombra, the terror that went on with the sacrificing of the Elements, and the return of Tirek! Was it pure coincidence that all of this just happened to follow the return of the dark one? She's a bad omen, KnightLight. This is more than just a secure of power for Celestia, but the assurance of safety for Equestria itself!"

Scott stared at Vanguard with a blank face. How could he have been so stupid? After his years of horsefuckery, he couldn't piece the conspiracy together himself! It was then that the only option was clear to him. He must assassinate Luna for the greater good of Equestria. "I must say, Vanguard. Even I hadn't realized the truth behind the matter. You have my loyalty, friend. I shall help you in your endeavor to assassinate the dark one!" He said to them. The four of them, Aegis included, celebrated Scott's acceptance throughout the night, knowing that with the help of the Astorian pony, they would definitely be able to deal with Luna once and for all.

Mando Pls

Jaxon

"Cutie marks in nursing?" Sweetie repeated. "Why haven't we thought of this before?" Jaxon sulked in his chair. "I still think our special talent would be fugging." He remarked. Applebloom had been so busy helping out the patient at Sweet Apple Acres that she barely had time to hang out with her fellow Crusaders. It was then when she came up with the idea for the three of them to assist her with her job. "That's what you always say, Scootaloo! I don't think we'll be earnin' our cutie marks in that anytime soon!" Applebloom retorted. "So, how's about we go check on him after school?" Sweetie Belle looked to Jaxon and said, "I don't know about Scootaloo, but I'm in!" Jaxon sighed. "Well, I guess I'm in, too."

The rest of school had gone by in a flash. Since the incident with the pony who showed his dick to the class, Ms. Cheerilee had spent their lesson plans on the topic of stranger danger. Sweetie herself had confessed about a pony who had tried to confess to her before running away, adding to the seriousness of the issue. "If a stranger ever follows you, remember to tell a trusted adult!" Cheerliee repeated every day. After they finished their lesson in self-defense, it was time for the trio to head to Sweet Apple Acres.

On the way there, Jaxon and Sweetie asked Applebloom numerous questions about their patient. "What's wrong with him?" Jaxon asked, hoping he would be able to meet Ebola-chan in Equestria. "Well, his, uh, stallion parts are messed up." Applebloom explained. "His stallion parts?! How'd they get damaged?!" Sweetie Belle questioned. "Well, mah sis always changed the subject when I asked, so I don't know." Applebloom answered with uncertainty. Jaxon chuckled. "Heh, how much you wanna bet they were shaggin'?"He snickered. Applebloom blushed. "T-They weren't! I'm always keepin' an eye on the patient. If they were bein' sneaky with that sorta stuff, I would have found out!"

Granny Smith greeted the trio when they entered the house. To their luck, Applejack and Big Mac were out on a trip to deliver apples to Canterlot. With her siblings gone, Applebloom would be able to do anything she wanted. "Granny Smith's so old that she wouldn't realize if we were burnin' the barn down!" Applebloom jested while they made their way to her room. "He should be sleepin' right now, so be extra quiet!" She said as she opened the door. After getting inside, Jaxon and Sweetie Belle were quick to look at the pony Applebloom had been taking care of for the past few days. The stallion had been asleep, but it looked as though he was going to wake up. After taking the covers off of him, it was shown that his dick had been poorly bandaged by Applebloom. "You should think about changing those bandages, Applebloom. They look pretty nasty right now." Jaxon said, pointing out the stains of what looked like applesauce. "Ya don't need to tell me, Scootaloo. I know!" Applebloom insisted as she began to rewrap the stallion's dong.

Jaxon stared at the stallion's dick. He knew horse cocks were huger than human cocks, but he had never actually seen one in the flesh. Although Jaxon himself was male, his chickun form did not come with a magnificent horse cock, much to his dismay. "Oh my, I heard they were huge, but I never really knew they were this big!" Jaxon exclaimed. Sweetie looked to Jaxon. "Well, it's pretty average." She shrugged. "How the hay would you know?" Applebloom asked, suspicious. "I tried getting my cutie mark in prostitution last summer..." Sweetie Belle murmured to herself. Since the patient was unconscious, Jaxon began pestering Applebloom.

"So, Applebloom, you spend all your time sitting by this stallion's bedside, right?" Asked Jaxon, smiling. "Yeah. Why?" Applebloom replied, growing wary of Jaxon. "Nothing. It's just, you know, with all this stranger danger stuff going on lately, wouldn't it be weird if you and him were, you know, doing the deed?" He inquired with a laugh. Applebloom's face became a highly saturated red. "D-Don't be disgusting, Scoots! That'd be illegal!" She stammered, tripping over her words. Jaxon chuckled. "Why are you getting so flustered, Applebloom? There's nothing wrong with liking an older man. There is a problem with doing anything sexual with him, though, so pls don't. I want that Sweet AppleBottom to myself."

Before Applebloom could reply, their patient had begun talking in his sleep. "Mando....Mando pls..." He said. "He's waking up!" Sweetie told them. "Ok, Sweetie Belle, you can be my assistant. As for you, Scootaloo, I want you out of here right now!" She demanded with a glare. Jaxon sighed and left without an argument. As much as I'd like to tell that bitch off, I gotta keep up a nice act to get some of that nice ass.

Rainbow Factory

Jonathan

Rainbow Dash laughed even harder than before. "Oh really?" She asked between laughs. "What do you have in mind?" Jonathan frowned at her, trying to keep cool.  "Well..." Jonathan began. In truth, Jonathan hadn't thought of a plan to help the two of them. He believed that they wouldn't come back with him if he didn't have anything to offer, so he figured his wits could help him win the situation.

Unfortunately for Jonathan, his wits couldn't help him out of this situation. He tried his best to come up with a plan on the spot, but it only lead to more trouble for him. "I can convince the workers to go back to work!" He finished. Dash didn't believe him. "Pfft, what makes you think you can convince them?" Asked Dash. "If Twi couldn't, how could you?" Twilight elbowed Rainbow Dash. "Excuse Rainbow, but she does have a point. How do you plan on convincing them to work?" She asked. "If I tell you, it won't work. You have to trust me." Jonathan lied. After a moment of consideration, Rainbow Dash agreed. "Fine, but those ponies aren't back in the factory by sundown, or it'll be on you."

When Jonathan left the office, he began to panic. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me! What the hell am I going to do? He thought as he left the building. Once he was outside, he looked across the crowd of furious ponies. Well, here goes nothing.

"Attention, ponies!" He shouted. Surprisingly, the crowd stopped their chants to hear him out. "Miss Dash refuses to give Hearth's Warming off!" He declared. The crowd began to shout slurs, insults, and threats towards Rainbow Dash. When Jonathan realized he was only adding fuel to the fire, he tried to be the voice of reason. "Hold on, now. Don't you see? The Rainbow Factory gives no days off! What holidays have you all had off?" He asked. "None!" The crowd replied in almost perfect unison. "Exactly! So why should you get Hearth's Warming off?" He asked, hoping that they'd see that they need to work every day to keep the rainbows coming.

Again, Jonathan's wits could not help him in the situation. His words were the final nudge off the cliff. The pegasi raced into the factory, shouting about how they were treated as slaves, how they need to be seen as ponies, and other things. When Jonathan realized what he had done, he ran as fast as he could to Rainbow Dash and Twilight.

"You're a genius!" Dash exclaimed when he entered the office. "Let me tell you, I didn't think your plan would be this dark!" She said as Twilight put a forcefield around them. "What do you mean?" Jonathan asked. Dash playfully punched his side. "Don't act like you don't know, bud. Pull the lever, Twilight!" Twilight pulled the lever with her teeth, causing Dash's desk to unfold into a gigantic horse cock. "Wrong lever!" She shouted, running to pull the right one.

The air outside the forcefield became filled with a strange gas, and the shouts stopped not long after. "We had this nifty feature installed in case the fillies tried to escape. Cool, right?" Dash remarked. "What are you doing?!" Jonathan asked worriedly. "What do you think? We're gassing them! Wasn't this part of your plan?" She asked. "Uh, yeah." Jonathan answered.

After the gassing, it took the three of them along with the majority of the pegasi guards in Cloudsdale to load all the bodies up into the grinder. "Thanks to you, Jonathan, we'll have a stockpile of rainbows for the next year!" Twilight told him. "Equestria owes you greatly. Is there anything I could do to repay you?" Jonathan thought of all the lewd things he could ask for, but then he remembered Jacob's task. "To tell you the truth, Princess, this plan wasn't actually mine. One of my friends down below thought it up, and I know for a fact he's got something to wish for.

L-Lewd

Björn

Björn sat beside Trixie atop the cart, mapping out the quickest way to Ponyville. "Trixie can't believe she's going all the way to Ponyville on her escort's whim!" She complained. "Why would she ever do this in the first place?" "Well, once you get a feel of a real cock, it's hard to go back to pleasuring yourself." He said , watching Trixie roll her eyes. "As much as Trixie would like to object, her escort does have a point." She grumbled. Björn smiled, knowing that he had the advantage over her. "Anyways, if we follow this road without stopping, we should be at Canterlot by sundown." He said, showing her the map. "Wait, if Canterlot is on the way to Ponyville, why can't Trixie perform while we're there?" She asked with annoyance. "Well, we don't really have time to do a show there. We need to get to Ponyville as soon as possible!" Björn replied. Although unhappy with the answer, Trixie nodded in agreement. "As you say. You fools heard the escort, keep pulling!" Trixie commanded Snips and Snails. With her being too great and powerful to preform such menial labor, she had put the two colts to work pulling her trailer. "But Miss Trixie, we haven't eaten for days!" Snips whimpered, desperately pulling the cart. "Can we at least have something to eat?" Trixie looked back at Björn. "Trixie's tired of you complaining. Care to deal with him, escort?" She asked with a smile.

"With pleasure." Björn replied, jumping off the cart.  Once he was on the ground, Björn began walking towards Snips. "So you're hungry, whelp? Do I need to remind you that The Great and Powerful Trixie keeps you both safe from the dangers of Equestria?" He barked, kicking Snips to the ground. Snips let out a cry of pain as he tried to stand up. "Did I order you to stand up?" Björn asked, kicking him back to the ground. Persistent as ever, Snips did his best to stand back up. Björn sighed, coming closer to Snips. "Persistent as ever, huh? Well, I guess it's fine to let you eat." He said with a shrug. "After all, we wouldn't want you starving, now, would we?"

Björn's eyes darted to Snails. "Snails. Hold your friend down for me, will you?" He asked. Snails did as he was told, not wanting to bring about Björn's cruelty onto himself.  Björn looked back to Snips. "So, Snips, you're a growing colt, right? Where I'm from, we believe that a growing child needs a copious amount of protein to keep him nice and healthy. So, I think it's time to give you some nice, hard protein." Björn smiled as he began to reveal his massive horse cock. "Truth be told, I think the reason Trixie's been performing so well lately is because she gets her daily amount of protein." He said, looking up at her. Trixie blushed a crimson red. "Now's not the time to talk about Trixie's personal...diet, escort." She stammered, urging him to continue. "Open wide, Snips." Björn declared as he shoved his gigantic cock down Snips' throat.

Snips gagged instantly, trying to get away from Björn. "If he gets out, you'll be fed as well, Snails." Björn told him. Tears ran down Snips' eyes as Björn pushed his member down Snips' throat. "You aren't half bad at this. If I didn't know any better, I'd figure it was Trixie's mouth!" He laughed, much to Trixie's dismay. "S-Silence!" Trixie shouted. "And besides, Trixie thinks that Snips has been fed enough." Björn smiled. "Fine, but one more thing. Any growing child needs calcium to support their bone structure, right?" He asked. At that moment, Björn released his load into Snips. Snips was forced to down every drip of love juice before Björn pulled out. "Great meal, am I right?" Björn asked with a laugh. "Now get back to pulling."

Needless to say, neither Snips nor Snails made any complaints for the rest of the day. By nightfall they reached their checkpoint at Canterlot. "After all the progress we made, Trixie think it's time to go have a little fun!" She whispered to Björn. "And this time it won't be to quench Trixie's lust. Tonight, Trixie wishes to quench her thirst." Björn gave her a look of excitement. "You wanna swallow this time?" He asked, thinking of how Snips swallowed his cum. Trixie shook her head. "No, you fool. Trixie wishes to drink some delicious cider." She replied. "There's a club that sells cider not too far from here. Trixie saw it when she was pulling into Canterlot." Björn raised an eyebrow. "Well, as long as your paying." He asked. Trixie giggled. "It's a drab looking club, but Trixie heard some delightful music as she passed by it." She said as she grabbed ahold of him. "Let's go!"

Fuck You and Your Rhymes

James

WHAP! The sounds of James' axe hitting the tree broke the silence in the Everfree Forest. A bead of sweat trickled down his face as he swung the axe at the tree again. WHAP! The tree fell down almost instantly, clearing some of the snow that was already beginning to cover the ground. With both Marba and Scootaloo in healing and Zecora taking care of them both, James was tasked with cutting down trees to keep the fire going in the hut. Although it felt like menial labor, James didn't mind it. He enjoyed what little time he had away from the others. Scootaloo could barely form a sentence before coughing her lungs out, and Marba had begun to respond to anything James said with "You're dumb." However, James was getting sick of listening to Zecora's nonstop rhymes most of all. At first he found it humorous, but after a few hours of her rhymes, he wanted to blow his brains out.

James began cutting the wood into logs, planning what to do next. "This incident with Scootaloo could actually work in my favor." He thought aloud. "If I can take the changeling that tried to kill her into custody with Marba, there's no doubt Rarity would be in love with me!" He swung the axe down again. "It's best to go back to Ponyville while Marba's wounded. That'll give me plenty of time to capture the changeling."

After chopping the logs up to a fair size, he loaded the wood onto his sled and returned to Zecora's hut. Zecora greeted him as he neared the hut. She had been waiting outside of the hut for him, bundled in her cloak to keep warm. "I'm glad to see you came back unharmed. You took so long that I became alarmed!" Greeted Zecora. James forced out an awkward chuckle. "Sorry about that. I went a bit farther to get wood this time around." He replied, gesturing to the wood on the sled. Zecora nodded. "You collected a fair amount of wood, that I can see. But before we go on, is there something you'd like to tell me?" She asked, nearing him. James was surprised. "Actually, yeah." He replied. "I was thinking about going back to Ponyville. Y'know, just to tell Rarity and the others that Marba's alright." Zecora nodded as if she already knew what he was going to say. "A great plan, that is. I'll show you the way back, but we must leave soon, lest the Timberwolves attack." She said.

James unloaded the logs off the sleigh and let Zecora guide him to the town. Zecora insisted that he bring the sled and axe with the intention of collecting some more wood for the fire. James had taken down a few trees along the way for Zecora, causing the trip to run longer than he had initially predicted. Luckily, Ponyville was surprisingly closer to her hut than James thought, being no more than an hour's walk.

"Thanks for helping us out." James said to Zecora as he returned the sled to her. Zecora raised an eyebrow at him. "No trouble at all. However, I fear that your return to the Diamond Boutique will be stalled." She replied, standing in his way. "What do you mean?" James asked, worried that she may have figured out his plan.

Sadly for James, his worries were correct. "While you slept, I stared into the fire last night. What I saw gave me a terrible fright." She told him, reminding him of her gypsy magic. "The flames whispered your intentions, the ones you hadn't mentioned." James backed away from her. "What did you see?" He asked her. "You wish to rid of Marba with massive greed, all to quench your sexual need." She answered, glaring at him. "I'm afraid that your shenanigans shall end here. I'm turning you in to the mare you hold dear."

James sighed. "Fine..." He muttered. "Lead the way." Zecora smiled triumphantly as she turned away to go to the boutique. Just then, James took the opportunity to strike. He swung the axe at Zecora with all his might. Just like that, Zecora had flung to the side, her head nearly falling off of her neck. James dropped the axe, approaching the body. Zecora's head nearly came off, clenching onto the neck by a few tendons. James thought quickly. He had to dispose of the body, but he had no idea what to do. He turned the sled and came up with a plan.

James spent the rest of the day getting rid of her body. He put Zecora on top of wood on the sled and hauled it back to the hut. Next came the hard part. James skinned her corpse and cut her into numerous, tinier pieces. Afterwards, he carried the remains into the hut. Still asleep. Thank god. He thought as he threw the hunks of flesh into the cauldron along with a bucket of war. After loading the logs below the cauldron, he set them on fire with the intentions of making some zebra stew. After letting it boil, it was nearly done. All he had to do next was give it the color of the stew. Chuckling, he put some of Zecora's elixer into the cauldron, making it look just right.

Before leaving, James wrote a note for Marba and left it on the table:

"Zecora and I are going out to purchase some herbs from the market. Won't be back for a while. Managed to kill a shitload of bunnies out there, so we made a stew out of 'em. Don't let Scootaloo have any, most ponies are vegetarian."

Actual Plot Development

David Jensen

"A Hearth's Warming mix?" David repeated to his boss. "If you don't mind me saying, sir, I'm not sure I'll be able to make the entire mix by the due date you're giving me." Stingy Shekels raised a brow at David, obviously discontent at the reply. "Did I hear you correctly, Jensen?" He asked, cleaning his ears. "For a second there, it sounded like you were telling me you wouldn't be able to earn me any bits at your gig! If that had been the case, I'm afraid Hoofbeat would have to let you go..."

"On second thought, I think three days is plenty of time for me to make it. I'll get on it right away, sir!" David declared, leaving the office. "You better, son, or else your nuts'll be going onto a fresh batch of babka!" Shekels spat as the door closed.

Fuckin' dick. David thought as he messed with his sound system. At first David had been excited for his new job, ready to make a living here in Equestria. However, all he had managed to do was play the same song on repeat every night and send Vinyl into the unemployment line. The boss, although seeming friendly at first, turned out to be an extremely greedy pig, paying David barely above minimum wage. I'd leave if I could, but who else would hire me? Especially since there's tons of people looking for work as there is.

With the club not making enough money, Stingy Shekels decided to open the staff up to not only working at the club, but to also offer their services at parties as well. Besides birthday parties for foals, Hoofbeat hadn't gotten many jobs with their new feature. However, Stingy Shekels had received a letter from the royal castle that morning with an almost impossible request. Celestia had requested that they host the bar dance floor, and other entertainment services for their Hearth's Warming party. "For the more relaxed members of our parties..." The letter had stated. As much as David wanted to participate,  he was only given three days to create a holiday-themed mix for the party, much to his misfortune.

While he contemplated what he would do next, he heard a familiar voice enter the bar. "The Great and Powerful Trixie has arrived!" She screamed, her voice echoing throughout the bar. David looked up to see Trixie, as obnoxious as ever, making her way to the bar. Accompanying her was a familiar stallion at her side. I could have sworn I've seen that stallion before... David thought. Could it have been a regular clubber? No, those barely exist. Maybe a pony he had seen in the show? Definitely not. If there was a stallion that handsome, he would have had porn of him already.

Walking towards the bar, he did his best to strike up a conversation with the two of them at the bar. "How's it going?" He greeted Trixie, trying his best to sound confident. "How's it going? If you must know, Trixie and her escort have been going traveling since morning without any breaks!" She replied as a mug of cider was placed in front of her. "Your escort?" David asked, looking at the stallion next to her. "That's right. Name's Björn, and I'm the best goddamn escort you'll find around here. I'm sure you've heard of m'lady here." Björn said, tipping his non-existent fedora.

"Björn?" David repeated. "It's me, David!" Björn took a moment to realize what he had said before replying. "Well, I'll be damned." He said, standing up. "David Jensen, I assume? How've you been holding up?" David looked around the bar. "Not too bad. Put Vinyl into the slums, got a job for a filthy Jew, and now I have to prepare for Celestia's party." He replied with a shrug. "Have you seen the others at all?" Björn leaned in to keep anyone around them from hearing his next words. "Afraid not, but I've got a plan to find all of the faggots we know and love. Besides making love to Trixie here, I became her escort so I can go all around Equestria. Assuming we visit every town on our tour, I'll be able to locate all of the Crew in no time! I've already figured out where Marba and James are, if you're willing to come."

Before David replied, Trixie butted into their conversation. "Hold on just one second. Princess Celestia didn't think to ask The Great and Powerful Trixie to entertain her guests, but she asked a rundown nightclub? Trixie demands that she be allowed to perform!" She shouted. Björn frowned at her sudden outburst. "Remember what we talked about, Trixie?" He asked, turning to her. "We don't have time for a show here. Besides, she's already got Hoofbeat on the job."

"We'll gladly take your help!" A voice replied, thick with a Hebrew accent. Stingy Shekels waddled out to the three of them, a wide grin on his face. "Celestia asked for us to present entertainment, right? If you haven't noticed, David, Hoofbeat's only entertainment is you! If we take this fine mare along with us, we'll be set!" David nodded his head. "Sounds good. Who knows? Maybe we might find one of them in the castle." He said, smiling at Björn. After giving it some thought, Björn agreed. "If David thinks it's a good plan, I think it's a good plan. What do you think, Trixie?" He asked, turning to his companion. Trixie looked as though she was about to burst with excitement. "Why, Trixie would be honored to preform for such a spectacular event! She shall delay her trip to Ponyville right away!" She exclaimed, downing her cider.

As the three of them relaxed in the bar, the stereo switched from David's original pieces to his "Edgy Mix", which was, to be honest, just "The Boulevard of Broken Dreams" on loop.

Choking the Chickun

Jaxon

Jaxon stroked his chickun cock, filling his mind with thoughts of his beloved filly friends. "Why must they deny my urge to fug?" He wallowed. "A life without horse poon is a life not worth living!"

His hooves shook as he opened the bottle. Before he left Sweet Apple Acres, he managed to nab a bottle of pills from Big Mac's room. As he popped the pills into his mouth, tears rolled down his face. If becoming an hero got him into Equestria, becoming an hero here would get him out, right?

However, fate had another plan for Jaxon. Rather than dying, Jaxon felt a sharp pain in his groin. His cock became harder than a boulder. "What?" Jaxon said, picking the bottle back up. Upon closer inspection of the bottle, he realized his mistake: Viagra.

"Oh thank god..." Jaxon murmured. What had he been thinking? It wasn't all over! He just had to work harder to get the poon! Before he could continue celebrating, he heard a knock at the door. "Who would be here at this time of night?" He asked himself as he went to open the front door. Standing on his porch was a plain earth pony, grinning ear-to-ear. "Hello! You're Scootaloo, right?" The pony asked, inspecting Jaxon. "Y-Yeah, why?" Jaxon replied, suddenly having a nervous feeling. "Well, if it isn't too much of a hassle, I'm going to need you to come with me." He said.

Jaxon grew increasingly nervous. Had he known what he did to Scootaloo? Thoughts raced through his kind as he slammed the door shut on the pony. The pony outside simply laughed. "Well, changeling, we could have done this the easy way. It's a shame, too. I didn't want to, but I'll take you by force if I have to!" The pony shouted. A loud whack was heard as a blade went through the door. "Oh shit!" Jaxon exclaimed, backing up from the door. After a few more whacks, the pony had broken through the door, his axe being levitated by his magic. "Come with me now before I have to do anything drastic!" He told Jaxon.

Jaxon ran from the pony, running upstairs to his room right away. He locked the door and began blockading the entrance, putting whatever he could between him and the madpony. Who the hell is this guy? He thought as he finished pushing a wardrobe in front of the door. He heard the pony tackle the door. "You can't hide in there forever, changeling!" The pony shouted, hitting the door with his axe.

Jaxon looked around the room, looking for a way out. His eyes immediately darted to the window. Opening it as fast as he could, he jumped out right when the madpony broke through the door. Once out, he ran down the trail, hoping to make it to Twilight's castle. If I go to the police, they'll ask me questions. Twilight and them won't question poor old Scootaloo. Jaxon thought. He could hear the pony not too far behind him, shouting threats towards him. "What the hell does he mean by changeling?" He asked himself.

After nearly half an hour of desperate running, Jaxon had tripped. The pony stood above him, axe floating next to him. "Well, changeling, you put up quite a struggle." The pony said as he raised his axe. Before he could lower it, however, Jaxon pulled off his last ditch effort to get out. He jumped onto the madpony's head, shoving his rock-hard cock into the madpony's eye. The madpony shrieked as he pushed Jaxon off before falling to the ground. While he was down, Jaxon continued running to Twilight's castle.

The guards were quick to lead Jaxon to Twilight, knowing that Scootaloo had known the elements of harmony on a personal level. "Twi! You have to help me!" He shouted. "There's some stranger causing danger!" Twi turned to Jaxon. "Well, this looks like a perfect opportunity to try out Ponyville's new defense strategist." She said, turning to Dash. "Rainbow, go get Strategist Jacob. He'll be able to think up something to do."

b8

Jacob

Jacob followed Rainbow Dash closely, trying to understand the situation. "A madpony in Ponyville? Have no fear! Combining my excellent knowledge of planning and my new powers, he won't stand a chance!" Jacob declared, flexing his wings. Thanks to Jonathan, his goal of becoming an alicorn had been fulfilled. With these, he was sure he would win over Rarity, and, with some luck, get his very own kingdom.

"It better." Dash replied. "Should I get Jonathan to help you out?" Jacob was about to decline before he remembered that Jonathan had been the brains behind the operation. "Y-Yeah." Jacob nodded. "Power of friendship and all, right?"

After Jonathan met up with them, the three made their way to Twilight. "Everyone here?" Twilight asked, looking at the three of them. "Good. In case Dash didn't tell you, there's an assailant looking for Scootaloo here somewhere nearby. We'll need Jacob to plan out and execute a takedown of this pony before he can make another move. Any questions?"

Jacob looked nervously towards Jonathan. Little did Twilight or Dash know, Jonathan had been the brains behind the whole operation to begin with. From what he understood, Jonathan had managed to plan out a slaughter of the Rainbow Factory workers. Jonathan, wanting to help Jacob, had gave Jacob the credit to his plan, winning Jacob his ticket to becoming an alicorn. However, Twilight had loved the plan so much, she had made him their military strategist, much to Jacob's misfortune. If I can't pull this off, I could kiss my new powers and Rarity's love goodbye... He thought, determined to win.

"No questions from our end." Jonathan replied eagerly. "We'll get right on it!" After they were dismissed, Jacob led Jonathan outside. "Ok, Jonathan. What do you have in mind?" Jacob asked, sure that Jonathan will be able to come up with a plan. Jonathan averted his gaze as his face grew red. "Heh, well, I'm not sure." He said. "How about we wing it? Get it, wing? Because you're an alicorn and now have...uh...wings."

Jacob gave a curious look at Jonathan. "Quit horsing around. This is serious. If you want all those shekels I promised, you better help out with planning. You did plan the Rainbow Factory slaughter, after all." Jacob said to him. "Well, uh, about that," Jonathan began with an awkward chuckle. "I may not have came up with that plan after all. I kinda just went with it, y'know?" Jacob was mortified. His view of Jonathan had changed from a shitposter to a genius after he heard about the slaughter, and now his view of him had gone to a retarded shitposter.

"You're kidding me!" Jacob shouted. "How am I supposed to hold this status without any master strategies? If they find out, Twilight will take my powers away faster than you can blink!" Jonathan opened his mouth to reply, but Jacob stopped him. "Don't even say a word. Get out of here before I use my powers to zap you into dust." Jacob said as he left Jonathan alone.

Jacob had to think of a plan. He could think of something, right? After all, he's an alicorn now, he could do whatever he wanted! No limits to his plans, and with a few mindless minions to do whatever he told them to as well. "That's it!" He exclaimed. "Princess Twilight, I got a plan to capture our target!"

"Absolutely not!" Dash shouted, baring her teeth at Jacob. "It's the best way to lure him out! You have nothing to worry about, she'll be safe!" Jacob replied. Dash glared at him, her eyes filled with anger. "I don't care! Using Scootaloo as bait will not happen! Right Twi?" Dash looked to Twilight for reassurance. Twilight had been silent throughout the meeting, perhaps contemplating on whether or not it was a good idea. "Well, as much as I'd hate to put Scootaloo in danger, Jacob has a point. Plus, we'll intervene in case his plan doesn't go according to plan." Twilight remarked, turning to Jacob. "However, it won't come to that, will it, Jacob?" "Of course not!" Jacob reassured her. "It'll go great!"

Following the plan, Twilight instructed Scootaloo to return home, assuring her that she'd be safe. As Scootaloo followed the road home, Jacob, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash flew above her, staying hidden in the dark. Just as Jacob anticipated, the madpony had been waiting for Scootaloo outside of her house. The pony shouted at Scootaloo, his words unclear to Jacob. Whatever he said had struck a nerve in Scootaloo, causing her to shout something back. When the pony started charging at Scootaloo, Jacob's plan went into action.

Before he reached Scootaloo, the assailant was enwrapped in an orb of Jacob's magic, lifting him up towards the three of them. "Whoever you are, you won't be causing anypony else trouble from now on, you got that? If you're lucky, you'll be rotting in the Canterlot Dungeons for the rest of your life!" Twilight barked at the pony, flying towards him.

The pony looked up at them. His left eye socket was letting out a copious amount of blood, making him an awful sight to look at. "No, you don't understand!" The pony shouted. "I'm the hero here!" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" She asked. The pony pointed towards Scootaloo. "That Scootaloo's an impostor! The one there is a changeling in disguise! Zecora found the real Scootaloo left to die in the forest! If you go there, you will find her safe and sound! And with a dangerous stranger to boot!"

"How dumb do you think we are?" Dash shouted. "Let's just imprison him already!" Twilight gave the pony a suspicious glance. "Let's not be too hasty, Rainbow Dash. It is farfetched, but who knows? And besides, what's the worst that could happen? We'll listen to you for now. I'm Twilight Sparkle, princess of friendship, and you are?"

"James," The pony answered. "But you can call me the Rarifag."

Bamboozled

Marba

Marba sat outside, enjoying his stew. "How long does it take to get some herbs?" He asked himself, looking at the sky. It was nearly midnight, and both James and Zecora were still out at Ponyville. "Maybe I should go and check on them..." He contemplated, standing up. Before he could leave, though, he realized something: him and Scootaloo were alone together. Just the thought of it made his cock hard. Going back inside, he creeped up on the sleeping chickun. "Mmm..." Marba uttered. Suddenly, he snapped out of his trance. "F-Fuck no! It's not like I'm a filly fiddler or anything!"

Backing away from Scootaloo, he went back to the cauldron for some more stew. "I'll just satiate my craving for chickun with some more rabbit." He said to himself as he filled up another bowl with the delicious stew. Marba didn't know why, but he couldn't get enough of the stew. There had to be some sort of ingredient that made it so delicious, so addicting that Marba had to always go back for more.

Once he was done with what felt like his twentieth bowl of stew, Marba heard the groans of a young chickun. "Finally awake?" He asked, trotting over to Scootaloo. "H...Hungry..." uttered the young chickun. "Hungry, huh? Well, I'm not sure where Zecora keeps her food." Marba said to her, looking at the cauldron. I know they're vegetarians, but I don't know when Zecora and James are coming back. Better to feed her some stew and get in trouble than letting her starve. He thought as he went to get a serving of the stew for Scootaloo.

Trying to limit her meat intake as much as possible, Marba only got her the broth. Still meaty, but it's better than feeding her the rabbit chunks. He thought as he returned to Scootaloo. Marba poured the broth into her mouth as carefully as possible, trying to get in as much of it as possible into her mouth. Scootaloo swallowed the broth with no trouble, causing Marba to think >l-lewd thoughts. Although she had been terribly beat up, to Marba, Scootaloo was still cute. If I diddled her right now, she wouldn't know any better. Marba thought to himself. She's too drugged up from the elixir to remember anything right now. It'd be too easy. Marba shook his head, pissed off at himself. "No! I'm not a filly fiddler!" He exclaimed.

Shortly after feeding Scootaloo, Marba heard a knock at the door. "Finally. It's been forever." Marba muttered as he went to open the door. Standing outside was James. James' eye had been wrapped up, blood seeping through the bandages. "Jesus Christ, James! What the hell happened to you?" Marba asked. James shrugged. "Don't worry about it. Did you see the letter I left you?" He asked. "Y-Yeah, this one, right?" Marba asked as he pulled the letter off the table. "And I can't just not worry about that, James! Where's Zecora?" To Marba's surprise, James engulfed the letter in flames, burning it into ashes. "Why the hell did you do that?" Marba exclaimed, backing away from the letter.

Just then, a light blue pony had flown in from behind James, tackling Marba. "C'mon, Twi! You saw the signal!" The pony shouted. A purple pony followed up on Rainbow Dash, rushing to Scootaloo. "Rainbow Dash, James wasn't lying!" She exclaimed, holding up Scootaloo. The blanket that Scootaloo had been wrapped in fell off, revealing her filly genitalia. Marba's cock grew hard, almost touching Rainbow Dash. "Gross!" She shouted, flipping Marba over.

"I didn't explain everything through, huh?" James said with a smirk. "This guy's a sicko. After trying to win over Sweetie Belle, he tried to hide in the Everfree Forest. I took it as my mission to capture him and bring him to justice. However, I was in for a much worse ride.  After finding him, the two of us became lost in the forest, only to be helped by Zecora. She explained that she found Scootaloo's corpse disposed of out here. The three of us stayed at Zecora's, trying to nurse Scootaloo to full health. From what I could gather, Scootaloo had been attacked by the changeling that we left with Jacob." Marba's head was spinning. What? Capturing me? Jacob?!

"And that's not all. Just this morning, I told Zecora about Marba's true nature. Naturally, she panicked. We decided it would be best to turn him in, but Marba didn't see things the same way. He murdered Zecora in cold blood and disposed of her body in that cauldron over there!" James shouted, pointing to the stew. "I freaked out and ran to Ponyville. Before I could do anything, I decided it would be best to take down the changeling before it could do any more damage."

"Which leads us to here." James finished. Marba's stomach churned. "Z-Zecora Stew?" He stammered. He felt as though he was going to puke. "I would never have done any of that! James is lying about everything!"

"Oh, am I?" James asked, looking at Marba's bulging cock. "Well, it's obvious you have the hots for Scootaloo there." "Absolutely disgusting." Rainbow Dash spat. "I've heard more than enough, James. We'll be sending him and the changeling to the Canterlot Dungeons posthaste." Twilight told him, lifting Marba up with her magic. Dash put Scootaloo onto her back, scowling at Marba the whole time. Marba was taken outside where he saw a cage made out of magic by an alicorn he was unfamiliar with. "You goofed, Marba." The alicorn said as Twilight teleported Marba into the cage. "Jacob?" Marba exclaimed, shocked. "Yup. Hey, Color Cunt! Throw the changeling in while you're at it."

Soon after he said that, a Scootaloo lookalike had been warped into the cage alongside Marba. "Is that really you, Marba?" The doppelganger asked, inspecting Marba. "Yeah...Who are you?" Marba asked. "It's me, Jaxon!" He whispered, making sure the others didn't hear. "At least I'll have a familiar face with me in the dungeons!" Marba licked  his lips. "Yes...familiar." He said, eyeing Jaxon. Since Jaxon wasn't really a young filly, the two of them fugging wouldn't be as strange, right?

After a silent ride to Twilight's castle, Jacob brought Marba and Jaxon to the back. At the back of the castle, two chariots awaited them, both manned by pegasus guards. One chariot had a seat that looked fit for royalty whilst the second had obviously been used to haul prisoners around. Jacob placed the two of them into the barred chariot. "I hope you two are comfortable in there."  Jacob said to them as he got onto the other chariot. "It's going to be a long ride to Canterlot."

Mooses and Dragons

Thomas

The first step in Thomas' plan was to catch up with the path the dragons were taking on their winter migration. If Thomas was going to capture the Crystal Empire, he needed allies. Both the dragons and Diamond Dogs, two gem-loving races, would be more than enough to take over the empire.

Thomas and his followers took a couple days to get to the dragons' next stop during their migration, although they would have arrived sooner if they didn't have to avoid following the official roads. As they neared their supposed rest area, Thomas instructed the Diamond Dogs to stay behind. It was bad enough that they were non-dragons. He didn't want to have any violence during the confrontation.

The dragon camp was just as the show had portrayed. There were more edgy teens in the camp than there were on /b/. Many of the dragons were doing nothing out of the ordinary, many of them simply sparring. However, Thomas noticed a small crowd of dragons near the back of the camp, circled around something that was out of his line of sight.

A lanky dragon stopped Thomas as he entered the camp. "Woah, there. This is dragon territory. Get your flank out of here before I light you on fire." The dragon remarked, trying to act tough. Thomas scoffed as he stepped up to the dragon. "That's no way to treat somepony that's here to feed you." He said to the dragon. The dragon scowled, not sure if he was being smart with him or not. "What are you talking about, horse?" The dragon replied. "Well, I have a plan that will benefit both your group and me if you're willing to listen." Thomas said, smiling. "If you get your little crew together, I'll tell you."  After thinking it through, the dragon went with Thomas' plan. "Fine, but if you're all talk, you'll be balls-deep into some trouble."

After the dragons gathered around, Thomas explained his plan to them. After their days of traveling, Thomas had finalized their schedule. "Thank you for stopping your circlejerk to listen to me. Now, for those who are unaware, there's a city made out of crystals far from us as we speak. I plan on taking it over as my own, and I know how much you dragons love gems. With the combined forces of your camp and my army of Diamond Dogs, the ponies who inhabit the city won't stand a chance!" He shouted with confidence. "With my brains and your strength, we'll be unstoppable! Any questions?"

"I've got one!" Someone shouted from the back. Parting the crowd of teenage dragons stood Reed. "Why are you such a faggot?" Reed asked. Thomas was shocked to find Reed here, and especially in such a state. Reed had dried-up cum covering many parts of his mane and his face.

"Reed? What the hell are you doing here?" Thomas asked him. Reed chuckled. "Well, it's a long story." He began. "I was with Christian a while ago. Got bored really quick. I left him alone and decided to go off and do my own thing. After a night of drinking, I stumbled upon this group of dragons. They were going to kill me, actually, but I managed to strike a deal with them. In return for shelter and safety, I get to be their cocksock during their trip. Not that it's a bad thing for me, anyways. They're so much better than any dragon dildos you'd find back home."

Thomas laughed. "Fuckin' queer." He said. The lanky dragon cleared his throat, interrupting their conversation. "I know you guys are sucking each other's cocks and all, but we've came up with a decision." He told Thomas. "We'll help out if you give us half of the empire."

Thomas frowned at the offer. He couldn't do that at all! "Of course." He lied. The dragons cheered, warming up to Thomas. As he put a smile on his face, Thomas blocked everyone out, planning his betrayal of the dragons.

It's Almost Happening Time

David Jensen

    David looked at his note again, making sure that the address was correct. Knocking on the door with his hoof, he stepped back, hoping that she still stayed here.

    The days were going by faster than ever, and David had yet to finish his mix. Rather than working on it, he had spent almost every night with Björn, planning on how to find the rest of the crew. As of late, there had been a vast amount of strange news that had led both of them to believe that there were going to be more Crew members at the party. David overheard Stingy Shekels saying there was a new alicorn that would be attending the party, increasing the pay he would receive. "For our added work to impress the new royalty, I demand we be paid more!" He remembered him saying. The name of the new royalty had obviously revealed that Jacob would be at the party.

    But now his work was catching up to him. His mix was due tomorrow night, and he wasn't even halfway done with it. The work proved too much for David, who couldn't think of anything new to create. He didn't want to resort to Plan B, but it seemed as though it was the only way he could finish his mix in time.

    After waiting for a short moment, Octavia opened the door as far as the latch would let her. "Hello, does Vinyl Scratch still live here?" David asked, hoping she still did. Octavia glanced back into the house before she replied. "Yes. Why?" She replied. "Well, tell her that the DJ of Hoofbeat is here to ask for her assistance."

    Octavia frowned, perhaps knowing that he took the job from Vinyl. She closed the door, unlatched it, and opened it again. "She's in the first room to the left upstairs. Don't bother me, I currently have more company over right now in the living room." She said, gesturing to the living room. Sitting in the room were two ponies, both of which he didn't recognize. "Thanks." David replied as he began climbing the staircase. "Oh, and another thing." Octavia said, stopping him. "If you're here to hurt her again, my company would be more than happy to take care of you."

    David brushed her off as he continued up the stairs. Did he really hurt her that much when he took her job? Surely she had enough money from her previous works as well as Octavia's income. It wasn't like he ruined her life or anything, right? Vinyl's room had been left wide open, her music blasting extremely loud. When he knocked on the side of the door, she got up in an instant, startled by his presence. "What the hell are you doing here, big guy? Here to tell me all about your new job?" She remarked, relaxing again. "Well, not exactly. I was actually here to give you a job, y'know, get you off your ass and earn yourself some money." David answered, looking around her mess of a room. The ground was scattered with CDs and costumes, making it impossible to see the floor. Her bed hadn't been made, and the room reeked of dirty laundry. This wasn't all because she lost her job, right? Being a DJ and all, she must've been a slob before her NEET life.

    Vinyl changed her tune as soon as she heard about the possibility of employment. "Earn myself some money?" She repeated. David smiled. "Yeah. You see, Celestia's going to hold a Hearth's Warming party tomorrow, and she trusted me with the honors of making a holiday mix for the party. However, as busy of a pony as I am, I wasn't able to make a mix in time." David explained. "That's where you'll come in. We both know our way around a mix, so if we work together, it should be done in time. Help me out and we'll split the check." David could see the lust for bits in Vinyl's eyes. "You made the right choice, big guy. Let's get to work!"

    Vinyl and David spent hours side-by-side as they worked on separate parts of their mix. It was nearly midnight by the time they finished the mix. After celebrating their procrastinated piece, David began to leave with their mix.

    However, a strange situation had occurred downstairs. Octavia had been in lip-lock with one of the ponies downstairs. David rolled his eyes. So they're in one of those relationships.

Skills to Pay the Bills

David Jensen

The streets of Canterlot had been extremely crowded. David could hardly move through the streets without bumping into somepony. Even at night this place is busy. I guess it's just like back home. He thought to himself, thinking of the cities back on Earth. Like some of his friends, David had made a plan on what to do with his new life in Equestria. With his experience in producing music, he figured he'd be able to get a job at a night club or other place that would allow him to play music to earn himself some bits.

Knowing the others, they probably forgot they'd have to make a living in Equestria as much as Earth. He thought as he looked at the map. So, it looks like Hoofbeat is the nearest club around here. If I could get a job there, I'll only need a place to stay. After making a few turns, David arrived at the club. There was hardly a line at all at the club, at most 3 or 4 ponies were waiting to enter. Cutting the others in line, David went up to the bouncer.

"The hay do you want?" The bouncer asked him, looking down on him. David was taken back by the cold tone, but he recomposed himself quickly. "Well, it looks like the party in there's not doing so well. Luckily for you guys, I can liven the place up a bit." He responded. "Sir, we don't allow any drugs in the facility." The bouncer replied, glaring. "No, that's not what I meant." David replied, laughing. "I meant I could do a bit of work with the ol' DJ booth, if you know what I'm saying?" "Another disc jockey?" The bouncer scoffed. "Look, kid, we get enough requests as it is. You're better off just leaving now before I have to make you leave."

"Woah, hold on there, bud!" A voice rose from the side. A blue-haired unicorn had came out of the side exit and was walking towards them. Her hair was styled ridiculously and she wore oval, purple shades that hid her eyes. Vinyl? David thought to himself. I forgot that she existed. Maybe she'd be willing to hook me up! "Starting a career in the music industry's tough these days. Everyone's saying that they're music's bomb and they could make an amazing mix in less time it takes to load up their software." She told the bouncer, taking her glasses off. "If this stallion thinks he's got what it takes to make it out in Canterlot, he should definitely show off some of his music." She smiled at him.

She thinks I'm one of those morons who just throw samples together. David thought, frowning. For such a loved background character, he thought she wouldn't have at least been such a cunt. "As much as I'd love to give you guys some tracks tonight, I'm afraid I don't have any of my equipment on me at the moment." He said. "Truth is, I was hoping the job came with some stuff. I kind of left all my gear back home." "Well, if you really think you have a chance of getting this done, I'll give you until tonight to make a track that'll get the crowd in a frenzy. Hay, I'll even give you some of my old equipment to borrow!" She said, rummaging through her bag. After looking through many parts, she pulled out an old laptop from her bag. "It's pretty slow, but it's got the software you need. I'll see you tomorrow." She laughed as she left him there.

"Is she always such a bitch?" He asked the bouncer when she was out of sight. The bouncer grunted, paying no mind to him. "Yeah, you too buddy." David told the bouncer as he grabbed the laptop in his mouth and went off. For a place built upon friendship, this place is pretty cold. He thought to himself.

Alicorn Magic

Jonathan

Jacob had explained to his plan to Jonathan on the way there. "I just need to show Princess Twilight that I have what it takes to be royalty, then she'd have to help me become an alicorn princess, right, Jan?" Jacob had asked as they walked along the trail. "I don't know, can Twilight just give someone alicorn powers?" He asked, still confused. "If Celestia can, shouldn't the other princesses be able to?" Jacob rhetorically stated. "I don't know. I'm not a sunfag." Jonathan shrugged.

Despite being a castle for a princess, there was a surprising lack of guards at Twilight's castle. Although Jonathan was fuzzy on the details, Jacob told him that in season three, Twilight had earned the title of the Princess of Friendship, becoming an alicorn and eventually earning herself her very own castle. The castle was extremely out of place in Ponyville. It towered above many of the quaint abodes of the residents of Ponyville. However, Jonathan couldn't help but notice that the castle was slightly small for a princess.

"What do you mean she isn't here?"' Jacob impatiently asked the sad, fat dragon. "Um, I mean that she isn't in the castle right now. I'm sorry, but she left to help Cloudsdale with some weather issues." He explained. "The weather ponies have been having some trouble lately, so Twilight and a couple of her friends went up to go check on it. If you really wanna see her, you could wait for her." Jacob shook his head. "Every second I waste is another second one of the other bastards have to woo my love..." Jacob muttered. "C'mon, Jonathan. I've got an idea."

Jacob and Jonathan walked down the road again. "Where are we going?" Jonathan asked as they walked. "Down this road. If we keep following it, we should end up below Cloudsdale." Jacob answered. "What do you want at Cloudsdale? Earth plebs like you can't even go there without falling to their death!" Jonathan asked, curious. "It's not me who's going there." Jacob replied, looking at Jonathan's wings.

"Fuck that." Jonathan retorted. "I can barely even fly!" Jacob looked to Jonathan. "I'm sure there's nothing to it. All I need you to do is go up there and help the princess. The faster we get her help, the faster I can woo Rarity!" Jacob plead. "Please, do this and I'll make you rich!" At the sound of money, Jonathan's attitude changed. "What do you mean you'll make me rich?" He asked. "As an alicorn, I'd be a master of magic, so I'm assuming the mastering of alchemy is part of the deal, right?" Jacob told him. "So, is it a deal or-"

Before he could finish, Jonathan dashed up into the sky.

Friends

Reed

"Did you see that?" Reed asked, panting as he laid himself down on a haystack. "See what?" Mac asked, looking around. "I could have sworn I saw a couple of fillies earlier..." Reed answered. During their sweet lovemaking, Reed could have sworn he saw two fillies watching them. "Nope." Big Mac said as he laid there with him. "Might've been all in your head." Reed sighed. "I guess." He replied as he got up. "Well, we better get back over to the house. Applejack'll get curious if we're gone too long." "Eeyup." Mac replied, getting up. "I don't know what Applejack'd do if she figured out I was cheatin' on her."

When they entered the house, Reed saw Applejack and Pinkie talking inside the house. "Well, what'dya know? There he is now!" Applejack said to Pinkie. "Ooh! So he's your new farm hand?" Pinkie asked, inspecting Reed. "Not for long." Reed replied, pushing her away. "As soon as I pay my dues, I'm out of this shithole." Applejack glared at him. "Well, I don't know about you, but yer friend in there ain't goin' nowhere 'til he works off his debt!" She shouted. "What's wrong with his friend in there?" Pinkie asked the two of them, curious. "Well, ya see..." Applejack trailed off. "He got his dick stuck in her precious tree." Reed scoffed. He could barely think about the incident without laughing.

"Anyways, I still don't see why I'm being punished for what he did." Reed complained. "Eeyup." Mac supported his lover. "Sis, why don't we just give the debt to his friend, anyhoo? Reed here ain't done nothin' wrong." Applejack shot her glare at Mac. "You're supportin' this stallion, Mac?" She asked her brother. "Even if he did do nothin', somepony who'd leave their friend behind like that needs to get their priorities straight!" Mac shrugged. "Well, regardless, it ain't fair for him to be stuck in here." He said.

Pinkie tried to defuse the situation. "Guys, how about we just settle this over some cake?" She asked, forcing out a chuckle. "Just stay out of this." Reed said to her. "How about you go help Applebloom out with Christian?" "Okie Dokie Lokie!" Pinkie replied, leaving for the much happier environment. "He's got a point, you know." Reed said. "You should listen to him, more." Applejack frowned as she sat in thought. After thinking it over, she finally answered. "Fine." She grumbled. "Anypony that'd abandon their friend like that doesn't deserve their friends at all, anyways." Reed laughed. "You clearly don't know shit about how our friendships work." He said. "Tell Christian I said I'm tired of waiting for his sorry ass. If he needs me, I'll be getting drunk off my ass somewhere."